Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - 377-Your Mom's House with Christina Pazsitzky and Tom Segura

Episode Date: January 4, 2017

Reach into your pants, hold on to your twig and berries and take a DEEP SNIFF. That's how you train to be a good pup. Good boy.    Tommy is deep in his weight loss competition with Burnt. These last 24 hours are rough! We revisit with Orlando Brown who has new ways to describe his sexual exploits.  Plus, what YMH word does Tina add to her coffee order? Are you ready to step up your "Hi Mommy, Thanks Jeans" Game?  It's all here. 

It's a great way to start the day. Welcome to another episode of your mom's house. Jeans. Did you see what happened here? Yeah. And Dogland? I put a sweater on a thief. Took it off.

No, Bitsy. Oh, she took it off? Bitsy was biting the sweater and this jerk pulled it off of him. And now Bitsy has it and she's eating it. She's such a jerk. What a jerk. Don't forget if you go to your mom's house podcast.com

and you shop through our Amazon banner. Every time you buy what you would buy from Amazon, it kicks a little something back to the show. Help support our production, our blue band, all that stuff. Please shop through our Amazon banner. We have a Canadian mama's on banner as well. So if you live in Canada. I lived in Canada.

You were born in Canada. And if we had Amazon, I would have shopped back then through our banner in Canada. You were just a baby, you wouldn't have done that. If there was internet, our baby uses internet all the time. You didn't know that? It shows how to touch you are as a dad.

Okay. You're so skinny. God, you look so thin and I can't wait to gloat about today's victory. I'm so excited for you. Let's open the show. Are we ready? Yeah.

Let's do it. I said, can you explain? They lie, ate her pussy. Okay. That's what we had thought. People have been saying it. Most of the people have thought. Who is Randy?

Don't bring anyone loving to this. Don't burn me in the fucking stand. Welcome, welcome, welcome to your mom's house. With Don Segura and Christina Pajitzen. Christina Pajitzen. Welcome to your mom's house. It's this guy. Yeah, I know who it is.

Thank you. I got it. I remembered it. Come here and let me tickle your pussy. It's the guy. I said, come here and let me tickle your pussy. I got it. Thank you.

And he ate out Raven Simone. That's so Raven. What a dick for outing her like that. You know? Yeah. Okay, I got it. I got the line. Remember?

I don't like it. It's funny. I don't want to see it. You had diamonds on your pussy bitch. Diamonds in the crevice, your pussy. That's funny. Make a shirt for that. So he,

it'd be a great shirt. But he fucking told people what he did with her. That's not how you, that's not, you shouldn't do that. I know, a gentleman never tells. You're not supposed to tell. You really are. There are many skeezers in your life and you never tell me about these bags.

I don't tell anyone. I don't think it's, I don't think that's a cool. You don't do that either. It's not cool. What happens on the road stays on the road. That's what I'm talking about. But I'm talking about all those swinging dicks that you played around with.

So many dicks. So many dicks. Listen, I'm slow. I'm dehydrated. I know. You, you're victorious though. I mean, you, you did it. Yeah.

Now I tell you burnt came in today was for people that don't know. We're recording this on Monday. I just did Joe Rogan's podcast with my buddy, Brent Chrysler. And we've had this way in this weight loss challenge. And today was the way in and first of two. Yeah.

Technically at first it was going to be a three day way and we just scratched that's crazy talk. So we did a two day way in. So we both came in today and he was like, you know, I ran like 20 miles yesterday and I did this today. And you know, he's just being burnt, like you're also been crazy. Right.

And binging at the last. Yeah. Yeah. Which is exactly how I predicted he would do. Well, because we've been, you know, thinking about this as the weeks have come to a close. And yeah, we were like, there's, he's probably, it's he, Bert's not known for the slow and steady approach. I played the long game.

Yeah. He's more of a like, let's, let's crunch time. Right. Let's cram for the exam. Now it's time to do it. Yeah. But he looked great for it. He did.

No, no, no. Bert looked great. Both of you look amazed. I mean, wow. So when he got there, I was like, what do you think you are? And he's like, I really think he was, I didn't weigh myself today cause I didn't want to freak myself out or be depressed. So he got there and I was like, what do you think it is?

He's like, I think it's at the weight. The weight we were trying to go for a 227, right? So he goes, I think I'm at 227. And I go, all right. And I looked at him and I was like, I could see 225. So I was like, I think he looks 225. No, explain why 227. Cause that's not just an arbitrary number.

227 was the BMI to get you out of obesity and into just overweight. Which is hilarious. Yeah. And we looked it up and 227. That was based on being six one. I'm about a half an inch shorter than Bert. Technically we, we then have different BMI's, but we both just agreed to do 227. That was, now if one of us had stayed over 227, that person's still in obesity.

They'd lose the, cause the whole thing was to try to get out of obesity. Ari is now part of this and he's, he was like, instead of getting the call, he got the call instead of being congratulating, he was like, wait a minute, wait a minute, started to like backpedal about basically not wanting to pay for. Oh, I, I was watching on Tenderhooks here. I was in the studio watching you guys on, on Joe Rogan dot live. And I mean, I heard him. He, he picked up, he's in some other country.

Yeah, I don't worry. And he's like, oh, I want to see the scale. And then he was like, then he started to go back to our height. And I was like, dude, we're both well under. And he was like, so what? And then he told me, he was like, he's like, you're on the cusp. You need to not gain any weight. He told me that today.

So what happened was Burt weighed in first. He was 221. Oh my gosh. Oh, shit. Which is really impressive. I'm really impressed. Yeah. And I knew when I woke up today, when I got on the scales, first thing,

and I took a leak and I got on the scales. I was 221. So I was like, all right, I know I can, I can, because I went, I was sweating a little bit, you know, doing stuff this morning. So yeah, I suspected I would be around 220 and I ended up being 219. Wow. So it was just two pounds, which is not much, but enough to hopefully put you over. Now the thing is, and by the time this comes out, it'll be over.

Well, this whole thing, this is like the big election. Yeah. I mean, this is, man, this is, it's a scary, the nail biter. So we are now within a 24 hour window of the way in where we both want to win. We both need to come in at or lower than today. Basically, this is what has to happen. If we weigh the same tomorrow, it's over. I win.

If I weigh less tomorrow, anyway, I win. Wow. If he weighs less, he has to be more than two pounds less. Two and a half, I believe. Than me. So he has to out underway you by two and a half pounds to win tomorrow. Right. So your lead theoretically, yeah.

So you have to hold that lead. Yeah. Wow. I have full confidence in you. I, we know this is Team Segura all the way last night. I shaved your back for you. Um, a lot of people on Instagram was, they were crediting my back shaving. With you for the weight loss for the weight loss.

Cause that's at least five or 10 ounces. If you look at the amount of hair in the shower, sure, sure. Um, do you have a strategy for today? I think the listeners are wanting to know this is my strategy. This will be, you know, uh, in, like I said, this will be after the fact later. Sure. We'll know what happened tomorrow. But, um, you know, I talked to some people and, um, it seems to be the best

strategy is to eat some very small, uh, meals. You don't want to completely starve yourself. And would those meals consist of pizza or chicken wings? It is a mostly, it's actually a chocolate and sausage diet is what it is. Okay. Um, so just a little piece. So you just have small portions, uh, something fatty, like I've been having avocado, um, little piece of chicken, a little bit of spinach, just to like kind

of keep something in your system. Yeah. I'm going to be active. I'm going to do, um, but just cardio. I'm going to do some cardio work, um, sweat, you know, and then I'll do, um, I'll do a hot bath tonight, get a little more sweat going, no more fluids done with fluids, the toughest part is the last couple hours because then hopefully I'll be, you know, I know I'll be fatigued.

