Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - 463-Your Mom's House with Christina P and Tom Segura

Episode Date: August 29, 2018

The jeans are back and ready to pull them up! There's nothing like a fart prank on a dad. Dad's definitely have the best, angry reactions.  PLUS, the gay porn writer/actor/directors that brought us the "my daddy taught me" classic lines are back with another and it's even better! Speaking of farts, famed fired security guard, Paul Flart joins us for a quick chat AND Tina gets super uncomfortable with the "I'll make ya cum guy" and his new message.  Your mothers also discuss Louis CK's "comeback," a horrific public phone call a grandmother took, sucking feet in public and more!

Let's get it All right, Gene it's gonna save you all can't see my sweatpants hopefully Are you wearing pants today? I'm wearing pants Yeah, very excited to be wearing pants What's your dates, Gene? Well, a little November 24th, Man Diego at the House of Blues tickets are moving very quickly I'm almost completely sold out so get them now. That's Thanksgiving weekend, you know, and that's Saturday That's when you're over your family and you're over it all and or maybe you want to take your folks out to come see your favorite pair of jeans

Do that You know I'm saying you know I'm saying I'm talking about December 7th fill her up Delphia and then December 8th Judo artidias I've added a second show at the Gramercy Theater 1030 so get those tickets. Everything's almost gone guys It's excited. It's a maze and then 2019. I'll be announcing hopefully soon Gene I can tell you this I'm going to Blue Jeans, Oregon 20 tickets left

Early show and about 60 to the late show. That's it Boys Seed is all sold out. Ball Sacramento has tickets for the late show on October 6th. Where? Ball Sacramento. Oh ball sack. Yeah Fartnoe also known as Fresno, California. Yeah, that's October 26 There are tickets available to that show in the next day in Bakersfield. What's Bakersfield? All the haters feel hey, I like it Then I go to the dirty dirty South Florida. I go to Fort Fartmeyers Jack me off Phil and

Orlando And Augusta come on you George. Hey, those are all in November very few tickets remaining in Orlando Jack me off Phil and Augusta Fartmeyer still has tickets The third show and Phil her up Delphia is moving along nicely Good all those tickets at Tom's a girl comm slash tour a lot of people hit me up the Changa because it sold out very fast They're giving us a second date

It was it's not gonna be the same night But that second date will be sometime in 2019 and I'll have that for you soon Along with some big announcements go to Tom's a girl comm click on the tour page and sign up for that mailing list So you can get the news before anybody else You know what's neat about Pachanga is that it already sounds like a dirty word, doesn't it? That's like put it in my Pachanga. Whoa, right like your panocha. Yeah. Yeah, that's why it sounds like panocha. Yeah, that's the problem You know what it or maybe it's not a problem. Maybe it's maybe that's why everyone likes it there. Okay. Okay. All right, yeah There it is jeans so much to go over today

How tight are your jeans mine are very tight? Of course super tight got post pregnancy jeans and they're always tight right now Oh, yeah Till I can lose a few LB's couldn't be tighter. No All right, let's get into it. You ready? Yeah, I'm ready. Let's do it. Let's do it Look Did you shit in your fucking pants? Yeah Don't bring anyone loving to this Welcome to your mom's house

with Tom Segura Christina Pajit You I'm looking forward to these days being a dad and Having the kids fart in the car and oh, yeah, you know torturing mom Yeah, I know why you picked this clip why because this mirrors our real life yesterday on the way home from our dinner It was pretty bad walk me through What happened? This is a liquid-ass prank by the way, you know, it's that spray. Oh, yeah

We've had we've people have sent us that one. It's not nearly as volatile as what you've got in your real ass Well yesterday was an interesting day because it was a travel day. I'll always a recipe cross-country travel day Just bad things happen. Sure. I'm at the hotel early. Yeah eating some breakfast having coffee What did you have for breakfast? I had a momlet. Okay with veggies Yeah, there's spinach. Yeah onions mushrooms, and you don't eat those very often. That's not very volatile Not true. I ate that Had some bacon. Yeah greasy coffee. Oh, yeah You're up early early to early just does something to your guts. I don't know what it is

I know and then I shit at the hotel Then I drive more than an hour Mm-hmm get to the airport Have another like half coffee another coffee and I just started raising now I just started honestly. I get I got on the plane with it. I gave it to a flight attendant, right I can you just throw us. Yeah, I was gonna say because usually once I drink my morning coffee, and then I shit I don't really want coffee right away I was like, I don't really enjoy this and then I slept for a few hours

I don't know, but your whole your whole digestive tract is messed up that day. Yeah, it really is It is just waking up super early if it would mess my stomach up, too It would hurt my stomach would just hurt and then I got back here Eight something here. I don't know then we went out. What do we have for dinner? Oh, yeah, I had that Salmon salmon the hard L. I had the salmon and then Yeah, on the way out of there just You know, what's fun is because we say salmon as a joke and that when we're out in public So many people say salmon with a hard L and it's not right including the server

It's it's incorrect. Yeah, he's like do you want this salmon? I do and I go can you make a medium rare? He's like they don't make take temperature change it for the salmon here salmon. Yeah, that and I hear library a lot. Yeah, too There's a lot. There's a lot. Sometimes I get tweeted corrections for things. So we said like like it will be like Christina really say specifically Guys it's jokes. So so wait a minute. So we I remember this we as we had our salmon I had some seafoods too and then on the drive home. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, so I farted Well, it's not just a fart. It was like an atomic. Yeah, that's what I'm saying though But it was real and you had your head out the window. You like my heart farted, right? Yeah

First of all, here's the shit thing you do is you don't give me any heads up There's no warning and then you don't cross ventilate which everybody knows if you're gonna fart in a car All the windows have to be down passenger and driver. You got to cross ventilate that fucking thing It was hot. It was hot. It was hot and it smelled like a dirty diaper Like it smells like our newborns farts. I got to give it to me. It was nasty Give it up to me. It was real nasty. What did it feel like coming out? Was it hot? Yeah? Yeah No, I knew it was I mean as it came out was like this. I told you I go bad Yeah, oh, I know and I was I was saying that before I smelled it too. I just knew by the feeling

I was like proof. What you telling me? Did you tell us on the show? Some guy you you saw dancing with headphones on yeah, and then he farted. Did you say this on the show? I said it. Yeah, so funny. I'll never forget that that was in DC. Yeah, it was on a lunch break I was working with another guy named Tom and he was really into music We went to a record store and it was back when the record stores they had the listening stations sure like Sam Yeah, and the guy was like He just ripped a huge fart and we fell out Turn it was like yeah, I think he really thought we were laughing at his voice

Yeah, well, you didn't because when you have headphones on you don't think people can hear what you're what you're doing Yeah, he was a big guy. Yeah, and I think that that fart escaped without him. You know, so wait a minute Tom. This is a bit Sizest of you. Are you saying that fat people have girthier meatier smellier farts cuz I don't know about me or smellier But maybe girthier and meatier maybe you think the fatness is directly proportionate Maybe has a it's a factor. Maybe maybe they're eating more garbage But your mom's got monstrous farts. That's a good way is like 80 pounds great counterpoint. Yeah, the fardiest farts I've ever heard right and smelly

Very this is a question for science. We have to ask a doctor. Yeah. Yeah, there's always well here Let's let's examine this dad's reaction a little more to this smell in his car sure I Feel like these words come out of my mouth every week of my life with you that can't be in 2005 I've said this exact thing over and over And then he eats his ramen or whatever Oh

That's like every married couple's discussion. That's not I mean that is that's ultimate dad too That's a real dad, you know Well the dad should fart. Well, yeah, but I mean that's a dad reaction I remember as a kid we would take these road trips Especially my uncle Dave. He'd be like, oh, he's like Jesus Christ. What are you piss pots? Just His pots and ding dongs Jesus go to the bathroom Christ Stinks you guys stink. Do you rip a fart? He always said that or cut a fart

Yeah, cut a part of our rip apart are my favorites. Yeah cutting a fart. That's such a foreigner thing. Oh my god Here's another dad here To the rest coast hello son. Oh bud. You better fuck up. You stink. You dirty bastard Your big smelly fucking dirty stinking Someone to talk to our chipper just see now Exactly talking to our kids I'm First of all dirty cunt. This is way better way to communicate with someone. Yeah, are your children devil?

