Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - 471-Annie Lederman-Your Mom's House with Christina P and Tom Segura

Episode Date: October 24, 2018

The internet giveth and we taketh with pride! We have a solo act that we think you're all really going to like in a drug hazed, terrifying kind of way.  Tommy can find comfort in an Aussie mate who also has what appears to be a most disloyal wife! Plus what makes you feel better than really cheap people who express how cheap they are on a reality show. Listen and you'll see what we mean.  And the very funny and open Annie Lederman joins us in studio. She shares incredible and sometimes enraging stories about her upbringing and she's hilarious. Almost forgot we found a gem of a Rosie O'Donnell movie that we can't wait to watch. We have a sneak peek!

very exciting times I have a cold which is not exciting but nevertheless we're here doing another episode of your mom's clam and let's see Jean yeah I've got a couple things coming up this weekend I'll be in Fresno and Bakersfield Bakersfield has some single seats left so you'd have to sit alone but you could get in there's probably 30 tickets left Fresno has a few more that's this weekend Friday and Saturday then in a couple weeks I go to Fartmeyer's Florida November first some tickets there Jacksonville has some single seats left that's on the second Orlando's all sold out and there's a few tickets left in Augusta

that's that first weekend in November Augusta that's right single seats left on the Wednesday in Montclair that's the 14th Montclair at the Wellmont Theatre then I go to fill her up Delphia and the only show with some tickets is the late show Friday I'm doing four shows at the Miriam Theatre in Philly Delphia and I will be Friday and Saturday there the late show the 16th of November has tickets very excited to announce that I added some stuff for the new tour the 2019 take it down tour and here's what I got that was just just added we just added a third show in San Diego on January 12th we just added a third show

in Oklahoma City on January 22nd a third show in Dallas Texas on January 27th at the majestic a second show in Pittsburgh on Valentine's Day that's a second show in Pittsburgh and a second show in Portland, Maine on March 26 those are all at TomSugarra.com slash tour Jean well first of all October 30th mark your calendars the degenerates premieres on Netflix so check that out and then 2019 yes I'm gonna be announcing a 2019 tour on October 30th so check back for those dates and cities on Christina Pete online now in the meantime before I hit the road I'm running my hour at Flapeyre's comedy

club this Sunday in Sperm Bank in the Yoohoo room it's a tiny room I like to do small shows before I do big ones it's kind of how you guys see us make the sausage the comedy sausage so to speak so get your tix there's like a few tix yeah a few left yeah man November 10th West Siloam Siloam Springs Oklahoma at the Cherokee Casano on November 24th I've added a late show in San Diego at the House of Blues the 10 p.m. show filler up Delphia we added a late show December 7th and then December 8th Jewdark titties added a late show at the Gramercy Theater and those tickets are almost completely gone again Christina Pete

online thank you I love you yeah hey I like it I like it okay okay all right all right your mom your mother and I Tommy say it your mother and I are looking forward to this next chapter all right your mother and let's let's get into this gene your mother and I very exciting stuff big show okay ready yeah here we go here we go home oh that guy looks totally normal though I piss rattles snakes yeah and drink while I spit rattlesnakes and pissed dandelion I sleep out under an oak tree when the moon is full

who is Randy don't bring anyone loving to this welcome to your mom's house with Tom Segura Christina Pajit you wrote this in my book says focus Christina you wrote this your writing what's the last word I can't read it you're writing kiss let me see did you write me I write you something in there yeah that's your writing isn't it yeah that is we like to a little focus Christina focus focus you know what I like a little known mom we'll let you in on a very intimate mommy's secret is that Tom and I since we first started seeing each other we always have these

comedy notebooks you always see me scribbling yeah and we would go into the deep pages and write each other messed up messages or draw pictures of dicks and balls our favorite thing to do on airplanes those magazines memories to draw dicks like on every page of the the sky mall catalog and then put it back it's great you know that's a gift to somebody who's sitting there sky mall magazine defacement is probably one of my favorite things we've done I forgot we should do that again yeah that's another thing you can do to spice things up how you doing how you feeling right now oh it's hired me a crazy weekend are both

our kids are sick everybody's getting sick you're getting sick the baby had a fever yesterday so I had to run him to the doctor and you know what they always say when you bring your kid in that's a virus be fine the worst part about me honestly getting sick is it during this goddamn challenge oh right and you know your body just wants to rest and I'm falling behind so the current standings right now right it's sober farttober it's sober October and the bane of my existence and there's not that much time left there's about a week left yeah and it had been pretty close for a while and then Joe went nuts yeah

a few days he knew he was going to yeah you knew was coming he's pulled far and away ahead of us yeah so really it's a competition now between Bert Ari and I which we kind of always knew it would be yeah it's been neck and neck but like yesterday I just couldn't do anything excessive yeah you know my body was just like you need to shut down yeah but then you're like fuck I you have to get something even on the low the whole thing is I've always gotten points every day yeah because if you let a day go by it's just it's you're you're in too deep of a hole so even if you walk around and get some points you know going on a

walk can you wear this telemetry strap just all day or you could can we put it on one of the dogs and have the dog run in the backyard yeah I don't think it'll register the dog won't like so but it's just one of those things like dude our kid runs all day put it on him I wish I could burn calories to be like you really very active he's so crazy yeah but like I just fucking I did great the day before I've been I've been doing it all month but man feeling like this doesn't make you want to run when you're sick you don't want to live yeah you want to do shit son so it sucks your will to live I know you'll hopefully

it'll be better soon it's got to take drugs I know what drugs to take day quill all right maybe I'll take some day take some day quill get yourself jacked you'll jack me up let's jack you off okay speaking of that opening clip doesn't that feel like your first six years in stand-up like every open mic oh I thought you meant like doesn't this feel like your retro your stand-up does that feel like to me like I got such a big smile when I saw this I was like this is what this show is all about I did an interview with Larry King that's right yesterday yesterday and it'll be out in a few weeks the week the movie comes out

and he was like who would you love to have on your mom's house and I was like I don't know man cuz I was like I don't know I started talking about I go we like trash TV like Bravo he was like what but I really wanted to say I should have said like a king-ass ripper that's exactly why I was thinking yeah I didn't real real talent real celebrity did say he was like he was like so what do you like on your show like you know we like to play like viral internet clips of like like a guy who's like a really high on meth and he just wants to invite strangers have sex with him he was like well I think that's the challenge of

writing the CBS pilot that we're doing right now is that so the other night I did a show at Flappers and I asked I answer people's questions they're like how's the pilot and I'm like you know what we're really trying to keep it real to what your mom's house is I mean within the confines of a network show yeah the spirit being the same the same yeah we can't have a guy being like I came in four strokes yeah so much thick hat come couldn't believe how big a stick was but I was gonna say that guy because I went to do a show at Barlu bitch and I was watching like younger male comics and the first six years it's just

masturbation like all they talk about is jerking your dicks which is fine I'm not and just saying it's just it reminded me of like oh yeah this is early comment oh this guy's got some other material if you want to see some of his stuff here let's get into it again I piss rattlesnakes yeah this is Matt Crass remember this guy while I spit rattlesnakes this is pissed dandelion yeah this is an open mic I sleep out under an open it is cut open this is like the bowling alley Kenoga Bowl Sunday night I fuck under covered darkness yeah black women only because the sun can't spy on them they're like animals like beasts

raccoons and foxes and sheets got a lot of shit wild and dangerous you know maybe I do like spoken word yeah this is pretty good stuff if it were like this yeah I'd watch this all day yeah I why are we so attracted this to this lights me up inside I think this guy is a hero you're me too I like poopy you say poopy in my face lights up and crazy people like I love Gigi Allen this fucking guy Steve life is smooth and pink times is sweet I love to taste that pussy me yeah pussy me drink the neck I like that crease oh well pussy is rhyming quite a bit it's good it's not bad drink the pussy mean eat the put and then drink the

nectar that it secretes I mean this is off the top of the dome pretty good somebody somebody needs to lay a beat under this oh I'm sure they will I like how it tastes like dandelion wine is that right like sassafras water to orange my spine the color of a mud puddle with shoots at the waterline hey I like to lick the petals of iron roses in the glass of Brian I mean this stream of consciousness is pretty impressive it's actually really good it sounds like he wants to get mudded it sounds like he may be under the influence of something no well but that's the whole thing is this drugs or mental illness what do you say

it's an interesting segment yeah we need a also intro music for mental illness or yeah drugs drug your mental yeah I'm gonna go the intensity of the eyes the cadence mm-hmm I'm gonna go mental illness maybe schizophrenia the stream of consciousness here mm-hmm cuz meth guy try out that guy's meth right we learn that yeah that's more aggressive a lot of shoulder this could be this guy could be mushrooms acid this you know maybe could be I'm feeling his intense eye contact that's mental illness to me all right the weird phrase is fashion to boat for my lover all guilt in ornamented with gold and silver yeah on

an Egyptian I once fashioned a boat for my love I just also feel like you know it's not high production yeah but the fact that he knows to have a microphone and a light and a camera on well wait a minute it's pretty good I just I mean this is not your typical your mom's house whoa wait a minute it's kind of framed semi-correctly I like the lighting the lighting is it's you know it's deliberate it's not right but it's it's a choice and but the biggest thing the biggest credit we have to give is audio it's clear wow you're right and I like his Iggy Pop thing he's kind of shirtless yeah the long weird hair you're

right this is kind of a revelation that gosh see now I'm going on for drugs because mental illness wouldn't have the where with right could be drugs yeah drugs you have the focus let us know sir what which is it where is she who wants to leave forever with me under the leaves twinkling in dark forestry and in under the waves of blind on blind and gripping tightly in the hand each a dusty rough chunk of time I tell you I feel North Carolina they got a lot of talented people so yeah that guy is pretty is that guy from North Carolina I have no idea but that's what I saw can he open for you yeah he could open for

me what if you brought this that's my new contest how insane can I make my openers be that would be so fun this guy's are open your audience come on cigar so if they knew what was going on it would be really fun you know if they knew we're like it's gonna be crazy at my shows I'm gonna bring out an absolutely I love this we could do like a gong show of people in the audience but if you just if you just surprised them whether there'd be a lot of disappointment you know yeah they got to be in on they got to be on well cuz this truly for more than 30 seconds you can't really sit through this it's

pretty painful yeah this is like open mic this is what you sit through for six years yeah if that bitch only knew she was getting mudded oh damn crew hey hey hey I'm just making sure our guest is on time there she's going to be a little bit late she is okay if that bitch only know she was getting mudded stupid we've been saying fuck the points lately we've been eating well yeah last night little grilled cheese we had in and out yesterday you gotta do it though but sick day you just want to eat every and you don't feel full ever on sick day now when you have a cold I know it's so weird like a bottomless pit I don't

understand I guess because your body is burning so much just to fight the illness that what it is it's my theory I was thinking about how disloyal you are and somebody sent in this club this is from a show in Australia where they test a guy's wife to see if she's FGT RTD they test the wife well yeah I should test the guy no we'll see what happened yeah okay what's the number one element to a successful marriage that's where you guys have to yell out trust what is it trust to see they might do detectives over there they're gonna be working for me today I'm about to make a call to my wife it's going to scare the bejesus out

of her and let's see if she's gonna trust her husband when the detectives knock on the door let's see how she goes this dude who obviously has a show has set up his wife so here's what he's doing okay he calls her in a panic and basically tells his wife that detectives are about to arrive at the house about a date a certain date and he's like lie to them and say I was home that day and that's it and then he just like he's like I got and then they knock on the door it's active and there's like hidden cameras but he really fucking throws her into a pan honey honey babe listen to me you are about to get a knock on the door by a

policeman now babe listen do you need to do me a favor and say to him that night that I was down in Adelaide for Lane my festival Friday Feb 2nd babe you need to tell him that I was with you okay I wasn't in Adelaide I was with you and the family here in Sydney just do it just do it babe go go torturing her what a dick fantastic what a dick offices he's not here at the moment okay do you know when he's behind no okay now she looks so nervous oh she is looking into talking to him about the incident happened in Adelaide we need to speak to him I'm sorry okay what am I gonna