I'll be tired tonight. So you just want to be asleep, fall asleep. It's hard, you know, getting up in the morning and you want, you so much want to consume anything, anything. So that'll be the hard part. And then I'll try to get another sweat going, especially the hour leading up to the way in. So I'll know, like when we're done here, I'm going to go work out.

I'm going to, you know, figure out my weight. I'll figure out how much of that. And I'll kind of have an idea of how much water weight and I'll know how much I need to sweat. I'm really in all of you. I mean, I have to say your discipline, your, uh, your dedication to the game has really been an inspiration to me. I don't think I've, I haven't seen you this laser focused, you know, uh, you

know, you're focused about your work. Obviously I wouldn't say that never, but I mean, you've lost so much weight since August before this bet, by the way, like this is something that's been in the works with you for a long time and has been like a switch flipped. Yeah. And I think you've just been like, you've just been really good, Jean. So I'm real proud of you. Thanks, Jeans.

I think it's, it's been just like, you know, it's the same switch that flipped the first time I lost weight, which was about 16, 17 years ago. Yeah. Um, there's, sometimes you just go like, oh, I just want to do this enough. I don't like being, you know, this big and, you know, you just go, I'm just going to do something about it. You know, it's, and in 2017, I'm sure like so many people's New Year's resolutions, it's a lose weight.

And ever since I've been doing Pilates now, I do it twice a week. I've just not long. It's only been a couple months that I've been doing this and it really changes. It changed me already. Like, you know, I feel stronger. Yeah. But also like the discipline of just fucking doing it, you know what? Fuck my brain.

Fuck what my mind's telling me. I just do it and I don't think about it. It's the way to do it. And it's so, it's so great, man. I have the, um, I have the same, you know, by the way, a lot of people have asked, so I'll just tell them what I did. Yeah. Um, you know, I got onto a keto diet.

The reason I did that is that, um, I actually, I didn't even know it's funny that he's my buddy. I didn't know that that Joe had been doing that. Yeah. Apparently he talks about it. I had no idea on Instagram. He's always posting, uh, his mean and veggies, no carb. Yeah.

I don't, the way I actually found out about it from Mike Kennedy, a different comedian, and he sent me a link to it. And when I was reading it, I had read about other diets before and you know, how people obviously you try things and it seemed like I go, okay, this seems pretty doable. And then I actually saw that, um, some athletes were proponents of it, you know, some, some like high perform, like, uh, triathlon people. And I was like, Oh, so these are people that, you know, that know nutrition.

Yeah. And then I saw that, you know, some of them had their cholesterol goes down and, and you get to indulge in like, I like to indulge as an eater in all the good stuff and keto, you give up sweetness, but you still get to indulge. Yeah. You know, sugar, but you get to indulge in fats. Yeah. So, so you feel fuller actually.

You feel fuller. And if you're somebody that is like a, you know, a foodie, you go, well, that's a whole world of deliciousness still, you know. So for me, it was like, I get the satisfaction of eating that fatty food. You know, it's not like nothing but fat, but, but it does, it is, you know, a higher fat diet. And, you know, you can read all about it and, you know, some people are probably not into it, some, but whatever.

I liked it. You learn things the whole time. The big thing, if you want to make some, you know, change to get started, I would say just cut your sugar. Oh, it's huge. Once you reduce your sugar, you know, it's, it's a game changer. Cause your body burns the sugar off before it will get to the fat. The reason you, I mean, there's a lot of other reasons, but, but if you're

eating a ton of sugar, then that's what your body's going to burn first. Yeah. And you're, you know, you get glucose spikes, you get, your body just stores fat. It's, um, you start gaining weight. And what Burt said today on, on Rogan's show, he's like, you just can't fucking eat. And I agree. I've said that you're a big proponent of that.

Just stop fucking eating. Because the truth is, even if you're doing this keto and, but you're eating a five pound steak and hammer, you know, doing all the veggies, if your caloric intake is still too much, you're going to be fucking fat still. You learn that's it. And keto is, um, portions matter. Yeah. And also keto teaches you to reduce your protein intake.

A lot of people think that you can just eat as much protein as you want, but excess protein causes that glucose spike too. Wow. And so, you know, I was somebody that would eat enormous. You, your portions are big now. So basically it's a little bit of protein with some fat to keep you going. And then you get your carbs from that, from veggies. Great.

No sugar, no pastries. It's a doable, I'm telling you, I've been doing it now. Full fat milk, if you're going to have it. Actually, a little bit of, I found out I was doing that wrong. Really? Heavy creamer is best. Oh, heavy. And then you dilute that a little bit.

But, um, whole milk has sugar in it. Oh, right. Right, right. But I mean, I was using a splash, but still the thing is you learn, you learn as you, with anything, you're like, Oh, I was doing that part wrong. And then you just make your change. Most importantly, how have your dumps been on this new diet? I better, much better.

Yeah. Yeah, I mean, like I'm eating less food and eating a more, you know, clean way. And I've had very healthy dumps. That's wonderful because they were very explosive. Yeah. And we were, we were troubled. Now you gave up sugar, which for you was, I mean, you're the, you were the guy who we passed by a shop.

And if there was a chocolate croissant in sight, it was in your gullet. Quick. Yeah. And that you loved pastries. That's true. Love them. So how did you tell me about that process? I mean, that, you know, the hardest part was the first 72 hours.

Um, yeah, I was telling today that we went to that podcast and you were like, just don't, cause I was snapping at people. You were out of your mind. Yeah, I know. I didn't know what was going on. I mean, I made the decision just that like I was doing it. Yeah. So I think it was, it was more about the choice.

I was like, I'm just doing this and then right. And just going for it. Yeah, it came to the point now that like, I don't, I don't go, oh man, I wish I could have that chocolate croissant. You know, I just go like, that's not for me. Cause I think you realize too, at least what I've, cause I've lost a few pounds too, starting with Pilates. You've been, by the way, I'm very proud of your jeans with your Pilates.

You've been dedicated. I've never seen you dedicated to fitness. Never cause I hate it. And I still hate it. It's not that I enjoy exercising. It's that I have to, because I'm 40 years old and this is it for me. Like I can't do the second half of my life out of shape. I refuse to hate myself because I don't like my body.

I haven't liked my body since I was 17 years old and I'm sick and tired of it. Thank you. Um, what the fuck? I don't even know what the fuck I was going to say. I don't know. The, oh, the diet stuff. Oh, oh, there is a point where you start to go is the chocolate croissant is the joy, the momentary joy of the chocolate croissant going to make me happier in the

long run, meaning tomorrow when I step on the scale and I know I fuck myself out of today's diet, is that, is that going to long term? Is this really going to work out for you? You start to think, you think like that. You also go, especially if you said, if you've had some results, yeah, then you go, do I want to fuck these, what I've been doing, I want to go backwards and gain it and then try to go, I know, because you don't, you don't. And it's not worth the temporary.

Yeah. You ever heard that saying Kate Moss, she goes, nothing tastes as good as skinny feels. Yeah, that's true. And I've, I've always remembered that. When I remember, I'm like, should I, I want to cheat, got all these pastries lying around this, this Christmas, I maintained, I didn't lose. I just stayed the same weight, which is like a fucking miracle with all the

shit we had lying around. But I would always think Kate Moss, nothing tastes as good as skinny feels. It does feel good, right? It feels good. Yeah. You should be proud. Yeah. You, you know, you look better.

So much better. And you look in the mirror and you're like, this is way better. You know, you don't have to flog yourself anymore for being a fat fuck. Yeah. You don't have to hate yourself every time you go shopping. Right. I heard you guys talking about that today on the show too, where Bert was like, oh, you don't have a size 40 at the gap or whatever.

