Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - 414-Your Mom's House with Christina P and Tom Segura

Episode Date: September 20, 2017

If you go on a run and you gotta make a brown is that really such a bad thing? One lady in Colorado Springs might do in on your lawn in front of your family! NEATO! Tommy shot a special in Denver over the weekend. We recap the festivities for you PLUS now Tina is the one with sick jeans.  Dad boner with a snow blower? Yes. We have great emails from you and more.  

He's told me so. Bubba skunk number two by Ross dude. Is that English? You're going to St. Louis tits. I'm there. Yeah, September 22nd and 23rd at Hyrium comedy crub. Definitely not LA, but I've never been to St. Louis tits of you. Many times. What should I eat there? Uh, you gotta have they always have pork sliders. What they're known for. Okay, I'll be eating that. October 3rd, Narshville, 10, 10 tits. Yep. 10 tits. Zany's comm club. October 4th, Shortlet, North Carolina, the comedy zone. And then October 8th with my Jean live your mom's house live in sperm vine California. And that's it until 2018 guys. Mama likes to take the holidays at home. You know what I'm saying?

holler at your boy September 27th two shows In albany at the funny bone first one sold out second one only had like 30 tickets left. So by the time you hear this I don't know what's left the next day Reading, Pennsylvania the uh sandhander performing arts center the next day the state theater uh, September 29th in portland, Maine And the end of the week at the big ol sony center for the performing arts in trono, ontario, canada Part of jfl 42. Ontario. That's the province. I'm from that is the province you're from

Um, and I I go from there. I'm home for a little bit and then I go to an arbor Indian apple tits And the hard rock hard cock. Yeah, I was gonna say come seno and northfield just outside of cleveland Ohio I go to st. Louis tits then later in october Oh, you do. Yeah, and then fart go north north dakota So I've not been there, but I like the tv show. It's fantastic and the movie Um, so yeah, that's that. I'm very excited go to tom skewer dot com slash tour or go to christina p Online dot com. That's what's new identity with my special dropping christina p. It's universal october 10s

And we are october 8th I said it. Okay. I said it. I pomcast pomcast As always if uh, if you can go to your mom's house podcast dot com And shop do your amazon shopping through our banners It is a great way to support the show anytime you support a sponsor. You're obviously supporting our show So thank you very much for that Please check out merch method dot com slash tom segura for all the latest your mom's house tom segura and christina p merchandise

There's shirts. There's signed, um This and that there's gonna be signed posters. There's a new vinyl signed, uh in the store. So Just make sure you um, you check it out and uh, thank you guys very much for your support Without further ado here is the new episode gene All right gene a lot to get into Let's get the Show on the road. Here we go Well, this is new tonight. A family has had enough

They say a woman is defecating on their sidewalk near bryer gate and union in colorado springs The family says they've caught her in the act twice now They've begged her to stop but now springs police are getting involved Who is randy don't bring anyone loving to this Well, welcome welcome to your mom's house With tom segura And christina Welcome to your mom's house

You The mad pooper colorado springs sounds good I thought for a second when I heard this story that it was you why oh because I wasn't very colorado. Yeah I thought it was you. What are you talking about? This is a very handsome Um news reporter What? What she's a very handsome woman. Why do you say that? It's kind of like it looks like a a dude with a bob air cut, right? Like legit. Is it a transgender? No, that's not why are you doing that? That's not nice. What?

Listen, here's why I'm being a jerk about this stuff because if you work in television, you should be attractive, babe God, you're vicious sometimes. Well, it's the truth. I I demand the same excellence from the males too Just so you know, what's your pronoun? Well, there you go. I'm I'm harsh around the guys. Believe me. Actually, she really is I know especially the old hound bass and hounds they have on morely safer. He is p.m. Yeah My morning saver. He's dead. Yeah. Yeah. I think he died the week after he retired He retired and then he died like a week later. Maybe a month Gotta work right up until the end, huh? I know it is funny because

You were the first person to point that out to me and I'd never thought about it So one of those things you don't think about Where you would walk by the tv and you'd be like They allow this guy on tv and I'm like, what? You're like, he's so ugly They would never let a woman like that on tv Never and then I was like I started to look the more you think about it as you watch tv If you if you've never thought about it Think about it now and you're like that's definitely true

That dude looks like a dog Hot dog shit old dog shit and if you look at especially in the sports world like now they got They got these cuties down on the ground Yeah interviewing the coaches and their hot their hair is all curled and tendrils and they've got the the other thing I I didn't pay shorts skirts. Yeah. Oh, yeah, the little hotties on the sidelines That's been a phenomenon for the last 15 years or so, but The um and like yeah, sometimes you're like does she really but yeah Is she really does she understand sports because I sure is some of them really really sure

But then you got the basset hound gang that's uh the espn guys after They're talking about the game for five hours and you're like these guys look like shit I'm look like shit. The other thing is uh, their dad jokes Oh How would you even get into the point of unbearable just accepting their humor like being like oh, that's part of it And now I judge it more harshly like these fucking tools Making their terrible jokes and they're like, right? Like a scott what he's doing right now and then they're like oh

And they act like it's really bad It's intolerable and especially because they can hire comedy writers There's no shortage of funny people in the world to write for you It's a supposed locker room banter like them just being guys, but a lot of it's super lame terrible. Yeah, I can't I I don't even watch it with you. That's your one That's I would say the one thing you and I really don't share as a hobby is is football But I'll walk. No, I'll walk into the room and I'll hear some stupid dad joke and fine by the way You can have separate interests, you know

Of course. No, I know I'm just like I feel like some people are like, you know the whole we do everything together Got to do it all together. No, we're we're a bonded pair. That means we do everything. I feel like we should Jump into the fact that I mean obviously this young lady is in Colorado and uh, what should we uh We were there. I shot a special this weekend. That's right in Denver in mom for Colorado and It was an awesome awesome experience. Great night Thank you to everybody that came out. I even added a show the night before comedy works And that was really fun. I was so

Scared going into the week because I was sick the sickness that you know here in Christina's voice. Thank you And I was anxious man because you know you're going into a taping and you don't feel good and you're Coughing and you can your throat doesn't feel right and nasal drip. I mean, it was it was terrifying I mean, I really had anxiety about it. Not about the show just about being sick, you know and thankfully The the day of the the night before the show If honestly, I had considered canceling that comedy work show because I was like, what am I doing? You know, I'm taping tomorrow. I don't feel good. I'm doing another show. I don't need to do this show

But I was like, I'll just do it and I did it and then I was like I'm going To bed and I I got some Nyquil Took my meds And I got good sleep like I got solid, you know, eight hours or something or I woke up and I was like, I don't feel like Absolutely dragging like I'm exhausted right now And that put me in a good mental place that like I got good rest I was still sick, but I was I was coming out of it, you know Like I saw and right now I just have like the lingering last effects of it, but

I had the I had the you know, the thought like, oh, okay I'm well enough to get through and then you arrived and um And I got I got sick before I came and that was fine the kids sick But I'm saying when you got there we were like, let's do something. They're like, no, let's just get in bed We got in bed turn the lights off again. This is why we're married. Yeah, and we and we tried to I think we slept for like another Half hour or something like that and then we got lunch and then it was like, okay Like the routine, you know the day is getting going and we just kind of

We eased into it. We just took it easy. Yeah, and then that night I mean That was nuts, right like those crazy, you know, and I didn't realize because I haven't been going with you on these shows Like I've just been only hearing about them because we don't travel together anymore because of the kid really Um, is how many fucking people were there? Like you've told me The numbers and then until you see like a theater of people Who are so gaked to be there and these people were so pumped. It was so fun. I was like, oh my god Like how are you this normal?