Yeah, the way that he calls his kid a dirty rotten ginger-headed cunt. Yes I mean, I just love that so much. I do you rarely find American parents like that No, I know this is a foreigner thing my parents just occurs at me all the time. I love it all the time I immediately smile when I see yeah talk to their kid like that. This is more normal to me than you know Oh, sweet. I actually feel like that means you like your kid even more. Yeah, I agree like that I agree, you know think of them as an experiment that you're raising now Like if I would fart my dad would be like Like you've rotten whore mother

Like yeah, that's normal. My dad never got mad. You know my dad. He was always like he's just he's like jeez Wow, you do that. That really stinks Because you probably need to take a shit buddy Because your dad doesn't like lay blame. He's so sweet. He loves the far game. He loves shits He does so as soon as you are like you rip one. He's just like wow, that's really something Now you saw never gets mad. You saw him in breast breast balls beach. You saw him I saw top dog and Charo and any updates No, I mean, it's pretty much same shit different toilet, you know, yeah, did he tell you any poop stories or anything?

No, not really. Okay, so it's consistent. We're good. Yeah. Oh I have a hemorrhoids update. Oh, we're not done with this though. Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know I'll save it. Oh Come on, man. There's no throwing up. There's no throwing up God it sounded like it was gonna. No, he's just grossed out by his son's fart You dirty bastard I Love this guy so much. That's it. That's it. Sorry you have a hemorrhoid update

Isn't it we've been talking about shit for the first 10 minutes of the show. Well, I just want to say Okay, well better late than never that's right So anyways, I first of all, thank you for the outpouring of emails and concern about my hemorrhoids I really appreciate all the thoughtful advice. That is really nice guys. Yeah, so many of you Recommended tux medicated pads. Mm-hmm. I got a recommendation for this Chinese cream You can buy on Amazon. So that's coming and High-fiber things of that nature, but I which I tell you I already have pretty fibrous good dumps And I started using tux what I would do is I

Like if I knew I was kind of sitting around for a minute like to breastfeed the kid or something I'd take a tux pad and kind of fold it like a taco and then just put it up against my hemorrhoids like just kind of like a Like a pad and have it soak on my hemorrhoid. You know what I mean? Like just sitting there Good news. It's already worked. I think I'm gonna drive. There's no more pain It's the pain is gone and and that must be the power of tux. So thank you Thank you. It's gone. I mean, it's not the bump is still there But there's no pain if that makes sense. Is that how that's supposed to resolve? I guess so like does the bump go away or it's just I don't know. I'm just not an expert

Yes, you are in hemorrhoids. No, I'm not you have them. Don't you have them? I mean, I've seen blood before but that's not Those are internal ones. Yeah, but I don't have Your issue the external ones. No Ari has the internal Ari's Issues are vast. Yeah, and serious. I should have asked him. I can't believe he's alive After seeing what his asshole looks like. It's so horrific. Everyone's seen his butthole I almost passed out when I saw the fire swear. I've never I was like, oh, he's so nasty. It's so nasty. He's so nasty That poor guy. He really has serious anal problems real serious inner problems. I did also want to point out

I'm doing Conan tonight So that'll be up by the time you hear on or listen to this. Yeah, I've been there a few times It's always fun to go back Burt was there last night. Who? Bart yeah, and I didn't get to see it, but that was sent Just a small clip from his appearance if you guys want to listen to what he did on the show All right. Well, you know, we each have our own different way of Performing on I wonder if Conan brought him out as the world's fattest most racist comedian working today good way thing to look up

Yeah That's really caught fire and I'm pretty happy about that. Well, obviously. I mean he is yeah, but that was his opener, right? He sat down. I guess and he just did that and kind of was like, okay. Hey Conan's not racist. No, no neither is Andy I wonder how they dealt with it. Yeah, no Interesting So I think these are the same guys by the way that made that My daddy never made us ashamed of our penis Christ. Yeah, that's terrible. There's another clip. You want to see it?

No, here it is. No, thanks. I said that motherfucker Randy every time he gets more than six beers And he gets pissed off and leaves us tell me about it. I'm getting fucking sick of walking home from work every day I'm gonna cut his balls off of ice. See him. Don't mention balls My wife's gonna bite mine off for not being home on time. What's she making a big dinner? Nah, it's Friday. She expects me to fuck her all night long. What the hell's wrong with that? Yeah Nothing, I mean, I just put a pillow over her face and go to town. It's just Just what? Geez, is that is that what you do?

She likes to start things off by giving me some head her teeth always make my dick raw Her teeth Bitches can't suck a dick worth a day. I get away because my size she can't open up any wider Come on. Let's go. Where's this headed, huh? Never had good head in your whole life. I go on hikes like this too all the time Is this your hiking footage? I don't think I ever really have. Look at that fucking cock out of your pants Yeah, cut off right there. Unfortunately blue band with the fuck man. Well, do you not know what's happening next? No, I don't know what's gonna happen

I just want to hike this morning. This is this is eerily reminiscent. Yeah, this is all your hikes by the way Yeah, you're always like, oh, I'm going hiking. Yeah, I met a lot of nice guys on my hike Yeah, there are there's guys just like this with the hats like this and with sleeveless vests and Tight jeans. I love the tight gene for a hike. I didn't even think about that. They're a tire and they're wearing like what boots Yeah, well, this is the uniform of straight heterosexual hiking guys. Yeah Just a couple of straight guys hiking in our cowboy boots and nothing worse than a bitch that can't suck a dick with a damn You know, I gotta fuck my wife all Friday night long I know I put a pillow over her head and I go to town

Yeah, I sure hope our delivery is better fucking cock out of your pants our pilot if it gets picked up Oh, yeah, then this acting is terrible. That's pretty terrible. That's what makes it great and they just stand there Get that cock out of your pants Come on be honest if you met some guy on the hiking trail Yeah, and he was like Bitches can't suck cock for shit. Mm-hmm You want to try try me out try out? I've taken my 10 to 12 benadryl It's piss on me beat me

Would I give it a shot? I'm a hot white trash calm dump I mean, I'm not I'm not totally opposed to it. I just feel like I mean, you know, I'm hot. I'm on the trail It's all dirty. Oh, you're sweating. Yeah. It's like also people are gonna walk by What are we gonna do? They don't care and gay guys don't care about that. Oh really? No, they just fuck out in the streets when I lived in san diego I'd see guys to see this but fucking this is in the height of like the 90s though When when, you know, gay guys ruled that place. I don't know if they still do now. It's more yuppies

But I'm telling you one time. I saw two guys just butt fucking on the street Have clubs everywhere guys so fucking put putting their dicks through holes and other guys just going to suck them I'm they're fucking savages, dude. They're awesome. They used to rule it. It was like they're awesome Well, it's gay mecca. Like if you were a gay guy, you should you should live in san francisco You want to it makes me crazy when gay people write to me and they're like I live in fucking Alabama and they hate they hate me because I'm gay. I'll get the fuck out of there It's not just the gays who are doing the butt stuff Do you want to know something that's really amazing?

what A couple in china Who were desperately trying to conceive? They'd been having sex the wrong way for four years. No kidding. Yes, 26 and 24 years old Oh my god, they're like we keep failing to get pregnant They're having sex on a regular basis during the appointment the woman admitted that sex was usually painful And uh, they were very young very healthy hilarious couldn't conceive. They were having a lot of stress And uh, the doctor discovered that the couple had mistakenly been having anal intercourse rather than vaginal

to conceive Four years of marriage and neither the husband or wife knew how to get pregnant Oh my goodness. Now porn's banned in china, right? I don't know. I may be probably like you can't the state controls You know, yeah, I mean these people aren't being educated. I doubt they teach them about the birds and the bees Man, that's wild. That is wild Oh, yeah, it says sex education faces great challenges in china Jingjian a professor of sociology at beijing's. I don't know how to say this. Tsinghua I'm fluent in chinese

university At tinghua students take sex education. You're not even gonna comment on me on my beautiful pronunciation. I just did Tsinghua. Yeah, take sex education classes where they learn basic and all I know is any condoms or anything. Okay, anyway Huh, wow Good stuff, but stuff for five many years. That's terrible. Yeah, but no that that is I mean this has to be a stupid couple I mean, why would you put it in it? That's where the chocolate comes out. I know a succulent Chinese It's pretty pretty uh pretty wild

Oh, is it time? Hold on one second. I might have 18 seconds on my timer. Go ahead Let them know ching chong ching chong. Where's that one? Um, no, you want to fuck with my mind? Okay, remember that. Yeah, I remember that. I'm just singing what I know I'm just singing what I know from this show I'm not making fun of asian people. That's an actual drop Here you go. Dang chong. Okay. There you go. All right. Okay All right There you go

so There she is now see that I dug it up. That's the thing. I was referencing a song and you know, come on guys. Let's not Um, well, you know, uh, really back in the news heavily These last 24 hours is uh one lewis ck He um Did two that was an actual audio recording of the incidents, right? Right. He did two appearances this This weekend. Yeah one at the um Comedy cellar a famed new york city comedy club. Yeah

And one I think out in governors in long island at the comedy club And uh, both were surprise sets. These are both Uh, new these are his first appearances doing stand-up since he admitted to Um, drinking off in front of people without their consent. Yes And uh, that was a huge bomb drop of women specifically not people. It's just uh, it was a huge bomb that dropped last November and everybody, you know, at least in comedy has been like, uh, will he come back? Again, just what will happen again?

