Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - 473-Tom Green-Your Mom's House with Christina P and Tom Segura

Episode Date: November 7, 2018

A dream come true. Tom Green, one of the funniest and most original voices of the last 25 years comes over and chops it up with the Mommy's.  We discuss his incredible rise to fame, his dedication to his pranks, how his life changed and what he's up to today.  PLUS, more ridiculous clips that you send in and a whole lot more.   

Do-do-do-do-do-do Very exciting Take it down tour continues to add shows next year the latest to add a second show is February 15th in Cincinnati, Ohio the Aronoff Center for the Arts We added a late show. That's unbelievable that first one filled up fast. Thanks so much my hometown Cincinnati, Ohio I'll be there February 15th that week also has two shows in Pittsburgh on Valentine's Day it's burnt and then Cleveland two shows at the Masonic and then Sunday two shows at the Warner in DC

Very excited about all those This month Montclair is sold out Philadelphia sold out except for the late Friday November 16th. There's still some tickets left there I added a bunch of shows. They're all at Tom's a girl comm slash tour That whole tour starts officially in San Francisco January 4th. So thanks so much for your guys support on that and Gene what you got first of all? I'd like to thank everybody who watched the degenerates which dropped last week on Netflix

I can't thank you guys enough for the outpouring of love and support It's really means a lot to me So thank you so much and for those of you don't know I also have an hour on Netflix called Mother Inferior So if you like the half hour check out the hour, they're both great. Thank you Tom Or should I say mr. Pajieski? Hey, y'all send Chris send Christina your love standard pictures of yourself laughing Send her pictures of things that make you laugh. I'm mr. Pajieski I'm taking over her socials today hashtag fun

So here we go November 24th late show San Diego House of Blues just a handful of tickets left on that December 7th fill her up Delphia The I got a late show. There's some tickets left on that one December 8th Jewdork titties late show as well only a handful left of tickets on that one January 10th The Ryder die tour. That's right. I'm Ryder die January 10th here at the comedy store in the main room January 31st through February 2nd Denver, Colorado at the comedy works

The downtown one and then February 28th through March 2nd Madison, Wisconsin at the comedy club on state April 4th through 6th mini-apple tits Act me come on me club and then May 10th and 11th 10p Arizona the 10p. That's how you say it, right? Yeah, they really get it into that 10p. It's it's Native American I believe yeah, it's ten feet. It's ten feet and Then June 20th or 22nd Washington dick come at the dick come improv tickets at Christina P online the Ryder die tour because I am a Ryder die for my family now. Yeah

A lot of people wait in on that right Having a snitch having that name on hilarious sort of ironic. Yeah, I added Madtown by the way I added a second show there where Madison. Oh Madtown. Yeah, do they call it that or just you they call it that I Added a second show there also. I think it's in April. So Go check them out. You know our websites. It's a huge big old tits calm and then Wait a minute for me. Don't direct them. Actually, that'd be really funny if I changed it to big old sloppers Or mushy purples calm. Yeah, you can get away with that one more. Yeah, but he's Okay, mushy purps

I'm so ripped right now from yesterday You guys have had a long journey. Yeah, and it's finally come to a close. So rocktober is over obviously now and Man, you look wrecked, bro. We got we this is We just recorded Joe's recap episode So we smoked and we drank and we drank whiskey for like four hours No, we're not the dinner and drink wine. Oh my goodness Fine, but you guys but you had like a ladies lunch yesterday You did your podcast for four hours and then y'all went to dinner for another four hours

I mean Jesus Christ and I flew in the same day. Oh, you worked a whole week and then you flew in you went to Joe's by the way looking amazing shows. Thank you so much to people in Fort Myers Fort Myers jack me off hill. Yes, Orlando. Yes, come Gus to Georgia Seriously, I was blown away. I was blown away. Don't you love our fans. It's the best I think I have little winks to our like podcast fans during my show. It's good and it's always the most fun I do this thing where I I mentioned something about four strokes and then Jeff Tate who was with me opening all weekend He goes you say that and he goes and then people applaud He didn't know he's like, I don't know why they laugh and clap at that. I was like, oh, yeah

It's because of he's like is it one of your crazy fucking videos and I go. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I did a little homage He had no idea. It's funny that he's like, why do people? Oh, yeah, it's the best because the people who don't know in the audience Yeah, confused and then those who know it's the best and on my new Netflix half-hour I do a shout-out to your mom's house. I do two actually that I remember I do it Would you rather in my half-hour for you guys? I'm struggling and the water champ official official But thank you guys. You really are the best fans. Yeah, we have the best. There's no there's no other

Definitely, you guys are the most amazed. So thank you. Thanks so much and this is a real treat I think for all of us because I Consider him to be not just funny But legendary like a huge influence to earth Brooks. Well Garth is number one But right next to him would be Tom Green. I think so cool the coolest that we get to have him here But it was such a good time We record this a few weeks ago because we knew that I would be incapacitated today And one of the kindest people in comedy so nice. Yeah, Tom was really fun to have in studio

Yeah, I think you guys are gonna like this episode. Thank you. I think you're gonna like a lot I You don't like the way you look. I think you're gonna studio tea. You're gonna get physical while you're listening. I like that I really like that hashtag fun hashtag happy hashtag. You're it All right, it's rolling. We're rolling Jean. Okay. Doki mommies. There's a lot to get into no big guests coming in today big guests exciting times So much to cover Are you ready to yeah do this? Yeah fucking. Yeah. All right. Let's go bro. Okay. Well, howdy there It's me your host

Skank Reynolds Welcome to stripper reviews because here I am all alone with my hand Jaying off to old playboys because they're easier on my eyes than this smartphone This shit is big time. Who is Randy? Don't bring anyone loving to this Your mom in the fucking stand. Welcome. Welcome to your mom's house With Tom Segura Christina Pajit say Christina

Welcome to your mom's house Oh Snap it's so dynamic that that intro song It really is forget how explosive These guys are reviewing strippers. I know it's always the cool guys the hot guys the guys worthy of strippers that love reviewing women Making demands. Yeah, I don't even know We're gonna talk about strippers. Okay. I one time felt up a swish, philippina named britney and uh, it was pretty fun She was pretty game

You touch her ass and her titties as much as she wanted during the dance Yeah, she didn't let me go downtown. That was uh, I don't care ass and titties I mean for 20 dollars a dance at the time Yeah, yeah, but that is their job. Isn't it to let you touch them at some places. I guess I mean Tom, you know all that don't act like 20 dollars too. It's like pretty Right easy way in which is what it was. It's not anymore. It's like 30. It's like 30 Top on they 40 with top off It used to be 20 dollars from top off. Oh gee. Wow. I had an interaction with an ethiopian stripper

name of alize She was you know, you really danced. We really grinded. I like girls who have you know, I like to You know dry sex is fun. You know It's fun. I don't get a nut, but you know, oh my god contact with party on hold on What is wrong with this person? Hold on All right. Sorry. I just wanted to make sure that we were um Recording on the correct Chickawatts. Well, you want to hear everything that this guy has to say Yeah, I mean, I just got the alize review. Let's see. What else he's got

You know, she dropped down to her knees a few times and played with my dick through my shorts Nice basketball club You weren't basketball shorts to the strip club. Yeah, I'm wearing basketball shorts to the strip club It was fun, you know, I think she likes my dick, you know, I had a decent job on it wasn't you know, the best I've ever had And I'm pretty proud of the width of my penis when it's fully What's that gorge? First of all, can we just yeah, celebrate this man's memory and his ability To recollect every detail right of the girl's look her name what she did that time

He remembers when we were back when it was 20 dollars now. It's 40 dollars He knows what alize was her ethnic background. That's fantastic. It is I think it's a mark of youth They say you remember lots of details when you're young and then by our age, it's it's just gone great Game board partner if you're playing You know board games true. Yeah um A really good thing is uh, well, we've got all the marks of a great home video number one the background

He's in the bathroom. So there's a shower curtain. Yeah audio. There's a weird humming sound in the background It's hard to hear and it's not an impressive shower. We're gonna be honest It's not flattering. This is like, you know, it's it's uh in your 20s Just what it is Yeah, I think isn't it 20 look doesn't look so young, but he's youthful He's one of those guys that went bald at 18. Yeah, you know those unfortunate souls. I feel so bad for them He should do what I'm doing. I can't believe he's not going all the way the same length Sure, he's actually letting the horseshoe kind of grow out and in your 20s. That is insanity

I know it's so I hate when it happens for guys that early. It's so sad. It's not fair Life is cruel. He's got a bad beard mustache game. Yeah, this is dog shit Because he's trimming the mustache down or it's not growing in it's very beard is full or somewhat full Yeah, I don't so can I ask you as a guy million dollar makeover? Yeah We what what compels a young man to make reviews like this like what's going on here? He probably knows on some level. It's not a good idea You know, he's probably he knows it's mean spirited the way we're critiquing his looks

Yeah, I don't think he thinks it's mean spirited. It's it's you're so over sex and you so want sex That you figure talking about sex some part of your mind goes if you put it out there It might lead to it's like the secret really what your brain's doing. It's the secret It's like if I build it, they will he just wants sex. He wants more. He wants sex And this is just the best he can do right now. Yeah Yeah, yeah until he finds his own pair of jeans and then you can fart 33 1,600 times. That's exactly what I've done and 14. I had some farts yesterday. Yeah Well, you did the night before

Yeah, well, here's your apricots. Oh my god. I'm so stupid I because I was constipated and I got these hemorrhoids left over from pregnancy and I started eating Dried apricots because that usually does the job right quick Yeah, and I ate a bunch of them and it was rancid. It smells like sulfur because there's sulfur in the apricots, right? Holy cow. Well, what caused your farts? I don't understand. We eat the same thing I was on the elliptical elliptic here. So that that cardio Yeah gets your Your system going and the thing is I had some sneaky like

Kind of farts and I was like, yeah This sucks, you know, and then as I was going going I had like a big burst come out It was nearly sexual in nature feels good. Yeah, didn't smell good, but it felt good Can I tell you the dumbest thing I did though is that I ate those apricots and then went to get a massage And I mean, how stupid can you be pretty stupid? I was like, what am I thinking? And I had to hold I really I fell asleep on the table

And then I had to like wake up quickly and really clench my butt cheeks together because one was about to like Really escape. Yeah. Yeah So that was not good. Let's hear him talk about his dick more. No, Jesus When it's half-hearted, it's half-hearted. It was a pretty good job. I had better though I don't know. I didn't have like serious chubs this year where I'm looking down at my dick like that's a monster I got it. I'm good. And all I have to I'm saying this on camera and all I have to do is masturbate See he goes I'm saying this on camera. Yeah, he knows see it's his mind telling him like why are you doing it?