be back do you know I think he's just taking a dog for a walk the incident occurred on February 2nd was he in Sydney or in Adelaide she says I can't remember so she they asked her specifically that day whether he was home in Sydney or in Adelaide on that day what time did he be back where he'll be back at 8 o'clock tonight 8 p.m. yeah and you can't remember any details from that night Friday February the second yeah I mean she's not telling them what he said to tell him right so but you know what she's doing she's good she's kind of hedging her bets yeah she's like I don't know what he did I'm not gonna

totally cover for him I'm just gonna plead the fifth kind this is like I'm gonna be she's gonna walk how would you okay if someone goes Tom where was Christina February 5th no fucking recollection so that's a good answer called me and said I know when they say that then I would have been like oh what date oh yeah no no she was here for sure yeah we we went out to dinner at the forget what's that Argentine play I would make that up because you just called me well let me tell you what she's doing wrong here first of all when you're lying to the authorities you have to act surprised when they get to the door

she's not a very good actor yeah no I know you need to be like why she's really truthful yeah she's a good person yeah that's why she's not a piece of shit like us right she needs to go oh oh my goodness law your guys are here the law enforcement here and then I don't know let me check in my calendar February what day second oh let me see yeah no we had a baby center that night we went out to steak dinner yeah a date night mm-hmm already yeah we'll come back and say you man that's the best process moving forward thank you

it was it was trust exercise to see if you trust I didn't lie for you there you go I'm the better one here honey you fail that's you're supposed to trust me come and meet the detectives she's just like you she's a liar yeah and she's a she's a disloyal yeah FGT and she's not an FGT yeah I don't know if FGT RTD she's not a girl that rides till death appropriate here yeah okay that's for girls that ride till death and we have it in the store by the way and I really hope that the only people wearing them are real chicks like I'm extremely loyal I okay here's the deal if you gave me that call and I didn't know what you'd done at

that point I would lie for you to the police thank you so let's just say I'm right or die on ignorance and I complete ignorance later and be like oh my calendar was wrong I thought you meant oh February 6 oh I'm sorry I fucked up I had it in here differently I thought you I thought you meant June yeah I then I take it back once I found out that you killed the Starbucks barista yeah by the way I had a fan of the show ask me if you've seen forensic files yeah of course and they're like yeah but they always get caught on that show so well the show only profiles the losers yeah the losers who get caught is what you're

saying yeah it's all those fucking dummies FGT RTD's that murdered somebody with curly hair like they're not supposed to like like Felipe told us to so how do you think you can get away with it how do you get away with it not gonna give away all my secrets on this show you have to burn the body with acid right it's a good way to do it I mean I heard I don't know here's an email if that bitch okay go ahead hey mommy's I'm a new listener enjoy the show really recently in a meeting at work one of the dads on my team mentioned courtesy flushing he believes we don't do this enough now the courtesy flush

isn't something new to me but I almost never do it since that meeting I've been thinking about them nonstop do you do them do they work I would imagine they only work in a shit iceberg situation where the log or sludge pile sticks out of the water if the shit is underwater how could it continue to give off that stench personally I believe the need to courtesy flushes rather where thoughts tea money sorry tea I'm gonna have to disagree with you there I think courtesy flushes are definitely a way to go you do that here oh yeah you do that for me oh yeah you do I hear you flushing multiple times and I think in public

settings it's definitely a thing to do you just blew my mind you realize for 14 years I thought that you were flushing so frequently because there was so much brown coming out no oh you're courtesy courtesy yeah that's a babe you realize you know that job covering that we're like when you come out and you and I go do we need to go to the hospital yeah that was just because I'm like why is he fucking flushing so much it must be so much caca that comes out well there is a lot of caca but my thing is that especially you know that first the first release is usually the biggest release right when that comes out my second when

that comes out you have fresh caca that just came out of you I hit flush immediately huh it sucks all the caca down yeah so the smell is gonna be less than it would be if it just sat there yeah it's like soup like when you're cooking the soup and it goes the smell goes through the house if it sits in the toilet longer it's gonna smell longer for sure no question about it yours smells sour your poopies always smells no sometimes they smell sweet but that's diabetes have you ever smelled you courtesy flush never no do you smell my browns no that's a lie no I don't you've never smelled my brown I haven't we've

shared a bathroom before I mean maybe some little after remnant but not nothing you I always know when you've just gone because you leave behind the reminder toilet paper it's one square and there's like a dab of brown on it that's like oh that's his last wipe and let's just let you know that I did it yeah yeah how come you leave that there I wanted you to know that I did it why don't you flush it down I don't I want you to be proud of me I always flush that for you so that no one else sees it in the house so embarrassing I do it for you okay let's show you my skills look will you read this one marriage advice need a dear

mommy's dearest no wire hangers I know that reference I am so blessed to be married for 15 years to some random girl I knocked up it has been a great 15 years but I've been worried the whole time because my wife has never given any evidence that she shits no smells after she goes no splashes on the bull no nothing I'm worried because either a she doesn't shit in which case I'm married to some sort of Austin power sex bot that does laundry or be even after 15 years she is still not comfortable to shit around me how can I help her feel comfortable to visit brown town when she wants we've been together a good while

but even during labor with both our kids she didn't shit the table which I was looking forward to almost as much as meeting my new kiddos you've both given great advice and would love to hear your perspectives please email me back with whatever you have thank you so much for your time entertainment and advice jeans up David well I would first say to David just say thank you yeah I mean you don't need her to want to shit in front of you that's the last line so so she's keeping but he's but he's kind of worried because there's not even evidence listen she's shitting okay but she's doing it in secret and that's what bothers him

is that she's feeling the need to hide yeah but think of it as it's some if she's still trying to maintain some level of sexiness for him that's why I would think of it oh you know I mean she's still trying to be like you know we've had kids you've seen my pussy blown out oh my gosh we've seen each other and probably our worst and we've been sick around each other but I'm just still trying to make you not think of me as a pooper yeah that's just a nice thing she's just trying to be keep it I guess but I feel like that's there there's that level like I close the door because I don't want you to see me poop I don't want you to see me poop

either but I don't I don't go out of my way to hide it I know and I feel like that's what he's like well why doesn't she trust me that's the level she's at she wants it to be like that I worry for her only that she might have shame surrounding the brown and I feel like it's not good to have shame around brown that's true or sex or anything I worry for her levels of shame I mean the only thing I could say if if you're really concerned about that is you could tell her be like hey you know you know I take big big dumps sure I know you do too yeah and I don't feel like you should be I take big dumps yeah I don't think you

should be ashamed of it you don't have to run to a different side of the house to poop I don't mind you pooping it doesn't bother me at all does she fart in front of you probably not from probably not just tell her you like her farts tell her you want to know what they smell like yeah just to ask her axe axer axer that and see what happens okay you know jean yes as you mentioned we've been watching so many bravo shows oh my god it's you know we go through phases of stuff like we get into scripted shows and we always we always go back on that into this episode by the way I don't know but I don't know

what we'll see but I thought we should discuss the episode we watched with Hannah and Conrad so this is below deck med there's two there's below deck and below deck med yes and so Hannah's the chief stew stewardess and she's banging the boson who's like 23 years old she's 30 she's 30 yeah and seven years yeah that's it but not only just seven years it's like those are the quantum leap years like your early 20s are so different from your 30s that's true you're just establishing yourself you're still not really an adult yeah I don't know what do you we've been kind of going back and forth on this so Conrad and this checker banging dating for what a couple weeks yeah on a boat you know they're living in this kind of isolated

world right because you're floating around just working together with the personalities that you work with and guests so it's kind of like study abroad you're like it's I think the love happens fast yeah and it's in this isolated world basically so everything's kind of heightened yeah stuff yeah so um I guess he bought her a carton of cigarettes when they were in port and at the end of a night of drinking or whatever no they're about to go out oh they're about to go out right well I don't know when they yeah that when he bought it but then they're getting ready to go out on a night out on you know right all right so she's getting ready and it's kind of quick and and he's like they have their cabins next week the crew does yeah all downstairs on the boat

and he leans over and he's like oh hey uh don't forget you owe me 50 bucks for uh 50 euro yeah you owe me 50 for that right yeah he says it real casually yes it's not like hey you know he's like heads up you owe me that 50 bucks yeah and um she immediately is like okay uh hold on let me get that for you he's like no no I'm not like right now I'm just saying like I just yeah I just remembered that yeah I'm telling you she's like no no no no and you can tell that she's kind of rolls her eyes not into it yeah and she goes into her wallet she gets the 50 she goes here you go he's like I didn't mean like right now and then you kind of think that I don't know is this how serious is this exchange right now but then they get into a van and they drive off and you can tell it's

really eating at her so she starts to be like oh uh you got your 50 back right like you're you all settled now and he's like I wasn't making a big deal about it then she starts to do kind of juvenile stuff because she starts to bring up um like gifts that she's been given well and then she's like I had to BMW when I was 16 my grandma gave it to me and whatever and I basically it's my favorite car where's Hannah from she's South African is she I don't I can't remember they all sound she's Australian cool she's Australian you don't have better accents than ours yeah and then the Americans go on the boat and they're like we don't want no vegetables no fruit you gotta have a lot of ranch dressing otherwise I don't want to eat it I won't chicken strips

right so anyways so she gets really bent out of shape about this 50 dollars yo and then it really escalates yeah then she pulls him aside and she goes I don't know if I'm like the right girl for you and he takes that as you have to be someone that would spend money but she's saying this is the way I interpreted it he takes offense to it like extreme offense to it that that maybe she's looking for a guy with a lot of money to buy her things right and then her defense of that is like no I'm just saying that if you're making sure you get your 50 back as a priority that's not really it does get complicated because actually there's a lot of nuance to the conversation and she's like no I'm just saying like a 50 if you got to get your 50 like you're

not willing to you know buy me something for 50 bucks without running to get it back I might not be like that to me is not a relationship right and he keeps going look I am believe I am of the belief that everything is 50 50 like down the middle and of course this is where like yeah this is also where the age comes into it because then he's saying well or the reality is that he's 23 he doesn't have a lot of money right so is it you almost kind of go like well they each should have been a little more understanding of the other she should have been more cognizant of the fact that when you're 23 years old 50 dollars can make or break you yeah and so like when a guy buys you something that expensive and you're in a position that you're a little older and you've been earning

money for longer yeah like you should kind of volunteer to pay him back and they've only been dating for two weeks now this conversation is really not about money when you think about it right it's like it's an exchange it's like from a woman's perspective it's like ew right I'm giving you my heart my poon my tits and all that stuff and you're doing like tit for tat like it's kind of gross it is kind of gross it's not very giving you know I also realized though that money and and how you view it and how you spend it and your whole view on it has so much to do with your upbringing and it's a thousand times hardwired into you a thousand times so like you know I would ask for the 50 back from my friend but not the chick but not the chick that I'm girlfriend no

for sure I know but then see what the thing is too like when you're first dating and when I dated people and even when we were first dating in our 20s like we both were broke yeah so I was like I would pay for something and then you would pay for something that's true but if I covered you on something I would not bring it back like hey remember when I bought that thing you got to give me that back I'll be like that because to me that says like that's your friend yeah that's but that's my I'm aware enough to know that that's how my mind operates yeah and I also am aware enough to know that I wouldn't want a girl to think that 50 meant that much to me even if it did I would just eat that because I wouldn't want her to think like is 50

yeah if I can really affect you even if it did I would still be like no that's fine that's cool yeah yeah that's that's true you know but I mean again that's that's looking back on god who I was and how I was raised and well I always try to pay for dates you're sweet yeah but you were chivalrous and like but I think also the reason you and I worked so well is that you were always offering to pay back in the day when you didn't have it and I wasn't the kind of girl that would take advantage of that very nice right I lucked out and you also did not have expensive tastes you were not no like you gotta be fancier in fact I our first date remember you I was like let's go to this bar in Pasadena that you can still smoke at yeah that was my big night out with you it's

