Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - 418-Your Mom's House with Christina P and Tom Segura

Episode Date: October 18, 2017

If you want to get really horny and you're having trouble getting there we've got the secret formula for you (okay it involves Benadryl). But we're not telling you how many (unless you listen to the episode).  Plus, Machines Within probably won over your heart last week. This week, it's a chart-toppin banger thanks to the many musically inclined mommy's out there.  And just when you thought Mr. Rub Rub Rub only cared about the fellas, we dig deeper into the SAME interview only to discover he has some sage advice for the ladies as well.  Put in your earbuds and let this one rip. It's simply Jeanstastic!

It's your G. Well I'm going to Taint Loose Tits. Oh, it's just there. Yeah, I'm going next Friday the 27th I'll be at the pageant theater two shows first show is sold out Few tickets left for the late show. So if you want to come and you're in St. Louis tits Come out the next day. I'm going to fart go North Dakota and

I'm doing two shows at the fart go theater That also has an early show that sold out. So we added a late show There's like a hundred tickets left. So if you want to go Get them now and G very soon thereafter. I'm in Albuquerque and San Antonio and Austin. That's my first November weekend. I think you mean mom's done. That's true Mom's in Texas

Then I go to Jewdork titties and I'll be in pork chest flaps, New York Port Chester Then New York City and then Barfalo, New York all that weekend. That is the I think the 9th 10th and 11th of November and then a big West Coast weekend for me. I'm in Riverside In the Thanksgiving week Wednesday the day before and then I have my big Los Angeles show at the Wiltern Saturday November 25th Excited to announce that I've added a show in Hawaii I'm coming to the Hawaii theater in Haneburu

This on a walker. So that's Exciting December 14th. I'm in Maui And those are all at Tomsega or comm slash Tour go to my website get your tickets never do the third-party tickets. Don't do a Google search I'm telling you that's why I get messages like why are your tickets a hundred and eighty dollars because you're buying them from a third-party Scalper go through my website. You won't get ripped off. They're normal prices All right, Jean anything for you to announce? Yeah, actually on November 18th I'm doing the I think it's called the coming come and take it comedy festival in

Pustin, Texas. Oh wow number 18. That's coming up November 18th. That is a Saturday It's really it's one show only. I'm headlining and Pustin Houston Tejas the come and take it comedy fest and Then right now I'm working on 2018. So I've got a couple of cities I'm gonna announce as soon as those are on sale and very excited Check out my Netflix special if you have not already. It's called Christina P mother inferior So just search for Christina P fuck fuck the Ajitski from now on. There you go. Can't do it There you go Exciting stuff just to mention in the store. I have signed

Vinyl I have some posters people ask me about that. Those are all at tomscure.com and you go to this and you go in my store Merch method store you can get those there Christiansa has Some sweet new merch. I got my own store now. Yeah, you have your store and it aligns also with some of your You know stuff from your specials. So there's a really cool mama wolf shirt mama wolf. That's right for the ladies ladies There's a cut like a lady shirt, too It's the other one. So there's an awesome one called it says fully vaccinated and it's like an action

Shut like it's like written like the Keanu Reeves speed moving you want to upset some of the Anti-vax. Oh, they're they're out there and they're upset right now So take your stance on on being a vaxxer or not and get your fully vaccinated There's mama wolf and then there's blessing in the skies for those of you that are grammar nazis and There you go blessing in the skies. There you go Christina P online. There's a store. You can get all your stuff there. There you go, man. Yeah There's everything

All right, Gene, I think We're ready to start this show you got your jeans on I got my jeans up. I got are they tight They're pretty tight. They're pretty high jeans are so tight. Yeah, I put on a pair yesterday And I was like, oh, I don't know if I can do this today. I'm not there This is gonna be a maximum maximum gene edge. Let's do it ready Let's do it Before you have sex If you want to be horny for two or three hours like you've never been in your life and you have access to marijuana too

Good weed Listen to me That go through fuck Are you take take two Oh Is Randy don't bring anyone loving to this Welcome to your mom's house with Tom Segura Christina

I I I Yeah, that's good make beef type and he goes like beef rights like that Yes, Tamar Braxton So this guy, what do you think he's giving you sex advice? I don't understand what the advice is so he said if you really want to have super horny like a good horny time He's telling you you got to get really good weed. He's telling you this as he's

Inhaling laughing gas through a balloon. But now he's gonna tell you the next thing to really up your horniness ready True weed alone can get you really horny or the normal, but it's been a drill take about 10 12 Ben and girl before you won't have your sexual fun with your partner or whatever you do your masturbate. All right 10 or 12 drill, isn't that way too many? I think my heart would stop wait It's like I think also if you wanted to tell anyone Hey, you know any medication that's over the counter take 10 or 12 of them They're all gonna be like yeah, that was really more intense. I remember as a kid my mother would give me dime a tap You want fuck good?

Take take a 10 or 12 shots of affrin in your nose and then smoke we make all right crazy Yeah, I felt crazy, but I think that there's Sudefrin. Isn't there in in that? I don't know anyway. I used to take dime a tap as a kid. It's outlawed now. It's gone It is yeah, because it was loaded with like crank and I remember it just makes your heart pound But I also had a downer at the same times that you could fall asleep. So I'd be like But you can breathe real easy. Yeah. Yeah, I don't know man. This guy. He's got it figured out if you ask me About an hour later when you feel it just kicking in smoke your weed done and then Go ahead and get horny and I promise you it'll be

Millions and times more you'll be so blissfully horny that you will not want to come. Yeah, trust me Millions and there's gonna be restlessness if you take it really late at night And you're and you and you want to just go to bed. Don't do that Ben and her will make you have restless legs and You'll wake up and you'll it's not very pleasing. Oh, it's not. What's going on those pupils laughing? He's out of his fucking. He's is he filming in his closet, too, but his pupils are super dialy And he's like he's giving you I like that he's so sure of himself, you know, this is how you do this is the system Yeah, you can tell he's really honed it over the years

He's like I should do two three Benadryl number four or five Well, Ben Do you ten or twelve even come in the foil? You gotta get two packs to get ten or twelve and then smoke your weed and trust me You're gonna be horny You're gonna be all cranked up and then you're gonna want to bring it down. Yeah, that's craziness, dude. It's a lot Anyway, it's better than an orgasm. I've been up for like 48 hours straight before I'm in a drill and we I'm like a pewter watching girl women wrestling. Yeah Sounds good. Yeah, it's like a good time women's wrestling

Well, and it's better than having the orgasm because he's saying you're not gonna come No, he's saying you're not gonna want to because you're so blissfully horny. You're so you're so so The way you feel. Yeah, you won't want to end it. Oh, I see, you know, you just wanted to like keep riding that wave The ride in the snake. Yeah Man, what kind of lives do people have huh? I don't know man. It's a lot of free time. It's a lot This guy's really worked out. How do you feel by the way, Jane? Your your special has been well received is pretty so overwhelming It's so overwhelming to have this much approval like I legit. I'm not used to people liking anything. Yeah, you know what?

I mean, you just You slave away in obscurity for 14 years and then and you're just like it's fine I could say what I want no one cares and then one day you're like, oh people care. It's great Yeah, it's a maze. It's a great special amaze. Thank you Well without without you my jeans would never be so tight or high and me. Yeah, because you're my love You're my support system. You're my family or everything. Yeah without you. There is no gene Wow, there's two mommies and one jeans. That's how it goes again. If you haven't seen it It's called machines with thin machine

And it's on Netflix right now, I actually had this song in my head over the weekend a lot of no I a lot of it's not a bad song. I feel like it's not that bad. I Mean, he can take some work. It needs work, but it's not bad. It's pretty amazing Yeah, like I feel like if the right band took it and actually reworked it It would be very good. Well, we have a number of submissions of people that have reworked it. Oh my god It's pretty exciting. We also have this email Listen to the latest episode of my way to work you guys suck I'm walking around my office and machines within machines within is stuck in my head

I'm trying to focus at my computer machines within machines. Well, it's like that juggle who tapped into something inside of me Make it. Yes. I agree. I feel the same way All right, Chris because I was laying in bed last night and you were supposed to be giving me head scratchies Which were inferior because I woke up and my hair was not tangled and but the whole night I was going machines with machines with it. So he taught, you know, I have full fantasy about I had this and you know, I I don't know. I do a lot of like, you know, I'm a tap. I do a lot of Thinking, you know, I take like 10 or 12 Benadryl No, but like, you know, like I'll come up with jokes and stuff in the shower

I always think in the yeah, yeah, and I was this weekend I mean I was on the road and I was doing shows and I was like machines with And I was like, we should fly that guy out Bring him to like a friend's studio. Yeah, and like have a a real producer friend of mine Lay a beat and like film it. I have this dude dope And then one of my good friends who you know is a music video director. Yeah, and yes, a video That that was that would kind of be the most amazing thing to ever happen to this man Yeah, I think we should work on it. Let's find him. Does anyone know who he is?

