Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - 405-Brent Weinbach-Your Mom's House with Christina P and Tom Segura

Episode Date: July 19, 2017

Some women associate giving birth with PAIN. Are they dumb? Maybe they just haven't been taught yet. They SHOULD be having orgasms. That's what childbirth is all about.  PLUS, could Tommy's REAL mom be the fart mistress we've all wanted?  AND special guest Brent Weinbach joins us.  You wanna talk some s**t?

me yo uh... big announcement about mom's trailia i'm sorry that i'm having to move my shows uh... have a scheduling conflict that prevents me from leaving for uh... twelve thirteen days and i tried to get them to move it to

and not that far away but then they became venue availability so if you have australia tickets i'm still coming it's just being pushed in the next year uh... everything will still happen the same venues in the same cities i tried to get it to go to january uh... couldn't do that after february again

availability became a problem so they're all in april now i know that's a ways away and i apologize but that's just the way it worked out so please forgive me i'm definitely coming to australia it's just not going to be uh... next month uh... all right with that

being said there are some other dates that are happening i am going to be up in sacramento california in uh... a few weeks i'm going to uh... punchline there yet august eleventh and twelfth

and then september uh... seven eight and nine i'm in lincoln nebraska midwest city oklahoma springfield missouri uh... i jumped over the fact i'm going to montreal i'm doing limp olympia on the twenty six

then i head over to hampton beach then delaware uh... where am i in delaware i'm in uh... wilmington delaware and then balls and whores maryland at the lyric they originally had the room seated for i forget they have different seating arrangements and they opened up

the entire thing now so now it's uh... there's a lot more tickets available if you're still looking in uh... in baltimore i will be at the lyric july twenty-ninth the rest of the tour you can see it's happening uh... on my site tomsgurr dot com slash tour and i'll be in you know denver oakland

toronto bunch of places some of the ones i mentioned go ahead and check it out on my site jane you got anything yeah september twenty-second twenty-third i met helium comedy club in st louis tits missouri uh... so come check me out there on those two nights and then october third i'll be at zany's in nashville and then october fourth the comedy zone in sharp lit

north kakalaka as my husband says like that's real it's real and then i'm doing um... the come and take a comedy festival in houston on november eighteenth so if you're in houston go to that festival and you can see me perform with a lot of great comics i believe the guys from the crab feast are going to be there so that should be cool and then also august twenty-third we are doing your mom's house live at west breast balms beach

in west palm beach of fartlita yep so that's coming up soon get your tickets if you haven't already and did you mention the uh... you mentioned the new the the Irvine one the sperm vine one the sperm vine one

we have we cancelled we cancelled right is what i mean no the one that's happening in october no i haven't mentioned that because we're going to do the uh... the uh... sperm vine improv we're going to do the the podcast live there in sperm vine california

uh... the the one that was happening in july is now october eight october eight guys so for those of you that had tickets to that one yeah they do not fret they will honor it yeah and then you can go to tom cigar dot com slash tour and uh... it's october eight and look i i i realized that rescheduling is

we don't want to do it either and uh... it that we try to make it happen as little as possible but uh... i just want to let you know that happened in these two cases so that's that all right gene and go go ahead uh... gene make sure

you let people know to come to tom cigar dot com click on the store check out there's the making fitness shirt stanama we have a

pre-sale that has begun uh... in celebration netflix brought completely normal back we have a new sub-cane shirt this was designed by uh... dose brach uh... on instagram you may have seen him he's done a bunch of really cool artwork

for for uh... different you know podcasters and and he's he's an amazing irish artist he did this design it's uh... on a vintage style t-shirt it's the highest quality t-shirt we've ever bought ordered and we're going to do a limited run just to celebrate that completely normals back

on netflix it is a sub-cane shirt that is amazing so thank you uh... i'm i hope i'm saying his name right dosprach and i was as it anyways it's amazing looks awesome it's got it's totally different its colors whereas the sub-cane and originally didn't have yeah color is black and white yeah this is like full of color full color it's

got like kind of like the l.a. the palm trees in the background you got big daddy came in the front you're in the back and you're skinnier now which is cool just to check out the shirt it's on uh... merchant dot com slash tom sagura check it out there you go also guys dear shopping on amazon using our banner

if you're buying your floaties for your pool please i implore you to use our banner just go to our home page on your mom's house podcast dot com click on the banner at the bottom of the home page dear shopping is you normally would it just helps to show out also were in the in canada and the uk now with our banners so

awesome do that man shit brany check out this episode uh... brant weinbach comes in about an hour in and uh... thanks again for listening we appreciate it see you next week guys hi i'm rachsandapalmah and i want to know who out there is curious about eco-cess what?

what? rap rap rap rap rap rap rap rap rap rap rap rap rap rap rap rap rap one two three four what the fuck is eco-cess? the wind in your hair tree bark that's exciting in itself to really let

your fingertips RUNN ACOSS THE TREE BARK and feel its eroticness now you get the penis out RAP RAP RAP RAP RAP RAP RAP RAP 하기 RAP RAP RAP RAP RAP RAP RAP RAP RAP RAP RAP RAP kann What the f**k is he doing that? What the f**k is he doing? He's so disgusting.

By young embaros, who are you worth? Because this is disgusting. Would you marry your grandson? By young embaros, who are you worth? Because this is disgusting. What the fuck is EgoSess? Me and Michael from Summer. The rap, rap, rap is perfect.

If this was a radio station right now, I would be like, we're playing this song again. I'm gonna hit rewind and give you guys a... This is so well done. Would you marry your grandson? There you go. Me and my friend Summer. You know who did it?

No. Gaping Dad. What a talent that Gaping Dad is. This one you can tell there's a lot of work that went into it. That's called, what the fuck is EgoSess by Gaping Dad? Really good job. Me and my friend Summer, which is grammatically incorrect. It's never me and anybody.

You have a real hair in your butt about that. I went to Catholic school and I was taught English by Irish Catholic nuns. And they were sticklers for grammar. For instance, when you answer the phone and someone goes, is Tom there? You don't go, this is him, this is he. And you never say me and so and so are going anywhere. Because you sound like Cookie Monster, it's wrong. It's grammatically incorrect.

You say Tom and I. Me and... Me and so and so. Me and he. Me and her. And that's becoming what's normal now is me and so and so everybody's saying that. People are getting it wrong, man. Before we start, I want to give a big shout out to My Light.

They sent us this, your mom's house light here, which is so awesome. And they also sent us one for Ellis for his room. And I just want to give them a shout out. It's mylight.com.au. They're an Australian company. So if you order one of these lights, just get an adapter on Amazon. It was like five bucks. We have this rad light and it changes colors and everything.

They sent it to us months ago. I think in November. I think because we just collect Amazon boxes in our entryway. And then this one we're like, hey, what's this one? And then we opened those from you guys. Well, and someone had written a light kit on there. So I thought it was for the studio. I thought it was like a lighting kit.

So I did open it. I was like, I must have ordered that on accident. Yeah. All right. Thank you very much. It's awesome. And this one for our boy. You can change colors and such.

Very cool. All right. There's a lot to get into. Why don't we do a proper show? Okay. It's just like the gaze. And here we go. Let's start the show, man.

Oh boy. Ecstasy. All of the pathways that are involved in sexual pleasure are in fact stimulated by birthing a baby. Sure. When you can allow yourself to open in the same way that you open to orgasm. The exact same experience is possible. Out of your fucking mind. Who is Randy?

Don't bring anyone loving to this. Don't burn in the fucking stand. Welcome, welcome. Welcome to your mom's house with Tom Segura. Tom Segura. I'm Christina. Christina. Christina.

Christina. Christina. Fart, fart, fart. You know, what I noticed about gaping dad's music is that he always does clothes on a fart sound. It's called a trademark. Right. Yes. Like in his Wikipedia it would say, one of his trademarks is ending songs with a long

fart. Yeah. Which is not uncommon actually. I believe other artists have also ended on a fart as well. Yeah. Or maybe other things. It's sexy. The jewels.

Oh my God. Ghost crew. Yeah. Ghost crew ended on farts. A lot of people do that I guess as an honor of your mom's house. It's a predominant theme of our show. Yeah. A lot of producers are out there doing their thing and stuff like that.

Yeah. So this clip I saw when I was looking at birthing clips when I was pregnant with Ellis. Yeah. And this is such fucking bullshit. I mean, as far as I know, there's nothing ecstasy or ecstatic about birth. It's so painful. This is you. It's so painful.

During birth. Juice. Juice. There you are. Does that, did I look like that lady when I was giving birth to Ellis? This is a while, so you said that you saw this, right? I saw this and I thought, before you have a child, you're like, sure, that's possible. And then if you have given birth through your vat, you're like, there's no way that that's

even remotely possible. Yeah. I didn't think, I don't know. I never thought this, what this documentary is about was a thing. This is eye-opening to say the least. I think, honestly, I think what's happening is these ladies are convincing themselves that it's, you know, you're using your brain, your mind over matter to be like, this is amazing.

I don't know. Do you think it's just, it's such a pushback on what is notable pain that they're like, actually it's pleasurable. Yeah. Look at it the right way. Yeah. It's like, it's, it's, it's like hip-no birthing, like where you use your mind to kind of overcome what you're doing.

Yeah. But there's, there's, for me, there's no way. That's why you go on that journey with them. Please. It's, it's super painful. Yeah. I don't. It is the most intimate and powerful experience a woman can have.

It is a very essential experience. Yeah. Yeah. Giving birth. Of all the sensations that are like washing over your body. That looks like fun. That looks like you're at a spa. Interesting, the revolutionary documentary.

It's so relaxing too, giving birth. The essential and sexual nature of birth cannot be denied and blocks. The potential of. Sexual. But see, I think it's kind of like, man, it'd be like if you have a fever and you're like, it feels good though. You just keep telling yourself, like when you're like diarrhea feels pleasurable, stimulating my asshole.

Right. So why doesn't that feel good? You're right. And when I wipe it burns, but in a good way, it's a sensual burn. That's what's happening. Ever eat something spicy and you're like hot, then you just try to talk yourself out of how hot it is. You're like, I can handle it.

I handle it. Yeah. It's not bad. The sensation's on my tongue. Yeah. It's not pain. They're good. It tastes good.

Take the next bite. Then you go. Right. That's what you do. That's how you eat though. You force it. I think these women, first of all, for me personally, there was nothing sensual about giving birth whatsoever.

No. Not a lick. Especially the part where when contractions begin, you shit your brains out. It's like your body's way of cleaning everything out of you. Did you shit in a toilet or no? Yeah. You did. When I went into labor at home, I just started shitting.

I knew I was in labor because I'm like, oh, I'm having like period cramps and then your body naturally wants to get rid of everything so that you can push. I'm assuming it's like nature's enema. Yeah. So you shit a lot and then you're just in this ton of pain. You should add your brown hole and then add your vagrol later. You should have person out. Yeah.

It's like the most sensual experience ever. So sensual. So hot. Crowning essential. I actually kind of go inside myself and really try to begin the centering that I would need to have in order to make it to the labor. Well, that's pain. It's like a sacrifice, I think, that a mother can offer.

So I'm going to go through this pain for you to really come out in the way you need to come out. Right. The pain. Yeah. Sensual. Well, she said I'm going to go through this pain. She didn't say I'm going to come super hard so that I can enter the world.

She said pain. Right. Which is optional. You don't have to feel that much. It does hurt even with an epidural, but you can choose to not suffer in this era. By the way, as a quick aside, we'll be joined shortly by the creator of... You want to talk some shit? Oh my goodness.

One of the most hilarious videos ever on YouTube was made by Brent Weinbach and he'll be here in a little while. Beweezy. Beweezy, yeah. The creator of Want to Talk Some Shit? Yeah. Call me. We're going to get inside of his mind.

Yeah. It is a strange one. I think he has a new video too. Oh, awesome. Yeah. He's a strange ranger for sure. Anyway, back to coming during birth. No, it's not possible.

It's pleasure. It's so natural. It just felt so good. What are you talking about? Sure. It's fear. I'm scared. I'm scared.

I'm scared. I'm scared. I think... He's scared of pain. It hurts. It hurts. But I think that maybe you can trick yourself. Yeah.

That lady was like, it was awesome. I loved it. Yes. I think... But she just shows you how powerful the mind is. Right. And it is that... Because somebody coached her into being like, this feels good.

Yes. That's what it is. That's what hypno birthing is. Before I had Ellis, I went and I got that done where they hypnotize you into reimagining pain and stuff. That doesn't... It didn't work for me, ultimately, because you... You're like, this hurts.

This hurts. And you just push through the pain. But yes, it is a... It is a reframing of what's happening. Well, the doctor... And I don't think... I don't see doctor under your name... Said that it's possible to come super hard.

Yeah. Even ecstasy. All of the pathways that are involved in sexual pleasure are in fact simulated by birthing a baby. And when you can allow yourself to open in the same way that you open to orgasm. The exact same experience is possible. Thank you. Possible but not probable, I'm guessing.

That's another important footnote. Possible. This bitch has never squeezed a person out of her coot. She don't know what the fuck she is talking about. You don't think so? Nah. Hell, no. That's why she's saying stupid shit like this.

She never fucking give birth. Oh, okay. You're just talking like you're like, I need my privacy. That's what I'm saying. You know what I'm saying? Oh, no. You know what I'm saying? When we first put girls into the hospital decades ago, we treated it like it was surgery.

They put her in a wheelchair. She can walk. She's not sick. I like sitting in the wheelchair actually. What the media does with birth particularly shows like ER. People are coming screaming into the ER as though having a baby is the biggest disaster on earth and that has imprinted generations of people now. But that does speak to the part that it's psychological.

The pain part. She's saying that it's imprinted to you that this is a terrified baby like your early impressions are, this is going to be terrifying when what they should show you is women walking into the ER like, oh, I want to fuck. I'm like, this feels good. Yeah. You know what I wish you would have done? I mean, I see all these nice guys coaching their wives and rubbing backs.

I mean, you were eating a burrito at the time I was in labor, but I really wish we could have done it while I was in labor. Why didn't that occur to you? We're going to do it again. Have another kid. That would be so sensual, do you think? Fuck. And then the doctors are like, keep going Tom.

I mean, you're crowning. What a perfect time to have intercourse. Let's have sex. Let's have this baby. Oh my gosh. Oh man. Oh. What are you going to do?

Like if I have another baby while I'm giving birth this next time around, I feel like you should be doing something too. I'll have another burrito. That would annoy the shit out of me, by the way. You see all these like loving hippie husbands that are, you know, squeezing on her belly and massaging her. I'd be like, get the fuck away from me. Yeah.

Do not fucking touch me. I mean, so much pain. If you were asking for that, I would be like, are you fucking serious right now? You're like, haven't I done enough of this whole baby making stuff? I already knotted. What else do you want from me? Yeah. Well, there is nothing.

It's got to be like it is when you make love with someone. It's got to be safe. Kenny Rogers. Uninterrupted. And that is how you have animal orgasmic birth. Oh right. The man says the fucking Kenny Rogers old ass man. How does he know anything about, I love when men talk about this shit, like they know what

it's about. Well, people always talk about what animals are thinking. That always bothers me when they're like, well, your dog, he's nervous about this and he's not sure what will happen next. I'm like, oh, did he tell you that? How did that come about? Right. And they're like, yeah, no, I know.