true but you're right about that family stuff man about money yeah like my parents I had to really unlearn a lot of poverty thinking and a lot of scarcity thinking and like it's like in your DNA it's horrible and it's and it actually makes you more anxious and it makes you reject it actually prevents you from earning more money that makes you kind of understand that crazy point of view yeah because he talks about it he comes from a family where the dad had what was it he was he's found out that like he didn't see his dad for a long time and then when his dad did visit it was like to his dad visited him to verify something so that he didn't he had to make sure he didn't have to pay any more child support and then he left so like cool that's his relationship

with money with money yeah negative it's very negative yeah and he views anybody who wants even like you to give him a dollar as somebody who's trying to take something from interesting somebody with ulterior motives you know interesting so the in a child's mind he could have been like oh the reason my dad isn't around is because of money yeah or why don't know what they mean even like people listening right now all have different relationships with money oh my gosh yeah some people I mean it's natural some people would naturally side with the with Conrad the boy and some would be like what just fucking because she's not that they make her out to be materialistic Hannah on this episode like oh she's materialistic she's just this bitch who wears his son Laurent

it's like well no she actually worked really hard yeah to buy those things that she enjoys wearing and that's her own money and who gives a shit but I want to throw out there because I I struggled with money for many years not I mean I think philosophically and the poverty mentality yeah and like I don't deserve nice things or um because money is not it's an exchange it's it's not about anyways there's this great lady named Louise Hay she's dead now she just died Louise L Hay and she gave there's a talk about money uh it's you can download it on iTunes I recommend listening to that that really changed my perspective on on money and deserving more in life in general right yeah yeah um you get stuck in that fucking poor mentality dude that's a

fucker did you know by the way did you know that Rosie O'Donnell played a special person in a movie no stop it I swear to you how did I miss this it was just sent to us are you fucking joking is beautiful and successful lovely Beth has a star all of her own excellent they have nothing in common I didn't even know you had a sister she's retarded now they're going to be more than family they're going to be friends that's you and me now right a film by Angelica Houston I like you just wait and who's that famous actor she's with too Andy McDowell Andy me Rosie O'Donnell Andy McDowell so are you riding the bus with my sister Tuesday at one oh my god can we watch this whole film and do like a streaming she really went for it Rosie can we watch this full movie and do

an episode where we watch it uh you want to we got to get a hold of riding the bus with my sister only on BBC 4 she's retarded can I watch that again do you want to see that again yeah I feel like I didn't really feel is beautiful and successful oh my god Beth has a star all of her own excellent they have nothing in common I didn't even know you had a sister she's retarded now they're going to be more than family they're going to be friends that's you and me now right a film by Angelica Houston this is unreal Angelica Houston yeah she did this film yeah famous lady too so can you imagine Rosie O'Donnell like practicing being retarded I don't know wait wait how do I run like his

her run is a little ridiculous yeah it was it was kind of silly how do you get into that mental place that's what I'm saying to to play one of these roles that's what I'm saying yeah because it's like you're you want to portray it sympathetically and accurately yeah but it's also kind of funny kind of I like how she has a stack of cookies she's like that's what retarded people do right they you know whole truly something what year was this um how did I miss this 2005 no yeah that's old I mean you know relatively and this one kind of flew under the radar a little bit a little bit wish it hadn't yeah hey this reminds me yeah 62 up is coming out in 2019 from the ups here we got to go see

that they usually play it at a small theater here in LA if you're in if you're in the the UK you probably know about the seven up series that started in the sixties where they follow a group of English kids from the time they're seven years old and every seven years they revisit them to see the premise of Erasmus you give me the the child through the ages seven I'll show you the man it's so fascinating to see if you can transcend your socioeconomic guys if you really want to binge on some levels yeah it's great binge on something cool watch the seven up series yeah it's called the number seven UP series seven up every meaning every seven years you have revisited these same kids every seven years and it is the fascinating thing is because the premise of the of the whole

series that goes show me right I just I know I know but show me a kid at seven and I'll show you the man right yeah so when you see them give me the kid until he's seven and I'll show you the man how you raise that and how many of these kids that you see on that first one and it's black and white you know it's it's whatever 60 years ago um and you see the kid who's like I'm going to go to Cambridge I'm reading maths at Cambridge and that kid grows up and he goes to Cambridge yeah and he becomes a lawyer and then you see like the kid who's uh on the monkey bars what by his teeth is hanging off and then he's uh he's running around pulling his pants up because they they keep falling down he hasn't bought a belt yeah that they really they show you the full run of it

it's fascinating it's really fascinating what's but especially in the UK what's interesting is this idea that you can kind of transcend your your socioeconomic status I think back you know the idea like if you're born in a certain class are you going to be able to get out of it yeah and the rich get richer yeah it's pretty exciting pretty exciting so is it 62 of no is it 69 now it's 62 right I don't know I don't know I don't know I'm gonna read that here we go stop love shaming Julia to tad and crispy I seek your attention based on the recent broadcasting of a video made by a man oh why does that go away I don't know that the two of you in flipper sparta openly love shamed I don't know what that means Julia oh flipper sparrows our guest

Felipe Esparza Julia sharing this video is essentially revenge porn in today's climate simply greeting a woman politely is grounds for an indecency accusation and a guilty verdict in the court of public opinion granted the gentleman who sent the video would be able to text his Julia aged daughter with the same efficiency if I cut off nine of his fingers I vehemently reiterate that he is stepping into the unknown in order to utilize his iPhone technology in the name of love I formally request you cease love shaming a man who took a huge leap in the name of his world Julia she deserves to feel like a real woman she's gorgeous she's precious let's go full throttle forever not too dumb to come Patrick yeah wow listen okay don't

fucking blame this me too stuff on say good morning Julia Julia uh don't blame the me too movement on not being able to hit all of us you guys know the fucking difference good guys want to say good morning good morning Julia he's something I can imagine waking up next to that every day oh good morning Tom I know let's go full throttle let's go full throttle I love you so much oh my god the level of no one would ever love you the way that I do it's so fucking weird full throttle let's go full throttle let's go full throttle full throttle yeah that guy's really scary it's beyond scary yeah he's a really terrifying man yeah I mean before social media you would just get creepy letters from guys I once had a guy in high school leave notes on my windshields

after you experience me you won't even know who your ex-boyfriend is yeah the guy who would follow me to Taco Bell with my friend after school how'd that feel terrible what age this is high school like senior year he would just follow you he didn't go to I went to an old girl's high school and this guy would somehow like break into campus put a note on my car follow Shauna and me to Taco Bell and like show up there show up at my house like really really crazy that's really crazy good morning Julia good morning oh man I will love you like you've never been loved before that's what's insane to say to somebody the day after you met them yeah that's the part where you go like no because there could be parts

of this that are charming you know could be yeah and then you go somewhere there you're like no full throttle yeah he's a little obsessed but it's been sitting in my mind when you said to me you want to go back with your ex-boyfriend oh boy he's too old for this type of behavior too of course he is yeah of course he's old but he's like about 30 something at least at least maybe in his 40s let's go let's go full throttle let's go full throttle so we get a cool guys my man g has a new social media post I saw it I saw it the other day and I immediately vomited into my mouth there couldn't be hide anyone weirder he's the uncoolest poster on social media he is the weirdest guy weird he is no cool how does he have like no cool to be that big of a star

yeah he's zero cool I don't know if people understand too I think people are like oh yeah he's popular amongst um you know country music do you know some did you know that the number one act in the world above Beyonce Bruno Mars all of them everyone are you fucking serious yep yep and it and what he's about to do what he's about to embark on what he's announcing here will be the biggest tour of all time let my man tell you are agents for up this guy yes really go for it yeah I love it all about it here he goes let him be Julia who's weird or Julia or this guy this guy the full throttle guy this guy's the weirdest guy of all time yeah everybody garth here Nashville Tennessee right here in the uh place where we got inducted to the hall of fame

great room right here country music all the fame oh my god announce the world tour today the stadium tour this is going to be fun I want to call the big ass stadium tour it's a stadium tour above is all the information on it but what we talked about today is we're going to introduce five cities before Christmas to go on sale because on the inside studio g you guys ask for a longer planning date so you can plan to be at as many of these as you can here it comes the first two cities st louis is where we're kicking it off of man you talk about a love fest last time we were there phoenix specifically glendale arizona uh where the cardinals play there at state farm uh stadium as well so those are the first two the other three will be announced here shortly

and again they'll all be on sale before look at this christmas wait and remember this is all about game day every show is going to be game day or garth day however you want to look at it come dress in your full color support your team let's go have some fun and let's get physical playing music i like that huh what the fuck is wrong with you man yeah what is wrong with you i think can i tell you what's really he doesn't know how to connect to human beings which is odd that you're such a huge music star right that's the see this is the conundrum is he's trying to be this friendly social media guy and he's not this guy let's get physical playing music i don't understand so game day he means that so he's doing a stadium tour right so all these shows will be

where normally football teams ah right so he's like it's game day wear your team's favorite colors so show up at the glendale game wearing arizona cardinals gear and then because it's game day let's get physical playing music i like that but i'm i'm not so taken let's go have some fun and let's get physical playing music i like that oh my god and then the crazy chimp smile oh man i think um it's that he must not like this process so much of like talking to the camera yeah trying to be relatable yeah it's true because you know what happened he probably or definitely got in late on social media because we remember when he was introduced to it the weirdest thing he's like hey guys i'm on i'm on my space now well i guess it's official we're now on facebook i really

wasn't sure about this at the start but then a friend of mine said something they just made all kinds of sense she said think about more as a conversation i like that i mean that's like the weirdest thing that anyone's ever said i know so i think what happens is this is a guy that comes from the age of like just do your do radio interviews maybe you know like do that kind of thing so all this stuff is so foreign to him that he's never adapted like how to be natural doing it well and also and i'll tell you and also he might be a monster in real life i think he's a monster no i do i do he this is him like i do can i tell you why i think he's a monster okay when somebody really smiles you see his smile yeah the eyes don't match the smile when

when you really smile look and it's genuine the you get wrinkles in your eyes and the eyes kind of narrow right so his eyes are just normal wide open and then like this yeah that's the sociopath smile like a chimp smile that his face doesn't light up to match it yeah i think there's that i think that he's so forcing he's forcing this relatability and it's not relatable are you know no he's forcing i think he's a monster i think he is he's so afraid that people are gonna see that he might be a little shitty because you watch somebody like dolly pardon okay watch her talk to anybody and you can tell that dolly pardon is dolly pardon is dolly pardon no matter what yeah uh she's so she speaks from the heart you can tell she's warm but this this guy is dark city darkness darkness

darkness you really feel like that darkness yeah anybody doesn't embrace the darkness he keeps pushing and pushing it away yeah and that's what that looks like when you're like i'm nice i promise some nights love me everybody likes me daddy uh hey uh okay well how did i do here how did i do hey tom here inside your mom's house studio where we film every episode it's pretty cool man it's one of those down tour i wanted to call it the take it down your throw it out your asshole tour but it's just take it down and uh i want to announce some dates because you guys asked me you said can you let us know way ahead of time so we can be able to go to as many of these as we want to yeah so here's the first two man uh we're gonna do the masonic in san francisco january

fourth oh such a lovefest there last time and then we just added uh oklahoma city on tuesday actually see commonly on tuesday we're gonna do tuesday oklahoma city at the tower theater that's gonna be january 22nd and we're gonna have so much fun yeah hey dress up wear your favorite things and this this whole team's gonna be like sports fun it's like hey comedy while we're getting physical i like that even there yeah you're super relatable and you're connecting and normal right you're like this is a normal guy you did a great job thank this i was laughing as i was filming you okay here's another another really presumptuous thing he says during the stadium tour plug it's like you guys wanted to know all of it oh yeah so you could plan your lives around my fucking concert not only

