Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - 410-Your Mom's House with Christina P and Tom Segura

Episode Date: August 23, 2017

If you're ever attacked you should consider biting your attacker below the waist! But only after you seduce him into thinking you're into him sexually. We recommend an hour or more to really trick them! Plus, Why are some farts hot? Why do those smell more?  AND are you willing to wait in line to eat somewhere good? No thanks, Jean.  When you visit Singapore keep an eye out for an older, gay, how you say, Gentleman. He knows what he wants and it's a lot.  Put pee in your butt because we just found out it could solve this country's problems. 

what's that go to your mom's house podcast dot com please do your amazon shopping through our banners we have one for the u s one for canada one for the u k please do any of your regular amazon shopping through our banner it helps support the show and of course our store which features uh... number of shirts rub rub rub uh... sub cane there's no soup

dj dad mouth bikes whole bunch of shirts uh... with awesome designs thank you guys for forgetting them jean what you got there i was gonna ask you who do you think has done less activity today but uh... bit see your fee for who that's a tough call that is a real tough call i would say it's a

didn't last you got it you got it he's only done four minutes of activity fee foes done twelve wow pull the activity i know i was responsible i think parking is an activity for him she's got that cone on her right now we have his vocal cords

that possibility i'm sure you can it's a little inhumane like that i love them i love them this was a thing is a maze telling you now we got to get one of these on our toddler and now all right uh... thank you guys for checking out the show and uh... we'll see you next week

by gene yeah it is uh... it's a very nice jacket thank you i you asked me out well how much do you think a jacket like this cost time five hundred bucks wrong uh... thirty dollars it's cool it's like a cheapy each and every day

that's right and all my stuff cheap that she looks fly man thanks bro eight toast gels in my summer bomber look tells him it looks uh... it looks like uh... downtown flag here little little tokyo gear like i'm cool and i know where to shop stuff yeah it does you know i was a little afraid of real talk what's up is that

the the prince floral i was kind of afraid of looking like a tommy bahama dad uh... now it does not look like you sure now because my stepdad used to wear tommy bahama all the time he's horrible prince and i'm like that's kind of like it's a little time it doesn't look like that i promise and care uh... let's do a proper show open and i'll say i'm gonna get into everything don't talk about very exciting very exciting stuff here we go here we go i'm saying

population defense there is another instance when you need to give the appearance of going along with what is happening if you're being forced down to orally copulate your attacker defense is simple quit fighting and wait for your chance then bite off his penis don't bring anyone

well uh... christina apartment i am Titan uh...

you know i'm saying this is how i feel every time i'm forced to orally copulate you feel like doing this to me no i just know that i have to surrender out to give it why uh... why why do you feel like uh... my attacker i'm not an attacker on your spouse you're always trying to trick me to you like all softening help and then i go down there and you're just kidding

that's what bobby likes to do that by office penis trash yeah yeah bobby's all about it trish wouldn't do that uh... trish would never bite one off now away trish lives for the goblin cocks whoa so that's what she loves that's trish karen or trish they both are they're both down my favorite thing about both of them is they're super down love so slow self esteem check yeah i know they are the best for one for that

thing for love and i'm assuming that's what i hear i won't give away too much about our marital love makings but bobby and trish had a rendezvous yeah they did and uh... it was funny because i had a rendezvous with my triple d s l u t i came up with that one

that was funny that was good but uh... it was funny because i i had a thing i was trying to unbutton right and then you were and then you said something and you just were patient with me and i was like no bobby wouldn't be patient yeah bobby would say yeah

because you were unbuttoning like this rope it was hard to yeah and you're like i'm sorry and i don't you know what would you say right now you know it's okay just take your time and you're like no be bobby oh jesus all right rip that thing off then fuck

and you're like yeah you're like i don't give a shit rip it tear it tear it off bitch yeah that's really funny anyways i went to the ninety nine cents store today

yeah which for me an eastern blocker who hates spending money that is like the jackpot you love it yeah man i forgot how cool it is there and how much shit there is to buy for nothing i'm not really a ninety nine cent guy but one thing that is great one thing that i have bought there before yeah it's like cleaning supplies things you know sponges and

little whatever windex all that kind of bullshit it's great crazy that they sell it there for that much can i tell you there's so much cool stuff there now it's gotten really good and they have really neat halloween things i got really excited i lucked out so much in this in the spending department and the chief is all i heard about growing up always go ah my wife spends money right it's all she does

and you're like i got this thing for two dollars i was i felt and can i tell you i'm gonna tell you guys i got so excited because i saw the halloween aisle and it was really good like they have really good stuff there i was very surprised and i actually walked through it and i felt a pang of guilt like i shouldn't buy this yeah so kind of fancy you know yeah and then i walked through the aisles and then i went back and i was like you know what christina you can treat yourself right here and i spent 20 whole dollars wow on halloween stuff and i that's a lot of stuff at the 99 that's a ton of stuff dude that's for the whole house you have 20 things yeah for you is anything over 99 cents yes

so it's like 99 cents is a starting point there are some items the nicer ones that are a dollar 99 whoa but they're really nice you would never know you're gonna see the halloween decorations i got are so nice okay okay beyond said i didn't know you had that kind of money jesus anyway i got a lot of stuff for lj for the airplane ride on sunday uh my a mom friend of mine told me to buy a bunch of shift from the 99 cent store for him to play with on the plane you know i didn't you know i'm saying i didn't get him toys i got him like kitchen wear and shit like he likes to play with you know yep and um they had a glow in the dark axe and i posted on instagram i thought of you immediately it's like it's like a little evil kid with a

glow in the dark axe yeah we got that for him of course i was like is this not tom sugar his son right here yeah so he could be like a little axe murderer yeah isn't that neat it's not for the flight though right that's of course it's for the flight oh really well it's a glow in the dark i mean you know i figured and why i have anxiety about that flight i talked about it with my shrink today and well uh look he she told me she goes but he's going to cry during takeoff and landing you should count on that because their ears are very fragile at that age yeah and uh you know just you know that that's an inevitability give him something to suck on like a bottle right milk give him his baba and uh you know oh oh and she said the crying is actually good because

that's how they unplug their ears through crying it'll help the process so she goes it's actually a good thing yeah and you know i have a big fear of uh losing control that's my thing i got control issues so for me the baby crying like that on and i also am afraid of judgment of other people of course yeah it's it's not so much to freak out because he's freaked out in public before but it's that it's an enclosed yeah it's much it's heightened you know and we're going to ruin other people's flight that's my fear yeah me too and then looking at me like this dumb fuck woman doesn't know how to take care of her kid yeah no i have the same fears yeah so what are you what's your biggest uh i don't know i mean talking to friends one of my friends was like well you know