Like That were me. I'd probably just be freaking out like I'm like, I'm gonna hate everything Wait, why do you say that I just have a negative self-talk But you I feel like how does it not make you like an unbearable ego maniac? I I'd be like I don't know how how you deal with it You think it's normal? I mean, there's so many people here. I'm not an unbearable Ego maniac to begin with you're not it's not your nature, but you do you do dislike people

I mean somewhat somewhat but I mean I like you know, it's funny. I was like we talk about things on this show like I always make jokes But like I don't like crowds and I don't like I don't want to fucking, you know, I've had Jokes in my act like I'm all friended up and all this stuff Yeah And when you say those things in your act and you talk about it then people end up Like people I meet people after shows and they go, I know you don't want to meet me right now

I know this is your least favorite part of this And I'm like no because it's always super nice people. Yeah, of course I'm like, that's not what I'm talking about just The masses, you know like loud a lot of non-descript. I think people individually are great. Yeah It's the crowds where you know, it'll make you hate people Going to an NFL game But we went to the Broncos game and like you just see I mean there's great people at the game, but there's just

The loud of noxious drunk Yeah scumbags that fill every NFL stadium and you're like, oh my god. Can they just put these people down? There should just be a scumbag area Where like if you want to be drunk and annoying go there You know what? I was I was amazed by it that showed the restraint that I saw these like they were throwing a guy out and he was wearing a purposely Gigantic oversized cowboy hat. Oh boy

And uh, he was a cowboy's fan because the cowboys were playing the broncos and uh him and his friends were getting tossed out And he was just like to these guys. He's like fuck you you fucking pigs I was like who In society does that like who? Scumbags right like but dirt bags. We were just watching him like who how out of your mind are you? Well, you're like suck it. You fucking pigs to the to like to cops and I was like the security cops Don't pull these off. Yeah, like he's and he's like you fucking pigs and like double the double birds And like pointing to his dick. Fuck you you piece of shit and and then

They're kind of slowly walking towards like very calmly and they're like And then he kept backing up and he had this giant oversized hat on Like not a regular cowboy hat. It's like purposely. I got it. Yeah And then I look over at other cops in the in the car and they're looking and they're like smiling And I was like you sit in there like can we see him? We see him I think it's like your life sucks and then you're gonna take it out on the police at the game Yeah, you're a football game. We're gonna take it out on them. Well, that's what that's why people act fools in public, right? Yeah, they're they can't control their lives and they get out in public and they they're gonna control this, right?

I'm gonna I'm gonna show the man as much as I like for all as much as I like football every time I go to a game I regret going to a game. Yeah. Well, because it's the it's the uncontrolled masses. Yeah. Yeah It's just as a collective we suck as humans I think I would like to go to a game if I could get a field pass Oh, that'd be cool You stand on the sidelines for the simple fact that I would love to watch football live And not be near another human being now. Can't you get like super private boxes? Yeah, I've done boxes I I'm conflicted about boxes boxes are really like

It's uh, I guess it's kind of the it's it does isolate you and it's kind of a luxury. That's a nice feeling, right? It's nice. It's nice, but um No, it's good perspective, you know, like you you see the game, but I feel kind of removed from it. I mean You know like when you go to like whatever a high school game You know, you can you can walk on the sideline or like close to it, you know, I like I like being like down on the field I do like it and I know you can get that. I've talked to uh Some people about getting a field pass to a game before and they're like, yeah Yeah, we can arrange that but I mean, it's you know, it's not like you can you go on stub hub and be like field pass

It's like you have to you have to make it to be special. You have to make calls Um, yeah, I like that. I like that you're out about hating people I like that I you outed me on this show about being an la snob and how you hate everywhere I hate everywhere that's not home. It's not la. It's not la. Yep I don't even give a shit my favorite part about that for you though Yeah, is because I kind of feel this way a little bit too is um, everybody feels free to shit on la like it's like a you know, and so A lot of times people are like when I meet them they're like, where do you live?

I live in LA they're like, I can't stand it. I'm like, where where the fuck do you live? And then they you know, they list wherever Toledo or something. I'm like, is that great? And they're like, I like it I'm like, yeah, I like where I live too. Fuck you. You know, that's kind of how I feel about it And it's it's not that I think la is better than everywhere else. It's familiar to me. No, I don't like unfamiliar I would like to correct you. You think la is better It's better for me because I'm it's familiar to me I'm like, I know there are better places to live in the world. Obviously what's great about being home home Yeah, it's home and like I like my nice weather. I don't care about the traffic. It doesn't bother me

I don't fucking care about celebrities doesn't bother me. Yeah I like it when people go I can't do all that hollywood stuff. I'm like, wait, what don't worry about it. You won't have to Uh, yeah, I like avocados. I like fresh produce. Yeah, I like oranges and stuff that aren't gray No, what's you? I mean gray bananas. That's what I see on the east coast when I go to these places like Buffalo or Syracuse Whatever, it's it's all gray bananas. That's great. What are you getting your bananas from dude come to california? It's all yellow here. Yeah, dude. Fuckin bro, bro You guys don't even know what an avocado looks like. I've been a part of this country where they've not even seen an avocado Your fruit ain't the right color man. Yeah, I know

Fuck out of here with that. I got a shit from mexico, dude Wait, can we talk about this pooper? Yeah, we can but I also wanted to one last um I mean, I really wanted to say it meaningfully Thank you to everybody in denver because that was that was a thrill for me to shoot a special In a city that I've you know, I've always told you I love denver I do and you guys came out and the the shows were fucking They're so fun It's going to be such a great special and I'm really excited for people to be able to see it on um netfrix, right?

