Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - 454-Moshe Kasher & Natasha Leggero-Your Mom's House with Christina P and Tom Segura

Episode Date: June 27, 2018

It's a double date! Moshe and Natasha join us to discuss the Honeymoon Stand Up Special on Netflix and the mind-blowing reality of their fart situation.  Plus, we learn a lot about Jews and how loud screams from people in pain are indeed FUNNY.    please support our sponsors   Stamps.com code word: MOM There's no reason not to join! Get yours at DollarShaveClub.com/MOM

Hey, guess what he forgot to mention it during the show. So I'm mentioning it to you now Moshe cashier Will be appearing at just for laughs in Montreal Looks like July 26 Through the 28th. So go to ha ha ha Dot-com or just go to Moshe's site Moshe cashier dot-com get tickets to see him at just for laughs in Montreal Yeah, yeah, yeah Oh

Yeah Oh Gross hmm, huh, how are you? Check it out, try it out Try it out Try it out I got a added show a new show. It's a second show being added in Eugene's, Oregon Your gene Oregon the McDonald theater October 4th the 930 show has been added. It is on presale

Wednesday June 27th beginning at 10 a.m. Pacific presale the Password if you want to get it is tried out all one words All one word tried out and then at the on sale the general on sale will be Friday 629 June 29th getting a 10 a.m. Pacific if you want to get those pre-sale tickets use that code word try it out all one word in addition to those stinky little jeans Who is this by the way, this is instrumental to by BG Jovi Few tickets left there's a sold-out show in Breastballs Beach a couple tickets left for a Brea Thursday show

It's the Friday in Breastballs Beach, Florida that has West Palm Beach that has tickets Let's see about 50 tickets left in Boise Sat ball Sacramento Fresno Bakersfield those are all on sale Fartmeyers, Florida in November Good one. Jack me off ill Florida a second show was added in Orlando. They the first one is sold out Augusta Montclair and fill her up Delphia for people have been asking about other cities They will all be announced soon as part of a

huge nationwide Perhaps some international dates Those will all happen in 2019, but that's gonna be probably pretty close to it for me for the year Oh, I'm sorry Pachanga to Mekula. That's also November 30th and that went on sale Jean sorry, great. I too have a pre-sale to announce Fill her up Delphia. I am coming to you December 7th pre-sale tickets go on sale June 27th 10 a.m. Easter Standard Time. What are you going? It's a December 7th. It's the day before I do Judoor titties

So the promo code for that pre-sale is going to be mushy m u s h y So by time this drops you guys can get your pre-sale tickets And then I added a second show in Judoor titties a 1030 show Gramercy at the Gramercy Theater Those did a pre-sale this week, but the general on sale is going on now That's for December 8th the very next night So get those tickets at Christina Pete online also 11 24. It's November 24th Thanksgiving weekend

Yeah, if you're sick your family if you like your family and want to bring them It's the best way it's the best time to go out to a show. I think it is It's a Saturday. You guys are sick and tired of being in the house. Come see me man. Diego San Diego, California at the house of Blues and that's it and I too will be announcing some kind of thing in 2019 some type of a tour We're working it out now. All right, and that's it for now guys I stopped into the idea to set at the Gramercy one time with Dave Chappelle and Chris Rock. Oh, well, no big deal Who I've never heard these small-time comedians All right, Gene

So much fun, we have a couple of great guests joining us today that'll be be here in a little while We have a lot to go over You ready to get down with this try it out man. Let's try it out. There's a deal man Do deal man. Oh, we got to get another development with that guy. I can't wait to Are you kidding me? Yeah, I swear. It's how can it give any more? I know it's just one of those things man. Here we go Daddy long neck here with another video and I need a lane in it Loach in my neck like this Who is Randy don't bring anyone loving to this

Awesome Christina Oh My goodness, I don't know what the fuck's going on with this guy real quick just to before I forget the Twitch just in case you're interested. We're doing this show two hours Before

It drops on YouTube so YouTube the show drops 11 p.m. Pacific Tuesday evenings. That's when it comes out on YouTube on Twitch It's coming out at 9 p.m. And come on as an added bonus blue band is there Gene you were there last week. I'm gonna try to jump on next week. I did. I got to talk to mommies Yeah for a minute. What's your handle? I think it's queen jeans queen jeans one Mm-hmm. I'm DJ dadmouth one. So I'll be there in a week. I'm surprised nobody took that It's twitch.tv slash your mom's house podcast. It's cool. I you know, I'm very not cool Yeah, and I went on there and I like oh what a great way for fans of the show to kind of chat it up chat

And and and go along with what's happening live. It's kind of audio was weird But I don't know what this kid's this kid does have a really long neck. He does daddy long neck Video and I need a lady make lotion one neck like this Yeah, now do you think I do you think it's really long or that it's an angle Oh, I think it's really long I was gonna ask do you think that the length has anything to do with his voice being Nick in and in it right like our is vocal cords stretched out. Yeah, he's got is he not if he's not American, right? I think he's definitely American. Oh really? I thought he sounded like New Zealand New Zealand. Oh, no

Maybe it's mom's truck. Oh my god. The baby just kicked right under you have a baby in you. Oh my god. I was so painful Shit man, there's a person there. There's a pretty good human being So ladies if you're down to do this they do this comment comment You I know what it is in my inbox on Instagram. What does have damn long neck? That's what that's what my Instagram user is. You know what? I can't help it think when this happens What I mean? Obviously, you know, he's an odd bird. Yeah, he's an ostrich, but what's great about the internet is That he's putting out a call out there for someone to rub lotion on his long-ass neck Yeah, it's a it's an odd thing to do. He sounds weird. He looks different

Someone's gonna do it Someone's gonna be like I'd love to rub lotion on your neck and that's what I love about us being all connected It's someone is watching this being like I want to rub lotion on that kids That's the one unifying element to the internet the rest is divisive and hate and you know horrible comments And then there's times like this where some freak can get somebody to rub lotion That's true. Do you think the vocal fry is a result of the length? I don't know. I don't know if he is Making it so that it sounds like that or if it's really Just something that's you know, I mean, I don't know if it's a big forced thing

It's it's forced. That's an affect this vocal fry shit. I know but guys don't usually do this This is usually a girl a teenage girl thing a younger girl. Yeah I don't know Megan and I have been together for nearly three years. She's a beautiful girl Who I'm very much in love with and I have a lot in common with I can't wait to get home and jump in the pool And the pool it sounds like he's laying down when he speaks right now. It does The do this he does have vocal fry and then and also like an accent and affect yeah To do this is he's talking like you know gangster people if y'all got a lady now do this for me

Now respect the neck this does have the elements of a great your mom sounds I'll tell you what's what's striking me though, but I think I know what you're gonna say But I do think what I'm really enjoying about Damn long neck or Danny long neck whatever his name is Yeah, Danny long neck that He's at least feigning some sort of confidence. You know, it's very easy to be down about yourself if you have a 26 inch neck. Yeah, but he's like, you know what I'm owning it I'm gonna go with the nickname always, you know, you always have to accentuate your flaws

Yeah, rather than try to hide them because everyone sees it and that's really success I love it when they call me big pop. You know, I mean, it's like saying big mushy perps You know, it's aren't getting any smaller Yep, but we just got to address the fact that they're getting more and more enormous every day big daddy stank dick. Okay Put it out there It's one of your sad traits, you know, I'm about having a big old stinky dick. Yeah Everyone used to point it and laugh make fun of me. Yeah. Yeah, I get caught on things and people like ah You got a big sticky dick and I was like

Now I talk about it. Was that hard for you to change after football practice? Everybody hated changing after football. I went to a Weird school with regard to that. What do you mean? Well, I remember I mean, it's weird because You should be a little more comfortable with it But when I went to school, I'm an underclass. I'm a freshman high school The upper-classmen were changing with towels around their waist and and like wearing boxers into the showers Oh, Jesus, so you don't want to break The mold of what the upper-classmen are doing because then you're like being extra weird, you know big old queer

But it was weird that they were doing that It is weird especially because they're upperclassmen. They're more developed I think a big part of it was that it was a very small school. I think if it were Normal-sized high school like a you know or a big high school. I don't think that ever would have I've always felt that showering at School was just so cruel and you know, you know, it's hard on a teenager You're an adolescent your body is just the cocktail and then they want you to get naked in the middle of the day and then But how practice at the end of the day and then just go home dirty. Can you do that like at a jam or something? Yeah, I don't know football you get really funky. I know it's tight stuff, you know a helmet

You're sweating on and it's Florida. What time of day were you practicing? I was gonna say rehearsing like 3 30 to 5 30 Yeah, so just fucking go home and shower. Why do you have to shower in your disaster after football? No, just such a mess. No, I mean only one kid walked around flaunting his dick He had a big old black guy. Yeah, he's black. He had a big dick. That's why and he also You know what he looking for the dudes. Oh, he was looking for the dudes Yeah, he was looking for do you think he found any dudes in high school not in high school But I think outside of high school. He definitely met some dudes. It's so crazy. Yeah guys are such animals He liked showing it, you know, yeah, but I feel like I would too if I had a big old big dick

Yeah, me too. I didn't have a dick like that Oh, who does very very my dick would hide and especially when I was active. Yeah, in fact, it would like invert It would like grow into me. I but that's I think is not like natural because your body is protecting your your twigging berries It's natural if you have a little dick I never showered after well first of all, I didn't really do PE as a kid Yeah, I would like fake run or the day I do I do like a 15 minute mile So I would never really break a sweat because I was goth Yeah, and then that meant that my makeup would get all messed up. So I was just kind of fake

So traumatic for boys. You're still thinking about those dicks, huh? No, I'm so I'm thinking about like that what how traumatic. It's like titty size, but titty size is traumatic for us girls Yeah, that's true. I can see that I almost feel like dick size and periods are different You know, but then you get your period and like you want to hide that kind of from the other girls So maybe they don't have theirs really. Yeah, I didn't like it. Yeah, because then it's that's embarrassing You could bleed all over your shorts or something at school like the first time you get it That was my big fear is that I get my period at school and like I just bleed everywhere I mean, it didn't didn't go down that way. Thankfully God, but um

Yeah, but you guys are always into your big dick sizes. I feel like it's a big deal guys big deal It's a big deal. Can they I mean as they have the science yet to make people's dicks bigger. They do but it's not Reliant, it's not like breast implants. Yeah, you figure it. See that's the thing Is that usually and here's the thing about a breast implant that doesn't let's say isn't perfect You're like, ah, it's still a tit or whatever a dick implant or like, you know A fake dick that makes you make it bigger could affect bodily functions It could affect definitely performance. It could affect sensation like it's totally not worth it to do that I feel like they could just put

Like a mold dick over your tiny dick like you had a small like can they just put like an implant dick over your regular dick I don't think they do it like that like I would never sign up for any type of surgery on my dick That wasn't mandatory. Well, of course. I mean, yeah I mean like I have a normal size dick, but I'm saying if it were Even if it were like micro penis, I still would be like no no I agree that so But here's the thing is that men have invented like vaginal rejuvenation and boob jobs and cellulite sucking out You'd think that the guys would start inventing

Penile growth stuff like I don't I don't know if they can do group. I know they do They do penal well, they do male female to male surgeries They do they do an enlargement surgery it exists right right, but I don't think it's not good I don't think it's I mean I've seen some shows on it. It's like I don't know it doesn't seem like it's if it if it were really effective and well done Yeah, you'd hear about it guys be doing it all the time right well because I've seen those penises that like when a woman Transitions they basically grow the clit out through stop talking So you just have an enlarged enlarge clitoris or whatever. Yeah, and it's not it doesn't look like a big old peener

I don't know dude. Yeah It's so crazy put your dick between your legs That's basically I would I would totally get vag rejuvenation now make your snatch tighter Just because it gets blasted with kids like I'm gonna have my second baby And this kid's already big they're like it's gonna be at least eight pounds I think the doctor takes it fucking blast my I think they take it for a test drive. That's how they know if it's done Like I'm gonna have to have intercourse with you right now. Yeah, but you're out your oil And you wake up you're like what happened he's like feels good feels great

You're gonna like this one time. Are you in the room too? And he's like this is great. You're gonna love it How's it feel? Okay. Oh really nice Okay, cool But I have to because it's it's all blasted. It's all fucked up Blasted. Yeah. No disaster down there. Yeah, and I don't think it's gonna be an even bigger disaster after the second boy You think so dude. Yes It's all it's all trashed. This vessel is trashed. I need to get my tits done I could get my vag done. Come on. Yeah, my tits are all fucked up now. They're below my

I got big Nat Geo titties when I take my bra off. They just hang to my belly I look like Ever seen like those gorillas in the zoo that I've given birth you're you're kind of going overboard No, right now naked pregnant. I'm saying I take my bra up and it looks like coco the gorilla Yeah, I mean she's she's died. She's just died. She's been alive forever. I'm surprised she lived this a long time But anyway, I have gorilla tits and then this belly. It's fucking Disastrous. Yeah. Um, yeah, coco new sign language. How rad was that? She like raised a bunch of kittens I know I loved coco was a little kid. We saw a fucking hummingbird getting fed baby hummingbirds today