that plan to go as many of these as many of these because i know you want to come to like 10 of these who's doing that actually that's the one thing he is actually not lying about oh my god he is he put a show on sale at noter dame stadium where the football noter namers play yeah noter day fighting irish play and it was like i mean it was a minute two minutes so he's like the grateful dead because the people just follow and then here's the thing i was talking to a friend about i was like the fascinating thing is like you tell me that Beyonce or bruno mars or somebody like that is a huge actor the stones i'm like yeah of course and i hear people talk about them all the time he's the only guy who i've never heard i never hear anybody talk about and i know

you go like well you're not a you know country yeah or you're not in a place where countries big that's true yeah but okay that's true to a degree but to sell the way he sells it's it's in every major city too is he doing LA i'm sure he will i'm sure he will damn he'll probably do like the fucking rose bowl or you know coliseum or some people in LA would definitely yeah they love him and he's doing you know he's i mean he's opening with st louis and i mean and then basically phoenix i mean those are major cities well that's phoenix is close what what day is he there oh shit here let's fucking look let's find babysitters and get go down fly there let's see let's see we gotta plan our 2019 around garth shows i want to go to as many as fucking possible let's look at

the tour dates come on let's route our touring with his i you all made here y'all made history at no today says right here okay y'all made history y'all see he gives you the credit you did oh thank you for letting me be a part of it i'm on top of the world i mean love gg lowercase g i want to go to oh there are no events that's good that his social media correlates to his website yeah man he should probably be on top of this i want to go to studio g oh my god did we just hit the jackpot is that trisha fat trisha oh my god look how fat she is now stop it no she's super fat hey leave her alone come on whoa do you know she was bigger back back then now she's super fat garth uh-uh another name field here come on let's go see fatricia come on stop i'm dying to see how big she got stop hey we

all get fat crank it on up jj jj this is a 21 minute is that him right there i guess baby great welcome i'm just a nice guy it's like studio g backstage and rehearsals listen to that love it this isn't studio g this is a stage this is cool this is cool cool cool i should do studio t tours like this for like my sound hey welcome also serious xm channel 55 the guard terrible at facebook hello everybody and welcome there's double dad wave yeah you can hear the opening number in the back i'm going to get dan to kind of take it down a bit hey dan hey dan bring this shit down i'll fucking fire you yeah he's trying to be nice to dan but he wants to turn the fucking thing down that's exactly down i said turn the fuck down dan you like your job

you know everything so we started touring it's so funny huh what's so funny garth this is a big day inside and out all day long the guy's so full of fucking shit man i don't believe this guy's such a fucking liar i really don't believe i don't believe me either he's not this affable you know what dolly parton that bitch is nice you know she lets people like sleep on her lawn and shit yeah dolly would she's really i she's nice dolly parton is nice for real not oh it's gonna air the the Notre Dame show is gonna air on cbs on december second okay okay cbs this guy says this show was different uh garth's one of the very few artists on the planet worthy of staging the first ever concert at the venerable venue um

um oh and he played through horrible uh what's it called weather conditions okay he's this great performer let's see oh it talks about relatability of garth to the heartland oh god sorry our guest is here oh really okay why don't we take a quick break yes okay take a quick break all right and we're back uh the break you never know about just happened mystery and we are joined by somebody who we've been trying to get on this show for a while and she's finally here please uh hold your applause for david letterman whoa hello hi it's it's me david it's any letterman and i'm so bummed because she usually wears her adidas three string i know i was really excited to see you and that's why i wore it i've worn it the same night as her we i we know i post a thing and tagged that i was you i was so

great well because you look like you could be my tribe you have an eastern block of vibe to you well i feel like i started you know posting my pictures on thing and people were like what about christ like they were like they were trying to start a beef between us no such thing i love and respect you too much there's no way you're like one of the girls the comedy store i always like because you come uh you come with jokes you know i'm saying like i like i i always respect a female comic or any comic that comes in tries like take a swing dude don't just push yeah it's a wild thing to not do comedy while you're on stage right what are you doing it's just so like what why would you put the audience through this yeah what are you doing and all the like it's so lecturing and

shit now too it's like what you're not you're gonna not only not do jokes which is what they paid for but then also like condemn their like their lifestyles right what are you doing because you can make fun it like it's fun to make fun of people you don't agree with because that's the best it's like when you write a joke that's good enough that you're both laughing at them yeah that's like the ultimate i don't know why people yeah we're in this place now too where it's actually the reason that there is people lecturing all that is because comedy is so popular so it's actually great that we're in a business that is so popular yeah it's so big that people who suck at it can still do it yeah and people accept that like they're one of the people doing it too yeah

we're in like the boom remember the nineties it's the same one it's fantastic and if you're actually good it's great it's not in a boom only the really good people get to do it yeah it does feel good i'm like keep complaining ladies keep complaining i'm just gonna keep doing the spots i love complaining there aren't enough women i love it and that's why i love annie letterman because you're fucking right or die she's the real deal she grinds yeah that whole bullshit too that i've heard they're like there's no women at the store like i've been at the store with a bunch of women at the store yeah they never mention me in those arguments because i don't fit the narrative because i'm not like a famous draw really you know like some people will come out to see me but i'm not

gonna like fill the seats like i'm not the one like making the main room uh or whatever so they don't bring me up because you know like i just show that you can like like work hard and do the job and not like what like you know when you guys are counting lineups like when i was at your stage in comedy i was like uh doing like i was like on stage you know it's not like i had all these people i remember when i started doing mics in uh new york and these girls would get mad at me it wasn't just girls but it was like you know this certain like class of comedians that i like i guess started with they would get so mad like i had one girl who like blocked me on all these social media things and i was like wait what's happening i see you every day and she was like

i'm mad because you you always leave the mics before i go on i'm like bitch if you aren't on my radar i've never met you i'm not friends with you like why would i stick around this is my like i wasn't getting paid at it but i was like you know i quit drinking to do this i moved to new like i i sacrificed a lot i didn't have friends like i was like wanted to do it your comedian that sounds like i was like i had a day job working as a waitress and i would immediately i had my hustle down where i had like friends that would sign me up for mic there i would sign them up and i was doing like five mics a night so i'm like wow what's uh what's up bitches like i'm like crying blood at the end of the week what are you doing wow you're doing five mics yeah i had a

yeah it was uh i knew it mic lorence when i first started doing open mics i've been doing comedy 10 almost 10 now so i still feel very young in it but um i had moved i had lived in santa fe and i was drinking a bunch i quit drinking moved to new york or moved to new york i lived in santa fe for seven years why i went to college there oh to the college of santa fe which went out of business my college fucking trump u'd it it went out of business um i got an email from my i had moved to new york um i had all these incompletes and i just figured like i would graduate college at some point before i died and um left santa fe moved to new york i had just quit drinking and started doing open mics and i get a message on my facebook from one of my old art professors and

she's like um i just the school's going out of business and we got a record of all the people that have incompletes and you have four incompletes but you have two weeks to finish them if you want to graduate what yeah and this was a bitch that would like i would skip her class and she would call me and i'm like get away from me bitch like what are you my mom click i'm like i'm in college now i don't have to go to class i'm like good no clue so what did you end up doing um i ended up uh getting an ateral prescription and charging on my credit card a bunch of flights and should i had to fly to santa fe twice in two weeks because i had a statistics class that's so hard and it was like statistics but it's like memorizing all these numbers and shit and it had been years

since i had gotten my incomplete where i just like didn't do a midterm or something like something where i just i used to say to my teachers i'm like i thought it was called my terms i do them what i want the guy just was like it was such a small school and i just used my gift of gab to get through things um but the the guy that wouldn't the guy that was my statistics teacher was a it was the school was founded by the christian brothers so he was like this christian brother who brother brian it was like this he looked like the um salary on veggie tails like he just had like the craziest like shaped head and shit but he would wear like this cloak with like the rabbit teeth things and they were just so weird and it was like they look like ghosts

from another time but he um was very strict and like wouldn't just give me like my other teachers were like just write something and we'll just you know give you a grade he made me fucking he gave me first while i gave me a d i flew there twice but i had to learn relearn statistics that's horrible let's try my least i paid a girl in beer to do my statistics labs and call it that's how much i couldn't do it i was so stupid with math and yeah it's like yeah you can't well you you have to pay attention so much and you have to completely get the concept of it to yeah i'm not interested so wait you said about 10 years ago so this is uh like 2008 you yeah 2008 you start doing mics in new york just on a something you always wanted to do no i wanted to do it i moved

to i was drinking so much and i i crashed my i had a motor scooter that i crashed in Santa Fe so how much were you drinking you brought a few times i was like yeager for breakfast really whoa so you're hardcore yeah well i was like dealing with a lot of like self-hate and shit so i would just sort of like squash it down so you had to start early in the morning for that wow i drank all the time i drank all day and i had a motor scooter and i was also a waitress and a bartender so it's like that sort of culture where everyone's drinking in Santa Fe is a very small town of like a lot of people are retired and then it's just like this this younger there were like two colleges but they were small um but you know it was just like a weird like what are you gonna do you know

you just say it's nice right i always heard yeah it's beautiful it's beautiful um so do you stop drinking there before you go to new york no i i go hard and you go hard and i go and Santa Fe go hard and then in new york i'm going hard but it's like nobody else it like it's i'm just on a different i'm on like a desert level of drunk like i'm like i was like an indian casinos with indians and you're am you're am drinking i'm am drinking i'm all day drinking tell me what does that feel like i was wondering like when you wake up is it like you go to your cabinet well it depends on like it was it would depend no not cabinet it would be like i would wake up late and just probably go to bars but i had i remember i had a boyfriend once in in college who was so gay it was like i

mean he's married to a woman now i don't she already has a kid i think he's like i want to fuck her stinky pussy she's already got a kid um but she's so gross her tuna anyway but um she he um we would drink i think he was drinking that because he was like going to try it like but it was always like he was always like let's have this dude fuck us i'm like all right i'm like why are you looking at him but that's so weird i thought it was just get so drunk everything was like so like party-ish or whatever and i remember we and he would invite threesome's are you saying yeah well there was a we were always partying there was always a party where it was never like like a house he was like let's bring a guy into this yeah it was never a girl wait

you're trying to be like straight guys aren't into that another dude in the party i used to always in college make my boyfriends make out with other boys but like to assert my dominance over their own sexuality whoa yeah and they would always accept this and they always broke up with me it's soon after you started dating dude well i don't know i have a deep voice and a mustache so i think i like attract i'm like the guy's like last so like dude like but he but but that guy we used to we called uh the jack daniels oj so in the morning we'd be like yo pass the oj wow damn and you're going hard you're not drinking wine or beer you're like yeager jack daniels i wanted to get fucking black out take a smoke break from this bitch no did you have you been in therapy or have

you gone to any kind of program or counseling um i went to therapy a couple times and then i was like they keep making me mad at my parents it's so annoying and now i'm like in a rage at my parents like i should probably go to therapy yeah i was like why do they keep bringing my parents up it's like i i've dealt with that um but i went to i did go to a a for a year or not for a year sorry for three months but it seems like you have a chip and then i was like i'm out bitches yeah i'm fine it seems like you have a good i mean listen i follow you on instagram i see that you visit your family a lot you seem to have a good relationship with them now yeah they did some terrible things though i like i'm like wow i'm like you motherfuckers you still like them i love them at stockholm

syndrome i don't know i love them i'm like well i just started playing hard to get with them like i i realized i was holding a boombox up to my mom's window like playing in your eyes i'm like why am i trying to fuck my parents it literally feels like i'm like strangling a puppy with them i'm like i love you so much why don't you love me back yeah yeah and so i'm like i'm not calling them and i'm like talking to them not that often i'm like yo you guys remember when we used to talk every day that was literally just me annoying you so whatever we'll see but you're still upset with them though right oh i'm yeah i'm yeah i love them i forgive them but i'm so they i want them to feel a little guilt that they don't feel that you feel you what's what you're saying is you feel like they don't

love you they don't show you no i know they are not i totally know they love me i totally know they love me i think that maybe um my ability to love is a little bit stronger than theirs and but it's probably be a product of the neglect as a child it's just my mom like didn't i keep thinking about it because you know i was talking to my boyfriend about it and my they didn't teach me to like read and stuff like they didn't i didn't i just i'm learning about history like they sent me to a juvenile delinquent school and i kind of wasn't like everyone got kicked out of their schools i didn't they just like were like there's an art program like they just let me in a school with like like young other kids that were kicked out criminals and you were not i was like smoked