Yeah, yeah, we'll be on netfrix. Do we have an ETA? On when it may drop no people keep asking me. I mean I they haven't told me they'll ballpark They'll give me ballpark. I know that typically They do the three to four month turnaround. Yeah, but sometimes they change it up So we just don't know that's true because I filmed mine in june and then it's dropping in october Yours was like right on that schedule. Yeah, so there you go. So around there um All right, so there's a lady pooping in college

But the altitude gets me every time in momver. I'm very sensitive to it. Yeah. Yeah, it does affect you. I can't breathe and stuff I feel like the altitude Spencer, this is so gross. What is this so gross you never hear somebody say that According to the buddy family about once a week. They're getting all too familiar with the paper towels. She wipes with A nasty surprise that she leaves behind. She's nasty. Oh, she's so nasty To take off that one piece spandex unitard. That's what I'm saying. She's wearing a one piece unitard That means she's got a strip completely naked to take a shit. Yeah, so she's getting down to titties

She's crazy as hell. You're right. That's extra crazy paper pinecrate Kathy buddy and her family have had enough and it's not like it's private people can see you. I mean, we're saying her Pants around ankles in broad daylight. Her kids saw it happen first They're screaming, you know, you're not going to believe this. They're like crying It's like what and they're like there's a lady taking a poop and so I came outside. It's like, oh, dear goodness And so I was like, are you serious? Are you really taking a poop right here for my kids? And she's like, yeah, sorry Just yeah, sorry. She didn't have an excuse Yeah, like I have diarrhea. I can't find a bathroom or like it's clearly a runner

So I could get if you're like, oh this happened, you know, like I panicked This is an emergency But it doesn't sound like that's what's happening because running makes you have to poop. Yeah, but I mean So I'm saying like in the running I've done I've still never had to be like, oh my god right now right here. I have to go Like maybe this lady has a bowel problem like an abs thing But listen to this though Kathy says if that was it, there wouldn't be a problem. And so I thought for sure she's mortified

It was an accident. She'll go get a dog bag. Come back clean it up. You know, never run here ever again Um, not the case Kathy says the runner knows what she's doing and comes with napkins in her pockets And nasty here's the other thing nasty as well This is why I have a theory on this. There's a bathroom across the street right here Our park has porta potties. Um, there's a gas station right here She's even working on an embarrassing smear campaign posting this sign to get her to cut the Well, you know Cut the well, you know

Local news viewer Uh, this lady is totally getting off on shitting in public That's this is the equivalent of a man who pulls his dick out, you know It is you mean it's a sexual Arousal or necessarily sexual power play. There's a thrill. There's some type of thrill going on. She likes She likes taking a dump in public Wiping it there

Either people seeing her and going like, are you really doing this and she's like, yeah Or discovering it She gets a thrill out of doing it. I can see it Actually now that I know you explain it that way. I could see myself doing that and getting a thrill That's not supposed to be me. Don't you feel like it? No Because it's sneaky and now that she knows they're on her the game is escalated And you have to now it's a real challenge like now. She's she knows. She's doing a naughty bad dirty thing Yeah, she's breaking the law

And it's just a matter of time before they catch her though It is I mean, they're just gonna wait for her. Can they just wait for her? Oh, yeah She jogs and get her now. They're definitely any like people that watch this in that community. I'm sure they probably have pegged her by now I'm sure What's the penalty for shitting in front of well, they're gonna they're gonna Trump up some charges. Well, what's the charge? public indecency probably Yeah, it's disgusting. I mean bottom line is it's disgusting really officers have asked kathy to snap some pictures of the runner and get the word out

Hoping she will stop before indecent exposure and what defecation charges public defecation It's not a natural thing we would do in our society to drop your trouser and Relieve yourself like shit When you know, there's people around especially What could be more natural? Kathy let me know she's had other people come forward and say that they have the same thing happening to them They've seen that woman relieve herself outside of a Walgreens and in people's backyards

You know who she is police would love to hear from you. There you go back to you. It's clearly a thing now Yeah, she's she's done it in front of Walgreens taking shits, man. I mean That's her thing. Let her do it. I don't know what the big deal is Uh, no, she's that's foul, man And she's shitting in front of people's kids like you're fucking you're nasty as hell. That's disgusting Yeah, so disgusting I don't know. There's worse crimes in society. You know, there's definitely worse crimes, but like Human shit is so gnarly and it's harsh. She's taking a runner's shit. It's probably

That's so funny. You know how many of my friends sent this to me by the way Yeah, like all of them. Yeah, they know they know what this show is about, man They know what it's about. This is so gross. This is so gross So gross. I like when they use the color of the map paper The technical word when they're like this woman is defecating and I guarantee you A lot of the people listening don't know the word defecating. Yeah Defecating is it Americans are like, what? What? Guarantee it a lot of them don't know this lady's taking a shit from your fucking house, bro

Have you heard that? Um that i'm crazy This from bill burr. Yeah. Yes. I've heard the rumor mill And not a rumor. What do you feel about it? Of course What have I been making fun of you for for forever that laughing when I shouldn't laugh, right? Which means that you on some level it resonates with you. What do you think of the wrong evil? Oh boy eerily quiet sometimes when you stand next to I just peer into his head sometimes like what's going on in there If you're a psycho you've you've spotted another psycho and there's just like this

There's a fucking movie going on there that I would love to finance You almost hospitalized me one time from laughing so hard like I don't know if you remember this There's 20 people for the first show and there's a girl joe rosen. That's a 12 With a guy. That's a four So you're very beautiful And then she just went and ran with it and started talking about how a husband pimps her out He would have fight time For 20 bucks. You could fuck on the back room 20 fight. I don't know

This girl is beautiful and this retard is just Good job So in between shows you start talking and what's going on. Oh my god. I had such a great time I go is that stuff true? And she goes yeah, I go show me the monkey and she put me in the woman's bathroom Pulled down the pants the girl had a monkey that was spotless She had nearly stunk. I ate it. I fingered her something and then she sucked my dick. That was it I went back to my room. I didn't think nothing of it. I'm like jesus christ. I scored

She starts going I sucked the comedian's dick tonight and the husband was like, what are you talking about? And she's like, I sucked his dick and he came in my mouth. He's like, what the fuck are you talking about? The cops had to hold him back. He's like, I want my 40 dollars. That's all he wanted. Jesus I Think that's crazy You're right. He is the biggest fucking psycho. Oh shit I sighed with joe and bill on this one

You're out of your fucking mind blue band made that so props to blue band Wait, what part of that story was funny for you all of it the part that the woman's husband prostitutes heard of comics So funny, what part? We know him really upstairs. Why is that funny to you? Like what part is the giggle? It's like you're asking me like I feel like you're asking me what part isn't funny So that I don't know where to start what part is funny to you the whole thing. Everything is funny about it It's funny the way he tells it. It's funny That that that happened that that's a reality somewhere all of it's funny It's a funny story