And he uh, he's doing spots. It looks like you know, what's interesting is that Huge backlash, by the way, right? I don't think people aren't exactly Applauding this for you return. Yeah, most people are not and it's interesting because we've had conversations with other people in our business Like what's the timeline here? Right? How long do you think he's gonna hold out before he comes back? Sure. And it's been nine months. Yeah I I have to tell you like I Didn't hate him before this. I was kind of like, uh, on the scale of shitty things that have happened He's not a winestein. He's not exactly a cosby. He sucks. That sucks, but it was on the scale of shit

Shit bird. Yeah Okay This makes me not like him because you're like motherfucker. If you don't know to stay the fuck away for at least a year Yeah, you don't got no sense. He has no sense and talk about the sense of entitlement like dude, you're clueless Like if you're coming back this early, that's just my take wait at least a year. Don't you think? Uh, yeah, you know, it's funny. I didn't really Think of the specifics of it because it's not my life, you know, what do you mean the specifics of like how to come back? Like I didn't like lay out a plan because I'm it's not anything that I deal with not your biggest concern in life

Yeah, so I I mean I was always of the mindset that I believed that a path to redemption should exist right not just for him I mean just for most people in in life like people who do bad things. What about like cosby though? Well, okay. That was really bad. My point was that is that you know, somebody gets arrested Let's say goes to jail for any number of terrible things right you could be accused of assault armed robbery Murder manslaughter all these horrible things eventually

Some of those people get released and it's like you can't just be like That's it like you don't get to where you're back in society now You have to figure out ways so for for a lot of people they go, you know, let's say somebody's accused of a horrific violent thing They're locked up for 20 some years. They go. Well, they did they pay their debt to society So they're entitled to whatever now even though people don't have to hire them, you know, so this is obviously Not the same thing, but there is some parallel to There's a bad thing done You need to pay some type of price. There's pennants involved. Yeah

So the you can make an argument that you know part of the pennants is the public shame of it all part of the pennants is Losing, you know, your he had big television deal with fx that went away Touring business just stopped. Obviously, right. So there's monetary monetary punishments sure then you have to go. Well If he did You know, he did admit to doing these things like probably I mean this again It's just an opinion needs to be some type of interaction with the

People that you or you know Let them dictate some terms of Making it okay. In other words some woman that he Jerked off in front of gets to say, you know, it would be great if uh, yeah, if you were to Donate to this organization or I don't know. I don't have the answer But I'm saying you need to at least consider probably some of those people's Feelings in this right well, I think what you're saying, which is I agree with too is like

The way the law functions, right? Like there's no real due process with what's happening Like people are being accused and then it's like you're gone off with your head disappear Whereas there's no like legal system being involved. Yeah If we could have I wish gotten the legal system Maybe there's a way to get if the legal system had been involved. It's a much clearer Yeah, because right because the whole point is to make somebody whole again. That's the whole point of the legal system And it's also like a direct punishment. So you go, right you're going to jail. You're paying a fine

This is the penance. Yeah, and I I think that might be the the biggest flaw of the me too movement Is just like, okay. I get it like we're not victim blaming if a girl says it should happen. Yeah, okay. It happened So let's get what are the next steps? Let's let's be very clear and specific about punishment and and yeah And we weren't and then that's why this shit is not fucking working now. Now he's back I think he should um, you know, you you can't stop someone from doing whatever. I mean, you know, it seems like Seems like he's I don't know. It seems like he's gonna keep doing spots. I imagine what I think is crazy actually is that

So crazy. I do think it's crazy that the clubs um Let surprise Drop ins Well, in this case they somebody should have been the gatekeeper here and been like, I don't know It's not cool. It's not cool to have a polarizing person

Surprise pop in right because like cosby. Yeah, because then you're basically Saying that people who are in the audience You know whose night might be ruined by it. You're like, so it's like dude, let them let the person I'm all for the market Dictating what what's okay and not sure. So if you go louis on this show tonight, you're allowing audience people to go Okay I support the venue right and the comic. I'm spending my money Um, go ahead. Let me show me what's what right? Let the consumer decide whether or not they're on board

You're not really letting that happen and I know some people like yeah, but they can get up and leave It's like yeah, but you fucking no they don't want to get up and leave you ruin their night Yeah, let them Figure out whether or not that's the place they want to be yeah to watch that. It's so funny because We were talking about this yesterday even before this happened so funny weren't we just talking about louis before the story broke like yesterday at dinner and And we were like, you know at the end of the day a lot of people don't give a shit what people do in their private lives

Yeah, I mean you have who's a director who lives in france and he was fucking polansky polansky Hollywood still gives that guy, you know the the high five on his work They made a documentary about how great he was. Yeah a couple years ago called wanted and desired And I watched it and everyone in hollywood is before me too stuff took off. Yeah, everyone's like he's a great amazing man Yeah, like he's like a 13 year old girl Nobody fucking cares. Yeah, people were like he won an oscar. He won an oscar years later a few oscars Yeah, woody allen's been stripping his stepdaughter for what 20 years now Yeah, now people are like so talented and now they're like no no no he's no good anymore

But it took all the other stuff. Yeah, but no Marrying his fucking adopted. I mean look and but the point being that yes, there's more awareness Brought to it, but people still can separate They still can from the art. I mean and look he's going to have a massive audience Yeah, of course people still want to see him do stand. He's he's so silly to go out this early though I just don't think it's it's not it's cool Can I tell you what it is? It really shows to me an arrogance and an obliviousness

To the gravity of this movement and the gravity of what he's done it to me reads very callous And like I don't give a shit. I'm just gonna do what I want to do and you know What's interesting his approach to it of like I'm just gonna show up and do this And he doesn't bring it up on stage He's like, oh, is this okay very similar to what he was doing to women, right? Like I'm gonna jerk off I hope this is okay with you guys like it's the same fucking approach of like is this okay? Oh too late. I'm already doing it like there was no there's no consent in both of those scenarios, right? Him showing up doing a pop in and then him taking his dick out and asking you if it's okay

And he's already come, you know, it would have been amazing if he did His like pop in 15 minutes set and then the host comes back out, you know to take the moment and just starts Hey man, good set And then Louie's like, oh come on man. Yeah, he was like, oh, no, I'm a big fan. Yeah, that'll be fantastic. Everybody knows Hey standing ovation No clapping you's here Everybody give him a round of jerky Uh, yeah, he didn't bring it up. He didn't even bring it up. I heard in the set. I don't know. Is that right?

