Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - 413-Brendan Schaub-Your Mom's House with Christina P and Tom Segura

Episode Date: September 13, 2017

When you make a Big Brown do you flush it down? Here at YMH we show it proudly. Our Big Brown can even talk - it's wild.  We have stinky Vajees and how to detect them, we have surprise Big D's and obvious ones too - Hello, Takeo Spikes! All around good fun with our bud, Brendan Schaub.  Plus a DENTAL UPDATE and a whole lot more. 

I'm here mommy it's very exciting week for me Jean is it because I'm shooting a special in the great city of Denver this Saturday the shows are sold out at the Paramount the night before I'm at comedy works downtown for one show that's sold out that's fun Wednesday I'm doing Brea that's sold out Jesus I'm doing the fox theater in oakland has that gave me update today has two hundred and fifty tickets what is some kind of jeans machine pretty crazy and then I'm going to go to albany new york in a couple weeks mean balls many yep I have two shows at their funny bone the first one sold out second one has few tickets left

that I'm in Reading Pennsylvania Portland Maine and then a massive show at the Sony Center in Toronto Canada September 30th if you're in TDOT Windsor London anywhere in Ontario come on out to the Sony Center come see me live and you can get those tickets as part of the JFL 42 you can get a headliner ticket just to my show or if you want you can buy a festival pass it's up to you thank you very much for those of you who have gotten tickets already the show is going up very excited jean I'm excited for you mommy it's gonna be great September 22nd 23rd I'm in St. Louis tits mom's Zuri

adherium comedy crab and then October 3rd in Narshville Tennessee Zaini's and then October 4th in Charlotte North Kaka Laka at the comedy zone and don't forget to see your mothers do your mom's house live at the sperm vine improv October 8th it's gonna be crazy you got a lot to compete with when you think about what was like in breast balls beach oh my god can me it's gonna be great though any other dates that's all I got yeah all right sweet come see us we have a crazy fun episode big brown brendon shop is here that's funny that's really isn't that's a name we reveal that on this episode I have no

idea you reveal it's hilarious one reveal it to me sorry news to me guys it was a lot of fun thank you guys for listening enjoy this episode please go to your mom's house podcast dot com check out everything there there's a store there's the videos everything you want to see thanks so much and we'll see you next week and so here it is jean it's showtime the business is done let's get into it with the realness you ready yeah let's get this show started okay yeah today I'm going to be your doctor so I am dr. Mel you can call me dr. Mel and today we are going to talk about ways to tell her pussy stinks

this is big time who is Randy don't bring anyone loving to this welcome welcome welcome to your mom's house with Don Segura and Christina Pajit's welcome to your mom's house so I have a AIDS minor right now why did you turn away to blow your nose from the microphone when you know the audience likes to hear it i don't know it's just habit i'm a polite guy you're not polite i am polite you don't look they loved it when i sneezed it became a worldwide sensation i would sneeze but i didn't ever

sneeze you brought home aids from nerd braska oh man and i shoot it special this week it's the worst possible time yeah i went to the doctor and i just said like look man normally i'd just ride this out it's just a cold or something but i can't risk anything so he's just like we'll just give you a fucking high dosage everything don't risk it that's what he told me don't risk it don't text while driving i'm gonna do it so we'll see you man i hope i make it through it you i i know you will and here's why all right you're strong you've also got many days to go in the week so you'll you'll hopefully you'll be strong by the time you have to tape and you know something else you're pro you've been doing this for a million years you know you've done it you've

done stand-up sick not that you want to it's terrible but you know what you'll get an adrenaline push you know what happens like you can perform with a fever of like 102 and diarrhea because your body shuts it down i booked a car to drive me for that show tomorrow just because yeah i was like i don't want to get you know i mean like just want to relax in the car yeah not be stressed about it don't be stressed posties are stinking people want to know why yeah what's going on i can tell you i can tell you how do you know how bad pussy smells i don't because i want to talk about things but i don't and i'm talking about what guys have been telling me they've been like oh my god i fucked this bitch pussy smells so bad yeah melanie wow dr mel dr mel so i fucked this bitch

yeah so jeez take her to a club take her to a club and you see she dances by herself and shit make her twerk tell her how about you twerk if she says no if she says i can't twerk because everybody can and then when she twerk that's a way because you know she'd be moving the booty and then the booty opens up opens up opens up and then the smell of this like comes out so i think she has a lot of experience actually melanie dr melanie well how would you know how to identify a stinky beef she's unless you have one well i don't know i wouldn't accuse melanie of dr excuse me dr melanie of having one and where are you credentialed dr meld but she is giving you ways to figure it out which i appreciate i can tell you some other ways i'll stick your finger in

no does she wear patchouli that's i'd rather you pussy smell like a fucking sewer in new orleans the day after mardi gras then smell patchouli oil yeah well that's why they put it on there it it masks other smells patchouli i'm convinced that that's the smell of dirty box i think that's made from dirty bujain it's disgusting if she says no you already know okay stinky pussy if she says where's she doing yes and she does it then you can try smelling already because you know yeah the the booty cheeks opening it's like i can't work to save my eyes for the bad smell of the pussy right i'd say another way you can tell is everybody a burning man has a stinky pussy everybody yeah they're not showering for a week and they're on that playa

and it's hot and all they do is hose people down there's no showers white girls would dress yeah if you have dreadlocks it stinks down there too yeah yeah definitely and if you're white if you're white and you have dreadlocks definitely yeah i'm gonna go and say a lot of leather a lot of leather wristbands and yeah i think your box stinks and well leather pants aren't very porous either oh my god i'm gonna go with leather pants i i'm gonna go and and this is a this is gonna be hot debate yeah um women in bergenstocks yeah yeah you could tell by shoewear footwear yeah yeah you look down if they have like dirty feet no i don't know if the bergenstocks really equal that but i do think how you take care of your the rest of your body is indicative of how

you take care of that yeah i think it's true second i think that um if you guys are comfortable enough and you already go to a house go smell her dirty dirty dirty underwear i know it sounds kind of gross but i am telling you that you should take a chance and go smell it what do you think is she the the vagina detective yeah do you think i mean i guess you could tell right by smelling her underwear i mean if you're gonna go through the trouble of having her twerk and then finding her dirty undies and sniffing them why not just hook up with her and find out just eat that stinker well right you could put a digit down there and sniff your digit i mean isn't that i got it right yeah i don't know i what's what do you what have you been doing historically

yeah i mean i don't care yeah i don't care if i work together fucking trash can i don't okay i've uh i remember encountering one that was not in where county no i encountered one that was not like the most pristine and whatever didn't bother me okay i mean i wasn't eating fucking meals down there you know right yeah you're just you shove it in and you're done i don't know i think all this stuff about stinky this and that it's like you know what we're all people i know it's just some days you nasty some days you ain't i've smelled my own balls sometimes where i've been like Jesus man that smells horrific right i mean don't you feel like they're it's just hot and some they're just good days and bad days you got bad ball days for sure

that that area between the your thigh and the ball bag you can put your thumb down there like this yeah that's nasty not on every day but there's some days where you're like that is foul yeah i think it's interesting that there's so much focus on stinky vaginas but stinky balls are another problem it's a real issue acting like it's not an issue it's another thing that's dividing our nation there's cat people there's dog people yeah stinky vaginas and stinky balls no one's talking about those stinky balls no one's talking about it's a woman's problem that's silly it's a silly it's a real issue yeah yeah i mean like it's just it's all body parts who cares right let's see her other her other insight let's check out dr meld sure three if a girl is always crossing

your legs you know she has a stinky pussy because why your legs are crossed it's not comfortable i know they're talking about oh it's lady like la la it's not comfortable to have your legs crossed at all time so even i'm not a lady or i'm telling the truth nobody wants to cross their legs at all time only the one with smelly pussy yeah um i do love her accent and i could watch her all day i just i like watching her expressions yeah she's really pretty she English has a second language though no it's bahamian no i mean you're just from bahamas yeah why baham is it's not that accent or like she's an island islander bahamas like something i don't know okay but you said like i know the island i know that i'm oh wait what aren't you the master of accents you tell me master

well i thought she struggled just enough where it would imply that maybe english is a second language okay that's what i thought yeah who knows you know all right it's a patois sounds like a certain patois could be could be oh yeah another one all the girls you see with those crazy body and all of that but then they have like this sweating from the pussy what do you expect of course the pussy smells like why are you sweating i mean i understand its skin and stuff but you know you sweat most people stink so if you sweat from the pussy your pussy your pussy probably stink too yeah good theories this is an interesting theory she also says you could do this i i didn't know she's like pretty aggressive let's say you in the car and you're driving for like still going on a good like 20

30 minutes you guys get to your destination she gets out just act like close the door for like five minutes and come back out and be like oh i forgot something in the car go to the car and smell the seat smell the car if the car smell is a little different than what you're used to you know that's her and you know that's most likely of vagina hmm dr mel so interesting she has more suggestions more there's more than this yeah well she's really obsessed with these stinky vaginas some someone got in her head somebody said it to her once you know yeah but then again there is the regular road if you want to take your chance or whatever well while you mess around i know you all do that already so i don't really

need to tell you but you finger her and then there you smell if it stinks well you run away some people don't run away they still take the air and be like okay he was thinking but i was too deep in it i have to do it because i think she's a native french i know a lot of you guys who do that yeah maybe or ivory coast or something could be i don't know yeah i don't think you know i don't know i'm throwing it out there turks and cacos yeah i'm saying maybe like Haitian could be that'd be a good guess i hear i hear more of a patois than a an actual like esl thing happening okay maybe even jamaican no okay i'm gonna go with Haitian that was because she's like light skin and she's got the blue eyes imply Haitian or bahamian where's okay i know where's where's rihanna from

