Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - 453-Your Mom's House with Christina P and Tom Segura

Episode Date: June 20, 2018

A new shirtless guy with an absolutely terrifying message for you! AND, why does self imposed harm that results in a horrendous scream not elicit joy from Tommy? Are the Water Battles of your moms in the news? We have a prank call using the Try it Out guy and it just might be our favorite thing ever.  AND there is a great possibility that the White House just released the funniest/scariest video of all time.  Let us know what you think.  Support comes from:  Stamps.com code word: MOM Brooklinen.com code word: MOM PolicyGenius.com 

Dear people of the web that have or just people that have a phone or a device to listen did you know that every single solitary episode of your mom's house is now available on Spotify the same app that has millions and bajillions of songs now has thousands of podcasts of course there's only one podcast that's important but nevertheless there are others there on spotify you can listen to all your favorite shows jeans my favorite is this one there are so many podcasts out there but only one matters you're listening to it now you can subscribe to our show you search for your mom's house on spotify you tap follow

and every new episode is delivered right to you podcasts are on spotify and they're streaming right now right now right now right now right now right now right now right now that's really good Tommy all right I got a big announcement announcement pull your pants up over your head not just your pants big announcement June December 8th the Gramercy Theatre my first show has sold out congratulations thank you I'm so excited and Jew dork titties and I've added a second show a 10 p.m. show and Jew dork titties December 8th Gramercy Theatre presale for those tickets start today June 20th I've got a special promo

code for mommies it's try it out one word try it out you can go to Christina P online and get those advanced tickets because they will hopefully sell out again thank you everybody that's purchased tickets already congratulations congratulations I myself have a new show to announce as well oh my god a presale is in effect today what is happening and this show is happening November 30th oh it is at the Hachanga Resort and Casino in Temecula California presale starts today Wednesday the code word is champ CHAMP the general on sale will begin on Friday but you can get those presale tickets at the Pachanga

Resort and Casino of course next week I actually have another show that announces that launches until then there are a few things I need to point out let's see New Orleans is all sold out few tickets left in the Boise second show I would get it if you want to go Sacramento is definitely not going to last Fresno Bakersfield Fart Meyers Florida that's the southwest part of Florida that's the only place I'm going in that area next year I'll be going back to Tampa and whatnot but not this year Jack me off Phil is moving along we have a second show added the first show sold out in Orlando and there are shows in Augusta

Montclair and Phil her up Delphia those are all at Tom Segura calm go to the tour page Jean tour tour tour do you say to her to her I don't say to her to say tour tour no I don't think so someone I heard go the tour tour I'm going on tour tour tour I think it's where people say tournament a tournament there's a tournament I say tournament tournament yeah I say that too yeah tournament I don't fucking know yeah alright guys is there another show to announce or no no okay to San Diego well what I'm doing San Diego the weekend of Thanksgiving okay the House of Blues so if you want to get away from your

family or bring your family to the show get those tickets also it's great to get out of the house that weekend yeah I think by Saturday you're kind of over it and bored and it seemed like a good time to do a show thank you to Dylan for sending in that instrumental you can always get your instrumentals or songs considered for play by sending them to your mom's podcast at gmail.com there's no house in the address it's just your mom's podcast at gmail what's up Jean all right well there's a lot to cover Jean we got to get into this show big show big show today all kinds of things going on are you ready to get

moving ready I'm ready let's let's party let's do it I'm a dirty faggot I'm a shit pig I'm a toilet I only deserve rape humanization degradation there's one for Dr. Drew right there what happened here man man man what's going on hmm our soundboard just died oh you're kidding well it didn't play that was weird I mean it's just admiring this guy's bottom row of teeth they're so white he's nice to you well I don't know if they're nice there you go was Randy don't bring anyone loving to this welcome welcome welcome to your mom's

house with Don Segura and Christina Pajitz and Christina Pajitz well first of all let's give him credit he knows if he wants to get on this show be shirtless yeah frame it up sure had an uncomfortably close way or just in an unflattering way yeah I just noticed the shirtless why always shirtless with these guys you can see in his nostrils I mean it is I always find it kind of odd that guys are shirtless in public like jogging I mean that's kind of weird before we continue on this yeah I always for you know I wrote this down I try I forget these things that we are now blue band just told me the shows are gonna

be they're on we're on twitch now you know people can you can check it out and retitting that yeah you can retit it but here's the thing we're gonna start doing on twitch the episodes are going to start playing on twitch two hours before YouTube drops get out of town that's a good idea you can chat you know you can go along with whatever you want to do and and get involved if you want to try it out twitch.tv slash your mom's house podcast every Tuesday around 9 p.m. that's two hours before the YouTube episode comes out you know try it out there you go that's awesome and and you get to watch with other viewers

yeah that's how that works I'm gonna try to jump in on one of these two oh maybe I will too I'll see you there see there and try to try to on myself yeah he I'll let you hear this again it's it's quite alarming starts off okay well the alarming bit too now that I think about it is just doing any sort of video shirtless yeah it's preposterous that's the least preposterous right this video right but I'm saying like how many shirtless videos have you done in your life like zero point zero I've done a few I have done a few we've done the try it out guy I've done that I did a bird shaving me ten years ago it's a long

time ago no I don't make a regular habit of it for sure yeah I mean oddly enough you know who does nothing but shirtless stuff is Bert oh I know it's and then so do these people that are troubled mentally ill and then Bert sure yeah lots of drugs yeah let's hear this again I gotta this was really something I had to absorb it yeah I'm a dirty fact I'm a shit pig I'm a toilet oh I only deserve rape yikes humiliation dehumanization jeez degradation let me do dr. Joe oh the trauma oh yeah this isn't good it's a trauma here let's check him out he's like if you see me in the streets if you

see me walking on the street shout hey shit bag and I will come to you I will drink your piss oh yes over me you can shit over me you can show your friends what a dirty disgusting fact that I really am well I don't know I mean everybody knows we're not saying the effort anymore yeah I feel like I'm a little I don't like his insensitivity it's very insensitive I also would say that maybe he gets a pass because he's saying it about himself yeah it's a pass yeah well he gives us a lot going on here do you I mean I don't know I'm sure a lot of people would take him up on the software to call him a shit pig I

don't know somewhat for sure yeah you can show your friends what a dirty disgusting fact that I really am all right well he is oh we swapped out the picture yes we did this is it took us eight years bond swing took this one bond swing ticket a year ago maybe I was giving you a sip of that coffee and you almost wanted taste like shit yeah you look cute you look really cute I can't wait to look like a person again this is very exciting what a hey are you pregnant just full every week somebody will message me like hey what's up with Christina bigger baby oh she's pregnant hey dummies yeah like come on don't be

yeah I am we have four weeks to go I'm in the final countdown yeah which is crazy it kind of went by really fast didn't it I mean for for me it did went by fast it did in places like you've been pregnant for like eight years right now I know well now it's going slow this is the most torturous part of it well to think that when we were in Hawaii yeah a year ago you were pregnant you know January yeah yeah and you already in your pregnancy then I know it's crazy it lasts so long it's just too long it's too long but then you know I'll squeeze this puppy Ronnie out this little thugs gonna do it over again in a few weeks so

fucking how many weeks are we gonna skip of the podcast really what are you talking about we can't skip weeks well I'm asking you because you're the lady having the baby no we can't skip this is important I love doing the show without a show that's crazy so you'll you'll you'll still manage to come in here and do it even like well as I'm giving birth we can do a podcast there as I'm feeding him the first night we can do a show there okay what do you think yeah I mean I think we got to try to bank one at least right at least one no we are guys don't make these listeners panic I'm not trying to make

panic I'm trying to be sensitive to you we have we have we have none banked not right now but we will okay okay we easy we'll get it going okay we got to do it man gotta do it oh yeah this guy here send me a text message and I may meet you at subway station Hansenhof within five minutes oh my god to be abused to be laughed at to be raped to be humiliated or visit me in my place thank you you're welcome he wasn't me in the train station yeah I think he's in Norway oh my gosh what we're in the train station he's gonna do in the bathroom well I guess you can just you see him get off the train you can go hey shit bag

