Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - 480-Your Mom's House with Christina P and Tom Segura

Episode Date: January 2, 2019

Well Jean, here we are. Another year, another pair of tightly worn denim.  Sadly this is the last episode we will have done in the "old" home studio, but we are so excited to be moving to our new spot, Studio Jeans. Christina and Tom recall all the studio they've done the show in and explore a very nice young man who is looking for a nice thin virgin to accompany him to pain clinics.  Plus, we have the FX producer from Tip Toes on the phone AND Josh Potter is back to not talk about serial killers, but instead, sex toys - much more fun, we promise! Happy New Year, go get it, Jean!  

All right, we're back. Happy New Year. Good morning, Julia. This is it. This is our... Open up your heart. And yams to me. To me. This is our final episode in the home studio. There's no music. We already took apart half of the equipment here. We actually had to go to the news studio, grab a couple of mics just to do this part. This is it, Gene. Transitional time. The episode was actually recorded a few weeks ago. So this is a big deal.

It's a time travel episode. Time travel episode. I'm excited for the new studio space. I was there yesterday. There was soundproofing. Big time soundproof stuff. And if you're on Tom Segura's Instagram, you can see that we have an all-gender bathroom, too. Yeah, this gender-inclusive bathroom. Our bathroom doesn't recognize, you know, specific genders. Anything, and anyone, and any person can shit or piss in there. Right. And that's what we want to... And jerk off.

Yeah, of course. That's going to be in the studio? I don't know if you want to encourage that. I don't want to encourage it, but I'm not going to say that only a guy can jerk off in here. True. You know? True. So I hope you guys had a very merry Kwanzaa in Christmas. That's... Can I say something? That's on my phone, you know, on your phone and your calendar. Yeah.

It tells you when Kwanzaa is. And I don't... Do you know anybody that's ever celebrated Kwanzaa in the United States? Ever? Um... Ever? A long time ago, I knew somebody who made a mention of it. Celebrate it? I don't know people who are like, ah, I'm here. Right. I got to get my Kwanzaa dinner and prepared. But to be fair, you know, you are friends with a lot of people that wouldn't celebrate Kwanzaa.

Not true. I have many Kwanzaa-friendly friends, if that's what you're implying. I was implying that. Yeah. Maybe it's an African Christmas holiday. Yeah, it's... So you'd have to be friends with like, you know, people from Africa, Guyanese or something. Or African American. Yeah.

Yeah. I just had never met. Yeah. Well, there's all kinds of people out there. Same strokes, different... Everyone's the same. Um, again, no instrumental this week. It's just, we're doing it like, um, like poor people. So, should we want me to do a beat for you? That would be... Ready?

Yeah. And you can do your date. Sure. Okay. No, no, no. I'm good. No push. No push. Um, so next weekend, or actually this weekend, coming up... I'll sing a Kwanzaa song. I'm in San Francisco at the Masonic and, um, there was, as of this recording, there's about

a few tickets left for the fourth. So if you want to come, January 4th, January 5th is sold out. Ah. The following weekend, I'm in San Diego. Ah. And the January 11th is sold out. The early show, January 12th is sold out. The late show on the 12th had a few tickets if you want to try there. And from there, I do a big run in...

Starts at Oklahoma City. I do three shows. The show on the 22nd has a few tickets left. San Antonio. Houston. Man Antonio. Houston. And then Dallas, where I do three shows. Fallis. At the Majestic. Yeah. So that's January 22nd through 27th. All the tickets are at TomSugarre.com.

Uh, do not do a Google search and try to buy them by searching the city and state. And that's where you end up on third party sites and you buy scalper tickets. Gene, what do you got? Well, I'm excited. Last year, I came out as Polly and this year, I'm going to be buy. That's great. And I also have the Rider-Dite tour on Christina P. Online. Get your tickets. I've just added a very good comedian named Tom Siguerra and Ryan Sicklesill-Sickler to the January 10th show in the main room at the Comedy Store. Very few tickets left on that. Treat yourself.

Try it out. Uh, January 31st through February 2nd. Denver, Colorado at the Comedy Works. I will be there at the downtown. February 20th. March 2nd. Madison, Wisconsin at the Comedy Club on state. And then April 4th through 6th at the Comedy Club. And then in May, I'm doing Tempe. And then in June, Washington Dick Come at the Dick Come improv. So try it out. Christina P. Online. Okay. Wonderful. Well, Jean, this is it. It's a new year. It'll soon be a new studio. But it'll be the same old pair of jeans. So you can come here and get what you want from us. And

that is amazing, award-winning, elevating viral content. I would say enlightening and interesting. And the interviews that are just setting the interwebs on fire. Come to your mom's house podcast for that smarter show. Yeah. Well, I hope you enjoy it. I hope you guys all have a great, great, great day. We're very excited to be part of it. Thank you for Juniors. Nappy Jew hairs.

It's already happened. Oh, it happened already. Yeah. Well, how was your new years? It was really great. I stayed up all the way till somebody woke me up at midnight and gave me a glass of champagne. Oh, okay. And then I accidentally kissed a man.

Okay. So it is. All right. Well, here's the episode. Thank you guys. We'll see you in another week. Bye, Jean. Bye, Jean. Oh, my, my, my, my, always got my cut. Oh, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my cut. Oh, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my cut. All the way, I cried.

Out we go, my cut, out we go, my cut, out we go, my cut. Out we go, my cut, out we go, my cut, out we go, my cut. Out we go, my cut, out we go, my cut, out we go, my cut, out we go, my cut, out we go, my cut, out we go, my cut. It's sexy. Wow! Deep from the vault, that's a deep cut. Yeah, who is that? That was, um...

Count in my jeans? Jeans in my cunt. Jeans in my cunt. I know, but the guy that made it, he's an actual music, it's not in this, uh... Gosh. He's so good, too. He used to send in bangers all the time. This is one of the original.

Yeah, it's an old school song. It's an old school song. If you haven't been deep in the vaults, you wouldn't know jeans in my cunt, but that's it. And it's a great way to start off the New Year. Happy New Year, everybody. Happy New Year, everyone. We're recording this out of sequence, so we have to, um... We're kind of banking some episodes for stuff we have going on.

It should be, uh... If everything goes well, God willing, inshallah, we will be doing our next... Praise Allah. ...next episode in the new space, in the new studio, which we're really excited about. Yes. Yeah, I mean, listen, we haven't really spoken about it too much at length, but this is going to be a pretty great change for us, and I'm excited for you guys to see. Honestly, it's a dream come true.

You know how long I've been like... You remember, uh... I've been wanting to do this, and then you were like, go ahead, do your thing. Do your move. And I'll tell you what happened is that you kind of wore me down. I did, right? Yeah, I was in my last trimester of pregnancy with our second child. And I was like...

I was shooting the special for Netflix. I was already exhausted, and you were like, I want to build the studio. And I'm like, right now, we're just about to have a second baby. We have this great home studio. What the heck is wrong with you? And then you just kept wearing me down. Like a guy... It's like a guy, like we're talking about a few episodes ago, just the tip.

Let me just put the tip in, see how that feels. Yeah, I just want to see if it feels good, and I won't put it anymore, and I promise. And you kind of like, well, let me just research the spaces. And then you started to go look at spaces with our real estate person or whatever. And I was like, okay, that's the tip. I realized then that the tip was already in. And then you're like, I found this amazing space. You show me the pictures, and then you're all the way in.

And I was like, just go for it. Just finish this. And then we've taken... I mean, wait till you guys see it. You'll hopefully see it next week. I mean, we didn't hold back. We wanted to do a full upgrade. Full throttle.

We went full throttle on the new space. But I mean, in all facets of it, as far as the set, the audio, there's an audio... I've always been like, I hate when any audio thing goes. We have compressors. We have a whole new setup there with design, new video, new lighting. You want to talk lighting? Our guy who did our lighting. Left as he was setting up our lighting because a certain President H.W. Bush died.

And he was like, oh, I got to go light that. I was like... He lit the corpse of a former President, a dead President. We were like, what? But that's how legit this guy... We went super legit, man. We went full, full throttle. But don't worry.

Don't worry. That doesn't mean that the show is going to change. Oh, no. It's... No, no, no. 100% jeans all the time. 100% jeans all the time. And in fact, I mean, I don't want to give away any surprises in the new studio.

But let's just say there's a lot of things are finally going to happen. Finally going to happen. And don't think that you're like... You're demanding. Oh, you guys are all... I'll put it in now. You got a new studio. What happens?

Does that mean that you're going to have, you know, guests talk about math now? No. It's the same... No. Same world you love to live in with us. It's going to be the things that you... Oh, my gosh. Oh, man.

Oh, oh, oh. Stuff like that. You know? You know, sorry. I just was... Remember, I was thinking about jeans in my con. I just wanted to share... Listen, we've had about six studios now, and that's no exaggeration.

The new one is number six. This is lucky six. Lucky six. Do you want to take it through the... I'd love to. Yeah, let's do it. Go for it. The first studio was in Silver Lake.

Silver Lake in our apartment. That's right. It was a two-bedroom, and one of the bedrooms became the room we did the show in. And we shared a wall with the person who lived behind us, and she would cook from all things Ethiopian food. And it would... We shared a vent, and it would waft in through the studio into a room as we were recording. The cool thing about the setup of that apartment was that wall was like a false wall.

Paper thin. It wasn't how the... They made it to apartments. Right, right. It actually was one apartment. Correct. So guess what? If you wanted air conditioning to run, she had to turn it on on her side.

Then the AC would run. Would click on. And it was also neat because we knew her sexual behaviors. She came hard. She came really hard. She did. We knew... She was freshly divorced.

She was freshly divorced, so there was a lot of... Our bedroom walls were border too, so she could probably hear us fucking, and we could hear her saying... Yeah. But she was kind of a performer. Right. Strong performer. She was a strong performer.

She would really celebrate what was going on. Jeans in my cunt. Yeah, her jeans in her cunt. And... And that guy would be... Oh. Oh. Oh.

Oh. Oh. Oh, man. Oh, man. That's the best part of that. Oh, man. Oh. So I remember, yeah, that was the very first time we did the show.

And if... I can't even remember. And then we did our... And that's when we actually did start using stamps.com because we were starting to send out merch. And it was so horrible. Yeah. And then the second studio...

Oh, my God. We would do... You guys don't understand. So we would do a shirt and set up an old store. You and I would have the shirts in our house and the shelves. Right. Then monitor the screen that said it was a PayPal set up. And the order would go, oh, okay, we sold a shirt.

And then sometimes the next morning you come back and be like, wow, we sold like 80 shirts. And then we would package and print the label for 80 shirts. You and I would sit down. And keep in mind too, Tommy and I had just started, we were feature acts. So you fly out Wednesday night. We performed Thursday, Saturday, Sunday. You skipped Friday. Oh, right.

Sorry. Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday shows. And then we'd fly home Monday. So we had about 72 hours before he and I would have to go out again and do the road. And in those 72 hours, we had to make marital loves, have our dinners, catch up with our friends, go out with each other, pet the dog, report, record the podcast, record our show. And that took up the majority of a day. And then we did merch, merch.

By the way, it's funny because in L.A., people would be like, do you live in L.A.? Like comics would see me somewhere and they'd be like, do you live here? And I'd be like, yeah, of course I live here. And they're like, I never see you. And I was always like, well, what do you do? Like, how do you do it? Because I'm taking every week that I get offered. Both of us were of course fully packed.

Our calendars were packed. Any offer was yes. Of course. The offers would be like, how about six shows, $600, no airfare, no hotel, and the flight is $400. And you'd be like, okay. Yeah. Like that kind of shit.

Yeah. You go into debt. And that's why a lot of people now, it bothers me if they're like, oh, you think you bougie now, you flying first class. It's like, yes, of course I'm flying in first class because I flew in the fucking back of the bus and I put myself into debt becoming a standup comic for a decade. Well, you could do it. I'm flying first class asshole.

I earned it. Of course. But you, a lot of people don't, who sometimes people, like let's say, discover who you are now. Right. They don't, they don't see the struggle. They don't see that this is year 16 of standup, you know, 16 years is a long time. It's a long, I'm talking about, talking about practice, talking about, talking about practice

right now. I remember when we lived in Silver Lake doing that house, I remember taking those 6am flights across the country and I would wake up at 3.30 in the morning for it. Remember those 4amers? Yeah. You wake up hoping that the taxi you ordered or whatever was coming to get you and your stomach would hurt. Like you just, oh God, it's four in the fucking morning.

You drag your ass to a plane, fall asleep during the announcements. Wake up, you know, connect because you're too cheap to do the nonstop. Yeah. Fucking brutal. Do that twice a week, different time zones, eating fucking Kraft macaroni and cheese out of microwave and, you know, the level of panic that you live with when you're, oh my God, opener, trying to get that work. So crazy.

You live. I mean, eventually it actually kind of goes down because it becomes your normal, you know, but it's, um, you live with this whole feeling of like, all right, what do I have this month and next month? Oh, and then you go like this week, dude, but I mean, like once you get like a couple months set up, you're like, all right. But then when you get into that second month and you have, you see that the next month is a down month, you start to go like, oh shit.

Because you, you know, it's only if you have to remember that every booking is just that weekend. That's it. You know, like the big victories are then when you start to go like booked out for a few months. Because they book, they usually book a quarter at a time. So you'll, you'll get your first quarter bookings, what like the end of third quarter or something. So you really, you don't even know what your year is going to look like.

Especially as an opener though, as an opener, you have no say, no say. And sometimes they'll call you and be like, Oh, what are you doing? We have a fallout. Can you fly to Miami tomorrow to start shows? And you're like, that, that plane ticket's like $800. I guess so. Cause I want to work that club. And I want to get it up.

