Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - 615 - Bill Burr - Your Mom's House with Christina P and Tom Segura

Episode Date: August 4, 2021

SPONSORS: - Go to https://stamps.com, click on the microphone at the top of the homepage and type in MOM to get a a 4-week trial PLUS free postage and a digital scale. - Download Best Fiends FREE today on the Apple App Store or Google Play. Best Fiends is a game intended for adults to play. - Go to https://brooklinen.com and use promo code house to get $20 off, with a minimum purchase of $100 - Go to https://WHOOP.com and use code “Yourmom” at checkout to save yourself 15% off today. - Visit https://expressvpn.com/YOURMOM and you can get an extra three months of ExpressVPN FREE. - To get your first $5,000 managed for FREE, for life, go to https://Wealthfront.com/YMH. - Save up to 65% off your subscription when you go to https://babbel.com/MOM KEEP FEATHERIN IT!! On this week's YMH, Christina P zooms into Studio Jeans to talk to Tom Segura about the weather in Austin, Texas, their son picking up wild animals, YMH staffer Enny's unique brown technique, American Ninja Warrior, and more. They watch an update from The King, a guy showing you how to brown like Enny, YMH All-Star Charles getting recognized at a restaurant, and more! Bill Burr is a comedian, actor, and host of the "Monday Morning Podcast" and "Bill Bert Podcast." He joins Tom Segura to discuss acting in "The Mandalorian," his experience doing mushrooms, cancel culture, and his last bad bomb. He plays "Horrible or Hilarious," watches clips of people flubbing Bert Kreischer's name, and reacts to a guy who is extremely angry about Nascar's cooler ban.

Still have a temper, but I'm not I don't walk around just angry. Yeah, which has been this big lift For my wife, I hope Well, I was not easy to deal or enough with your fucking personal shit. I could tell you well for sure What's up there Chomo. Hey guys, welcome to another episode of your mom's house I'm Tommy Buns and with me as always is my co-host Christine All right and joining us live via let's call it a satellite. It's Christina P in Austin, Texas How you doing?

Hi, mommy. Yeah, you know I Like that, you know what I really like is that you match the blow-up doll to the shirt that I'm wearing today I don't know if that was intentional. Thank you. That's of course. That's intentional. Of course that's intentional. Let me put my tongue in your It's pretty good. How you doing? Thanks, babe. Yeah, I'm doing good. You know what? I'm doing good. I'm doing good. How's the weather and hey? How's the weather in Texas today? How's the weather going? Well, y'all I don't tell you you think it's hot and it's gonna get real hot This morning I woke up it was so hot time

Mm-hmm, and then the clouds came out y'all and and now it's raining So that's different real different So I want to recap So the day started hot Yeah, and then it got cloudy. That's right. And then it started raining That's right. And then pretty soon. It'll probably stop raining Well, Tom, are you a psychic? I'm a meteorologist actually because who else would be able to put that together Well, I'll tell you this rain

I mean, when's it gonna stop and then people have to talk about when the rain's gonna stop I know another huge issue. It's a big one and it's not even that paralyzing like it's lovely It's like a tropical rain. Yeah, pretty pretty exciting It's it was cool was the highlight of my day and then the highlight of our weekend was that our older son Ellis Be friended a frog. I cannot believe this Listen, there's always cuz there was always that kid. There was always that kid that was like I'll pick up that fucking lizard And you're like what like there's always that one kid when you're a kid who will just pick up animals And you're like whoa, and that's our kid now. Yeah, our kids that kid up with his hand. Yeah, you're face-timing me

And I'm like, what are you doing? He's like, this is my pet my frog Do you like it Tom? I'm like, yeah, it's great It's rad I mean he just found it I couldn't believe it and now we have a pet frog and now he sprays it It goes water the frog gotta give warm water. That's what they like. What about food doesn't have to eat Well, so now here's so we caught flies. We've been catching flies in the house. How do you catch a lot of them? Well, nanny our nanny claudia, you know, she grew up in Guatemala And she did it as a kid all the time because they used to catch frogs too. So she just goes like this

She catches him with her hand. She goes. I caught the frog And then I mean I got the fly and then we put the fly in the box And that's it and then frog eats the fly. It's the best thing ever Oh, if you oh my god Can I tell you how this is what happens when I'm gone? It's the best. Yeah 45 years old and it's the first time I have held a frog Amazing like in the wild. Have you ever held a frog before I have held a frog. Yeah, I gotta I didn't tell you this but the other night

I got up and they were doing construction In my office Right, so there's all the stuff everywhere And I walk out to that area and I was about to go back in the bedroom And I saw a little a little frog a baby frog Hopping So at first you're like, oh, I was like, I gotta get this frog and then I looked at it and I was like

Yeah, I don't care and I just walked away I was like just let that frog live here And here's a neat addendum to your story Okay I in my bathroom here in the studio I went the other day and I saw a tiny dead frog. Oh on my floor That's the frog. That's the frog. It came full circle So I let it live

And yet it died And then it died and I'm gonna guess that bitsy killed it there Oh bitsy went wild when she saw the frog she started frothing at the mouth and stuff And then ellis ripped the frog out of her mouth. It was awesome And we have snakes too. We saw a snake in the backyard. It is just wild out here y'all Let me just tell you this right now when I come home. I don't want to have a pet snake. Okay Let's just make that a rule Ellis is talking about getting two frogs now. He goes, you know, be great mom another frog

Yeah, of course. Well, then it'll be three And then four. Yeah, it's just gonna keep going Wild kingdom You got to tell him next time next time he wants to hold a frog. We're gonna use your booty. We're gonna use our booties to grab one He's going on with you and I'm shy today Uh, we got to play the opening clip. You ready for the clip gene? You know what it is I think it's that we haven't you haven't sniffed my booty in a while It's pretty true

And can I tell you since my accident I haven't really had horny vibes yet Yeah, I didn't have horny vibes for a while and then I come to the office and I'm like Y'all know what's a banana split? You know, I think it's being around all these dudes All these dudes get me all worked up Getting so horny, huh? Well, here's a horny clip to get the show started here. Here you go I kind of like the way this looks. What do you guys think? The biggest question is any girls out there want to sit on my face?

Who is randy don't bring anyone loving to this Welcome To your mom's house Oh Any girls out there want to sit on my face nice That's what I'm talking about. It's pretty cool pretty cool Yeah There is a great, um

Thing like a meme on the internet. It's of a guy in like a 70s from the 70s I got a tight shirt on it says I may not go down in history But I went down on your sister. Yeah, I've seen that That's a good one. Yeah. Yeah, that's like the beginning of the cool guy club. That was the genesis Yeah, that was the must-ash right that guy was the chanet thomas jefferson of the cool guy club One of the founding members for sure Yeah, yeah, yes, that's right. I mean, you know, this guy's doing the old just put it out there Put it out there. Just see what happens and can I tell you though?

And and all and all sincerity is that if he if that were ryan gosseling. Yeah He'd be like all right. I'm taking that offer. Yeah, you bet. I'm taking it If that were brad pit. Yeah It's just it's never the brad pits or the ryan gosslings that are making the offers that yeah because the guys that say this Are not those guys see the two don't ever meet it never meets up because gosseling and pits and the men who have that

Genet like of those genetics. They don't go like are there are there any women that want to sit like they don't have to ask Right girls are constantly like excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse me. Can I sit on your face? Yeah? Yeah, it's like the ven diagram. Yes, never No, never overlap. There's no overlap. It's like two separate pools guys who ask. Do you need to sit on your face? Guys who look like brad pit and ryan gossling and it's like Yeah, they just never cross over What do you think because like it the leonardo de caprios the brad pits the ryan gosslings like it rains pussy

All day on those dudes. Well, I mean, what would it even be like if they had to solicit like what do you well? Their game probably gets real weak. Yeah, for sure over time like there was a time When you know the zack afron pits and stuff where they were not famous just do but they were really good-looking guys So they probably had You know they had to put work some charm But they they probably a lot came to them pretty easily And then they got famous So if you're really good-looking and famous and you get wealthy

I mean, yeah, there is no try anymore So I bet you if you if you're like, oh you have to now you got to try I don't think they would actually remember how to try Oh my god, don't you think now, right? No, there's no way they forget like the effort you would put into it or like you know When you're a guy You're trying to get laid. You're like you have like this uh almost like level of focus, right? Where you're like, I'm you have to like be in the moment. You're trying your best and your your personality your joke

Whatever, you're like you're really attentive to trying this to impress the girl and like and then you know It either works or it doesn't but those guys they're like, yeah, that I don't even know what that function feels like Yeah, it's like a lion. It's like a lion that hasn't had to catch its own food Absolutely, it's make do they turn into sad zoo lions or zoo animals? You know when you take away that hunt or instinct from animals how they just kind of lay around and get sad Well, I don't know if they're sad because their dicks are always getting sucked on but I feel like They're like lions that are laying around with empty balls like oh, there's no jizz left in my balls because it keeps getting drained Well, then aren't you lucky that you have a consistent monogamous relationship where your balls get super full

And then I drain them and then they get full and you get angry and agitated and motivated and then they get empty I keep you on this treadmill of excitement roller coaster. Yeah When will I get laid? Yeah, I randomized when it happens lately because of my injury. I used to be every 72 hours Now I've got you on like what'll happen next. Well, yeah And then the cool thing is that I have another surgery coming up. So then that'll put another You know wrench in the whole thing and

Yeah, how long how long do you think that will make your dick not hard for? Definitely a week at least at least It's not as major but it could be you know I was told that I was told either you're gonna be resting. You're gonna want some rest So I'm gonna cut my arm open. So I mean it's a good thing. I have a second hand so I can still jay it but I mean You know, thank god and thank god for that. Do you say that to your surgeon?