and he'll be like that's me that's me and then you gotta take a piss and maybe you just I mean I think the thing would to do would be to like go into the men's room usually men's room have multiple urinals yeah and you place him next to one and you just piss in his mouth and get the whole party started with which is kind of what he wants I think I don't know man this one's real dark it's really really crazy yeah he's got problems you think I think so what kind of problems oh the trauma so he's recreating trauma probably the it's a lot yeah you probably don't get that way from having a great childhood I'm

guessing yeah speaking of trauma it's been really neat because you've been into a brand new series on Netflix oh my god it's so great anyway I am so into the staircase that's what it's called yeah it's like fucking amazing well it's been really great for my life and for my falling asleep times because now all I fall asleep to are episodes of this show and it's like and panicked 911 call is like the first episode was like 911 what's your emergency and he's like my wife what I fell downstairs yeah like what are you listening to it's a lot it's a lot yeah it's a lot yeah this is why I fall asleep to every night is 911 calls

and you're just ear to ear I'm looking over at you and you can't even you're so excited about these horrifying calls yeah it's what part do you like best about a 911 call like a panicked person no I mean I was watching this the staircase is what it's called it is fucking unbelievable it's basically you know what it's exactly like if you ever watched Dateline or one of those you know 48 hour mysteries it's it's an extended version of that it's extended version of that and so so what should be one episode is what 12 or 13 yeah so you really get to go in depth on where you follow a whole trial you follow an

entire I don't know how these these producers got this type of access to a to something like this it's really like I've never seen anything like it I mean they're in the prosecutor the DA's office they're with the defense attorneys it's a it's a lot it's a lot they get really involved and then you you also follow the guy who is on bail home you see him at home you know what's he doing at home hanging out having dinner with his family it's really one of the he's like I didn't kill anybody everything's okay I don't want to give away this entire thing but there's one thing that I have to tell you is like this is the

premise for the whole thing so I'm really not saying much by by by telling you this try if I can pull up episode one here so on the on the way that it starts is that this this guy calls 911 which is what you were hearing right the best was that first time let me tell you this is how this started so so horrible our routine basically at night is that Christina and this is whether or not she's pregnant she always goes to bed before me and she likes it's like the perfect marriage because I'm the type of person that if I'm going to bed first which is once a year never yeah I don't like to hear noise yeah I like I have to

have a quiet room maybe I can hear like and dark it's got to be pitch black I like it pitch black I'd be really I like white noise like an air conditioning van you love a fan on you which to me I hate because the fan actually blows on me but we don't have a fan in there no I know but it makes me feel like a fever it's really I like that noise I like that noise any other noise if you're watching TV I can't sleep right you on the other hand cans that you prefer like I like to hear you I like the sound of a television when I fall asleep it's very comforting for me so however there are certain shows that I

don't like the sound of yeah like Panix 911 calls generally not soothing for somebody falling asleep so you go on you go you're like alright good night and you go to you go to bed and I'm just like alright babe I click on the TV pull up what I'm gonna watch and as you're drifting off to sleep you're you're basically getting ready to go to bed yeah you hear I believe this morning investigating the death of a prominent resident you hear that's called early good night Tom I love you all right I'll see you in the morning baby well just gonna lay my head down now for a long day

Peterson's husband is novelist Michael Peterson you hear his books on the vietnam war he is also a former columnist for the 911 call and ran an unsuccessful mayoral campaign in 1999 I remember this refused additional comment on the death I mean it's already terrifying to fall asleep to this yeah this and then this music spooky ass music it's terrible I mean I don't know what part of this is soothing for you before you go to bed yeah how do you watch all this shit before you fall asleep doesn't it give you nightmares babe no I remember this bit I remember it because I'm listening to a

Kathleen and I we having wine out here that's right right and then Kathleen went upstairs and then I went in shortly after and then I found her at the bottom of the staircase yeah and then then they play the 911 call and that's when I piped up and I was like what the fuck are you watching dude that's right that's right what are you watching yeah yeah okay this is why I'm trying to fall tonight sweetie I love you but this is the best part our son's asleep the house is nice and quiet the dogs have been let out the dogs are in the bed snoring with me I'm all ready for sleep the best part is that the exact exchange was

that you hadn't been speaking here for a few minutes right and then it's silent okay it's totally silent and then I hear you and then I hear Christina it's really nice to fall asleep to 911 calls I start laughing because you go and then I'm like I start laughing you go God how do you I'm trying to sleep and this is playing and all I want is to dream of like puppies and unicorns and that dude's so clearly acting what huh you can tell I mean the way that I listen to that is like this is completely false yeah I'm not even hearing that like I just don't want to hear a person suffering or calling in that their wife is dead I'm

like oh my gosh so the premise by the way I'm not this is you've learned this eight minutes or whatever 30 seconds into this whole series is that this man found his found his wife at the bottom of the stairs right dead but in a pool of blood and with blood spatter all over the walls he's like she fell down the stairs yeah and then they're like and then he goes as soon as the detectives got here they treated me like a suspect it's like yeah well yeah dipshit you're the only one there with her well he's like you know she fell on the stairs and they're like um there's blood isn't that the every

way that's like the one thing every woman says who's been abused I just fell down the stairs like everyone uses that excuse but I mean I'm not an expert but I don't know sure doesn't look like like a fall down the stairs when you see the phone I just I wish there were cameras in our bedroom where like I'm just like this sweet little angel that I am yeah just trying to sleep and I hear the 9-1-1 what's your emergency it's terrible it's terrible calm down sir oh my god calm down so that's a 15-20 I don't know please get somebody here by the way please somebody is dispatching the ambulance while I ask

you questions it's awful it's a force kill okay please please and you're I look how happy you are like how joyful that makes it was a joy it was horrible but yeah but now you love it because you have another murder show to get into I love the series I'm like halfway through it I didn't realize I think this came out a while ago and they added three new episodes so also making a murderer is gonna have a whole new season oh good good hopefully you can watch those while I'm sleeping too yeah I can go into my subconscious mind give me nightmares and terrors no you go so you're like talking to me you're like

God isn't this mess with your sleep and like not at all no zero no this is how you go this is what you drift off to you know I think it's so important to be cautious about what you put into your mind before you sleep yeah no I mean I'm being very serious I that's why I used to listen to like Louise Hay I do you know whatever affirmations or maybe a nice meditation before bed yeah so this really goes against everything I believe in terms of the unconscious mind because I do loop on things sure you know what's important it's terrible this is terrible there's a terrible way to fall asleep at night I love it I'm watching thrillers

no it's lunacy I mean a lot of people watch this kind of stuff before bed a lot of people do but I'm not a lot of people and I don't agree with it I think that it's really crazy I think it's really not good for you babe so violence and murder before bedtime it's in your it's gets in your mind so I look like a muppet in that photo yeah a little bit right no what do you mean which muppet I don't know I feel like it's like a muppet not even good anyways I can I can't recommend this series enough the staircase on Netflix I'm really into it it's really good oh boy unprecedented

access to a trial like this yeah I woke I wake up to pee every hour and I wake up I woke up to like a gay escort giving his what's that word it's an unbelievable story testimony which is funny it's an unbelievable story but what you normally get in the news is you know you see maybe trial coverage on something these cameras are home with the suspect the guy on trial like you see him having dinner with his family talking about stuff the defense attorneys planning out every possible defense everything that they think that the prosecutors would imagine defending I mean you like they have to know you

know they have to know there's a piece of shit course but they sell it hard that he's not yeah well that's that's the gig I remember for the two weeks I was in law school they're like they go they're gonna bring up probably this other person that you knew that died under suspicious circumstances we're just gonna have to you know he's gonna be like he's like well what they taught me in criminal law for the two weeks I was in law school yeah is that it doesn't matter the guilt or innocence of your client you're just presenting the best possible not version of the law but the best possible defense within the law

right so that's what's happening it's it's it's it doesn't matter if they did it or not you're still giving them the best possible crazy thing to say scenario what just that sentence yeah it doesn't matter whether it's irrelevant if they're guilty or not there's so they still deserve a defense according to law I know that that's how the law and the Constitution works yeah but it's crazy it is crazy I know this guy raped and murdered somebody yeah and I'm not saying in this case I'm just saying in general sense yeah I know this person did this horrific crime but I got it's irrelevant I gotta give him his best