Barbados she's from Barbados she looks like she's got rihanna's coloring and stuff that's not you're just stop guessing never guess again that should be the name of your new album to never guess never talk yeah stop talking um this is kind of exciting one of the things that we play on here quite often is you know when when great audio comes into our life so um let me see if i can this is this was such a big hit on our show and we assumed it was gone uh that it would never enter our life are we are we doing it we're doing it i i i'm so excited at so just tell us how it happened your phone was off my god no no my phone my phone was silence and i don't i don't usually accept phone calls after a certain time we put our son down and it's

time for me to relax i never i normally don't even look at the phone and i got a voicemail from a strange number i didn't recognize i transcribe it i like to look and it couldn't transcribe it i hit play should i just play and this is what i heard oh for those that don't know for over a year this woman has been leaving messages for salome on his persian woman has been leaving message for salome on christina's phone that she got a new number about a year and changed ago and there's always aggressive cursing

farcy and some broke in english yeah every time people write in our farcy speaking listeners translate for us yeah but she had been gone for so long we assumed months i mean i i know the last salome i know at last we heard that there were squirrels in the trees and she's putting plastic bags in the trees to get rid of the squirrel and it worked and that was i think when we moved here so that was almost i wanted to know what that farcy lady's been saying the most amazing part of these messages that christina keeps getting non-stop on her phone to me are that the person who's leaving them never hears back from whoever she's contacting

whoever you're contacting salome hates you like how about you just stop you guys aren't friends there's there's no love there crazy got your text that sounds good okay that's brian days such a good song and i thought we'd never hear from the salome thing again now if you hear i don't i don't speak farcy but she does say in english i lost my phone yeah now that could be a key component here and why we haven't heard from her in so long could be but i'm glad she's back she has your number saved she wrote that one down she has

it in her old uh contact book that they re put into her new iphone or whatever so anyone speaking farcy if you could translate that one let us know what's up with her and if she says her name who are you she never says her name i don't know what to call her yeah it's really crazy but i brought so much joy back into my heart knowing that the salome lady is back in town that's it's a lot i was actually just thinking about her a week prior like oh i wish i could get another voicemail from salome lady it's been so long i know i just thought we figured it was gone yeah i mean you had every we had a good reason to believe it was gone yeah it's been it's been since we moved here in november she was uh leaving

messages to cover your lemon your your citrus and plastic bags we had that one time that just fell out yeah i know because the squirrels were eating the citrus and if you cover it in the bags they don't they don't eat it yeah so silly yeah um yeah so do you want to maybe is it time i mean it came is it time they can't do it let's hit it i want all the sound effects i want chips in a bowl i want a cat eating kibble and i want a brand new sound effect for this announcement okay this is a huge announcement here we go we'll get and explosions okay sound effect one now that usually means big announcement chips in a bowl okay that's a big announcement that's a cat eating kibble that's right that's my that's a it's a cute sound it's such a cute

sound that means even bigger even bigger and yes now we go through the regular big announcement and now to cap it off to make it even the biggest of all announcements a new sound effect it's utensils clinking against glass this must be major news major news and it is tom it is please share with the audience well last year you know i came out as a bisexual yeah and this year i'm proud to announce i'm falling by but on a real note you guys remember i taped my stand-up special in june and meat rattle and i am proud to announce i'm proud to announce that it will debut on netflix

that's right guys get it ready put it put it on your list october 10th cue it up cue it up christina p mother inferior is the name of the special and you can search for it starting this friday and you can put it in your queue and your list of stuff you want to watch and it debuts on the 10th of october and you can watch it there long time coming gene long time listener first time caller i'm very excited for it's but it's been a road and i'm so i'm so excited for you guys to see it and uh this was filmed in front of mommy's this was a mommy exclusive audience that's a new thing for the moms and just so you know there's a lot of shout outs yeah not a lot but there are shout outs in my special to your mom's house listener

so it's a tribute to the mommies if you will it's really exciting i'm so excited i can't wait couldn't be happier for you and i called it mother inferior also as a shout out to the mommies yeah so it's uh it's super your mom's house centric yes yeah it's a really great hour i watched it live twice you you bring me up and that's you bring you up your voice you'll hear it in the opening of the special it's my money yet i i left it in that your my gene is bringing me up that's how special that was that was exciting october 10th you guys get ready get ready get ready i can't motherfucking wait i can't wait either so excited so amazed are we going to watch it every night before we go to bed together there i am throw it in our rotation of my stand-up specials well

that's what i do every night i watch mostly stories completely normal good night and then i kiss you good night and i pet the dogs yeah and i even have a little video of things i put on youtube and i watch all those of yourself of myself yeah oh could you i'm sure there are people to do that there's definitely people to do that that's crazy hundred percent people to do that um speaking of patois yes there this is a real jamaican guy and he's blown away that an asian man is in his store and speaks patois it's pretty funny oh so i'm going that way yeah and china man come pick up your money but china man send me the ponson long thing and i'm gonna give me money but me did have enough customer for pia so china man come and tell me

about my rotted so but my rotted listen to mine oh i'm a china one you want the money me me money didn't come in man you want the money china money want the money yeah man want the money no yeah man me want me all me money all i want you want no you get me that is weird right yeah it's certain like faces to put an accent on it you just go like that doesn't add up why i mean i don't know about you but i'm pretty open-minded and i don't feel weird do you feel weird like what do you what do you think you normally should hear uh just different stuff i mean no but it's true like when you see huh whenever you see like gingers and speaking spanish i always am like oh that's interesting like you just don't assume that a ginger speaks just because their red hair makes

them yeah not intelligent or no just so like the language isn't usually associated with the way they look no i know i'm just kidding it's like an irish person speaking chinese you're like wait what yeah like canelo uh alvarez the boxer he's just this redhead white guy and you know he's mexican so he speaks just spanish his english is terrible and when i would study abroad like i remember there was you know there's redheads and you're like you speak spanish and they're like yeah i was born here and you're like oh yeah you guys are everywhere remember that time we saw that white guy totally spitting chinese that's the that's the that's crazy that's the wildest of all when white people are fluent in any asian language it's and usually by the way blows asian people's minds like that's

like when my sister spoke mandarin at that dinner do you remember that yeah yes of course yeah that was like yeah he's like it's so hard it's so hard it is yeah well it's such a foreign tongue like i think that's what's so bizarre like i've never seen a white person speak um you know hindi have you i mean of course i would blow my mind too of course it exists but like you just don't you don't assume it yeah i remember being in a museum probably in paris and they're you know they have the tour groups yeah and there was a japanese tour group led by a white woman and she was stopping at every painting with this japanese group just ripping through japanese you know with all the little mannerisms how do they do it

i'm an ebi and they were all like oh that sounded good all my money so where you come from me yeah where you come from we come from vietnam vietnam yeah i'm born in vietnam born in vietnam we're born in vietnam so why because a lot of my friends from patria and i have house in barbados i'm asking about this hmm see that's how you do it man barbados see so barbados they talk this way too it goes back to your dr melanie yeah yeah assumptions you love you love black girl me not mind it right like a big body yeah man sometime yeah he took he hesitated he had

the nerve to hesitate on that question just what happened was he was honest in that question he should have lied he's like you like black girls like he's like i can tolerate it yeah but you live in jamaica you should love black girls or you should sell that he should have been like fuck yeah i love court that's what i'm saying stupid stupid so stupid huh go back to sigh i got a mother fuck you're here you're danang mother fuck shit you ain't shit um speaking of coming hard oh my god nobody said that we didn't say that you know what i'm talking about you know i mean wrap wrap wrap you know what we found no we found no early footage yeah no early footage no no no do you want to see his early footage no it's pretty cool

please don't suck your kidney and gradually feel the gene in the kidney chain into chi okay and feel the kidney have a connection down to the testicle he has been oh gee jerk in his dick yeah for 40 years giving instructions well what did i tell you my theory was is that he's just a pervert he's been talking about his balls since the 70s it's evidenced here and he wants to talk about his cock and balls all day and make a living at it and now he does good for him now when lady when you reverse through your nipple connect to the back here it doesn't connect to the back and after that from the back make a lie down to the kidney massage the kidney for a while massage massage the kidney man when you finish the kidney massage

the testicle testicle is an incredible factory producing a lot of sexual energy yeah okay and the biggest waste in a human is the ejaculation demo out oh boy see yeah he was a perv since then he's always like play with your nuts yeah play with your nipples and jack your dick yeah 50 times a day and then you'll be better yeah and especially if you're not circumstances you gotta do this even more that's true now that i hear him speaking back then he should know he should know circumcision by now it's an old school i know i'm saying it's been 30 years he should know circumcised like i thought he just circumstances yeah he's like he's not circumcised you don't want you cannot you don't know how to transform them massage the testicle

is christ oh he's just like a monkey yeah feel it feel something like changing inside you it's really something content at home you know you do at home sometimes you watch tv and do that uh-huh yeah he's been a pervert his whole life what did i tell you this supports my theory that he's been a jerk his whole life doing this stuff embarrassing himself and and making audiences uncomfortable and now look and hold the hold the whole testicle and massage the lower domino so feel the a the gym chain into chi man massage 36 times chain the hand reverse the counterclockwise 36 so he he upped it of course the jerk is dead that long yeah he's built the tolerance nipo yeah yeah he's been jerking his dick forever man dude that's crazy my theory is right i knew it

that he's just been a pervert since the beginning yeah rock rock rock see and then it turned into that it started with just massage your text testicle and now 50 50 50 he nasty pull the glands penis yeah he's got he always wants to do is just nut all day not yeah that is so silly that's all he wants to do you're nasty nasty as hell he is you think he's married who's missus rub rub i think he's been married yeah i think he's done been married and then i think he's been through a few she caught him sharpening his knife a few many too many times yeah he's like are you are we ever going to do it he's like wow sharpening my knife make his shop yeah i think he's been i think he's been dropping that that load everywhere do you think he's just really he really is just into

sharpening his own oh for sure knife yeah then sexual energy and yeah yeah he's the morning guy yeah yeah i think he just wants it all the time that's so gross would you kiss him no wow like a nice soft no why babe stop kiss him would you would you make out with him would you kiss his rub rubs i don't think it'd be very nice would you rather makes we love to him 80s rub rub or present-day rub rub guys um think about it i want you to think about it because i think present-day i think present why he's just so much more experienced but it's like musicians where you're like i like the early stuff because they're so raw no i like i like him now i like him now you like the technique refined yeah he

would know so much he would just school me now back then he'd be like play with your balls like i already do that yeah 36 times i already do that that's nothing new but now he'd be like pull that circumstances back and let me do it really for you yeah you guys are gross i know can i say what happened yesterday sure you were laying in bed sick and i went out to the front yard and i found a dead rat you did now we've been laying out rat traps to catch these assholes that have been shitting in my kitchen we're telling you guys about it yeah i mean look they can live outside that's fine but then when you come into my house you shit yeah on my floor it's a problem i said fuck you right yeah you said you can't have our room we're in the same

shit yeah i got on do you know what the key was though we set out all these traps and everything the guy that came over to our house showed me that under under a sink in the kitchen where the pipe comes in i might have already said this but if i didn't there's like where the pipe comes in there's also a space tiny pipe meets the wall god damn it and it's bigger than the space needed for the pipe to fit through the wall so i got that insulation foam yeah and sprayed it in there yeah there's no wait and we never saw them again after that rat lock and uh and just so you know rats the guy showed us he goes they need opening this big and i'm holding on my finger it's maybe the size of a dime no no sorry nickel and nickel and as long as their head can get through