Well, he brought it up. He brought it up. He was like you can still jerk off. You know, I was like, okay, cool He's like, it's really important that you understand that I go. No, I understand Yeah, do you Do you think there are people that come out of like ankle surgery like I had or your type of surgery and their first Inclination is to masturbate in the hospital when they're in recovery and they're like, whoa, you can't For sure that's happened For sure someone's been jerking off in recovery and they're like, what are you doing? They're like, well, I'm just trying to relax Just had surgery man and like all defiant about it. What the fuck's your problem?

Yeah, they're like the anesthesia is barely worn off. I know man. I'm trying to go back to sleep. Can I get some more anesthesia? Like all the nurses are walking by and visitors and stuff and they're like, I gotta I gotta I gotta this is what I need right now I I'm sure every nursing staff has a story about somebody masturbating that they had to tell to stop masturbating everybody Right and and yeah, probably uh, what's it called flashing and and oh man. Yeah For sure. I mean, they also don't forget nurses and medical staff don't just deal with

Certain segments of the public they deal with all the public so they deal with mentally ill people and schizophrenics and you know, I mean Deviants and everything Some people's biggest kink is to be in the medical world. You know, like that's the thing that arouses a lot of people. I'm sure That's a kink. You know the Can I tell you I was thinking that I was worried about that today actually I was like What if my pt guy is a secret foot fetishist? And this whole time he's just like got this raging boner because he's like, you know working out the soft tissue And then he's like look at her pedicure today and I was like, oh no like what if but wait, why is that bad?

Because he's my pt guy and I'm still doing the pt So what if he just goes in the car and he jerks off in our driveway. So what that's what I That's what I thought if I were to catch me like what are you doing? He's like, I just finished pt and I'm so worked up. I'd be like, that's all right. Just don't do it in the house, man For sure, there's pts out there that are doing that for sure. It's like they're so into Like feet or whatever feet or something just whatever body part. Yeah You know, yeah, but the feet one for sure I know and like I

Yeah, and then like you accidentally catch it. You're like, you're like, what you don't know how to say it and you're like I just noticed something and he's like what? And then he puts he places your foot against his crotch and he's like, this is a special healing technique I learned in thailand He's like, oh god Wouldn't be that bad Okay, what if it worked? What if it actually healed you then would you be complaining? I would I would let he's like I have this healing property to my semen. It'll heal your wound faster And I'm like, yeah, sure anything. Yeah, I've got these this big open gash on my my ankle

I'd love for it to close up There you go Would you let your pt do that if it was a man? He's like if I ejaculate on the wound, it'll get healed up faster Well, if he said it, I would know that he's lying How do you know because I know he does have a magic semen. No, see I know that that's something that guys say I've said it a few times myself Okay But if there was some way to scientifically prove that it worked. Yes, you could come all over me. I don't mind

Yeah, yeah, if he was gonna heal me with his jizz, I would yeah, sure Sure, yeah, I'd let him I feel like whatever just don't come back though Like I wouldn't be able to see him again. Oh you believe this is our last session Yeah, yeah Well, let me tell you something. Yeah, it's not gonna work. So if you're thinking of considering it It's definitely not I was Tom. I was hoping I was hopeful That was an accident just relax That was so meaty. What'd you guys have for lunch? I actually had a salad. I think the boys will verify it

What I want to basically what I'm getting at is what did Nadavi is really relatively healthy today Yeah, I had a I had a also a salad And I will not be taking it home in a garbage bag this time. There you go Everybody was a good boy today for lunch Oh, that's disappointing I like watching people go off the rails My favorite is when you guys order like the italian subs and then you all get sick after I like oh, yeah

There was that that's the place that Steve Simone recommended and he's like get the short rib sandwich and we all got really I never felt more sick here in my life It was decadent. It was great, but it was so heavy. Oh my god. I think I shit for three days You're gonna shit for three days, man. Yeah, you're gonna shit for three days, my baby I got the high cholesterol. I can't have the high cholesterol I have the high cholesterol my doctor says Yeah, so I can't have any kind of short breast kit and I'm I'm bummed. I gotta I gotta watch my Processed meat intake got to be careful

Yeah, he goes I go I like to have barbecue. He goes. Well, don't have the sausage You can have the brisket. I'm like fuck a brisket brisket. It's delicious Yeah, but I want the ribs man. I want the the pork ribs. Okay. I just don't have the sausage. He says Don't have the sausage. He says. All right Don't have the sausage Hey, by the way, I'd like to defend any. I know he's not there But I know everybody's um Uh criticizing the way he takes a dump. I have to say I'm pro and he's dump

Pattern where he stands on top of the toilet. That's just how like the whole eastern world takes a shit guys. Okay Oh, you're on your own on that one. I think it's healthier for you to squat like that. It's better for you here Hey, everybody, this is bret and you know, even though i'm on the road and I don't have my squatting platform I'm still squatting because it's so important and it's just like Chewing food before you swallow for me now. I just do it because it's the natural way to do it And so today i'm going to show you how to squat directly on the toilet because I don't have a squatting platform So basically

what you do is Put one foot up there like that. This is how he does it I put my hand on something like that Usually I'll have two hands free, but today I don't today. I'm going to put my right hand on there like that and then With my foot on there like that. It's harder to do with one hand

But now that i'm on there I am hands free perched On the toilet like that So it's not that difficult for me for some of you It might be somewhat difficult because you're overweight or whatever, but when you get into this position You just naturally want to poo because yeah Here um must there's a muscle in there that's released That's always contracted when you're not in this position

Until you get fully. Are you willing to try this? I am but not on a western toilet. I don't know if you've been when you were um, are we going to remove the toilet from our house? Yeah When you were in asia, did you ever go to the bathroom on one of those eastern style toilets where like they have the foot things on the bottom? No, dude, it's so easy. I think it's so much better for you No, I stay I think this is dangerous how he's doing it perching on top of the toilet. It's somewhat dangerous for sure Like I hope he falls and cracks his fucking head open on the side there Well, because this is stupid. He needs to get an eastern style

toilet, well, let's not hope that he gets hurt. I mean, what's your problem lady? I don't like that. He's fat-shaving. He's like, well, it's probably because you're fat that you can't get up here like me That's true. He answers a few questions. I hear here. Hold on for those of you that were wondering Yes, you take off Your pants and your underwear completely who thought you didn't and yes, I do do this in Convenience stores grocery stores Restaurants anywhere else. I always squat directly on the toilet An asshole. So thanks again for joining me

Okay All right, but see now he's putting his dirty footprints all over the toilet where other people sit and that's that's true That is very true I I still I still can't believe that any does this though as many times as I've heard it like I'll see him I'm like, hey man, and then it'll hit me and I'm just Can't believe it. Well, I guess I can't believe more that This is more believable than the fact that he holds it for so long, you know Did he learn this from like a Cambodian grandfather or someone taught him this?

And he said self taught self taught And what is the trauma again for why he holds it what happened when I know he said it I think his mom told him to hurry up one time and then that imprinted. I kind of forget the exact story But it's something like that. Hmm How much money would you need if to get where just for the rest of your life? Yeah, I have to shit like that in private and in public. Come on Hmm But can I get an eastern style toilet? It's much easier. No it has to be normal american toilet

Oh, that's the hard part I mean I couldn't show now because my meat stick I could you could you do me a favor Could you take it back that you want him to crack his head open? Why this poor man who's just showing us how he poos what I don't like his adits He's very condescending about it like well, you can't do this Okay, because you're you're a great big fat. So and and I do this everywhere We each choose who we want to be and you want this man to get hurt Well, I don't want him doing it at convenience stores and in public because people sit on those toilets and then he's putting his dirty ass

Shoes on there. It's very inconsiderate of others. I find okay Okay, would you shit like that if I gave you the right toilet Babe, I'll try this. I'll try this on our toilet Do you know that my indians my indian stepfather when he came to america He did this was shitting like this until his roommate in van eyes and the valley caught him and was like, what are you doing? Yeah, so someone had to teach him not to shit like that I bet it becomes kind of addictive though Because I bet it feels great. Yeah, because it just you know, like you're not your your design

We we used to shit into the ground like that just full squat So I bet you when you do it, you're like, oh, that was way easier, you know, you're way easier. Yeah Well, they say giving birth like this is supposed to be better as well It makes sense. Why don't you do that? I want you to do that next I couldn't hold myself up. Oh my god Try it next year But do you think when you're having a bout of diarrhea and you're squatting that would be it probably be easier cleanup for you Probably feel a lot better Maybe

Maybe would you try it? Oh man, I don't know I have diarrhea so much I guess I would try it I bet it just comes out all at once. There's no waves of it. Yeah Effortless just like opening a sink Just when it fills right up Oh Just talking about it makes me want to have diarrhea All right

I Want to have diarrhea. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. I can help you with that. You want some diarrhea? No, thanks. I'm good. Okay. You're cute. Thanks Thank you. I can't wait to go swimming and walk on this fucking foot. I'm starting to get restless now I'm on week five of my recovery week six. I get to go to the doctor and get x-rayed Jean did we play the clip of charles getting recognized? No, let's do that. That's fun so Yeah, for people that don't know trying to find

um That was a good moment. That was amazing, right? this was that that's Such a good moment such a good ymh family moment Yeah, so Everybody you remember charles. What's going on? It's charles um Just wanted to do a video instead of a text or a phone call

um So, you know, he put out the famous video to unmatch where he sent a girl a video instead of a call Instead of a text or text and he showed her his office and all this and then he was like, I'll meet you at lily's Say run eat o'clock eat 15 And we played that clip and eventually charles came on the podcast and he's been a great sport Especially on instagram like he really leaned into it. You know like took ownership of it and fans love them And they're always commenting. He does real estate in new york and he'll You know

Do a tour like for his business and it'll be full of ymh fans, but they're all like very supportive of him And then we were sent this video gene of him out to lunch I think with his Mother and maybe a sibling or something and he gets recognized by the server And like is thrilled to meet him and and it's it's pretty cute Oh Oh Oh