defense possible because everybody's do their process out of the law it's just crazy it's crazy I couldn't I couldn't that that's why I talked about after two weeks I was like this is not for me this this way of thinking is unnatural he's still paying off that it took me I'll tell you how much to two weeks in law school back in the early 2000s cost me $6,000 six grand I remember when I was dating you years ago and you're still like yeah I'm paying off law school yeah yeah it took it took a few years but I did it man oh another thing I want I don't want to forget I did a lot of appearances last week you did you did

the hot wings hot ones which is coming out next week so if you're listening to the show as it comes out next week I'm on hot ones with Sean Evans had a great time so you ate the hot ones and then you made a lot of hot browns for two days after your that my butthole that absolutely destroyed my asshole it was worth it I mean he's he's the best interviewer in the game and and it was a really fun show to do but I wish they would follow up with you like here's you eating the hot ones and then here's you shitting hot ones oh my god and it also was it wasn't just one shit no I know shit later that day twice the next

morning I had a real hot brown and then later in the morning I had another hot brown yeah they should call it hot brown ones you end up making yeah I am I don't know we laughed a lot we had a good time that was great I also I also appeared on the H3H3 podcast Etha and Hila Klein were so much fun trying to get them to come on your mom's house would be great I had a great time with them I did their podcast number 69 69 number 69 podcast wow perfect those two are hilarious and sweet and then I also appeared on the tomorrow show with Kevin under Garo so if you don't have your full fix of me download or go to YouTube go to the

tomorrow show go to the H3 podcast and like I said in a week I'll be on hot ones I just wanted to plug all those exciting yeah where will your butthole be my butthole yeah what do you mean oh where my butthole will be yeah this is kind of this is kind of where your asshole is to check this out we were talking about tipping a massage therapist yeah so that we can fart during roadage no hey there mommy I am actually a certified massage therapist I was listening to your podcast you guys seem to be very uncomfortable with farting during massage yeah well who isn't it happens all the time and they train us

in school that people get relaxed enough to fart yeah and in some weird way it could be considered a compliment even though it kind of sucks to deal with it means we're doing our job correctly we always have essential oils and fabric sprays if it gets bad to put under our nose so just relax and let us do our job don't clench up let it rip body odor however is an entirely different issue if you don't shower before you go to get a massage and you are a trash human being farts dissipate quickly body odor stays the entire fucking time and it's horrible signed Dylan well what animals going into a massage filthy I mean

apparently enough where Dylan is bringing it up and I think you're a real piece of garbage for doing that I think so too I don't think that's fair I always shower yeah like moments before yeah it's courteous yeah now here's the thing though what the fart during the massage is that if you just do one good clench yeah I found that that usually remedies it and the fart just goes back up inside of you and you're done usually I'm not comfortable farting I'm not either I don't I don't really know it's just too much it's too much too much too much I don't like it I don't want to do it I'm not going to keep farting during

massage apropos our discussion the other day we were laying in bed and you I think we're farting or burping or something and we started to have a discussion I was like no no no let's save this for the show this is this is what we get paid for right you know I'm saying right right so would you rather would you rather have super burps or super farts good question I'm talking so you know what I mean when you do like a sonic burp like super loud sorry yeah or King ass ripper of course that's the king or ass rippers farts all the time hmm now it's really

painful to have better with me for this never heard of course to talent yeah I don't like the so it's basically that every time you burp yeah and you're at the mall with like the wife and the kid right and we're all there and that's what you do and or it's a sonic fart like a crazy crazy fart like an ass ripper fart yeah and the smell is pretty bad too yeah even the best no I know because I feel as though my life I hear a lot of that stuff and from you all the time I'm definitely going super burp why is that I just feel like it's it's more

one of those things where it's gross but it's not as gross as your asshole people enjoy and you can be kind of amazed and have fun with a big burp big far people like come on man you're they're just basically they're like you need this shit that's what everyone is thinking right you're upsetting people with the big fart totally a big burp you can do that at a party you can do that at dinner and everyone kind of laughs like Jesus that's gross but I can stick around a fart everyone wants to run away from you you know okay now what if I took the smell out of the farts yeah but here's the thing they don't know that

it doesn't smell everyone's gonna assume that it smells like shit right next year was gonna run away you burp like that it's still it's funny it's a it's a good time that is a good party is a good time yeah a big burp is really fun it's always fun there was this girl in high school who drinking and like a can of Dr. Pepper and then she could belch the alphabet that's how talented she was this is a chick by the way no girls are very good burpers no women are women are including and I went to an all girls Catholic high school yeah there were a lot of chicks that could do it like this I mean for some I do feel like women are

might be better at sonic belches my cousin Jeanette burps Jeanette this chick from my high school yeah I mean there are a few girls from high school now I do I feel like a women can do it I think the super fart thing I mean it's cool I'm surprised honestly I thought you would have gone farts no I think I mean it's cool to have but I think that's yeah I mean it's not I mean I'd like to have superfarts all the time but I think the burp one just it has more mileage to it okay it's more fun what if when Charo's in town which do you see because of what no the burps the burps upset her yeah they do why is that I

don't know she finds it I think she thinks a little bit that a fart is a little less in your control a fart needs to come out and that a burp you are doing it just to be gross but you are close your mouth and burp into your oh my god but with a burp you can just go you can change and go and let it out that way speaking of which we've been having these meetings lately yeah with various whatever people and you burped as you were talking to this important person did I yeah babe we were in our manager's office yeah and this lovely gentleman agreed to meet with us and you were like so anyway the story are we

working with him now is that the one yeah but I'm glad that he knows now who well he's dealing with yeah he's gonna hear more of that but you did have to excuse yourself yeah babe and I'm like this isn't the first time he's I feel like I burped way oh I burped on hot ones a big burp because it was between you know wings and it's a big bro Belch yeah yeah and then you burped one time I was sickle cell you guys were meeting with some executives yeah we did and I farted when he left the room I burped in the guy's face basically I went on Tom yeah yeah I didn't do it like that I just it went in my mouth like

that I go hey Tom yeah but he knew it was happening you were hiding anything no no you still can't really hide a burp Ryan was like Jesus Christ man what he goes you fucking burped in there farting here what's going on with you that's how that's life with Tom yeah so you would take the sonic burps what would you take I think to annoy you I would go sonic farts and here's why here's why as a woman if you let out a sonic fart in public nobody's going to assume it's me they're always going to assume they're gonna hear it's you no not necessarily because if I'm standing next to you in public yeah and I fart people

are just gonna think it's you that's true so I feel like remember the year of farts that started I think in Arizona we were checking in for a Delta flight yeah it might have been 2012 or something and we were both checking in and it was afternoon it was New Year's day yeah yeah we're flying home from again we're checking in at a kiosk yes that's right and I'm checking for the flights there's a there's another the opposite side of the kiosk is another screen yeah people could be on either side of it and I farted and it was loud really loud and there was basically a guy behind the kiosk and he leaned over like I heard

that hey and I was like that's what I'm doing this year yeah this year is the year of farts farting and just owning it yeah yeah not hiding it not hiding it and it works you can do it just like calling people genes all the time or mommy which we do constantly no pushback zero pushback zero who's gonna call you out on a fart dude do you want to hear the fucking funniest prank call yes this guy I think it's Tony yeah it's Tony he I think he goes by DJ Skull vomit he has this amazing he's amazing calls that he does with a soundboard so he said my buddy Jake answered a house for rent has to try it out guy oh shit sorry it says

fart Simpson here that's who he goes by yeah looking at this ad family of three looking for room for rent is that still something yeah we have a whole furnished basement this is over in yeah are you just looking for a week at a time or are you looking for indefinitely we get out every year over the week after the 4th of July we need to get down the week after that I see I'm actually calling on behalf of my uncle he it's his house give me one second I'll get him on this is a great setup let me talk to the guy that's good set right here is you want to come

move in yeah and then like I said we're looking for a place for a week right we get on every year and actually the gentleman we always run it off of for the last 30 years passed away good if you want to move in you come move in yeah believe me we would love to move down here and get free food free rent and everything else man you have a deal man a friend can move to man okay so you've got a two-bedroom you said free rent you can at least in a key you see me want to come over today try it out yeah we would want for July 7th to the 14th or 23rd try that man he said it would be 75 a month I mean a week free rent free