the hole he said they can squish their shitty little bodies into your house so when you think about it they find an opening that big not hard to do so these assholes come in your house and they poop all over your stuff it was so nasty so when i found that rat yesterday i was thrilled and i put on some latex gloves and i double bagged it and you know but i was i was surprised actually at how happy i was to catch a dead rat i was you were talking about it a lot a lot i took a photo i sent it to you i texted it to the guy that helped us set the rat traps outside and i kind of got worried because i was like the only thing that could have made me happier is if we set up hidden cameras and i could watch it die listen to yourself i know i worry because i was really thrilled because i feel like

he did us wrong who's the psycho killer in the house i know i thought it was me i know i don't think it is i'm a little worried how thrilled i was to find it dead yeah you were well just because it's a threat to my my young yeah a threat to my home to the cleanliness of our house i just it's so the only people poop in our house should be sagorous period yeah you little jeans and me three people who poop under this roof that's it i guess guess there are a lot of and the nanny you know people that come over can shoot the plumber plumber took a lot of leeway on that yeah then you get electricians yeah gene gene i'm gonna take a dump in here i can't believe you bry as nasty morning dump to our house yeah what a jerk jerk i was like nine two come on now you should

take that shit early anyway that happened and then um the other last week we were having breakfast and as we do we have our coffee and then we eat breakfast and you had to take a dump in the middle of breakfast like you felt the yeah the tug like you had to go and what i think is interesting about you is that when you feel the need to shit you keep eating yeah you eat through the pain of having to take a shit depends depends on how good the meal looks and how bad i have to shit if it's a mediocre meal i'll be like i'll just shit later but if it's like wow if i go like this is gonna be an awesome meal you know then i'll go shit now no you mean if it's a wait if it's an awesome meal you'll go shit now and then come back and eat it cold no i'm saying like

if i walk into a place and i order food and then they're like foods on the way oh like i have to take a shit and i'm like this is going to be an amazing meal i'll go clear the chamber to really enjoy the meal oh no i'm talking about the foods already in front of you we're in the process of eating this happened last week you remember i gotta take a shit yeah we were eating already how urgently though there's so many levels but for me for instance i know like hey i have to go the need to go is kind of not making this meal enjoyable so i'm gonna get up go take a dump come back eat my food cold but at least at least i don't have to shit no i don't think like that yeah see walk me through your logic because i i just don't think i don't can't sit there

and then eat and feel like i have to like doesn't work i could take a shit and i have to shit those are different could and have to yeah if i go yeah i could take a shit right now i gotta eat this right now but if like if i go i have to shit right now i'll still go it just depends you know so you're telling me it's just it's just the level of severity yeah yeah yeah how how severe and again how good this meal's gonna be if it's like really enjoyable i'd rather not have that feeling of having to shit yeah you know interesting yeah should we then we should pause i think our guest's gonna be here any moment press pause let's press pause well that's can wait he does yeah yeah it's a great

thing to bring up when he gets here we'll be back very soon and we're back with big dumb goofy retard uh cheese i know i'm such a mean way to introduce him one goodness so intense i know i love him i love under the weather so we're here i'm under the weather we're here with uh you don't even know oh my god don't even tell her so you know fighters have nicknames yeah so it's like iran mike tyson yeah do you know what his nickname is as a fighter brandon the jeans nope job this is so exciting i cannot tell you how excited it just hit me okay are you ready yeah tell her your nickname as a fighter big brown oh yeah i think i saw somebody write that yeah i got it from brine it's because

he took it like that biggest shits in all of the u.s ever that's me and cain vlasquez we have to battle over that name so did you guys when you're because there's all these stories about like i don't know if you remember when when felps michael felps was training yeah that he was eating like 12 000 calories a day yeah did you have like heavy intake when you're training or no like did you eat calorically a lot no not really i've never been that like a huge eater i'd say i'm more in tune with my diet now that i retired that i'm in show business then yeah i was fighting really because again when you're fighting you can kind of eat whatever you want because you're going to burn it off that's what they say right you know but isn't that crazy i wasn't like shredded

but i was like i know i worked out non-stop but i wasn't like you know the biggest thing for that if like you if you follow football you think about like those two days and then you're like wait how are guys still fat you know because like i'm serious like you would go you you think about like how much you're moving and burning in in like in like a summer camp that's five weeks that's only five weeks in your life though i guess after that it's like normal shit and also the guys stay so fast a lot of its genetics that's that's a big part of i think it's eating but they'll they eat so much yeah that's a thing because i i used to do kung fu in the park when i was 28 years old and i would burn so many calories but then i'd go eat a bean and cheese

breed and some and two talks and then i was still fucking fat my mentality has always been like i would do like an hour workout with a trainer and then be like i guess i could eat like 15 000 then i'm good yeah that's all i'm good sometimes you are sometimes yes but i would i've never been so i've never been so self-conscious of my diet till i started doing comedy like but like you know whenever the comments are when i'm backstage yeah i usually like spread my legs i'm not as tall i'm usually super self-conscious of what i wear because i don't want to look that big oh i see that's interesting you feel you feel so conscious about what you're wearing oh what in the in terms of what the that you don't want to appear like the like too much of like a stud yeah well you don't

want to appear too big like i'm not going to go on there with like a under armor tight yeah compress shirt yeah that's not cool that's right that's for anybody yeah it's super lame it's also like it's funny with comedy if you have a physical attribute that is like a blessing you almost want to disguise it like super muscular guys shouldn't try to show the muscles super attractive girls like i'm sure you dress down right like you're like i have your titties out of your ass and can i tell you something i have huge tits like huge tits i would never guess that's right no and i cover it they're there they're there you know that and i cover i'm up i'm fucking like quadrupled above a quadruple day i'm a 32 like f i'm not exaggerating and nobody would know

it because i i have and phyllis dillard too had huge tits did you know that do you like big tits yeah god see christina do stand up thank you now we're talking it's my mother in law oh wow oh there you go yeah but i've had women in the past tell me you should show them off and i'm like no one's gonna listen to me that's not funny it's distracting exactly it's gonna take away from your actual talent right and now yeah if you see like i agree long legs with heels and stuff you're like people aren't listening to what you're saying they're looking at your fake they're not gonna take you serious yeah and they're gonna be like is your vagina stanky yeah does your they might yeah they might like you know well for and also when i first started doing it i think rogan's won't tell me that he's like

you don't want to show your tattoos it's distracting so i'm like damn really he's like yeah but if i do so like i'm in uh san francisco this this week if i'm so that's my crap they all know i have tattoos it's different but if i'm at the comedy store or laughter through your improv i cover my tattoos it's interesting i think there's a there's a lot to be said for that i noticed for years now when i would tour with joe and uh he'd do big show it was there even when he would shoot he would wear like baggy long sleeve shirts always always never like showing that he's in shape never showing the tattoos because and you're like oh yeah it just looks like a black shirt like you just don't even you don't think about it you listen to what he says exactly um interesting but i've never heard

it from a male perspective because i've only ever heard it dealt with it as a female in comedy but i guess guys struggle too for sure well i'm already i don't mean to interrupt no i'm already into like i'm way too into fashion where if you guys didn't know i was engaged but go he's gay as shit yes i'm super into fashion so i everybody thinks you're gay 100 yeah yeah it's pretty that's a fair point but um i'm super into fashion super into fashion where i'll pick out my out like i'm outfit picked out for thursday night show already i'm out for next friday's show already yeah and now you i like it you do it you said i bet you do do you pick out your own outfits or do you have a stylist if you look and i'm liking uh no like i i you have swag i hired a stylist for

one for like one time when i was doing this thing on e and like we talked back and forth and i was like what you don't know what the fuck like i know what's in like you're so old school lady you know like she what works for jared leto isn't gonna work for me we got someone for you though if you want if you want to try someone else oh yeah for real yeah yeah we got someone for him says all the stars yeah yeah oh yeah yeah dude the dude's was tight you like it like you hired him for your special i mean maybe i don't know what's up i sent the bill to my manager and they're like oh my god yeah what are you wearing i was like no no he gave me a bunch of shit like a bunch but sometimes it's good because let's say they give you some crazy Gucci jacket yeah and you do a special

with that or you do an event with that well you got to give it back to them so you probably shouldn't pay for that because you can't rock that thing again it's tough to rock that again yeah i mean like you she has she just shot a special and before you got here well we just she shot it in seattle but we just announced that it's airing uh on netflix october 10 thanks bro that's what's up big time she has a very fashionable christian dior a dior dress i had to hide these tits because you can't wear it again well i can't wear it again but then again i have it in my closet is like oh that's my special it's my first special dress but it's tailored like you can't it's like a wedding no it's it's like for when your body it's tailored perfectly i had to camouflage i had to mask my

big tits and you know what i mean you can't you can't you can't give it to our you can give it to our underwear like when he's if you have a daughter switches pronouns i'm so glad you said that because i think it's true that like while it's open minded as people are at the end of the day you would be like what i'm open minded this i love everyone you've seen i am kate on tlc no it's a 12 year old girl who's born a boy but she's going through the whole bottom surgery and she's in high school going on blind dates and shit i looked at my girl i went and our son's name is tiger went look at tiger in 10 years she went the fuck he is i went can you imagine and she i was like you'd still love him and i was like of course nightmare but it would

suck at least like let's not act like it wouldn't like you would we would all love our children regardless but it's not like that that going through that would be fun it's painful just and just as like a man if my son's like yo dad i'm chaos fuck i'm a power bottom bro yeah i'm like he's gonna take a little it's gonna take a little while to get used to it like i can't she's like oh cool man suck that dick do you like i'm like damn there goes kind of normal life yeah that's fair you would adapt to whatever became for new normal you know i'm still gonna love him but it's gonna take like with Caitlyn Jenner i like his language with you though he's like i'm power bottom is fuck bro i'm power bottom dad that's like a mean dick i'm like oh my god

like you take a little bit like with Caitlyn Jenner thing like everyone's like you just got to accept her i'm like i get that yeah but i've known her or him as bruce Jenner that's right give me a fucking week i think i sit on that's fair yeah what's wrong with even having the reaction of like whoa what like that even that reaction is considered you're hateful like no dude i'm just confused i'm just for for my entire life i'm just not used to it yeah isn't it wild dude do you know that like so you don't know his story really but he was a was born a woman born a woman you know clearly came the first female and went into fighting professional fighting after all that in the ufc and then now he's not just a podcaster he started with stand-up there he's the one

