Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - 464-Brendan Schaub-Your Mom's House with Christina P and Tom Segura

Episode Date: September 5, 2018

A lot of ladies out there want to eat the booty, what about you?  Charles Schwab's daughter Brenda transitioned into a massive man, Brendan Schaub. We speak to him about his amazing life (and how much he looks like a man now).  Plus we ALL laugh at a man who was electrocuted on live TV. Does he live? You'll have to listen to find out.  The FGTRTD saga continues, we read your emails, play an AMAZING new prank call featuring Top Dog AND does President Obama listen to YMH?!?!

Yeah I'm on the road getting back into it Where am I gonna be? Bunch of stuff sold out. I'll just tell you what isn't some tickets left in Eugene, Oregon The second show added in Ball Sacramento has some tickets Also Fresno and Bakersfield Park. No, that's right. Fart Meyers, Florida November 1st Jack me off feels gonna be gone

Real soon, that's two months away What else Come on you Georgia Augusta what wait come on is what Augusta A guy's come a guy comes on you discussed. Yeah discussed. Yeah The added show in Montclair November 14 mom Claire that one's obvious Obviously, the second one is sold out and the third show was added in fill her up Delphia November 17th, so you can get tickets to the late show Friday and Saturday are basically gone

Okay So that's that Christina. Why don't you show us how those big tits fart? Yeah, I sure will Tom A little Awake all night breastfeeding is such a gift to your child. It is November 24th at the house of blues the house of brews in San Diego, California, California Those take us are moving fast. It's a it's a it's it's pretty exciting and then 7th of December fill her up Delphia and then December 8th in Jewdork titties I've added a second show at the Gramercy Theater

1030 p.m. Show grab those tickets now all these things are moving very quickly and it's all it's so far out And they're selling so get them now Christina P on line. Oh, yeah, I should probably mention my website for those who don't know For those tickets Tom cigarette comm go to the tour page Are you even a professional in show business? And I've mentioned it on other episodes if you go to that tour page and you see the prompt to enter your email You can get an advance notice about some shows that wink Wink might be coming up. I'm pretty soon. It might be a big announcement Yeah, you know if you wanted to shop on Amazon, there's all kinds of ways you can do that cool

Go to people's websites Podcast websites like your mom's house. Yep Com and that's something you could do you could and you could click on a banner that looks like an Amazon banner and gosh Do your shopping. I hope I don't take another poop break here soon Now are you ready to start the show I'm ready. I'm ready jeans. Here you Here you go. Oh, oh, make sure this. Yeah Blow me up Tom here we go Y'all got that nigga fucked up John or whatever the fuck his name is

Because most of the niggas on here talking about him I ain't one of these niggas asses that made a status like y'all so perfect Oh, God ain't no wrong with a nigga getting his ass ate by a motherfucking female And I ain't saying that cuz I eat niggas ass. I'm saying that cuz it is what it is Who is Randy don't bring anyone And Christina I Like this girl, it's a very divisive issue in our nation. I mean this has come up quite a bit

Here do you think Donald Trump gets his Assing I don't think so. I don't think regular. I don't think Melania is like yeah Not now Melania But she's the bottom bitch. It's it's happened before I think he demands that I feel like he would be like get in there No, I think he's probably like that's eat the scrum kind of sissy stuff or something. Oh, cuz he's of that generation That's like but but male by holy knees. Yeah, nothing needs to happen there But do you think that guys your dad's age eight lady butts or even that's considered probably not yeah, they're probably like no That's gross. You don't do it is yeah

I'm gonna side with them on that Now if a nigga get fingers and all that there You question the book my nigga, but Did you suck in his dick you licking his balls exactly? Yeah, you might as well eat that ass Yeah, that is kind of point hundred percent. God bless a nigga. Hey, there's a lot of that. Yeah Now just eat niggas asses. So don't be like, oh punch a bitch. No cuz I ask Well, I'd be like shit. Can't what's up? Can I eat your ass cuz I like eating niggas ass Which are all on his case or whatever like he ain't the only nigga that I like in his motherfucking ass. Hey, I

Thought she said she didn't eat ass before no, no, she does Oh, oh, I hear you. I feel like she was making she was clowning on people that are you know saying like no and making fun of it Got you. I think it's in reference to obviously like some story of some Celebrity or someone I don't know what it's in reference to but huh, you know, well, I yeah Good point. It is a very divisive issue in our nation today in our nation. Is it considered? Homosexual, of course not if a man enjoys getting his why would that be home his scrum licked. No, it's not okay Well, she's telling you that there's lines to the scrum. So licking the scrum is not gay Well, she's like if you like extra things insert right so but a finger in your in your b-hole and I'll just eat niggas ass

I But she's saying that if he likes something inserted in his b-hole like you're questionable then you're on the You're kind of gay adjacent. Yeah, which I also think is what do you think? I don't think if you like something inserted at your gays. I think so either if it's a dick If you're like I like dicks coming up in my ass, then you're probably gay true Well faked, what about okay? Let's follow this logic train Yeah, okay. What about a dildo or of a woman wearing a strap on is that gay? I mean that feels more gay adjacent. I've you know, it's never occurred to me that that would be

reality that Would partake and be like will you strap a dick on but I mean But I got the guy isn't I guess a hundred percent necessarily gay, but he's definitely wants he wants He wants the virtual reality ride for sure, you know, yeah, cuz it But then again, it's not attached to a dude, right? That's a key ingredient. Yeah, but then again, it is a dick It's kind of like it's a fake And a woman. Yeah. Yeah, but see like you know, there's always been that argument about a man That's with a transsexual woman. Yeah, you know, I mean he doesn't like a straight-up other man. He likes

A man with tits. Yeah, and but like the presentation of a woman. It's complicated. So confusing. It's not it's not straight-up black and white Because some guys are really into that, you know, the they want the aesthetic of a female so female-looking face female-looking, you know, body except Genitals that are not that's that's pretty complicated. So this is not that far. This is this is like what I mean I don't even think that that should be part of this conversation, right? Like somebody being like I like my assy and they're like you gay No, no, no, that's crazy. I think that's that's silly. I think this is really God bless Burt special are you playing? Most racist that is

Yeah, I don't think that's gay either and I and again a very polarizing What's what I said, of course not. Oh, oh, yeah, it's but you know, it's it's the thing is it's a I don't think it's gay I think having like you said, I wouldn't even say like a strap-ons gay I would think that as long as it's if it's attached to a dude, then you're gay, right, right? Yeah, it's clear-cut But then what is a dude in these non-barret binary times interesting point. I mean are we being? What's the word binarious? Probably if we right we're binary shaming. Yeah, we're older. I

Mean, let's see what else she says Oh, but a lot of y'all niggas liking y'all ass a I don't hate a few y'all niggas asses So I know for sure you feel me and I never just eat a nigga ass niggas be axing me or whatever like where I Asked the niggas so in the niggas a I don't I never just sneak a nigga ass like second his dick and then hurry up And lick his ass. Hell no niggas cuz you better go watch that thing. Oh She doesn't just do it impromptu. Oh, no, she's saying you gotta be clean So she'll give him a heads up like I'm gonna gonna lick it and then you take a shower Yeah, what about a wet wet? Do you think that's enough or a pinch?

But I mean it's better than it's really better to really get in there and scrub. I think yeah, I mean Yeah, that's that's pretty dirty area Y'all say here really like really on his heels though like y'all on that man life Shit know him cuz he like he got his ass in or whatever like whether he liked that shit or not He can't lie that should feel good cuz I didn't got my ass ate a lot of times and that should feel good Crazy talk this person right. That's why you got a bump bump on your lip It actually brings no, I'm never gonna eat your scrum just so you know interesting interesting It's somebody you actually wrote in this message. Maybe you can read it. Nope. Just read it

It says Ola mommy's a huge fan of the podcast and love listening to it I have a big problem My husband and I have been together for almost seven years and I've never seen his butthole You're lucky. I feel because he has seen all of me butthole and all that I deserve to see his I've asked him repeatedly to show me his brown eye and even went as far as to set up mirrors in places to catch a glimpse I fear I might die before ever seeing it So my question is Christina. Have you seen Tom's butthole and what do you recommend? I do to see my husband's butthole. Thanks for taking time to read love you guys keep high and tight the butthole

Investigator Natalie. I just saw your butthole. I saw Tom's butthole like yesterday. You did. Yeah, dude. We were We just playing and you bent over and spread remember What are we doing and you kind of wasn't yesterday one was like in the last 72 hours. I've seen your asshole. Yeah it's not Pretty it's very hairy and dark and scary. It's kind of like the upside down Like stranger things. Yeah, like what it's all dark and mysterious and and Toxic toxic you feel sad when you see it Jesus. Yeah stuff like that. That's not true How do I you know?

Here's what you can do to get your boyfriend to show you or as a husband. I can't remember Play a little game called stripper. Yeah You know that stripper move. Oh, yeah, right? Yeah I slapped my hands on my butt and then I run them down the back of my legs and I bend down like I'm doing a hot stripper dance Mm-hmm. So you may want to encourage him you start you go Hey, you want to see my stripper dance and then you do it and you spread your cheeks and then go now you do it Mm-hmm, and then make him do what you just did. Yeah, it's a pretty good idea But you don't want to see it a man in that position is hideous because his twig and berries are mashed

It's not I mean it's not gonna turn her on now, but she'll get to see what she wants to see I think she might regret seeing it. Yeah, why do you want to see it? But again, what would it take for you to? Eat like that girl saying you know like that. No, it's never gonna happen. It's just not for me in this lifetime I mean, what if it's something I need though? You don't we've been together a million years. How do you know? I don't need it. No, you don't need it. You got you've gotten this far I know but I mean I need it. I need that scrum eating. I Need it Nasty as hell Tom

Yeah, that's not it's not on the table right now. I know I'm just lucky to get my vagine back You know, I had my six-week checkup after having my Vag blasted through childbirth and we got the green light. I know and Let's just start there. You know, you're talking like varsity level stuff, man We need to get back into just regular old intercourses

No, so tired as you are too. I made so much fitness last month people don't know this on the show But I go to this gym where we wear a telemetry strap. Oh, okay, and Yeah, and and what happens is it assigns points based on your heart rate, you know in a workout Mm-hmm. So if you have it spike a lot you're getting higher points and I was working out a bunch at the beginning of the month and they're like, oh, you're number one I was like, oh, that's great and then the guy at the gym that my trainer would text me. Oh, you're number three Fuck I started to get mad about it. You know, yeah, so then it just kept

Going and going and then at the end there. I kind of went crazy Right. I went. Yeah. Yeah, it's a mental problem. I mean look I'm concerned with feeding our newborn I don't sleep either and the night I wake up every few hours the dog had diarrhea last night I was up and now dealing with that But you know, you got your problems too like if you can beat the stranger Yeah, with points with points for your workouts. So I get it You're mocking

No, no, no, I think it's you know, you're tired You got to work out a lot to beat this lady and that doesn't know that I'm competing with her which is even cooler. Yeah Yeah, yeah, that's pretty interesting. So that last day I did three workouts That's fun. Oh I still feel it. I feel today three days later. Yeah Are you gonna do this again in September? No, I'm gonna do normal. No, I mean, I'm gonna do it again But now that I did it. I made number one. I'm like cool. Just be Be active. I don't have to be number one

Well, if you were to compete with her again might I suggest the scrabble method if you've ever played scrabble with a friend Yeah, the key is to get a ton of points at the top of the game Like when you play the electronic version and you get that assistant thing to help you Yeah, just get away. You gotta stack the points at the top of the game. Yeah, no, it helps and play catch up Yeah, and then let that bitch What does she do that so she goes so what happens is she works out at the gym Yeah, set my gym is a small gym that has like a one-on-one and You can do small group trainings. You can go with like three friends that train us together

But or you could do one-on-one It's small and it's just personal training. Sometimes you could do like weightlifting core stuff Boxing there's like some martial arts trainers there. So you can do kickboxing And that's it this lady goes there does her workouts with one of the trainers in addition to that She also goes to spin class a lot. Oh, what a psycho class gets you your heart rate really jacked up So that's how she kills it with points. Yeah, it's interesting about this And I I've never done SoulCycle, but I and people love it and I'm like and they pay a fortune

I hear it's very expensive. Yeah, it's like It's a stationary bicycle But with a lot of people Right, and you just listen like cool music. Is that I guess I've never I've never got it. I hear it's fantastic Yeah, I mean the whole thing is there no that environment supposed to help you right right like the music It's a real positive coach. Gotcha There's also people around you doing the same thing Yeah, and I think you like stand up on the bicycle and then you sit down, you know, like you make it really crazy

Damn, that's hard as fuck. It's pretty hard. Hard core. I bet you lose weight fast doing that You know, we were discussing a lot Forest and Jenny yeah, whether she's a gutter slut and yeah, you know abused this man of somewhat Restricted intellectual ability Right. Well, the debate was is it ethical or should you date the mentally challenged, right? Which clearly forest is not Not mentally challenge, right? I mean, yeah, we don't know what his level. He's pretty pretty functioning

He's high-functioning, but he's not a regular guy, right? Just a normal dude is like, hey, what's up? I'm about a lot of life. I like outside chocolate He could do stand-up comedy though. Yeah, you probably pull off some stand-up There's a few comics he sounds just I know it's gonna say yeah, um so anyway, this is um and

message that came in Hey, mommies and forest comp Jenny was a come dog with a heart of gold Who tried to help forest out the only way she knew how early in the film when she snuck into her She snuck him into her dorm dorm room So we get a handful of hungry tits till he blew his snot in his dungarees She didn't have to do that. Her final act of bravery was to break him off some puss Well, she still still had a puss to give no one else was there's no tender for tards today Forget about the south in the 60s

Also him being a single father ups his chances of pounding some Piss flaps by a thousand percent jenny truly selfless rob That's an interesting twist on this ever-growing Uh debate another important debate in america today is whether or not jenny abused forest Right or advantage of him helped him. I mean I can see I feel like this is a spin on reality from rob But um, it's an interesting point. Nevertheless, maybe jenny was truly giving and just this is the only way she knew how to give She contracted hiv Because they they had a bang bang banks, right? She was doing gang bangs on her nationwide dick tour before she ran into

Now is this before after she became the first lady of the united states of america? Well before yeah now dc Yeah, this is before her. Yeah, that's right I cannot wait to see by the way guess what we fucked up last night. We were like, oh, what are we gonna watch? Ozark. Yeah, god damn mother fuck God damn it. You know love that fucking first. I know we're in a kind of a show lull right now We got our ozark back. We've been watching the shaws of sunset on bravo. Yeah, silly. It's kind of mindless fun Oh my god, I didn't have a chance to set this up better call sol. I was watching the um, I wonder if I could bring it up I was watching better call souls even better this season. It's fantastic. I fucking love that show

I was watching that serial killer thing last night. Yeah, I know I got to fall asleep to that again Thanks, and it was really a dark one too. It was like Um, how to tell if your kid is a serial killer. I overheard that part. That was me You missed something though. It's fun when you're a mom of two boys. I was so when they were first Explaining all the different, you know variables that might lead someone to be this way and they're talking about uh, you know the CT scans they run and how their brains are different. Can we do that for you?