If his mom knew what podcast it was she'd be like, oh god I love it. I love it. Everybody else thinks he's actually What was the best part of uh charles's date story How cool is that? Yeah, that was pretty sweet. Yeah Charles I just I love that in our world. It's so specific. Yeah that somebody who was featured on our show Is now like ymh famous and like made some other dudes shift, you know, that's pretty great. I know Yeah

Pretty great. He's the best charles. We love you. I'm so glad that happened and that guy did it. He's like I Want to say Yeah, I get I get I get tagged and people standing in front of lilies, you know Yeah, even our agent did that our agent went down there. He was like guess where I'm at today That's pretty funny. I wonder if I wonder if lilies business has increased due to our whole Enterprise but it's always just at eight or eight 15. They're like we cannot seat everybody At eight or eight 15

Say run eat o'clock eat 15 Oh my god, if I were on a dating app I would put that I'd be like see you at lilies at eight or eight 15 Yeah, and if someone was like, yeah, I'm down. Yep Yep, it'd be great. That would be a good first date if you both liked ymh I've we've been tagged in things where people They want they want ymh dating apps, you know, they want to date people to listen to this show It's pretty I think that would be a great idea. It would be. Yeah, it would be

Yeah Find your genes there What you're gonna do with the rest of your day gene over in atx Keep watching the weather or you see how it changes. I gotta do a weather report See if it stops raining. Has it stopped raining yet or is it still raining? What's going on what's all the burping we had lunch Drinking a carbonated drink it happens. It's life. Yeah, but you you wake up and you belch You'll just wake up out of dead slumber and go

I'm like, well, you didn't even drink anything nothing's happened in your day and you're already ripping Happens happens in life, you know, this is just how life goes does not just happen happen in life. Mm-hmm What's gonna happen is I'm gonna I'm gonna go have dinner with the kiddos And then I'm gonna try to get them to go to sleep and threaten our youngest To make sure he stays in his crib, you know all night Sure, because that fool ruined like a week of our sleep coming out of bed And then I'm gonna try to find a show you ever get so annoyed with like trying to find the show Yeah, stuff is so stupid that I literally will be like

I'm just gonna fucking sit here and stare at the window and I'll just sit there I'll be like my thoughts are better than like what the fuck I'm seeing right now. I can't do it. Yeah No, it's overwhelming and but then all of a sudden you realize there's like Legit six shows that that are like supposed to be amazing that are out that you haven't seen and you're like I don't know if I want to I get like start show anxiety. I'm like, I don't know I don't know. I know that half the country says this is the best show, but I don't know and I won't start it I won't start Until 10 years from yeah. Yeah in a few years. I'll be like, have you seen the sopranos? Yeah

Yeah Now feel the same way I started to do the the the mayor of east town or the mayor Yeah, what's her name? I don't know. I don't know what you're talking about It is so depressing everything's gray And depressing and I'm super depressing. I can't do either. I can't do this. I got a broken ankle. Don't depress me Now I will say american ninja warrior is really really really on fire uh because The first female past what was her name flex is doing really really well

And I'm really surprised because a lot of times the women don't make it very far in the courses They have to have they have to have upper bodies that look like dudes to make it through the whole course is what I've noticed I can't believe that we're together It literally depresses me when I'm like walking around I walk around the corner I see you being like I think he's gonna make it all the way through this course. I'm like, oh fuck The kids love it now too, of course, it's for little kids Yeah, they're rooting for flex like I am and we're just all into it man. We're all in

What a great show did I tell you I had one of them reach out to me to train Burt? No One of the american ninja warriors Trainer has reached out to me and she's like I love the show I would love to train Burt. I'm like, well, he's in Serbia right now, but maybe when he gets back You can definitely have him do it. You can give it a shot. You can try Yeah What a dummy. I love it. Jeez. They wrote an article

About a cast member joining his movie and it said like so-and-so actress joins Bart Crystals A movie in Serbia. Yeah, shut up like a printed article, you know Is that that's definitely why I made shout out. I don't know. They were just like has to be Like uh, so well this actress is joining Bart Crystals movie the machine So ridiculous that they wouldn't get it right for the article I'm already not even looking I know. Yeah. Oh gosh jeans. I'm so excited for our Austin studio to be ready. We were designing stuff I know and thinking of ideas to make it special. Yeah, be cool. It'd be cool to spend some time in 2022 in there

We just had to extend this lease Pretty cool. Yeah, well, whoops. Well, we got on that one. I don't know a year ago. I was like, oh, it'll be ready And they're like, well, well, you know, it rained today That that is how they are. I was panning construction's raining Once these permits go through and you go, you know, I mean, you know how when when you pull off a chicken wing You ain't got no milk and you're like, what? Like, well, that's just how it goes Yep, it rained earlier and go, we'll see if it rains tomorrow

You know, I'll get that construction going for you Okay, thanks, man. What are you doing tonight? Are you doing spots in the city? Are you excited to be away from us? No, I'm ready to go. By the way, I'm building you. Um A dad den essentially with a really heavy door so you can lock us all out You don't have to hear us or deal with us. See, look at you smiling. That's the happiest I've seen you this whole time That's pretty exciting That door is exciting as fuck It's so thick. Yeah, it's like a panic room door. I'm like, Jesus

When I saw that, my D got real hard when I saw it Yeah, just to block us all out I got real excited What are you gonna do there in your secret dad den? Everything I'm doing now just without fucking noise and somebody opening stupid pocket doors every two seconds Like I'm on the phone. I'm in a meeting and then they's like, hey, Tom I'm like, god damn it. What dude? I'm in a meeting. He's like, oh, I want to ask you something about pac-man

I know I've had to answer so many questions about pac-man this pac-man. What are the pellets made out of? What is a power barrier? What is a power barrier? What's in a power barrier and can we get one? Yeah, let me finish this call. Okay. Okay, and then he leaves the doors open like Oh, yeah, then you have to get up and close the fucking door stupid doors. Those are the shittiest doors Yeah, they suck. Yeah I'm excited Yeah All right, what else you got gene? Nothing

What else what do I have? What? What? Oh, he had an update. You want to see the king's update? Of course Um, let me see here What do I have him? Okay, here we go. Ready? Here's the king's update. Do you want to know?

Good morning, my kings and queens above 18. Put your feet on the ground and take off and running. Let's go Time to wake up. Let's go get some stuff done today I'm still looking for that special lady to be my queen Come on If you're in the can Akron, Mastin or Cleveland area, let me know Kings and queens above 18 at gmail.com I would love

To go out and do stuff and have fun and maybe take a ride on the bike. Come on Summer has just started. Let's go do things You guys have a beautiful day. I am heading to Uh, I think Detroit today take a load up there and uh bring a load back You guys have a beautiful day. I love you guys. My kings and queens above 18 Let's get going Did you hear that? He dropped like a charles My damn

Here's um, here's the kings Yeah, yeah He did well this one's interesting because now he's making a direct plea For companionship. We haven't seen this before. Yeah. No. Yeah, you're right. And like I'm I'm still looking I want this and now he gave cities. Are you in one of these cities? Yeah gave him a way to contact him. Here's my email Yes So this is a new approach. He's no longer doing the uh, you know, show me I'd like to laugh show me your boobs

Like he's he's looking for love now. I like to laugh. I like to have a good time. Let's see those boobs hang Yeah, yeah, but he's still hovering over them in the video, which is an odd choice. Let's make some videos I want to see him. I want to laugh. Yeah, I want to laugh Why is he still hovering? You know why hovering? I'll tell you why yeah different. That's why okay He's just being different Uh, also he said I want to go on a bike ride. Mm-hmm, which is good Yeah, he needs to All right

Yeah, she's really on it today, huh? I think it'd be a good idea to go for a long bike ride Okay Well, he sits it down a lot. He needs to go on a ride. Yeah, it's probably good. Yeah, if you're truck driver You probably said a lot probably good to be active needs to get that. Yeah Sounds like you're doing your own version of get your feet on the ground start taking doing stuff today. Yeah Is that what you're saying? You're saying that you're saying get your feet on the ground Yes, that's right. Let's get out there. Get some stuff done, dude. Let's get out there get your life. Yeah

Because now I'm on a whole fitness kick too with my rehab. I'm like you where I want to I want to get healthy Like really really I'm real motivated now now that I'm doing my PT and I'm gonna go like get my fitness level up. It's the best, right? I feel so motivated. I worked out before I came in here today Good for you first thing in the morning. Good for you. Thumbs up Thumbs up. Good for you. My mother used to say thumbs up. Good for you thumbs up Like what the fuck did you hear that one from? Yeah, where do foreigners pick up these sayings? They're not even really Sayings does your mom do that? Uh, she has some saying she have what does she always say? That's the way the cookie rolls and I'm like that's not the expression

I guess the way the cookie crumbles and she's like no the cookie rolls. I'm like nobody says that Because she says some weird shit like that That's the way the cookie rolls. Yeah Yeah All right, jean my mother couldn't never get that right. All right. Is this it? Yeah Um, I love you. Love you too. Um, do you have anything you want me to tell mr. Burr when he gets here? Hmm I don't know. Does he have a second kid coming? No, they had them. Oh the second child a while ago

They did. Yeah, they have two children now Mazel congrats Okay, that's it. Tell him I love him. Tell me. So what's up? Okay? I will I will all right. I love you guys All right. We love you too. Bye jean We're back, uh, christina you having fun good Welcoming back for the first time in a long time one of the best comedians working today You know him from the morning money morning podcast and the bill burr podcast. It's bill burr. Hey bill. Hey, how's it going? What's up christina?