Like don't put this out there. Yeah, he knows you're still overwhelmed With horniness. Yeah, he knows he nasty It's it's um, it's inhibiting his ability to actually restrain Poor judgment that that's how overwhelming that testosterone can the the build-up of Of all that. Yeah pent up stuff. Oh, and then he's like, I'm just gonna talk about coming since I'm not telling you There's a there's a window in in men's life that it's just overwhelming. What is that age like? Uh, it starts it starts if it really I think You really peek out between

17 and 22 those are that's the window of like Yeah, that's where it's the most intense and that's yeah, and that's when you can get into the most trouble with that And that's what usually happens and that's like guys act the most recklessly and yeah impulse control. Oh my goodness our guests It's our guests. Okay Yeah, we should probably press pause. We'll keep this going here You All right, we're back. We had to do a quick pause because our esteemed guest has arrived

All right, so you guys were on already you're on. Yeah. Yeah, but just for a few minutes Okay, you on you did the intro you did the intro and we were talking about this cool guy and uh And your name is tom. Yes, tom. Tom green. Tom green. Nice to see you guys. Nice to see you. Tom and tom And proud canadian. Hello, like me. Yeah, canadian by birth winds are ontario Yeah, no, how long did you do you grow up there now, man? I moved to california when I was like three. Yeah I I thought I knew that yeah, yeah, what part are you from? Uh, I am from ottawa I had to think about that for a second. It's a capital. Yeah capital very good. Yeah, that's nice I'm one of those americans that knows things. Yeah. Yeah, it's because you're married to a canadian. That's right

Nobody else would know that Did you know that? No, I know nothing of canada at all. All I know is that winds are is is really nice Like I hear it's the it's the bevelly hills Yeah of canada, right? Yeah, uh, it's it's it's more like the uh, the Laughlin nevada of canada It's very fitting for me. It's it's kind of like a casino town. Sure. Oh, it's so weird. I will have great real estate Yeah, I have to I have to uh I can I cannot uh tell a lie though. I've never been to Windsor. Okay. I hear but I hear that's where people go to drink

Yeah, it's from Detroit. Where is the Detroit? Is there a surprise city? in and let's say in terms of If you're traveling doing stand-up that um, like everybody knows, you know, we all hit Toronto Vancouver Montreal as you guys say Calgary when Toronto, what's the city that you're like, you know what this wouldn't normally be on your list But you should hit it Ottawa. Really? I'd say so. Yeah. Okay because it's the capital So there's lots of

You know nice architecture Lots of museums lots of it's a it's a million people. So it's a Big small city. Yeah, that's that's more than a lot, you know, it's it's not uh, not like big like Toronto or Montreal or Vancouver But uh, yeah, it's it's it's it's because it's the capital. It's interesting very beautiful city. Go in the summer Don't go in the winter. It's very cold very cold city. Yeah. Yeah. Um, you know, but uh You know other cities, uh, I mean you've pretty much named them all, you know, Calgary Edmonton Edmonton Probably, you know another city. I've not been to in Canada, which I'm sort of Wish I have had been there as st. John's Newfoundland

I just think that's would be a very unique excuse. That's what I'm looking for. Yeah, you get out there You're so almost like going to Ireland. Okay. I haven't been there But uh prince Edward island charlatan prince Edward islands kind of like that. Okay the maritimes the east coast halifax Yeah, yeah very you know what that um, that summer winter thing reminds me of is when I first started touring And working I started to go to Canada twice a year some in some places But I went every year to like those five six places And you know that second time you come through I got you going like February. Yeah, and you're like, hey, yeah, I'm a bad full house. They're like, yeah

It's fucking 30 blowout come in june. Yeah. Yeah, like you'll sell you'll sell eight tickets. I'd be like, oh Yeah, yeah, you kind of they which is the opposite of la because if it drizzles everybody stays indoors No, but it's the cold climates. They all come out because they're and it's going crazy You literally have like six sold out shows and you're like, wow Like everyone here to see me and they're like, no, no, they're all sold out all winter. Yeah, they just want to be inside They're looking for something to do that is inside. Yeah Yeah, well, it's uh, it's it's it's it's kind of a a bit of a catch 22 because it sucks being there in the winter Sucks. Yeah

Yeah, it looks like it, you know, it's almost like more fun to go up and sell six tickets and be warm. I know right It's so brutally cold for me. Yeah, you know, it's funny to get in the argument like what's the coldest But I think the coldest week that I experienced on the road was in Winnipeg Really? What time of year did you go? It was like, uh, january or something like that. Yeah, it was Unfucking believable It was so crazy. No, do canadians. I mean, this is a question that I I get asked But uh, I'm curious to know from your american perspective. Yeah, do canadians

laugh differently Is it a different reaction to the comedy? I don't think so. No, no, is it Tempered slightly well tronto when we did that it was bonkers. I feel like they're they're more down to have fun I feel like I always say this thing that I feel like is I still think holds true and that is that I think smarter crowds In in smarter demographics get sarcasm. Yeah, and I find that for the most part that always translated in Canada, which is that like you have your hard jokes. Yeah, and then you know, like I would I do like tags

That are there can be a throwaway line Sometimes those throwaway lines in certain places get like a 30% of the audience Yeah, yeah, and there's a lot of times that I would go to Canada. I'm like 100% of the audience was with me on every throwaway line. It's more like a Seattle type crap. Yeah, yeah than a, uh, you know, Huntsville, Alabama type crap. Yeah A little bit closer. Yeah, I think so. I mean, I had great I did have one time now I remember the time that I did Calgary. Yeah, and I was like 15 minutes in and I was telling stories

As you know, the the bit was like that that telling the story of what happened Is the routine, right? Like I was on the flight and the guy And like 10 minutes in this guy goes, are you gonna tell a joke? And I go these are jokes Like this is a story with jokes in it. Oh, yeah, you thought he was coming out to see hennie youngman. Yeah. Yeah And I was like, all right. I remember specifically that that was a Calgary show. That's that's uh, that was probably just uh, that's just a weird rogue Yeah, yeah occurrence. I think I think so, but I know I've had amazing the place I used to go twice a year for a while was the comedy mix in vancouver. Okay. I've never been there. Really? No

It's uh yuck yucks. Okay. Well, I think this was the old yuck yucks. Okay, and it's on barard street At the century plaza hotel downstairs. Okay, fucking tremendous. Yeah, I think that is the old yuck yucks. Yeah, so it's really good Yeah, but I know that yuck yucks has that uh They had that thing in canada where they're like you play us and you don't fucking play anywhere else Yeah, if you're starting out there. Yeah, they really get upset, right? Yeah. Yeah, I I uh, I started doing stand up at yuck yucks When I was a teenager I read this about you that you started because I I spoke to you that night and I'm like, oh

Because I remember them saying on tom green start doing stand up. I saw at the ice house and I was like that can't be right This guy's been funny for a million years and you started at 15. It says on Wikipedia Yeah, and at the same the same club the club's moved, but it's you know the same owner Howard wagman he's been there been there since we're over 30 years, you know and a great guy and uh Yeah, but I mean I wasn't touring, you know, I didn't tour I was I was I started doing amateur night. I'd go down when I was a kid because I wanted to see harland williams. Oh, I love harland and uh, norm mcdonald. I wanted to see starfish Those are like your heroes jeremy hotz. They were yeah, they were all uh,

Canadians and they're all they were the headliners in canada at the time so many people don't know how hot over hand jeremy hotz has had in In stand up, especially in canada. Yeah, I mean these these these guys were they were all in their 20s though Then and they hadn't even moved to the states yet. Yeah harland and norm hadn't Norm wasn't in on saturday night live yet. I remember when they all moved down here. It was kind of like very inspiring because You know, I was sort of a kid and I thought oh these guys were like 10 years older than me So I was sort of them the dream was wow. They're going off to edmonton tomorrow to do more stand up Yeah, you know, I'm just stuck here in ottawa. They're going to the yuck yucks in edmonton tomorrow

So it was amazing to think that you could just travel around doing stand up, you know, yeah, um, but uh But uh, I uh, I did it till I did it probably till I was about 20 and then I stopped and uh Started uh, I went back to school and took uh broadcasting So wait started my so what is the time off between 20 and when you started again? How long probably about 35 15 years away Yeah, I mean, I I don't think I ever really, you know was Yeah, basically for 15 years. I was um

I was I was doing a college radio show and then I started the tom green show and I just did that all day every day You know, oh, that's all I did for 15 years was was basically worried about uh, you know making weird videos kind of busy Yeah, I kind of like I kind of just uh I definitely regret in some way not regret, but sometimes I think in hindsight like man if I Would have been nice to have been doing stand up when my show was on mtv. That would have been. Oh my god Good time to be uh there on the road I told you this in at the comedy store the other night Yeah, when I was I because it's kind of we talked about that. Yeah, we did because I it's kind of funny sometimes

When you do this and you know, you're working as a comic and then you see People in the green room. We are like, holy shit, and it is kind of funny man to me that you know your show I I think a lot of people may be experienced not a lot of people But some people experience having a show or you know working on a show and you're like I was on tv But your show was the first of its kind It was it's been you see a lot of bad Some go to imitations of you and what you did like you're a true original and that was Must see television for us. Oh my god. I mean, I'm sure you right you realize it, but like yeah for me

I mean what I I was I think we figured out that I was probably 18 or 19 or formative years and we're watching you and the slot mobile and your dad and it was Blew our fucking minds our minds man. Yeah. Oh, it was it was what was it at the peak of that being on mtv What was that experience like for you? I mean it was uh, it was uh Sort of a surreal You know a very surreal few years when just readjusting to that because to that level of fame Yeah, well because you know I did the show like I said I was doing yuck yucks I say I don't even say I was doing stand up. I was doing yuck yucks when I was 15

You know, I was doing I was doing that as a kid and then I I What actually happened? I got this record deal in canada For a rap group that I was in when I was 19 That's kind of why I stopped doing the stand-up because we went and we started this rap Uh-huh. Well, I've been doing it. What was your group called? You're called organized rhyme Okay, and we got nominated for a juno award in canada, which is like a canadian grammy And we had a we had a hit record

But you know a hit record in canada like, you know, we didn't make any money or anything like that It was just kind of like it was number one on the top 10 at 10 on the radio but you know, we weren't selling records or anything like that and um And then You know that kind of fizzled out I went back to school and uh, and Started the show with my friends from college from broadcasting school And did the show for about five years and you're just doing this for fun voluntarily at a public access station

Making videos making videos It's harder too. By the way, this is like editing on what an avid machine. They didn't have no not even that It was actually tape. So you were it was it was tape to tape Beta cam or three-quarter inch tape or high eight tape. So you'd have two machines I edited everything myself So that's why I went to broadcasting school because I figured no one was gonna make my show You have no expectations like while you're doing this like that it would be something No, I was I was kind of a very motivated and driven kid