your kid's gonna cry yeah and um you can't worry about that stuff people people know that kids cry yeah and they've been around kids before and you know if they're irritated by it that's just part of it i mean you do your best obviously to try to to get over it but yeah i have so i have total anxiety about it total and i remember that it's similar to the anxiety i'm also very like sensitive to that to other people other people being like oh my god you know in a restaurant if he bangs a a fork against the table you know i'll grab him be like hey like i don't want to bother other people yeah i'm the same um i had the same panic the first time i flew with fief back in the day oh yeah that i did too i was super nervous so scary and then i would just

i would relax when i finally like put it under the seat and and he chilled and i was like oh my god and then i would get anxiety if the person next to me was like can i get out i'd be like just be careful under the seat as a dog okay yeah you know like apologetic you know but you know what that is i mean for me anyways it's it's my perfectionism yeah where if i'm not a perfect i'm not perfect at being a mom then i'm a piece of shit that's my big thing is like then then it means that i'm a bad person if you know i could help you uh get over that so i can some dudes dig not some dude my friend kevin if you blow him you'll feel better who's kevin i don't know it's this guy nice guy the guy your uh our son's real dad what what you don't think lj is your son

i have thoughts i have doubts what part of that what part of him you know you don't don't you think resembles you or i don't know sometimes i look at him and i'm like what was your bio dad okay bob pain she's really funny this will cause shock and definitely end any thoughts about rape definitely that's terrifying babe that is a crazy thing like his hair cut though look at that yeah it's definitely 80s he's a super dad let's take another look at this defense oh yeah he's telling you to suck it you're pushing back this is every whoa shocking but if you want to survive you'll consider this a defense technique good girl get it there cucumber yeah or he's had a real bloody dark he had a really green dark dick wow and they showed her

biting it she's all this will cause shock and definitely end any thoughts about rape hell yeah definitely i don't know who wrote that but they deserve an award yeah he ain't raping now here you go rape now dick bit off your dicks all bit and half that is a really good tactic i i mean if i were if i had the wherewithal to do it i definitely would in that situation to just put it in your mouth bite the fuck out of that dick dude yeah rip his fucking nuts off too yeah i wonder if him right in the dick if he would then have a case against you you know be like i was yeah i was going for it but like she didn't have to bite it off oh i'd bite it off yeah and fucking yeah nothing sounds worse than a than a dick bite now and then you have the dick

blood in your mouth and everything yeah it's not good but but right and i also wonder if my veneers can handle that kind of a bite oh right i mean i can't even bite an apple you'd have a hell of a dental update yeah and your dentists would flip be like what happened like i bit this dude's dick off what yeah i put this guy's dick in my mouth and i bit it off yeah and you get pictures to show him and he's just like yeah let me put you know what's on the house today don't worry about anything all the charges do you think a lot of women force men to go down on them you think that's an epidemic no i don't think so but it definitely has happened and continues to happen but it's just not a lot you couldn't really do a lot again you can't even bite her vagina but you gotta think about

there's probably some relationships out there where the woman is a bully and even less where the woman is stronger uh yeah but it definitely happens of course it happens which is amazing to think about as a guy because it's almost inconceivable to most guys right but it happens you know of course yeah she's like you better do this better eat my pussy you fucking idiot and he's like i don't want to do it like this right but then what can he do i guess he can try to bite her yeah bad job all right but no see he's probably just so scared you could bite you you could bite down there yeah you could hurt that would hurt bad what if you bit his balls i think that would hurt worse yeah i think a ball bite might be more

effective than a dick bite even yeah yeah ball bite would just shut down the whole system your whole body would just shut down you know what i would do okay i would yeah i would give in and then i would give him a i might give him a dick bite and a ball pull no at the same time and then he's like i could feel good i'd like that i wouldn't like the dick bite but i'd be like that ball pill that tug feels good but it was not a tug what if it's a full pull like a yeah but even that aggressive fucking pull well i don't know i would be like you like your balls licked and then you go under and be like ah and then you got hot and you bite one of those balls that's over it's then all thoughts of rape are gone yeah that's true right you know what all thoughts of rape are gone

yeah he should be teaching her the ball bite not just the dick bite why don't we make a new video nothing wrong with that offer to lick his balls and then when you go in for the way as he forces his penis in your mouth stop him and say do you like having your balls like then place his balls right in your mouth spit a bunch on them so he thinks you're game and then take a big bite it's nasty we could make that video yeah we'll use some peaches peaches to you know they had a cucumber oh right yeah simulate yeah yeah do you like your balls licked your attacker will pause you know wait a minute no matter fact i've never had that done before could you do it real quick stupid rapist stupid dumb

rapist how about this this guy is pretty much a rapist yeah you go to facebook in your fucking facebook the fuck is this guy talking i don't know but i mean it's like on the subway and he tells this guy let me see i didn't an american man oh he was in Singapore his female friend filmed this incident as the as the asian man reportedly kept asking him for sex yeah i mean so this older guy is on the subway and he's like you are gay are you gay yeah i'm talking to him i'm not talking to you you're being very rude this is my friend this is my friend you're being very rude no no no she's talking to your friend i'm your friend no you're not i want you to fuck me tonight i don't know who

you are i'm not interested i want you to fuck me tonight wow very different approach and also demanding to be fucked yeah that's also really interesting because you're being aggressive but you're asking for this submissive role right i feel like i missed the introduction here the introduction was just he was just like you go to facebook in your fucking space in facebook so see you're really out there you're fucking gay i'm a gay or so excuse me said thing about i see you on facebook you're gay you're gay asshole i'm gay too and he's like i'm talking to you bitch talking to him oh and she and then the boy the guy goes that's my friend he this guy goes that's not your friend i'm your friend he's like uh no no thanks

i want you to fuck me in my ass yeah i'm talking to him i'm not talking to you this is my friend this is my friend you're being very rude no no no she's talking to your friend i'm your friend no you're not i want you to fuck me tonight i don't know who you are and i'm not interested i want you to fuck me tonight whoa and i feel like he just learned these phrases for his you know his pleasure basically he doesn't speak good english but he's like how do i say this oh yeah i want you to fuck me tonight it's pretty good pretty good at it no no no he's lbgk i'm a lbg i'm not yes you are your gay i'm not supposed to be gay but it's very rude i want you to fuck me tonight please don't touch me again he please don't touch me

she's boy he's not an american we can touch you hey hey excuse me before i'm here now wow yeah he should definitely dick bite this old guy i know or do the ball licking approach yeah he should be like the guy should be like you want me to i want you to fuck me tonight he should go do you like having your balls licked and the guy's like what yeah i do it's not a bum and then he goes along likes all his balls for like for like 20 30 minutes and then add 20 30 minutes wait how do you mean he's sharpening his knife for that long well you gotta make you gotta you can't have him suspect you're gonna do something so you gotta kind of get into it for a long time and get your balls licked though well i mean he's trying to convince him right like i'm not