If it was a late fallout, but I still remember getting, um, Hartford for some reason. I don't know. Yeah. You did Hartford a lot in the early years. But I remember opening at Hartford and they're like, you know, here's the offer when you middle, it's $100 a show and LA to Hartford, it was like five 50 a fortune and connect. You had to connect and I'm like, that means I'll make $50 and they were like, do you want to do it?

Yeah, of course. Okay. And then you just, yeah, you just, you're like, I'll rack up the debt on this. And we did. And that's thing people, yeah, we, you and I went into debt to become headliners. And then once you're a headliner, you're still not really your, this is how making money. I'll tell you this about, about making money.

It's absurd that we do this as a comedian. So at the, I'm trying to think the, the year that I shot my comedy central, well, I'll tell you this, 2008, around 2008, late, 2008, we get married at the end of 2000, I get a phone call that I got my first round of offers from the improv's, meaning like multiple weeks of headlining work, which is huge, which is a bump because now you're, you're actually in the system. You're one of the, you're one of basically, and it is quite an elite club. When you get the call of like the improv's gave me offers and the funny bones, what that

means is you're one of, there's only 52 weeks. So out of all the lunatics in the world, all the scumbags, the derelicts, the weirdos who want to be stand-up comics, you're one of 52 lucky people. Yeah, it's very, it's very lucky. That gets his fucking actually do this for a living proficiently. It's crazy. I remember this. Okay.

I remember this detail. I worked the first 11 weeks in a row. So that's all of January, all of February, and basically almost all the March took a week off, then worked the next nine weeks in a row. And I was like, and my head, as I was working, I was like, Oh, like I'll get to chill later. And at the end of those nine weeks, I had to go get a part-time job because it wasn't enough money to live. Of course.

And like as a first year headliner. And then the next year, 2010, I still had a part-time job and shot a Comedy Central half hour special. Isn't that bananas? And I still had to get a part-time job. And then 2011, I worked it like a little, I started to do it less the part-time. And I think I didn't have a part-time, like I was like a site rep on those shoots and showing up, just making like hourly stuff.

I don't think that actually stopped completely until end of 2011, beginning of 2012. It's not that long ago. It's not that long ago either. Because when I, yeah, I was headlining, I was doing weeks. My last day job, I was on, okay, so about 2011, I think 2012, I was doing Chelsea lately, the panel, right? The round table. Yeah.

I would literally go do Chelsea lately. No, here's what I would do first. Oh, you got the booking. You're going to do Chelsea tomorrow. Great. I would go down to the Mall of the Grove. I would check out clothing. I would go to nice stores, buy the outfit I was going to wear on the show, on a credit

card, leave the tags on, wear it on the show, on the round table, so I had something nice to wear. The next day, take the clothes immediately back, and then I would go to my day job. I worked at the Girl Scouts of Greater Los Angeles. I worked in the front desk, and I would, people would be like, oh, you were on Chelsea lately last night. I'm like, yep, and now I'm working here at the Girl Scouts. What year did you do that, too?

I want to say 2012, I believe, was my last year of having a day job. Then I just kept getting booked as a headliner and doing what you were doing, like back to back to back to back. You just have to keep working as a headliner. You do. Then we did our podcast, and then TV stuff kept coming, and this stuff kept coming. That's why I keep telling people, you got to stay in it. Just got to keep, all it is, it's a marathon, and it's a game of attrition.

David Goggins, right? You got to fucking beat your mind, man. You do. Who's the toughest motherfucker out there? That's all it is, dude. Who's the toughest? Also, failure. I had 22 jobs in four years before I became a stand-up comic.

I had exhausted all the possibilities. I dropped out of law school. I dropped out of graduate school. I fucking did it all. This is it. There's so many pussies around your presidential campaign on both sides that I prefer not to comment. That's totally accurate.

Let's go back to our list. There's Silver Lake, that was the first studio, and then we moved to Redondo. We had a two-bedroom in Redondo. We lived in a tiny guest house. That's right. We turned the basically second bedroom into our studio. Into our studio there. That was fun.

Those were good years. But then... We got FIFO. We did get FIFO. Then Little Jeans. Little Jeans was born. When we knew he was coming, we knew that that room had to be the nursery. We got an office.

This is amazing. We got an office like three blocks away in this office complex. I remember signing the office lease, and the guy wanted three years. I was like, how about two years? He was like, no, we don't do anything less than three. I was like, all right, and like six months later, we moved. Yeah. Fuck.

Well, we didn't realize that having a baby and two dogs, because we also had gotten bitsy just as I found out I was pregnant with Ellis, and I wasn't about to give a puppy back that we... I committed to getting this dog, so I raised a puppy while pregnant, and then we had Ellis, and then it was you, me, Ellis, and two dogs in a tiny guest house in Redondo, and we were losing our minds. We were also still doing tons of road work. Well, you were, yeah.

I was home taking care of the baby. Yeah, yeah. Especially. You were grinding those weeks, bro. Yeah. You had your first baby, believe me. You're like, book me. You get terrified.

Well, and it was funny at the time, too, is that your career had just started really taking off when Ellis was born, and we had been broke for so long, and I remember you telling me, because I was like, what are we going to do? This baby, and you're like, no, babe, we've got money now, and I was like, no, we don't. And you go, no, I swear to God, look, look, we have a little bit of money now, and I was like, you're kidding me. This happened. And I was, you know, I was so preoccupied with being pregnant, and my mom had died.

Like I didn't, I looked up and our life had pretty much completely changed. And then, you know, things, things got way different once, you know, your first special on Netflix, completely normal was there, and that took off, and then the second special. And then your mom's house grew and grew, and then it was, our lives changed completely once Ellis was born. It totally did. Yeah. And we went to, by the way, that crazy thing was, you know, we left Radan.

I had to get a guy every day. Yeah. Radan was great. So great. I love that. I love that beach community. But we left there, the guy that got us the office was able to find somebody to sublease the office, which was a huge relief, you know?

So he did. And then like, I think we told it on here, but like, you know, six months ago, this guy was like, you need to clean your off again. You need to clean your office. And I was like, what? And he's like, you need to clean your office. And I go, why? He's like, because it stinks.

And I go, look, man, I go, I haven't been down there in a couple of years now because of that, that, that at least ended like seven, eight months ago. So I guess it's like before, like around then, right? Like, uh, it was about eight, nine months ago from now, I'm saying. Yeah. So, because that was the end of like the three-year lease. So he's like, you know, there's only a month left, but it's filthy. And I go, how's it?

I go, why are you telling me? Yeah. I sublease it. I go, yeah. Well, what's that guy's number? I go, I don't even know, man. Like this was all set up through the real estate guy. I haven't been down there in a few years.

And he's like, well, I'm just letting you know that I'm going in there because it stinks. And I go, I write back to him, I go, you're telling the wrong guy. Yeah. Like somebody took over the lease and he's like, all right. And then the next day he's like, oh yeah, turns out the guy that subleased it from you died in there. And that's the smell. Did you hear what my husband just said?

The man who subleased it died in our old studio and left like where we used to film the show. And he was in there so long decomping that, that the building, you know, the room started to smell. Then they said they got the body out of there and he was like, oh, you're going to need to clean it up. And I was like, what are you talking about? That's a YP, not an MP. It's your problem.

Yeah. No. So we went through like this insurance thing. I was like, no, it's not. No, we're not. So, but they had to actually, it's a small office building. They actually evacuated the entire building for a couple days because the smell was strong. And that was our third, your mom's house studio, right?

Just so you know. Right. Now, can I tell you why that makes me really happy though that a guy died? Yes, because next door to us, next door to us was of, again, thin walls. I don't know why you and I always seem to pick places with thin walls. And the fucking bitch next door would do every phone call on speakerphone. And then she had a thing of like Christmas bells on her door year round. So whenever anybody opened and shut the door, dangling, slam, dangling, slam.

And she was yelling into her speakerphone all day long. And I was like, please just... She probably filed the first complaint. That's what I'm hoping. But here's why. Hey, those two need to clean up their stinky studio. Yeah. And here's why I'm happy is knowing that the smell wafted into her life and ruined her

life just a little bit, as she ruined mine. For people that don't know, Redondo is like 30 plus miles from Central LA. And we used to ask people to come to our show, like, you know, text or something. And like other comics, they'd be like, yeah, man, like give me the address and I'd send it. And then like, you'd just wait a beat and they'd be like, hey, man, I didn't realize where you are. No.

There's nobody wanted it. So far. Because it was really... That was a commute. That's why we ended up moving back to the city. Yeah. Once we had Ellis, we couldn't... I didn't want to spend an hour and a half in traffic away from my kid just to go into

the city and back. It was craziness. It was terrible. So that's studio number three. Somebody died in. Studio number four was out of a house we rented as we were looking for this house. So then that was another bedroom that we converted into our... We fucked that walls.

Those walls. Fuck that up. We put up sound foam. It's like that adhesive spray. So when we actually moved, we tore it off and it just like patches. And the guy that owned it and then she was like, these walls are pretty fucked up. And I was like, what are you talking about? Are they?

Yeah, they're pretty bad. Yeah, I think they were like this before. I don't know. I remember them looking like that. And that was a fun studio. And that one, Ellis' bedroom, bordered that studio. So some days the baby would be sleeping and Tom and I would record the show in about the 45 minutes that we had when Ellis was sleeping and those were those days.

That was fun. And then we found this place, which is a house with a studio connected to it. Which is really cool. Right. And now we're going to fuck that all up by building a studio at another location. So we don't have to utilize the convenience of the home studio, which is what I like. I like making things inconvenient. I like not having people at our house.

That's true. I like privacy. You're very private. Yeah. I don't like everyone coming over here. And I also feel like, look, it's a proper upgrade. This show, thanks to the people that listen and watch this, that have grown and grown and grown.

To my thing, I always was like, I want to deliver a product that I feel like, honestly, like they deserve. And I think the show deserves, which is this new space. Because it looks amazing. The sound's going to be amazing. It really is a total and complete upgrade. Do you want to talk about our inspiration for the design of the studio? Oh, yeah.

Yeah. So a few years back, we were having dinner in Austin and we were at this dark ass steak house. And Tom and I both were like, God, this is so great. Like I wish everything looked like this. Like I wish my house looked like a steak house. Yeah. Steak house.

We're like, oh, we love steak houses. Every time we tell people what our aesthetic is, or like it's a steak house, it's dark, brown. I've told designers for all types of things, homes and other projects I've worked on. They're like, what do you like? I'm like, I kind of like steak houses. So this one, it's not as dark as a steak house, but it has a nice aesthetic to it. Well, I'll tell you what we told the guy.

We said steak house meets masterpiece theater. So you'll see that soon. I'm very excited to show that to you. It's going to be fantastic. And like you said too, I'm excited to upgrade the quality of the show. We're going to have people producing things more and just more production value. Some old jeans inside of studio jeans. Same jeans.

Different turlet. Different turlet. Different turlet. You know, I just realized... Oh, wait, wait, wait. May I finish one thought though? Yeah. I wanted to say, I knew when the show took a turn, here's one I first knew that your

mom's house had become something really special. And this is why I brought this whole thing up. When you played Jeans and My Hunt, I remember when we did your mom's house live in Toronto. Matt Miller. Is that his name? Matthew Miller? I'm not sure. Okay.

Toronto. I'm not sure. Remember when we did Toronto? That was wild. What year was that? We did Toronto maybe 2014. Yeah. And I would be pregnant with Ellis that year.

No, you wouldn't. I was pregnant in 2014. You delivered him in December of 2015. So I was pregnant all of 2015. Yeah, you're right. Okay. Yeah. And I remember when we went to Toronto and we did this theater for your mom's house

and for standup. And we sold out every ticket so fast. That was great. And I went out and I wore denim on denim. Shout out to Joe Tachito. To Joe Tachito, who owns a comedy club now, I believe. Yeah, I think it's called like The Corner. The Corner Comedy Club, I think.

Anyhow, sorry, Joe. We don't go there because it's too fucking far to get there from the West Coast. But anyways. I'm going back to Toronto. Are you enjoying Toronto? For sure. I love Toronto. It's just such a hassle to go fucking customs.

There's such jerks. Yeah. Anyways, I remember coming out on stage wearing the Canadian tuxedo and my introduction, you wrote, you go Proud Windsor Native, Christina Peave, whatever. And I remember looking out and the people were going nuts and we were playing Jeans in my Conte while people were being seated. We put up that playlist and I remembered people jamming it to it and I was like, this is crazy. This is finally, not finally, but this is, I can't believe people really like this nonsense

that we're doing. And that's when I realized that we had something, after we met all the people that had come to the show. It was fun. They put a million Jeans up on. They really did that. They hung Jeans outside of the awning, like all the way around the front of the building. So like if you were driving by, you would just see Jeans hanging outside and people

waiting in line would walk by like a hundred pairs of Jeans. So silly. I loved it. I loved it too. That whole crew is so sweet to us. Still is. But that's the first time I knew that your mom's house had grown and it was the beginning of something big.

Yeah. Something very big. Yeah. And even now, I mean, I'm afraid to tour with your mom's house. Who knows? Shit. We have to do fucking arenas. Well, I just want to, I don't know, it would be fun to go do some live ones.

We'll see. Well, the kids are so young, maybe when the kids are a bit older, we could take them on the road. I don't want to take a fucking infant. No. Infants too small. We could probably do a one or two night or somewhere. Yeah.

I have to pee so bad. Right now. I drank so much water. You just fucking, we just got in here. Yeah. But then I had that green shake. I'm sorry. I got pee.

What do you want me to do? Just press pause for one second. All right. All right. All right. I just drained my cut. Okay. I drained my fucking cut.

Well, I just realized that we haven't done a proper show in. Oh, my God. And we're almost 30 minutes. We haven't done our dates either. Oh, my fucking cut. My cut. My cut. It's sexy.

It's sexy. Who's that? Is that Jules? No. No. No. My fucking cut. It's another strong performer.

Who says that? My fucking cut. Ugh. You ready? Women don't call their vagina's cunts. Cool ones do. You ready? Ready?