standing i know that i've seen at the comedy store i've been on the same lineup as him and i'll say this i told tom this when i saw you guys run the lineup because i we really haven't talked or met but and i sat on the same lineup and that night there's a guy on there who doesn't take me to stand up and he was doing horrible and i'm again i'm super self-conscious that stuff because you know there's some gimmick acts out there so he was going up there and just completely bombed and you came back like what the fuck is going on i was like fucking right and then you were like god what the i mean how the how these guys get up and like i was so self-conscious i'm like god i hope you don't talk shit when i go out there that you know what that's every comic thinks so

every comic who hears anyone say something in their head thinks like oh shit wonder what they're gonna think about me everyone hundred percent well and i'll say this and this is why i'm a rider or die for tom like i'll kill someone for tom because i did a set at the laugh acting just it is a bunch of comics here delia count tom everyone you know when you're first getting started like it you know you guys know how it is and i came up different even my path to this has been completely different a lot of people's were got things sometimes feel like charlie sheen doing tiger blood like you we have no idea you know i'm saying so um i was doing a set the laugh factory and then you tom texted me afterwards i came in uh you can do this like dude you can do this man and just

that little bit of encouragement just fucking i mean skyrocket now see tom takes the positive route i do fear and hatred you know what i mean i'm like you yeah i go negative so that i motivate you that way oh but the without see what the wrong two but how would you motivate you that uh not for you my man yeah no i would you tell brendan no i would never i would never discourage somebody trying i discourage people who don't try you know that when i hate no i actually met brendan i was at a fight he doesn't even know this but probably but i met him at a fight and i cheered against him i cheered because i didn't know him so i was going to these fights because i was i was torn with job with rogan's tickets yeah but i was i was opening for him yeah i think it was in

vancouver maybe oh i thought or loski no i think i thought you thought mitreon at that oh mitreon yes yes yes so tron i don't know it's tron okay i don't know any i didn't know anybody in the u mean like i know some of the big names sometimes but yeah i mean i'm i'm i'm you know i like football stuff so i'm sitting there and and callan shows up and he's like my boy's fighting in this i was like who's your boy and so we're like it's like the way ins you know and like and he's like he's coming up it's coming up and then he goes uh and he's telling me about like this is what this guy does this was this guy he goes yeah my boy is fighting this guy uh he used to play college football so then i go you know i'm like a big car i go where who where he goes uh he says mitreon i

go mitreon i go pretty play ball he goes i thought he said ls u so i go ls u i go that's my dog i'm like go tigers dude let's bro i've never seen you he never mentioned it he never mentioned it so so then at the wands i go yo man like ellis he was gonna fuck you out like yeah and then at the fights man uh it was amazing i was sitting next to callan you would have thought it was callan's seven-year-old son fighting i mean he was like nervous as shit he was so nervous and like he was like like trying to get your attention like every fucking five seconds i was like and i kept being like your boy's gonna get fucked up like that too callan was super third super attention dude he was like he wasn't listening to anything i was saying he was so and you won that fight yeah man when you

won the fight he fucking lost his mind i mean like yeah dude he he was he was like it was like a father and son what's what's interesting which he could be since he's that much older than you 100% he could be my dad yeah my best friend's 53 man he's 68 yeah yeah it counts what's crazy about that fight that was like the kind of one of the first steps into me transitioning from speaking of kitlyn jenner but me transitioning from uh kind of that arena into entertainment through podcasting because especially at the time there's no Reebok deal i won't get too much into that but you could wear any sponsor you want so i could wear uh you know uh your guys podcast shirt out i could wear Reebok nike whoever i want to and so for that particular fight i wore

our podcast shirt abitkenny fight club podcast and so i turned down money from these companies to wear my own podcast you were a big baller brand before big baller brand exactly the usd was like you're an idiot and i was like that's fine let me wear my podcast shirt smart guy that's where it started to take that's crazy very smart and podcasting has exploded for you guys yeah it's been good man which you you know what's crazy you know a lot of fighters are trying to match up with comedians because they think that's what makes the fire in the kid but it's not that you guys chemistry yeah because you have two best friends talking we don't really even talk about sports talk about live girls and yeah whatever politics and current events but so you see a lot of people

trying to copy it which is flattering but so they get some fighter who's better than me and some comic more famous in callan you hear do a podcast be a success like those guys it just doesn't work no it's lightning in a bottle it's chemistry which you can't yeah duplicate totally man so true yeah and then and then we started doing live shows that was callan's idea and i left that old man in the dust and here i am it's crazy can i ask you something since i don't know uh i mean okay and you have c stuff do they do you guys talk shit is it is it like boxing for sure the the lead up like the ramp up like the the main weather i remember i've even more so than boxing let's talk about it how do you plan your shit talking the uh the at least the way in of that me and

mitreon you guys were talking mad so so matt and i were friends before the fight yeah way before we're on the ultimate fighter together which is a reality show we're on that together and we had a trainer before that so me and matt have always been bonded one way or another yeah so when they called us to fight um i got a text from my manager and i'm like oh fuck the only fight man i want to fight matt and so i text him like hey bro i just got an offer to fight you in toronto and matt's like what and he was oh i just got the offer too and i was like well we can't turn it down she can't turn down fights the bad look um and i thought i matched up well with matt and you know got to eat so um i text him i just said hey i'm gonna accept the fight let's sell the

shit out of this thing let's just talk as much shit as we can so there is that element most most time there's not and uh so i said let's talk as much as we can don't take anything personal i'm gonna say some rude shit and he put got it have fun see you the day of the fight i put cool man and so he starts talking shit to me on social media yeah and he's like you look like uh you have down you and uh you you look like adam sandler in a down syndrome mom had a kid and i put i put and this is true i put yeah well in a time he's going through a divorce i put yeah that's not what your wife was saying when we had that mean greet together she was i fucking me and then he just took offense to that and went was like text me like oh dear

and then he got serious and then after fights it was dead serious yeah wow and they had that after that oh we're cool cool i yeah so i just did a uh commentating job for his biggest fight of his life he fought mass square guard against fedor and i was the commentator on it kind of like oh he won he knocked him out cool man 30 seconds so i saw him after i mean we're good like he's been on my show a dozen times as a very like i said very casual fight fan it wasn't uh fedor like undestructible at some point he's just older so it'd be like it'd be like uh uh terry brats bratchall playing for people stealers like all right god but there was a moment right there was a moment was the best of all time people were like this guy's like yeah but then testing kicks in

competition gets better he's a little old school you know i'm saying it's like good for material it's like you put jim brown at running back like mm wasn't he really good like your fucking grip ago yeah yeah it's like that yeah right yeah are you in the football too i don't i know nothing bro i'm a woman you know what i mean i'm just i don't i don't know i don't know football man i do love you so crank it's here i'm i'm super excited but you know i'm a big seminal fan and our quarterbacks out for the season game one and then you go tough tough opener fuck yeah it was man and there was and they caught some unlucky breaks and i mean that game could have been a closer game but i go tough tough game it's a tough game yeah it's a tough game to open with but i i still go like

ah man like if they if he'd be if he was healthy coming out of that game you know i said you'd be fine oh definitely go to great ball making the playoffs but with a backup in it's going to be florida state though like the the backup's gonna be a stud he's a he's six five one eighty five and their o-line is suspect i mean that kid france while he's getting hit like you would not believe it's also alabama this guy i know but this guy weighs 185 about to get crumbled i mean we're gonna have we're gonna have it tied in throwing the ball but it's gonna be it's gonna be rough man can i continue asking brennan my very important question okay so theoretically these are your friends that you're fighting with correct like it's it's your it's like it's like no in a

comic it's like me texting i don't know arie and being like hey dude i'm gonna fucking beat your face in well because the three months kind of exists with roasts right because you roast friends that's true but it's not physical like i'm saying like yeah i see people like i saw rafi make it his feelings hurt yeah i've heard about this and that's that's happened i mean rafis was highly publicized but it's also happened on ones that don't air where you hear about somebody getting real upset like in the back yeah like sometimes people are like the fuck and you're like i've i've had comics that you know how when you play when you do like tag off where there's no host what do you call it tag yeah tag team tag team so when they have to introduce the next comic i've had comics

roast off fuck out of me before i get up there well yeah well you know so what i mean the thing about those roasts that's weird to me is when it's not friends you don't know the person i wouldn't mind being roasted by friends for sure i mean i'd sign up for it be funny yeah but like when you when i understand almost i think when some of the people get upset at the roast it's because they're getting roasted by people they don't know yeah so they take a person and that's why it's but also who gets upset at a roast i agree but i think that's why they get upset it's because they end up getting slammed by someone they're like who the fuck are you like you you shouldn't get upset but you also shouldn't sign up for this because that definitely doesn't know you but i'm asking him

to physicality of it like how do you like you theoretically you like the person that you're gonna fight right so how do you know it's not like i'm fighting brian calin like like me and matt we're friends but we're friends through the business you know so it's just part of the game yeah so would you fight a friend like could could you even do it physically i mean now definitely not when i was fighting is almost you know even guys i didn't know i had a problem hurting like out of every fight i've ever had i always went to the back and like yo bro you all right even if i lost like hey man you good i'm like yeah get the fuck out i'm like all right just jump what is it like i i always imagine that's too nice to be like that's what i'm saying because

you're kind of a gentle giant i was way too nice to be what's the anxiety like walking to the oh my god the worst it is right the worst because i was i imagine it's like terrified what did you shit a lot diarrhea oh vomit not to pee non-stop never never diarrhea but always said i was like peace so much because i drink fluids and then for every fight every every fight except for the last one was a little different before i retired every fight i'd be in the back going what the fuck am i doing what am i doing right like i gotta go out you're you're seeing the movie gladiator when they're about to go out and he's chained to that dude he looks down he's pissing his pants yeah it's just it felt so barbaric it is nuts now how about this because

i i actually didn't know this till i was reading about you sometime i was reading something that you were golden gloves yeah i was a golden gloves champion in colorado yeah but when did you start boxing so i only started boxing to pursue the ufc to get the mma but was it after it was it was so um i started doing like like messing around boxing while i was in college in training camp i do it just stay in shape for football right and then i was like dang i'm not bad and then went to the nfl had literally a cup of tea with the buffalo bills they're like we're all set on white guys and then sent me back home and i was like what the fuck am i gonna do and then uh entered a jiu-jitsu competition uh won that and then you had no jiu-jitsu training i had