gonna do like i'm game that's how you lure him in you spit on his dick and his balls for like 25 35 45 minutes right that's what i would do and then when he's like really in the euphoria of it then you bite his balls oh so you really you're really roping him yeah but you gotta blow him and lick his balls for like an hour and a half for this method to work for this to work this is my approach this is how i train women all the time and this this is my very system that tom i don't like where this is going what do you mean this is problematic you're making fun of rape no no no no no no no wait a minute i'm talking about a defense self-defense system that i've developed over years oh are you like the sharpening the knife guru yeah i teach this class where i

and i have women practice you know on me i go just put this in your mouth for like 30 to 40 minutes and uh-huh and then when i least suspect it just show me your finger and that'll be a call that'll be a signal that you're right or she has to put her finger in your bum hole yep and then that's a surprise too yeah that's another get away from me and sometimes it'll happen is i'll come deterrent during that time period and then i go now we got to start over but you know we're getting there it's just it's a matter of practice you know practice practice 50 50 50 every time i see asian guys now i always assume they're showing their knives at home they go we went to sushi bar yesterday in little tokyo to our old stomping grounds around there

and all the sushi chefs i i just imagine them sharpening their knives before their shifts you know you're like you think he's sharpening his knife this morning like a hundred percent he did that's so stupid i just assume all asian men do that now it's crazy we're all of them because of that one guy he ruined asian men for us forever i know i know god i've become racist now well it's not racist you're just assuming that all these guys come hard you know you're not wrong they invisibly come i think is that what you mean that's right they're contracting they're contracting their uh postdoc that and if they're if they're not circumscribed circumstances not all guys are circumstances and then they uh pull the skin back and you just

jack your dick so many people by the way i never thought this but a lot of people messaged when i tweeted out the link to that video they're like this guy's mentally all of course of course most people are that we air on this show well this is the mental illness video show come on no it's not yeah it's are you crazy come to your mom's house no that guy's funny but he's not crazy yeah he is he's a very deliberate system the same way i do with myself defense class right i'm not crazy wonderful wow this lady is trying to tell him

well i can't believe she put her hands on him like that not that she's wrong right but just that that's a bold move yeah but i you're right you're absolutely right however to be clear so we the audience understands this listening yeah another third party came in a woman american woman came in and put her hands on the asian man and like told him to calm down and get back right but see in our world and the in female world a gay man is equal to a woman oh we don't think of them as dudes like they're just they're girls like us they're just one of the girls that is so offensive no it's true though i'm gonna weep no but don't you think but i mean but see that guy actually took to it okay he was like look he's he's giving a sass pose to her he's like i am calm but i can't believe he

didn't push her back because he was touching the other people yeah that's not cool why would yoshi demand sex from another man on the train like that it's not yoshi come on could be him older yoshi although yoshi's like 50 now and he looks like he's 20 it's horrible how is that possible he's so lucky i know it's not fair he looks really good simple got no law you can touch me i can touch you simple got no law sorry sorry sorry you know this is always when you laugh i'm very i'm so just to be clear now the asian man is saying there's no laws here anyone can touch anybody which i doubt is true in singapore of all places that is super strict um and then he's just like he's a gay i'm a gay did this happen to you when you were in singapore no no no you know what i do

like about um the older gays like this like that he really does put it out there like the flag is flying he's like look man i want to fuck but at this age i i applaud that you should be like that i know i i agree good i don't like that he's harassing this this dude i don't think that's i'm not bothered but let's see if he actually mr roper gets to asian mr robert close the deal here oh he just hit the guy he just hit the oh my god whoa whoa that's nuts the world is fucking now but who connected there that he connected with the guy yeah he hit he hit the guy that he's trying to get to fuck him wow that was he slapped that guy's face i think he's holding his face like that guy just hit me that's amazing

dickhead fuck this one i want you to fuck me tonight fuck with my ass man this is the sexual assault yeah episode what's going on different ways that it comes together what i want you to fuck me tonight what what what's with all the assault clips now he did say i want whereas our other guy fuck with my ass man demands it depends yeah right one is a humble request the other one is a demand yeah can i kiss you can i kiss you yeah you're fucking gay you're fucking gay you're fucking gay yes you are you're gay he just told that dude he was that guy didn't say anything to him i guess i gator thing is real man but who knows if that guy really was who knows yeah i don't know he was his female friend companion you know yeah but i guess you didn't say this is like my boyfriend

my husband still that guy's crazy yeah it's so nasty no good luck to him babe hope things work out so anyway we were in riddle tokyo yesterday okay and we met a mommy on the street that was fun yeah that was pretty this guy was like hey mommy's like whoa walking across the street yeah we tried to go to an awesome sushi joint we ended up at another good one but yeah there was a line any line fuck all that i'm over lines yeah for for restaurants this is america man the same russia i'm not doing that anymore yeah i wait no fucking bread lines i don't care what it is man i know there's all these uh you know what is it like franklin's barbecue in austin or like haddies and in uh nashville and every time i go they're like you got to go this place

and then there's like an hour wait outside and i'm like we'll go somewhere else but this is awesome like yeah no it's not that awesome same thing happened filly i went to some uh a cheese steak place and it wasn't the two big ones it wasn't geno's or the one whatever it is across the street and the same thing it's like i waited like 45 minutes or an hour to get a cheese steak and then my friend was like how is it i'm like it's a good cheese steak i mean it tastes like a good one well what it tastes better if you now have to wait in line for 45 of course of course man i don't know and i'm just not into it i'm not into it either i'm i don't i don't have that kind of time or patience for waiting for i don't have the patience for it i just go somewhere and we went down the

street there's nothing i can do to skip this line no okay i'll go somewhere else well they always lie to you too and they're like oh it goes by fast put your name on no it never does when you're standing in your i know as soon as i saw that line outside for that for lunch at that place i was like go fuck yourself man no the fuck out of here with that shit get the fuck where did we see douchebag a hedge fund guy that was there no but where did we see him again afterwards at the at the store where i bought that shirt for little jeans or he was walking out and we were walking in that was starbucks bar stocks we took a pee there yeah took a pee break yeah that dude yeah that was so fun there's like a group of uh the cast of billions like these east coast douche bags

yeah like white shoes and i love that i'm starting to get that sadness that uh series ending sadness i know there's like five six episodes left and i'm already like now do they are they making a season three or is this series i don't know i don't think about it let's see let's see if um billions billions let's see if there's a season three announced confirmed yes yes it'll air next year though fuck oh mother afer when when next year doesn't say why does it take so long to make my favorite tv shows i wish to see it now this furthers my argument for starting a show well after it it's uh yeah then then you can binge the 10 seasons and you're like i'm into the sopranos dude yeah i like it i fucking like it like that let's

