Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - 406-Yoshi-Your Mom's House with Christina P and Tom Segura

Episode Date: July 26, 2017

Thank God for feminists like Roman who are out there every day fighting the good fight. He's out in the streets encouraging women to fart in his face. If it weren't for guys like him, would ladies even know they could fart??? Plus, TOP DOG gets on a call to go over a recent "ACCIDENT."  Did you knoe R Kelly actually wanted to marry his mom?  AND the great YOSHI joins once again for more of his hilarious travel tales. 

I'm in Montreal right now at Olympia tonight 7 p.m.. That's it. I'm doing my my big show there Later on I'm doing stand-up on the spot with Jeremiah Watkins and Jeff Ross a couple other people that's gonna be 10 p.m.. At catacombs with my big shows in Olympia Then the rest of the week. I'm at Hampton Beach Wilmington Delaware and Balls and whores Maryland. I'm at the Lyric Ryan Sickler is joining me. He's gonna be in Baltimore Josh Potter is gonna be there

It should be really fun shows Then August 11th and 12th. I'm at the punchline in sacrament sac ball sacramento California two nights four shows Then August 23rd. We're doing the pomcast live In breastballs Beach, Florida. Okay at the at the air in the improv there. That should be really fun Wednesday night if you're in the

General area man. If you're in Broward County Dade County Palm Beach County come out to that That's the only chance you're gonna see the podcast live. It'll be a really fun show. I promise you that And then September my shit goes into high gear go to Tom Segura Com slash tour a lot of people have been hitting me up on social media like Man, you should come to Indy sometime you should come to Austin like those are all on sale. They're all on sale Buffalo was added barfalo, New York is added That's a good one. So make sure you go and check out the list. It's too many to list But just check it out on my site and then get your tickets while you can Jean

Jean also, don't forget October 8th. We had to move our your mom's house live date and Irvine's We had July 9th originally scheduled, but we had some stuff. We had to move So if you had tickets for the July your mom's house live, they will be honored on October 8th in sperm vine and sorry to anybody Who we inconvenienced with that change? We're gonna bring you a treat to bring you some special treats and it could not be helped So please know that okay, so September 22nd and 23rd. I meant st. Jiu tits at the helium comedy club. Did you like that one? Yeah, st. Jiu tits is great. I said Jiu tits st. Jiu tits is great. I like st. Jiu tits, too. Yeah, st. Jiu tits And a helium comedy crib whoa, well Yoshi's on today's episode. Wait, when is your jiu tits date?

It's a September 22nd 20. No, I'm going to st. Loose tits, too. When October 27th get your life. Yeah, we added a show at the pageant OMG Well, you can see your mother's one month apart It's true. I didn't realize juice tits. Yeah, so good to get to see both of us shit homie Okay, and then October 3rd. I met Zaini's in Nashville Gashville Gashville one night only and then October 4th the comedy zone in shortlet, North Carolina It's a good time. Cackle lack of both good clubs. Yes. I approve and then

November 18th one night in Houston at the come and take it comedy festival I do one night there. Wow. Nothing. No, it's a Yoshi. Oh my gosh. She's on today's show So guys also if you're shopping on amazon, please Shop through our banner. What you do is go to your mom's house podcast dot com Click on the banner at the bottom of the home page to your shopping as you normally would it just shows your loyalty Uh, your dedication to jeans and it helps the show out. So thank you for everyone That's already been been done doing it. Thank you very much for doing that We also mentioned the show the moose soup lady shirt is out. So

OMG come over for moose soup later The shirt's out. It's on the store. Thanks for getting the fitness shirt the sub cane special edition that dose brach designed That's also out. Thank you guys for for getting all of them Let's see. Oh My god Now who's being all weird?

Geez All right, that was I like your enthusiasm in that read that was good Well, I believe in them actually I I think it's a good company I think anything that that enables me to not leave my house for useless reasons. I believe in that stuff, man I believe um look that today's a really fun episode. I think you guys are gonna enjoy it thoroughly The great yoshi has returned for another And here it is enjoy Yoshi obayashi as a guest here on your mom's house

Man milk is vegan man milk is vegan man milk is vegan man milk is vegan Acrobatic farts Acrobatic farts cyc Acrobatic farts cyc Acrobatic farts Acrobatic farts ac-acrobatic farts ac ac ac ac ac ac acacac-acrobatic farts

Acrobatic farts Acrobatic farts I guess it's vegan then I guess you said so yeah Acrobatic farts Let's see who who did that it's by Chris Spence. It's called acrobatic farts by Chris Spence. Oh Thank you Chris. Oh, thanks. Good job jeans. Good job. Great jeans. I Didn't tell you this yet, but I I'm editing my special and I went into the office today to do it Yeah, and there's this really cute like 20-something year old girl who works the reception desk

What's her tits situation like? Oh, I didn't I didn't look at them. Oh, then I don't hear the rest of the story She's really sweet and every time I come in there, you know, she's got like cool pink hair Like she's a cool younger girl. She's not like a dipshit basically, right? And she's not overly Enthusiastic or like she's she's smart. You can tell yeah, so she always takes my ID and checks me in and as I was checking in today Like a dad came in and he was signing in and then another dad came in behind her and was like April don't let him in. I don't I don't know who this guy is April. Don't let him in Don't let him in April April don't let and he kept repeating it and she kept ignoring him Yeah, as did the guy who was signing in because we were like we get the joke dad

And I felt so bad for her because I could see it. She's just like this ass Yeah, love it. Yeah Yeah It's a good joke. Yeah, and you know, she cares it like those jokes. Oh my god. Oh boy jokes Yeah, I mean poor April's probably heard that a thousand man. I don't know this is yeah. Hey You see this guy you check him out, right? All right, and she's she didn't even but the best part about her Yeah Oh my god, I love blonde jokes. The best part is that she didn't even feign

Yeah, it was funny. She's so broken by it that she was like, yeah, I get it mark or whatever his name was like Mark this is the 300th day that you've done this. Yeah But that is the plight of being an attractive young female is that dad boners are always cracking jokes and Trying to get your attention and get you to laugh at them because their wives hate their guts Probably like their children are over them. And so they that's why they always like to flirt with waitresses and young You know what it is? I think it is that I think it is it's not about It's about attention. Yeah, it's about attention

Because their wives are like shutting it down. Yeah, their wives are in menopause So anyone's eyes who light up at anything Becomes exciting to them because no lot no eyes light up at home Nobody finds them funny at home Right, their kids are old enough to know that their sense of humor is even if one person in the office is like, I like mark You know, like that's funny that he's like, this is great. This feeling is great Poor mark no attention like nobody cares about him anymore It's funny because we've been we spent the weekend together the week together. You've been home

It's been great and we went on an overnight trip at the we don't say where we say But we went on overnight and we got to see like dad's swimming and mom's walking around And um, we noticed they're we were in the lobby and there was this poor son of a bitch wearing a really baggy suit And then and white new balance right and the pants First of all was uh, it wasn't a suit. It was it was just trousers and And a sports coat that but they didn't go together. Oh, okay match But they didn't you know help each other. They didn't sure there was no, you know unison

They were the colors didn't go together and they were too short. He had high waters on so they were high up And we we were walking towards this guy And what did I say you go nobody loves him. Yeah, he has no love nobody nobody loves him I even asked him. I mean under my I didn't let him hear it, but I go does nobody love you Because no one If somebody loved him, they'd be like we're we're gonna change all this right? Well, that's the wife's job You got to check your spouse. Even it's the husband's job to check the lady

So that you don't go out into the world looking like a dipshit. He looked like a real dummy. Yeah It wasn't just you know, this isn't just fashion commentary. He looked Broken. Yeah. Well, just dorky like I'm not saying that I'm a fashionista by any stretch But there are certain rules to the game Like, you know, the white dad sneakers and high waters is definitely not a good look not a good look And we were driving in the car and we saw a lady who totally shut it down crossing the street And she was wearing what looks like those tiva kind of Birkenstock sandals with no socks You know talking about like the real utility sandal the Denver sandal the Denver sandal and then a pair of cargo shorts

And then like really functional looking tank top as well like all beige And short short hair It does, you know, there's a thing you always say is but and I think people will probably be like, oh my god Are you guys serious about this? But I think it's true That you don't see as much of that in europe, I feel like Oh, absolutely not Uh growing up my mother and my stepmother kept their shit on fleek Like so what if you had the baby yesterday like your ass is going to have your manicure done your makeup's going to be

On you're going to be wearing a nice dress and you're going to be back down to a size six bitch Yeah, like in europe it is. I mean, I I think it is unheard of. We were at the beach the other day with lj And I see two little boys playing and the mother and father are just hanging back. There's no coolers. There's no overwhelming Toys umbrellas the mother looks skinny good shape. Yeah, and I what I say to you You said Well, I remember when we saw some animal and you said I promise I'll never I'll never look like that animal for you But I I said those aren't americans. Oh, yeah, I go. This is definitely that's right. You did you did spot that Not americans and there wasn't really a dead giveaway to that being true, but then you talked to them and you were right

Yeah, the lady I talked there from the ukraine. Yeah, I knew it. I knew it because you look great You're not all panicked that your kids are jumping off the rocks, you know Uh, they they weren't a million toys and you know americans love to bring the whole fucking barbecue grill To the beach and the fucking tent and mexican americans you're saying well, I mean like I don't know. I'm not I'm not Specified But I do know that growing up. I think I know what you mean. Yeah, my mother Kept her shit tight like she still looked good and she dressed like a woman And same with my stepmother dressed like a woman dressed like a woman not like a zur right?

And I do feel like that is an american woman thing that for some reason menopause In an age and you shut it you shut the fuck down. Yeah the hormones shift. I get it I totally get think it's hard when especially when you have a baby, you don't feel pretty anymore. I will say To further that point. I think the men in those in those cultures Also keep it more together. Yeah, because you see less dad who's just like Completely let it go. Yeah, not that it doesn't exist obviously in those cultures But you see less of it. You see less you see more effort put into self maintenance. Yes, even basic fashions Um, you know like I remember in my uh semester abroad

When I lived with this Old lady in an old lady in Madrid Her son Was 20 years older than me would come visit that dude always looked You know presentable. He always looked sharp and he goes. Uh, he told me he goes. Do you know how we know? When an american He's walking down the street And you go no, how he goes because you dress like shit

That's right. Look at me right now. I'm wearing pajamas. Oh, yeah He's like t-shirts with the big stupid things on them. Yeah, and the shorts Charts. Yeah, I was like agreed. Oh, yeah, he's like, that's how we know. That's a american because he looked like shit Yeah, I'm going. Okay. Thanks, man Now the flip side is that we've earned the right to look like shit because we're number one, you know saying that is though Like a result of that it is it's like, you know what on the other hand? That's our culture. We don't do a fuck. Fuck you That's my house. This is what I do is this is my bark a lounger. Fuck you and I respect that too So I'm on both sides of the fence here

I think it's I think it's a fair thing to feel both ways actually Yeah, because there's just times where you feel like hey, can we just fucking keep it together a little more And then there's times where you go. Fuck it. I don't care. Yeah, I'm just I'm just going to target I'm looking like shit today. You know, I want my house slippers out a few times In the first year of ellis's life. I think it's always it's kind of a boss move I mean you see it a lot in in la where the Somebody pulls up in a hundred thousand dollar car But they were wearing t-shirt and shorts and slippers

That is like a very I don't know. I see that as an american thing, right? Definitely This is a really expect like I'm not going to go out of my way to Match that definitely and a specifically west coast thing. Um, you have west coast millenials that look like hobos Um, a lot right a lot. Yeah, I do look at I mean, yes Some of the most especially in show business like they look like fucking douchebags and they're milling in restaurants You know that is he runs fucking that studio and you're like that guy. It looks like shit That guy looks like he's falling apart man

But I I think just generally I think a I don't know why but like especially mothers in america I think there's this thing of like you you have children and now you're totally De-sexualized Like you're just an asexual. I think so too. You got to shut it down And it's it's sad it is sad just because I feel like european women There's still a sexuality there after you have children and shouldn't stop right you from fucking like yeah, it's silly By the way, I'm glad that this is one of your things one of your hang ups