So don't you like funny stories? I do. I just don't I don't think at that. I think it's sad What part of it's sad bummed out for the girl? Honestly, she liked doing it. Did she yeah She was she was all about it. That's what he said. Why did she cry at the end that she cried? um When she stuck around for the second show and then he started um It she realized like it kind of hit her. I guess maybe the drugs wore off or something and then She started crying but like it's funny that somebody would start crying

And saying I sucked that guy's dick in a show. I would laugh at that. Wouldn't you laugh at that? Like she just did it. She volunteered to do it. You wouldn't laugh at that Can you bring this up in therapy? What about it? Just bring it up. I think you need to work on it I think it's you don't think it's funny. No, why not? Because it just isn't it's just not it's not like it's not on my radar as humorous like a story where I'm like Sad I feel bad for that lady. I laughed That's half as hard as I laughed the first time we told me that the first time we told me that I seriously Could have used an oxygen tank. Okay. That laughed so hard

Just like I laughed at that wu tank story about Oh, my god, that's why bill thinks you're a psycho. Didn't it start there? Well, I told him that story He did not he didn't laugh. Yeah, because bill and I have what's known as empathy. You always say that bullshit He's actually a really, uh, you know, sweet guy. I'm not you don't see me like a tender I'm not a sweet guy cuddle bear No, you you were too, but I do feel like you have these dark demons inside that you're not really letting on What do you mean the the rage inside No rage stuff. I laugh at things that are inappropriate. Do you know that? I know as do I yeah

Mental illness makes me laugh a lot Right. I think that's that stuff's real funny. You think that that there's no, um Suitable critique of that quality. It's just not as sadistic as like suffering like what you're laughing at is that this woman? I'm not even in the the story and you're already That's the difference is like I'm I'm basically laughing at like the guy with Tourette's because that's a silly byproduct of mental illness Not a little bit of a neurological neurological disorder. Um Things that schizophrenic people say is funny to me because it's just a byproduct of mental illness

But yeah, you're laughing at true suffering. It's the suffering that gives you the tickle Yeah, like this woman was drugged and then her husband pimps her out and then she gets with Joey Diaz Okay, and then during the show shouts it out that I suck that guy's dick and what does a husband do to her? He wants his 40 dollar. He's not mad that she sucked his dick. He's mad that he hasn't been paid. Okay. Yeah so the depravity Yeah, I mean like I don't I can't believe I would have to explain what's funny I actually and I'm being like this isn't shtick or anything like I genuinely don't know what's funny Like it's sad and depraved more than me. It's sad that somebody says I don't know what's funny. That's what's sad

I'm serious. I'm no, I'm serious. I am the humor I am so serious when I say it's sad to me that somebody's like I don't understand what's funny about that. That's what's sad Because even in Henry portrait of a serial killer, I do get it like he snaps the hook or something Okay Yeah, and then the guy looks back and goes and I that that look is funny It's the look that's funny to that crazy thing happening But I get the feeling that you're laughing at the hooker's neck being snapped in the first place It's the reaction. It's the reaction. Please say it's the reaction. It's the reaction and it's also that it's also that like

What's funny about that? It's it'd be like if somebody was like Hey, these people need to shut up and then one of them goes and snaps their neck and you're like I didn't mean like that right like it's like one of those things, you know like that is it's an extreme It's an extreme reaction to a thing to do. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, okay But then I see then I feel empathy for the person who just got killed. See that's where it's not real It's a fucking movie, you know, what about the asian man that got his legs crushed And he was screaming for help and a lot of people agree with me that that was hilarious a lot What was funny about about it that time that I'm what am I missing? Oh my god again. It's like

I feel like I'm explaining what's funny to my mom or something right now. It's like I mean The look the sound the fact that the car kept going back up the engine's revving The the guys How to say words he's yelling and so much pain. Yeah, you got to bring this up What am I supposed to say? Just I don't know dude. Just explain this to him Yeah, I'll be like, uh, hey, I want to talk to you about something

And um, I laugh when super funny things happen and I'm I don't understand why it's not super funny things It's super violent things Super inappropriately violent things that hurt hurt people. I just think too like it's a little suspect You're just love of murder and like last night We'd watch this great movie together baby driver. Yeah Silly title great movie great movie and I'm like, okay. Good night, sweetie. I love you I'll give you a kiss. Good night. And then I just hear Stab stab stab kill and I'm like, what the fuck I can't fall asleep to this dude

And it's like another angry murder kill, but I mean here's what's funny is always somebody would listen to this and be like, oh my god Like what kind of thing are you watching? Oh, it's this little known series called narcos on netflix Okay, so if it's not narcos, it's usually like and the victim was a blonde woman A 41 year old mother of one son named ellis and they lived in a suburb of california Okay Yeah, and then you know, then I gotta hear that stuff in the background. So what are you saying? I'm gonna murder you I didn't say you just did Is that what you're but that's what your fear is feels like it why because I watch shows

No, it feels like you do have some kind of repressed Anger that's expressing itself through your choice of humor and entertainment. Like I have to tell you that I don't watch murder shows as freak. I don't I just never do Not interested. Yeah, but I think it's not interested because you're not the only like my mother's a type To go like oh, you just love these murder shows And then you have to go like hey, do you think that this murder show was made? And I hope I hope this one guy watches it I mean you realize that millions of people watch okay millions people have mental problems not my deal

Okay People also like these white bummer movies and medical dramas. I don't like medical dramas True don't want to watch people with cancer. Yeah, no, I'm the same way. Fuck that But I think that every night. I mean, it's okay. It's like it's the same thing all the time Every night it's murder murder murder kill kill kill Confessions of murderers murders murders I like it. It's entertaining. Okay I would like to watch those shows or shows of people screaming because they you know got hit by something or

Yeah, I told you by that time I left Uncontrolled Lena guy's face when he told me a bathtub was dropped on him, right? I know They've heard it before I think I'm laughing that hard. Honestly if I would really break it down because It's so terrifying maybe to me on a loud, you know, I mean like murder and these horrible No, no murder. I'm not talking about murder. I'm talking about like when I laugh really hard It's so extreme to my psyche and I kind of fear it in such a way that it's how I Process what's going on in other words like when that guy told me

That the bathtub was dropped on him and he was really sincere and like told me what it did to him I think it wasn't like oh, I'm laughing at your misfortune. It was like I couldn't look at him and process what was going on. So I I had to laugh You know, like I laughed to deal with it You know, it's like laughing when you when you shouldn't laugh Yeah, you can't handle the actual feelings about it. I think I can't handle the actual feelings. I can't even go there I hope my hope that's still happening. Yeah Huh, yeah, but that joy ds story is just funny. That's just a funny story. Yeah