Yeah. Let's start it. This is my e-harmony video. I've never been on e-harmony before in my life. I swear. I don't want to go out running around looking for dates this all time. I'm looking for a woman. I'm not real picky.

I know people say, why are you settling for something when you can get a lot better? Sure. This shit is big time. Who is round? Don't bring anyone loving to this. Welcome to fucking stand. Welcome. Welcome to your mom's house with Tom Segura.

Tom Segura. Christina Pajitzi. Christina Pajitzi. Welcome to your mom's house. It's so horrible. God. It's so horrible. God.

This is too... You know... Why? You know... Why? Settle. Why settle? Can I tell you something?

I'll tell you what. The world is changing. Yeah. It's the end of the white male oppression era. Right? And listen, white men have done a lot of great things. Of great things. You guys have created civilizations.

Thank you. And contained fire, quantum mechanics, all that shit. Not to mention. Oh, I'll make you come. Not to mention. But I gotta tell you, the level of delusion of these white men about what they think they deserve in the world is unreal. And that is a direct result of...

Check your privilege. Yeah. I don't believe in that shit. You mean this privilege right here? Entitlement, son. Well, describe for the viewers. Entitlement. For the listeners who are not watching what you're seeing.

He looks a little bit like Ron Howard. Does Ron Howard have hair anymore? You mean Ron Howard's brother? Yeah. That guy. Clive, I think you do. Yeah. That guy's fucking amazing.

Yeah. He's just... I've never been on eHarmony before in my life, I swear. I'm not one to go out running around looking for dates this all the time. I'm looking for a woman, I'm not real picky. I know people say, why are you settling for something when you can get a lot better? Okay. That's amazing.

When I'm looking for her, it's preferably a blonde-headed woman, but my size, some more around five foot, two, three inches tall, under 15, 20 pounds. 15, 20 pounds. Sure. I like to cook, clean. Oh. Somebody can drive me to all my appointments. Oh.

What appointments are those? Not the dentist. Preferably somebody who goes to the paint clinic. What? Because it keeps me from going to the clinic. What? The what? Preferably somebody who goes to the paint clinic.

See, this is why you need teeth. I don't, people are like, why do I need teeth? Well, because nobody can understand what you're saying. Preferably somebody who goes to the paint clinic. Paint clinic. Because it keeps me from going to the clinic because I go to the paint clinic, so I'm... Unreal. This guy fucking makes me so mad, so angry, so mad.

You're such a piece of shit. This guy is such a fucking useless piece of shit. And there's women out there, there's so much better than this guy. He goes to the paint clinic a lot. Well, I like to have a virgin. Oh. A virgin. I was 23 years old.

Okay. I don't know. Somebody that's real sexual, you know, I like sex a lot because I like sex. Do you like teeth? I can't, I can't even watch him without the teeth. This has to be a bit, right? No. Isn't this a performance face though?

No. He's hitting all the numbers and he's like, he's doing this face. This is real, babe. Do you think that's his real face? Yeah. Going like that? Yeah. This guy is a drunk, babe.

I love this new segment of delusional men that we're doing. Big asks. Mabronger was like big asks. Yeah. Yeah. This is a delusional male category. Yeah. This is what I deserve.

It's so hard. Kiss. I don't like long walks because I mostly stay around the house, homebody, but I do like sex. Did you imagine that guy? Okay, let's do it. What's the dollar amount? Hold on, hold on.

No, please. If I'm a young virgin, we don't have a lot of sex with me that stuff, I mean a lot. I've got ads on PFF and whatnot and I haven't had that much luck yet because some of them that went right in the back ugly, you know, I don't want no ugly woman. So he hasn't had it, but having a lot of luck with some of his other ads that you place other places because some of those women that have written back are ugly and he doesn't want an ugly woman. No, he deserves the best.

I don't care if you're a little bit overweight, you can be 130 pounds, I don't give a crap as long as you're pretty and a virgin, so if that's you, you get in contact when we get together, okay? That's a bit. That's got to be a bit. I don't know. It's got to be a bit. He ended it by going, he knows what he's doing.

He's got to be. It's all exaggeration. Well, here's the deal. Made me laugh though. Here's the deal, man. It's got the qualifications of a great your mom's house. It does have it. I just don't know if, if he, if he's self aware, it's funny that he's doing it.

Well, let's go through the checklist. Shall we? Okay. Crappy lighting. Check. Poor angle. Check. Uh, background noise.

Not really. Okay. He, he knew to make it quiet for his video. Okay. Location. He looks like he's in a closet. He's in a closet. It's, um, no teeth, which is a big win.

That's, that's a new, yeah, that's definitely why I made a big qualifier. Yeah. Uh, when you get the no teeth, you got to have no teeth to make a good video. Yeah. You know, if you want it to be a strong video, how about this? How much money for him to give you a blow job with those nice no teeth? Jesus Christ. Babe.

He's got no team. Um, isn't that kind of every guy's dream? Yeah. How much for him to blow you? Let's talk the number. That's, uh, uh, man, be realistic too. I want, I want tax free cash, tax free cash off the books. How much for that guy to blow you?

I'm trying to think. Um, it would be a lot. It would have to be a lot. I mean, I think it'd be really horrifying to have that guy, you know, blow me. So I can't really, it's kind of, I'm just trying to think about, okay, how much just a French and that alone, and I'm not even exaggerating. I'm being very sincere here. Yeah.

Think about it. Yeah. Like if you put the money in a briefcase and you're like, uncle Sam doesn't touch it. Yeah. Not traceable. I, I would have to do a million million dollars to kiss him, to French kiss him, his tongue and your tongue.

You were talking about scissoring that crazy lady for like a hundred grand, but that's not your mouth. Your mouth on someone else's mouth is like the most intimate thing you can do. Now we know you're just full of nonsense. What are you talking about? Your mouth is your most private, exclusive area. I think I, to put my mouth on that fucking nasty mouth, no teeth. Okay.

Well, who would, why doesn't he have the perfect smile? Can we send this guy the perfect smile? Who would you, that's all he needs is the perfect smile. Who would you make love to first? That guy? I'd like to have one in my home. Don't like him at all. He's creepy.

I'd like to make love to you. You know, I'm going to throw up. Not like one of these young men or these little boys. Okie doke. Thanks. And then, oops, they don't care about their partner. Right. He's a loving partner.

He's a thoughtful partner. I don't like him the most. I don't like him the most. I would take the other guy over this guy. Really? This guy's so nasty to me. He's like a serial killer. Okay.

What about between this guy, this guy right here? Okay. The I'll make you come guy. Yeah. I don't like that guy. So I'll make you come guy. Okay. Thanks.

Versus the last guy versus, hold on. Let me set it up for you. I'll take the four stroke guy. Versus. But it's been sitting in line when you said to me you want to go back with your ex-boyfriend. Shit. Okay. Please erase him from your memory.

Wow, fuck. Okay. Here's the thing. All three present different problems. Right. So let's go through those problems. Take me through your logic. Okay.

The I'll make you come guy. Yeah. Actually, at his core is an insecure little boy. Right. But he's going to talk a big talk, a lot of sexual bravado. He's going to be a little difficult to deal with. He's going to. I'll make you come.

Yeah. He's going to do that negging thing you're talking about where you put the girl down maybe to make yourself feel better. Right. Well, I've seen prettier. Right. Anyway, you'll be like. Right.

But he's older, so it's going to be actually harder to make him come unless he's taking Viagra. Right? The second guy with the toothless wonder, that guy is drunk. He's going to fall asleep. He's going to pass out drunk. He's not even going to be awake for that. So it'll be just easy.

Yeah. He'll diarrhea his pants or something. And then. Okay. So I think between the two, you're going with the drunk. No. Then there's Joe. Right.

I'm saying, I'm talking about the first two though. You'd be like, yeah. Yeah. The, yeah. The, the second toothless guy over. Now, Joe would be attentive. I think. Here's a problem.

A little too. Here's a problem with Joe. I think we all know. You're done. And then he's like, this is just duct tape and it's not going to hurt. Yeah. But this way, when I get back, you know, we can talk some more and you're like, um, all right.

All right. Right. Yeah. Joe's like obsessive and scary and you're living in his basement. Right. Like he's going to hold me hostage and have sex with my tight up body relentlessly all day. So where does that put?

What order does that put it? Fuck. This is so disgusting. Yeah. It's a good one. It's a mortal, mortal danger. Wow. Wow.

Mortal danger. I hope this video doesn't scare you. Second place. I'll make you come guy. Disgusting. I'll make you come. Ew. Okay.

And then first our brand new toothless drunk. He's just a toothless drunk. Wow. He's not obsessive. He's a little delusional. Yeah. Okay. It's exciting.

What about you? He doesn't want to kiss. And don't worry. You're disappointed. Well, I would like to have a virgin. A virgin. Somebody likes sex a lot. Oh, I got it.

Yeah. Do you want him? But don't forget, the nice thing is. I'm not real picky. He's not real picky. Well, you said you could be fat, like 130. You weigh 130, a blonde, pretty virgin, so you would really let him down in that department. Oh, all these clubs.

You've been around the block. I'm morbidly obese by his standards, and I'm real SLUT. Yeah, for sure. But I do like sex. Sex. I do like sex. How do you get that far where you don't care if you even have teeth? Like, can you order the perfect smile?

He doesn't care. He's $10. He doesn't care. I don't give a crap. So it sounds like your order to recap is you take him first because it seems like second place is I'll make you come. Yeah. And third place is Joe, God, Joe definitely is the most coherent and has things the most

together. And he's third. But that's the problem is that he will actually go through with intercourse. The other two are just big talkers, and you can probably get away with giving them a hand job. Joe is going to be like, I want to love you. I want to romance you. Talk about this baby we're going to have.

Yeah. And you're like, we just started dating. I want to make eye contact with you as I'm making love to you. I want to have a family. He's got to, you know, be actually the most fascinating thing. We had Julia, and Julia introduced us to him and everything, and she obviously saw the red flags and running. Wouldn't it be fascinating to talk to one of Joe's exes?

Love to. That would be, that would be better than having Joe on. Love to. Oh, I don't want to talk to Joe. No. We already know his story. I would love to be like, I mean, he's like, I dated Joe for six months. Six months.

You know? You think anybody makes it that long? Oh, yeah, for sure. And he's got a kid. So he's got at least one. So if someone's had a relationship with him, probably. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. It would be, yeah, it would be kind of crazy. You gorgeous. You're so precious. Precious to me. Oh, look what you did to me. Wow. Wow.

That's right. That last one. Look what you did to me, you fucking bitch. I fucking strangled you, you stupid bitch. Yeah, that's. Only on the couch with me and if you don't, I'll fucking kill you again. And he's patting his stomach. I'm a half asleep on the couch.

You disappointed. You got me wrapped around your finger. Cute. But that's all you're getting. I'm exhausted. Oh, he goes, this is all you're disappointed. And he's saying, he's saying that she's disappointed that he's not going to do a big, big, big.

He wouldn't. That would've been so fun. Julie and her friends being like, send us another cool video. I would love to see their bait video. Like, Joe, let me go out for a, you please send me a video only though, not a text. I want to be able to watch it over and over and over and celebrate. Look what you done to me. I'm gonna have to sleep on the couch.

Yeah. So gross. Yeah, it is. Have you ever done that? Like a sexy video? No. No, right? You never did that for me.

Fuck no. That's not me. I'm just laying here on this couch right now, girl. I've probably sent some pictures. I'm embarrassed of, but not to me. No, I'm talking about other road. Beef chicks. Oh, stop it.

Oh, what about your dream? You're more, you're newer dream. Yeah. So you have your Blackhawk fantasy that people remember from a few weeks ago just to where we saw the Lakers. Then you're like, I had a dream. You had a Blackhawk last night. By the way, what do they do with their cocks during the game?

So we're like, okay. Nowhere. You know, it's, it's funny because I don't like, I don't, I don't, I've never dated a Black guy. I don't have a preference for Black guys. I know. So it was so odd that that we went to the Laker game and I came home and I dreamt that you and I were making sweet marital loves and that everything about you was

regular colored for you. Regular colored. And then you mean a white guy? Right. Like you were, you were Tom colored. You were normal. No, I didn't mean like that. I meant you're a regular for you.

Like the regular color that you always are. And then your dong was chocolate. Yeah. You had a chocolate Black ding dong and I was like, and I remember in the dream tripping out like, whoa, Tom's kind of a Black one. A big Black one. Yeah. And then I was like, all right, I guess it's my husband.

It's okay. Cause here's a weird thing about my dreams and you even in my, like I love you so much and I mean this. Yeah. I don't even cheat on you in my dreams. I can't even have a sexual dream about somebody else, which kind of fucking sucks actually in a way. Yeah.

Like I can't even in my dreams. I'm like, no, I'm a good wife. I have to be obviously listen. Do I ever tell you where I'm like, dude, I dreamt that I slept with somebody else. I never thought the girl with no arms and one leg. Yeah. No arms and one leg.

Yeah. Geez. Yeah, she did. So then last night I had another dream and this time I dreamt that I had a new husband and it was the guy from entourage. It was like, I think the guy that it's like a blonde guy. I think it plays plays as agent or something. Any hoodles and this was, so this time you, you weren't with me though.

So the dream I was in our house and then this blonde guy came and he take, he took me away from you and the next thing I know, he goes, all right, sweetie, I'm going to work and he gives me a kiss and I'm like, Oh, are you my husband now? And he, and I got really sad and scared and I was looking for you and looking for Tommy really in your dream. Yeah. I was like, where's my husband?

Where's my husband? And then I saw you finally coming in in a black coat and I saw your head and your beard and I was like, it's Tommy. It's Tommy. And then I got all excited and that you were back and then this morning I woke up and I snuggled you. We definitely, definitely have different dreams. Well, who are you begging in yours?