Like, and that's not that big. Really. I mean, no one would really be able to tell, but I'm a bit of a fashionista. I like clothes and it's a bummer to me. It's a bummer to me. Like when, when you go into a store, I'm like, I just see a cool shirt and I'm like, oh, it doesn't fit. Yeah, it doesn't fit.

I know you go. Do you have another size? And it's like, that's the biggest size we have fucking seriously. It's the worst. When I first had Ellis, I was, I weighed in at 208. When we, when we went to the hospital to deliver him, you're fully pregnant though. Full. No, but I'm saying as a woman, I've never weighed 200 and I know, yes, I know.

That's baby. Yes. That's fluid somewhat, but it's a lot of that's fat. How much do you get? Do you weigh, do you know what you weighed right afterwards? I think like when you leave the hospital. I would say half of that was actual, what baby water, hormonal, but you wait on the way, they don't weigh you on the way out.

So you don't know, but I know when I got home, I was a size 12 and that's the biggest I've ever, you know, what was the next time you weighed yourself? I didn't, I didn't look at the scale for months until we moved out of Redondo because I just knew that to start on that journey would really, you know, you got to be ready to start losing weight before you do that after a baby. You shouldn't be flogging yourself over your weight after you have a kid. But, but I remember being really big for the first time in my life and really not liking how that felt.

Fuck, it feels terrible. We're like, oh, this shit looks terrible on me. Everything looks bad. It sucks, man. It's terrible. But you know what I did though, is I would buy nice clothes at the appropriate size. So then you go, okay, I'm going to surrender to this.

Well, by the way, I did that too. I bought a lot of nice clothes. That's enormous. Right. You know, just because I was like, I'm not going to not have clothes. When you're not going to flog yourself every day when you're in the process of getting in shape or losing weight. Like, that's not worth it either to be like, fuck, fuck me.

I'm so ugly. I'm just going to wear the same thing. Like, no, dude. Yeah, but I do. I have bought new clothes. I know. And then you're smaller size now. Yeah.

And I think I'm going to, I'm about to have to get the next size down for the pants. So exciting jeans. Congratulations. Yeah, it's good. You know, I definitely, like I said today, I'm not trying to be dramatic about it. I think I just want to live more like this, you know, like I don't have a really gold number.

It's not really about the number, is it? No, it's not really what looks you get married to the number. But I just go like right now I go, I could lose another, you know, I don't think it's a big deal. Well, the number is good because then you can be like, I got to weigh myself to see how, because you don't know how fat you're getting. Yeah, unless you have that number. The number, yeah, no, the numbers, but I'm saying, like, I go, I look at the

number and I'm like, all right, like, and I see where I'm at, I see how I feel. And I go, well, you know, if I lost another, you know, I don't think losing another 15 is a big deal. Not for boys. I feel like men, you guys, all you have to do is stop drinking soda and you're like, I lost 20 pounds. But women, our body holds on to fat because we need it for like getting periods, making babies or the, they want our body were mammals.

Shit, I hooked the old board up. So we have two sweet now you can hear Megan and I have been together for nearly three years. She's a beautiful girl who I'm very much in love with and I have a lot in common with jumping the pool. That guy's a world champion fight. So crazy that he talks like that. Yeah, I bet you LA native.

That guy sounds like proud to have come out as polyamorous and now I'm excited to share that I'm bisexual. Keep it to yourself. Oh, thank God. All the heads. I'm proud. And now I'm stoked to come out as bisexual. Yeah, so crazy, man.

So it's kind of big. I'm going to fluid bond with Jesse. Yes. I love it. I'm so happy it's back. I'm going to fluid bond with Jesse. Jesse. I'm on the fluid bond.

Fluid bond. With Jesse. Oh boy. So today, Bert on Rogan was like, yeah, I don't know if you know this, but when Tom and Christina, they're like the biggest assholes ever. I know I felt bad. I was like, you got home and I'm like, oh my God, I hope I wasn't too mean to Bert.

I mean, I'm, you know, we're just talking shit. And I do God. The last thing I want to do is really be serious and hurt him. You're fine. I love him. No, of course, everyone loves Bert. No, I texted them both. Burnley and they haven't responded yet.

So you know, you hurt their feelings. That's what I had. Namcakes. I went inside the land of the man that wants to go inside if he can, but couldn't do it, man. But I did. I said, I could do it and I can imagine that as the click man. Oh, he's tacky.

He might be mentally ill a little. I don't know. I don't know. That was kind of manic, wasn't it? I'm on the fence. Yeah. It seemed a little manic to me a little bit. It's like this, you know, you know,

your drugs, yeah, flip it and it comes on your legs this way. You go and then. Poor Raven. And so she said, you like, I say, yeah, she said, yeah, you like. I say, yeah. Yeah, what does he do for a living? I think he does music now. He was an actor, maybe.

I don't know. It's so tacky to share. Yeah. Yeah, you shouldn't share. No, I need her pussy. OK, you're lucky. She lets you eat her pussy. You dumb fuck.

Yeah, right. You don't talk about that. Don't brag about that shit. God damn. It's not cool. Tacky. There is where's this cheat sheet? There's this thing I've been wanting to show you.

I didn't realize this. So that it's so fucking great. So, you know, we've been talking about my dad and then other people do dad accents. Yes, foreigners. Yes. So and basically what we're talking about is like when my dad is around my mother, he talks normal.

But when her family comes from Peru, he adopts a English, but he has a little bit of a Spanish accent. And people have written in with stories about and it absolutely is my favorite thing. So like, you know, someone wrote in that their dad works or they go to an Asian restaurant and he starts talking to the waitress in English, but like it with an Asian. Oh, my God, so embarrassing.

It's so embarrassing. So apparently this is what this is here. OK, Joey Barton is an Irish soccer player who played a season for a French team and he developed a dad accent syndrome during a press conference. And then the sports talk show back at home can't wait to ask him about it. So they recognized that he was doing that. And this is just fucking amazing.

Dad accent. Yes. You mentioned the classic there as your French got any better. Yeah, a little bit. Obviously, we don't you're going to pull this into the outside. So they're setting them up and that's how he talks, obviously, right? He's sitting there. You can hear his his his notable Irish accent. Yes. And then this is him doing a press conference

with the French press speaking English. Oh, shut up. Like Lindsay Lohan was saying that people in France speak about this. It's it's it's normal in England. And maybe it takes me one or two game to adapt. Or for me, it's it's not a problem. The one criticism of the French league is it's it's a little bit boring, you know, they and I can understand.

You know, I watch Leal yesterday. They have 10 men and they're happy to lose one meal. You know, they they have 10 men. And for me, you might as well lose five nil as one meal. Perfect. So it's really perfect for the for the. And that's how we talk, right? And he's like, yeah, he sounds like a Gallagher brother.

You know, for the for the only one you could get you a job on a low, low. You know, Jordi, I'm super good at joking. What's how that happened? I'm not clearly what you're trying to do is you're trying to speak in a pattern that the the European, the French journalist will understand. I get that. But we'll make some barriers. Straight away. Yeah, I'm a bearish, so a bearish. I always remember I'm doing a conference

so it's full of French journalists, no, no foreign journalists really in the room. And obviously I had my brother and a really good pal of mine, tags who were sitting in the in the back and I'm talking away. And I'd said before I went there because I remember Steve McClaren's famous one. I used to read Steve about it and he didn't like it. So I was talking about not doing that when I went out. Really in the mind not to do it. So anyway, I'm doing this conference

and I just see two heads in the background. I say, well, five minutes just go like this and it's just dawned on me that obviously my worst nightmare is coming true. And I'm obviously doing this ridiculous friend, Jackson. I've done that thing where I've thought about something I don't like in my act. Yeah, don't do that. And then I'll do it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So then I start like playing on it to try and get I mean,

both of them were in floods of tears and end up having to walk out the conference and gone and the French would just stone face looking back at me. Did not have any idea what was going on. Even afterwards when it broke and it went viral and everyone was obviously giving me a bit of a mic he taking rightly. So the French were like, what's wrong with the English? What's funny about it? We understood you needed to speak slowly for us to understand it.

