Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - 651 - Your Mom's House with Christina P and Tom Segura

Episode Date: April 13, 2022

It's another week in the Mommy Dome and Tom Segura and Christina P open on a cool lady who doesn't like dogs and Tom tries to guess what Christina's secret kink is! Can you guess what it is? We discuss gross dads with nasty habits at restaurants, we laugh at some Horrible or Hilarious, and we have our second round of the Smart Off of Chris VS Chad! Christina pitches a Would You Rather and we take a look at Christina's TikTok curations for the week!

You know what I like? She's out in the sun. She's getting her vitamin D. She's feeling that salty air. Like I like the ocean. I was thinking like, oh, is it gonna bang on the beach? I like the beach. Yeah, this is not that though.

That's not that. It's a little more. This is a woman who put like 40 rocks in her face. Ha ha ha ha ha ha, 40. Now, normally I sleep on the solar sun for mattress, but last night my husband was rip and snoring and I went down a trip to memory lane and I slept on the luxury firm,

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Go do it. Oh my God, what was that? It sounded more like Arabic to me. That's what I was going for. Oh, yeah. La la la la la la la. La la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la. Did I tell you I had a dream?

What? That LA had a nuclear bomb dropped on it. That was your dream? Yeah, on Wilshire and I saw the nuke drop and the flash and I was like, fuck dude. And then I saw all these Arab dudes running and their full Sharif don't like it. Rock the Casbah outfit, you know?

And I was like, dude, the fucking Arabs just bombed us. Oh no. Yeah, and then I went to take a shower and all the chemical burns brought me. It was gnarly, yeah. Yep, that's how it's what they do. Good dreams, huh? Good dreams.

What do you think that dream means? I think it means you should stay home. Yeah. Do you ever have dreams about nuke dropping and stuff? No. I never hear you talk about your dreams. Do you dream? I do, yeah.

I just had a dream about John Mulaney. Oh, what's up with him in your head? I don't remember now. I don't remember the details, the memory that I had a dream that he was in the other day. You guys were making out or? No, no, it wasn't a sexual dream. No.

That's funny. Yeah, but I forget why. I don't know. I always dream that I'm in my 20s again and I can't find you or the children and I'm like, oh God. How do we make that dream a reality? Hey.

You know what? That's why I don't share it with you. Very insensitive. Oh, come on. My feelings are hurt, Tom. Are your little baby feelings hurt? Oh, white baby, bruh. Yeah, that's Anna Delvey.

Yeah. Or is your little baby feelings? Yeah, you look like you're poor. You look dressing like you're poor. Gross. Yeah. She goes, are you pregnant? I'm just very, very fat.

That was a really good point. That was my favorite part. Yeah. She's like, I'm pregnant. Oh. Always shitting on her clothes, it's really funny. Why don't you dress poor? Are you poor?

I wanna start adopting that a little bit more. I think you do already adopt that. I think you are Anna Delvey. Yeah, that's true. Did the fat pours get your clothing yet? That was a while ago. Remember a while ago you sent it out? But I have a whole new batch to give out.

To fat pours? Yeah. A lot. What do you get? How are you gonna do it? I don't know how I'm gonna do it this time. I think individual pieces is like, it's a little exhausting.

I think I'm gonna do like a dump on someone, you know? The whole wardrobe to one specific fat pour? I think so, yeah. Dang. Just find the fattest, most fucking pour I can find. How will you, will you have a contest to find the fattest, poorest fan of YMH? I mean, that's, I don't know.

I like just doing it on, I like it being kind of a little under the radar, meaning like just going into my stories, saying like, here's what I got, do you want it? And then I just look at a couple of responses and I'm like, yeah, you, you know? And not making it such a... Production.

Yeah, yeah. And then just being like, give me your info. We'll send you the stuff. I got you. I think I'm gonna do it this time. One... One big dump. Yeah.

That's so cool. That's really nice of you. Yeah, this one's gonna be big. Really? Yeah. Why, what's going on with you? Because I had another reality moment in my closet where I was like walking through it.