like uh six months eight months of training that won that and then uh the guy was training with that time shane carlin who's ufc heavyweight champion yeah he goes hey uh next week is golden gloves i'm like oh that's cool boring as shit but that's cool he's like oh i signed you up for it i'm like what he's like yeah you're in it man because i was sparring with him on and off and so he took to do you think i mean you is it one of those things where you took to it naturally boxing uh some of it i just outworked everyone to be honest like my yeah like i just i wanted it more like especially in like golden gloves where i had like eight fights and i had i had all eight stoppages nothing went to decision so it was just like i was just your your heart especially when

you're starting out like to have a big heart means so much wow i also they have a lot of their options so coming out wait like that or fucking teaching moms cardio kickboxing what i gotta make it here man yeah i was living with my brother my truck was getting repoed i'm like what the fuck am i gonna do when you you graduated colorado yeah and then do you get like you you have nfl hopes at that point oh my god is my dream yeah yeah so how does that like what's the process like like there's obviously like there's combine people and the draft and then you're do you get an agent and you're like look i mean yeah you get an agent like right in between so we went to a ball every year we see every year i play in the big 12 championship so you play in big 12 championship

and then you get to a ball game right in between that ball game uh you usually talking to agents you kind of have an idea i had some come in my way they're like yeah maybe late round draft pick free agent we'll see so then you watch the draft don't get picked up best friend gets drafted in the second round i'm at his draft party broken hearted yeah and then um nothing happens in weeks later like hey buffalo the buffalo is gonna you know bring in to to train what happens that when you get that call i was like static yeah you're just like fucking flying right flying but i knew it was a still a long shot because they're like hey someone got hurt they need a body basically yeah if you're super gifted you might make the team so i remember flying down there telling

my family and friends like dude i know how this game goes the chance of me making this team are not fucking good don't get all crazy and you're flying in the buffalo flying in the buffalo and so i fly to buffalo get off the plane go through like this weird little combine workout and i'm there for not that long a few days and i injured my hamstring but to me it was like it broke my heart right away right i'm a sensitive person but i realized how much of a business it was yes because i get there and like 43 you're over there i'm like my name's brennan like what the fuck over there again no doubt and then it's just like it was just such a business it broke my heart it was like you know your entire life you want to get to willy wonka's chalk factory yeah and you

get in there and you're like god they treat these bitches like shit it's also crazy how like when you if you follow just like the nfl news ticker you know it'll be like big name guys and they're like released today and you're like he's released and it's like well this much he was gonna oh against the cap so they just cut him to bring in a young guy and some other guy came up and then it really becomes like like it was just such a business and you don't really think about that when you're a kid you know like you just think you're gonna get there and it's gonna be all rainbows and molly and it's gonna be a good time yeah man was not the case that's all i was like oh my god and even towards senior year i'm like oh i don't want to do this for rest of my life i don't play football

for rest of my life i got like my dream when i was kid was to be on saturday night live like i was obsessed with jim carrey adam sandler yeah i was just gifted i was just the big fast you you had sex with retarded adam sandler yeah there you go according to matt maturel that's right yeah forget about part of your dream yeah there you go man yeah so for me it just it it was eye opening and it was a good experience and led me to where i'm at now but yeah you've had you've come with brutal now do you remember in college you played like you said in these big 12 games do you ever playing against any big name players today i'm a big name i mean i played it i played against uh shit man i played uh oklahoma when they had adrian peterson who won the heisman

against in jason white had the heisman yeah he beat us 50 to nothing oh my god i played against vince young when they won the national championship against usc do you remember something the best college team well time you played they beat us 70 to three and i was on kickoff return oh it was horrible and i was going against this freak you made to the nfl and i mean how many fucking kickoffs is that yeah and he every time don't touch me white boy i'm like bro you guys are going a lot of points i have to touch you like it's football i have to touch you man don't touch me fucking white boy like dude i'm just that's what you get see that's the kind of shit i love that shit talking on the field you know don't touch me white boy do you talk when you're fight when

you were fighting uh mma stuff do you talk shit while you're fighting a dude or are you fully fucking crying motherfucker yeah yeah see that's what i got a lot yeah reverse racism don't touch me white boy play you see in miami it's all they said to me this should be easy yeah that'd be a long day that's what they do really yeah wait you played miami you played at miami at miami that is the epicenter of at miami and just hot as fuck sonor i think sonor's moss yeah it would caught this ball i was like oh my god we're in for a long day just freaks you played tight end tight end full back tight full back h back but i was i was also on all the special teams so oh my god freaks man freaks right freaks freaks um so uh do you remember is there like when you think back against

like that texas team in oklahoma just like do you ever have those hits where you're like oh like this dude i i'll i'll tell you in high school i played against heath evans oh yeah who played in the nfl for like 10 years for sure and to this day i've talked to friends of mine that were on those teams we still remember what it was like to hit or be hit because it was so different like he was such a beast that like even if you hit him in the backfield like your head shook and you're like oh yes like jesus christ yeah it was like a freight train took off you know it was like it was another level so i don't know if like in those games when you're playing against all studs but like all some of those guys are even crazier right i'm i'm trying to think there was like

i see i never because i was on uh i was on offense but i remember seeing a dream piece and he was a freshman or sophomore and hand the ball off to him and it was like tecmo ball where you just keep hitting a and he's just fucking slinging guys yeah and i remember i'm just like oh my god how such a how do people tackle him yeah like what are we gonna do yeah they scored whatever 50 points in a row and i was just like i don't how's he not done how's he not gonna be the best in the world and he was those are the longest rides home right like after those games well i think the heartbreaking thing is like especially when i saw tekayo spikes yeah he's a linebacker and he has literally traps from here to here yeah he's as dark as this table yeah and you're doing hitting

drills and he had a shirt off and i'm just like oh we don't even look like the same species like what the hell the fuck am i gonna make the team and you're like a big dude that's not shit compared like as far as a UFC heavyweight or NFL player i'm just i'm that part step i guess i've never seen a football player except for aj when he came over to our house aj hawk yes he's a stud there's tekayo spikes that's tekayo spikes look at his neck i mean what are you gonna do oh my god you're right look at that when you think it's wider than his i didn't know you could have muscle here that's the neck is wider than his whole face that's bananas freak this is problems for you this is problems problems this he pissed off he should have been like go get a job bitch

like this ain't for you like go get a job yeah what are you doing white boy i'm like you have that's a great point now one thing christina and i are definitely interested in we we bring this up as often as we can and we would love that's right wait a minute how did she know i was gonna go there the dick the dick divers the official dick divers that's what i call killing where the dick attack asks some first questions yeah i even wrote it down it's funny you and i are in the same wavelength it's chemistry oh we're really talking about dicks yes of course all right what's up now you speak my language fuck these black athletes i bet tekayo spikes dick looks a lot like his neck it's well let's put back that ass up it's thick i'll tell you about the biggest one

i've ever seen hold on no no no no no no no no first of all i'd like to ask the very important question whose balls were smellier mma fighters or football players that's such a weird question i apropos are opening a clip i would say i'd say football because you have this big stinky lineman who don't really give a fuck about hygienic you know hygiene now my friend josh potter we always have this conversation okay what's josh do josh to the comic okay and he's from buffalo and he says which position has the cleanest assholes in the nfl and the dirtiest and cleanest we center oh see he no he disagrees he says that like quarterbacks have like an a1 like oh for sure pretty boy and corners pretty boy severs divas just like diva super clean assholes yeah and

that basically the argument comes down to o-line and d-line and this is where we we've often had a heated debate i think that sloppy ass fat ass o-lineman have to have the dirtiest assholes he says it's d-lineman and part of his theory is that the the aggression the chasing if you will yeah it makes it a science wow so wait that guy we just saw the picture of what's his position he's a linebacker and so what what what is his ass i mean it depends the linebacker's case-to-case yeah yeah it's a case-to-case i mean is he a mic is he a will you know wait what is that so your weak side i mean you know strong side are they running a three floor are they running a fourth i don't know you know he blits all the time it's just there's a lot of variables the

coverage linebacker what are we talking about this guy dropping back in zone what's he doing wow so but football humor a lot of football asshole humor though yeah okay see i think center because they know they know that assholes can get played with see i play so if you have tom brady putting that those hands of those golden hands underneath your realm you would never disrespect that no that's tom brady son yeah he's probably like that shit clean today yeah of course you better cut yeah may i see another photograph of that gentleman we were we were looking at early i need to see the whole body and relations i can guess so the dick detectives we like to guess what the person's dick looks like we're talking girth length balls i got one for you i played with a kid

and he was a stud in the nfl too his name's laurence vickers won't you guess his cock size okay hold on hold on well let's look at photographs first jesus look at the spikes god how tall is this guy probably six one meat and cheese was he way uh 235 240 like shredding complete rock solid not an ounce of fat on them makes me look like a dell shredding now normally i would go short fat coke can a lot of girth i'm gonna go long and lean on the painter oh of this guy and i'm gonna go i'm but extra long extra long and lean and then i'm gonna go high and tight on the balls here's two big ass dicks for you right here patrick willis and took a spot enormous sitting on the bench she was the best of all time by the two of the best who are basically like we're about to run a

train both retired yeah enormous painters these guys so your your prediction is that they're long and lean long and lean huh long and lean i don't i don't i haven't seen a lot of lean black dicks usually thick like veins yeah yeah thickies big ol thick dicks right yeah like i like again i had a guy i shared a locker with what his locker was next to me he's the captain on our team his dick was so big his name's laurence vickers you can look him up so he was so big he could grab it and talk into it like a mic no i swear to god he joked around like hey how you doing they literally grab it like a mic that i think i've ever seen flaccid laurence from the fifth ward in texas and flickers laurence vickers not a right plate for cleveland browns for a grip was our

captain of the our team the biggest dick i've ever seen but not a rector saying just flaccid no i think it was normal right here yes that's my boy this guy she's right from houston texas play for the cowboys what did he play running back what is he he was like an h back running back full back freak man jesus great leader fattest dick i've ever seen shout out to laurence vickers you're a huge black dick what are his balls like not bad either is this him here it's under the laurence vickers that's amazing yeah wow who's got who's got the bigger dongs though the mma fighters or the the football player tell you what rishad ovens packing heat really yeah how about this pic i just googled to chaos bike for some reason this picture of a broderick bonkley came