Let's find him. Do you have any contact? Yeah, does anyone have contact for machines within guy? Because I think that could be I think we need to make this happen We need to fly him to LA and we need to treat him like a star and get his career And do machines within, you know, yeah, I think we could really do something special with that I think so too. But in the meantime Some of our, you know, we are not a lot of podcasts will claim, you know, they're this and that there are no There's no podcasts in the world that has a better A library and a better

Musically inclined base than we do we have yeah Some of the songs, you know the songs that have come out of this show Some of them are incredible. Like there's really talented people Making music anyways, I actually was dreaming about this too this weekend. I first of all, thank you to everybody Ann Arbor, Indy and Northfield, Ohio, Cleveland unreal shows sold-out shows Really fun

We just had the best time Yeah, and like we had great great shows man. They were just great energy Never knew Ann Arbor was going to be like that. Wait a minute. I have a question Did you meet anybody after the shows? Like did you take any photos of people or is that just something a personality champ does? Uh, yeah, I took photos of people. What are you nice and stuff? What do you mean? Was I nice because I've been getting reports when I mean I was in st. Lu's tits and and in the south and people are like Tom's not a personality champion. He doesn't really meet people

Dude, what are you talking about right now? Yeah, you don't think I took photos of people Why would you even say that's the word on the streets that you're not friendly? You're not a personality champion like I am. What? Everybody was like you're so much nicer than Tom Well, he's getting your fucking twinsy here. These are like three versions of the same person These are cleal and indians baseball players right here. Oh my gosh Play the guys all look the same came to the came the show kip zimmer right here We um

Hang out after the show super nice nice cool Yeah, I took and if you go to my instagram Okay, you're on the gram. I'm on the gram to the gram You do the uh You go there you can you can see all the pictures I take with people, um They're posting but I have so many more Machines with machines with it. All right, so it's not a bad song I got a slight distraction, but happened to something there. Listen. Um

So here's just a few but you can just let me know let's see this is uh This is machines within featuring charo by dj socks On the track. Okay. All right, dude. Our listeners are so talented Okay, here we go. Here we go This is a certified hood classic Yeah, I got a gun Yeah, I got a gun yeah

Yeah, I got a gun Yeah, I got a gun Machines within machines within machines within Machines within Machines within Machines within it's a different approach. Yeah. Yeah, because here's the thing when I hear I hear Interesting that you say that needs to go that way But so this was just someone's take on a this is kind of an it's a chiller. It's a chiller

But also kind of scarier vibe. Yeah, because it had like an eerie like horror movie quality to it. I thought yeah, you know Machine You know what I'm saying? Yeah t16 T16 it's kind of scary. Yeah Yeah 100 % I'm terrified

I feel like something about that. Yeah These machines are diabolic. This could have been in the Zecharia movie, you know right Yeah Coming up on the house Take like 16 Benadryl That's cool Really good, I mean I should have done this to to remind people but like this is what they're working on Yeah, I'm trying to see my song trying to see my song

Okay, here we go. Here we go. Okay. I have another beat down for you. I try to practice Practice my own song. This is my introduction to my song. Yeah Coming at you. Here we go. I'll sing it Machines with then machines with then they got a gun and got again. This is all they're going off. Terminator gun Yeah, machines with then machines with then trying to rake my rap trying to make my rap Trying to practice on my flow trying to practice on my flow machines with then machines with then Yeah, here. I hear it on the street. I don't give a f F the haters f r the haters. What's he?

Yeah, I feel like this is a fuck though. I like machines with then. It's good. It's good. Yeah, just needed a producer dude machines with then Machines with then machines with then It's good shit. Yeah socks on the DJ socks on the track man. Damn, dude Very interesting take on it. Very interesting take on it. It's it's awesome. I applaud you. I mean, I can't believe he That's amazing. It's amazing what people can do. So this is machines within coming up here by equus Yeah, okay. So this is another version of machines within. Yeah, uh different take and um, yeah, just

You know, we need like masted on It's also kind of Yeah Oh T 16 T 16. Yeah machines with then machines with then T 16 T 16 100 percent T 16 machines with then machines with then turn rate my rap turn to make my rap Here we go. Here we go again. Here's my song. Yeah coming back out. You're trying to sing on my song. There we go Shit again machines with then machines with then T 16. It works man. It does. Yeah, that's what it works

machines with then T 16 T 16 How about we Terminators matrix tournament reaches what's real what's fake what's real what's fake Terminators matrix tournament reaches machines with then machines with then they got a gun and got a gun. Yeah, I got a gun And it sucks not me It sucks not me Mother Again, what's T 16? I I don't know. I don't know what he's doing tech six the gun. I don't know what he's doing

Oh, I just remember by the way that because I mentioned where I was weekend I went to this place in Ann Arbor called Frida's boditas It's like Cuban. That's not true Frida's boditas. Yeah, I swear to you a toddler restaurant. No, I'm told you What do they serve there Frito bandito? I think it's all bandito What's it called? That's Bevis's restaurant. What's it called Frida batidos? Sorry. I said, oh, yeah, I went here Frida Batidos Frida batido

Cuban inspired street food. Oh Oh, man diarrhea too I it was so good man. Well, I should look like a fried egg on top. I'm Frida Anyways, uh, one of the guys working there listens to our podcast palm gas. Yeah listens to our palm gas. So you're kidding he um You know, I ordered The burger and the Egg and everything, but I'm you know, I was trying I didn't eat I was like, I'm not gonna eat the bun

You know that kind of shit, right? Like yeah, you're doing your primal shit. Yeah, I just try to fucker Anyway, so they you know, I didn't know that he he didn't say anything at first. So I order And then I had a little side salad And then a server comes out and goes tom and I go. Yeah, and he goes. Here's your Churros your fried churros like with sugar and chocolate sauce to dip it in I go I definitely didn't order that man And then the guy goes, I listen to the palm gas I thought you'd like to try it and then I was like, oh, that's very nice of you and then josh potter who's with me

I was like, you know, I didn't order this but I'm I'm not turning this down. Of course. I just dove in. Yeah. It was one of the best fucking things I've ever Hot little churro bites. There's none the better covered in sugar And then a chocolate a hot chocolate dipping sauce. It's the fucking bomb, dude. I was I had cramps for 36 hours after we ate it and we had bites We had we both had cramps. I was like, I got I got I don't feel good later. He goes. Well, you ate just Spoonfuls of sugar like it wasn't like sweet. It's like covered. Yeah

It's one of the best fucking that's what uh, you're saying it wrong. It's just churro But right, right? That's how you eat a churro, dude churros. It's just a mexican pastry Now I should but they're spanish. Sorry. They originate. Well, this is a cuban joint But yeah in spain, right? I don't think they're spain spanish from spain. I don't think they are I watched the um great british baking show and they look it up. Churros are from spain again Okay, maybe you're right because they go this week. We're doing spanish churros, of course They can't say shit right on on that show spanish churros

And they did the same thing where they all had to do variations on the churro Churro, let's see a churro Or spanish you're right. They you're totally right for once in my life. I'm right on the fucking show Yeah, everything I say is retarded fried dough. It's fried dough and it comes out hot. Don't forget that they're It's basically you know what it is. It's basically a version of a doughnut Right, but they're covered in sugar. It's the best and then the new shit is they give you a sauce to dip it in Yeah, that's like the restaurant. It's like how we added bacon to brussel sprouts this generation Everyone's dipping that shit and chocolate

Can I tell you the best place to get a churro to get your life alvera street in los angeles? Go down alvera street one of those vendors. I mean that's what's up. They're all over latin america now Ah, that's dude anytime. There's fried dough That it's the best now in hungary their version of the churro is called langush And it's only in the summertime you can get it and it's deep fried dough, but then they put butter garlic sour cream And sprinkle some cheese on that bitch. That'd be good too get your it is so good Looks like they said there's they don't know the origin

Yeah, the story, but they think that maybe The portuguese brought it to europe from china China so that the chinese maybe have Well, they do because they have i'll tell you i know this when i dated the chinese guy chinese breakfast They do a fried doughnut with like a soy milk Warm warm milk another theory is that the churro was made by spanish shepherds to substitute for fresh bakery goods churro paste was easy to make