Your dog right now, he's happy about what you did. And so you just need to keep doing that and your dog will stay happy. You mean you don't believe animal psychics? I don't believe veterinarians that are like telling me what the dog is thinking. I understand if they're like, your dog is sick. But when they're like, the dog is thinking that you should come home earlier. I'm like, uh-huh. That's stupid.

Is that what the dog thinks? Yeah. Yeah. All right. Great. Like you know about fucking dogs. Yeah, I agree. Unless you've been there done that, you can't say shit.

You know what I'm saying? Whatever. They're like, I've studied dogs. You don't know what the dog's thinking. No. It's like they say it doesn't know how hard you're going to come when you have a baby. That's right. And I wouldn't trust a male gynecologist either.

Fuck that shit. No way, dude. I told you about the one in high school. Tell the audience so that they can hear it. My friend's dad had a party and I was in high school. And we all went over there and there was, you know, it was a big party at a big house. He's a gynecologist. A gynecologist and like, you know, a well respected one.

And so I got him alone for a minute and I was like, I see some, I'm a teenager. So you know, obviously I'm hypersexual at the time, right? And I go, hey man, you're a gynecologist. I go, how do you separate, you know, a vagina being stimulating sexually to you versus professional? How does that happen? He goes, pussy's pussy. Yeah. Yeah.

All perverts. All disgusting perverts. And I was like, I looked at him and I was like, really? He was like, yeah. Yeah. And basically he's basically saying, oh, I bite my tongue, but I'm still thinking about getting up in there. Looking at snatches all day.

And just like, I wouldn't, I mean, I wouldn't want to touch balls and dicks all day and I don't know what's going on. You can study dicks and balls, but until you yourself have a dick of balls, you don't know what's going on. You really don't know. I met a female urologist. She wasn't mine, but I met one. I thought about that.

I was like, all you do is look at dicks all day. I wanted to ask her dick questions, but it was kind of an upscale dinner. I didn't want to be like, what's like the biggest dick you've seen? That's what I wanted to ask her. Of course. Yeah. Of course. Yeah.

I want to know that too. Cause I asked my gynae about nasty snatches and she's like, yeah, oh, oh, I asked my gynecologist one time about male gynecologist. She goes, oh yeah, they're all weirdos. See? She goes, I would never, ever. She goes, they're all weirdos. Psycho perverts.

I want to ask you to start jacking those dicks when you're doing it. Do you think that's the big temptation? Probably. When she... Why would this woman of all the fields of medicine be like, everything that's ever nice out there. Yeah. Internal medicine.

You can be a cardiologist. I know. You could be a... Pediatrists. Dermatologist. And all of them. And she's like, dicks and balls. Dicks and...

Right. That's what I'm saying. You've got to be messed up in your head. So it's not that weird for me to be like, you ever started jacking them? You ever started sucking on them when you're in there? I just probably think, yeah, like she... They pull down their pants and she just starts licking her lips like, mwah, mwah, mwah, mwah. Taste these balls.

Like the pornos when they're like, mwah, mwah. Yeah. And that's her special method and that's why her clients or there's just so many patients. She's on the back. Because she's like, well, first I have to do a taste test on these balls, sir. Would you submit to a taste test? I don't know. And that guy always has to act like, he's like, I don't know, I don't know if I'm comfortable

with that. And then she from across the room, she goes, pfft, and she spits on them, and I'm like, whoa. And then she's like, I think my nurse is going to have to help me, and then I set up another female. I'm being serious here. I'm the nurse. I mean, I'm trying to be serious about this.

I mean... I'm being serious. I think... Here's why I think anybody would choose that. Let's keep it real. Because of Kenny Rogers. Because of Kenny Rogers. Because of Kenny Rogers.

No, I think that you'd choose it because it is a little titillating on some level. On some level. It might be a repressed... Yes. Like maybe this girl, this female urologist was like, you know, had a strict upbringing and they're like, no boys, no dates. Right. You know, you study.

And then she got to college and then her parents were still like, you better not be going out and... Jack and Dix. You need to get to medical school. You cannot fuck around. And by the time she got there and they're like, what feels, she was like, dicks and balls. Yeah.

Yeah. I'm going to Jack as many dicks and balls as I want. Yeah. Here, I'll show you, mom. And also she has control and power, more so than the actual... She's the one telling them... Interesting. About what their dicks and balls should be doing.

Interesting. And especially on men, that's their most prized body part is the dick and balls. Absolutely. Now she's an official... The dick detectives. Right. That's what your allergists are. They are dick detectives.

What about... Yeah. And I think it's a power thing control. Totally. Definitely. Think about that. Yeah. That exists with all doctors because you...

Yes. Essentially a point you go like, you tell me... Am I going to live? Yeah. I could make you feel better. I can tell you the reality of this situation. They're like a version of God. Yeah.

You know? Yeah. They're telling you like, this is what's going to happen. Yeah. I will say during my... You're going to come for me right now when you're done. During fertility stuff, like when we conceived Ellis, I had two male doctors examine me when they give you ultrasounds and both were terrible at it.

I had an old ass white guy, he didn't know where the hole was, and he like, shut the other guy, a younger gentleman, he had no fucking clue how to get a spec, or the ultrasound in. It was like, dude, it's so shitty. I remember when they were on... I don't like that. When the females were seeing if you were dilated, checking it, that one was like, jam, and one of them was like, gentle.

Yeah. That's all in the personality. I mean... But the jam one, I was like, why don't you take it easy, man? I could see it from where I was sitting. Oh, God. That's worse. Oh, man, like...

And it's like glass up there when you're really, really pregnant, like you're... It's hormonal, and it just feels like someone's putting glass in there. Yeah, that nurse was like, high school time, just like, I don't know, I'm gonna get in there. High school time. Yeah. Ready? Super aggressive. Yeah.

Have you ever had a female dick doctor? No. Never had a female, really, I'm trying to think, no. Now, proctology, that's one where you go, huh, why would you choose assholes? Well, we need an asshole doctor. Right, but to deal with that, that's fucking gnarly. I'm trying to think if I've ever had a female... I don't think I've had a female doctor.

Oh, no, because I'm a general physician, so no, I've had guys, you know, female nurses. Yeah. Yeah. I've never had a male nurse. Really? I've had male nurses. Yeah. I've had multiple, by the way, but it still stands out on the flight yesterday.

The first officer got on the PA and was like, the pilot said that we are going to experience some turbulence, and she said to stay in your seats, blah, blah, blah, so they kept referring to the pilot. As a she. Which is more common, but it still stands out. You're like, oh, there's a female. Well, you can't really make assumptions because what if biologically it's a he, but she feels like a she.

But he was using the she pronoun, so she might be comfortable with it. I have to see what you're saying. Maybe a male got their license and then changed. That's what I'm saying. He could have woken up a man, and then by the time the flight took off became a she. So don't. Happens all the time. Yeah.

Happens all the time. You gotta respect it. You gotta respect it. So huge development in the Segura home. I tried to install a tushy on my own, which was a disaster. We got sent one for free, and I was like, I don't know, I'm so dumb. Well, because they make it sound like it is. They're like anybody.

And I'm like, you know, you're not going to be like, let me install this shirt right now. So of course I ended up ruining the toilet. It kept overflowing and running. So I called a handyman and he installed it. And now we have two. We have a tushy and the total washlet 350 E and I have to tell you they're two different toileting experiences.

The total washlet provides a warm spray, kind of an all over clean. Like I like it because it covers the kibbles and the bits asshole. That's right. Now the tushy is expressly for your asshole. That is like a fire hose. High pressure. High pressure. Should have tried it today.

Just on your butthole. So it's totally different. It's totally different. Yeah. Both wonderful experiences, though I recommend either for those of you who are interested in a bidet. Like I can't recommend them enough, but the tushy is like an affordable thing. It is.

What's my asshole smell, huh? Now I didn't get the warm one, the water tushy because I didn't want to deal with the plumber coming and doing all that or electrician, blah, blah, blah. How was getting that guy over here? Was that pretty easy, the guy who installed it? Oh my God. So I find this guy through a friend and he goes, we're texting back and forth and he goes, what's your address?

I give him our address. And then he goes, can I have directions? And I was like, that's odd, but okay, maybe this person's older. I don't know how old he is. And I give him directions and then he goes, well, is that coming from north or south? And I'm like, okay, coming from this way. And it's essentially three things. Turn right, turn right, turn right from where he is.

And he keeps texting me and not understanding what I am. So finally I was like, whatever dude, like I just, I stopped talking to him cause I'm with the kid alone and I can't handle him. So the day of he texts me, is it a ride on the bus street? He's still confused. And then he calls, calls me and I'm like, you know what, in my head I go, I can't do with this. Listen, bro, if you can't find my house, you don't have the job.

You basically make that decision, right? You're a moron. Well, yeah. Cause then I go, if you can't even find directions to my house, how are you going to fix my day I'm toilet? How are you going to fix the goddamn doorknob I need help? You know what this reminds me of, by the way? This is when people asked, like friends asked to come to a show on the road.

Oh my God, stop it. Yeah, I know. And they're like, hey, I saw you're going to, you know, you're going to be in Montreal. Can I get tickets to the show? Sure. Okay. Where do I get the tickets? They go, they're at will call at the, at the bottom.

Like every other venue ever, ever under the stars. What time should I arrive? I'm like before the show. Yeah. And they're like, oh, okay. Parking's there. I'm like, I'm sure it is. I don't know.

I don't live there. So I don't know. And then they're like, is there someone that I should ask for when I get there? Do you know if, if, um, if there's parking on site or I'll have to park somewhere else and then get there? Google it. Um, where should I meet you after the show? Oh my God.

Do you know if, um, do you know where, where in the venue my seats will be? And I'm like, at the, at a certain point I do the same thing I go, not responding. It's in God's hands. And then I'll get like 10 and then after the show, they're like, you know, I was texting you early. I'm like, I had my phone off. I didn't even, I didn't, I left it. I don't even know.

Well, the day of the guy's appointment or appointment, I'm with my son. I'm alone. You know, toddlers are a handful. I also don't have access to my phone 24 seven because I'm running around with the kid. So he calls me, leaves me voicemails and I'm ignoring him at this point. I'm like, you know what, bro? If you can't figure that you don't have fucking GPS on your fuck. I know you have a cell phone.

So all you got to do is open up Google maps or whatever maps. He has a cell phone. So he shows up angry. He finally finds the house. He shows up and he's a little like, I think your phone is off. And I was like, Oh, is it? Yeah. Like I lie.

I'm like, I was with my toddler. Sorry. Can't really. And he's, and I go, he goes, I had a, you, I didn't turn right on this or whatever. He's upset cause he couldn't find the street. And then I go, well, don't you have GPS? Oh, I don't believe in that. I don't use that.

That's why you're angry. Stupid. Yeah. So use the technology. You know why? Because he's a hippie. He lives in the mountains. Yeah.

And he doesn't use air conditioning. He said that? Yeah. No. Yeah. And I think he's one of these people that thinks that they're watching if he's using GPS. Oh, right, right.

And I wanted to fucking throw my cell phone at his head. And I was so angry. He was 111 one day last week and how that felt. Oh, and here's the best part. So we had a couple of other things that he was fixing. This guy was giving me a fucking tutorial as he was doing it. Like, well, you see the toilets aren't working because the flusher in this mechanism here. And I was like, bro, bro, bro motherfucker, listen, I don't want to, I don't want to be

educated. That's why I'm paying you the $50. You fucking do this for me. And he's talking me three, what's wrong? Uh-uh. No, no, no, no, no. I don't need to hear any of this. I'm taking care of my kid.

Like you do it. That's why I called you asshole, explaining to me why the doorknobs aren't working. I don't care. I don't care. Just fix it. Please. I don't want to learn. No, I'm too old to learn.

I don't want to learn. I know. I know. I feel the same way. Just fix it. That's why I'm paying you. Just make it go away. That's why you're here.

Yeah. Like I don't need to. I just got my hair cut. He didn't talk to me about how he does it. He just does it. Well, when you go to a dentist, you don't want them explaining, this is why you're educated. This is your specialty. You do you.

Just like this specialty is coming while you're giving birth. Orgasmic birth. Oh, Jesus. You can change the way you think about childbirth and yourself forever. If you were told that you could have one of the most physically, emotionally, spiritually transcendent moments of your life and use the map to get there, would you really say no? Yes.

No. No, you wouldn't. You're lying. You would do it. I think I wish you'd get a tattoo. Will you give this a shout out if I can get it set up first? Yes. I will have a very open mind.

It just felt so good. If I have another baby, bring that lady over. Sexual pleasure. Yes, it is. I'm going to show you. You know what I told my mom yesterday, she goes, she was telling me that she farted really big. And I go, hey, you know, you can make money.

She goes, what? And I said, if you start recording those, people will pay for that online. She got so disgusted and so upset and she goes, I would never lower myself to that. And I go, why? It's extra money. Fart mistress. You'd like to go to the casino. So here's some good casino money for you.

She was like, ah, never, never, but people are making money, you know? What a square. It's money left on the table as far as I'm concerned. Get that money. Hi, guys. It's Ron again. And as you can see, I'm at a Walmart. Again, currently in the buggy aisle.

And guess what? I have to fart. Yeah. There you go. I like this new genre, the farting and public genre. And probably picking different locations. I think the nice thing about somebody that's into her video is they go, I can go to that Walmart.

I can go to where she farted. And if my mother would do that, I mean, that'd be a pretty cool show. I mean, that'd be a pretty cool following she could develop. Well, we've reserved fartmistress.com. And so far we have not put content on there. Yeah. Maybe your mother's the fart mistress. Maybe we can just put videos of her trying to be talked into doing it and just saying,

you know. That's really funny. Yeah. The reluctant fart mistress. Yeah. Yeah. So funny. Yeah.

And the candle aisle, no less. I wonder what her preparation is, like when she knows she's going to shoot. It's so interesting. That's really what the interesting thing about these people that do this is like, well, do you know that you're going to have this for breakfast and then you can go shoot your video? I'd assume so. Yeah. If I were to do these videos, I would eat a lot of dried apricots and Vietnamese food

to prepare. I'd have a bowl of pho and then dried apricots. But yeah. Slippers. She's going to get some slippers. That's a good one. Wow. Some good farts.

I love this girl. Yeah. She's pretty great. Now, she is monetizing these videos, right? Yeah. This is for sale. Okay. Good.

Yeah. Well, I hate to think of people wasting all our precious farts. Go to her. Yeah. I hate not monetizing them. There's an audience out there. They want them. They want these.

That's what I was trying to tell my mother. Can we please do a phone call where you're explaining this to her? About the farts. Yeah. Yeah. Could we try calling her? You want to try calling right now? Let's see if she can understand this.

Okay. I'll see if I can get her. I'm dying to have to hear her talk about this. I mean, good luck getting her to fucking answer though. I mean, it really is like. Well, it's texture. It's like calling somebody a fucking 100 years ago or something. You know, like they're like, what, what day will you be calling?

She might as well say to me because it's so annoying. Both of them are like this now. I'm like, I called you, I texted you. Oh, I left the charging. I'm like, dude, how often do you leave it charging? Why do you leave it charging so long? I'm texting her. Tom's calling you.