up i bet he's got a fucking piece god dog bonkley b i mean he's looking at you like you want to see a big dick you say big dig look at that guy dude that's his weight 306 no yeah that's his weight and he came in with like seven percent body fat damn bro freak yeah yeah you're not gonna have a small dick and be that freaky oh man it's just not the way it works well see tom that's not true tom in the past you've said that it sometimes it's it's you know irrespective of what i've made the point to her that she was just like uh tall guys dig dig i mean and short and i go some short guys have some big old dick yeah i've seen yeah calin has one of the biggest dicks i've ever seen are you serious yeah calin is a fat dick rogan has a fat dick too really only hang out guys fat dicks like

you got you've you've checked them out though no yeah be seen with my own eyes what at the gym or just like yeah you know hanging around first time i met calin we're taking a piss next to each other i looked over just see what he's working with yeah he's talking so much shit yeah i just had to see for myself it's like seeing a white walker you know what i'm saying yeah like i had to see it for myself and you're like oh it's pretty impressive oh you're not lying man because i didn't know if i could trust him or not but he's thick thick and long and long surprise for calin being 50 thick and long balls are long on calin grandfather balls and joe i just saw you know fat dick yeah you didn't see the balls well no

lorenz vickers and tequila spikes you're welcome here anytime anytime come on by us come on by guys brenton i'm glad you're here today because this is the start of a brand new debate on your mom's house very hot topic uh tom and i were eating breakfast and in the middle of the meal he says i have to take a shit but then he finishes eating and then shits after now me on the other hand if i'm eating and i have to shit i get up i leave i take a shit i come back and i just eat my food cold where are you on this side of the debate well i'm i'm with this um i keep it i keep it sexy if i take a shit i just tell you when i just kind of disappear and then come back but would you eat your entire meal would you finish your meal or would you get

it during the night get up yeah i don't be uncomfortable that's what i'm saying depends where i'm at though am i at home am i eating with my girl at home home a nice restaurant you're in front of her no wow keep it sexy man you got to keep it sexy how long have you been together five years that's why she does the same oh yeah i can't be happy well did you see her give that up in here what did you see her give birth c section oh but you didn't see no no no i tried to stay away from but yeah there's like a little corner i could see through it's rough to her surgery uh she's mexican yeah mexican is fucked look at that dog over here too you know hey the motherfucker come over here hopefully his owner ain't outside you know what i'm doing you

know i don't want the cops to call come on here but you know when you're mexican you know mexican survive do what they gotta do you know saying you know that's why we mexicans he's his kids tattoo on his chest yeah of course he's doing something and what i'm doing it's what we do in mexico bro bro you know he's doing what he's taking a shit outside oh wow say guys good morning guys i'm here chilling taking a shit outside you know saying somebody's in the restroom i ain't gonna shit my mother fucking pants you know i mean shorts don't worry you see the shorts he's just working dog he's just in a in a fucking regular just outside so joey ds that could be my son that might be my son in 20 years he makes this video hey pops

what's up right pops what's up man toes on power bottle yes shit my pants oh my god yeah that's him man i gotta take a shit that'd be a bummer you know what i'm saying yeah this is a motherfucking video to show you how i'm doing you know i'm saying is there anything you don't want your kid to be like is there something you're just so adamant on you don't want him to be i can't think i know you know what i feel like it is whatever it is that you're like oh god whenever you have that thought of like just so irritated by something my sometimes my mind goes that's what's gonna happen that's what that's i mean yeah like and it's not necessarily like we're gonna be like it's like when someone like when it irritates you when someone's

being indecisive like what are you gonna do and then yeah my mind will go that's what that's what i'm gonna get as payback or if they're super negative yeah that's enough and obviously you can't help but if they're like super like manic depressive or something that'd be a bummer that's a bummer i just live in your basement play video games and shit i do that i don't want my kid to go to i don't want him to go in the military only because i don't want my baby to die in a war like that's yeah i just don't want that's fair that's fair but what about entertainment oh god that's the terrible but if you if you if you want to entertain or just parents that's a fricking problem i think it might be like it's it's gonna go like extreme one way or the other

it's either going to be like i definitely want to do what you guys want to do like what you guys do exact opposite i hope it's the opposite me too i mean like stand up i definitely hope he doesn't get it really yeah man it's not a career path no that i would recommend to most people you know it's a lot of suffering it's a lot of like the grind is real it's really real man and like you actually got to come in at a point where like you have success in other aspects of your life to kind of hold you up as you do it but like if you were 23 i can't imagine i can relate to it i i can relate to it as far as you can relate to sports yeah because i had i had a debate with one comic they're like while while you were out playing grab ass i was on the grab and i was like

well it's getting punched in the face but yeah it's a little different but i'm saying like also like i mean i know you could this this is kind of being negative but like the probability of things even just like remotely working oh my god so low not good not your favorite i mean you have a better chance of graduating harvard law than getting a or getting in a harvard well because to get into harvard i can sit my son down go look do this this and this you get into harvard yeah if my son goes hey i want to be the next ton cigar i go well i guess try and do this it might lead you here and then you got to do this and hopefully this works out and then you got a nap more and you got to eat more and lay down there's no there's no harding harder there's no blueprint no that's

true that's one of the hardest things about showbiz is like you think like i should follow this person's path and you're like i don't know everyone's path is completely different yeah completely different and then you got to stay relevant exactly are you enjoying uh like you know the what i mean obviously like you're having success it's kind of wild but like is are you enjoying you know figuring it out best time of my life really yeah really it's been a complete blessing which is i'm not even religious but uh it's it's been crazy man it's been i've always want to do this and i think just figuring things out and making it work and being on the road and show business been it's been amazing man like i just had a a meeting last week about you know

tv show for for something i've always wanted to like what i should a guy like a meathead like me shouldn't be taking these meetings scripted show uh no like a host show uh for you because i do my my podcast big brown breakdown yeah be like that for tv that's awesome nice that'd be great yeah be great but just stuff like that your dreams are coming true dude yeah or like like for me like when i because i live in san marco so when i drive down sunset to do a set the commie store it's like that's been i get so excited man yeah i get so so excited and like my biggest thing that i missed from sports was not the fighting not playing the football games but like the camaraderie like with the guys and like well now when i go to the commie store i'm in the back it's you

Bert uh christelia rogan brine like it's like fuck here's my guys man it's true and like i feel safe yep yeah that's the nice part that is i feel like the punner on the football team but i feel safe yeah you know i'm saying i'm like the punner you're like i'm not exactly part of the team like i'm the weird punner but i i feel safe but you know with a few it's how i fuck up yeah the few more years will be a long snapper and yeah yeah yeah for the field go kicking slowly slowly i'm not fat d-line man yeah that stinky ass yeah oh my god um uh gene yeah gene yes gene um i have this guy oh vocal fry you know about vocal fry i don't i kind of have it right now but it's because i'm sick but we talk too much no it's like when people elongate

they're local that's why i'm gonna talk like a kardasha oh my god like valley chicks yeah so it's like we're always like you know like we're kind of obsessed with what is that yeah it's like it's not the way people really talk you know and i thank you for joining us and oh my god to educate you on mindfulness meditation and malice my name is Bert Bontain and in this video series i'm gonna mollusk with meditation so the interesting thing about vocal fry that we did a lot of research and and we've been learning about it's that that's completely deliberate she knows exactly what she's doing that it's an affect on purpose like even if she's it's almost an act yes it's a front it's like yeah you're like the white kid who talks black yeah making your voice do but it's a thing

for upper class girls to sound more intelligent like the nicole i think that sounds intelligent and and exclusive i think maybe they maybe not intelligent i think they just cool they think they they said more exclusive like i mean they i like so let's say yeah how else would you talk well i'm saying like i think that they're thinking like oh this is how kim talks exactly like this if you're super hot and you really like suck hocks with a little twist see i like man all right i'm in stupid do you suck on the first day and it's also like a lot of up speak a lot of them do this too like it makes them sound smarter but why smarter i don't think it makes sense i think it's supposed to be like a yeah it's i think it's like a cool thing to do that's why it's like it's like

the the kind of cliche thing to do right now yeah it'll phase out it'll i hope so yeah the first thing that you want to do when you're starting a meditation is get a good comfortable seat i'm comfortable sitting uh up on a cushion oh my god hers is outrage style where one foot is in front of the other in my vagina crossed just sort of line up in front of each other oh my god well yeah you can't have that and what is it is there something for guys would they talk like that no guys just do talk like that no there's actually a fighter fighter does that talks like who he was a world class boy type fighter i know yes and however you need and this is one of the worst cases we've ever seen what yes i really have audio of him but i can pull no no guy recently though like there's

no guy on instagram talking like this yeah listen to this guy yeah megan and i have been together for nearly three years she's a beautiful girl who i'm very much in love with and i have a lot in common with i can't wait to get home and jump in the pool now dude that's a real dude he um what's that show called uh polyamory oh i watched that show married is that a show time yeah yes it was all right the second 13 yeah the first one was classic yeah it was great and i like tall and you know those dirty hippies that all live together they're so nasty it was so interesting yeah i i still love this is him oh yes i remember that guy see he had a gym and his girl was hot yeah he had a smoke show it was all fun and games someone to fuck his girl there was that show and then did

show show time at jigglers too right yeah we were huge into that show too what the fuck some fellow jiggler so check this out i saw homeboy because i used to live in venice with marina i saw homeboy uh no i wish nick follows me on twitter oh yeah nick follows me don't DM me nick don't DM me but um the bald guy the one who's like actually you know i consider myself a feminist a feminist yeah he was the best one the bald one yeah wait for which he went down on every girl regardless the black guy then oh then yeah so i saw then with like a girl pushing a stroller by starbucks and you would have thought i saw a fucking oj simps i went oh shit and my girl's like my girl watched two she goes why i went it's ven and i go bro give it up and he's like oh my god you give it up

brother and he's like okay man goes like that and just scurries off wow i don't ask anyone for any picture i would have got that picture yeah he was with a girl with a stroller yes wow interesting and like maybe his mom i think maybe he keeps it on the dl is that when i was like yo ven you're gonna dick somebody down you know like on the pier and it was like too much no would you now if you had to hook your lady up with somebody like you're off at war and you're like i got to get you a prostitute while you're going would it be vin and i'm hiring the cowboys and angels yeah um no i would hire the dude who is shredding super into yoga yeah and he had long hair the great body angel he connects what was his name angel no come on and now i'm going crazy bring him up for

sure i know you're talking about and he's got the long hair and he always flipped it to his side yeah i'm my fuckers at dime piece yeah i wouldn't hire nick he's too lying to ask for my girl vin was just too i don't know i didn't trust him i wouldn't hire the old guy with i like break brace has been on our show brace was on the show he's all the time dude he talks like that multiple times yeah let's do right here that yes yeah that ash yes ash ash yeah because he's great he's gonna be like let's get our chakras a lot and he's not a threat yeah he's more like a chick than and then like afterwards she'd be like that was really special thank you thank you now i'm going to go back to brennan because he's an animal yeah you're way too peaceful but brace might