no and i was like smoking like a cigarette here and there like i wasn't like a good kid but they were literally not paying attention to me that was like an ante door instead of a dog you know they would just like send me out and they're like she'll come back which it's like when i'm hungry but it's like i was like a cute little kid like i was kind of like a pretty little girl and so they just they didn't realize like what did they know they were sending you to a juvenile delinquent school yeah i don't know why would they do that well are they immigrant by the way they're not my mom was adopted it's like i don't know why but why would they send you to that school i mean okay so they didn't teach me anything i was never taught manners or how to act or anything and then great

committee so i would kind of get in trouble just like yeah for just like existing the way you would like i pretty much was like the jungle book sure and um i'm like jungle i'm just like topless just in a loincloth everyone's mad at me um but they uh brown skinned at that time too a boy but they they sent me to so they would just like send me i don't know i was like hanging out with adults all the time i mean i just like always had like grown-up friends who want to hang out with like a seven-year-old do you know how fucking weird that is yes i just was getting dead all left and right i mean they were literally just like do you want they're like oh do you think our daughter's beautiful have her uh it just was like very my mom was mad i'm a twin and she

don't only want to have two kids and i think she like kind of like was like overwhelmed and i was the girl and she didn't my mom had a pituitary adenoma when she was little which was like a a growth in her or a tumor in her pituitary line so she didn't like get her period till she was 19 or anything so she has like a really weird relationship with femininity and she was adopted so she's like pissed her to birth mom these are all things i'm just making up but i think i'm right i think i'm correct like she's never i mean she will confirm i guess she was like you always call me out on stuff i'm like well dude one of my friends never call me as a kid was super artsy just like already creative kid and his parents one day we were in the same school and then he

started going to another school he was like my buddy you know yeah and so i was like where is he and they're like a seven to another school and they arranged for me to visit him one day in that school and i visited him and it was a like a school for extreme developmentally disabled i walked into his class was it called landmark no but i was like the fuck are you doing here and he was like yes this is where i go to school my parents think i'm retarded i mean yeah can i say that on this yes i can on this podcast i can say retarded of course in fact i don't want to out you but they said you have to say retarded or we'll delete the episode so yeah it was um it was and i i mean there were kids like bouncing off the wall yeah there were

super violent kids people this was like my school and i was like why are you and then years later you know he's a totally just regular guy sweet sweet guy and i go what like what was that all about they're like yeah my parents just thought my like artistic inclinations were weird so they just sent me to this school and it was completely i'm sure traumatizing actually to him to be there to see your surroundings and they're like this is where you belong you belong amongst these kids which he did not well it is weird when you when you're put in a group like that you're like wait is this what you think i am is this what you it was that did that really player was that just in my i'm like i hear that all the time and that exact voice every time i'm about to talk um but

no it really is like a weird thing because you know they i just went brother and we were held back in kindergarten because of my brother had learning disabilities and then um in second grade when i couldn't read um they were like well my mom would always tell me well then we found out about your learning disabilities in second grade which is like never needed to tell me that um could have just told me the part where it was max but um so then i'm thinking back on and i'm looking at i'm like i don't think i had reading problems they told me i had a tracking problem my mom like sent me to this like whole institute and stuff all this stuff where it's like mom you never sat down and told me to read why are you acting like i was supposed to just know how to read like she

literally never i say that i got she um school home to me she like thought she just sent me to school to do all the home things she's like they'll do it but i'm like you know all the parents are like also sitting down with their kids it's not like they're just sending them and like the teachers have like all these other students so then i would stay after with my regular teacher and then she would give me and then i like learned to read really easily oh my god it just sounds like you know i think my mom wanted to have a fucking narnar i think you're gonna say narnar on this what's what narnar what do you mean it was just another word for you there's even oh i also was a special ed teacher so i should be better about this but now i think you know i'm learning about

this in therapy because i fucking hate my parents too and um it doesn't go away when you have your own it actually gets amplified yeah what happens is you when you start to raise your own children you go like what the fuck wait a minute and you start to go back into your own things and you you know you have to forgive i forgive obviously i'm not like actively angry anymore anymore but you start to realize like they're just incapable of seeing your needs which is so devastating because you're like why did nobody see that yeah why didn't nobody realize that like little annie needed help reading or it's just so wild it's like why it's like my my mom in front of my boyfriend i was like mom i don't remember you like teaching me did you teach me to read and she starts laughing

she's like of course not like she thinks it's so funny she's a fuck up i'm like you could just try to be better what about your other sibling did they learn to read at home um matt no ever they they gave us both they gave us all like disabled like things you know oh god it's just like how do they get my number it's just i get calls all day and it's all like some robot bitch of course or political remember your taxes and i'm like trying to forget them stop doing this are you kidding me i do this in the morning not now yeah but it's infuriating when your parents don't see you or don't care when you're just saying the exact truth when i'm like i'm telling you the exact truth and i'm giving you even the words you could say back right and you can't do it

it's like but i think there's so many like secrets that people grow and i think that generation too like we're much more like protect it like we're all like telling everyone all our shit but it's like you know like there's so many secrets and there's so many things that you have to tell yourself and lie to yourself about to not like let the dominoes fall so i i do understand that but it's like i'm just like you guys are in the evening of life do not want to like settle the beef like this is it right right like i'm here being like come on let's do this and it's just my dad said he would go to therapy with me and then and then i was like oh he would yeah my dad's my dad's my dad's cool about it it's just like i don't know what i i realize the things that i need from them i just

need to give to myself and there's just no and i just need to get it from them ever yeah mom and our sister she sounds like it yeah hard it's really hard to have a parent that's like they can't they don't even see you do you want to hear about my last show in philly yeah okay so my parents do the landmark forum um which i don't know that's amazing that they even did that no they didn't do it once they've been doing it for 12 years you know when you really you know when you do a thing and it's supposed to teach you how to like go into the rest of your life and well explain to people what landmark it's a self-development it's culty it's like it depends on how you use it it's but it's a self-development thing basically

it's a derivative from est and you go into like a seminar you go into a seminar and it's so you pay like i don't know it's like 800 bucks or something which a little pricey um you go into a seminar and there's like one leader there's no all the walls are white you know all the chairs are uniform you sit there it's like really you know they force you to pay attention and it's all about it's kind of like it's a lot of different um theories of uh psychology put in one but it's you know essentially like you're getting to the point of like where your life is empty and meaningless so you can fill it and you're creating these stories but there's all of these like specific words they use which i you know i did it when i was 19 my parents wanted to do and i did it and it was you know it's that

feeling a weird feeling you get in the at the end of it where you're kind of surrendering and it feels very cult it feels just very like a religion like almost people always i mean i didn't go through it but you hear a lot of times people describe or liken it to some version of like Scientology right so it's just very yeah when i saw the Scientology thing i was like oh she's a landmark and it's it's like therapy but in front of other people from what i understand like you you give speeches to hundreds of other people and you share all these very personal things with groups so it's not like personally i never understood why people didn't take all that money and just go see a therapist for one for a decade well also they pull they pull you i know it's

like a cowardly that i don't know like for me i do anything but like i'm like i guess i believe in psychics like i guess i get my terror cards read there's something like so confronting about therapy i think for people or for me at least of course terrifying yeah it's just a lot and i'm like i'm hanging this much money but um all right so uh with the thing the problem that i had with landmark was at the end of it they then go you should reconnect with all these people and i've had a lot of people do me dirty and i always accepted responsibility my parents included where it was so hard for me to like i didn't want to blame anyone else it just seemed easier to blame myself and to just believe i was like born rotten and i was just like this bad seed or whatever

then to admit that literally every fucking grown up in my life let me down did not do their job and that to me was like a scarier world than just being like i'm a piece of shit living this course right so then i'm in landmark and then at the end they want it's all about like reconnecting with anyone you have um any sort of like ill will with or anything and it's not that's probably not the message of the landmark they probably don't say anyone but to me it's like i'm nice and i want people to like me and and uh with you know with my at that stage especially with my parents and stuff so it was like i'm like looking for this like approval all the time so i wanted to connect with everyone now i'm at the age where i want to disconnect with so many people i'm like get the

like yeah yeah if i haven't talked to you in four years don't you dare ask me for free tickets right get the fuck like i don't know you or whatever maybe not four years but it's just like you know i was like collecting people all the time so then when landmarks sort of at the end of the weekend when they're like reconnect with people i'm reconnecting with people that really fucked me over like not fucked me over in a little way but like that are not are dangerous people for me to be around and then i'm having to call them and tell them what i did wrong boy like i almost called i had to take a teacher to to court for sexually assaulting me and he was like i had i broke this whole ring of his like he was like a person who did what i was sexually

assaulted by my teacher for real and i actually went to court and no one believed me and you don't need people to believe you you need the judge to believe you anyway you don't need your friend it's like a popularity thing to be believed like i don't fucking need that like that's like you took him to court mm-hmm yeah for you but um he got three years probation so nothing happened but yeah he played guilty is he a high school or now he's um i think he wasn't allowed i i can't remember what the thing the um you were a deal was but middle school high school i was in high school i was uh 15 or 16 wow and then um no help from anyone i mean it was like really it was it was and your parents didn't support you through my parents did but it's their fault it happened so

it's like uh you know looking back i'm like oh of course they wanted to like settle and stuff because my parents just um i was just not i was given no rules i was given no discipline at all so i was always in these crazy dangerous situations and i also wasn't taught that i was good you know like so i was my mom was very competitive with me and she would do that she was so anti-femininity because of i believe because she didn't have her period and shit until she was older that it was you know she her way to like relate to dudes was to like bro you know like which i do too but it's like you know she was always like the only woman on the she would play like men's racquetball rather than you know you know i'm just like she always had to be like the only girl so um so then um

she it just was very like uh yeah i don't i don't know but so they had earlier before that happened when i was 15 or i'm sorry this is what i was saying my mom would um she never would let people say i was pretty or anything like it would always be like she's smart but it was like i didn't i literally got the message that i wasn't pretty which like i'm not i don't i i think that it's gross for girls to run around being like i'm hot shit or whatever but i think there was a level of awareness i was a level of attractive that that was it was dangerous to send me out like it was like um like i was just a girl i was a girl she was treating me like a boy in a way you know i was just not that boys don't get molested all the time but it was like i just um i just had no

clue what i looked like until like this year so i was always like confused i'm like i'm flashing my tits why is everyone mad at me i look like a boy like what you know like oh i don't look like a boy um and so there was just like this kind of like nagging of my of my looks all the time to the point where i wasn't sure what i looked like right right because it can be it's bad on the others so i can understand why she probably over corrected because on the one hand to tell a little girl you don't want to be like all the time then you turn them into a dumb doll with no identity but to go the oh the over correction is to not acknowledge that you were an attractive little girl and that people might want to pray upon you it was just like very you know we were brought

up quaker my mom which we weren't what yeah we were brought up quaker we're just never mentioned that one that's crazy how many layers are there there's a lot of layers when does the book come out you got a right this is fucking crazy wait what happened the last time you were did a show to philly you were gonna say oh yeah okay so i'm in philly and um my mom uh she has landmark so all of her landmark she invites all of her landmarks right and where are you where are you doing it where's the show it's at um punchline okay so she invites all of her you know which it's like all right that's cute that you're you know because i'm looking at like she's proud of me or whatever but that's not what it is okay it's not what it is you're an extension of her right i'm

i'm a i'm someone who's getting a platform that she can take i don't even wouldn't even say an extension of her um i wouldn't even say i would love to be claimed like that i would love to be that sounds so awesome so she um all her friends come and um and it's christmas and my mom owns an ebay drop-off store and i might eat my mom's ebay drop-off store she gets a bunch of weird shit it and so and she thinks it's funny to give us these gifts and none of us think it's funny it's always annoying it's always like some it smells like someone's basement it's like oh can you get this away from the children like my nieces and nephews was like everyone's like please stop bringing this trash into our house but so that's like her big bit is that she brings us like weird