food but you gotta fuck me I mean I need to be fucked a lot man army fuck me this time you beat me a home you know you see me when I come over today try it out try it out man here's the play only as fuck man I'm looking for hard work guys I mean I want to do it I thought my trash come jump let's fuck yeah what's that that was genius yeah that was such perfection that's the guy's response that was such a like a Baltimore Maryland that what are they

called Central Atlantic accent that was so funny that was so funny thank you fart Simpson oh I gotta hear that again so I know he's such a good build up to me all right here he is he's like come move in yeah and then like I said we're looking for a place for a week oh my god come over free food free rent and nothing else he's like still deal man a friend come over to you man okay so you got a two-bedroom he said free rent you can release the key see me when I come up today try it out yeah we would want it for July 7 to the 14th or the 14th to the 21st try it out man he said it would

be seven fifty a month I mean a week free rent free food you gotta fuck me you gotta fuck me man I mean I need to fuck a lot man for me for something beat me a home you know you see me when I come over today try it out it's definitely home here now it's definitely now I hear home and out now no now I hear home and out oh man I'm looking for hard-core guys and mean it want to do it I'm a hot fight trash come don't let's fuck proof it's masterful it really was so funny yeah that's really great holy cow fart Simpson wow really did it man oh my god my pass out those so funny oh good

Lord he sets him up so well too you want to move and you can move it but you gotta fuck me I need to be for good luck man you can piss on me be giving a shot I need to be like Did the song bird come that's great part Simpson and bird come are working for a song called I need to be fucked a lot man. It's great. Yeah, what a good song. That's a great song. There's also Now this will be up on the page if you want to see it Alone like on its own it'll be its own upload is a try it out supercut. Oh with all the famous people up from our show

Black guys love the fuck fuck good black guys who love the fuck there You are seamless if you're a hot black guy if you're a hot black guy if you're a hot black guy If you're a hot black guy, you're a hot black guy You want to fuck me at 2395 if you want to move in you can move in but you gotta fuck me But you gotta fuck me nice need to be fucked a lot man You can move in with me you get free food free rent free lease and a key free everything else man He is the deal man, and here's a deal man. He's a deal man. He's the deal man Here's a deal man. Here's the deal man man from jail homeless

You want to move in your friend can move to free rent lease and a key fuck You're gonna piss on me beat me piss on me beat me home and out. I'm home. You know home and out home and out I'm here man. Yeah, I'm right now. I'm not home now, but I'll be home later See me when I come over today and try it out try it out man My building try it out. I'm gonna piss on me try it out. Be me try it out, man I just don't get fucked a lot serious replies only and look at the hard core guys. You mean it want to do it Oh white trash come down. Let's fuck Really nice work nice job blue band Wow that is the try it out supercut and he just never

stops inspiring people you know read my last text message I found your most recent message from Louie. I Want black guys who like to fucking fuck good if you were a hot black guy want to fuck me at 2395 I need to be fucked a lot man Free food free rent and everything else man. Here is the deal man men from jail Homeless or a thug you want to come move in your friend can move in with you to man You get a lease and a key. Oh my god, me piece on me beat me. I'm home here now

You see me today want to come over today and try it out try it out in my building try it out What a piece on me try it out. I'm looking for hardcore guys who mean it and want to do it and deliver it Come dumb let's back That's a Lewis or Louise Aussie Siri letting it rip for the child So yeah, he never stops inspiring people If only he knew I thought you know these people don't even know how much they inspire us. I know a message I'm looking for

Your feedback I think Hi, mommy's me. I first say thanks for keeping it real on the podcast You guys are fucking hilarious wondering if you can help me with a problem My boyfriend has a real hygiene issue when it comes to the brown this keeps coming up this kind of stuff I've been doing his laundry for a couple years. I witnessed his use of clean underwear steadily decline Huh, he normally uses about six pairs every two weeks. I'm sorry He wears each pair for up to three days negative Well, I think this is

disgusting He thinks it's normal because he scrubs his butthole now using my expensive facial cleaner after each and every poop Sometimes even drawing blood Can you please correct his backwards ass on this matter? I need him to man up and change his goddamn underwear every day I also need to stop using my face soap on his hairy anus and balls P.s. I'm going to be one of the five women who buys the four-stroke gang merch Literally convinced my friend to name his Mustang the first the four strokes the four stroke stang

Piss on me beat me hoe a man out Chelsea But first of all, I think you should weigh in on what her boyfriend dude. What kind of nasty motherfucker I mean, that's wrong every three days. Yeah, no, it doesn't matter if your genitals and your butthole are clean You still have to change them because there's still residue of poop residue sweat. Yeah usage Why can't he can he not afford daily boxers or Underwears, I don't know what's going on. No, no, no, she needs to sit down with him Really talk about it That's nasty as hell. It's pretty nasty. I agree. You can't you can't wear the same underwear more than once

I don't know how anybody is down with with the I'm talking men women non-binaries. I feel like yeah If you're a homeless thug Whatever I I mean, that's the one thing when I go on the road. I have a routine for packing I basically bring Double yeah out of underwear that there are days. I do too because three days will burn through our hair. Yeah, there's certain days where You know you arrive you let's say you shower you switch out that underwear a new under that's two and one day right there It's been sitting on a plane nasty your balls are sweating nasty. You've been farting all day nasty Yeah, you switch if you go to the hotel. I mean I always go to a hotel gym

You're sweating in that you can't wear that sweaty fucking underwear out. It's fucking nasty man And then you got your show chonies. Yeah, you got to take that shit off after because they're all sweaty after you've been Telling jokes for two hours always bring extra more you this is disgusting I mean here I'm under for three days is so fucking foul Even my stepdad who was gnarly like all of his shorts were brown. It's summer He would never do that like I feel like that would your dad do multiple days on he's nasty So I don't I mean I don't think he does but he was also like if we are on a Like if you're on a trip or something and you realize you didn't pack the underwear you need

I'm always someone who's like well. Where's the store? I go by him. Yeah, my dad will flip his underwear inside out Oh, it's so nasty. I think I would rather wash them in the sink Like if I didn't have access to buying them. Yeah wash them every day, right? Do something air them out dude How is how are you like laying this dude? I mean his balls and dick must stink too. They can't you can't do that That's funky and I'm saying it's summertime right now. Doesn't he walk around and sweat? You know, yeah, just like ball sweat and pubes are down there Does he does he go to the gym or exercise and extend the wearing of that because that is real I mean why I can't ask you this why are men so fucking disgusting like do we are you guys just not?

taught hygiene from your parents Depends on your upbringing and whether being fouls encouraged or not because there's a lot of dudes who are really hygienic and Over the top with it, but I think it's you know, they either have their own neurosis about it or they're raised that way They're raised to believe that you know, you got to be really on top of the cleanliness but if you're raised by people who You know encourage foul behavior. You're gonna grow into it. Yeah, of course That is so fucking nice. Well, how are you not a barbarian your dad is an animal you inherit that around all the time Yeah, I three girls who were like that's not that yeah, and I see how they

Reacted to dudes being gross. It's so I am gross. Yeah, but I check it on certain things. You're harrying gross Yeah, I'm harrying gross, but I definitely believe in Showers and you yeah, you change your clothes. You don't do multiple days on the same underpants No, you're not you're not disgusting like that. I've always been sloppy, but I always said I was sloppy but not No, that's right. No, I throw clothes on the ground, but I don't like hair in the sink and you know, I mean I clean that stuff up That was questionable. I do you leave the hair on the sink, which doesn't even bother me I don't like I don't like hair on the toilet stuff like that. That's nasty. Why is our hair on the toilet though? Just like pubes will fall, you know that kind of thing

Yeah, yeah, I think that either funky toilet is gross to me. That's nasty Yeah, but our toilets always funky with yours brown splatters, but I'm saying I'm not a fan of that Yeah No, I know it's disgusting That's so nasty. I wonder there's not a hundred. There's nasty girls to probably to do that Yeah, that's nasty. No, you have a conversation with this guy This guy I gotta go pee real bad. Oh really pause. Yeah, I got oh, okay. That's nasty There you go you peed you're having a snack you're pregnant