this zombie show i'm on board yeah i don't know we just started a game of thrones yeah um but what we saw at the sushi bar was interesting uh we saw a lot of hungry tits out and about yesterday no bra no bra well she's french yeah titty's just out yeah just little titties who does that dying to eat dying to be fed they were just licking their lips like do you have something for me and i tried to put my chopsticks up to her tits i was like you want me to give it a little piece stupid she was like no i feed him when i can but she was a french girl so that's kind of so weird that uh uros do that they like their tits to jiggle around but only if you got small hungry tits can you you can't go braless when you got big quadruple d slut wife tits like mine

there's no fucking way well you just look then you look crazy because my hangers big old hangers out yeah you look real crazy yeah because they they move a lot more than uh you know those little french tits do of course um let's see so if you're if you're listening the moment this comes out we are in breastball's beach tonight that's right we're doing the podcast live podcast palm beach county and if you're here brower day come see us we're at the breastball's beach improv we're doing a live podcast and we're going to do a course of meet and greet with everybody afterwards we'll be hanging out come see us come say hi i might have a glass of chardonnay oh my goodness okay it's my vacation if you are listening i also would love to tell you

that i have a huge leg of my tour coming up i'm gonna rub rub rub in lincoln nebraska midwest city okra homa and springfield mesura uh that's my lead-up week to my special taping week which i will start september 13th in brea september 14th at the oakland excuse me the fox theater in oakland california and then i'm shooting two shows in denver momver colorado at the paramount september 16th i couldn't be more excited uh from there the tour continues i have a bunch of cities at tomcigura.com slash tour please uh check out the site and you can see i'm coming to everywhere from albany to portland main trono and arbor indy st louis tits fart go san antonio austin it keeps going new york city buffalo la phoenix barfalo and we're doing another podcast live in urvine

sperm vine october the eighth urvine california at the improv tickets did not transfer if you had them before so you have to get new ones gene what was the title we had for your special at denver coming on your denver um oh no man yesterday we came up with a really good a few mile high come shot okay okay all right uh september 22nd and 23rd st louis tits missouri at the helium comedy club october 3rd nashville what is nashville nardsville gashville gashville tennessee zany's comedy club october 4th sharplet north cow kakalakas you say as if that's a real thing it's real comedy zone and and then with you october 8th uh ymh live in sperm vine yeah very excited very amaze excite amaze guys check out that's deep bro as well i take listener emails this week a girl wrote in

asking whether or not she should reveal that her cousin is actually her biological sister whoa yeah jerry springer stuff pretty exciting yeah her cousin is her biological sister yeah the cousin doesn't know it they don't know it the one person that knows is her mother this is too much it's too much i know it's awesome all right well there you go that's deep bro check it out check it out yeah uh uh yeah that's it right that's all you have for now your one to always boast and brag about your h2o consumption meanwhile you you tear those down who hydrate in a different manner science has something to say to you in a study that's sure to wake you up new research says coffee won't dehydrate you please researchers from birmingham university say there's a few cups of

the drink are just as hydrating as water oh bullshit listen i don't know what kind of fake news propaganda this is news breaker whatever that is diuretic effective caffeine is balanced by the amount of water in the drink something that wasn't taken into account the last time that was done in 1928 jesus now the current study compared many drank four mugs of coffee versus four mugs of water for three days while eating the same food the result a guilt-free cup of morning joe for the rest of us wow whatever you should still drink water of course propaganda about 1.6 billion cups of coffee are consumed worldwide every day god this study is sure to please the masses but researchers still suggest balancing each cup with a glass of water see then

why do they still why would they still suggest that because they have to watch their backs they have to make sure exactly in trouble because they know this is not conclusive uh this is not a conclusive study they're still saying drink water in addition to otherwise they would just sell you bottles of coffee like this and they and then they give marathon runners bottles of coffee so there you go it's fine you can drink your coffee how come i'm so thirsty when i drink coffee though um i think it's because you're retarded and oh then that happens where it goes down weird and then you're thirsty a lot of that it's because your chromosomes are all stupid let's go through some special some title specials for you i'd go retarded how about that one my teeth are still

yellow my teeth are still yellow that's a good one write it down not personality champ no how about retarded comic i like that yeah about we had some great ones yesterday i know i know that's how it goes they just suck on it denver come come come on my suck or something like that come on my balls balls full of cum yeah now that's a catchy title yeah um um let's see uh we had some great ones we should write jizzy jokes i forget it just forget this you forget all you forget them all too though i know i forget them let's do some now what are you leaning towards cum beard no what what rub rub rub yeah i like that one sharpening the knife just glassing just glassing that's a good title actually i know it doesn't matter that my

special my hour is not about that like comedy titles you want those two word and three word titles you know those are the ones that those are the best ones plus it's a shout out to all your mom's shout out to the podcast it's um it's great key art for the like the cover and stuff like hold binoculars and like kind of coily just glassing stupid and but that's the thing it can be stupid it's a stand-up special yeah it's supposed to be silly yeah i mean you could call it sharpening the knife i like that too yeah that's actually a really good uh it's but you know it's obviously a joke i mean yeah you could take that seriously and be like i'm sharpening my joke like it's like i'm killing it or something silly yeah but i mean jokingly sharpening the knife is funny

i think sure title and i am sharpening the knife you know uh metaphorically metaphor right so you rub rub rub yeah what about um uh jokes for moose soup what about fuck me in my ass man hey that's a title dumps a girl hook me in my ass man um that's my favorite what about tom's a girl and then the title is tom or black that's good you get that then you get different audience the demographic change a little bit yeah uh how about um how about 50 inches plus nine inches and price nine inches price nine inches and uh yeah yeah how does my asshole smell oh that's a good title nailed it how does my asshole smell huh we have to put the huh in there uh not all nazis are bad

they would what about the other side guys that could be a title that could be a title that's a funny title all nazis are bad yeah how about some neo nazis it's nifty nazis or something like that like how about this awesome nazis i'm sigura silly nazi silly nazi that's a pretty funny title yeah yeah that's just a fun one or just what about just hey hitler hey hitler yeah i mean that's a whole new you're really you're really casting the net for the audience how do you think the conversation would go with the and just breaking it down like so here's what i want to do and they're like no no we don't get it it's like a shout out you don't get it and get all aggressive and they're like um it's not really about hitler it's about this girl

in the video about my list you guys are doing good how about i like that you're doing good you're doing good well i wanted to call mine good job and they wouldn't they wouldn't go for that you guys are doing good or you guys are doing good yeah you're doing good yeah you guys are doing but oh how about this how about this tom sigura what's your pronoun oh that's fucking amazing yeah i like what's your pronoun let's see that would work better for you what's your product oh yeah because i have non binary stuff i'm gonna get a lot of nasty emails on that definitely i don't think you're ready for it i have no idea i'm really good oh man tom sigura some of y'all is nasty you too you nasty how about nasty as hell how about we're