give your girl a whole new world he's too old he's too old i don't know i don't think you don't think he gets fired up every now and then it's artificial fired up and then you got nick too skinny weird i love the rap battles yeah and then the rap battle he was so bad we made fun of him on the show oh my god did you how about when they did the roast when they had to write jokes oh i didn't get that i can do this i don't need to write and just gets up there and you've never seen it yeah and completely bombs of course it's great and then the guy that goes i've been working on my raps my raps by the way we're huge fans of nicks um videos have you seen his videos like on youtube his music no come on you got to go down the rabbit hole never done that oh it's so great why did they

stop making it i feel like they ran out of material they did like six seven seasons yeah why stop there i think i don't know like let's get a new crop of young cats who just dicking girls down i don't know like why not do an all-black one oh that'd be a good show wouldn't you be into that of course why not follow some whores yeah like mix it up all girls i'd like that yeah the girls aren't trying to do it though i know the girls don't it's a bad look for you know what i could find when i have a brace on brace was like every time i was like what's up you old ass hoe and like he was like just to be clear i'm not some back alley trick like and like it's not like 40 bucks alley yeah bro like sticking my dick and i go come on man you know you're old hoe he's like i'm not a hoe

he's like i am a high end like they they always like make it clear high end escort yeah nah bitch you're a whore you're just gonna pay a ton of money for you he's he's actually very nice brace is very sweet he's from the midwest and he's like he's awesome he's really sweet guy he does a vitamin supplement line i know i love brace and um he wants to get into like health and nutrition zero dollars see slang in vitamins that's how his movie ends he's slang in vitamins and still dying his hair i think what is that song called remember which one i'm working a sweat i'm breaking a sweat that one that's neck hawks jam there's born to be bad oh you're gonna love this shit i was born this way i was born this way i was born this way from the film american justice

it's not from the film my spirit starts shit my mind's hot wire you you can't blame me for it you spark my fire i paid a lot more i walk a tight wire i walk a tight wire i'm not mad at it go nick go nick feel it right jesus christ i'm breaking a sweat that one's my favorite i keep hearing these voices screaming i'm breaking a sweat it's kind of killing it because the other guys ain't doing shit i don't get why nick doesn't become a dj like Chris Hilton or something and just dig girls down after the show that's a good idea actually dj'ing maybe would be better lane right yeah like just put your itunes podcast playlist on and just don't even see it up there anymore man just google a break in a sweat i just put it on you know what

i found when i put in a break in a sweat making fun of us so i got the sound that you sent me yeah um yeah you did where's jiji um right he's uh he's so amazing he has that you know his tattoo is right no what is venom on the show from the comic book venom really yeah spider man venom he has the venom and uh we've been theorizing on that uh he's super airbrush it's our show though so maybe she'll get that house page it's more intense you know let's see this is the can't really here we go we've played we're breaking this guy yeah we're breaking breaking a sweat the name of this song oh this is um if you listen a few episodes back i don't remember the episode number we could look it up i'm sweating and we'll do how many episodes do you do that for hot or not like

call us let us know you can't really call us but you can certainly let us know you can certainly comment on youtube on yeah let me see i want you to hear you got to hear it bro yeah i just you know it's not for everyone it's just music is not for everyone it's just not sometimes Nick yeah he does it all though you know he raps poetry raps poetry fights oh is that right dicks tattoos he is one of those guys that like he can't figure out life but no but he's one of those that's how we would say like you can't figure it out like we like i was gonna say i was gonna say that is so accurate we've been trying to analyze him you can't figure it like he's like i don't know man yeah i don't know they're like you ever tried i'll join the swim team all right fuck it i'll do

the swim team he's two degrees off of joe rogan like he is joe does everything and then figure us out how to do everything well right and like if he's like his retarded yes evil brother yes younger brother it's like i want to try like i do everything too but like none of it it's just a complete mess it's a mess and i love watching messes like no he just can't figure it out yeah he's just yeah you know if you're like hey you know nixie you ups drive like that makes sense yeah yeah and then you get to walmart like what the fuck you don't work at walmart like new gig bro new gig man i'm trying to figure it out man trying to figure shit out next you know life coach yep oh he's doing coaching no oh that's right he is he is and my buddy signed up for it yeah yeah he is he's

doing confidence coaching yeah teaches you how to be confident yes that makes sense yes because you got to be a confident motherfucker to fail so many times so many avenues just keep going like maybe you can learn a lot from i don't know how much he's charging per class but oh i can tell you it's a lot your boy signed up for it there can't be a lot of signups for that if you want to be better with cooking talk to a chef if you want to be better with comments talk to me nick hawk ranging ranging skype's and emails or phone calls ranging from $25 a hundred what about in person though whoa four hours at my rate 1550 wow does it come with uh you don't wait you don't rise to the top of the most sought after profession star on a tv show for six years perform your own music in las vegas

as biggest clubs or become self made by the age of 35 by being anything less than confident i'm sold i wasn't always that way can you please scare to the world much of my life yeah oh brandon please take a seven oh he has a book nick hawk's hundred kicks in the ass a guide to gaining comments and reaching your full potential i mean the guy's killing it he's trying to be uh fucking tony robbins i get it he's trying to figure life out like you were saying you know he's figuring out he's fucking who knows if this doesn't work i don't know what happened and why did they do it right here i know right those guys like all look down on it too what's going on here is she just remember that was his photo oh they showed this shoot yeah oh yeah is this dog yeah let me see can you zoom in on that

when we're working with dick i'll tell you if you should be writing confidence books can't really his dick is right there on his website maybe it is gosh that's yeah it's from hustling that is confident that's unprofessional yeah right oh good job man i mean i don't hate i really don't hate i don't yeah i respect the hustle i just hope you find you know i hope he hits that home run because he's hitting a bunch of foul balls right now yeah like if his life is a baseball game bunch of foul balls a bunch of foul balls yeah you know what he just needs jesus he's one of these people that needs you might be right you think so yeah he needs to come to jesus yeah yeah it could be he needs the lord that could be your kid man oh damn what if your boy turned

into a male hoe would you be proud of him like a professional he's just like a player no no like a professional oh god then i failed as a parent yeah yeah it's just god damn you're like what are you doing he's like i'm getting paid to fuck that what's up what are you doing we were both competitors man trying to keep out doc i'm in my own lane man yeah dude i'm a self-help book coming out next month gonna keep showing you his dick all the time look at this thing man look at this thing thing in yours better than fucking lords vickers bitch you played with what's your nightmare brennan that your child would become one of those trolls on the internet true like sometimes i get a troll on the internet and i

i won't block or anything i will DM them and i because i'll go on their page and if they're not private most trolls are i will go to his page and if he has kids i'll just DM him go listen man you have a right to your opinion you're a dad you have a fucking you really yeah i go you have a kid certain ones i go you have a kid man i go in 20 years do you want to be that guy that goes hey son i hate it on this guy who's way more successful than me yeah check it out and if you are single this is probably why man i'm doing you solid here do yourself never respond don't be a loser some of them be like fuck you and so i'm like god damn it you're right really yeah wow yeah what's that but usually i just block them yeah usually i don't even deal with it i don't

have someone block them for me so i don't see it so i think everyone loves me i'm like what life's great you have someone else block yeah how my brother will log in for you oh yeah he has access to my account and you're like just block people that yeah i'll know like when stuff came out with you know nick Diaz or when i was doing the showtime stuff some people might not agree my opinions and so they'll try to you know troll so i'm just like yo pay attention today and he'll just go through all of it so i don't see any of it that's smart that's great i'm gonna have tom do that when my netflix special drops no people love it what the fuck is that this is a clip from christina's this is the opening this is the opening yeah she's talking to me oh my god and i'm like all right

babe why don't you get on stage all right well it's time to go the camera's rolling what special is this for you it's my first one it's your first one yeah oh damn congrats thanks dude damn and netflix if you ain't on netflix you know shit yeah it's shit dawg you garbanzo beans man i know i can't believe it were you nervous for it uh no because i've been fucking doing it for so long honestly i was not because i've been doing it for a minute and i how long you've been doing it 14 years so long so i was like i was so in the zone dude i was like ready go yeah but it's still it's still like i get it even though for a while but still netflix now i'm i'm more nervous to sit down and edit it and get that process i don't know it's a fucking trip because you just i performed

in every shit box in the country and i've like you know i feel like you deserve it yeah it's like it's about god damn time and that's the best way to do so god you know like to be like over ready to do it yeah i think that's why i wasn't so terrified because i'm kind of i'm like overcooked for it you know so i don't know but especially on netflix like if you shoot a good special on netflix you're talking about game changer like it maker breaks careers like there's some guys where whatever they didn't put the best foot forward and then you're kind of fucked when you go back on the road if it's a bad special because now netflix if i watch dave chappelle which is most successful special of all time most watched i don't know if you guys know that you watch that and it goes

you might also like and i watch tom and yours and it's like oh what the fuck you know what i'm saying yeah if it's not if you don't put your best foot forward especially these days specials and you guys know better than anyone really fuck you you know what's interesting i thank you it's great i uh i agree like i i watch some people shit i think a lot of times they're shot on spec and so you don't know who it's gonna end up you don't know where it's gonna end up and i do think some people are like whatever what do you mean uh because like sometimes when you shoot a special you don't necessarily have a buyer lined up yeah solely just shoot it on um you know with the hopes of selling it and so maybe some people are like whatever it'll be like on this tiny platform no

one's gonna see it and you know they don't really plan like they don't make it that great but you went into it with a plan hell yeah i had a plan shit i've been done planning yeah i've been done you're ready man all right she's ready like tiffany haddish next couple weeks tobert haddish is killing it i love tiffany she's fantastic i've never met her she's the best yeah very very very talented yeah yeah she's got like some new movie deals dude she's killing it she's killing it she's fantastic um i hope everything works out obviously in your life in your marriage but if it doesn't maybe anyway i'm back with another upload today and by the title of this video you may have worked out that i am going to be doing the guide to getting a girl the guide to getting a girl the