You're always focused. I'm like, yeah Stay fucking Well, you thinking that you're a woman because you're still a person after you have children I don't know why having children makes you or the the culture Allows you to just like well, I'll have a kid now. I got to shut everything down It's so weird. Why aren't you still a sexual being you're still a person because you have a kid Yeah, you're just raising a child. That's the thing. It's a it's a mental shift. They're they're saying I have a kid Therefore I have to give fully to this kid and all those other aspects of who I was or am

I have to close those but you don't you don't have to no one doesn't exclude the other right? You can have a you can have many identities Yeah, mommy is just but I think too that's the big mommy obsession in this country too that moms have to be perfect and Yeah, be totally devoted 100 all the time. It's a lot of pressure and if you don't then you're bad Yeah, you suck You're a bad mom just because you lick dad's balls I don't know about that part. I don't know about that part What's that? Oh, we haven't done a proper show open, but I want you to talk about my future

Yeah, you got it. You got it. All right. Let's get this show started officially official official. Here we go But I want to get the message out that it's okay for women to park because I'm fighting for women's rights You know, like a lot of women feel embarrassed. They don't want to park in bed in a guy's face But I'm saying like I'm the type of guy, you know, I don't mind like I'm into that stuff So I'm trying to get guys like me that to join this movement because I think we could really change the world Guys that like women Who is randy don't bring anyone loving to this Well, welcome, welcome to your mom's house

With Don Segura And Christina Oh Um I don't know who this fucking lunatic is I didn't know there was a problem with women bob smith sits around union square in new york city filming from the cure Oh, okay, so he know bob is the one that's filming the people So he has millions of these videos this duty films in the video is named roman

He smells women's farts to fight for women's rights By the way, I think the tie in there that I was thinking was that part of shutting it down What is is a result of the of feminism in other words I think for probably many years It was so unacceptable to shut it down That part of like right backlash now backlash was i'm gonna shut it down. I'm not doing that for you True, you know, so I do think that there's it and people thank god people like like roman are keeping women's rights You know on the table how selfless of him to sniff women's asses in public so that they feel like

I love my favorite thing is when a dude who's just who's just trying to get a nut Yeah Changes the narrative to that it's a bigger thing Of course One of my favorite moves of dudes and only men are capable of spinning that type of nonsense to get laid Yeah, like dude, you just like farts. Yeah, because it makes your dick hard You don't have to be like I want to change the world and right The best is the guru the guy who's like the twin goddess activation

Oh, yeah, he was great. Yeah, that guy's just a fucking douchebag such a sign and the rub rub guy I mean, he's just a guy that likes to jerk his cock and all day He has a sign in his hand It just says fart smeller that he's holding in union square Which is a dad joke too with the gui he's a real fart smeller. I mean smart feller You heard that one? Oh, no, I've heard that one, but that's good. Yeah, they're not actually farting though They're just putting their butt in your face A lot of them are really farting

Cool, man. Yeah, he's just a perv that likes to sniff girls' butts and Don't let him but I mean, that's it man. You don't have to be like message out there Right What a crusader The reason that he says that is because it's led to it happening so many times in other words He's he's asked women kind of will you fart my face and a lot of you know, sometimes it's happened Sometimes it's not but when he changes the narrative to Empower me. I'm I believe women's rights. I think it's ridiculous that

Then every once in a while somebody's like, okay, like he hoses them into that So now it's automated in his head. Like that's what I got to say Right, it's a positive spin on a very negative weird thing Which I mean, I congratulate him for finding that but it is nonsense that it's women's rights. Really? That's weird What the rights thing Right, it's awesome. Yeah, yeah make us more like like animals like to get rid of civilization You know a civilization and capitalism is a problem. Like if we are farting from the spaces we get rid of the stock market You know, we just turn it back into animals. We don't got to worry about all the scrapers

But we share everything and we have totally college. So this is like anti-capitalist Yeah anti now it's anti-capitalist. So he's really going out there. He's got a bigger scope Really making a change. Why don't you give him some credit for having that? That's very closed-minded of me to to see it that way. Do you think he has a Girlfriend like what's the life like women's rights? What's his personal life? What I'm so curious about these lunatics like what do you think is happening? This guy probably could have a much more fulfilling life if he wasn't so hung up on those farts all the time I think it's probably I think it's a big distraction for him

A lot of his thoughts and planning and days are just and you know When his parents are like, what'd you do this weekend? He has to come up with a whole other story because he's like I spent Friday planning this thing and then saturday I I got to the park at at 8 a.m. And I redid my sign. It wasn't right and then And then I spent about six hours So you're saying that it's kind of an obsessive thing with him It's taken over his life at this point. Yeah, I think you're right. This I think this guy should just hire someone too

I think it's so he probably gets so much more done if he would just like find a woman If it's not a woman that he could date then just be like Hey, do you think you could spend like a few hours just farting from it and like I'll pay you You know, I mean then he doesn't have money though. That's the problem. Yeah, he doesn't have money. He doesn't have a job He's got all this time to devote to the fart smelling thing. Yeah, it's it's a lot. It's a movement He's creating a movement, babe But I think if he would get a job and just hire his fart lady see that would be better You just get more done in life, you know

It is more productive. You got to get some things done, dude Well, look, there's a lot of lady that likes like they like to fart ladies. We found their videos. Why doesn't it connect? Well, actually in this thing maybe because it looked old it looked kind of whoa It looked kind of old I would think that with the right amount of ads just computer You know website ad like going on meet people That he could especially like some fetish connect thing. Yeah, yeah, he could probably find someone I mean, it's not do you like the fart? Yeah, I like to smell them. Sure

And he seemed nice enough that I'm sure somebody would like him, you know, yeah, he's somebody's type You could have you could have dinner with that guy. He's he he was a social. I don't know. I'm not saying you I'm saying that like he's not so weird that you go Look that guy's just fucking straight up psycho. It is obsession though He he he's placing all of his eggs in this fart basket Emotionally, you know speaking of that, you know what hasn't happened in a while. We haven't gotten the main farder on the show All right, let's give top dog a call. I'd love to Stop dog

Hey, buddy. Hey, it's top dog Hey, buddy. It's top dog You need to wipe down Stop dog. Hey. Yeah. So let's see here Yeah, so on our trip on our overnight mommy trip. We just took we heard a brand new dad joke From radio that I did from radio. It was like on I called in to like choppy chopper and the road dog Yeah, yeah, and I love by the way that when I called into radio They'll sometimes right before they'll tell you who's in the room. So they'll be like

Hey, um, it's a man and mike just so you know, you're on the phone with him. You're like, oh, okay And this time they were like, hey, it's a it's a gym the ranger and laura. I'm like, uh-huh sure Like it's uh, who cares. I don't know who these people are But I mean also just uh that you're going to be like, can I talk to the ranger? Right. Right. Right. Like, yeah, I mean you're going to talk to hound dog in the blood game And you're like, I'm not going to ask for hound dog. It's not gonna happen. So anyways, we're talking about you Yeah, and it got like I realized Just had a serious tone. I was like, you know, we've been together and blah, blah, blah

And then I can tell that there's just they're just kind of waiting like there's a serious And then I go, but she's got a couple of, you know, big old hangers on her and that's grand They're like, oh, that's awesome, man I guess I go she's got two big sloppers on her and he's like, I love this guy And there's laura here. She's got a couple of state droopers on her Which I actually think is very funny. I thought that was funny too. State droopers. I've never heard that before. I thought it was pretty great That is such a great new dad joke. I think that's really funny. We have to run by Of course, we have to get his stamp approval on it. Let's see if this works. A couple of state droopers

So stupid. How should we tell? Should we tell them that somebody said it or yeah, he calls his wife's tits state droopers A couple of states. Hello? Dad Hey buddy, how you doing? Good. It's been a while Yeah, how are you? Well, I'm doing good, you know, just working half day. It's nice That's nice Hey, I you know, one of my buddies has a funny Uh, reference. I don't know if you've heard this before but he calls his wife's boobs

Uh, state droopers Called her what he calls her boobs state droopers Oh my god, I can't believe Oh That's what I call a loving comment Yeah It's pretty funny They don't make bulletproof vests for women with boobs. Do they not?

No Well, what do they do? I don't know. I mean, are you well versed in the bulletproof vest market? I asked one of uh, I asked one of my, uh, you know, my secretary is uh I'll send a cop Yeah Okay, an actress. They have a special model for women and she says I don't think so Oh, all right. Well Very well, oh by the way, an accurate. Yeah, uh, so there's been a lot of excitement

Uh, anticipation about what's gonna happen With fartmistress.com the website that I bought and yeah, and uh, and whether or not mom is gonna fart on it and You know At first I was going to try to raise money But now I think what I'm gonna do Is just pay her myself But she was saying that she felt like a prostitute, but I mean she don't have to get naked or anything. You just fart. What's the big deal?

You know, I really don't understand. I I mean Uh, the other day I did I I tell you about that that shit I did the other day. Oh Good no No, all right, so I'm on a road trip up there seeing Jane And what always happens when you go on a road trip If you get up in the morning you hit the road and I'm on the highway. Yeah, and if I do that You know my 815 bombs away time is Doesn't happen. So I went a whole day without a single shit. Oh, no

Yeah, that's really bad Well, I knew it was gonna happen the next day. I know it's gonna be ugly So, uh woke up, you know I'm home back to my normal routine kind of did a kind of a You know kind of a smaller one probably because I don't know I couldn't What that big and then I'm driving to the gate Of the where we live and

All of a sudden I feel it coming and I know that feeling I said, oh my god, am I gonna make it So you are on your way in or out on the way into the subdivision. Okay. Yeah So, you know head in down there and then you know, you know that feeling when you have to go you have to kind of Squeeze your cheeks together. You have to stretch your legs out Yeah, how far are you from the house as you're feeling this? Oh, I'm um You know Quarter mile. Okay. So I make the left hand turn down. I street pulling the driveway

But then I got to get out of the car, you know, I got to keep my cheeks together as I'm getting out of the car and The whole idea is you know to try to run in there And I had to make that right turn and when I made that right turn Uh, you know, some of it just flipped out what Some of the shit came came out and I when I got there on the toilet

Oh, you know, it was really messy, you know, I mean I had I had some In fact, it was so messy that I had to wipe I know normally do this but I had some on my left cheek I had to you know, wipe my left cheek with my left hand. I mean, I had you know, wow That's it. That's like it on orthodox. It feels different right to use your other hand Well, it does it's very unorthodox and then then I looked down my underwear and I could see some shit Basically, I had a few and you know Nibblets in my underwear

And then I looked inside my trousers and some of it Fell into inside my trousers. So did you throw that stuff away? What do you do with that? Oh Oh, no, no, I just uh Rinse it off in the uh, in the laundry. We just rinse it off and Let's soak and and uh, you know, why would you why wouldn't you just throw the underwear out? Well, why should it's perfectly good underwear? Not anymore. It's not it's covered in shit because it's got listen. Listen. I I I know a lot about you know Sunset in your pants kind of stuff and thanks a lot more that

To ruin a good pair of underwear. What is it? I mean, what would it take to ruin a good pair of underwear? Mostly when the elastic It's worn out because I mean, so if you had like a full if you got a full shit in your pants, you'd still keep them Yeah, I mean I died what I do is just take the shit put it in the toilet and uh Rent the rest of it in the end It's okay, then that's and that'd be and then you know, you just recycle listen Somebody always nasty you too throw good underwear away That's but it's not good anymore. It's not good anymore. That's the whole point

Oh, it is good. What's what you put in wash machine and hot water and soap comes out Nice and white or blue whatever color it was All right, no, man another episode. No, you should just try to tell you what I what the the the the issue here really for me was I have to when I when I really got to go I got to work on making those turns into the bathroom Are you got to work on that? Yeah, because I I made that turn and of course it means you put your legs And when you make that turn that's when my weight. So what's he talking? What turn are you talking about though?

Going from in the house to the bathroom So through the laundry room Yeah, the laundry room and I got a turn right closest bathroom, you know Is the guest bathroom did you jump in the shower after that? Oh, yeah, of course. Yeah after yeah after yeah, it was I had to it was such a mess. I had jumped in the shower And uh Hey, um, what's up with the uh, I'm just changing the topic because I'm I'm about to puke in my mouth, but What do you are you into those new bra new bras mom got are you still digging those or you not mean you're not liking those anymore?