Well, yeah, but then they got to a part. I was like, oh Christina might Like this part. Christine Christine Might kind of flip out at this part and I didn't Get a chance to set it up, but I think I can play it for you here. Hold on. Let me see. It's from netflix Yeah, this just came out. What's this show called? It's called inside The the criminal mind great Um, just what I was hoping to hear about today

Oh You're gonna like this for them. This area was physically shrunken by 18 percent This could account for why they can kill without guilt or remorse. Hold on Just give it a second. Oh, I know. I know Neuro criminologists have also found another possible biological predictor of dangerous antisocial behavior Low resting heart rate. Oh my god They theorize that those with low rates don't feel fear as strongly as others. Oh my god, that's you They may be more violent and take physical risks because they are less fearful of the consequences

Another theory is that life may feel a bit dull to people with low heart rates So they seek excitement and crave intense stimulation. Oh my god This is you to a T So for people that don't know I have an incredibly low sitting heart rate because well, I don't know but a few years ago It was so stunning to my general physician That he sent me to cedars, uh imaging institute and the cardiac center and they ran

A bunch of tests for a couple days and at the end they were like, huh? You just have a low heart rate. There was no diagnosis. No, I'm saying for what causes the low heart rate I know and even we had a life insurance lady come and she took your blood pressure and she was like, wow You have a really low resting heart rate. Oh, yeah Serial killer husband. I even have it like in that old old bit About the first time my doctor checked it out. He was like your heart rate is like Olympic Marathon right low. I was like, yeah, it's pretty low. He was like why I'm like because I run a lot brown sure

No, but you know in my At my real deepest rested state. It's in the Low 40s sometimes in the upper 30s. I've listened to your heartbeat before like I'll have my head on your chest It'll go go go Go anyways, I started to laugh so hard at this But that's why you you are who you are, you know, I I do think that you're low Resting. Okay, for instance, I've taken a pill that slows down my heart a little bit

I forget what it's called Like many many years ago and I used to perform on it And I couldn't because it would slow me down so much and it was like But that's how you are where I'm like, oh my god, tom you sold out the wilbur isn't this the most exciting thing? And you're like, yeah, that's great. And you kind of sigh it aloud and you're like Hey guys, like you totally are it totally mellows you Also, I overheard um the children caffeine all the time. Oh, yeah, you're you're almost dead. So They said that the children of the serial killers is children. They light fires

Yeah, bedwetters. Oh bedwetters and animal harmers. Yeah, didn't you kill a bald eagle? No, I did kill An endangered Woodpecker, okay, but it was not that's not for my it wasn't my own amusement wedding It wasn't my it was it was because my dad ordered me to I also wasn't like a kid torturing it It was a bird that was fucking up our house and he was like shoot that I never tortured animals that is actually the one, you know, they did they discredited that they're saying that that was What they used to tell people so what do they tell you now?

How do you know your kids are much more complicated? But in like that that was actually very dangerous because In the 50s or 60s when they were telling people of that a lot Yeah, you know, you had these parents being like my kid piss his pants and he lit a match Uh-oh, you know, yeah. Well, hey, I played with fire a lot. Well fire's fascinating. Yeah, I'm not saying that my parents were I'm not saying my dad was negligent when he would drink and fall asleep and I got to play with a fireplace at the age of seven or eight Dude, when you get to play with a little bit of fire, come on I used to throw all kinds of shit in the fireplace

But anyways, um Yeah, that's clearly your The mark of a real sociopath. I was like, oh shit. They're like low heart rate I wonder what that really is for you What this low heart rate this low resting all those tests like at the one of the finest, you know, medical institutions They were just like you have an effective heart You know what's so funny is that you really don't have like a sense of urgency. I've never seen you Like panicked and hurried even in times when you should be like

I've never seen you like we got you know, like me like I'm a jackrabbit. I wake up and I'm like Like you not like that at all It takes you a long time to wind up and then like you know what I mean Yeah, I don't know if I've never you don't get I've never seen you like panicked and running or panicked and running You said even when you should be like like for instance, I you know missing airplanes. Have you ever I just don't see you doing that. I remember one time we were connecting for hawaii And you and I had to get to the thing and like that, you know what I mean? I'm not really a runner. You're just kind of like all right. We'll get there

Maybe that's because you're a low resting heart rate. I don't know maybe I don't see myself being late for a lot of flights. So either, you know, I'm always on time It was a connection we it was for our vacation and it was like the airport was really fucked up It was a Honolulu and we had to get to Lennai And they're like, okay, your plane takes off in 15 minutes But it's on the other side of the airport and we had to like book ass to get to this time And I was just like, don't worry about it. No, you were you were behind me like 20 steps and I was running ahead of you Yeah, trying to think I'm trying to think of times I've seen you like hurried

You generally like no I don't know It's you're lucky. It's good. I don't see myself. Yeah. I mean, I'm definitely not a panicked person. No, that's me That's I'm high anxiety and I tend to panic more definitely. But this you need to it's a good balance. Yeah Good balance. Anyways Talk about your dumps. Let's talk about our dumps It's been so crazy Yeah

Really has been quite an active my valve has been active for the last Few weeks. Yeah, we've been eating paleo these last few weeks and Man, the browns are just ridiculous. It's just all these nutrients Everything's clean, you know, yeah clean eating And it's a minimum three a day. But here's the thing. No slops. No, it's not sloppy they're just like

Yeah, healthy and they glide right at our gliders and I think that's been the key to my hemorrhoid relief I don't have hemorrhoids anymore. You're eating great. Yeah. I don't have to push the brown Isn't that nice? Just slides right down three times a day. No, no, I go I go. No, no I go in the morning really once in the morning, but it's just Easy like I just sit down and the brown just slides down. I have multiples. I know It's just unbelievable and they're normal. They're like full normal. I'm like, how is there this vibes? No, like fours, three, four, three and a half fours. Oh, right five is looser on the Bristol seal shirt These are like healthy, but you're like, how is there this much inside of me?

I know and then I like to weigh myself before and after just to see. Yeah, that's really neat Always weigh yourself after a dump. Oh my god. I have something so amazing I've this guy has sent in um prank calls before for at simpson and he He sent one here

The talent I tell you he's so good for at simpson and friends tell you that prank calls and stuff Um, it's so hard. Like how do they how do you prepare that stuff? How do you know? Do you know what I mean when the person says something in the moment? You're like I have to find the button to put like how the fuck do you do that so fast? This is not a Simple setup the ones that he does they are elaborate. So I mean it's really dedicated. It's like writing a song I know it's a real skill. You can listen to his uh prank call album It's at fart simpson dot bandcamp dot com

He's got a bunch of calls on there in addition to some Uh, why mh1 so here is this latest one. Holy shit and that thing is free by the way I'm gonna mute this one thing. It's pretty maybe the uh the link is like yeah, yeah This this is so good. I realize that we've sometimes done it with interruption. It should be uninterrupted. Okay So i'll mute our lines. Okay, and you can hear this Fart simpson and this call uses top dog My dad and uh, I'll just let it play enjoy Which corner is the geo? Hey man, my name's tug. Do you have a second? I need to ask you a few questions

What's your question there? What kind of material you guys use over there for your truck nuts? I'm not following you It says on here your thing and uh polysulfide Is that good to put on skin? You know, I couldn't tell you because I don't do that Yep You know, I don't know what they're made out of let me see if it even tells me in my computer system Uh, but but those truck nuts I could you know, it's hard to say But let's see here

I'm here in my own garage trying to make my custom truck nuts And my daddy's about to pass away. He don't got too much longer live He's always been a big fan of truck nuts. Yeah, and I figured the best way to commemorate him and to remember What an awesome man he was was to just get a nice casting of his balls Right. Well, I'm not sure Joe speakerphone. I got my hands full over here This is my dad top dog Hey buddy stop dog. How you doing? I'm doing fantastic Can I bring up a question here that I have on my mind?

boobs G boobs are really gigantic if you google g boobs, we'll find some big boobs. Okay There's anything my daddy likes more truck nuts would be g-sized sloppers. Those are very rare Hey Oh Does it smell that bad? It smells terrible. It smells terrible. We all have our own fingerprint in the intestines, okay Yep, hey daddy remember that time you took a dump on top of that shit pile of the backyard. Oh, I remember that I

Enjoyed that. There you go. That's an 18 wheeler joke there Me and my daddy have a have a shit pile going on the backyard. We've had it going for a past year now Yeah, it was gigantic Well, that's why they make those manure things to scoop them up Then you got then you got one of those little Really cousin little wagons that they use to haul that shit away Oh, baby g-fort again, I can't help it mine just mine's always spontaneous for the moment His balls are hanging through the hammock. They're a big bowl of plaster

Well, that's probably it hanging around town. Oh, it's an interesting spot Oh You're saying is what it says There you are you breathing like yeah, just whatever is Hell if these truck nuts work out, I think I'm gonna pursue making one for women You'd be the first women drive trucks too. You might as well hit both sides of the market, you know Yeah, I don't know how you're gonna make those for that though, but that'd be a good one I'm thinking about doing truck cuts for ladies

Is not start making truck belabia for my grandma Well, that's how you're gonna have to make the pussy balls and make that work Well, I gotta hit it buddy. Thanks for all the help there, bud. You guys have a good one Oh my god. Wow. That was really good farts Simpson I love that he um, he got the breathing joke in there. It's just a way to breathe And He also got the guy laughing So they had like dad laughing together

Yeah, it's the best when the the victim laughs at the drop. Oh my god. Yeah, so dumb So good. So funny. He has another one that I I'm saving for next week, but uh another incredible One that he made. It's pretty funny. Yeah, really good. Thank you farts Simpson Go to like I said fart simpson Dot com or excuse me fart simpson dot bandcamp dot com and you can listen to his prank calls Very very good stuff in d gene Looks like people are continuing to make fgt Rd td with fgt rdt

No, yeah, it should be rtd. This is the wrong graphic So we screwed up. Yeah fgt rtd. Yeah, that doesn't seem right. Yeah other people have submitted their guesses Fake guy tits really tease dicks flaming gay Tinks ride tremendous That's from a proud female fan great forest gump the rape to discuss justin Famished get tom's rectum tray delicios

Steve and feels great remove feels feel great tits remove that denim Jason the mystery continues. No one has been able to solve What that's what fgt rtd means and it's open to interpretation. It is open to interpretation Real quick gene. Oh a couple people Um Wanted clarity on a couple things here that we can get to one was uh

Some people had some blowback on our fat shaming And I just wanted to be clear. I thought it was clear. So but sometimes you got to hold people's hands through Conversations when they don't understand like what parts serious what parts a joke I think what you know, at least what I was trying to say was that a I don't think you should just obviously ever just go harass Um, somebody for their weight. No, I was saying that fat shaming was effective But I also embraced it, you know, yeah, um, the other thing was like some people were like, yeah, but

Uh, are you trying to say that like you're not fat? So they know I'm I've always said that I'm Still fat and then I but I'm actively working on it. So like I try to eat healthier. I obviously exercise all the time and for me I don't reject Fat shaming because I had an experience with it. Now I that I do think you should you know, you shouldn't Like I said attack somebody for being fat I'm just of the mindset that it's not good to be fat. Don't act like it's a positive thing and