Answer your phone. Whoa. All right. Let me see if I can care about this. I just want to make a phone call. All right. Let's see. I don't have her number even memorized.

I'm texting her right now so that we can. Let's see if she'll do it. Gosh, the emails are just pouring in about the moose soup lady too. She's really struck a chord with our audience and she struck a chord with my heart. I've been thinking about her all weekend too. Moose soup. Yeah. Come on for some moose soup later.

And her OMG. Gosh. I know. I just love her. She's fantastic. OMG. OMG. Come on up for some moose soup later.

OMG. Come down later for moose soup. Come down later for moose soup. Come down later. Try the house. No, no, they're not home. Oh, that's right. They're visiting something.

Oh, there she is. Hold on. It's meant to be. Hello? Hello? Mom. Oh my God. Tommy.

Hey. It's 2.30. I said, who is 2.30? Okay. I'm in the... I'm in the... No, no. I'm in my office.

I have a different phone there. Oh. Hey, I wanted to ask you real quick. I did some research. I found out it's like, it's pretty serious money you can make if you do some fart videos. Oh my God. Tommy, please. I'm sitting here.

Let me have some ice. But I mean, will you consider putting up a couple just to test the market? Are we talking the price of the house? No, but I'm saying like, I think you can generate extra gambling money for you for the casinos. I think you're looking... How much are we talking? Maybe a couple thousand a month. A month?

A month, yeah. And all you got to do is like, if you feel one coming, you just make... Oh my God, Tommy, this is disgusting. You just hit record on your iPhone and then send it to me and I'll have direct deposit set up for you. Oh my God. This is the most disgusting thing in the world. People will pay $5 per fart video.

I understand for people who are in need for me. And I create together, I don't get that low. Okay, but what if... Is there a number that will make you feel comfortable to start? Sorry. I'm sorry. How come you can't do it? I mean, I just think that this is a great business opportunity.

That's all. It's money on the table. $3,000. $3,000 a month? Yes. Okay. I mean, I'm going to do some research. If I can get people to sign up, will you start posting videos?

He said absolutely. My face hurts. Well, will you consider it? Okay. I'm going to do some research and see if I can get that type of commitment. And just so you know, it might be more. So I'm just starting low, but it might go more than that. I can't believe I'm getting excited about farting.

Okay. And then also, if you could do... Do you want to know what can she do for $3,000? Hold on. I know already that some people were asking if you could, when you do these video, if you feel one and you record it, fart and then go like, oh my gosh, I didn't mean to do that. We practice. Do they practice like that?

Can she practice right now? Can you try one for us? Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh, I didn't mean to. Oh my God. How do I do it? What do you mean?

You just... Yeah. And then you send me the video. Like you pull your iPhone up. Are you hearing me? Okay. Yeah, I put the iPhone. Okay.

You open video and you press record and you record yourself and then you just show the whole thing. And then when you're done, go like, oh my gosh, I didn't mean to do that. Like it's an accident. Are they going to know who did it? Well, yeah. I mean, I think that's part of the appeal is they're like, oh, this is done. She's farting.

$6,000 a month, please. I mean, Charo. It's a lot of gambling money. Charo. Yeah. This could supplement your retirement. Okay. Okay.

Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay.

Okay. Okay. Now, what can we do for 1000? Yeah, okay. What can you do for the 1000? Actually, we're having lunch. I mean, maybe pee in a cup. I'll look into it.

Oh, well, talk to them for a second. You have to. Hey Tommy, hey, what's up, man? Nothing, what are you doing? What number are you calling for? It's my uh, office line. It's in the office. Oh, okay.

Um, yeah, just people were like asking a bunch of questions about because they heard about mom's farts and they're like, well, we want to see them. And then they showed me this site where we can upload her farting and people are willing to pay for it, you know, that is crazy. Yeah. Yeah. Do you buy anyone any chance? Do you want to do fart videos too?

For money, I would do fart videos all day. But I mean, it might, it might sour your reputation around town. That's the only thing I would feel I had to tell you. Could you have to be on camera? Oh, wait, she has to fart with her face being shown. Yeah. Yeah. Now she's saying, I know.

Why? I know. Yeah. Well, I just held on. She's only had like a couple of tips of her wine. I'm sure she'll be down. Okay. Okay.

Yeah. You look, you look so good. I'm so proud of you. I really am. Well, thank you very much. Thank you. All right. I'll, I'll let you guys have lunch and then give me a call later.

Okay. Okay. All right. Bye-bye. All right. Wow. That was pretty amazing. That was perfect timing.

Your mom was on board until we had to show her face. Yeah. And she had, I was like a couple of thousand and she was like, I don't know, it's gross. I'm like, well, what does it take three? She just moved it up $1,000 and was like, I'll fart for $1,000. I mean, I do feel like $3,000 is reasonable for fart videos. That's a really good, good rate. What is that?

That's 36 grand a year. That's more than some teachers make. Absolutely. I mean, yeah, you're never going to have a legitimate job again, but do you want one? And she's a 70 something years old. So that's, she's going to, yeah, that's, that's retirement money. The granny fart mistress. That's pretty cool.

That's a really good idea. Look, she's, she's in retirement. She doesn't want to work. I mean, that'll supplement your income. Yeah. Your retirement, whatever checks that they get from the government. Sure. And I think it'd be, you know, I'd like to be known as the comedian whose mom does fart

videos. I mean, I think that would help my brand. Yeah. That's the biggest incentive for me too, is people getting to know you. I could have her start opening for me on the road. Interesting. Do you guys want to see the granny farts? Right.

And then she comes out, puts a mic to her butt, goes, fuck my son. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, it seems like a really good idea. Yeah. And the best part is you could spend time together on the road. Yeah. You can just travel with your mom.

You can stay in the same hotel room as your mom. You guys really get close, you know. Yeah. That would be really cool. Marry your mom. And then we'd have to really start, but again, what interests me is we really have to start paying attention to what she eats to get the right, you know. Right.

Dirty bitch. Yeah. Well, thankfully she's already on a diet that's high gas producing. That's right. She already is. Yeah. Which is why. Come down later for moosu.

I can't get enough. I know. She's so great. I can't get enough of her. We found out who she was. Yeah. But you know what? It does a disservice to the fun of not knowing who she is.

Right. And we don't want to violate anybody's privacy. Yeah. We enjoy her, but we don't want her to get bombarded by people. I like the voice more and the imagination more than this is who it is. You know? Yeah. I feel like it's more fun that way personally.

But we do know what she looks like is what you're saying. Yeah. So can we at least describe her to the audience? Well, I'll just say we were both wrong. Yeah. We could say that. You know, I don't want to. Now there's a face to it.

It changes the dynamic. I said a brunette, like a Mulledy brunette. And she was a brunette before. She went gray. So we can say that. She's gray. Yeah. But she had big honkers.

Big slops. Yeah. She's an older lady. And she's real. I'd say she's just stalky, like thick. Yeah. Kind of like thicker legs. Yeah.

Rounder. Older. Yeah. But not a fatty or anything like that. No. By the way, I want to mention this. I mentioned it at the top when we did all our stuff. But I know there's people that skip all that.

So I have to mention it once during the show. And that is if you're in Australia and you skip the top, I am having to move my dates due to a scheduling conflict. I tried to move it twice to sooner. And due to venue availability, it's moved to April. You said due to. Due to. Due to availability.

It's moved to April. And I know that's a ways away. That's just the way it worked out. I'm sorry that it's put off that long, but that's just the way it is. So the tickets are still good for the new shows. You've probably been contacted. If you don't want to go, you can get a refund. But that's just the way it is.

So I apologize, but that's what is going to happen with that. Okay. So I have to tell them. I wanted to bring up a topic. Now you started to talk about it yesterday when you got home from your long journey. Yeah, which I have to say was awesome in the dirty dirty. Yeah. So thank you to everybody that was in those cities.

Richmond, Virginia Beach, Greensboro, Asheville and Charleston, which is where my sister is, which is who I was just speaking to. So I got to hang out with her a little bit and the shows were bananas. I was announcing on this show that Charleston. I was like, we need you to get some tickets. And the last week leading up to the show, the ticket sales doubled. Wow. For that fantastic.

That's mommy power right there. Yeah, it's pretty crazy. That's the power of the genes. Yeah. Gene powers. Um, so you came home and I, you started to talk about how you actually preferred plane shits. And I go, and I go, stop you right there.

I'm going to write that down. Come up for some moose soup and we'll talk about this on the show. That's true. Cause you, I was starting to tell you and you're like, just stop, save it, save it. What I was saying was this, there's no better place to shit than in your own house. Obviously. That's number one. Yeah.

Yeah. And then if you're out, if you're traveling your hotel room, you have your privacy, you have your own amenities. It's not a bad day though. I know, but you, I mean, like you can jump in the shower. You can do what you want. It's still like a mold your travel home. Right.

So you're still, once you leave there, the only thing I like about the plane as opposed to let's say the airport stall is that it sucks. It sucks shitting on a plane. Yeah. It sucks. I get like, I get performance anxiety. Oh, that's the, that's the one. That's the worst part.

Yeah. But here's the good part. You're shitting there right where your left elbow or right elbow is depending on the layout of that plane is the sink. It's right there. And they usually in my experience have like piping hot water. So what I'll do is I'll shit. And then not toilet, toilet paper is, is on planes is really low quality.

I hate that. So I'll take paper towels cause they're thicker and I'll soak them in piping hot water. And then I'll start to wash my asshole with that. And I get, I get the sensation eventually of being so clean because I'm, I'm using a thicker paper that doesn't tear like their toilet, their cheap toilet paper does. And I have hot water cleaning out that area. So I actually prefer that to an airport stall cause I don't feel as clean. What you're saying is you like the proximity of the sink to the toilet and that is something

that enhances the whole misery of the, of the toilet shit. Because if you're in the stall, if you're like, I want to, I want that you'd have to leave your stall, wet something under the sink, go back to the stall. Like, you know, I've done that by the way, I've done it, but it's a much more tedious and you've done that in public. Yeah, I swear. I swear. In an airport.

Yeah. You're not afraid. And what do you do with your pants? You leave them around your ankles? Well, no, what I did was like, I cleaned up well, but I was like, I want another level of clean. So I went out wet toilet paper in front of people, took it back into the stall. Shut the door.

But did you pull your pants up over your dirty ass holes? Yeah, yeah. But I also left the buckle and stuff open. I left the paint. So everybody knew. Everyone knew that I was cleaning my ass. Yeah. But guys don't care.

Yeah. Wow. Yeah. That's so nasty. When was the last time you did that? This week. Where? One of these airports.

I was in five airports. I don't know. I wasn't. I was in two airports, right? Three. I don't fucking remember. I wasn't one of them, though. Maybe a hair.

I did it in. Oh, that's a good one. That's a huge airport. That's a, that's a fucking, can I read an email to you before we roll along here? Sure. I think it's kind of fitting apropos our current discussion. Hold on. Oh, geez.

Okay. Here we go. As, okay. Hi, mommies. As the water champ of Bristol, England, while staying exceptionally hydrated, I have switched to a water meter from a fixed fee water billing system as an incentive to save water, lest the reservoirs run dry due to my advanced water intake. As I am now paying per flush, I have to put a cap of two flushes per brown.

This means there are, there is sometimes a little fun buoyant brown nugget remaining in the bowl, which me, which my gene is obliged to brown on top of before using any of her assigned flushes. This is fucking crazy. She thinks that our browns touching is weird. It is. Even though she touches my wiener. Yeah.

I have to sell her this idea by pointing out that the little brown is probably lonely and needs a few of her big brown pebble nuggets to support it into the murky world of the British sewage system. Please, could you confirm or deny if you have a similar Nuggy Buddy policy or if you enforce a water wasteful flush till gone system? Waste. Waste it up. Waste all that water.

Now, I'm, I'm afraid I'm going to have to call you out here a little bit, but I would say half the time I go to use the toilet, there's one of your little brown Nuggies float. No, there's not. Yeah. What? There's a lot of your brown Nuggies or you, what you do is you leave a final wiper of paper and you leave it just at the bottom. That's my trademark, but not Nuggies.

Yes. You leave a lot of teeny tiny nuggets. I don't know how. All right. But I flush and then I can say this, you'll see that you waste the water though. Of course I waste the water. I want to say that I don't ever intend for nuggets to be there. The, the last sheet of paper is a trademark, something I've been doing for a while.

You have been. I want people to know that like I was there, but I don't, I don't do it with nuggets. You wouldn't shit on my nugget. You would flush before. Oh, fuck yeah. I don't know. That's just automatic. That's automatic to me.

Me too. I think it's disgusting and I, I don't understand this 12 flushing system you guys have. That sounds terrible. Fucking foul. Now he's nasty. You see, in America, we just waste, use nasty, bro. And then I also got an email from a couple who they, um, their browns seem to come on at the same time in the morning and they, I'm assuming have one toilet.

Now you and I had one toilet for a million years. And what did we do when we both had to brown at the same time? Yeah. I think what, I think what happens is we realize that when you say, I got to go shit, you can hold it for another hour before you actually. I can hold it for a while. Yeah. Whereas when I say I got to shit, it means I have to go now.

So weird. You're like, I got to go in the next 30 seconds. Yeah. That's what it is. Why do you have an emergency system in there? I mean, it's just like, you should be like, oh, I got a signal. I should do this later. It's like a flare.

Yeah. No. I got an interesting email. Yeah. This is really for me, but you can comment on this too. Since actually the two of us can, can, can comment. So this is a chubby chaser seeking advice. He writes, hello, Tommy and Tina.

I'm writing because I have a problem I think you may be able to help me with. About a year ago, I met a guy at a friend's wedding. We got a long great dancing, joking together most of the night at the end of the night. He asked for my number and I didn't hesitate to give it to him. We joke around, flirt a lot through texts and Snapchat, often saying we wanted to hang out, but nothing has come to fruition. Usually I would tell this fuck boy to kiss my pussy and not worry about it. Because he obviously wears his pants low and loose, but I have a theory I may be able

to, uh, you may be able to offer some insight on this guy is chubby. I make fitness, all of the fitness. I take very good care of myself. I'm in very good shape. Could this have anything to do with his hesitation to pull the trigger and see me again? I usually date other fit people, so I do not have a frame of reference for this adorable dough boy. Maybe insecurity keeps him from wanting to take his clothes off in front of me.

Maybe he will feel, feel judged. Maybe it's just like the case seeing as how Tommy used to be fat and mommy Tina was obviously into it. I was wondering if you two could give me some words of wisdom. Maybe this is a better question for burnt Chrysler seeing as he is still fat. Thanks Hitler, Brittany. I think it's an excellent question and it brings a lot of discussion points to light. Number one, let's go through the possibilities.

Number one, there is one possibility that this guy is not interested. That's a possibility. Yeah. Uh, but he did ask for her number, so that's why I would probably take that. I mean, take that kind of off the table or he has a girlfriend or somebody he's seeing right now. Maybe those are possible, but maybe she, she would, if they're communicating, he would probably, she would probably know if he has a girlfriend, you know, it's possible.