Well, I'm a lace man, okay Yeah, I was like I always like to see through, you know, give a little a little You know see through there see that nipples and other things. I've always been a lace guy and You know these functional lift bras with you know, I've never been my My favorites, but yeah, I'm not gonna tell her that is she wearing the what is she wearing now the functional ones Oh, yeah, she's all functional. Yeah, but why don't you just get her some lace ones? Yeah, just she'll wear them for you But she doesn't like that. She did but she likes the functional Um, you know

You know, so I was telling uh, I was telling Christina About this girl I went out with in college once who she had such A full bush that it looked like she had a pair of balls when she when she had her panties on it was like too much Well, you know my generation it was all about the bush. Okay. Oh I mean my generation the girls never shaved. Okay, just just to do that And you would classify women by nationality whether they had big bush or little bush. Oh really? Oh, yeah. Yeah, so basically you're Italians You're greeks. Yeah, you're you know, jewish

red black black bushes Scandinavians you're you know, right? Norwegians They had you know very little right and with and and and the Irish to death the english You never knew what you were gonna get with that. I mean it was all over the map. Okay But the big ones right there the big the big black bushes were there

uh, you know that Kind of lower European Mediterranean right in the uh, well, that's what this girl was she was uh, portuguese Yeah, yeah, oh yeah, I can imagine. I mean I saw those panties and I go I'm about to hook up with a guy right now Well, I tell you some of those girls in those days They did partial shapes because you know that they they would it would almost be like a a A uh Like a reverse triangle, you know What kind of the hair would kind of go up towards the navel so girls would would shave themselves partially

Oh like from below the navel Because it would grow it would grow up so high Oh, yeah, you couldn't wear bikini otherwise. Oh, I see. Yeah Yeah, oh that's very common in our generation. Yeah Yeah, this girl had a lot of hair a small penis, but a lot of hair She had a small penis, but a lot of hair Yeah I'm so thrilled

Yeah Yeah But I haven't had an accident like that Tommy in a long time. Uh I Feel like I feel like it's happened a few times in the last year though. I feel like it's not that Well, it's all it's all due, you know, if the it's all due to when I travel in the car What happens is, you know, when you get up you're you're you're not in your routine

You eat differently in the morning. Yeah coffee You know, you're on the road and then for some reason It just stays there in your rectum or I know I have a lot of Travel day problems, you know travel day effects. I don't know how you do it quite frankly. I mean, you know, I don't know I'm getting I'm getting my teeth whitened the week after next Um, do you want to say you guys up when you're out here? Uh, your mother would want me to get my teeth white. Are you opposed to that?

No, I'm not I just don't want it to be so white But it makes me look like, you know, I'm kind of christmas decoration I'm gonna take that's gonna be my gift to you if you come out. Um in the next few months I'm gonna work work on that. Thanks. Give me a thing. Okay. So, okay. All right. That'd be great. All right. Uh, look I got a run. I love you. Love you. I'll talk to you later. Okay, buddy. Okay. Bye. Bye That was pretty much Amazing I didn't know about the lacy bra that he likes to see the nipple. All right. Uh, and we would classify them

Okay That is so gross. How does it feel to know your dad's sexuality and his sexual preferences? It's more than I need It's more than I need. Do you feel like you want to marry your dad? Uh, uh No So gross, right? Yeah How come it's never okay to know your parents sexual stuff even when you're like a 40 year old grown ass man I don't know. You never want to know when I hear about it. What gives your dad a heart on no And like he gets more comfortable with it with age

Because we'll be hanging out like I bet she's gonna She didn't take care of you. All right in the sack Look at her over there. You're like, uh Yeah, I bet she would Couple of state droopers. Okay. Okay All right, we got to remind him about that when he's out here so that he starts saying it more I feel like he could really adapt that he would love to introduce that to his friends

That's what I'm saying. He's just need some reminders. We need to drill him on it and then he'll yeah, he'll take it back to florida You know, we made love recently And it was great, but I was thinking there's always room to improve, you know So we're gonna talk about one of the scariest parts of that initial dating experience And that's the first kiss We're gonna talk a little bit about the first kiss and then we're gonna talk a little bit about some advanced kissing Is this real? This is real. This is one of the things that's really cool about kissing We always have learned to kiss when we're both giving and receiving at the same time

But actually an amazing way to kiss is just to give or just to receive. Oh boy That's true. What do you think happens next? Joanna is just going to throw up lips and she's just going to receive my kiss I'll just start there I hate watching people kiss. She's not kissing back. It's so uncomfortable. She's feeling All of my energy that we talked about in the touch exercise And the sensation of the softness of my lips against her. That was beautiful Great dad He looks like such a fucking dad total boner

Do you but isn't that what's called being a bad kisser when you're just limp and you don't respond? Well, they're advanced. So maybe not They're intimacy experts. It feels like she's making out with her golf coach or something. Yeah, he's super lame, dude Well, he he's not cool. Neither is she but like he's super bonery like he's not even he's not even trying gave up I know he just seems like such a fucking Manager of the of the you know the like the sunglasses shop. Yeah, he's such a four corners, dude All right, so there's a lot of a lot of things you can do you have a whole playground around the lips You have the outer part of the lips. You have the inner this is real

You have upper lip lower lip which feel entirely different. Yeah, absolutely. How you know that you fucking nerd Yeah, you dorks You can use your lips to kiss you can use one lip throw up your tongue to kiss and you can do all this Just on the outer lips before we even go inside. She can just inside just lick your mouth There you go I gotta say I get oh, look at ponytail guy right here How was that? It was good. I got a comfortable Watching that scene in billions when they

When they show Perceived real fucking on a show or movie. Showtime loves to do that by the way Showtime will always open on an uncomfortable sex scene. Yeah, but that guy the star of billions has a weird mouth He does you and I have time he was uh, he played agent Brody Brody Stevens Steven Brody Stevens even broding Stevens from homeland He played the red-haired guy that Claire Danes, you know, looks up with whatever but His mouth is just so hard. They're a name for that to get over. Is it like called Burt mouth or something? Where they have like the shape of the teeth is weird

Burt mouth. Yeah, you know who else has a mouth like that? Um Bill Walton, you know that is of course you don't look at this You have so much to stain for my lack of sports knowledge. I know, but I don't care about sports. Why would I know? This guy's such a dork. He doesn't get laid at all Who's doing the intimacy expert? Let's see here Why would you pay money for these two dorks to do? Whoa, look at those teeth

But see how the um chompers are unusually large the shape the shape is kind of similar Yeah, not good. Oh my god. Yeah, but I'm saying his lips Agent Brody Stevens lips is weird God the teeth are all wrong and they're all fake. So he should have had them done smaller Yeah But he's always had that. I mean, that's the shape of his mouth, you know, he has that What's that guy's name? They have the same mouth

No, yeah It's similar, but his lips are not the Where the teeth start to go back is sooner So in other words the mouth goes is more the teeth are more narrow than wide Okay, look up for agent Brody agent. Okay, look up billions. Yeah, just google billions the star So people know what we're talking about, but his lips are weird. I'm just saying the shape of his without his mouth open Even I don't the lips really put me off

Yeah, plus he's a he's a red-haired guy. It's not my it's not my lane Damian Lewis That's the actor. Yeah, he's a great actor. He's like I think New Zealander Is that right kiwi or bread or whatever? Is he not no or australian? Is he or mom's trillion? He does the american accent flawlessly. He's english. He's english. You can't even tell the guy's english. Yeah Yeah Yeah, because he and the wife were fucking in their pool Which by the way, I don't know who has sex in a pool because all the water goes up your vagine and it's so uncomfortable It's bullshit. Yeah, his mouth looks super weird, but it looks weirder when it's closed his lips are yeah, see see the shape of it

It's like He's such a great actor. Oh His mouth always bothered me in homeland. It's probably bothered him a lot too. Yeah But he's like he's gotten I mean for having a weird mouth. Yeah, he's a really confident weird mouth guy Yeah, see how he was talking about they go back. Yeah. Yeah, we're as opposed to wide Right. Yeah, so that and that's what bill walton has I see you're saying they got it's like a it's like a smiley shape or something on teeth. Yeah So weird, huh? Yeah, it's like

It's the that's what it is. Yeah, no, I know those are but the teeth Oh, they also went way too big on those veneers man. You gotta be careful with those veneers. Those are huge. They're donkey teeth. Yeah By the way, what if we get my dad to get really really really white teeth? And veneers too like super white donkey veneers so fucking hard. Yeah Well, I'm just thinking one's last time your dad went to the dentist all Oh, yeah, I know we well, we could ask that it's been a while It has been a while because your sisters are always so mean to him about his breath They're always like god your breath and they shove like gum in his mouth all the time

He's like, oh, oh, yeah, your dad's got the worst dad mouth. He's got total dad mouth Yeah, he's got total total fucking dad mouth Is that that the dads just don't brush their teeth at all? Is that what happens or just being old? It's like it's So there's a lot of a lot of things you can do you have a whole playground around the lips You have the outer part of the lips you have the inner part of the lips You have upper lip lower lip which feel entirely different I'm gonna throw up that you can use your lips to kiss you can use one lip to kiss

The other thing that we're doing is we're kissing with our eyes open. Yeah No, don't that connections and there's a connection at our hearts There's the connection of our lips. There's the connection of our eyes. Here's why that's this is bullshit We just dance kissing with your eyes open is also how someone who has never kissed before right? Then they're right they're trying to say this is advanced If you if you have two eighth graders make out they're gonna go like And one of them's gonna be like close your fucking eyes weird Basically what they're giving you is like rookie kissy moves and they're saying that it's advanced

It's not advanced. It's not advanced. This is fucking you're right. It's like The other thing you can do when you're kissing is using your breath There's a blowing that can happen and we can actually even nibble too What? It is weird to watch people do this Oh my god, if someone did that to me, I would vomit if someone and that's the thing is that I would laugh Yeah, it's intentionally trying it's trying hard to be sexy Like I was watching this show gypsy on netflix. See guys. See guys. See guys gitanos de mierda

It's not about them though. Just so you know and Naomi Watts is making out with this girl this younger girl and she goes I want you to dance for me And the girl does it and it's so corny. I know and we were just we were making fun of it last night I was like tom I want you to dance for me like who does that like who can do it with a serious face people that aren't assholes That's the thing is we're too jaded to do is that right? Yes, of course But I feel like that would be taking myself way too seriously the uh, by the way

I've told you about the tongue lead kisser. Yeah They're telling you to do that these dorks. I thought that was terrible. I thought that was some juvenile shit This is like a a woman I went out with a few times And every time like even if you were like Um, okay, so I'll see you later and you gave a kiss. She would put her tongue in your mouth Yeah, we didn't know you mean she would lead with her tongue, right? So she stick her tongue like what they're telling you to do like You you would just I mean it's it's for us like what you would expect to be just a Not a make-out kiss just a peck. Goodbye. Good. Bye or good. I picked you up like good to see you

You'd feel the tongue come into your mouth And I was like, I don't know. I can't get over this. What are you doing? What is she I remember telling people I worked with I was like, I don't think I can get over this Because I don't know how to bring it up. Yeah, how do you bring that up to something? It wasn't one time This was oh, so it wasn't like an accident like I know we went out probably Four or five times and every time she gave you a hello and goodbye kiss. It was tongue Every single kiss had tongue Every single one. So do you think that she just had it out there?