You know, if you want if you're looking for a tactic that may or may not work for you I enjoyed fat shaming. It worked for you. It was a fantastic diet go out and like fat shame people All over the place. I don't know. I think you and I don't advocate Um, you know shitting on people. No, it's not that I think First of all, I'm overweight now too. I just had a baby. So I'm fat shaming myself every day to get back down It's all we I mean, we don't do it on the show all the time, but it's all we talk about with ourselves It's just like fuck Yeah, well, here's why I I personally don't think it should be

Celebrated to be overweight because being overweight is not a healthy Option. Yeah, that's true. So for instance, um, I know they have like magazine covers now A cosmopolitan has a really overweight model on there and it's like celebrate like She's obese and that's not I don't think that that's super obese. Yeah, I understand curvy normal yet got it got it good Uh, but I don't think as a lifestyle that that should be encouraged. Yeah, I would say that But should we actively show on people? No, dude, of course not. Yeah, no, I don't think it should be celebrated like Uh, you're clearly embracing an unhealthy lifestyle. Good for you. Like I don't think that's cool No, and I don't I don't either. So it's like I don't advocate. Um, don't harass people

Just because they're fat. No, um, but what I was saying is like when people write off fat shaming is a horrible thing to do Yeah, I'm like, yeah, I don't think so and the reason I said I don't think so is because I've you know experienced it and I actually feel like it was a pretty good motivator Yeah, some of the best thing that sometimes the best thing that can happen to you is one of family member Or like a friend is like, dude, you need to you need to reign now I'll tell you the difference when I was much younger and fat And uh, like I told you Latins are like this and I would go to Peru and they would fat shame me

I would reject it. I would be like fuck. I would you know, I wouldn't embrace it Yeah, I would but I also think that I was being very much in denial at that time Yeah, I was in denial They were telling me you need to lose weight and I was like, no, I don't fuck them You know and that but that but the truth is they were right. I did need to lose weight Well, yeah, because being heavier contributes to heart disease to A whole host of unhealthy and denials a strong strong thing. Yeah, so that was like that was kind of I don't know for me a kind of a lesson of just growing in life when when it was brought to my attention

15 years later. I was like, yeah Yeah, they're right, you know, let's look up what being overweight does to your body I know I think we we we don't need to I think we all get that it's probably bad for everything, you know It's it's bad. It's bad for your cardio muscular system. It's you know, it's bad for everything even my knees when I was um horse joints You know the pain that people experience in their Back ankles knee all all that can be related to being overweight. That's wrong. Yeah, of course. No, there's there's nothing Yeah, I don't think that just helps you survive an overdose. That's it. That's the Oh, that's right

Or a severe car accident there's that tv show we watch being being overweight saving my life on tlc And this lady was like well because I had 50 extra pounds on me the seatbelt Like didn't cut through me basically and yeah, so there's another good one like so there's the possibility that you don't wear a seatbelt when you drive And you might live through a car accident instead of being instead of being hurled out of the car you might get wedged in it So, yeah, there's the other big plus. All right, so that's that the other one for some of you dumb dumb's is uh

so many fucking idiots is uh The louis ck Because people don't really listen to what you say listen to what they want to hear And I've already experienced it many times when they take things out of context. It's like You know like when we bring up other people other celebrities and they're like, why are you comparing the two? It's like we're talking about what has happened for the last year other celebrities and the differences Yeah Between what they're accused of we were probably the one of the most vocal people about the fact that it's ridiculous

to come to actually mention him as someone That you would compare what they did uh Louis did with like what harvey Weinstein or Uh kevin spacey did um mentioning him in the same breath as like hey, these guys are all abusers Is not fair. It's it's ridiculous. Yeah, there's different shades of gray. Of course So yeah, it's not that we can't make it equal what what you can tell guy does it's they're fucking Yeah, you can talk about entertainers and like this guy did this this guy did that but that doesn't mean we're saying

What he did was equal to what this guy did I mean it obviously isn't and I think the people who Think it's okay to equate them are actually really doing harm Uh to that whole movement by saying that like what he did is the same and you should treat those guys the same It's really not we're talking about like violent sexual crimes versus his perversion Well, because I think the more specific we can get in terms of defining those gray areas That makes the movement Way more lasting way more of an impact if you can start really getting into the legal nitty gritty of it and being like

Well, what is it that louis ck did well? Let's let's get into it man Let's define it and that way the next time it happens to a woman. We can really go after the motherfucker Yeah, right. They're not all the same. Of course. They're not same. It's like people some people were like thought Like you're serious about he should move to france. It's like Do you really need to be explained that that part is like not being serious about that he should move to france? Yeah, no, I think the there's two different issues that we discuss on this show, right? There's those levels of seriousness of what this person has done

We weren't talking about that last week. We're talking about is the pr move here. Yeah I mean that was my like i'm somebody who we're not even getting into what's the evil of it Right. I'm somebody who has always been like i'll just say like i've been a huge fan of his a big admirer of his Ability and talent like he's to me one of the greatest, you know And when he did when he came out and did what he did and you know had to To go away It made sense to me I always thought there's a path to redemption for him, right?

Right like that that to me was like that makes sense What he did was a bad because what he did is come backable That's what yeah, it's what a winestein and cosby. That's not come backable. You can't come back. You're gone So i'm like that makes sense. He's going away. There is a path to redemption And to me the surprising thing was not that he did stand up It's that he managed the optics so poorly. Yeah to me. That's the part that stood out It's just that I go this is a really smart guy on top of being a really talented guy And when you're really smart and really talented and really influential, there's a higher standard for you

It's just the way it is whether you like it or not. It's just the way it is for him to Get on stage after this break in this climate in this time and be like No statement. No addressing things. No like donation. No own op-ed piece about it. That to me was just A lot was like what you're not going to do any of those that seems like pr 101 yeah, so that's the part that to me Yes, I think I mean and that is a discussion we had last week. It's more about the Startling lack of awareness. Yeah on the social climate right and being like i'm just going to do this thing Let's talk about cookies and candy and like whoa bro you guys that don't get that by the way

are equally like As out of out of touch with what's going on like you seem that Out of touch you seem that disconnected right and you're actually doing If you're a huge fan of his you're doing a him more harm By being like so what? Because you're actually fueling the fire of the blowback Yeah, people who are like never again. You're making that grow when you're like, so we didn't do anything Yeah, you're not helping because the first of all it hasn't been

positively received in our community from what I gather no the the press has been really bad on it Um, it just shows a lack of awareness It does show kind of an obliviousness to the culture to the climate is what i'm saying Of course, uh, regardless of whether or not you think it's what he did is wrong or how wrong or should he do stand? Who get that at this point too like as somebody like I remain I mean I remain a big fan Of course, and I'll tell you all I hope that he does is digest

What's currently going on and take those steps now so that he can Go back with like having put forth a huge effort and said like, you know, I checked all the boxes So that people who are fans go see Like, you know, you're a good guy. Yeah, I took all the steps and I can't tell you and I think that's what americans love They love an apology. They love an app. They love a come to jesus an apology. They love to think that you're a good guy Yes, so if you know this about america, yeah, give them take a page of big michael vick Little vick was like yes, he went to prison. He could have come out of prison like suck my back dick for life

And instead he like he partnered with the humane society. There you go. You know, he He made he made donations. He filed for I forget whether it's seven or chapter whatever one where instead of like Doing away with his debts He made it so that he had to pay back His debts almost in full, you know, and it's like it's like why is that important? It just makes people go like, oh You're not a piece of shit. Like he did it for himself. No, right, but he also did it so that people go like You know what you did a horrible thing, but like you're a pretty good Americans love to forgive

Of course, we're christians. We love a good apology. That's the part that I go like, what do you do? Well, here's the thing some people say well He already apologized in that letter and how many times does he have to apologize? Well as many times as it is necessary to make the women that he harmed feel something, right? And look, it's just it's from a fucking pr perspective. That's it dummy. Yeah, it's just it was a dumb move Fucking do do do all this shit that Americans like that's right Go donate money to the women's ba ba ba, you know Show show that you fucking give a shit and then come back. Yeah. That's the way to do it. I mean and I do have this

I know that tmz and NBC they're all gonna take this from us and hopefully they'll credit We actually got in touch with somebody who was on the street I guess that's was that mcdougal street Where the club is right after the show. Oh, wow, they found someone who was walking out right after the show No, kin And this hasn't made it anywhere else but here so This is that post that louis said at the cellar pretty incredible stuff here

So you were at the louis ck show what'd you think I can't believe how big a stick was Really? Did he masturbate he jacked off in four strokes? Wow Was it a lot an enormous amount of really thick thick hot white cum That's really something kind of makes me wish i'd seen it four strokes Wow, that's incredible. That's really something

Man we need uh, yeah Pretty wild Huh pretty good stuff. That's hot and thick cum hot and thick I didn't know that men really were invested in the hotness and the thickness of it It makes a difference. Does it are you more are you happier when it's hotter and thicker? I've never no, I mean the thickness some I never think about the temperature. I mean sometimes you go like wow, this is really Really kind of thin And what does that do you know does that mean anything it feels like it's you you're draining yourself

Like thickness usually I think to people goes like oh, I'm backed up This has been sitting others and there's more swimmers in that. Yeah, you're like i'm really producing some stuff Well, no, just like I haven't emptied the tank. Oh, oh, so it's darker cloudier Cloudier brine. Yeah, and then when it's real thin you're like man, I need to put this thing away Something's going on Do you know where you were a big john landis fan, right? Sure, who's that the director? I thought oh, right. No, I don't know. What did he make? John landis has an incredible 80s guy. Yeah. Yeah, I love 80s movies. Um, let's see his

I've I've been rightman Yeah fan, of course. I love the woman Amy Heckerling that woman pretty much made every movie I've ever loved from the 80s and 90s clueless She did fast times at richmont high european vacation all good films Um, so here's some john landis stuff. I know the name but i don't okay animal house the blues brothers All the blues brothers great trading places. Yes Uh Twilight zone the movie. Wow. He directed thriller

No spies like us love that movie three amigos Yes, one little movie called coming to america my favorite comedy of all time definitely He made beaverly hills cop three great He made let's see. I don't know. Actually, it's the third one great probably not Um, but whatever. I mean, that's a pretty insane list as it is, right? Those are a lot of home runs dude. Yeah coming to america is a perfect comedy. I think yeah, that's pretty good Anyways, this is him and I don't know when this interview took place, but I thought you might like this check this out My my brother and I went and stayed with them and we we met bundy for the first time

Bundy told you know the first line and bundy told you that but the first line of every hungarian recipe Steal a chicken That's something my grandfather would say too and then he's got more my grandfather was crazy about hungarians hungarians Who are the really the hungarians in polish are the people who really found it hollywood, but the uh, so the thing about hungarians though, there's also A hungarian is someone who comes into a revolving door behind you and exits in front of you Hey Sounds like he's got some pent up. Uh, yeah, what's the deal is land is a hongo. I don't know if he's a hongo

I think he's definitely talking some shit talking some shit land is Problem, you know, I mean that's the first line of every hungarian recipe Steal a chicken How dare you know that's kind of like when you don't like a group How dare you say it with a smile and you and you put it in jokes, but I don't think he's a fan How dare he how dare he hungarian shame me? Yeah, this is racist. I'm finally experiencing racism. This is yeah Um, this feels terrible and we're gonna look we're gonna break here in a moment, but I gotta tell you this is amazing You'll never believe check his privilege. Yeah, check your privilege. John Landis talk talking shit about talks

Landis guess who's been listening to the show who? Well I'll let you watch and listen. Oh god, you're gonna die when you see who it is. Okay These are some outstanding folks I can tell they look very smart Okay, he's in there. He's visiting Check it out. I don't want somebody laughing at me or saying I don't belong So, you know try it out Try it out What right? Wow

That's former president Barack Obama Who's saying Obama played again? I tried out. I can't believe it. Yeah. Yeah. I can't piss on you beat me try it out I mean clearly that's a direct try it out A direct reference Yeah, he's doing it. He's doing this house, you know try it out. Jeez This guy couldn't be any any more. There's a deal man. Try it out So there it is 44 is a fan. Wow

uh, yeah Don't you miss him in a way like just his personality politics aside I just miss having like a calm rational personally. He's got a good personality. I don't think yeah Knock his personality for sure. That's what I'm saying like politics aside. I just liked brach and michelle Yeah, it's part of being a politician is being You know super likable likable nice teeth Both had good teeth got good teeth those dogs those portuguese water dogs. They're nice. Yeah, that's right. What is it bow? Right. Oh, yeah, that was I don't I think bow's dead now bow's dead. I'm not sure

Yeah, um, do you want to break now? You want to Sasha Malia? Oh Listen, no, no, let's do it. Let's keep rolling. Okay. Um This I also found this morning and made me so happy You know when you just are filled with joy at seeing something pulled off. Yeah, this fucking guy He's asian and he was at a mcdonald's and he realized on the walls like of their like posters It's just white people and he was like, I feel like we're underrepresented So he made his own poster. Oh good and he put it up at that mcdonald's and they haven't taken it down

Well, I'm i'm garyans are underrepresented too. It's uh, it's pretty amazing. I just kind of skimmed through his video But like oh my god, so he ordered like this is this kid He uh, he's at mcdonald's, you know, he notices like this empty wall And he notices that the posters are just like, you know, white kids. Mm-hmm. So he has a picture made He throws logos on and he orders it from like, uh, whatever. What is it called the kinkos or whatever that makes? They make their own poster. That's rad. Good for him This is one of my favorite things Look at that. That's awesome. So it's like and he threw like the same graphics that they have. Yes on it