But so I'm saying that's option one. He's not into it. Option two could be that you're totally correct and that he is just super insecure in which case I think just like no matter what somebody's insecurities are, they need reassurance. They need reassurance that you're not, um, that like, that you're attracted to him. You know, so, uh, and also I would say that guys regardless of their bodies and physiques most of the time need to be hit on the head with information, especially when it comes to a lot of guys don't assume that you're attracted.

I mean, there's the chaser, there's a guy that's always, but a lot of guys are the type that go, I didn't know you're into me. You know, like I feel like maybe women, I'm making assumptions here more the opposite of that, but I feel like a lot of guys are the types that are like, I'm not going to assume that it's a reciprocated. Yeah, it's funny. I think it's the exact opposite. I think a lot of men assume that you're into them when you just say hello.

They're like, I know just being nice. Yeah, I could see that. I guess it goes for both sexes in because you're nice. That's why you're a decent man. And that's why you don't assume that everyone wants to fuck you because you're actually sweet human being, which is why I married you. Yeah, I usually did not assume that. Of course, because you're a nice guy.

I like nice guys. I married the best one. That's why I had to be told. Yes, directly by people, you know, yeah, but that's why you're special. And that's why I think you're the absolute best human being. And that's why we're married and we've been together for 12 years, because I adore you for that. Well, that's very sweet.

And you're not a douchebag. No, I wouldn't blame his weight. It sounds like she's weight focused here. Well, she's she's bringing about an interesting point. Because what she's saying is that she's super fit. He's not. They do communicate. They do flirt.

They do text. OK, OK, he's not pulling the trigger. She's into him. How does she like my point would be that I'm trying to put myself in the guy's position, maybe if she is correct in her assumption that he's insecure about it, what what helps is reassurance. Right, right, right. So you actually have to be, if that's the case, more blatant.

Yes, we blame that you're OK with him not being into fitness. Well, not into fitness and like without saying, like, even though you're this, it's like I'm attracted to you. Right, I like this. Yeah, the thing is, he's probably freaking like, I don't want to run 10 miles a day to hang out with this chick. I don't want to go to the gym. This is not something I don't wear a lifestyle different.

Right, right. This isn't going to work. If you're that fit. Yeah, she's she makes fitness under all the fitness. Yeah. So she makes all the fitness. He makes none of the fitness. Yeah, now, the reason you and I worked, I think, is because I had the soul of a

fat person always. Yeah, I never wanted to go exercising with you. So we weren't so divergent on lifestyle. Right. Yeah, lifestyle is a thing, but you can also it's also good, I think, in relationship to have some different interests, things that I do, things that you do that are not, you're like, go do I read books, not words. And but so she could be the type that's like, I'm going to go fucking rock climbing.

And he's like, that sounds terrible. Make some, I don't know, like it could just be, but he needs reassurance. Yeah, you should reassure. He's reassurance and obvious. Like, and I mean, I know that like you're like, well, pull the trigger, but maybe you got to be like, hey, this Saturday, you know, whatever's going on, or I know this bar, or I want to see this move, like just make it obvious. I do with you.

Yeah. And then and then when you're with him, you know, make make your interest obvious. Yeah. You know, uh, whatever. It's like, you don't have to be like, pull that dick out, but you start, you know, get handsy, put the hands on the back, uh, thigh hands, you know, thigh hands, thigh hands. That's really forward.

Yeah. But you do it like for a second, you don't leave it there, right? You just give him a signal. The signal is like, Hey, I like you. He needs a dick, a dick graze. Like, oh, I got reaching for the napkin. Oops. Every guy knows that thigh hands are like, is that right?

Yeah. Because it's not, it's not, um, it's not slutty. It's like, it's a signal. It's just like, I like you. It's, it's, I like you. This is a part of your body that's not, um, like, uh, too personal to touch, right? But it's enough to send you the signal that this hand can go higher on your leg. Did I let you know that I liked you?

How did you know that I liked you eventually? Um, well, like, you know, I had a little heads up from your friend. Yeah, well, that's what it was. Yeah. So he was like, you know, there's an open door here. It's what he told me. Like you can, you should, you can make a phone call and, uh, see what's up with this bitch, you know, and I was like, that's what he said.

And then I was like, well, bitch, is that again? Like, that's how we talked. And then I was like, hit me up with those digits real quick. You're sweet. And I was like, what's up, bitch? I reminded you, um, one time we were like in the dating, courting, early phases of our, you know, thing, whatever. We were friends first.

So we transitioned from friendship to dating. Yeah. And I remember being like, Oh, are you going to so-and-so's party this weekend? Yeah. No. Yeah. You're going tonight and you go, and then you didn't go. And I was hoping to see you there.

And then I talked to you later and you're all, Oh, I fell asleep on the couch. I was like this. I just remembered something. We don't have a house phone in here. And he probably doesn't have a cell phone. Definitely doesn't. We got to go get one. Let's, um, press pause and wait till the weasel gets here.

Okay. You know what I mean? Be weazy. The weasel's a different person. I know. You know what I mean though. We'll be back in a moment. Okay, mommy.

And we stepped away obviously for a moment there, but we are back. We're joined by our guests that we teased earlier in the show. You want to talk some shit? She's here with us right now. The creator of the, you want to talk some shit? Yeah. The 800 party gangster party line. Oh my God.

Be weazy. Brent Weinbach is here with you buddy. Thank you. That was a nice intro and a nice little tight little sound bite too. It's a tight bite. Tight bite. It's a tight bite. I like those tight bites.

Yeah. I will say that the gangster party line is my hands down like my favorite sketch ever done ever. It's so funny and you actually had that phone number up for a while. It's still up. People still call it all the time. We could take calls. We should actually maybe try to take calls if it's an easy setup. All I need is to log in and do a Gmail account and we can take calls.

That's insanity. People talk shit. They call all the time, still, you know, all the time during the day. And what do they say? What's the sometimes it's just hanging up. Sometimes they just say something short, you know, but sometimes they go on rants. And I mean, we posted a lot of the messages that people would leave, you know, on this website, gangster party line dot com, and there's all kinds of fun.

You even did your, your, your online sketch was such a success that you even did like a follow up. Oh, yeah, yeah, we just, we took some calls, you know, how did you produce it? Like how did you? Oh, just, you know, LA, you know, puts, put a notice up on LA casting and Craig's list and that was pretty much it. My friend had a house that we could use. Where did you hold your casting sessions?

Did you find an office? Yeah, my, we use my friends, families, business, like some on the weekend. Okay, we use the office in there and have people come in on the weekend. That dude, the dude that played like the face of, you know, yeah, the main, the main gangster. Yeah. Let's talk some shit. He had like a very Leland white.

His name is, he had like a very LA accent for delivery of the lines. Oh, you thought so? I thought so. Oh, interesting. Yeah. Like what was that? We're very California way. There's like, there's a California diction for that.

Like, I think especially if you listen to a lot of hip hop, some guys can say certain words and you're like, oh, that's a West Coast guy. You know, that's interesting. I mean, is there any specific thing specific you can point out? I mean, can we play the sketch for people that don't know gangster party? Yeah, we can, right? There's no like, of course, licensing.

Why don't we play it for the very few? I mean, look, we're such a huge fan of the sketch that we talked about it. You guys are fans. I got, I got some news for you in a little bit. Oh, oh, really? Well, yeah, there's going to be more. More gangster party line. Well, more hotline videos and one more gangster party line video.

Oh my goodness. You've been making them. Yeah. I made earlier this year, made, uh, it was a huge project, but there was, um, made five hotline, new hotline videos, one of them being a sequel to Gage party line, but then the other four are different themes. Different theme party lines. Basically.

Yeah. Wow. Let's intro gangster party line just so that. Where should we go for it? What do you like it? What do you like it to be played off of YouTube? Sure. YouTube.

That's and just go to the source. I mean, these days. Do I type in Brent Weinbach? Sure. You go to my YouTube channel, youtube.com slash brand wine box. Okay. I'm going to do that right now. And, you know, there's other cool videos there too.

If people are interested. Yeah. You have, no, you have a bunch of good ones. So Brent Weinbach, professional magician. Yeah, that's right. That was hilarious. Yeah, that's so good. All right.

Hold on. Here we go. I, by the way, well, I'll get into this later. I, you, you didn't watch that video link. I sent you a little while back. You told me not to. Good. Good.

Good. Are we going to play today? We should. Do you have it? Well, you can access it online. Yes. Okay. Okay.

All right. Here we go. Sup nigga. You want to talk some shit? Point out the LA isms to actually call me. Start some shit, bitch. Sup fool. You're going to talk shit about me, homie.

Well, that's definitely West Coast. Because it's waiting for your motherfucking call. And that's you, right? During the voiceover. No. Really? Sounds like you talking shit about. Really?

That sounds like me. Yeah. You want to sell that shit? Call these motherfuckers ASAP. That to me, even like just the way he said that to me, seems like a West Coast guy. Interesting. Okay.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I said some shit. What? Man, fuck you on your bones first. What about him? Hmm. What do you think he's from?

Because I know. You know where he's from? Yeah. And I also, yeah, I do know where he's from and I can really hear it too. Okay. Let's listen again. Okay. Yeah, I said some shit.

What? Man, fuck you on your bones first. The hardest niggas is standing by, ready to pick up that phone. Buff niggas, dark niggas, Asian niggas, white niggas. Suck my dick, bitch. Fuck you. One, two, one, three, three, seventh. Well, that phone, the numbers are super West Coast.

Oh, you think so? I know. I'm just saying the intentions are not that the way that three is hit, that's super West Coast. Can you play that again, the three? Yeah, that's interesting. By the way, that the guy who was the bone spurs guy, that guy's East Coast and you can hear it, you know, I think.

One, two, one, three, bitch, fuck you. One, two, one, three, three, seven, three, four, two, five, three. Three. That's super West Coast. Fuck you up. That's interesting. Deaf niggas. That's interesting that you're the three.

Classic niggas. Classic. Racist niggas. Mystery niggas. Psycho niggas. Dog niggas. Jewish niggas. This is the best.

Some other fucking nerds calling me out, Shabbat. Also little bullshit ass niggas that have calmed that shit down and come right here and show me some fucking respect before me and my Jewish niggas come up here and beat your ass, niggas. That guy mostly mostly was improvising. I told him hit Shabbat. I said, you got some nerve calling me on Shabbat. I told him, you know, say that.

I said, there's a couple other things I told him to hit, but a lot of this, he's just kind of, he was really good. And I think I'd said this in the follow-up video, but he was really good at improvising or doing it loose. But whenever he tried to do things on by the lines, he wasn't able to give it as much. The great thing about him appearing here in the, as far as like in the, the, um, the, yeah, the arc is that this absolutely, like just when you feel

like you've got the joke. You got the joke. Yeah. This dude completely shuts it down. And it also helps like, if you're listening right now to see him and to see the way he says this, like the way that he looks around, where he's almost like, part of you is like, he's trying to remember what to say, but part of you, he's like, um, you know, he, he doesn't really stop.

He goes, yeah, it's, um, it's, it definitely, he's awesome. He did a great job. He's believable. And he'll be, he's, he's so funny to the side. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh man. I can't wait for you guys to see the, the next, the sequel to this off top. That was him.

Call now for 99 per minute. No, that was me right there. Now is it 4.99 per minute? The gangster party. It's free. It's free. It's free. This is, you know, he could.

Okay. Now I listen to it. I may, maybe it was like my memory of all the different voices. Yeah. So maybe it's not him. So maybe it was the narrator, the narrator. I definitely felt was West coast of shit though. Yeah.

Okay. Am I right? Uh, yeah, I guess, I don't know. I don't know. Yeah. I don't know where I think he is. Yeah. You don't know.

Yeah. I think he's, I think he's West coast. Yeah. Okay. I'll tell you more later. Okay. Okay. I'll tell you more later.

All right. And this guy, Leland, I don't, I don't know where he's from originally. Um, he lives in, he lives in California. Yeah. Could be, could be. I met his son recently. He's in the, he's in the upcoming, he's in the new one as well. Leland is?

Leland. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. There's some other fun surprises too. I can't, I mean, this is all teases. I know. I'm just like watching the, the fucking leftovers on HBO.

Tease the ass hardcore right now. Well, I'll tell you more about it. Okay. So there's, there's, there's a new gangster party line. I will say when you see it, it's going to seem like an overkill of gangster. The idea was just, it was going to be more gang, an excessive amount of gangsters this time. Okay.

More of a variety, just more gangsters. And it's like a lot. Are all these going to roll out on your YouTube channel? No, it's for Kevin Hart's new, uh, digital network called Laugh Out Loud Network. And, uh, I think it's supposed to come out in August. Okay. But, um, Will you let us know?

They will, uh, streamline. In other words, it'll be like one and yeah, I don't, I'm not sure how they're going to release them exactly, but I'll probably promote them. And I'm hoping that at one point I'll be able to share the director's cuts. Cause I've, those are the ones I, you know, for my, the ones I would have wanted to go out, but of course, um, but the ones that they have are, they're still good, but you know, there was things that we did when they wanted us to take out or whatever.

And, you know, like they're the one that's coming out on the, on Laugh Out Loud Network is two minutes long for the gangster timeline. The one, the director's cuts three minutes. So you're getting a whole, you know, there's a third missing from the, but there's a third. Is that a bummer? I hate editing stuff down. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Um, but anyway, there's that. So there's a gangster party line coming out. Leland will be back and maybe some others too. So you've been busy then, man. Oh yeah.

Yeah. Those, these hotline videos took up a lot of time this year. I was like, And congrats on, on doing it with, uh, looks like a production team behind you. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No, it was, uh, did you go pitch this idea to them?

Well, they just really liked the original and, um, they, they were, they kind of pitched it to me in a way. Well, I had ideas that were related to gangster party line. And, um, like getting celebrities to answer the, the line or maybe animating some of the voicemails and stuff or whatever. And they're, they just said, what about some other hotlines? Two other things I want to, uh, um, you made this, the dance. What's that?

That, that short film. Oh, I don't dance. I don't dance. Can people see that? I watched it. Yeah. On Vimeo. It's on Vimeo.

Yeah. Thanks for mentioning it. You just, you just Google that. I don't just go to my Vimeo pages, vimeo.com slash Brent Weinbach. Go watch. I don't dance and don't, don't get impatient. It is 20 minutes. You have to sit down.

It's a short film. Yeah. It's a short film. You have to sit down and take time to watch it. I don't think, I don't know if Christina's seen it. I haven't seen it. It's really great. And, um, you know, I haven't seen it.

You know, oh yeah, no, I spent a lot of time on it. And we, you know, I hope, I like people to see it as much as I don't know if that's, this is like a series. Another thing you did was like when you're like the magician doing tricks on the street called mindjack mindjack mindjack. That's great. That's great. Oh, thanks.

Thanks. Yeah. The new thing though, that you're teasing. How long is it? Oh, it's like two minutes, two minutes. Yeah. Okay. You guys should definitely watch it.

Um, why don't we, can we watch it right now? Do you want to get into it now? Or do you, uh, yeah, I was going to tell you some more about those other hotline videos, whatever you want, if you want, whatever you want. I think it's exciting to play. The, why don't we have a debut? Let's get a video. Yeah.