running the industry now running the industry i like you like that that's good for you yeah you like that kind of you know yeah sassy lingo yeah that's good we're gonna keep the mother fuckers out keep the mother fuckers out little trump 99 build that wall build that wall build that wall there you go god here you go that'd be the last special i ever had oh my god could you imagine build that wall oh my life that's really yeah oh boy i'm telling you i actually think this is a good title just glass and just glass is a great title yeah i love you guys glass and right in and let us know if you think that's a good time we should put up a poll actually yes yes how about lake my ass lake my ass yeah lake it's nasty what about it's not sexual or it's

just like the gays just like the gay how about it's only smells it's only smells that's actually really good for you pretty good one yeah hmm i don't know what about would you marry your mom would you marry your mom would you ever date your mom ask them will you ever date your mom it's a good title i would date my mom that's my title i asked i asked him it's just like the gays foreign for foreign obviously a definitely good comedy title for real is you know what i'm saying you know what i'm saying yeah that's a good time comedy title because you're talking you know it has to be a play on it though yeah like you know i don't know what the play is but it can't just i don't give a fuck about none of it remember that was the best one miss pat was in here and you

played four in yeah she's like you always do the best you make fun of black you know she goes i love your imitation she goes your imitation of black that goes not an imitation dude yeah yeah so disrespectful i like cob strong i'm going on a cob strike how about oh i got another a good one are you ready for it yeah okay hold on this is a i don't see it this would be so good fuck you guys are doing good i think it's rub rub rub rub rub no i think it's just glassing are feeling you feel me don't talk about you know is that about you feel me you don't tell me if you know i'm saying that's that's a good one that's funny yeah that is how but oh here it is ready yeah this is the title comes up on your screen tom segura i mean i am the king of improv i feel

for you my saying so the king of improv king of improv i like that i'm about the king of stand-up the king of yeah see i could be the king of com but then there's the kings of comedy yeah awesome title so it's so brash and it's so brash and i would get so much hate people like i cannot believe it's so crazy the title you think we actually have to pause for a moment press pause we have to press pause with our two cat paws and um do a business call yeah do our little business call we'll be right back well you won't even know i don't know i'm saying we'll be right back welcome back we're back i'm a little seven seven some interesting emails came in state droopers our hot farts smellier oh wow they might be

watching tv last night came across a question that needs immediate attention i was on the couch next to my non-binary spouse when i had to f a r t upon release i noticed the startlingly hot nature of the gas and it happened to be particularly smelly and i pondered what the connection of heat to smell is huh our farts that come out hot more smelly yeah and what causes the heat sensation wow i knew how to come to my main mommy's to get to the bottom of this i will see you at wet balls beach for the live show i called ahead to make sure they have moose soup ready kvp well interesting question and i feel like medically we need to i think we need to reach out to a professional to get real guidance on that but i definitely have had that thought

like wow this is hot and it doesn't smell good no and i think i think you're right that the hot farts do tend to be smellier yeah and i think it has something to do with the molecules being heated up f a r t it's you know why okay think about it when you cook food in the microwave the molecules bounce around and the smell emanates right because of the heat but why is it hot why is it coming out of you hot now that's another question that i mean why are there hot farts i don't know i feel like this is one of the great life or great mysteries of life like do twins have identical dicks this is one of those questions yeah why are they hotter i don't know so far on the identical dicks we've kind of come to the

conclusion that identical twins seem to have identical dicks but fraternal twins don't necessarily which makes sense yeah oh yes yes wait but back to this this is a hot question yeah so let's let's go down the list of things that give you hot farts number one broccoli yeah a dried apricots give me hot farts ethnic food kimchi mm-hmm now you know what they have in common what high fiber content there you go bell peppers high fiber high fiber makes it hotter now but why does fiber translate to heat in your bumhole it's a great question why is it a fiber i don't know these are there's a lot of mysteries out there that you know i don't know we gotta put yeah okay so if you're a medical professional let us know why do we farts are hot why are farts sometimes hot why are hot farts

smellier well we decide i know why they're smellier because they're hot and therefore the molecules are bouncing around that's your theory you said i know that's what creates smell but you're saying you don't know that for sure it's my theory yeah based on like let's get it confirmed seventh grade science knowledge let's get it confirmed god man god i never and isn't that amazing you go through your whole life just accepting that as a given and then one day somebody just challenges your whole way of being sure you feel that heat come out you're like oh man and if you're in public you'd look around like oh this is gonna hit somebody yeah you know before you know before when that when that gas is cooking when it's really on stoves on you're like oh yeah it's gonna stink like yesterday

i was eating a bowl of my own soup not moose soup just veggie soup yeah and i thought i shouldn't have a second bowl because it's gonna make a lot of hot farts and i didn't want to punish you in bed and then there's like you know with noisy ones it's here or there you go like yeah this is loud maybe and then you go oh nothing could could go either way could go either way sometimes i'll even let out a fart during a massage even if i have a sphincter control if the control is there yeah because i know like it can't smell that like that bad really sometimes yeah but sometimes can't you feel that this one would smell if i let it out yes those are the hot ones you know they're hot before they even come out to you like this is gonna be a hot yeah sometimes

you go oh that'll be hot yeah amazing because you feel the the gurgles you know the the cramping that goes with it yeah dear mommies in recent podcast you've been playing the clip of the mother and son who were dating their behavior could be explained by genetic sexual attraction gsa is an overwhelming sexual attraction that may develop between close blood relatives who first meet as adults and that could very well happen could have been what happened to those two right had that that thing of like a seem like they didn't grow up together correct she didn't raise him she may have birthed him but didn't raise him a college friend of mine was adopted as a baby after college she sought out her birth family and found her mother and two brothers during counseling she was

warned about genetic sexual attraction is thought that it occurs because the normal sibling parental bonding doesn't occur during childhood supposedly it's rare i'm beginning to wonder ben i think that's a really interesting email it absolutely so what's happening is like because of the lack of that bonding between siblings and or parents something happens when you meet them for the first time as adults and you you're you're trying to you know figure out or or or let the bonding occur and it turns into it's sexual energy because it's not it's not dispersed naturally through raising that person fast you know what i read today my shrinks office is why people are attracted to each other just like the gaze yeah like sexual partners not related part people yeah

and they say that you're attracted to people that look like you really yeah like it's unconscious where they have similar features and if you look at the two of us both of us have big lips yep i have beautiful eyes yours are kind of bulgy like feeps but we have similar uh you know the dark baggy under eye circles and i mean our kid looks you have a nice penis your penis is enormous like yeah they say that you look for people that look similar to you but there's a lot of people unconsciously that are together yeah yeah of course of course there are yeah of course yeah but of course i wonder about that do you think we saw each other out for that it's unconscious i think you you connect sexually with people too when like in a more deep way not obviously like