Yes, i'm stupid and they throw mcdonald's logo at the bottom here. It's great and then And we made a date with other friends to go hang it up The big day was upon us. I loaded the post truck with my dad's car And met our friends there brought him nervous I wore a jacket covering my uniform and waited till the coast was clear from any employees He also made so rad. He got um, he went to a thrift store Yeah, and he got a mcdonald like an old like a mcdonald's shirt that was there and then he made a laminate that said like regional

You know, um, I don't know. Oh, so he's like, i'm the corporate bubba bot. He was this new artwork Just in case though Like he didn't actually introduce himself. He just once the coast was clear. I would take off my jacket I would tell christian kesandra how to position Oh That's him Interior director, it's totally made up I love it it is voila it was up

Oh, I need a second to throw up Okay, so we put the poster up and now I gotta change my shirt. I'm so I'm like over the moon. Hi guys I'm kesandra This is christian I'm shaking a Jeb's changing. I'm changing right now. Okay. I got this if you can. It's okay It's so great that was something Wow, so I recently found out about this

Listen accomplished Has been up since look look and I really hope it's been a few weeks No one noticed works there that they added this poster and it's it'd be like if we took a picture of ourselves and put it up there No one said anything he he tweeted today. That's how I find out about this. It's been 51 days 51 days this guy made a poster of himself and his friend He put it up at a mcdonald's and they're like, yeah It's so good. It's so great. I love it. I know it made me so happy. I seriously watched this today. I was just they'll never take it down Remember folks all races deserve recognition. Okay, and I guess I did my part

And that's them like they're just eating at them Underneath Do we know where in the world this is? I don't know where it is. Uh, you can see this video this guy's uh youtube channel. It's um His name is j e v h M or you can just search we became mcdonald's poster models Uh, I guess the name is jev. Um, anyway, I fucking love it. I'm loving it Uh That's so awesome. They're right though. I mean mcdonald's is around the world

It's not just white people. I mean they like you can go pretty much anywhere in the world and there's mcdonald's No, you can go everywhere. Yeah. No, they're it's an it's a it's probably only not in Antarctica. It's everywhere I know It's pretty amazing, right? And do you know that? I mean they yeah, anyway, they can they can build one in like Less than a week or something crazy. I don't know. Let's see How many mcdonald's? Um locations are there let's see mcdonald's restaurants are in 120 countries and territories Uh, they operate there's 36,899 right now

Yeah crazy That is nuts here is the list That's pretty funny. Oh my god. See pretty much everywhere south africa I was gonna ask a lot of africa of africa that does that but there is look. What is this? They're in africa, dude. It's fucking crazy. Uh, yeah south africa Mom's Australia. I've eaten it a few there all over south america. It looks like except for Whatever that is mark number one. That is it's embarrassing. Um, which one do you know? I don't know this one He is that believes I don't know what that is. Oh, I don't fucking know. Come on, but they're everywhere else

It's been a while since seventh grade Europa Europa Even those dirty russkies russka Yeah, that's a lot Pretty impressive stuff. Yeah, I'm really I'm really amazed by what those guys you think that But you would think that mcdonald's will be really up on that multicultural tip, you know I just think it's funny that the manager of that mcdonald's was like, oh, yeah They finally got that poster taken care of that wall. I know but people are generally very unobservant

Now let's see what happened because this is the kind of thing that that tweet went viral They're gonna figure out where that is The cool the cool thing is that mcdonald's could make it really cool and be like Hey, you know, we discovered that this was at this and celebrate it be like guess what that poster's staying up And we're gonna give you free french fries for a year or whatever right or they could be like Uh, it's not okay to do that, you know vandalism. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I hopefully I hope they back to pr Kind of manage it in a smart way, you know, you know, nothing makes me happier than clever vandalism I know it really I swear it just tickles my little taint. I just love it

you know, even something as small as in um In school when you used to have I don't know they have textbooks anymore And you could take your eraser and like erase The eyeball on somebody's picture and then draw a bigger one around it And like do shit like that and so like the next kid gets your Your talents that are are just erasing big dicks, you know, you erase the and then you draw the dick Yeah, there's a poster of a real estate guy at one of these It's like near a high school right here and the poster hangs there and they cut his eyes out

And they cut his mouth out and he's like It looks terrifying. I feel bad for the guy because I know he paid for his poster And then he replaced it but it was like that for a while and he was like thanks a lot dickheads Yeah, that's pretty great, but it's high school kid. You know, they're gonna do something like that. Of course Why don't we take a break gene and we'll be back with our guest, uh, brenda schwaab Brenda I think that's her name Isn't that her name One you may have heard of the financier charles schwaab. He had a daughter

Brenda who recently transitioned to a man and he's here now brendan charl Yeah, charles schwaab messed things up. He sure did. You look like a man. Thanks, bro. Good job Good job. Yeah, good job. I totally would believe you're a guy. Yeah, um, yeah Real quick before we get into some other stuff here I just pulled this up from episode 461 of your mom's house I don't know if you could comment on this for us at all. He was then we started talking about How tiger tiger No, you're you are. Oh, no, I mean, I know it's been said a few times, but you hear it

You had to play this for him. Please do brendan schwaab's son's name is tiger. No, it's not yet. No, it's not. Yes, it is Sorry brendan, it's a great name And in this case it's a nickname and brendan's it's his real name. Oh, it's a great name. Did I say it? You traitor Are you even my husband? Do you think people would have allowed us to get away with not doing? I'm sorry brendan. People tag me. They're like, oh, take it up with push, man Yeah, I'm sorry. I forgot. I love you. I love your child. Here's the thing with that This little dude has everything man. He's growing up in silk sheets and Santa Monica. Yeah, you know, I'm saying papa's rich

so Papa's rich. Yeah Business is booming. So he's he has a good life, right? I need him not to be the cool kid in school I need them to have something to poke fun. All right. That's where tiger. They're like your name's tiger They're gonna be like and he's a former UFC fighter, you know, he's got weird ears Yeah, like they're not there's not a lot they can go. There's not a lot, bro So I figured you're like, I'm gonna give him something. I'm gonna give you any pushback from the white It's always, you know naming is something is a child. Obviously the big thing

It's like it was was the wife cool right away. Was she like we had all these names picked out and Oh Did you cite tiger woods as an example where you know, I figured that asshole's making a comeback because he was kind of gone And uh, I went here. We had all these names picked out. I went this one's gonna you're gonna flinch at first But I want you to sit on it. Yeah, because it's different because I I don't like regular names like jim bobble Yeah, sure. So I went just hear me out here tiger and she was like, what? I know right most people do I went sit on it for the night the next one She's like, I'm not mad at and as soon as she was like starting to feel it out and boom, that's it tiger pack shop

What's a million packs packs after my uncle passed away. Okay. Yeah, who's a bad ass. So we can't be a good guy. Yeah So you're gonna be like it's a real piece of garbage a real piece of shit because I really want this kid to hit it home Uh, I can't believe you threw me out of the box like that Are we even married? This is your mom's house. Do you think we could he would have left and everyone would have been like How did you not bring up the tiger bit? Yeah, no loyalty You know, but I also knew that he wouldn't be like like no hell. No, I knew I'd defend our time No, I know I had to tell Rogan's name was tight on areas. You know, I'm son tiger. I'm like Please don't be mean to me. You want about the phone call when we call?

Okay, so it's like a big deal to reveal the name right and like sometimes you hold on to it You know, even let's say, you know the name a month before we held on to the second one So the first one I'm saying like, you know, like you let's say you knew tiger You know at six months for sure and people will start asking you Do you know the name and you might be like not yet because you don't necessarily want to tell everybody You don't want them to judge kind of like a new tattoo. Totally. That's a really good analysis But you don't want people like me being like tiger. That's ridiculous and then it burst your bubble. No, it's cool So but we uh, we held on forever. We kept we kept lying about like like nah

I've just haven't figured it out and like family would be like you have known I'd be like nope. I haven't thought of anything you two creative souls have nothing nothing and then finally it was You know, we're at eight months on the first kid and we call We're I remember we were driving in palace verdez and we pulled over Oh, yeah, and my parents and they're like, are you gonna tell us the name and I was like, let's do it And you were so excited. I know I was so excited and my mom's Peruvian, you know, so like heavy accent And I go she's like tell us the name to me And I go all right

I go we're naming him and this is verbatim house when I go we're naming him ellis and she goes Is he gay? No way my unborn son It's terrible. I mean, that's your that's the reason is he gay. I'm like, well, I don't know yet Could be and then she's like oh, I'm like The fuck man. She's like ellis. I'm like that that's your I'm telling you your grandson's name No, she goes. Did you say like peri ellis? Yes, peri ellis had eight. Yeah. Damn mom. No, I don't say mom goes hard in the pain Yeah, I don't say she I because it's my mother-in-law. I can't I can't talk shit to her in the same way he can

So I yeah, you know what I'm saying? I was like, it's really fun to share this with you Well, you know, my thank you for this, you know, my dad said When I first found out I was pregnant and he goes, you know, what's a good name? art Arthur which is my dad's name. Yeah, I go. Thank you dad. Thank you. I got he said it worse man He said it like he was telling you about a name. He heard So, you know, I mean if you're like, you know what actually like a kind of a cool name is Because I I don't hear it like all the time

And you're like, wait, what you're like your name and you go like, you know day I told someone my name and they're like, that's a cool name and you're like, wait a minute Are you telling me about your fucking name right now? And that's exactly how I told when uh, my girlfriend was pregnant. I mean, I came home and uh, she had like the test and I'm like, oh We got to call someone we got to tell someone and I was like, I got to call my dad first My dad's like very strict businessman like super business where I get all my work ethic from and I call my dad And I I've got speakerphone. My girl's like in tears all excited and I'm like, watch this thing But I go, hey dad, you know, so what's up? I go, Joanna's pregnant

Silence and he goes Damn, uh What you know, you don't have to keep it, right? What and I went click, I'll call you back and I went, whoa, I did not think it was gonna go like that He said something like he said something like, well, you know, you don't have to get married, right? Or something like it was not good. It was not good because were you guys dating or yeah We were dating, you know for like a year or two And what was his opposition to the yeah, why would he say that? He was just like damn

life is over like I'm some like young rapper or something. Yeah I'm 30 You're an adult pretty sad man. Take it easy. That's backfired back Do you have brothers and sisters? I have an older brother. Okay. And does he have children? He does not he's a psycho He's selfish. Oh, okay. He loves my son, but he uh, I don't know he's a psycho. He's my torment. She's on the road And he's psycho. Really? Yeah, he just probably met him. I'm sure I met him at that fight that I shared against you on Yeah, you tried against him. I told him. Yeah, he was here. Oh, I forgive you. I didn't know you hate my son's name I know we're the worst friend. I know him. Are you sorry now? I would be jumping up and down for him

I know. Yeah, I just mistakenly thought mat mitriam went to lsu Come on, bro. Sometimes the thing about if I took a fight again I'd come out with a comedy store shirt and have all my comedian friends with me Walk and walk to the ring with you. Yeah, I went to be sick And what if everybody like to to to further in the joke just made a goofy faces as they walk? Yeah, like a bunch of clowns a bunch of clowns. I get my ass It's a horrible at night like that, you know, I was I was at a fight once I went to like a dozen of these fights Opening for joe for a while

So and I hardly knew anybody but there was a guy one time who came out in a pink tutu You know and that was like his his gimmick It was like a joke and he played like or not ed herman Dave herman did that maybe and he came out to weird song He came out to a weird song and he was wearing a tutu and everybody was like, well, he better fucking win because if you Lose on this. It's like why are you playing games? It's even worse and I think he did lose did he Do you ever see the guys who came out? Is a australian or new zealand cat and they must have studied all night and they came out the exact

Men in black outfits and did the dance here come the man in black. Yeah Loser win. I think he won. You got to win if you do something. You know, I mean if you're if you're Not focused on your fight because you're doing dance routines Then you're a meme for the next 10 years. Oh, yeah. Yeah, and if you're if your whole thing is like I'm gonna wear a pink tutu. You better win. You got to win. Yeah. Yeah, or you're just crazy. Totally crazy I just had a thought back related to like telling your parents really important stuff in your life Like doesn't that make you like be really cognizant now when your children tell you something like just get excited That hurts my feelings

I've told her a bunch of times about one of my aunts will be like, um, you know, she'll come to a show And when like other relatives obviously are going to be like you were great, you know the way a relative does she'll be like I thought everyone was great though. Oh, I should make the point They don't get how bad that hurts man. It's an athlete or a comic. You're sensitive, man Of course, like I remember I uh, I just when I played at University of Colorado. I had to sit out a year So I redshirted so I went playing the games. I'd suit up I remember I won't say what family member is gonna get pissed and so all the families there where all the players go And I went and they're like, oh my god, you played so great. That was fantastic. I was like