shit from so i'm on stage i'm just starting i'm i get really nervous in philly because i had all this stuff happen in high school so i i really get nervous people are gonna come i don't yeah i don't like anyone from philly like my friends like i'm like i don't want anyone from my high school to show i i'm scared i have a lot of predators there so i'm like um i get real nervous in my philly shows and um i was trying to like i was working on i wanted to get a tape to get a special and i was like telling my mom that day i was like i really need to i'm just nervous because i really want to make sure i i have a good order for my jokes and i just want to make sure i stay on track yeah you got me i have so much anxiety right okay so the week i'll tell you about the

year before when i did thanksgiving there all right after this so she so for some dumb reason i forget my mom's my mom and i think me telling her this will let her know to really not interrupt to not be difficult she drives me into the i go with her into the to the club okay so i'm with her the whole time so i don't see her bringing anything in or anything because i'm just not paying attention i'm just like a little bit nervous trying to stay on track get there she's trying to i'm like i don't want to meet your friend like i don't have time for this i have to like you know get pumped so i get on stage i'm i'm a little nervous i have a like a rougher start than usual and uh and maybe five minutes in when i'm just getting my starting to get my bearings she throws

a present on stage okay she's snuck a fucking present in she snuck a fucking present in through it and threw it onto the stage she goes hey i got you a present and throws like while i'm in the middle of a joke so then okay so her friends are there but they're not it's like i don't think i was sold out but i was like a few seats shy being sold out this month i don't know how those motherfuckers do that we're all of a sudden i'm not getting the bonus i'm like well that was i'm like how did how did my people just not there couldn't have been like five more people but anyway it was very close it was like 255 you had 251 it was it was just like but it was like they were telling the truth i'm like i was like let me see it yeah i was like oh i'm so almost a

draw but then so okay so then but so she makes up like there's maybe like 12 of her friends so she's not making up that much of the audience but it's enough where i'm like ma you know like so she so she throws the present on stage and now i'm like i gotta i've just barely gotten the audience on my side so now i'm um i have to take a present open it like in retrospect i should have thrown it at her like totally took and taken her down as if she was a regular person and not my mom embarrassed in front of her friends and possibly had her kicked out yeah but i was still being like i don't want to hurt my mom's feelings right i don't want to embarrass her in front of her friend so i'm trying to like make it work in both ways so now i have to i have to

get away from the microphone to open this present my hands aren't on the mic my hands are now doing another thing i have to look down at a thing i have no control over the audience at this point right no people are looking at her i have to now now and then what it is is it's a fucking like an arm not like a not like a sexist but like a like an arm that nurses would use to try like their kivs on or whatever so she throws this arm and says so now i have to explain who my fucking mom is what her job is why should we give me this present all this stuff and it was just like so i was so mad and i had a really bad set because i was so like of course and like it was like i got like bad review like i never get bad like i mean we all get bad reviews here and

there but like i never get infiliate i usually get like really good reviews and it was like i got like i got like people were writing about it like she's like all this i'm like mom you fucking bitch like that's my money like that's my job like and i remember like and she was like what i'm just like well how and she goes sorry can't you just like get over it like i didn't mean to and it's like let's play this out let's say that had killed what where would the audience be looking at you bitch not at me like that it wouldn't like you just completely took so that i mean you didn't like the gift yeah she's like come on i got you an arm thing maybe i did like i do actually of jada pink and smith about this i've been sitting here and just thinking about forgiveness

and it's been a deep journey for me because i've had to look into the shadows of my own heart and understand how i've hurt other people and forgive myself for any wrong acts that i've for what you're doing to me now yes that might have caused other people i had to clear myself of my own shame my own guilt and have compassion for myself and forgiveness for myself what a selfish apology right and why does everyone think everyone gives a fucking shit it's so unbelievable what is this new thing where it's like everyone's like vulnerability is strength and now everyone's like i'm bipolar and you're like yo i wouldn't be not everyone's like well and there's a time in a forum no you can all say your shit but it's like i'm just saying everyone's like not on social media

this is my thing where it's like the the like the where it's like we're at this place where it's now like like naked chicks showing their cellulite and they're like look i'm brave or brave or whatever i'm like getting attention for your body is not bravery like that's not you're like now i can also do this thing that was also kind of gross try telling birth right sure that my favorite are chicks that wear their ugly mud masks they're like look how ugly i am right now i don't know it's yeah it's silly uh but by the way we have to watch red table talk on facebook oh my god i've never been more excited for anything as if the gift that jada provides isn't big enough she is coming out with a new show with will yes they're going to explain everything yes on facebook

10 people crying and breaking down you're not breaking me today jada i'm broken you enough all right so hold on let's clear some you guys join us swinger just historical room is this like the show you guys have strength is jada not mommy not wife jada deep down inside i was an insecure little boy that wanted jada to say i was great you know why i've never got the is cheaper to keep me it's so interesting to me that they're willing to put like that they are doing the social for facebook you know it's like but what is what is driving the necessity like i know what it says he wants to do any movie it's just like green light will make it any anything tell you what it is what do you think it is she wants to humiliate him you think so yes

this whole thing of i've broken you enough no no no she wants to why would he agree to think it's to distill the gay rumors now they're gonna distill those they're gonna distill the open marriage rumors they're gonna just yeah but she she also part of her wants the acknowledgement the recognition for being jada pinkett yeah right why are they bringing their kid into it though it's like they bring their kids in i'll tell you something though that willow she's good on it because i've been watching red table talk on facebook and she's probably the most my most favorite part of it all because her face is funny and she's like damn like she makes these cute little faces she's a she's a gif she's very she's very yeah she's totally good but she's very likable

the kids are the kids sweet now jada she gets very vulnerable she talks about why she's been wearing her head wraps lately hmm i'm fascinated i i was hair loss she's had hair loss oh that's fun yeah and then she talks about sex with her grandma and her daughter she fucked her grandma that's good that's good that vulnerability i do appreciate it's a maze it's on it's on facebook watch and we have to start watching it talk are you guys sponsored by them no we shouldn't be do you guys know that it's a full-time job to be a good dad you got so much more stuff than i had it's the lyrics to what is that song oh it's just i was like it's a full-time job to be a good dad it's totally totally that's right yeah this seems part-time if you want i forgot that more of an

option if you're like yeah i think it'd be part-time part-time two of us right um i think you were cheaper when i met you when i started most definitely i don't know like in personality or money wise money um now wait are you a frugal person or how do you approach no i just make money and then i spend it all and then i'm broke and then i freak out and then i make money that's your pattern okay well these are people who are the extreme of cheap i think they'll you'll appreciate them i sure if i if this is what i think it is it is oh i thought we were still talking about them and i was like that's so crazy that cheap no i was like wil smith's afraid he's gonna run out no way no that's wait is this a tlc show yes i already know you already know i fucking love this um but

go ahead just just some of it's just gonna i love this shit i live for this so this is my bathtub look at it's brand new and shiny i don't even have to clean it there's no mildew all my girl that's cool what an immersion thing i have never cleaned it because i've never used it i have a gym membership and that's where i take my shower okay i like to work out i'm kind of a gym rat i'm there every day anyway well first of all it's not i mean those traps she's like emphasis on the rat my urine in an effort to save money i started peeing in a jar just i mean maybe to save energy like do it next to your bed but don't go into the bathroom i do it wait why did she say she's rewind well she's gonna save she's gonna save on the water on the water bill yeah well and guess

what she does we're gonna get to that here somebody's got a planet fitness uh ten dollar a month here you go big time money savings quite pungent oh ew no longer since the stronger don't put it in an apple juice one online that you can put your urine into your compost pile and i thought wow i can pee in a jar build my compost oh god post is she from philly right that accent post yeah and that one when it's on one over easy eggs over there come on it's a gross accent yeah how much can you save pissing into we're about to find out i mean the gym why would you do thirty dollars a month to twenty dollars a month there you go so there's ten dollars right there so i pee in a bottle but don't get me wrong i you know i poop like everybody else and i put that in the toilet put it in the

toilet flush like there's a middleman there's a process i put the poop in the toilet i poop over here and then i put it in the why doesn't she sell some of her handmade jewelry i know which is etsy bitch that might be but she's got some nice tits it's like come on girl get a webcam she could do it she has a she says she flushes twice a day with the browns yeah so she's got healthy movements so she saves ten dollars a month doing that you want to see an even way bigger psycho like that this lady this lady makes that is this how you guys stay in love you just look at people that are way worse than you of course yes i don't do laundry you have to pay quite a bit in quarters so whenever i have dirty clothes i try to wash them while i'm showering today i'm using a free

sample of detergent i got okay i need to get detergent and bleach onto my clothes before i put them in the shower i love it i love this that's her doing the laundry i love it i get it i never did this in college i love the clothes oh make it on camera i think the last time again if you're willing to get naked on camera you can make some money three years ago exactly she's she's halfway there i know she says the last time that i did laundry was three years ago wait i hear you go three years ago i start ringing out these clothes wait it gets better she's uh yeah she just want to do all that expensive laundry i don't um use the dryer not only does the dryer um waste money but it shrinks clothes and their wears clothes out faster yeah you can keep your clothes looking

newer for longer if you don't cry i didn't know they had jewish asians but normally i would do maybe a load of laundry every other week it costs like three dollars to wash and dry clothes it'll save maybe six dollars a month six dollars she's not destitute i mean look at her bathroom it's nice yeah but she's saving six bucks eat i mean that's six bucks in your pocket that's actually her whole apartment you didn't know that she lived in the bathroom this is like an indian she pays her fifty dollars a month to live in that bathroom now i will admit that in college i may have hand washed underwear a few times just yeah that's not that crazy that's not that crazy come on you guys wash your underwear you guys wear underwear how old are you any guy that doesn't

wear underwear freaks me out how do you have your dick rubbing against denims i know against your jeans you know he doesn't he's so uncomfortable i know but he's gross he's just like he's got stuff to do man he's doesn't have time to put fucking underwear he's got all the time nasty has he gotten rid of that eyelash i can't no it's so it's truly upsetting i know it's like it may as well be like an ass hair like there's just it's like so he's had it for a decade now since we've wait you mean it's never he's never gotten rid of no he's had it since we've known birth and imagine how many times that comes into your just i yeah how does he you know when you see one kind of like eyebrow hair oh shit it's a good point i don't know how he deals with that i don't use toilet paper

i just use water and soap to clean myself off after going to the bathroom i take this water bottle that i have and i rinse myself off if i just urinated i'm done with that and then i dry myself off with one of the paper towels i have if i took a dump then i also grab the soap wipe myself down with the soap do you see how little that soap was then i take i think that's chalk and rinse off the soap if i took it i don't believe in spending money on something that you're just going to throw away such as toilet paper or paper towel get a bidet bitch you think she's mentally ill because i do yeah she's a little proud a little proud of it this is mental illness way proud of this do you think she has a boyfriend no or do you think she's proud do you think she's

like do you think she's like like look how look how awesome i've i've figured this out yes yes she's telling you i've got a system here it is if i took a dump i just felt like she wouldn't say dump yeah i didn't do it that that's like pretty clean her butt and put us up pretty clean well when you have a clean for sure she's a soap on her on her after you have a baby they tell you to squirt your vagina the same way it did look like a baby thing yeah after you're done you there's a squirt bottle and you have to rinse your virgin off that way imagine wait does tom not know about that did you know that did i had the squirt bottle are you able to stay separate from this stuff no i knew about that yeah you saw the squirt bottle yeah you saw that by the and i was a little

filipino if i listen if i have a kid i'm gonna make my dude fucking know everything i mean like you have to watch it fucking he i have to stand next to me because i you just have to like know how much it like you have to listen to me complain while i'm doing it yeah he did don't worry is how i would he saw it come out both babies right did you catch it and my vag blast yeah but i was right there i was right there i mean i could have caught it yeah i could have caught it and i did the little umbilical cut and so sweet yeah it's fun you want to see the video we yeah i can't wait is it on youtube yeah it's on youtube tag your kids i was like there's all these like birth videos on youtube like the kids like listen those kids are gonna like their youtube generation bitch like