just one night stand way but when you're attracted to somebody that you share psychological things oh yeah i think it's it's a total meshing of our unconscious bullshit yes our issues definitely it's all it's all mommy dad i see clearly yeah yeah now you do yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah definitely yeah you and i that's why we work well together i think it really is just like the gaze we really we have such a good unconscious pairing yeah it's our issues that kind of meld together nicely you know when it comes to dad boners a lot of people we've we've pointed out that there's two types of dad boners there's there's the real the true dad boner who's excited for something and not excitable yeah

then we call it the justified dad boner and that is somebody who's super excited about something but there's reason to be and that one is is uh is there's more reason to celebrate and and we shouldn't you know those are the ones that we not along to like yeah i see why you're this excited we have one of those today it is a dad boner for sure but justified but it's justified boner is is there for a reason and i would be this excited to check out what this boner does he's he's doing like frisbee golf and frisbee go yeah like throwing a frisbee on a course trying to get to a target okay but he's really i mean this is i don't know how far away you would say this is all of that frisbee shit for your speech dad i don't i don't get shit about this

look at look how far that white people are frisbees i mean that feels like it's fucking 80 yards away oh my god it's so far look at this how far away is that's a real fucking sighted dad yeah he's really that was a really good throw i mean look how far away that is i know white people love playing frisbee don't they yeah they have like ultimate frisbee leagues and dumb shit like that around fucking frisbee you white people too much time on their hands you know they either march with the tiki torches or they throw frisbee around you gotta keep white people occupied yeah he was real excited idle hands but i understand

that low looks i mean that is that was good look at look how far away this feels like it's a god damn football field he imagined like how much better it is that it's recorded otherwise you're just like remember when i did that and do like well like whatever dad did you really do it what yeah i didn't know people even did this yeah this is so weird frisbee golf yeah that's a fucking course like two of the most boring sports put together and one thing i know i'm trying i wish i could get into golf it just takes too long to play it's like a four hour commitment it's half your fucking day it's a lot of time how do people have time for golf i want to have i i don't know i've fantasize about about being in the culture of it just

because i feel like it's it'd be it's fun way to unwind it's uh it's hanging out basically is what it is yeah you're hanging out with your friends yeah i don't know if i could get into it though i did it uh 20 years ago i played regularly for one summer a summer after my freshman year in college my parents lived on a golf course so i came home i had a job where i could set my own hours so i would just i just took up golf and i was taking lessons and i was playing jeez playing pretty regularly and i i enjoyed it you were were you good at it i got to i got to respectable i got to the point where my great fear it's almost like flying with the with our son was that when i was when i was playing before that and when i was on the driving range i was terrible and i was embarrassed to join

like a two-some they called her a four-some like a group to play golf and then i played so much that summer that by like mid-summer i was i could play a respectable round meaning i you know i could hit the ball without it uh hooking or shanking and and and are going four feet instead of you know a hundred yards so i just got i got a uh i mean i was not good but i was enough i was decent enough to join a game of golf and play and and you're again there yeah yeah but then i went back to college and i remember i didn't play for like six months or something and then somebody was like do you want to play golf today i go sure we went out there and man i shit the bad so bad and then it just it was uh scourging it was just

you know i was like oh i suck at this i should well it's an older isn't it kind of an older guys i mean it's definitely bigger for sure amongst older guys but it is like a you know the thing that i like about golf is that it takes you to destinations in other words you'll end up checking out places you wouldn't because yeah has a golf as a destination and it's the hang it's like oh i could call somebody up what are you doing today let's go play golf and right you and your bros go there bro down now is there any athletic ability required to play golf can you stand right that's what i'm saying those guys don't really look good well it's not a workout unless you're tiger yeah no i mean it's not you can be a piece of shit yeah you can be a fat fuck like bowling

too it doesn't require do you have that joke that joke about it what is it the the triple crown of lazy darts bowling and golf yeah i think was that it yeah bowling i forget yeah you can be a fat fucking still be in that you can yeah yeah yeah no i wouldn't do it's not like a sport that i'm picking up to stay in shape it was like it would be yeah i think that's the problem that's it i mean even theoretically with golf for me is that it requires no physical ability it's a huge time suck you're on the sun you get you fucking burned it's expensive it's the reason that it is not for me um the people chase the dragon though is that is what happens is it's it's very it's difficult right takes an incredible amount of skill and so you have a good shot or a good hole yeah and then

you go oh that was fucking awesome like i had a birdie you know i went under par i i i did really well that and then that fee that's the feeling you're chasing right doing well i like that i like miniature golf it's also very challenging yes that's can be yeah it's fun yeah let's go do that i don't think you would like actual golf i've only ever uh no i've never played i've never actually never know you actually never you could go out into a driving range have somebody show you how to do it and then you could just you could be somebody that has like a natural skill yeah you could be a doubtful okay well i've got no it's definitely doubtful i've got hold on i'm deaf in one ear here can i fix this sure yeah brace yourself fix it fix it let's see hello hello

still for cocta so no no it's still for cocta it's weird it just happened when we came back from our call it's definitely not here it's in yeah it's in the cans it's well fix it later it's fine for now well i don't know will i pick up golf i don't know maybe when you're old i mean i get it when you're old because then you got if you're retired perfect you got nothing but time hang out with your friends you don't need to have a lot of ability it's definitely an older man's gentleman gentleman gentleman sports gentleman it's a gentleman another great blind question came in i love these you want to hear it i love these so much i know and it's and by the way thank you for all the feedback people have been emailing us about our deaf and blind questions that's so

fascinating people are fascinated by it including us as a reminder if you have a question an answer a clip a song always email the gmail account it is your mom's podcast at gmail.com don't send it on facebook don't send it to any other address send it to the gmail account your mom's podcast at gmail.com and as always thank you for messaging us with with content with clips with all that you can go to your mom's house podcast at sorry your mom's house podcast.com if you want to check out the site has all the youtube links links to all the downloads has a link to the store we have a bunch of really cool shirts merch things that are signed check that out and thank you as always for your support so here is the question you have trouble with that one too

yeah i can hear it crackling on the right it's something's wrong it's only doing one year and i switched headphones too so we'll figure it out later okay what do blind people masturbate to oh my god i've been listening to your educational podcast for quite a while now and i really appreciate you tackling all these hot button issues the major networks are afraid to touch on the topic of blind people i couldn't help but wonder about their porn preferences do blind people just listen to the audio while they pound off and or dj the bean i know they make movies and tv with audio description for the blind that describes what is happening over top of the audio do they make porn for the blind and that describes what is happening the scene also i don't know anyone