Fuck you man. I get hurt my feelings so bad or I remember my first time my mom saw me do stand-up Was at the last factory. Oh man stand up. Please don't even talk to me. It's different than sports. It's horrible Oh my god, I come out and I go do you guys have fun? I goes my mom was It was it was interesting, you know, uh, and she's changed it real fast. She went I saw kevin kneeling though. I went No, the right answer is you were fantastic. I'm so proud of you for trying something Yeah You know what my mom said to me she saw me in the belly room and I did well I didn't do like I didn't eat shit. I didn't kill I did okay

And she's like well, you know, it's not like what you are saying is funny But like how you say it and I was like, thank you. Thank you. Was that even a compliment? They also gave me like um even now like god my dad would be like I uh, I pay attention to the audience And the moments that they laugh and where they don't laugh That one thing they didn't laugh. Oh my god. He does Or if I give like if I do like faux anger, you know, it's not like Fuck this shit. He's like, I don't know if I would do that. Oh, thank you

Thank you for the notes. I'm glad you thank you chris rock for the notes We got to get him doing movie reviews on this show. That'd be hilarious. Um, oh wait one second Oh, you know what? I love when he tells you to do. He's like, you know, you should do buddy is regional. Yeah local references I'm like, I've no one's ever thought of this. He's like that's brilliant pause. He's like because you remember that time you're minnesota You said how cold it was Yeah, no, my dad my dad first of all my dad was in monorail at the car show with my brother This is last week mind you and someone goes Someone goes, uh, they're talking about uh kids and my dad goes. Oh, yeah, my my son lives in california

And the guy goes, oh, what's he do out there? And my dad goes, uh, he gets on stage and then He's like an internet personality But then he'll get on stage and like tell stories and my brother, you know, he's my tour manager goes No, he just stand up comedy down my dad goes. No, no, no, he doesn't do that. He gets on stage and like tell stories He doesn't do comedy and my brother's like No, that's exactly what he does. Why would he make that distinction? I just he just doesn't or my dad. This is like Oh, my god. It's like a year ago goes, you know, I think you should do some I think you should do some bits on trump. I went, dude, that's I can't believe I didn't stand out

That's exactly what I should do that thing. Wait, did he when you grow up when you were growing up? Did he like stand up like you remember him watching specials? No, not really. No, my mom did my mom did big comedy buff Who was she into do you remember? We'd watch saturday night live every weekend. Okay. She loved it all. Yeah. Oh, that's cool Your dad like no, I was like for sure pick a football Wreck your brain Thanks for timing up for tactical football and that's for dad Now you're you're obviously in a committed relationship now when you were a single guy Did you request or even demand that a woman eat your scrum regularly or no, my what you're from behind

Y'all got that name the fuck up john or whatever the fuck his name is Because most of the niggas on here talking about him I ate one of these niggas asses that made a study. Yeah, like y'all so perfect Oh god ain't no wrong with a nigga against ass a bottle of motherfucking female And I ain't saying that because I eat niggas ass. I'm saying that because it is what it is So it is what it is. It is what it is. I believe it's ass eating not ass eight, right? Well, I mean, okay, well You're eating your ass tomorrow tomato tomato, whatever. I mean, were you big into this? No, not really my thing. I've had girls go for it though. Go for it. I've had girls take my legs and bend it back

Change your diet. I tried. Wow. I put up with it for a little bit. I'm like, this is off I put up because I don't want to I don't want a little That might be my favorite gesture of all I put up with it for a little bit Well, my legs my thighs are big so I'm a fucking leg drop a bitch like down. I don't need that You're a big dude. I know and they pin my legs like that pretty big girls You'd be surprised the wiry the wiry strong ones. Really? Yeah, so you tolerated it. I tolerated you weren't into it Uh, it's not my thing. She says it's kind of disgusting. You know, she said some n words like it here I'm not gonna get fingers and all that there

Jesus Christ question about my nigga, but a girl in a dude ass. That's did you suck in his dick? You lick in his balls, right bitch. Yeah, she makes you a point and I don't just eat niggas asses So don't be like, oh punch a bitch. No, because I asked But I'd be like shit. Can't what's up? Can I eat your ass because I like niggas ass But y'all all on his case or whatever like he ain't the only nigga that I like in his motherfucking ass eight I bet it's alarming number that do like it. Oh, yeah You know that I I think I've told this before but this is when I when I worked in DC

After I graduated college. I had a job for a few months and um I remember Tracy was a black dude. I worked with that America's most wanted in DC on wisconsin av and one day I give Tracy a ride and He sat in the passenger seat. He was like And you know, like I go, what's up? He's like broke it with my girl, man I was like, I was like, oh shit. Really? I was like, how long were you together? He's like three years I'm like, oh damn man. Like what happened? He's like

She won't eat my ass no more. I was like Come on, bro. I was like, this is the reason that you broke up. He was like, yeah Damn, I was like, that's you mean like the foundation of your relationship is a piece of ass eating He was like, she won't do it no more. Damn. And he was like, I mean cold if that's your thing though If that's your main if that's like what you guys are built on ass eating She doesn't do it. Well, aren't you gay if their main thing is butt stuff? No, because it's just ass eating We had this debate earlier. She put fingers in there like she said right or if he was like dicks There's always we're saying dicks is gay fingers and tongues or not dicks are

Unquestionably gay Yeah, if you if he was like man This other dude won't fuck my ass no more. So I broke up with my girl. I'll be like, yeah I think you're gay, bro. You know what's interesting about ass eating though It's like It's having the audacity to enjoy it because I think I think why we're so opposed to it because I'm sure having your Butt licks is pleasurable, right? It's I mean, it's nice, but it's really being that person who's bold enough to be like You fucking lick my ass. I don't care how dirty that should because I'm so self-conscious. I'm like, oh, there's probably brown there

Even though I'm pretty clean. Yeah, it's having the balls to be like it is it is right. It's fucking licked It's also just if you're the person doing it. It's like I'm dangerous. I'm nasty. You think you know nasty shit Yeah, it's like freak level it's declaring it's waving the flag, you know It's like and then it's like looking at you afterwards like, you know what kind of person But it's also but it's also uncomfortable if they just do it like that nice young lady would ask you Like I've had it before where girls they have their fingers done There's long fake ones and they'll put them fingers in the rump hole the old Yeah, and your dookie shoot. Yeah

Just depends no, but no questions asked none. I'm like, yeah, that guess what that's not her first time doing that That's what I'm saying. Yeah, it's kind of rude. Yeah, it's a little rude. It is rude I know one of my friends taught told me about how He met an online lady who came over and it was like, okay, you're coming over He didn't even so she's new to him He wasn't even prepped like wash showered and she changed his dye dye went down there and unwashed behold I used to know a girl that would only like to have sex ain't only that was like her she'd only want that Really? Yeah. Wow. Wow. Was she Persian?

No White girl white girl white girl believes in the lord or no doubt it. Yeah. Yeah, not too into it. You know what I'm saying? Not that it's a surprise. Yeah um So our 10-year anniversary is later this year and we got this email Someone said I was delighted to hear Christina's request for ideas on how to celebrate your 10-year anniversary Here are my thoughts Get all of your friends and family together for a celebration after dinner gather them around to show a video of you two scat sexing through a hammy

Yeah, yeah, that's pooping through the hammock. No, I know what that is Uh, get on a ferris wheel with some family members smoke, meth and molest each other until there is a four stroke come Yeah, wow, then get a funnel cake. Wow Have some hot black eyes with cows Over for a month of rape play they can beat you while the cows piss on you offer them to stay with you For a while in exchange for being their hot white cum dumpsters. I hope this helps high and tight gym Wow, jim. Wow, jim. Really neat offer. I love the hope this helps hope this helps suggestions Corporate, um, I don't know. Do you feel like any of those tickle your father?

You know, I'll marinate on it. Yeah a little bit. We're gonna be married Yeah, we're gonna be married for 10 years 10 years You know so far and how long did you guys date before that for? Long time so we can gather for a minute. Yeah. Yeah, you believe it, jim. I know we have two kids now. Isn't that crazy? That's the part that's even crazier It's weird when you have to get used to the idea of a child like you like we forget about him sometimes He's only six weeks seven weeks old this week Do you feel I feel like when I had a kid life got way more serious for me

I'm so scared of everything. Oh, yeah, of course. I think about death daily. I think about me dying daily I think about Tragedy happening to both my children. Me too. Like what if they get that weird meningitis and end up in the hospital? I know need a spinal tap like I had one of those Those it's like two wheels in the front one way on the back those little, uh, I think called sling shots They sent one to me. Oh, yeah, like try out and like have fun with When I was younger, I would fucking wheelies take a thing of my buddies hanging off naked or whatever But then I got in that thing. I was going down pch

And I was having fun with it and I was like, this isn't that dangerous. I don't have a helmet on And then I floored I put in a third gear and it swiped around like just and I'm facing incoming traffic on pch And literally I was like, I can't do this. I can't die man. I can't die. No, you can't get a kid I know I literally call him the cake and get this thing I think about it too. I you know, even one of my friends was telling me about road rage the other day He's like, do you still have it? And I go, yeah, I still have it But this thing happens now sometimes and I think it's from being a parent where you'll be like, you know when you have crazy thoughts You're like, I'm just gonna fucking t-bone that car. I'm gonna go and like punch the fucking window out and drag that

Like you start having crazy thoughts and then you're like Like I'm a dad. I can't you're like and then you just like totally calm down. You're like just everybody just go Let's talk about these crazy thoughts. Sorry I might thought like these it is crazy. I've never felt older because now I'm like super into my lawn Yeah, that's some real dad shit some dad shit, bro. Yeah my lawn wanted my ficuses and I'm just my gait It's like that's my shit now That's my shit now. How crazy is that? I got real excited about it. He's gotten all too. Yeah, security. I love it man. Yeah Yeah, I get excited about it. I get excited about mail

I get excited about anything at home related. Yeah. Yeah, I just want to be home. Yeah, of course. It's great I love being home. I mean It's obviously our jobs are all traveling, but I really look forward to going home. It's hard. It's hard for me It's hard to travel people are way better at me. I suck at like vacation stuff like that I don't like hotels because when you're on the road, how many hotels have you stayed in? So when you go in the hotel, I'm like to me like I can't shut down here like I can't relax here in the hotel I just can't. Can you rent a house? You're done here. Airbnb. I have it. That's a good idea though. That's a great idea That was really great when um

Bert and Ari and I did it for that national championship game last year. Oh, that's right Airbnb to house and college kids. It was dude. I was talking about on my show You're I think you bird watch a little college football, right? Yeah, he watches a casual I don't know like in the comedy scene like my friends. I don't I don't know anyone who watches sports Count doesn't rogan doesn't delia doesn't I was super stoked that college football is back Me too can't work in the night. Yeah, would you let your kids play football? I don't know I don't want them to I mean the the injuries no way No way and our sounds are cannonballs do like they're gonna want to yeah, I don't okay. Here's the difference though

Here's some good safe sports. Uh, no soccer tennis swimming here's the thing listen running I rich kids sports I played all through elementary middle high You there is really there's just as much danger playing soccer as peewee football because there's no high like the hits Are not like fast enough. They're not dude. They're not if I still feel like the exception too with the ct When you see guys come out with ct. Yeah, I'm like, yeah, but where's all the guys who don't have it? We don't hear from them the majority don't have it Dude a kid playing sixth grade football

He is not It's not like Bo Jackson's out there. You know Lawrence Taylor's not fucking blind What about that big kid on the other team? There's always one there's a brandon shab You know who's like the fucking enormous sixth grader once a year once a year Game plan around. Yeah, and then I take my kiss. I'm like get that hit that kid in the knee He's like what my head down crown of your you might you might be seeing a different tune though When you see him in high school and he's this baller than tom coming like damn we got off from stanford Yeah, they're like what go pick up that football. Yeah

I don't know. I don't want my boys to be weenies though. I definitely want them to be killers fine line Well killers aggressive. It's a fine line Jiu-jitsu is fine for confidence kickboxing. No, no, no. Well, I wouldn't let him spar right But you'd let him train let him train boxing like I do now You know, I hit mid-sublet I never get in the head I let football the the juices worth the squeeze can take in places. They probably wouldn't be able to get They're gonna meet a lot of good people network then get into school. They can get in great teams. I'm roddery is awesome Yeah, um wouldn't let them fight definitely let them fight. No fighting's bad, right?