I definitely never see you on that side. I just, I just see that roadbeave and there's, you know, there's very, very little. Okay, let's talk about your aversion to snuggling. The third technique is called mouthwatering good. Go ahead. Let's talk about your aversion to snuggling. Yeah.

You don't have aversion to snuggling. I like snuggling. I don't snuggle to sleep. That's the difference. That's all I want. Why do you think I have two dogs? Well, I'm just telling you, I can't snuggle to sleep. I can snuggle and then it's like, now I got to go to sleep.

I don't snuggle to sleep. I don't know. I just can't. It's uncomfortable to sleep that way. I enjoy. I like the affection of snuggling to express love. But then if it's like, I got to go to sleep. I don't sleep that way.

I can't. I don't know what you want me to tell you. Well, you got me wrapped around your finger precious. The thing is to you love you. You also don't like being hot. That's always your big fucking lie to me. You're fat. It's too hot.

I'm fat. And fat people don't like to be hot because they're naturally hot. Okay. You're just figuring this out. Fat. I'm fat. You're not fat. I'm fat.

I'm gross. Very gross. You're not. But I don't, I don't, I've never liked a warm room or anything like that. I don't like it. I obviously, I know my whole life is a struggle with you. You're like, I have a fever. It feels terrible the way you like it.

I like it. Cool. It's by the way, I never win. It's always fucking hot in there. It's not hot. You'll have it 77. I'll work. Perfect.

Okay. When I was on the road, by the way, I angered a lot of people on the interwebs with my Instagram posts and my thermostat in Philly and in Judoar titties. It was so fucking cold. Yeah. I had it up to 77 and truth be told in Judoar titties. Yeah. I would have cranked it up to 80.

But my conscience didn't let me. Really? Well, my bed was right by the window and the draft was coming in. I was very cold and I was wearing flannel pajamas. Well, look, here's the thing we're going to do right now. I'm super excited. I'm so excited. Hold on.

I want to make sure I can. Is this a YMH exclusive? It is kind of a YMH exclusive, but I want to get this thing ready for you guys so that you know what we're talking about here. God, what which binder is it in? I have so many. This is one of the reasons I like the idea of going to a new studio so that I don't have to search for something every time I want to show it to you guys.

Yeah, it's painful to listen to. It's painful to do it though. It's a lot of dead air. Well, you're not helping. That's for sure. You're definitely not helping. You're not helping at all. What are you talking about?

You never help with this stuff. I just do it all. Well, how can I help though? You're the only one you control one thing. Maybe by not saying like it's real fun to listen to. So like stress the person out more like as they're doing it. You mean like that? This is the last time you're ever going to do this.

That's why I'm giving you shit. It's the last time. All right. Well, we're having the video FX supervisor from tiptoes. Tiptoes is going to join me on a call right now. It is very exciting. I will say that I don't think if I'm if I'm correct that you're going to be on the call.

Thank you. And I have a phone call to make myself. I'm sorry. Okay. So our schedules and not a line on this one. Okay. So the video FX supervisor tiptoes so wild from tiptoes tiptoes. God, that's embarrassing the title.

It's just that's embarrassing. Yeah. Who who Greenlit the title tiptoes? I have no idea tiptoes. This guy is coming on. So we're going to ask him questions. I got to ask him questions about this. You'll be back for the second part of the podcast.

Okay. All right guys. Here it is. Jean go make your call. Call of you. All right. Here we go. It is time for a YMH exclusive.

This is a YMH exclusive exclusive exclusive exclusive exclusive. All right. Here we go. Oh, Doug. Yes. Hey, it's Tom Segura. How are you? Good.

How are you? I'm doing well, man. Thanks so much for taking the call. Of course. So we have become semi obsessed since discovering honestly just the long form trailer for tiptoes like over and over can't stop watching it. You were the video effects supervisor.

Is that correct? Visual effects producer. Yeah. Sorry, visual effects producer on the film. The thing. Okay, one of the things before we get into like for some reason, you know, I never was aware of the movie when it came out. Somebody sent this trailer and when we watched the trailer

where like this isn't real because the trailer. I don't know if you've watched it recently or anything, but it has like this parody quality to it like where it's cut to feel like it's not real. Does that make sense? It does. You know, I actually work now at a company that produces a lot of trailers and so that whole voiceover style that whole method

of presenting the characters just doesn't happen anymore. And that's why it feels so parody. Right. It put the movie is so ridiculous. I mean, it's incredible actors somehow wound up in that movie. Do you remember to figure out? Do you remember when you're working on it? Like because I'm always kind of I was always fascinated by this.

I have a little bit of experience now as an actor in film. So some of my questions about it, I was able to answer, right? I did three, I did three films this year. One big studio movie and two independence. And I remember I used to always wonder if during a filming like during a shoot, like when you're actually shooting a film, whether you get the feeling or not like this is going to be dog shit or this is going to be good, like whether you can know.

And the truth is ultimately you can have sensations about it, but you'll never really know it, at least in my experience. You're kind of like, well, you know, this seems to be going really well. I have hope for it or maybe you're working and you're like, this is kind of kind of sloppy. This isn't, I don't know what's going to happen here. Like it's still a toss up though, until you see it cut.

I mean, were you actually, since your visual effects, were you there like throughout the shoot? Were you there like to run a picture? I was on and off. I wasn't there every day. But certainly it wasn't it was a sense of sort of this may not be good. It was such chaos every day and every decision was so strange

because there was this battle between, you know, these great actors again, some of their representatives that are talented producers in their own right. And then the people involved were all pretty talented indie producers, but then there was this constant undercurrent of these really low budget crew people, not against the crew, but sort of some of the upper management of it, that were just only interested in how expensive everything might or

might not be. And we're cutting left and right as we went through it. Even my budget started out pretty decent, certainly indie level visual effects budget. And one day I just got a call like, hey, I'm stopping payment on those checks. We're not going to do any of those visual effects. So you were not paying and it was like, well, but we, I mean,

it was just such it was, but that every day was like that. So this movie was was in it was like an indie budget movie. Is that correct? Correct. Okay. So the guys, the actors, the big names signed on because they must have bought into the script. I mean, that's always while you land the, the out of this world

level talent and, you know, certainly having Gary Oldman and even at the time McConaughey and Beckinsale were like, these are big above the title kind of names. They, they must, this script must have really hit them as a great piece of writing. For sure. I don't recall reading the script and feeling that way, but, but certainly it spoke to at least one of them first.

And plus, you know, at the time, I have to assume it was Gary and I think, I think I know it was Gary. Initially who was intrigued by the idea of it, right? Number one, the script had some quality to, he was, you know, he's an adventurer. He's an amazing talent and he's like, well, I can do this, right? Maybe.

And then I think he was somewhat in between projects. Let's say he, you know, he'd had a lot of great projects beforehand, but this was, you know, early 2000s before he had gotten the Harry Potter gig before he had gotten the Batman stuff. And so he needed a gig probably. Yeah. And it all sort of aligned for him to get involved.

And then once you start going out with, Hey, you know, Gary open is going to do this, then you can convince Kate and Matthew and Peter Dinklage and Patricia Arquette. I mean, it just keeps going. Keeps going. You can convince all these people. You can keep all these people. You can convince all these people that it's worth a shot now.

And they're good. So do you, when you, when you're actually, you know, let's say midway through it, there is like the chaos, the budget stuff, do you kind of, do you, do you still go like you have hope for it? Like, are you still hopeful that this turns out well? I guess, I mean, I knew, you know, one of the, the main producers in the dollars was, was, uh, John Langley and his

company. Yeah. And he's best known as the guy who does cops, right? Right. And that gives you an indication of these are people getting into the business. They aligned themselves with other people that have been around. But again, you know, you also have to consider that time

where a lot of these movies were getting made just to fill the shells, right? You had blockbuster that needed to constantly fill the shells with new movies. Right. Oh, sorry. I'm losing you a little bit there. I don't know if it's your location, but I just lost you for

a second. It might be. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. You want to join me on another line? That's very up. Uh, no. No, actually, I would love to.

Um, Hello. Hey. Hey, is that better? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Um, much better. So you, you said though that you, you were like somewhat

hopeful, but like not really sure. I'm guessing right of how it would go. Yeah. But I mean, I mean, for sure, uh, you know, because it was so interesting and there were so many crazy things going on. And again, you have to have faith in these actors. Uh, but it, it did seem like I said, like, like things were off the rails.

No question. Uh, given, given just what was going on every day on set. I mean, you had a set filled with little people who are all very professional, but it was a lot of things to wrangle. And then you had all these actors, uh, you know, kind of finding their way through this thing. Um, and so it was, uh, it was an interesting experience. I mean, uh, there was a day we were shooting this one, one of

the main VFX shots, uh, Gary kind of walks down the hallway and turns and knocks on the door and you realize also that I think his girlfriends played by Bridget the midget, right? Right. Which is another, you know, incredible thing. How did she wind up there? But she did. Um, so, so anyway, he's, he's walking down and, and, and the

set up as a specific setup for visual effects and he, um, you know, they had these little shoes they had made to go around his knees and I said, well, I need you to, you know, walk with those on because we're not sort of in all we're trying to do is just remove the back of your legs. We weren't supposed to animate a shoe. Right. And, and he, and he, and the prop guy are like, no, no, no,

we were told we would never have to walk with these shoes. I'm like, well, I don't know what to tell you. I don't think we can figure this out right now. Is there any way you can do it? And so they agree to do it. He, he walks down. He does, you know, we do the take and, and they, they cut it. And I'm like, well, you know, you're kind of leaning back

because obviously he's on his knees, shuffling along, shuffling with leaning back and with shoes around his knees. I'm assuming, right? These little, these little shoes, right? And so, uh, he, I'm like, you got to kind of stand up straight. And if you could, because we, you know, we're going to make a knee there and, and he just said, he just loses it. And he says, uh, and again, I have great respect for the man.

I hate telling stories out of school, but it's a pretty interesting story. So, uh, he's like, well, why don't I just take a feather duster up my fucking ass? You know, I mean, what about acting? He just, he gets really upset. Yeah. And the director says, forget it, forget it. Just, just do the, do it.

We'll figure it out. We'll figure it out. So he goes and he does it again and I'm like, yeah, yeah, it's fine. We'll, we'll make it work. And, and after that, that take, he goes over the monitor. He watches the, you know, playback and he comes over to me and he says, listen, man, I'm, I'm sorry. Uh, you know, I'm on my, literally on my knees all day.

And, and these, you understand what's going on with this whole set up here. And it's just, I just, I'm really sorry. You're absolutely right. I'll do it. I'll make them do another one. If you can, I'm like, no, no, well, it'll be fine. It'll be fine. So even he was getting sort of burnt out by the whole, the whole experience.

And again, he was literally, you know, on his knees the whole time. Yeah. Oh, so, and as visual effects, you were doing, I mean, did you have to do things in addition to, to, you know, I guess, I don't know. Did they like, did they green screen his legs? Like, you know, like, uh, you know, in Forrest Gump where Gary Sinise was, was that that kind of technique? Yeah.

We didn't, we didn't obviously quite have the same budget as the Robert Dumeckis did in Forrest Gump. But, uh, certainly we had, I had wardrobe make these, you know, leggings for him. Okay. That weren't, weren't super effective again. Cause you know, not to get too into it, but without locking off the camera and they were shooting a lot of, of, uh, handheld or steady cam. And so it was really a challenge and it essentially had to be done by hand anyway.

You couldn't really key out the legs. It had to be done, you know, frame by frame. Wow. I mean, there was another shot and I think it's partially in the trailer too where they're, you know, he writes a trike too, which I never, you know, who knows why it's like Peter Dinklage is dating Patricia Arquette and he rides a motorcycle and then, uh, Gary rides this trike and there was a scene where they show up. It was a hotel out near what near LAX, uh, where we were doing like this little

people's of America convention and they show up and, and Gary has to get off the trike and walk around and, and walk into frame. And, uh, they all, they had a really good double for him. The hair was perfect. His face was very similar. Um, you know, a little person double and, and they were debating how to do it. And I said, well, let's just, why don't you just have him hide behind the trike? Gary'll step down and then this guy will walk around and then we'll cut to,

I mean, it was just again, we were sort of making it up as we went along and, and there wasn't a great deal of direction, uh, going on. It was like I said, pretty, uh, pretty crazy set. Wow. I mean, uh, one of the things that I've been curious about cause I still, like I said, I haven't actually seen it. We've just been obsessed with this trailer and, and I've actually played this for like, I played it for Sean Anders who directed instant family that's out

right now and directed daddy's home. And he was like, that's not a real thing. Right. And I was like, what do you mean? He's like that trailer you were playing. That's not real. I go, yeah, it's real. It's a real movie.

And he was like, no way. Like he, I even when I showed it to him, he was like, this is not a gag. And I was like, no, no, no, this is real. So we were reading trivia and like the first trivia point that comes up says, director Matthew Bright was fired after he turned in his cut. The whole film was then re-edited. Peter Dinklage has said the original director's cut, which screen in Austin was gorgeous, but the people who fired bright ruin the movie.

Do you know anything about that? I do. I do. I know quite a bit actually. Uh, I mean, I'm sure Peter Dinklage has his opinion. Uh, I don't remember the whole original director's cut. I certainly saw, you know, the re-cut. So they brought in, uh, this well-known editor, Wendy Brickmont,

who worked a lot with Ivan Reitman has done a lot of bigger budget stuff. Um, I had worked with her on another project before and so they brought her in to try and find the movie. But, you know, and that's always the case in the editing, but in this case it was really sort of, you know, there was a lot of footage that I don't think had any bearing on, you know, the product, how, how the movie needed to go. And so I remember her talking to me about it like, yeah, this was a,

it was a real challenge for her. Um, but certainly the sensibility of Matthew Bright, uh, was part of why everybody got involved. I'm sure, you know, I don't know if you're aware of his, his most famous movie is a movie called freeway. It was a Reese Witherspoon's first movie. Yeah. She plays, uh, she plays a girl hitchhiking to her grandmother's house.