So I was actually I did have expectations I was trying to sell the show from the day But you know like were you getting feedback like were people coming up to you? I was like a like a total nerd like video geek and I mean the way I got the record deal was because I started buying a lot of like like I work a summer job And buy a drum machine and then I didn't make this rap demo And then I would go to like when a local canadian rap group was performing

I'd show up with my demo tape and like like hand it to the the the manager, you know And so so I sort of like kind of hustled a little bit, you know Isn't that great? Sorry. I was scared shitless that I was going to have to like, you know Keep working at Dairy Queen or whatever. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So I was just Terrified that fear is a great motivator to tell the marketing jobs I was worked as a mover. I was working as a landscaper. I was doing tons of stuff like that. So I was terrified. So so, uh, you know But basically uh, when the show got picked up by mtv

It was kind of like You know 10 years of like hustling around trying to make something happen and then all of a sudden You know, it sort of exploded and overnight on mtv, which was shocking because you know We didn't we didn't have mtv in canada. So like we had much music Yeah, I mean, it's a sort of it's sort of the same thing. But are you living still in can't like do you fly over to make it? So so I was living uh in canada and uh, and I sent I mean

There's the The long short story is I went and did this talk show in canada called the mike bullard show It was the david letterman of canada and I would do these ridiculous Stunts on the show like things that I'm not even sure I want to repeat like I showed up with a suitcase And as I repeat it showed up with a suitcase Handcuffed to me and then in the middle of the interview. I opened it and there's a dead raccoon in it And it's rotting And I started shaving it and then they have to stop tape and the host goes and

Is sick, you know, you know, and uh, it's like makes like news and stuff in canada. It was uh I should not be repeating this should I? I should not be it's on it's on youtube. But uh, anyway, so At that one of those tapings, uh, I met My future manager who's Now my friend howard lapitas and he he managed dr. Drew And uh adam corolla. Yeah, and they were doing love line on mtv And he saw my crazy talk show appearance and I gave him some tapes and he took them to mtv

And that's how I got on mtv isn't that crazy? Wow, so we know what I love about your story is that You did that self hustle and an era where it Kind of wasn't as easy as it is now like you hear kids complaining like how do I it's like bro You've got this this is all you fucking need now. You can make a tv show on this There's no excuse to not do it now How punk rock is it that you did it in a time where it was fucking so hard to do? Yeah, I had no money And nobody was sort of like so I like the you couldn't go buy a video camera because a video camera was $2,000 And then once you had a video camera, what are you going to do with that? You can't edit the video

How thought out were your I went to college so I could get my hands on a video camera How planned how planned out were bits where these like just off top of your head. Let's just do this Sort of a mixture. Yeah, like uh, so like I I would we would spend a lot of our time, you know writing, you know We'd sit down me and my buddies and we'd think of what's the most ridiculous thing we can think of yeah do and we you know planned things out And then we would also do a lot of just sort of wandering around

The city with a video camera talking to people So there's a mixture of things like the pranks on my parents were planned out, you know But uh, great, you know and there was lots of Sort of performance already kind of stunts and things like that But then sometimes stuff would just happen where like a guy would start yelling at me on the street And that was like funnier than anything so You know so great now your parents. I mean you were doing clubs at 15 and they seemed very unfazed by Yeah

Your show What was the attitude in real life about all this stuff about you? Uh, well, they were always very supportive Um, uh, very supportive of everything, but then the show got a little, you know in their face, you know and they were conflicted because uh You know that I was in college studying this stuff so They sort of saw that I was applying myself to my college by you know making videos, but But uh, we would we would go we would get them a lot in the middle of the night So they were less supportive because it was three o'clock in the morning

When they were barging into their room or whatever, but um Yeah, you know, uh, they they were they were supportive when I was a kid when I was uh, you know when I was 16 years old we or 17 years old we had this opportunity to go record music in new york and they like paid for our You know, uh You know our trip down there me and my buddy from my rap group and we went down to new york record music for the summer and You know, I snuck into uh NBC and snuck into the letterman studio and all sorts of stuff like really got kicked out. But yeah, yeah What was um, what did they think of like the explosion of the show?

You know, I uh like they were like Really happy when the show got picked up because they figured that I was like gone, you know And I look because mtv basically the answer to your question familiar mtv basically saw the tapes so I we sent them the tapes and uh They said do you have any more of these tapes? You know, I sent like my five favorite clips, right? Yeah, so do you have any more of these videos? I said, uh, yeah, I have about 1 000 of these videos actually all on You know mastered on beta cam, you know, you know professional at that time professional video level, you know And uh, they said oh, okay

We want you to uh come pitch the show. They flew me down to la Put me up in the chateau marm uh, no the the the the mondrian hotel The mondrian and then uh, I had to go over and pitch the show to uh the mtv executives at the house of blues And on this big pitch session And uh, then they they picked it up and moved me and did the pitch go well it went it went pretty well I kind of was like um You know, I was very naive, uh person I think to show business and uh

You know, I uh was very Very confident I think much more confident than than I am now actually, you know to be honest Because I was naive to the fact that I probably should not be confident, you know, right? But uh, at that time I did not know that nobody had told me that yet So, you know, I went it funny to have that probably had an effect too. Yeah, I mean they're like this guy Yeah, I showed up with uh The the the executive at mtv would kind of like

Uh Sort of shepherded me in there Uh into this pitch meeting had told me okay. I want you to bring These four clips, uh Painting your parents house Plad painting the car, you know the the slutmobile, right? Uh Falling down on crutches on the street

Uh, I think the other one was when I went into the pharmacy to buy condoms And then I said, oh, I also want to play this one where I'm Sucking milk out of a cow's udder dressed as captain Kirk. Yeah, it was amazing. Yeah, and they said no Don't don't play that one. You can't play that one sucking milk out of a cow's udder dressed as captain Kirk Oh, I mean really? No, no, don't play that one. So literally it's like, you know, this was pre digital So He tells me to make a vhs tape and there's going to be a vhs machine I'm going to walk in the room pitch the show put the vhs and play them one at a time

So I show up with the vhs tape. I of course put the sucking milk out of a cow's udder dressed as captain Kirk is the last video And so I also brought a Suitcase again And a dita bag actually and in it. I had two bottles of shaving cream and a towel And uh, basically Went in pitched the show in front of all these executives talked about you. I did have a serious pitch I I I remember I remember it was quite serious about like

My understanding of what I was doing. I mean, I I did sort of explain to them, you know, we're shooting this on a home video camera You know people don't air Stuff shot with a home video camera on television It's going to make it more relatable to kids who watch skateboard videos and stuff And I explained, you know, sort of my theory behind it So they saw that I was Rational person Played all the videos big laughs big laughs in the room. Then I played

The last one told them that The executive told me not to play it, but I'm playing it anyway Played it. He's covering his head. It got a huge laugh people couldn't like because you know, this was like this was before You know, uh, that gross out tv thing. Yeah, what's going on? You know, it was before like, you know jackass and stuff like that obviously, but there was some stuff like that. I mean You know, I mean, there was like something about mary. I remember when I saw the movie something about mary, you know with uh, you know the The come here. Yeah. Yeah, you know, yeah um

I was kind of like thinking well, that's pretty shocking, you know, so there was still some gross out stuff out there I was before the show on MTV, but uh But anyway, so I the the the pitch and did and then I I for whatever reason thought this would be a good idea. I went and I lay down on the board room table What in front of all of the top executives at MTV pulled out these two cans of shaving cream And covered myself with shaving cream completely my face And started thrashing around like I used to like to thrash around a lot like very violently After a pitch went well after the pitch went well thrashing around and I streaming. I want to be on MTV

I want to be on MTV and then I got up and I put some shaving cream Off my face and I put a dollop of it on the forehead of just the guy who looked like he was in charge which turned out to be uh I just like that in the whole room is like, I mean I was sensing the energy like I was getting laughs You know like everyone was dying. They couldn't believe this was happening I and and I did that lightly and it was brian graden who was the head of the network And uh, then I left and got in the elevator and everybody was clapping and laughing and they called me the next day and said

Yeah, we're picking up 10 episodes. You're moving to new york city. We got you an apartment uh, you know Your friends can come with you. They've they brought two of my friends down who were you know working on the show with me Got them apartments with the apartments nice MTV very nice midtown Manhattan, you know, right Right by MTV right around the corner. It was pretty it was pretty crazy. There's an excitement to Getting an order obviously. Yeah, but like the way that it hit I don't think people now if they miss that that time. Yeah, like that was that kind of feels like that was pre Chappelle show. Yeah. Yeah, you know what was great. It was pre internet really. Yeah, that's what it is

I mean, there was there was internet, but there was no video on the internet, right? So You know the the new thing was people were now downloading music off nabster That was the only real access to content on the internet You know like like audio or video content was audio content, but So the only place you could watch a music video is on much music the only place you could watch or mtv Much music the only place you could watch So everybody watched MTV. Yeah, so it was it was wild. I remember it was like Yeah

Like the show basically had been on the air for a week And I don't know if you remember like MTV they played like shows and blocks Yeah, so I didn't know this was gonna happen. They had like five shows on the air. It was like celebrity death match My show Daria Road rules. Yes You were on road rules. Yes season six. Oh, yeah, I forgot. I forgot too until you started talking about MTV I just uh, I uh,

Did some research. Okay. All right, Tom green. Yeah, you're on the same network. Yeah. Yeah, that's cool. Um, I think you're a little more famous than me That's cool. I've just been that's been interesting being on on road rules, but oh jeez But uh, so there was there was not many shows and then they would run like My show like five times in a row. Yes Blocks all day. So the show was on like 25 times a week 30 times a week It was the uh impractical jokers of that time. Yeah, it was just all day all day all day Tom I never really understood that or was expecting that kind of thing But all I know is the the the thing that was basically the thing that really freaked me out was

about I don't Two weeks after the show was on the air I got called from Letterman wanted me to be a guest on the show and uh, Then that fell through and I didn't get to go on the show as a guest But then I went on like a month later So it was like literally like six weeks into the into the to being living in our new york I was on who I idolized I idolized Letterman. I mean that was my whole

My whole life was basically revolved around idolizing Letterman. You know, yeah amazing. Yeah, this of course was me too I loved him You can play videos here Slutmobile so it's it's like There's there's Slutmobile. So I'm right so people can see this right now. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, obviously that would be But obviously if you're listening you can't see it. That's true Yeah, but this is on youtube so they can see it on youtube. So this is like, uh, my parents place My house I grew up in