And then of course i guess they brought it all to latin america because now you find it It says you find it in peruvian asuela colombia go out of mallet. So now it's everywhere. Look at us and our knowledge Look at our knowledge. Okay back to machines within machines within machines within so this is Musch genes within Yes, musch genes within listening by benny harper Listening again if uh, if you need a reminder of what we're what we're going off of here. It's just just very machines within Machines within that's it. That's all these guys had to work with maze. Here we go. Musch genes within Here we go

She's within she's within got again. Yeah, this is we're on the right side Got it got it got it got it got it Got it got it got it got it got it Then they got it got it again. Yeah, I got you gotta turn To 60 to 60 One hundred percent to 60 It's not I actually I don't think it's bad Yeah, dude, there's more time right here

I Pretty good man. You know that we have Your mom's house. We have fans that are actual real like famous musicians that listen to this. Yeah, we have a few I would I challenge those guys if anyone's got some free time I would love to see Someone do machines with machines with in man. That was really good Yeah, I feel like metallica if they could cover it would be you know what I mean Oh, yeah, I mean they could dough. I feel like they could come out with a completely unironic

That's what I'm that's what that's the thing. Here's in their fan base would be like machine. Yeah Because the phrase machines within yeah is fucking really dope actually like oh, that's kind of deep and like yeah What is oh, yeah, I do something with a man Yeah, internalized the societal structures. Whatever a fuck that means sure. There's a lot going on. There's a lot going on um last uh That's what you also were on machines with it on john joe rogan's podcast. That's right. How was that? What does mommy's mean?

It was it was awesome. It's the first time I ever did the show without you Yeah, so it felt a little bit like you know on seinfeld when elaine would hang out with funny that you're an algae without jerry Yeah, so at the beginning I was like, how's this what I mean? I've obviously why does everybody call you guys genes? Yeah We had a great time, uh joe is such an easy person to hang out with and he's one of the most wonderful Sweetest yeah, what's with the genes funniest humans? Yeah, and we had such a great time We had a really good time. We talked so much shit talks for shit. Isn't that crazy by the way that literally I don't know people totally understand this but

Doing his podcast to promote your special is More effective and bigger than doing like a late night talk show. I know it's so crazy many more people listen to it It is bananas because I'm you know netflix is having me possibly do those circuits too And it's like I okay, but the truth of it is The glamour is in those that's the one who go wow you made it onto that but the ears and the Focus is in the podcast the pomcast world I've been getting so many tweets from people that joe rogan referred me to the special of course now

It's like it's amazing. So i'm very appreciative to joe for having me on as usual very appreciative Mommies put your genes up high and tight There he is there you go. He's the sweetest um best so We had the guide obviously tell us to take our bandage rules and how many how many have you taken so far 10 to 12 And then when it kicks in then smoke your weed Okay, wait, let's let's go through it. Seriously. What is that? It's 10 as well. You know what I realized

About so brocktober. Yeah, because I'm gonna go to hot yoga here in a little while right is um Drinking and stuff is so much not a part of my regular routine Yeah, that I could accidentally slip probably more than anybody else in other words. I put so little thinking And attention into like getting a drink right that i'm the one that could easily I feel like I mean, we're already halfway through the month, but easily someone could be like, oh, hey, I got you a beer and I'd be like Oh, okay, and it yeah

Because you don't think about it. Yeah, I don't think about it. Like I posted a joke this weekend after a show uh potter and I Went to a hotel bar. Yeah, and I ordered a coffee and he ordered a bourbon And I was like, I think I'm gonna break I can't do anymore and then I you know, I drank my coffee But yeah, well alcohol is not a big deal for you getting high is not a big deal for you No, I know then somebody was like, yeah, but you're you're not sober because you're drinking coffee I was like first of all it was decaf straight edge because it was like 11 30

I ordered a cup of decaf just to have a drink of something But um, that definitely was not part of our arrangement was like open caffeine, which I did by the way I did do no coffee for the last 10 days of the weight loss challenge. No Yeah, that sucks so bad Okay, I mean, I mean, you're not Mormon. This isn't the no, I know. I don't want to do that shit, man Caffeine isn't that bad for you. Yeah, I feel like I I couldn't live without coffee It's my that is my one thing for sure. Yeah, I can't go without that. I love it. I love coffee, too

Well, I need it. We have a toddler. How do you get through having young children without drinking coffee? Yeah I don't know. That's fucking nuts. So but but joe's off the weed Yeah, he didn't do it. I mean he he people thought he was smoking weed, but he's not he's not smoking. No, no He's fine. He seemed totally totally happy. It's not hard. He also a lot of these things were not hard for everybody For you, too. Now there's two other people in this challenge who are not thrilled. This actually is much more of a challenge for Airy and Bart. Yeah, they are there. I can tell like I think Ari's more Troubled or bothered. Well, definitely by not smoking weed. He's a really heavy weed You know smoker. Yes, smokes weed every day. So that's definitely a challenge

He hates the idea of Going to this clash is because it's an inconvenience, which I can say I totally understand it is a major inconvenience like We're doing this podcast Right now where we could be doing it later But I have this and I have a meeting And I'm trying to fit hot yoga either like I can go either before the meeting or after I'd much rather get it in before So after my meeting I can come home because if I don't then I have to go from a meeting

To hot yoga and then I'm home fucking You know super late tonight. Well, because you guys are also doing 90 minute classes 90 fucking minute classes and 15 of them It's a lot of time commitment, especially because you're not just going for 90. You have to drive there Exactly. You have to get your shit together. Go. Yes. Now. How sweaty do your nuts get it's on? I'm just actually it's when I'm done with class. It's like I just got out of a pool Yeah, it's just I'm completely soaked now. Do you smell other people? No people are pretty decent. You know, I think they show up Clean and you're not right. Yeah, you don't smell people I think also because like

To smell someone would be either they're dirty when they got there or you'd be hanging out there Way after you know, I mean like you right you wouldn't smell right away unless Like one of the teachers one time pointed out like hey if you're coming to this class Uh, you eat like a bunch of garlic before you're gonna fuck with people like so don't do that So don't be a jerk. Yeah, don't be a jerk. You know what you should do Take 10 to 12 benadryl and then take this class get super horny and see if your heart just explodes to see how horny I am How horny I am in candle pose Now I have to tell you that I I used to take yoga in Santa Monica. Yeah, like uh

I'm a million years ago and I always notice that the men There's really not great yoga attire for men like the women have all the accessorizing couple dudes or in speedos Right, like it's it's a bad fashion They just haven't really marketed it for men enough. So I remember standing behind certain gentlemen When they would do the pose where you you got one leg on the floor And then one leg goes back and up towards what is amazing, right? Yes, man. Yeah, well your leg goes back. You know what I'm saying? So one leg back one leg on the floor and I remember seeing countless nuts

countless balls and It's funny the first time and then you're like really like you can't cover your nuts for this class like you know your balls are Uh, yeah, I'm lucky. I haven't seen balls I've seen some weird dudes and then There was one day where these two guys I was like look I was like the fuck is up with these guys and then it hit me That they were like developmentally disabled guys

And because they were doing like goofy faces and they were acting goofy like they were just acting weird And then I was like, oh, I think they're Like maybe the bus brings them here, you know as part of a program or something and I also noticed that the teacher never and like the teacher will um Tell you know tell people like all right, Laura You got to keep that left shoulder aligned Tom try to roll forward further on your head feet stay on the ground. But these two

He never addressed and I'm like, why isn't he addressing these two goofballs? And then I realized that like, oh, I think they're special, you know, they're doing retarded yoga. Yeah, they were they were kind And one of them farted Yeah, yeah, and then one of them like was just playing with his shorts and like And then one of them just stayed on the ground and wasn't really doing poses And I'm like, why aren't you like as if somebody else, you know, I reached for water once not a water break tom And I was like, okay, so it's like why are you not addressing these two guys? And then I realized oh

And one of them showed up in khakis and a button-down shirt and dress socks and we were all like Because it's you know, it's 104 degrees in there Yeah, and then he left and came back in pajamas and I was like, I don't know what's going on with this guy Like thick pajamas. No like regular but like still no one Addressed him. Yeah, so that's what you do though, right give him a pass somebody of course, but I was like At first I was just like what is up with these guys, man You can't really chastise them, you know, no, of course not. No, no, so they farted Somebody farted. Yeah, one of the guys farted. Yeah