We got a nest right outside our kitchen window. It's the most exciting fucking thing in the world Another 10 years. I would weep at that side. I think I know I feel like it's really special, isn't it? It is It's hard to be cynical about baby hummingbirds being fed by their mommy. I know it's so fucking cute I got my little feeder out there. There's so little the baby hummingbirds. I know Tiny little farts. I get so excited when I have a customer at my hummingbird feeder I just love it. I can't believe they're using it, you know

Here you are. Here's speaking of moms. Check this out. So this girl Set up her mom. Okay by just having an aggressive conversation on the phone like Like the mom is sitting there and She's set up a camera and then she's talking like someone's talking shit to her, you know So that's the mom over there You seen this she's like what so this is uh instagram it says fuentes comedy that's who's uh accountants from You're talking all that shit. She's got big old titties too. Look at look at the mouse. Yes. She's like what? Okay, nine three nine you can pull up right now. I'm here. I'm coming down too

I had a girl mom Uh, that's that's such a mom move. I'm coming down too. That's that's your uh, hell yeah Yeah, your inner you gotta protect your baby bird. I know check this out. Yes. Yeah, come on. Come over here. If you bad come on Yeah She got her good, I mean that mom went from zero to 60 fast That's how exactly I am somebody calls our boy and says they want to talk some shit. We talk some shit. Yeah call me call me right now Motherfucker We went to the hungarian consulate yesterday

I have some affairs in Hungary still a little bit because my mother's death blah blah blah And um, I you have to call to make an appointment, right? They don't just take fucking walk-ups, of course I called a week ago and uh The hungarian person answers and goes Uh, we are eating lunch call back later click and doesn't even say goodbye. It's so crazy That's how they handle basic not really because that's how shitty my tribe is and I I have the phone and to tommy. I go this fucking bitch

I mean, why'd you answer the phone then if you're not going to take my call? Let it go to voicemail bro. You're eating your lunch. I respect that But then to just be like we already think lunch. Uh, call back later. We hit the hang up Not even hear what you have to say. Oh, no, not nothing. It's also 100 Exactly how I imagine The hungarian dude to behave. Can I tell you something? You have the unfriendliest people It's my culture and I listen, uh, we have many wonderful things about Hungary. We were once a great empire culturally a lot of cool shit, but

You know, my shrink is trying to convince me She's like, you know, not not everybody and not every hungarian is like this. I go. Yeah, but overall as a culture Yeah, we're pretty rough Is it rough? I would say it's accurate and there's there are nice people. That's true Of course there. I mean, I have wonderful people that by the way, you thought that that tracksuit girl was one of your natives Hell yeah, because like we were we were in some we finally so anyway, the point is Uh, two months. They're booked out. She has one appointment I can have in two months, which was yesterday

So like tommy and I roll down there and I'm sitting there and as blonde chick rolls in wearing track pants and the track zippa And I was like, that's what's up. That's my girl right there. There are fashions. I go She's totally one of my tribe Uh, of course, you know rude is shit like not very helpful sit down. What do you want kind of the cons was like that? Yeah, how about the um, this is the best not and they have a video that plays Um the passport photos. Yeah, that shows you How to go about entering to get your passport information done so fucking weird. So it shows a family enter And in the video the family

Sits show they show you the family entering sitting across from the hengarian consulate. I wish we had this fucking video man and then Uh getting their photos taken and then fingerprints Well, they show a guy in a cast like his arm is in a sling in a cast Why he walks in he never even Semi smiles he walks with a miserable. They all have confessions. His children looks like look like they fear him Like they stand back from him and then when they're like take a photo like it shows him going Just a grimace on his face And they're like, that's what it would be like when you come to a hengarian country

It's an off-putting video. Yeah, just misery. It's you know, most people spend that thing optimistic How's that? No, most people would like even would just show a family walk in Oh, oh, right. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's it's so weird that they would cast a guy with an arm cast And then two of his fingers and a miserable look on and they're all miserable cunts. Yeah, it's so funny Very weird, but it makes me dread even like I was fucking dreading having to go there and deal with this shit Because the you know the hengarian government is like not they're not it's not Actually, what government is easy? Yeah, that's true You know even having to do us stuff sucks, but man

You can't you can't even smile like they can't even fain being human. You know what i'm saying? Yeah, yeah So i'm glad that shit's over with this is like the last thing i have to deal with for my mother's death Nobody tells you when somebody dies. It's just paperwork for fucking two or three years, man True It's just a legal nightmare So if you can get your affairs in order and get a will in place a living trust Before you die to make it easier on your kids and your family Do do it because it is a such a bummer if you don't have any of that

um So anyways You got a new show. Well, here's the thing. I talked about it last week and i've gotten a lot of messages people were into it So this is a spoiler alert Spoiler alert the staircase Spoiler alert It's 13 episodes. So you might be behind and if you don't want to hear this I'm giving you fair warning scroll ahead a few minutes

so That being said here we go. I have been obsessed with this thing They recently added three new episodes. So I guess this thing came out. I missed it when it came out originally There's an old ass show Well, it's a documentary series. How long how long go to they originally they probably originally aired it I don't know at least a few years ago and then they updated it with three new episodes But it was the whole thing was new to me. So i'm I've been tracking through 13 hours. You love this show and I even enjoy it when I wake up and I was waiting for the twist

the turn Yeah, you know and uh again If you haven't seen it yet Or you want to see it or you're halfway through it I'm gonna give it to you right now Um, but if you're not, I'll tell you this the the fucking show Gives you I would say eight episodes or more where you're like, dude, this is where's this gonna? How is this gonna? turn in any way and then

It's the biggest fucking turn that you don't expect because there was corrupt Officials within the system Who withheld Infra and perjured themselves on the stand bananas people in the sbi, which is like the state bureau investigation I didn't even know there was an sbi. I've never I don't know if every state has it, but they have it in north carolina and you know, it was a Big big murder case there. So they send in the their officials and their Experts to

you know test everything and uh, you know They they didn't do like a dna analysis. They Had a guy go on the stand and make claims that they turned out that other experts said you could never make And this dude just blatantly lied. He just lied on the stand to convict the guy who You know the whole time you're watching this thing. You're like There's no way this guy has not done this crime, but they end up Placing if if he's getting a fair trial

You you could argue that there would be reasonable doubt in some way And therefore that's that's what you're you're that's what you're going for as a defense You want to is there a reasonable doubt? Well, they didn't give him a fair shot at it and What ends up happening is because of the corrupt Government people this guy actually Uh gets a new trial And then has to decide whether to go for a plea or take it to trial. It's a terrible decision

It's a horrible. It's a terrible choice to have to make and actually, you know things became more favorable to him Um for the new trial like and and looked like Even more evidence would be withheld because of some of these Circumstances and the time had gone by Yeah, and like maybe the search warrant wasn't valid Maybe they shouldn't have allowed it so like all these things would have actually led to a more favorable case for him Yeah, yeah, yeah, but then he's like, you know at this point. He's like 71 And he's like, you know, I've already been to prison for eight years. It's been great

I love it takes on you and he has one kid who's like go to trial fucking vindicate yourself The other kid's like you gotta your fucking mind Like this is too crazy. Take the plea. You don't go back to prison. Yeah, it's on your record But You know, you only have this much time left and it's been horrible. Let's just end it Yeah, so he ends up taking a plea and it's uh, oh, he does he does take plea Um, I so I woke up I wake up to eat snacks occasionally and watch a minute of your show And he was at home with his family

A drinking champagne and celebrating and this and that and they're all just like, yeah, daddy We know you're not guilty daddy. It's like, how do you how do you believe? Yeah, you're your parent who's clearly Guilty, I don't want to believe it. I mean, look, you can believe that he didn't I know there's people obviously that believe that he didn't because people think ojaren is innocent I know it's so crazy. He has so many similar behaviors to him Especially in the early days see this they actually what's incredible is the The actual just accomplishment of filming this documentary. They filmed it for 16 years. That's amazing

Um, so it's it's an amazing thing to you know, a product to even come up with like what a project this is, but You know, you see him in those early days when she's You know freshly dead and he's smoking his pipe like yep I love there's so much I miss her and you're like, yeah, there's just little things that are quirks What I learned also or what I came to think over time is that It is a bit unfair in a way to Maybe go sympathizing with the murderers. Well, no, it's like you try to be objective

You try to watch these things and go like it's a little unfair in a way to to judge people's behavior Under stress and be like that's the only indicator. I mean, I feel that way But I'm saying if you're somebody you go, well, he's acting like this. You shouldn't act like that That's not a hundred percent accurate people process. That's true stress different. I mean look, um Yeah, no, it's true people have odd reactions to death They do you you're in shock for a long time when somebody dies And who knows but I will say That the words I many times I've watched your show when he's talking and it's a lot of horseshit

He does spin in yarns. He does spin yarns. He is full of a lot of bull And you know what he never fucking says, but I never did it. I would never kill my wife. I loved her Does he say that shit? Oh, yeah. Well every time I'm eating a sandwich and watching you watch like eight minutes It's all right. That's all but if if if someone had accused me of killing you There's only one fucking thing to say. I love my husband. He's My pride and joy. I would never fucking kill my husband. I know it's I mean, I still think that you guys are even saying I love my husband. Not you. What would you say? You'd be like, I'm glad she's gone. Time to get time to date Um, can we look at your netflix q and I want to mingle. I just think that it's to me that 911 call

reads so false I think this is my interpret that's a that is a totally It's like bad acting you can tell when you Try to act with someone and you're like you're not good at pretending to do this and it reads it reads I I I didn't hear it when I was laying Trying to sleep the other night and you played that 911 I had panic in my heart for him I can't tell but I don't listen to enough 911 calls. Oh, I thought it was horrifically bad acting

I'm not an expert. The other thing are the crime scene photos. You're like I'm really supposed to think That this is a fall Like from the stairs. I don't know. Is it possible they have experts testify That it's possible that they see it as but there's so much blood That's the there's an incredible amount of just from a fall Fall down the stairs. Yeah, it's so I've fallen down the stairs. I mean it's like lacerations to the head Blood everywhere and like she fell. Can we please just pull up your netflix q so the audience can see what I see when I open netflix

Yeah, and I have to click on to my profile and thank god we have separate profiles I used to annoy me about netflix But I'm like, look at this fucking sociopathic. Here it is It's all psycho. Okay staircase vietnam war Inside the mind of a serial killer irish mob american vandal very funny Seven, okay, you're just rewatching that for fun. I'm assuming you haven't seen that another fun rewatch

These are continuing with other things. I've well, that's because I a burr, of course Hitler circle of evil. Yeah another fun alley, of course. Here's a dexter Making a murder, okay They're american crime the traffickers l choppo outlaw bikers queen of the south was either drugs drug lords war Or murder these are here's the next suggestion Survivors guide to prison. Jesus righteous kill jfk the conspiracy. Yeah, the seven five. That's also Psycho psycho killer heat. That's a good movie a lot of murder there. Okay, though. Let's pull up christina's profile Yours is so gay. It's not gay. It's just called what normal people

Like this is a healthier spread Of interests I would say yours is so because you're strictly in one category like three categories murder war And drug lord shit and mafia. That's all you fucking and that's all psycho shit. Yeah It's different. Yeah, that's different Okay, here we go. Here's yours. Okay cooking shows. Let's see. Here we go the good place interior design Yeah, like that set it up queer eye cooking Here's a staircase telling you to watch that. No. Oh is that telling me

Here's your continue watching. Yeah, but I'm not watching popular. I know read. I love that show beginning of life Love it. Walk hard great, but it's breaking show 40 year old virgin friends So light trending now. This is trending though within your algorithm. Yeah, that's how trending works Oh, is that right? It's based on the shit you like. It's not just trending. It's trending within your Oh, that's so funny. Yeah, I did not know So you have parts of known the ranch lust stories. Okay. I don't know what that is New girl ebiza parks and rec

Okay, so let's see. No dark and then it's suggesting british tv shows for you critically acclaimed irreverent tv shows the office Yeah Weeds healthy stuff normal people emotional tv. See mine says crime tv shows. Yours says emotional tv shows Senseate riverdale graze anatomy madmen. I like international. I'm into the korean soap opera Yours has a bunch of korean stuff and I watched a few spanish things and it gives me all spanish suggestions all the time You make the mistake of clicking on one foreign thing and then it's like do you like all foreign shit? Yeah, it's like you want to see a bunch of mexican stand up and i'm like, no

That's the thing if you make the mistake of clicking on like one dumb show The netflix forever is like do you like this other dumb shit? I saw that you like Look at it gives you this category quirky tv shows featuring a strong female lead. I like that. Look at that But I don't like any of that. I wouldn't watch any of these. I'm not interested No, it's just interesting that they have it broken down to that. Oh, they do quirky with a strong female lead Oh, they do. Yeah And I watched the 40 year old virgin again. That's I like that. It's a great movie We're into this billy bob thorton show

Goliath on amazon. Was it amazon prime? Who's this here jerry? Oh, yeah, this is david letterman's new show howard stern was on there. So I watched that Uh, jerry seinfeld did it obama tina fey docu series I'm just trying to let you know that like I have kind of a wider array of interests. No, you're shit's gay. I get it I know what you're saying That's what you're saying, right? Shit's all gay and fucked up and shit