Okay. Okay. Now here's the thing. I almost don't want you to even see the title of the video and I wonder if I should pull it up and just full screen it so you don't know what the title is even. Um, or do you want to know the title? I just, I think for simplicity, just yeah, it probably, yeah, yeah,

probably, it'd probably be easier for me to type. Okay. So, uh, it's go to the Vimeo because there's a bunch of re-uploads of it. Like it was with a, okay, Vimeo dot com slash, yeah. Brent, Brent Weibach, you know, it's called man gives birth. Okay. That's really apropos. Our opening clip was about today was, yeah, oh, yeah, yeah.

So, okay. I see it about orgasms during birth. This one's, this one's like definitely kind of, it's a little more hardcore. So, okay. Watch out. Hardcore is what we're all about. I've given birth. So I don't, I'm not screaming.

No, no, you'll, you'll like it actually from that perspective. Is that here we go. Ryan Singer. Ryan Singer. Yeah. Man is, uh, no, this would be good for you guys to get your reaction. A bunch of doctors are around him. Looks like they're preparing.

He's, he's nervous. I have to narrate a little for you. Yeah, yeah, please, please. He's, it looks like he's, uh, getting comfortable or uncomfortable with being. Oh my God. He's got his hog. You can see his big peener. Something was just inserted inside of him.

They're putting Vaseline on his dick right now. Yeah. Oh God. That's a close up of his penis. We're pushing in on that penis. He's pushing really hard. Like he's delivering birth. Oh, oh my God.

And there's something about to come out the head of his penis right now. Oh my God. And the penis is growing. Oh, really struggling to push out whatever's in there. Oh my goodness. This is quite a visual sketch. His head's being cut. I love it.

By a kid. Oh my God. I love seeing you guys react to this. They're lubing his pee hole. Yeah. And they're, they're going to cut it. Oh no. Oh, oh man.

They're cutting his peener open to get the baby out. Cut his dick open. Oh my God. Oh my God. Shit. Oh, I just destroyed his penis. Yeah. Oh man.

His dick is just completely gone now. God damn it. This is God, Brent. World's first ever manbirth successful. Wow. Well, thanks for that, Brent. Yeah. Thank you for finding this historic brick.

Well, yeah, there's, there's a context for that. Why that says that, but it was meant to be on the, it was originally on the dark web and it was meant to seem like a red room video. Oh, right. And, wow, it looks real. That looks very real. Thank you, Brent. No, there was a budget behind that.

I was going to say it was for a TV show. It was, it was for the internet, but for a TV show. It's who helped you with the, you know, the, the special effects. Yeah, this girl, this is a woman named Chloe. I mean, she did a phenomenal job. Her name was, I think her last name, Chloe sends. Yeah. She, it was her.

At first I just thought you bought a dildo from a, and I was like, oh, they just have it like a fake dick there. But when it starts moving and growing. Yeah. No, she did a great job and everybody involved. Or was that Ryan's real dick? I don't know. Well, I mean, they know she did a great job with Ryan's penis.

That baby exploded. It took some, took some exercise. He just had to stretch his, you know, he had a, he had a week of preparation of just stretching his penis in and out. Yeah. He just had to. That's amazing. Let me ask you a question.

So, um, oh yeah, please. Ask them, will you ever date your mom? Would you ever date your mom? No, not me. No, no. But who? I mean, you know, and I know, I think I know how you're asking that, but I wouldn't though.

You wouldn't date your mom? You think you know how I'm asking it? Let me give you some more context. I'm your mom and you're my son. And I, if all you love with him, he's said, are you really? I said, yes, I am. He said, you know what?

I was scared to let you know too. I am too. We're both consenting adults. If, hold up, if it comes down to it, you know, it's just like the gays. They're, they're, you know, as long as they're over 18, everything's fine. All right. I mean, I, I don't, I don't, I don't disapprove of that. Right.

I'm okay with that, but I mean, I wouldn't do it. There's a little bit. And by the way, the context was, would you date someone who wasn't related? They were your mom, but you're not related. I thought that was the question. No, no, it's, you're biological. I thought you were asking if they were, no, I mean, like, if they were exactly like your mom, they were exactly like your mom, but you weren't

actually related to them. No, no, no. And I thought that's what you were asking. What's wrong with your real mom? I just, I wouldn't, I, I wouldn't date her. You know, why is that? Because, um, I, you know, she's just, I don't know. There's just different things, you know, no, no, no, no.

Again, if I wasn't related to him, I wouldn't date my dad either. But if you weren't related, but this I approve of because, because I would date my biological mom. No, I'm just kidding. I would date, I, I, I mean, I just, I, yeah, whatever. They could do what they want. You know, who care? I don't, I, they're not, you know, they do what they want.

Of course. It's like the gaze. It is like the gaze. It's just the gaze. That is important to point out that the gaze do what they want. And so can everyone else. Yeah. As long as they're 18.

Yeah. Yeah. It's an important, why, why do they have to go to jail for 18 months? They actually ended up getting, they ended up getting arrested and everything. Why? That's not right. I guess there are over 18. That I mean, the legal system, yeah, they wanted to get married.

They could, he could technically fuck his mom. What are you guys? How do you guys feel? I feel like it's gross, but he, if he wants to fuck his mom, I don't care. Yeah. Um, but if you start wanting to like have a marriage ceremony, not that it, it affects me in any way, but that's where the legal system is going to jump in and be like, no, you can't.

Yeah. I think that's what caught up to them. I wonder why, but why not? But you know what though? They don't even need to get married. You know what I mean? That's their love. That's what I was saying.

They didn't need to do this interview either. You know, like he could have just kept fucking his mom and nobody. So he got, they got, they got off. They didn't get in trouble for this. They eventually. There's no, is there a law against this? Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. You can't marry your mom. You know, but can you. Can't fucking mom. Intercourse with your mom. I don't think legally. I mean, again, you could do it, but I think if you announce it is where somebody

goes, you can't fuck your mom. Like maybe they, they should have just fucked and then not, like not told people. Oh, were they real public about it? Yeah, they, they have like pride. They're, they're pride. They're pride, they're pride. LGBT, that's the problem. Yeah.

M.S., M.S., M.S., or M.S., or S.M., they're S.N.M. Did they do S.N.M.? That's right. Son and mom. That's right. Son and mom. This is the definition of S.N.M. This is real.

This is the real S.N.M. As long as you ever date your mom and you say, well, you date your son. I said, all is true with the S. I would, because 19 years, you're the best thing that ever happened to me. And I really want to be with you the rest of my life. How, I wonder how much older she is. About, I guess about 15 to 16 years. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah. I mean, they both have cool face tats. I'm down, I'm down for, I'm actually down for them straight up. Really? I'm down for a lot of things. Yeah, you see that. I mean, I'm, I mean, I'm down for people to do a lot of things as long as it's not hurting anybody.

Are you dating anybody currently? Yeah, sure. You are. Yeah. Who are you dating? This girl named mom. No, I'm just kidding. Um, this, uh, this, this, this, uh, this, this woman, this young woman.

She's Polly. She's bi. So, so secretive. I mean, I don't know. I mean, what, I, what else is there to say? Is she a comic or a non-comedian person? She's not a comedian. Oh, regular person.

That's good. Yeah. Got it. Got it. Got to keep it real. Do you guys do puppy? I got to keep it real, like you guys, you know. Yeah, it's true.

We do keep it real. Keep it a hundred thousand. How long have you been with this lady? About two years. Oh, two years? No, uh, you got a real, this is like a real fucking surreal relationship. Good for you.

Yeah, man. Yeah. You give her roses and stuff. Yeah. Yeah. I've given her roses before. You have? Yeah.

Take her out to special places to eat and stuff. Yeah. Like, um, you know, Barney's Beaneery and, you know, what about America? The Americana, you know, what about the place where you ride the bull? You would take her there in San Diego? No, no, on some saddle ranch, saddle ranch. Oh, the saddleback ranch. They have a bull there.

Yeah, man, you're the mechanical bull. I got to take her there, man. We got to ride that bull together. I want to meet the fun. We're going to, it's like a bull made for two. Are you going to tell us more about her off the air? Yeah, sure. Yeah.

Yeah. I mean, what else do you want to know? New, new, new. What's up, man? Everything. Do you guys fart in front of each other? No, I don't. I have farted in previous relationships, but I don't, not in this one.

Wow. What's special about her that you want? I just don't, I don't want to do that. Yeah. I'm, I'm good, you know, you guys fart, right? Hardcore. Yes. This is a show entirely about farting.

But how many years in did you guys start farting? Month, month, months, how many months? No, second month. How long have you been going out when I met you guys? It wasn't, it wasn't a month, two. Can you know what I remember? Why? Cause I could, there's a couple of things that I remember.

Look at him reminiscing. I remember, I remember the timeline. Here's how I remember. Yeah. I start seeing you in late, um, oh, like I go out a couple of times with you in oh four, yeah, oh five because that's late. Oh four, oh five. I know that I was dating you officially because we shot cut man in oh five.

I remember that. Right. And I remember that, that fart happened in college football season. Yes. That had to be at least September. Right. So I remember. And I know exactly why you're thinking all this.

I'm, I'm on board. Go ahead. So oh four, 2005 is when he started dating. Oh, let's say January is like we're dating. Oh, okay. And then the first fart happened. It was in football season, which is in the fall. Which is in the fall.

So I know it's at least nine months of all farts. Yeah. Fall fart. Yeah. But tell, tell Brett how you did it. This is how I broke the fart barrier. Are you ready? Sure.

I spent the night at her place. I remember this football season because I was watching on her shitty TV, a college game in, on a Saturday morning and I was sitting there in my boxers. She sat next to me and I was like, oh man. And at this point, you know, we're definitely dating. It's like, you know, you're in the mix. We're in there. We probably did it last night or this morning and now I'm just like chilling,

watching football and I go, I feel this fart coming and I just go for it. But I grab her hand and I put it between my legs and I fart on her hand. That's the first fart. Whoa, that's crazy. That is very bold. It's like all or nothing kind of thing, you know, or like a fart on her hand. And she goes, oh my God. I still remember she goes, it smells like garbage.

It smells like garbage. And she ran into the other room because it smelled bad too. Oh, yeah, it did. It smelled like garbage. Yeah, I know those garbage farts. I don't do them myself, but I have a friend. I won't mention his name. He is a comedian, but it is.

Yeah, he has these. We've talked about it on stage. And is it really him? It was, yeah, it is. Well, you know, it was more so in the past when he had a very. It seems like he had a stricter vegan diet then. Oh, sure. He had that real composty kind of earthy, you know, it really was this vegetarian.

These vegetarian farts are vegan farts. They're very, they smell like garbage. They smell like real garbage. That's not real garbage. People should tweet them. You should tweet them. You should tweet, Moshe, I heard your farts smell like garbage. I hope he doesn't get upset about me saying that.

Oh man, it's not a big deal. You could have said no when I said it. It's not a big deal. It's just that you could have been like, no, but you, you know, I don't think Moshe would mind. So what did you think when you he put it at your hand? Yeah, yeah, yeah. On the fart.

What did you think? See now in retrospect, like if I had high self-esteem or like standards that were different, I probably would have been like, I gotta, I gotta get out of this, you know, but I think because back then I was like, I'm a comedian. I'm, I'm a silly carefree person. I would just kind of rolled with it. Oh, okay. And I liked him.

So wait a second. That's a problem. So at a different point in your life now, you might be like, I'm out. Yeah. I might have been like, well, now that I'm, now that I'm older and kind of like looking for flags, I think I was my guard, my defenses were down. Wow. So you're saying, if he farted on your hand now, what would you've done?

Would you've been like, I'm out of, get out of my place. But again, it's not day three. This is like nine months in. Plus we were friends before we dated. So I knew that he knew that he farted back. No, you could have done this though. This could have been a point you could have said something like, maybe if it was, if you rewind back, if you had been like, Hey, just so you know, I really don't ever

want to do, like I'm not good with that. That could have established some boundaries. It could have. That's the thing is that I could have established boundaries. It could have been like, I could have. No, how would you felt if she did not did not react to that? Yeah. What would you, what would you have done in a positive way?

You know, you laughed, I guess I laughed. And truth be told, I'm glad we have open fart policy because I fart a lot. And I'd hate to hold farts in for 12 years. Have you ever farted on each other's face like as a joke or not as a joke? Not on the face. He farted on our son's face today. He had a fart on my son's face today. Our son was standing.

I was, I was at the counter. I was at the counter and he walked up behind me and I felt his head nudge. His height is like right at my butt cheeks. Yeah. And I had a fart, so I just let it go. And he was in boxers. Wait, to like joke with him? Yeah.

Yeah. Did he laugh? I don't know. He was just like, no, he was stunned. He was like, did he smell it? Yeah. And then he was kind of like, of course. I don't know.

It wasn't a crazy fart. It was just, you know, like, now. What now do you remember her first fart? No, I don't remember. I don't remember the first one. I think I stole too much thunder with mine for my memory. But then I was thankful that we had broken that because I also have to take shits and everything.

And I, how do you hide that in a relationship with somebody? Well, there's still a thing. I mean, I think it's not just just because he farted her in a hand. I think that doesn't necessarily, I mean, you know, make a create a safe space for you to far yet, because there are no, because of, you know, there's these, there's these gender, you know, issues about like, you know, guys can fart on hands, but, you know, girls can't fart. And you're a guy, right?

And I'm like, and I'm a guy. I don't know. I didn't know if you had a different pronoun or whatever. Yeah, yeah, sure. No, I mean, I like farting. I actually enjoy it and it's fun. So it's good. Yeah.

And, you know, and by the way, you guys started dating in 2005, right? Yeah. And I met you guys in 2007. Yeah, that's right. Austin, Texas in September 2007. So it's been just about 10 years. We did. This is a 10 year anniversary show.

We did cap study together. Yeah. We had so much fun with you. We went to a museum. Yeah. We never do those things. We went to the Capitol. It's right.

Capitol. Yeah. All the Capitol. We took a Bat cruise. Capitol. Actually, I think that's where it was. It wasn't a museum. It was a Capitol.

01:31:54,480 --> 01:31:55,600 It was a Capitol. We saw a painting of George Bush. Yeah, I remember that. That was crazy. Yeah. Yeah, that was fun. By the way, that's the most.

I remember that. That was French. That was French. Yeah. And your pants were open. Yeah, yeah. I was at my parents. I was at my parents.

That was so funny. It was really funny. We never do things like that on the road since. Like that's probably the only time Tom and I have ever gone exploring. I also remember that I did. I did cap city with you. They booked me the next year to headline it.

Yeah. And then he didn't book me again for like five years. Oh, really? Yeah. And I was like, why can't I get back in? I was doing that club regularly for a little while and then, you know, stopped doing it. But you still work the road at all?

I don't like to do club weeks anymore, you know? And I haven't for a while. I don't understand why, because it's always. Well, yeah, I know. I prefer to just get everyone coming in. Yeah, exactly. Of course. Do you remember the one show we had?

There was one really bad show that week. You did fine. But it was a packed crowd. There was a game the next day, I guess. And people were in town for the game, I think. I mean, a college game. I have to give you a lot of credit. I have to give you a lot of credit,

because you did this thing where, like, you were unwavering with your set. Like, you did what you did. Well, you got to commit. Well, yeah, you did what you did. People were leaving throughout the show, and not just leaving, but leaving in anger. Like, so angry.

