Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - 639 - Your Mom's House with Christina P and Tom Segura

Episode Date: January 19, 2022

Touch my jeans through the fence, it's another episode of YMH with Tom Segura and Christina P! We talk about trying to get into wrong cars/houses/rooms, we watch a clip of an angry mom, handsome women, and body builders. We get an update on Tom sending out jackets to fat/poor people and we learn Christina might have run a little interference. We go over the super cool Rolling Stone article about Marilyn Manson, we come across a cool vape girl who farts, and we discuss Christina's mouth smells. We do a round of horrible or hilarious, and then it's TikTok o'clock.

Hey guys, I am really excited to announce that I have written my first book. This is actually real. I can write. And I wrote a book. It's called I'd Like to Play Alone, Please. And it's coming out this summer, but you can pre-order now. You go to ThompsonGro.com slash book. You can order a hard copy. You can order an audio book. And I would love if you did that for me. Thank you so much. I hope you will check it out if you can read. Oh, that's cute. Okay. I like this one because of the color. Yeah, but see, this is what you've got a fuzzies on it. It's too big. And can I tell you what? Now that I see you wearing it, it's too big. You've lost a bunch of weight. This is who you used to be. So I think you're right on this one. So I can give this one away. Fat poor. This

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slash the shit for $200 off your next Sotva purchase. We love you, Sotva. Try them out. Try it out. You won't regret it. What? What? Hi. Hello. How you doing? Good to see you. Good to be with you. Good to be with you Good to be with you today. Good to be with you. Good to be with you. Good to be with you. I love you. I gave alcohol today. I know. You know what? It felt like a good day to day drink. You know what I'm saying? Like, why not? Why not do the show with a little tequila? You like it? Yeah. I give fucking fated, bro. Love that. I feel like it won't be on vacation, homie. I just want to go fucking punch out a car headlight right now. Really? You're feeling aggro? I mean, that's what

alcohol is for, isn't it? Just punch it in the fucking. Punch it in the fucking. That's a good name for an album. You know what? Did you ever date anybody who changed substantially when they got ripped? It's a good question. I went out with one who was real, like, fine, Lucy, like, you know, Giggly. I had friends who got really aggressive. Yeah. That shit's terrifying. Yeah, terrifying. Close friends? Yeah, a couple. Yeah, a couple friends that were, like, really aggressive. Like, one dude headbutted me. Damn. Are you still friends with him? Yeah, but I was, like, at the time, I mean, it was like, dude, can't be around you anymore. Yeah, that's a no-go. Not when you're like this. Because that turns me off to people significantly. They get real aggro. It's

the worst kind of drinker. I don't like it or they get super different, like super weepy or just, like, totally opposite. I've been around women, not that I was dating, but just, like, out, like, socially. And a woman, like, just fucking kicked me, slapped me. What? Yeah, yeah, because she was, like, the violent type. Yeah, in, like, a group setting and you're like, holy shit. Kicked you? What the bitch kicked you? I'll fucking kick her right in the head. And then I had a cousin, like, not one that you actually are familiar with, like, that you socialized with, but more, I guess you're, like, second cousin who, one time, this is years ago, she, I could tell, I mean, she was obviously drinking and she fucking, I had hair at the time, pulled my hair, punched me in

the side of the head. No, bro. And I was like, what the fuck? And then her friend was like, yeah, she's been drinking. I'm like, she just fucking... It's crazy. And I found out that that night, because I was like, I got to get away, like, she just assaulted the shit out of me. And I was like, so floored by the fact that it had happened. I was like, you know, I couldn't let it go. I was just like, so upset. And I mean, I left the bar we were at. I couldn't believe it. I had a friend with me. And I was like, what in the fuck? He's like, that's your cousin. Yeah. I mean, I'd never seen her like this. Yeah. But like, she, like, she, like, I had hair. She pulled my hair fucking hit me, punching me like when I wasn't looking. And I was like, what are you doing? And I realized

she was drunk, but I didn't realize that that's who she was drunk. That night, that very night, she ended up getting into a cab and going to, walking into a home that she didn't live at. Yeah. And? She got lucky in that it wasn't somebody that, you know, flipped out or assaulted her. Damn. That's so funny. Nadav and I during lunch, we're just talking about this, how do you remember that time we were at Starbucks and I was carrying a bunch of coffees and I got into somebody else's car entirely. And it was like next to us. It was in California. And I got into the guy next to us, to his car, but it was, it looked identical to yours. And I sat down and he's, and I was like, whoa. I looked over, I saw the guy. I was like, this is not my car. You never done that? I was

with you. I was with you that time. I definitely don't remember that. I've, I've walked to the wrong car a bunch of times. Yeah. Have you opened, I've opened the door and almost gotten inside other people's cars. No, but I would, I would say that that, I mean, I've reached for the door, you know, and then you're like, oh, or I've stood and been like, why isn't this working? That's the best. Have you ever gotten into somebody else's house? I don't think I've gone into the wrong home. No. The dog did. He opened. Oh yeah. So yesterday, yesterday, that's when this happened. It was one of the most recent time that it happened. Okay. I had just like done a workout and I was like delirious because I don't work out a lot.

So I go up to my, I go up to what I thought was my door, but it was one door over. So I, and I'm just like tunnel vision into the lock. So I put the key in the lock and I start turning. I'm like, why the fuck isn't this turning? And like, I'm starting to get really aggressive with it. And then I start hearing dogs barking. I was like, Oh, I look up and like, Oh, there's a lot of Christmas decorations on this door. This isn't my door. And then I just quickly run to my door and I wait to see if someone's going to come in. But like, I just hear the lady like trying to hush her baby and all of her dogs. Oh Jesus Christ. See Daisy. Why aren't there Christmas decorations on you? Yeah, what? You know what? You caught me. Where do you get them from? That's

it. I don't know where to get them from. That's it. Lo, you're in Texas. Everything's Christian and Jesus and Merry Christmas. Game of the fucking gas station. They're everywhere. Yeah. It is January though. The fact that that lady still had them up was a little cool. Well, that's right. All through spring. And then there was this was, I think, right before I moved. I was at a Starbucks at a barstux and I try and get in my car and like I unlock it. I'm like, Oh, that's weird. It sounds like the noise is coming from like not this car, whatever. And I open it and it's it's like not opening. And so I just keep on aggressively doing it. And because it was in in a Starbucks, as people seated outside and there's a guy that yells, he's like, Yeah, that one's

not yours. And then I've gotten in the driver's seat before. Like I've gotten in the driver's seat in a Jeep or a black Jeep. That's a very time I got into someone else's black Jeep. There's so many. There's so many. And I try to turn it on when I have, you know, yelled at a car that yelled at a car yelled at the car for not being mine. I've done that. What do you mean? Like I walk up to a car. I'm like, I'm like, I'm trying to like fucking shit. I won't fucking open. And it's the wrong car. And it's the car's fault. And in that moment it is castigate the car. Yeah. That's a fucking thing open dummy car. And then it's just not my car. Yeah. Yeah. It's a good time. Yeah. It's good. That's a good moment. What they didn't make it. But I made a bigger deal

to them than they cared about. I was in a hotel once in I think DC. And I check in. Give me the key. I go to the room. I use the key. The door opens. There's a woman in the room. No. And she's just like sitting there. And I was like, Oh my God. Oh my God. I go, I'm so sorry. They gave me this key. So I go down there like, this is a big fucking deal. Yes. That's horrible. And they were like, Hmm? I was like, you just gave me the key to a room that a woman is staying in. And like think about how traumatizing that could be. No biggie. Was it a nice hotel? No way. It was like, it wasn't like a super nice hotel. But it was like, it wasn't some piece of shit. It was a hotel where like they should definitely know better and handle that. This is why I locked the door every

time I get into the room because so I do a full like this is because of my days as a traumatized feature act on the road. Every time I get into a hotel room, I check the closets for rapists, the bathroom door, I check everything for rapists. And then I close it, I lock the door and do not fucking disturb me, bitch. I don't want this shit clean. Don't even put the fucking room service in there. I tell them I'm afraid of COVID. Leave it outside because I don't want to hear the presentation, you know, and give you the whole presentation like, here's your salad and here's the dressing and here's I'm like, bitch, I know what I ordered. I don't want the whole fucking presentation. Get out here. Get out here, bitch. Stupid motherfucker. Yeah, you want to start the

show? Oh yeah. And when we started, here we go, fade it already. Okay, this one's for Philip and Emily. Okay, I am legally married to your father, legally married to your father. I can get the marriage certificate proven. I am legally married to your father. So stop calling that goddamn bitch of my sister, your mother. She isn't your goddamn mother. I am who is Randy? Don't bring anyone mother to this. Welcome to your mom's house with Tom Segura. Yeah. Welcome to your mom's house. Yeah, we were just

that's my whole commenting on the cool guy gallery, which you guys this, we haven't really addressed it a whole lot, but this set is still a work in progress. We just wanted to get in here and and start using the space that has cost us how many millions of dollars at this point. 10, 20. I don't want to think. Anyway, eventually the idea was the fireplace would glow and that you guys would get to sit with us around the fireplace and really discuss the important topics of the day. But you know, that's still not happening. But it's a lot of cool stuff here. I'm coming at your fairies. Yeah. He jacked off in four strokes. Gosh, these really iconic men. You don't see a black guy in that guy. Oh, my God. Oh, we're back on this, huh? I mean, that doesn't look like a black

idea. No, he does not. That that guy looks white as shit. And yeah, he looks really fucking white. Really? Uh huh. Okay. Your dickhead becomes so sensitive. Well, I hate when he says that word like that. Does that painting any to you look like a white guy? No, your honor, that as a black man, I can say that looks just like a one of mine, I would say. Yeah, yeah. Doesn't he? Yeah, he looks like a black dude. I always thought he was a black dude. It was you and me versus the whole world. Really? Dude, I don't know. Yeah, I mean, especially, I mean, I understand you have debates on the video, but that painting looks like a white guy to you. Yeah, come on. Yeah. What? Yeah, white guy to me. That looks like a like white guy facial hair. Yeah, you're just being

disrespectful. Yeah. And honestly, it's really making me question my already questionable judgment about you. So. Oh, great. It looks super white. What? It doesn't look like a black guy to me. The guy in the middle there. Yes, I know you're talking about the four strokes guy. All right. I just don't, I don't know. You don't think that painting does? No, you're right. The painting made him a little. Yeah. Because if you look at the crackers on either side of him, they're drawing more like crackers. It looks like a black guy. Yeah. Okay, thank you. No, you're right in the painting. Okay. Your honor, I give you that. Thank you. I give you that. I can't believe how big a stick was.