I lived there At the time I was living there I'd moved back into their house after college because I didn't have a job Just editing videos all day. There's my dad going to work in his work clothes In his trench coat. He looks like inspector gadgets. Yeah, I does this briefcase And my dad was a military guy. So he's already used Canadian military, you know, we've got an army He just starts walking down the street. Yeah, but you see he starts to start to crack up here You see it's you see right around this moment. Watch his face. You'll see

He's sort of kind of realizes Where are you going? Some effort had been put in right right here. I think you'll see I'm gonna see him start to there. There's what? Yeah, he just it's a present Quite It did cost $400 that was the most expensive we Mounted a bit we'd ever done because we had to do it. We bought the way we did it was we bought a 1992 Honda Accord hood

And we we painted it And swapped it in the middle of the night, so it's 250 bucks for the hood and like 150 bucks for the paint job And then the middle of the night we just swapped it out Filmed until they got really angry and then and then uh, everything was fine. We swapped it back And I still have the hood now to the states hanging on my wall in my garage. Oh, yeah, that's okay You know what's so great about you and and the whole way that tom green not tom cigarette You're not your personality is you know different He's likable. Anyway, the point is you're so goddamn likeable tom green when you're doing horrible shit to people

Yeah, you have this gift of being somehow sweet and charming at the same time and really rascally I always feel fun to watch. I feel like that's kind of like part of the Like when I watch a lot of youtube pranks these days, some of them go to the place where it's very mean, you know Yeah, and I feel like that's kind of where People don't don't quite understand like that's where you lose the funny, you know It's got to be it's got to be unjustified outrage like when people get mad at you It's got to be somewhat unjustified in this case. It's justified but

Because they're my parents it's different. It's different. But if I did that to somebody else Who weren't my parents and I didn't have that relationship it would have been I would have been being mean by painting their car Interesting because they're my parents and there's so there's sort of a sort of a Subtle line you kind of walk with it But my favorite part of this bit is like is like the next moment actually if you play because I did not um This was not planned You know, I figured he was going to get mad and we would that would be it but then he then it was right at this moment It's love

Right at this moment. I realized oh my dad's waiting at the bus stop now with all the neighbors So then I follow all right. So that and this ends up being kind of like the funniest part of the bit really Just let me in let's talk I mean it worked so hard to make everybody happy. I hit in that box all night long My mom has no intention of talking to me on camera. Yeah, it's pretty graphic too. The painting It's like there's not a lot left to the imagination Next message. I know it's a little further ahead. But anyways, we go to the bus stop and did you do that to our car? Yeah, it's really gross and disgusting

And I'm not impressed. Look at these video effects too It's just another little horrible thing for us. What's your core mom? Call things that people don't belong to you and it's making me sick and I'm there. We go. Yeah, that's okay Dean it's it's love Those women are in love dad. My dad can't take the bus to work. I'm going to take the slut mobile to the bus A lot of people at the bus stop and my dad's not embarrassed by his slut mobile These are like all my neighbors But that thing better if you walk out there. I don't know how you feel about that

It's it's permanent It's like it's in their faces If your neighbors see the slut mobile, I mean it's just your slut mobile It's just your slut mobile First of all Oh Look how sweet your mom is Yeah, lesbians

I thought you liked lesbians and and sluts and so I thought it would be a nice thing That's all Whether or not it was funny or not. I thought you liked that kind of thing What does that even mean that aside now? I know you don't like lesbians I don't want them on my car So you and the success so it's not that you have a problem with lesbians that Oh my god Are you an only child?

No, no, I have a younger brother. Yeah, and what was he what's he like? He's uh, he's he's Little but we're calm and uh Reserve what was the aftermath of like cameras off the next time you see them after the slut mobile so Well the aftermath were those answering machine messages those were coming in So Basically what happened was we left the car parked there

And we didn't do anything for a while like I didn't we didn't reveal to them right away that we Had the hood that we could so we say a while a week. No like like like Eight hours. Okay. Okay, and my mother was leaving these answering machine messages. Remember this like This is also we didn't have cell phones then either, right? Right. This is like literally primitive days, you know, so but she would call my Landline that I had my own personal landline and leave a voice message and I would listen to it I you knew remember how the world worked then like you would kind of I mean

Memorized phone numbers. Yeah, you would you would that was how you stayed in touch with people like if I left I knew my mother wanted to talk to me. I didn't have a cell phone. So I would go to a pay phone Put a quarter in it Call my voicemail and check if my mother had called and left an angry message Sure enough she had and then I called 10 minutes later and she'd left another one and another one So as the day went on she left five and and I was sitting there, you know with my friends who we were Sort of wrote the show together and and we're thinking well, we can't we can't Go tell her that the hoods, you know

Then we can fix it right away until she stops leaving these awesome messages. Yeah, that's too good. Yeah so we just kind of waited and she was really mad because her her mother and her Sister were coming to visit that day So she was terrified that they were going to see this on on the the slut mobile. Yeah, so so Yeah, then sort of Put her out of her misery at the end of the day and just went and took the car up to the shop and swapped the hood out and Oh my gosh, I see I can't last Eight hours like making people freak. I'd give in within 20 minutes. I'm just kidding. I'm kidding. You know, yeah, it was

it was kind of uh Yeah, it was it was I I kind of have this relationship with my parents were Joking like that like Was kind of a kind of acceptable. I mean like they I could tell they thought it was they would watch the show every week So it would so the show aired live. It was live on thursday night On this public access station called rogers cable in in ottawa. So Every thursday night

I would run around all week and film these clips and thursday night I'd go sit in a studio And we'd go live And we'd trade the clips back and I'd have local guests on and things like that But um, they would watch, you know, so and they would always kind of laugh At themselves afterwards But it was just sort of in the so we had to kind of up the ante a little bit every time did your dad laugh Eventually about that incident. Oh, yeah. Yeah, sure. Yeah. Yeah, I mean they they they did and I mean it kind of it kind of

So the We went to New york And they thought the pranks were done and then we had this prop budget now from mtv And I flew back to canada without telling them that I was coming back We had the mtv Prop department come with us prop designers We like flew back to ottawa with like a crew of like 12 people or something like that without telling my parents

I was back in town We were there for a few days without my parents even knowing was there built these, uh Statues of my parents having sex Out of like You know plaster and stuff. They were really I think they cost like $5,000 to make or something MTV money, you know and Put them on the front lawn of their house and you know, there was like a Hose running up my dad's leg and water squirting out of where it's supposed to and you know

all over and They were furious about that one. So that was the line that it crossed into Lawsuit type of they talked about lawsuit like that was the first time it got to that place Where we got back to new york, they called it left a message on the answering machine an answering machine They had an answering machine at mtv. They left a message saying, you know if you if you My dad said what was he said if you air that clip

We're going to sue you mtv bastards for one million dollars was this book and um and uh Was this threat and uh, so mtv said I couldn't air the clip This was all like the first couple of months of doing the show and uh, I wasn't allowed to air that clip of the sex statues And mtv wasn't going to let me air it unless my parents signed a release form My parents were like literally my mother was not talking to me and like right when that happened I told I told the story a few times, but not not too many times, but like So I don't know if I've ever told you the story, but right before

Um You know my mother was not talking to me and they were literally I actually think they were considering some sort of legal thing because my I didn't realize like my mother Is kind of conservative like I didn't realize that and so You know, I've been doing these pranks for a few years now, but it was this sort of the sexual Undertone or overt sexual nature of the bit that really really embarrassed her, you know, and and she was really really really Mad and upset

And I felt bad But it was hilarious the bit was hilarious. I mean it really was hilarious So I did want to air it and I kind of felt like my mother was overreacting because like, you know, it's just a statue It's not it's but um so, uh It things were getting really bad and then is this weirdest timing but And this is how weird the show was sort of to talk about how weird it was Oprah calls the show and wants to book my parents and I on her mother's day specialite

So I call my mother I've been living in new york for maybe two months She's not talking to me My dad I say dad put mom on the phone. Let me literally listen. I say oprah wants us to go on my mother's day special You know, she wants to play the slut mobile. She wants to play painting the house You know, and uh, and she's got this whole plan to apologize to you guys on my behalf and So she she of course was very impressed, you know, everybody's mom loves oprah, right? Yeah, so he flew to chicago did the show oprah then surprises me and them and gives them Uh all expenses paid two week cruise to tahiti

Okay, the whole audience, you know cheers like you know when she gives away stuff and then uh, and then um That's cool. And then that night at dinner, uh, you know, I pulled the release form out of my back pocket and uh They signed and uh the sex statue a bit aired on mtv And that's all it took. That's all it took. Thank you. Well, thank you very much. Yeah, Oprah. Yeah Yeah, but um, yeah, so Yeah, those they were crazy times, but you know, I guess it was you know, like I mean, I mean, it was uh, it was a very strange time because you know, uh, you know I I I I sometimes admit like

You know, I'm trying I'm trying to find an excuse. Well, I'm trying to find a way to like Talk about my feelings about that period because you know, you know, I don't know if I don't know if you have regrets in life You know, I you know, I mean I I I've I've started like hearing people talk about like Oh, you know Don't have regrets because every failure is actually something that you learn from and then you learn from that And that makes you who you are and all that so I'm start trying to like tell myself that like, you know, but um But you know, like it is kind of a mind fuck, you know, like like going through that because sure all of a sudden you're thinking, okay, shit like You know

I'm gonna Oprah and Letterman and uh, you know, they asked me to host Saturday Night Live, right? I'm I was directing my movie. Freddie got fingered. Yeah, and uh that I wrote love it. I never written a movie You know, I don't know how to write a movie, but for some reason like I thought oh I'm gonna write a movie as opposed to go do a perfectly good movie that other people who are professional movie writers make That are asking me to do and I'm like so like naive and like overconfident that I'm actually going to myself Oh, no, no, no, I don't want to do your movie. That's like professional and like, you know, well-made and like Really really good because that's not my kind of comedy, you know

I'm doing something different here and I mean my friends sit down in a room with absolutely no knowledge of how to write a movie And go we're gonna make the craziest fucking movie ever made, right? And so we go to this movie and you sort of, you know are running on this sort of like Adrenaline excitement and a and a bit of like kind of fear because you're kind of go like Shit like I hope nobody like figures out that I actually don't know how to make a movie

Of course they just they're we're making it. You know, are you saying that that's your regret then? No, I think I think I Like so I think to myself sometimes I think like, okay If I had been less naive maybe I would have Done things differently and who knows what would have would have been different, you know, like you know, but uh, but uh You know, I think I think I would have I wish I could have just sort of gone with the flow a little bit more at sometimes

Like when I hosted Saturday Night Live you know There was a bit of like, I don't know if you could call it controversy, but there's some people were kind of like, you know, kind of I don't know a little pissed at me over there. I think And because of your status. Well, no, what happened was I went to Saturday Night Live and I thought okay. Well I had my friend Derek and my friend Sean friends from high school and they're writers on my show You know, we're all friends. We're not really writers, you know