You know how parakeets like they always have their tongue kind of it was just always out I don't know. I think that she my interpretation was she thought this is super sexy Oh, it's just trying to be an expert intimacy person not a novice like us and I was more like you don't mean You can pull you can pull that in sometimes I Yeah, I mean imagine imagine if every kiss a tongue was going into you. I don't like it I don't like it too much. It's too much tongue I don't like um, I ended up having anxiety about her kisses. Of course. Yeah, of course

I don't even like mouth kissing um friends. Goodbye Yeah, uh, or Mouth kissing my son. I think it's more with women. I've I have had women Friends where there's definitely there is nothing there Sexually, they're they're married or they're they're in relationships and they're happy and they greet with mouth kisses I agree. Yes. That's what I'm saying. It happens. Do you have that now with women but with men? Yes, male friends and I'm like, I what and I kind of have to turn like I go for the cheek So guys will lead with it. Yeah, say I've never I mean I've never

Obviously they've never done it to me. I didn't know that men would lead with yeah Yeah, it's like it's an la thing. It's like a a hipster. It's like a cool la person thing Is it really? Yeah, if you're cool, you do a mouth kiss which I don't do. I don't kiss people's mouths. Yeah No, it's like it's like a cool person good to see you and mouth kiss Yeah, yeah, I mean the last time it felt to me like it was kind of a cool, but high society thing Yeah, that's right. Right. It was elite people that I that I encountered doing that or I don't like always Was so jarring to be like wow, what'd you just do? I don't like that I told you I I had friends in high school who

The whole family kissed on the mouth the son would kiss the dad's mouth The mother would kiss the son's mouth the little girl the sister would kiss the brother's mouth The dad and the and the son would kiss on the mouth. Okay, like what and he was like 17 years old. Bye. Good night. Good. Bye guys Everybody's mouth kissing in the whole family. That is a lot super weird I told you the one time and I I brought this up on the show like many years ago One time I was kissing my stepdad. Goodbye And he turned his head Just as I was going for his cheek and we and and I kissed like the corner of his mouth

Yeah, like I've been thinking about it for 20 years. Yeah, that's how long ago that you guys say something then or no No, it was just like But you think about it like uh that one time my corner mouth kissed my stepdad gross. Yeah, that's gross That would make me uncomfortable. You ever mouth kiss your mom your You ever kiss your mom? Huh, it's just like the gaze. It's just like the gaze No No gross. Yeah

No, I don't want mouth kisses Not from family or strangers I even our son I feel weird. I feel like that's not okay. Mouth kissing I've seen that people kiss their children like they're small children. Yeah, and I know a lot of people do it to small kids I think it's not too crazy But what happened when the boy's like 12 are you still mouth kissing your son? Probably I'm not sure that's okay You want to give mommy a kiss on the mouth?

What else do they have the intimacy experts these two are the experts And that's how it's done So you saw how it kind of moved back and forth and I would pause and then Joanna would pause I would pause and when you feel the other person pause and you know That's your cue to take lead and you need to kiss for a while I want to throw up and just dance with it and you can play inside and outside Slowly moving your tongue or even using your teeth just in a gentle way But you can do so much and you can feel the energy

It would make me so uncomfortable To be at this. Oh my god. Oh my god. Okay. Would you rather would you rather the other thing? That's what? Oh, no, come on. You haven't even listened. Okay. Would you rather? Uh-huh Okay, would you rather uh burning man we go to burning man for two weeks and You're two weeks. You're not showering. You've got that playa dust You've got playa dust in your asshole in your eyes and your beard

You're taking shits and porta potties. It's 120 degrees during the day. You know me. Well, uh, there's There's vagina eating contests. There's just dirty hippies everywhere or It's two weeks of the intimacy class. I think I would go the end of intimacy. I think you found my I can't do burning man for two weeks two weeks What if it's one week each? What if I shorten the time? Um, Everything about burning man is what I hate So or Coachella this insert Coachella there too would at least entertain me Yeah, I'd be more entertained by the intimacy class

But this will be but the end it's the intimacy that makes me uncomfortable Because then because then they'll be like tom and christina You guys try in front of everybody and then I'd be like, oh my I know but I would be laughing And I'd like that there's air conditioning There's a bathroom and all that stuff It really bothers me about those festivals. Well the burning man in particular because it's playa dust. You're out on a Playa, whatever, you know, I had some some fucking idiot that listens to our show message me about he's like When did you become like

Like such a bitch about crowds? Oh, always I'm like we talking about and also I never understand when somebody's like upset about you not liking something that they like Yes, like why the fuck do you think that that's a a logical point to bring up? Hey, man, I like festivals. How can you not like festival? I'm not you you dumb fuck Yeah, I know he has to have everybody agree with him to feel good in the world We all have to like the same thing silly like they're obviously there are Scores of people who love burning man. Love Coachella and many more who don't it's just not for us. Yeah, of course

It's not my scene man. I'm a fucking adult I can't do that crap somebody I'm an adult message this this was uh, it's pretty cool grown ass woman. I don't Sit in my own filth for a week like an asshole. No, here we go. Look at this Yeah, hold on email. Hey, mommies. I was talking to my wife about our weight loss I for completely forgot what inspired me to change my life In the summer of 2014. I weighed just over 500 pounds I was always the big funny guy I love comedy one night after work my wife and I decided to watch tom's special

Well, as you know, you have a bit about how you shouldn't have diarrhea every day And mommy tina offers a ride to the hospital. This is 100 true by the way that bit is based on Reality you came out we were in silver lake and you came out and I go Do you need to go to the hospital and that line is in the bit? I mean, that's the real line That shit was the funniest thing I've ever heard. I remember thinking ha ha ha only Oh my god, that's totally true. That's me. Oh my god. That is me It was the only statement that actually broke through my fat head and now i'm down 225 pounds Wow, my wife joined me soon after she's lost 125 pounds. Wow together. We've lost

Half a burnt chrysler. Wow, that is true. Amazing. So thank you. Your comedy does a lot more than make people laugh I haven't gotten updated Before and after in over a year, but here's some proof Next time you're in columbus come over for some mousse soup Get a little in Look at this guy Wow This is the early

So here he's over five bills. Wow, man. And here he's lost 225 pounds. Amazing. Congratulations gene. That is really something man That is really something. Congratulations to you. Wow. It's really great. I don't see is your name in here No, so I don't know who sent this but you obviously know who you are if you sent it and uh Wow, we congratulate you. That's amazing. Speaking of mousse soup. It's a mousse soup day. Oh my god people Have gone bananas for mousse soup lady We can get into some of that And we did it because you asked us to a lot. You asked us here it is

Come down for mousse soup shirt on sale Go to merch method.com slash tom Segura You will see The mousse soup lady Shirt come down later for mousse soup. Who designed that? So, uh, this was this was submitted to us by

Andrew oyan. So thank you, Andrew for Submitting this design. Yep. We saw it and fell in love with it. And this is it come down later for mousse soup There it is. Thank you, Andrew. Bitch. It's a really cool design. Yeah. Um, they are fully stocked all the sizes Uh, I want to thank everybody also Who obviously supports the show in so many ways, but I wanted to thank everybody that ordered that special edition sub cane shirt Um

Those started going out and then the the mostly stories Signed vinyl. Hmm. I went back and signed a hundred more of them crazy those went out as well I'm so surprised that people are ordering vinyl I'd never done it. Here's how many they um, there was such a demand for it that uh, I got completely normal the first special On vinyl, uh, it'll go out next month. Awesome. So I'll let you know when those arrive But yeah, there's making fitness. Everybody's been super supportive Of our store and it it totally helps Uh, support this show. So thank you guys for doing that

Come down later for mousse soup. Come down later for mousse soup Um, so I've found the mousse soup lady on facebook and I'm obsessed with her and I I love her Come down later for mousse soup. She really sells mousse soup. You know that like it's her thing Like she sells That's her singing at a party Hey That's that's that's mousse soup lady singing It's that voice the voice the best part is actually not seen

Exactly. It's hearing her. You don't need to see her to I mean, she looks like how you imagine Let's just put it that way. Like she looks like that person Quite a voice This is actually somebody who I'm better suited to impersonate than you are and it's a woman I My natural voice is closer Okay, you get the idea Well, but how do you get that voice it starts deep because here's the thing

I have a pretty deep lady voice. Do you think in 20 years I could get mousse soup lady voice? Um, I don't know but I'd have to start smoking again I don't know See if this is uh, no, that's somebody else's Um, yeah, there's a lot of smoking involved, but I have to start smoking again. Yeah Here she is. Uh, this is my another good one just It's on like a

A canoe out on the water and A small boat You don't you don't move very bad It's too loud. It's too horrible. Yeah, the the boat Yeah, it's too loud doesn't work. All right, but you get the idea It's those types of it's really her. It's all her. It's all real. Yeah, I move soup. She sells mousse soup It's on she has a garage sale right now. She just posed about a garage sale And she's like I have mousse soup bread dinner rolls

I don't know. She posed her phone number That's crazy guys. Do not if you find her, please leave her alone. Don't don't don't don't We don't want to interrupt this. She's a normal. Yeah, I'm living a life. Like let's not mess with her Mousse soup, but she's just she's the best dude. She's oh, it says that she's a uh Professional cook. Oh, wow. Yeah, so maybe she does make amazing Mousse soup, you know, that's cool. Well next time we're in alaska. We should look her up. She's single Is that too? There you go. Yeah Would you date the mousse soup lady? No, I think at this time in my life, it's not appropriate

Why I'm younger Maybe wait a little while How long is this yours? Is this your wife after me? I don't think what is my wife after me like again? So we had this discussion Who you would marry after me like your second wife and I was like you're probably gonna well I think I think you should point out that at first I suggested I was like Oh, I could see it being like a latin guy and you're like, yeah, and I go You're like a brazilian or something and you're like, oh, I could see that

So I was like, that's what I set up to you. I was like I could see that being Your next I would go brazilian. I love portuguese and that's how and you were like that is neat And then you go I go what about me and you said and I go I see you with some nasty porno chick Like some girl who's like I'm gonna fucking piss on your balls And I'm gonna put a baseball bat in my ass Like stuff like that. That's what I see you with Cool Really cool. Well, I but hear me out

go on because I I see you with somebody like that because you know, you did like the good family guy thing on our our marriage like We're doing the kid and the dogs and like a normal existence and who knows you might get so famous That reality gets distorted like it does with a lot of really famous guys You could be that guy, you know pushing your dick through a wire fence to get it sucked and and then I you know what I mean the like that's not weird And then you could be like, I'm so sick of this boring wife and kid lifestyle

Yeah, I got to get with the girl that pisses on my balls. That's just gonna have why does she piss on my balls? That's what you like. That's not what it is because you've been repressing your savage desire like yes trish and bobby They have a pretty good sex life like we have a pretty consistent thing here and bobby or trish and bobby But I know I mean like I feel like you're gonna have some real deviant shit coming out on your Later in life. Yeah You told me as long as it's later in life. It's cool though. You're like, oh after like 20 years you can Oh, once our kid is in college. Yeah, you want a divorce fine, but let's stay together. No, you said we stay together But I can be like, oh, yeah, I want to go like get my balls. You think that's licensed to do that stuff

That's not what I meant. Oh, I'm gonna know if if we I like you so much as a person if in 20 years we fucking like the marriage is just not working. Yeah But maybe we still live together like the french do. Oh, okay. Oh, but we have you have your paramour. Okay, but I like you That's that's what I'm saying. Like I like to stay married. I like you too I don't know why you think I'm gonna go get my balls pissed because that's okay. I know you I just I feel like that's gonna be your next thing like my next thing is getting my balls pissed on All right Well, we'll be joined by the great yoshi obayashi here in just a few minutes

So why don't we uh, take a quick break and we'll be back with him omg And We're back and we're joined by one of the all-time Great guests of your mom's house podcast mr. Yoshi obayashi Thanks guys It's your song Thanks for it's always good to see you last time we saw you live. I think was at the live show. Yeah Irvine sperm vine california, but I think the last time I did a show at your place. It's been a couple years

Well, you were in the old student like our old place. Yeah by The beach area. Yeah. Yeah long time ago. We've had two studios since right time. Yeah one two And this is the third one. So we just yeah And actually if you want to add up all the different rooms we've done it in There's that there's the first room in silver lake. Yeah. Oh, that's right. The og spot. Yeah, that's the og spot Then the beach Room then the beach office did that one too. Yeah, you did that one too. Then The the rental house

And then here so there's five total rooms. I know let's hope this one stays for a while. Oh my god It's just like a sports franchise. Finally. You guys got a real. I mean, this is really fancy. Yeah. Yeah This is a real place to do it in men. Yeah So it's um, it's always good to see you man. It's good. I'm glad you could come here. All right. Okay I don't even have to be here I Know you've been you've been doing a lot of things man. You were were you in europe you said right recently? Yeah, but before your fans are so

I mean, they're just so they love you You're you're a home run with it when it comes to our fans in this show They're very very kind and even show up in some shady Dive bars and I couldn't believe it. Really? Yeah, they're always coupling and no matter how how much of a horrible things I see on stage They're they're just so lovely and you're good at that. You say some horrible horrible things. Yes The last show this lady I think the tail end of the show