I don't know. I heard that he didn't. I heard it was like the usual Stuff like waitresses doughnuts, whatever Subway is terrible Kenny pizza on the subway Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Are you not gonna fucking address? I mean, what he's that's the thing is it's it's kind of there is a I'm fascinated by What the set must be like what the hour will look like Yeah, you know, because who's buying that one that is a not netflix. No

He's gonna never go on netflix, but he's gonna I mean probably the best business solution for him 100% would be to like do his old model put it on his site Yeah, and whoever's on board is on board. Sure because he'll still sell a ton of them I mean saying for him that works and that leaves it to you're not surprising Uh, any buddy with it? It's just here's content. Do you want to pay for it? Yeah? I don't know. I do. I want to see too. It's like, do you Open talking about it. Yes I would yes

Get the elephant like to not address it. Here's the other thing is like as a comedian Do you want a somber apology at the beginning of a I mean, no, you know, it's like No, but don't you can't go up there. You cannot address it. Yeah, you would be like so anything happened in the news lately Something yeah, you know what I mean, and he just starts jerking off Do you think he should do like that? Um the drop curtain Yeah, where they show this silhouette. Yeah, and then he just turns and starts going like that and he's like, what's up guys? He's back. Well, there's the trailer. It's it's a silhouette of him jerking off and it's like your favorite jerk-off comedian He's back

It's called do you mind Just kind of gesturing like do you mind if I come? Yeah, I have to say I was more partial to his come mind if I come Oh, I'll make you come. I'm sure you will four stroke comedian Yeah, uh, I I I have to say that I was more on his side kind of on this thing And now I'm more like oh this guy doesn't get it The fact that he he thinks he's welcome back is like he doesn't get the gravity. He doesn't get There he is. That's that's the opening sentence right now

I'll make me come That's it. That's the next hour. Yeah, I can make me come. I can make me come Yeah, I mean it's all and I'll tell you I mean But here's okay. I thought that he's not addressing here's what somebody else is thinking because like I said I didn't lay out a plan for him So I wouldn't but it's like you go you go. This is you shouldn't have done your spots now Okay, when is he supposed to go to spots a year at least but that's a few more months So what at least waiting for the holidays for some other creepo to come out One other big fish one other big fucking creeper

That asia argentos story is pretty great That kind of you know what maybe that's what did it because that kind of legitimize the movement a bit is having that thing with asia and she was paying off The guy who accused her of sexual assault teenager was a teenager for those who don't know what happened Yeah, so asia argentos was one of it's like one of the Leading people and rose mcgallen right, but i'm saying so we're talking about asia buddies Yeah, but asia has been like one of the faces of this she was also was dating anthony bourdain

um, and it turns out that She was accused by a guy who had just turned 17. So the kid who was 16 like the week before Just so nasty she fucked him and she was like, I didn't know he was a teen or something She was 37. He was 17. Bitch you old He uh You know came after her and he came in four strokes for sure the story at least You know what is being reported by some people is that she then Had bourdain's lawyers and um

money To pay him off Right so that bourdain actually paid it came out of bourdain's pocket 380,000 but who knows i don't know the I don't know who knows what the fuck is really happening there But I do think that that delegitimize the movement a bit having one of the the biggest people It's like one of the big people is full of shit accusing winestein, right which started this whole thing Which by the way doesn't mean that winestein didn't do that. I'm sure he did but i'm saying it definitely

It lends itself to delegitimizing a lot of this movement. So maybe that's why louis felt a little entitled You might be right about it. I don't know. I'm just you know speculating. I don't know But it seems an odd choice. Um, why now why not if I were him? I would stay underground a little bit longer. Yeah, I think that's just I think seeing it happen and The reaction was not positive from what I could see at least online. Everybody was like pretty heated about it Um, I mean from from people in comedy out. Nobody was like this is right I mean, it seems it seems really tactless and clueless and honestly like cosby touring right after his accusers It's a little well that was super checked out. So yeah, but I'm saying it's it's on that scale

I didn't think about it. I didn't think dude, you know what people? Cosby there are like you Rates from one while they passed that he's like I'll be at the club tonight Yeah, yeah Yeah, yeah walking out of court being like Yeah, and then he did he did after he was convicted. He was like oh, yeah Yeah, that's But that's what I'm is this so far Okay, so that's like level 10 that's holy but Louis being like it's fine

I can just go out there until jokes like I always have and I'm not gonna address it I'm just gonna well it's all nine months ago big deal like dude I don't know It definitely reads as like I'm oblivious to the reality of the situation and you're right There's no pennants. There's no closure for the women and he did put out a press release. It was kind of bullshitty There's also but here's I mean going back and forth on this They're like what if you're him you're like, what is the game plan? It's supposed to be I mean, you know, I'm serious like I mean, right

So it's like I I get that we get to say like no, dude This is not the good time. Not a good strategy But a lot of people don't know what the strategy is. That's the whole point. You know what the strategy is I'll tell you what it is. It's what that director did who fucked the 13 year old You move to france. That's what he should do. Yeah, he would be accepted in france That's didn't what a island pull that one too You go to france go to france because they don't give a fuck about kid fuckers and masturbators and And you know rapists they don't have to come

This man he said funny. How do you say come guy? He makes you come you come he comes You are a man a man must ejaculate They invented french kissing They don't give a fuck so you move to france for two years. That's your penance. Okay You leave the country you you disappear you just have to disappear And that means don't check on media to see what's up with your name like fuck off They'll let the french embrace you And then once they've embraced you then you come back to what this fucking the director dude did

Yeah, yeah, leave the country bro. Take your fucking family and get out Why do you want to be here? Would you want to be here while your name is being? Oh if I had gone through what he went through. Oh my god. I feel like that has to be Psychologically so devastating. Oh my god. You have to have PTSD Yeah, if you go from being so celebrated the way he was celebrated. Yeah to being you know just Destroyed I mean and you earned it and that's saying it's out of no like not because of anything but like that going through that That's interesting point you make too. It's very traumatizing for going because I was just thinking of Monica Lewinsky Who was like one of the first people to be really publicly shamed for a sexual?

Thing right but that she wasn't very celebrated before I'm trying to think of what that must be like and also don't forget that That's the second part of it first. Don't forget that he wasn't just like Thought of as like he's a funny comic or he's a guy he was Disgust and spoken of like Like an artist like Monet. I mean people talked about him In an almost unnatural way in the comedy world because he was just iconic And he was just associated with being brilliant. Oh, he's like the carlin. He's gonna be one of those timeless acts

so it's like if you If you you know If you go from that those types of conversations about you and your name every time your name is said it's like People are like that guy's really something else. I mean his comedy is People talking about your your jokes as if you're talking about poetry, you know Oh, yeah, and then to be just to be torn down thoroughly torn down and discredited Oh, a couple other perverts. Uh, Jerry Lee Lewis married his 13 year old cousin Elvis Presley was

Stipping Priscilla 15 So we have a long rich history of pedophiles perverts and rapists who are beloved By the public beloved doesn't fucking Yeah Isn't that nice? Yeah, I know for a big women big. I know for a big women big tits big Uh Good lord What is happening in this world? I don't know. We are in the upside down this this last couple years. It's just been

Bonkers, right? It's been nuts. Yeah, it's a great time to be a comedian. That's for sure. Fuck man. Yeah, but it'll be interesting Fuck It'll be interesting to see where this storyline goes. I am fascinated I'm kind of fascinated if He keeps if this makes him go like, uh Takes a break. No, no, let's put bets on it right now All right, do you think he's that clueless and oblivious and checked out that he's gonna persist? I think does he have the self-awareness to go? I better take a step back

I think he he accepted that he was gonna take his lumps When it started like like he knew When I whatever the whatever whatever time I come back there's gonna be some backlash So it's like just go with it. So I think he's gonna persevere I think he's well, I think he's gonna go I knew this part was gonna happen Just stay in it so that it kind of you know, I mean stay the course so that the initial Blowback is the worst part and then just you keep doing he's gonna he's gonna trump his way through it

I think so and I think um It'll be interesting to see how You know reactions go with the clubs because yet you need a platform to do stand-up. Yes, you do need a venue. So um Obviously a couple clubs just let them do those poppins will the other new york clubs go through or some of them gonna be like Fuck no, it's just interesting to see how it is and what I brought up the Whether you're not you announce or surprise people with it. I think is a big big difference. I say announce guys I think you should I mean

Give the audience and I agree with you too. Let let the market dictate. That's what we're all about in this country Oh, yeah, you let the let the market tell you whether or not it's working. Yeah, but man I don't know. I don't know if I'm I'd be interested to see it only if he talks about the truth Only if he addresses it I'm not interested in hearing about, you know The stuff he was talking about before now all I want to know about is What's life been like for you the last nine months? It must have been fucking horrendous And there's a way to make that funny. You talk about the lows of being a pariah

Many people don't get to experience that that's pretty fucking fascinating, right? Mm-hmm It's true. No, we'll see. Yeah, who's on board with him. Definitely not Hannah Gatsby. She's got a lot more to say on this She's got a work cut out for her. She's got another hour right now, but just on writing frantically writing She just she made that she did an interview where she said if louis comes back, my work is not done That's what I'm saying. She's just Hannah's at home writing right now She got her a whole hour. I just written right now. P. She'd be great to be having that seat right now for this discussion What does she live?