Like last time I was like, ah, some of these jackets aren't getting worn. This time I'm seeing shirts. I'm like, I don't wear any of these shirts. I'm walking into this closet. You know, it's like, I look at some of the shirts and I go, I haven't touched this shirt in a year.

What am I doing with it? That's the Oprah Winfrey law. If you, it's the law that Oprah made. If you haven't worn it in a year, get rid of it. Get rid of it. And there are clothes that I will be like, one day I'll wear that dress one day. And then I never do.

I never do, Tom. I've done the same thing where I tell myself it's coming. It's today, yeah. Today. When's that day? Yeah, so. And I also like can't fool myself. Ah, books.

I can't fool myself into thinking I can wear certain things anymore. I'm at that age where I accept like, this is my body type. I can only wear certain types of things. If I want them to look good, if I don't care, then you know. Yeah.

What's Oprah about? It's like. It's all about how things fit. It's about how they fit. It really is. I mean, I'll look at, I can have a day where I look in the mirror. In the mirror.

And in certain clothes, it'd be like, oh, you look good. Yeah. And the same day, put on something else and be like, you really look like shit. I know, isn't that amazing? And it's about getting rid of the clothes that you look like shit in. So true.

Yeah. Especially the older you get, you cannot fuck around. Like I can't put on a fucking forever 21 t-shirt anymore and look you, it's just not happening. It's not happening. What about forever fucking 40? Forever 45.

Yeah. I know. Where's that store? Forever 21. It's such a like, such a chick idea. Yeah. I want to be a forever 21.

I want to be a cum dumpster forever. Cause when you're 21, you're a drunk cum dumpster. Not everyone is. It's a lifestyle. Jesus. Most 21 year olds are are dumpsters? Drunk cum, cum hounds.

Jesus. It's true. Cum hounds? He has a 21. Yeah. In 21 you're just, you're just heat-sick and cum missiles. Camp nut.

Yeah. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah. Ah. Yeah. Ahem. Ugh.

God. You all right? Nah. Nah. Nah. Yeah. You know what you need to do. Let me see if I can.

You need to go to Margaritaville. Let's see if I can do this. Oh. Get your fucking dog and fuck over there white. What are you doing? Fucking dog. What are you doing? Put my hand up.

What are you doing? Get your fucking dog, get your fucking dog. What are you doing? And then you start nagging. What are you doing? Get out of my face! You get out of my fucking face with your rotten dog.

You got nice tits, huh? Oh, Randy. Don't bring anyone mother to this. Your mom in the fucking stand! Welcome, welcome, welcome to your mom's house. With Tom Segura, Tom Sugura, and Christina Pajitz and Christina Pajitz. Welcome to your mom's house. Yeah.

You're going on the road. That's right. I am going on the road. What's up, Jeans Chomos, May 3rd at the region theater as part of the Netflix as a joke comedy. Fest Vow, I'll be there. COVID, you know, 19 virus. I've had to move Minneapolis tits

because I'm doing something different. What are you doing it? I can't announce the. But it will be rescheduled. Apologies, guys, something came up. OK, let me eat you. Earth, sperm vine, California, May 20th and 21st. Oh, I miss him.

Atlantic City, the Borgata, June 4th, June 5th. Boston, massive, huge tits at the Wilbur. Big show. I'm so stoked. Cleveland, Ohio, August 12th and 13th. I didn't like that one at all. And then Gashville, Tennessee, October 6th through 8th. Please do not use gender language.

Christina P. online.com for tickets. Oh, fuck me in my ass, man. I'm on tour as well. Cheer. It's called the I'm Coming Everywhere World Tour. And I'm not lying. I am coming everywhere. And dates are are out and they're on sale.

It's all at Tom's Goer.com slash tour. People have asked me about international dates because they go, you say it's a world tour, but you've only announced the US and Canada. That's not international. That's not the world. They go, does that mean that US and Canada are the world? And here's the truth.

It kind of is. Yeah. It's the places that matter. But it's true. I will also be coming to lower tier places like the international cities and cheese. Those are booked. Listen to me. Look at my hand that they're booked.