She's doing fine. Yeah, she seems a little shocked. Yeah I like the glasses though that's a uh Whole other like, you know intellect it does it makes her smarter than she is. I like it too It's my idealized version of christina. Yeah You know this thoughts going in there, but there's no words coming out. It's perfect and she's ready for you Yeah, not to deal with any of her shit. Yep Love her. I love you. It's progressive. Thank you It is isn't it crazy that that that really is like you made women great again

Harkens back to an america that I miss She actually looks like You know when they used to do those shows where there was the nerdy chick. They just put a hot actress in glasses Yeah, and you can see she's like a I mean that obviously this is like a the porn star version of it Maybe you could do that. You could do like the porn star version of that. Hey, why don't we get um Just a big titted blonde porn star to sit in On the next episode, you know Sure, I'll get right on it. Okay. Thanks. There you go. There you go

Put that on the casting sheet Big titted porn star to sit in With a shocked look on her face wearing glasses and the whole time she has to have her mouth open Yes, otherwise tell her it's good exposure This is what happens you become the devil when you start booking stuff start paying people an exposure Oh, yeah, it's great. Oh, yeah the exposure thing. It's great exposure Yeah, that was a a thing that would happen for people that don't know when you're when you're stand up and you like start working You get booked on these like this will be a web thing

We own the we'll own the set but a lot of people will see it and you'll get great exposure. Oh, yeah You're like, oh, okay. Oh, yeah You start selling out venues and then you go to those venues and then those promoters will fuck you over there Yeah, we'll pass over the fuck over to there. Yeah. Yeah, that's what the whole thing Yeah, I got paid an exposure for uh, yeah, that was like the first 15 years of my career Yeah, and then there was the thing. I don't know. Did you ever do a half hour a presents or anything like that? Or no, you did. I don't know how if yours was super effective I remember that

When I booked when I got it, they were like your road business is gonna change and I was like really and they're like, oh, yeah Which is why we're underpaying you. Yeah Why we're underpaying you're not gonna have any room for the money that we were gonna give it to you No, I I did mine. I I worked totally clean because they had that archaic beep Is what they were using and then I did is little amount of time As the oh they allotted because I knew I didn't I didn't have The final edit right so I'm not gonna give this I saw guys do like 40 50 minutes And it's like dude, you don't even know if this person knows you or understands your acts

So now they can just turn it into a mess So like they needed like what 22 minutes. Yep. You like you had to do at least 26 I did 26. So all so all they did was they just took a bit out. So that worked Um, and then I worked like totally clean because it's like well if you're gonna beep it then I'm I'll figure out how to just just do it clean, which was sort of a fun exercise is not who I am But it it didn't uh, it didn't do anything HBO was and and get HBO and getting on opiate anthony at the same time when I was covering for jim was the first thing that got me like east coast markets and

San Francisco and a little bit in Chicago and that that is when you started to notice the change like the Tickets were selling I in it was like in those markets. Yeah, there was a it was a few but it was like mostly like San Francisco was HBO the whole east coast the whole HBO because that was a special Yeah, but I mean but opiate anthony. I don't think they they were that big in san francisco but all of like opiate anthony got me like tri-state area up to boston out to like cleveland And down to like dc. Yeah, but the second I got into virginia

It just there was nothing nothing virginia all the way down to miami All the way across tex max arizona. That was all a wasteland in colorado HBO special helped me like when they would like those really like nerdy comedy towns nerdy in a good way Uh, I think they actually saw the specials and then um like the blue collar Sort of northern cities was opiate anthony and then I just wasn't on anything that like Southern or southwest. Yeah, and a lot of the midwest we're gonna see you know what I mean like they just sort of existed on different Circles, you know, do you feel like net because one of the things I noticed is that a lot of times now comedians like people We know friends of people you know, you're at the store with

We'll get in a movie or something And it like will do nothing and it's not like the movie didn't do well or the part like they did great But it just doesn't create the same traction it used to but then I think of something like the mandalorian which you were in Uh, the both seasons, but you had a like your own episode basically on the second season It's a phenomenal series and the episode is amazing Do you feel like Can you sense that that has any effect like does it bring because it's such a popular show? I don't think it does. I think I think the uh

That I don't know. Well, I was so far down the road is a comic by the time I got that Though that got me was acting work. Okay. Did you have fun doing it? It's so dope to watch last I really well, there's a guy over there gary marcus who I I first worked with on a mike binder film called black or white And he's just one of those guys You can just tease him and he loves it. So the running gag the whole day is just basically, you know How he still has a career. Yeah, he's great at what he does. It's just a total joke and yeah People like listening to me making fun of him. So I actually look forward

To the day and we go back and forth and he trashes me. So like most Of the day I feel like if I'm not asking like what what's going on in this scene Is just me trashing him while they're setting up another scene and making people laugh and uh Yeah, he got me with something I didn't get the joke because I didn't see the movie my character had to run up this hill And then they played that song from the lion king the whole crew laughed at me. We have a blast when we're on that That's cool. How long did it take to shoot that episode like that your episode? Oh

God, I forget. I don't know. It was it's over a week But I totally lucked out because it's john favreau who totally knows what he's doing and it's like they You know, whatever your favorite movie is Just imagine if you got control of an aspect of it. Yeah with his skills. Yeah, so him and his is uh, His running partner. I just spaced out his name. I'd like total philoni. Yes day philoni. Yeah. Yeah, I got so deep big Big hockey guy right into that. So they Love

You know the whole star wars world. So they get to do it like I would say the way they they rebooted the karate kid Well, you could tell that first season I go these guys love this movie. They're filling in all this background stuff So that was really exciting and then I lucked out in a second way. It was rick fami. Iwa was the director and uh, he wanted to do like a reservoir dog sort of style thing with like these bounty hunter guys uh, and women and it was like, um You know the whole thing just kind of I know I don't even know how they held like all of my whole freaking careers like I don't even know how the hell it like I just lucked out

No, Mike binder. I went to Mike binder's birthday party And john was there and he said hey, you know, we're writing this thing. We kind of have you in mind You want to do it? Oh my god. Yeah, and I was like, I don't know john. I kind of I have t star wars people a lot Yeah, and he goes I know he goes I listen to podcasts He goes, I think it would be funny if you you got in it My wife was kicking me under the table and I was like, all right, I'll do it But like there's this misconception that I truly hated it. Yeah, I just was hating on it as a comic It's a bit almost. Yeah, you see a thousand people excited about something. You're gonna make fun of it pro wrestlers

Sure. Yeah, it's just doing that. That's all I was doing. So um Yeah, and then I I got there and uh, you know, it's just fun to work on something It's so good man. That's but it's but it's like that big Oh god, like they got this thing called like the volume Where they shoot this thing and I don't even understand the technology they close all the wall all all the walls all around you and then They've shot this footage that they then project onto the walls, right?

So as I'm talking to you if the camera moves behind me the stuff behind you moves You get like vertigo God damn So that's why I think the acting in those scenes are really good because you really have to lock in on the actor Because if you still look at this stuff, you're gonna like tip over It's the best kind of thing where I remember season one What like when you go I'll check this out like you know, I mean you're not like I'm looking for it But you're like I guess I'll check this out and it hooks you in such a way that you become more of a super

Like I think that everything about that series is amazing from the music to the way it's shot the acting the storytelling It's incredible man. My that's been my whole acting career Yeah, I get like five lines on something that's amazing. Yeah, you were breaking bad Chappelle show chappell show. I have no business being it. I just paratroop in For a couple episodes and then everybody else does all the work writes it and and all the stars of the show make it huge And now I'm in the background page. Mr. Herman It's a good place to be bill. You know, it is no it's believe me If I can just keep doing that and just do my stand-up stuff and my uh

my podcast like You know, I'm cool because like it gives me plenty of time to hang with you know, my wife and kids so That's all that matters. Um You and I both I said something a little heartfelt there and you're looking at your screen. I was hoping to get more emotional credit Sorry, sorry. It's all right My bill you've grown so much as a person. You really have something like there you go. You really have Christina. What do you think?

She I'm so shocked. She can't believe I just said that She's totally we're all proud of you You've been you've grown as a as a human being you're more introspective and I only do it for this I only do it for compliments on the podcast I mean, I want to give you the completely insincere in real life But I on the podcast I act like I'm a nice person. No, you're very sincere in real life. Aren't you? I feel like you are I don't know what I am. I'm still figuring it. No, actually. I actually finally figured myself out How did you figure yourself out mushrooms? Really? Yeah

So do you endorse them for people? I should try them. No, okay Because I how the fuck do I know what it's gonna do for you? Okay, that's all right You might be one of those people in one of those high school film strips I used to watch who thinks they can fly and jumps off a building. I don't know. No, I just took some and uh, you know It got me in touch with uh, why I became a comedian Because I didn't have like a good trip. I didn't have a good trip but in a good way It let me let me know It let me know why I always walked around saying I hate myself

I figured the whole you figured that out figured it all out I now know everything that I did good or bad my whole life. I know why I did it. I know why I drank the way I did why it ended up getting me out of control. I know the whole fucking thing All from that trip. Yeah And do you is it simple? Like is it is it ultimately something you go that was mind-blowing because it was right there but because of pain and stuff you just block it all out and uh, what I have found with a lot of things is

A lot of things happen to you when you were a kid So because of that kid perspective and it was so huge and it was a universe That they're like mountains to you in your head and then when you finally cross the line It's like stepping up onto a curb because it wasn't like a big deal. I actually I've also learned too like with like, uh You know your idea of your childhood And the adults in your life their idea your childhood neither one of them is true It's somewhere in the middle. Yeah, where you were putting so much on it because

Your home life that was your whole universe And then they're out there working doing whatever or you're your teacher, you know Who said whatever was struggling to pay bills like to them. It was such a smaller thing. That's why when kids confront It's like you didn't I never did that. They didn't remember it. Sure not in a mean way So And I think that I was actually like, you know, I think I put too much on a lot of things Where they put maybe too little You know, whoever the people were in my life or whatever issue and um

And now being a parent, you know, I just I get real, um I think one of my strengths as a parent is remembering like what it was like to be a kid Yeah, because like my daughter was putting on something and she didn't want to wear it And my wife was like, you're fine. You're fine. You're fine. And I said, well, that's a huge deal Yeah, you can't go to school not liking what you're wearing because that's going to get you because you're remembered Well, that that's going to get in your head. You're going to carry yourself a certain way and that's going to attract the sharks You got to be you got to be going to school feeling good about yourself. Yeah, true Especially if you had orange hair and freckles. Yeah, you needed you needed to have a vibe and do you feel like?