We're calling ourselves writers now, but you know, we're not really writers at the time now Now they are writers actually they've got both got big careers as writers and television up in Canada But at the time we weren't really writers. We were just friends and we started the show and everything was going great Saturday Night Live asked me to come host it and I'm like Completely like flabbergasted that I'm getting to host Saturday Night Live and nervous as shit about it. You know and then I say, uh, I say to You know Saturday Night Live. I say is it all right if my friends come And help me write some clips some bits for the show

So they're like, yeah, sure so they open up a little office and uh for my two friends and I and we go down This is not what you're supposed to do though when you host Saturday Night Live. You're supposed to go down and Be friends with everybody. Yeah, and go meet with all the writers and and do the bits But I had this idea in my head like, oh no, we're gonna make a crazy episode of Saturday Night Live, you know Right and so I thought everybody would think that that was really cool

But I guess some people thought like that I was like like kind of being disrespectful or something like that Yeah, but because I wanted to make the show like really really crazy, you know, that's who you were though Yeah, yeah, so I think to myself. Oh, maybe it would have been better if I just went in and did the sketches that they wrote and And and had fun. Did you do none of the sketches they wrote? I did Quite a few of them. Yeah. Yeah, but I did also like We also wrote a bunch of sketches that they let go on the air and they were like really fucking weird sketches You know what I mean? Like I don't even know if they were actually considered could be considered sketches to be honest with you like it was like, you know, you know, one was a mean will ferrell dressed up as eagles

and uh, we're in front of a uh green screen and there's like a Eagle's nest behind us and we're in these elaborate eagle costumes And uh, jimmy fallon is that on the stage, you know with another green screen And he's looking through binoculars at the eagles and then it cuts to us as the eagles and then we basically You know Like fly up into the audience we go up into the audience And then we like chew up carrots and like spit them in each other's mouths or something like that Yeah, but I love it. I'm on board. Yeah, let's do it

Yeah, so, you know, it was weird shit like that and uh, so then another thing that happened was okay, so You do a rehearsal show and um, and uh They do a bunch of sketches that don't end up on the actual show Because you know, you do more sketches and so I one of the sketches in the rehearsal show was um Oh, shit. I just forgot what I was gonna say. There was there was there was uh There was some sketch we did in the in the rehearsal show that was just really They got cut you're talking about eagles Okay, anyways, there's there's there's a lot of stories about the show that I had a major mental block there right there

Okay, we'll come it'll come. Yeah. Yeah, it'll come. You know, I hear you But I think part of your success and the fact that you're a pioneer doing this stuff It is your ability to be so tunnel vision and to really see And know what you were great at I think my mental block just now was I started feeling weird talking about myself. Oh Oh, well, we're loving it. We love it. Yeah, but the point is that's the point of this right like it's where it's a podcast Yes, where I'm see I'm here to talk about myself. I'm dying to hear this. We love you. We love it Yeah, you know, you can't I get self-conscious sometimes because you know, it's like, you know, let me fuck off, buddy. No

That's just you're just being Canadian. Yeah talking about himself, but like, you know, it was um Yeah, it was uh There there one sketch. Let me let me tell you a couple of sketches. I'm sorry. One sketch was I want to see this There was one sketch where I get in A bathtub with Lorne Michaels and they had like Uh, a sketch written for us. This was pre-taped sketch And uh, so we did the sketch And then when the sketch was done

I said to Lorne Michaels, uh, Lorne, can I try improvising something? This is a pre-tape, right? And so everyone's all nervous on the set too. It's all quiet and sort of everyone's pretty intense On the set over there for some reason Um, very serious and uh, he was like, oh, okay, sure, tom. So I like do this I just basically started thrashing around. There was no sketch. I just started thrashing when there was a rubber ducky And I'm like ducky ducky ducky ducky ducky ducky ducky ducky ducky splashing water splashing And I go on and on and on and on and on and then I just stop and then Lorne goes like Lorne had some line that he threw out there and it was and it killed he had a funny line

That's sort of making fun of me for being an idiot And then that that ended up running, you know, so Then I guess some of the writers who wrote the sketch That didn't like end up actually running because this thing that I improvised I just think people started getting like kind of like bummed that I was like running around Trying doing all this yeah improvising and shit, you know People get precious. Yeah, I mean that's I remember the I remember the story that I remember the story I was going to tell when

When I got self-conscious about talking about myself too much And forgot what the story was So there's uh in the rehearsal show Uh This show this sketch actually ended up airing in the rehearsal show there was a sketch where I play a wizard This was one of the ones that they wrote It was will ferrell molly shannon and myself and I'm a wizard. I think we're all wizards or something like that And for whatever reason they have me holding a potbelly pig a live potbelly pig and

I have like one line in the sketch A couple of lines and then will ferrell. It's sort of a monologue for will and um And um, I noticed in the rehearsal show That like If you hold the pig and your finger just sort of lightly grazes its stomach It starts squealing like a like a maniac like it's the craziest and and a trainer comes up and says Oh, oh, don't don't touch its stomach. It They go crazy when they do that. It's like literally sounds like, you know, you know, it sounds like it's

You know not doing well, but it's it doesn't hurt it or anything like that, but it's like Ah Like really crazy really loud So I go like note to self Don't do that in the rehearsal show save it for the live show Because I'm like I like when things go wrong on television and you know, I don't think they like that at saturday night I like it when things get a little like fucked up, right? Yeah, because to me that's when like you sort of see like, you know You know some some confusion and stuff

So then the live show happens and we go on and and you know, of course the sketch starts and I immediately began to sort of Lately caressing its stomach and the thing just screams through the and we're live and the thing screams through the whole the whole uh sketch And um, you know, I mean I thought it was pretty funny, but uh, I don't know if they I don't know if they like that too much I don't know if I don't know if they like that too much And so like I kind of like when I say like I have some regrets and because I was naive, right? So now, you know 20 years later or whatever or 18 years later or whatever is, you know

I look back and go like, oh, you know, maybe I shouldn't have been a shit-disturber there in that moment because like maybe, you know, like, you know People like, you know, think I'm an asshole or something like that because I made the pig squeal. Yeah when you know So, you know, it's like, you know, you know things like that But I also feel like that's I mean what you're talking about too is just like comes with age and yeah maturing and Yeah, you you know, you having the perspective you have now. Yeah, it just it doesn't make sense then No, I say fuck. I'm tom green. You did the right thing. You know why that was your brand That's who they fucking hired that's that was your thing and you went in being you to a hundred percent You know what I mean?

They knew what they were getting you mentioned in your email when you invited me that you thought it was a nice person So, you know, I appreciate that but I think part of the reason why I'm a nice person Is because maybe I feel like I have to compensate for maybe having been an asshole at some point, you know When I was younger like maybe, you know, oh, maybe when I you know made that pig squeal and fucked up that sketch Like maybe I shouldn't have done that. Maybe I'd better be nice to people. Okay, and I learned from that, you know Do you think that people have that? You know from watching the sketches and knowing your persona That there's a little they have a little bit of apprehension or fear. Yeah, like is this guy gonna be a dick

I'm gonna fuck with me. Yeah, they do right. I think so. Yeah. Yeah, I've it took took me a while to figure that out because sometimes I thought Sometimes I perceive that as like people might not like me or something But then then I think maybe they're just worried that I'm gonna pull a dead raccoon out of my pants and throw it Out him or something like that. So yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I get very nervous around you know People that I you know, I get nervous when I meet you guys, you know for the first time I'm like, oh, I'm like, what am I gonna say, you know, yeah, and I get nervous when I go to the comedy store

And and you know, you're backstage and there's oh, you know, David spades going on You know, I don't like oh my god, like there's David spade right there. You know, I'm kind of nervous, you know, sure You know, so and that doesn't really go away. I did this, you know, internet show You know like this, uh for years in my living room a few years ago and interviewed tons of people and I honestly think I kind of stopped doing it because it was I had too much anxiety about having to meet the people that were coming up Like I'm like, oh, shit. We invited Val Kilmer and he's coming Holy shit. I'm gonna have to sit with Val Kilmer for now. Oh my god. I don't what the fuck am I gonna do, you know

And then I ended up having anxiety about it all week. Yeah, you know, so I just kind of like Now I just my podcast I just walk around, you know, just talking to a microphone by myself. Yeah, that's interesting. So do you think that I don't know. I'm just throwing it out there. Do you think that that's why maybe you would so to You know attack people not attack people, but you're the one that kind of threw out That to prevent I think I had I think I definitely have Sort of a, you know, when when I was a kid, I was like super skinny kid, you know, we were I was an army brat So we'd move every year. I was always very insecure about, you know, myself and I think that was sort of my self defense mechanism Was like trying to be like outrageous and yeah, and you know, like so

Oh, you know, you can't make fun of me in the hallway because I just crashed into a garbage can and like, you know You know fell into a bookshelf, you know, and obviously I did it on purpose So now you can't make fun of me for being an idiot because clearly I'm trying to be an idiot Yeah, yeah, so I I I mean moving does that I remember I moved a lot as a kid too Yeah, and it's uh, especially like when you start to Come into you know That like 12 13 14 year old age. Why'd you move so much born in Cincinnati? Yeah, we moved a lot when you were in Florida You're in Minneapolis, Milwaukee. Yeah, and different schools sometimes within those cities, you know, why did you move so much though?