Yeah. Yeah. That's such a nice clip. Yeah. All these gentlemen have contributed so much to society. Yeah, we got over here. So important. Tommy Johns. Oh, yeah. Tommy Johns. Am I saying right? Any? You're his spirit animal. Oh, no, that's that's a Tony Johns. Tony Johns. My favorite. Tommy Johns is the sandwich. That's Jimmy Johns. Oh, Tommy Johns is underwear. There you go. Jimmy Johns is a sandwich. Yeah. Tommy Johns is the underwear and then Tony Johns is this guy. Right. Oh, he says, play boys and break girls. Right. And what else behind me? I can't see. So you've got the 10 to 12 Benadryl guy. Oh, yeah.

He's gone, right? Oh, yeah. He's dead. Do we know that? Definitely. He's totally dead. He was special. I really liked him. Yeah. And then of course, good morning, Julia. Oh, yeah. Wait, what's his name again? His name is Joe. Joe. This is Joe. It's the kind of guy you're getting. Yeah. The crown molding. Man, these guys. And then of course, Unkshine. Yeah. And then Pig, Pig, Suburton, Norton, Pig, Norton, Suburton. What a cool stepmom to have, by the way, in terms of step, stepparents, or is this a stepfather? Which one? This person on the opening clip? Oh, yeah. Is that stepmom or stepdad? You hear me? So you better stop calling her mom. If Sherry was here, you know what she'd say? Take a baseball bat. Go snack them with it. Guess what

I got? So you either stop calling her mom or I'm going to beat the mortal fuck out of you two. Sounds cool. You are my kids now. Mine. I love it. So you better stop calling her goddamn mom. I am your mother. That's it. Bottom line. Johnny, get your ass in line. Get your ass to me now. You know, it's interesting because it kind of shows you that a lot of people do just resort to when there's a problem, something that agitates me, some type of confrontation, something that needs to be resolved. Just get a baseball bat. Just get a baseball bat. A lot of people just operate on that level. I know. I know. It's so interesting, isn't it? Well, my stepparent, speaking of stepparents, my stepdad was that kind of guy. He was that kind

of guy, yeah. Yeah, there's always like guns and bats and shit. But it's different though when somebody does it for family stuff. That's super trash. Because he would kind of outsource it to the outside world. Yes, if there was some guy giving him static in the real world, but not towards the family. That's another level. I talked to Aunt Dottie and she said that Trish and Mike weren't going to, somebody's going to get a bat fucking wheel on them. That's how you solve your. That's so true. I am your mother. Yeah. Imagine that lady telling you that. Is that a lady though? Oh, sorry. What? Yeah. No, it's not. That's not a lady. What are you talking about? Hold on. It's not a lady.

What do you think it is? What are you doing? I'm farting. I'm afraid to push too hard because I pee every time I fart. You are my kids now. See, I can't understand if that's a man dressing as a lady and who smokes a lot. That's a woman, a full woman that just smokes a ton. This is awesome. Everybody here, I think, sees what it is and you have trouble with this. I don't understand. I'm being serious. It's a woman. It is not a woman. What are you talking about? Stop. What are you talking about? Wait, but her chest has hair on it. What? Babe, that's not a woman. That is a biological woman. Are you fucking with me?

Are you guys messing with me? No, it's a lady. I'm 100% genuine right now, but I think that's a man. You really don't know? I think it's a man with nails and... What? Babe, that's not a woman. Look at her. That's us. Hey, look at the chest. There's hair on it. This one's for Philip and Emily. I am legally married to your father. Legally married to your father. I can get the marriage certificate. Proven. I am legally married to your father. So stop calling that goddamn bitch of my sister your mother. She isn't your goddamn mother. I am. The eyes are kind of crazy. I'll give you that. Are you saying her eyes are different? I mean, she's a really handsome woman, as you would say.

You know what's so fucked up? I was in a hotel room and sometimes you run around. You look like shit when you go down to the lobby. I put my hair back. I was wearing my cool mom onesie that I wear and I looked in the mirror and I was like, that's a handsome lady. I look like shit, bro. You know when you just like, whatever, I look like a lesbian tennis coach. You know what I mean? I look like my uncle Steve. I was like, fuck. Do you think someone's ever looked at you and been like, is that a woman or a guy? Yeah, for sure. And probably some days when I'm probably just not. There I was. There you are. Just being handsome as fuck. I kept thinking about that when you're like, you're a handsome woman.

Do you really think of me as a handsome woman? Do I still retain some feminine properties in my aging process with you? Handsome women. No. The Khaleesi is gorgeous. Nah, she's handsome. Right there. There you are. There you are. That looks just like you. If she dyed her hair blonde, I'd be like, there's Christiana. Okay, hold on. Don't leave this, don't leave the pic. Would you rather, that's a legit, would you rather make sweet love, face to face, everything. You go down on her, you do everything. She licks your peepee, all of it with your new stepmom up top or this handsome lady. The handsome lady of the bodybuilder. Why? Just more attracted to her. But she's not even, she's less of a lady than

stepmom. Oh, well, I'm just, what I'm into. I love, I love biceps. Really? That's gotta be a trip, actually. Yeah. Now I mean, like to be with a woman that jacked has got to be a trip. More jack than you. Way more, not more. Do you think her, her meow is beefier or two? I don't know. Do you think that her? I think it'd be a trip just to feel like, to have your hands on that and be like, holy shit. But do you think that her meow is more muscular and then when she's like. It's just there's no fat on her. So there's no padding. There's no padding, you know? There's no softness to her body. It's hot, right? That's what you like in a woman. I love a rock hard lady. It'd be a trip though, because I think your brain would be like, oh,

no woman feels like this. Your brain would be like, you're not, you're touching a man. That's what your brain would tell you. This is a man's body. She's a man, baby. And then you'd be like, oh, but like, your pussy is so wet. Right. But do you think her pussy would get so wet? Maybe she's on all that tea. A really good point. Or maybe the tea would make her more sexually excited. I don't know. I don't know how that works. I want to meet a man who's. I just saw that. Tell the audience what we just read. It said, want me to look up muscular woman porn and I nodded. Question mark. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'd like to interview a man who's really into muscular women. Really? Yeah. I'm curious to know what the,

I'm curious to know what the attraction is. Oh, yeah. They're pretty jacked. Three muscle women. Okay. That one on the right looks kind of normal, but then the one closest to us doesn't look at their, they all have abs, like six packs. Bro, but see her badge looks kind of. That's it. That's right in there. There's no. It's not in yet, is it? Well, it's not really taking that much. I mean, it is nice that she can squat down on it like that. Yeah. I mean, her thighs are so much stronger than mine. I don't think I can do what she's doing in heels like that. Heels too. Yeah. I can't squat like that. My knees can't take it. Oh, they're just toying with them. Is that what's going on here? She's just kind of messed, look, look how like muscular this was. Whoa. She's like

out of season right now. She's like, this is when I let myself go. Wait, that one's got a wig on. I feel like they're just toying with them. Yeah. I'm not sure what's happening, but do you like them? Her thighs are so meaty, babe. She's really strong. Yeah. Well, what do you think? Is it doing anything for you? I mean, it's not, but like. Whoa. Look how little body fat she has. So it's, her tits are like, and you can see where the implant bag is. Yeah. Ooh, you can see the breath, look at the muscle tissue on her chest and then the implant bag. You know what's crazy is for sure she's done competitions, like fitness competitions, and other fitness people are definitely seeing this, and they're like, that's carry-in. Yeah.

Like she came in six at the invitation. Oh my god, you know what's hilarious? See how the whole whole body is tan, like a turkey? Yeah. And then look at her badge, there's just like, it's normal color. It's like that one little area that's not fake tan. I think that's her clip, babe. It's a huge one. It's like a peanut. I think that's the testosterone. Yeah. Yeah. The world is an amazing place, isn't it? She's so meaty. She's super meaty. I just, oh look at that fat shit banging her, dude. I know, it's like. He's got a gut. He's got a gut. Is this the thing, like out of shape guy, and like super. Dude, what is up with- Dude, her clit is like a peanut. Yeah, I told you, it really is. Whoa. All right, now I'm turned on.