that watches the full scene it doesn't just skip around to the good parts how do blind people skip to just the bits they want to hear i anxiously await your answer thank you for keeping me in the know every wednesday tyler from cincinnati really great question tyler um first of all we actually did play a blind porn porn for the blind so somebody describes it to the the blind person but he's saying how do people how do they skip ahead i mean i guess that's just what they do i feel like you did something to me now really yeah yeah i gotta stop this hi okay now it's back to normal what is happening i don't know i don't know well i'm deaf in one ear you're deaf in a year okay did you try moving your mic cable because when i don't plug it moving then how

would i move it i don't know because i moved mine and it popped back in no it's okay i'll figure it out later i can survive um let's see i feel like did we can i tell you one thing that our trainer told me that is very it's been upsetting me she says she has a friend who has the toto washlet yeah but her model flushes itself when she told me that they have a toilet that flushes for them i felt like we were the poorest people ever yeah i know we don't have that i feel like a peasant now so the toilet flushes by itself yes yeah that's um not what we have no i have to flush and i feel like i'm a poor person why don't we have that what have you done today what did you do to this why did you ruin everything today

why did you do that i did nothing you did i did nothing to your dad god damn it what's wrong now i'm hearing weird shit now that you keep fucking with the headphone jack how abusive you are how is that abusive so mean how does that mean that is accurate that's your your the goonies lady right now ah man you ruined i know it's mine's crackling too i didn't ruin all right so let's see if this is uh something that could play uh porn for the blind i don't know if this is a real one or not two engaging in various sexual scenarios flashing quick succession yeah so it's somebody dictating we see her kneeling on the green gray shed carpet walking onto his thighs giving him a rapid blow job there you go she then kisses the head of his penis as he rubs it along her left

breast he's now standing over her as she lays on the cushions of a dark green couch holding up her breasts as he slits the penis between them so that's porn for the blind i guess that's it how do you fast forward through that you just fast fast forward yeah you just scroll forward and then you just like well what's going on now you know doing them both of them she's fingering herself oh my god is coming on her ass there you go that's the part i wanted oh i mean that's it that's exactly what we're talking about right scrolls forward what's that you know so good job good job making that porn but i guess that is you know that is real porn for yeah i guess so i guess they have to use their imaginations yeah otherwise you just listen to the you know ruins porn a lot it's the porn

music yeah i think what ruins porn for me too is all the scenarios and the bill that like just go to the bay you like that gonzo just get in i mean i'm not going to watch plot and are you gonna watch no i don't know sometimes i don't care you don't you don't like uh oh shit i miss the bus no i mean it's not like i'm i'm really pleased with myself when i'm doing that so i'm like just get in get out wait you're upset with yourself for just checking it out well i'm not i'm not in a good place if i'm you know what i mean wow really that that's that's really harsh though on yourself is it i think so to be like i'm not in a good place well i i guess i just want to get in and get out i'm not really looking to spend a lot of time in that neighborhood how

much time do you do you try to spend there when you do go there i don't know i don't time myself but i definitely don't want to like lounge and put my feet up and really in in the terror i thought that there was the only way to do that i thought it was like get comfortable you have your drink you have something to eat you're like you know let's get let's try to get through 30 of these and see what we're like the most i don't have that kind of time i i know i don't do that okay i'm not interested no and usually it's such a vulgar area you know the neighborhood is so dark no stills are like cream pie double fist anal finally i don't want any of that just give me normal where's like the normal section normal section shut that shit down i don't want to see that at all i want

to see you know what are you like prolapse colons six dicks that's just crazy yeah it's crazy yeah it's too crazy that's what i'm saying i think it's not that i'm so ashamed myself more so that the neighbor it's so crazy just to find like a relatively tame clip yeah do you know what i mean yeah i'm not into the six guy prolapse colon why anal fist fisting double fuck you know what's wrong with you that's just normal stuff's exciting enough for me personally just guy girl just five five portery it's too fun around here twill is strong and durable resistant to tears drapes well her thumbs are really resistant her nail is a type of twill in jeans the smoother side is used as the front typically the vertical warp yarns are dyed blue and the weft yarn is left

natural there you go see if it didn't have denim boring for you i'd be much more bored yeah but we have a little denim so denim is the right way to go um how do you feel about this hello everybody rain Florence today i'm going to do a urine enema for the first time oh the first time oh rain we've had her before she drinks her pee to help her fight colds yeah yeah she does we've we've shown her doing it before mm-hmm she looks better than during the day i have collected my urine in this bowl and i just poured one court into my enema bucket right above me oh neat neat now she does actually look really hard wait a minute this chick has a patreon account too for what what talent are we yeah this is just her giving herself i'm going to hold it for about

five minutes i think i wanted to do this video just to document my experience because i'm expecting you know maybe to be enlightened or have a spiritual experience and i wanted to have it on camera well i feel like we did her with a coffee enema yeah she did oh yeah yeah and she was like i'm holding it in it's a little painful right now i'm stopping this i don't want our kid fucking pulling on a snake pulling his snake okay let's go back to the pee lady this is a hilarious she's gonna get enlightened by putting piss in her ass i'm going to lay on my left side and i'm going to hold it for about five minutes that's not that long it's a long time just to document my experience so right now i'm just taking some coconut oil and i'm going to lubricate

she's so crazy i'm also going to lubricate my bottom end oh that's right she said bottom end on the coffee one she's it's weird how she's picky about certain words yeah but she's putting piss up her butt and her asshole okay okay so i'm laying on my left side i love this i'm just about to insert the nozzle right now yeah it makes it makes me why is she a couple deep breaths she's really into torturing herself this broad why are you doing this to yourself it's in stop it i'm gonna allow the urine to enter my colon why are you doing this what the fuck i'm gonna try to hold it for about five minutes why i'm opening the clamp now i know why why are you doing this to yourself i'm pissing in my ass

oh my goodness remember you oh i'm already noticing okay what is she noticing how horrible this feels remember i was gonna try to get someone to piss on my balls i don't remember you know what how long four minutes is remember when lj and i again but remember when lj and i were riding the train in the mall yeah that was four minutes that was a long time that's an eternity to hold piss in your asshole dude and you know how much it hurts to have it have you ever had like anything pushed up your butt like an anima or anything once i might put a um suppository in my butt just that suppository it's not fun dude it fucking hurts this chick is crazy opening the clamp again oh i can't put pee up there falling in

what's wrong with this person i'm having a little bit of leakage and i don't i don't know why because you put piss in your ass leaking out it's from the piss in your asshole just a little bit though stop doing this stop it this chick likes to hurt herself okay i'm gonna open the clamp pool one more time no please don't you know what i was thinking we should uh i'm starting to have this purple vision um those drugs no go to her patreon account please donate and and and right keep putting piss up your ass keep pissing up your own asshole rain florans now here's the thing though jean i see 10 000 more people what coming together oh man you know what though when you put something up your bum it absorbs immediately into your bloodstream yeah you know that right