That's right. And Kiefer Sutherland plays a character, Bob Wolvington. You know, it's like this red riding hood. I saw this movie years ago. I saw the crazy movie. And so that was sort of where he established his reputation as being, you know, sort of a little bit out there and doing interesting sort of cult kind of movies.

Um, but, but they certainly, I think they got off the rails pretty badly. And in fact, at one point after the producers had taken over the, the original editor and Matthew called me cause the movie got into Sundance. As, as the, as the original cut. I think so. Yes. Okay. Although that's not what they showed.

Uh, that's not what they showed. So they, they, uh, uh, they called me and they say, Hey, listen, uh, you know, we know you're still working for those guys, but we want you to work for us too. I'm like, okay, well, you know, here's a budget and they go, no, no, no, we need you to do it for free. I said, well, I can't really, I'm not sure how I can, I mean, I'd love to help you like, well, you got to be on the side of the filmmakers. I'm like, I really am, but I can't, you know, pay to work on this

movie for you either. And that, that's where it ended. Like, well, but don't tell anybody we called you. I'm like, well, like, I don't know if I can do that either. You know, it was like, it put me in a very challenging spot. So did you see those showed up? Did you see, did you see two cuts though? Did you see like a cut and then a totally different cut?

So I saw something early, but I don't know that that was his cut necessarily. Okay. Um, and, but certainly I, I, I, I well remember the other cut in that they're, you know, and again, I don't want to spoil it for you. Uh, I'm hoping it lives up to your expectations. I have a feeling it will, no matter what. Uh, but there's some big gaps. It just sort of jumps across a few gaps that just, I don't think they had

anything or anywhere to go with it. Um, but to say that again, going back to, you know, Peter's quote to say that the original cut was beautiful. You know, or whatever he exactly said, uh, gorgeous, that it was a movie that that could be should gorgeous. I don't know that it was a movie that, that could be shown that anyone would understand. Okay.

Um, yeah, I mean showed up at Sundance, by the way, Matthew showed up cause of course Sundance really is on the side of the filmmakers, regardless of who turns in the cut. They invited Matthew and I remember he got up on stage cause I was there. I was actually there with another movie, uh, and he got up on stage and he called the producers assholes with teeth really at Sundance. Yes. And they were all there.

It wasn't that big. Echo theater, you know, the, one of the biggest rooms and he said this like right before it screened or right after I think it was after. Yeah. I mean, Gary said, uh, he said that, uh, not my best role and it didn't turn out well. Um, do you feel like looking back? I mean, you've worked on a bunch of things.

Would you be like, Oh, this is the worst thing I worked on. I wish I could say that was true, but no, wow, not, not even close. Again, I would say, I mean, I don't, you know, there was a time when you could, I mean, it's sort of true now with Netflix and all the streaming that you can get a lot of projects made. There's a great deal of good projects being made, but then you could sell a movie foreign with a bunch of names, right? I mean, I worked on these movies that they would have Joe Estavez and Don

Swayze and Frank Stallone put on the box. Right. They could put Stallone Swayze Estavez on the box. Unbelievable. And that's how they would sell those movies and then they would fill the blocks, but they would fill the blockbuster shelves with these, you know, well-intentioned movies. Everybody was, I believe everyone was trying to do their best work,

but yeah, you know, there's, there's sometimes there's a reason people rise to a, you know, higher level of a bigger budget. Some feels like a real exclusive talent. Segal has really taken over that space of the, the $30,000 action film. Now he puts out like six a year. I don't know if you ever worked on any of those, but he, he does. Um, he does quite a bit of those films now. No, I did a Chuck Norris movie, which was a very interesting experience.

That was a movie called Sidekicks. Oh, yeah. A long, a long time ago. That was a crazy where he was on set with like his, I think that's when he married the nanny or something like that. Yeah. And Joe, Joe Pisco was in that movie. You know what's, um, I find, I find fascinating about the visual effects

thing too is like there's, there's like these, these, uh, milestones or, or, or benchmarks that happen in, in your guys field that become, it's like your brain recognizes that that's, you're like, Oh, that's, that's what that, when that capability was happening and it can take you out of a movie or just kind of make you go like, I don't know, it throws you a little bit. If, if the effects are like super dated or something, you know, like there's a way you accept a really old film. Like say you watch a, you know, an old Hitchcock movie and you see, you, you,

you know that like, Oh, this is before modern day visual effects, right? And then it'll be rear projection or it'll be paintings and stuff. Yeah. So I like someone falls off a building and you're like, whew, that looks, that looks bad. The one that I feel like has some years on it now, but must have been after like some really modern capabilities have held up for me is minority report. Like it's at this point, it's got to be over 10 years old, right?

But a lot of those visual effects look amazing. I know it was a huge budget. They look amazing, but if you go back probably 10 years before that, if you watch the first Jurassic Park now, that looks kind of wacky. It looks wacky now. Right. Well, we've gotten used to it being so photo real and so convincing. That even though at the time our eyes were totally accepting of those

dinosaurs and the quality and the texture being blown away, blown away. Now it's like, Oh, I can see, though, where that's just, they're not. That's not really there. Yeah. It's kind of fascinating that minority report. The guy that designed that setup with the, with the gloves and all that, he went on to develop that as a real thing. What?

Oblong and you can actually go and do a demo with him. He basically installs it in like conference rooms and stuff. Yeah. And you, usually the CEOs and stuff that use it, they like to use like a, it's kind of like a PS4 controller or a Wii controller, but you can use the gloves. It's got all these arrays above you and I've seen him do it. It's pretty remarkable.

That is where they're at. This was a few years ago, but it's impressive. They, they, they rewind some video. They go back and forth and do the whole thing. The other one, Doug, that takes me out of the movie always throws me and because the movie is otherwise just like a perfect thriller. Just such a great movie is the fugitive when Harrison Ford jumps off the train. Yes, exactly.

It must have been like, I feel like when you watch that movie, you're like, this must have been the year before the newer technology came out because it looks so out of place. It looks so like we don't even, even a movie like T2. Yes. You know, they're using a lot of rear projection or process. So they're that shot. I think I'm, I'm, I'm guessing that and even when he jumps, you know,

off the, the dam and all that. Yeah. I think a lot of that is Matt paintings and process is somewhat old school. They were probably trying to marry in some, some wire removal and that kind of stuff with the old school stuff too. And again, we, you know, if it's old enough, like you said, it's totally acceptable, but, but when it's supposed to be right and it just doesn't hold up. Um, I mean, it's a particular scene.

I always think of, uh, in T2 where, uh, they're on the bike and he jumps or does something and it's so obviously, you know, a screen behind him. And he's like, well, they, you know, if it was good enough at the time for James Cameron, it must have been pretty freaking good. Right. Yeah. It makes you go like that must have been the best available. You know, it's, it's got, it had to absolutely.

Yeah. Absolutely. Um, Doug, I'm, and frankly, sorry, good. No, no, you go ahead. I was going to say, and, and, and frankly back to tip toes, you know, the, the ability for somebody like me to do decent, I would say, probably not the absolute best, um, there weren't a lot of shots that made it, but decent work on a workstation, um, you know, on a really low budget is informed by what all those

guys did, you know, going forward in terms of, of the state of the art and it's, so it's trickled down to that. You know, almost anybody can afford some pretty impressive tools now, uh, to do really quality work. It's all, all that's required is talent, you know, but the machines are there. They're really accessible. And so that's why the quality has gone up for everything we look at. Yeah.

Now the special effects are insane. Right. It's just like, uh, it's unbelievable what's, what's, what's possible. Um, I am really looking forward. I'm going to do it. I'm going to pull the trigger and I'm going to watch tip toes. Um, I really want to thank you for taking your time and telling us, uh, a little bit about it because this is, um, it's really exciting.

So Doug Salkin, I'm glad you found me. Of course I, I really appreciate your appreciation for it. Again, you know, I'm still proud of working on these movies to get to work with people like Gary Oldman and Matthew McConaughey. Yeah. It's really, it, no matter what's going on to see them work and to be around that kind of, uh, talent is, is always impressive and enjoyable. And, uh, like you said, you always want it to be the best, but if it winds up

being this cult, amazing classic, that's cool too. You know, that's cool. That's a great attitude. Um, and thanks again for, for giving us some insight on it. Appreciate it, Doug. My pleasure, man. All right.

Take it easy. Take it easy. There was Doug Salkin, the video effects producer, uh, from tip toes. Um, I got into more than just tip toes obviously, but I enjoyed talking to him. All right. Be right back, uh, with, uh, Christina after she's done taking a shit. All right. Well, that was awesome.

Doug was so cool. You missed it. You were taking your big dump, but Doug, uh, video effects producer from tip toes and, uh, you'll have to listen to it. It was, it was pretty cool. I appreciate his time. We're going to switch it up now and, um, go into a dark, dark place with, uh, the darkest human being we know.

All right. Ladies, time, pull your panties up. It's going to be some redemption here for the great Josh Potter is joining us. Okay. Hi. Oh, the ladies are sad at me. I'm going to make it better. I think it's this intro.

I think it's the intro that's, that's maybe turning the female listeners off a little. They don't like it. Do you think we could get him a different intro? What would you like? Something that's like the dark way for something a little more, maybe not women crying and being strangled. They're not being strangled.

That's not what they're doing. What's going on in there? Just somebody just, yeah, that's not the intro. Yeah. Josh is the sweetest guy on the planet. I feel like if you tell, uh, I give you tell like a nice girl, let's say you go, Oh, uh, Potter's here. She would just go.

Yeah. I don't know. I think that's how they react when they, it's like all the cute boys went home and guess who's left. Who's left? Me, Josh Potter. Everybody. I am trying to rebrand myself after last time.

Let's talk about it. So let's talk about it. So last time you were here, um, and ended up getting, uh, there was a big episode, a lot, a lot of downloads and a lot of feedback. And here's the thing. You were, um, you were actually, I would, I'll have to be honest. It came across as somewhat polarizing because even though we're giving you the hard time about a lot of people being upset, a lot of people really happy.

A lot of people will really, well, a lot of sick people out there, sick people out there. They also, they like the sick jokes, which I also like sick jokes. Sure. Um, personally, what, uh, was like, whew, too much for me was just any, because I'm a parent, the parent, the kids stuff. I'm like, God damn it. No, it doesn't make you laugh.

No, but I'll tell you what did make me laugh. What did make me laugh. What I could have listened to nonstop was just the stuff about Albert Fish hurting himself. Yes. That stuff made me laugh. Okay. Because he, uh, he was doing some wild stuff to himself.

Like you said he put, uh, nails and pins into his, uh, perineum. Yes. He threw his taint in his pelvis. And then he, he would, uh, put a row, row step up his urethra. And one I forgot to mention, if you want a little, no, thanks. I'm okay. Josh, all good over here. Tell me.

Okie doke. So he soaked cotton balls in alcohol and then put them in his bum, bum. Up his butt. Yeah. And then he lit them on fire. Now that's funny. Cause I like that he's, cause he's a creep. So that's good.

Yes. He likes that stuff. What does that feel like? He's so sick. Yeah. He's so sick. The sickest man ever. You know what I think it is?

Look at you. Look how happy you are. Look how happy you are at hearing this kind of stuff. Well, I think crazy stuff to yourself is fun to laugh at. He always wanted to castrate himself, but couldn't bring himself. God, I wish you had. Yeah, me too. Actually, I like that.

He always wanted to. All of humanity. He couldn't bring himself to do it. He never was a raper. Oh, yes, he was. Never mind. Never mind. My bad.

See, this is, you got me back. I wore my nice shirt today. You did. You look stunning. I did my hair cut. I cut my face, shaved it. You look really handsome. Doesn't Josh look great today?

It's a little warm in here. I know. It turned down the, let's get this. I think it's a perfect 77. Actually, it is hot in here with all the lights and such. Yeah. Well, you look great, Josh. Thank you.

Again, part of my rebranding, you know, I don't want everyone to be scared. I'm not Albert Fish. I just told you about it. I know. So where do you think it went? Like where did it go sideways on the last one? What are we thinking? Well, I mean, there are some people that were someone last night.

You mean like me? I'm sorry. Go ahead. Well, yeah, freaked out. So I got a number of messages and then in person, somebody last night, I ran into the comedy store was like, hey, you know, and I thought she was going to bring up the thing that upset me, which was like kid stuff. She's like, when he was feeding people the pigs.

All right. And I go, even those were hunkers. Yeah. Yeah. You know, they're not real. Yeah. So, but anyways, I think it was just too gruesome for some people. But again, we're leaning on that.

I have to be fair. A lot of people were saying that they thought Josh was hilarious, but nevertheless, it was a polarizing segment, which is always a good thing. You know, we're stirring up debate, getting attention. But Josh is in here. He says, you know what? I'm going to redeem myself. I want people to have a good time.

Yeah. I want, I want to have a segment now about love. Oh, hey, okay. This is all about love. I thought that I would share with you some of the best sex toys. Oh, because it's the holidays. Yeah, it's about to be Valentine's Day is coming. That's true.

You need to like, I don't know if you guys need maybe something in your life. This is actually our, our New Year's episode. Yeah. We're doing right now. So this is perfect. Start off the new year. This will be coming out the evening of the first on audio and this and on the second on video.

So this is a, what a great way to start off your new perfect time to prepare for Valentine's Day. I'm sorry. What for Valentine's? Oh, I'm saying it wrong. You're saying it wrong. My goodness. I'm so sorry.

But yeah, so I thought, and maybe you guys can take some tips with you if you need to like spice things up. Hey, we're 10 years married. So yeah, I mean, it's time. You just had your anniversary. Yeah. And Christina's been talking about BBC's quite a bit lately. So what's that, Tom?