And I was like, yeah, I'll do it. We enjoyed it. It is yourself when you make yourself a bigger idiot. It's also he's a good. It's good. It's good. It's a humor. He really is cool as shit, by the way. I really like this dude.

But I want you fucking suck. Oh, God, I wish I could suck it. Jesus, what's her name? Did that Lindsay Lohan? Yes, remember that's the first instance that we saw where she was like, and it's a wonderful thing in this country. Like what? My dad goes, uh, uh, uh, but when we did one week, you,

uh, you enjoy yourself today is nice. No, all the people there. And then he's like, ah, yes, it's very nice. A lot of people there. He's like, yes, uh, uh, uh, Charo and I, we, we go many times. We very, very enjoy it. They actually, I think he's right. This guy that like they think you're just kind of slowing it down.

Yeah. They don't realize what you're doing either. Yeah. You know, I think my dad does that to Spanish speakers too. He does. Yeah. A little bit. I'd love to do a road trip with your dad.

Go for it. To see how he manages things, you know. Yeah. Yeah. You can have, um, I love how European dudes sit with their legs crossed. I forgot that. I cross them sometimes. My dad does too.

I feel like, no, you don't not like that guy had it. Now I usually do the, the, the big fold. Yeah. But there's sometimes you just like, I don't know, just depends on, it's like the seating dictates it. But that guy had a full lady, lady cross. Yeah. Europeans do that, but they're smaller.

Right. We're so fat. Well, Americans are too fat to do the, the lady cross. Yeah. You can't do the lady cross. No. Big old fat fucks. I come to America and I love the, um, pudding game.

Yes. Yes. And, uh, so did you have a good time on lease at the thing today? Okay. We had such a good time with them. I missed them. That was fun. Yeah.

I talked to a top dog today. He's on the weight loss kick too. Is he now? Yeah. You guys had a little thing going. We have a bet. Right. Yeah.

Well, what is it? He has to get down to a certain weight. He weighs less than me just for reference, but, um, he does. Oh yeah. See, it's so funny. I don't, I can't tell. I mean, you, yeah. Right now he might be a little more than me, but his baseline weight is way

less than my baseline. Why lesser? Huh. Interesting. I'm way interested on T. Yeah. So, um, anyways, if, uh, if he gets to the goal weight, I have to go with him on a fucking cruise, a four day cruise.

That's the worst. I hate cruise. Now what part of that is, is way worse or is it the cruise or the four dayness of it? I know. God damn it. Now, and on one hand, a four day cruise, you're in, you're out. I don't want, I fucking hate cruises, but I also want them to get through the

choir. So anyways, if I win, if he don't or not win, but if he doesn't, we have to do a trip that I want to do. So I just try to make it something that he doesn't want to do. Vietnam. Yeah. I couldn't do that. So he wouldn't even take that seriously.

I said Brazil, which I would love to go. I'm dying to go to Brazil. He was like, I want to go to Brazil, but like, you know, I was like, exactly. It's hot. It's, it's muggy. Actually, if he does food is spicy, I think I'll just let him, I'll let him go somewhere else, but I'm not going to tell him that he, here's the beauty of your father is that no matter where you take him, all he's going to want to do

is sit in the hotel room and watch Turner classic movies. That's all he wants to do. So why even make him travel? Like it doesn't matter where you go. Cause he said the only place he wants to go abroad is England. He's never been. Yeah. And I think even then he would be like, oh, let's go see this thing.

And we'd go see fucking big Ben or something. And then I'm going to go back to the room, buddy. And he'd be like, oh, I mean, we just got out here. Oh, saw it. Saw it. You want to go, you know, whatever, bucking him. That's it. Big, just big.

You're going to get, I want to get something to eat. Now the thing is, I think he thinks England is just America with funny accents. He might, I don't think he does. I don't think he understands that it's Europe. That the doorways are narrower, everything's smaller. He's reached such an incredible level of repeating himself that like he was telling me that his brother lost a bunch of weight, right? Which one?

Steve, the one that's alive. Rock bite. And then the, um, the one that's alive. Yeah, I'm sorry. I thought he had more than two for some reason. So he goes, um, you know, Steve lost a bunch of weight. I go, that's great, man. Well, Steve was never that big.

And I go, how do you do that? And he's like, you know, anything is he did the old fashioned way, you know, count calories and, uh, you know, just kind of did it like that. And I go, yeah, since he told me that story, he has told me that story. 10 more times. And every time that he says it, I go, you already told me this. I know I like to repeat myself. He just says that he owns that he just likes to repeat himself.

Same thing with the retirement on the horizon. He goes, you know, retire. Yeah. It's, uh, you know, just holding mentality, getting ready for, uh, retirement. And, uh, you know, we don't have a whole different thing. You know, it's just the next chapter I'm like, yep. And then like, I indulge it the first couple of times like, Oh yeah. And that next 25 times I talked to him in retirement and we don't have

any mentality like that. I know you've already fucking said this. He's so funny. You know what's cute? He goes, I got my calorie counting book. You know, I'd get tells you how many calories, which is funny because there's like, there's a calorie counting book on this thing called the. Someone wrote back to you.

Who was it? No, it's a calendar reminder. Oh, thirsty. I know. I'm sorry. Do you want, can you drink a little or no? I'm just going to, there's a sip. I'm just going to cut.

Are you being serious? Yeah. You're not going to drink it all until tomorrow? Yeah. Not till 1130. I, is that safe? Probably not. Could you drink a little please?

On the way out of here. All right. Yeah. Just have a sip of my water seriously. I don't want it right now. Okay. I want to have an orgasm. Oh, God.

Oh, yeah. So a bunch of people have sent in, uh, mommy and Jean's order. So excited about this movement. I really am. I think of all the things we've done. This is definitely one of my favorites. Yeah. Let me see.

Is this, do you want to play what we've been working on? Sure. How that's influenced America, really, when you think about it. Let me see. This is, uh, this is you here. Oh, you want to start with mine? Sure. Thank you for choosing Starbucks.

Can I get something to eat today? Um, no, thanks. I'm just glassing. All right. What can I get started for you? Mommy, I'd like a double tall iced, uh, soy latte. Okay. And a bottle of water.

Sure. That's it. All right. Let's see. I don't know. Can we 680? Thank you. Thanks, Jean's.

That's great. Now I also ordered a bottle of water. I don't think you do that, but just checking. Oh my God. That's super, super rude way to start. I don't know if you noticed, but I incorporated just glasses. You did. Yeah.

Fantastic. It's another level. I think we should start adding more and more. I think also it should be how you negate any suggestion. In other words, they go like, can I get something to eat? No, I'm just glassing. Just glassing. Yeah.

Okay. What can I get you? Right. Right. Uh, I think we always have to go. Hey, would you like to try the number two thing that's so special? And you go, no, I'm just glassing. No.

Now, and I think there should be, if you can add more, your mom's house sayings, the better the order. Yeah. So let's, let's step this game up a notch. Well, here's what I did. I did something. Um, it's really paid here. This is a different night.

So I'd already ordered. Hey, Jean's. I called him Jean's again. Took a while for him to. I posted the front half of this on Instagram. Yeah. Nice guy. Yeah, always.

Yeah. So good. Yeah. They do, they do this thing and stuff like that. They're good. Takes men. This is as long as it's taken to get, but whatever. It's a drive-thru.