My dad was just getting Promoted within the company he was working in and And so they would just you know, he would just we would just move but yeah God those those like those feelings resonate with me about Being moving around. Yeah, and and the older I got I feel like the harder those moves were. Yeah, you know Yeah, we moved middle of my freshman year high school. Yeah, I should suck see we stopped I stopped moving when I was seven So, oh, yeah, we moved to Ottawa when I was seven and then I stayed there So yeah, so I just moved every year before that before that. Yeah, that's my first grade second grade

Oh my god, how do you feel? I got we almost tapped on this earlier, but how do you feel about because I do feel like you really um laid The groundwork for a certain style of comedy that I feel like is very much yours, you know Um, when you do you feel like sometimes you're like, oh like this person's doing kind of my thing like Yeah, I mean I I mean I I honestly like does it feel cool like you're getting It's a tough one to answer because like I know everybody. Yeah, and you know everybody that

Does it blatantly? You know has expressed to me that they're fans of mine and I'm fans of theirs too. Yeah, and we're friends Um, and I get asked about this, you know When I do press when I'm on the road of people asking me about all the shows and You know I I I I have a problem with it when they do the exact bit Yeah, doing the same bit and there's a lot of people that have done every one of my bits

There's a there's a couple of shows big shows everyone knows probably what I'm talking about They've done every single one of my bits like the exact bit like painted the parents house, you know put the animals in the house You know, you know went out and you know pretended they were you know So when I see them doing the exact bit For me, it's it's a little hard to That's not paying oh my because it's like I go like I remember when we came up with that my friends and I came up with painting my parents house And thinking herself. Okay. Shit like no one's ever fucking done that before

Painted their parents house and filmed it and got their reactions. No one's ever done that before like So we were always trying to come up with things That nobody had ever done before that was literally the mantra like we're looking, you know look for you know Like sucking milk out of a cow's udder for instance not something like that is probably one of my cleverest bits, but you know I saw somebody big show last week on instagram doing that and I'm like exactly, you know, I'm like, okay You know if you want to do that exact bit, that's fine, but I feel it's a little bit

Uh a little bit weird. Yeah, that's a little odd Yeah, it's it's like everybody gets really really Uptight in stand-up when somebody like, you know, oh, they both did a bit about like landlines. You know what I mean? You know that guy totally stole that bit where it's like well, you know, I mean that's sort of like We both remember that man. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah But when it's like shot for shot, you know the same thing That's totally different and and and when there's when there's you know

Not dozens, but like literally like, you know Almost, you know, there's a hundred bits that are exactly the same you start to go. Well, that's kind of unfair, you know, but um Then at the same time, you know, I've gone through phases of how I deal with this emotionally Initially, I was angry about it. Yeah when I first started seeing that sure And then I got tired of being angry about it. So I started, you know being more Kind of like, oh, yeah, we're all, you know doing the we're all inspired by things And then lately I'm kind of a little bit more like no, I'm just gonna talk about it. Yeah Yeah, I'm just gonna talk about it, you know, because I look I I you know

My line for a few years when asked about this was you know, um You know, I was inspired by Letterman, right? Letterman would yell out of his office with a megaphone Yeah, so then I wanted to go out in the street with a megaphone, right? So that's kind of a I got you, you know A borrowed thing, but it's a it's a little different when it's like Bit for bit a planned out thing is different. Yeah, you've been straight jack, dude, like Yeah, but it's it's it's but it's like, you know, I don't I don't like to uh, uh appear bitter about it I got you. I I'll tell you one thing that I just realized like and he's sitting here talking to you about that

That I feel like the feeling that um most Excited me that I still I think probably is what clicks with people too about that time About fucking with your parents is how much joy So many of us get from fucking with our own parents Yeah, and that's really like seeing your dad's face when you saw the slutmobile What what happens to me is that I feel like I'm looking at kind of a representation of all of our parents that guy Yeah, kind of a conservative guy Probably a good person does the right thing and they're they're good examples to us like my parents. They're good people

Yeah, but I know they're good people And I know what their sensibility is and I know where their lines are and I think everybody kind of gets a thrill out of poking Your parents like I still Love upsetting my parents to a degree. Yeah, you know, I love getting that reaction I love calling my mom and just burping On the phone and have everybody like ah, you're so disgusting And I and he's hearing hearing her disappointment in me being gross

Is a thrill. Yeah still to this day. Yeah, you know, and I feel like What you did that kind of represented that to all of us watching it like oh, yeah Like it's like something to upset your parents And you know how you can push them and you know where you can push them And you know that ultimately even if you push them a little bit too far You know, it's okay. They're not going to yeah, that's true ops probably. Yeah, I sent my mother Um, she was like I sent her a picture of our baby and she wrote back. It's so beautiful. And then I sent her a picture of um

An elephant reaching into or as a gift, you know Reaching into another elephant's ass pulling out a piece of shit and eating it that happens. Yeah, I guess that happens That's something that happens because there's a little there's a gift of it. Well offense aren't as smart as That and she got she was like, you know, she's like this is a new low even for you And like it was like a little bit of a rant and it made me laugh so hard Yeah, so then I just looked at more animal shit things and just It's like when you send stuff like that to your mother, it's it's funny because she's She's offended on multiple levels one level. She's offended by what you sent

But then she's also offended that you would send that to your mother Yeah, and then she's offended that she didn't do her job as a mother to have somebody that would do this to their mother You know what it reminds me of It feels like ellis we have a two and a half year old Kiddo and he loves to go into my purse and get out the the brightest red lipstick And paint the walls like and we've caught him doing it and he knows to get my attention All he's got to do is go to the purse. Oh Oh mommy and look at me like i'm gonna fucking do this and then I yell at him and he runs away with the person

It's a fun game we play So is this what this is a little bit of like Look at me mommy. I might be naughty. He's already painting your house. He's already painting the house Future prankster on your hands. How about this guy? You think this is a tom green fan here? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah Yo, no time to enjoy no my motherfucking name first day out. Let's get it first day out I ain't playing no motherfucking games. I'm back on that block slipping and slipping that motherfucking coke cane I'm brine silver. I got these gold chains around my neck and these diamonds in my ears

You can have fool fool lame shot sense some shots and make your fucking disappear Wow, that's pretty dope. That's brine silver. Oh, yeah, he's got a big instagram following Nice Online he talks a lot of shit as you can see. Yeah, absolutely. This is apparently he got locked up for something. No Yeah, yeah, this is this is his literal first day out. So he's one of you. He's one of your regular callers or We've we've featured him before. Yeah. Um, yeah, we he's a star of your mom. Does he like interact with the with the show here No, he's not one of your acts. Um, probably yeah, this is the best thing is that he's This was his first day out and on his first day out video. He announced that he's selling cocaine

You already know my trademark some motherfucking trying to take my shit. Guess what bitch? You ain't nothing but a motherfucking trick licking shit off my motherfucking feet I'm back exactly y'all go ahead and tell a motherfucking friend Juno award nominee. Yeah. Yeah, I'm back. Yeah, exactly. I mean would would he have made it in the group? Yeah, he would have Yeah, he would have. Yeah, I feel like I'm looking at my 40 in the ak-47. I make your head door motherfucking back flip Is this what you wrapped about? you know, uh

Kind of I mean, uh, we were pretty nerdy. I mean, we were much nerdier than this guy. This guy's got the tats the gold The cocaine, you know, we didn't we didn't have the I think some people might call him a culture vulture, you know Yeah, yeah, yeah culture vault. Yeah. Yeah, we were we were appropriating. We were more trying to be like beastie boys Right, but uh, but we were kind of staying in your lane very in your white lane. We were very canadian too though We weren't even from toronto. That's how you know, right? Ottawa right it was like the least hardcore place to be from but you guys were celebrated you know, we had uh, we had we had you know

again like We were kind of nerdy, you know And you know, I I I made all these songs and we I managed to convince A&M records canada to give us this record deal unbelievable when the record came out We're in toronto. We went did a show in toronto and you know the hardcore toronto urban hip-hop community which exists in isreal and was was was not happy that that this sort of You know, uh, nerdy white group from Ottawa got a record deal

Of sure, you know, when you know, where did we come from kind of thing? And we did the show once in toronto and You know, we had a song it was called check the or was that you were some check the or check the organized rhyme was there And it was like the song was the the chorus was check the or you like it so far, right nerdy, right? And uh, so then, you know, we went performed at the show and this other rap group went on before us and they were like they had guns Okay, and they were they they revealed the guns Like we saw the guns and this is canada like Nobody's got guns in canada right, but these guys had guns and they were their rap was fuck the or we hate it so far

Right they did before us right and there's like a total beef thing and then we would then we went on stage and performed in front of this, you know all hip-hop crowd And um, how'd you do we were basically the only white people there basically and which is fine But it was like, you know and half the audience Did not like I have so much anxiety right now Half the audience liked us because they were sort of down with our crew because we got signed with this band called the dream warriors Which were you know a real band in toronto that were popular

But then the other half like it was sort of like rival gangs and stuff You know we have that in canada a guy was pointing a gun at me while I was on stage Oh my god I was trying to be like and it had I remember it it had tape on it Oh, because he probably used it so much that it broke. Yeah, and uh, and uh, and uh, and uh, and then then they were people were grabbing Me while I was on stage and pulling me to the crowd and Punching me in the head basically and we kept rapping. We did this whole thing It was it was it was at this it was called the barbecue. It was what was called

And it was uh, basically this underground like hip-hop You know venue And uh, then we had to get like sort of like rushed through the crowd after it was taking punches at us and stuff It was pretty cool. It actually felt very exciting at the time But uh, I have a feeling like if I looked like that guy they might have been more accepted Maybe That guy's a little more hardcore Yeah, I always said it once I ain't gonna say it a motherfucking game

I got these motherfucking Fufu ass motherfuckers. You know me on my motherfucking page saying all this dumb ass bull. Shit. That's shit That's some shit. I ain't do about some bitch on dr. Phil. Man. Fuck that shit. I was in motherfucking prison nigga Yo, there you go. You know, it's me. Yeah, drop the big word there He did a big word, but that his art has evolved. Yeah remember the first time we met brian So uh, he was just Yeah, that's what he was famous for So I have a funny question to ask you guys

We we did a weird porn segment last And that was uh, uh, that's race porn race play porn. Have you heard of this? No, no This is where they have a We'll play it for him. Oh, this is oh, okay. I'll just play the full clip So I have a funny question to ask you guys Is it cool if I say the n-word? It turns me on Yeah, it's pretty intense. It's a funny question Well, yeah, it's there you have it

Funny that it starts with I have a funny question It's interesting that we're living in a world now where like you can sort of instantly access A soundbite of virtually any combination of words No matter how unlikely. Yeah, and it's all immediately at your fingertips. There was also, um, there was a 9-11 porn Wow 9-11 porn, yeah, yeah, and there's osama and I don't want to see how this ends I think you do

Oh, I'll be looking it up later There was a disabled porn Uh, which is like apparently a huge genre. Yeah with I mean, there's everything from stumps And um, you know canes to Completely people who have zero ability to move. Yeah, and somebody doesn't sound right doesn't Uh servicing them. Yeah, and then and then there's like I got to go pee pee in my dye dye So you just like literally go there on the show, right? Like this is You sort of ramped up to this, uh

You didn't come out of the gate with the diaper porn, but uh, we're sort of We were we've loosened up a little bit now. I can't yeah, I mean you've been here for over now Yeah, absolutely now the diaper porn. No, that's cool. Yeah, I mean It's definitely like, you know, I'm in a position here of I have to really kind of figure like how am I supposed to react you know, just like, you know, but because because uh, yeah, it is kind of awesomely insane the world we're living in now is pretty crazy. Yeah, and uh, I don't think like, you know I mean I talk about this too much about, you know

I'm 47 So You know, I clearly have a very clear and real Memory of no internet, you know, not no internet, but no video on the internet. Yeah, so, you know You know, I was always very fascinated by crazy videos because there was very few of them, of course So, you know, when I was in high school Or even elementary school faces of death, right faces of death, right? So that was the only thing that was like weird like that