I think you know what it is. What's a BBC's? British Broadcasting. What'd you see? What'd you start licking? Yeah. What'd you lick your chops at the Lakers? Oh my God.

Really? Yes. Which one? I'm not licking my chops. Bro, she was licking her chops also. About who? LeBron. She was like, guess what?

This is the next one. And she goes, I had a dream last night. And I was like, okay. She goes, that you had a big black cock. What? Oh, I brought it up to my therapist. You don't? You did?

I brought it up to my therapist. She goes, just curious. Do you have any, have you had any dreams lately? And I go, what? As a matter of fact, yes, I've had a tube about my husband. It's a nice way of phrasing it. It's not really about your husband. It's about something else.

You know, when I told her, I go, and he had a big black dog. She didn't laugh. She was like, no, she was like, that's interesting. And then, and then I brought up the one that my husband was somebody else. Did you go out and went to the Laker game? And then I had a photo disclosure. And she didn't judge it.

Oh, that's nice. She said it's an, it's anxiety related about you. About not having a big enough dick in your life. God damn it. Okay. So it was Tom with LeBron's dick. I don't know if it's LeBron's dick, but it was a big black dick. Like we were doing it and everything about him was

himself, except for this big guy. It wasn't Lonzo Ball's dick. It could have been D-Way because he was in the game too. That's true. What a game. I just know that our Ingram, he's probably got a hog on him. What? No.

So wait, did you, there was just so many black, I just, I just remember noting at the game. I was like, there's so many black dudes like that around here. Had a basketball game. So there's a lot of black dudes. So she's sure, but can you tell us, or is it private? No, it's, it's, it's more related to anxiety, honestly, than sexual preference.

Yeah, because I, How is it related? I mean, I'm just curious. Yeah, I'll tell you, I'll tell you, because I, um, I have a lot of dreams that I'm back in time. Yeah. Or that my life isn't the life I have now and it's related to anxiety.

That's anxiety. Cause I'm having anxiety actually about you traveling soon cause you're going to be traveling and that's what it is. Basketball players travel. And, but is it related to like, I'm leaving a lot and a black eye will fill in for me and then a big black black mamba will come and do his thing. That's Colby.

That's the black black mamba. Black mamba. Yeah. He's not on the team anymore. She's like, are we going to see Kobe tonight? I'm like, it's been years since he retired and she's like, he is the best. She had a great time at the game.

And I'm like, well, seeing all the BBC, actually, she's never asked me this for sports in me. She's like, when can we go to another Laker game? Basketball is fun. Yeah. And it's just the BBCs. Maybe it is the BBCs. Swinging bees.

Yeah. When you said go back in time, I was like to win slavery, but you meant like your life. Gosh, you are a dark orange. Jesus Christ. Yeah. So, so, okay. So sex toys.

Yeah, I didn't. I don't have BBC on my list. Is there, I have three folders. Yes. I haven't opened them on purpose. Is there one I should start with? Right. Okay.

So there should be one labeled for her. I've picked up for her into for him. My favorite of the year, if you will. So, okay. And then we'll go on to a new different category, but we'll start with for her. Okay. Here we go.

So open it up and open the first chronological. Okay. Here we go. Keep in mind ladies and Christina that this is for you choice. Okay. Gross. Yeah. Here we go.

Now, what do you think that is? I don't fucking even want to know, bro. That's really interesting. This is the bumpy Betty tongue vibe. Throw up and it is in the shape of a tongue. I see that. Yeah. Quite a big tongue.

It almost looks like it could be a miniature shoe. Yes. Like for a genie. Like a child. It has a little tip. But it looks like a tongue with sores on it. Yeah, it does. It's like an infection.

That is the special addition to the tongue that I thought. I mean, we all like bumps on our tongues, right? Right, right. Like if we're going to have a tongue in us. I thought for a second you meant that's how they're marketing it. They're like, it's a gonorrhea tongue. Doesn't it feel dangerous? Well, yeah.

That could be the way that maybe that's the extra added bonus for it, but it does make you curious. Like, hey, maybe I should try a gonorrhea tongue. Right. This one feels so darn good. Yeah. Is this like the state of the art? This is the latest and greatest kind of thing.

This is the, yes. Now it's no longer dildos that are dicks. They also make them in tongue form because the tongue is the new dick everybody. Okay. Yeah. Fast. Got a stiff dick. And went after her.

Okay. In fact, before you play the show, the next image, oftentimes you see apparatus that is like a strap on for the chin, right? Yeah, the childo. Yes. That way you can have a fake dick with a real tongue. Well, this one puts that on its head. Oh.

Whoa. Here you can get a real dick with a fake tongue. Wow. So your ding dong is going through this hole here. Precisely. And then that is up at her hello hood. Her bum bum. Yeah.

Or, oh. Maybe you see. Could you put it at her hood? It's versatile. At her meow tops or her butthole. Yes. If you want your butthole scraped. What do you think?

I'll tell you what I think. I think it's a good theory. It's good in theory. However, these look sharp. Well, that's just also an image though. I doubt it's really sharp. And they wear down after use. You know, they become less, you know, they get sanded in.

Which would you try if you had to? Of the two we've seen. Yeah. The first one. I'm afraid of the sharpness of the, yeah. But they're not going to be sharp. It's just the look. I think it's the light hitting the nubs.

It's not really sharp. They're probably very similar to the, to the. It's got to be soft. You'd probably put those things on your butthole. I put them on your butthole. No, your butthole. I would put, by the way, because I don't have a scrum eater in my life. I would use this and put this.

That's very well. Scrum dog? Yeah. Yeah. Am I your scrum dog millionaire? That's something that it could be for him as well. I suppose you're right. But on the other, on the other one, you could even take that,

turn it inward on yourself. I was just thinking that. Because it vibrates. On the, wait, on the tongue? Yeah. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? Like you could bring it.

Could you give it a shot? Bring it in. If you painted it black, would you give it a shot? No, Laker colors. You have to do golden. Let me ask you something. You could do that. That's a cock ring too, right?

Yeah. You could put that on your cock ring and then point that. Put that on my cock ring? Towards, but you put on the cock ring. Wait, I put on the cock ring. Yes. Again? Well, I'm trying to teach you English.

And then you, I'm tired. And then you turn that part around with the tongue bits. Yeah. On your taint. Can't you tickle your own taint? I don't know if it would reach behind your bag. No, but it'll do something. You know, it'll be up there on your scrote.

You know, it might, it might nuzzle the bag, which would feel nice. Lodge something loose. You don't know what's going on. That's true. You know, I could be into that. Now for the gentleman. I have made a selection.

Okay. Okay. This, now, before you show it, have you ever thought this sex doll has too many pieces? Yes. Like, do we really need the armpit of the sex doll? Right. Right.

And then storage? Yeah. I don't know how to do it. It's like, I don't even have that, I don't have like really that big of a gap between under my bed. Right. Where do you keep a full woman?

Right. True. So this company has come up with a design that is way more efficient. Okay. Let's look. Okay. Oh, oh, oh, what the fuck?

It is all the best parts of the woman in one compact area. Oh my God. Now you can slide this under the couch if you need. Oh my God. You can put it under the bed. This is to privacy. This is the bottom of human. Can I say what I'm not liking?

The face? Yes. All of it? The face, can I tell you why? Why is that? It looks too small. It looks, the features look kind of childlike. They don't look, they don't look adult like,

like I see a doll. I see a doll. You know what I mean? It looks like a doll. You want to know what I'm more disturbed by? The vagina slit with the, the ear, the two tits as ears. Oh, I'm into that. So, no, that's the best thing in the world.

That works fine. If you ask me, I think face looks like a misprint. Yeah. And I don't know, my mind didn't jump to child because like what child has tits like that? I mean, geez. I mean, a couple of lucky ones, but what I was thinking was just, but I mean,

I love the ingenuity of giving you the, first of all, the nose is just be like, this is a face. Yeah. But I mean, have you ever gotten blown by a nose-less person? Never. It's, it'd be weird. Yeah, always a nose. An eyeless person.

I mean, that's the weird thing. The tits are kind of the eyes, which is kind of nice from that angle. Exactly. She's got eye tits. You know what I do love about, what I do love about men in general? Yeah.

Sometimes you guys are just no frills. Yeah. He loves his company. This is such a no frills sex toy. It's great. This is just like all the important bits. Matt. I mean, like I said,

where would you store? This is pretty hot. This is pretty hot. I would get this. Yeah. Which one are you buying though? Are you going to the same thing? He turned it around their side.

Yeah. Oh, well, now you even made a better product. Now, you know what? It's missing though. What is a B hole? You got the mouth hole, the division. If I were to redesign, if I were to redesign,

this side would have the B hole for me. Yeah. I think this company, they want to leave you wanting more. Oh, they did. Version 2.0, the next model will come fully fervished with a B hole. Now, you mentioned the mouth and how creepy it is. Yeah.

I always feel like it's, these things have to be so nasty after it. Then cleaning it. Yeah. I never understood why. Did you ever try a flashlight? Never. Because I can't,

I don't have enough mental strength to then clean my own jizz out of it and like put it in the dishwasher or whatever, you know? Yeah. I like how they make that real normal in their kitchen. Yeah. They're like, oh, just scrubbing my own jizz out of here. Easy cleaning.

Throw it here, put it next to your coffee mug and go about your day. Let your cleaning lady do it. Yeah. Yeah. No, I like the jizz to disappear in some capacity immediately, almost, you know, whether. Yeah.

Do you guys feel repulsion when you have it out of you? The second it leaves your body, you're kind of like, I'm a different person, you know? Oh, the poison's gone. Yeah. It's out there. Yeah.

It does change you completely. A hundred percent. Yeah, it really does. I mean, it's like the Hulk. It is like David Banner again. Oh, yeah. Is it Bruce Banner or David? You get backed up for a number of days too

and you start getting short, you know? Yeah, I know. Oh, I know it. And then you're just like, yeah, it's a total game. I'm more of like, when it's out of me, I'm like, oh God,

I'm terrible person, you know, like that kind of. Oh, yeah. The shame and the guilt. Yeah, I have that too. I have that from a strong Catholic upbringing. Yeah. Yeah.

Mine's not a Catholic thing. I don't know if it's just I hate myself thing, I think. Yeah. Now, isn't that fascinating though? If it's not like, I always thought that mine was tied to that, that like,

and I feel that shame more alone, you know, like I don't feel it after. That's wrong to masturbate. You're spelling your seed. It's, and it's like the moment after it's done, like I'm a bad person.

I feel it in both. I have had that. Where I say like that, where I feel like I'm like, oh, I'm a gross person. Then when it's with a woman, I'm like, oh, God,

she's regretting this now. You know what I'm saying? Oh, yeah. Yeah. Where I'm like, self-hatred. I'm sorry. Yeah.

Like that's the first way. Things up. Yeah. That's so interesting. Do you, it's just self-loathing maybe. You know, you don't,

you don't allow yourself pleasure. You think it's, it's shameful. I guess. Yeah. I've always tied it to the Catholic guilt. Sure. Because in our house too,

it was really bad. Like sex was, it was like, don't, that's not even like a topic you need to discuss. Yeah. Not a reality.

Like it was that crazy where you're like, wow, we're really pretending this hard. Yeah. You know, and my mom would be the type that like, if you're watching TV or a movie, and a woman were to walk on screen in a bikini at a,

on a beach scene, she would be like, you're watching pornography. And like, she wouldn't be kidding. She's like, what is this? I'm like,

it's a fucking PG-13 movie. That, but you know. Well, that's stored up in your spank bank. And then you let it out. Shame. They fight each other. That's interesting.

I've never felt like shame about that kind of thing. It's always just been, like I said, I'm like, this can't be fun for her. You know, that kind of thing. Really?

Yeah. And then after I, if it's just masturbation, I'm just like, I'm gross. What about lately? Have you smashed lately, dude? No.

No. It's been, that's part of it is because I'm just like, living in the sewers of life right now. You know what I'm saying? Really? Yeah, dude. I've definitely like,

I walk the street at night. Like, really? Yeah. I like, what are you doing? No, I'm just kidding.

I don't, but I, it's dangerous in LA. It is though. But no, I, I mean, like,

you know, just ride the subway a lot. Yeah. And you just, I'm, I'm not in a world where there's women. I don't know where they are. I have to go to a club.

I'm not going to go there. You know? Yeah. No, you don't have to be there. I'm waiting to find them where I go. Do you ever do the online thing at all? No.

Never? I have, but I mean, I'm not good at it. You know, we just had a session with Kyle Dunnigan. Right. Over his profile.

No, you're, you would probably be great at it if you had one. Yeah. What the fuck? Why do you know so much? I was wondering. I think it's intuitive.

It is intuitive. And I just don't have that ability. Well, here's the thing. If it was all faceless, I would crush because I can talk in text pretty great. Yes.

Now, the way to get in with those people is they have to swipe on you. Yeah. So they just see what I look like and I'm like already, but here's the thing coming from behind. Yeah. Okay. But here's the thing about that.

Right. You think that and you go like, you know, I'm not a 10 or whatever. Right. But if you take, you know, you get cleaned up.

You know, I get that part of it. You're going to get some people swiping me. I know I'm not like destitute, but I'm not fucking Zach Efron here. Why don't we just check stay? Why don't we just play the numbers though? I swipe.

That's what I do. I swipe right on everything. See what I get. And then I sort it out later. Okay. But you are doing it sometimes. I stopped doing it. Okay.

Months ago. Can we, can we jump? You want to reactivate? Let's do it back. And also Josh too. You're not, you're a good looking dude.

And here's what you need to do though. All you got to do is it's fashion. Like look how you put on his shirt and it transforms you. This is definitely better. Really? Yeah. Well, yeah. You didn't know that?

I came in here specifically to look creepier than normal. No, I like it actually. Shit. Well, that backfired. Yeah. So, No, that's really good. But it's really accessorizing properly for dudes.