It's the tea. Yeah. It's gotta be. It is just the tea. And I bet you everybody who's in fitness is like, I bet I could do porn, like, you know, considers it because they have these crazy bodies, but then, that's a super vascular. Whoa. Wait, why get the implants? Why get the implants then, if you don't want the fat? Whoa. Does this one actually hook up or just pose? Oh, God, I feel not good. No? Scrub? I don't like the implants. With the muscles on. This one looks so low. Oh, geez. Look how jacked she is. That is, can we show this on YouTube, this part at least? Yeah, we're showing it. We are? This is ridiculous. I mean, what is the allure? So tell me, anybody watching, listening, what is the allure? Because right now, you see that she's very muscular

in her chest, right? So much so that the implants she can move around. Oh, she's got implants there, too. And implants in her tush. Oh, God, cover it up. Take it. Take it away. I'm gonna barf. I don't like it. I don't like it either. Made my deck through the opposite it's supposed to do. I don't like her. I didn't like it. I don't like the nails either. I don't like long nails. I think it doesn't do anything for me. Super muscular builds, though. I mean, I think not even every woman likes that in men. I don't. Some women, oh, you're with the right guy. But no, but I mean, like some women really like it, obviously. It's what drives a lot of men to do that. The idea that like this will be what gets me the female attention. But I think it's

more rare to find men that like that in a woman. Definitely. A lot of guys like fit women, but that's another level. That's like competitive fit. Yeah, it's hyper competitive. What is that, though? I wonder what is the thing in a woman's mind where she's like. I definitely respect it because you know that it takes like immense discipline and commitment. And it's a sport and I get it. You're competing. But on the other hand, like you're clearly taking yourself out of the arena of a type of woman. Do you know what I mean? You're clearly ruining your chances of like attracting. But I think that what it's what drives them is that the being in those competitions and everything over. Yeah, those people are like

trying to showcase the perfect like body. Right. You know, what they think is the perfect body. Meaning like what the body is capable of achieving. Sure. So like the most symmetrical muscular, like leanest body. Mm hmm. I mean, I don't like it. I don't like it in men either, though. Those bodybuilders, you know, when they I don't really it does it does nothing for me. I think there's a level of fit with the body. Like there's a level of some of the bodybuilders get to where you're like, I mean, as a guy, there's there's a certain muscular build where you go, that would be cool to have. And then there's where you're like, I don't want to be like that. Like none of this. I don't find this stuff sexually. Yeah, if you told me I could take

a pill, I would want to look like that. Well, that guy's pretty. But it's too much even. Yeah, this guy has no body fat. But it's too much. He's actually not one of the biggest ones. Like he actually like the guy beneath him probably weighs 60 pounds more than him. Yeah, that guy. That guy is crazy. Yeah, that's that's that's like one of those matte like if you told me I could take a pill and look like that, I'd be like, I don't want to look like that. No, I wouldn't want to either. No. Well, that doesn't seem attractive. Look at the guy on the oldie. The fucking dad underneath him. Do the oldie. Now, see, I'll be honest with you, that guy's 84 years old. I'd take that pill. Yeah, I would look like that guy. Yeah, that guy

looks great. Yeah, because he's not it's the mass. Yeah, he's not like coming out of everywhere. That's not even attractive. It's freakish. Yeah, it's freakish. The guy that guy right there, that's too crazy. Too crazy. I don't know what that is. Jack the gorilla. Yeah. But for some ladies, that's their that's definitely what they like the most. Then why do they always tan too? I think so you can see the definition. Yeah, the striking. The tanning is what gets me. When you're super pale, you don't see it. Yeah. You can see it more. The tanning. I just answered it. You don't have to do it. Yeah. I'm just trying to be on it. Yeah.

Yeah. I'm sure. That's interesting. I don't know. It's a world I'm not familiar with, you know? Yeah, I live and die with it. I go to as many competitions as I can. Would that be weird to you if that was my thing? You just started it. I would be worried if you'd pick that up now. But going to bodybuilding competition, like being a fan, just like I love the competitions. I love seeing them flex. I live and it's just hours and hours of guys flexing. I'm like, I guess he likes his competitions. Yeah. You're like, I'm going to fly around. It would be weird if I was into it 10, 15 years ago too. If you're like, what are you

like? And you're like, I like to go to concerts and I'd be like, I like to go to bodybuilding competitions. And you're like, oh, did you used to get into that? Like, nope. I just enjoy watching. I just enjoy looking at them. Miring them, holding you, loving you. You just see them pose. It's just amazing. It's amazing how much they work at it. You want to come? No. I can't think of. Then you sit with me and we watch it and just see me get all hot and bothered the whole time. I'm like, look at that. God, look at his lats. That'd be so weird. That would be weird. Like, we got to get back to the hotel right now. All right, babe. I'm going to fucking come right here.

You're like from what? Like all those poses. Jesus. Oh, can I do my dates, Tom? Your dates? Yeah, okay. With other men. We got to plug in my dates with other men. Can you do them for me? I like when you do. Yeah, this is, well, you're shooting your special. Yep. Touch my jokes through the fence. That's in the Grammar scene in New York. Then you'll be here in Austin Cap City, February 2nd and the 16th. What? And then February 25th and 26th, you're at the Miami Improv. Enemy, enemy, enemy, enemy. And then you're going to be in Tampa, March. Fourth and fifth, which is a great town to do stand up in. Different. And then let's see, where else are you? You're going to be. The Regent Theater in the Netflix is a joke.

You know, what's that called? Festival. Festival. One night, May 3rd, Regent Theater. All right. Then the Irvine Improv. And then I do the Borgata in Atlantic City, New Jersey, and then the Wilbur in Boston. Massive huge tits. Yes. The tickets are going fast. The Wilbur is a fantastic venue. It really is. I'm going to swallow. Okay. And here's another problem I have with big men, big bodybuilders. Yeah. And this is the dumbest thought that you can have, probably, but because they're so jacked, their ding-dong will look so small. That's what you're bothered by? I don't like the asymmetry of jacked body. And then can you google nude photos of competitive bodybuilders? I'm so curious to see if it looks like teeny

tiny, because the statue of David, for instance, well, that guy. What are we looking at here? He's just holding his dick. He is? That's not real. That's not real. Like that guy on the left, it looks silly. You've got a big old body and then you've got a teeny little, just in proportion, like a normal size. You see, that guy's not like, that guy's kind of a normal built. Like he's jacked. Yeah. The ones that we're seeing right now, that's kind of normal built. Like he's jacked, but I'm saying he's not 260 pounds. If you go up. I want the jacked guys with tiny dogs. Yeah, I mean, that's kind of small, right? You see what I mean? Yeah, that looks silly.

It looks silly. You just know that naked, and that's most guys, you know, it's normal to be not going to hang like you're a fucking horse. Most guys are normal like this? Well, I mean, I guess, yeah. You think that's normal, really? What this guy has? Which one are we looking at? The one that's enlarged right here. Yeah. I don't know. Maybe I should put my glasses on. Oh, I mean, in terms of just a flaccid penis, most guys don't hang like, you know what I mean? I think I'm lost at what you're trying to say. I don't know what I'm trying to say. Can I have more alcohol, please? More? Yeah, I'm not driving. Okay, shit. Okay. Okay, there you go. Yeah, see, this is what I mean. So it bothers, it bothers them to see the big jack dude with the smaller dog. Yeah,

the symmetry is all off. So even if you have a normal sized dog, it's going to look way tiny. You know what else you wouldn't like? I don't like that. You know what you wouldn't like? What? A 600 pound man. Because their dog's going to look way smaller. Why smaller? Yeah. Yeah, that's so true. This is a, there's a nude male bodybuilding competition. Oh, that's kind of, see, they all should be. I don't know why they don't all pose naked. Because the Greeks did that, right? The athletes would perform or do the Olympics naked. That's Photoshopped. That's definitely Photoshopped. See, that's what I expect their dogs to look like. That's what you want it to look like. Right, and it's not gonna. It's not possible,

is what I'm saying. And a lot of these guys are on a lot of shit, and so their hormones are so out of whack. Yeah. That they've, that they have like shrunken, you know? Yes. That guy's working out naked. Would you go to a nude gym? Here's the upside, you get to see chicks naked and the good-looking ones. Co-ed nude gym? I know. I'd be mortified. Yeah. Running on the treadmill with my tits flopping everywhere and dicking balls flopping everywhere. No way. And my dick shrinks when I work out big time. Like, it really, it really shrinks. Yeah, why not? Thanks, doesn't everybody's? Yeah, I think I've heard, I've heard other people say the same thing happens to them. Right, it would make sense because it's protecting the family and the jewels. It's protecting stuff,

yeah, so your thing just goes shh. Yeah. But, oh man, sometimes I, like, you'd see that. Yeah, it's not impressive. No. What do you want to see? I think visually you always want to see a big one. Visually, I want to see symmetry. I'm attracted to symmetry. So, this goes with this. Proportionate, yeah, that, that which makes sense. I like that, but I like to see high and tight balls. I like high and tight balls. I'm not a fan of hanging my nose. Big loose hanging balls? I almost shit my pants. Yeah, it's a good workout. He's doing his workout. I think, I think we're good now. Yeah, you can turn off the game. Porn, thanks, buddy. Oh my god. Oh, I forgot to say, I'm very happy. I gave a couple other things to Danny to ship out

to our, to some of you poor. No, you didn't. Yes, I did. I gave him jackets, shirts, what? You're going to get mad. Don't be mad. You ought to be mad. I stopped Danny. From what? Mailing the box of jackets. What? What are you talking about? Babe, I can't let you give away burberry jackets to fat poor people. I can't. We've worked too hard for 20 years doing these shedbox clubs for years for you just to give away your nice stuff. I said I was giving these away. I know, but I took them back. I couldn't, and listen, you know me and my communist upbringing, I cannot give away designer jackets to people. I just can't. So you're kidding. No, I am not. In fact, I pulled all the jackets and just hear me out. Don't hurt me, please. Hear me out.

I want you to try them on and then let's go through them and then the boys, we can all vote as to whether or not you keep them or give them to fat pours. But for now, I want you to try them on. And let's just see how handsome you look because you look so nice. Okay, I put them, they're in the box over there. Go get them. Do you understand that I told poor fat people that I would be giving them things? Yeah, I know. And I'm sorry. And for that, I'm sorry. I'll send you some nice merch, maybe a triple XL, Tom Segura shirt or an FGT RTD shirt or some socks. I'm sorry. And I'm sorry. I am so sorry. But listen, you guys, I cannot let him be wasteful like this anymore. It's time for you to start learning. Whatever you take in, you must

be very conscious of, right? Remember we talked about this last week? Don't give it away? No, let's start this. Whenever we buy, it's got to be a hell yeah. Yes, I fucking love this. I'm going to wear this or no thanks. Don't buy things that you're on the fence over. So I want you to give it a second look. And if it's not a hell yes, then it's a donate. But I just wanted you to go. Some of these are so cute. Just go in the box. All right, try it on. This is unbelievable. Let's do a fashion show. Guys, but it's in his best interest, right? Like it's in his best interest. He can't just give these away to people. Don't you think, Linda? Look how cute he's going to look. What? You're going to like the way you look. I guarantee it, Tom. Oh, that's cute. Okay. I like this one

because of the color. Yeah, but see, this is what you've got a fuzzies on it. It's too big. And can I tell you what? Now that I see you wearing it, it's too big. You've lost a bunch of weight. This is who you used to be. So I think you're right on this one. So I can give this one away? Fat poor, this one's yours. Yeah, see, I'm my blessing on that. I already told the fat poor they were getting this. Well, you get it. Congratulations. No, that one's way too fat. You don't need that. You know what? And also it's good to throw away clothes that you no longer fit into as you're losing weight, right? We don't want to go back there. I always get rid of my bigger sizes too when I go down.