It's exciting I need my cheese, man Eat your cheese. I had to say all in all those pregnancies been pretty easy except for written This is it the last four weeks are fucking horrible. Yeah, but the Pilates helped a lot. I've been watching my diet It's been it's been pretty decent. I've been taking boxing lessons. Dude. How crazy is boxing? We're watching that movie Creed. Yeah, it's a great movie. It's yeah It's so fucking hard. Like that's got to be the hardest thing to do You have a whole new appreciation for oh, it's really the conditioning. That's the craziest

I mean, yeah, all of it is a skill set, you know the punching to kicky punch the Movements Anticipation, I mean, it's it's a skill set like it, but the conditioning What I think you end up going like how the fuck these guys do this bananas What incredible shape these dudes are in just to be able to just to stay in the ring just to be like, you know Doing that stuff. How long is a boxing match? I mean generally three minutes No, no, I but let's say an hour theoretically how many rounds can they go and how how many minutes are each round? I don't know. Yeah, so, you know, you have 10 and 12 round

Matches bouts and and each minute is each round is three minutes, which is like one time I took a Anyway, I tried kickboxing once in my 20s Yeah, and just hitting the bag and kicking it and shit like that for a minute. Yeah, I mean, that's so exhausting I used to be just exhausted. No, it makes you realize when you want after you do it a bunch and you then you watch one You're like, oh my god, how these guys because yeah, I'll do I'll do Sometimes we do these combinations where he'll do 30 seconds of each combination

Without a break for a minute and a half And if you're you're going, you know, high speed you're building up and you're hitting it harder and harder I mean a minute and a half in you're like, I'm feeling like I'm gonna die Yeah, well, could you imagine what it feels like after you're done with a fight like a whole fight? I know and those MMA guys do five That's crazy, yeah, and they're getting kicked and hit and they're being choked out and you're wrestling Minutes is an eternity and sure is but three minutes if you're really boxing dancing move and touching swinging ducking Dip and sliding slip and punches

Bop-bop-bop-bop-bop-bop. I mean you go through a combination like that and like a little back and forth You know, maybe 20 seconds have passed and you're like fuck 40 of this left so fucking hard. Yeah, I know I remember that it's a lot It's it's the conditioning. So you see those guys when they in there in camp They're just running miles and miles and miles. Oh, yeah, it's nuts Oh, you know what an appearance you didn't mention that you did was dr. Drew's show I did dr. Drew's also it was nonstop for me last week. I started getting messages like hey man What are you promoting? Are you doing a bunch of press like it just happened this week?

Well because you were on the road for so long And I think it kind of got backlogged for people and I ask you to do things and then you got about this week And then what happened was the other things just Were added to it after I had committed to a few and I was like, well, I guess I'll just keep doing it Well, anyways, what I wanted to bring up. Yes, of course. He's amazing. Of course him and Mike Catherwood. Yeah Who's great? Who's great too? He's so sweet Is Anthony Bourdain we never spoke about I cannot believe we did not talked about Anthony Bourdain Well, I'll be honest that I didn't even want to talk about last week because I was so

Upset and I'm such a I'm such an admirer of his I read his all the books I've been a fan of his since 2005 and I was really upset I think it took three days before I finally could let the news sink in and I'd forget about it And then I remember and just be like, oh my gosh, I can't I can't believe he's gone. It really it affected me too I mean, you know, also He he became one of those Personalities that I kind of just took for granted as being there. Yeah, right. Yeah, who are you talking about?

Yeah, you're like, I like him a lot. I really like him a lot. Yeah, um, I kind of you know I mean first of all, look, I just don't watch a lot of anything anymore except for It's like murder killing. Well, you know, it's time to it's when it's time for me to watch something It's 9 30 at night and it's usually a movie or a show. Yeah The scripted, you know, and I I watch what I watch and then that's it. I don't I don't have that much so I really don't watch that much TV TV anymore and you know his shows on CNN But I've been you know a long time fan of Bourdain's and for me it started with

Devastating confidence. Yeah, that book is amazing That book is amazing and if you've never read it and especially if you are already a fan of his and you just like oh I never got around to reading it read that book it really I mean remember when that book was a bestseller and I'm I'm pretty much a skeptic on All forms of it. Yeah, like well, they'll be like Tuesdays with Mori. I'm like, I don't want to fucking read that It's bullshit. Do opera put him on. Did she put him on that's how that that that catapulted him into the fucking Yes, cuz she got a hold of kitchen confidential and he had put these tips in there Like don't order swordfish in a restaurant because of war and the days of the week

I remember all that don't get seafood on a Sunday But all his you know if you watched him host no reservations or parts unknown on CNN or any other things, you know You realize that those voiceovers that he would do narrating the show were written or spoken were in his words Oh, yeah, right the copy and there's a really a poetic quality to the way that Bourdain Summarize things describe things. I mean he was he really was a gifted writer Certainly a gifted writer, you know had a really original point of view on the world But if you don't know that book, you're just watching it. You're like, you know, you might go like wow this guy's good at this

It's a whole other peak into his talent because he really wrote in such a poll I mean it it's kind of book where it makes you want to go out to a restaurant that night Yeah, it makes you want to be a chef makes you want to cook make and and he had like that rock star Yeah What was great about kitchen confidential it well first of all, you know, he had two failed novels before that He was writing mystery novels. Yeah, and they both failed and then he got that old adage of like right What you know when he was like 40 years old and he'd worked in the restaurant for wow So even older, you know, he had a first wife

No kids at the time and then he writes about what he knows Which is this the dark underbelly in the way that he writes it right which is great And I what I really related to and I feel like creatively where I just I loved him It's that dark quality that shadow self It's kind of why I love comedy because it's all the dark It's the derelicts the masturbators the road ups the street people with a comedic sensibility. Yeah. Oh, it's great Because he's not writing it like he's not doing a fresh produce. It's one of the most important things Yeah, he's writing it like a comic like a scumbag

You know and he had he had problems with addiction and heroin and he talks about that in that for the first book But and by the way, he did this is jumping around but he did do speaking in evening with Anthony Bourdain He would do those tours where he would basically go out there and tell stories and it's basically He was basically doing stand-up. Oh, he was fine a very funny guy Well Joe Rogan interviewed him once on the Jerry and I remember listening to that and I just I loved him I just loved I followed him on Instagram. May I when he broke up with Otavia Bourdain? I was like, this is great. It's finally my chance to get Anthony to hook up with him But I did feel there was a kindred

Creative spirit there and I'm so I'm so upset because I I just you know because especially all these fucking dumb chefs Like you said, it's like Andrew Zimmer's like not that he's bad, but it's just like it's a different a different thing Yeah, yeah, you know you he was real Anthony had like a little bit of an edge a lot of a lot of edge But I'm saying he had a little bit of that he had that thing where it's somebody you don't know But you assume they would like you if you know, yeah, I would talk to him and we would click I would click yeah, or you'd want him you'd want to click I would be so I've had dreams the night he died I had a dream about him I'm right told you yeah

I dreamt that we were in a New York City cafe and I was too afraid to go up to him because he's cooler than me Yeah, and I was like, oh Anthony Bourdain. He's so cool. And that's how I've always felt like that guy's cool We're not that guy's fucking cool. Yeah. Yeah, he's yeah, and yeah, and anyways bringing back Drew because They they categorized this suicide as impulsive right which I was like is that foreseen Right, is that really how that works now? I'm not obviously an expert and but drew brought up a great point that this guy was essentially a heroin addict and Left untreated just kind of went from heroin to alcohol or a workaholism or whatever like he would just fill that That need with other things and I was ever went treated it struck me before when I would just watch the show

and seeing him You know enjoy and and drink a bunch of different types of alcohol He did ayahuasca on his first series. I think well that one strikes no reservations Yeah, that's less of a thing in my mind But to do ayahuasca on your TV show is no Nutty right, it's nutty, but I'm saying that all the times where I saw him enjoying booze Yeah, yeah, I would think back to the book and think back to Being a heroin addict. Yeah, and that he was doing the self