It's a drive-thru. You're not even getting out of your car. Yeah. Okay. Thanks, mommy. Got a mommy in there. Thanks a lot. I love you.

And you got an, I love you. Yeah. So now the game is, is elevated. Yeah. We've got just glass in. And if you can tell somebody you love them. There you go. That might be a whole.

Okay. Thanks, mommy. I snuck it in. It wasn't a clear one, but I love you. Yeah. If you can get in and I love you. A Hey, Hitler. Yeah.

Just glass in. Yeah. Kiss my pussy. He's a little much. Yeah, that's a lot. Okay. Thank you, mommy. Okay.

I'm ready. Okay. Can I get a number five, mommy? Mommy, I'm a large. What's the drink? Um, I do know a medium. Sorry. And what's the drink?

Powerade, please. What flavor power? Powered a drive-thru. Wendy's. Oh, Jesus. You want to be angry? I know. That'll be it.

You're supposed to be 792. Alrighty. Thank you, mommy. He's so pleased. Yeah. See, that's the best part of doing this. I don't think you get it. If you haven't done it yet, the best part is the sense of

accomplishment after having done it. Of nonsense. Yeah. It's like you got away with something so good. Hi, mommy. Can I get a regular sized americano with an extra shot? Real clear. Regular sized americano with an extra shot?

Can that be hot, please? Yeah. And then a regular sized hot americano with hazelnut, please. No, I'm blasting. Thanks. Yes. Great job. I've taken off already.

See? Yeah. Wow. Good work. That was really great. Then, oh my God, you sent me this. Somebody recorded themselves. Yeah.

We don't have it queued up already. Where is it? Recorded themselves. It's on YouTube if you want to go watch it. He called customers jeans for a couple days. Yeah. Working behind the counter at what looks like a convenience store. Yeah.

He just took this on himself. Yeah. This is hilarious. So he has a... What's going on, jeans? Can you smoke? You bet. Smokes?

Yeah. Anything else for your mom? No, they don't say anything about it. Some jeans? Fantastic. Yeah, buddy. He smiles at the camera. Good work.

Exemplary. Yeah. Good job. Here for you, mom. Unbelievable. Thank you, thank you. Thank you. Happy New Year jeans.

Happy New Year jeans. Hello. There's a three-pack of the jeans that we've sold so far. Anything else for your jeans? Did it thaw some? Yeah. That is $22.62. Unbelievable.

Good work. Such good work. Yeah. I like that he put his job online. Yeah. I mean... Well, he was smart. He recorded himself only.

Yeah. Not recorded with people walking. Yeah. They can't see that he's doing it. They don't know what the hell he's saying. Happy New Year. Happy New Year. What's going on, James?

Oh, it's so good. Not even once. At least on camera. Have we heard anybody be like, what'd you call me? Or what'd you say? No, it's the best part. He's so pleased with himself.

Another day. What's going on, James? Exemplary work, mommy. Oh, my God. Anything else, Jeans? He's having fun with it now. Yeah, he's relaxed into it. $10.59.

He relaxed into it. Yeah, he's owning it now. Goddamn, that was good. Well, thanks, mom. Happy New Year, mom. His handle is Marched Mellow. M-A-R-S-H-E-D Mellow. Regular M.

It's called I Call the Customers Jeans for a couple of days. Anything else, right, James? Brilliant. Yeah, now I have to say, this really takes the whole hi, mommy, thanks Jeans game up a notch because not only this guy put his employment

on the on the line. Yeah, you don't have to do that for your mom's house. No, but no, you're right. Nobody complained. I mean, was it on the line? Like, what's the worst someone could say? What'd you call me?

Oh, James, it's like, you know, like, dude. No, but someone could his boss could see this video. I don't want to get in trouble, but really stepping it up a notch. It's really good. Really exemplary work, guys. Wow. I'm really impressed.

Wow. Really, really, really impressed. Thanks, Jeans. Thanks, Jeans. We were sent it. I think you can guess why. So silly. Well, why don't I start with

my love for God? Obviously a fan. Yeah. Obviously a listener. Why don't I start with my love for denim? Mm hmm. I know. You know, I think about denim from the past.

From the past. Yeah. Yeah. It's a lot of denim. How much denim is out there? We love jeans. Yeah. You know, and then I think about, like,

who are the designers back then that were making durable denim, you know, for those guys, for the miners? There you go. So good. Yeah. Yeah. You're the.

Jeans. Jeans became the official thing of California or something. Really? Yeah. Durable denim. It's good stuff, man. Yeah. Someone sent us an article about how jeans had become the official

California fabric or something like that. Yeah. I don't know. Let me look it up. That's what this is for. Mm hmm. This is a. What are you going to eat tomorrow?

Let's talk about that. Oh, well, I don't know. We mentioned it last week. We have a waffle date. You know, I haven't had a waffle in fucking forever. That's the only treat that I've actually been like, I want to try that again. So we're going to a special waffle place.

We looked it up. Yep. I'm very excited. Yeah. I used to go there as a kid and it changed owners. Anyway, Governor Jerry Brown just signed a bill naming Denim, the official fabric of California. Hmm.

Pretty cool, huh? Yeah. There you go. It's fitting, it's fitting, given the state is the birthplace of Lee Weistraus, the company first passed it, patented its iconic blue denim jeans in San Francisco back in 1873. Wow. There you go.

That's true. There's the factory in a man friend disco. Wow. Well, the fabric of denim is widely believed to have been invented in Italy. Many hundreds of years ago. There you go. Yeah. All right.

Thank you, Governor Jerry Brown. Thank you, Governor Brown. You know what that sound means, right? Oh, dates. Yeah. Okay, go for it. You don't want to do it? I don't have mine up.

I'm going to be in Kansas City. Kansas City. Kansas City at the improv five shows. They're moving. So if you're in the area, get your tickets. They're glassing. They're glassing hard. February 12th, let's start there.

Oh, go ahead. No, February 12th. We're doing the podcast. Yeah, by the way, the tickets are moving. Fantastic. We're doing it at the Irvine Improv, which is a big room to be the biggest audience we've ever had for a live podcast. It's Sunday, February 12th.

I believe at 7 p.m. Go to TomCigura.com or 1000 Ranch.com. Get those tickets. I'm in Oxnard, also known as Cox hard, California next week at Levy Live. Five shows there. Then my big tour starts that I've been talking about forever. And I'm really excited about it. New Orleans, Atlanta.

Clear Farter. Jew Orleans. Tallahassee. It's my first weekend. I haven't gotten updates on the new horror jeans and Clear Farter. But I know it's close. I know Atlanta sold out. So scoop up tickets.

If you want to TomCigura.com, I'm excited. There's a bunch of dates coming up. Please look them up. Jeans. Uh, in addition to February 12th at the Irvine Improv with my jeans May 4th and 5th, Fartnick's Arizona stand up live May 19th through 20th, Jewdork titties at Gotham Comedy Club. I'm super stoked to be doing it.

I've never done New York shitty. Except for Brooklyn. We've done Brooklyn. But I can't believe you haven't done yours. Dude, I'm so, I'm so I'm glassing over it May 4th through 5th and Fartnick's Arizona, another great stand up ride. Yeah, it's great club. And then June 16th and 17th, man friend disco at the Punchline Comedy Club.

Come on, your club. Love it. So far, this is great. This is just the beginning of 2017. We'll see what goes down. You know what I'm saying? You feel me? Oh, also check out that Steve rail.

If you haven't already, I just talk some fucking shit. I get fucking weird. Talk about life, getting your entire life, stuff like that. You know what I'm saying? I got the update today that Washington, Dick, come my improv Friday and Saturday are sold out, so I still have some Thursday tickets. Washington, Dick comes. Fantastic.