yeah uh so i don't even know if it's okay to put urine in your bum hole because then there's toxins in urine that are going right into her bloodstream but there's a reason it's it's waste i just picked up on something that i was not expecting and that is what she said right now we might be looking at the solution this country needs this might be the martin luther king jr of this era and don't attack me for saying so what i want to point out is that when she pissed in her own ass yeah she had a vision of all of us coming together oh wow i see 10 000 more people coming together oh is this in response to charlottesville in support in support of me oh of you rain florans oh i mean maybe this is the answer to this this divide in our country right

is uh what if we all did urine enemas you know it's a really a thought-provoking suggestion and what if somebody like donald trump said it what if our president was like i want you to take an enema i want you to put it in your ass i want you to piss in your ass pee in your butt and pee in your own butt led by rain florans rain tried it she goes tremendous feelings she felt so good democrats and republicans and independents alike i'm opening the clamp again wow oh wow oh my goodness i don't know i almost just want to cry wow jeez wow maybe we should give this a try i think so i'm having a little bit of sensation in my buttocks region region yeah those are toxins it might just be because the the urine is a little bit cold that might there might be other

reasons are there any health benefits to putting urine in your in your bum um i don't know i i wish there was a follow-up on this it's all like that besides enlightenment man what a psycho yeah i can't all kinds of crazy it can't be medically sound no i mean it's waste you're essentially putting it's like putting poo it would be like taking a shit and then making the shit liquid and then putting the shit up your own butt that's kind of i mean urine is waste it is waste it's not as toxic and and horrific for you as as shit no you can drink your own urine if you let it sit it'll separate and then you can drink the clearer part of it i i read that in a book oh no you should drink all of it if you're gonna drink that's what i do

it's delicious um we also had an email from dan you want to hear what he has to say of course mommy said i just wanted to let you know i am i had my third dump of the day already and it's only 12 30 p.m normally i poop once or twice a day i'm wondering do you think this is could be a side effect of over hydration i was wondering if this ever happens to tom in particular excuse me is the water champ top dog is by swiping it as well tan from san jose uh look at christina trying to show off in the home stretch when it doesn't count i think it's an indicative of yes your water intake could be something and fiber don't forget fiber or an irritation now you didn't tell us what number you're taking is it loosey goosey are we talking you know is it is it a little bit of a

slider what is it yeah we don't know details anymore of your brown but i would feel three by 12 30s a lot that's pretty aggressive sounds sick i mean who knows if he sent another email after that and was like oh it's six p.m i've taken six shifts you have diarrhea that's what i'm saying this guy could be just sick um so christina shot a special uh in june some of you were there and um you know she'll have an announcement about it soon in the lead up to it she's been doing a lot of press getting things ready for it to come out i don't want to hear it is here is christina talking about her news special we're excited to show everybody it's a blizzard you know the yeah yeah we'll be fine for a blizzard yeah you got an earpiece hey the dude with the camera

scared to man call him call him maybe they'll get out of here we're not we're excited very my hair is a little darker yeah yeah and that's a different outfit that i normally see you in ha ha ha do you comprehend i move from california there you are california that's me you don't know i moved from california in 2012 my parents gave me this house and my son wanted a dog i bought him a dog why why do you think what do you think's going on with her sorry what were you thinking there are you telling this guy about your dog well i mean look i was excited about the special i had a little too many to celebrate and i was trying to give a good interview and didn't come out like it's not like some pit bull dog run around and that little girl will be in the hospital

tonight but it looks like she's going to be okay as far as any charges or anything nothing's pending at this point there still needs to be further investigation and this is actually the home owner we're gonna toss we're gonna toss it back to you in the studio around i want to ask you he's a pro yeah he held it together yeah yeah that's like a heckler it's like when you're doing your show and some drunk assholes trying to sabotage your night you can find any reports on any dogs being loose from my house or um being loose and running around or have there is one there was a dog fight i got rid of it one dog a long time you know this lady needs the whistle the whistle blow the whistle she does need the whistle yeah the dog whistle they should win lose

her dog yeah and uh use the code word mom she should get that quick can we find her you think and tell her about it here's uh man what's going on this is you this is you i moved from california there you are how's that not you i didn't say it wasn't yeah i told you i had a little too much too much to drink that happens i shouldn't i shouldn't have talked to that guy i know that that happens um let's see blow the whistle do do do do do do blow the whistle let's see i i know where our dogs are right now because of the whistle blow the whistle do do do why did you do that now i don't trust you

now we're done why is it so funny we're done it's fine it's over i don't trust you i'm not putting the headphones it's fun to do not putting the headphones back on come on no i'll take it down no you won't yeah i'll take it down take what down i'll take the clip down here we go here it is there it is over done done done don't trust you i promise it's over i promise nope yeah it's done not listening i took it off mm-hmm i took i put the asian guy on from the train earlier he's he's back up uh i we went to a restaurant and i had them bring you a slice of birthday cake and you got really you tricked me you did it when i was in the bathroom

you know i try to avoid as much sugar as i can yeah but this cake is special this place where we go they have a fantastic cake and you don't want to miss out on you don't have to have the whole thing it's hard to resist but anyways it did say happy birthday and had a candle in it i was like you got so mad yeah why do you hate that so much i don't know i don't like it i don't like it you know like people singing to you happy birthday i don't like the attention that it draws isn't that interesting but all you do is get attention for a living but i like it in that moment i like it when i'm on stage you can control the attention i don't like attention offstage right i don't need to get a bunch of attention when i walk into a

room you know right all right how about being do you like it when they sing happy birthday no i do not i don't like surprise parties i don't like being sung to i don't like a big i don't like a big reception like if i walk into a place i don't like everybody to say something to i don't like that you don't want to be like norm from cheers no i like to fly under the radar yeah that's true you're kind of low-key guy yeah interesting i like people to pay attention when i'm up there and that's it yeah i agree i'm similar yeah i don't mind the happy birthday it's embarrassing yeah but you're you know but i've got a great personality yeah you're more festive and more fun you're fun so you just conceded that i'm more fun and more festive and

therefore a personality champ thank you there's a good there's a good case for that oh my god just admitted to it in that case you are yeah yeah you are if i put these on and i hear barf you're not we're gonna wrap up we gotta wrap up we gotta wrap up um i don't trust you thank you guys for listening we're gonna have some guests coming up in the next few weeks should be a lot of fun and um i don't know i think that's it jean that's it we've got a snake in our yard we gotta go take care of the snake we gotta get these fucking headphones fixed i don't be so mad but we'll we'll get it taken care of here is the 409 remix lady luck by chris is it just chris or does there a last name here chris spence chris spence thanks very much

that's it jean i love you mommies bye mommy but you can smell really heartless looks like a house do you want me to touch you we're on the brink of civil war in this country uh I