Your your fans over there the tail end of it. She said I laugh at every joke you did. I even laughed at your Fisting joke, but when you made jokes by AIDS my brother died 25 years ago and she was very upset with me When people are upset, I let them say whatever. You know, they paid so and How does it affect you when they when they are upset and does it does it affect you in some way though? I mean, I believe in I do have feelings But like I don't want to get into the detail But there's not not once of ounce of malice in that joke. It was trying to I totally believe you I'm trying to make people be sympathetic. But how do you handle her like when she says

I'm very upset and and she's done saying it. Do you say something in response? You know, it's like I let her I don't interrupt. Yeah, I let her say it. Yeah, because this is not she was trying to get attention She was genuinely her and she was hearing me say horrible stuff. She was All the way with me for the tail end of it. I let her speak all the way and she got her stuff She got out and soon as she closed the door. I said But I have 20 more AIDS jokes for you and if people laugh, but Situations like that you you should let them say whatever. I'm okay with that. Yeah And I think this is something I face a lot in sweden, you know, I remember saying something about

They literally they take jokes literally they get upset without not knowing the intention. Would that make sense to you? Yeah But what I also tell them like I don't have a problem you speaking during the show And uh, that's okay with me But when you do that, you're basically saying everyone in the room have no rights to hear what I have to say Because people jump to conclusion about right. Yeah, so but I think I don't think this is just me There's a lot of comedians are facing this like a couple weeks ago when bell mark on trouble for that joke Uh, he's been very supportive minorities. You know, um, I listened to that joke He used an anywhere. I don't think it was malicious at all and

People are just overreacting. Uh, it was pretty big reaction. I think, you know people he um Bigger bigger issues institutionalized. I can't even say that racism and young black kids getting shot And those are the bigger issues. Not a joke. Not a joke. Yeah. Yeah. I think I think he he did do that thing where it's like, um Him saying that joke If he were like hanging out with like in a room Yeah, would be people would laugh and have no like if he was with comics for sure, right? Um But doing it on tv. It's like it's one of those things where

I think people interpret it as it's not so much the joke Yeah, but they're going you you think you have a pass Why do you think you like that's what a lot of people Was we're taking it, right? Yeah, like why do you get to say that? You know and also people who are who are not a fan of his and don't watch his comedy When they see a small clip on youtube, they just make all this assumption not knowing Believe me, he has done a lot of good things out there. I'm a fan and especially with the drug policies, you know He's he's always been fighting the drug war. Yeah. Yeah, so but

We live in the people people are going to attack you no matter what absolutely, you know Well, I think people have always there's always been these ass assholes people who are offended and everything and it used to be that you had to call the television station And now you can just immediately get outraged on twitter. You can reach you can tweet bill marr himself Now he knows who's mad at him. It's the immediacy of communication too. I think I don't know. So anyway, yo She mentioned that you're doing some medical testing Lately, right? Are you doing did you say that you're finishing something? I finished one in three months ago, but I'm going to do another one

Late next month. It's going to be 36 days. I haven't qualified 36 days. Yeah, this was a minute. What are you doing? I don't know the drugs, but like I always I only pay attention to money pay. So they just say is it paying a fortune 12 almost 13 grand. I think that's pretty good I think the same's how long is that stay how much is the pay and what are you? What are you? Do you know what they're going to be testing? No, but I I don't really care per se most of Only thing I care about is if it's anything to with Brain related like if you have a bipolar or any of those kind of mental medications. I will not touch those But cancer, um, I don't know

Old-timers you've gone for all of it. Yeah, I've done it. Yeah, it's not a problem. What will they do to you in 36? Well, what will they do to you in 36 days? This is what typically usually happened I'm not even concerned about taking the medication. It's always I'm always like Everyone is starving because they cut down your calorie like I got as low as 160 in law studies. I brought back Again, like 17 pounds, but I already know once I go in for 36 days. I'm going to drop at least 20 to 25 pounds. So it's like a diet for you too. That's the biggest reason I'd rather lose weight. Yeah I don't know. That's my number one. I need to lose weight. I'm too lazy to lose weight. I mean, you did an amazing job

I mean, I lost some weight. Yeah. Yeah, I lost a you look great. Thanks, buddy. I mean, I lost 50 pounds Um I've kept it off. I actually lost a couple more pounds since the uh weigh-in. Yeah Yeah, it's good because you know, I mean, you have a lovely wife, but most importantly Yeah, you have a child, you know, yeah, and some of my are I don't want to mention name But some of the comedians friend of mine they're over when I'm just worried about their kids more now. Yeah, Russell. Yeah Oh, sorry By the way, Russell Peter said he will he will want to do a podcast. Yeah, I'd love to have him. Yeah, I'd love to have him

so Europe so I was there but you don't know you don't know what you're Sorry, you don't know what you're getting into for this next When do you find out what the drug is and can you pull the plug on it? Like if they show up and you show up and it's something you don't want to do Can you say no and leave or sure that so basically when you you have a Like I got it. I just emailed them like I'm running out of money. So that's when I usually email them and then they'll

Tell me these are the following studies we have and then I love that I just love the the system for you. Like I'm running out of money. What what medical tests do you have going on? There's like four or five different facilities in Southern California and this one this guy always emailed me back right away Because they're always afraid even if they pass the screening they go in After five six that they can't do anymore. They just lose their mind because you you can't leave, you know And you're hungry your hands are shaking because no coffee and caffeine do all the tests Dictate low calorie intake like no matter what you're going to know So these these businesses, okay

So every pharmaceutical companies make drugs to make trying to make profit billions of dollars in profit, right? But it's head and miss But they don't have a drug to be tested every day So they have another another business called cro clinical research organization All they do is they get contact by pharmaceutical company and say hey, we have an X medication we like to test on people and we need 40 people Between this age at this body mass index and they can they cannot be a smoker

So they have all kinds of different criteria for each medication based on each pharmaceutical company So there's some studies we could drink coffee great. There's other studies where you could do you could eat almost anything Now there's other studies So strict, you know No sugar Low calorie intake. Yeah, so those are the ones like So you want to get forced to diet actually you want you want to that's that's one of the major benefits So when people say like it's dangerous, but like man, I feel I feel so much better when you lose weight

It's good to be skinny. It feels better So now I mean here's a question because you've done so many different tests. You've had all these chemicals in you I mean at some point. Don't you think the the body is tampered with like, you know, I mean like you're not a pure specimen anymore For those tests a tabula rasa so to speak you're you're kind of tainted goods by all these chemicals. Yeah, I feel like you know I had this conversation two years ago in vegas and this guy I don't remember his name at the party and he was telling me Oh my god, I would never that that's you're stupid to do that. That's too dangerous

And he was telling me while he was ready to snore coke So everyone have a different idea of what's dangerous. So You're right. I mean, I I can't tell you if I would have never gotten to this business versus Now that I'm taking a Two versions of Yoshi's which one would have been the healthy. Oh, no, I'm not saying that I'm just saying that I wonder if your body is it good to be The candidate. Yeah, like because you've done so many of these like at what point can you not do them anymore? Because you've ingested so much stuff

Age age restriction or no just chemical restriction like because you like they are they go this guy's this guy's been Tested on a hundred medications Therefore, you know, that's like you can't do it. There's such thing as like too many miles I'm not saying I did that so then do it. Yeah But many of these organizations don't talk to each other. So they don't know they don't know. So what happened is The general rule is they wait until 30 days before they contact you because it takes about Two to three weeks for the whole medication to get out of your system So to be safe on one month, but there's times if you're broke you finish one study

You drive across the town. I'm not saying I did it You could drive from one study to another study and you barely make it there and do another screening and hop onto another studies But there's this group of guys I only do in central camp. They're a group of guys. It's like fight club. They go literally city to city state to state You know Do studies all over the place. I'll see a guy's like, oh, I don't remember you 2014 lever cancer study. What's up? And then they call me yl for yoshi obayashi. I don't remember the guy's name k.m. Whatever. So we just have an issue for each other

But um, so there's a circuit and you know all the players A lot of them. Yeah, I mean it's almost like uh, when will you go in if you go in for this one the I think they're going to call me with their next seven to ten day for screening then after they do the testing Well, first they make you read the Document legal documents telling you you just page through that right? Yeah, I have to read. Well Yes, only there's only one facility to test you Because if they if you fail that test, they know that you didn't read it and they will disqualify you for other places Other places they don't give you. There's one particular that they're so shady

even if you get caught doing something wrong like Get out of the room talk to another person redo the interview second time around to pass it. They would do stuff like that I'm not going to tell you which one because I need now when you were you were just doing a european tour with jim norton Yeah, I just happened to be there for um Oslo freedom forum For like uh, okay, man, right stuff. So you happen to be there I happened to be there Then his manager who we're not going to talk about it but contact you as well

He he asked me could you help jim sell tickets or you know, where's a good place to visit? I just happened to be in the same week when he was performing. Oh, okay So by default I ended up hoping for him and it was it. It was great I'm glad because there's a lot of comedians that you guys are such an open-minded people I know you don't have a fear going overseas during comedy But there's a lot of funny people in in america during stand-up one reason or not. They don't like going overseas or they have This irrational fear, but I don't know. Yeah, they just don't go for some reason intimidated by it or something yeah, and I'm glum jim there because jim did extremely well and

Bahrain who is our tour manager? He was in charge of public francisco Fluffy and belber and he told us basically jim sold about sema monetik as belber first year. He went to europe. Oh, wow. So it was very successful wonderful And jim it was good exposure to see outside of this country. He's such a good comic though Yeah, it doesn't surprise me and he's a nice dude on top of it now Did you visit any ladies of the night when you were touring? You are so perceptive When we when we were what a guess

When we went to antwerp to do a show Afterwards jim want to go and check it out jim have never been to those places and he wouldn't do it because it's too low class because he get he get the high end First class, you know, I'm the southwest of hooker You know pick up south ways. He's like, you know first class the thumbs or whatever, but so we went to the one in antwerp and it's a mid-sized level one and It was really good and what kind of prostitutes there? Where are they from mostly east in europe, but

That's my tribe but I do notice last couple years because european economic crisis You you do everyone's will see like wow, you're german or you're dutch and greek and spanish spanish spanish people and Brexit that's probably doesn't help. I mean, there's oh, there's there's fear in europe about all the changes not just terrorism, but Job wise, you know and I don't think jim got a girl, but what I was surprised that every window with transsexual lady I mean, they look so good like I can't even tell I have really man jim was

100% new right away like I don't know how he does it. I mean, I'm putting you knew that that was a That's she male. That's she male. Have you been with she meals? I forget. No. No one. I can't afford it But now that's not never been on my thing. Is that a premium they cost more. Yeah, really? Why? Why why wouldn't you think they cause it? I just don't know. I don't know why I don't know why they cost more and I guess considered more exotic. So it's I think so wow And well, I mean it seemed like their prices were a lot higher than other ones, you know, wow Not the black ones though. They are the

Those cheaper Jesus they are the best of both worlds the transsexual. I imagine maybe that's why it's like a bonus feature Then when did you do that interview with with london real london real tv that was was that on this trip? Wait a minute. I don't remember this one. I thought because someone said that you did this interview Now you get the penis out. Yeah, you pull the skin a lot of people they never circumstances Yeah, so they had the skin so you pull the skin and you get the oil in the hand and you rub Hand go like this you rub rub rub rub Especially on the grand penis rub them

50 time rest Okay, because you make them strong and not sensitive So that's real famous tambour, right? Remember tambour? No Oh, you don't remember maybe this is southern california thing. There was a this vietnamese guy Selling rural estate scam and you and then he's on the boat with all this white women around him in the bikinis And it was like Who's that guy with the big hair the teaching people painting? Oh, it was that level of cult following

Tom vu. Oh, I can't believe you don't to in Space vs. Victory double oh Tom vu. I never heard it. Oh my god. Now. He's a like a famous poker player and but this guy Oh, yes, his videos are oh, I remember that guy. Yeah, you're from southern california, right? Yeah, I can't believe you don't know him Yes, dude That's some old shit right here This is really old I took the tom vu profit seminar

Worked for me and it made me financially secure. Why is he squinting? You can do it too You don't have to ask your boss for a raise anymore You can give yourself the best raise of your life come to my seminar wrap He does look like the rub rub guy made $33,000. Wow if I can apply the tom vu techniques like $33,000 on this house You can do it too Look at her. She taught at my seminar is a solution for those of you who work hard, but are underpaid Using the tom vu I recently bought maybe $12,000

You don't need to be a cheater My system a lot of my students who are average people make a lot of money. Why not you? Dude, what year was that? That was like the 84-85. Yes, dude. I remember tom vu now. I can't believe you didn't know tom vu That shit makes me laugh You guys are so gross, dude Rub rub Do you think you can become once one, uh, right side 50 times left side Front 50 times back 50 times down a lot

Okay, how often am I doing this you have to do every day until you can control every day This is uh, what is it? What are they talking about? Wow? He's just talking about um sharpening the knife. He calls it Oh, and it's like master control of your orgasms. You know or yeah, so he's when many ejaculation pressure Like I said, I don't have to be here Okay And for people have prosthetic men swollen up or problem this one you solve the problem

And now you do it until you feel orgasm. This is it here. Here you go. Here you go. This is where you came from without ejaculation Right. Yeah, so you feel So you see when you do when when you get it is very quick two three times you get You When you speak it's orgasm coming up What do you think Yoshi, this is a different variation of tai chi Touch me so Yeah, you think you could do the 50 50 50 rubs. No way. No way, right 50 350 is what he added up

350 strokes Every day until you can control it. I mean Rocco can do that the rest of us can't well Rocco's the freddy's the king. Yeah, have you have you talked talked to Rocco lately? Do you know him personally? No last time I heard from him is when Joey severa called me in boston When I was doing shows there and he was hanging out with Rocco and say Rocco say I'm sad to hear that you don't work Evil angel and uh, yeah, I hope you're doing well. So they're they're nice people. Yeah, and um, he's such an animal I can't I laugh thinking about like I imagine over the years In my mind conversations he has with his wife who's like she's like when is enough of this portal?