And I was like, man, this is fucking uncomfortable. Yeah, I think it was the Friday early show. It might have been. And it was the fullest show of the week. Yeah, it was totally packed. Sold out, I think. And for the whole 45 minutes, you know? This is what's interesting.

It's like so many people that were, like, not into the show, let's say, half of them were, like, just the fuck. The one guy left, I remember, because I was in the lobby, he goes, that guy's an asshole. Like, he was angry about his set, which, and not even like, he's provoking him. Like, you weren't, like, saying something to anger him. He was just upset about it.

You did your, the next day, you did the exact, like, you know, the same set, and you killed. Oh, the rest of the week was fine. Yeah, yeah, but I meant, like, what I remember was, like, who knows what will happen Saturday early show. It was still a pretty full house. And you did the same thing. It just, I just remember that one show,

and I do recall you doing fine, I think, or doing well, you know? I don't remember. And, yeah, actually, I'm almost certain you did very well. I think you probably killed, which didn't help me, but. Well. No, who was to know that that show was going to be such a bad show for me. But, yeah, the walkouts, definitely, like,

at least a third of the crowd walked out. But it's so funny that, you know, that people can get upset at different things, because you weren't, like, you know, fuck your way of thinking. I never, I don't want to be offended. I never aimed to be an offensive comedian, actually. But isn't that interesting how, first of all,

it was a wonderful lesson, because I was there for that show, and I was just, like, dipping my toe into being a feature act. And the watch you commit, and really be, like, nope, this is the act. And I think that was the first time I had seen anybody really do that. And I was, like, that's fucking awesome. And it just goes to show how different audiences are suck.

Like, like you said, the next night, it was fantastic. And you killed it. And then just this particular audience is not into it and has nothing to do with you. Yeah, and they were, like, you know what's funny is that they were angry, like a lot of them. I can't speak for all of them. A lot of them were angry at his commitment

to what he was doing. So funny, though. They weren't mad at, like, you know, you said I'm gonna take your guns away, or like, there wasn't like, there was no politics. They were just mad at, like, he's still doing this. So funny, too. He's still doing this.

And yet, I recall, I actually somehow sold a t-shirt, that show, for some reason. Someone bought a t-shirt, and then the next show, or maybe the next night, had a really strong set. Did that fuck with you at all? I was no one bought anything. Did that fuck with you at all? Like, when you're sitting in your hotel room?

That set did make me think, because at that point, I thought I had a good headlining set that was kind of full proof, you know? Yeah. And then that made me think, oh, I guess it's not full proof, you know, or something. And I was, I thought, and I always strive to try to actually make a great set that,

I do feel there's a responsibility when headlining a show to do a good job, you know? Yeah. That was one of the worst reactions I've ever seen to a headlining set. Do you know who's was worse? Mine, because I got booed off stage a few years later. I, well, I, not on a headlining set,

I've got booed off stage when I was opening. You have? Like, in the, more in the past before that. I actually thought about your set when I was bombing. Wait, hold on, hold on. Let's, sorry, I don't mean to take that away. You've got booed as a headlining set. Yeah, yeah.

Where? Winnipeg. When? A few years ago. Really, a few years ago? Yeah. Were you getting political or something? No, I, I...

What did you do? You fart on someone's hand? I just, I talked shit to somebody early on who was talking. Okay, so it was because of a heckler incident or something. Interesting. And it unraveled. Wow. But I'm saying, I tried to go into the act, basically.

Like, hey, why don't you shut the fuck up and then go back to do a stand-up? And they were just like... They just, they, wow. Yeah. How did that make you feel, actually? That was just a few years ago. That was crazy, man.

That was nuts. I thought, I really did think about your set. Oh, really? Yes. Because I remembered, like, doing things like act. I would, I was like, I would act like the room wasn't falling apart. It was falling apart.

Like, screaming and people were like... Yeah. And I would be like... So the other day... And you just hear murmuring and talking and stuff. And I would try to do, because I, I remembered you. Yeah, it's very hard to focus. I was saying, like, it's crazy.

No, I've had some sets like that where it's just, I mean, it's actually pretty, like, seldom. You know, I mean, I've only, like, I can count how many. Yeah, man, that shouldn't happen on lots of people. On one hand, but, like, sets where you're, you have to do a full hour and you're, like, trying to, you know, you're just hearing people talking or just, it's so weird.

It's such a surreal thing. It's so hard to... You almost think that that doesn't happen, you know, but it does. And you know, what could be, like, the, for me, like, this is separate, let's say, from what we're talking about, like, catastrophic stuff. But, like, when you're, let's say,

99% of the room is good and you're doing your, you're talking about something and you hear one table, like, what if we go over to Jennifer's later and they don't pick her up and then we can pick her up. And you start hearing that and you're, like, you're trying to thought. It's really annoying, yeah. You want to go, like, hey, man.

Totally. And then they're, like, well, I'm just, like, saying something. You're, like, I know, but I can't hear my own thoughts because I keep hearing you talking about going to Jennifer's house. No, totally, totally. It's, yeah, it's really, it's a huge distraction.

Yeah. I just do, you just do, like, one night somewhere, right? A lot of times. Yeah. I mean, that's what I try to do now, is just do one night in the city. Yeah, the weekend. And just have all the fans coming to one show.

Who want to see you, yes. Yeah. That's the way to go. Where are you going anywhere coming out of? No, I don't have anything major coming up. I mean, yeah, no, nothing major coming up, yeah, but. Let's, let's show Brent, let's see if he's interested in eating a bowl of something.

Okay. We'll see if you want to come over later. I think this is Charlie, honey, John. Woo! Yeah, that's Charlie. Oh my God! Oh my God! Get your passenger!

Son of a bitch! Damn it! Dirty bitch! Now. Fuck! You guys are doing good! Tom, hurry up! Is that Charlie?

Oh, dirty son of a... Come down later for Moos soup! For Moos soup. Moos soup. What do you think that lady looks like? Yeah, a describer. Oh, you think it was a lady? I thought it was a man.

That guy. The person in the voice? No, I thought that was a man. I know you did. I swear, I thought that was a man. Really? Yeah, you didn't, how, really? No, it's definitely a woman.

No, I think it's a man, actually. Listen to the voice. Yeah, you guys come down here after I got Moos soup and everything. Yeah. No. All right, you guys are doing good. Wait, okay, I guess.

Now that you're mentioning it, that it's a woman. I'm seeing it now as a woman, I guess, but I was thinking a man the whole time. I thought it was some man. Yeah, some guy, you know, some guy. Interesting take. I mean, look, we're open to non-binaries.

That's true. I mean, did you picture... What's your pronoun? A healthy man or no? No. No, I didn't. He wasn't healthy. You know, I thought of him as kind of thick, you know?

Kind of scraggly. Scraggly thick? Scraggly thick, you know? You know, kind of... Yeah, kind of messy, you know? Kind of sloppy, sloppy thick. Yeah, he's eating all that Moos soup. Yeah, right.

He had that Moos kind of Moos soup. It's that soupy look, Moosy Luke. Luke, look. Come down for Moos soup after. You boys. Oh, there's more. Wait, hold on. Back up.

Yeah. Is this somebody you know? No. Okay. We should though, I like her. I mean, we assumed big tits. Has had lots of sex. Really?

Lots of cigarette. Yeah. But mostly cigarettes. I don't think, okay. Cigarettes for sure, yeah. Cartons. You know what it kind of reminds me of is that, that rhubarb, the rhubarb lady.

Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. We played her. Who was stealing the rhubarb. She sounds like that, actually. You remember the rhubarb lady? I don't remember. You don't remember the rhubarb lady? I don't know memory.

We played that on this show years ago. Rhubarb. Yeah, yeah, it's an old clip. It's an old viral clip. The lady was stealing rhubarb and sounds very similar to that, but although her voice is higher pitch and I guess that's why I thought it was a man. I thought it was just a high-pitched man.

You fucking know somebody on business. Why don't you? Why don't you take some, why don't you grow your own? This is not your fucking property. Go somewhere else. Right. I remember that. You go somewhere else, bitch.

You know, you just don't know what's right or wrong, do you? You're fucking weird. You like to steal. You stick your nose in everybody's fucking business. God damn Alec property, bitch. No, it's not. This guy has her name on it.

Where's your name, bitch? Doesn't it sound like an angrier version of what? Yes, kind of, yeah, yeah. Sped up a little younger. It's a younger Trish. That's what I'm saying. No, that's the female voice. Then the other one is the male.

You know why? Because this is Trish as a young Trish and then this is Trish. Come down later, promotion. Older Trish. Oh yeah, it's immature. It's like, it's blossomed, you know? Yeah, her voice got deeper

with the cigarettes too and the bad living. It's like she hit puberty or something. Yeah, yeah. Something like that. Bad living. That was like, that was a young, that was the young one. Yeah, but man, I'm glad you guys fart though,

you know, that's good. Yeah, we definitely fart, man. Oh, we like to fart. I can't believe you have a girlfriend two years now. That's how infrequently I see you. Yeah, well, you guys have almost a two-year-old kid. That's true. And I don't think I...

I saw you at Melos. Oh, really? No, at the comedy store recently, very recently. You did? Yeah, a couple. You didn't talk to me. Yeah, we did talk. We talked?

Yeah, yeah. In the parking lot. No, in the room. No. Yeah, we did. Oh my God, dad. He's dead, dad. You don't remember?

I just got off of five days. You grabbed my hand, you farted on it? Yeah. Brent, do you think you'll ever get married? Are you the marrying kind? I would like to. I'd like to have a family. I'd like to be, you guys kind of have

what I want right now. You're starting a family. I don't know if you're trying to go for another, but you know, and you've got to have a house here. But not the dog. It's kind of a suburban area. You're not into the dogs, we saw that. Yeah, no, I don't do that.

Did you do animals? I'm not a dog boy. Nah. Nah. You don't fuck with them? Nah. That's not for me. You know what I love about you and your act, by the way,

he has a special, what's the name of your special on season? Appealing to the mainstream. Appealing to the mainstream. And you have this great bit about being a teacher in Oakland. Yeah, yeah. And the black students call you Mr. Pants. I don't specify that they're black. But they sound the accents are a little...

Yeah, you could say they could be white, they could be Indian. That's true. They're just urbanites. They're urbanites. They're just Oakland kids, you know? Okay, Mr. Pants. Could be anything.

Hey, look, granted, definitely there were a lot of black kids that I substituted. Oh, really? Really? That's crazy. There were Indians too, a lot of Indians. That's a crazy job that's gotta be. Yeah, no, they were a tough kid.

I mean, it was tough, it made me a tough person, kind of made me a better comedian actually. Well, yeah, for sure. I believe that. Stories. Actually, a lot of the stuff in that special, a lot of it's older material, and a lot of that stuff I was doing that week that we met,

you know? Yeah, that's why I love it. In Austin, you know, yeah. I love it. Yeah, yeah, he's from California, can you tell? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's. Hey, I'm talking about you from Miami. Yeah, me.

Yeah, me. All three, you know, I'm talking about you from Miami. But you do a good black guy though. Like your black voice is on fleek, I would say. Yeah, I mean, I guess, thank you. I mean, I don't necessarily, do you think they sound black specifically? Yeah, I'd say you do a really good black dude.

Wait, you're trying to suggest that anyone would believe that the Mr. Pants kids are not black? Well, they might not be, you know? Huh? They could be, they could be anything. Mr. Pants. They could just be, they're just urbanites, you know? Indians.

Okay. I'm Mr. Pants. Well, watch his special to see him talking not black. It's really funny. I'd love for people to, well, here's the thing about the special is there is, no, this is kind of like, not even on a, I think you can get something out of it

that you get more, if you pay close attention, I think there's more to get out of it than just the laughs. Okay. Geez. I don't know what to say. You're getting deeper on it? I just, I don't want to say much more, but just that's the thing is, and if you embraced it,

embrace it fully, and I think there's more to it than I think. Than Justin. Listen, I think you're very layered individual, and I think that's accurate. I think people are yelling. I just want people to, I just feel like people haven't been, I haven't really heard much talk of

what you can get out of it. There's more to get out of it. Okay. I don't want to get too much away. And we can see it way. I'm more and more teasing, I think, on CISO. Yeah. And we'll see, hopefully, appealing to the mainstream.

Okay. CISO, yeah. But you know what I mean? That's how I do it, man. This is a healthy way. You feel me? It's way more healthier than using the backwoods, the white-out, the Garcia-Bagas.

You know what I mean? All that type of shit. Is that Indian guy? Join the Raw Life, man, for real for a minute. Your boy trying to get you out of the bar, man. That's all we smoke here, you know what I mean? For now, it's gonna be number Raw, you feel me? Now, I would dabble in the, you know what I mean?

In the swishes and shit like that, you know? Every once in a while, you feel me? To spice shit up a little bit, because you already know, you know what I mean? Just switch it girl, you feel me? You gotta spice shit up a little bit, you know what I mean? Yeah, you gotta be willing to go out your comfort zone, so you know what I mean?

Impress your girl, impress the motherfucking galaxy, you feel me? So I gotta smoke blunts. So I feel like he hit, you feel me? Definitely, you know what I mean? Maybe you know what I'm saying that I missed, but he hit the trifecta, I thought. Do you think he's West Coast?

Yeah, yeah, West Coast guy, yeah. What's the, I guess I could hear the East Coast. I can hear the East Coast accent. You know, when I hear urban voices, I can hear the East Coast, but I guess maybe because I'm from the West Coast. Yeah, maybe that's it. It sounds just core.

One say, when the way that like car is said. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, oh. It's a very like distinct. Oh, so when they say like, up we're here, you know, here, you know, when they say here, her, like you think that's a West Coast? Her would be like, that's like a. Oh, Southern, Southern, that's Southern or something.

Yeah, yeah. Oh, that's interesting. I really want to get, I want to see you guys react. I'll show it to you guys after the recording. Okay. The new hotline videos. Oh, really? I think you'll be into them.

You have them? I have access to them. Yeah, yeah, yeah. One of them is like a, one of them is that you can call different dads and like if you're like, if you need discipline or you need advice, you know, it's like a dad hotline, you know.

And another one is, this one's a hunk hotline. Like it's for ladies only if you want to call different looks. But that's all I'll say, there's more to it than that. But I feel like, I feel like you know those, the, that California lingo and I don't, you're saying that you're like, I don't know if it registers.

No, what I'm saying is that I can't distinguish that if they're West Coast, because I'm, I guess because that's normal to, like that just sounds normal where it jumps out to me more if it's East Coast or Southern, I guess, you know. Oh, I'd noticed when I was in Miami, it was funny. It was like, they have such a distinct accent locals. Locals just speaking English, like no, regardless of.

What does it sound like? They, they basically sound like they learned English after they learned another language. Oh. You know, a huge, obvious Spanish influence. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. But these are non bilingual people speaking English. That's funny. And so, and you're like, your accent's crazy.

And they're like, what accent? Like what? And they go, you have an accent. And I go, I have a pretty non-descript accent when I speak. And they were like, oh no, your accent's heavy. And I'm like, wow, but that's the same idea. I hear it so much.