You know, or those um, and they also had like weird Spaces of death, which was like kind of Mando Kanae was another one. I remember But there was mixed tapes of outrageous shit. I love like James Brown interview, right? Yeah, CNN where he's coked out and he's like Like shit like that and would cut together people would pass around VHS Yeah, who's the one who's pissing on some girl? Hey, your breath smells like piss. Oh, the guy he uh He's like, I kiss you, but your breath smells like piss and that was huge in my high school Yeah, farted in that girl's face. Yeah, she was blowing him. He was like, oh, did I fart? And she's like, yeah, he's like, yeah, that happens sometimes

It was what's the great guitar, uh, rock Barry No, he's Jimmy Henry. Chuck Berry. It's Chuck Berry. It's Chuck Berry. Well, I get mixed up with Chuck Berry Chuck Berry had sex tapes that they They confiscated during a raid. It was a drug raid That the DEA did it was like a nonsense. I think raid. Yeah, they found the the VHS tapes were confiscated during the raid And then they got leaked and he liked he was like He pissed on this girl. He's like he pisses on her in the tape and he's like, damn you smell like piss now

Like, yeah, you just pissed on her He's like It was it was no, he says I kiss you, but your breath smells like piss. Yeah, and I was like, that's the funny thing Is that on the internet? Yeah, that's on the internet. That is now on the internet. Oh, yeah, you want to see it? Yeah, okay, I mean, I don't know like maybe maybe Maybe not. Okay. Okay. Maybe I don't want to see it. Okay, but uh, if you want to I'll you described it well No, no, I just I was gonna say why don't I just email you later. Yeah, send me later. Okay. Yeah, I don't want to I don't want to appear As if I want to see it

I got you even though I do maybe want to see it later. Yeah, I'll email it. I don't want to be Seeing wanting to see it. You know, we were discussing right before you came This guy who's clearly a kind of young guy Is making a video Where he's reviewing strippers and in detail. I hate this guy stripper experiences No, but she's like one of the things she says is like what compels Someone to do this and I go well, you know, there's an age range and I think it's about 17 to 22 Where the testosterone is raging so intensely through us as men

That in his mind, it's like Just talk about sex Even though I know it's not good to do it in this Video but because I'm so over sex talking about it in some way Is gonna help me. Maybe it'll lead to sex. You know, it's like he's just Had an interaction with an Ethiopian stripper Name of alize She was, you know, we really danced. We really grinded. I like girls who have you know, I like to

You know dry sex is fun So it's fun. I don't get a nut, but you know Get some contact with a pretty man like You know, she dropped down to her knees a few times and played with my dick through my shorts basketball You weren't basketball Yeah, I'm wearing basketball shorts to the strip club It was fun, you know, I think she likes my dick

Okay, yes, well, you know, here's the thing like You know guys probably what is he in his 20s or something Yeah, I mean he looks her he looks not as good because He he should definitely not rock the horseshoe At his age. He should just you know buzz it down, but he's gonna like He's gonna be 40 someday. Yeah, this video is gonna be out there on the internet probably. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah Or is he able to delete this? No, no, no, we're not helping. Oh, right. Yeah, it's permanently on your show. Yeah, yeah, yeah

So He might not have been thinking of that that he was gonna go viral And uh, there's gonna be a lot of people With a lot of regret. I think in the world in about 20 years from now It used to just be people in porn Yeah, like oh, I I have a video that I hope no one sees yeah And now here's the thing though is the fact that there's so many people With so many videos that they're going to regret just going to kind of lessen

our Access to shame There's no shame in the culture anymore everybody's over sharing all the fucking time Which is interesting what you were saying in the 90s. I mean before the internet Yeah, there was just like a handful of these weirdos and you cherish this weird crap And now you're like is everybody mentally ill like our most people just fucking nutty and we didn't know it Yeah, well even like that public Like uh decorum the way that even like the president

Talks and you know handles himself and does press It's a total shift and it's also Maybe it's shifted things permanently because everything used to be very I mean even I'm honestly until a couple years ago the president would say things Very structured. Yeah, it would feel like a rehearsed. Yeah almost always position. It was as if he uh, You know knew what he was talking about or something Right and now it's just he's you know, he's just like I'll go fuck It's like the idiocracy

It's sort of like uh, you know The only way to break through I guess the the din of all of this information now is to say something wrong You know is to sort of essentially do something shocking But like I kind of like I I agree like it's kind of like It's so There's so much of it now. Yeah in a way. It's kind of why I sort of stop

Doing videos like even though I may may do another this is empty now, but I don't I may do another Version of my show by the way. I really I'm not I'm not actually able to announce it officially yet But I am talking to Fun little television channel about bringing back the tom green show in some capacity Do that would be so but it's going to be interesting because it is a different You know the different world now, you know, like, you know, it's like you said like, you know, we can watch, you know You know All of this crazy stuff now. So I think that's kind of big was a big motivator for me to actually start doing stand-up again

You know because I feel I realized like that's something that you can't just sort of You know people can't just Copy that. Yeah, you know, it's it's it's, uh, you know, you have to get up on stage and you have to be able to do it Yeah, so, um, that's why I I think I've actually been really kind of You know really focusing and enjoying doing stand-up like that's that's pretty much pretty much all I do now Is I just travel do stand-up like I next week. I'm in new jersey. Where are you stress factory? I'm a stress factory. I'm in Providence, Rhode Island for one nighter and I have stress factory Then I'm at governors for one nighter nice long island

Boston at Laugh Boston coming up and I wouldn't tell you this if I just wouldn't bring this up You're probably the only guy that took a break from stand-up that I hear people comics Compliment all the time. Oh, yeah. Yes. Well, that's nice to hear. Yeah for telling me that absolutely And I remember when you started like really doing spots Probably a few years ago, right? Like when you, you know, you've been you've been at it again for a while now But when you really started seven or eight years. Yeah. Yeah, I would say maybe like four years ago Um, I you know, you hear in in green rooms people like, you know Tom Green started to stand up again. You're like, yeah, how is it everybody was like complimented?

Oh, that's really that's that's that's good to hear because I I you know, you know, you don't know what people say, but of course Yeah, no, it's great. It's like it's uh You know, I'm I'm I'm I feel fortunate that you know, MTV pumped my show out all over the world So it's given me a lot of opportunity to perform, you know, sure So I get to go, you know, I've done like Australia and I've just did, you know England and stuff last year and I'm sort of always going and that's great because I'm kind of uh, You know, I don't have I don't have kids You know not not I may I may want to have kids someday. I'm getting pretty old now

But you know, I have a lot of free time, you know, so I'm able to just kind of keep going and it's great It's been it's been you're great comic, but I will not I will not tell you you're not the king of improv I'll tell you who that is. I mean, I am the king of improv if you forgive my saying Do you know who that is? Do you know who the self-proclaimed king of improv is? Do you want to hear it again sounded like trump? But can you play it again? I mean, I am the king of improv if you forgive my saying Oh, I get play that one more time. I mean, I am the king of improv if you forgive my saying Charlie sheen or Here's another hint

Is that drake? No, I don't know. Here's who it is. It's the absolute king of self-proclaimed king of improv right here. Oh, stevens to go Really Have the highest hopes that I can be of some use to kind of try to get people to have meaningful Conversations and Meaningful meetings with now. Do you want to see him be super improvising here? Yeah, is he wearing the kung fu gi? Russia for interviews. He does and he's wearing his villain glasses And he just painted his hair and goatee dark black with a sharpie. Nice and easy Got his nice and easy do it in the bathroom and black dye in his hair

Which looks perfect on a 60-something year old man. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, doesn't look suspect at all Well, what let's watch him improvise You obviously spend a lot of time in russia. You spend a lot of time in america You're making films and so forth and in terms of your life in america You've been very much caught up in all the allegations of sexual harassment. You had a rape allegation against you And I wonder how this improv Look at that. You know what I'm talking about. I'm reading chicks. He just improvised Take the microphone off you. Yeah

That's it all there and of course though. We didn't respond there. He has said previously. He denies any allegations Yeah, but that improv was just like boom. Yeah, you know, it was pretty cool. He had that planned out. I think yeah It was kind of neat. I didn't know uh when I kind of vaguely heard rumblings about the rape stuff I think I'd seen that uh that clip. Oh really recently. Yeah. Yeah, that was you know Steven Segal, man I mean I used to actually really like his movies under siege. Sure. I think that was the biggest Box office hit. Yeah, it started with like out for justice. Hard to kill. Yeah, I used to watch those as a kid I loved it. My stepdad from india used to love Steven Segal. That was his favorite

Yeah, who was telling us what a piece of shit he is the other day somebody about the biggest difference between Directing him like somebody directed him in that first one like hard to kill or out for justice And they were like this guy is just somebody's like he was like a a studio guys Workout trainer like it was that's how it started. Yeah, like somebody at paramount was like I need to work out And he trained him and then they ended up making a movie with him He was like the nicest Fucking guy and he goes and then like he did three other movies and then I directed him in something else. They're like The biggest piece of garbage. Yeah, like ever was the goal. He just lost it

Stunt guys lost his mind. I talked to a couple stunt guys. Yeah Shooting something and they were like man hands down the worst person I've ever worked with got was known for Purposely hitting guys, you know, yeah breaking guys I think people kind of lose their mind a little bit when they get famous, you know, and then they like You know feel like maybe Maybe I don't know if it's social anxiety. They don't know how to deal with all the people talking to them or maybe they're just assholes to begin with yeah, it's a little bit of that It's a little bit of that and uh, you know, because it seems to happen a fair amount

Not not not no, I wouldn't say all the time but like Maybe half the time. Yeah. Well, I think whoever you are before fame just gets amplified. Yeah I mean, thankfully comics are kind of low-key because we get humbled constantly. Yeah I feel like there's a fewer asshole stand-up comics than like actors. It seems to be. Yeah. Yeah, everyone seems pretty That's what that's what I've been loving about doing sets around town and in LA here is like, you know, you get to Interact with a lot of your uh, your heroes, you know, yeah, it is pretty cool. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it's it's uh, it's pretty wild You know, that's cool. So, um Amazing so like what's this?