I'd had the best time there. You're, you're gonna like the way you look. I guarantee it. I guarantee it. Um, I love you, Tom. I love you too. Happy, uh, juniors. Happy juniors.

Happy new juniors to you. Yeah. Happy new juniors to you too, man. You were gone. I didn't get to kiss you. And now you're in Orlando. Well, I was actually doing, I was doing this. So I'm about to show you.

Oh, I was doing this while I was in Orlando. Welcome to say the sexual awakening. Oh boy. Today we're going to be talking about. What is activation? What a piece of shit you are. Yeah. This guy is an incredible piece of shit.

Um, twin goddess activations. You know, we've talked about this before and that is that every guy finds a lane to get laid. Absolutely. Every guy and guys that you think are not out to get laid are just deceiving you in how, in what their lane is. That's their racket. They're like, I'm the guy that doesn't want to get laid.

And that's how I get laid. That's right. This fucking scumbag. Yeah. I mean, describe this guy. He is, uh, it looks like he's of Indian descent. What kind? I don't know.

Let's just say it's from that world. Um, he's got the gold arm band. He's shirtless. He's got gold arm bands, a big gold chain. It looks like my mother would wear. Can I tell you something? That necklace, I know where the, that's from fricking H&M dude. He ain't no real Indian.

I have that necklace. That's what I said. My mother would wear it. Yeah, it's a, it's a 5.99. I just meant that it's POS from H&M. I have the same one. He has a ridiculous belt on guys. He's got a fucking row racks on.

He's got a, he's got a line painted on his head. So he's like, no, no, this is a, you know, I'm, I'm, this is my ancient teachings. I'm Hindu Vishnu. Sure. Whatever. This, my grandfather taught me this and this means that my, my cum doesn't dry quickly. I paint this line on my forehead.

My cum doesn't dry quickly. Yeah. It's, it's all like nonsense. So he's made this video about three sums of these two women are lying on the floor. He's standing, he's squatted over the middle of their hands. Looks like their hands are on his junk. Yeah. And they're lying there like, oh, teach, teach us as well.

You know? Yeah. Like they need to be schooled. Yeah. The twin goddess activations. Yeah. Please. And the way I do this is feel it in my heart, in my body.

Yeah. I'll be using a loving touch. A loving touch. Slowly bring it into their hearts. Their hearts, their tits. Your hands are on their tits. Slow, present, touch. So he has one hand on either, on in the middle of the tits of both girls.

Right. It's activation for the twin goddess. Yeah. Basically warming up the entire body, anywhere near the genitals. It's just like the gaze. Yeah. It's just like gaze. The way women work is.

Oh, wow. Oh, tell me. They need to form their heart. Uh-huh. I always start with the heart. Massaging the tits. See? He's rubbing their tits now.

It's higher for them. What a bullshit. Oh, he graced her titty. So yeah, he's grazing her tits. Of course. Of course. Only when the whole body is warmed up do you connect with the yoni, the yoni. And I'm able to be doing this in the simultaneous movement.

Oh, what is this? It's called mirror neurons that I mainly work with there. If one person feels something and I'm doing the same move, the other person. He's such a bullsitter. Of course. A spirit goes to someone and they get goosebumps. Dude, this motherfucker's not even like from India. You know what I mean?

Like maybe his great-great-grandparents came over. Dude, when this camera goes off, he's like, look, I'm just trying to fuck. Yeah. That's exactly what happens. And especially if you fucking touch him again. It's your H&M necklace. Now he's on the yoni. The way to work with that is you work around the yoni.

Oh, shut up. From the nicoline towards the outer lab here. They grab their pussies. He's grabbing their pussies. Here's the other thing that's crazy about all this. This under the guise of I'm teaching, I'm making instructions. Whether it gets you all these feels. In other words, they're like, we're helping, right?

Yeah. He's like, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm just, I'm doing the, I'm trying to teach right now. And another thing, you know, I don't know why there's this assumption that all female sexuality is identical. Yeah. Like, you know, women, you guys are all about your feelings for, and like, not really. They're all the same, same strokes. Yeah.

I know a lot of women who are hardcore horse thugs, bitches who don't give a fuck about feelings. I know girls who fuck harder than dudes that, you know what I'm saying? Like their numbers are crazier than dudes. I agree. This is bullshit. Like, come on now. Really? You're trying to tell me this guy's full of shit?

He got to rub around her. You know how aggravating that is to a woman, by the way? When a, when a fucking dude rubs around your pussy. Like, no dude, get in there, bro. Look, listen to you. I speak for a fucking, you know how many dudes like this I bang? But it is handfuls of pussy that he has. I know.

Too handful. It's frustrating when guys do all this, oh, I have to be extra special. No, you don't. Just fucking touch it, bitch. And you always ask permission to enter. So what I always ask is, I'm at the gate of your temple. Would you like to invite me in? I'm at the gate of your temple.

And only go in if it's a hell yes. Never go in with a baby. No shit, dummy. Yeah. Okay, then you'll love this part. And the way to do this is they have the power. They invite you in. So the way to do that is ask them to squeeze the PC muscles.

Oh, God. And relax. And that fucking throw up. And that sucks if you're in. So you're not penetrating them. You're actually being invited in. Oh, my God. There you go.

God. And as I'll be working through the certain areas of pleasure, like the G-spot, the P-spot, the K-spot. The K-spot. All these different areas with presence, love, and touch. One person starts feeling it, the other person starts feeling it. And then the emotions accelerate. And it is quite a beautiful, amazing swing on its activation.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. You know what? Activation was the word of the day on Sesame Street. That's what this reminded me of when he said it. Bullshit activator. Yeah. The ultimate bullshit activator.

This guy, and I got to tell you, to his credit, if he didn't have on his H&M necklace and his ridiculous belt and the sheet, he's just some fucking mediocre looking guy with the bun on his head who would never be able to get the Twin Goddess activation. So, you know what? He's figured shit out. Yeah.

No, I mean, I don't hate on him. I just feel like he's definitely a bull. Like, you know, bullshit, dude. God bless. As they say, sign off the good, good job, sir. What kind of chick is drawn to the bun guy with the Twin Goddess? Real spiritual shit. Yeah.

And that's because I like summer goddess. See, I like all that stuff. You know me. Like, I like, I like spiritual. No. And that's the thing. But my bullshit radar goes. I see you right there.

No. No, my bullshit detector knows that this guy is full of it. No, I know. I know. It's not real. Got ladies. Listen. They're all connected.

Yeah. See, he puts that game out there. Uh-uh. A couple of chicks shoot him down like that. And then a couple are like this. And then all of a sudden, I bet you if you ask him, how many threesomes have you had? If he's like, I don't know, like 500, there's no idea.

He, what he does, he goes to his self-help groups. He goes to meeting groups of like, he goes after people seeking it, which is smart. Yeah. He's like, knows his lane. He's a predator. He's like a hyena. He waits for the prey to be hurt.

And then he swoops in. Except it's under the veil of, I'm not hunting. You know? But that's how he hunts. That's the difference. Brilliant. This guy is, man. Thank you, ladies.

Thank you, man. I was like, I just hit stop. Put your hand back on my dick. Please take this gift. Try it with everyone. There you go. Until next time. Consent.

Consent. Consent, guys. You fucking scumbag. Yeah. Big piece of shit that guy is. I asked him, will you ever date your mom? I asked him. I asked him.

I asked him. There's no K in that. I still love that one so much. So do I. And I don't feel like it got the traction it deserved. Yeah. I think people then want to get into that one as much as we did.

No, I know. I asked him. I asked him, would you ever marry your mom? And he was like, you know, I really would. I really would. Oh, yeah. I had another thought about that bullshit. Once in a while, he calls me mom.