Did you laugh of course, but I kind of kept to myself, you know, there's this like culture in in bichrom Where there's not a lot of laughing. There's not it's all pretty you have to you know You don't really get that much out of it if you're not focused so people don't I believe it's pronounced bichrom Oh, okay, bichrom There's not a lot of goofing off. Really? Yeah, that's so funny The most I've goofed off in there is with was when uh is when Burt's next to me, you know like sometimes. Yeah, sometimes, you know, we'll do that I forget the plane pose where like your arms are straight out next to you

Yeah, you know, and then your and your legs are straight back and I'll reach over and I'll just like touch his arm or touch his hand Rather than I'll just you know, I pay attention to where the teacher is and Yeah, I do like a little goofy shit like that, but it's pretty serious Wow. Yeah, have we had any um And like enlightenment thoughts No, not super enlightenment, but I deal I do say I mean you definitely There there's sometimes you get emotional in certain poses which is weird. That's interesting and I do think Um, you have amazing clarity at the end of class. Yeah, you know, if you go when you get through a whole class

You're laying there You um your mind feels very clear. It's like you can make if you had to like make a big decision Yeah, I would go to one of those classes and think about it afterwards. Interesting. I like that. That's exciting. Yeah, it's good It's good. I mean I I do I do see the benefit the only part that sucks Is with the bet it's like you just have it like, you know, my week is crazy this week Yeah, right. I sent you my schedule because I have to go to all these meetings And it's like I'm trying to figure out how to fit in all these goddamn sessions, you know Yeah, and it's the it's the time commitment the time that's it's not like you can do it at home either

No, you gotta go to the class. Yeah, that's a tough part. Yeah. Well, you're all you're halfway through it Right. Are we halfway if I go to today? Well, I'm going um We'll be numbers seven And then I can't go tomorrow, but I'm gonna try to go Thursday, friday, saturday I'm gonna try to go three days in a row to to tack on a few more and at that point I'll only have five to do but I'll have I'll have enough days to hit them now at the end of the class

Do they hand out um thumb rings and like bracelets for the guys weird guys in there? The guys are all weird the girls are the weird girls. Definitely weird girls, but there's some normal girls Yeah, most of the dudes are odd. Yeah. Yeah, they're awkward guys. They've got the bun man buns. There's a couple of man bun guys um Couple yeah wristband leather wristband guys all the leather cuff. Yeah, you know Couple just patchouli salesman, you know, just weird dudes weird shaman guys come hugs

There's no dudes where you're like like there's not a guy in there Or I could be like you see the game last night, right? Because they'd be like what game are you talking about the game of life? I mean, I don't know what what they would say Nobody looks like they watched the game is everybody is all are all the guys like the goddess twin activator guy There's a bunch of this. Yeah, some of the instructors are goddess twin activators. Yeah, we're like I can teach you how to come hug Yeah, yeah, a lot of vegan vagina Dudes and now the girls are weird. How what's their style? There's a couple like, you know the girl with like the third eye thing on her Forehead. Oh, she wears like a bendy or something here

Yeah, like a sticker a stick on diamond like hardcore vegan lifestyle You know just like real grungy of the earth weird in that sense. Yeah Real spiritual where you're like, oh god, you'd be unbearable to talk to And then there's I don't know. There's like some sweet older ladies, you know, like going to their you could tell like they're They're enlightened in life with age, right? They're like wise kind of cool. Some of them seem like they're cool older ladies. Yeah Um I mean, you're definitely not getting like a party girl vibe in beacrum. That's not like A lust of bedroom and get wasted off. No, there's none of those. There's nothing like that in there. Sure

um Couple rehab chicks for sure. You can tell this is like part of getting their life back together Sure, you can tell you like you partied hard before There's definitely some of that, you know, that's cool. Yeah, so that's good. It's everything. It's an eclectic Rob Rob. Oh man What if you started doing that during beacrum? Well, I mean, especially if you this especially on the gland penis Yeah, I'm like why I'm penis was gland penis is exactly where I want to do it, you know I wish I wish he had some advice for for women. I feel like it's very penile

I cannot believe you just said that for people that don't listen to this show regularly Christina doesn't get the folders. She doesn't get these clips. They're sent to me And then if I want her to see one of ahead of time I sent her to them so that she knows but otherwise the whole fun is to play Clips and surprise Christina and upset me. Yeah, and Now he has female advice See, I know I'm on the same wavelength. I feel like I under I feel like I know this guy. Yeah Here's Rob Rob guy has tons of rubbing ticks for women

Isn't that great? That is a nasty. I'm not even sure I want to hear you want to hear it So we have a god, okay? We have the jade egg for lady to practicing in the vagina because the vagina The vagina the the vagina or the When you're too loose, especially the lady have baby Right, so the lady has my it's kind of my problem. Let's talk about it. You see the vagina is small And when the baby has to speak really to go to yeah, yeah after that it's very loose Right, right. So you got loose puss is what he's talking about loose Baby comes out. You got a loose puss. So then what so when they make love make love

Before them when they before they had baby they make love is so Amazing so good so good after that baby when they put the penis in the man put the penis in they say And I'm in or out because too loose. They don't feel it I love his face always Am I in or out too loose? I don't feel it. Is that how you felt after we We're like am I in or out? No, you have too loose fucking no a bear trap. Yeah, it's a snug little It's like you got okay. It's like you got little mouths in there going. Okay. All right to that Women have to practice the the exercise we call it exercise egg exercise egg inside for the

strengthening the vagina give them an egg and they practice like Like crunch down on the egg. Okay, you put the jet egg the shit egg What do you put in there you push cover the egg and shit and you put it in yeah on the egg You put the jet egg Yeah, the shit egg the shit egg you cover your egg and you can't be good free All right, and we will teach the people in the workshop how to do exercise very important Because women when this vagina lose the face or wrinkle, but this one tight the face tighter. How does that work? That was the best. He's like, how does that work?

But it makes sense if your face shudders as he asked that question watch brian All wrinkle, but this one tight the face tighter. How does that work? Yeah, you stupid fuck Yeah, right. That's true. It's a good question. So what he's suggesting is you take your shit covered egg You put it in your puss. Okay when your puss tightens your face tightens. Oh, oh, I see I don't know how that works. It's all connected your vagina is the same as your face. God damn it Every episode every episode Every damn time Huh, because the vagina when you lose you lose a lot of sexual energy out life first or leak out because it's like a flaw

Or like a big door In the co-winter your door is leaking. You lose all the heat out. Okay, and you get weak See that's why i'm so cold all the time because your door is open my leaky door is open your leaky puss energy door is open If you tighten your puss door Yeah, then yeah tight. I got where do I get the shit egg? Is he selling those at the seminar? We got to go I got to pay for this man. He had we have video of him talking about massage your testicles Rub your dick 350 times and now shove eggs in your puss. I really would love to watch him make love to you

I think it's an amazing experience What that is so nasty. I mean it's different. It's not like it wouldn't be like one of those hammer like pornos Where it's like some guy like gorilla pounding you this guy would like really enlighten you I think you know you're you're always hung up on this technique stuff as if that negates the fact that he is Like you know you ever watch that show battlestar galactica Back in what's the show that had sleet stacks on there? They're called sleet stacks Well, the guy looks like a sleet stack and I can't get over it. Call me superficial Just close your eyes and let him take you to a wonderland the crepid

Yeah, but you the doubt very concerned about reduce the meditation you have to reduce them when I'm play that again I don't understand what he just the mental mental mental What the doubt very concerned about reduce the mentration you have to reduce them reduce the mentration because reduce what? The mental mental straight and meant mentration Because the mentration leaking too much energy Oh, yeah, you got to reduce my menstruation. Yeah, how do I do that? Here you go? So you reduce the amount of the straight so the reducing is the massaging the breast there you go every man a woman Want to have baby or not have baby the body producing an egg every month, right?