I do it for the fans We pay the bills. How am I going to make any money? Hey You know, it's not even for me. It's for you. It's really good. I know it's kind of enraptured by your we have two boys I do it for them. I do it for them You know, what's interesting he released a documentary within last year or two about his sex addiction Problems. Yeah. Oh, I want to see this. We played the uh, the trailer. Oh, I'd love to see where is it? Where can we watch that? I don't know. I don't know. I'm fascinated by him. Yeah, you know

Actually at a wrestle peter's taping a few years back. Yeah, I had a Rocco came backstage concert backstage Conversation with Rocco and I don't I don't remember this. So you meant this was here at the will turn now I think tom was anyways Um, and I met him and we had a really good personal conversation. He told me about it some childhood stuff No, I swear to god. He's super cool because he knows I was Hungarian and his wife is Hungarian. He loves Hungarian girls. Yeah. Oh, wow Uh, anyways, I really like him as a human But you know what? And he's such a funny guy did I tell you that one time he was so disappointed that that he was telling me that

I don't know these kids. He was talking about his like, uh, nephews and stuff Like, I don't know what's wrong. What the fuck's wrong with these kids None of them went into getting to porno business all they ever talked about video games. He was complaining about video games social media You told me that yeah, I sometimes that that that passes through my head as such a hilarious dialogue that somebody's like son 16 now is your turn to make a porno And the kids like I I want to play grand theft auto and he's like no, but 16 is porno time

And and the kid is like, but I just want to play video games dad and he's like, what is wrong with these boys? I think That's that thing is I think I didn't I haven't seen the documentary But if you've been completely like being real about it. Yeah when you're in that business So you have a drug addiction or whatever addiction because you have a Something missing in your life some intimacy, right? Because yes, it's interesting when porn You're doing most intimate thing, but it has so little intimacy in it, you know Oh, yeah, and it's for people Who are consuming it with personal issues a lot of them, you know, like if you're one of those people to watch every once in a while

fine But if you always need it, it's because there's something Wrong with you. Oh, yeah, absolutely. Yeah, I'm not attacking the business. I'm not we know What you're saying is intuitive. It's like you're you're spot on with drug addiction or alcohol or He said in the interview. Yeah that the interview about the documentary because I remember that we we read it on the show That he had retired From performing And then he was you know, but that he was still going to hook her three times a day. Oh, wow

That's a good action and then his wife at some point was like just go back to shooting again. This is crazy It's not like an orgasm. There's some Some kind I'm sure there's some kind of trauma that you learn to sex or drugs or whatever to Give you comfort, you know. Oh, yeah. He hasn't dealt with the traumas for sure. Yeah. That's why I think Um, one of the director Johnny Darko, he's always like shocked like I know you guys. He's such a big fan Oh, this is gonna be in italian with french. Oh, jeez. So that's not gonna really so it's called rocko I wish I could understand

Okay, can't show that 1500 Anyway, we'll find this. I'm dying to see this That made it to youtube why you there's titties all over that it's difficult to work for me. Yeah, what they say Rocko will kill you. Yeah And why you can because you are very good to start Yeah, yikes, wait, so we would get back by the way But there was a funny scene where one of the girls my dad is a big fan of yours really and he's start fucking her

And like, okay, and he's fucking her dog is down now. Look at the camera. Say hi to daddy and like he's fucking her like that so he he um It's dark. It's real dark. Yeah Wait, so so did you see any hookers and ant rope you were saying? I'll I find a new place. Oh, I was really shocked. Oh, so please do tell. Okay. This is this is even shocking to me So I I finished the show Work of a gym fantastic. He was great at the audience are wonderful and talk about your fans You got your fans listen to this show because there's so much intimacy and this this make people really happy

Like I was saying Johnny Darko one of the director. He's a big fan of yours and like he was really happy the amount of show all the time So anyway, um, great job for that After after that comedy tour I flew into athin greece because one of my friend was working at the refugee camp. So they These people just fuck a refugee. No, no, no, no No, no, but it's funny. You see that because I do have some Um, so there's a place called city plaza hotel. It was abandoned and a pro refugee group took it over I don't know how many maybe 500 800 refugee people living there. My friend was working there as a volunteer

And um, when I showed up, uh, he was known he timing was bad. So he couldn't be there So I just kind of walked around check it out and um Rob The city the city have happened They don't want to deal with the refugee problem. So they have a lot of refugees already. The albanians are there and Syrians Fucking gypsies

Oh, you sound like a northern your friend and They treat them really bad. So They don't want to acknowledge it and the people who run it don't want to Bother the city out there because they're so they're pretending that it's not happening. So anyway, I kind of went there even though my friend wasn't there Check it out and they're doing a good job But it just shows like even if I have a good intention my mind goes to the dark places Right because I saw really good-looking Syrian girls walking and then what popped in my head was I wanted to show give me a blowjob of a hot dog, right?

Oh a hot dog, you think because I didn't do anything Tom But yes, but those thoughts do enter my mind. I do not blame you for those thoughts I think those are normal thoughts. What are you talking about? I don't you just don't do it. Don't do it Yeah, you just don't do it. You have those thoughts too about you think she blew me for a hot dog I think I think that on a on a regular basis like at the Grocery store I'll be like, I wonder if I got her groceries if she'd give me a blowjob in the parking lot or something All right, anyways, but you didn't see any actual prostitutes that you paid for?

No, but in Athens, I didn't know that prostitution is legal So, um I was there for three days. So by late first night I was bored because it's hot And then I just said did an internet search then I find out that um Instead of red light district, it's called white light district white light. So it's called white light district white. So prostitution is legal, but you can't have a

Pimp representing you, but it's legal And unemployment for young people between 18 through 30 it's hovering almost 50 percent. It's wow. Jesus. That's terrible. But it's great for prostitution. Yes So we should go there We should go there So I've been to Athens get someone to piss on my balls Yes, and put a baseball bat in her ass for you like you like. Wow. That sounds like balladona. Um, it is like balladona

That's exactly who I was thinking of I like her. She's great. I've met her before. This is the most pro porn couple podcast ever. This is pristina's version of who my second wife would be She thinks that that I'll be over the family thing and be like, I just want some chick to piss on my balls Yeah Wait a minute. Wait, is that something you're really into? No, no, okay But she thinks it's a reply that it's it's more of a metaphor for like Letting out whatever's repressed because I'm a family guy now

I just feel like you're gonna get also the fame will get to you and the the banality of your everyday existence Will weigh on you and fancy work. Thank you. And then you'll you'll be like, I just want someone to pee on my balls But I can't ask my wife. Is that cheating? I'm seriously. Would you? Yeah, of course. Wait, what peeing on balls is cheating big time Why if you see someone's cooch and no, what why do you get somebody says it's a girl? She mails with every upset. Yeah, that would be even more upsetting. I think really well, because it's both both Sex is cheating. It's like a superhuman. It's not fair. I can't have someone pee on my balls. No Babe, can I have someone pee on my vagina? Yeah You wouldn't mind that

Yeah, it's fine. Do I pee on my taint? If that's what you like I don't know. Go for it I figured like if that if that's all they need to do then and you're probably and you're happy Whatever and I'd be like good. Go get that pee Go get that pee you want on your taint so bad. Stop it. You know in Athens I was there 10 15 years ago now and the dudes were holding hands. They still do that I didn't see that. That's a middle eastern muscle. Oh, that's what maybe that was it. Yeah Maybe I saw those dudes and they they carry their beads around and they're hand-holding

Yeah, they they they have a very weird notion of personal space But with men with men, but they don't like when women with a man unless they're married or something. Yeah, that's the muslim world But no hooker is an ant verb. You're saying oh, no, I got two. Yeah, well, let's talk about those No, but the Athens was amazing because White light district. So basically you go to this certain street that they tell you they're legal You walk down the street even during the daytime. They have this really tiny bright white light That means there's a prostitute there and the door is a wrap with this Cloth so when you close the door, it doesn't slam the door. So you go in

You go in it looks like a disco room with this shiny things that go in the circle like wow, this is weird you sit down and Usually there's another guy sitting there. So you're sitting there waiting for a long time and this is an Athens Yeah, Athens like like what's what what does it happen? What happened? This is so such a strange Then then then they literally literally called it mama son So she they're all women walking okay, and she'll speak if she's see a foreigner then she'll speak in greek and english She said normal sex only I don't know what that means normal sex

10 year olds like what the fuck what 10 year olds if if you don't know the change I said 10 year olds No, no, no 10 year olds 10 year olds. Yeah, no, no, no, we're not talking about 10 year olds. Nothing dude This what how much is that now 11 dollars 10 50 10 dollars and 50 cent that's how bad the euro is I didn't so wait a minute How did you listen back up? How did you end up at this place? Like how do you how does how do you end up there? they said that uh, I don't remember the name of the shoot they they said like These these are the couple streets that they're they're legal to go Okay, so I walked down the street, but there's no sign saying hookers right even if even if they did it's in greeks

I can't read that So I start walking like after why you start seeing only guys in the neighborhood Yeah, and they're going back and forth in these rooms like oh So I noticed pattern like white lights Metal doors with the cloth so when you slam it doesn't make a lot of sound so I open the door I go in And it's like a disco room right so when the then she said after she said 10 euros Normal sex then what then a girl walks in

Across the room from one door to another and you see them for a second Oh, so you get to like the eye of all the goods. Yeah, and um The first one I went there. I mean she must have been 60 years old And oh like what the fuck I'm not doing this So like as I'm leaving She was assistant to give me a kiss like being friendly like I don't mean I don't want to be rude But she was so friendly, but like you know

She I was just making funny faces. She came and just kissed me in the lip like oh my god We were just talking about that how we hate when strangers wanted to kiss you on the mouth like they kiss you goodbye or hello It's not even like a a romantic thing like some people do Like but she wasn't being nasty, but she was being so friendly But I don't want to hurt her feeling because she probably doesn't make unless you're into like older Overweight wait, was that your only option? No, no, no, no, so I left there But I was like, oh man, this is I don't know if I want to do this But there's so many rooms and so many buildings. So I just walk every one of them

eventually I went like I went to one door and She was pretty so like I still thought it's a scam because okay 10 euros But once you go in she's gonna say, okay, you if you want this not the five if you want this not the 20 That's what I thought and then so If the guy doesn't like the girl they leave and they go to another building. So like, oh, okay. I like that one. So like