They have yet to be announced. When they are announced, you'll be the first to know. And they literally are taking me to one, two, three, four more continents. Damn. So it's pretty much a world tour. That's exciting. I'd like to meet you on your world tour. See what I can do. Yeah. Yeah.

OK. That's so fun. You don't have kids, do you? No, I'm free as a bird. Free as a bird. That's cool. Hey, that chick was really cool that you played in the intro. I liked her. I like her spunk.

You know what's neat is that her voice was garbage and her body wasn't. I was like expecting a garbage bod. But she didn't have teeth, which was important. She had a nice lipstick on. Yeah, she looked really nice. Rack. Nice rack. She works out clearly. She does. Yeah. I think she hikes.

Maybe she cycles. Yeah. She does soul cycle. So nice stems. Yeah. Yeah. Orange theory. Probably. Yeah. I bet she's fine in bed. She's cool. I like her.

Squat over her mouth. One of the best remote jobs for 2022, according to Glassdoor Scrum Master, it pays about $109,000 a year. Good luck. Wow. Eat it. You can be a Scrum Master. That's not that's a good scratch.

Hunter Grand to lick Tom's lick. My butthole. That is wild that they publish that as a job you can get now. It's crazy. It's crazy. But that's how I want it done. I keep reaching out to business blogs. Please. Please lick my scrum. Please lick my ass.

Lick it. Lick it. Lick my ass. Tastes good to you. You put a dick in your pussy. OK. God. What is wrong with you? Where is it?

Lick my ass. Who says that? Lick my asshole. Lick it. A lot of people. Lick my ass. A lot of people. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I suck on this nipples.

That's what he says, right? You know, you bring up an interesting point. Yeah. And that is that a couple of weeks ago, you said, oh, oh, I, you know, I had this kink and I was like, oh, cool. What is it? And you're like, nope, not going to just tell you, even though you're my spouse, you got to have to learn it.

Do you remember this? I do. OK. And you're like, you know, we'll figure out. So you are holding on to a kink, something that you like. And instead of sharing it with me, do you remember saying this or no? Yeah. Well, I'm just thinking of the word kink. Is it a kink or a preference?

And what defines a kink over a preference? Very interesting point. I mean, I mean, Yana, if you're going to shame me, I'm not trying to shame you. I'm not shaming you. I was saying you were letting you were implying that I would be learning what it is. Sure. Instead of just of saying, tell me, I wanted to run through some kinks or preferences. And then I give out a thumbs up or thumbs down.

And tell me if this is one of them, if this is the one you're. Do you remember? Mine is so it's so specific. OK, OK, that's good. Specific is good because these are all specific. No way. OK. Well, tell me if I'm if I'm honest. But will you reveal it or no? Oh, my God, I'm so embarrassed. No.

You want to reveal it to me off camera? You know, we're on camera right now. So how would I play this game? You don't have to say it. I'm saying, will you tell me off mic? Maybe. Maybe. Really? Know anything I could help with this?

OK, just continue. Wait, you're not agreeing to this? I will, I will. OK. OK. All right, go ahead. If we guess it correctly, if it's if it's one of these. Will you pass up to it? Maybe. OK. I can't guarantee.

I can't confirm or deny. Is it? Or deny this. Is it no sucking? I don't like that. Mm. Mm. That's real. That's a real kink. It's called nasal lingus.

Mm. Nose. Harder. Suck it. That's dumb. It's so good. Don't be afraid. Make it a hurt. I don't like it. That's it's not that.

I like it. Does anyone else rouse or anyone? Yeah, this is hot as shit. Yeah. But this is not your kink and I believe you. Yeah, that's not it. Is not it. OK, is it? Yeah.

Yeah, well, I mean, I mean, you know, it's not my thing, it's not my thing. It's not. OK, I got it. Thanks. I think they're overdoing it. They're overdoing it. Yeah, that's a good.

You forever twenty one. This is what should be playing it forever. Twenty one when you go there. Yeah, that's this is a woman lying on her back naked and a woman's teasing her with a feather, but she's also got a, you know, a pretty substantial vibrator on her cooch. So I think she's reacting more to the vibration.