What inspired you to put this together with Nadov? um Oh, I just thought it was funny that uh that I laughed really hard during that thing and that Joe was like Now did Joe say anything at your ridiculous amount of laughter? No, I actually asked him afterwards I go I was laughing so hard at that and I looked at you and I saw you like with that expression And like I thought that you you know, he was like oh, I didn't I don't remember like we were all Smoking and drinking sure He's like, I don't remember that. Can I have a tissue, please? Yeah. Well

But I mean No, I don't know dude. I thought it was funny to put that together I don't know. No You think I need help? Yeah Please you need help I'll get help Are you every week? I'm having a flashback of a beautiful detail snow removal up. I did uh just north of here in the plateau last year

I'll elevate it up like that there Hey, that fucking grader has a plow in the front. Wow. That's fucking rare. Yeah, buddy That's fucking rare Beautiful look at that. It's a snow plow dad boner Like you see how excited he got about that. God snow looks terrible. He's videoing a snow plow and he's like, oh my god It has that feature. That's fucking rare Oh my god, I think that's an old fucking freight liner fld from uh from the 90s Not a lot of those left around here. He's running too. I mean come on. Oh, yeah, man. There's my thumbnail right there

Beautiful old fucking freight liner. I remember even I think I filmed that truck before in st. Henry. Oh, he films it regularly Red hot Man, look at his sleeper on that thing That's a big ring, man What's this guy's accent from master of accents? Uh, he it's this was filmed in montreal Oh, yeah, yeah, you know that baby wasn't made after 2009. It sounds too good Oh my god, this fucking guy loves snow plowing. Yeah, I mean this is definitely on the dad boner Everybody has something you love killing and depravity and this guy likes snow plows so

I'll tell you something guys. This is definitely a first man. Oh, yeah I mean really I got the same team here the same company Clearing the snow on this tree here, which I don't remember what the hell it's called And they just did that side and they got to do it again because there was so much snow That's fucking weird. There's actually two teams. See look, there's the other one is right there He's super stoked about this. I mean his level of passion for snow plowing is unlike so weird You kind of respect it though, right? You're like you really love this shit I mean everyone gets excited about something. Yeah, like but this is a I'm just marveling at the amount of snow

That looks terrifying. Yeah Do you feel claustrophobic when snow falls like that claustrophobic? Yeah, like because I didn't grow up in that like do you feel I kind of feel claustrophobic like it's I'm trapped inside Oh, no, no, you don't feel like oh my god, the snow's gonna take over it's gonna kill me No, no, I kind of like it Yeah, yeah, what's the fun part like what do you like? I mean, I don't experience it that more that much anymore. So it's a it's kind of a thrill and you know, usually It's snowing. I'm in a hotel or something. I'm like, oh, I mean it looks beautiful. It's like cozy and stuff. I like it

I like it. Yeah I like the great thing about like extremes of weather when you don't live in it Is that I only experience it for like 24 hours or something. You know, yeah Do you feel like not doing anything in that weather though? Yes. That's a thing. Yes I'd weigh 200 pounds just because I'd be like, well, I'm trying to make some potato soup. Oh, it's it from the television That happens I don't want to go. Why would a lot of deuce deuce is out in these where it snows. Yeah Of course, I would just order postmates and like cozy up. Yeah, watch some movies. Yeah, man, right

I don't know. Uh, when I hear some some emails that came in I do We have a salami translation, by the way, do blind people save on electricity? Brilliant thought provoker. That's a good one. So smart. I had a thought while I was rub, rub, rubbing myself to sleep Do you think that blind people will save a shit ton of money in electricity? See you in peonics in december tom armando. Mg armando I've never considered that but as soon as that thought hits your mind It's Obviously, you're like, oh that makes total sense

It's a silly question But then not because you're like, well, well, I have to run like The standards you're heating you're cooling your appliances But they don't turn the lights on at least I don't have to they don't have to right I mean, depends on your level of blindness. I've talked to some blind people that told me that, you know There's there's levels obviously of blindness. So there's there's people that actually Are seeing shades and shapes and therefore like, you know, they sense light coming in that can affect You know where they see what their limited sight sees, of course, yeah, and there's people that are totally 100% blind

And I turn the lights on just to prevent like burglars From assuming nobody's home. Oh, right, right. That's just a safety measure and turn them on Well, a thrilling question not blind people. Let us know Yeah, it's a really good one. Do you want to hear? I got a translation for salamis. Yeah. Oh my god. So a salami Just to remind people had not left of uh, or the messages for salami had not been Left in a long time and then um Last week at a nowhere

It happened again. I know and months months almost a year had gone by. Is that long? Yeah, since we moved here, which was november of last year and we're almost in november So a little bit less than a year unbelievable unbelievable and I was so excited to hear it again. I was just okay So, so what did what was said? So this guy right said, hi, my name is foreshad from los gatos, california Los gatos Big fan of the show translating what the iranian woman said on your show Basically, she's saying that you need to contact the termite company And for $450 they will come and treat your area

And then she said put something white down on the floors and they will find the termites. That's pretty much it I love salami in company termite in juman termite man i'm chat termite in poppy My favorite part about the old uh, salami voicemail there was this guy That would translate a lot of them he told me he's like man It is so inappropriate for it like a woman that is obviously an over woman to talk the way she talks Oh, he's like she's so vulgar. She's saying things that like street guys say There's a mother fucker salami. Yeah, she talks a lot of shit man. She used to say that She's always giving uh salami advice. Yeah, she's like, you know, put the put bags on the fruit trees and

You need to do this and this medicine pick it up from here costs a lot and Must be a mother It must be a mother and aunt a grandmother some maternal figure in salami's life God this mystery. I really wish we could find salami. I would love to find salami Listen persian community. Can you please do some intel like fucking ask people? Like there's obviously an la persian These are this is the the number I believe is an 818. I think that's like asking It's like asking the la community find that blonde amanda

Let her know Well, here's the thing You think that that's crazy, but immigrant communities like in la There's a finite number of hungarians in los angeles. Yeah, and if I talk to one hongo, I'll be like, hey, do you know, uh, This guy auto he earns this of the store in burbank. Yeah. Well, auto's got this daughter so-and-so. Do you know her? Yeah, actually I do right. You can actually Track it down just like you found the kid the bikes kid. That's right You never know because of the interwebs

So we need the the dirka detectives to get it to get together and solve the salome mystery Yeah, somebody knows salome. There's six degrees of separation here. Yeah, absolutely true Here the world is much smaller now because of the interwebs. Of course Salome Salome, I love it man. So wait anything else anymore that we miss from that or no through emails. No, no I'm saying from that translate is it? No, that's it. He's like basically that's that's what's going on Um an email that came in on your