Um, I'm not saying my shit's gay. I'm saying that I have other than three Primary interests here's more my speed. Okay. This is more my speed. Yeah, we know what your speed is psycho speed No, it's not psycho speed Kind of I wish you would have a little more respect for me I Try it out metal. I love it. Um, try it out metal by julien julien. Yeah Good name. There you go. Not a lot of d bags named julien in the world To celebrate

Try it out the never-ending battle of what Our dear friend the try it out guy is saying We never know he's gonna say homey out homey on out. I bring to you The home here now homey out hold me down homey on out hollow me out hold me out version Of a shirt where this is real inside. It's it's amazingly sketched by chris And he he's sending this version which I absolutely love homey on out give you his um, this is such

Um, I love this shirt so much It's disturbing. It's definitely it's definitely you know Christopher kagel his instagram cmca gl ee e cmca glee Thank you, christopher. Uh, love the sketch love the shirt. It's on presale now homey Flipped it to black because people just like black more. I like black shirts. Yeah, as you can see, but it's an absolutely hilarious

Concept, I can't even wear a white shirt. I feel like Excuse me. I get the armpits yellowed but within like a week. Oh, you know Yeah, I know I don't and then like the kids spilled some shit on me So things look better on white too, but people just don't like white shirts as much It's weird for fucking nerds, babe. Okay, white shirts are for fucking nerds and europeans Okay, eastern europeans Yep, and oh tomorrow But you don't forget it's um on hot ones

Um, that should be fun. Sean evans. It's fantastic. Thank you, sir Um, how hot was it? Be honest. I know everyone wants to ask you that how hot were the wings? Yeah, they got hot They got hot. So how does it start? It starts like super like out of two. Oh, yeah, like where you're like, that's not spice That's just flavor Yeah, yeah, you go. That's nothing and then it goes a little bit more and you're like, uh, maybe this is it's your fear of it That's gonna be and then I think I think actually the hottest one is like number eight They say it's 10, but it's really like did you get to 10? I did all of them Yeah, I cried at one point

Did you drink milk? Yeah, we got we got chocolate soy milk or chocolate all I don't like regular milk. It's disgusting and people that drink milk are disgusting people Disgusting if you're not a baby, there's no point drinking regular if you're an adult and drinking whole milk Yes, you're a total fucking pedophile without question or just too disgusting. You're a bad person. Absolutely Don't you have a friend that's drinking cups of whole milk? Oh my god. He's ordering it in restaurants Does it come warm to you? We're having breakfast and he's like he's like uh, and uh, do me a solid darling Go ahead and bring me a glass of milk and she's like, I'm sorry. What gross does your parole officer know you're here?

Yeah, I'll get my heads up and she's like, okay And she brings it nice and warm temp to a room temperature, right? So it's all fucking warm like it just came out of the cow's tits. I don't know It just seems to drink a glass of milk. It's like It's just flam. Can't you do that in private? Do it in private or don't do it at all? It just looks like it's a glass of mucus. It's just fucking disgusting. It's gross I mean, there's no reason for you to be drinking that as an adult. You're a grown adult. You're not a baby You don't need milk anymore. I agree. Do I used to hate it as a kid even uh, they give it to you with your lunch

It was like part of the lunch program or whatever and he'd be like it smells because it would come in like You know a plastic container with all the little milk cartons and it would just smell because it had been Sitting around in the in the spare milky do It's just fucking nasty. Let's put on something nice Oh Oh she bore voice Yeah, so reminds me of someone Oh

I think they have the same dentist they really have the same kind of well, she's got equipment You see she's got the janet jackson headphones. Do you see that shit? Well, she yeah, I mean, she's obviously a little more advanced How did she get that? She's like, I haven't I've lubricated my instrument. I don't I wish the guy would have had a huge cough at the end You see like black tar come up when he's a professed, dude He don't have no cough. He knows what he's doing practicing that lung shift for days. Oh, man It's the rhythm of the night now. How do you get that crazy? Like what happens where you just don't give a fuck anymore tom? How do I get there? That's what i'm saying

I don't know alcohol. Do you need just booze? Yeah, you really got to go hard daily. You never fuck around. You never skip days always drinking never not drinking Now we got this message. I haven't even read it yet, but it says um, dear mommy's an epidemic has been brought to my attention Sorry a few months ago when I was showing a buddy tom's special disgraceful This buddy of mine had the subtitles on early into the special. I suggested to turn them off. He said no He watches everything with subtitles on which is true and that was that 10 minutes or so go by I began to notice that he was laughing at punchlines Before they were being said no

I paused the special and laid down the law. He didn't he didn't and still doesn't agree with me that subtitles spoiled jokes Ruined the elements of surprise and timing and overall just distract from the actor performance We don't watch specials together anymore. It's my mission to find out what kind of person people are and quiz them on this Get this a lot of people watch specials with subtitles on it drives me nuts A lot of these clowns are just being pretentious They are ruining the experience for themselves And also watering down your guys comedy my best analogy It would be like reading the last sentence of a chapter before the last page of the chapter

As comedians I would like your input on this matter. Am I overreacting or are these people monsters? Grasp Christina on your machines within Thanks for booking Boise tom. Look forward to seeing you perform Notice you two haven't had any play on words for Boise yet. Thanks for all the laughs trevor. Good point trevor. Hoisey Hoisey poisey noisey I don't know boys boys something about boys. Maybe boys and holsies Boys inside me. Yeah, something like that. Yeah, I gotta work on this Well, sir, I think here's here's the problem titles if you don't have a hearing problem

Well, here's the problem with the subtitles is that they're not always accurate They're not always accurate But he's also right that with with regard to especially jokes, right the words will appear before they're said Of course and so that and also you're missing out on comedic timing facial expressions Uh, maybe because we work on these punch lines, right? For instance, uh, you just do a gesture to go with a word And now the laugh is even bigger. So you are fucking with what we do Maybe the people that are doing this that don't need to have the subtitles. Maybe it's a little bit of anxiety Interesting. They don't like the element of surprise. They they want like he said, you know, I want to read the

The end of the thing first because I know there's some type of anxiety about it Well, because a lot of people have tons of anxiety Well, yeah, the element the key to good comedy is the element of surprise. So either you're right. Maybe it's a control freak thing And this guy doesn't want to have a good time in which case I would say give your friend a drink Have a fucking beer chill out. I don't know why I want to know why he wants them on If he's not having trouble hearing that's true. I don't understand it personally He wants that but it takes the fun out of the stand-up Maybe he feels like it's a little more inside or something, you know, he's like a little more ahead

He's a little ahead of it, but I'm telling you because I've seen how they subtitle things. It's not always accurate the words And the wording is so crucial to a joke. Wouldn't you say tom? Yeah, we we think about words and how many words and word placement It's very crucial. So I I don't I don't see why anybody would want to spoil the fun I agree. I you know, I'm watching that show rita and it's in denmark What language do they speak? Is it danish? I think so. It's not american. So anyway Uh And I know they're fucking subtitling it incorrectly. It bothers me. I wish I I knew if you're talking about subtitling from another language

They fuck it up. Yeah, but even in this in our own language. They fuck it up. I'm sure one thing that's so true It's like so inappropriate now But in narcos which is filmed Or takes place at the previous seasons were columbia. I think they're going to mexico for the new season Those guys are constantly constantly saying marica Always mighty cone. Yeah mighty guys like a short shortened version of it So mighty cone is the full word mighty guys like fag And they say it all the time and it's in the subtitles all the time

This show feels like if it was in english, that's just not acceptable to say now tom. How dare you 100 percent It's a hundred percent how everybody that I've ever grown up with in south america speaks They're constantly calling. I mean more so than I ever experienced growing up in english. They're much Much much works at that. Well, this whole social justice warrior horse shit You know, it's a very wonderful american thing that we're doing culturally now policing everybody for every little fucking thing They say that's remotely offensive to them. Oh, yeah, listen semen hungarian Do you think they've stopped saying fag it or whatever because Five people are upset by it or whatever. I mean come on

You're gonna stop. You know what I mean? Yeah, it's just it's silly You're not gonna police the world people are making the perfect world exist Everyone gets their needs and their feelings. Everyone's gonna be nice knowledge. Yeah guys. This is a safe space. That's my favorite It's a safe space. There's no fucking such thing as a safe space Okay, you're always under a threat of being your feelings misunderstood or you not communicating clearly This fucking generation is fucked. You guys are all fucked and you're creating this puritanical dog shit place It's you're never gonna sterilize the world guys. It's never gonna fucking work out for you. So preach sister

Well, the world is a fucked up place. I know not everyone's nice No Wonder don't you want to prepare your kids for that inevitability that there are fucking dickheads out there evil fucks Yeah, and you racist people avoid that guy. Yeah, don't talk to me someone like that You walk away from the best thing the preschool teacher ever said to us Was that he she says your son is a great kid nice kid Doesn't play with everybody And I said, that's right. That's how I fucking raised him. He's an elitist

But I I did say he likes to play but he plays with some people he doesn't play with other people Why should he play with everybody and they're like does the kids he doesn't play with they're just tan They're not what you think Son No, she did not say that he's just blond blond blond blond He looks in their eyes. Make sure they're light. I don't know. It's just do you take them that? Uh, no, no, that's not what we do But but I I am proud of him. He's discerning because yes, why shouldn't you be discerning with your friends?

It is great. You want to hear another prank call? I loved hear another prank. It's another one from uh, I think from fart simpson So he calls uh tattoo shop Um, this guy's got talent with the uh God it's so funny what he does the The sissy

Of freemont street. Remember that? How can I forget? He's like i'm a sissy gemini. How can I forget? You know sissy gemini. Oh, he's a sissy gemini. Yeah, he's such a fucking freak I'm a sissy gemini. I'm a gemini too. Did you know that? I know that I'm a sissy gemini. It's this guy just in case you're uh, oh, we can't forget Ladies and you gotta be white because I like white. We'll see like our son, right? You could be mature like me or well, you know, not too young Um, especially i'm looking to live in with you know a white lady

Yeah, okay, so that's that fucking guy. All right now the the great tony made a A prank call using him to get a tattoo. He wants to get a tattoo. Okay, so he sets it up I had a quick question. Um, my dad was looking to get a tattoo I can't really figure out what exactly he needed if it's all right if you have a sec Do you mind if I put them on real quick? I like it already. Yeah, it's great to you Okay

A tattoo Okay, that's what I'm looking for is tattoo. What kind of tattoo get to lady in the dress I'm a lady in a dress. Yeah Kind of like a sailor jerry style traditional Yeah, okay. Yeah, this is the place to come to But yeah, so you want like it's like a sailor jerry's kind of style traditional Yeah, that's awesome. Make a fool of me Yeah, if you want to you can come on down here and check it out and so like that make an appointment

Bitch Again, you stupid white bitch I'm waiting you white slut Put me in her clothes and beat the shit out of me For a white tattoo A white tattoo. Yeah So you want the lady in a dress traditional style? Yeah, lady in a dress

I'm the sissy of blumont street On what? Blumont street. This is gemini A gemini? Yeah, white bitches Okay, especially the white slut dumb bitches tattoos I love that the tattoo guy laughs though. He laughs. I also think it was great that um, that's so funny. Tony did uh He goes uh, he's like come on dad

Plays to get so like the tattoo guy goes I know what's going on here. It's brilliant. It's this guy's got a real talent. Yeah, this guy's a real talent Oh, the fact that he's trying to temper dad is just fantastic. It's another great call. Thank you so much. Let's um Let's stop here for a moment. Sure and we'll regroup. We'll be back with guests very soon Okay, we're back here with comedians writers actors producers Jews rappers rappers Jews, yes. Yes. Are you guys both Jews? No

Come on. Are you kidding? Look at him. Look at me. Here's the thing You fucking converted Wait, whoa, I don't love the vibe of that. I was I was saying like you've gotten converted. That would be nice Oh, oh, yeah, how did I say it? You it was more like a oh, I didn't mean that like that. Let me rephrase it You converted All right, people needed those facial expressions. I think so. I think they do a lot. Uh, yeah, why not? I was catholic. That was humiliating What are you? We're catholics. Oh, yeah Why is that going? You guys do you guys come on over hard on sunday every sunday

No, but see in Judaism, you can still have a shabbat, which is today And we'll light some candles and sing a song and you're still part of you know a deep tradition First of all, was it was it a demand? Oh, it wasn't a demand. It was a ultimatum It was an ultimatum. Was it really it was a how do you bring it? Was it like an expected ultimatum? Or was it it wasn't an ultimatum? I was never but but you were like I would prefer this Well, you know the problem would be no, I mean, obviously there's a subtext of every Jew that's like I would prefer this Yeah, but It's like the obnoxiousness and chauvinism to say like and now you can join my culture

Is I would never have explicitly said that she Natasha volunteered Really and you knew but you knew it would be meaningful to him though. I mean is that Well, yeah, but also I went to catholic school and I was not connected with Catholicism at all And she had she had an entertainment lawyer. So she was familiar with the culture You've been in chauvinism for a million years and I I really did like fall in love with the traditions I could see how that gets. Yeah, like it's all about like there's a holiday where you just eat outside for a week under a Under palm fronds blue band told me about this. It's a very wait. There's a blue band. Yeah, he's our producer. He told me about this Wait, there's no red band expanded universe

When we left when we left red band we hired blue band Well, we also have a producer for our podcast, but it's a jewish podcast. So it's gold band That's great. That would actually be a great name for someone. Our producer's real name is nadav. Oh, he's okay. He's gold band himself He's from the old country. Yeah, right. So Um, yeah, no, we're big fans. I just think the jews are great. So great. I feel very welcome now Wait, you just did that yourself. You don't even have a producer here. Yeah, that's right. I just pushed the button all by myself But is that one of your saved? Uh, that would be bad if that was one of your saved like drops That's so cool. You talk about jews a lot. I approve jews

The sound effects are actually totally negating the double lightning bolt flag that you have in front of your house But now I'm kind of going. Okay. I'm more comfortable. There's a bunch of saved stuff for for every Did you just put jew into the search? Yeah, what does it say? What's the sound drop? Well, that one says I approve jews. Oh, okay. I get it. Uh, jews are great Jews are funny That's it from an interview that yoshi, you know, yoshi, yoshi did an interview once where He talked about a lot of crazy things and those were some of the things that's yoshi. That's yoshi. Yeah It sounded like melbroke. I mean, he also says this in the same interview

I fucked a girl with no arms and uh one leg Wait, hold on. Are you gonna like turn things we say in this interview into a clip? It's necessarily yeah, if you say something good like I fucked a woman with no arms and yeah, then it's a clip Yeah, that's but um Yeah, so I mean I you know if I have somebody come in the show and I go like this might be Funny to drop with them. I'll prep it. I'll get it ready. I like it. Natasha converted. Yeah, it's so I find it fascinating I really do. I mean, I'm I was raised pretty I wouldn't say like intensely but like pretty did you go to a catholic grade school? Yes, do you smash?