Well, there's also people who, there's like, you know, Hispanic people in Los Angeles who don't speak Spanish, but they do have some kind of accent that sounds like a Hispanic accent. Right, right, right. I don't need to speak Spanish, dog. Yeah. Right. Or something, you know, because they, it's just,

or the, I remember in San Francisco, there's people who have Chinese accents, but they're from, I don't know, maybe they do speak Chinese, they're from San Francisco, born and raised, and they have accents. There was a dude in Hong Kong who lives there now who was raised, he was born and raised in New York City, but in like a hardcore, you know,

insulated Chinatown neighborhood. So he speaks English with a heavy, heavy accent. Yeah. And his Cantonese is just okay. Uh-huh, yeah, right, exactly, yeah. So he's like, his primary language is English, but it's, I mean, when you hear him speak, you would be like, oh, you know, you would, like, oh, this guy learned English, you know, 10 years ago.

Dude, remember when we were at that restaurant and we saw that white guy at that Chinese wedding? Yes. Like fully spittin', like real dog, Chinese, and he even had like the posturing. He was talking to like five older Chinese guys, like, you know, the other total posturing. This kid was like 30, and he, mannerisms, accent, everything.

He was rapping. He was like totally down, just rapping. I went to China a couple of years ago and met up with this guy who was like that. He was a white guy from Seattle, and when he started talking to Chinese, it was like, it didn't seem like it was coming out of his mouth, you know, it seemed like it was like,

he's playing a tape or something. It's just crazy, he had all the mannerisms down, just like that, and that was the way to do it. My sister and I, we went together, I was doing shows actually, and part of the trip, but they, we, every, where we ate was so bad. We got the wrong, we didn't even know what to order. We just pointed at stuff and just said,

at something at the menu, and got just like an ear soup or something like that, like a soup just with ears in it. Moos soup, moos soup, moos soup, moos soup. Boys wanna come down for Chinese moos soup later? Yeah, and, but then when we went to this restaurant with this guy, who was the best Chinese meal I've ever had, he knew how to do it. But I had this idea for a, I don't know,

series or something about a guy who's, he's white, and he's, as a baby, he's adopted by Chinese people, and they bring him to China, and they raise him in China fully. And so, he doesn't even speak, he speaks really poor English, and he speaks fluent Chinese, but he's white, and he has an accent and stuff, and then he goes back to the United States

to kind of find his roots and stuff, and, but he has this Chinese accent, and everyone thinks that he's making fun of them. Yeah, he's making fun of Chinese people or something, but that's actually how he talks, you know? Oh, have you ever heard of Foreign Accent Syndrome? No. Where people wake up one day,

and they just have like a crazy Chinese accent, like. I have not actually heard my voice in a conversation. Wait, what? For nearly three years now. That lady's white, she's English. Wait, wait, wait, wait. She just wakes up and has an accent? Well, they usually, it's prompted by some type of head trauma.

Yeah, okay. So these people have some type of accident, something that affects the brain usually, that then gives them a foreign accent, but not, you know, your language abilities, like you're speaking your native language, but with a foreign accent. But wait, wait, but is it like she's adopting something,

or like she adopting the, involuntarily adopting a Chinese accent or something? Yeah. Or is it that it just, she's sounding kind of weird that it sounds like a Chinese accent? Well, that's an interesting question, but they have, I mean,

there's a number of cases of it throughout the world in the stuff that we've looked up, where there's just not enough information to know exactly what's going on. Like, you know, there's been one where they were like, oh, this lady's just fucking with people, like it was a hoax, but there's ladies like this lady has,

you know, she's been doing it for like, at this point, like five, six years, and it was, she hasn't- Can you play it again? Yeah. And her grammar's incorrect, which is interesting. I have not actually heard my voice in conversation for nearly three years now.

That's interesting. Isn't that wild? Because I was thinking, I was wondering if it was just that, the head trauma or whatever it was, affected her speech, and it happens to sound like a foreign accent, or if it's like some kind of weird thing

where the brain is taking from an accent that she's heard. I think it's doing that. I mean, it sounds- It does, right. It sounds distinctly like an Asian accent. Yeah, it does, yeah. Accent.

Yeah. Oh my God. But then again, you know, sometimes people when they're deaf, when they're deaf, they sound French kind of, you know what I mean? Yeah. You know what I'm saying? How do blind people wipe?

Have you ever thought about that? Wipe. Hey, I'm somebody from Miami. Like, do you, how do you think a blind person knows when it's time to stop wiping? No, that's, we had a very deep conversation the last time I was here, not at this specific location,

but on the show about wiping techniques and stuff. And, you know, for me- That's right, you showed- I think I used to have a joke about that I don't just wipe until you can't see the poo on the tissue, but I wipe until you can't smell the anything on the tissue. Interesting.

So that it's like not even, because sometimes you can't see it, but you might be able to smell something. So you always smell your paper? Well, I don't really do such a thing as much anymore, but if I can- As much, meaning you used to. I did, I used to definitely smell the paper.

I wouldn't get that close though, but I would, if I could smell it from here, then that would be, but I don't actually come to think of it. I probably don't smell the tissue really anymore, but I did used to do that though. Have you ever taken a messy brown and then like, you know, when you keep wiping

and wiping and wiping and then- It never ends. Right. Infinite. Yes, the infinite- The infinite poo, yeah. Now, have you ever gone to shower to get rid of the infinite poo?

No, I just, I kind of just keep going, even though it takes a really long time, I keep going until it finally ends, even though that sometimes- It doesn't though. Well, you know why? That's because blood is starting to mix in with it because you've wiped so much that it's starting to bleed.

Yeah. And so- I think so. I feel like we talked about this last time. No. Yeah, if you keep wiping, it's gonna eventually you start, it starts showing up because of the blood.

There's no blood. And I don't know why- For me, you know what I mean? You know what I mean? You know what I mean? You know what I mean? You know what I mean? You know what I mean?

You know what I mean? You feel me? That was a great mix right there, yeah. You feel me? Those are all the categories represented in that one clip. We like to track, you know what I mean? You know what I'm saying? You feel me?

That was good. But yeah, how do blind people finish though? They said that their, the email that we got was that when like you already know about when one of your senses goes, others heighten. Yeah. That they pick up that your sense of touch

is so heightened at that point that what you feel also dictates. Yeah. I believe that. You said that the wipe, there's no resistance and that means that it's a smooth, clean wipe. There's no resistance. I don't, I, you know what?

It really makes me start to think that maybe, well, I don't wanna say anything, but I don't know. It makes me start to not trust blind people. Hippocrates Christina. Here we go. I have been listening to old episodes and something from episode three 70 stood out to me.

Personality champ Tom was playing a song that had Christina talking about being down to prove she's the water champ. Yet in recent weeks, she declined to prove it as if it was beneath her. This truth, this proves to me, not only is Tommy true champion as he's willing to defend his title like a professional,

but Christina is a choppy, changy, a hypocrite incapable of being champion at anything. Actually, I take that back as she is clearly the hypocrite champ. Tom Reigns as the water, posture and personality champ. Meanwhile, Christina is simply a second grade moose soup eating liar. Wow. Love from Troy in New Zealand.

No love and from, what does choppy chang mean anyway? How racist is that? I don't know. And let the record show you, Anna. I am currently drinking glass of water. Tom, where's your water in this episode? Here we go. It's not because you're drinking soda.

It's Ziva. With fake sugar in it. We had the water expert in here and he couldn't even drink that. He spit it out. Oh, did you have a water sommelier? Yeah. Oh, the guy who was the Ray and Stark bar?

What? There was a guy at the, I don't know, it was like Ray and Stark bar. Is that like the Los Angeles County Museum of Art? There's a restaurant there. I think his name is Martin. Martin Reeson. Maybe he doesn't work anymore.

Yeah, maybe he doesn't work anymore. He's a water sommelier. Yeah, yeah. He works at Petina now. Oh yeah, I kind of, I talked to him myself. He didn't like you. He talked about it. He didn't like you.

Did you bring in the different waters? Yeah, we tried like six different waters. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I tried three when I was with him. He's a fascinating guy. Yeah, it's really interesting. Yeah, he just goes to different cities. Claudia needs something.

Excuse me, guys. He just goes to different cities and he, wait, should we break right now? No, it's fine. He would go to different cities and he always like tries to tap just to see what it tastes like. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

We learned all so much in that episode. And you tried that really heavy on the mineral one was like kind of salty. More than kind of. Yeah, yeah. Ridiculous. Did he give you that white, that one that was like a white water?

Oh, it's a full thing, man. Yeah. It was a full thing. Everything cool? Dispecting. Oh, okay, okay. By the way, I don't want, I hope that, I don't want any blind listeners

to be offended about what I was saying. I was just thinking, you bring up an interesting point about that and I'm sure there's a way. And I'm sure they probably just use a lot of water and kind of just hope for the best. Yeah. Well, because then the infinite wipes,

I mean, you walk around with leaky butt all day long. So you're just wiping your butt all day when you have an infinite wipe. An infinite loop. Yeah. Look, I got a poop. Tell me the name again of this special. Appealing to the mainstream.

Appealing to the mainstream. Here's a cut from Appealing to the Mainstream, Brent Weibach's CISO special. Boy, because y'all allow that baby to wake me up with that damn door. Oh, my baby. Okay, whoever needs it. Language.

I don't have to watch your life. Because I don't have to watch your life. Because. So she actually, she's making a great point. She was woken up by somebody who's letting their kid play video at volume with no headphones. Negative. Which is one of my, personally,

I think that's incredibly rude. Yeah. Unforgivable. So she is saying like, I'm not getting to sleep because you're letting your kid go boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, and fucking play shit. But no.

I totally agree. I totally agree. Yeah. Cause. Y'all got this ball ass child. Y'all got this ball ass child. Woke me up with the scuba-doo shit. Yeah.

I guess my approach would have been a little different, though, you know. Well, how so? Well, I probably would have just said, excuse me, can you not have the volume on this? Yeah. Cause. Wait, you won't.

Cause not have the volume on. Cause. I like when the, the flight attendants eventually get involved pretty quickly. These women walking by him, if this fucking baby would have been a black baby, they would have told that baby, cut that damn noise out.

Don't talk to her like that, cause you can get in anybody else and get a cuss. Anybody can get it. We don't give a fuck. He's dropping a lot of cuss. He's saying cuss, too. Yeah. She said anybody can get it.

Was this like a family reunion on the plane? I don't know. They came through this motherfucker and then to have this baby took this fucking noise out and these dumb ass parents letting the baby wake up everybody with this Scooby-Doo shit. Scooby-Doo. Don't give a fuck.

She's right. That is disrespectful as hell. One time Tom and I were at a really fancy, we were a really fancy restaurant for dinner. I don't know if you remember, and there was a family and the baby had the iPad, which is fine, but it was full volume. Just beep, beep, beep.

And when I, all adults, why is the baby up? It's late anyways. The baby should be in bed. And playing this stupid fucking iPad. It's so good. It's oblivious people. Not that it's wrong. Give your baby an iPad.

I don't care about that. But then give the kid an iPhone. Why does everyone have to hear it? The earphones. That earbud, sorry. I would just, this is what I would do. I would say, like I said, I would say, can you turn it down,

can you turn off the volume, please? And then if they didn't do it, then I would call the flight attendant and say, she's not turning it off. Like you'd follow rules. What's going on? This baby woke me up with this Scooby-Doo shit. The baby was no crying.

It ain't about no baby crying. That baby had, that baby had that computer on. Let me tell you what happened. That baby had the computer on. Woke everybody up with this Scooby-Doo shit. Oh, the computer. Y'all walking through here like y'all don't. Now what region is that?

I did not hear that, I'm sorry. Y'all walked right by the baby and seen him with the little computer. Computer. I like that the lady's like, I'm like, she's so, first of all, she's such in zombie land. Who knows if this is the third leg of her trip, but like ignores all noise anyway.

She's like, I didn't hear, did you hear her? She's like, I didn't hear anything. Woke everybody up. Woke me up with this Scooby-Doo shit. Y'all walking through here like y'all don't hear. That's south. I did not hear that, I'm sorry. Y'all walked right by the baby.

Zalla, zalla, zalla. You heard that shit, bitch. She's right. She did hear that shit. You heard that, cause. Yeah, cause, cause you. She heard that. She heard that, cause.

Okay. I don't know what to tell you. And it's noise. It's noise, noise, noise. I'm sorry that happened. Well, y'all don't gotta be sorry. These Paris to Paris folks, I'm just telling you. Because they know that shit was wrong.

It was the Paris folks, okay. She's kind of calming down though. She's kind of like. She's right. You know why? Cause she's actually, it's getting less emotional and more logical. Yeah.

She reacted on emotion. Yeah. Then it switched over to logic and her logic is correct. Her logic is correct. So she calmed down and still making the right one. She knows she's right. Yeah.

Cause, cause. Everybody can get it. Would you rather be on the receiving end of her lecturing you like that or be retarded? I'm just trying to think. Do you think you'd know you're retarded? Right, right, right. I guess I'd rather be on the receiving end

because I think I'd actually enjoy it actually. To some degree. Yeah. We're getting yelled at being called cuss. You'd have a new five minutes for sure. So it was bad. That'd be my new special. Yeah.

What would it be called? Appealing to the south. Cuss. Cuss. Appealing to the south cuss. How about everyone? Appealing to the cuss. Everyone can get it.

That would be the name of the special. Cause that's what she says. Everyone can get it. She does? Yeah. It kind of falls in line with appealing to the mainstream. Everyone can get it. Everyone can get it.

Cuss. Cuss. Yeah. What if it was just called cuss? I'd rather be retarded. Yeah. Cuss. Would you rather be retarded or when you do your act,

it's like the hackiest. Who's dead that we can make fun of? Oh my God. It's all like a 1950s. Who's alive? Do you guys ever talk crap about comedians? No. Pretty much the way from that.

It's like the worst act ever. It's basically everything that you hate, but you have to do the act. You have to do the act. So you think trying to think of like hack, like someone who's dead, who's hack? Or just someone like. I don't know, like you got like Pryor, Carlin.

Yeah, yeah. Pepper. No, I'm just kidding. But it's just a cheesy, you know, it's puppets. It's explosions. It's magic. It's everything. That all sounds good to me.

That doesn't sound hacky. You don't do that in your act. Puppets, puppets, I'm sure if puppets can, I don't do puppets, but I mean, if I could do puppets and they were cool, I would do puppets. It's not cool. Explosions, I would do that.

No, I'm saying in the would you rather, it's got to be like the worst thing. Actually, I do do explosions. There are explosions in my special, actually. Oh, okay. A pilling to the mainstream. There is definitely an explosion, so. We're not doing this would you rather with Brennan.

I know. It's good though. I'm trying to give you an option. Be retarded or have a hacky act. Or do the worst possible, like whatever you hate, whoever you hate in comedy, you're doing that act. Well, I would probably do that, right? Versus being retarded.

Well, I wouldn't, what I, well, hold on. I mean, I guess the question is, is what I realized it was bad, but. Yes, you actively have to do the worst. Oh, I have to do it, like I'm me, and I have to do this act. And you know that it goes against everything. I think you already are retarded,

by the way, you're fucking breaking this down. It goes against all your sensibilities, and you're going up every night, and you're doing these shit cans, and you have to do the act, and you can't do anything that you believe is funny. You have to do like this act is what I'm saying. And I don't realize I'm retarded.