they're gonna fucking yeah find them so i want to see your mom's puss yeah i want to see your own head coming out of puss puss it's so it's too intimate to share that's crazy it's a wild thing to share yeah i don't like the over sharing and i don't like so proud of it it's like yeah but it's like it's a unique experience to yourself right like in your family and you and your husband i don't like the sharing of everything the kid does too once it's no it's weird it's just not the kid can't like consent to that especially if you have like any type of fan base it's fun yeah you don't want them talking to you too much about your no um you have a boyfriend but in case you're ever are single again could always um hear some good advice from somebody hey everybody and welcome

to today's episode of the wonderlust thinker part one and dating for gen x and those over 40 so as a generation x male where do we go to meet single women that is a big big question it's it's i i always i think it's interesting that he's out of playground right and when you're a self-appointed authority on this who is not hitting it out of the park yeah i mean like when you're not good it's like it's like are you asking a question are you telling events yeah yeah yeah and the facial hair town yeah slim pickings are pretty much the interesting he brought up slim most everybody married very young like do one set up and then maybe we can talk and he's got a good point and i'll tell you what annie you're right if the fatness is only accentuated yeah by this cut by his

prison pussy and it also it does kind of look like an asshole an extended asshole somebody's like a gaping asshole yeah yeah not a good look more left with are crazy beat up women or women that are addicted to pills or drinking or other issues or just have some men issues all together kids maybe he's scarred a little bit from some past experiences because there was a lot of restrained emotion behind yeah and it's always the well let's say the portly or unsightly men that tend to have really high standards for the excuse me what excuse me don't regurgitate people from high school there's a reason they're in your past remember you're a generation exer you've had a high school longer than you were in high school and it's been a long long time most of us graduated

in the 80s and 90s most of us don't go back and try to grab that girl that you had a crush on do not i repeat do not do online dating i don't care how many friends you have where we're supposed to go know somebody that knows somebody that met their wife on online dating it is a waste trust me on this guys if you ever want to feel like a leper in your basement spend some time on online dating and also if you're from a small town like me you don't nobody tends to have a woman that you're interested in a local bar there's probably 20 other guys that are all trying to get with her secretly and they're gonna try to shark your shit okay this guy's a real expert huh i mean so far he's also not he's he's like that critic that tells you everything that's wrong yeah you know

here's everything that's bad about everything but no solution yeah he took all of the options out yeah some housing don't go back to high school get out of the small town don't go online don't go i guess the park is the leading option right now come to this park he's like you gotta meet a you gotta meet a nice young man on fortnight i mean uh i work out four or five times a week oh okay and i'm not i'm not the best i work out of my basement four times make an effort make an effort is looks are fleeting now that doesn't mean go out with like a 400 pound woman yeah you can't be the one to mention weight honey bold it's the expectations right this guy's gotta be you cannot put demands on bitches like this also

don't the high school thing makes no sense because you can easily reconnect with someone like don't maybe think it's gonna be the same person you know crush on high school this guy's been he's been burned he's been hurt he's very hurt i feel like never and i mean never stand for being in the friend zone if a girl says do you i look at you as a brother or i look at you as a friend i look at you as my fat brother people change every step don't stand for arrogant women if she's stuck up she isn't worth it a lot of women get big heads because they get a lot of guys flirt with them and i'll tell you what they're not worth your time they're not that great remember they gotta bring something to the table okay remember you're there highly caloric to find

somebody that you want to spend your life with what's going on i know his eye area is not good here oh this is sad this poor guy you don't need the drama you don't need to build anybody i mean his advice is depressing it's just it's really sad and it's all notes it's like here's a million things you shouldn't do i know goodbye also here's the thing i've dated some pretty big guys i don't have any problem with that but you can't be like no fat chicks no fat chicks what the fuck the fattest guy i know has a no fat chicks policy seriously i mean like he's did break a divorce it's really i mean like i know a guy who's seriously like 350 he's very unsightly and and it's fine right but then he his his list of demands for women is kind of like this they

just have to buy a bitch from overseas they got yes that's what that exists for like the russian rides and the asian ladies right yeah the commands of the world yeah this is the fucking i gotta pee you guys work it out oh jeez get your apple get your apple juice bottle oh my god any so uh i don't hide ask you but how old are you i'm thirty five wow you look so young so you grew up in the dating era of like tender and shit like have you done well no i never i i i really like my job i don't i don't like so i never really was like trying to um like have boyfriends that much i just like oh you're gonna like keep me for my job or whatever so i never was like actively trying to date it would just like happen to me like i honestly feel like they all tricked me and owe me an apology

except now now i'm happy but all right so you've been the same dude for how long now a year well that's super new yeah but we were friends for like seven years that's the way to go i think that's the way to go yeah he's my best friend it's so fun it's like great that's awesome i never i always thought you like they came separately like right love and intimacy and then friendship you know i was like oh you fuck and then you so i would be like hanging out with him and then we'd be having like the best time ever just like literally like writing jokes laughing just like till our stomach and then i'd be like oh i gotta go bang this guy that parked my car the other day who i hate i'd be like look at this fucking loser i can't stand this fucking guy you know i go like

fuck some like roller i'm like this guy roller blades so how did it so then did he like bring that up to you yeah he did yeah he did he was like you've kind of already been my girlfriend for a while and i was like he like jedi mind trick me was like i guess but i was like i was not thrilled about it at first i was like how did because i he had promised he would never thank you um women helping women he um yeah he had promised he would never hit on me so well that's cool then when he did i was pissed but yeah is he your first serious boyfriend or how do you have you done boyfriend um i mean i'd had long-term boyfriends but they weren't serious i was always like this is terrible how to get out of this i dated a guy i dated a guy for three years who i just

i mean it was it was rough for three years like on and off you mean no lived with him i was homeless when i met him i was living in my car and this is the rollerblader and then um he's like a nice guy he's a nice guy from jersey like reminded me of home he's younger than me um and he was like you know he wasn't going to make me like stay in my car i mean i wasn't living in my car car but i mean i was like sort of sleep like i would crash in it over here in there and so uh he was like stay with me and then i was like already i was into him in the beginning and then so i was like living with him but then it was just like three years went by and i was like i'm gonna die jesus i'm gonna fucking die wait so you never got to do online dating and stuff

i went on two i went on oh this i do have a good story i wanted to i went on two things but i thought it was just a bat like i was like oh i went through a breakup or something i want to like fuck someone once or whatever so i went on i did rya do you want ryas it's like like the celebrity yeah it's like the celebrity one the exclusive like that sounds cool it's worse it's like oh hey do you want to go on a date that um will also potentially hurt your career well awesome well it's just like we it's like you don't want to go on a date with a producer like only somebody in like yeah okay so it's like it's just it's rya my friend karen says that rya stands for rich asshole young asshole

but it's like very it's like exclusive and it's just like it's a weird i don't know to me it's it's just weird it's like you're like hey mathy perry uh or whatever do you know what i mean it's like you're just like it's like a it's like weird you know like oh um but i never like cared about that i never was like i want to date a celeb like i never yeah i'm super weird i know you're married to one but you guys are celeb no i was thinking about him because uh because uh steve simon then i was like we need a celebrity it was like being so steve just came at you with such a like where i'm like but you've known him a long time right yeah of course so it's like he's had to transition the way he talks like do you know what i mean not that he hasn't always been that way but like now he's

like he's like um you're so and it's like it was because you are but it was just like the way he said it was like very exactly it was spot it was just very cute he's so sweet yeah he's the sweet he's opening for me november 24th in mandiego california at the house of blues we planned this whole thing we planned this whole plug yeah that was seamless that out right he's so funny can i tell you what i love about steve simon uh positive energy the guy always he's he's not talking like dark shit like we do like he's like remember when you had pizza ice cream but he's genuine he really loves that stuff and he brings the whole room up like gosh he's such a he's fun such a diamond i really love that guy and he's a good human he does charity work he did our pilot for true tv

play yeah never not farting never not farting the guy on twitter who's handle is never not farting he was a fan of our show he's great he's rad gotta get him another pilot one more psycho cheap person oh okay oh i love this i could do this all day i know it's so fun to watch fucking love it disturbed misers are my favorite i'm cutting toilet paper squares for our bathroom sure that we will wash and use instead of paper products we have a little bin underneath the basket that holds the little toilet wipes before we put them so we can wash them later wash the caucus it's time to wash and just form it and i never have to touch them with my hands oh that's good all right toilet paper just doesn't do anything for me as a middle-class family that makes a good

income i shouldn't have to go into debt to buy toilet paper and you don't that's the other thing yeah that's why i have to well the here's the thing they always think they're saving but the energy in time spent cutting up strips of cloth and then not it's like that's out of the dollar store it's like that's what i was gonna say too they just weigh it you know 99 cent store weigh that time all i do is i spend 19 hours a week cutting and washing and now did you guys do like organic diapers and stuff did you try no way my friend is pregnant and she's like and i'm like i'm just i i'm like she's already like talking about or i'm like we organic diapers i'm like wait like or like cloth diapers cloth diapers no the why don't you just not do this to yourself no like

why are you already like i have heard such nightmare stories about cloth diapers i just feel like you're gonna it's gonna blow out once and you're not going to it's so gross so disgusting just ruin the environment for three years here's all this money saving listen no of our cloth wipes that we have in the house we've been using them for more than five years well then why are you cutting new ones same as 20 a month over a year then that is um 204 she's only spent 10 hours a day cutting strips of no i spend that on amazon every day like on like toothpicks i'm like what kind of should i get today i had one person say she couldn't contaminate her washing machine i just had to laugh because if you know anything about

her bacteria there's no way it can survive those harsh conditions so what your own asshole not an issue at all she's mocking her friend who said do you want to wash your shit paper in the washer she's like that silly bitch didn't know what she was talking about she's like and i'm wearing one of my shit rags as a apron apron right now fashion well i can't tell you the kid had to blow out the baby and on the on his pajamas or whatever and nanny goes to put it in our washing machine don't you fucking do that i got this from old navy for $4.99 i can afford another $4.99 yeah fuck you don't don't put it in my washing machine this kid here has the kid has better intuition about his mom's nonsense here look when he first came up with the the idea of cloth

toilet paper i was kind of a little skeptical and once i got used to it to me it's it's more comforting to have something solid on your hand than the paper stuff this is kind of like the shit that's on your hand that's solid shit the kid goes this is kind of dirty right the paper stuff this is kind of dirty it's okay it's clean it's okay so okay she's trying to it's clean he's like this is staying with kaka mommy and she's like no no this is clean oh my god you use that mommy said it's okay this is my favorite one for some reason i really like that lady yeah oh you know what's another one i really don't understand um the extreme couponers they spend 10 15 hours a day cutting the coupon putting the coupon into folder binders and then taking it to the store it's like

for that that's a part-time job it's ridiculous yeah just figure out a job that you can earn more money instead of trying to find a way to not spend money do you know what i mean it's reverse exactly yes try to you know think yeah you have a job you're doing a job it's like the guy like there's this guy that is outside the right aid near my house and he's always like he's always asking for he's like a like a like kind of handsome black dude you know he's like maybe 25 or something who knows he could be 65 you never know never but um he's like holding a cup out and he goes hey it's like hard times can't give him i'm like i do want me to give you an application because me handing you money is exactly the same job like no offense to people that work at right but it was

like dude i think you can probably get a job here probably yeah yeah like i could get you like especially if you're standing out there all that time and it's hot it's weird and everyone the woman that worked there was like yeah what the fuck dude i yeah also it's hard for me to make money back in the day you mentioned you were always forcing your boyfriends to kiss boys kiss boys do you ever get another kinky were you like in a kink stuff or no um i like to be jerked off in front i'm just getting i'm just a guy for you kink of the year um uh i think i was just like kind of down for what i was okay are you down for this imagine if the easiest way to delight your wife because you just throw a ball across your room relationships wouldn't tell me that's all you