Terrible, you don't want to take headshots all the time. That's the thing is like you can play football for All of elementary middle high school and Maybe have a couple your bell rung a few times, you know, oh Jesus if you go if you taking it to like One of these top tier programs in high school like where they fucking recruit. I mean right the streets taft They're no punk. Yeah, there's are there's uh, you know if you're uh, I don't know there's img academy and you know These Hoover highs these programs. Have you seen one of those games? Yeah, it's nuts. Yeah, I've been to one

I was like what the boys might have been able to beat us in college like their minds huge It's crazy But then when you start getting these big time programs like where where he played Yeah, you could come out like with a slur In your Speak like learn, you know, but I'm saying that's the likelihood that a kid will be playing that It's like swimming swimming's neat swimming's nice. That's safe tennis. If he's a badass swimmer, I wouldn't mind that That'd be great. It's year-round though. You got to go to all that

What do you think about this guy this guy? He's gonna tell us what he wants to play. We're always mocking the way people look and the choices they make This guy david faraday is a professional former professional golfer on the european tour He works at television personality and he's rocking this beard right now. What do you think of that? Oh? Wow, I mean look at the Because his the draw line is Here he did it across the middle of the dude. I look at the guy. I think he fucks You think big dick energy fucks big dick energy biggest dick energy

Now, do you think he deliberately got the shading different like that's 100% 100% Do you think he's a bad guy from but this is a villain cut, right? It's a villain with the villain cut But now it's his brennan said I just picture this guy getting off an elevator And walking into the bar of the hotel and he's like just so everyone knows here. I fuck pretty good. Yes That's what I that's what I do and he orders his drink from afar. You know some people are like Come here. I want to order my nope. Yeah, he's just like an orders for the table. Oh, yeah

Then jumps in his Maserati and fucks. Yeah, he's a Maserati and gets his ass licked. Oh this guy demands 100% You think like if you're a lady and you meet him He's like come into my room You're like, okay, and then you go to the shower to freshen up his bathroom And you like put your makeup on and you come back in the bedroom and he's on all fours and he's like That's where it starts. He pushes your head into it points back there. He's like yeah, he forces your head. He's like, you know What to do? I think he lays down and just So you think he pulls the baby he grabs his own ankles. Yeah. Oh one is both that's that big dick energy, bro

We don't want to be on all fours like a towel. Yeah, that's not sexy balls hang down the bag It's a funnier look The big dick energy moves lay on your back and just Spread your legs. Yeah, he's got them but the girl's like, okay. She's like, I guess bro Get a cool Maserati He's got those big veneers too though He went full white because he fucks all day full veneers too. That's all he cares about I'm a Maserati and veneers. Nothing worse. Hey, I'm thinking about getting veneers

Do you guys do any of you guys have them? Yeah, my friend too. They look good. I'm the best guy. He makes him out of glass I'll give you dude. I didn't even have braces. Check this out. Okay. I didn't have braces. Don't listen to this guy They're not bad, bro. Let me see the bottoms. They're not bad. They're not great. I mean, I've seen wider. Yeah. All right Thank you. Hey, that's come from a guy with 50 shades of brown teeth though. Hold on now. Look at mine, bro You were saying you were thinking about getting your veneers

Which ones would you veneer though? They look good. Yeah, let me see. Let me see the girl. You don't need that. Yeah, your teeth are fine I just feel like if I had veneers be sick. Really? No. No, don't need them. You don't need them. I'd look too much like a giant Mario Lopez. You think? Oh my god. Oh, yeah, I never thought of that. A little ac Slater vibe going on. I do see that. Do you think he's got that BDE? The big dick energy. Yeah, I don't get it from him. No. Do you? They see Slater. I did when he turned this chair backwards big dick energy. I was on a plane with him and he did He did like the terminal and the gate and the boarding all with sunglasses, you know

And like I was like, okay. All right, all right, bro And he did the inside like the window seat so and he had somebody like a handler and the aisle seat Ah, that's not big very different. No, it's not necessarily big energy very different though than like his onscreen persona He's like, hey, guess what's in theaters this week? You know, I'm like, dude. Yeah, I did a show with him He's like, hey, how you doing breton good to see him like Bro, who are you talking to? Why do you have full makeup on? Why are you talking like that? Good to see you. What do you think? I'm like, dude, you got to stop. Yeah, you've been in hollywood way too long Man, he's got one of those gigs. It's so visible like it's one of those

What is it like hollywood access? He's in hotel rooms when you turn on the tv Everywhere yeah, he's on everything and it's also um, you know, do we take him serious though? No, I don't think so I think he probably knows too. Like this is a good gig. Yeah in the in the grand scheme of things This is a gig. He's probably had for fucking 10 years or never and like as long as you look Presentable and he stays in great shape. You just keep being like here's another new exciting brennan schwaab Do and stand up again. Here he is. Here he is, but he'll dad was to unbox and just to keep his man card That's it. Yeah, I could take a picture with Oscar de la Jolla. He'll be at all the fights. That's it He has a podcast. It's all boxing too. So who's this? Oh, he does my Lopez does he does?

So he really knows this shit that he must I think he like hangs around the fires and so you watch a lot of boxing or no Um, I do. Yeah, I do you're gonna watch that fury I'll be I'm working it. You're working it. Yeah, I'll be working what you're calling it Uh, I'll have something to do with that fight. Yeah, I thought you it's you I didn't know you work Boxing outside of outside of MMA. Yeah. Yeah, I worked for showtime But for boxing. Yeah, dude, I didn't know that that's awesome. Yeah, thanks So you can't like obviously give a prediction, but you think it's gonna be a good fight great fight phenomenal fight It's probably gonna be I don't know if they've announced it between Vegas around november

11th it's coming up. Yeah, it's coming up. I would go to that. That sounds great fight. Yeah great fight. Water's a great dude Yeah, dude. Love him. I really like his um I mean, you know, I guess the knock people have had is that they're like you haven't fought top to your talent But he is Devastating a great dude and then Tyson fury has a personality. It's gonna be a good fight I look forward to the um The you know the build up the press conferences talking shit talking real what do what do you guys watch? Like when you guys are chillin you guys Netflix and chill. What do you guys watch?

I got you beat like I work for bravo. Like it just started Oh, we love bravo. We watch bravo all the time. Huge jeff lewis fans. We're so excited for flipping out to come back Say no more fam. So what about like real housewives or we're not real housewives married to medicine Below deck below deck The sunset. Yeah, what's up? MJ, how about your boy? Season's brennan june all seven season, dude. I love that show. Yes I believe how much fucking farcey we've listened to in this

Dude, you guys will love it then because uh, I leave tomorrow. It's my first day shooting. It's like What are you shooting for bravo? So it's a it's a talk show that doing it's me jerry o'Connell and uh, it's produced by andy kohen and my Love andy kohen. How many jobs do you have man? I don't know man. I mean, I need to pick a lane. This dude's got multiple podcasts I know he's doing stand-up. He's got a showtime mma slash boxing An exhausting night. I mean really? Yeah, I'm exhausted. So what's your what is your bravo's fun?

That's fun. That's fun. The fun is the most fun. What's the most fun stand up by far? If someone held a gun in my head and was like, hey, you can only do Or whatever if you can only do one thing you'd be stand up and what's your bet? What's the best job for you? What's the most loot? How you be getting lucrative the most podcast? I have last stand-ups right there. Right there. That's great on the road. Yeah stups. Yeah, business is booming. But daddy's doing well Daddy's doing well daddy daddy about a purple Porsche. I saw that. I know it's really holy shit I was getting gold rims on it. So the thing is though, um, I uh

Between podcasts and stand-up, but if if I want to go on the road more standard would beat it But I mean, yeah, yeah, that's great. Can we please talk about this bravo hookup? Yeah Now are you friends with um the Shaw's? I mean, I'm gonna be have you been sir. You've been working with Andy Andy's the producer on this and I fly out. Um, literally tomorrow 6 a.m. To do isn't new york. It's new york, but it's gonna be filmed in LA So we're shooting the first four in new york and then uh, and it's gonna be you and like co-hosting Yeah, so it's it's kind of like the think of like the view but for due to watch bravo

We're gonna watch it. I love it. If you don't have me as a guest, I'm gonna fuck you up Yeah, definitely man. No, I would love to do that. Do you know jerry connellato? I know who he is a great He's a great. Is it just you two? No, it's two other guys. Who are the other guys? I can't say the other guys The press release comes out tomorrow. Let me tell this won't be out until uh, uh, Like midnight tuesday night. Yeah, I should probably wait just so I don't get in trouble. I can tell you off here Okay, okay. Yeah, they're weird about this. No, I guess it's michael davies who did like who wants to be a millionaire Uh below the belt all these huge shows and then um, andy cohen Jerry O'Connell myself

Yeah, I love bravo stuff, man. We watch all that stuff. You really are Doing like a crazy amount of stuff. Yeah, I know. Yeah, I mean it's good Like this is the time to do it man. Yeah, you're not gonna do this when you're 50. No, I don't know. I couldn't no I couldn't yeah, I feel like eventually I had to pick a lane Have you ever seen this video of this guy? You're killing it. Uh, thank you You Now that one's funny. Oh, you like that one. Do you know why I like it? Tell me well, I can't understand what they're saying Okay, and like well, it's portuguese. It's portuguese. Okay, he got 200 volt

He died immediately. He died? Yeah. No way Oh, oh my god. See because I thought that small of a shock won't kill him. Yeah, I feel like wow I mean he fell down. Yeah, we're not doing well. Have you have you seen mr. Hands? Yes Dude, please don't face. Well, we'll be right back. Oh my god. He um See, it's a funny scream and it's like old timey. That was an old ass thing But how is that different than the taiwanese guy? I don't know. You didn't like another one they showed Yeah, there was a man who had his legs crushed. No, he did not this poor taiwanese gentleman

Uh, and you know, here's what I didn't like though because he was screaming in agony and pain And then people kind of weren't helping him and it was prolonged like that was just a fast Here it is. This is the view. See this right? No, see watch Oh my god, he's so seapad And it just goes on and on like it's too long. It's too depressing Guys, but it goes on it's too long. I feel like oh my god Nobody's helping him I feel like he's okay though. He is. Yeah, he's fine

Indifference that guy doesn't give a shit. Do you never tell the Asians man? Yeah Yeah By the way, we had an update a week ago or two weeks ago That um from a taiwanese press where this happened that said that um, he just had bruises. He wasn't even like how do you He know that we read it on the show Yes, I know but now in retrospect because it was in the news there, you know, why don't like he was like And like looked and waited like he's kind of cool and apparently he was just saying that because we were always like

What is he saying? We don't know what he's saying. He was saying stuck the equivalent of stuck Stuck You don't say that if you're dying. Yeah, I know no no if you're dying you just go You know why I like the electrocution one Oh, tell me because that one's just like a cartoon beat like it's a fast. It's it's quick You don't see his face. It's a good quick punch line that one. I get to know that dude, you know what I'm saying Oh my god, this guy hit the ground. Yeah, I don't like this. I was yeah You better do something

I would never do this one ever pros cons I've done it Oh That one's way worse. It's pretty happy. That one's way worse. It's hilarious, but that's way it sounds like he blew He blew out his knees It's that super funny to you It's pretty funny. I don't know why it's funny. See yeah, I don't know why if I know he's okay. It's funny. Yeah The thing is you can't control it like when you get hurt. There's no way to be tough about it. Yeah. No

What's the most horrific injury you've had I've been fortunate man. I've been you know, I mean Did your mom freak when she saw you doing this stuff? Uh, yeah, my dad like wouldn't sleep at night and stuff. I can't imagine my son fighting. I can't imagine I know I never had a bad injury. Fighting does seem crazy fighting seems crazy. You know that one time when I was When I was in high school playing ball was like one of those weeks where my Dad was out of town. So my my mom doesn't know anything about football

Like she would watch entire games and be like I was watching the other guy like that, you know, it doesn't know But a game like one of the only games she went to alone just to be like supportive you balled out No, I went to an ambulance took me to the hospital. Damn. Yeah, what happened? On a punt coverage Like as the whistle blew and like, you know, you're running full speed And then you're you're slowing down, right? Like you're slowing your sprint down One of the a guy took out my legs and I went up in the air and landed on my tailbone Damn broke tailbone. I didn't break it

But they didn't know what was wrong because I was like, oh when you land on it Yeah, you never know paralyzed and they were like you go in the hospital Did you did you have aspirations to play in college or probe green one of those guys? I I didn't know how Like much I didn't know, you know, I mean ignorance is bliss. It is I was like, oh man Like I'll probably play it like Auburn or something I really did I had no idea All right, it's right come down to Florida State Auburn for me. I mean, I really thought that I'm not kidding That's how everyone is though. I guess I mean, I've told the story before the the time that I didn't

Like because the thing is when you're in high school, it's such a different game because of the Like you can make plays all the time be like, I mean, I'm good, right? It's not in there. Yeah. Yeah, and so when I when I I thought I'm a decent I mean, I knew I was above average Yeah, but I didn't know the difference between above average and elite And even though there was guys in my team that were elite and I was just like, you know, you kind of are in denial about It's like being in denial about anything. You're like, well, I beat them in this this this Yeah, it's like you see the same I see the same denial. I'm sure you do in stand-up like sometimes you're like I don't know why this person still doing this after like 15. Yeah. Yeah, but then they still do it. Yeah

But I feel like I feel like uh, I don't mean to interrupt you don't I feel like in Stand-up, it's very black and white and you're like, well, you're not gonna laugh though, man You're not something on the road. Here's the other thing too. I always measured this in stand-up where it was like year one and then I was like is year when I got to year two I was like, am I better at stand-up and I'm working more. I'm getting more work. Yes, and that's how I would measure it I'd be like, man, you know, I was I was emceeing and now I'm featuring So like I'm definitely making progress and all I ever wanted to see was progress

And and then you you know, you you can start to measure the quality of what you're doing And there's definitely a lot of people that are delusional in in all entertainment singing acting You know, but it's stand-up. You can kind of see it. You're like you're making zero progress After 10 years and sometimes people just you know, they dip out of stand-up. You can chill a lot longer But you can't do to took Kevin Hart 15 years. Yeah. Yeah, I guess But in football, it's like no no schools. No school. I should play for the team. It's very black. Come on I you know, I had like I got like the d2 and d3 record letters and and I had a couple you did Yeah, yeah, sure. These are split baller people that don't know that