She's English or Australian. Yeah We gotta get her in here. I feel like she was in new york for a while She might be in new york right now. Will that be great if they were on the same line? Oh my god That would be She's like She saw him backstage and he just came out and was like the biggest piece of shit ever is back I would just be ear to ear smiles at that show and that's head explodes. Oh my god If she was just like just straight up was like this fucking cunt his backstage

Just shit on everybody there. Oh man. Yeah, you know the world is changing and by the way that is donald trump's Method whenever some huge shit breaks like the stormy daniels and this last one. What's the guy cohen? Yeah, he's just like I don't give a shit fake news fuckers. Let's go. Wow. That was brazen like yeah He's got his own system. I don't give a fuck. And he just attacks whoever. Yeah, he's like Like cohen was his lawyer his personal lawyer and fixer for years And then he's he tweeted out if you need a lawyer, I would not hire michael cohen He's terrible. It's like that was your lawyer. What are you talking about? Just like he sucks Yeah, whenever someone gets turned out of his thing. They're a piece of shit like amorosa

So I don't hire that piece of shit like you did. Yeah, you did weirdo weirdo Strange very fucking crazy. Yeah, I'm excited to see of what his next move is I'm guessing more obliviousness. Yeah more entitlement What the people are mad at me I'm moving along You guys ever notice how you know, we talked about how much we hate people that uh speak on speaker speakerphone in public Yes This guy wrote in hey water champ

I found another level of obnoxious public behavior and this also makes me crazy Similar to talking on speakerphone This guy in this video attached decided to double park between two spaces Have his car into the lane and So that he could do his scratch off tickets for 15 minutes while he waited for his buddy to run into the store Instead of you know parking like a human being Um Can't wait to see you Philly Bert's new special is good, but he's still fat piss on me and beat me

I'm a hot white cum Hot white trash come dumb try that after that. Well, what's it? He goes. I'm a hot white trash come dumb Let's fuck. Let's fuck. Yeah the end. Yeah New level of asshole here double parked two spots of his legs still on while uh I'm waiting for his buddy to go into the grocery store and uh, he was just doing scratch offs He's like half parked in the spot. Uh-uh. They're still sitting there. The guy just got in the car. Uh-uh, bro Yeah, double parked in the grocery store So no one can pull through and no one can park in either one of these spots

No one can really even go in this lane right now because he's still like half out. Uh-uh, totally. Oh my god Parking space so It's total asshole. This guy gets a bullet. What do you think? Oh two to the head for sure This um somebody in front of his his family to somebody emailed this which is unbelievable It says olah mommies to take the cake during my sister's burial My grandmother answered her phone As my family was standing around the gravesite crying This was as you could imagine

Disturbing but what really upset my family was when she loudly said Yeah, they are putting her in the ground now Love the show keep up the great work love the sissy of maryland. Oh my god, so fucking funny and terrible That should be a scene in a movie. Oh my god answering the phone at her Uh, I guess granddaughters funeral. It's crazy being like, yeah, they're putting her in the ground right now Oh Human beings again oblivious as shit. Yeah, we're doomed. Yeah You know, we're uh, we've been talking about it

for the listeners We're coming up on 10 years of uh marriage Oh, I thought you meant the show. I was like really? Yeah, you and I have been married for 10 years almost Been doing the show. It's going to be nine years pretty soon. I think that's crazy Um It's amazing how we've evolved this show. It started out as farts and mentally ill people. I know Anyways, there's you know, you're

You're always thinking like what can I do to keep this spice alive? What can I do to keep it going? Oh boy, um, and then you you you start thinking of You know, I want to do something special for the 10 year anniversary So for you something that makes you happy and excited. So I found Um, what would be like a I guess a seminar of types we could go to And just see if you like it. You have to check out. I have a feeling making sound together Is one of the natural ways to have intimacy to build Yeah, and there's a continuum of it where you know, there's a really really casual way like the most casual way

V and I were just going Oh And you know, we're just start playing Just like vocal yeah, I got it intimate and all the way up to what debbie does You know teaching a really teaching a structure and lots and lots of Tools and there's a lot of education to be had So I totally love local improv because you're trusting the moment. It's whatever wants to come out right here Right now. This is what I was going to take us to really

Really believing that what is going to come out is going to be okay I'm going to file for divorce if you do this Oh my god, this is pretty cool You want to go I'd rather blow my brains. I'd rather watch Lisa get your golf all day ever Christian it's a cool necklace, huh? I'm going to get you that necklace for you don't have to remember what's going to happen. No That makes a lot of sense It's cool. It gives me a different relationship with the future And the present

You know what this really teaches me I just the world is fascinating with how many different types of people there are mean dumb ones. Yeah, but I also just mean Wow, like It's good that these people found each other as a group. Yeah, I know there's that positive spin And then the other I mean, I hate them. I'm saying that terrible I just can't believe they also exist in the same world. I live. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, you know These are the people that you pass and Trader Joe's Yeah, this guy's at Ralph's right now with this fucking dumb necklace. There's a way that you know, there's a chance you could

Start a small conversation with this guy like hey, is this that peanut butter that has the uh, yeah Natural oils and he's like, yeah, and then he goes, uh Have you ever tried a vocal improv and you're like what? It's like, you know, I have the group let me tell you about it. Oh, no, oh, shit I don't he's like just give it a shot. No, like I don't I don't think that's for me Oh, I think uh Oh This is the worst this is worse scatting this is worse than scatting is it worse than the

I was just thinking about that the hand the boner Now that guy's got a little more skill a little more that guy's got a lot more skill And he's got the most skill of the stay in the line guy Stay in the line stay united stay united stay united. Yeah This is you know what this is I need attention I need so much attention. I'm gonna Inflict this to horseshit onto another group of people it is that who need so much attention You know what else it is? I don't have a real

Skill or talent right for music and say but um, you'll let me feel like I do in this thing Can you sing no You want to act like you can sing Do you know what that's remind me of uh, you used to have a bit where you talk about how toddlers tell you stories Oh, yeah, this is this is akin to like And it's good, but you want And you're like nobody want okay. That was cute This is horrible here's their when I see their plug

Hey guys, hey, you want to sing together sometime? Oh This is kind of how you do it though Coming to a space near you soon or maybe later because we're kind of tired now How can they listen to each other do it? That's the part I don't understand I don't know this reminds me of when you sign up for an improv comedy troupe Yes, 100 and right, you know, if you're usually the comics like the stand-ups end up going like all this Tapped out

This is real cringy No, I know because I did like a couple improv and I was like, I'm out. This is not for me, bro This is not funny. Like this doesn't feel good. No, it feels wrong stupid. I feel like I'm gonna be embarrassed But I mean they all want attention Individually I'm saying like how can they have the patience to listen to everyone else's bullshit. I don't know you have to learn how to listen You know, I mean, can you really listen or no? You know, what do you got? Can I go with that? Can I really listen? Oh, shit. You asshole What others are bringing so we're weaving our sounds together in the moment and it's absolutely just

Soul satisfying. Yeah, I have to agree on that. Um for me it's embracing vulnerability. There you go Of not acting class. I don't like that. I don't like longer do this and then being able to do it with others is definitely a Coming togetherness of vocal and spirit and mind and that sounds like fun Like I like that you like his pitch. Well, I like the idea of all that but that doesn't feel like that's gonna get me there Do you know what else would make me Make my asshole pucker. What a drum circle. Oh, yeah, it's like similar I've seen those live a few times. I've been invited to a few and I was like, no, thanks. I think I know myself

I'm surprised you didn't go. It's usually Spanish guys are It was a Puerto Rican guy that invited me. How'd you know? Of course. I know my people. How'd you know? I know he he was he's married But he big Puerto Rican guy and he goes another fucking married guy for you And he goes come over on sunday. We're doing our drum circle You're really gonna like it and I go, what's a drum circle? I kind of knew them in san francisco. Yeah And he's like we all we just get high drunk whatever and you just you just bang on the bongo and I go I don't play the when was this this is the million year. I was 24

Oh boy. Now. I found out later Surprise he and his wife were swingers Oh, yeah, yeah, so he would have gotten over the drum circle that fucking chorizo would have come out at some point Yeah, just come over you inviting this who's your other married spick friend you have like you're like, oh He's Spanish and he's married, but I mean, I just talked to him on facebook No, I just talked to him on facebook. You had this story if you wish to go I said we all went to college together. So occasion. I'm talking once every few years Different guy. No, this guy's a grown man. This was an adult person when I was 24 this the other guy

We all went to college together. I'm saying it every one to four years. There's an update about Or sagal fgtr tdr work coming in this one's by jake. That's really what's the carrot about Oh, you haven't ever seen that No, oh that he was in like Ukraine or Belarus or something and the president handed him a carrot and he was like thanks We're starting in the carrot. You've never seen that. No, it must have been like a cultural like in Belarus. It's a symbol of fertility Yeah, something like that. Yeah, he just starts eating his carrot. It's a very popular meme