It can make a world of a difference. I'd like some access meaning just to see. Of course. What you go with. I have a fart right now. I, Oh, you wish. If only.

Well, I'd like to see what photos you choose. Maybe you can bring us up. I have no good photos. Did it, did it pick up? Did you hear it? No, I did not hear it. I'd like to see.

Let's get some good photos. The right clothes. Put up our what three or four best photos. See what I mean? You can handle the profile. Let's just look at the image. And then let's do a swipe right experiment. Let's do.

01:43:21,780 --> 01:43:23,380 I say we do it in the new year. Yeah. We get him. I'm game. And then a full report. And then you can use your sex toys on them. I also fear maintaining like the putting up of heirs.

Like what if I regressed to my ability, my lack of abilities? No. And you know what I'm saying? You're going to be motivated. Fashion wise. You're going to be motivated. We're going to motivate. We will motivate you.

All right. I'm down. Let's do it. Let's find him a lady in 2019. I'm even down. I'm even down to do this. I'll take you shopping. Oh my God.

Wow. That's can that be a YMH exclusive? It could be. That should be with the cameras and. Yeah, we could do that. That would be dope. Yeah. Yeah.

I would love to see what I'm. Aiming wrong. I my pickers are on for clothes. I think. Yeah. You need to get some help. Agreed. Yeah.

What's the what's what is the? Oh, you want to go back? Go back to the first image for one moment. You brought up the creepiest part here. Yes, this mouth. Yes. Well, it's like, you know what it is? I was wrong by saying what I'm saying is that it looks kind of like a doll

and dolls to me are, you know, I think of little children. Yeah. It doesn't look human enough. Is that what you're saying? Well, it's just like a. If you were to take a if you go pick up a doll right now that that's the image that I have is like those, you know, there's a specific way that the lips lay on the doll.

Well, this might help you go to image to and this might change your mind about your accuracy of the mouth. Okay. Oh, okay. I think you're right. I don't see a doll anymore. Yeah, it looks like it looks like you're doing it the way your picture is. Yeah, first of all, it's really that looks like a Tom's arm.

Yeah, that looks like a fucking aggressive move. And for our listeners, the image is the same. I guess apparatus apparatus and that little mouth has obviously very pliable. Well, because it has an opening for your your penis to enter, but the person is pulling the lip up. Yes, showing you. It seems aggressive because they're they're pulling it pretty far off the face and you see that there's teeth in there.

Yeah, go to image three. If you want to get a better look at full set of teeth and nice teeth. Yeah. Now, which just goes to show Tom with these guys, these videos and recording women and they don't even have their teeth. The teeth are very important in the human courting process. Yeah. Even your doll.

Didn't know how the doll teeth would become important. Maybe you just want that. It's just a mental thing. Maybe she takes care of herself. You know that she's a clean lady. We want to come so badly. I know. It's so gross.

Guys are just like make a fucking torso with tits and nose. It's not even a torso. You did bring up the lack of eyes, but the teeth are there. The teeth are there. I mean, what do you think if you walk into a guy's place and you see that red flag, you would red, red flag, red flag, like need to marry? What is the message? I think this is desperation.

Definitely. Really? Yeah. I kind of don't mind a fleshlight. I don't think that's a bad thing. Yeah. Oh, really? That's interesting that you're like, oh, that guy's just getting off.

Because because I think the spookiness of this thing where it's like, I want a mouth, I want a slit and I want tits. And that's it. It's like, well, why not just go for the whole doll? Like if someone had a whole doll, I'd be okay with that. A whole fuck doll? I mean, I bring up again, storage. Because this thing is, it's great about this product.

The thing is they listen to their customers. Yes. What's great about this product is that you wouldn't have someone like Christina coming over and happening upon it. Right. Unless they're snooping about. Which is very naughty. They do not snoop.

Yeah. No. So you can keep that in your. Look in my stuff. What is this product called, Josh, so that men cannot buy it? Go ahead. If they want to ever have a real woman. I threw that one over there.

It is the concubine breast doll, I believe is the name of it. Why concubine? I don't know. Yeah. You know, those dolls, those real dolls, first of all, for last I heard they were about $10,000. God damn it. And they're very heavy.

I know a lot of women who will do the things those dolls do for $10,000. That's all I'm saying. Oh, that's true. Maybe not forever, but you know. Yeah. Fuck me man. Well, a robot. You can get a few sessions out of it.

A robot would be ideal. I wonder if that's going to happen anytime soon. Yeah. That would be really. I'm scared of that. Cool. The whole thing. Now, I know you two like the fancier things in life sometimes.

Sure. So I thought, let's find some of the best sex toys to share with you. Oh, fancy toys. Yes. The fanciest of toys. Okay. And that's what's in this next folder. Please.

I'm ready. Yes. So you can bring up the first one. Okay. Here we go. Now this one. Oh my God. This is a silver buttplug horse tail.

Oh my God. That is a hundred percent authentic horse hair. Wow. This is for real pony play? This is for, well, it depends on what you want. I mean, are you a brony? I don't know. This I don't think is up the brony's alley because it's black and it's silver and cold

and it's not really the brony's speed. It's more if you want to be like Viggo Mortensen and Hidalgo or some shit. You know what I'm saying? Like it's a little more. Sure. I mean, also, by the way, let's take some real handy work in the buttplug aspect here. Yes. The grooves.

Spiraled. Yeah. It is made of actual silver. Do we have a cost on this? I was going to ask. Would you like to guess? Hold on. Hold on.

Hold on. Now you're telling me that this is real horse hair, correct? Real silver. Okay. Because I know in the weave market, when you get clip-ons for women or extensions in your hair, human hair costs a goddamn fortune. So if you're going real hair at any capacity, I imagine it's quite expensive. So I'm going to ask to me, I'm going to go real hair that I'd say is $600 and then real

silver, $1,200. Wow. It's a pretty good guess. Go ahead, Tom. Your guess. I'll guess more. $1650. You guys are going real high.

Now this one isn't the thousands, but it's retailed at $3,475. Oh my God. $3,000 for this? For a fucking $1,000. Oh, you were doing hundreds when you said that? I thought you said $16,000. No, $1,600. Oh, no, no, no, no.

It is $3,470. Oh, we guessed low. We guessed low. I thought you were going $12,000. Oh, no, no. This is ridiculous. Yes, no, $3,475. Wow.

For a butt plank, that is an investment. I mean... Late my ass. Late my ass. Yeah. Late and nasty. Can I ask you... You can wear it all the time though, you know?

What's the... And I mean this, like what's the point of a butt plug? Like is it... I think it just feels good. To have it always in there? I don't know about always. It's not always. Again, I think it probably, a couple of things.

It probably feels good to some people. Right. To just have it resting there. Just the sensation. Not like a peanut or like in and out, in and out. No, you just pop it in. You just pop it in. You will also go in the other way.

Right. One in the pink, one in the stink. Yes. There you go, dog. But the other thing is this could also get you ready if you're going to take on some other things. I don't know what you mean. In other words, you put the butt plug in to start, yeah, start stretching.

So you go like, you know, I'm running this train, the Lakers are in town, they're all going to get in here. I need to loosen it up. An appetizer. Yeah. I guess your bum hole will just go on like, oh, okay, we're playing ball today. Like stretch her. Sure, sure, sure, sure.

Exactly. Yeah, because it gets bigger as it gets kind of V-shaped, if you will. And then when the first dong comes in, your butt hole is like, okay, all right. We're ready. Yeah. It's like stretching before you run. Got you. A little warm-up.

Yeah. Gotcha, gotcha, gotcha. And in this case, it has a little fun to it so you can twirl it in your fingers or you can, you know, lift it up. It's true. It's a little spank. Yeah. And you can prance around.

Right? Yeah. Yeah. Get a thing of oats around your head. Oh, yeah. And have equine diarrhea. There you go. Oh, yeah, come on.

What's it talking to you now? Okay. So the next item. What is this next item? This next item is the tally-ho chair. Uh-huh. Should I bring it up? Oh, my God.

I'm terrified. What the fuck is this? What is that? This can't picture multiple ways to set sex on this tally-ho chair. Oh, well. This is the premier sex chair. Yeah. Is that like crocodile skin or something?

It is. I don't know what it's actually, I don't know the upholstery, but it is designed by Mark Brazier-Jones, who does furniture, I'm sure you've heard of. I see a doctor sitting here and eating someone's box or something here at the end. Right? Oh, doctor, am I okay? There's a myriad of positions you could take with you. It's like you're nine months pregnant, and then the doctor is like, I gotta look at

your pussy. I gotta check and make sure everything's all right, and he's like, here, I always save this for the ninth month, and he unzips, and he puts it in there, he's like, yeah, everything feels all right. What are those called? Sceptolums? Speculums. Speculums, yeah.

Oh, yeah, my dick has to work this time because my speculum is broken. Oh, my gosh. So do you, man. I mean, I use my dickulums. My skin speculums. So stupid. So people purchase these, and they have sex in various positions that you can't have in a bed, apparently.

I see the curves, and I mean, this second little step ladder. Yeah, that's kind of interesting. I'll tell you, yeah, I get it. You can put your hands here, even the lady, you can put your hands there, go upwards. All right. And one thing I'm not really feeling. Real freaks using this thing. You come up with a whole different thing.

When a bed just isn't enough, or couch, or sink, or floor, or a hammock, or a million other things. You need to buy a specific piece of furniture to fuck on. But the one that I don't like, I'd not feeling this material, because it reminds me of Hell Razor, Hellbound Hell Razor 2, when the people were skinless. I'm just saying. And it was red, and you know what I'm saying? It looks like snake skin, or like, you know.

It is not the color. Some type of reptile. To me, that just looks like it's going to be the kind that like you're sweating and sticking. It doesn't seem like soft and inviting. Perhaps your mind will change when you'll know that this is the actual sex chair from Fifty Shades of Grey. Oh. I'm such a big fan.

I've read every book the day they come out. Now, retail price on that. Knowing that fact. Knowing that it's from that film, it's going to be bonkers. I would almost say that they should tell you the price without it having been in the film and the price. It was made specifically for the film. For that film.

It's six figures. By this furniture designer. No. It's not six figures. This is only the second highest priced item that I have. What material is this? Is this leather? They don't tell us.

They didn't tell us that. No, I don't. The finest of sex chairs. It is made. That is Snake. That's where the cost is going to be. Because it's a custom. It's a custom.

They can't mass produce something like this. It's in this hugely successful franchise. The cashier of that horseshit. Okay. $37,000. No. Okay. Hold on.

Hold on. Hold on. Okay. Let me think. Snake skin. $30,000. I'm going to go $999. Okay.

Wow. Okay. It is $14,615. Oh my God. There you go. For a fuck toy? Yeah. I mean, you were really in the cheap land.

I mean, this is only the second tiered. We're moving up now. Okay. Oh my gosh. Oh yeah, you said that. Sorry. So get ready. You should have guessed time.

I'm ready. You can bring it up. No. These fucking dumb things. Do you know what those are? Benoit balls. They are. I'll tell you something though.

I don't know a single woman on the planet that's ever really used these. Put them in their pussies? Yeah. You're supposed to put them in your pussies and then like rock around, rock in the chair. Oh yeah. They're my pussies talking to you now. Well it's for Kegel exercises and maybe you'll change your mind after you'll know that these are made out of solid gold.

Wow. Oh. Wow. And not only that, the creators guarantee that you will not get them stuck inside your body. How? Yeah. That's on there.

I don't know how. Do we know how much they weigh? I don't know how much they weigh. Shit. That would have been cool. Do we know how many carat gold? Let me. Here's the problem with these.

Solid gold, baby. Is that they, I don't know a single woman on the planet that's ever been in these. Really? You've never been? No, not one. What about a man? Maybe. Of course.

Right now. Someone's listening and doing it. I'm asking you. I'm asking you if you are. Oh, let me know. Please let us know. Are they're listening to our show now and using them as they're listening? Sure.

How else would you work out Kegels? Oh, you can do right now. Do it right now. Do it right now. Do it right now. He just squeezed your badge and I got both of them. You can hear them? Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding.

The problem is, yeah, getting them out, I imagine. Either you could just push and they'd probably come out. Push them out. I'd be a little scared of having loose things in there. What about a boy? Do you think he could kegel this up, pal? Up my booty hole? Yeah.

I think I could do it. Some gold up your butt. If I wanted to really train those muscles in it. Hell yeah. And you can do it for a mere price of gold. Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on. Three grand. What you said is bigger than the more.

Yeah. More, so it's more. What was the last one in the chair? 14. Fuck. 20. 20. 19, uh, 19, six to be exact.

Damn. Fuck. Fuck. You're not dropping 20 Gs on some gold balls for your pussy? I mean, that's a big flex right there. Pussy balls? Yeah, it is. Yeah, I'm good on that.

You get on Instagram, be like, got my 20 grand pussy balls here for my kegels. Pussy balls and my girl's pussy's got all types of gold inside of it. Tommy. Yes. Would you close out our sons, college, fun and buy me these? I would let a good idea. Yeah. I want to do them for you.

I want your pussy to be covered in gold. I want to do this for us as a couple. Well, you sit down and you tell him. Okay. What you do is, the way you tell him is like when he's a senior in high school, you go, your father and I want to tell you something. And then he's like, okay, and you like sit down and then you reach down and you poop him out and then you put them on the table and you roll them over to him and he's like,

what the fuck is this? And you're like, that's your college education fund. And he's like, what is this? You're like, it's mom's gold pussy balls. And he's like, I love you mom. Or you can wait even longer and then when you pass on the lawyers reading your son the will. There you go.

Even better. And he said, your mother and father left you nothing except these. One for each. Yes. One for each child. $10,000 per. Ellis and Julian. Great idea.

Each get one of mommy and daddy's Benoit balls. That's amazing. I could fit more than two, I think two is not enough. Especially with your new lane of entertainment that you're into, you're going to be fitting six times out of that in there soon. I've had two children. You know, the clippers are in town too. Now this final item, my lord.