I'll pay for this one and I give I give the old lady 10 euros And then she grabbed me took me to this room and it's like a room with Very basic furniture with bed. So you're just sitting and every once in a while you hear High heel walking by all right So she's going back and forth and I guess every building with one door one girl only So you just wait until you turn. Oh Yeah, so you just wait and I think I wait like half an hour for this one and she came in and um, we'll describe her

she is Eastern European, but I think she was a little darker. So I think she's probably like Bulgarian or something one of those or Macedonian or something like that and um, she didn't speak a whole lot of English but she she was relatively like I don't know late 20s or 30s who needs to speak a lot of English when you're just making sweet love though, right? That's sweet love. She's like 10 minutes normal sex. Like, oh Like you like you have to finish with everything by 10 minutes, you know But she says that like that's what she leads with. Yeah, because if it's crazy, I'm sure she's learned to speak to them in Greek or whatever

But um, yeah, I was shocked. It's only 10 year of all that. That's crazy. I could I could not believe and if you look you could find gem and Gem there's other ones that after a while you see a really pretty ones But they all have rules like no lekkie no this and that I eat the ass and pussy all the time. I got nothing. So did you get to do that though or no? Um, some of the girls won't let you do it. Really? Yeah, but how could you complain 10 euros though? Yeah, true. I mean 10 euros you get maybe a couple of dances you you're actually having Yeah, blowjob and a couple of position and sex was 10 minutes good for you as there was enough

I mean, it's just 10 you can't complain. So you just got to finish it. You know, wait now What if you just I know I just like doing just like just like doing stand-up, you know You know when the red lights you have two minutes to go. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah Now if you paid her 20 euro because you double your time or is that not even an option? Oh, you could pay somebody for like 60 for whole hour if you wanted to yeah, well next time I mean But there's time bring your cash, you know, but there's other streets. It's like girls at 20 euros There's other streets the studio and like wait, wait, hold on. They're fucking for 10 10 bucks

And then did you have to wear a condom was that man? Oh, yeah? Okay, I hope so I mean Here's the thing anything is Negotiable If you say you want to pay them 100 for no condoms, I mean you will find a girl who will do it That is a crazy gamble or Or not a good idea my man, but it's a hundred dollars. You know what I mean, or um, it's a good

No condom below jobs or boy, you know, yeah, I mean depends but Everything's negotiable, you know, and but a lot of the girl also tell me there's guys that don't want to have sex I just want to spend with the time with a girl. Those are the guys I would take if I were a prostitute I mean just give me your lonely. Yeah Or snuggling or some other girls and like, oh, she had to do is watch him eat for like an hour eating. Yeah What about farting? Have you encountered anybody that just wants a girl to fart? Oh, yeah Let's talk about it. Where did where did you encounter that? I mean I I talked to I mean when I get to know that some of the girls they'll tell me

Weird stuff or they the another big things like they like girls sitting on cake and shit like that cake farts Or just sitting on just sitting on food. Yeah. Now. Tom and I have started a website called fart mistress Where we would like. Is this for real? Yes. It's real. Yes. It's real Uh, we're not sure how we're gonna get This to happen But we've come across these fart videos where it's just girls farting and there's nothing sexual happening Like do you know girls that do fart videos? Like they just fart for like a hundred dollars or sure I mean if you pay them they will do it any right, but I don't know any like

If you're asking me like certain girls have for prolapse and certain girls are doing for uh strip strip attack Uh Strap on attack. I mean there's some girls a name attached to certain fetish But I don't know any famous girl into prolapse somebody's in the everything my miniature stallion was dropped and masturbating When his penis is dropped and he slaps it on his belly. They call that masturbation for stallions and so I just I one thing led to another and I couldn't resist so I bet down and started sucking on him

That's for a horse So I hate this documentary then he tried climbing on top of me So the next thing I know my pants are down and I'm bending over for him and I'm like, excuse me. I can't resist A guy the guy that worked for bowing got killed in yeah in his day. That's right. That was that documentary was about that Yeah, good. Excuse me. I can't resist I Yeah, you shouldn't fuck with animals. They really can't give consent. I don't think that's fair

Yeah, they can't say anything. We haven't discussed this yet. Our kelly posted, you know, he's in some shit now Yeah, he's always in shit. Yeah, he it's you know, it's he's somebody who has really Been able to navigate The horrible press probably better. Yeah than most. I mean, I remember that either the chicago tribune or sometimes Did this expose a A while ago. Yeah, really laying out all the complaints that were In a chicago courthouse Basically every filing that's ever been made as a complaint on him and it was like they're like, look, this is

Record setting number that then that that didn't get any attention. Everybody always knew about that video with the pissing And well, don't you think it has a lot also to do with the victims? They are victims, but they're black Women black women who are usually and they're young teens. Yeah, we're not like talking about if if you know if the narrative was if It was a young white girl. I think I think reaction would be quite different I think you're right But then he's he never pretend like he was a wholesome family guy either. No, well here. This is not he's fucking talented I don't like what he does, but he is unbelievable. Do those layers now they're saying that he's got women Hold up in different houses and that's bizarre. He takes away their phones and just basically

Keeps them. Yeah, and and tells them when to eat when to bathe when you know, it's like it's it's pretty nuts This is the the latest accusation. This is separate from that. But this is and I would drink from her lipstick part Because In a son mother way, I had a serious serious crush on my mom because she could sing her butt off Okay, so you hit a crush and I just looked up and down to her. I looked around. I looked everything about my mother You know I loved her And I even asked her to marry me one day. I was like, nah, she said no, but you know what I understood

I understood But don't you think he's being very honest about it? I think uh, just like the gaze it is just like the gaze um Because remember I think last time I told you at the live show Ask them will you ever date your mom? Yeah Yeah That when I did your live show, um You know porn have an incredible ability to predict who's going to be the next president

But trump I think I kind of admire him being so honest about You know the the new trend is Table relations or incest porn or those are really popular right now and you're saying that trump is that I mean the way he was talking about oh his daughter. Yeah, like if she wasn't my daughter I would date her, you know, but And I even asked her to marry me Ask them will you ever date your mom the incest theme on this show? Yeah, it's really a lot to another level But he really was I mean I understand you're saying it is kind of creepy the way That trump talks about it, but it is I guess honest too

kids On both sexes go through that in the floor you even talked about that right? Yeah, yeah Eddip is complex, but also girls for their father You just when you reach certain age you just outgrow that but yeah, some people obviously don't you know And I think Levi shouts the philosopher or The whole notion of taboo started with the whole idea of Taboo and not have sex with family related, you know Because um, you're right because before then it wasn't I guess a big deal

I mean people married their cousins all the time like royal family It's all some cultures still really marry their cousins. Yeah. Yeah. Yes. Yeah FDR, you know, I mean there are four to five Remove or something, but they're nevertheless family and I remember reading this article one time in England when I was visiting There was a nuclear plant or something near one of the cities in England and they were having all kinds of Medical and biological problem with it like They thought it was some kind of radiation leak or something But when they did a little bit of research they find out it was like incest

You know just family members having sex with each other. It wasn't a nuclear plant So it happened more often than you think it does and in look at utah There is renegade Mormons the Mormons that's not condone it, but there are people still Multiple wives and you know, there's all these weird things that are happening. Yeah, dude I don't get it. I mean like as a as a parent now like that's the fucking last thing I could even fathom is like it's just not on the table You're looking for a lot of health problems with that health problems with the with the genetic problem, you know with Yes

Actually, I heard the I heard cousins are okay. I had a professor in college I did I did I had a professor in college say that it's not cousin fucking is not It's not the genetic mutations It's it's immediate like when you're going father or daughter genetic problems with cousins with cousin fucking definitely Definitely, we'll have to see you look at there. Look at the studies. There's studies out there about the cultures that have the most cousin marriages and and reproduction and is just rampant health problems and in Just like dogs. It's just the same thing cross breeding breeding and breeding and

Yeah, and I think was it germany. There was a case where these fraternal brothers sister separated. They didn't even know other existed and some really weird Coincidence against they met never knew they were related and they started having a relation and then and you know and Yeah, what are you doing that situation? I mean, it's a sexy story, but it's still It's a very sexy story. I'd go retarded you go retarded at that point. Oh, I'd rather be retarded than have sex with My brother um Yoshi, would you rather how about this though? Sorry? This is a regard to the last podcast. Okay, this email. Hey Hitler during the opening episode of 405

You guys discussed the pleasure of orgasmic birth as a man I have no idea what childbirth feels like, but I'm willing to take these women's word for how great childbirth feels Christina's tried to shoot down the idea But I feel like it's more lively that if something is wrong with her Then these ladies are all lying Maybe a horrible personality Is a hindrance to the pleasure or possibly it was her lack of hydration that led to the painful experience Love the palm cast. Okay burnt his fat. Nate. Thanks, Nate

So well, why don't you squeeze a person out of your dick hole and we'll talk about it. Yeah I mean it was pure pain, right? Yeah, dude, there's the listen these fucking dirty hippies are trying to say that a woman can have an orgasm during childbirth Uh, you know, I have yet to meet a woman that that's really happened to I guess in theory It's possible, but it ain't fucking probable. I mean it is excruciatingly painful and I had a fucking epidural and I could still feel it So no nothing sexy Um somebody emailed about male to female pilots Hey champs, I heard you guys speculating on the female pilot situation who talked about

Air a flight I was on female was the yes They said my spouse Uh, please use pronouns Tater Tem And I was informed Tater Tasey's at least a couple applications each week for a new pilots license due to a gender change Oh, shit and considering Tay is one of four people that handles these

There has to be a pretty substantial amount of pilots That have changed their gender. Oh wow just thought you might like some verification on that point Have a great week mommy your newest coolest fan Levi. Well, you know by the way when you said it first Uh male to female whatever I thought there was some kind of new sexual positions. I was confused for Male to female Um, well, who knows this says that garth Fucked up ireland. Oh, yeah. Yeah This person wrote hey jeans. I love the wheeler walker jinger podcast the live songs were a great idea

Uh, your conversation about garth being a moron I wanted to draw attention what happened a while back when g tried to play ireland's largest sports stadium Croke park I want I want to let you know that brooks is huge in in ireland, especially with mums and rural fork Rural folk. Excuse me. Uh, the announcement of the gigs was a big deal. He had not played here for 17 years. Wow Personally, I think his music is uttered tripe and maybe slightly good if you're really hammered at a wedding The promoters and garth team booked five consecutive nights in the stadium something which has never happened before Tickets were released and sold out immediately. Wow all

400,000 of them. Oh my god The stadium is in a densely populated residential area and concerts often cause a major disruption For this reason, there is a rule no more than three concerts can happen in a row in one week within the stadium When this was announced by the council government Garth responded by pulling all the show What a dick saying it's all or none It basically caused a national emergency Oh my god, holy shit

The irish prime minister t shot ended up having to make a statement in parliament about the whole fiasco It was all anyone talked about he acted like a total total spoiled brat Everyone here was appalled by him a living belfast and knew about 10 people who were devastated Here is a bbc news article about the whole thing love all the way from belfast Ireland Wow Kiva O'Connell. Wait, wait, so sorry. You did it fucking a man. So they did cancel He did cancel it sounds like he did

I mean he canceled because he said it's all the shows are none And I guess that is a good position to have as a performer like if you're if you're traveling Abroad, I think it's well and for the sake of the fans. You can't who are you going to decide who gets to see the show How are you going to decide, you know, which night I really like that and which which nights are people going to get screwed on? That's not cool. How would he do that? I guess right like how would he choose? That's what I'm saying So he's probably it's actually smart But that's crazy. They wouldn't let him Cool stuff slick stuff neat stuff

Carth Brooks, are you did you did you did you know that the country music was so big and in northern Ireland? I would never have guessed I never would have guessed honestly. This is how detached I would have never guessed That he is of this level of popular Everywhere now. I mean, I knew he was a star. I didn't have any doubt about that, but like when I was in um Edmonton I was in Edmonton earlier this year and he was there. He did nine arena shows bananas They like in a row in a row where the Oilers play they put a banner like where they put championship banners. Yeah of garth

Up there at the end of the ninth show. They're like, this is what an impact you just had here I mean, you know, it's we're talking he goes somewhere and does Hundreds of thousands sure tickets. Hmm. I had no idea he was that big of a star I just knew he was a you know A big deal, but not like that. I mean, I always say white people have feelings to you and white people do white people do And one thing we learned from trump winning that there's been a group of people That've been um neglected and maybe I don't know. I don't know his music