guide to getting a girl the guide to getting a girl yeah so this dude's gonna hook you have you go girl oh thank god man you know i mean such a struggle do you feel like he gets lame uh yeah this guy what about in your in your single days and you're fighting i'm plus there's like a whole groupie like world talking about k drath is it k what you call k drath they're just there for you guys i assume for you guys um when you're fine when you're act you're in the ufc and you're fighting i mean everybody knows about nba and nfl and like you know getting off the team playing and all that stuff but like here's a different role solo yeah here's but here's the difference so nba nfl they have nba nfl money so they get a different type of hose right however if

shit breaks down we can beat up any nfl nba player so there's that kind of tribal yeah where girls go holy shit there's one alpha male right like if a fighter walks in a party in no matter even at the espies if fighter walks in the party everyone's like okay there's the alpha it's just genetically like right and you know what's going on you do it so girls they are a little drawn to that however now i would say i get more i get hit on way more and more people sign my dms now more so than ever that i've gotten into comedy not even close what not even close maybe you're more accessible now maybe it's because that might be it but also um may yeah maybe or maybe also you know one thing people like to do i know why common you know the common thing is they like

laugh so they know yeah no i'll tell you why brennan if you look at the pool of dudes doing stand up you're the looker of the bunch there you go sorry take take take the you're the looker hey man i've been doing this shit for 14 years i've been looking at the dudes in the biz aside from my husband who's a handsome fellow who i married the dinepiece yeah there's not a lot of eye candy by way of male comics so brennan's a handsome you're funny and handsome christal is double hit christal is a little weird but he's a dime yeah christ you know you have a long neck but he's a little dimey got a got a nice long neck a lot of nice long features on chris long feature really that means lean handsome young man hilarious yeah nice you've seen that dog i smelled it really oh wow smells good i would

say chris the most handsome dude in comedy he's definitely i mean i hear the thing i would say that there's a well we're gonna go tom just to you know i would say there's a over the years there's there's been a couple women that agree with you on chris three um at least yeah i guess because there's some we are in a business of of not good-looking guys now you guys are all talking about dogs the dog pound it's male comics or dog pounds i mean it's it's the place to succeed for like you're the uglier and the worse your attributes the it's better yeah it's all right who is it uh eric griffin you know eric yeah he's great i just said it uh at the improv and he got an after me and he was like i don't know what the fuck that is comics don't look like

that comics look like this and lift his shirt up yeah he's like that ain't comedy i was like yeah yeah but i mean yeah i mean comics look like you know like shit man like burt like like but you know what i was looking looks good no no but i think the tide has turned out because it's cool to work out and that's true if you look at a different thing dave chappelle who got in not red he got big he got thick right he's clearly on trt oh what i mean what's trt testosterone replacement because but he you don't go from his he was like a buck 40 he was so skinny so skinny and i like tyron bigums that's where it came from and then now he's like right when dr drake got big he got like you know that's that ain't normal his age just get put on 30 pounds of muscle

yeah but now it's cool to be in shape that's true it's i think his people just respect health more yeah you know it's like we're like much more so than 20 30 years ago that makes sense you know people are always like i feel like kare top was the first oh kare top too he got insane jackey jack yeah man so much stare like that i bet like he takes enough he might be able you might be able to convince him he could beat you in a fight you know chance yeah i'm like dude you got this shit man he's got a good chance he's crazy enough i don't want none of that care to fuck you none of the props and you would have to tape the mouth shut because he will bite the fuck out of you man for sure what do you mean did they tape their mouth shut no but i think kare

top you have to i mean he looks he looks dirty out of his mind i'm so surprised you have your teeth like that's great do you have all of them are they your originals yeah they're all mine i'd like a pair of veneers but okay let's go to my guy these are veneers are they great yeah those are nice uh-huh let's go back you don't have any set no i have perfect teeth he's terrible teeth i'll be the yellow they are let me see the bottom wait you can't even see the bottom let me say this first never no braces no retainer that's crazy brush once a day once a day twice once a week what do you know his teeth are pretty fucking fresh pretty nice i'm not mad you drink coffee too yeah those are legit teeth do you floss no oh my god you're supposed to you gotta start flossing

it's gonna change your whole game i'm telling you let's do it howling got him visa line at 50 yeah that's good he looks great though calin looks calin's great yeah um races out 50s a little tough it's time for an official dental update when you have veneers you have still have to do everything wait what when you have veneers do you still have to do all the regular dental protocol here's the thing wait wait what just to be to to get clear for our audience here brandon how would you grade his teeth looking at them they look nice right those are very clean they're very straight they're very white uh your gums look very healthy and not red and bleedy thank you um i think he's doing great so genetically are we just

looking at like your teeth are do you have a lot of dental work done or no zero i haven't seen a dentist in about seven years no and my girl's mom is a dentist i'll let your boy because seven years ago let me see let me see smile now they look good but your teeth look nice they could be decayed you don't even peep it peep it i went to the dentist seven years ago the dentist fucked up and goes oh my god one's last time saw a dentist i went probably ten years ago bitch she goes yo you have genetically gifted teeth these are the best i've ever seen i went cool see you never and your gums are good hundred and you never feel us ever never how about i drink comparing sodas every night what pulled pork no problem oh my i drink coffee like a mother fuck this is my six cup of coffee

my shit's still kind of white kind of like corn nuts kind of do you do the whitening never never you know why my buddy did it teeth like got super sensitive when you do it too much yeah it was off the enamel yes yes he's on a jet ski you're boof knocked out all his teeth crack them all in half how far was he doing it a lot that's why you can't you i could every three years maybe you can do it professionally but don't do those fucking strips man they're dangerous you can feel them burning of course yeah now i did it i just did my teeth whitening about six weeks ago and it was it whites the what's that it whites the actually the funny thing was 24 maybe 30 hours later sensitive was more sensitive than immediately leaving there

but you can't drink coffee right no i didn't drink coffee for a day no for a day i can't do that i'm out i try to win off god for a day i swear to god cold sweats in the fetal position on the ground what how much are you drinking a day six seven cups a day oh boy it's real wild man do you pee in it are you hydrating enough yeah drink water what color is your pee up clear yeah so you really bounce out your oh yeah i drink fluids non stop so your teeth look great thanks man i still want veneers though do you want to do you should talk about it yeah what about the um that water pick you were thinking about using that or anything i don't feel like there's any need to well yeah you she said you're like genetically gifted yeah so what she told me that i'm like the fam

fam all have great teeth um mom pops my mom's little yellow not gonna lie yeah my mom's teeth are your mom's what 60 something my mom's teeth look like corn nuts yeah that's terrible i know man she's older my dad's straight my brother had braces for about eight years brother and athlete too no computer guy computer engineer smart i would suggest i mean look eventually you're gonna how old are you now 34 you gotta start flossing just for your health for yes i'm concerned try it you just did try it once you start it's very hard to not do it it does feel good once you start doing it feels so much better what if i get veneers staff to fly okay so let's yes yes yes yes yes it doesn't it doesn't exempt you from hygiene isn't it like a like a basically like putting a

windshield on your car it's terrible no it's painful and it takes a long time i'm not gonna lie they shave down your real teeth they then they cover it with the fake teeth the veneer it's it's a very ordeal it's an ordeal okay don't do it unless you have i had to because i knocked out half one what happened so i'm punching your face yes no i was on the rings it was the oh so you've had veneers for a grip like my whole life i've had to get fake teeth oh because i knocked out half of this one as a kid it's like a playground accident nothing really i'm not that tough guys we got an email it's too much work for veneer it's so much work it's so it's like a grand a tooth too right yeah it's a lot of money but it's your teeth yeah you spend the money here you go you guys are all

about teeth health oh my god i love teeth teeth police this is yeah teeth please you don't take care of your teeth you're out of here men dick detectives teeth police you're out of here bro you have yellow teeth you out oh god your mommies i love the palm cast and have a quick question for you to ponder upon since every other body fluid has a definite smell do boogers and snot have a scent as well yes have we become so accustomed to the scent that our brain just ignores it yes mommy jeans horrible sneeze maybe wonder about this keep them high and tight moose soup and dad boners dan um yeah i mean i think do you ever take one out and then smell it no is that disgusting no but i know i smell like my kid's breath when he's got a cold yeah and you know

that that's the smell of snot yeah it's snot smell snot smell yeah i think there's definite smells everything but everything that's in your nose is not going to smell to you obviously well because your brain gets used to it so that you can function yeah otherwise you'd be just completely distracted by that smell like like la if you leave la for a while then come back smells funky but to us this is normal i don't like this i don't like this whatever you're playing oh is this is that porno i don't know course somebody said it to me someone's going to hang on or someone's getting murdered yeah it's either a cartel video or porno

it's my sneeze that's christina's sneeze on the show yeah it's horrible upset a lot of people all right we got to get going um this was a lot of fun thanks for coming to the show yeah thank you guys like you're in your camera thank you guys man break your fucking arm when i get out of this now no please god no man anything but my arm um anything wait uh where can people see you brennan just so they know i'm in and thank you justin ed brock i'm in san francisco the same night you're in oakland oak town it's uh thursday yeah this thursday i'm in san francisco cobs

all right there's like 20 tickets left nice t-fat k dot com for tickets and then the following friday i'm at the laugh acting long beach oh that's great t-fat k dot com um he's got very popular podcast more than one he's got the fighter in the kid with very long and thick dick brine calin we've had on this show yeah and then he also has a big brown breakdown correct was that that's all fight stuff i'm assuming well yeah i'll fight boxing all right big brown what's gonna happen wait isn't a triple g canal this weekend big fight what do you think's gonna happen i think it's gonna be a good fight it's not gonna be a fight of the ages like people think i think the big knock for i mean that i've heard from a lot of people i've watched both those guys fight a good number

of times is that people have knocked triple g's competition they're like he's got correct hammer hands correct but it's like a bunch of bumps it's like you know i wouldn't say bums i mean danie jacob's is a tough customer and you know some people thought he beat him but and danie jake is a bigger guy but um again i think it's be a really good fight i think canella wins in decision but i think most the public thinks triple g wins the fight then you see him in a rematch and the rematch would be the barn burner okay but it's a great fight best fight right ah man i can't last time we had this good a fight it's been a long time and he really does throw some fucking both of them are i mean world world class 149 and one or some shit like that 42 and one ones whatever

three you like boxing that's a good one it's a good one the best box to match a match up in a long time all right this saturday don't forget check out brenn's shop check out uh october 10th mark your calendars mark your q q mother inferior on oh yeah net i should also note that i'm going by christina p now so you don't have to type in the whole fucking horrible last name it's just christina p just christina p bros mother like predini it's called mother inferior and you can search for it this friday and queue it up on your list so there you go see it yeah we're very excited baller move all right bye guys oh

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