Pretty good stuff there. Oh wait, can I can I give you my update? Yeah on the discussion We had about Forrest Gump and jenny. Yeah. Yeah, I really like this. This was So a couple episodes back we had a discussion on whether or not it's ethical, uh, to make love to What are they called developmentally challenged person? Tom What about them? What are they called my developmentally challenged? I mean, what's the pc? What are we supposed to call on? So, you know, I don't want to ruffle feathers by not using the right pc term Certainly, this is not a feather ruffling type of show. So

I would hope that you would respect the feathers So, uh, it was whether or not it's okay to if they're really attractive to have sexual relations with somebody of diminished mental capacity And uh, we came to the conclusion that no, it was not because Forrest Gump actually is a movie The whole premise is that jenny has sex with Forrest and and and that's really not ethical It's not cool and I did being one of the most beloved movies So step to death on twitter at step to death rights To add to the Forrest Gump slash jenny conversation as much as I love the film

If the gender roles we don't like talking about gender on the show, we certainly don't Resent that trigger if the gender roles were reversed and it was a guy coming back and taking advantage of a mentally challenged girl It would be a much different movie True that 100 it would be That's just a porno. I also read one really, um, well written assessment breakdown of the film that yeah Yeah, that I don't have with me. Um about how she was horribly traumatized, which I didn't remember Which she was abused by her father. Yeah, okay. Um, that makes sense. Yeah, she's basically, you know

A broken person. Ah, yes. She is and she was traveling around as a hippie doing drugs trying to find her way in the world Which gives you permission to have sex with yeah Yes, developmentally disabled person and guineas. So it's all excusable, right? It's all nice Uh, somebody else wrote in mommy jeans while talking about tom's starbucks experience only mentioned one lj Little jeans that she waited in the truck with this begs the question Did she actually give birth to a second lj? Or did she really just have a huge dump? Oh, we guys think it's a conspiracy that there's no no tiny baby around here. You want to know Hey, man, these tits are feeding it. Well, we just didn't take the newborn out that day. Yeah, we left the newborn

In a crate right tom left in the crate. Yep some water and some food and then The newborn was at home some other fgt rtd submissions Forget girl troubles rim the dudes For gt rally truck drivers. Yeah fun gun tricks rallies the democrats. Yeah finding god's teachings replaces the demons Wait, wait, wait fighting god's finding finding god's teachings teachings replaces the demons Uh Failing god's teachings replenishes the devil Fabulous golden tweens resists their dna

For good times remember to dance All of these are and here's the thing about fgd fgt rtd. Is that it's open to interpretation That's really the beautiful thing about it. Yeah, that's really there's no one definition of it. It's just it's all these things guys Okay Fgt rtd Yeah, pretty good Good what else you got? I'm sorry. I was just those were all of those. Um, you were just mesmerized by your thoughts Yeah, I kind of was

With a heart out. Oh my back hurts. When are you gonna give me a back massage? Hey, speaking of our 10th ban of smurfering. We do have to celebrate it. Yeah, what do you want to do? Just fart real big Oh my god, I forgot what oh man. What I totally got distracted this uh This guy, um, was in the news The security guard. Yes, I got fired. Yes So you get the point. I love it. Yeah, it's kind of hard. He got fired. Um, and I'm trying to see if I can actually get him on the phone You want to see if we can I would love to speak to him because this man is the people's hero

Yeah, he is doing the lord's work here for us. He really is. I forgot that I um said I would Let me press pause real quick and try to do this. I'll go peachy while you do that. Okay. I'm just gonna do this And we are back and uh, the clip you just saw of course um, was from the actual footage that was uh, recorded by and released by one paul flart the

security guard who in my opinion was unjustly fired From his job for simply singing a different way He just you you you you you made Funny in my opinion Just short 30 second clips of yourself at work Yeah farting Um, and did did it start out of boredom? I mean is that you know where you just like like when you first started doing it

Um, so first off your video froze for me. So I see that I'm sorry. That's not that's not a big deal though Um, but yeah, I mean it just started off Uh, just the acoustics in the hospital lobby, um, you know, I let one rip one day You know didn't want to hold it in any longer and uh, yeah The acoustics just you know gave it this life this you know volume and so the next time it happened, um I sent a video to my group chat and they they loved it You know just some guys from home and another guy was down here And you know, they loved it. So after a couple times they were just like you need to share this to the world

You know people, yes So after some brainstorming and stuff like that we came up with uh, uh the paul flart moniker, you know, which was just fantastic And i'm a security guard. I got the haircut. They got the mustache fat, you know All the all the key things And so we just you know boom went with that. I started posting the videos right to the instagram. Um, it's been about six months Yeah, so so you're doing that. Are you doing pretty much videos daily? I'm guessing I try to do one every day Um, I really wish that I could fart on command and just you know have that going for me How did you prepare for your daily farts? Did you have a diet? Well, it was just no

I just you know, I just you know, I'm fat. I eat food. I eat a lot of food I love food. Like food is my thing. I love to cook. I love to go out and eat food You know all that so I would just hope that you know the amalgam of crap that I ate would produce You know, you know the fart factory by the way It was not lost on us that you had a a wide range of farts. I mean you had Little squeakers and big bulkers and you had engine revs. And you had I mean you really are an artist a talent A farthest Yeah, yeah, so I mean we definitely enjoyed it. So you're doing this for a while. It's it's harmless

Fun is what it seems like. So how like Everything came in the news like a week ago is that when the employers took notice like somebody took out So this went on for like six months without them any anything With nothing nobody knew nobody saw it heard it smells it anything It was just you know me doing my thing Until until it got picked up by uh, I think barstool sports on instagram And then you know last sunday night and my instagram just blew up

I went from 500 followers sunday night to 5 000 uh by like midnight that night Yeah, you're gonna have some more Brace yourself so So I also watched we haven't played it on our show yet, but I watched the Footage of you getting fired Yeah, which was amazing that to see that take place because that guy it was funny like your superiors like turn that off You're like i'm not filming you and he's like and you actually go like are you firing me and he's like, yeah, you're like, okay

I'll just keep this rolling. Um, wait, what are you gonna do about it? Yeah, we're gonna fire me again Um Now can I ask you is there a mrs. Flart in your life? There's not a mrs. Flart. No, man. Well, maybe after this air as you might find your nose. Yeah I've been getting hit up by people saying I don't know why but this is sexy as hell and like they try to talk to me on instagram Yeah, that is something. Yeah So of course what everybody you mean, you know, obviously Uh, I I created a petition to have a statue of you erected in dc

Um, I'm hoping that tonight when I do conan they let me talk about it In the pre interview they said yes, and uh, you can't always dictate how those things go But hopefully that will get on the air. Um But what I guess what everyone also wants to know is like, you know The the simple fact of it all is you were a guy with a job who lost his job. What's going to happen now for you? Are you going to pursue? Um, this lane as this great farder like what are you going to do? Yeah, so, um Keeping the content going is number one for me. Good. Yeah, just try to keep people love it

Why not why not keep giving them what they love regardless of anything else? Money or whatnot that content needs to keep going. Um, I've got the patreon set up Which I'm still not 100 on how all that works and how to use that accurately and efficiently Um, a lot of people were afraid to use patreon a lot of my followers They never heard of it never saw it is confusing. So they were like put up a go fund me put up a go fund me But uh, I didn't want to beg for money And I feel like go fund me is more of like uh, just throw your money at me You know, whatever happens happens where patrons like on creation based stuff. Sure. So I set it up people are donating

Um, so that's something but you know, we're gonna keep paul florid on vacation. It's coming up So we're gonna you know throw in a hawaiian shirt travel around to well-known places You know let them rip all over. Oh, that's a great idea. And if you thought of a website, maybe Oh, yeah, do you have a website going? I don't have a website. Um, you gotta lock down that url, dude Yeah, man, it's probably already locked down somebody The amount like the internet, you know, as you guys know is a crazy. It is but you have have you checked you got to go check Yeah, it's um paul florid.com is definitely taken already. Um, I could probably get that from whoever owns it though Maybe or just take of a variation, you know, yeah, you know the fart authority or something. Oh, that's a good one