I don't keep my fat clothes. Okay, what's that one? Oh my God. You have how much stuff do you have in your closet that still has tags on it? That's crazy. How much do you do this to that you just you buy it and then it has a tag on it? That's crazy. It's that's crazy. I never do this. Never. Oh my God. Okay, I'll tell you right now though, this one's a little problematic as they say, because it's got pockets on the tits. Unless you're like any and you're just adorable bean pole guy, it's hard to pull off pockets on the tits. Oh, that's cute. That's too small. We'll show the audience. Let's see. Model. No, that's too small. Forget about it. Okay, fat poor. You've got another

shirt coming. Skinny poor, maybe. Skinny poor. Don't you guys love this fashion show? What do you guys think, right? He should get rid of that. Should we vote on that? I think you nailed it with that one. And then with the first two. Yeah. Yeah, the blue too, right? It's too big for him. I don't. You're two for two so far. Yeah, okay. You should celebrate. I like this one. Used to wear this a lot. No, this is our redondo days. Don't you dare throw that out. No, I like this one. This is reminding me of when I was pregnant with the boys. No, I like it. Oh, you're so cute. It's earmarked for a fat poor already. Do you like it though? I mean, I like it, but I realize that. You've got fuzz on your head from

the first sweater still. I realize that I haven't been wearing it. So I'm like, well, I mean. But didn't you have this when we had Ellis and stuff? Don't remember that. Is this redondo? How old is this? I don't know. This is old. It's old. It's the old jacket. Yeah. What do you guys think? Do you like him in it or? I mean, I'm not a fashionista over here. It looks a little baggy. I'll defer over to any who. Yeah, and he's fashion forward. No, I was gonna say the same thing. It looks a little big on you. Wow. So it's good to give away. Okay, but not that beautiful leather jacket because that one you wore when we met. What? What? That one was that one you've had since you were like 20 years old. Don't you dare give that away? 21 years. Yeah. Oh my god.

What? Did I buy that fucking for you? That's a really nice jacket. Look at you guys are gonna die when you see this one. Who makes this? That's a nice jacket. Flip up the collar. God, that's cute on you. Oh, it looks big though. It's big, but here's the thing. I bought it in September. In September of this year. Damn. It was big. It was big. It's too long. I just bought it. I bought it on the road. It was like I needed a jacket for the shows that night. Oh, it was a road purchase. You know what I mean? It's like a road purchase. I needed a jacket for the shows. I kind of like it, but what do you guys think? Looks good. It's a nice jacket. This one, I would say if it's too long because it looks good on you like weight-wise, but if it's too long,

I'd say Taylor. Yeah, you could sell the Taylor, but the arms look too long. Look at the arm, I think it's a little long. It's a little long, but Taylor, I would tailor that one. That one fits you. Do you like it? My bet. I've never had somebody talk me out of doing charitable things. Well, because I want you to be sure. That one you could keep, babe. That one you could keep. That's nice. Although it does look like a lesbian golf or jacket kind of. Pockets are tough. Well, that's nice. That one's cute on you. I like this one, guys. It's adorable. What do you think? It looks good to me, chief. I like that. That's a good one, but I don't, that's what I'm saying. I was okay. I was trying to like, you have to say no to something if you're trying to clean

out a closet. I let you throw in all the way at that stuff before. Keep this one? You know what it's good for? Travel. Put stuff in the pocket. You put your phone in the pockets. It's got like a ring. It's like that nylon, yeah. If I may speak, it looks like a shirt that you could get though, you know? Yeah. Like it looks like another shirt. You could just get another one of done it? Yeah. It kind of looks like a shirt. Oh, let me see it again. Stand up. I just, I think it might be good for the road. Like traveling. What do you not like about it? It's not that I don't like it. It's like you go, all right, I got to get rid of some stuff. Yeah, but that's not the reason just because you feel like you should. I have to get rid of some

stuff and then you're just going to arbitrarily throw out some friends, some sweet lovers that you don't like. So which ones do I get rid of then? I like this one. Keep this one. That's useful. No, I trust Ryan. What does Ryan say? He shook his head. He said no. He was like, you don't need that shit. Wow. Yeah. Well, look at all money bags, Ryan over there. Well, why does he need it? Ryan, tell me why. It's not cute. It's either fuck yeah or no. You said it earlier. That's a good point. Is it a fuck yeah? Then it's a no. Now this one kills me. Didn't I buy this one for you? Are you sure? This is a gorgeous fucking jacket. You know, I love bra, bra. I mean, look how cute you are.

I can tell you the story behind this one. You look adorable. Okay, here's this one. I was playing the Long Beach. I'm playing it again. What's it called? We pull up my it's in February. Yeah, the Long Beach Convention and Entertainment Center. That's where Richard Pryor shot a special and I was playing it 2019 and it was like, it's like a decent size place. You know, it's like 2600, 2800 seats or something and it was sold out and I was like, I want to wear something like cool on stage. So I went, I think maybe the day or two before, I think, and I got this jacket and I wore it on stage. But it feels like a state is like, you know, I mean, if you look at the

colors, right, it's very vibrant dinner. This is like a stage jacket. Right. So this is what we always talk about. This is the person you think you are versus the person you really are. Like, this is the guy on some days you think you can be this guy. Right. Like I'm a little flashy. I'm a little out there. Yeah. But the truth is, you're just like a black jacket guy. You're just like a gray shirt guy. Sure. You're pretty subdued. Yeah. But it's but the thing is you get away with doing something like that on stage. Yes, this is a beautiful stage jacket. It is a beautiful stage jacket. Yeah. I mean, but you know. And this was committed to a poor fat already. Ryan. I'd wear it. I'd steal it from a fat poor.

We know what we should do. I just got a great idea. A fat poor. I have everything marked obviously. Yeah. Because I thought this would shift out. We should send them just notes that say like, ha ha ha. You thought you were getting something. You're poor ha ha ha. You're still fat. Yeah. Yeah. You know what I mean? That is such a nice coat, but here's a deal man. But I think it would be cool. Here's about my point on this. I think it would be cool to, if I were a fan, to get this. If it's something like, I wrote down the guy who I'm supposed to send this to. Yeah. It would never get this jacket. Oh, no. Yeah. You know what I mean? And like, he might think this is wild as shit too, like when he sees the colors. But he'll have a

fucking crazy, like a cool jacket and a crazy story. That's true. Of why he has that jacket. That's true. And I have to say, your lack of enthusiasm for trying on all of these items has convinced me that yes, in fact, you are ready to let them go. Thank you. So I just needed to see that you were done with them emotionally. Yeah. And we're done. And I'm proud of you because a lot of these were, you know, this is old shit. That's a jacket you've had for a long time, not denim one. Yeah. I really don't remember how long, I don't know. That's like. This I just remember because of that show. Yeah. And I remember this the only time. It's a really lovely jacket. Yeah. And you should give it to somebody. It was so much money.

You stop spending money on stupid shit. What? How do you feel in it? You feel flashier? Yeah. Yeah. It's fun, right? It's a fun jacket. Yeah. I think someone will have a good time with it. I think I'm done with it. Okay. There it goes then. All right. I'll let Danny send the box out. Can you send them all out or am I having to? I think yes. I think you're right. Yeah. Go for it. Go for it. I just wanted to see them one last look. Make sure you're not going to regret. You halted the donation shipment. Yeah. I opened every fucking box too. I put them in one box. Yeah. It's because I love you, Tom. I want you to give them shit away. You're not ready for it. I was going to go do a second pass on the closet this week. You can come with me if you want. I'd

like to help you with that. Okay. That'll be nice. Yeah. I think it's important to refresh your closet. I do it often. Every season, you take the coats. For instance, in the summertime, you need the coats in your closet. Put them somewhere else. Put them somewhere else. Where are they taking up space, bro? Do you feel okay? Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Do you want to hear a cool story? Sure. A really nice story I read about Marilyn Manson. It's a cool picture. This is such a wild like, okay. I think I should read it off my own phone maybe. This story blew me away. I forget where I was and I was like, what, dude? This motherfucker. No, I can't. I can't blow. Okay. Let's read it from here. So Marilyn Manson, this is in The Rolling Stone. Marilyn Manson,

Marilyn Manson, monster hiding in plain sight. This is wild. So he basically, he rented a house right in West Hollywood and there was this room in the front of the house that was supposed to be used as a recording booth or something like to make music in. And instead, he would banish his girlfriends into this small room, keeping them inside for hours on end to punish them for the tiniest perceived transgressions. He called it the quote, bad girl's room. And he would joke about this in articles, like he would come out, this is all alleged, right? This is allegedly, this is in The Rolling Stone. Jokes. He would talk about it all the time. Go down. If anyone's bad, I can lock them in it. And it's soundproof, it's in. And it's soundproof. So these girls would scream. Here we

go. He made it sound very punitive. Even if I was screaming, no one would hear me. As she tells it, first you fight and he enjoys the struggle. I learned to not fight it because that was giving him what he wanted. I just went somewhere else in my mind. There were vaginas everywhere, blood, swastikas and clipped photos from porno mags. This is the best. Others recall a spray-painted message above his bed reading AIDS. The carpet's furniture and decorations were black, as were the curtains he used to blot the light out of every window nearly 24 hours a day. Here's my favorite part. The temperature was kept frigid. If anyone adjusted the thermostat above 65 degrees, Warner, that's his real name, allegedly threw temper tantrums and destroyed furniture.