And in a moment of producing the body had to prepare energy to make milk Right, right. Wait a minute to make the milk, but you only make the milk if you have the baby It's he's not understanding how this works. You don't make milk producing the egg This guy's got his science wrong I don't know So I have to hold on in order to reduce my menstrual flow To keep my energy. I have to rub my breasts during and put an egg in your puss and put an egg in my This is gonna be a full time job

So big time commitment I So good so good I know right. It's great when this vagina loose the face or wrinkle Right, yeah, but see how nice and wrinkle free my faces. Yeah, you look like you have a tight puss That's how you can tell whose vagine is I guess that's a whole new way of thinking about it Yeah, actually that that'll never leave my mind again because you'd be like every time I see a wrinkle face I'm gonna be like you gotta tighten your puss up your doors open. Yeah, all the energy is leaking out of your

box right now Tighten your door and then your face will get nice and they'll be like what? You should bring this up at yoga today. Yeah, especially if I see a wrinkle lady. I'm telling you though if this guy Let's put this way if I took his technique and I was like a nice blonde lady teaching this shit to people I could get on like the today's show and be like ladies You want to fix those wrinkles? That's totally you got to tighten your vagina with him. They're just like this creeps wants to jerk off It's all about the packaging. Yeah, of course. We talked about that with jokes It's like bits work from certain sources, you know, of course

Like there's you gotta From a certain person they can't I mean they can say it, but it's not going to have the same impact Absolutely Absolutely, it's all about the shell the shell you're in definitely But I feel like I could turn that into a seminar and really make a living Go do it. Go make a billion dollars getting women's wrinkles to go away And then you know, people so want their wrinkles to go away that right away They'd be like I see them some of my wrinkles are gone

And you'd have people test them when he's like I went to Christina's loose puss seminar and I had wrinkles And now some of them went away because my pussy's tight again like that. We could sell those eggs too Yeah, you have your shit egg your shit egg you have dipping and shit I mean, he doesn't talk about what don't can an egg just break in your box Absolutely. Well, theoretically when you squeeze an egg on all sides, it doesn't break Like you have to have like a ring on or something like you ever try to sweet like you did in science class Right as a kid. Yeah, I don't think he means I hope he's not meaning a literal egg that you would eat but like Something in the shape of one. Yeah, like one of lj's eggs

Yeah, like a fake one egg egg. Yeah Our son loves two eggs. That's a big thing to put up there to prep. I mean Geez, dude I don't know. He didn't know what the hell he's talking about. Uh, bullshit. He doesn't know. He's like we've been doing this for like 40 years He knows what he's talking about So when the lady when when the when the egg mature, the breast sorted up because a lot of energy there Now when it's stuck and you don't transform don't do anything with it It becomes lump and lump become tumor and later on become we call cancer. Okay

He just solved breast cancer. Damn. I didn't realize What do you call that? I miss Kim Ann. Yeah, what's she been up to? I wonder. I don't know. Do you remember we had the um Didn't we have that Kim Ann mashup? Right. Yeah, she's like I with the rub rub guy and Kim Ann Yeah, together rub rub rub rub Am I how do you say? I saw I do say I put a

Shit egg and my how do you say but China But China make my but China very firm In this lovely house And remember when she said that when she filmed her porno, she goes we are here today. I like that. She did. Yeah this lovely house And I have two paintings there In my asshole. I like that we had um The Kim Ann

That she did a 60 plus milf 60 plus milf Uh pc like a clean version Right, and she did the hardcore version right. She did the youtube version. So it wouldn't get flagged. Yeah Like the the advertisement for it. I don't know why they make them do too Well to lure in the perverts on youtube, I guess and then the real one is on the website. That makes sense Yeah, you want to get you casting the net for all the pervs. Yeah, you got to have you got to have them all there How'd you say? And I'm here

To film and this is such a beautiful villa We're sitting with the first time of my ever experience In my life with two young men and they have big hard cock This is the hardcore version. She didn't pluralize yeah

Cox plural really quaint place quaint place and is really really comfortable With a lot of artifacts inside the house as well as outside. That's what people are looking at anything else Really really comfortable of being outside especially with the two gentlemen Really treat me very special My ultimate goal is to really

Get them to be really really hot and I feel that me came on came on A lot to offer. Yeah. Oh you do girl. It's my first time I was a little bit shaking What do you think would be worse that makes you think it would be harder for me To be with kimon or for you to be with this guy?

Oh, you would be you would destroy kimon. Why I feel like you would like her because she's so Yeah, but she looks great. She looks better than me. Her body is fit. Come on chance man No, you'd be you'd be fine. He this guy's a troll kim man's got her shit together at least You think I could make love to kimon you would make sweet love to kim on I think I'd be way too gentle for her. She'd be like you don't Pound ground I'm pound I'm like, I'm sorry You don't want to hurt it

What? Asshole asking for attention. She would let you put it in her butt hole. Oh, that would be like First move. Yeah, she'd be like, why what are you doing with that post right now? Get back there pig get back to the ass. So I go with it and I feel really satisfied With my whole body with my whole body. She seems so nice. Yeah She's sweet lady. Actually you think so. Yeah, and say beautiful words. I feel like and

They're touched beautiful words and I feel experienced And and I I was so hot For them especially um on the scene that they put the hard cock Into my asshole. There it is. I was so Ready to come I feel like it's weird that because she's so she doesn't speak like she's ever seen porn before

I know it's like do you have you seen the stuff that you're filming? I think you know what that's a really interesting point And I think maybe not. Yeah, I think what this is for her. I really think she's one of these people Who at 60 was like I want a new experience Yeah, and heard about like well, you can film it and and do all these crazy things and she went for it I don't think she had like years of watching it and knowing about it No, I think there's such a naïve atte there because usually it's the guys being like What are we doing today? And the girl's like, well, I'm gonna spread my pussy and these guys are gonna come in my mouth And you know, they know the the jargon. Yeah, and she doesn't know this is really her sexual

Liberation or whatever. You know. Yeah. Yeah Like well Yeah, yeah, it's usually a guy Well, you had that clip playing the other day where you're like you're gonna these guys are gonna come in your hair And then you're gonna massage it in it's like a cum shampoo and you're like, actually, it's right Jesus Some of this with you here alone because what's gonna happen? All these guys are gonna materialize all over the place. Okay. Okay, and then what you'll do is

You know, you're basically just gonna lean back here after it's gonna come in here like this right here You're gonna put your head back in here Like this because what the guys can do hun? They're gonna come up here and they're gonna jack off in your hair Oh, okay. So all you gotta do when they're doing this is keep your head hanging back here And Ashley's gonna be massaging the cum into your hair. Okay. Okay, and this is really good for you because that's solid protein in the hair Yeah, yeah, see that's the average Film shoot. Yeah, she goes we have filming today. Like she really is not nice things. They were saying

The artifacts are nice in the house. Yeah, and she's like sweet lady caress my body Like I don't I didn't see any of that and they're like, ah take it granny. Like nobody's caressing Do they they hammer this lady? Of course. That's the whole thing 60 plus milk that you get hammered Gentleman Gentleman And I think she learned the gentleman because of like the gentleman's club You know and like they call strip bars the gentleman's club Which is always silly like really like there's guys in suits that are showing up

What gentleman are coming here? And she probably No, it's not a gentleman. Right. She saw a gentleman club and was like, oh, these are these are gentlemen. Yeah. Yeah, yeah Like guys that are interested in sex are gentlemen. Yeah, these are not gentlemen. These are not gentlemen hate to tell you Yeah, we'll just have a practice for women as well. She doesn't massage the breast. Okay massage massage back forward backward And shaking the breath and pushing the breath This dude is looking for what because he could teach you this. Yeah, and he'd be like, I'll show you Like this

Like this and you're like, uh, there's a big heart. Yes, my dick is hard Yeah, I didn't go. Hi People pay me 500 dollars to show up That is ridiculous for them. Show me the massage again. It's crazy I want to see massage massage back forward backward and shaking the breath and pushing the breath And pushing them together And that's gonna and that helps you not get breast cancer. Right. Right. Right. Just alluded to right, right? Um, this is an effective tool to fight breast cancer. Yeah. Yeah

This is how I have to do it This is how 12 year old boys imagine like girls playing with this. This is how 12 year old boys imagine What doctors do Like when you got for a woman goes I'm going for a physical like I gotta play with your tits Put an egg in your puss Uh-huh Right This guy's like, yeah, that's actually a very effective way to

To keep a healthy body going Is this all one interview or did this guy come back for my that part? I don't know I feel like it's got to be the same one and we just didn't absurd He just found out about it. Look at his dad's shoes. Yeah, those are nice nikes, right? Yeah, but they're dad nikes Yeah Yeah, they have dudes got on like dress shoes. Yeah This guy just went for his walk his morning tai chi walk and then came to the interview

And you and the women so the women probably take three to six months to learn all these techniques Oh quicker for women. They must longer than longer women And they have to learn how to feel the contracting or the uterus. Oh for christ's Yeah, there you go. Contracting of the uterus London real you can watch their YouTube channel and learn all about this stuff and That's very very good information. Yeah, I gotta do and then I gotta do my urine enema. Don't forget that Yeah, I got when this we're gonna lose the face oringo

Yeah, there you go My urine therapy. I gotta squeeze my egg. I gotta squeeze my boobs He's awesome. I gotta take 16 venadryl and then smoke pot And then you have fun Yes, I think it's gotta be the same interview, right? Let's see Let's see. Yes. And now you do it until you feel orgasm. Oh really? Yes. Okay. We call orgasm without ejaculation Yeah, so you feel so you see when you do when when you get it, please. Why do I have to watch it again? Yeah