Yeah, the feather, stupid feather. Yeah, I don't know. OK, I don't care. Like this would make me indifferent. Really? Yeah, the nose sucking. I'm like, that's gross. Yeah, if you want to suck my nose, OK. Yeah, it's it's if you get something, it's your thing.

You know, all right. I mean, I like the good vibration parts, but the tickles like, OK, you know. Oh, boy. Oh, OK, that's fine. You're kind of cool. I kind of like this. You do like this.

Well, this is something I've never seen before. Is this it? This is it. You guys nailed it. This is a guy in a panda suit. A guy in a panda suit is banging the. This is fun. But is this dick actually there?

Is it just like a toy? Oh, man. I think it was just a toy. Looked like it, right? Yeah, but I think this panda is non-gendered. I'm not sure. Right, right. Also, I just can't imagine how hot it is in there.

Panda, panda. That's probably part of it. Yeah, we take it off. Would you do it? Wear this suit? Yeah, I like this scenario. You actually came alive. Yeah, this one I kind of, you know what I like?

I like that it's like, it harkens back to childhood a little bit, where you were in love with your animals, and now it warps that into something adult and sexual. It's kind of weird, and I like that. OK. I could go there. Are you getting a panda costume or what? Now I'm into this.

Wow. I would not have guessed this, and I am not shaming you. Yes, you are. I'm not. I'm not saying I'm surprised. Yeah, I know. I don't even care if you did. But this is not it.

Oh, no. Don't say this. That's not the very specific. No. All right, there's a few more specifics coming up. What is that? Are you rethrowing her badge? It's very specific.

She's putting rocks in it. Is that it? That's it. You got it. Oh. Ouch. Ouch. Ouchie, ouchie.

What? Oh, no. Don't, no. Don't push them out. I just kept thinking about how dry it is. Well, and it's unsanitary. How? You always bring this up whenever you watch something.

You're like, that's not sanitary. You're really concerned with that. Well, it's just your badge, dude. Like, you fuck up that area. Let's see the next one. Well, let me process this. You go so fast. I've never seen a woman.

We're trying to get to the bottom of the case. Can I just feel something for a minute? And she's got these aggressive piercings all over her badge. She's able to open it quite widely. I don't like when they spread their couch open, either. Would you guys go out with this girl? Well, that's a really cool sound that it makes. That's kind of cool.

That's very cool. Eddie? Come on, man. This is a hard pass. Come on, man. Hell no. Hell no. But you know what I like?

She's out in the sun. She's getting her vitamin D. She's feeling that salty air. Like, I like the ocean. I was thinking like, oh, they're going to bang on the beach. I like the beach. Yeah, this is not that, though. That's not that.

It's a little more. This is a woman who put like 40 rocks in her face. 40? What if I had to get a specific number? That's not six. And then does she have to find the smooth rocks? Look how much she can open it. That's a lot of open.

I mean, right? Like that is a gaper. A really skilled performer. And you know what I'd be worried about is getting them all out, because some of them are really small. Yeah. And like, what if they get way up there? That's a problem.

Right here, I was like, oh, this seems like a nice girl. Same. She's going for a walk. The Baltic Sea or something. I was like, oh, she's kind of cute. She's in Romania or something. She's such a fucking animal. Okay.

This is not it. No. She got the little hungry tits, too. She got them little doggie tits. Oh, dear. Oh, my God. I don't want to describe it. Come on.

You nailed it. This is it. This is it? Can you tell people what you're seeing? There's a woman lying on her back, and another woman poured what appeared to be a creamy white liquid substance on her. And now she's got like 10 hands.

I take the massage. That seems nice. Yeah. Well, what are they massaging her with? Come. Yeah. Here's the thing. Yeah.

Is it your cum? I think it's those eight guys. Oh. Yeah. Well, those are guys. Yeah. If it were yours, I'd be like, yeah, rub it in. Really?

I don't give a shit. I've had your kids. I've had your... You'd tolerate it, but it doesn't seem exciting, right? To be like massage with jizz? It's not exciting. I like the multi-massage aspect. Sure.

I'd be like, that feels so nice. Yeah, dude. Can I always book time guys to massage me? With jizz? With jizz. Yeah. I'd watch that, by the way, just so you know. I'd be like...