I probably have them still in it. I've known you for a million years. I never knew that They send you like they send you form letters though. So like we're we uh, We're impressed with how strong you are on the gridiron and in the classroom I'm like my grades are terrible It's just like a form letter, but it's yeah, it's kind of thrilling you open it. You know, you're like it's kind of cool So I would get some of these but I was like, I don't want to go Holy Cross, man I want to go to fucking, you know Floor states I'm gonna hold out to Michigan and when I exactly and when I went on

I went on a trip with a guy in my team who was a legit baller And we went on the field to watch Syracuse play Miami at Miami And when those guys came out of the tunnel and they were standing next to me pregame I was like, there's a no. I don't look like these guys. I was like, I would die On the scout team here. I would die. Yeah, I mean it hit me that it was My level of delusion went away in an instant. I was a junior in high school So I was a good thing to recognize. It shows your smarts though. Yeah It shows your intelligent level because a lot of guys there's a lot of guys who even they see that and they go

I can still do it then somehow they walk on where they're just scout team guys and you're like, dude, you're Never gonna play and they're gonna put you through the ring and like dude Rudy did it I'm like, well, no, he had one fucking play played for five years. They let him play one play And he's off sides. You know what I'm saying? Like this doesn't I would have been massacred I mean, I probably if I was one of those because there's these psycho guys that love the game so much that they're like I'm I'll suffer no matter what because I love this game And I'm definitely not that person

But there's guys like that and stand up too. That's true You gotta bomb 5 000 times so you can call yourself a comedian or you just suck at comedy I'm like, no, that's not true. Like I know some of the greats say that I don't agree with that I think if you bombing if you're bombing that much out of a thousand times, you don't have any bits that anyone laughs at We all we all bomb if you bomb all the time. Yeah, here should be a comment I remember me and Burt were talking. I think it was on his podcast. He goes Yeah, he was yeah me and tom realized that you're really gonna do this comedy thing because We're at the store in the back and you were bombing

And I was like what he was and then we came back and you're like, oh god That's again, shit happens man. We said that's what Burt said. He's an exaggerator. Yeah, I'm sure it's a rough night though There's rough nights, man. There are rough nights, of course You should have rough nights. Hell. Yeah, if you're like, I've had great shows. That means you've done stand up like eight times Yeah, I only have great shows. Yeah, but you also shouldn't be bombing every single night. That's true That's for sure. Yeah, that's true, man. No, it is it is crazy. I mean you played at that elite level I mean, I definitely would have died. I would have didn't they would have did you know I could have been that kid who's like I could be a scout team fullback or something

And then some guys just the bad ass me. Yeah, they're just like, uh, we gotta get you neck surgery this You know, thanks for your and then I'm just like, I just love the team so much Like they they just put it for the team. I just like Ram style diving I'm not gonna be able to look left or right for the rest of my life See, this is the benefit I have with my kids is uh, I've been at a high level in multiple sports I'm like homeboy in probably in freshman or high school. I'm like, we gotta pick a different lane This you're not you can tell right away if the aptitude is there. Yeah, pretty pretty close. Yeah. Yeah, you can right

I remember a guy coach coming. He's like You uh Like you guys just all you all you worry about is your speed So just work on your speed. I'm like, what if you're already fast? He was like, yeah, you too, man Got that check. What else you got bro? What else man? What else from from the short way kid? What else you got dog? I'm trying to put on weight. He's like that's going pretty well So anything else? I was like, so I got it. I'm fast

I'm eating Yeah, no those those people are different man. They're totally different Yeah, yeah, it's like an eight. What what uh I'm gonna segue from sports or what other shows you guys watch though. Oh, I mean all bravo. We love it. What about netflix? Yeah, no, we definitely worried with el chopo He does he loves it bro. Do you speak spanish? Of course. I'm almost done I'm almost done. I'm in season three like episode 11 or 12. I'm on 12 It's really good. The whole the series is great. It's brilliant and I was talking about I was talking

I was putting out the doubt when when I was pressing play originally. I was like Look not to talk a lot of shit, but a lot of these latin american productions are whack like when you watch You know a show that airs on telemundo or some shit. Yeah, you're like man, this is this is not the same That show the writing the directing the cinematography everything is tremendous You ever go back and you can they'll show some of it But you can go back and watch like major scenes in el chopo's life where he got arrested or when he escaped from prison and you watch when they recreate it and it is Yeah, I can spot it from small details to everything. I wonder how much I mean

You can tell you know what parts are a hundred percent true I wonder like if how much of that of like other Characters exaggeration. Yeah, or completely made like the conrado character. It's like which one's the You know the secretary of state the gay guy real fun. I mean, I mean he was gay You know who knows what he's doing that side piece and if you like to get his ass But is that based on a real guy? That's a real guy. That definitely is a hundred percent. Okay, a hundred percent. Yeah My girl's Mexican as fuck and I ask her my caliber legit is that she's like pretty legit And she'll bring me like the actual the guy I never looked it up. Yeah, I get balls deep in that stuff. Oh, yeah

I love that guy that plays those chopper. He's excellent. Here's my thing. What's what is this? I'm boy gonna do. He's like the girl on those freaking, you know on those The insurance ads. Oh, right. Well, I don't know though because like what I'll see he's gonna be capped He's a better type of a chameleon because when he should when he's when he's El Chapo You know like breaking in to the business and then when he's Uh, when they fast forward to the new york with his head shape. It's the same at all of them. He looks like El Chapo That's it. I think he's screwed. Bro. I think he's pretty good. No, I was thinking about hiring him for my pocket some shit I think he's screwed, dude

What's our oh, we're gonna get back into Ozarks. Yeah, I watched the first two I couldn't get into No, shit. No, really, but I'm also a guy who took seven years to get on with game of thrones Yeah, I've tried twice. I can't Man, that was strange. I couldn't either and then I was denying. Yeah, what happened. How did you get into it? I don't know. I would need a show. I was bored. I was like, let me check this shit out Oh, I was on a plane with the the writer the creators of it I was on a plane and I thought they were on uh, they're from always sending in philadelphia and then went, yeah They go, yeah, we're shooting in uh in uh, iron this year. I went Ireland Jesus always sending philadelphia

You guys really went Hollywood. You guys bring it all the way to Ireland and then the it's a private plane Just goes silently go and we do game of thrones, man. I went, oh, shit And then I started talking to them and they were just fascinating dudes. I'm like, I gave it a shot and then it was damn good Damn good. I saw I know it's good. I think it was the pilot and I was like man dragons. I'm watching this. I know that's how I was bro Man, yeah, I feel like it's Lord of the Rings. I know there's people just rolling their eyes right now being like Tom You fuck. I was the same, bro. Here's another thing. I've never seen sparranos Now that's my jam right there. I love that. I've never seen it the whole series twice not the whole thing

Oh, you got to watch it. I've seen a bunch of episodes. I've never seen you love it No, I don't love it, but I I recognize like it is definitely quality. You know what I mean? I just I never Fully embraced. I'm not that fond of Italians. So like I'm I just you know, they got new nerves I just think they have so much misguided pride. They kind of just turn me off. You know, that's fair. Yeah Like your dad said, love it. Do you watch? Oh My family said that's Yeah, my dad is like the Italians things like you never think of like Italians, you know, like the cockroaches of Europe

See I'll watch where it's I'll watch like born this way on tlc. You've seen that the kids with uh Down syndrome. Oh, jeez. You watch that. Yeah, why it's it's I don't know. It's interesting Okay, it's like a bunch of kids are down when I say kids You don't realize how old they're some are like 40 45 in the first place kids. No, they're grown ass folks It is born this way. Yeah, my 90 day fiance, you know Oh, yeah, no, we fuck with that. Yeah, we um, we fuck with uh lost in transition. We just lost in transition tlc was amazing Which one is lost in oh hold up. It's like when you like before you get right when I was Charles Schwab. Yeah

Yes, that was a good one. That's a really about homeboy who's just married with a girl baby. I was like, yo, babe I'm gonna be a girl and he like it's like if I shaved and I was like Just put on a dress. I was like, I feel like a woman and then they go to their friends. Like, yo, Dave is now Dana Yeah, and I'm like, how come How can people keep look like saying that I'm a guy Well, he gets so mad too. They'd be at the nail salon. He's fucking please like you dude with the dress on nails Yeah, and then upset about yeah, he's like people are saying that was a guy. He's like the fuck, you know I was like, this is so annoying and look and also it's like I mean

I Feel like, you know, he went to get that surgery consultation Yeah, you know, we could do this to your eyebrows and your face and all the stuff Also, it's like bro. You could take the diet a little seriously You know, I wouldn't kill you either, bro. Like I would do the diet first. That's what I'm saying adjust from there Yeah, it's like he's like he's like everybody's like you look like a dude still it's like, yeah, but man You look like brenner lecker with a wig on come on Like dude, how can we not go for a morning run every morning or just eating croutons and water like do that

Dude, I was in uh, spokane washington doing shows and I was taking an uber Again, this uber and it's like I'm like, damn. That's the biggest girl I've ever seen. I don't give a fuck It's this little shitty honda, but it is wreck it Ralph in this honda. I'm fucking shoulders Dress big arm. I'm like, damn her shoulders are bigger mind son. I get in and turns around and it's like It's fucking, you know me with a wig on yeah, yeah, just turned around. I was like No, that guy actually looked like bill bellichick with a wig. I feel like What he transitioned it was not good. It's never good, but it's like, you know His or her arms are like you tell like a little harry. It's just like you gotta try harder and try harder

Yeah, try harder, but then there's also limitations. They're not even being cool at the gun store to me Yeah, of course, just just put makeup on doesn't mean like oh, it's a chick like there's some steps You gotta go. Wouldn't it be amazing if bill bellichick was like i'm transitioning And then they're like, how's your transition going? He handled it the same way that he does football questions. He'd be like, it's fine So we're playing the shoes this week. It's fine. And um, I feel good about it. Yeah, I actually know who bill bellichick is We've had him on the show. I mean the clips on the show. Yeah, we have yeah if we had him not a lot of personality No, it'd be a terrible show. That'd be a terrible show Maybe that would be the show how terrible

You know, can you imagine if with oh that's what I was gonna say. Can you imagine how heartbreaking to be? You know, you guys have two kids I'm not saying i'm against it. All i'm saying is if my son when he's 14 was like dad I feel like a girl man. I'm gonna start rocking dresses. No more football. Yeah, it's not like I'd be like, oh, this is Terrible get out of my house, but it'd take a hot second to accept it. Of course. I'm not you're like, bro Who gives a fuck am I right suck that course? I'd like give me a Give me give me the night. Let me sit on this. Yeah No, I'm gonna be cool. And especially is your son. He's gonna be huge like you

It's the I always what I was feeling bad for are these guys that are just so big and they really are never gonna pass You know what I mean? There's like so much you can do. Yeah. Well, have you ever? We had her on our show Christina back Kristen back Kristen back Right for this one. So she was he Previously was a male when the top Navy seals in the world. Oh Transitioned and doing a woman. I've heard I've read about this in the new straight up badass navy seal

Always felt like a woman and then one of her, you know Navy seals he was okay. He this way told him he's okay. You want to have drinks on my boat? He's like, yeah, come over. He used to always come over and he left his dress on and he just said his friend came over Who's also a seal was like, all right, it's cool, man That's what you like. Don't let the other guys find out about it though. Like just do your shit But get on the side man. Yeah, it's crazy and then now and we went out to went out to lunch after with her And again, it's a fucking navy seal man. Yeah, looks like put lipstick on Put lipstick on mascara. Here's kind of iffy kind of like line a little longer dress and just fucking

Yeah, diesel out and like, I don't know what the fuck you're gonna stand. I'm like, bro. Are you shitting me? Like it's a tough go man. Well, the problem with that tv show Is that their makeover people are in the midwest and so they give them these terrible mom haircuts And like they make them up, but I'm like come to la dude. First of all Jenner you're wack right christy If you're not in la Wack if it's not la it doesn't count bro. Let's go to Beverly Hills, right? I do think you know that get your head I mean, I do think her for a makeover

I mean, you really should go to one of the big cities. Yeah, don't do it if you're like, I want to look like a chick It's my first come to la my new york, Atlanta Yeah, yeah, I'd go to the best Yeah, I mean you can't you can't be like I'm doing my I'm doing my transition at Omaha. I hope it goes well No, oh, they don't know what they're doing. Also what you do. You just get them fat injections into your ass Yeah, so at least you have a blob ass. You got a dress on a summer kind of picture you transitioning to a woman Not pretty. I'm gonna add some dsls for lips. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, let me say but yeah, you're very I mean He's so bad. You got a nice head of hair. I bet you could grow out your hair grow out my hair shave my face though

Yeah, you got high cheekbones. He's got a good structure. Yeah, but it's not I know It's like I got like that scar tissue like I'm never gonna fool anyone. No They're all gonna be your hands are big too. That's the problem. The hands are big as fuck Did you imagine with those nails on his big-ass hand? I know it would not be you see it all It's like sometimes I mean big bitches just stand out if you're at the mall and you see like a six foot I feel bad for I feel bad for those girls. Yeah size like 14 Damn girl, it's just big-ass. Yeah, what do you dress? I know it looks like they like sewed together two pairs of shoes

It's like ski boots bro. I just feel bad for him. I'm like you're in front of forever 21. You know goddamn Well, there's nothing that fits you in there. What are you gonna do? I don't notice that I know it's funny because you'll see the big shoes. You bite some big-ass shoes and then you're like Well, yeah, what's she supposed to she's six two. She's gonna wear size fives. Yeah, but where do you get those? No, I know They run. I'm sure they have a limb. I mean she probably goes to stores like I'm not like Shrek, but there's certain Like stores I cannot I can't even walk in like even though you know some of your no-no Oh hundred percent which ones can you like definitely not go into?