One ex-girlfriend referred to his apartment as the black refrigerator, another called it a meat locker. I mean, he inflicted repeated mental, physical and sexual abuse and have left them with crippling bouts of anxiety, depression, panic attacks and PTSD. Did you, I did not realize it. I mean, I thought like, yeah, the guy's like a weird singer. Yeah, that's, um, it's a cool thing to transition to. Oh, sorry. Fuck. I wish I had more jackets here.

Sorry. Sorry, I just had to share. I'm like chomping at the bit to share with you. Right? I mean, we knew the guy was a little off, but I just figured it was like a thing. Yeah, some Game of Thrones actress alleges that Warner frequently abused her verbally, deprived her of sleep and food. And food, bit cut, electrocuted and whipped her with that. What the fuck, man? He would chase her around the apartment with an axe when she was quote, crowding him. Isn't that wild? And of course he is like, you know, his statement is like, well, yeah, I mean, this was all consensual with adults. You know, these are games that we would play and blah, blah, blah, but man, isn't that cool? It is very cool. Still cool, huh?

Sounds, um, sounds like a cool guy. Sounds like he fits his image. Yeah. He looks like a terrifying dude. I know. But you're always like, I think I was one of the people like, oh yeah, but like, that goofy fuck just, you know, painting that shit on his face. Right. But that's the thing is that he would talk about torturing women and stuff in articles all the time. And he would, he would talk about this, you know, in public. And you know, of course, everybody's like, but the institution supported him and the record company is like, okay, guys. He vehemently, that's what you always have to do. You have to vehemently deny the assault and abuse claims. Poof. Yeah. This is a, yeah, that's rough, man. Is it go on? Is there more? Yeah,

it's a long one. Oh, wow. So then it goes into his childhood. Said he had an odd relationship with his mother. Yeah, no shit and all that stuff. I don't know, dude. The guy's fucking whacked. That's insane. Yeah. He was with Rose McGowan. Remember that? He's always, he's been with a lot of chicks, right? You know, he looks crazy as shit these days. Yeah. Yeah. He jokes and interviews about abusing women. That's a good sign. Yeah. Yeah. Sympathy for the devil. I don't know what he's talking about. Holy shit, man. Yeah. It's a lot. He conditioned women through flattery and dark humor before introducing a pattern of sexual and physical abuse. Accusers allege that he applied them with drugs and alcohol, controlled their, I can't read, eating and sleeping habits and held them captive

emotionally and physically until they submitted to his will. If they wanted to leave him, they say he threatened to kill himself or worse them. They describe him as employing a cult leader mentality that allowed him to complete power over them. His brainwashing 101. Wow. Sounds like it's from the R. Kelly School of Data. Yeah. What happened to him? He got convicted. He was messing with minors, yeah? Yeah, but he also was into like keeping them captive, brain, like really fucking with their heads, you know. Yeah. He faces life imprisonment. That is crazy. R. Kelly. Yeah. That is crazy. When you think about how, I mean, he, he like blew up when I was in fucking high school, like going into high school,

like a young teenager and has had a really insane career. But he is, from what it sounds like, he's an absolute monster. Yikes. Yeah. Yeah. So is Marilyn Manson. There you go. Pretty cool. Cool guys. Let's switch it up, yeah. Cool guy club. I love her so much. She's pretty cool. Is that a fard or a queef? I think she's farting, but she's also vaping and farting. Yeah, that's so cool. She's really cute, you know. Really cute. Yeah. I like this video very much. Yeah. I thought it was a nice way out of those stories. Yeah. Is this on TikTok? Because it's just a regular. I don't know. It should be on TikTok. She'd really do big things. Are these TikToks? No, this one isn't. This one

was sent in. That's really special though. Yeah, she has her own signature style, I would say. Yeah. You know how much time it took to fart, set up, get your vape in, then let out the smoke. Yeah. It's a big deal. And all the different ways that she's sitting up, she's popping up, she's turning over her shoulder at the edge of the bed on all fours. I love it. She's just like spready. This chick's great. It's pretty cool. But tell me, in all honesty, I don't feel like the farts take away from her attractiveness at all. Oh, they do. They do. You wouldn't hit it? I would, but you're asking me if does it take, I mean, you don't go like, man, it's hotter that she farts. Any, you're a man about town. Does this detract from her

attractiveness for you at all? Yes. Yes. Very much so. Yes. Yeah, I would not have sex with this woman. Yeah, yeah. I wouldn't even consider it. It's so disrespectful and gross. This is where Annie and I differ. I would still fuck her. Yeah, I don't see this. Yeah, I would be like, hey, can you stop making a face? What if she farted during sex like that? Yeah, that, no. And then she went like, I did her face. Don't do that. No. Nadov, will this deter you? Absolutely not. I'm still pretty into it. Yeah, I'm pretty. I feel like she's attractive, but she's hotter. She's really attractive physically. She's like a 10, right? 9, 10. Bro, she's hotter than most of the girls that do these types of videos. Oh, first, look at this shot right there. Yeah,

she's gorgeous. So this is what I'm saying. I feel like a girl this hot can get away with. She can't. Well, I said, I mean, you don't care, but I'm surprised Annie is having standards here. I'm just not into gross ass bitches. I don't know what can I say. So, Judge, that's all. You have a fart bias. How dare you? Yeah, I'm a fartofobe, I guess. You're a fartofobe. If she wasn't farting in these videos, would you be into it? I guess. If you just saw her right here vaping like right now in this image, come on. She's so pretty. Yeah, I mean, she's all right. Yeah. She's all right. I did plug my ears. I took my headphones off, but I don't think.

Oh, he really hates farts. You hate, you really hate farts. He likes a lady to be a lady. Yeah, he's old school that way. I get it. I get it. Yeah. Like, what if a lady has to make brown at your house? Do it somewhere else. Of course. You're looking at your ass. He's like, I hold it for a month. Oh, that's true. Yeah. What if she farted accidentally in front of you? Get out. Wow. I like him a lot more. I mean, I don't like when you do that. I'm really upset. I can't tell you to get out because I would, but I can't. I don't like it. But Annie doesn't burp or fart himself. You burp and fart constantly. So it's quite a double standard. Yeah, tough shit. When women have the right to burp now, didn't you hear that? It's the worst thing that's happened

in the last 100 years. Got the right to vote and burp and fart. It's gross. It is gross, but you know what? I don't care. You know why I think you tolerate it more? Why? Because you grow up with a lot of girls. You have your cousins. You've got your crazy sisters. You're used to girls who are like pigs. I went to an all-girls school, so I'm super piggy. It's just what happens. Because those girls are pigs? Yeah. When you put girls alone in Catholic school, they're like dudes. It's the best. Oh, right. It's the dudes that make them active. Yeah. They civilize the girls. So it was this rad environment where we could just be ourselves and be free. And I loved it. Burped, farted. I remember when there's a year where everybody

did sexual activities for the first time, you know? 10th grade is when, okay, like my sluttiest friend, she was 15 and she had sex with a 20-year-old. Yeah. But the first time she gave a beach, like we were in the locker room at school in the hallway, you know what I mean? Not the locker room hallway. And she was like, I gave my first blow job and everybody had a car. And we were like, that's fucking awesome. We were like bros. Yeah. It was really fun, actually. And she gave you guys the details and everything? Absolutely. So your horriest friend will tell you what to expect. So she really prided herself on being first. First and like, I'm with this 20-year-old mature man. It was crazy.

This guy who could get arrested for being with me. Clearly. Yeah. It was so weird. Yeah. But she would tell us about all the stuff and we were like, oh, it's so rad. Yeah. And then whenever any of us did our first time of stuff, we'd all like announce it and high-five each other. It was very sex-positive as the kids say these things. Yeah. I remember this kid, Mark, it was like seventh grade. And he was like, hey, guys, smell this finger. That's real. Finger Stacey. Yeah. We were like, yeah. Everybody was like, and then that was when like rap happened to be getting very popular. And that was easy. He was like, don't eat that shit.

I don't eat that. It smells like fish. So we were like, we were seventh graders like, no, I don't eat that shit. Smells like fish. You guys are all super tough. I love that. Yeah. And then, yeah, we didn't realize how ridiculous this was. You know, what's so funny is Pamela Adlin on that show that she has that I love. What's it called? The Google Pamela Adlin Show. So I give the right title because it's just that brilliant. I think it's doing its final season right now. She has with her. It's about her and her three daughters. Better things. Such a great show. Anyway, she's sitting in yoga class with her friend in this one scene. And the friend is like, oh my, my badge smells off. And Pamela

Adlin, she goes, mine smells like chicken soup. Yep. Chicken soup. And I was like, gosh, if that isn't a better way to describe. Oh yeah. Like if chicken soup. Chicken soup. Yeah. And what's her name? Remember when Gwyneth Paltrow sold a candle that smelled like her vagina? Like her vagina, yeah. And it sold out in like 10 seconds flat. Yeah. You think I should make a candle that smells like my badge? If you want to. Gwyneth Paltrow is a classy broad. I can't imagine why she would do that. It's like, really? Do you need the cash that badly? I don't think she needed the cash. I think she was, I think she probably saw the marketing. Yeah. And it did. It went so viral. Everybody was talking about that when it happened. Such a great idea. And it was like, who's that?