Right, well. That's the bigger question that we have on the show, is that do retarded people know they're retarded? No, I think about that too sometimes. And my brother had this idea that, he had this idea of like maybe a movie even, about a retarded person who knew they're retarded, and just didn't like it.

They wished they were smarter. They wished they weren't retarded, and that that was like a thing they had to come to terms with, you know? He had this image of a guy just looking up at the sky, going, why, you know, he's retarded and stuff. Was it a comedy, or was it more like a drama? No, drama, like a drama, you know?

So it was serious. Yeah, like a serious movie about someone who is mentally challenged and is aware of it, though. Well, that's what, okay, so let's say in your world, you're aware of it. Yeah. That's hard. Right.

That's hard. All your creativity is stifled, basically, because you have to do an act that you don't believe in. Well, let me ask you this, do I make money as this hacky comedian? Yes. You know, I probably would do this. Well, so I can't answer this.

I would say this, I'd probably pick the hacky thing, because at least I can provide a life for my family, or for my kids, or something, you know? But you could be the retarded comic, that's thing. Doing his own thing, doing what he wants, to be it. Right. You could be a retarded artist. Right.

A retardist. Right. You could be, you know. Right, that's a good one. At least have integrity. Yes. Yep. Be retarded, and have integrity, or be a hack, and...

So you can actually provide for your family too, as retarded. As a retarded act, yes. But I guess I value connecting to people on a non-retarded level, you know what I mean? And I don't mean that in any kind of offensive way, or anything, but just, you know, like being able to connect to people

in a sort of intellectual way. The way that you do now. Yeah. We wouldn't want to give that up. I value that, I guess I value that, you know, but... It'd be very alone, very actually. What about you guys? What do you do?

Being a hack, or being a tough job. Retarded, or, and also back to... But I have a son, I have a son. So I couldn't take care of my son if I were retarded. So I'd have to always choose the other thing. Yeah, I guess I don't want to have someone take care of me. Then again, actually getting taken care of could be fun. That's what Ari said.

Ari was like, oh, I want to be retarded hands down. It would be so liberating, you have no responsibilities. It would be kind of cool. But then again, he doesn't have a family, and you know, it's different. Well, if I wasn't, I guess if I was retarded, I wouldn't care about having a family, maybe, as much. I don't know, though.

Or you do care. I am aware of it, right? I'm aware of being retarded, right? It's hard, it's really hard. This is so much more than I wanted. I had this question. What was the other question before, would you rather... I don't remember.

Something about poo or something? What day is it? No. Who are we? I'd go retarded. So that's my dad. Who's it? Your dad.

Does he go retarded? She's retarded over eating Chinese food, or Asian food. Really? Yeah, yeah. He'd rather be retarded than eat Asian food. Gosh. Really? Yeah.

I know that your dad wipes from back to front. Does he? He wipes down. He wipes down. That's right, that's right. I remember that from last time. Yeah, that's good, man. Has your dad ever been on the show live?

No. He's called in a bunch. Your dad's in Florida, right? Yeah. He's called a bunch of times. We've called him. He sat here and did an interview. Well, you know, I've talked to them and recorded it

and then played the audio later. That's the extent of it. What about you? You retarded? I would go retarded, yeah. Yeah. Both of you, oh yeah, not you. No, because I want to take care of our son.

You can't be retarded and care for your son. What if you could though? If I could care, my mental capacity is all I have. Well, wait, what if you're, you know what I mean? What if your son was retarded too? Therefore, as a retarded person, you can take care of him. That's interesting.

But I don't know if that, I don't think you could. Honestly, I think you can't be a retarded caregiver. The auditory center of the brain, shown above in red, is concerned with hearing. Oh, we're having too much fun. Although shown here on the outer surface of the brain, both of this area lies within the temporal lobes and is found within the surface of the cerebral cortex

on both sides of the brain. That's kind of interesting. Yeah, this one's interesting. The auditory pathways begin in the nerve fibers of the organ of cortis in the inner ear. Now, see how it changed everything? It's like cleanses the palate. Yeah, it does.

Yeah. You're like, oh, okay. Like a boring sorbet. Yeah. That's kind of cool, actually. Yeah, boring sorbet. That's what we do. There's a big words Christina remix here.

Do you want to? I don't want to hear it. No? It's a big what? It's a what? It's a what? Yeah, I want to know, Brent. Do you want me to skip it?

Well, you've teased it to the audience. Now we have to play it. I choose it to be. Well, it's in my, I thought you saw it. I mean, it's in the. Saw it. Wait, what? It's in the email.

Saw it. There's people that go, I thought I saw it. I thought you saw it. That people make songs from the show a lot. Oh, yeah. I saw it. I'm not going to say the N-word anymore because I don't want the songs to come in and remix it.

Oh, you said that? Wait, were you saying the N-word a lot or something? No. I'll give you a T. Nega. Nega. Nega. I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll.

Why would you say that? It's a guy, not a girl. It's a guy, not a girl. Not a girl. Feel you, nigga. Yeah. Yeah. Feel you, nigga.

Oh, fuck. I'll, I'll, I'll, nigga. Yeah. Potato, potato, you know what I mean? I don't think so. I don't think so. Oh, fuck. Feel you, nigga.

Son of a bitch. Feel you, nigga. So the moose soup is like a running thing. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Also, could retarded people be racist? Well, of course.

Well, of course. I mean, obviously retarded people, yes, they can be racist. Dirty, bitch. There you go. Thanks. I was reading an email from a listener. Cousin Dan made that. Thank you, Cousin Dan.

That's cool. And in the email, it said the N-word. And so, whenever I say the N-word on the show, it gets remixed. So she was reading something that said it. Yeah. And then. I don't just say it.

Oh yeah. No, there's a context for, I don't, I don't know. I approve. Okay. I approve. Yeah, you made 800 party line. Jesus. Well, that's true.

Yeah. No, there's a context for any, I mean, there's a safe context for anything. Yeah, I agree. That's why I say it. I mean, there's always, like people sometimes say that you can't say certain things, or certain things are completely off limits.

Yeah, I don't agree with that. But there's always some kind of exception, or some sort of context where you can, you can say anything, you know? Of course. Yeah. Of course. Especially if you're quoting something

or reading something, sorry. Yeah, of course. What else you got there, Tommy? I got, well, I have another song that we'll close with. Oh, okay. We did the, oh, there's a sperm extractor machine that's new. I don't know if Brent will use.

This unusual machine aims to take the embarrassment out of sperm donation called the Sperm Extractor. It was devised by Ding Guijang, chairman of China's Jingu Sanwei Medical Science. I like how you are. It's a little more embarrassing than just jerking it, isn't it? I mean, the thing is that it's like,

it's an ATM basically designed with a hole in it, that you just, kind of like we talked, we've talked about like, if there was like a suck machine and guys would just walk up to it. I've never talked about that with you. Yeah, we did. Nope, that's not me.

Okay. We've talked about cum gum and having gum with different sperm in the middle of races of people. But then you were like, oh, I had this other thing. Remember you brought up. The pump station.

Okay. That's what this is. You just said, I've never thought of that. It's not the sucking. I didn't say there was a dick sucking station. Well, it's a pump. The pump station where you could go and get different guys to juice in your mouth.

Okay, well, I'm thinking a little differently. You just buy different shots of cum. Guys walk around with poison in them all the time. Right, this would be great. If you're just walking around like full of rage and they're like, dude, just walk up to that machine and you go, then you're done. It's quick.

Yeah. Uh-huh. That's a great service to society. Yeah, like it's clean, right? You're just like it. How does it clean itself? I don't know how clean it is. Here's what else I want to know.

You know when she's not- Like guys clean. When you're not and she keeps sucking. Oh, stop. And you're like, what if this thing keeps going and you're like, is there a stop button? Like is there an emergency stop? Like on a treadmill where you pull off and you're like,

oh, shit, I fell off this thing. Like, that's a real issue because we don't want to keep- Oh, my God. You can just pull your wiener out. No, because it looks like it gets pretty tight on you, you know? It's cool that that guy kind of like is the guy behind it. You know, he seems so, you know.

Abram? No, just like a nice guy and stuff. She orders to meet clinical demands. Look at that. She's walked up to that. Start pressing buttons. Which is also user- A sperm.

It's supposed to be outside though? Looks like it's just in the- It looks like it's in the- In the subway. It looks like it's in the hall, like a hallway of a mall. Yeah. Are you gonna put your dick in this real quick then? How much do you want one of these right now?

Massage pipe that resembles a vagina. Its height is adjustable while its speed, force, and temperature can be varied. There you go, Tom. There you go. Okay, there you go. So as you're like- You slow it down.

Ooh. How many of these do you think this guy's gonna sell commercially? I don't know a lot. This would sell so well in these. I would love to have one of these in the entryway. I know. Hi, come on in.

Yeah. How you feeling? You wanna get your dick off real quick? First of all, it simulates a female organ. This is so juvenile, but doesn't part of your brain still when you hear Asian language is spoken? You're like, how's that work? No.

Like he's just like- Totally. He's out of the house. Totally. He's like, it sounds just like- It's different. It's definitely different. No, so crazy.

It's definitely different. It's different. No, because when I hear Asian guy speak in my head, I still mock it and I go, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh. Yeah. No. Don't you? That's gonna get re-mixed.

Yeah. That's a new hit single right there. Come on. You don't do it in your head when you're a kid, when you made fun of Asian people. No, because I think I'm always waiting for- Like if I hear somebody speaking, that usually someone's gonna translate or something,

so I'm waiting for what the sentence is. Right, because I'm all juvenile. When I heard him talk immediately, I was mocking it. I mean, I don't think, I'm not thinking of mocking noises. I just, I just like hearing the noises, because it sounds so different. I know. It's crazy that that's a language.

Interesting sounds, you know? Well, like- It's really interesting sounds. All language has that thing, right, where you hear like Arabic and this like, the hamen hamen hach, and you're like, that's also, that guy's saying, what time does the train get here? You know, and it's all-

But then I'll mock that in my head too. I'll be like, what about her or her? Yeah, whatever. I actually, you know, I guess mocking is all from perspective, but I always kind of fuck with when I hear French, when I hear something like that. Of course, you have to mock that too. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I always do that shit in my head. Poop, poop, poop. Yeah, well, I guess I mock, but like, yeah, when you kind of re-create it in your head. Yeah. Yeah, it's interesting that there's interesting rhythms and tones, you know, to think about. Or I guess with, since I don't speak any Mandarin

or Cantonese, I just keep hearing usually like three different sounds over and over. Yeah, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure. Yeah, it's like someone, oh, there's that. Someone, I'm like, that's the whole thing? Yeah. You can talk, I'm like, yeah, yeah. Sure, talk, I'm like, sure.

No, you're mocking. No, I was repeating it. But it's not really, that's what he said. He's not mocking it, because that's not what he said. I don't think he's like making fun of it though. Kind of offensive, I'm a little offended. No, you're not. No, I think it's not really, like he's making fun of it.

He's like kind of, you know, just, you know, trying to express the feeling of a real thing. I still remember. Do it again. Sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure. One time I was showing apartments in Boston after college and I was showing them to some Chinese students. And like two of them were walking at my pace

and then a few were further behind. So when we got to the door, we looked back and they're like a block behind. And so I asked them, I go, how do you say hurry up? But like aggressively. And they gave me just a quick thing to say. I don't remember what it was. So I turned and I screamed it at the top of my lungs

and these three Chinese people were like, and they just ran as fast as they could. That shit was like learning a little expression in another language to say, to scream at somebody. And that's a thrill. So this dick milking machine, this is just for science. Is that right?

This is supposed to be an easier, more convenient way. But the fertility. To donate. To donate, yeah. That's silly. The movements of sexual intercourse by moving back and forth. It's able to by a huge extent.

Now I want to listen to his voice. But you could hear him more in what, was it in this one? The new male character. Come on. He's like, he's on a set on a set on a set on a set. It's like kind of a. The machine has also proved useful for your logical. It's funny that it goes in and out like that.

That just seems so like. You are unable to produce sperm without a great deal of help. I mean, cause it's like, even though it's going in and out like that, I mean. Are they going to show a guy putting his hair in there? I hope so. This looks like we're the mouth right now.

This guy's about to stick his dick in our mouth. Yeah, yeah. Oh wow, I hope he does it. Dr. Lee Seeming says it's an efficient way to maximize the amount of quality sperm collected. It's weird that it goes in and out like that. It almost seems like ineffective in a way. Why?

Well, it just seems like someone should, it should happen internally kind of. You know what I mean? Right, like the things you say still and then the back end of it inside. Yeah, exactly. Exactly, yeah, you know? Like cause that seems like someone would just move with it.

You know what I mean? It's more embarrassing this way, definitely. This device is far more efficient than masturbation. There are still some weaknesses. For instance, it cannot exactly simulate the temperature and feel of a female organ. No shit. Also, the device may not fit as well

when compared to human beings. After all, it is made out of plastic and metal. Yeah, and also when you nut, she keeps sucking. Okay. And then you keep shaking after that. She's gonna turn that knob down. You gotta turn that knob down. Thanks for coming, Brent, that was really nice.

The device is annually at $13,000 each. Oh, there you go. It's been bought by clinics in the US, Germany, Russia, look at those dick-sucking machines right there. Look at the concepts. Wow. That's like. His device is removing the stigma from sperm donation.

What's that? Do you think that's what heaven looks like to some people? Yeah. Kind of just go in a room and there's a bunch of them. Yeah. Bam. What? What?

$13,000 to get your dick-sucking machine, guys. That's not that bad, right? It's not bad. The real girls, the real dolls are around $10,000. The real dolls. The high-end ones, huh? Yeah. From what I've seen on some documentaries.

Not the $10 ones from big lots. No, the real ones. The real dolls with their mouths and the. How much are they? Like 10 grand. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And they're heavy. They're really heavy right now.

They're lifelike. You ever bust in one of those? No, I've never even seen one. Really? I want to see one, though, in person. We saw a documentary about them. Yeah, I know. There's a lot of.

Have you seen videos of people who show their, kind of like do video blogs about their life, living with real dolls and they treat them very much like real people and have like relationships with them. Oh, you probably saw that in the documentary. There's a lot of that online, too. It's very healthy. On YouTube and stuff.

It's really fascinates me a lot, actually. It's very interesting. It's really, you know, just that people have these, really these like relationships and they really care for these dolls. People are. It's really interesting. And you know what?

And I respect it and I approve it. Cause? Cause. Do indeed. Let's give people one last. A plug everything. Plug everything. So yeah, the CISO special, please check it out.

Peeling to the mainstream. It's on CISO. You can watch CISO on Amazon Prime. It's an add on service. And there's this, this is gonna sound like commercial, but there's a seven day free trial. And even if you don't use the trial, it's only $4 a month.

But anyway, there's a lot of other cool stuff on CISO. But anyway, that's the special. It's, you know, then you can check out that short film I made a few years ago called, I don't dance. On your Vimeo. It's on Vimeo. And go to Vimeo.com slash Brent Weinbach. And there's other videos and stuff on youtube.com

slash Brent Weinbach. There it is. There it is. All right. Sorry, I got to help. Yeah, yeah. There's all the info. Check him out.

Absolutely hysterical dude. And thanks for coming by today. Thanks for having me. It was really fun. It was always nice to see you guys. YouTube brother. All right. Here we go.

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