Yeah. Okay. Bye-bye. Next. I don't... No. No. All right.

Oh, fucking A, man. Why do you make me do this? This is... That's it. Oh. Oh, my God. So a woman... Oh.

God. A woman is farting into a woman's mouth, and that woman then... Okay. I can't. I'm gonna die. Closing her mouth. Are we done? Are we done with this segment?

I'm gonna fucking throw up and die. It feels safe to say that this is not the kink you were describing. I didn't even know this shit existed. How did you even find this? You said specific. Zolo did a deep dive on the porn pages for this. Or is this just your stash? Well, this is stuff.

I was like, I don't know. I'm into these, and then he just pulled me. Man. Okay, so wait. Hold on. Log me through this kink. This is so specific. Yes.

This is another girl farting into another girl's mouth. And then she carries the fart in her mouth. She immediately closes her mouth once it's farted in. Right. And then it blows that into another woman's mouth. It's like when you blow a cigarette smoke into another person's mouth. French. What's that?

A French inhale? I don't know what that is. I don't know. It was fucking gnarly to watch, though. Yeah, I don't like that. And I'm not interested. That's a hard pass. Yeah.

Hard pass. We've talked about this a lot. It's a dream. I think we found mine. I think we found mine. This is my dream yet. Suck it off now. Oh, guys.

Can you describe this one? Yeah. So this is one we've discussed over the years. It's a dream. Go ahead. Yeah, where she's getting done doggie style and her head is in a toilet, and then he's like, suck it off now. And then she has to take her head out of the toilet and then beach him.

Yeah. And her head is totally drenched from the toilet. This is fucking doing it for me. If you ever want to be like, what is your ultimate dream? Yeah. It would be nice to wash my hair at the same time. That's what I'm saying. We can shampoo it.

As we're doing it. Would you be into this? No. What part of it is not? I don't like the noose around her neck. That terrifies me. That seems like it's real iffy. Okay, let's take it off.

That could possibly do some stuff. Okay, here's the deal. Really? Let's talk turkey. Remember that time that woman made that fruit punch in a toilet, and she's like, you put the high C, you put the cola, you put the fruit. But if we bought a fresh toilet that's never been shat in from a Home Depot, that's never been shit or pissed in.

Maybe. Really? Yeah. That big deal. You're just getting my hair wet. Yeah? Is that it? I mean, it's very cool.

I like your logic. What if the toilet had like a thorough cleaning? No? No. It would have to be a freshy. I don't know. I'm putting my head in a toilet. It's like been a toilet.

I think that's what will bug me. What would you do? Well, yeah, but that's kind of the thrill, right, is that I know what it's been used for and now your face is gone. Oh, that's what that is? I didn't realize. Yeah. I mean, it's fun to see someone that you care about so demeaned, you know.

No, the boys are not into it. All right. Nobody's into this, but you know, this is your fantasy. Look how pasty that guy's butt is. I don't like it. Yeah. Any of you like this? He's gross.

Bro, it's been a long ass day, man. Let me tell you. You guys are really running me fucking through today. All my deepest fears and anxieties. No, I'm not into it. I'm not into this. Zella. I don't hate it.

I mean, yeah, I could be talked into it. Yeah, it's pretty cool. I mean, whatever. So did we land on any of your? No, no. And you will tell me later? Privately. Of course.

Yeah. I'm not going to respect your privacy. I don't need to get all the emails and stuff about. I respect your privacy. Okay, let's go. All right. That's it. That was the last one.

Oh, thank God. If I was like my eyes burning, it's horrible. This is horrible. Yeah. That my eyes twitching from that. It was so stressful for me. Really? Yeah.

It's twitching right now. I hate it. Can we talk about something more pleasant? Sure. Okay. So, well, let's tell the mommies about this. We were at the world's finest restaurant on the planet, California Pizza Kitchen. This is where our children love.

My eyes are still twitching. That's how stressed out I was from that segment. My children love, where our children love CPK, we go there a lot. It's okay. It's not the greatest food, but it's fine. I know what we're going to here. Yeah. It was fucking what you were about to describe.