Imposed right medication of like why I'm I'm leaving the hardcore thing, but I'm gonna I'm gonna medicate with something else Yeah, yeah, I mean I always thought that but you know you can never tell somebody I mean and I guess there are some people where it works for them You know according to dr. Drew who's an addiction specialist anyone who's going from opiod addiction and Not going clean, but like Doing other supplementing supplementing like it's it's so you're just playing with fire the whole time

It's super dangerous. Well, he mentioned that TV show Patrick Melrose on showtime Uh-huh, and I started to watch it and it's a pretty great represent It's what that's what Drew says It's a representation of somebody going from heroin to just booze to try to wean themselves off of heroin Mm-hmm, and it was so dark. I couldn't I tapped out really. Yeah, and I was really into it because that guy Cumberbatch Benefucked Cumber snatch. Yeah, he's a great actor. Yeah, it's a good really nice way of saying his name But it was so dark and I thought guys if Anthony Bourdain

Was dealing with a fraction of the pain and suffering emotionally that this guy was no wonder, you know, yeah But I'm super bummed. It really bummed me out It made me sad, you know, I mean, I know a lot of people were talking about here's somebody that Has it all and you know, you see them just in in the the fast lane of Success in yeah, you know and not only has it all but has it all their way Yeah, dude, you got to do it like right you're doing the show your way. You want to do you do. Yeah, you want to do Yeah, he's not like a you know stockbroker that hates the job, right? Morning show host

Yeah, he gets and he gives and he gives his real opinion I used to really love when I was watching no reservations back in the day a lot my favorite things were when He was I think he was going to Greece one episode He was I want to say he was like a fucking hate lamb. Yeah, you know. Yeah, I'm not looking forward. I was like, oh, this is so Real yeah that this guy is he's not he respected all cultures, you know, and he would he would be like I remember he ate some crazy Inuit meal. He was like, oh the seal. Yeah, he didn't like it hard I loved that I did it wasn't always like whatever anyone gives me. Yeah always say something positive, right?

He would tell you like fucking hate lamb. It's not good. Yeah, I don't like this I don't like the way that's prepared. Yeah, he hated vegetarianism. He was very open. I was hilarious Yeah, like that. He lives a carnivore and one time he went to Ghana and they fed him like a rodent And he was like, this is fucking utterly disgusting. I'm forcing this down my throat right now Basically, and he was like I'm polite, but this is fucking but that's cool That that was that where you knew that he was being himself And you knew he wasn't just doing that polite thing of yeah, it's all good. Everything's good Thank you and talking down to foreign or to foreign cultures and talking down to people and yeah

No, he would tell people this tastes like shit Love that about him. Yeah, he'll be missed. He'll really be missed. I I've thought about him a lot Since that happened me too, you know, I feel like he's one of those guys you feel like you really feel like you knew him Well, I think we you know Yeah, and I think we had a few mutual acquaintances people that had known him and I would hear things about yeah I'm between all the shows and I mean you obviously it's kind of like We knew him the way I don't know like certain maybe listeners of this show know us Yeah, you tap into something and you you get to know someone for a long time

I know it's and the Kate spade was a few days before that on you guys. I know It's crazy. Well on the good news is my shrink was telling me that a lot of people have been reaching out for therapy That's awesome. There's two suicides. So that's good. I've I've I've definitely had messages like that And I always encourage people to reach out people reach out to me I'm saying sometimes when they're like going through this depression. It's like always seek help, please Yeah, I cuz I I keep googling Anthony back was like obsessed with this You know and it said that he did reach out to his doctor like a few a day or two before and Just they said didn't take the advice that the doctor had given him so who knows what that means

I know HBO is coming up with a new Robin Williams documentary No, I saw the trailer for it. It's really it looked it looked amazing But I think what's so shocking with Anthony is that you didn't see that well I didn't see Robin Williams coming But when you go well, he was he had some illness that he was dealing with right Robin was yes Yeah, Robin was dealing with like a serious early onset illness. Yeah, and the medication and he knew They basically told me it was gonna be you know all downhill from here So he was like I'm out I think so plus he'd suffer from depression for years and years

Okay, Spade suffered from depression for years right and she didn't want to seek treatment because she felt it would tarnish her brand Which is so sad like that. It's so sad that there's still a stigma on getting treatment. It's ridiculous Okay Anyways guys, I wanted to address it because I feel like it was an elephant like oh at least we're gonna talk about no I know we just silly. I think we just didn't last week I could I wasn't ready. Yeah, I was like bummed out Let me tell you let me switch it up with something that might cheer you up This is a

This is real by the way. We're in we're in the real news Yeah This is the KW OS morning news watch on news radio 950 and 101.1 FM KW OS KW OS news time 606. I'm John breadmore a New water champion of controversy yesterday the competitive water consumption consortium announced Thomas Segura's water champion Contender Christina Pazitti was disqualified in the competition after testing positive for performance enhancing soul This is the CWCC is expected to release an official statement this afternoon announcing if Pazitti will be barred from future CWCC competition Use radio 950 a.m. And 101.1 FM KW OS ridiculous

By the way, if you want to know where the fans stand on this yeah issue Yeah, the waterchamp hat that was in our store for me sold out Okay, had to be reordered and I was just message that we might have to reorder it again Okay, look first of all yours in abundance You're there. Oh, hey man, man. Yana's let the record show. Let's look right now at the evidence I'm drinking water Fiji water courtesy of Martin Risa of the Patina restaurant Yeah, I thought that's how the water sommelier. He brings us this water. So thank you Martin I drink this and what are you drinking?

I'm drinking a Venti iced coffee extra ice no sweetener splash of whole milk. It's mostly water. No, it's not mostly water It's mostly brown, which is what your urine looks like after you drink that So one of us hydrates one of us dehydrates Not a dehydrating It's a stupid thing. It's a stupid assumption that it doesn't It's a diuretic. So it makes you pee more huge stupid thing that stupid people say now diuretic 63 years ago today Christina was born and it's important to note that stupid. It's been a wonderful life. Yeah, I love you very much

I love you too. It's your born day. It is to think that in a few years. You'll be collecting social security So crazy really an amazing thing. Can you believe I'm 42 years old? Wow That's fucking that's a lot of time to be on this planet, dude. Those tits have been farting for a while It's a long time You're not even 40 yet. That's so gross. I know how does that make you feel? It feels weird Knowing how much you've been in your 40s. Yeah, I'm like you keep being over 40 and I'm still like what's it like? What are you now 39 now? I'm 39. I can't wait for you to turn 40. What are we gonna do on the 40th fucking worst? Let me tell you something you contemplate your life when you it's at that midlife crisis shit is real

You know, I'm not a birthday party guy. No, I'm thinking of having a birthday party. You should I'm I'm opposed to the big birthday. We talk about this a lot I don't understand these adults who are like, it's my 47 What do you I mean after 30 you don't get to do that shit like you get the big ones 30 40 50 60 But that's it. Yeah, who gives a fuck about you in your birthday like you have a job You have a mortgage go on with your life Well, what do you want though, but you and I both hate parties especially throwing them. I know Maybe I'll do the big dinner. That's the big dinner thing

You know like and like we'll go to a nice restaurant with your friends something like the Christchers. No people I like all right, yeah, and I Mean maybe right Have some drinks. Here's the problem with that. Okay. Yeah, you only talked to people sitting next to you and it's like What's the point of the big dinner? What about the big dinner here? You like how like we feed people at our table. That's a good idea. We don't cook. We have someone else cook It's a great idea. I think a small intimate party at your own home. You can kind of control the variables That's nice, and then I can get fucking shit-faced fucking house, bro

Get ripped in half. Can't wait to get fucking ripped again, man. Yeah, man. I've been sober for eight months This sucks. I don't know how people do this Pretty um, I can't wait to get fucking drunk, bro Bro, I know sushi and wine first thing when they pop this kid out, dude. That's what I want Bring me the wine and bring me the sushi. I don't give a fuck if I'm breastfeeding your milk Doesn't come in for fucking two or three days anyways, bro Bring it. It's pretty cool What are you gonna do? You're gonna do something like you're gonna go to Colorado with Bert and Ari and