And uh, what is that? Yeah, did he get catholic chicks? Yeah. Yeah. Oh, that's not what I meant. Did you go to catholic school? All girls catholic school for high school. Oh, wow, but I agree with Natasha Oh my god You were good I always felt that the jews were more rational because I grew up in the san fernando valley and the it just made a little more Sense a little more intuitive. I know not a lot of get like the hysteria And it's about I mean the two main tenants are procreate and keep shabbat and shabbat is like a 24-hour period

Ideally where you turn off your phone from Friday sundown to saturday sundown And you light candles and have a dinner party and then the next day saturday You just like try to just like engage with your family and read and what does that mean? That's fantastic. There's three main thing. Natasha is converting you right now. Well, we do it on sunday What do I say on sunday's fucking family day? Don't fucking call me. No cell phones. Oh, so you're already having a shabbat I do but I you know that is why You know about that what it used to be saturday and then the the early christians They were like we don't want to be too jewy and they they literally i'm not kidding

They literally they shifted the day by one day. So we're not gonna say I mean the whole thing about christianity was that it was self-conscious about its connection to judeism for a long time So they did a lot of weird like adjustments to say we still have a Sabbath, but it's no longer on saturday even though It's pretty obvious that it's that it's you old testamenters I mean i'm not even a well there are three Natasha didn't say it right though There are three main tenets of judeism procreate keep shabbat And then you remember the beginning of duck tails where scrooge mcduck is swimming in the gold coins just watching

That's the third major Yeah, I love it. I love it. Swim and I like money too. I love money But we invented that you invented that was a gift we gave to you and the reason why I know the tenets is because I had to Take 19 four-hour classes in order to you're good at the other thing And then sit before a trio of rabbis who told me that if I went to paris with my baby, they you know If it was jewish it might get like, you know hurt and was I okay with that? Oh, wow And did you when you menstruate do you have to go sit in in the every time?

Yeah, I don't touch her for the full week. Do you know about that though? That's not a joke No, that's orthodox or the docks juice don't touch you not only for the week that you're menstruating Which obviously every normal person doesn't touch their wife while they're menstruated, but the week after also It's two full weeks until until ovulation and then we fuck when you're fertile, right? I mean the argument it's pretty barbaric and cave managed, but the argument is kind of like Well, if you don't touch your wife for two weeks, then you're like so horny for your wife all the time Right, right. There's something about that. She loves it, which I haven't felt horny for my wife And I would I would say seven years and we've been together for six. Don't lie. No, you're right

I love to hit that don't you also totally love the fact that I mean other cultures do this, but like in jewish culture it really like Jewish people will support each other, you know, like yeah, that's that's definitely true. No and like in businesses I'm serious like, you know, I don't like where you're going with this. I'm serious But they people will support each other it lifts up a community like you don't see that in every culture well, I think that any culture that has been Subjugated to weird forms of oppression become like tighter and more connected and more supportive I was thinking about this about gay people recently like

How it's like homophobia is so awful, but it also creates this like interesting culture of like, you know This vibrant community and if homophobia literally went away, then I mean imagine what the gay community wouldn't exist There wouldn't be a gay community. We'll be in parades or nothing. Yeah, it would just be like people in the suburbs fucking each other Yeah, it would be good. I'm not saying to be bad, but there'd be something there's something vital that's created from oppression I think you're right. I think which is why I'm a Ardent homophobe not because I don't like gay people. I like to push the culture forward That makes me feel like a member of a community. There you go. Is that also what that guy said? That's Joe Pesci Did you get any kind of emblem or necklace or what do you get?

Well, she got her clitoris when they removed it put on the medallion You get a name. Yeah You had to say it. Oh, you got a special It's not like it's not like a transcendental mantra where you're not allowed to tell Can you share your TM mantra? It's Natasha Coco Diaz Yeah, tell them your name. What's your Jewish name? Uh, Neta. Oh, that's nice. Neta Ora. Neta Ora This is not that guttural R isn't really flowing off the back of your throat But but which means tree and I don't remember what the light of light. Yeah, tree because of legero

No, but yeah, that's why you went with aura. Yeah, I gotta tell you I'm really into the fact that you're not like, yeah, I did this thing to fucking I don't know pray with him and sacrifice kids whatever Jews do. You're like Fully like really on board with it. Well, I mean, I can't say that I'm fully, you know, oh, actually we gotta run. Okay. Thank But Moshe's brother's a rabbi so and he's moving here. So he'll also help us, you know Continue to celebrate the big holidays. You know, it's nice. They're all at night the holidays and you're drinking and Eating, you know, you're on a good team, you know, the old, you know, the old There's an old like Jewish joke, which is that every holiday has the same theme is they try to kill us. We won. Let's see

Well, because it's a Classic to joke night times more of a celebration than like Easter Sunday. You have the bomber. I fucking hate Easter But Easter's also based on a Jewish holiday Well, what is it the crucifixion of jc and then he rises from the dead and then you have to the stations with fucking cross It's a bomber. It's a bomber. But Easter is Passover, right? So the last The last supper was a Passover Seder straight up where you like have to get Blasted drunk Yeah, well, no, you oh, that's four cups of wine. That's true

But there is actually one holiday in Judaism where you're literally supposed to get drunk. Oh, right. That's a different one. That's called Purim Oh, come on. You know about that. It's like it's a Jew Halloween and you are literally commanded to get so drunk There's a character in the in the story called Heyman. It was like the bad guy. He tried to kill us. We won. Let's see And uh, but this is they tried to kill us. We won. Let's get fucked up. Let's get fucked up. I like fucking faded You guys are really putting on an appealing presentation. Do you tell your kids they're Catholic? Not yet. I mean, he's only two and a half. But we're also not we're not really I mean, maybe you could argue we're culturally Catholic, but it's also at a minimum. I mean, it's like there's lights

Did you did you baptize? We did at the at the urging though at the almost almost ultimatum Of of my parents. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Well, no, I didn't want our child to go to heli there. Oh, but I wasn't gonna I mean like I mean, I don't remember you like saying it. I remember getting multiple calls. Okay. Do you want to hear one more thing in july? And I was like, uh, yeah setting it up right now. Are you having a girl? No, I was a boy. Oh, never mind that Wait, what was it? Well, it was just one of the other great things is instead of a baptism The girl comes out of your cooch a naming ceremony Yeah, Jews actually give birth out of their vaginas, but no, isn't it? Um, if your mother's don't have to get their dick cut

Yeah, that's it automatically. Yeah, you're in the club. You're in the club and or you can get jumped in or fucked in That's the other it's like it's like ms 13 Basically, you have to do 19 four-hour classes. Oh, welcome everybody to the orientation for ms 13 Yeah, um, but but that would be a good clip. That would be a great. I would love for you to use it Yeah, and unless people think it's racist and it goes viral on that level then I would like you to not use it So it's what's called coolers. There you go. It's kind of What's called coolers? That's my favorite line in it. Um, okay, Judaism where we got it. Yeah, we got it I think we get it 94. I'll tell you what's funny about the conversion classes. It was like

It was a couple of couples like natash and me. First of all, it's all it's all you had to go to it, too I didn't have to but I did because he did because he's he's a good nice guy. Yeah, that's a nice husband Tom would not do that. You'd be like seeing four hours getting me. Yeah, see that and there are no no men By the way, there were some like people like me, but there were no men converting because the men have to get circumcised too Like even if they are circumcised they have to get their dick cut. They do for real What again? Like a ritual dick cut. Yeah, they got a little ritual dick cut. No, no, that's not right That's why historically ritual dick cut another great drop. Yeah. Yeah. Hey, everybody. Welcome to ms13 orientation Let's all take out our dicks for the ritual dick cut. Yeah

I don't know. I think it's a great question. I actually think it's oh definitely it would be on the head of the dick Yeah, to further circumcise. This is like no like ritual like a like a like a blood spiritual. Oh, okay, spiritual, you know Making your dick is like dang shit, man. Yeah for real But that's that's why historically men have been much less likely to convert to Judaism than women because even if you're 40 You still have to get the circumcision. You got to do it. Were you raised? Orthodox or? Yeah, I was raised well I was raised in Oakland with my mom who's like an atheist hippie

But my dad when my mom and dad split became uh, he got He became very religious He joined up with a group of Hasidic Jews known as the Satmar who are literally the most Religious of all the Hasidic Jewish groups. They're like the most extreme of all Hasidic Jews. It was pretty pretty crazy They don't like my dad and mom my stepmom and my dad didn't sleep in the same bed together You know because of the because of the monthly is really intense. Yeah. Oh, that's why Yeah, yeah, you wouldn't want to accidentally wake up with like, you know menstrual blood on your on your pajamas Like the godfather when the horse head is in there. I mean wait, they didn't share a bedroom

They shared a bedroom, but not a bed. They had two single beds. They had two single beds. So what happened when it was time to Lucy and Ricky. I think exactly like Lucy and Ricky. Yeah, I think that would my dad would say, you know Lucy i'm home and he would walk over to the other bed He would smash he would probably pump for a while until he got like really close And then he probably he slowed down a bit He caress her a bit then he start pounding again, and then he'd be like daddy's coming and that's what I remember Yeah, that's good Now they actually do they fuck through a hole in the sheet or that's uh, that's a that's just a handmade sale

That's a true rumor A false rumor that that is so pervasive in Judaism that Jews believe it about themselves Because the the the the refined air of jew Jewish Observance that my dad was at 90 percent of american jews that you've met have no exposure to that in real life, but I do I mean I have I have cousins who spoke speak yiddish as a first language and speak english with a Eastern european accent raised here raised in america third generation americans But they haven't they if you met them they'd be like hello tom. How are you?

What or whatever in eastern europe they sound like Dracula. It's like how cardi b talks Exactly right I'll be thinking about dude. I have family honestly that I I wouldn't be sure that they knew who are raised in new york I'm not sure they would know who the Yankees were not positive that I'm not I'm not joking for sure. They wouldn't know who cardi b is there's no there's no there's absolutely no question They would know who cardi b is I know I know some I know some dominicans that uh, okay I'm listening we're born and raised in washington heights who don't know who the square reby is Definitely know who the Yankees are but they uh have uh accents and you're like you're born here

Well, yeah, he's here and like yeah, definitely and a heavy accent You're like oh you came when you were 12 and like no no I was born here and but it's crazy. Yeah, I told you know They have the uh heavy and they sound yiddish as well. They're like, yeah They have like a Danish I had I had a cousin one time when I was at we were in the hospital when my dad was sick and uh And my dad died eventually. Anyway, I just wanted to tell that story. But no, um, he goes he Goes well with the story of him fucking your stepmom. Oh the step Fuck the sheet right well

He fucked my stepmom on a death and that was I mean he to his death He would pre-execuate a lot. Well. He actually ejaculated so hard. He turned inside out and that's how he died That's how he died. Yeah, he just kept coming until he wasn't there anymore God, but I still have that jar of common. So every when I need advice I go to talk to it Like raises into a figurine, you know I like this turned brown He pops up out of the out of the thing and just like what how can I help you?