And it was like Gwyneth Paltrow and her company Goop. Yeah. Everybody learned about her company. So that was effective in that way. So should I market my special that way? Like, hey guys, Tom Segura's balls. It smells like that. Yeah. You've seen a pee. Touch my camera through the fence. Yeah. This is hilarious. This smells like my vagina. Yeah. $75 to sniff her badge. I mean, I would. I would. Let's get it. Can we get it for your mom's house? I'm on it. Done. Thanks. Get a couple. Get them for the bathrooms here. Won't that be funny? Yeah. Lovely. I wonder if it smells like chicken soup. I bet this chick's the the the far girl. I bet she's like vegan or something. You know, super healthy. Very healthy. Yeah. Very healthy. No, she's

vegan. Right? Yeah. So her farts are probably rich in fiber. Yeah. Yeah. That's a neat observation. I think so. Now, would you eat this girl's pussy? She's tripping. She is tripping. Yeah, she's tripping. Oh. Would you fuck her any? She's moored up my lane. Yeah. Would you pass up fart girl for this lady? I mean, I ain't seen her yet, you know. Don't want to see it. She is tripping up in here. Okay. She is tripping. Do you want to go to jail for a long time? Just fucking get hungry. I dare you. No. No. I dare you. So which one is it, any? Does that have to choose between? Damn, you're thinking about this? Seriously? I just don't

want either. So badly. Seriously. The fart girl is that bad for you compared to this lady? I don't, I don't want it. I don't want that in my life. Yeah. It's because you know, because you know that it doesn't stop there, you know, like it's going to be a fun thing for her like all the time. To fart? I just woke up far in your face. So funny. No, it's not. But it's not funny. Don't you think if she saw your reaction like once or twice, she'd be like, oh, I don't do this with him? No, I don't think so. Because look at her. Look at her fucking face when she's doing it. She knows she's being gross and she's, look at me. I'm vaping and shit while I'm farting. I'm so fucking funny. She knows what she's doing. That's true. She does it anyway. And for a woman to do that, especially a good-looking

woman, something's going on, right? Because she's fucked up. She shouldn't be doing it. Right? Like especially a young girl, you're trying to find a boyfriend. Here's the thing though. I think when she, what do you think when, I don't know, it, this is her kind of public funny persona. But like if she were with a guy, she's like, I want to bang that guy. She'd turn it. Yeah. Like look at me, I'm a pig here, but when we make sweet marital love, you know, I'm not farting and ripping. Right? Yeah. Yeah. I turn it off. Jesus Christ. Can I please tell them what you said to me? What did I say to you? Last night I am being LOL-ing. I don't know what I said. You cut the side of it.

I was kissing you, kissing you and holding you last night. Oh. And what did you say? I don't remember exactly how I said it. I think you said like, do you want to kiss me? Something like that. Didn't you ask me a question? Don't you want to kiss me? And I said, well, usually your mouth is usually smells like an ethnic food, right? You're like, which, which ethnic food does your mouth smell like tonight? Yeah. Which ethnic food does your mouth smell like? Well, you don't understand. Well, hold on. It's absolutely true because she, she goes- It's true. I usually like, you don't understand. I usually get home and if she's saying hello, she'll be like, I just ate a Turkish delight. I just ate Vietnamese food. I just ate Korean. I just ate,

like it's always, it always lists some other country's food and she's like, it smells like six different types of shit in my mouth right now. I'm like, okay. That's what she says almost every day because I can't, I hate bland food. I need flavors. I need spice, right? Here's the thing. It does. It does. Yeah. It does smell like ethnic garbage can. Your mouth, I can usually smell before I see you. Like a dog? Yeah. I'd be like, what is that? And you'll be like, either you start talking like, Oh my God, there it is. Yeah. You know, it was great though. It smells like vape girls ass. You know, it was great though last night. Yeah. Is that you said it to me and at first I was like, bullshit. And then I was like, Oh yeah, I made my Mediterranean garbanzo beans and smoked paprika

and chili and eggplant. Yeah. It was a Mediterranean dish. Yeah. Well then, but if you eat it with me, then we'll both have ethnic mouths together. I don't want that un-American shit in my house. No. You always, you go deep on that stuff. I like flavors. I like flavor. I can't eat bland American. It makes me absolutely crazy. Yeah. I can only do it for so long and then I need flavor. Well, look at you finally drinking water, huh? Is that your first water of the day? No. No. It's not. Wait, what's your favorite spice? Like, what can you not live without? My favorite spice. You like steak. Yeah. I season the shit out of steak. What do you

salt? Yeah. I use like a meat seasoning, you know? Yeah. So usually has like some, a little bit of kick to it, but like, yeah. I mean, the basis for seasoning a steak is salt and pepper. I mean, you know, if you have nothing else, you want to season it with that. But these rubs usually have that and obviously like some more. So I got to go. I like those. I got you. I got you. I got you. But I do like Korean flavors a lot. I like Korean flavor a lot too. You eat Korean flavors in the end. Yeah. I like kimchi. I like bulgogi. I like Vietnamese. I did cut down on the pho because it did make my mouth smell like a garbage can. I was like, oh my, I can't even handle my own mouth because it was like garlic, onion, cilantro.

It's smell and then sriracha. So wait, let's talk to Eni. Hoisin. So Eni, what do you do if a girl is doing all the right things? She's real feminine and stuff, but she keeps eating food. You know, it's just like the food she likes or maybe she's from one, like one of, you know, a country of origin like that. And you're like, damn, that shit smells. What would you say to her? You still like her, but she's eating food that you think is stinky. I mean, you know, if we about to make out, it's like brush your teeth or something. Doesn't help. Doesn't help. I mean, here's the thing. It helps. It doesn't fix it. That shit is like, it's in their soul after that, you know? I mean, there's got to be something. The breath mints,

I got everything in my house. So it's like, if we about to do something, you're going to get ready first. Yeah. You need like a fucking fire hose. I know. It's like deep in there. I guess I'm going to buy a fire hose and do what I got to do. Because the thing is, it's the garlic. Garlic and onion stays in your... There you go. I think it is the garlic. I think you're right. It's the garlic. And I eat a lot of the garlics, but you know what? I'm very healthy. Don't get sick. Stop. I never get sick, right? Stop. It's all that spice. It kills everything inside of me. All right. All right. Yeah. Okay. Horrible hilarious. Ready? Oh, shit, birds.

Oh, shit. I don't like it. I don't like this. I feel for you, bro. No, you relate a little bit. Jesus. His was actually not nearly as brutal. No, it wasn't. His was just, he actually grabbed the rim, came down and then landed fucked up. But you know why he landed fucked up? It's because of that camera. I think he was like looking towards it. Oh, shit. Did he land on it? Did he snap his patellar tendon like you did? No, he... I don't want to watch it. I'm not going to watch it again. I don't like it. Oof. He landed fucked up. I don't like it. Yep. Pretty bad. All right. Here's another one. Ready?

Yeah. Oh, gonorrhea. God. You hear what he said? No. Gonorrhea. Gonorrhea? Yeah. What is that? So he's gonorrhea? That's just like how you say fuck in certain Latin countries. Gonorrhea. Yeah. Like gonorrhea, meaning like the STD. Yeah, yeah, but they say it like, god damn it. Yeah. I like gonorrhea. Yeah. I don't like that. That was horrible. That looks like that hurts so bad. Yeah, of course, guys. That's what I have. That's what my teeth fucking look like without veneers. I don't like it.

I like her though. Yeah, I do too, but I don't... Can I tell you how many nightmares I have? They're drunk though. That's why this is happening. I have nightmares a lot about losing my front teeth again, or losing the veneers, you know? Really? Oh, I hate it. Once this happens to you, it's like constant fear, I think, that you're going to lose your teeth again. Oof. I hate losing teeth. Oh, I can see that. Yeah. Because it's happened. Because it's happened. You're like, oh, it's... When you knock your teeth out, it is the fucking worst feeling in the world. Because you're like, oh my god, I'm never going to look the same again. Who knows if it's going to look remotely normal. And then the shock of like, when I did it, I remember you look on the floor

and your tooth is on the ground, and you're like, oh, it's the worst. I don't like this. Oh, I've seen this. That lady's just enjoying her. That was pretty funny, though. That's hilarious. Who's this? Oh, Annie. Oh, Annie lost your front teeth. Teeth? Plural dunking? Yeah, I just realized that. Like, as I was... I'm like, oh yeah, I lost my front teeth, too, and I was thinking about how I did it. And it was also dunking. What? So I tried to dunk, and I missed, and so I fell like forward. I just kept going forward, and there was a pole that didn't have the patting behind it. Yeah, so I just went right on that pole. And you knocked your teeth out? Well, so it had that, just like hers, it had that little cave,

like a little circle. How were you? I was in daycare, so it was like fourth grade or something. Oh my god, me, too. Yeah, yeah. Were you trying to dunk on a regulation hoop? No. It wasn't even a hoop. It was one of those, every scene, one of those funnel things that come out four different ways. Oh, okay. You know, it was one of those, and I was trying to dunk it backwards, like into it and then throw it. And then how long did you get fixed right away? Yeah, the daycare paid for it because it was like... Oh, oh. One of those, they should have had the patting on it. But since then, I mean, it's... My teeth look like shit now. It's the veneers have fucked up.

Jesus. But how funny was this, though? You didn't like this? I know I liked this. Oh, you did like this? This one made me laugh because this one's like... Oh, it's so unexpected. She drops her coffee. She's fine. I like how this goes like, hey, man. He tells the driver, you just killed that lady, man. Yeah. All right. Now, that one's funny. Is that in America? Possibly. I don't think so. Yeah. Yeah, this is one way. Babe! Babe! Oh my God! No, no, no. Babe! Babe! Oh my God!

Was he drunk? No, he's trying to check the light bulbs. Okay. He just lost his balance there. Okay. I don't like it. You didn't like that? Because I picture you doing that. And then I get sad. I don't like when the nice spousal people get hurt domestically. You're just trying to be married and do the right thing and... You know what I mean? You're not being a douchebag. You're not doing parkour in the fucking streets as a 20-year-old. You're doing what you're supposed to be doing. You shouldn't be getting hurt in the house. You're just changing the lights. You're just changing... Yeah, it's not fair. It's not fair.