It's good. So, uh, I'm flying out to la next week to do a tv show Can't talk about can't talk about not next week thursday, actually So quick so quick and I can't really talk about what that is yet. But you know, so things are in motion That's great. You know, we're trying to get shirts and all merch and stuff like that just out Well, let me tell you paul. We love your accessibility because there is another fart person in uh, the sequence that we play on the show And he's very reluctant to be in the spotlight. Yeah, if you've never looked up king ass ripper He is. Oh, yeah, he's um, he is your brother from another mother man and uh

Very impressive work, but he's not uh media savvy. He's not accessible. Yeah, he doesn't want to you're like the people's farder Yeah, that's right. The people's farder For the people. Yeah, he's kind of uh, elusive and yeah, mysterious. Yeah Just yeah, probably because he didn't want to lose his job, you know I would be so surprised if he had a job this guy Doesn't seem employable. No, um, no, but we're big fans, man. And um, you know, we wish you nothing but the best so Um, you know, if you get that site going you tell us about it. We'll plug it Hopefully we'll get a lot more signatures on the petition to the statue that you deserve and um

Your patreon if people want to know is it just like at paul flark slash patreon? Yeah, every everything's yeah patreon slash paul Flart go pummy slash paul flart facebook instagram all slash paul flart great I think um, I think our audience is really going to dig yes You and what you're doing. Yes, and um, you know, it was uh, it was a pleasure to talk to you man Yeah, man any time Keep those farts coming. Yeah, and keep us they will keep us posted on what you end up doing You know if this travel thing goes or whatever we we'd be more than happy to plug it on our show Excellent awesome. Thank you guys so much. All right, buddy. Take care

Yeah, guys. See you later. Bye. Wow What a real talent, you know If anything your mom's house has broken so many talented people. Oh, I know wrappers farters you think about um, you know Uh crazy loaks. Yeah, um, then there was the guy that like smelling farts. We had him on machines within machines within great singer talented rapper Yep, the right every guy like a group beef cream farts. That's right. We started his guppies his career in porn We hooked him up with with porn people. Yeah

um, we also Yeah, uh, beautiful guppies. Yeah Try it out guys the try it out guy became famous on the show made you into actors You guys doing your own monologues interpretations of it We have graced a hi mommy. Thanks jeans. It's a many a drive through and now paul flart and now paul flart Well, I gotta say I really like his person that he wasn't yeah Um above it. He wasn't too cool. He was like it is what it is. I'm gonna keep doing it I think it's great and I think he can have a very lucrative social media career

Yeah, I think that this is a lane that a lot of people like and enjoy his talent and why not Why not go to his patreon and help him out and You know, why why not people do it for just being good-looking right like that camera? Alice kid dude, I can't tell you how many times I've ended up on an instagram And you like you've never you've never heard of the person's name. No, and it's like 5.6 million followers for what? They're hot. They're in a bikini. They're in their shirtless flexing. They have great bodies like okay So they have great bodies. This guy has a great talent. We're about great farters. Yeah, what about him? Why doesn't he does there and then see someone will be like, well, yeah, but I mean that hot chick

You know, she's super hot like yeah, that's it But that's her god-given innate talent and this is this guy's god-given in let him run with it What is more american? Yeah, yeah, paul flart's quest. I agree. I agree. It's capitalism and it's finest I think it's great. The market demands him Well, good for him, you know getting fired from that job might be the best thing that ever happened to him Because now he's gonna go into this lane. That's true. Yeah, good friend. I like how he's like, I'm just fat I just eat a lot. That's so great. That's the best The make-it-come guy has another message. Nope. No, thanks

Hold on. Oh, I hate him so much not hello out there Couple things that are really yeah, sure. Let's go. All right. Let's start the television is not only on but it's on full volume While you record a video message to post to share with people that you want to listen to you Um, but anerson cooper today not right. I'm out. Yeah, it's very interesting different. You're listening to uh, some very liberal media Um took the teeth out. It's also a choice, but he shaved. So it's like, what do you like? What do you not like? uh framed up real tight And starting with I'm tired of white women. So it's kind of a oh, yeah, it's a kind of a I'm triggered already I mean, I'm offended. Let's see. We gotta write this guy an email what I'll make it comes gonna say right here

Hello out there I'm tired of white women. They just break my heart I'm a good man Work hard try to do good by everybody like the bible says Bible fans. I don't think these people exist, but Maybe I'll get me a morphodide a beautiful woman with a little picture

I don't think they really are out there. What? Yeah, a beautiful woman with a little pecker little pecker. Yeah, that's a plot really thickens Huh, a beautiful woman with a little pecker. Maybe I'll get me a morphodide A beautiful woman. Oh, maybe I'll get me a hermaphrodite. Okay. That's what he said there. Is that what he wants? So that's why he's saying there's no women left. Maybe I'll get a hermaphrodite Maybe I'll get me a morphodide a beautiful woman with a little pecker

I don't think they really are out there I think he's trying to ease his way into feeling comfortable with a transsexual Um, maybe or he's trying to be funny and it's just maybe or I still don't understand the choice to not put your teeth in for a video that goes on the internet That's soliciting love. Yeah Don't care about race Maybe an asian woman or Russian

Maybe a black woman white woman Just break your heart. Okay The skinny ones just lay there during bed and bring you're making love Black women, they know how to do it. They even made love to Midget one time. She wore my butt out So I'm just out here looking God bless. Have a good night I still can't get past the decision to not put your teeth in

And maybe I mean it maybe I'm vain. Yeah, but even just leaving or just around the house I gotta tell you I can't imagine walking around without teeth. It's a lot It's a lot How do you get that way? I don't know like your level of not giving a fuck is pretty high dude Yeah No teeth, bro. No teeth is serious. And then to be like, I'm sick of white women. I want a demanding shit Yeah, yeah He nasty as hell

Yeah Really something is it true? Skinny women don't don't do anything and the black women are like this and all that I have I don't I don't know This is not my world This is this man's interesting road. Okay. If anyone has any ideas for our 10th anniversary. Yeah It was nice. Yeah, well, you're not supposed to call them that anymore. I don't think so Oh, you were saying that you stay united. Um, it's like your favorite guy He is really talented this time. He's doing a michael jackson song. Oh, cool. Here we go

I don't know Yeah I don't know what song that is do you know, but I think those people were amused and terrified at the same time people in the car were like Because he's fully in their car like leaned in Yeah, and his mouth's all open his four teeth are out and they're like, um Stay united. Stay united. Stay united. Stay united. Stay united. Stay united. Stay united. Yeah I don't know what song that if if you guys know what that was, please let us know. Are you sure it's michael jackson?

That's what it said. I don't know. I don't know actually I really don't know. I don't like them laughing at him No, I know it makes me upset because he's my guy. I know, of course. Yeah, don't laugh at my guy like that Like I get that he's funny. It's it is funny I just I feel like I'm protective of him. Of course. That's your guy now. Yeah, he's my dude. Um, don't fucking laugh at him, dude What can you do? This is fantastic Don't you fucking run away from me

Damn god No, I'm gonna go I'm fenomened drugs are there and Mental everybody's on drugs. It's my father used to say Everybody's on drugs. Everybody's fucking stupid. That's a good drive-through. Do you know did you hear about the um, She's gonna turn into her ultimate form. No the lady that was uh Working the drive-through That left her microphone on no, so when the guy pulls up he just hears her having a conversation

No, if I'm gonna clean on my day, I'm gonna clean at home and It was hotter than a mother fucker in here, dude. I'm like, I'm not cleaning in this. She's got me fucked up I took my ass right back up out of here. I didn't do nothing to nobody. I just walked out No, I know. So great. Fantastic. I'll tell you when you come back into work. Let me get this order without britney Man, she's a joke Okay, so I have loaned at 20 dollars, right? That week after she couldn't pay her phone bill. Remember we were discussing that

No, I just let her borrow 20 dollars. She had already paid her phone bill girl I had to ask her twice for it back Then finally yesterday finally yesterday. She gives me 10 dollars of it, right? It's great. And then says Oh, hey, I got weed for sale off. Give me a front. I'm like, but you can't afford to get frauds. You owe people money This is So great. I would love to hear this. I know that. I mean, this dude had the right idea. Hell, yeah You know, I remember when um people started

But the cameras came on cell phones and everybody was panicked like what's the world going to be like when you can record anything Like it got pretty fucking awesome. Actually, you're dead. Like the videos like this exist. This is the greatest thing Yeah, I like this because this guy telling you about this not the same Now let me just see if she'll actually give me the damn cash, you know I don't know. She had some slow looking dude in the car with her yesterday Yeah He don't look like he's all there on the head Whoa