Yeah, that's I mean, that's a big deal I think about that too sometimes about when you go you put a lot on How you viewed things as a kid now with my own kids where I'll I'll something will just happen, you know some interaction I'll be like, oh, I wonder if this for him will be a bigger deal You know like something that's imprinted in his mind I think as long as your kid respects you but isn't afraid of you Yeah, and if you actually say like, yeah, I shouldn't have done that That's a big thing for him because like my kids are not afraid of me in a good way

Yeah, in a good way sometimes that backfires like my daughter one time was doing something And I was saying you can't do that. Okay. I told you not to do and you did it and she goes she happened She goes but that was funny and I had to be like, all right. It was funny I mean as a comic I got it. I got to own up. It was funny ago, but you still you shouldn't do it So I think she had a difficult time with the fact that I I agreed that it was funny But I I I got a kick out of the fact I was like, oh, she was going for the joke Yeah, that's I know they go they go for jokes. They do like my uh, my five-year-old I yelled I was like, no, I can't believe you're fucking out

You know, I screamed about something he threw on the ground And then like he came over and he goes, you don't yell at me like that talk to me normal And I laughed so hard because I was so fired up. I was like, all right, man I'm sorry. He's like he was like, I'm a kid. He talked normal to me and I was like, all right. I'm sorry Yeah, just lit me up. Well, the thing is and it's also like, you know I think they know when they should be yelled at. Yeah, they do kind of they do because I did I remember, you know Yeah, my mom used to you know, she was the one that dealt out the punishment She had like a paddle and shit and like I I looked I was like like I deserved every fucking one of those

Yeah, it was only like one or two Where you know, I got it because somebody else did something I wasn't going to say anything So I but I mean for the most part not but I'm sure went that way with some of my other siblings. Yeah It is it is uh It is what now you have full like you basically feel like you have full clarity on why you're a comedian Like you whatever it is you can see it. Yeah And it wasn't because I I love comedy and I always related to comedies. That's what I thought it was it wasn't No, it was a very simple thing. Yeah, it was I was going to go on

It was the quickest way for me as a shy loner type person To go on into a room get everybody to know me and like me and then nobody hurts me Yeah, it was just that it was as simple as that. You're gonna like me. Hey, he's a good guy and then I can fucking relax Because I was sort of stuck in the fight or flight mode as most kids were of uh, I think um When I grew up like it was a uh You know, it was an interesting time. You just sent your kids outside, which you would never do I mean, I I live in a city. So I wouldn't do that. But back, you know, living in the suburbs

Yeah, they just sent you outside and then you ran into other kids and if they were bigger kids They would just do shit to you. Yeah, break your toys beat you up throw rocks at you Make you run as they shot bow and arrows at you remember the kid used to make his run He would shoot this fucking arrow up in the air like a real arrow Fuck and you didn't get caught in the wind and you try to get out of the way And he'd be like, all right, you come back now you and you get out there And he would do it. It was just like his entertainment um

Just shit like that. I mean, that's how that whole uh You know that f is for family thing came about was I when I first told those stories on stage people laughed and then Somewhere along the line parenting changed and those kids grew up and all those laughs turned into like, no Yeah, oh, it was really frustrating um To get I guess emotionally supported As opposed to people laughing so then I I was just like so I just sort of put them away But I knew they were funny

And then and I also knew that that way of living didn't totally go away That there's still kids doing shit to each other or whatever and uh, so that's where you Figured out, you know watching South Park. It's like how far these guys are going. I'm going nowhere near this I bet I can get away with these stories if I animate them. So that was the deal. Wow. That's amazing. You um I didn't see you much or or talked to you much during the pandemic But you're somebody I wondered how like how you Personally dealt with it, you know, like I see you as like somebody that you know, like you got to get out there You got to get on on stage somebody that's got to get out of the house and do that and like

I was built for it, dude. Really? Oh dude. Yeah, if I could just like You know My wife doesn't get that about me. I go there's a big part of me That could literally just sit on a back porch and stare at the trees for the rest of my life. Really? Yeah, I feel like everything I've been through which I'm not going to get into I I just I I need like quiet and um, I think like uh What we what we do is loud. Mm-hmm. You know heckling and all this shit traveling and getting through we have a very You know full flight

Bob about all of that type of stuff and um Yeah, I'm I'm you know, you know some guys get off stage and they want to keep it going Yeah, we both work with one. Yeah, go go to the the VIP. Oh, yeah Yeah, but I don't think with bird. It's a bad thing bird has such like a good heart I feel he does it's he wants everyone to have a good time It's exactly what and he and then he'll turn you and go don't you want this to never end and you're like No, I'd like it to end like maybe in an hour. Yeah No, I I am one of those people that like through my out my whole career

I was always the guy that like if there was a dive bar That I could go to with a bunch of old people in there and they had no idea about anything. Yeah That's your spot. Oh, yeah, that that was absolutely my spot and um Yeah, I do feel that for a similar thing because I I feel like I feel like what we do is like being in Like let's say the chaos for lack of a better term like, you know being out there and shows and and like Everything's moving tons of people and that's why I feel like going home. I like a home life. That's very peaceful You know like a quiet like it's like a right and I need it

I need you get that when you get home because I always find you get home. Your wife's so sick of dealing with the kids It's like and here you go. Yeah. No, no, I try to get prepared You have to get prepared and then for that. Yeah, and then you have to get prepared Then you talk about how it was really hard out there and It's real stressful It does like I was fucking poof really rough. Yeah, I get in fucking trouble. I get more trouble being married than I did in school It's fucking crazy. I'm just always in the doghouse. It's just for later. You can't like I don't know, but we have such funny fights We have such fucking hilarious fights now because I'm not angry anymore. You know

I still have a temper, but I'm not I don't walk around just angry. Yeah, which has been this big lift For my wife. I I hope Because I was not easy to deal or enough with your fucking personal shit. I could tell you well for sure He said that a little too quick So we we had He just sounded like bill Murray and king fin. Oh bad bad um Yeah, so we had a you were not an easy guy to be around. I can't imagine being married to you. Yeah. No, it's bad. So I uh, we had this fight

She was asking me it was something about the kids And you know, you know when your wife asked you this decision's already made. Yes So but she knows she can't make the decision on her own so she's coming over for you to just agree with her So I didn't agree with her. I was just like no, I don't want to do that And she goes, well, why not? I was just thinking blah blah blah blah blah. I was just like no, I just It doesn't make sense to me. I think we can handle this. We don't need an outside person but blah blah blah for this this little thing, right And then she just kept going so

So so what are you saying? Which is hilarious. You speak english. You heard what I just said Yeah, dude over and over and over again and basically and then she kept saying her point or whatever and in my head I'm going like I've already lost. Yeah, I know it's gonna go her way But just as an experiment, let me just stick to this and see what happens I swear to god, so I just kept saying no, I understand your point and I don't want to do it And it was something we needed both people to approve. Yeah So she goes so you don't want to do it. She just kept doing that. So what are you saying?

You don't want to do it. You should kept doing that and I just I just stuck with it She goes fine and I said, okay, thank you and then she got up and she walked out, right And about a half hour later 20 minutes later She comes back in the room to get something to put something down and she's just doing it really fucking loud, right And I'm just looking at her and then as she walks out of the room She just so walks out of the room. She's goes like Gives me this look and dude. I just fucking burst it out laughing like I couldn't stop laughing And she's like what what and I I just crying I'll go you're mad at me

She goes, I'm not mad at you. I go you just shot me. Look I go You were literally mad at me because you asked me what I wanted and I told you and she kept trying to say that she wasn't mad I just kept laughing it. I finally just said listen, you know, we're gonna do what you want to do Why do you even ask me? Why do you I didn't we have to go through this? Yeah, and you're sitting and saying all of that So I just laughed my whole way through it And I said fuck, you know do it the way you want to do it and that was just how it ended And then the next morning she came down to me unsolicited

And said hey, you know what? We don't have to do that. I thought about it blah blah blah blah And I was just like oh Nice. All right. Yeah, and that's kind of how it works. I've learned you can't argue with them Because they can do that all fucking day and they're just gonna weigh you down. Yeah, they're just gonna Fucking lean on you and it's like you're just gonna It I've been talking about that in my act joking like but that's an away game arguing with a woman Is a fucking hostile environment. You're not gonna win But I found these other things that it's this odd thing that if you just sort of quit

Yeah, it makes them look at themselves. It's fucking weird. And if they're not a hundred percent on it I think that they maybe think like well, I need to save This card that we're just gonna do what I write or else he's gonna think that it's not balanced So or maybe the fact that I just wasn't an asshole For once being like, you know, I'm fucking sick of this. You know, what the fuck even fucking ask me if you do that Yeah, I get shit nothing. Yeah. Yeah, we all are glad that you're in such an asshole. But um, If you think um, you've always had that serial killer vibe I know you look like burlives. So no one thinks that you're fucking dangerous

I would not want to go to sleep in a house you were in Oh, he'd probably kill you with that have a holly jolly Christmas playing in the background They stand in there and some Fucking say don't massacist slash holiday outfit Okay, look I gotta I gotta show you something now you don't yeah, I do I've heard about your show. Yeah, yeah, dude I don't need this shit on my hard drive. Okay. We can just like We can these are funny. These are funny. Yeah, but your idea of like what's funny

Come on, man. So this is you're into like comedy roadkill. No Yeah, like decomposing the decomposing possums. This is of jokes Dude, I still remember that fucking guy. Which guy that guy that guy, you know, try it out Try it out like I'll never forget that You remember is try it out. That's not something you forget I mean, I will tell you Having better in a writer's room for five seasons, you know, you try to come up with catchphrases and shit I don't think you can ever beat try it. I know try it out with just the way he said it. It's true