But maybe he sings songs about people in a desperate situation. I think so. He gave them comfort and he really connects with that Yeah, I don't attack hip-hop a country. I just I don't know music, you know, but if if he's doing that and obviously he is Yeah, good for him and um, yeah, but that's just some well Canada. It's not that surprising. It is still north america, you know, but But that he's holy shit that he's sold out that Stadium like they couldn't keep the tickets. That's crazy man I mean, he's a very principal person because 400. How many how much is that? I mean, I'll be a four. Yeah It doesn't even be a succulent chinese Yeah, that's a lot he doesn't need the money. No, but he's gonna take that money. Of course. Yeah, he's got to feed trish

I'm just getting bigger every year. Oh, man. I like how upset you got. I love it. I love it I only say it to get your eyes to go wide. Uh, now that you guys are Talking about blind people. I got a short and simple question. Yeah, do twin brothers have the same dick size I'm sure they know but I don't says I don't have a twin brother frank. Frank ass life mysteries. Yoshi That's a great question. A great question Yes I don't know. We should call urologist Who could validate or just a twin a twin? Okay. We need we need someone that's an exact twin

But he didn't say identical. Well, I'm assuming not fraternal to identical Yeah, he said no, I'm saying he didn't specify whether it was identical or fraternal in because there's there's obviously you can be I have no reason to say this but you I would imagine if you're identical, you're identical with everything, wouldn't you? I would think so but I think that's what he's he's at but I'm assuming that the dick is the same size I'm assuming who do who can we call that's a twin? We have to find we know people that are twins. Isn't ryan ryan's a twin Yeah, he's a twin. Is he an identical or fraternal fraternal than then? Yeah, but then maybe the question Let me just see if I can It's it's interesting. I have two things to say about that one. Um,

I don't know what study it was but each succeeding Son, you have the percentage of that kid being gay get higher Really? Yeah, and and and another one was my friend olgi olgas who wrote a book called billy and wicked that he's a professor harvard he said that Gay men in general have a bigger penis than heterosexual men by Quarter to a half inches. I don't know where that's taken but he's a scientist, but yeah, is there a reason for it?

Do we know why or a theory? Maybe well, I mean Most heterosexual don't people men don't want to men but gay men are more sexually aggressive Oh, yeah, they fuck a lot more probably than yeah straight guys That's why when they think they're sissy and stuff, which is weird because their appetite is way stronger than oh And they they fuck like crazy and it's so readily now. We also had debates about blind people How do blind people know when they're done wiping? Oh, take a shit. How does a blind person know when they're done?

Especially black blind person because the How would you know when when when does it begin and end? I mean, he's already blind. He's already blind. So yeah, but they have a partner Right That just because they're blind doesn't mean they're going to be a blind partner either, right? I know not so your your theory is that they call I mean, I don't know. I mean they call the partner in and go. Hey, tell me tell me when this paper is white again

Is that what you think? Yeah, or how does a very successful rich and powerful blind people know if they're dating good-looking people because they must have Assisting like if she could look how would you know? No, no, you can feel they can feel your face They touch your face and your features and see if they're symmetrical If you've never seen a face before how do you know what's a good-looking face? You know, you can tell my symmetry. I'm guessing Okay, dad I'm guessing you can tell by features if the nose is like a cute button nose or is it, you know Wonky or whatever. I don't know

This is according to christine and arena, but you know that thing in plato's republic that all the real object is standing And there's a fire. So all that's allegory of the cave you she yeah So I love it. They're seeing a shadow of something that is not real, but to them. It's real, right? Correct until they go to the light of day. Do you think the blind people they have In their head what's pretty face even though they've never seen a pretty face ever before yes, you do okay They have an ideal that's different than maybe yours or mine. Maybe I don't know They have they have different. I'm how do they know somebody that's never seen a face Has an ideal of a pretty face. Yes. Yeah, I think so too sure because they their other senses are hiding

We've had blind people right in it wouldn't match It wouldn't it wouldn't be maybe the same ideal as societal ideal, but it would be an ideal in their minds So we've had blind people right in and they say that the people know how to finish wiping based on touch Okay, this your your sensitivity to touch is heightened. Yeah, and you can feel the resistance So Helen killer is fucked because she has no senses at all. She's she was fucked. She they taught her a good baseline of stuff though I don't know how they did I think one of the things you would probably do if you were Blind, uh, you would say like you would ask. Hey, who's a who's object? Who's considered very beautiful and you'd you'd learn with that

There you go. So then you'd be like, this is beautiful. This is beautiful. Okay. So because that would your sense of Touch would be heightened and you would have a memory of that You know that this is what it's a verb victims are ugly because when you touch them they have a beef jerky face So a beef jerky face. Yeah, yeah, you're right Who knows? But everybody's the idea of what's beautiful is different. I don't know sickler man He never responds. He hasn't he's supposed to come on here to talk about the hillary clinton thing that he didn't tell anybody about and then

He uh, he partied with her once I started to drop another book. Go ahead But there was a book called survival of a beauty beautiful Professor named Nancy ectoff wrote a book, but she said there is definitely Certain mathematical ratio of somebody being absolutely beautiful. Yeah, there's clarity Propulsion and I know sometimes people say you shouldn't judge people by the book or whatever But if you live in in third world countries, it's important you judge people by their face because you don't know if they have leprosy You know, these are like a practical things

um It's just men. We always do this. We've judged women by the visual cues. Yes women more psychological cues Absolutely, you know, I'm looking for red flags You said that you had red flags immediately when we were dating immediately. Is this a joke? Seriously? No What is the what? I want to hear this. I want to know I want to know what what was the problem tom's red flags Okay, number one Very anti-social I invited him to a party. This is like right when we were kind of starting to date I go come to this party what's all our friends are going to be there

He doesn't show up and then I see him around. I'm like, hey, why didn't you go to that party? He goes Oh, I fell asleep. So that was kind of weird that like I'm shocked because tom always seemed very social to me really I don't think so and then when we started dating Okay, we were um, you know, it was a kissy face time and we were so in love and he was like I like you so much I just want to stab your eyes until they bleed. I want to punch you. I want to I want to just kill you Like you kept talking about wanting to murder me and stuff I would say things like I want to put your head through that dresser and yeah, but I mean it was I said it like in a Jokey, yeah, yeah, but still a flag

Yeah, but I just I turned it into I turned a red flag into a pink flag because I was like well I could be a sense of humor thing. Yeah, we're both comics So it was a humor thing Yeah, but there's still some shit under it. I think you should have examined what changed though Obviously they've worked everything worked out. Well, it's 12 years later and we're normal, you know, but um, what changed I just got to know him better. I guess. Yeah, and the other there's some other flags made me to this day Like what and talk to yourself a lot Like I look this is two days ago. I look over and he's literally going

Like my like freaking out to himself and I'm like, who are you talking to? He's like Also and so I'm having a thing. I do that a lot. I do that a lot, but I don't think that's that big of a red flag No, I don't I don't my dad does it too. So I I've seen him do it so many times and it does make me Either amuses me or I'm like the fuck is wrong with you. So I can only imagine So because guys we don't care if you have a career or good credit. We just look at your face The proportion of your body your breast and your ass and but there's a genetic reason for that But women look at guys and say is he strong enough to protect my offspring? Of course, you have a social status. Is he kind?

You know, the you know, these these things really matter. So um guys just need a nice pair of tits and that's it Yeah, yeah, it it is true, but there's a reason That the fat surrounding breast and ass is what's necessary to keep a baby very healthy. So and luckily for me She's got a couple of state droopers on her And They're so big and droopy now. They're not. Oh my god, they're destroyed. Please destroyed All right, um, what else is there anything? What do you got coming up? Yeah, Yosh, what you got? Um Well, I was in Canada by the way, I was banned for 12 years. I was 12 years

I thought the the ban is usually seven or 10 years 10 years, but I was still afraid to go but um, I went up there for um Um, how the they take care of addicts in Vancouver So I had to go after working with the russo peters in portland So I went up it was so embarrassing because when you go up in the bus Every they can't continue to travel travel to Vancouver unless everybody get on or you have to tell them this person get Get back on and go to canada. So I was the last one to get in I had to talk to three officers You know, I have to explain the whole fiasco. I happened, but I went up there What was the initial ban for like a fight or alcohol?

I was opening for russo peters, but I had a bag of porn which is fine. That's legal. What coming trouble was Around that time michael jackson got in trouble for second accusation molestation So in my notebook, I wrote michael jackson's favorite child porn titles And so they found a bag of porn with child porn titles. They thought was a child pornographer Oh, shit, you know kindergarten cocks, spongebob, no pants, hairless in seattle, honey I fucked the kids These are great jokes. These are great comedians. So how did that turn into a ban? well

They took me to this room and when every one of those db DVDs and I have to stand in there for three hours watching porn with these three canadian officers Because they were making sure there's no kid in there then But they have to get me for something and you know Even if somebody here, I was falsely accused of child porn. My life is over. Yeah So they say it's it's I'm glad you think that's funny It's so over. Yeah, so

I don't know why that's so funny. It wasn't funny at all. It wasn't funny when that happened But um, or you could just admit you're working for this guy with a work visa that I agree with that I don't care about not going to can of 10 years. I'd rather take that But what was so funny not funny at the time but as he's typing my Problems because he said if you go we could make you see a judge about your child porn Even though there's no kid. There's no child porn. Yeah, there's no child porn And then russo peter called me. I said, hey, you know sure it's about a starting hour. Where are you? And I told him a situation and he goes. Well, you tell them motherfuckers

Go fuck them so well the guy heard him say that And I saw him like he paused and like Delee whatever he's typing and then re-typed something over that so Russell think it's funny, but it wasn't fun. I'm just just terrified, you know, and They were just going after people and then they sent you back Then let me do the show because there's no fly back that night. So but they say first day in the morning you have to leave So I did a show I didn't want to show an image and I have to fly back. So I went up there for um

Canadians I'm doing an amazing job in Vancouver saving people because they have the only one only place in Vancouver east Hastings Vanda, uh, Vancouver Network of drug users union or something. They're kind enough to invite me up there And uh, I saw about 80 people in Jack heroin. Oh boy, but they're saving people's lives because they're now overdosing They have a community to help people with the spread of std and the number of um Overdose dropped crime dropped and it's working and then we were trying to pass a similar measure in seattle, but it didn't pass and uh We lost a bunch of dear friends in the quintessin comedy because of the addiction

And the policy that we have is it's terrible. It's stupid. So are you gonna you have any upcoming shows you want? august 10th laughs unlimited in sacramental apm. It's the first um illegal comedy show illegal comedy.com And uh, i'm selling magazines after the show. There's just magazine. You guys he gave us some august 10th Yeah, okay, and um, it's a great weekend because august 11th and 12th You are doing show in sacramental punchlines. That's right. It's going to be a fun weekend. So We're going to show video from the magazine I'm telling you exactly what i'm doing I need to sell tickets because i'm already in minus 600

It's literally blood money i'm paying. So if no one shows off i'm fucked. Where's it? Where's it at? Where's the laughs unlimited? Oh at laughs limit, okay apm august 10th and um november 11th in phoenix glendale, arizona At the club off the cuff. We're doing another illegal comedy So i'm basically just break even tell people that we want to help people to addict Drug problems and um, that's great, man I'm trying to go into canada to do a big show. Hopefully maybe even have a russia peters hosting it, but the um We lost 60 Almost 70 000 americans last year and a year before that 35 000. So that is a massive

dramatic sad And we're losing these are not bad people. I just want people know these are your brother sister uncle and of course even grandparents and Our policies are hurting people. It's misguided. So um, I want to hopefully say people's lives That's a it's a very powerful message, man. I'm glad you're doing that and your fans are wonderful They're just a really nice people hit them up hit up yoshi on twitter You're at yoshi obayashi.com and illegal comedy.com and um Laughs unlimited august 10th. All right gene anything else? Uh, no, thanks for coming here yoshi. We always love having you and your fans are just wonderful

I mean, I can't believe these couples listen to my horrible jokes. They're very sweet. Thank you. They're the best All right guys, we'll see you next time. Thanks for listening. Come see tom. Yeah, come see me. I'll be there And vision He gotta send her flowers on a Tuesday Nowadays I've been like, oh hell nah, bitch. Oh, I'm a bad mother because I make crazy ass videos She don't care about nothing but her fucking nuts. So whatever come on little side bitch I'm just gonna get you some self-respect and dignity in my life Oh

I can't stand when somebody comment under one of my video. Is she high? No beautiful guy. I am blessed You You