When you squeeze it's orgasm coming up the interviewer laughing. I know he's like But don't you feel like we should put the venadryl guy and him together? Oh, yeah, but nobody's like you're super horny and then he's like penis like that 15 15 15 and you smoke your weed You get restless legs and don't massage like that We have two methods that could go really well together if you just thought about it And you throw a command in there

I mean, it's a perfect perfect mix perfect system We've got the perfect the perfect smile perfect system. It's really something gene What'd you do when I was gone this week? Just rub my titties. Yeah, play with my eggs Play with your eggs. Firmed it all up. Can you see how wrinkled free my shit is now? Yeah Hang out with the little jeans. Is that good? Oh, he's the best dude. Yeah, I super fun to hang out with the dogs I just chilled. I chilled really hard. I needed to be home for a minute. You know doing nothing That's my favorite

I've been baking lately and I'm a terrible baker because I watched that British baking show And now I think I can bake but I I just fuck it up every time but I still like it, you know It's a good to do things. You're not you're not great at Joe Rogan. I were talking about that. Yeah, he's he does things He's not great at and I was like, oh, yeah, I think I'm started doing that now Because it's nice to to enjoy something even though you're not good at it Sure, and also feel like you can try to get better at it. Yeah, you know, so lj helps me bake. It's super cute and uh And yeah, go to the park run around take some naps a couple of questions came in via email. Oh boy

Could join twins who wipes With all the recent curiosity about how blind people experience certain aspects of life. I'm reminded Of the many taboo questions I have regarding conjoined twins I identify as an amateur scientist and according to my research most people wipe with the same wipe dominant hand I'm curious about wiping with conjoined twins. Do they argue about who's going to wipe or does one twin always wipe? I appreciate any input towards my research It must warn you try not to go too deep down the conjoined twin rabbit hole question. It gets pretty dark. Thank you for all the work

And congrats on the awesome netflix special christina jeans up posed down steven Wow, well, that's just I mean, I don't think we we would not know but we can put it out there obviously to the universe Well, now we've opened up a whole other can of biscuits. I know now we're in the conjoined twins questions Very I mean, I have so many questions for conjoined twins I mean when it comes to everything everything, how do you do everything? How do you decide what you do that day? Do you negotiate separate people? How does that even how do you have sex? No, but that's a great question God, how do you like someone's the other person's there for it? Obviously obviously

So you're always in an orgy like basically you both have to be dating somebody Let's say theoretically and then you guys are like everybody want to do it. Okay, great Who what guy? I mean, I'm sorry or girl Meets a conjoined twin is like I'm into this I mean, it's I don't mean it to sound hateful, but I mean really how it's too hard just just logistically speaking Yeah, not it, you know Just because you're you're dating two different people basically and they they have distinct personalities So of course you're you're always dating the sister and the sister-in-law

How do you get out of that? How can you get over that the brother and the brother in law? Yeah, it's a lot My god, how do you masturbate? How do you shit? How do you also with the masturbate? Do you realize that it could be like That like My conjoined brother could be like, uh, I could be like I'm I'm gonna jerk off. He's like, I don't want to jerk off Like I want to go to sleep. I'm tired. I'm busy the day tomorrow Right. I'm I'm horny No, and then you have The same body part you're fighting over

I guess in that case you let the brother do the jerking and then you're just like I'm just ignoring this. Yeah I mean the whole I don't know. I'm so sad. Is that show the show obviously isn't on anymore britney and Sally whenever I don't know with their names. Yeah, but they don't they don't answer the important questions Not any question that anyone wants to know of course Their their questions were like, how do you guys deal with feelings? Yeah, I want to hear about that. I don't hear about blowjobs. How do you take a shit? Yeah, how do you date? How do you? How do you wipe? God

If a police officer has to handcuff someone And that person is missing a hand. What do they do? How do they handcuff them? That's from dave That seems like something that a police officer there's definitely police officers listen to the show You must have run into that Yeah, I imagine they would cuff a one-handed then you then you do the ankle things. They can't run away I guess the other hand maybe you but a free hand is too You know too dangerous to have free so if you got yeah, you got to handcuff it to something But I want to I want to know like if you're a cop and you've ever been in that situation

What do you do? Do you do you stick his hand down his pants? Why would he do that just to be like play with it down there? We can't have that out here. They handcuff his hand to his dick and balls That's silly tom. It's very silly, but it could happen All these great life questions really great questions An important question about come hugging. Hi mummies. I showed some friends the clip of the come-huggers One of my friends raised an interesting question. If somebody come hugs you without you knowing Or without your consent. Is that a crime?

How many pantric rapers are out there? Scotty oh, and he's demonic wife creep me out. Thanks jeans. Jake Jake that's a really good one and she is demonic The the the smile is horrendous on that the come-huggers are so weird They're so so weird and the answer is yes, of course That's that's a form of sexual assault if you come hug somebody without their consent. Yeah We practice tantra which helps us to pull the sexual energy up our bodies So actually the longer we make love the more energized we get

Right Such a weird I want her and the rub rub guy and the benadryl guy and came in in the same room all of them That's a fun movie. Yeah, somebody should make that film And they'd be like I really feel like this is enough benadryl and I do be like god, I have 10 or 12 10 or 12 The whole movie would be about getting people to take more benadryl babe 10 to 12 I know it's it's not even even that possible the tie guy. You're like to me too many too many people I don't fall five max

I Babe, that's so many benadryls You cannot take that you would I would have a heart attack that stuff freaks me out so badly Could you imagine? Yeah, half of that dose would kill me half the dosage so much. It's so much Of course, you're so whacked out of your mind. They're totally crazy. You got to be crazy to take that much No, you shouldn't do that. That's bad. We should say that is bad advice It's so bad advice and then to smoke dope on top of that like what I mean. Yeah, no wonder you're out of your fucking mind

Your brain's gone. Yeah You're mine. You're everything is shut down except for your peener. This is um God, we brought up, you know, inappropriate parents talking about sex I was you had this josh potter has great stories about this. Yeah Um, they got an email someone said hey, I was listening to your podcast 417 You brought up parents talking about sex. I like also how like we never want to Sexually talk in front of our son. It's it's so inappropriate to discuss your sex lives in front of your children Uh to discuss any aspect of your sex life person said wrong. It prompted me to talk about my 20 year long nightmare

My father passed away when I was a kid. It's my mom raised my brother and I by herself When I turned 13, I started to notice my mom becoming more and more comfortable with innuendos We're talking about the female anatomy. I'll cut to the chase and give you some very low and loose scenarios Here's quotes from her. I sweat a lot during sex Uh general talks about how when she gave birth to my brother and I we destroyed her vagina One time when at dinner, she ordered a sundae when the server asked if she wanted a cherry she responded I haven't had my cherry in almost 20 years. Oh boy She has since remarried a great guy. They will talk about her sex life with openly at the dinner table

These are just a few scenarios. I have dealt with in my life. I agree with you guys. It is not right It makes me so nauseous. I can't even eat moose soup anymore Love you. Mommies. Keep them high and type. Tom is the personality champ HHM Yeah, I mean I I dated a guy really went through it Right, right is disgusting, but my dad not my dad my I dated a guy Whose father would make sexual jokes constantly. Yeah constantly and that is just it's weird It's so I remember disgusting other like

Kids parents like that my parents were hard core the opposite right zero, right? Yeah, I mean the most I got what I would pick up on As I was older my dad But doing a dad joke To another adult in other words like it wasn't for the kids, right, you know, I mean like right, right, right somebody would Say I don't know a couple of state droopers. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, but it was like it would be like kind of like out of ear shot Yeah, but never like to us or

Like oh, yeah, I used to get real hard with your mom like that like that is so gross No, my now. It's also like now. I kind of I'm guilty of like Poking and prodding them to get them to say those things, but you're also, you know, almost 40. Yeah Yeah, and I'm like trying to get it to heat you're asking for My mother when my mother passed away In 2015 we were going through old photographs and my dad Texted me and sent me a copies of these photos. He was looking at he's like, oh your mom had great tits great ass

And I was like, ah, thank you. Thanks for that's why you married her good tits good ass. Thank you Like is that that's the last thing you want to hear about your dead mom is how great her tits in her ass were Yeah, but you had very attractive. Thank you. But your mom also had like Told you about sex when you were really young. Yeah, there was a lot of that Um, she I think she thought she was teaching me teaching. Yeah, that's the thing is that she wasn't doing it in like a perverse You know way, but she was like you got to learn these things right? It was like she was way ahead of schedule way I was like I was uh about eight or nine or ten and it was like she was giving me tutorials on