Sneeze. Hey guys It's friday september 15th after countless hours long sleepless nights extreme night terrors keeping me from having a decent family life I would like to address the research i've been doing on tina's sneeze If you listen very closely she's saying Jada as she sneezes My theory on this is be is after being told many times that when I was younger By my elders sneezing feels so good because you're getting all the bad out

Then after hearing of gene's longtime hatred of jada pink and smith I've come to the conclusion that much like a high number sloppy brown She couldn't control letting out what was to be a cry out of epic proportions She was obviously hurting inside And extruded jada's name in a last ditch effort to keep the demons out of her mind and off her back I hope this helps and I hope I can get some sleep now It's been a rough month as I couldn't get the sound out of my head say hi Tight and definitely stay non-binary and white love sky and white. I don't know

That's a different jade jade sounds kind of like you're saying jada. No, it's a I don't hate jada pink jade. I don't hate her. Yeah. Well, I think I feel like I feel like she's in a marriage that Is probably pretty wacky. I think they got a wacky thing going on. She and um, well Anything you just he slams everybody So what though and she's like, well, I miss this smith. I'm I'm missus. Well, but I mean who cares who cares what who cares what he's doing that So what I am not wired for that type of a marriage tom Yeah, I know but you're also not married to the fucking will smith like think about being married to will smith I picture I picture myself married to will smith and he's like

Uh, I just whatever slammed a bunch of hoes. I'd be like, yeah, that's kind of what I signed up for your will smith I guess so that level of celebrity. You can't expect them to be International movie stars. I mean, I don't know that would that would I mean, I know he wasn't like a hardcore rapper But he was a rapper. It's like, yeah, of course, man. You're gonna. Okay. I guess that's the trade-off I mean, there are a lot of rich wives That that's what that's the game Sign up for it. That's the deal the milanias of the world are like, well, I gotta suck this fucking trolls dick But I think they like nice handbags. They sign up when they go. It's not surprise

Of course, you're you're a hot piece of ass and and he's a troll and he's got tons of well, he's not even a troll will smith's hot Yeah, I don't know. You know what you're married. I would be I couldn't I personally I Well, yeah, no, but I mean, that's not what I signed up for Yeah, I'm a bond. We're in a bonded pair. You know, or like a couple of Brussels. I mean, I couldn't no I need my my jeans. Yeah I'm a bonded pair when you're gone. I'm I'm just I don't like it. I'm not good Um Let's see here

I'm reading the Hey settlers, uh, have you guys ever wondered why old man flaccid penises are always so big They always walk around locker rooms butt ass naked dick swaying back and forth Maybe wonder is this because the more boners you get It's so much that as an old man, you have a bigger flaccid penis My wife thinks just the gravity of 80 years of your dick hanging there makes it gradually bigger with age We need the help from the dick detectives Keep it high and tight the cox tigators eric and misty from necrastits

Wow, that's a really good question Um, I have seen some big old sloppy dicks In locker rooms and such but to be fair, I've seen some small old dicks too, you know But I do know what he's talking about that it appears sloppier and ploppy. It is sloppier and ploppier because I mean, I think Both of that. I don't I don't think all the boners contribute to it. But I do think gravity Contributes to it the boners. Yeah, and some of them, you know, I mean some of them just have healthy hogs They're just you know, it's just like any portion of the population But everything is sagging. It's it's hanging. It's atrophy. Yeah, you know

We're biological beings that break down over time and I I do think it's like you said just loose loose skin loose meats Loose everything sags more everything my tits are a mess. Everything's a mess But I've seen little I've seen little ones on old guys little penis Yeah, sure, but even the skin doesn't get hanging on the little. I mean, yeah The skin will hang on it, but it's still little but like, you know, it'll have like sloppy or Hangy balls, you know, like big sloppy balls I think the balls are more affected than the penis Of for men male aging him if I'm not look, I haven't seen I haven't seen many old dicks and balls

But I've seen in you know films or what? No, but I I gotta show you this What I found a new star for you Strong performer. Wait, we have to watch this Rocco Sifredi documentary. Why don't we watch it? Can we watch it tonight? I'd love to yeah, I saved it because I saw it where you're going I let's definitely watch it. Yeah, but I found a man should see this guy What is it? What's the story? I'll just show it to you later and we could talk about it next week But I found a new big dick dangler for you. Oh, geez. Yeah really giving people the business too You'll like it

I will yeah what I'll like it or you like it. No, I definitely like it, but I want to show it to you. Okay. Yeah, he's a porno star Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh boy. I don't know if I need it in my life quite honestly I think you might be like and you know That was so fucking cool God people watching on youtube I don't even want to repeat what you just did. Well, they just saw it But people just listening to the show don't even know how I'm not even gonna repeat nasty

What did I do? You did your own porno move like a porno girl So hot yeah, so fun. I love shooting I So fucked up. Yeah, I know God It's so fucked up. Do you think those girls Are do you think there are there must be some girls that genuinely like love it love Fucking being hoarse and then there's some girls that are telling themselves

Yes, and then their girls are so high that they're like, what do I have to say to do this? All of your theories are correct. What do I have to say to make a hundred and fifty dollars today? All of your theories are right. Well, you're gonna sneeze and then you're gonna go. Oh, this sneeze felt so good Oh That was terrible. That was terrible Oh, I can't believe I haven't brought this up. What yesterday you came home And uh, we ordered some Thai food And I had the panang curry and you had your yellow curry

Are you done? I think so. Oh, you got snot in your mustache. It feels so good. It doesn't feel good. I feel good right now It feel high I'm gonna sneeze more. You only enjoy that. Yeah Really holding up the whole show now tom just go nobody wants to hear it um, so I we have had our curries and then like 15 minutes after you ate we were sitting in the kids Playroom playing a play-doh and you were like, oh, I just farted. That wasn't good. That was a hot hot hot That was real bad

and then You went what is that? What is that when you eat something? Yeah, let's talk about it And like within 10 minutes you can feel the water. It's not it's not what you just ate, right? It's what you ate previously That's my theory. No, no, no, it's old shit. What's being pushed out, right? But what you just ate is triggering It's triggering. It's contributing. It's not spicy curry on top of something nasty that you had earlier It's not a good formula man. It really but when let's do some Let's do some detective work on that. I was terrified do some shirtlock work We were sitting in the with our kid

In the playroom. Yeah And then I was like and I did like a little butt cheek lift and then my eyes bugged out. I was like, uh, oh Why because of the smell or because there was something there? Well, it was just it was hot and I could feel my stomach going I was like, uh, I get it. I clenched and I was like, oh my god I went on the toilet. It was like opening a faucet Just a brown faucet go out of my own faucet It was liquid. It was really liquid 100 seven. Yeah. Oh man, and did it burn?