I need to be fucked a lot there. That's him. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Come check it out Don't check it out. He's also said try try it out. It's his big one. I mean Yeah, that guy was molested as a child. It's not right. I feel bad for him Okay, that's what it is. Yeah, it is. Yeah, he's a hurt child. Yes. Yes. And then tom goes. Oh, I see the comedy in that Which is fine if that if you want to live in that dark place. Why do you got to project it onto me? All right, so amazing how jolly you can look next to that fucking blow up doll It's like He's the happiest man in the sex trafficking business

Come on down to jolly tom's. So this is these are clips. Try it out. Check it out You really do dude, you look like oh by the way, you were fucking great in that Steve Byrd movie Oh, thanks the cop dude. You were fucking great in that. You I went to the premiere. You got a huge lapse Oh, thanks, man. Neil Brennan crushed it too. Is the club owner? Yep. Yep Fucking crushed it crazy. I told steve. It's just a miracle. You can get a movie made You know, I mean, it's it's incredible just to get that made Oh, yeah, if we are actually gonna if you're not just gonna like shoot it on your iphone and do it yourself Yeah, it's it's uh, it's just insane

Yeah, um, yeah, it's quite the tricky dance for a little bit So we get sent in a lot of videos videos that I think you'll like and there's we play these videos and This is a short one. Is this the comedic nice setup that you're gonna do before I see something horrific I mean possibly so I'd say definitely, you know, you've built a brand over here I like how he's doing this like I don't know exactly what's happening So these videos dude, I just don't want to see anybody. Fuck anything. I don't okay. I don't yeah I don't I don't like that. This is just do you think this is fun horrible or hilarious? That's it, you know

So here's like Oh She's not hurt. She's fine. She's fine. She's saying oh my god too much That's great That was a good one. I'm a three stooges guy. I don't know you're gonna go slapstick. Yeah. These are some fun ones. All right Oh, here comes the head Oh I wake my wife up watching this. Yeah, it's so fun. That was fucking hilarious. I watched the guy jet ski

Oh beautiful lake go right in the side of a boat with a girlfriend on the back. Oh my god, right? That was I was laughing so hard. I woke her up. I was like shaking shaking. But yeah I get yelled at she tells me now because I watch things on the patio at our house And uh, christine is like she'll text me. I can hear the screaming She's like please put in headphones Oh This one you see this was in russia and they're alive. They're alive. They lived are those people. Yeah. Yeah She missing

They lived I swear to god How did that happen? I'm gonna see that again For me, it's the guy's jacket. He almost played half a second. He's trying to help one of those squirrel suits Oh god falling in gravity. There's just it's over. What is this one? Oh, this is the best. Oh, I'm just gonna jump from the roof Oh my god, no, that's bad. That's joe thysman shit Dude, but who thinks you can make that jump? Why would you think that wasn't that bad a jump? It's from a roof though? I mean that's a one-story house But you think that guy's clumsy as shit, but and he's wearing like rain boots

Oh my god Dude, by the way, I vowed I would never watch yours. Yeah, and um, uh, that guy, uh, uh, crime faces posted it Oh, yeah, and I was watching going up a second. Oh, okay. It looks like tom's I was just oh my god, dude. Yeah, I never want to see that again. Yeah, I'm having surgery again on this arm Yeah, pretty gnarly Well, let's see so now it's all right. Maybe that was your karma for laughing at this shit Everybody said yeah everybody That wasn't so good and there's only that guy didn't know a lot about momentum

No, you really took it slow. Yeah, you can't be between your ears when you're doing something like that You gotta gotta go. Yeah, you need lift. This is a from a wrestling like a Amateur wrestling thing elbow drop. I have not seen this one. Oh, these kids are nuts. Look how high up he's going I love how the guy still went with like the fake blow like it happened. Yeah This is in Oh I can't watch I can't I can't watch bones breaking dude. I can't watch bones breaking I can't watch bones. Yeah, I can't I can't do that. Like I

The joe thighs run the next football. That was it. That was it for me. Yeah I still don't watch those when I watch football. I just go like that UFC when guys do the kick you saw that wide man and they come back You know what it reminds me of you ever see when a little kid puts on an adult rain boot Yeah, and they sort of step it on the side. Yeah. Yeah, that's what it looks like I can't it's hard when they go they don't even know and they go back to put their leg down to support It's rough. It is rough. Um Have you seen or caught wind of how many people cannot say Bert's name?

Like like really people joke and tease them and what Bert Kreischer? Yeah, but they call them like Bart crystals and breast Kirschner and all this shit like no it is everywhere Like here's even a promo From you know, he did that show. Is this why you had me here today? Just so you could just shit on Bert Kreischer. You almost had me say his name No, I'm happy to have Bart Kreischer. I'm star. I love having you here. We talking about so here's back to Bert No, I just want to make fun of him for a second. I mean, he's my best friend I was just fucking around. I'm seriously you're taking this is now think. Oh, okay. Okay. There's a motivation here. No, no, no, no

Go big show Thursday night on TBS Cody Rose, of course, Snoop Dogg Jennifer Nettles Rosario Dawson and Bert Krishna Oh, that killed disrespect kills him That's as bad as that guy's neck tattoo Part of go big show set your dbrs now to watch snoop Rosario Dawson Jennifer Nettles Cody Rose Bert Kirscher

Bert Kirscher And they said Bruce Kreischer to correct it. What is this by the way? This is a this is a wrestling show on the that's promoting the go big show Which is the like the talent show that Bert hosts And that Cody snoop and Rosario Dawson and somebody else are judges on yeah, okay, so they but they Bruce Kreischer Rosario's on uh, Mandalorian. Yeah um Then there's I mean, it's just constant though these like what's the stand-ups name again burt christinger

And then as long as they buy tickets, it's fine even a fellow comedian I'm gonna be performing in colorado on I know this is September the 8th at red rock So you're welcome to come if you want to come and have a laugh me and burt christler Burt christler Brett Burt Kaiser it looks like Burt This r right there. I don't know if the r silent Burt crazier I never heard of Burt Kaiser Burt Kaiser in here with his shirt off. So All right

Why would the R be silent? I have no idea who would who would ever think of that Maybe he watches hockey because little some of those guys with the the finished names they get a little Trying to guess how you say them even this lovely adult actress Adriana Chechik offered it for Burt and I to have a DP with her And she got his name wrong. Did you see you appeared on YMH podcast? DOOMERS! Yes between him and Burt Tom Segura and Burt Chrysler I'm just wondering if they want to get a DP going or if they want to you know, hit me up for for any double action

So anyway, that's pretty cool over a woman. Yeah Um, what is it? Just vodka. She has poured in there. She's got a busy schedule, man Burt Chrysler, I like that. That's a good rat's got a good ring to it. I like that better than Chrysler Yeah, but he's he is a sweetheart. He is the sweetest Don't you think? Yeah, I do. Yeah, wait, I don't know. Why's your head tilted at that angle? I'll just to see what you'll take. He is. Isn't he sweet? Hmm? Yeah, he is That's the problem. He's lovable. All right. He's a big teddy bear. You guys need to work out whatever happened

I miss him. Are you mad that he videoed you and didn't come for help? No, no, no, no You said they fold it up He actually he did something that he goes mouth to mouth he mouth to mouth But he also said later on he goes, you know, I would never do this and I did it Which is that he took me to the hospital. He waited with me in the emergency room like shit. He goes He goes, that's totally against who I am He goes but I he was he was with what basic human reaction Yes, I would have done that for a stranger. Who's just some guy on the other team and like nobody else was there

But all right, dude, I'll hang with you. You don't know Burt No, but he was he and he did something that I think that you know, not only did he take me there He left me his charger so I could charge my phone. I mean, that's really That's real love. I think hey, that's the bird. I know I don't know what happened you up until then Oh, yeah, this was the first time I maybe felt this is the you were finally vulnerable enough where he could show you Who he truly is maybe you're right. Yeah, maybe you're right I didn't even need two broken limbs before he could trust you. I didn't even need uh shrimps to figure this out. Yeah, this is pretty good Yeah, yeah, I've been stone sober since then really?

Yeah, because I realized why I was getting fucked up. I was like, oh, I gotta fix this So I like this version ego. I do too. It's a lot lighter. It's easier And uh, I don't come off as such a cunt on stage now I don't always cunt too far for you. I'm personally offended. Yeah Uh, yeah, I don't know your listeners. I'm sure. Oh, yeah, they're super offended. I could tell, you know, they're pro women They're all woke. They're Pete Peter lovers. You got a fucking decapitated dog behind you. Yeah, well pretty good um No, well bird if he lives and uh makes it back. I'm really looking forward to seeing you man

Oh, he's doing the movie. Yeah, he's doing the movie Serbia. Yeah, he said he's break. He's he's barely almost breaking shit He almost broke his arm He's doing his own stunts. I'm like, yeah, he had to go Yeah, he had to go to the hospital. Yeah, he's he's fucking himself up, man. That's good. Yeah Shooting like real action sequences. Yeah, Bert Reynolds did the same thing. True But Reynolds did all his own stunts. He messed himself up a lot. Harrison Ford did it. Yeah Jackie Chan Um, Michael Jan Vincent. Yeah, all of those guys those guys all used to do all of their own stunts

I remember a Schwarzenegger jump it on the hood of that car. Mm-hmm Clint Eastwood jumped onto that bus in uh Uh Dirty harry. Yeah Yeah, I just watched all the dirty harries Are they good? I've never seen one. Well, the first one's the classic And then each one has something that that that you grew up with watching them though, right? Uh, yeah, um I've been watching a bunch of stuff from the 70s. I watched this Dustin Hoffman film