It was super gnarly. Bra. Bra. So, like, where Tom just gets his pizza, you got your pep pizza. Yeah. I look over and there's like an Italian family and then there's like the old dad that's with the family and I'm watching him. He's done with his meal and he fucking goes into his pocket and he pulls out a flosser,

the kind that I use and starts fully cleaning out his gums and teeth. At the table. At the table at CPK. And then he would wipe his flosser with the napkin they gave you and then he'd go back to it. He didn't give a fuck about anything. That's when you're really done. Cool.

You know what's funny? Everybody thinks I use these. I don't. I use, it's a stick with, it's like a, it's called the gum one. It's a gum for gums. Yeah. And that's what he was doing. And you, by the way, you kept pointing him out just so you know.

That's it. That's what I use, the stick. And this guy had the stick and he was like going in and out and in and wiping it out. And you're like, look what he's doing. I see it. And then you're like, look at him. I'm like, no, I see it and you're like, he's still doing it. You were fascinating.

I can't, but in my entire life, I've seen a man pumice the bottom of his feet at a really nice resort hotel in Florida. Remember? Yeah. Remember that guy scrubbing the bottom of his feet? Where were we? But we're inside? We were inside.

I know, but inside? We were at the pool. At the pool, yeah. Oh, that's right. That's right. He took out his fucking pumice stone or whatever. Yeah, right there. Poolside.

Poolside, bro. Animal. Animal. You do that in the privacy of your room. That's so gnarly. I thought I'd never seen anything that, I've seen people brushing their hair in like the airport terminals and like getting hair everywhere. I've seen people clip their nails.

I've seen that too. In the airport. Yeah. I've seen people clip their nails on a flight before, which is kind of vile. But to see the nail clippings going flying on a plane, they're like, what are you doing? And those people, those people go like, what? What? Like, I found time to do this.

Yeah. I needed to do this. Let me live my life. Yeah. But to see an adult man just fully go for the flossing, I've never seen that. It was gross. Well, you know one thing about that guy, he's not trying to fuck anymore. He's not trying to fuck.

Nope. No, he's fucking you. He's behind him, dude. He's done the toilet head thing. Your dad did that. My dad had the most disgusting habits at restaurants. Like he had one of those flossers that he'd travel with and just always at the end, just the same one.

Like I don't think he ever switched. Just like that. And then he did this other really cool thing where he'd always ask for a cup of iced water with lemons in it. And then instead of going to the bathroom to wash his hands from the meal, he would just take ice and lemon and just go like that over his plate, dump it on the plate. And he's like, cool, where'd he go? My mother did the same thing.

Did she ever say anything or no? Is there any kind of thing? Yeah, you chastise him every time he does it. And but it doesn't do anything. No, he's just like, I raised you, fuck you. Like I don't care. Yeah, he's like, you work for me. You know what my mother would do is she would do that too.

She'd put her hands in the lemon and take the lemon out and then rub it on her fingers at the table and go, it's my hand smells fishy, fishy smells. Like if she ate like a fish taco or something. And then that helps get the stink off. Sometimes what they do in like nice restaurants is they give you a really hot soaked like napkin with lemon in it. And you wipe your hands with that, right? Right, but you don't.

But you don't generally just go like, and stick your hands in water and shit like that's kind of. Wait. And so my mother too would floss at the table. She would bring a stick or the toothpick that they give you. And then instead of doing it blatantly, she would put her hand over her mouth like this. Like she was shielding. Yeah.

Like nobody can see. I know what you're doing. Like we all know what you're doing. Jesus Christ. God, that was so gross. That's so funny. That is a foreign. It must be a foreigner thing.

It's got to be. Because does your mom do shit like that? No, no, because her biggest thing is manners, especially at a table. Right. Right. So you get chastised for an elbow on the table, you know, anything that's like low class at the dining experience. She loses her mind.

So that's why we, you know, belch at the table and stuff. We know it upsets her. How's, how's her needs? Has she been hitting up for stuff lately? What? I got her a car. I mean, I don't know. Oh my God.