Nobody out of the cum thing. But my cousin's come jar my cousin goes I I uh because he knew I wasn't religious and he didn't have much exposure to people that weren't religious, you know And we're there's this thing that happens when someone's sick You have to kind of guard their deathbed kind of so there has to be like a religious person there to make sure that All the rituals are done correctly whatever so it it's very odd because it'll be like me who's Next to his dad and then like a kind of tertiary family member who's not really that close to the family But it's just there to like be a ritual guy So he turns to me like in the middle of the night and he goes I have a I have a secret

I have to tell you and I was like what he's like because you're not religious I feel like I can tell you and I go okay And he's like I've always wanted and I go to be gay. It'd be gay. You don't be gay. You're gay. It's okay If you're gay, I'm thinking of myself and he goes he'd look he goes to be a lawyer Oh That's how religious they are to be a lawyer would be like so secular What are they only the only to be rebels? Is that it? What are they supposed to do? They're to work in some, uh, you know

Business that the family owns and to study their whole lives It's like to be a lawyer is to like have aspirations to connect to the outside world and there's just that that's there's nothing there Okay, fucking through a sheet though. So you know the jews have the prayer Like the the the thing that they wear have ever seen it. They dang they have the dangling like little fringes. Yes. Yes So that's a garment like a poncho. Yeah, it's exactly like a poncho That's a garment that's a square with a hole in the middle that they put on in the morning Every jew every orthodox jew wears those sometimes if they're less religious they tuck them in so you don't know that they're wearing them And if they're more religious they put them out so that the world knows so historically

Those garments would be hanging on a laundry line in the old village or whatever in the shtetl And non-jews would walk by unaware of what the thing was they would look and they go Why is there a big sheet with a hole in the middle? Somebody said, oh, they must you know, the most logical. Yeah, the most logical thing is that they must fuck through that hole That logical. Yeah, yes And then everybody started to believe it so much so that like I would say honestly If most jews you know that think that think that about them their own their own religion Don't you doesn't party though when you hear like in any religion like let's talk about, you know, christianity or

Islam when you think about someone's level of devotion being that high you're like Man, that is just Too much. Oh, yeah, give your life to this. I mean, I just go like But I I mean I respect someone's dedication to it. I'm like you're making your whole life about I really understand. I really understand it though. Yeah, I really get it because My I think what it's about is that like the world if you're not religious if you're paying attention to the world It's so obvious that the world is that life is chaos. It's terror. It's fear. It's people killing each other It's like meaninglessness. It's careening towards death. It's like it's empty and alone

And religion is this thing that goes no, no, no, no, no. It's totally meaningful. It's completely It's completely enclosed. There are answers to all of the questions you think are unanswerable And you don't have to worry just join this totality of a religious system And like there isn't any it becomes comfort. It's total comfort. Yes, completely, of course Because I know it's my mom's pretty pretty religious, you know, not like Dedicated in the type of way that your father was but thought that your child would have a bad life if it wasn't baptized Go to hell. Well, it's just go to hell. That's what that's what if it dies It goes

I thought catholics had a waiting room for that Purgatory not Oh, right, but like we're saying like, you know Like my mom praises the rosary if the car rides longer than 10 minutes. Oh, okay That's pretty religious. She carries a bible with her. No, she doesn't carry a bible with her But I mean, you know, she wears a necklace with But a virgin mary or something on it. So in a weird way your mom's house is a church. It's the house of the lord It is the house of the lord

Tax-free one thing about her is that like when she she does get stressed out. She's very overwhelmed She's very anxious, but the only thing that kind of like Brings that anxiety down a lot of time is Prayer or the thought that like It'll be taken care of. Oh, it works. It's it's not up for debate whether or not prayer and being religious Yeah, it's a form of meditation. It is a mantra or whatever the fuck. So these two Jews have a Special out. Uh, it's fantastic. It's the honeymoon stand-up special. Love the jacket. I did uh gorgeous I was eight months pregnant here though. That's why

Well, yeah Yeah, but you're not that I I just did a thing eight months pregnant and I look a lot bigger. You know, no No, adorable. Um, I love how you guys you both do your sets and then you have the q&a thing That's kind of fun. And yeah, that was really fun. Yeah, we did like tosh does a half hour of stand-up Then I do a half hour stand-up and then the Daniel tosh and then yeah I had to get him to do it. Yeah, I don't know. It's it was weird because he you know, he's got his own thing I guess going on. I just to be honest. I wasn't familiar with his work Right, and we just knew it would be a funny play on words. Yeah, and we

Texas by the way you did it in Austin. Yeah. Yeah Uh, and yeah, so Natasha did us a half hour. I do a half hour and then we do the This is what we were doing on the road too. The last hour half hour is us bringing couples up and kind of like troubleshooting Their relationship and just basically roasting them. Yeah, it's very fun. Very fun to watch. Thank you Um, so you toured with that with this show though for a while, right? Yeah We uh, we went on a tour and uh, it was really fun. Is you guys know do tour together? No, no He won't even get a couples massage with me And that's true

Have you seen his netflix cue by the way that'll explain it What's the netflix cue? It's just mostly things about murder and drugs and shooting and crime Wait, so you won't get a massage. No, I love couples massage. I don't like couples massage Why does it remind you of his murderous netflix? Because he's a psychopath. This is just part of the What does that have to do with Is like that but he likes couples Psychopaths want a couple's massage he'll pretend like he does but this one is so in tune with that side of himself That he's gonna put up the boundary. What's the issue though? I mean, I don't like I don't like

That okay when you go into like a treatment room and you're there. It's like it's all you you you pull apart You you're like you want to fart and stuff. I mean, I do want to Breathe loud. I want to groan and I don't like any other distractions I don't like you don't want to hear like so christina with your father and that should irritate me And I don't want to hear you want to be able to like with impunity slowly move your legs apart and push your butt Toward and just to do a silent negotiation to see how you do it. You have to put your I don't know What are you talking about? I always figured your legs were down Obviously because he knows the position. How do you even talking about how do you get a hand job at a massage?

How do you ask that? It must be what you just said I mean, you put your legs up and scoot your butt down. Okay. I've heard from other people I did not know you did that. I didn't but I've heard from other people Sure That part of it is like they're giving you the massage and then there's like a very there's a period of silent negotiation Where the person will be like rubbing and then they're like sort of erently like sort of flinger your balls, you know Like sort of flick finger. Oh my god. That's happened so many times A great just a light grace and if you close your legs then the person massage

Oh, this dude likes body work. Okay. He's here. He's a legitimate human So the woman flicks your balls a little and then what if you want it then you slightly Just a little bit open and open your legs open a little just a little bit because if you turn around and flop out They're probably going to be like this is uh Like a cop or I don't know what right so yeah, so there's like a there's a dance So you don't want to have your legs straightforward. You want to like open them Where's the cum? Well, the cum is in the balls or actually it's in the jar filled with my father's ashes

It's not a good drop. What'd you say how many times have you done this? I've never done it I've but I watch a lot of documentaries on netflix about this. There is there are a lot of documentaries. Yeah, there are Yeah, you and about sex work and well. Anyway, the point is I like traveling with mosa because then I'll go get a massage or come back a lot more like sort of reasonable and I honestly don't know how we do it with a child We're doing one show in seattle on his birthday. And I don't know how we're gonna do that July 6th Seattle it gets available now. Give it a plug. We're at mosa cashier.com. It's really it's we sold out the first show So there's only shows available for the late show, but it'll be fun. Columbia city theater

Are you gonna travel with the baby or you're leaving the baby behind? We're going on a big rv trip with the baby and we're terrified. Are you for real? Yeah, we're terrified Try it out. Now you bought one. I have one. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. This is awesome My plan is to just try to not cry. You want to not cry? It seems like it's gonna be hard. We're driving from here to seattle because I have a wedding in uh, I'm actually marrying another woman It's a birthday present for me. It's one of the tenants of judyism No, so we're going for like a we're going to drive all the way up the coast like all the way to seattle On the coast. It's gonna be beautiful. That's gonna be beautiful. That's a long ass drive. It's a long drive

How long how long is it gonna take? We have like 11 days. We'll be good. Someone said to only drive three hours a day with a baby So and is it gonna be the you know, bring a helping hand? No, we're sleeping in a van The nanny the nanny's coming in the rv. I sense you have contempt for this trip. Yeah I'm afraid of the trip. Okay. Well, if you can believe it I'm really in the camping and for and if you can believe this natasha's not as into camping as I That's hard to believe. It is hard to believe. She's a rugged kind of you know, wild I've always noticed that about her. She loves hiking outdoors Birkenstocks natural patchouli. Yeah, you're gonna make me want to stay at hilton gardenin's

Courtyard marriott's we have uh, we had a severe anxiety flying with our son. Yeah, I don't want to do it Would you bring the car seat? Yeah, you bring everything you fucking bring everything could you do it alone because I was planning on doing that Personally, I there's some women who for it's like not a big deal. Yeah, the baby's fine. He sleeps on the floor Not with my kid. He's a boy. He's Active it would give me so much diary anxiety to do it alone It'd be so funny. I can't I can't even imagine if you were the one that shit your pants. I probably Not a kid, but you're like I I actually do have so much anxiety. Yeah

Um, well, we've flown a couple times with them. We've we've sworn it off now until he's like 10 What's the weirdest thing that's ever happened to you guys on an airplane? The weirdest thing or like a memory of something Something bizarre. There's always something horrible on there. There's so many weird things that have happened on airplanes Why what's yours motion sounds like you have a story No, I don't have a great I don't have a great story But I do have a story there was a time when I I was gonna I got on a plane I started flirting with this girl pretty hard and like I didn't know worse. You're just sitting next to me

And this is actually a very pathetic story But what ended up happening was we ended up holding hands to new york and that was uh, that's sweet And then what happened? Did she give you a massage after no, I adjusted my legs open slightly and she didn't respond to that at all Oh, I sharded on the way to africa. That's true. Really? Yeah, I was at a long flight and I ate tacos in the atlanta airport bad idea before like a 19 hour flight to johannesburg Oh, they don't have uh bathrooms on the africa flight But I sharded but luckily I had a pair of panties with me in my carry-on. Were you there?

Yeah, we flew to africa together and and did that turn you on? No You guys seem like the kind of couple who goes to the bathroom in front of each other. We do seem that way, but we don't That's the one boundary that we've maintained. We've never farted in front of me. No No, how is this possible doing it a lot then? Well, you mean anal anal? Yeah Wait a minute. Did you give did you watch the birth or did you see did you do? He stayed as mocha called it uh above the splash line. Yeah, I want to be out of the splash zone Yeah, but no, she had a c-section. Oh, okay. So there was no black blur. We farted in front of each other, but no brown No brown, but we talk about brown a lot. Yeah, okay. That's fine. Do you talk about your browns? No

We would never call them that so we as a as a woman. I can't even begin to like entertain this But like as a guy when you have to fart you always how do you deal with this problem? He doesn't have to ever He doesn't his diet's right on track and he gets enough exercise. No farts. I leave the room, you know Yeah, I say anything. Do you announce it like I have to fart? I gotta feel like it's coming You guys please change the subject This is a central issue That's me. This is all our listeners care about I'm telling you this is it This is the this is the topic they want to know about so hold on. So you're watching a movie

One of you has to Fart what happens walk me through this. Well Natasha. I don't know for sure that she farts But I if that's true for me, I'll either hold it or I will go to the wow Yeah, I mean, it's like why do I want to breach that? I'm not at this point You're at your I'm in years in six years. And if you've been holding it that long Do men fart in front of each other like friends? Yeah, definitely Do you fart in front of your guy friends when you're out of the house? But girls don't I do. I don't know. We gotta hang out more I'll get you start farting

That closer the friend definitely the more I mean if it's a really really close friend I'll sit on him and fart in his lap or something. If it's a really close friend. I'll slide my dick into him But it is that I'm gay and it's a thing that a secret that I have that I'm trying to reveal on this podcast Natasha, so you never even when you're pregnant. You never had to fart or what do you do when you have to vomit? I didn't uh Little I mean, I just I don't ever have to you don't ever have to fart. No I mean, this is a lot about number twos. What do you do when you have to mine are white and I don't do that Or is there velvet velvet white

The reality of Natasha is on brand. It's exactly you imagine Natasha. I know they're white I never heard that before but that is because of the anal sex. That is why they're so white. Yeah You guys think this is funny. Just be honest. It doesn't have to do with shit. No, okay. Not yet Oh for fuck's sake This guy climbing a tree Is going to What's he trying to do he's trimming a tree he's just a tree trimmer Okay, he looks unprofessional. This is like a little but he has some he's not wearing a shirt

No shirt. He's got the straps in the rope. I don't know whatever Um, you should have like a machine to do that. I think I think you're probably right I mean, that just looks oh my god. Oh my god Oh my god Mosha thinks that's funny. I don't I don't think it's funny either. We're kind of the same Now Natasha, why don't you think it's funny? Let's talk about this. I'm over 14 Also, I love trees and I know how they should be trimmed. So right away. I'm like That's your take on this. There's a man at the bottom of that three screaming and agonizing. He's like I'm just saying

It was a giveaway. Like I knew what was going to happen. There's no surprise. I got you It was I was surprised. That's a very surprised. Well, that's a that wasn't going to end well That was a long drop and the the agony at the I didn't like the fall but the screaming at the bottom That was pretty funny. That's what Tom likes Also, one more thing that tree doesn't need to be trimmed. That's a good point. This is what bothers natasha Doesn't need it. See I'm a big uh proponent of like that screams can be funny. Oh, yeah The shout. Oh, you know, can I hear that again? Sure? It did seem kind of good. Yeah, it did seem good. All right That scream let's see. Where is he sounded painful if I remember? I mean that guy might not be alive