Watch some grand pre-race or something fucking dude thing like that for my birthday for your 40th. Yeah You're gonna like go horseback riding with Joe or something. What? You always talking about your horseback riding thing. You literally described the last thing on earth I would do to celebrate my birthday. I know it's terrible. No, I won't do that. I will I don't know You know, I don't know. I really don't know. I like so far. I like the dinner idea Yeah, like a nice dinner. Yeah, I like that too You got to bring in the people you really liked out. So that's that the key to it. Yeah party has too many You know fringe

Kind of on the outsiders and because the party people always find their way You're like, I don't want this dude in my party You want them at your party and you're not really talking to them anyways, but the dinner you can make it smaller You can make it exactly who you want. I like it. I like it too. God. I fucking hate birthdays You know what? I hate I hate getting all the text messages and the med like happy birthday, and you're like, I don't want to I think I would do the The person We don't cook. I don't want to cook. I don't want to clean up. No, you know if somebody else do all of that

Yeah, I hate birthdays. I hate I hate the in-between birthdays like this one like 42 like who gives a shit Nobody fucking cares. Here you go. You know, I'm still gonna work. I'm still gonna fucking do I care So I know how much you love people screaming and how it makes you laugh This guy apparently goes all over the world Coyote Peterson, I think is his name and He likes to find like the most painful bites and stings and he films himself Going through it. Oh my god. It's really crazy How to say that the sting of the tarantula hawk is number two on the insect sting pain index

It's like being stunned with a taser and they say it puts you into a state of paralysis for up to five minutes where all you can do is Scream you're gonna do this yourself. Yeah to himself, but does he have the antidote with him? There's no antidote because it's not venom It's just a painful sting million miles a second. This is the most nervous. I've ever been basically fear factor Yeah bite from anything my hand is shaking self-imposed already What a fucking idiot you're ready. Yeah, here we go. I'm Coyote Peterson And I'm about to enter the sting zone with the tarantula hawk It's just a stinger, but it's really Don't do it, bro. Don't do it

No, no, don't do he's like forcing a sting Oh my gosh, oh, you're not laughing Tom. Why aren't you laughing? I hope our kids never do shit like this man. I did it to himself. She's crazy This is not good And this won't kill you that is the most intense pain I've ever felt I don't think I can talk Your face is this is you after the hot wings show in the toilet. This is my diary up. No, I just can't move my arm Why is he doing this is it for television or just YouTube?

Just for YouTube use he has a lot of use yeah, I bet Dear You don't have to do this It's actually we're seeing it at this point do it again. Oh I've read that it's like getting Tased with a taser gun. I've never been tased before but I can tell you that the pain is Unbelievable right now. Well now you need to go get take my form. Yeah, so you can compare I agree Where's that video?

Yeah, you guys at least go all the way Fuck man. Yeah, that's I don't like that. I don't like this. Yeah How can we not laughing? I feel like you would laugh. I don't know what why aren't you laughing? I think cuz he like we know it's coming. I think the surprise would have been better You think if you just saw the guy put the bug on his arm and not say what's gonna happen or like if his friend Had put the bug on his arm. Oh, and then that you're right. That's a funnier set up That's a funnier set up sure then him. He's been like I'm gonna do this to myself Right. Yeah, and then he really looked like he was in real pain

Yeah, it's also it's prolonged on some of these things like the guy jumping off the tow truck. It's quick Yeah, you know, it's just like and then it's over. This is like you're seeing someone suffer What do I I thought would be in your wheelhouse? No, I don't like that so much I like it if like a guy friend like a jackass set up We're like maybe Johnny Knoxville dumps that bug down like someone's shorts Yeah, and they get a bite on their peener or their balls now That's a funnier scenario or like if one of those guys is sleeping and they let that thing out shit in his God, they should have submitted this to jackass. That would have been that's a good one. That would have been a good thing

Here's a double pipe classic loophole question. Oh interesting I was talking to my wife the night about double pipe classics and I had an epiphany if Tom were to bit to burp in Christina's how you say asshole and then Christina were to fart that burp out with that technically beat up my classic Just wondering try it out. Love you. Mommy's JR No, that would not be but I really like the way your mind works You're definitely gross and you're really using your time for good But I don't think that works it's not provoking I burp into your asshole and you fart that out I mean, I get what he's saying. It's like it's a little it is a technical burp and a fart

But it's not the same thing. Well, no, here's why it's a dq. Yeah First of all, the double pipe classic is the burp comes out of your mouth your mouth and fart comes out of your rectum at the same He's saying you're gonna burp into my rectum. Yeah, so that my rectum is just full of your burp air I know and that that actually is now. It's improper. He's saying there's a burp. That's a fart Coming on understand what he's saying But the definition of a double pipe, of course is that you're burping out of your mouth and farting out of your anus at the Same time. It's nonsense. So it's it's not even a it's an it's a non-starter guy. This is not even a loophole It's not it's it's illogical. What you're what you're suggesting is it's a logical. Yeah, it's not right

Somebody writes us. Hey jeans recently. I was giving my girlfriend a back rub. We had just had sex. We were still naked So I was sitting on top of her butt with our bare butts touching Mm-hmm. I didn't think much of it, but I had to fart and I ripped a loud one Which ended up going directly into her butthole No, she was not a fan of the sensation of the wind and particles going into her rectum Is there a name for this or some people into this that I accidentally discovered a new fart fetish I just wanted some jeans of paint on this sincerely Zimz are

Well, Zim I Think you are nasty as hell You be you wouldn't even do this to me sit on you and fart into your butthole. It's not it's not what I'm I Don't think let me tell you something I don't think and I understand what he's saying you sit on someone's butt and then you fart on their butt But in order for that fart to go into somebody's butthole, yeah, your buttholes clenched shut Yeah, so I don't think that the fart can go into her butthole unless her Of course. No, of course. This is he just farted on her butt

Right, so that's just bad luck for her. It is is it are some people into it. I'm sure Somebody out there's like I love when somebody just farts on me farts on my butt cheeks But if it were to go in there would be a fart transfer. Yeah, that's not happening Fart it's not a trans part It's not a trans fartens. It's not it's not happening. It's not pot And it is possible, but it's just not you could you could put a funnel in her butthole and then fart into the funnel And maybe some of those fart particles will go into her butthole such another level of commitment to that Yeah to fart into a funnel and put it in someone's asshole

I mean, it's not like an accidental thing that just happens, right? You're really really going for it at that point. That's what that's what he's suggesting that he's done Yeah, but without the funnel and it's not possible. I'm saying it's not did you see the White House video. Did you see that? Yes, you did see it depressing. Yes. You showed this to me I thought I saw you just like a moment of it. I it's so disturbing and alarming The White House put out this is so crazy. It's so upsetting They're just gonna upset me all over why it's so embarrassing that this is our leader putting out this nonsense. Well, it's it's it's so Funny that this is actually real because when I saw it I was like, there's no way this is real and it is real

Here's the best part about this for people that don't know what I'm about to show you was played for the journalists at the summit in Singapore after Trump and Kim Jong-un met This played on large screens for the journalists and then Trump walked out and did his press conference It's so crazy. It really feels like a sketch when you see this, but here's what we learned afterwards Trump actually showed this kid to Kim Jong-un at lunch. He showed him this video, which you knew he had to be like You want to see some you want to see some badass shit. Let's see some cool stuff Yeah, and then Kim turned to his translator was like, huh?

And the translator was like, so do the door he doesn't have his Japanese and then he goes Like not and like, yeah, we'll see some cool shit and then Trump showed him this And was like what do you think and then Kim Jong-un was probably like Which means like he said that's some badass shit Like I bet you that's not far off from so embarrassing seven billion people in habit planet Earth of Those alive today only a small number will leave a lasting impact It feels like and only the very few will make decisions or take actions

That remove their homeland and change the course of history History may appear to repeat itself for generations the crazy thing is if you're the White House you have to have access To like the best producers editors you can reach it was clearly made by You know corporate like this is corporate creativity if You know, yeah, it fucking In a world it just feels very generic. It feels generic. It's generic editing. It's generic voiceover. It's generic music Yeah, it just feels like there was I don't know like a shopping cart Company would be like hey, we have a new shopping cart coming out. Can you guys make a video?