I've been talking about my podcast called straight time you should check that out good It might be my favorite Dustin Hoffman movie and I love that guy What did I watch? I'd seen it before the french connection Which is I got to watch that again because I was actually watching a thing on the mobster That started that french connection. This guy was a billionaire in the 70s. God. Oh, no, maybe in the 60s bringing in All of this heroin and stuff and the guy was is it was Carmine the cigar

Something or other and when he gets rubbed out when he gets fucking whacked He dies with the cigar in his mouth. It's so fucking cinematic. It's ridiculous like in real life, right? Yeah. Yeah I know he got killed in that backyard patio in brooklyn or something. Yeah. Yeah. He was at a backyard like a restaurant area But like that guy put together I don't know. I think the amount of money that he made That I think they were afraid to ever make a movie that like, you know, there's those movies where like, uh You know when the mob was still like, I don't know what that I think they all went the smart guys went legit

You know and just got to the legal side of stealing. Yeah, right like our business. Yeah. Yeah, and we pay in your exposure That back in the day when they made those movies they they couldn't say like early on you watch they wouldn't say like Um, like the untouchables they would never say mafia. Yes, right through godfather. They wouldn't say mafia and then if you look at like, uh Um I think it was casino when was that the one they kept saying our friends in kansas city Yeah, that's exactly I heard they were talking about a different city, but they didn't want any trouble So they just said kansas city. Mm-hmm. So, um Yeah, because they had they had the kansas city scenes too casino

Were there action? Yeah, well, I that if you read the real ones you see the state that it came like I mean, yeah I don't want to fucking I watched uh, I watched one of those mob series on like the history channel or something And I was talking to Diaz about it and I was like, oh, yeah, you know, there was this guy Uh, and I hit that his nickname. I was like gath. He goes gas pipe. He goes. Yeah, I used to buy coke from him And then he's like real scary guy. It's like, yeah sound like it. Yeah, and if joey Diaz is saying the guy's scary Yeah, he says he's scary as fuck and the the show you're like this guy's fucking terrifying. I mean, yeah, those guys were uh Those guys were no fucking joke. No no joke all of that shit and I just like I always watch those things. It's so fascinating to me. But I tell you as nuts as they are

like when like, uh Some of the stuff the cartels like cartel stuff blows it away. Yeah, there's no Like they're in old school italian mob stuff actually had there is a moral compass. Yeah, no women. No kids Absolutely, and it's like you're in the mob. I'm in the mob, you know, we both agreed to this life And like you might die. I might and we're like cool, but we don't do that The cartels the cartels take it even further than like everything's in play everything Fucking blow up schools. Did you hear that? I heard that they went they went down

To scout for one of those narcos shows in mexico and the guy scouting locations got killed. I heard that too. Yeah It's just like yeah, that that isn't it's almost like this is an active volcano Yeah, you're not doing even though they're like, hey, we're doing like a period piece About it's like this shit is happening like right now right now Yeah, I read an article about when one of the journalists Agreed to meet one of the cartel people You know for an interview and that agreed to terms and all this stuff and you know, they blindfolded them for most of it And then they're on this approach

Through you know, he doesn't know where he is mountains and whatever and he's gone on this approach going up this hill And as they're going up the hill, you know, they take his blindfold off There are people strapped to trees That like are dying that they're making an example of and they wanted him to see it so like he's On this about to meet the guy At least these people bound to trees like cut open and stuff Dude, that's like, uh, who's that that mass murderer?

Was it Ivan the terrible something like Vlad Vlad the impaler Vlad the impaler Yeah, and he had this guy over and he had all these people impaled and he wanted to eat Take their eyeballs. No, you want to eat dinner with this guy? The guy goes come on man, how can we eat with all this stuff going on and then he fucking impaled him for asking I mean, who who says I would not say shit to that guy. Fuck. I'd be a nice place Yeah, I know if you see bodies just like torn open, you're like, oh man, I appreciate you having me Yeah, it's octopus. It's good No, dude, that's like apocalypse now shit. Yeah, and that's happening like fucking a couple hours from here

That's what's crazy. You know, that's the type of stuff like That makes me revert back into like watching shit from the 70s Even though the shit like that was happening in the 70s because I was a kid in the 70s I just watching shit in the 70s because I just had a paper route. I collected football cards. My life was simple That's how I shut that shit off Because some of the the the capabilities that people have to do stuff like that to one another is just fucking brutal It's brutal. Yeah, I know Yeah, it's that they're laughing at this woman getting hit by a car

Well, I just I told this story, but I'll tell you this really happened a couple weeks ago Guy's jacket is just fucking But this this happened a few weeks ago I get I get picked up uh by an uber driver And I asked him where he was from and he said Monterey, Mexico And I said, oh, I know one of my friends married a girl from Monterey So I go, you know already you've said too much. Yeah, right now they're gonna get whacked dude. So I go How long you lived here? And he said 10 years

And I said, oh, yeah, you know Monterey's pretty dangerous though, right? Because I'd heard especially from her And he goes, yeah, that's why I left because the cartel kept fucking with me and I was like Okay, and I go like what happened? Dude It's by the way, this is a 15 minute drive Okay He goes one of my friends had a ranch and he had a trailer with livestock And the cartel took it

And he had it he had GPS on it. So he was able To find it. He didn't know the cartel took it. He just knew it was stolen So when they found it, they just retrieved it. He just took it back put it went back to his His ranch and he goes like three months later I'm hanging out with my friend and a couple other friends at his ranch And these guys come in and they just take us like at gunpoint And they take us somewhere and he goes and they just kill my friends like in front of me

You know they shoot one they cut one open I was like, holy fucking shit, right? He's telling me that I'm in the back of the car like, mm-hmm And I just be standing like I want to be the bullet guy Give me the bullet don't fucking start you son shit off me. Yeah, please and I go and then what he and I go well, I ask him I go Why didn't they kill you and he goes I asked him Because I asked because they didn't and then I was just kept for 45 days

And he goes I um, I asked the guy I go why why haven't you killed me? And they go, we like you like one of the guys because we like you like you're funny or you know We like talking to you because he would he would talk to them all day And then one day they just dropped they they drove out on the highway between two towns and they let him out And he goes, you know, I had to walk to town find a phone call my wife who everybody thought I was dead because I've been gone for 45 days And so everybody freaked out had she remarried. She'd already started a new family. She had two kids She was like, I'm sorry. It was just so long

And then he was the cartel was the cartel people don't come back. Yeah, so how can you be mad at me? Um, we're running a farm here. I needed a man around I gave you a week. I didn't do anything for a week. You're gonna like them. You know, we got enough room I'm actually legally married to him because if you were dead, um, but then he just goes like if I fuck you I'll be cheating on my new husband So he just goes back and he's like, you know gets his shit together He's like, I gotta get the fuck out of here out and then he comes to the states And then he pulls up. He's like, here's your stop. I was like, I need a few minutes, man

Can you go for a little ride around the block? Like you just told me the craziest story I've ever heard in my life But he witnessed his friends get murdered by these guys in front of them And then the sicario the hitman Told him that he makes a hundred grand a week doing it From like the cartel pays him Just on weekly retainer and then just kill whoever we tell you to kill. It's hilarious That's their version of hosting a game show like, you know, like you wanted to get into winning oscar Some good work and you just ah, fuck it. You just do the game show. Yeah, fucking. I'll just work for the cartel

I'll kill people Oh, and he asked him because you wanted to be a veterinarian, but I mean it pays a hundred grand What am I supposed to do look? I'm just killing people for another five years and then I'm getting out He he said he asked the guy How like isn't it hard to kill people like when you said when you bring stuff up And the guy goes the first time. Yeah, because the first time it's hard. He goes by the third time. It's not a big deal So anybody out there wondering it's like bombing Bombing the first time. Oh, it's the most painful thing ever

Then after a couple two three you can kind of have your composure. It's it's like one of those things you don't want to get uh Good at yeah, yeah, yeah, but then I also got to think like I bet those guys don't worry about what if the dollar collapses Yeah, no, what if society collapses? It's like, I'll just fucking kill anybody who fucks with me I've already crossed that line. Have you had a bad bomb in like a while like a bomb But I find out, you know, I mean I had covid bombs the first time you do a parking lot and even if they're laughing You can't hear it and it kind of messes with your timing Yeah, um Have I had a bad bomb? Oh last bad bomb I had I was in new york

in 2019 in talent james harris was at the at uh carolines And he has a predominantly african-american crowd and I went up there and I did the michelle obama bit after I had done My michael jackson bit And he was he was the only one laughing in the room and they were just staring at me really

yeah Because like I I forget what it was. It was talking about that Video that no that thing that came out where it was just like Uh, I think they were anticipating that I was gonna say michael jackson was a pedophile And I wasn't I just someone was going. Hey, did you see that michael jackson documentary? Did you wash it the joke was and I was like no Yeah, he's like why not I go I'm not watching testimony of

You know pedophile testimony is like my entertainment. Yeah was the joke that you you're sitting down there acting like you cared That's how you filled your evening. Right by watching people. We took off my pants sitting there eating popcorn. They say You know like you're watching fucking blade runner like what I don't want to watch this so they kind of you know Didn't like that So I didn't call michael pedophile, but I also didn't fucking you know I wasn't there right because when you're the michelle thing is like it's not praise of her right

It's like it's saying like she's just there like she's It was just the whole thing was fucking ridiculous. I just was making fun of the fact that they she celebrated, right? No that that that When did first ladies start acting like they got elected right right right because that was the thing Yes, that's the and the way everybody was falling all over themselves um like Because they were democrats that means they didn't have the same dirty oil money in their back pocket to go buy a mansion on Martha's vineyard

Which is where they all end up. Yeah, and then they all go out and they all go on the speech tour Right and they get paid like five three five four hundred fucking grand a fucking night. Yeah to Give a speech to the person that they the group that they hooked up It's it's they're just washing the bribe money. Yeah, and and my joke used to be they're up there going You know thousand points of light don't leave any kids behind You know they're in the crowd the crowd's not even listening. They're eating like a deep fried eagle. Yeah They don't even give a fuck. Yeah, so um It was deliberately, you know

Yeah anti-woman. Yeah, it was deliberately Making fun of that shit, but I mean that's not necessarily a hundred percent my issue. No, it's also how you keep breathing room during this stupid fucking time of You know not holding corporations accountable for polluting the ocean But if you tell the wrong joke in a strip mall You know you're you're done you can poison the food supply. That's fine. Yeah, that's fine You can fucking have never-ending wars. That's all good Right, it's all good about a joke about whatever and my favorite thing too is I just love like I can't believe you told that joke

At that show I wasn't at You didn't even hear it. Yeah, and then at that point the comedians the victim right because you're not supposed to film us Sure So it's like well get mad at the person that filmed it and your fucking index finger that clicked on it Yeah, I agree with that. Yeah, it's it's so fucking look Do I get a whatever we just watched some shit here right that I get offended? I wasn't at any of those things. You know what I mean like oh, I fell off a fire escape How could you post this video?