Like the guy doing the flip deserves to get hurt. Kind of. It's more justified. Because you're like, well, you're being a jackoff. What about the poor lady sitting at the bus stop, though? Well, that one was just funny because I know she didn't get hurt. That was just bad luck. You know she didn't get hurt. I mean, she got up. She kind of rolled over. She's fine. I don't think she broke her teeth out. She spilled her coffee. I think she might be hurt. I think she might be really hurt. Well... Yeah, whatever. Fuck her. She's old. Fuck her. Yeah. She sat in it. Yeah. You did a little... Yeah, she could have like a hip replacement coming out.

That's cool. She needs it anyways. Yeah, that's true. All right. Especially that husband's a good husband. He's just trying to check the light bulbs in the kitchen. You're really... All right. It makes me crazy. Like he's trying to be a good husband. Doing what the wife wants. She probably nagged him all fucking week. Change the light bulb. Change the fucking light bulb. All right. I'll do it. Yeah, he finally does it. And then this happens and she's cackling, laughing. What can we say? Recording it. Life is... Oh, that's the nest cam, I think, isn't it? Oh, okay. I thought it was not the wife being like, you stupid idiot. You know? Well, some spouses are mean as shit like that.

I like you on Tequila. Oh, sorry. Fuck it. Am I too crazy? Bitch, here I go. Finally, TikToks. Let's see what you got for us this week. I'm so excited. You know, anything that we should prepare ourselves for mentally? Listen, I send these in constantly, so I'm not sure... You don't know what's in the chamber, really. There's been so many good things happening in the TikTok universe. Okay, here we go. This message is to the wind that's trying to blow my house down or blow a tree into my house or somebody else's house somewhere. You know, we're not going to tolerate you weather. We're going to... I'm coming after you because I'm not going to let the wind damage my house

or me or my property or cause any harm to anyone. So, yeah, I'm coming after you wind with a vengeance. Wind, stop it now. Oh. Or you will have to mess with me. Interesting message. Well, we've never heard somebody rail against the wind. Or the weather. Or the weather. That's a very interesting stance to take. New, fresh takes on TikTok. He threatened the wind. He did with a knife. Yeah. It's cool. Yeah. Very unique. Thank you for bringing that to our attention. I really enjoyed that. Thank you so much. You got it. That's in the car.

Scribe what you saw to the audience. Don't just move on. I need you to process this. Yeah, this is a lot. You must look into the heart of darkness. It looks like someone's like, you know, they are vacuuming in the car. It looks like a car detailing kind of thing. And they got the cap off of this section like where the seat might be bolted down into the ground and he's got the vacuum running and he takes the cap off and roaches crawl out of it. In the car. In the car and he vacuums them up. And there's baby roaches. Yeah. I mean burn the car, right? Burn that fucking car. Would you even be able to get into it again?

Also, like he knows they're in there. It's so, he's like, I gotta take this thing off to get the roaches. Oh yeah, that's true. Or maybe the car had so many roaches. Oh my god. Yeah, burn that fucking car, man. Burn it. Fuck it. Take the bus. But also, this is why TikTok exists. This is good. This is a good talk. Thank God for TikTok. Oh, I'm so glad you liked it. I didn't think CI was on the fence as to whether or not you'd like it. That's a good talk. Oh, I'm so happy you enjoyed it. Hi, I'm Charles Park. I'm 51 years old right now. And I'm divorced. I'm single right now. And my father's a millionaire. And my sister's Susan Park from the show Fresh Off the Boat. And I know, you know, I shouldn't act

so desperate, but I have a lot of adult movies at home and I live with my mom. I'm taking care of my mom. Okay. That's the truth. I'm not lying. Okay. What part was the truth? He's not lying. The last part, right? I mean, he's like, I have lots of porn and I live with my mom. I think the whole thing's probably true. It's a really sad fucking video, man. It was one of the saddest fucking videos I've ever seen. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. At like the depths of his depression, you know. The kind of thing I could see somebody recording and then you're like, don't post this. Wait a minute. The guy playing basketball who falls down just trying to have a good time.

That doesn't bum you out. This is way more of a bummer. This bums you out more. It's so real. It's so real. And here's the thing. When somebody is like this, you know, there's parts of you that connect to it. You know what it's like to be down. And like, everyone's like, you know, you've said, I don't know, maybe into a mirror or something. And you're like, oh man, like, you know, like you're having these bad, this guy's like, uh, my dad's rich. Oh my God. It was like one of the saddest things you can say because he's saying it because he hopes that will attract someone. Like, who's that going to attract? You know, my sister's famous. I have a lot of porn. I'm taking care of my mom. And then he's like, what? I'm telling you the truth.

I mean, what else do you want? I like your recap of this talk, but don't you find it odd that he has the audacity to look for a mate in this time? Like maybe- Yeah, but he's desperate. Wait, but that was not the time to fish for- But he's unaware. Like, that's the thing. He's too depressed and too desperate to know that you shouldn't- Shouldn't do it. Yeah, he needs someone to be like, hey, get dressed. Yeah, don't do that. You know, let's go for a walk. Let's fucking pep you up a little bit. Like, he's doing a desperate plea. That's why this is such a depressing talk. I guess because when I was at the depths of my depression and life, which we've

all had a few moments, the last thing I've ever, ever thought is let me put a camera onto myself and make a billboard for my singles at. Like, so what's the personality type that makes a billboard at their lowest point? It doesn't know what else to do. But he's looking for love, right? He's looking for girls. He's looking for companionship. Yeah. For sure he is. But his dad's rich. Yeah. So there's positive- His dad probably doesn't talk to him, you know? No, no, no. But he's taking care of his mom. He's looking for girls for plus eight. Here's what I like about him though. Okay. Rich dad. Plus. Takes care of his mom. Sure. Admits to having porn and sounds like old

school porn. You don't have to lead with that. No, you shouldn't. You can have a bunch of porn and not bring it up. Well, why did he bring it up? Why? Because. Because the rest was a lie and then he had to put in some truth? No, I think it's all true. It's all true. He is divorced. His dad probably is well. His dad probably doesn't fucking talk to him. Right. His sister probably is well. He's throwing that out there. Maybe you like that or maybe he's bitter about it. His sister is a successful actress. It's all sad. Can we go to the next one? Yeah. I didn't feel that sad. I thought it was pretty interesting. I don't know. I thought it was kind of cool. I just can't hold for prison. I don't really know how to work this shit. But damn, I got some hoes on the hill.

Let me get a follow or something. Love this guy. That's pretty cool. It is cool. He gets out of prison. This guy, by the way, is 100% going back. This guy has the face that you can talk and be like, hey, you know, I know there's a fucking jewelry store that we could smash and grab right now. He'd be like, I, I. Because he's got the beginnings of the island boy look, right? Oh, dude. He's almost an island boy. He's so young, too. Yeah. He's got the forehead tats. To just get out of prison and he's this young. Yeah. He's got the island boy in between the two eyes. Yeah. Holy shit. He's almost there, dude. It's the beginnings. I want to give this guy a follow because I want to see what kind of shit he gets into and how quickly he goes back. Oh, yeah. Yeah,

I agree. Yeah. Just like Britney Spears. Everybody's like, free Britney. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Let's see how long that goes. That's a lot of base tattoos for a young kid like that. Jesus Christ. He's young, but I do like that he's getting laid on this app, which is great. Uh-huh. I mean, what? He's been in prison. Prison guys need love, too, Tom. There's some girl out there that thinks he's super cool. Yeah. I think it might be you. Well, I mean, he's cute. Obviously, I think he's attractive, but I wouldn't date him. Why not? Put yourself out that you're single. 45, two kids, and this is the guy that shows up on my hinge or whatever. Yeah. You wouldn't at least go on a date. The island boy. You'd go on a date. Would you just like see what it's like?

Babe, he can't take me on a date. He can't go out past 8 p.m. Oh, he's been to prison. He's going out late. Don't worry about that. No, but his parole, he can't violate his parole. He can't go out at night, babe. Well, so you made him for lunch. You wouldn't have a lunch date with him? You wouldn't want to see what lunch is like with this guy? Seriously? I'd want to fucking go to lunch with him. What do you want to know? I just want to hear him fucking tell stories. I mean, you don't think this kid has amazing stories? Well, I want cool prison stories. Yeah. Well, then that's why you'd go to lunch with him. For the prison stories? Yeah. I do love prison stories. And you never know. You could be a match. You could be a love match.

He doesn't want me, babe. I'm not his type. You don't know that. You're just you're putting that on him. You're right. I should be more open-minded. Yeah. You should be more positive about yourself. Don't say I'm not his type. Let me say I am his type. You're right, babe. I'm so glad we had this talk. I got to talk to you before all my dates, you know, get me pumped. I'd be good for that. Yeah. Yeah. For sure. Like the wingman. Yeah. Go out there. Get him. Yeah. That's awesome, babe. You're so sweet. Thanks. I'll definitely. You think I could get the guy just out of prison on TikTok? That's really sweet of you. A lot of husbands wouldn't support their wives the way you do. I got your back. You're real supportive, babe. Just a little update. It's been about a

year and a half and my craft singles purse is still existing. She may not be thriving, but she's here. She's here. So for those of you just listening, this girl made a purse out of craft singles, American cheese, a year ago and there's only one that's fully hardened and yellow and the rest have survived. I would give her any treatment and be like, get the fuck out of here, bitch. Get out of here, bitch. But I don't think she refrigerated this bag. I don't want to think about it anymore. It's such an upsetting fucking TikTok. Well, I thought about you because you love American cheese. Only on eggs, which you don't eat anymore because of your diarrhea.

I also like it on like a smash burger, you know? A smash burger. Like a cheese burger. Yeah. Simple American cheese. I don't like to eat like American cheese slices. No, it's disgusting. It has to be melted on top of something. Toddlers do. I like the cheese. But who's that animal that doesn't order a cheeseburger? Like who's just ordering a plain hamburger? There's weirdos out there. I think it's disgusting. No cheeses. You're out of your fucking mind. Why even have the burger? Yeah. Yeah. But anyway, I thought this was fantastic. It's amazing, but I'm so disgusted. Let's go to the next one. My girlfriend and I along, and they offered us lovely fresh slices of crispy toast on our plates.