Now this one is definitely something that you'll want to invest in and leave to your children for generations to come. This is the King Jacobra Cochring. Oh my God. Yes. This is a Cochring? That is a Cochring. It takes over 100 man hours to craft.

What? Yes. Is it made of real? It's made out of gold as well. Well, how do you... I mean, this is another flex move, it sounds like. Yes, 100% and it gives you energy having that snake on your cock, energy that you can't even quantify with things like money.

I feel like you're a really good spokesman for that. Yeah. Now, if only you found out the price of it. Well, hold on. I have one question though, because a Cochring, you have to have it kind of sized to your dome. Yeah, we've made that mistake before. So...

Well, how would you know? I guess you have to... That's probably true. This is probably a custom piece. I'm not certain. It doesn't feel like they would have it. 100 man hours takes a lot, so you would have to order it. Yeah.

You'd probably give them the dimensions of your penis. And don't say the wrong size. Yeah, give them the real size. Talked about my dream today, my therapist, she goes, so the dream about the black penis, she said penis. I said dong. She usually mirrors my language. It's so funny you use juvenile word to talk about it, dong.

Right, that's what I'm saying. But usually she mirrors back to me with my language, but she referred it to it as penis. I just remember that. I had a therapist say dick. And I was like... But she was English as a second language, you know? So I was kind of like laughing, and I was like, mm-hmm. Dick.

I think you'd have to change the species of snake for, depending on the dong, obviously. Oh, I see, what do you mean? That's a cobra. For the one you're discussing, you probably need like an anaconda. Just a bigger snake, you know? If you're going to get that thing to fit LeBron and his buddies. Right. You're going to need a bigger snake.

Yeah, that's a good point. King Cobra. You're going to be like, this snake thinks these are a bunch of other snakes. I don't know, this is going to work, man. You're going to need about six snakes. Now, how much do you think this fella costs you? Oh, shit. That's...

Dude, I mean, that could be anything. That could be like 40 grand? No, it's not the most expensive. It is the most expensive. Oh, it is the most expensive. Yes. Oh, okay. Shit.

100 man hours gold cock ring. Where do you find this? This is the silliest thing I've ever heard of in my life. Okay. What's the silliness? I'm going to go with $35,000. And your guess? I'm going to go higher on this one, 40.

It is $120,000. Wow. There's some details missing on this thing. What the fuck, man? What else? Are there rubies and gems and diamonds in there? The 100 man hours dog. Look at that craftsmanship.

I know. And the materials. I just think... They haven't sold many, if that's what you're asking. $120,000? Yes. Yeah, you're definitely giving them the specs on your dog. But listen.

You have to. But the cock ring, first of all, the fact that gold is hard, so it's not comfortable. Do you know what I mean? It's heavy, I'm assuming. It's cold. Powerful. It's not a good material for a cock ring. A hard gold.

You know what I'm saying? The way that they positioned to sell it is it's for special occasions, obviously. Oh, obviously. And you can wear it all day to really feel that power. You can just keep it. Oh, oh, I see what you're saying. Sure. So it doesn't stay cold.

You know, it's not just like... You're not just... You can wear this all the time. You're putting it on your dick in the morning. You're going to work. You're calling people on the phone being like, buy, sell, buy, sell. And then your dick, you just feel the energy from it the whole day. I see.

I see. That's why we're so much. It's a real boss move. Well, now I like that. Now I feel like we have to invest in the gold snake cock ring for you. Yeah. Yeah, it's a good... It's a really good idea.

Talk to your agent. We're going to book you a gig so you can make the money. Hey, dude, I got to get this cock ring. Is there anything you can do to get me an extra $120,000? That's crazy. Who would spend that on a cock ring? I don't know. Somebody...

The Sultan of Brunei. Actually, it might even be Lakers. There might be Lakers playing with it right now. Yeah, they probably play with it. They might have sold... That's true. They're like, we haven't sold money. I bet you fucking half of them went to some NBA guys.

Yeah. They have a lot of disposable income. That's true. Josh, you definitely redeemed yourself. That was a fantastic segment, Josh. Thank you, Josh. No, no, no. New song.

Thanks for having me. We really need to make that happen. It just feels like a college party. Jesus. All right. Jesus. All right. Yeah.

Right. Really great segment with Josh Potter. That was great. I feel like he really brought it home. He really redeemed himself on that one. Well, I mean... What do you think? Certainly nothing wrong with the last time either.

No, I know. You really were laughing about it. I want to bring to everyone's attention a discussion and argument we had the other day. Yeah. You often mispronounce things. Can I say why? Yes.

Because I was raised by two Hungarian parents and they were learning English and they taught me how to speak English. It's true. Because it will carry on. Two people who didn't speak correctly will teach you and then you will have it go on through your life. For 42 years. Even though you're a native English speaker.

Not true. I spoke Hungarian first and then I learned English at the same time as my parents did. Well, I realized the big difference is that my mother mispronounces a lot of things. There's a lot of things incorrectly, but I always had the balance of my father who was an American. So he taught you the right way. Right. And it would just stand out clearly.

I'm like, oh, she's saying that completely incorrectly. And this person will balance it out. And also in my defense, Tom, I was an avid reader growing up. Okay. Now I read a lot of books, however, I didn't always know how to say those words aloud. So I knew how to read them, but I didn't know how they were spoken. So that's another problem. Well, what was funny to me was that we got into this conversation about a word I'll bring

up momentarily. But what's interesting is that I actually thought, this is what's interesting to me, I actually thought you were pronouncing it a foreign way. Pronouncing it or pronouncing it? I actually thought you were pronouncing it a foreign way, but it turns out you are actually pronouncing it the way supposedly Americans pronounce it, even though I swear I hear it more said the British way. So the word is the word that, it's the full word that comes from, if you were to say many,

what's the full word? Miniature. You say miniature. Miniature, because I am pronouncing it spelled M-I-N-I-A-T-U-R-E. Miniature. Yeah. I've hung out with some weird people, but I've never, I've always heard people say miniature. And it turns out the way that I'm used to saying it is how the Brits would say it.

Miniature. Miniature. They say miniature, and that's what I say. Miniature. And I thought you were such a weird, weird person, you know. Miniature. Is the Americans say? Miniature, but I swear more Americans that I've had conversations with pronounce it the

British way. Miniature. Miniature. I agree. I've heard it spoken both ways. Miniature. Miniature. Miniature.

Miniature. Oh my God, I want, I want her to do all our announcements. Yeah, this is the, these American flag here. Miniature. Don't let us know that this is an American way of saying it. I still think it sounds so stupid. I, I've only ever thought of it as miniature. I've only, I swear to you.

Miniature. It was the first, the first time that it ever caught my attention was with you in bed when you're like, oh, like a miniature one. I was like, wait, what the fuck? I've only ever said or heard. Miniature. Miniature. Miniature.

Miniature. Now that's interesting though, because you'd think that the British pronunciation is miniature. Exactly. Which is why I accused you of saying it the British way. Correct. See, I was thinking, oh, the phonetic pronunciation must be the British way. Correct. And that us as Americans are saying, like, I was thinking that my pronunciation must

be the dumb American adoption of it. Correct. Miniature. But it's the other way around. Let me tell you another one that just occurred to me that I'd like to investigate right now. Okay. Now when I lived in England for a year. Yes.

They would always say the phrase rightly so and rightly so. And rightly so. And rightly so. Yeah. Now I don't know if in the US, because I've said, yeah, rightly so, and I, and someone goes, you mean rightfully so. And I'm like, I'm not sure which one's correct. Is it rightfully so or rightly so?

And rightly sounds more correct to me. Rightly so? Yeah. Would you look it up? Is it rightly so? What do you think? Or rightfully so. Rightly so.

You know, rightly, and, and, and, and rightly so. I don't know. I, I, I think rightly so, but a lot of people think rightfully. It's a search. Here's what it says. You want to hear what it says? In good uses, rightly is the opposite of wrongly. Right.

And rightfully means much the same as by rights. In saying rightfully, the announcer, oh, it's, oh, okay, so it's making that distinction. Does that make sense to you? Say it again. Um. Right. Oh, meaning one's pertaining to one's rights. Yeah.

The rightful owner. And okay. Whereas rightly so. And rightly so. Spoken used to say that a decision or action you have just reached is, or just described is fair. Correct. And morally right in your opinion.

Rightly so. Rightly so. Correct. And then rightfully. And then rightfully so is more means much the same as by rights. I don't know. I feel like it's your right as by rights. I guess.

Correct. So one is correct action and then one is within someone's rights. I don't give a shit. Okay. Do you want to know another funny foreigner thing you made fun of me for? We brought this up on this show, but for 42 years of my life, I called it a sun visor. You also said combative. Combative.

It's combative. Right. So combative and then sun visor and chewing gum because my mother always said fucking that. So no one says chewing gum. I did until you pointed out that people don't say chewing gum. So you were like in college being like, let's go get, I want a piece of chewing. Yes.

My whole, and nobody's corrected me ever except for, they probably thought you were being funny. Oh. You know, like it's like your friend. Yeah. What the fuck? I mean, Shawna is an American. I feel like Shawna should have been like, Hey dude, nobody says chewing gum.

Cause I would say that chewing gum, like pretending to sound that way. You know, like guys, let's get a piece of chewing gum, but then cause Sean and I would pluralize things as a joke. I'm going to, I'm going to take this envelope to the U S postal office. Correct. Do you see the full thing to be a dork? Yeah. Yeah.

Our trade. There's Joe. I like to put the S on that. That's right. But I think Sean, I thought you're right. I think Sean, I did think I was joking cause I'm sure you did. Oh yeah. Let's have some chewing gums.

Like we would make fun of Germans. How German people say chewing gums, combative though, you said it. You were like, uh, you mean combative. And then when I pointed it out to you, I watched your face melt. I cannot believe it. You couldn't believe it. I couldn't believe it. I didn't want to believe it.

Like, I mean, again, you know, I'm not, I was raised by fucking foreigners, man. Yeah. Oh, I wanted to talk about something. Hold on. Let me see what else I had. Oh, oh, oh. Another pronunciation. American thing.

Okay. How do you say the word? Okay. Our son likes to color with little wax made things, crayons, what crayons, crayons, there's also crayons. There's what crayons, crayons. People say crayons. Yeah.

That's not it. I don't think so either. I think it's crayons. My dumb friend from Philadelphia says tournament, tournament, it's not, and I don't, I mean, that's so. I've heard. I've heard of a tournament or a tour to go on a tour. Yeah.

What do you say? Tour. Wait, what? A tour. You say a tour. Yeah. What do you say? Tour.

I don't say tour. Tour is the past tense of tear. I tore my ligament. So you say I'm going on tour. I'm going on tour. Oh, no. On tour. That's foreign sounding.

No. Yeah. Yeah. On tour. If you live here, you say you're going on tour. No. That's if you live in the South. But your English dialect is from the South because Christina, the first, the first few

years of dating, you kept saying Christina. You said my name like that, like a hillbilly. And this is from your hillbilly North Carolina time. No. No. As Nam, tour. Tour. It's.

I say tournament. It's a tour, a tournament. Yeah. I say tournament as well. That's what you're saying. Yeah. Tournament. Okay.

And then you go on tour. Tour. You go on tour. Tour. But I say tour. You say tour. I go on tour. Oh, come on.

You don't really fucking say that, do you? Tour. I go on. I'm going on tour. Okay. All right. Shit. I also want, oh, well, okay.

I just thought I'd bring that up. I took a, I, uh, I took such a fucking horrendous shit at JFK airport. That's, is not, is there nothing worse than taking this shit in an airport stall and there's like 500 people walking past you and talking the whole time. It was horrific. And I had an eggplant for dinner. And when I woke up at six, six a.m. the farts I had were really bad and full of sulfur. So I took a shit in the hotel and then by the time I got to JFK, I had to shit again.

It was horrendous. Yeah. It's just hot and the cleanup was bad and then I had to sit on the airplane for hours with a dirty beehull because that, you know, there's no bidet. I didn't have any wipes and it was one of those never ending wipe situations. Ugh. So, and then every time I was, I had cough, I had a cough, you know, then I cough and I'd piss a little the whole time.

Oh my gosh. My underwear was a disaster. Okay. It was yellow and brown and is there anything you'd like to, uh, it's so disgusting. So nasty. You're telling me it was a nightmare. Nasty. Oh my God.

You guys are so disgusting. Well, you, um, it is, by the way, um, oh my God, seriously, I am going to, um, I'll say this. It was another fun year of doing this podcast. Um, I love doing this show. It's really the most, one of the most fun things I've ever done. I love doing it with you. I love, uh, that we get to do this, but you're going to say you loved me.

Oh, can you let me fucking ever finish a sentence? Okay. So I love getting to do this. This is the best fans in all of podcasting hands down hands. Thank you guys for supporting the show and supporting us and, um, we're really looking forward to an awesome year, 2019 doing this in a new space. And I think it's going to be a really fun year of doing this show. I hope you guys enjoy all the things we have planned for it.

Um, but I just want to say thanks. I hope you have a great new year. Uh, is there anything you want to add? Yeah. I mean, it's been a huge year. So many things have happened, right? Tommy, we had our second child. There were that last year, 2019 now.

Well, I'm saying this is the end of the year. I'm recapping. It's the beginning of the new year now. Yeah, you know, but we didn't recap as 2019. It's two days old. Okay. So much happened. Those are big.

It was a huge year. I know we got our CBS deal. We have fires. We had a lot of shit, man, a lot of stuff. And I just want to thank everybody for listening and I appreciate the shit out of you. Palmcast is always there for me, you know, me too. And I love you guys and stay black.

It's a real nice message. So we'll leave on that. Happy New Year. Nappy Jew Hair. Have a good one. Here's a song from Isaiah Black. Have a great new year. We love you.

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