Not really see that's what leads me to believe. It's not what you just ate. It's what you ate previously You're right and the curry what you just ate is it can't come out that fast. No, but it's making You Your your digestive system is going like whoa. We need to clear out this Problem right now and then the shit you took this morning took you about 20 minutes. I noticed it took a long time It was more normal a little more of a grind but more normal. I was probably smelling from the curry I didn't really register the smell. I can't remember It was what number was it this morning was probably uh three

That's not bad. No mine was very small Which I'm surprised because I had poop soup when I came off the road and I had some curry last night Our boy had had a diaper full of pellets when I woke up when I pellets. What does that mean hard? Oh, that was yesterday when I got him from his nap They're hard. Yeah, they were like little balls Oh, he needs a more fiber He won't eat vegetable to save his life right now. No this morning's was better Would it look like just more of a little slop? Yeah, that's normal

How do you toilet train the kid when they make like slops? I mean, is that because there's a diaper mushing the brown? We're supposed to get into it right now, by the way I know, but how do you train somebody whose shit is like Mush, it's like oatmeal. Do you know what I mean? How do I train that and then we got to clean up everything? I just don't understand because my browns don't look like that. Those are baby browns, you know His stomach is the intestines are still developing. Oh, yeah I guess you just let them diarrhea in the It's not diarrhea. It's just not a normal baby shit. Yeah

They just have softer browns You know, it's great as we've been training him on the word dump I've been saying I have so excited mom's got to take a dump You want to come with me and then of course he wants to come and sit on my lap while I take a shit But he likes to say poo poo. He likes poo poo because it's easier to say But I'm probably better for his life For like interacting with other children and like the adults that will be in those settings For him to say I go poo poo. Yeah, go. Okay. I dump

I don't know we even made the nanny laugh. No, our nanny is a pretty reserved adorable guacamole lady And she's very proper and we even made her laugh with the dump thing. Yeah, she started laughing. She knows that's not right She's like, huh Take a dump Uh Check this out. I think this might be is this in st. Louis tits Where is st. Louis? Is that in mexico? Is that where i'm going this week? Mexico? We talked about st. Louis. Mexico Missouri, where is st. Louis? I don't even know. Missouri again. Where's Missouri? It's not l.a.

No, st. Louis is uh, no, I know it's got the arc the triumph the arctic triumph the golden arches. They're called the golden arches Yeah No, that's mcdonald's. No Now you got me telling people can I see the golden arches? Yeah. Yeah, st. Louis tits when you get this st. Louis is basically all dedicated to mcdonald's Because I want to see the golden arches. It is not. Yeah. I want to see ronald mcdonald. This is where like Is the headquarters of uh, I watched the rake rake croft movie. I know that that's not the I was really cool that you texted me like i'm watching this

Movie about the mcdonald's founder and uh reminds me a lot of you What he's such a piece of shit. He's such a p.o.s He steals some dude's wife. He rips off the original co-founders and made you think of me Well, he just looks like you he acts like you things like you that's all small stuff Uh, check this out. This is in houston We have poosden pointed this out before about When people that you that they don't fit The way they talk basically. Yeah. Yeah, and it's a new genre in our show. I like it

And you see it with you know, there's certain that's a black guy talking. No, that's a white guy All right from last week. That's crazy. That's not from last week. That's from like three years ago. Yeah All the pamp guy That's not a pimp But it is a white guy Who talks like a pimp? Um, but then there's you know, there's other people that you you know, we've uh That like that, you know that girl who's like, oh, you know, um

What was her name? Forget her name, but she this might be her right here. You know what I'm saying. Yeah, she's like you want to fuck with my money She's asian, right? Yeah. She's she's like ghetto though. Yes. You're like, what? It's shit without them eyelashes on that makeup one a bitch wear. I'm still kid. It's shit. Get the fuck out of here I might look a little bit more ching chong ching chong, but don't get me fucked up, bitch I'm still hooded shit and we'll fuck your ass up. Like she's asian. Yeah, that's wild, right? Like you don't normally hear Asian chicks talking like that. I mean it obviously exists. This is in houston

it's uh it's like a little convenience store The asian dude is behind the counter Looks like all the customers are black and he's talking mad shit to one of his customers So we don't know what's leading up to this shit talking, but you get the feeling that The asian guy Is justified like that the other guy has I don't know started something said something

But it's just wild to see an asian dude. I think Like this, right? Oh I mean that is crazy not just like It's not that it's an asian dude that is but like That he talks like that. What's your bitch? Comes around the corner gets in this dude's face, right? Doesn't that seem it's always jarring when someone doesn't look Like the accent that's coming out of their mouth. Right. I mean you talk like that

It's not that it's not possible, but you're just like that's not I even talk about it to a much lesser degree how people react to me when I speak Spanish and they're like Oh, I didn't think you'd speak right. It's like a small thing. They're like I mean, there's obviously people look like me to speak Spanish, but they still react like I just didn't expect that out of you You know, it's like when you hear This dude talk this way and he looks like this. It's crazy. Yeah, it's like stunning All right He dropped a big word

I mean, you gotta be kidding me homie That's Man, that is not expected big words He's really part of the community if he can drop that trick. I mean he says I should trick ass bitch. What do you say? Like, yeah, I'm gonna do shit you bitch ass You bitch ass ain't gonna do a goddamn thing finally for those of you just listening This is an Asian guy. Yeah, that's an Asian Who doesn't look aggressive at all?

Damn homie, but that maybe that's just what it's like to live in houston. You start talking like that I guess if you're around that all the time, you would definitely pick it up. It'd be hilarious to find out his story That's what I know I want to know like did you immigrate to this country and you showed up and you were like Oh, like trying to figure out the culture and and then you just were immersed in Gas station houston culture. Yeah, and like that's you're like this is the world I grew up in Well, definitely. I mean if you hear English speakers like a second language and they pick it up They learn it like British English. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, then you're like, wow, you talk all fancy like you're from England

Right native, but he sounds like a native English speaker, right? I don't think he sounds like no, he's native, but he's native to houston gas station But I'm saying he doesn't sound like he learned English. No after he's just culturally from this gas station like this guy is It'd be funny that where you learn English man at this gas station, man That's where I learned My parents when my mother learned English watching American television shows like sitcoms Yeah, like watching sanford and son and um all in the family

So she knew like a lot of sassy phrases and you're like, wait, how do you all right? How do you know like talk to the hand? That's a lot This is age town, man You boys better know you just can't come in any kind of stuff with that bullshit Real talk Real talk. It's so houston again talk that Asian dude was counting somebody's like that mother fuck got me fucked up Which is like real specific