You know what I mean? Yeah, this fucking guy. That's the thing that girls don't realize. Oh, I was going to say that. Oh, oh, you know what it is? I think women, a lot of the time, they make a mistake with dudes is because they want dudes to act like women. You know what I'm saying?

So they think like this fucking asshole with this ponytail and his H&M necklace, like, oh, he's sensitive. He's like a chick that he's got a penis. Like, no, bro. Oh, thank you for bringing that. Like that's why you got to go for like a dude, because a fucking dude is straightforward.

You know what I'm saying? Like and dudes that you want to do that lets you know what he wants. Right. Well, that too. And look, you're never going to find a girlfriend in your boyfriend. Stop fucking making.

Stop trying to make your boy, your husband, your girlfriend. It's never going to fucking happen. And that's why you have girlfriends. Right. And you keep the husband out of it. You let him be a dude. Right. Otherwise you get stuck with that fucking bullshitter.

Yeah. And he's finger banging every other girl in the neighborhood. Twin goddess activating. And he's like, what? It's all love. It's all love. We're all connected. I'm just spreading my yoni.

Yeah. This looks really good. I was going to say that we put this out there last week. And big response. A lot of people are into it. A lot of people are encouraging you to give it a shot. Yeah. I received a lot of artwork, Photoshop.

Any thoughts on whether or not there's a chance that this could be on a special artwork. Right. Maybe. I'm not out. I'm not rolling it out. Sam, would you marry your mom? All right.

What's the title of the special though? Well, I saw when somebody made one that was like all caution tape and. Well, that goes without saying. I'm going to have my fire, my flame t-shirt. That was in it. And then caution tape, maybe over my mouth. No, I don't know what's going to happen. Yeah.

Wow. But what is this? What is the title of this hour though? Gosh. No bangs allowed. That's pretty good. Or no hair, no fear. How about I'm halfway there.

I'm halfway there. Oh, I like that one. But I want it to signify danger. You know, like trouble, like, you know, like, oh, you know, what's another good one too? When the microphone is like a gun or something. Oh, that's cool. Yeah.

Dang, you know, tough. Oh, no, or maybe. And maybe the, that one, the funny stuff happens. Oh, he shrugged the shoulders and you go, I don't find it should just happen. Yeah. That's kind of an interesting one too. How about like ceasefire or something like that?

Ceasefire. These, my jokes are the bomb. Yeah. Something like that. Yeah. That's cool. Well, thanks for bringing this back. It's good.

So you like it? Oh, I love it. It's a really cool flattering photo. Well, you know what I would have liked in the photo shop though? No, I guess he did it right because it's, it wouldn't be a gradual fade. Yeah. It would just be that harsh.

The Benjamin Franklin. That's the best. Yeah. That's the best. It does look good though. Yeah. No, no, no doubt. Do you think that guy would twin goddess activate me

if I had that haircut? Nope. He wouldn't even lay me that guy? I think he'd be like, you need to grow that hair back. Yeah. That guy would, on camera, absolutely liar. Off camera, he'd be like, uh. Pig.

No, he'd be like, something's wrong with it. Do you think John Sockers would do me? Yes. If you told me you were vegan, you would definitely do it. My vegan vagina. What about marrying your mom? This lady came back. You know about this lady?

Something about her. She did the jingle bells for us. It's such a foreign sound. What is happening? Oh, I got a fart. I heard it. Did it register? No.

What are these fart mics going to happen? We've been missing so many farts. You got really upset about that. Guess what? We have a gift for you. What? Um, Nadav heard you and you request for a Tom gets mad montage.

Yes, really? He built one. Oh my god. Thank you, blue man. I'm so excited for this. Oh my god. Well then. You might be right, but I don't think so.

God damn it. You know what? It's fun now. It's how angry you get when the myriad of technology fails. Yes. Oh, good, blue man. Good. Hold on a second.

Okay. Hold on. I'm sweating. I'm so excited. That's getting mad. I'm just trying to see where the hell is this. That's good. Fucking thing.

What's wrong, baby? Let's talk about it. It's just annoying. That's all. What's that? There you go. Dipped out again. Popped back in again.

I'm really going to lose my mind. You talk about these constantly. So I was, I was in the airport. Obviously it's subjective, but I think it, you know. She's like, why did that happen right there? Why did that just pop? I don't know. It's the spirits.

Depends on what, if you're talking about aesthetic. I want to blow the most. Oh, good job. There you go. Very exciting. Yeah. Very exciting. We could do a, we could probably build one of, um, over time of just God damn it.

I was thinking of that. Yeah. That's usually my go to upset expression. God damn it. God damn it. 01:01:31,160 --> 01:01:32,520 Let's keep archiving these. Thank you, blue band.

Let's keep a thorough record of every time he freaks out. Because I feel like we have even more anger ones than that. Yeah. There's, there's more. Yeah, I mean, that was a wonderful start. Thank you. Really good work. Just glassing.

Just glassing. How are we doing on those shirts? Are they still around? What's the deal? Oh, I set up the thing. You did? Yes. So I'm, I'm so glad you just reminded me, uh, bad glassing.

Is the email that glassing at gmail.com. Yeah. If you go and you send an email to bad glassing and there's no G and glassing. Right. I mean, G L A S S I N bad glassing at gmail.com. I set up the email address. You send your, um, proof of purchase. Like your email receipt from your purchase of the just glass and shirt.

And if you got one of the first batch, which were gilding, I'll send you a little something. Oh, that's very nice of you. Uh, cause I, I didn't know that they were going to be like that. So I'm sorry. Well, sometimes when you're just glassing, you learn things. Yeah. If you got the second wave, you know, you got the right shirt. So you got the glasses.

You can see that you can see your tag. Is this a gilding? Are you upset about it? You can email me. Just glassing at gmail. Got a moose. Oh, I have some items I want it to bring up. Yeah, please go ahead.

So that wonderful clip we had last week of the super of that guy cleaning out that toilet. Oh, remember the guy with one tooth? Yeah. And he was cleaning out that vile toilet with all this shit with no gloves. Oh my God. Remember that? Yeah. So we started watching that show.

We watched it. Yeah. The, it's called the super and it's called that because it's super depressing. That show is a fucking bummer, man. But really entertaining. Really entertaining. It's about these poor people who live in base. It's basically about a slum lord.

Well, you know, they're slums and it's not slums. They're pretty bad. They're they all got bed bugs and well, that's because the people in it are disgusting animals. Yeah. The one that we saw were horrific. Good lord. Yeah. These poor people in a lot of them have, you know, alcohol and drug abuse stuff happening too.

I watched another episode. Remember the the woman that was living with this piece of shit guy and he wouldn't show up for the court date and he was out drinking and like, what are you doing? Yeah. Get your life together. When he got racist. Did he? Oh yeah.

To the Asian lady. He was like, now you're kind. You're good for an Asian or whatever. Yeah. And then he was like, oh, that's the white guy. I mean, they're just fun. Everything was raised to that guy. That's right.

Yeah. That was super funny. Yeah, we actually know the guy that co-created that show. Oh, that's right. Yeah. Yeah. That's so funny. Yeah.

Um, I got a texture about that. Yeah. That we watched them. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So we watched that. That was cool. And then, oh, we went to go feed the ducks yesterday with our son. Yeah.

Shit. Now I grew up going to this duck pond and, um, back in the day in the 80s, you could just bring your loaf of bread and throw it at the ducks and it's like the best day ever. So we took our little boy there yesterday and I brought a loaf of leftover German rye bread. A loaf. Because I didn't, I'm not eating that shit. Yeah. My dad ate a couple pieces when he was here and, um, we go to the ducks and it was so fun.