Yeah, and that makes it even funnier, right? I don't like it He broke a bone. Yeah, he's hurt. He's in pain more than several. Yeah, he might have popped a liver I mean, and it's hilarious to my husband Maybe you have no soul That's where I'm going. Well, I think I have a very refined sense of humor and this is obviously funny I mean, it is cut. No way. This part Look at my husband ear to ear. This is the happiest. He's looked

Tommy and we're having a baby. No smile Guy falling out of a tree Yeah So you're gonna have two boys. That sounds really hard. It's three boys. You got him too It's all digs and farts. See this is why but this is why you can handle it This is why she's not farting and you're not farting because you have girls I have one girl and that's it. Well, we got we got the two dog two female dogs It's me and little pobblo are the only male forces. Yeah, see that's why I'm outnumbered by dicks and balls and farts

You got more clips tom. I got all kinds of clips. I'm trying to see some clips Most she'll watch his videos like this all the time. I got my home pages are cnn kookslam. Oh, yeah, I like kookslam on instagram That's he also likes uh world stars month. That's right. That's right. We got a lot of clips And then he also likes dr. Phil like molestation videos Why that why there's no no what she's referring to what she's referring to is like That's good that's way better Yeah, the mothers are like I don't I just wonder my son because exactly my reaction What was funny was that he was so close to the ground and hurt himself so badly so badly. Yeah, and the parachute's open

Yeah, it's not like it didn't open. What went wrong. I don't know. It's like he didn't have it fully open I don't know what's going on with it Okay, would you guys marry your mom? Wait, what oh god. You asking me if I would marry my mother? Yeah No, why because she's my mom. That's I'd find that kind of off-putting. What if I can't even call get around to calling my mom? I Mean let's say why would you marry your mom? I don't know. I just putting it out there Are you are you queuing up a clip right now?

Yeah, your mom and you're my son and I am falling in love with him. He said are you really I said yes I am he's saying you know what I was scared to let you know too. I am too. We're both consenting adults if if uh, it comes down to it It's just like the gays. They're they're you know It's just like the gays as long as they're old 18 everything's fine. Yeah, you know what? I'm really glad for is that this is subtitled because they're so stupid that you're saying they're stupid I understand what I'm saying Also, it's like let them why are they talking to cameras like marry your mom, but like let's not jail them

That's always my thought on this is like just don't tell people that you marry your mom. That's why I never understand I watch those racism videos on like world star where there's like the old white lady going like go back to your fucker It's like the minute be racist by all means the moment the person you're being racist who pulls the camera out It's like dummy walk away. You're gonna lose your job. You're not gonna work at quickie mart anymore I think people are enraged and they are also so used to phones that they don't realize they're being recorded He definitely knows he's a he's at an interview. Let me say this about this couple. You know how why this couple you know He does have a teardrop Full circle to your ms-13

No, you know here's the thing You know how like when you have when you were single and you would have sex with somebody you shouldn't be having sex with It was like a little hotter Right, you know, this is probably so hot like when you get to mom fucking I mean, it's probably so hot right, you know, if you're down because you know It's it's literally the the og taboo. It's true It's gotta be kind of hot this clip also led to my favorite listener made song of all time You're my son

I'm your mom You're my son I'm your mom. I'm your mom. Ask them will you ask ask ask them will you get your mom? Yes, I would oh, yes, I would okay. You're my son. I'm your mom. It's just like the gaze It's just like just just just just it's just like the gaze they fell in love too before they had sex sounds like That's right. It's cool about us because they had a relationship uh from their previous relationship of just being mother and son They're able to really communicate. Yes openly their desires before they consummate it. It's like being friends for years Actually, we were so fascinated by this. We found out that there is a common thing amongst

Parents even siblings that are separated for a long time a lot of times when they're reunited The feelings are so overwhelming and can be confusing that they'll shift sometimes into Sexual feelings. Oh man, that's so intense. It's very intense. So would you would you like hook up with your mom? I would rather Just kill myself at this moment. Oh, right now even then have entertain this conversation even as a bit. Yes, great. Okay. I accept that Yeah, but yeah, oh man, that would be They think you'll freak, you know face it damn. They's a freak. Do you play this video for every podcast? Not for every podcast In a while, here's my mom. Hi, Melanie. I'm scabby old with ecstatic hearts tontra

I just want to share that there are many ways to orgasm. She's acting like she's in a john waters movie Sex you can't put that style acting. Yes. Yeah, like over I just play this because you're a couple. Are they having sex right now? They're having an orgasm They just came on they came hug. That's so funny too because it's not rubbing Well, I mean it's like Natasha. I've been having sex for years and you've never I don't know ever had an orgasm And it's like they were just hugging. That's funny Oh man, you like yelling this just came in. I haven't seen this one It's just therapeutic yelling. Oh, it's the primal scream. I've been to burning man. I've seen this kind of thing

Yeah, this doesn't appeal to me because it seems like it would hurt my voice But I think most should do this because I think you have more rage than I do rage. I don't have any rage. Do I? You have more than me like when you get mad where people park. Oh, that's true Really? Well, we live across the street from an elementary school and people are always coming to pick their kids up and parking in my driveway But no, no, no, they don't park in his driveway. They park like two inches out. Yeah, and I kind of walk it a little bit Yeah, but he could still get out and it's a school. So I'm like here. I yell down I yell down I go that's a driveway and then she's like this lady was like, well, it's too big I'm like, I didn't pour the fucking concrete. Yeah, you dumb bitch. I didn't establish this property. I bought it

But he's yelling this through a window and then she goes she goes Well, I'm just gonna go and I go well, I'm gonna call the police and she's like go ahead and I go I'm gonna key your car. She got back in her car and drove away. That's not normal, right? She's picking up her kid from school What am I gonna say? I really respect it. I like it. Yeah, I'm gonna key your car One of the great things the greatest moments I've ever had was I was in in Berkeley I was going to park and someone cut me off And and pulled into the spot and the lady was just like walking away and I just go

I'm a I said it exactly like this. I go. I'm a key that car. Have a nice time in the bank I'm a key that car and I just drove away. Of course. I didn't key the car. I went about about my day But I did you yell I'm a key that car really loudly across the street I love the idea that she there's no possibility. She would be in the bank not Freaking out not enjoying her time And I and I and that was the price of entry for that part But that is also the opposite of you know spreading love and joy That's right as I'm spreading that key that car. That is what I miss about christianity

I'm gonna use that by the way. I like that. That's how you did it. Yeah, I'm a key that car It's good because it's a it's a thread. Yeah, it's it's menacing, but it's like She says it's an empty thread. You know, you're not gonna but you are fucking her day up, which I like I loved that. I was just like, okay Now I can go all my day and at least she got punished for taking that spot You're almost being damn, bitch more pleased with having done that and not even getting to park like I could leave Oh, no. Yeah, I think so just feel good. I would never do that Dude, we had a we had a funny situation speaking of conflict because I I sometimes am prone to conflict

And uh, we were driving back from the air from LAX. We got picked up by an uber and we just watched Um, we just watched drugstore cowboy. Wait midnight midnight cowboy midnight So we were kind of thinking about that and um the car the guy in the uber He looked like kind of a professor and he rolled his eyes the moment he saw so I should have like known Something was up, but I didn't quite why would that you roll your eyes? I mean just because what we look like snobs or whatever. I don't know what what is processed was whatever we get in the car I might have been wearing two hats. That's true. That's possible So we're in the back of the car. We're talking about the plot to midnight cowboy

We're like, you know, what was that were they gay? Was that a gay love the situation like we're kind of analyzing the film and he's kind of like haram thing a little bit just a littlest bit and then It's like an hour ride we get back to my house and we're kind of we're kind of going like, okay Natasha goes you turn left here Because our entrance is not where the where the address says he kind of snaps at her He goes like he goes i'ma turn left because the thing says to turn left and I go all right stop the car we're getting out right now and uh, he's like I can't stop the car and I like open I had already opened the door And uh, and he's like I can't do that. I'm pulling over so he pulls over into our driveway and I and I'm like at this point like

I think I did he starts screaming so you whipped out your phone So I pulled out my phone. It was just like click, you know, and I was like say goodbye to your job at uber, you know, whatever And we get out and he's like because he oh that's right. He called me a jackass He's he swore. He took it to the swear zone And I'm like that's when I started recording. I was like, would you just say bitch? I didn't say bitch And he's like he's like nothing. I didn't say anything and he wouldn't give me my luggage All right, he's like she's eight months pregnant at that point I think it was actually on the way back from the special actually and he wouldn't give me my luggage

And I'm like give me my fucking luggage and get the fuck out of here and he's like no no I'm calling the police Don't know why he's calling the police He goes you go in the house. I'll give your luggage to your wife. I'm like, I'm not leaving my pregnant wife By the way, it's because I was being cool Yeah, yeah, super cool You know often people would say being cool would be supporting your husband not an uber driver But I just knew what to do to get him to leave I guess as opposed to like starting to film him and activating him and making him really mad in our driveway

He walks out and he's pacing back and forth calling 911 and I'm like giving my fucking luggage So I go distract him to Natasha. She's like what I leap into the car and pull the trunk open Now I go to grab my bags. He freaks out runs over slams the car shut first You told me eight months pregnant to go pop his trunk. Okay to be Into the front seat To be honest, I'm not really in a good mental zone at this point. Yeah. Yeah, and I pop the trunk I go to grab the thing he slams it shut Finally we negotiate a settlement where he does take the the bags out and I'm like, all right

Now get the fuck out of my off my property and and he's like on our way. I'm waiting for the cops I'm like the cops for what dude Like what are you going to tell the fucking cops and he's like I'm going to tell him that you were you know You were obnoxious I go, okay, and and he's like and I and I start walking away and he goes And I'm gonna tell him that you didn't understand the plot to midnight cowboy What? That's really funny. Absolutely. He won

And he also knows where we live Esther there's no question at that point in the interaction. I was kind of like as a comedian like you're like this one This one's yours. You take the w on that. Take the points on that. Yeah, you win that's fucking It's almost Unbelievable that he could come up with that. Yeah. Well, he was he looked like a retired history teacher He was kind of like a set like he was like 65 70 That's so funny that I would keep thinking about that. Yeah, it's almost like if I saw that in a movie I'd be like that guy would not be able to put that together. It's too funny

It was very much Obviously he was driving the car as we analyze this film that he clearly thinks he understands more that he's just going like Oh my god, these insufferable hipster scum in the back think they understand this Just like driving angrily. Maybe he was like a like a film critic or like a film I bet he taught at um la community college. I did throw it in the shoot him. Probably you did Yeah, so I as I was walking in I was like you better get out of here I was like, I don't have a gun. What did you say? I think like, you know, or you know, I'm gonna go get my gun or something I don't have a gun. There is no good. You said that to him. I think so

Christina, would you put up with this type of behavior in your in your yard in my yard? Like right in your driveway. I prefer it not to be like you said on your property. So the guy Fucking knows where you live. I'd be afraid he's gonna come back and jack me later. I did feel that Of course, that's where you're about this. We got into a fight Because I just felt like he was escalating it in a way that was unnecessary And my issue is that she should be like on my side. Well, why were you so fired up? So usually it's when a stranger swears at you and and tells and is like not giving your luggage Wouldn't you be fired up? But I think you're fired up before that. Yeah. No, I'm chilling

No, he was fired up when he said when the guy was like, I know when to turn left Like what I would have said is like, okay, sir. Thank you because we were like, you know Half a step from my house and then I would have just got the stuff and just been quiet about it Exactly. I wouldn't have been like let let let me out of the car and open up the door and try to jump out of the car Well, what pissed you off about that is what I'm saying. I don't like being disrespected, but he disrespected her The wife. Yeah, but you know what who cares it didn't affect me. I know that's the right attitude. Anyway, let's roll a clip I'm a shit pig I'm a toilet

I don't need to serve rape humiliation The humanization who those bottom teeth are just taking over. Um, this is kind of bothering me I'm gonna end with it. Well, first of all, I like a lot of all this is a bobby league character This is from mad tv. I'm very proud of it. What do you say he's a shit pig? He did say I'm a shit pig It's gonna turn over Over here until you turn him up. He's it. Well, what's bothering you? First of all, I like it. It's very close up

He's like I'm gonna do an ultra close-up about my like my my submission fantasies. I'm not gonna shave fully That's right. I'm gonna have an extremely shiny face. Yes, and not not trim my nose hair The framing is fantastic framing and the bottom teeth are just so prom Well, because he's in this like he's looks like he's on the toilet because you can see his shampoo bottles The guy is a shit pig. I think you're right. He is on the definitely in the bathroom The cool thing is is that if you need to go to the bathroom, he's okay with that If you see me walking on the street shout hey shit pig Wait, hold on. Hold on. Stop. I love that. He goes into a bit of a he goes into a bit of a bit of a character