To be like for that to be part of your vernacular is pretty, you know, it's It's like you you don't just like hear a show once and start saying that. Yeah, that dude has been Immersed in this for a long time It's wild man that is I could watch I would watch a A camera locked into this gas station on a 24 hour fee. So would I I just be like just keep playing that guy I don't give this guy a tv show Kylie Jenner I watch this guy all day. I mean talk some shit this dude like he got heated

I know poor it's a tough kid Do you imagine working at a gas station? I mean it has to be such a dangerous job Uh, you know late at night and also people are just most of time coming to get fucked up Yeah, it's not like your people are like hey, man, can I get that book? You know more like let me get hostile cigars cigarettes liquor and beer liquor stores I mean, there's no such a dangerous job. I know it's midnight on a saturday night friday night. I've gotten uh scared walking into gas stations You know, I mean like You're like fuck. I need to I need to pay for this gas. I just go to the bathroom

And you're like I need to get the fuck out of here. I think it's a really bad idea that they sell alcohol at gas stations Yeah, like this is a place where you get in your car and drive I don't know. It's just it does attract a seedier element to these places. It shouldn't be seedy Like why should a gas station be seedy at all? It shouldn't be no, but they all are yeah because of cigarettes and alcohol Yeah, that's where you get it. Yeah. No, I mean there's I pulled into gas stations before and thought it was so shady that I go drive to find another one But in different states in the u.s. Don't they separate that stuff out? Like I know you can't always buy alcohol in grocery stores like on the east coast even in colorado

I think don't they have separate there's there's states that have differing laws for counties So you can have a dry county and then the next county over you can buy alcohol Yeah, I don't think they should sell alcohol at gas stations and I know but it's it's a big business a lot of money people like a lot of money um What do you feel about I guess this is a question about this eating on the turlet As we all know there's a party popular ymh page on facebook

I've noticed recently there's a rise in mommy's thinking it's okay to literally eat where they shit I can't believe this is absolutely horrific trend is going unnoticed and widely accepted Do you think it's okay to eat on the turlet? I personally believe it's the only way to get as fat as burnt chrysler stay high and tight Mommy Tina will always be my main mommy if she was my mom. I would want to marry her just like the gays Soraya or is that a funny way of saying sarah? maybe sarah sarah

yha say sarah sarah sharia sharia Uh eat on the turlet. What do you think gene? I did it when I was a little girl um, I have a vivid memory of being constipated During dinner like I had to shit

But then I also had to eat in my mother bringing me a bowl of spaghetti to eat as I was shitting on the toilet Fuck yeah Would I do it now as an adult? No, I mean I accidentally Walked in the bathroom with a mouthful of food yesterday and felt creepy like chewing what was in my mouth to sit down and pee That felt gross. Yeah, I mean, there's so much poo and I don't bring meals flakes onto the Onto the toilet, you know, I have brought coffees in, you know Because sometimes the coffee's making you brown because I'm like, I don't just keep drinking it

Right, but I mean I don't If I go like I'm gonna have this meal and I don't like he's bringing in the toilet with me I wouldn't do that. No, I don't do that. I only because there's poo everywhere like the bacteria I don't even think like I just like what I mean Why wouldn't you just go back to your food like just why you bring it to the toilet? Well, it's two birds with one stone You're eating and shitting like that's the that's like symbiotic. Yeah, it's synergy synergy I don't know man. I'm not a big supporter. I mean, it's a time saver. I'm not gonna lie. I like the theory of it I just don't think it's very hygienic. Yeah, I don't I don't think you should

I think there's a lot of poo in the air and and that's how you get sick. Yeah, I I think you should just You should eat then shit Shit then eat and if you uh, have food That you want to eat and you also have to shit just wait Well, because you're you're gonna wipe and then what touch your bowl and then put your bowl down and then Wash your hands. So now you've you've got you You can be holding a sandy. Okay, then what do you do? So you put the okay, let's walk through it. I'm shitting I'm eating the sandy. Well, first of all, you walk in with one hand. You lift the toilet seat up. That's contaminated

Your hand's already contaminated. It's got shit flecks on it. Yeah, you know what I mean like microbial shit flecks I'm sitting down. I'm shitting. I'm shitting. I'm eating. I'm eating and then oh time to wipe now. What do I do with the sandy? You finish it Well, I I'm not a fast eater like you. Yeah, I'm gonna say it's half half done I'm gonna put that on a dirty counter with shit flecks. Put it on the ground. Put it on the ground I'm gonna wipe wipe wipe. You put it in between your feet on the ground Yeah, and then you pick it up and then you finish eating so revolting. Yeah, some people are nasty as hell Nasty, yeah nasty as motherfucking hell right now. I gotta tell you so saratiana

You know sarathee comedian. She and I went to afghanistan together and we stayed in Some of y'all is nasty as hell. We stayed in kandahar Afghanistan and in kandahar is what's known as the poupon. Yeah, where they put all the sewage from the base Into this pond and they churn it. It churns. So you smell Shit wafting throughout the base. What is that turned on? Did you guys kiss? It's the poupon of kandahar now. What happened was Many many weeks later. She got very very very ill with meningitis And in atlanta. She was in atlanta visiting her folks. What caused it?

They go were you by you know by poo anytime and she goes Yeah, I was that was in kandahar about a month ago. They go like I definitely do it to you like in the air That's right. Whoa, just having it and that's how you get things like like just Flowing in the air and people touch their hands their mouth and the next thing I guess the counter argument is that like maybe to make you Stronger so you should do it more maybe was less than a month actually I would say a couple weeks after we got back. Maybe you should be doing it Maybe you should be eating on the toilet more to make it stronger. I guess we settled it All your meals on the toilet and I also heard while you're potty training your kids that they get pink

I'm more because they're touching there. Uh, you know, yeah, you can't look. Uh, we got to actually run this week I have a very full day today and um, I want to see you should eat on the toilet I'm gonna eat on the toilet as soon as I get out of here Um anything else you need to add gene anything you need to say Uh, for those who you don't know my netflix special comes out october 10th Mother inferior. So get ready to watch that october 10 on netflix very exciting very exciting amaze Exciting amaze. I just saw artwork. I just saw a trailer very excited. It's all being worked on right now So the title card the title shows up, but the card itself isn't up yet

Sorry, we thought it would be but they're still finalizing the artwork. So it'll be up very soon. Yeah, it's an excellent special um Thank you guys again for listening. Here is f art by billy robot. We will see you next week. Um, we have a great guest next week Um, I'll I'll just save it for who it is. I'll save it. I'll save it. Bye genes S a r t s a r t s a r t s a r t the word was s a r t s a r t We watched what happened. I watched what happened in brexit s a r t the word was art art art art art

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