I mean, we've had them, we threw pieces of bread up in the air and then the birds would fly by and snatch it out of the air. Oh, it was rad. They went crazy. And then joggers were running by. Like, excuse me. Yeah. I'm walking by.

Kind of shitty. And we're there with our boy. He's just like watching. And then we get to the other side of that lake pond. And it says, do not feed the birds. Less, yeah. I felt like such a POS. I know.

And it's like, it messes with the ecosystem. The birds won't migrate this and that. I followed your lead. Oh, well, man, back in the 80s, you could throw fucking hot dogs at the birds. Nobody would stop you. He loves his company. Yeah. And there was no, um, there were no signs right there.

There was one sign around the entire two mile radius of that thing. I know. Fuck. I felt like such an asshole. Well, we didn't do it after that. No, my God, no. But no wonder we were getting so many dirty looks. We got, um,

I could not figure out why everyone hated us so much. Follow up video on somebody we featured a few weeks ago. Oh, no kidding. Yeah. What's that? You might already think you use scent a lot. You do. When you taste stuff.

You do. Yeah, I like that ice cream. Garbage doesn't smell good. Scent is acting as a passive sense for you. Most of the time as a human being as a pup, you're going to be using it as an active sense, activating those memories, associating again with your pup activities. Word of the day.

That's awesome. Street one width of your master's groin. And you're beginning to snap into pup mode. Oh boy. Wow. So this was the pup guy. We actually got bombarded with hatred for, I think initially saying this guy was British.

New Zealand. I know, that was a big fuck up. God, I know. We got yelled at. Then we said Australian. Oh, no. And we were corrected again. The Kiwis get very upset if you don't identify their accents.

I know. You being the master. Well, I actually knew. I was just, you know, I was seeing where. Can you do a perfect Kiwi accent, please? Go ahead. Sure, hold on. Underwear by your new best friend pup.

Your owner is going to make you a pair of underwear. Oh my God. He's going to make sure that he leaves a bit of his scent of his arms. Oh, I'm going to throw up. Some smell of his piss. And definitely a few loads of cum. Wow. Wow, this guy way better.

Could you repeat that in his accent though? Yeah. Underwear by your new best friend pup. Underwear by your new best friend pup. I hear little ink man, Manchester. Your owner is going to make you a pair of underwear. Your owner is going to make you a new pair of underwear. There you go.

And what's going to be on that underwear? He's going to make sure that he leaves a bit of his scent of his arse. Scent of his arse. That's good. Some smell of his piss. Some smell of his piss. Definitely a few loads of cum. Definitely a few loads of cum.

Remember how the other video, oddly enough, that featured the pups? They made it totally non-sexual. Well, yeah, that's the lie of it. And we were like, this is such a sexual thing that they're minimizing. Yeah. Then you get him alone.

He's like, I'm going to cum all over this and you're going to smell it. What a liar face. I guess for that documentary, they didn't want them to seem like total fetish derelicts. But these guys are coming all over the place. No, it's a community. It's just it's freeing.

It's liberating. They're coming all over each other. And then they text dog outfits. I'm going to cum in my underwear and you're going to smell it. This guy's such a pig. This is just called pup ply. Very normal. You're going to take a good strong smell

if your owner's underwear when you feel like it, when you're pleasuring yourself. I mean, this guy is like a total power dog. Yeah, he's an aggressive top. Yeah. Importantly, though, there's activities that you're going to be doing to help build up your scent.

The first one in first color training is to know your own smell. Oh, you know your smell. When you wake up in the morning, take a good whiff of your pit. Yeah. Before you've showered, before you've put any deodorant,

cologne. No, thanks. Yeah. No, thanks. So he's training us. Yeah, I got it. Speaking of deodorant, cologne and soap, it's time to change them.

Reduce your use of soap as much as you can. Build your mask. To what's necessary to keep yourself clean and sanitary as you like. But get rid of perfumed soap as much as you can and drop deodorant down out of your use as much as possible. Oh, my God.

There you go. Nice and stinky. You can build your scent. When you've got time during your work day or during those moments when you're in class, you want to go here. No. Put your hand down your pants.

Grab your nuts. Have a feel. Get your fingers over them. Oh, bring them up. Yeah. Was that just a show opener? That was the Instagram teaser. Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. I like that he wears a t-shirt and leather pants. Woof, the pup owner trainer. Can we watch that again? I feel like my brain wasn't ready for that. Oh, yeah. Sweet. What is happening?

When you've got time during your work day during those moments when you're in class. When you've got a minute. You want to go here. Oh, my life. Jesus. You've got to unlace your pants. Unlace your leather pants.

Have a feel. Oh, please don't. Get your fingers over them. And bring them up. Yeah. Just unlace your patent leather pants in public. Anywhere. What kind of scent do you think he has going on down there?

His musk is strong. Those pants are not very. He's not into soap. We know that. We know that. His pants are not very porous either. If you're wearing patent leather. And I know that from my goth days.

A lot of overweight goth girls will wear patent leather pants. And I hear it's not good. Not good for your junk. Smell what you're not smell like at different times of the day. In the morning when you wake up, have a fondle. Going back. Have a good fondle of your nuts. Yeah.

And take a smell. You should do that. I can't take this. I've done this. So I can do it. Of course. Every guy in the world is doing this. But I've never done it in training.

I'm saying I do it without training. No, I'm sorry. You don't need this guy to tell you how to grab your nuts and smell your fingers. After you've done that, reach further back. Run your finger along your crack of your arse. You don't need to finger your hole. You don't want to come back with shit on your finger.

Just run your finger along your crack of your sweaty crack. Your sweaty crack. Oh, God. Bring it up and smell. We got to show this to my parents next time. See what they think of this. So take your time out while you're at work. And work at a cubicle.

At your cubicle, do this. Have a fondle. Oh, my God. Have a quick sniff. When you get home, as you take off your underwear. There's more to this? Take a deep whiff. Have a very good deep sniff.

The different parts of your underwear. Learn what your arse smells like. Cock and ball smell like. I think you know. But do you have to learn that smell? What he's saying, make that a really keen sense of your arse. Make it a priority. Here is a pup, it's odor.

Yeah, we got it. A human pup really connects with odor and scent and smell. And that's going to be a primal feeling for you. Well, that's seriouspup.net is what I saw there. So plug. They did exclude this from the documentary we saw on BBC. Yeah, they didn't really do it the same way. Do you really need a training course?

You know what, interestingly enough, the very first time I ever saw Burke Reicher, we were living in the ghetto. Run your finger along your crack. He was pulled up in front of our apartment building. And I just happened to be coming in from our garage. And I looked out onto the street and I saw a guy in a big SUV doing this. Just smelling his hands. He was definitely doing what the master trainer just did.

He was sniffing his fingers. And I looked out and I go, oh, that's got to be Burke Reicher. And then I went upstairs and I was like, I think Burke's out front. One width of your must is groin. Yeah, you did. And I go, why? And you go, there's a guy out there just smelling his fingers. Yeah, yeah.

Just during the day, if you've got a minute in between and between jobs, yeah, if you're not talking to your boss, unzip your leather pants, untie, unlace them, that lunatic had them laced up. Geez, we got to run. Okay, I love you. This is a smells track by Dorian. I don't, I haven't heard it. Thank you guys for listening.

Your mom's house podcast.com. Hopefully next week I'll be back here with a beard. Oh my gosh, you won't be at home. Yeah. So we appreciate you guys. Hopefully we'll see many of you in Kansas City this weekend. Anything else? Jeans.

Check out that's deep, bro. Check out thousand ranch.com. I'm just throw up and I don't know. Have a good week. We love you. Happy New Year. And that's it. Do good.

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