He goes if you see me walking on this street Stop me and go hey shit pig like it sounded very new york. It did it did like who's watching a lot of movies Uh and I will come to you I will drink your piss eat your shit Enjoy your verbal mediation You can piss over me. You can shit over me. You can show You know, it's very expensive to have people come to your house and do that So he's probably trying to get

Get it for free cost-effective. I like how you I do wonder if How true this is like if I did see dude on the street and I was like hey shit pig And then I just shit in his mouth if he would oh he this guy. He's down. He's down. Yeah, wow Yeah, I think so. He tells you definitely like 300 dollars to have a woman come over and do that At least yeah, well, I don't think there's a lot of women doing the shit pig videos Yeah dominant no to come over and shit on you. Oh, I'm saying he's doing it to try to get free People to shit on him right, but I think he's gay and I think it's or men I think it's free in that community. But he tells you if you want to meet him you meet him at the bus station

No, he has a designated area Let's not let's do it again. Yeah, he did say that you could meet him at the bus station. What site is this from? Uh, I don't know the site that it was pulled. Oh, please don't tell him. No, I mean just curious But he's in norway. Oh, so he's not sort of directly available. No, he's not We were looking at norway. Oh, by the way, they're so clean there He's not he's a dirty boy. He's a bit of an outlier there. Dude. I was in norway once And I went to the they have a comedy show in bergen And the local comedians found out I was jewish and we're like really kind of titillated by that and they're like, oh come with us

You'll love this look look and they brought us downstairs behind the comedy club into this basement And they go this was the room where they tortured the jews I swear I swear and I'm like, why would you think this is a tourist destination that I would be like? And then they pointed up and there were swastikas on the lattice in the balcony across the street And they're like, yeah, the nazis were here and they this room they would interrogate the jews and torture them like you You like it? Yeah, you are shit pig, right? That's uh, yeah, it's really intuitive of those guys to show you that Well, you know comedians really get human instinct and human humanity. So they really knew that that was a thing

I would like god, you know, you're so weird We were talking to this kid. Oh, by the way, have you noticed that do you know that some people watch comedy specials with Subtitles on that we do sometimes. Okay, wait, what? Because his mom is deaf. So sometimes we have well, that's different. That's totally different. Sometimes our subtitles are just on Oh, okay, right, but you're saying something different I'm saying that we got emails about this guy was like I was watching a special of my friend his subtitles were on

He's sitting there laughing at things before they're said because he's reading right and And then he's like, you know, I've noticed that a lot of people are doing it and People who are not hearing impaired why is like an odd thing to do why you mean specifically comedy specials? Yes, specifically comedy. Why I don't know why they're doing it But I am of the thought that it's got to be Kind of ruining it a bit. It's like staying a step ahead I'm very used to that because I grew up with it with my parents being deaf But uh, I wonder I would like to watch my own special with I mean, I can't ever watch one of my own specials

Definitely off sometimes but I'm I talk so quickly that I wonder if the subtitle person actually it's it's incorrect Because I'm telling you there's no way they can get it right No, you know, no, they're miss miss whatever they're missing a beat. I mean, they're miss quoting They throw it up way before you say it or or or it's late. It's not matching up. Yeah It kind of fucks it up. Especially if you are if you are If you can hear the reason why why would you? Do that to yourself. I don't know. I that's bizarre. What's the reasoning? Maybe it's the comedians you sometimes miss punchlines and so they want to watch it

I guess I my theory on it was that this guy's doing it because like maybe he's just like a little anxious And doesn't want the mystery of where is this going? He wants to stay like a second ahead So it's like almost comforts him. It's bizarre. It's bizarre. Hey, maybe we could have them weigh in on our yanni debate There's nothing to talk about. Well, no, what's the other word the yanni? Do you know I'm talking about yanni the piss on me beat me guy Have them weigh in on what he's saying. I got you. This is a good point. Okay. We'll just wrap up on that. All right. That makes sense Okay, um

So this guy literally that thing don't we would never know we would do that. Hey, do you think this is terrible? um, so this guy Is a the biggest celebrity that this show has ever created. Okay. He's legendary He's amazing And he's contributed so much, but there's a mystery as to what he's saying in one part of this video Okay, okay, you can give me your version of what you think he's saying. So I'll just start it off Black guys who love the fuck and fuck good If you're a hot black guy, you want to fuck me at 23 95

If you want to move in you can move in but you got to fuck me I mean, I need to be fucked a lot man Get rid free food free rent and everything else man. There's a deal man Men from jail homeless or um, you're a thug you want to come Move in a friend can move you too, man Free rent you can at least in the cake. Fuck me piss on you beat me a home, you know And there it is. Wait a minute. Oh, yeah, it's clear what he said. What does he say a whole minnow? No, no, but that's what I understand that the s s been out

There's a controversy about what he's saying right there the last part the last part of course you're gonna hear it many times Free rent you can at least in the cake. Fuck me piss on you beat me a home, you know See what he's saying. What do you think he's saying? I'll tell you my version. Okay, and it's it's I don't want to taint their opinion Tell me what you hear first because I feel like well, here's the audio. Here's just the audio. Yeah home, you know Home, you know piss on you beat me a home, you know I I got nothing really whole meadow It's you're in the right lane. See what I think he's saying is hold me out

That's been submitted. I think because he he tells you about what he wants Literally gives his address out. He says piss on me beat me home here now, and he's in such a frantic excitement That it comes home here now. Yeah, I'm home here. I'm here now. I'm home here now. Okay. Let me hit so Piss on you beat me a home, you know No Home man now. I think some people are saying he's saying ho a man out Whole man out. Ho a man out. Hold on. Hold on. He's telling these guys I mean, I know he does he has an affinity for black guys, but like he's not really street

It'd be crazy to pivot at the very end and be like and hold this man out right here, boy Hold this man out. Right. I'm ready to be hold out people have said that's my argument, too It's not consistent with the rest of the speech now. That's so cool Have you eaten at his restaurant, by the way? Trio's tacos There's so many different versions that people are I mean people have said he's saying Hold me on out. Hold me down. Hollow me out Um, uh, own me in and out like you said, okay, so this is a clip you found. This isn't actually a person

Oh, yeah, people we found this and it's been why do you contact him? We don't know Yeah, you have his address right in a letter. I know but it's not really I think you should write him a certified letter He's not there's no way he remembers what you even said that watch it and tell you that's true Dude, I tell you what I challenge your mom's house to write a certified letter with with half You you rip a hundred state is he in I don't know he says Rip a hundred dollar bill in half and tell him if he can tell you the accurate answer to this You will send him the other half of the hundred There's no way that dude doesn't want the other half of the hundred or actually if you want to save your money

Say that you are a uh black guy a black top that loves the fuck but one thing That's what he's gonna respond to him. I don't think cash is the incentive here for this It's so funny though to find a big black guy drive to his house and be like, oh, I'm here to top you but first You know what I love most about him is there's an unwrapped gift Yes, of course There's the red bow There's another like present he has left. Oh, and looks like there's another present. It's like his birthday You know what's inside of that present, right? Oh, this was one present. That's the bow to the present

So he's not that popular. No, but you know what's inside of it, right? What a whole man now a whole man Oh, there's so many people that are trying to figure it out Let me do it one more time. I just a quick reminder That the what's he saying shirt is out home here now homey on out hold here down All the different you guys made a t-shirt does he know this is a third t-shirt Wait, I'm how could you possibly not send this guy a letter you have well I like hold me out. That's what I would say We have there's there's other people that we featured on the show that we've actually contacted and offered goes well

Well offered sometimes substantial money much more than a hundred dollars. What do they do? No, they won't they won't even answer us Yeah, sometimes they want to answer sometimes. They're probably not getting it Uh, what getting like what's going on correspondence? Wait, how much? No, no, we've had we've had one respond How much and and he was like go fuck yourself. No, he was like, uh, he basically goes I dedicate a video to you like he dedicated a video to us and that was his response and he got Overwhelming like contact from our listeners. Wait, how much did you offer this person and for what? What's substantial just to interview just just You wanted to just make fun of him on your podcast

No, we just wanted to interview him. No, we were weird these people right like if you had this guy on obia probably very respectful Yeah, like absolutely. Oh, yeah, this is like dateline. Yeah, you know, it's gonna be yeah, wait. So, uh What did what did you offer that person? What's substantial money? Well, yeah, like over over 500. Oh 500. Okay. I mean, I wasn't gonna offer him $500,000 Half a million no, but I mean, I also was like or just get back to me with what you want. Yeah. Yeah. All right Can I hear it one more time? I'm gonna weigh in finally my final way and your final your final version. Okay. Here we go I'm hearing. I'll hold me on out. Yeah, but you're right. It's like you see me. Fuck me piss on you beat me

I'm home. You know, you see me when I come I'm home here now Hold hold me on out, but hold hold me on now. It sounds like today. Try it out. Hold me now Hold me now. I'm building try it out. I'm gonna fuck a piss on me. Try it out Seriously apply it only as fuck man. I'm looking for hardcore guys and mean it. I want to do it And I want to deliver it. I'm a hot fuck. I trash come down. Let's fuck If you want to talk to her turn her back again I don't think it's I'm home here now because it doesn't fit with the theme of what he says Fuck me piss on me. Shit. You know, it's like he's like you want to come over you want to come over you want to come over

And then he gives us a drug and forgot what it forgot like he's just talking gibberish. That's a very good It's a very good point. I think you're right and I think you are reluctantly being the lead detective in us Well, she's got the right jacket for it So it's like oh, so he's going like fuck me piss on me. Yeah Like he almost is doing that. No, he thinks he's saying uh, hold me down But he's saying hold me now or whatever he thinks he's saying he's too fucked up It's his birthday right He just got like a bottle of cheap tequila. He just drank half

That's what that present it's a liquor bottle behind it Hold me on you. Hold me on you. Hold me on you. Hold me on you. Hold me on you Hold me on you. It's Stephen Hawking. It's me on you. No Me on you now the universe is lonely. No, the whole millionaire years old. It's a good point Whole man out. I feel like it's whole a man out, but you're right. It's inconsistent with how he speaks before Call me on now. He's not that street. He's not street You know what I want to tell Natasha before I forget What I'm so bummed I forgot I was gonna do the thing for her what that you play drunk so well

You're such a great actress and every time I see you do drunk. You think I'm really drunk. No Yes, yes, like you you you do this thing that's brilliant where you don't overdo it Like you do it the way drunk people really do or they're trying to hold their shit together Oh, thank you, which is so funny and so good. I just wanted to tell you that I've been I've had a lot of practice Her her drunk is amazing. You're right though. So funny her pantsless drunk on burning love is like Truly one of the funniest things I've laughed out loud funniest things I've ever seen right. She's kind of like street a little bit too Yeah, well, she's trash. She's what she is. She's calling me on out

Yeah, I know Yeah, so fun and your trash boys Well, thank you like Tasha make fun of your your relatives. I love that too. You like Tasha Uh, thank you my family. I'm part of I think what a family is here for is to make fun of them Yeah, yeah Mosha said I could make fun. Does does he care if you make fun of him tom? To make fun of Tommy. I do all the time on stage. He doesn't care. Is there anything that's off limits? Uh, not yet Are you glad to make fun of her? Yeah, he does all the time talks about my loose vag my big floppy tits and

I talk about those things too. Yeah, you're loose vag and big floppy tits. It is Tom tells me first. It's not like it's like that. We have a quarter Wait, what's so what's your what's your off limits? We got no lines When it comes to the stage, there's no lines for sure, right? Yeah, exactly. Well, I'd like to have I I'd like him to not say negative things about me and I'd like to say negative things Sure vice versa, but I mean what in interpersonal communication at home I'm brittle and I have a hair trigger But if she gets on stage and makes fun of my deaf mom, it's all good

I guess But I will say though the way Mosha acts with people with their cars and with the uber people He doesn't do that to me. No, that's good. Yeah, you will say that Huh, you will say that because that's what I coach you to say on the drive over here But I just want I don't want people to think that he carries that into our relationship because I know how unstable it seems and I just have a thing about being disrespected and it's not good and I don't like it But I disrespect you sometimes but you don't act like that. Yeah, but it's not people that I know disrespecting me

It's like strangers. It's different. It's way different. I'm getting better. I'm a lot better than I used to be I believe it's called righteous anger. It could be right, but this is a dude thing Let me tell you though because I know that you would fucking choke a man out for snapping at me like that too. I think Uh, it's just it's like dude and it's testosterone Yeah, I know you're right And I also didn't look at it like he was protecting me because it seemed like he was endangering our family Because he was letting these people know Where we live the guy might have a gun like why go there? I did analyze him and uh, I decided he did not have a gun

Okay, I mean, they were probably correct, but you never know. I remember he had like a weird pacemaker A wire coming from his neck. He was old. I was like, I gotta just grab that and yank, you know, and he's just You just unplug him. Yeah Like commander data totally But it's also the testosterone that sent mosha into a rage where he thought it was a good idea for me to climb Pregnant eight months pregnant into his the guy's front seat without his permission And when mosha did it the guy goes, are you in my fucking car? Like he was so pissed so it's like I almost did that

All right, but if you had done it, I would have been back at the trunk I would have grabbed the whole man out and gotten the fuck out of there So wait, he said are you in my fucking car when you went to pop the trunk? Mosha went into his front seat. He wanted me to. He told me Eight months pregnant to to slither my way into the guy's car because the guy was was holding our Luggage hostage in his trunk. Yeah, I love this story I like to side are you on? Well, here's the thing. I definitely understand both sides of it From him, I definitely get as a father though. What would you have done? I'm not a father at this point

That's true. I I understand you feeling like I feel like it's almost like a very Very defined male female storyline because you're you're being you're being composed. You're being rational You're thinking ahead about trying to Make it go faster. Well, and women we have to use our intelligence to get out of potentially physical I can just use my brute strength To sort of gorilla a man out of my driveway Because men size each other up right when you get to a motion did size up this handicapped 70 year old with like an old suit on with You know elbow patches, but he did. He really did. I like you know, he did

It was like I could probably win this I you probably wouldn't have done that with like a guy who was like look like he could kick your ass That's the great hypocrisy of like I just can't stand to be disrespected Because if the motherfucker was like a thugged out like six foot eight bodybuilder, I would have been like, all right. Listen, man Um, uh, I'm sorry and anything I can do. I don't understand the plot to midnight cowboy. I'll tell you that Can I just say that the woman he yelled at who had his car their car? It was like a I'd say 65 year old. What woman would he tell the woman you're like, I'ma key your car. Oh, you weren't there I was there. She was 65. She was and so I felt like I could take her but see that's yeah, but that's

We almost the only people who don't Think about who they're saying things like that too are literally crazy people. That's why they're crazy Right because they're like, yeah, I'll say that to the fucking six five, you know, 300. It's like Pablo Our dog barks at like dogs that are way bigger than they don't know what they're doing. Yeah. Yeah, so I mean That's how you stay alive. That's ape shit like literally that's ape shit. That's what monkeys do So ultimately they go get out of my little jungle area He helped out because you know, he felt threatened Disrespected and I totally I understand that you understand that but ultimately in this court. Who's side are you on? Well?