I don't even I don't even like I don't even understand What the fucking problem is. Yeah, it's like you're at home in your kitchen Eat your pancakes. It's exciting for people to get upset about things though. It's exciting to them I think it it feels like You feel like you are saying something I mean, it's I guess in a lot of it is virtue signaling So it's it's saying like I'm in the right because people like to point and go see that's wrong I know that's a new white job. What say showing people what's virtue signaling

Yeah, it's such bullshit and then they sit there and they they they actually Like how do I they're using oppressed people to show how much how great they are how great how much I care None of them are involved. No just sitting around tweeting and blah blah blah Is you know, it's not a contribution. It's barely more of a contribution than what I'm doing and I'm not doing anything. Right, right No, I know and I care sniffle emoji send Wow, that was so brave. Yeah, thank you for being an ally when people go like thank you for being an ally. No

I I think that they uh You know I thought that all that bullshit, uh that that shit with uh I'm not just let's not name names. Yeah, there was a certain guy. He booked a comedy festival And uh did something he shouldn't have done. He was 100 in the wrong, but the people that should have been offended Handled it in house or whatever from what I heard and then it was just a bunch of bitter comics Because they didn't get into the festival not one of them said, oh, I can't believe you use that word That's so painful to this other group of people every one of their tweets was about themselves

Right, and it was just like you guys are fucking ambulance chasers. Sure, and you're sitting there acting like you're you're making Uh, I don't know the whole thing is just gross. Yeah, it's gross. It's gross. It's like yeah, it's like I'm just fucking you know And commenting on shit when you weren't even there. That's the that's most of society. It's all you weren't there for any of this Yeah, and you just Just presented as fact. Yeah, and it's like and with comment you must have like some sort of You must be like clairvoyant. I don't I get the thing when there's like a zillion accusations

Sure, like that's when it's just like, you know with this smoke this fire and then I also understand You know, uh, so much time's gone by so there's no evidence. What the fuck you're gonna do here Like I get a lot of that. Yeah. Yeah where it's like But like this whole thing is is like, um I don't know. It's getting down to like analogies. Yeah, your analogy doesn't fit my politics So therefore we're we're we're gonna get it going. I know It's um It's a uh

Yeah, and then the weird thing too is is like they say somebody's cancelled and then there's there's still selling all these Of course they are well, it really means is your agent left you realize Your agent goes like all right I gotta get out of here that the people most of the people loud and like really critical about the comedian during that time First of all, don't most of them don't follow comedy. They're not into comedy at all They're not they don't they don't get that the people at that show May have had a great time with whatever thing was captured because they're not even understanding that that comedian probably bought himself Some some good favor by being up there with the 30 minutes before that joke and like the context of the performance

And it might be a reference to something that happened into that town There's so much there's so much that's unspoken that happens and when you're at a show Yeah, when you perform a lot you get it you go like, oh, yeah But like I was you know, I'm doing foe anger or foe ignorance for that moment And then that's captured and sent out and in a blurb and somebody reads the the sentence about it And you're like, yeah, no, and then they do they do like like tabloid journalism where they then they then put a Ridiculous headline. Yeah, of course and they put that in quotes and you go. Well, yeah If I just read that so and so says killing babies. Yeah is is that it?

It's a good thing or whatever. It's just like, all right. I don't know How do you feel before you get out of here about the NASCAR banning? Uh coolers at texas motor speedway. Are you Why do they ban coolers? I don't know this guy. Um, it's one of the best parts Speedway has banned coolers. This is a bunch of bullshit I will not be coming back to texas motor speedway until this cooler ban is lifted And none of us should come back. It's a hundred motherfucking degrees out here We're fixing to pack these stands full of people in texas motor speedway. It says, oh, by the way, motherfuckers

You can't bring a cooler This is a bunch of horseshit and I ain't gonna allow no fucking body to push me around and tell me what the hell I can And cannot do NASCAR fans pay the bill up in this son of a bitch That's who pays the fucking bills around here That you're gonna fucking listen and we're gonna bring our fucking coolers or we ain't fucking coming back motherfuckers All right. Yeah, like that's how hot it is. It's so hot. I've been to I've gone to races and shit

One of the best things is bringing your cooler in gotta be it's fucking amazing and you get fucked up No, that's that bullshit They want them to all go up to the beer stand and buy their beer and buy it. Yeah, and then he's you know We've bought your tickets Damn mile to get to our seat In the freaking hundred degree heat So you could make damn money And you sons of bitches ban coolers

That tells me that you totally disrespect us NASCAR fans that don't appreciate us whatsoever So here's what I'm gonna recommend us NASCAR fans need to ban texas motor speedway And I'm asking everybody not to come back to the next texas race No one They're gonna fix this shit and I want a form of apology From texas motor speedway as to why you decided to disrespect the people that are paying the bills you bunch of dumbasses I love them. I love this guy. This guy's great I love that race tracks decide to put a ban on coolers. You better think damn twice because if I find out about it

I'm gonna like your mother fucking ass up You don't disrespect the fans. You hear me? You don't disrespect us Don't disrespect us. Fuck your mother Boy, this is thin to me this guy is he's right. I I love is He loves racing so much. He still went. Yeah, he still went. He bought the tickets. What was he gonna do? He's not gonna come back. You got it. I mean that is literally part It's like banning hot dogs at a baseball game They have to have cool and think about I mean

For the average guy buying a ticket going to the the races and he goes Oh, I can bring this 12 pack or whatever And then you go to the speedway and you buy it there and it's fucking the cost of one beer is the fucking 12 pack He would have brought, you know He fucks them. Yeah, you can do all kinds of shit. I went to uh with Nate Bargazzi. I went to uh Daytona 500 I went to the uh talladega. Oh nice. I've been to the indy 500. I've been a couple of formula one races I was gonna go to I want to go to the I want to go to the formula one race in austin. Oh that one Yeah, oh my god. I mean I drove on that track a couple weeks ago, which was amazing

Yeah, and then you look at the at the uh the stands and you're like this has got to be wild to watch the race here Well, if you were anyone I I'm in well f1 is finally good this year because uh Louis Hamilton the the guy's fucking amazing ridiculous. I tease him all the time my podcast He's always crying about something Um, I didn't win. I'm not happy The interviewer got seven in a row. Yeah The guy can't win enough, but that's why he's also great But he also like this is the first year like Mercedes is having problems with the car. Mm-hmm. So uh max for steppin has been uh

Doing well. I mean I've only been checking out because I watch moto gp Which is the uh the motorcycle racing because yeah, you say you like that Well, because that the passing is fucking insane in that like you can have in the final lap they had a couple ones uh Like uh the last couple years mark marquez and andres de vizio So I had a couple of races where they passed each other like three times in the final lap It was it's nuts. Yeah, and just watching guys on motorcycles going like over 200 miles an hour Knee is like a centimeter off the ground on those things. It's crazy. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, and they uh

I don't know they have like airbags and shit when they let go somehow like I saw one race this guy got exceed one the race and he just went I was all excited and he set off his fucking air. Really? Yeah Well, I mean it's not he doesn't get like a big michelin guy, but like they're already like he's got pumps suits Yeah, so then it becomes like difficult. I think more difficult to ride the bike Jesus, but uh, yeah good times. I like this guy Let her bring that coolest you fucking cheap cunts. How much money do you have to make your yachts not big enough? Let me find out who the fuck you are

I'll fuck your mother in the ass Show some respect for race fans. That's why I love how much he was cursing. Yeah, it shows some motherfucking respect I will cut punch your grandmother. Show some respect Appreciate us race fans Um, all right guys. Well, I don't know if there's any tickets. I will dittle your goddamn dog in front of your children Respect me respect us race fans you motherfucker I'll kill your dog and put it in your cooler. How about that? If you disrespect me, I'll suck your dog's dick off too. All right bill burr in front of the cat

Let you deal with the ramifications. You're back on tour. Um, I don't know Bill burr.com slash events he's going to a bunch of I ain't going to none of them events they ain't no fucking cooler. I don't see no texas dates You said fuck texas from this cooler band. There's too many comedians out there. I can't get a date See bill um live check out his podcasts and uh, dude, thank you for making this trip over here Thank you for having me. I appreciate you. I appreciate you too. All right. We are loving this new bill Oh Such a creep

All right, christina by christina Tom if this doesn't get your scrum licked nothing will I swear we'll have some fun if you just eat my scum I swear we'll have some fun If you just eat my scrum tonight, it's gonna be so fun Chowing down on mice from Tongues inside my bum The night has just begun for you now, baby while we're young get down there and give me some

Baby girl, you're the one. I'm gonna come all over you. I swear we'll have some fun If you just eat my scrum, I swear we'll have some fun If you just eat my scrum tonight, I swear we'll have some fun If you just eat my scrum I swear we'll have some fun If you just eat my scrum tonight