i've been feeling that tails getting fucked i feel physically ill with the pup play yeah it makes me very uncomfortable inside i like the original kiwi pup play the deceitful one they're like this is not sexual just a bunch of men wearing leather and then we found his other channel where he was like inserting tail there's the mask down there yeah is that a butt plug tail this one probably wasn't but when it's all dudes it definitely is when it's dudes they're like they're like get on the table the vet needs to inspect you and then yeah there's i went to leather fat the fest in silver lake um maybe 10 years ago oh yeah leather daddies and they wear the they have they have assless traps yeah and um which i've never seen asked full chaps to be honest but with butt

plugs that look like tails and then there was a guy that was had a booth that people could come up to and they would zip you up in a body bag and just your balls about and he would whip your balls and people were like there was a line around the fucking line can i tell you what that is that was san francisco in the late nineties and that was so like that was the weekend that was a good time back in that city you were there you were there for like the real the height of gay shit man there were dudes just butt fucking in the streets back then it was awesome i think it's women i think if this women's movement knew a little bit more about like dumb shit like they'd be happy or like yeah you can like whip there's dudes you can find that will let you whip their balls will actually

ask you to i don't want to do it i can do that i would do that for money if i weren't married i guess i love no if you love if i loved him no i think here's what i would do i know how anyone tolerates that level of pain it's gotta be there's gotta be such a more inward pain they're trying to hide yeah they're oh that's an interesting i mean i like uh that's interesting here what you just said a light should trying to mask the inner pain inside yeah that's how much worse the pain is on that's interesting now balls with but i mean i'm saying there's a physical pain well it changes obviously from person to person but for a lot of guys where anything aggressive there will physically make you collapse i know you get like nauseous right absolutely i know and when people say to me

don't you feel resentful that you have to carry the baby for nine months and then push the baby out and then breastfeed the baby and i go no because in two and a half years when that little boy is running around he's going to kick daddy right in the night and it's called payback because i taught him because i actually trained him to do it we have lessons he's homeschooled and kicking down the balls they say oh you've won all these ribbons at dog shows but they rarely ask if i'm the dog oh boy one quite a few that's rude to go into it to try to win as a human it's not fair it's like oscar vatorious with the fake legs because this is a little bit of an advantage i got these at dom con my name is tony and i'm a human pup i mean i'm tony's husband and trainer oh that's

a twist that's quite a twist oh wait and they have real dogs but they're not neutering involved in pet play for my entire life a lot of kids like to play pretend they like to pretend to be but i really fuck them they enjoy doing it i just never grew out of that oh i got into pet play through tony once we started dating uh he alerted a common who's tony tony's on the left she is yeah glad to do it they say when the student is ready the master appears oh boy these two are a match made in heaven i mean you're not kidding in doggy heaven all dogs go to heaven their dogs are super cute i feel bad for them though come on tony what's your pronoun they're like they go to cosco to get peanut butter i but tony i definitely he she zooms her zooms it up there are aspects of pet play that

relate to bdsm or kink or leather no it involves gear that is restrictive or restraining for example leashes harnesses mits on your hands you know i don't like i don't like how put together they are i like my pup play psychos to really be out on the edge i don't like i don't like an articulate explanation i know i actually don't like that it's like half shaved head like i want you to look proper like i want this to be more of a twist i want you to be like like harvard educated yeah yeah i like to be caught off guard more yeah or or just i like when they're the like the fakeness of like this is just fun right those kiwis you know with the guys and then they're just like fucking you want like the obamas to be but do you think they're doing that to try to have like a

broader audience like they're pretending like they're like we want the christians like us too they just want they don't want to come off as weird right legitimizing it right now we have these harnesses responsibility is similar to the responsibility with a regular dog i have to groom the dogs and my wife's hair that's pretty i'm a regular dog i'm just different okay okay he's like we have bio dogs and i do train them for bio dogs no barking but you know if you want to make a big stink that's you're an adult human you can do what you want so that there was pretty because she she took a fence to the fact that he was like you know we have like real dogs she's like i am a can i hear that again please yeah that was pretty great that was pretty great my responsibility

is similar to the responsibility with a regular dog the first dog i'm a regular dog i'm just different okay she is rough bio dog how long have you been a horse trainer a horse trainer since 2009 wait can i just say can you pause it for a second sure because before we've been getting to this bitch um okay so what annoys me about that is like if you want to be like a weird dog bitch be a dog bitch but don't don't be precious about how you're a dog bitch yeah you are weird that is weird okay and and tout that you're weird and you found a fucking husband who's like totally down fucking do your gratitude list in the morning bitch all right you can write it with your little paws and don't but don't like correct him like he's offended you like it's not

like he has to accommodate you more than he already has if you're eating out of a fucking dog bowl bitch like come on well he said regular dog you're supposed to say bio like the real dogs don't do that real dogs don't go like orph orph orph you're like disrespecting my pronoun she's out of her way too hurt too hurt Annie do some role play be like you're my bio dog tell Tom you're i mean wait you're my regular dog you're just a regular dog it's bio dog wow must be so i love this and that's the duty i love this safe space do you remember that guy please explore please we need to hear this mumbo jumbo this safe space and critter club is to provide a safe space for people to explore we engage in pet play do people not realize that

saves places inside yourself that is the same it's really like you have to just accept yourself and not worry about other people because you have no control over how other people treat you it's you literally have no all you can do is set up boundaries and people either cross them or don't and then you have them in your life or you don't like it's what is happening right now yeah it's all victim culture it's yeah it's i have to change the external world it's just like you have no it's like people have not i've just had real shit happen so it's like you know if you guys ever had your your house broken into or whatever i feel like being like fucking raped or having like your house broken into it's like these things that happen where you're like you realize like

your walls are not they're false like this barrier is like not real right so you just have to be you have to be your walls like you have to try your best to like protect yourself and you can't just like it's just it's just makes me crazy and he's sharing some real wisdom it's fucking i just can't believe this shit it's like i i don't give a fuck about your dog shit but i'm allowed to make fun of you i'm sorry yeah of course so you're gonna be weird if you're gonna put it out there like you're saying yeah and you can make fun of me motherfucker i'm not saying you can't make fun of me it's like who wasn't made fun of it's so important to be made fun of like especially as comics like i mean come on i'm assuming we all got dragged oh yeah dragged and

it's like you learn how to get through it of course but no you have to go to a safe space and do your pony play but i'm going through something it's like yeah so is rosanne bitch like what the fuck like and you can't everyone's so hypocritical oh yeah if you want okay fine then we have to be like feel bad for everyone everybody everybody's even if they voted for trump we have to feel bad for them oh boy quintessential pet play gear is tail and hood everything else is extra okay so let's do tail oh that's not extra okay the tail's not extra for me the reason that i like to be a dog is dog is man's best friend dogs experience the world through a lens of pure joy i've never seen someone that's in like a lesbian more maybe dolphins but i feel like that pet play would be much harder

dolphins i trained off like pony and critter club is kind of pet play i dress up like them there's no sex involved i don't think sexual sexual i do think that to an extent is erotic because it is intimate i'm sorry it's not sexual he's wearing fucking pleather from head to toe of course and it's all harnessed and belts all snug on straps it's totally and i put a fake tail in my asshole but it's not sexual it's like you guys pretending that you weren't gonna fucking put that bottle right up tom's ass that's where it went you know what bothers me too along what you were saying the safe space and then the need to you know everybody's different and we have to honor what they're doing it's like no you don't you can talk shit about yeah like this is ridiculous

it's remember when you could just call crazy shit crazy yeah now it's your concern you're crazy shaming crazy is like the most fun thing to point and laugh at it's what keeps you feeling like and also when you're making fun of someone you're fucking including the right thing it's like i'm trying to get on a level where i can relate to you because what you're doing is fucking crazy if i wasn't making fun of you i would be judging you right do you understand if i was just silently sitting there and going like this i would be repressing every thought i had about how fucking nuts it is yeah or i can try to make the rim laugh bust your balls and then laugh it out yeah oh i consider myself i thought she died i got excited that being said wait wait wait i didn't

hear what is she saying yeah i consider myself out i'm very open that being said i do compartmentalize my pet play because not everyone wants or needs to see that no family sweetie that's the nicest thing she said yeah i think they have a general idea that i'm in yeah like you possibly know i know but we don't talk about it they know they know she talked about it like she was considering going to thanksgiving dressed like this right i know i mean i guess this is one of our big points on these people all the time a lot of times the people insist on everybody knowing what makes them come and it's like you don't have to tell everybody and she actually i'll give her credit keeps it to herself that like this is her well i mean she's aside from doing this documentary but at least she's not she's

like saying like i don't tell dad and is it called a dogumentary guys i'm a comedian it is a dogumentary which that i applaud like just keep it to yourself yeah if you're gonna be weird just do it behind closed doors why does everybody have to celebrate everything you're fucking doing how annoying is it as someone with a narcissist mother how annoying is it if your owner is like taking the toy you're like yo can i get the toy you went to pet smart and came back with nothing for me just for yourself this is a nasty you're stealing your dog's thunder but i will say if anybody is meant to be a dog it's that broad right yeah she fucking looks like a human dog she does she cut her hair like a dog and she's very ruthless like a dog yeah roof is your name um she's a dog she's fantastic really

really i almost want to we got to watch those again because i feel like i didn't fully get the essence like i need to soak it in we'll soak it you haven't gotten i need to take a second pass on it she's like i've got a soak if you know i didn't get wet enough right i'm really i think come yeah we have to watch it again but there are some videos on this show that you take one pass and you're like that was weird and then i think about them for a week and then i'm like we got is we got to you guys ever are you ever like we got to try that no no just mock them endlessly yeah um any where can people see you coming up um oh i just had my date up and i forgot that he's great comic you need to go see her live she's uh often at the store one of the few

ladies that's allowed to perform a very funny lady yeah it's hard i had to you know media i did complain i complained a lot online and then um they finally passed me yeah that's the way to do it i didn't go into the line and yeah no no you just need to send no you just have to complain about stuff right you have to be a victim totally it's crazy um let me look up the state go see comedian uh any can i tell you my um finish my bria story yeah oh yeah so i go on a date with and you know like everyone's a liar and everything but i thought they lie about like height and stuff this guy um cropped out he had a like a lobster claw hand he's like a deformed hand yeah and like i don't care i was especially a teacher i'm cool but like it was um it was just so surprising that

we never talked about it and then he took me to a lobster restaurant he did lobster with his lobster hands nice but see that we didn't talk about it no it was totally random and i was like because i was like i don't want to do a bit about it i talk about it on stage but it's like but i i didn't want to i was like am i going to talk about this on stage so they took your lobster restaurant but then once he took me to the lobster restaurant i was like done deal sorry bro but it was wild i'm like just like because i would always make sure you could tell i didn't have big boobs and stuff like i never wanted to have the moment of like discipline i just never like if i'm not your type you're not mine so it's like i'm not going to like go on a date with someone and then show up

and you like look different than your picture yeah wait but this is a famous person with a lobster what no he was like i don't he like had a picture of one direction one i'm trying to think of famous people with lobster clothes no no no no he's not famous he's just he was a nice guy it was just like and i wouldn't it's just once i saw that i was like yeah that's weird man just show your thing weird what's your website where can people find um you can find me my website is not updated i'm really i'm not i'm bad at that stuff but um i will update it it's annie letterman dot com but also uh i will post most of my dates on instagram there you go and that's just at annie and i remember but so i'm doing and letterman is led it's led er man so i'm gonna be at

in pakip see wait no i'm gonna be in saratoga springs at the comedy works okay new york november 23rd and 24th with kurt metzger okay that's fantastic hilarious kurt metzger and annie together over 23rd and 24th um thank you very much for coming today thanks for having me this was really fun yeah thanks for showing me the world of dog play yeah had it tough play we felt like you had the note you're a great guest thanks uh here's gaping dad with she's our worded on the way out um joy is christ the rest of your week guys we'll see you next time make make make make a branch and get over yeah

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