How to please men and this and that and I was like you first of all first of all It was so fine. My mother's biggest thing was having a clean vagina You'll have to keep your vagina clean And she had like that old school douche bag like an old douche with like the big red nozzle and the black and it was Disgusting and then she would she was obsessed with you have to let your vagina breathe So at night no under there in the pajamas You have to let your vagina breathe now. My mother also wore nylon tights under her tight jeans So of course, I think she was strangling her vagina all day. All right, right

So she really needed to let it breathe at night sort of a curious lesson for an eight or nine year old though Yeah, too early And then she had edible panties that was the most disgusting And it was by her bedside. So I like I was privy to her nightstand Contents, you know, like she would show me what was in there and it was like this is pina colada flavor I'm like, what's pina colada? Like I was so young. I didn't even know and then I got to taste the edible panty She like it was it wasn't used or anything She unwrapped it and was like you want to taste it and I was like, all right

I thought but at the time you think it's so cool because you're privy to like growing up stuff You're like, wow, I'm mom's best friend. This is great I'm going to fluid bond with jesse Yeah, it's like it's so wrong like you're never supposed to be your parents friends Not even when you're an adult you're never their friends. Yeah, you're always the child I'm always going to be I should always be a child. Yeah, you're always my parent So nasty. Yeah Oh, it's so gross

I taste you taste I taste them and I remember being like this is not good Uh, yeah, I was so gnarly. God. It's so gnarly. Just the idea of a hot sexy man Checklating my wife That's my favorite part is the the nervous laughter that accompanies these horny people They're always nervously laughing like what the the cum huggers. It's always this nervous laughter. Yeah By the way, we're always on the forefront of You know weird speaking patterns and we had that we had that guy from texas

Yeah, that was the weirdest fucking guy ever. Yeah And I ended up he's all over instagram too and he has so many fucking You know YouTube subscribers hundreds of thousands, but he has that crazy of an arcade in Dallas Dallas so weird an arcade in Dallas Dedicate this list to everyone who has been affected by hurricane harvey harvey. Yeah, I don't know how he learned to speak But his name is chills and I don't know so Anyways, there's that guy

Hurricane harvey. I guess the new york times named their first Female editor. Oh, and they did an interview with her She has crazy vocal fry. Wait a minute. They're this is the first female editor. They've had at the new york times I I think so. I think that's what this is 2017, right? Yeah. Wow. Yeah, but I mean bananas Chicks don't read. That's true You know, it's very meaningful to me that I'm the first woman The executive editor of the new york times Wow vocal fry cross-generational now and usually you don't see it. You see it in the young women, right?

You see it in the Kardashian inspired women, right? Yeah I'm gonna go to the mall and get some new makeup. Yeah, I will say that I can go into it if I'm just tired And I'm not like I almost said to me. I know I'm not supposed to ask this But they'd ask me then a gender related question I'm so proud of the fact that I am the first woman to hold this job Whoa

Megan and I have been together for nearly three years I will say wild. I like that his grammar was proper there. He said Megan and I not me and Megan, right? That's true So I am I'm partial to that come to hold this job That doesn't even seem real That's who talks like that this job I've never heard someone say that. I know you're the executive editor for new york times and you go. It's a good job I think yeah, the biggest challenge that I face as I prepare to be executive editor Is making everyone in our newsroom as comfortable with

This transition that we're now well into and I think maybe under my watch will arrive at the other side And it's happening It's happening I'm not saying shit bad about the new york times. Yeah, they wrote a nice article about me. So I'm not gonna say this job Yeah, that's true. You were in the new york times. I'm not saying anything this job job. Well, this um The Articles really good. It's basically right. So I'm shutting the fuck up right now. I'm not talking shit about the executive editor It's about the mom land out of your mind comedy right being uh, right alley wong and I are now

We're officially declared a movement. Yeah, it takes uh No, and a few other women are doing. Yeah, but you guys are really doing something important And um Steven Seagal is the latest To be accused of sexual harassment Bananas like a 20 year old harassment, but oh no Yeah, then 1996 That woman that's who the picture was of

Remember I pulled up that yes. Yeah, so she was in the wrong file she uh was She wasn't to his house He summoned her to his house to read for a role and she showed up with she brought a woman Casting director with her and Seagal sat in a silk robe And watched her do the scene Yeah

And it said and then the same day the manager called and said Seagal wants to offer you the lead But you have to go back to his home for a private rehearsal tonight. No and she Didn't want to do it. So they offered her like a one scene role instead And uh cut her From the movie. Wow, and she said on set he would be like around guys and Look at her and snicker and you know, wow. Yeah. Well, there you go That's uh, I mean I am the king of improv if you'll forgive my saying so Yeah, so it's so it's so it's so it's so odd. I mean he's usually such a normal guy. Yeah

There must be a new movie with him out by the way because people keep sending me A clips of a new movie which is It's like breaking down all The Seagal Walls that we thought existed. Now, wait a minute. Is it on youtube? Do we have a trailer? I think it's on I think it's on netflix, but no Well, I think so all his movies end up right we we've watched a few on there But I think he's got a new one where let me see if this is kicky punch in the raper

Yeah, his new one looks like a real hot pile of shit Look, I fucking just pulled up my Fucking fucking thing. Oh, no, look at that and airy's there too airy airy schaefer Let's see Steve. Let's see if he's got a new one Steven Seagal You say that's not how you say it. I say Steven seagal seagal. How do you say it? Tommy, how do you say seagal seagal? It's seagal What is it not seagal seagal?

Steven seagal He's such a weird dude Man, this whole thing about he lives in russia now, right? Yeah, I don't know. He's there a lot so weird Is it There's god, he's got so many movies out here. I mean, are you american or not, buddy? You gotta choose a side you with the commies or you with us, man Asian connection. Oh, we watched that one that Asian connections fantastic perfect weapon one star go ahead uh

Asian connection good man. I feel like we looked at that one. We looked at that one. Yeah, is it code of honor? Is this the one maybe that he's Oh, why do all these title titles sound exactly the same? I don't know. It's like Asian connection code of honor Man of words or whatever. They're all the same. They sent me there's this like scene where he's clearly because you know He's like really good at improv He clearly Is improvising with the actress and it's so painful, you know, like poor girl is just like

Can I just stick to the script and he's like you can I'm gonna fucking just riff It's so terrible. He's He's just the worst But yeah, so now he's the latest to be accused of harassment Great, I love it. I hope this trend continues. I would like to drain the Showbiz swamp of these creeps. That would be fantastic. Yeah, I wonder who we're gonna find out

Is the next big creeper because you know once it uh once the can is open once it starts Make hollywood so tan. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Do you see how dark his skin is? Oh, yeah I want to ask you something babe Would you give your life to save the world the world nobody knew you did it? Of course dumb shit Babe, he's like brown. There's a real actor like I'm gonna try to act And you're not telling me when we settle anything he's fat or dictates Look at his hair midnight. He's crazy garden. Come along. He's

He's so dark But I you can't I can't even get over how brown his skin is there's new he's pale. He's normally very pale He's doing new new stuff every movie. Keep it exciting, man He's like that lady on moray povich that we played Remember the moray povich lady who went black with the injections. Yeah. Yeah, yeah He might be doing that. He might be going towards that. I've been black now for over I'm black for a lot of years. Like wait a minute. No, you're not. Yes, I am I wish someone had told me

What that fucking money was because it was an amazing scene. I've been african-american my whole life He goes like I love the fuck out of cookies I'm serious Oh, yeah, I love the fuck out of cookies and we know that Yeah, if anybody knows the scene Or the movie that that's in I would really love to know Because it looks like such a pile of shit His acting is really questionable. I mean that was like that's what I thought like he doesn't even try. I know

Let's see if yeah that that poor other actor was actually trying to react and And have a moment and and it's the guy was just like He's so weird. Yeah, he's a very weird. It's a weird dude. Very weird guy. Um Lastly before we get out of here, um, just thought that maybe you would like to check this out Maybe it's a direction you want to go in as a parent Sweden is the most forward-thinking country in the world when it comes to questioning gender The gender-neutral pronoun hen is now commonly used by most swedes. Yes. I love it. Yeah Hen so I've just arrived in urlbrew in sweden. I'm about to get me a family here attempting to bring up their kids free from all gender norms

Hello, Amelia This is Nico What answered the door what was that you'll see and not to be gender normative here. You'll see hen hen answered for sure Mama is that that your partner? Yeah, my partner goes by matilda and matt But is also the one who gave birth and i'm ma pa That's just what felt right to me because i'm intersex. Um, I was born with characteristics of both male and female