And this was paired with jams. And as I was sitting opposite my lovely girlfriend, we had pots of drink and fruit, and we were really well catered for. Thank you so much. As we barreled through the landscape enjoying our English breakfast of eggs, bacon, and the whole rest of it without beans. And after our gentle first leg of our journey, we arrived into Lincoln, where we made our way to Coffee Cats Lincoln, where we played and fed with the cats there. What a fucking bizarre world this kid lives in. I know I want to go there though, don't you? Yeah, he's a real sweet. It seems like it's make believe how he lives. I know. I want to be that innocent, Tom. Yeah, he's like an innocent adult. Yeah, I want to be that so bad. You can do it.

How do I get this done? Get moved to England with your fucking prison boyfriend. You know what I love about the English is they pluralize things that we don't. He goes, and we had a salted bread with jams, jams, plural. We would just say jam with jam. And then they also pluralize math. Like you say, well, what are you reading in college? They don't say what are you majoring in or studying? They say, what are you reading? Maths, maths, plural, which is funny. Yeah. That's just charming. I mean, look, this is such an innocent talk, very rare, very special. He's a special kid. I mean, he really fucking loves trains so much. Yeah.

And he's like, he's a kid that should be like, all I care about is eating pussy all day. And he's like, and then we played with cats. Yeah. And like we, you know, we had tea with them too. And he should be like, I want to see how many times I could come in an hour, you know, at least not. Well, why, why is that? Like, do you think it's real or? I think he's totally genuine. I've seen interviews with him. You've seen interviews with him? Yeah, he's like profiled on the news and everything. Oh, I didn't know that. This is like when you told me that Tom Cruise was a deep fake.

Oh my God. Wait, he's done interviews about what? Just being adorable? Yeah, about being an adorable train guy. Yeah. I like him. Oh yeah, he's on like their Good Morning America stuff and everything. Oh, I didn't know that. Yeah, he's like, and then the train came through where I thought, this is a lovely Lancaster to see 100. And like, yeah, they're like, how do you, why do you like trains so much? I suppose it's because

when I was a child, I would hear the trains coming. How do we keep our children that sweet? I don't want them to be like this. No. You want them to bust nuts and be a degenerate like you and me? No, I just want them to, you know, this is like, I don't think you could, I don't think you could manufacture this. This just happens. This gives a one in a million type of. One in a million and a true sweetheart. He's sweet. He is sweet. I like that. And I like his day. He's not like, hey guys, smell my finger. No.

And we went on a train and we had bread with jams and he goes, we had full English breakfast with no beans. No beans because beans make you fart and farting is unpleasant. Like he chose no beans. I like the beans. Are you ready to witness the miraculous progress this client has made in her toenails over the past three months? She was so thrilled with the progress that she made a second trip to come and visit me all the way in Michigan. She drove three hours to come and see me again for me to take care of her feet. If you pay close attention to the texture of her big toenail, you can see the new growth at the back of the nail is very clear and about a third of the way up,

you can see the discoloration here. I'm trimming off the free edge with the meticulous manicurist toenail nippers. There this perfect size to fit right under the free edge and to trim away even the thickest of toenails and a lot of dry skin and build up underneath the nail, which I'm carefully trimming away. If some of you don't know who I am, my name's Lori Halloway and I am a licensed nail technician in Michigan, also known as the meticulous manicurist, and I help people restore their troubled toenails. Here I'm using the meticulous manicurist ingrown sidewall cleaner to clean the excess skin down out of her nail grooves, and I will end up posting the previous pedicure before pictures with an after picture of this one, so stay tuned.

Thank you. What? I think you shut everybody down. First of all, I just want to apropos my discussion with Dr. Drew. Dr. Jessica, a long time ago, my pediatrician friend Dr. Jessica told me, she's like, you know, unfortunately, once you guys, once we all hit a certain age, we get toe fungus, toenail fungus. She's like, it's just inevitable. You will get toe fungus. Cool. And you just showed us. That was cool. Yeah. I just want you guys to be prepared for what's going to happen later in life. You're going to get toe fungus. It's going to happen. She's getting help for it. I would have gone to

a doctor and not a pedicurist, though, for help. Yeah. I think there's a fair bit of neglect. Yeah. I don't think that she was like, oh, last week, this started to happen. Yeah. I think that's the key is to go to the doctor early. Don't wait for things to get really bad before you go. That was that really changed the mood. Look how quiet it is in there. Pussies. Fucking bitch. Pussies. Come on, really? I'd shut you guys down. What did you think, Nadav? Nasty as hell. I would not date that lady. Oh my God. Any? You kicking her out? Yeah, she can get out. We don't need to fix it.

You could just get the fuck out. You made your choice. Gosh. Guys, it's just a medical condition. It can be fixed. It can be remedied. Do your feet look like that? No, mine are gorgeous. There you go. No, I take care of my feet. There you go. But hey, talk to me when I'm 80, dude. They could look like that. Will you still love me when my toes have fungus on them? No. No. Babe. No. I'll get a fucking new model. I'll get the new whatever came out that year. Such an asshole. Then I'll date Island Boy. Yeah, you can have him. You can have him and I'll have fucking... Oh my God. I don't know what to know, but I'm going to be.

What's going to happen to Mara? I don't even know. I can't wait to graduate. I'll be like, yeah, it'll be fun. Oh my God. Let's go to this new club. But then she's going to make you do things like, oh my God, my friends and I are meeting at this bar. You want to come? I'll be like, I don't give a fuck about what you're doing. Just come over here when you're done. And bring that one dumb frontiers with it. You'd have to go to concerts like Bruno Mars. Yeah. And I'd be like 80 but in this jacket. I'm pretty hip. And then I'd be like, oh yeah. Hey girls, what's going on? You guys want a drink?

Yeah, party. It's cool. He'll buy us drinks all night. Yeah. Yeah, that's the trade-off, because they just use you for your money, babe. They don't love you like I love you. They don't love you like I love you. You know that song? Yeah, maps. I like that song. Like, here I know. There is a big, big mountain lion on our patio. It is big. Yeah. That is big. He wants to eat my dog. It sure as fuck does. Oh, Dash. Dash, get back. Dash, get away. Dash, come here. That thing feels like I could push that door right down. Dash is a snack. Yeah, and Dash is probably not the brightest either. No. That's like, right in front of you. Yeah. Yeah, it's pretty cool, huh? Yeah. It sucks that it ends right there.

I wanted to see that mountain lion tear through and eat the dog. You probably should have looked at her next video. She's like, in her living room, crying. Dash, fucking lion. Yeah, you may want to fix your fucking fence, bro. Look at her foot. Her shitty ass wooden fence. Yeah. I'll fix next week. Fix your fence. That mountain lion just fucked up your shit. That was a crazy job. Friday I lived with a person. That big a snack. How did he do that? Do it. How is that even a thing? I mean, I think it just happened. And he was- That a roach is in his watch? Yeah, brah. You think he put it in there? 100% for sure. Yeah, he had to freeze it or something. He had to take like the window off,

right? Yeah, it can't just get in there. That's the word for that, a window? Probably not. What's the word, babe? Face? The face, the dial? I don't know. Yeah, and then they- Ugh, you think he did that? I think he froze it. Yeah. Froze it. Like how you freeze ants before you put them in an ant farm. So it like slows them down, you know? Or like, I think they do that to watch this, too. You're really blowing Christine's mind. Yeah, I'm like, you do that? You can do that? I love how you think a roach just ended up in a watch. Yo, I've seen roaches in crazy places, though. Homie, they come. Look, I grew up in the San Fernando Valley. We always had roaches in

our apartment and fucking everywhere. Roaches get everywhere, homie. Yes. Roaches get everywhere, especially a little one like that. Yeah. That's a baby roach. Look, I'm cooked. We gotta go. I took you around the world. We went around the world and back today. We did- Uh, can you say goodbye to this jacket now? I really like it on you, but you know what? It's the man you think you are and it's not who you are. It's not even the point. What's the point? The point is that there's a nice person out there who follows me on Instagram. Yeah, yeah. All right, all right. Give him the fucking jacket. I mean, you can always send stuff to people. He works at like John Deere and he's gonna show up and be like, what's up? All right,

give him the jacket. All right. I promise not to sabotage your giving away stuff. Thank you. All right, this was fun. Yeah. You guys, thanks for watching. Thanks for listening. We'll see you next time. Bye, mommy. Bye-bye. Good morning. Good morning. Hey, baby girl. I love you, my baby. Yeah. That's one thing I want you to let me do. That's one thing I want you to let me do. That's one thing I want you to let me do. Let me kiss your ass. Kiss your ass. That's one thing I'm gonna do. Kiss your ass. Put your feet by the phone, baby girl. Wear some black clothes. You don't think I care about you? If I didn't care, I wouldn't look at you. All right. I wouldn't be looking at you if I didn't care about you.

That's one thing I want you to let me do. That's one thing I want you to let me do. That's one thing I want you to let me do. That's one thing I want you to let me do. That's one thing I want you to let me do. That's one thing I want you to let me do. That's one thing I want you to let me do. That's one thing I want you to let me do. That's one thing I want you to let me do. Let me kiss your ass. Kiss your ass. That's one thing I'm going to do. Kiss your ass. I want to kiss your feet.

Let me kiss your ass. Listen, the women with them colorful draws, you have some colorful draws. That's one thing I want you to let me do. That's one thing I want you to let me do. That's one thing I want you to let me do. Let me kiss your ass. Kiss your ass. That's one thing I'm going to do. Kiss your ass. All right. Made by Mr. Fred. Yeah, my baby. You my baby girl. Uh-huh. Yeah, baby girl. I love you.