This would be the type of video Well, you're not even getting to the good parts yet. No, I know this is it gets better and better. It gets to the 1950s And Difference the question is Difference Doesn't have to be the future What if That share a common and rich heritage can find a common future

Destiny pictures presents a story Destiny pictures presents you've heard of destiny pictures, right? So clearly this is you know, you can sit around you can see like the White House But even they're like well, it's a fig trailer You know, it's our destiny to have this come together and he's like that's it Destiny pictures or presents Like it like it's like a movie that's really gonna happen. Yeah, but make it like super badass Like all kinds of cool shots in there be there can only be results One of moving back

Can there be explosions in this video Tom a lot of panning Oh Wait, I think in destiny pictures present story. I forgot this one beginning One destiny A story about a special moment in time when a man is presented with one chance that may never be repeated There it is. What will he choose to show vision the stock footage of the guy dunking? It's that's my favorite thing ever. It's hey, can you get a guy to dunk in the video? Well, and this is science science medicals

I'm a science loves basketball. Yeah, no, I know Dennis Rodman or one of moving forward. Oh my god Embarrassing Okay missiles launching for those of you that don't know why this is absolutely fucking bananas you need to do a little bit of research into diplomacy in the way that that it's approached To create a fake movie trailer that you actually Release to the general public and play for journalists and play for the

Isolated dictator of country It's fucking crazy, man. It's crazy. This is this is a It's definitely not how things have been done, but you know, I guess we'll hold out our It's so embarrassing Like it's so embarrassing It's so I can't even bring myself to have an opinion. You ever like you're so I'm so upset inside Oh my god, it's like so dumb somebody was telling me that this news feel like so stupid feels like Scientology videos Yeah, like one of those fake. Yeah

Can history be changed move the world embrace this change and when The hand of peace and enjoy prosperity like he has never seen a great life or more isolation God so wild Little levity it's so crazy. It's so fucking nutty. I'm not I can't even yeah, but I think that it's not just that video It's the source of the video that's amazing and where the video was played Yeah, it's so inappropriate. Oh, you know what's another what it reminds me of is when you see somebody make like an independent film Like their own film and then they're like, hey look at this movie. I made yeah You start to go and then they are cringy, right? Yeah, and then they

They send you the trailer that they made on their Apple computer and that's what that is It's like the Steven Seagal movies that we we watch sometimes That looks like a Seagal trailer yeah in a world Yeah, it's so cheap where Asia and America collide It looks terrible terrible. You're the one at least fucking make the trailer incredible like yeah You know people in showbiz might there's people that support somebody would help find it find like put Kid rock in the video. I know he loves you actually Yeah, it feels like North Korea do the right thing. Oh my god and whatever

Oh, you know how the celebrities endorsing you that like you like it's it's been it's something It's just utter nonsense. Yeah, that was Now what's really interesting though is that Dennis Rodman is saying that like he was the first to Hotcoin.com that's the shirt he wore But he's he's taking credit for this He's like look dude I was the first person to go to North Korea and establish contact and you guys you motherfuckers own me He has a point he kind of does like when did Dennis Rodman become the voice of reason in the world in this world

That we live in now that makes a lot of sense Everything that you thought made sense, I mean even the video being played it's like it's one of those You know what the other oh before the other cringy thing fucking when people send hey, I did stand up for the first time Oh, my no, don't do that. Will you watch it? I'm like fuck. No God damn it. Here's another here's a tip for you if you really want to get in the stand-up Don't post the first time you've done stand-up or the first seven six years Yeah, don't post any of that stuff guys. It's not good. It's not good. You're not good at it. It's terrible And if you think it's good you're wrong, it's not good you're not good at it

Well, and also I understand the I know you want to share you want validation Oh, right to be fair. I understand a younger comedian might want your feedback or well, yeah, okay Well, maybe but but on the other hand But so what like that's just how you would you stand up? You're just telling this person. Hey, this is how I would do it You know what I'm saying? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's not really guided Yeah, you shouldn't listen to what I say about it, but you definitely shouldn't post it Don't post it on the internet. Don't post your stand-up For a long time post it when it's been really like tested out. Yeah, you've done it to a lot of audiences

And then you go like hey unless you're like, oh, I just did it for a laugh Like I did it for a but if you're like I'm pursuing stand-up Believe me when I tell you You don't want that to be a representation of you. No, think about stand-ups that you really like and admire What do you see of them? You see a finished product you see something that ten years at least so you're like Yeah, and uploading all my sets on YouTube if you want to watch them, so dude, you shouldn't well And I remember being frustrated when I was up Excuse me 50 or comic or fourth year comic and being like why aren't I in the clubs? Why aren't I? Yeah?

And I didn't know at the time, but I sucked that's why and When you get good enough people will take notice you don't have to do much once you're good They'll invite you to do the shows that you want to be doing those videos. Don't worry. Don't push it No, I know it takes time. It just there's no short time. Yeah, it's not those videos are so cringy when they're when they're Oh, it's I won't I won't watch them. Oh my god, you know people submit them to me and I politely decline. I say look I I Just don't think him. I don't want to derail you from your creative journey I totally agree. What if I say something and I discourage? I hate and that ends up being your thing that makes you and I told you to stop doing that because I wouldn't do that

Fucking hate giving stand-up notes. I don't like it either. I won't why don't I don't like critiquing It's like who am I who am I to tell you what what you think? I know I don't like it. I don't like I don't like Putting a thought in your head that maybe changes another thought that you had that maybe was a good thought You know just because I think it but I still don't want to watch your awful video Please don't send me your videos Oh fucking God It's really oh

Do you know Gucci Berry? No, he's this this guy So today you swing to look up. We thought we'd do America's favorite right now I know we're gonna let this little leaguer swing me in the nuts What are you doing on your phone, man? My food is arriving and I would like to know whether or not Claudia opened the door for this person because they're calling me Okay, we're in the middle of this podcast. I know okay, so then they'll just send my food away. I'm pregnant. I got to eat all right You want me to set it up again since you didn't oh sure yeah, okay? So today you swing to the sack Sunday. We thought we'd do America's favorite pastime

Baseball we're gonna let this little leaguer swing me in the nuts Gucci Berry best grand slam your nuts in the outer space Ah See I've really discovered about myself just in this episode that I don't like when it's Like planned out and anticipated as much. I like the accidental that's interesting. You like the element of surprise Yeah, I don't like I don't like this Yeah, but all I would have had to done is just show you this video without the setup and then you would have laughed as well Maybe maybe I don't I won't know now, but I definitely don't like it. I don't like it either

And I too much of my memory goes to having my balls kid You know I think you've got something there because America's funniest home videos made several seasons of that show just on this premise It's the nut hit right and the reason the nut hit worked is because it wasn't deliberate It was the accidental kids swinging. Yeah, it's the mom doing whatever I asked the kid to hit him in the balls with a fucking baseball bat Yeah, it doesn't work when it's deliberate unless it's jackass and there's a group of guys laughing Yeah, you know and there's like some stakes or they've agreed to it set up is different. Yeah

What's going on with this guy you think Attention I know why it works on jackass though because the other guys laughing give you permission to laugh Yeah, that's true, and you know that it's okay, and you know that whoever gets hurt First of all, it's okay with it. Yeah, they want the same and you also know he's gonna get somebody back Right, there's a bunch of goofballs doing it, but this one just felt sad cool Jesus Christ pathetic

There's a bunch of stuff in the store right now if you guys thank you for for supporting the try it out ball hog What was the oh the four stroking of course multiple four stroking there's shirts There's a hat the new thing is coming out in next week, so that's exciting for that I know what you're talking about. I showed you the prototype last night Shows are on sale. They're on presale top viewer.com Christina P online.com Is there anything else to mention Jean? Hmm. No, I don't think so happy born day. Thanks. I love you. I love you too. Mommy's and no I said I love I love you

Mommy's oh you too, I love you too and I love Tom Thank you guys for listening. Here's the closing song. It is what is it gaping dad? Four stroke anything we haven't had a gaping dad song in a while. He's always really good, so Here it is. Thanks for listening. We'll see you next week Oh Oh

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