Uh, I can't go into like Abercrombie and Fitch that ain't happening. I can't pack son So like they're they're they're double acts that I'm like, do you have a triple acts like that's embarrassing So I don't do it banana republic. No way But I'm j crew's iffy some of their double X's fit. It's I hate I hate Shopping for shirts. I love it. No, I like clothes. I'm saying I I hate that like my body size is one where I can walk into a store Put on XL and it fits almost like fits big on something and the very next door the double XL fits me like a medium Yeah, like it's always it's never consistent everywhere. I go is yeah jeans jeans for me jeans

That's the worst. I know it's so hard to find jeans that fit perfectly. It is Oh my god to find your brand. Do you think this guy's gonna have success? He decided to not do the tender online thing. He just posted that I'm a really I'm really looking for a girlfriend. It's not a joke great vision Just tried Jesus that's tired of the single scene and hoping to meet the right person

I'm a professional artist creative person. You know who you are to me each and every person is beautiful Open to the possibility of the relationship morphing something more profound. Here's the thing this photo He could be a nice guy. He could absolutely tie you up in a basement. Yeah, he will wear your face. Yeah He definitely Like I like to bash people's knees. Yeah, watch them scream lick their ass. He looks nice. I think he looks nice What I think it's not a psycho who took that picture. There's some worms dude those eyes are open No one was like hey bro smile. Yeah, he's got one. So look at the the width of the eyes open And what but one time the other like he's up to something. He looks like a bank robber

Okay, who's crazier though this guy or the toothless guy putting out instagram videos every week making Oh, yeah No, that guy's more of a psycho that guy is definitely doing dude was that is that in LA where that psycho just posted? I don't know where that is. You know what the sad thing is some lonely girl at a coffee shop's like He looks friendly to me of course Um, no, she's talking about this guy um You know

At that He's just always putting out, you know, damuel, he don't want a black woman. He's he's in arkansas Yeah, I think he's racist. He looks like he uses the n word every day. Is that a funny look? Yeah It's like you see a guy like this like burt and you're like that guy is comfortable with it. Yeah, I don't trust that guy Like purr, you know, I mean, you know, look I'm talking about You know, but wait, but who's crazier? You think toothless or Oh, toothless guys. Oh, see, I think flyer guys worse. Really? Yeah What's your theory? Go ahead. Well, go ahead. I think the flyer guy

For him to put that up leave it there and then for not to smile or anything. That's true. It's so scary It does show a certain um, he's crazy obliviousness to society and like Yeah, smiling's good. It brings people in a little warm smile. Maybe put a some sort of holiday sweater on I don't know something or just be online. Like why isn't he on? Yeah, yeah Because you're gonna find out too much about him. He did even give his name Well, it's it's blacked out. But yeah, it's on the first one. Yeah. Yeah, it's not one of those tickets. Yeah, these bunnies are huge This one had they play with the kids. Uh, yeah, this one will tolerate everything. Yeah, because the kids like grab their ears Yeah, oh, yeah, right? I know I wish there was someplace you could go

Where you could just make love to someone. Okay. Well, play them nicely though Treat them nicely that little steak in a dick suck, bro. Yeah They go their way you go your way. Yeah. Yeah, it's called prostitutes. That's a good time, bro Yeah, I don't wake in online to do this. Just fucking go the back pages, bro. I mean, what's what's his problem? I forgot about that Yeah, that's big still sex trafficking. Seriously booming booming. What really? Yeah, they say it's gonna I just know they said it's gonna take over a drug trafficking. Wow human trafficking That's great. Now. Who do you think is uh, sorry to bring this party down. Yeah, what do you think? Who's crazier to you the guy who posts that sink like that take my number sure sure

I'm looking for a relationship the guy with no teeth right there. Okay, or okay. Nope You won't believe how good If you're straight, you won't believe how good it feels your dick had become so sensitive That you don't need to vomit spit You just stroke that dick head this up and down four times. It's this hot bear to do it And you'll shoot an enormous amount of very thick. Is he selling something hot white come I mean, he's saying if you smoke meth, you'll get super hard. Oh, that was his that's his thing. Yeah Oh, wow, but then do you want to do meth? Then it's like your dick. I mean he will

He he seems like the most the most normal One of the three what I he didn't even light himself this guy the other guys at least no one put bad lighting What is this right here? So when was the last time you got off? Jesus christ A couple of days. Wow. She has a hoodie shirt. We have a nice big build-up in there, don't you? We have a lot of sticky come in those balls. That's someone's mom, bro. That's someone's mom, bro The hooter shirt on So nasty

All the sticky come I'll make you come I think the the cum guy's the nastiest you think so The guy talking about sucking heads. Yeah, dude. Like that guy just He's he has a real nice guy because in one of those videos He's like I'll just let anyone suck my dick when I'm on meth like like it's a gift that he's offering He's like I'm I get so hot and horny that anyone who wants to blow me can go ahead and blow me See at least he's up front. The other guys. I don't trust. Yeah, I don't feel like that guy I feel like that guy's gonna let me suck his dick and move about his day. Yeah, the other guys your safety's

And I've ever did in my life And I do a long face. Okay. I love to get blowjobs and I tell you what I tell you what to get out and wait When I'm so fucked up and hot and horny on meth. I let anybody suck and get me a blowjob. Oh, thanks, man It's a nice you let anybody do it. That's nice. Oh, wow, dude. You're a good guy. You're a real giving kind of guy It's really cool. Yeah, so I think it bothers me. They have to sneak into the bathroom of this restaurant to tell you the Secrets, you know, like I can tell you something right now. Yeah That's a weird part pretty pretty cool. Here's this lady. I know you'll like this this, uh, lady's getting tasered for a test Oh, cool. Have you seen this? Yeah

Oh, no, she's not gonna let it happen I She farted babe, did she she farted during it? Yeah, I didn't hear it. Yeah, I mean either shoes are terrible That poor lady yeah in front of everybody It's so embarrassing. It's so embarrassing Nothing worse man. Totally nothing worse. Do you fart in front of your lady? Never. No, I keep it sexy. How do you do that? Not once. How do you so what do you do when you got bad farts? What do you do? I I fricking I put the silencer on him with a pillow or something. You know what I'm saying?

Or now we have a kid. I'll be like damn. He smells like shit Does she fart in front of you? No, I don't know. Homie don't play that. Wow Keep it sexy, man Shit give it a few years. I mean it's been like five You ever when she had the baby she didn't fart in front of you. No. No homie don't play that Did you see her give birth? She did a c-section. I saw the c-section. I was traumatized Check back by the way before I forget

Please at the online store at merchmethod.com slash tom segura. There should be the new Piss on me beat me socks. Oh, wow And And I actually know a lot of people like this vinyl from disgraceful is now going to be on sale. So check this week Check on wednesday thursday friday for the new vinyl from disgraceful the the netflix special Love it. Yeah, so check out that. Um, both should be on in the store this week. Somebody added this I don't know if you saw to the imdb page. Oh, shit for um the movie that i'm in that's coming out in november Instant family. Uh-oh that uh the trivia item tom

Shagura who plays russ in this film holds the title of us water chain He and his wife christina b are outspoken advocates for wearing ones jeans high and tight And it's free time. He hangs out with his friends in the four stroke gang. So really really childish My favorite is 13 of 13 found this interesting We're really childish inappropriate and Did you like doing movies tom? I I think it's probably similar to a lot of people's experience where I had a lot of fun Uh working doing the when you're working

It's all the other shit around this is the hurry up and wait and all that and like you're traveling and like you're Hey, i'm fine. We need to come in tuesday And then you there tuesday and then it's like what am I doing tomorrow there? Well, you're not working tomorrow But you're there. What about thursday? Well thursday you're appearing in a montage That should take like 18 seconds. Yeah, and then friday you have a scene. You're like, why can't I okay? I know and then what about saturday sunday? We'll stay here because monday We might need but we don't know if we're shooting that thing monday, but then tuesday we're probably shooting That part. Have you ever done movies too? No. Do you want any desire? No

No, I like television. You like television tv. I like to be in people's living rooms I don't want to leave my house for a long time traveling. I don't like leaving the house You did some big movies you did? Well, yeah, I mean, I'm not like freaking Harrison Ford or anything. Yeah, but you I mean that I don't know if you can Tax collector. Yeah. Yeah tax tax collector. Shia LaBeouf David Ayers movie. Yeah, but what about the one I guess that you booked? Yeah, I can't talk about that. Yeah, okay. That one's big. That one's big. They're both big But it's different because I think coming from the world of podcasting and stand up where you're kind of the director of the ship and your time

You know, like I can't be gone monday through thursday. I have these other shows and those stuff have to do So if you're just an actor, that's fine. If they book you you're getting paid You're fine with those dates, but in the world that we do you can't leave that How are you going to manage all the other stuff when you do? Let's say the one of these movies that you can't talk about yet, but the one I know about I don't know Do you don't even know how you're going to do that? I don't know yet. Do you know if it shoots here in la? I do know. Yeah, it does. Yeah, that's a good thing. That's helpful I did two other small ones that they shot in la which was a huge huge, but I had like two days, you know

But yeah, I mean if you have all this other stuff you do I mean, I know they will they're not gonna be like, all right, cool man. No, that's another thing. They do not play It's not like oh, you're doing that. That's fantastic. No, we're like we own you I'm scheduling on that. Yeah, I know And then the day if you can't do it, you can't do it. It's not like that. That's fun to do it But it's not like it's your It's your baby. Um, yeah, it's kind of crazy. Well, I mean, that's awesome Are you gonna are you looking forward to doing more or do you not care? I don't know. I don't know man

I just go you just go I just go for work. It's not great. If not, um It's exciting so many different things you can try out and see what you like you try it out Yeah, try it out see which lane you want to be in. Yep, right? I know I get a pick of lane It's awesome. It is but it's cool that you get to even try all the way super grateful. Yeah, super fortunate Yeah, you can do all kinds of cool stuff. Yeah. Yeah, you got to literally try it out Try it out. Um, all right, we got to get running here. Uh, is there anything else gene? I was gonna compliment you on your genes are very tight and very high. Thank you. I usually wear tighter ones But oh, guys. Yeah, these are a little looser. I love that you're into the fashion game. Oh, dude

What kind of genes are these? These are What are these do you spend an extraordinary amount of money on clothes? I typically do but then I also, you know, I work for bravo and e like I work the emmy's for e next monday So I have you're working the emmy's working the emmy's. What are you doing? I do the the pre and post show for e. Yeah I've done the academy awards the oscars. What do you do fashion part of it? Both fashion and the like the commentary on like the reaction. No, I'm not like, oh, here we got rick and will smith

Will how you feeling tonight? No, I'm not that guy. So what is it? It's like, uh, there's like, uh, four of us Yeah, we can steward the gang and we like comment on who we think's gonna win. Oh, okay and stuff like that Oh, really? Yeah, but you do love it. So they they hook you up with some cool fashion. Yeah, I get some cool stuff. That's great That's great. So what are your genes you tell? I didn't tell you I know these are frame from their la company frames. Okay. They're very cool My favorites are g-star. Those are nice. I have I have those. Yeah, I have though. I have a black bear. Nice um Our closing song is called sensitive dickhead

Cool By ryan And I think it's that guy cool Italians are the cockroaches of Europe. I forgot that my daddy used to say that. Oh, yeah, and gypsies. He hated gypsies, too Dad from where a hungry both my parents Yeah, really openly talks about the rotten rohan rohan. See guys. I appreciate it though. Yeah And in spain, they would openly do that. She did like hit on us in mire. Always

Always Um, thank you for coming. Yeah. Thank you guys. We always love having you in You can always check out the fighter and the kid You have a what's the fight below the belt podcast below the belt podcast You can be on bravo. He's doing the emmy's got movies. I'm in vancouver on the 13th What are you doing down cougar stand up comador theater out there stand up vancouver and then after that i'm in chicago at schaumberg improv Schaumberg improv is the 20th and the 22nd of september don't forget to order the chicken at the club

Is it nice? It's really good. Um, go see brennan schaub. He's hilarious. Great guy. Listen to his shows and um, We'll see you guys next time. Thanks, buddy. Bye, james That's nice Hey When he snuck with me he parted his dick i can't believe how big his dick was. He jacked off in four strokes and it shows the country every shot he has I don't know what makes me excited I Know

After that he lays on He John Kids is unbelievable What you are harder and harder and more I smoke harder my dick kids is unbelievable You can't even believe me now You won't believe After that he lays on

He asked you to shit in his mouth Mr. John he jumped me to poop on the schaumberg He had just unbelievable Just unbelievable It's unbelievable I It's nice but You don't need