Oh, wow. Yeah, got it all going on. Yeah, it's a del is an american photographer who moved to sweden for love Their work has for over three decades focused on queer identities and challenging gender norms Yeah This is nico's room and how old is nico nico's two and a half and mika is Almost five and a half mika and nico were both assigned male at birth But in this family the sex you were born with does not dictate your gender identity There you go, we could have done something about that ourselves So those were born with male characteristics those children those two those two were

Um, sorry born says gender males I think so right is that what you heard? No, just that they're born. No, is that what you heard i'm saying in the That's what that's what they said, right? Yeah, yeah, they're born male and then they're being raised agender Agender good idea. We don't gender toys. We don't gender colors. So whatever they're interested in It's like they can just play with whatever toys they want. Yeah, you would never dictate what those two were No, absolutely not. So they both have a lot of cars Yeah, interesting. They both have dolls

But interestingly enough she opens up two drawers and all I saw were trucks cars legos traditionally boy things I mean could it be because they were born boys at birth? I don't want I don't want to be insensitive I'm what about with clothing right now mika is for the past Two months has worn a dress every day just about when mika is wearing dresses and because mika has very very long hair Most people assume that mika's female It which is What wait a minute, but that wouldn't that be a gender

Norm for instance the long hair he she they hen just said The long hair is traditionally feminine. So isn't that a gender norm thing now? Probably Probably what happened was that the child Said I don't want a haircut. I want my hair to be long. Okay We use he for them sometimes it's Mixed and it depends, you know, because in sweden we have hen the gender neutral pronoun in swedish I think mika has always said when I've asked it's been she or hen Oh, there you go. Oh, so sorry. So the child is asking for

She or hen. Well, then there you go. Yeah, then then that's what the kid wants and you you know, I feel like you're the kind of leading Communic voice don't how dare you don't you dare? Why don't you dare? What am I with daring? Don't you dare get me to be the uh, you are the the the binaries You are a lot. Oh boy. You're that comic now People ask me about the first 48 and bikes and shit. Oh, oh, right. What's yeah. Yeah, you're the person I mean, I don't know. It's it's uh, I will say that just watching our kid He's sorry What are you doing? They've been our son has been

privy to both dolls and Trucks and bike or whatever Legos and he doesn't really care for the dollies and it's not it's not me being like that's true. Don't touch the dolls homo It's not that it's that he doesn't care. No, no, it's true. It's pretty and and he likes dirt and trash can playing and Stopping in mud stopping him like it's pretty he's in the cars too. It's pretty gender specific Loves it. Yeah Yeah How do you avoid gendering your children?

Yeah, we didn't choose anything but gender neutral names We chose not to know what sex they would be assigned when they were born not answering the question Is it a boy or a girl to avoid the b word and the g the b word and the g word How do you avoid knowing the gender they're assigned at birth? What does that mean? You don't look at their genitals. I think knowing beforehand. Oh Like preparing the the home for a boy or a girl. Oh, I got you. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, right They would be assigned when they were born not answering the question. Is it a boy or a girl to avoid the b word and the g word What do you do when people say is it a boy or a girl?

See that's the answer. I would like to know Well, what is it a boy or a girl? Right? Well, I guess I guess it's up to the child. Yeah Now here's my thinking here and maybe this how do you handle a sweet old person? It's like is it a boy or a girl? And they're why don't you mind your fucking business? Why don't you respect its pronouns? It's a hen. Yeah I think uh I also think that it sounds like this person was had to deal with a lot of shit growing up being both gender Yeah, the intersex person. Yeah. Yeah, I mean that's got to be so horrible to grow up

With your whole life since you were fucked with and your kids probably wouldn't be it's good to push your trauma onto them Exactly. That's a really good thing to do Your two kids that were born as boys. You should definitely be like I'm gonna push my issues onto you I mean, yeah, and I get to how painful that must have been for them. Yeah, because that sucks. It does But to go this far with this stuff, like maybe you just need to see a therapist and Deal with changing pronouns in books instead of it always being mama. We say mama and mappa What's the matter? Sweetie acts ass mappa. It's so dark You know

I want to know how grandma margaretta feels about how her grandchildren are being raised Different I let my son go to the kindergarten In a dress and with a hair like this that was only one time I think if you would like to have done that every day, it would have been a problem So she's a normal older lady. So she but which one is her son? Is it the one that they've been interviewing? No, it's the other the other parent. I think so, right? No, because the other parent is the one that gave birth. So the other one is A female by so that would make sense that that person would go to

Kindergarten in a dress. So I'm thinking it's the one that's being interviewed, right, but then She did have a normal Old person response is like it was fucking weird at the top. Yeah, meaning like I've adapted Yeah, and that like my own son was not allowed to do that. Yeah I mean, look, I I do feel like this stuff these countries are generally more progressive Yeah, there's a lot. This is a lot healthier society to live in. Yeah, and then we catch up to what they're doing in like 30 years Yeah, but my stupid 41 year old brain is still just like we would I'm not sure

I'm fully comprehensive. They have like a way healthier. I don't know like criminal justice system Yeah, um Healthcare all all that is way way further ahead in sweden and then yeah that whole region really Yeah, they're variant the netherlands, right? Isn't that what that's considered? No, I don't know what they are Scandinavia. Yeah Yeah, they tend to be way more progressive That you know in terms of the western world and what we are I mean the reason I like margaret to so much is because she thinks I'm a great mop up

Right. Yeah Yeah Yeah, oh, it's interesting. You want to wear This one or this one You want this one? Okay, we're gonna go with the red and black theme today then good idea See on the on the other hand too, it's like you also are shaping how the kid responds to stuff

You know what you mean? Yeah So it's like is it really something that's originating in them or is it because they're watching you Do your ma pot true because kids will just imitate What the fuck out of you, man? Yeah Yeah, man That's really it's an interesting like it's a really interesting question to ask if you're A parent or just interested in how these things work because The kid does

All kids especially when they're around you a lot your own kid They just go like you start seeing they start Behaviorally doing things like you. Yeah, they you know, I mean you see the way our kid picks up the phone He's like, wow Yeah, so I was talking the phone kind of like imitating the way I do it. Yes, it's just they do what you do They do do what you do. It's fascinating today. I do hon Han elehen it all

That's not something I always have to say, but it would be good to know today for the film This guy I say hon elehen Just me okay See and then again, are we is this a lot of Let's see that's a big decision like for such a small person like yeah What do you want your pronoun to be today and the kid's like, um, how about just call me about my name? Well, doesn't that also Rattle their cage in terms of who their self is every day, right?

It's like well, maybe this kid has a An internal compass that's pretty sturdy and you're now you're constantly forcing the questioning of that compass Maybe that kid doesn't have the same stuff you did Right, you know like maybe you're confused But your kid's not and then you're making them insecure by being like well, what's your pronoun? What's your pronoun? What's your pronoun? I feel like it's such a heavy thing to try to break down the person that would best answer This question would probably be true weed alone can get you really horny or the normal But benedryl take about 10 12 benedryl before you want to have your sexual fun with your partner or whatever you do

all right I feel like 10 or 12 benedryl would solve the world's problems. I think that if you gave that kid 10 or 12 benedryl You're like, what's your pronoun? I can tell you now and forever It's fucking hen. Okay And then that's what it is Where you go gene? We got to go

This is our song murder boner by big e um Thanks for listening. Of course a reminder check out um christina's special mother inferior on netflix Streaming now I also found out that my first special completely normal is now available on amazon prime for free you can stream it there If you have amazon prime, you can just press play on it. So I just found that out um And that's it. That's what we got gene. Thanks gene. This is a fun episode. That was call me hen

I'm hen too. I'm very hen hen. See you guys next week. I'm gonna put my egg in I'm gonna murder you. I'm gonna I'm gonna I'm gonna murder you He really quiet sometimes when you stand next to I just peer into his head sometimes like what's going on in there If you're a psycho you've you've spotted another psycho If you're a psycho you've you've spotted another psycho And the victim was a blonde woman 41 year old mother of one son named Alice lived in a suburb of california Now springs police are getting involved

Kill kill kill Don't you like fun stories? Yeah Kill kill kill right Have these dark demons inside I Snaps the hookers And the rage inside snaps the hookers And the rage inside why about the even man that got his legs crushed

I mean The fact that the car kept going back up the engine the revving beautiful The guys yelling Laughing at confessions of murderers you're laughing at true suffering. It's the suffering that gives you the tickle You think that's crazy Really? Yeah, I mean everyone gets excited about something