I'm on her side as a survivor like of the feminine instinct is to be like, let's not start some crazy shit Let's just get inside. I mean months pregnant. I'm vulnerable Yeah, yeah, I mean I but the thing is like I identify with what he did but you wouldn't have done it You might have done it. He might have done it. It depends. It depends. I mean I think the older I get now, like you said being a parent. I do think about things like that like my behavior You know, my incidents have gone way down over the years way down. I mean, right? You got to admit that right people suing me Yeah, they have you think about people suing me Jacking your shit. Yeah, yeah, totally. Have you ever gone to therapy? Did you therapy? This is therapy for us? I love it

Yeah, uh, yeah, I've been to therapy for anger. Oh, yeah. I mean, I'm not like an angry dude. I have a weird thing About strangers disrespecting. He was like a child thug. Yeah So he reverts back to like when he was on the streets, right? I've got a little part of my of my From oakland. Where are you from? I'm just kidding It's a fun area for me I don't mean to say you were a thug. I'm from the town I'm from the town and I and every kid in oakland thinks that they're like a thug. Obviously. I'm not an idiot

I know what I look like. It's not like I think I actually strike fear. You look like e 40 I don't even know who e 40 too short. You look a lot like too short. Yeah Anyway, but there is a little part of me. Natasha calls it old moche That's that's her name for that. Oh, I get that character. It's still there. It's still just a little and it doesn't comport to who I am I'm obviously I mean, I get that I'm a little hipster fop But uh, but it just comes out anyway any I I said to Natasha Me and my friend jake a joke around about this anytime. I mentioned the fact that I grew up in oakland I'm in a very bad psychic zone

And I need to like if I'm in conflict with a stranger and I say, oh, I grew up in oak I'm from oakland. I gotta go like I'm in trouble. That's the trigger where it's like, yeah, that's how you know I've like reverted deeply into my old person recently I won't go ahead and the whole thing was too long But recently I was disrespected by somebody and I had Homicidal fantasies. Yeah, I was sitting there. Wow. I imagine myself Beating him so badly with his head exploding against the cement It was very like satisfying to go there after feeling all the rage, but I just left I left the situation

See, I I fantasize about people dying. I don't care how they die. I just want them out of my life Oh, yeah, and it's good one there. By the way, my shitty ones. All right. The last time I got no, he hasn't happened to me yet This last time you got no physical fight My god, I don't know. I can't even remember last time I got no physical fight Uh, probably 10 years ago. That's kind of recent too recent. Yeah, too recent But uh, I was really ashamed of myself. You got into a physical fight in your 30s Yeah, probably it's it. I have a whole bit about it in my first special Were you working like or like, you know on the road? I was I was at a comedy show

It's a whole thing. I don't want to do bits because there's so many bits in there But it's a whole thing how it literally couldn't have been funnier. Was that a Hanukkah show? I had a dreidel in my hand a guy disrespecting me. I literally threw the dreidel at his head. That's how the conflict began Um, the traditional Jewish way to start a fight and we like went outside and I won the fight Uh, but really you were being hired by a comedy club. I don't love the Incurjulity in your voice. No, I it was at it was at a show at the Edinburgh Castle in San Francisco Uh, it was like a bar show. It's before you were like a touring comedian It might have been just before I yeah, it might have been just before I was a touring comedian

That would have gotten back to your agent that maybe it was more than 10 years ago. Maybe it was Yeah, it was probably 11 11 years ago. Yeah, something like that, but uh, you guys swung on each other Yeah, so it was a whole thing where where never heard this you So you never watched my special. No ouch Uh, it was the whole thing where like he was in a show. He was disrespecting the performers that used to really make me mad When there'd be somebody disrespecting another performer while they were on stage And so he left and I started to applaud when he finally left the room He's like being loud and obnoxious and then he said some shit to me through the dreidel atom

Classic and then he's like come outside. So I ran outside. I didn't know what I was doing but he uh everything it was kind of weird actually because he had a third friend and um And he is it was me the guy and the third friend and then and then Brent Weinbach Oh be we easy. Yeah, the last person you need it to back up. Good. I'm in your back. I want to talk some shit. Yeah exactly So it was kind of weird actually because we were going back and forth, you know yelling at each other and then things are calming down a bit Like I got control of my senses. I was like, look, I'm not trying to start a conflict You're just being super disrespectful in there

Everything was kind of calming down and the third guy who was like playing the mediator was like, it's all good Let's just calm down all of a sudden at the end of the whole thing as things were about to like be over Snatches my hat off of my head and he's like, that's a cool hat I mean as I used to say in the in the bit. This was a line. I dropped I go like I'm not black But I'm black enough that if you grab my hat off my head, we're gonna fight And uh, so we did maybe like ran outside And the dude I had been training like doing boxing training for like a year at that point and It kind of interesting. I never threw a punch at the guy like which is kind of I think of that

It's like maybe that's good. Like maybe if I punch the guy like I don't know something could have bad could have happened But what ended up happened when we started wrestling around I like like got him in a headlock I got him in a headlock and I like choked him out. I literally like like he literally tapped like And uh, and and at the end of it, you know, and he goes I go, are you done? Are you done and this this is from the bit? I go, are you done? Are you done? And he goes, I'll never be done That's like, uh, I'm fighting a night I'm fighting a night from the round table and he finally everything calmed down everything conflict over end of thing There's a whole thing where he had cut me and also bled on me

So it was like I was like and he looked In that moment as I looked at his body. I'm like, oh, wow. You're like you are a gay Heroin user like everything about like the moment there was blood. I was thinking myself like oh my god This dude is like was he around the same age as you? Yeah, he probably was but smaller like I hate that Fucking disrespect to the other performers. Oh, man And I almost got in a fight at the three clubs Yeah, totally. Yeah, this lady was sitting in the front and it was there was two shows back back to back shows And she was like, yeah

I'm like talking over people and I was like I hate that show and so I was I wasn't on that show Yeah, so when that show ends people leave she stayed And then I went to host the second show and she started to do it But because I was so worked up from watching her. Yeah I like immediately it was like shut the fuck up and somebody was like don't talk to her like Ah, you're the asshole. I was like, hey asshole. I've been here and she says something. Anyways, I call her a cunt People were like, whoa, I'm definitely like just super. What is the occasion? Is it it's a showcase Is it a Montreal showcase? It's a showcase that I'm I'm not showcasing. I'm hosting for them for the other comics

And I'm so mad that she's ruining this for them. What's funny though is that the guy who's going on first is mad at you Like why is he ruining this for me? Yeah, I know they weren't but then somebody was like Some woman goes don't say that to her. That's my friend I go, that's your friend then you're a cunt too and then People got up and left. Uh-huh. Then the show kind of actually Started to kind of go together. Well the friends The friend who was like, that's my friend her son

Walks in with a backpack. Oh anybody goes out with a backpack. Oh, that's bad news right there And he was like just staring. He was like I talked to you for a second I was like, all right And I go outside. He's like you called my mom a cunt And I go, who's your mom? And he points. Is she a cunt or what? And he points to like the friend and I go, I didn't really I didn't call her and he's like, yes, you did You said blah blah. He's like, I want you to apologize to my mom and her mom was like Looking all like up at me like, you know meek and she was like, what happened?

Why were you so angry? I go because your fucking friend is told they're like, well, she's been drinking in this and I go Exactly like get her out of here. Anyways, we have this whole thing and I go All right, I'm call him now. I'll say this Sorry, I said that to your mother. I'm not sorry. I said it to her though And they were like, okay, except fair enough. They she shook on it. Yeah. Yeah. And the kid you could see like he was like He was so fired up that I had said that and then he just kind of like It's so funny too because it's like conflict is so ridiculous It's like the guy's like mad like you said the word to my mom

Yeah, like what in what who cares really get your car in a way Getting in a fight with the guy, right? I have no defense other than this at the end of that fight I was like so ashamed of myself like I was as I like the whole point of that bit Is that you can't really win a fight as an adult because even if you win you still feel like a loser You know, yeah, like you just you're not you don't get that triumphant like playground feeling anymore. That's not available after 30 But my friend Jesse who kid I grew up with Kid I probably got into a lot of fights with when we were in middle school um

It's like at the end of the day like we're all Society and humanity is real But it's also an illusion and a mythological like a fake thing that we're living in in reality We're all like monkeys. We're we're we're simian with testosterone and we're just like it's amazing that we don't come It like sometimes there's just so many people around each other that it's inevitable and that conflict will occur between two males And you just have to hope that you're developed enough and enlightened enough to avoid that that you don't like die Yeah Yeah, I just admit that you hate your mommy and daddy

You know what I mean? And like that's probably where the rage comes from. Do you think so? I A thousand percent I don't I think at a certain at a certain point at a certain point like avoiding conflict is a skill And the necessary one and one that i'm working on and i'm much better at than I used to be But at a certain point like there is just so there is a there is a Testosterone a chemical reality that when two males are in the same zone and they're challenging each other Like it's difficult for there not to be conflict. It's possible to not be physical conflict. Yeah. Yeah, and that's not about like No, that's not about your mommy and daddy But you're wiring that shit when you're growing up and you're like people used to fucking get on me, dude

Like that's like your primal. That's your your blueprint for the rest of your like that's always going to be a trigger You know what's really fucked up about being good at avoiding conflict is you don't feel like a winner It's not like when you walk away all peace and love like brother. It's all good Like you you're like wow i'm a bitch I just or and if you so if you fight you're an animal if you lose your if you acquiesce your bitch Is it's hard to be happy? I I get that but I also think you can feel like the enlightened Smarter one who avoids the you can and you still feel embarrassed or I still feel even when I'm in line I recently had a conflict with it with a person very recently

Uh, this isn't like a stranger person This is a person who was like trying to get my goat and talking shit And I and he was at such a low kind of area in his life that I could have like really Kicked a man while he was down. I mean, it's very easy for comedians to do that and instead Via natasha and some other people's urging. I was like, you know, I'm just gonna like walk away from this and just like check out of This interaction and in the end I felt like damn man, you know, I had all these good comebacks So it's like it's hard to even feel like you win. It's gotta be hard because you're close with Brent But that's the thing when they're low frequency and they're drunks at your show

Like it's I rage on like when I fucking drunk pops off, dude I get I see red like I want to fucking kill you really children I want to fucking kill you Let's then you have to remind yourself like this person's life is so shitty Yeah, that they started drinking at whatever time they came to the show. They're you know, they're sabotage That's something to remember about the internet too is like the people that are In comfortably on the internet. Yeah, just everybody's upset. Yeah, what is it jeans? I know what it is. Sorry. What's wrong mommy?

No, it's just nothing. All right. Um, let's remind people That uh, the special is on netflix if you haven't seen it's fantastic honey moon stand-up special I do a half hour most does a half hour and then together we do a live couples roast Yeah, thank you for saying it was good. Absolutely. And you can see them live after an 11 day rv trip In seattle uh second show has been added July 6 July 6 columbia city theater. Go to mocha cashier.com. Yeah Thank you guys for coming over today. Dude. Thank you guys. Thanks, dude. You guys are so cool We'll leave you with this uh original mouse mom's house scat by matt c. Thank you guys. We'll see you next week Love scatting love scatting

Oh Please let the black kid do it Is that how it's done Oh That was terrible, wow that one was that was my that was actually the best one yet. That was the best one