That is a good question. Oh, no, I know why that's built like that. What is this? Okay, I know why this is built like this So this right here used to be in that room. Yeah, and it was the guy's production desk. Okay. It had all the different, you know Uh racks and everything in it because this is an actual recording studio room. It is an actual recording studio. It's an amazing room I I I have this was going to have monitors on it at one point. So the guy Converted all the stuff like drilled the hole. Okay. Yeah, and he was like, oh, I'll make it turn so you can turn monitor That's nice. I gotta get one of these. I have a little recording studio at home. I'm making hip-hop beats I'm getting back into you want me to put you in touch with brian silva so that you could like have a

You can make the beats and then he can yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I want to get him on a track for sure Yeah, I mean he could be the next little pump. That's right. Yeah a little something for sure. Yeah, it could be great But you but you guys are moving to a new studio though. Yeah, we're doing a new space Take it out of our home. Are you are you going to keep the studio here also? So you can have an option of being here or in the other i like this idea She likes this idea or but you were talking about converting this studio into a movie theater room I think that would be more fun. Yeah. Yeah, and we may be still like what you could do Is make it a movie theater room, but just keep the mics out so you could sit around on the couches and do it here

Without all the that's a good idea So then if you ever don't feel like going into the studio Because I'll tell you like I had a studio in my house Okay for for about five years. I call it web ovision, you know, we did the other camera. Yeah switcher everything And you know Val Kilmer came up to the you know, you know people come up to the house and and You know, I I loved it and then at a certain point. I was kind of like Oh, I don't want to do it in the house, right? So then I moved the studio somewhere else and then Then I kind of like realized well, I don't always want to have to go there either

You know, man, because then you got to drive all the way over there and you know, it's like here. It's like, you know you guys Wake up the guest shows up do the thing and then I leave and you're still at home, you know, so I like this But uh thinking especially kids are talking to you now, right? Yeah. Yeah, plus if your kids are sick or something I don't want to go drive. I know. Well, can we just keep it up, Tom? Please? Am I am I I don't mean to The grossest person somebody has what's with all this we got an email Asking a manscaping advice, maybe Tom can weigh in

It says I got a question about cleaning up your downstairs Tom seems like the kind of person who has hair on most of his body And I happen to suffer from the same affliction. My lady friend doesn't like when it's super bushy while she does mouth work So I try to keep it clean. Yeah, here's where the problem lies I've shaved and just trimmed my fun hair numerous times Each time it doesn't match up with the remaining hair on my stomach and legs I look neat and tidy until you glance up or down. Yes, right back to a gangly mess More than anything. I just find it looks unsightly and frankly unpleasant. So Todd is what they're calling me

How do you deforest your Peruvian jungle best wishes? Um The christine you're very funny. I hope have you thought about giving stand-up comedy ago try it out regards harry So harry, um, I don't know like I I do this thing where I'll wait it means to clarify He's saying it looks short on around your your twigging berries and then it's so long everywhere else that it's a Disparity in the the length of the hair and that's weird. I don't know man. Are you shooting videos? Who cares what it looks like just trim it down and then I do find that like taking the razor to your junk

Uh, sometimes it's weird where it doesn't actually trim. Yeah as much like I see some hairs in the same spot and I go back with the razor and the razor won't do it I have to like get clippers and razor to make it presentable. I haven't really talked about this before Yeah, but I've been doing something kind of weird lately. Yeah. Yeah, like I've been growing it real long and then braiding it That's cool. I've got little braids with little beads in it. That's awesome Yeah, it's just kind of something do you braid from the top so that like the braids hang over your junk? Yeah, there's like multi-colored beads and do people part the braid is that how I mean it's just just for myself Really, it's for you. Okay. It's not really for for anybody else anyone else and do you braid the

The sack and the taint hair as well Yeah, it's all braids different braids and things and I'm amazed at the length of some of my taint hair Yeah, like it's More like so gross and he always wants me to lick his scrum and talking about that and the thing is it's such a Do you request that Tom? Oh stop don't ask him that his sweet girl's here. She doesn't want you asking him this She might want to know I don't know You know, you may have just opened up a pandora's box. There you go You know, does she ever do you ever ask that somebody or lady play with your asshole or no, I have not

Requested that okay. No, how long you guys been dating Uh Few months, okay. Oh, it's coming up. Okay. I got you. Oh my god, babe. They're new love. They don't do this nasty shit That's when that nasty shit happens. Yeah, but Tom's a Tom Cruise a nice man He doesn't fart in front of women. I'm guessing you're not gross like that Uh, I I don't make like I do try to not fart in front of people saying that's very nice But But um

Yeah, that's that's something I try to avoid doing too. Well, my husband's the opposite But we were like a month into dating and he was sitting in his box or shorts And he put my hand in his crotch and farted on my hand. That's a one month in that's 14 years. It might have been a couple months in Yeah, well, maybe is that when you knew this was Jesus Christ. I know was that the moment you knew No, I might say more about you then it says I know how exactly it's just low self esteem I had back you know, you could have made the choice to just leave immediately What kept me around there are so many red flags that I ignored about you He loves murder shows. Do you watch murder shows too? Uh, like, you know, like the where they're solving the

The on the yeah, yeah, I watch those sometimes. Yeah, what's your favorite thing to watch? Uh My favorite thing to watch. Well, let's see um I watched netflix I was watching like You know like the show the show the last few years I know this probably shows people watched already like house of cards. I like house of cards. Yeah, that's a good one I guess you can't like that of course

And breaking bad I binge watched that do you like better call Saul? Yeah, but I haven't seen that all yet because so good. Yeah, but I do I do uh, I do like that a lot I want that's I've been meaning to watch that I honestly have not really Been watching much television Lately I kind of watched see I was watching CNN basically on loop For about the last Seven years. Yeah. Yeah, and then this year I kind of stopped watching it. It's good to take a break from that

I canceled my cable after the election. Yeah, because I was just sort of over it and and uh You know, I kind of sort of felt like I felt a little angry at CNN actually to be honest with you because I felt like The way they reported on you know not to get too political or anything But the way they reported on the election. Yeah, I believe like kind of influenced the outcome Not just not just them but the entire media, you know, and it's sort of like angered me a little bit because you know when you're like when you work in

Television or you know when you've done a tv show which involves doing something shocking and then getting to people talk about it, right? You know, you realize oh, that's that's like a very real technique, you know, so that's what trump was doing And that's yeah people are doing now. It's like say something shocking and then the media which you knew you think would be like kind of Aware of what was going on would maybe like report on things a little more Uh, you know, uh, I don't I just feel like the way they they They took advantage of that Not for the sake of journalism, but for the sake of ratings, you know And that just sort of really bothered me because I used to I actually I actually used to think

That cnn was like really reporting the news, you know, and now I sort of I definitely like Have kind of I took me a while to come to that conclusion that they know though It's they're just they're just in the ratings game thing. I should have figured that out when oj was sensationalizing things I don't think I quite wanted to believe that like for most of my Most of my life, you know, I thought oh no, they're reporting the news and this is important that we know all this stuff and I think I think after 9 11 something happened in me where because i'm a paranoid person. Yeah I became extremely afraid that there was going to be some piece of news that I didn't get Quickly enough right so that I would be like, you know, like

You know, oh, I don't have any water in the house, you know So i'm not like a conspiracy guy or like a, you know, hoarder or like a doomsday prepper or anything like that But like I just kind of like felt like I needed to know immediately So I I've had cnn literally on loop for like 10 years after 9 11. You're saying like sort of I sort of you didn't want to Miss like yes. Yeah, I just wanted to know first. I like stop watching television really Yeah, I watch a lot of y'all here we go I like how bin Laden's looking in the camera to Looked right in the camera. See what i'm doing. I stopped watching. I'm a big news junkie. I've dialed it down way

I mean, I was not even news. It's bull. It's like it's it's fake Manufactured shocked like everything is like a tmz. Yeah, you know, I canceled my cable. Yeah, and uh, I enjoyed I enjoyed that um, but uh I watch a lot of uh, I watch a lot of rap videos on youtube I just I do like to see like the current state of rap. So I like little pump And it's just wild out there and I like uh juice world juice world is hilarious I never would have pegged you as a rap guy. I like to stay on top of what's happening with the rap world A lot of beefs out there, man. Yeah. Yeah drake and push a tee. Yeah, what'd you think of that beef? That was pretty

You know, there's some interesting interesting. Did you see drake on the brawn? Yeah, I did. Yeah. Yeah, that was interesting talking about About the uh, the level Like the degree to which kanya went. Yeah, invited him to wyoming be friended him worked on the song together Yeah, got all this information and then turned it You know jiu jitsu right against him. That was really fucked up. Yeah. Yeah, not nice not nice to our canadian That was really fucked up, man but you know

looks like he's a bit of a Fucked up guy. I think so. Yeah. Um, I don't want to forget this because we got uh, we have to uh, Wrap pretty stuff right I gotta go pick up that uh, you got our kid to pick up Yeah, but look tom green is on the road. Oh, there we go. Yeah, look at that. I'm so happy by the way of the idea of Tom green show coming back. I really think that happens. Tom green dot com. I'm trying to make it. I'm trying to make it happen So, uh, you can see him Tom green connection

Uh, providence rhodiola and yeah, tom green dot com go to the tour page. She's going to be a new brunswick Levittown, boston falls church burlington. It's all there buffalo trunno Ontario and more tom green dot com go to the tour page. Can you go to instagram on there? Yeah Can I show you something i've been doing too? Yeah on your instagram? Yeah, okay? Yeah, I just want to show you because it's kind of Sometimes so what i've been doing lately and everyone follow me on instagram Thank you. Thank you. It's tom green on instagram. Okay. Follow me. Um, i'm talking to the home viewers too I'd love it if you guys follow me too. Yeah, but uh, I've been I've been uh

We've got a hard drive with all the old videos I did And uh, I've been going through and I've been re-editing them not just taking clips, but I've been re-editing them Into like condensed one minute instagram versions Uh lately like this here. Yeah, and so it's kind of fun because they're almost like brand new videos because i'm like And i'm not exactly sure where it is right now. I'm really worried about that Sorry, my brother's lost. It's wearing a pair of white shorts If you would just please probably just back by the girl sweatpants Is it these two i'm the pa nancy i'm crazy guy down there. I'm asking you to leave. What's that? This is 1995

The guy that looked almost exactly like me. It's doing it actually. Yeah, all he did was he picked this thing up And I I am allowed to leave it because i'm an adult No, because you weren't invited in the store in the first place to get on a pa system Was that person invited in the store? First of all, it's a private property. Okay. Well, I'm gonna leave it No, I can charge you a trespassing. Well, no, no because i'm leaving. No, you can't. Yeah No, I didn't have a warrant. Can I see you over here for a minute by the telephone? Okay. Yeah, let's go over to that Yeah

I'm making these little one-minute loops. I love it. Yep. So go go follow my instagram and uh at and leave a comment Tom green. Yeah. All right. Thanks. I love it. Thanks so much for having me on the show. This was great. Wow. It's so great I hope I didn't talk too much about myself. No, man. That's the point. Yeah, you want to hear you talk about yourself We'll leave you with this. It's uh, you come back again. Yeah, of course. Yeah ghost crew Greasy and um, that's it. Thank you. Tom green so much. Thank you. Thank you. Oh, it's an old school one I'm showing glory I don't like taking the pills But I have found something that works

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But I have found something that works Australian dream