I apologize to the way. How can I help you? Oh, yeah, let me get your uh Two for four one sausage eggnut muffin and one bacon egg and cheese McGriddle, please She got fired No, too bad Yeah, that sucks. It does suck Sucks How would it kept from course? Will be better than that in that lady represent the company

Um earlier I was going to show you this footage of your dad. Oh, yeah, yeah Let's see. I haven't talked to him in a while the best methamphetamine producers that they have anywhere in this part of the bible Yeah, I would have 255 gallons run And I would pull a lawn chair in the middle and I would stack Budweiser this high And I would have two titty dancers dancing on this table stripping and having a good time And I would start drinking beer Okay And the mixture would be in here ready to go except for the aluminum

And I would drink the beer and drop one aluminum can in this side and one in this side and continue until the bubble started jumping out of the can And started tearing the skin off of you Pretty good stuff. How can we don't talk to him? Um, my dad So I thought I'd participate some things. I don't want him to participate in like this one day I had this girl been over the toolbox in the back of a pickup and she was screaming more baby more maybe more We're passed by this buffalo. He had a dong about this long nearly hanging to the ground I screamed and I said hey, how about some health over here? She wants more. She looked over at the buffalo and she said oh I'd never leave if you had that

I said damn That's a good story That's a good story Do you like them So wrong this is what's wrong with our country this guy I'm gonna get my knife and everybody gets within knife distance get stand Anybody Stay away from me. I want to die of old age

That's age 89 I'm gonna be chased out of the bedroom of a 18 year old jealous husband And I'm going to trip over fence made out of crank into the street and get hit by a Budweiser truck going 80 miles an hour That's my idea going out. It's pretty creative. Actually, it's not bad. He's thought about it. Yeah, I never thought that was in the moment I think he's like this is my real fantasy his jam Well, good for him Pretty good stuff Okay, would you rather

French kiss and you got a french That guy god damn it or the stay united guy I'd like stay united so much more his mouth probably smells worse than The math guy. I don't know. Well, that's got mouth rot too. Yeah, but stay united He's been drinking in the sun all day beer like hot beer breath I Don't think the meth master brushes his teeth in prison. No, of course not But he doesn't drink beer all day in the hot sun the beer breath is really what I'm thinking about. Yeah

and the rot You got to pick one Stay united day. You know, I think I'm still gonna stay united because meth guy's just he's not he's real Nasty, he's really nasty and he's violent. You know, yeah that too like The meth master might be like, all right, let's do it. And then he just fucking shanks you Stabbing you. Yeah. Yeah, that's true. Somebody said they made a A studio g parody or something. Oh, cool

Well, I guess it's official. I'm taking a shit Really wouldn't sure about this at the start, but a friend of mine said something to me that made all kinds of She said think about it as a conversation between the food and your digestive system I like that and as I'm finding on my own it's tearing up the world between my ass and the sewer and I really like that It allows us into each other's lives or in this case the rest of When I think about the kind of shits I want to take I want to take big shits smooth shits But most of the shits I'm going to take are just rough shits like this

This is just who I am So this is like an ass conversation I say let the ass conversation begin Wow Bravo, sir. Good work. That was really good. Wow. Just a reminder in case anybody Well, I guess it's official. We're now on facebook. I really wasn't sure about this at the start Then a friend of mine said something that just made all kinds of sense. So creepy. She said think of it more as a conversation Oh, my god. All right. I could only take so damn creepy. You know, we haven't watched that in a while

I forgot how creepy he is Let the conversation begin He is so weird. How do you feel about public kinks and stuff? What public kinkiness? What does that mean? I know You're talking to the most normal boring person sexually. Do you feel like um, He's too weird for you though garth garth I think he's got demons that are darkers and anything you and I could ever muster or imagine I think that guy is so fucked up inside. He's got all kinds of shit howling in his I really like that. He's fucked up man. Nobody's like cosby fucked up. You think so? Yeah

He's a rapist when you're super famous You know It's I think it's so unnatural. No, I know and this good guy persona. That's always the kiss of death You know, it's the preacher that is preaching against gays and then he's blowing dudes in bathroom stalls It's like i'm perfect like no, you're not cool stuff slick stuff neat stuff I just don't trust anybody that doesn't have a makes me sure every time. Yeah. Oh, yeah every time cool stuff slick stuff neat stuff Just what made you think to say that

He's trying to be he's trying to be perfect. He's trying to be awesome. He's trying to not be weird. Yeah, he's goddamn weird inside He's got everything. This is weird He's a kid. Yeah Dude, he was eating her foot so people can't see this guy was at a stop light and like chowing on his wife's foot Yeah, or some lady in his car. Oh, oh, yeah, some lady. He's like eating it like it's a cheeseburger. Yeah, he's he's chomping on Look, he's like wrong wrong. She's on her iPhone. Just like anyways. I don't know if she's recording it We're actually looking at something You know, she might be trying to tune out what's happening to her. I mean, I'm not against it

I'm just saying like this. Do you need it like you need it at the stop light? Yeah, sure daylight I mean like to be like, all right, we got we've got eight seconds ready And why is he jerking it like he's stroking it like it's a hog I think his method is a little I'm trying to see if she's on or she's recording it. I don't think she's recording. No, I think she's checking her facebook She's like, oh fuck this fucking Fred in the foot thing again at the stop light at the stop light It's my favorite part. Yeah, she's like god damn it. All right. There's not that much time

Get it over and he's too handing it too. So he's like, yeah, he's shoving it all the way in there And then look at him. Look at him. He's like Oh And she's like, bro, what's you doing? What you doing? And look at their reaction. It's very they're just like, yeah What you doing homie work van, right? I'm taking a shit homie. Yeah, he's like the trash collector He's like the city. Oh, no, it's like a van. Yeah Yeah

Oh Bro, what you doing? Yeah, it's the best when someone calls someone out like that. Are you down with that at the stop light I don't know at the start like, you know handle your business behind closed doors y'all Yeah It's like we're talking about people that have to fight and come out to their family about what makes them dead hard I'm paulie and i'm by yeah, yeah, like hey guys you want to know what makes me come Mom dad mom dad

I got to tell you I gotta tell you that what makes me come. I gotta tell you now I'm proud to have come out of polyamorous and now i'm excited to share that i'm bisexual What do you have to share? Why I don't know why he has to share it with his family I'm going to fluid bond with jesse. You're gonna tell your parents about it Yeah, let me ruin thanksgiving by telling my parents i'm bisexual. I don't know this guy's definitely ruining stop lights for some people You know The problem is in our culture. There's no fucking sense of shame anymore

You know, there's no sense of public versus private life, man You know, mm-hmm People always did this crazy shit. They just knew to keep it behind closed doors, man It's true now. Everybody's got cameras. They can video you being a fucking jackass. It's true. The shame is back Oh, that's true. That's a good part. Let's bring shame back. I I want to bring it back just a little bit Just a little bit just a little bit Oh What you doing?

Bro, what you doing? It's always it's always that voice that calls out I like you in there in their car. They're like roll the window down They they're excited to say it, you know, hey homie. It's so funny. I'm like anything else gene. It was a real kiss It was a real kiss No, i'm good. I really feel depraved now I feel like that was an especially depraved episode this one Yeah, we covered so much weird shit. There was I love it Toothless guy stain alive guy the new jam farder paul flop flart. It's pretty great

This was a an episode for the vault. This is a good one. Yeah, we covered it all man Okay, uh, here's a song to go out on it's called tom upsetting his mom remix by l smith's Perfect. I love it already as always. Thanks for listening. Oh quick thing. We restocked A bunch of stuff in the store shirts socks hats Including uh, we hear you and we respond to you the ladies who asked for Uh restocked. I believe it's try it out female sizes. Just restock those So if you go to the store, you can see it. It's merch method.com slash tom sagura

And uh, that's that. Thanks so much guys. We'll see you next week I I can't believe that you're my son if you can't You came out of my womb And you love to think No You see that that has nothing to do with him. I know he's a psycho mom. This morning. Oh my god This morning you want to hear some you want to hear a different story for a change No, this one's a good one. Yes. Yes. This morning

I realized I go, uh-oh. I have to go caca and I I I walk into the kitchen Christina comes out of the bathroom. She just went caca and then ellis walks by me and he has a caca on his diaper So we all went caca at the same time They went like 10 minutes later You can make a movie out of this. Make it make it show Make it show family family

And you know I love it. I don't want you to call your father because you think yes. Yes. That's my son I don't understand why in the world would you do that? Nothing. There is no one thing that we're like You