Got her a fucking new car. And how long will that last for before she has another ask? Better last for a while. It's amazing. Yeah. So she asked to come to a gig. She was like, oh, you know, she didn't ask what she did. She goes, I thought we were going to see you at this gig.

I don't want to say where. And I'm like, oh, yeah, I thought so too. She's like, yeah, I looked up tickets and they're just so much. And I go, but I'm flying. I'm flying you to that gig. She was like, you are? And I go, yeah. She goes, is it yes, I'll get you tickets or yes, I really want you to come.

Because it's always like how you deliver the if you just go like I got you that's not you have to tell her, I would love for you to come. It's so emotionally exhausting. So I was like, no, I'm dying to see you. Are you really dying? Yeah. Are you really dying to see me? And I'm like, yeah, I'm super dying to see you.

Do you know what I noticed about, I won't say it, but like, you know, when you call somebody or you finally you do answer the phone and then they chastise you for not talking to them enough. Yeah. Thanks for calling. You're like, yeah, I just did. I'm the one that just called you. Right.

And does not make you never want to talk to them. Yeah. Of course. Of course. It's like that has the opposite effect. The same thing of like, well, do you really want me there? Do you want me there? Or are you just saying you want me there?

I'm like, well, I invited you and you're coming now. I got you the tickets. Yeah. Just be nice. All you have to do is be nice. Be cool. What? What are you thinking?

Just have annoying it'll be. Yeah. Can I say it? This is kind of the nice thing about like, my tour manager, I'm the greatest tour manager in the world. Yeah. He's amazing. And he's like, yeah, so when you, you know, your mom comes to this thing, you know, I

figured after the show, you know, you want some time to hang and I go, not that much time. Nope. Don't, don't be like, banking a bunch of, don't delay us leaving. I'll say my hello and goodbye and everything, but we got to go. We got to fucking. Got a motor, dude. Motor in.

Oh man. Well, you know what I want to do? I want to laugh. I don't. Let's look at something. How about no violent? Are we going into violence now? No.

It's like Russian. Yeah. That guy fucked up his legs. Holy shit. This looks Russian. Holy. That's Russian. Yeah.

Holy shit. I don't like these. Wow. I mean, that is, I'm thinking shattered shins right there. He's probably hitting that fucking 70 miles. That's so fast. He fucked up that helicopter too. Yeah.

That is fucked. I'm going to get recalibrated. Yeah. Wow. Good one. Very funny. Let's see here. This is a.

It's like, it's like everything awful today, porn and now violence. I mean. All right. Snowboarding accident. You good, bro? Don't even, don't do sudden movements like that, man. That might be the best groan we've ever played on this show. So here's the aftermath.

He broke three vertebrae in his back. He fractured his sternum. It's been a couple of weeks in the hospital, but he's good. Back to boarding again. He still has some back pain, but he'll have to live with that. He was 10 kilometers away from the nearest road. They had traveled there on a snowmobile. They weren't able to airlift him out through to the high wind.

So it was a miserable two hour ride in a sleigh behind a snowmobile for him. Holy shit. Nice. Like he knocked the wind out of himself, right? Yeah. To be that sad. Well, also, if your sternum is fractured and your vertebrae are, you know, you're pretty fucked up.

You're not good. You're not good. You're not good. And now let's look at a guy stuck between a car and a bus. Oh, a truck. Sorry. Oh, I saw this is insane. See how close this truck is to his car?

Guess what he does to prevent it from smashing his car? He decides to put his body there. Oh. That's such a bad idea. Oh, my God. That's a bad idea. Yeah. That was the worst idea.

Look how hurt he is now. And, like, your car's not worth it. God. No, of course it's not worth it. What the fuck is wrong with that guy? Oh, boy. That was unreal. Real ding dong.

Yep. That was not smart. Yes, I'm piece of shit. But wouldn't you do that for one of your nicer cars? Not put my body between it. I mean, the Porsche is pretty expensive. I don't care. What about a McLaren?

Okay. McLaren on loan or you don't want to pay for that? No, I don't want to pay for it. I would let a truck smash my body. What do you think happened to him? His hip, like, he's got it smashed. I think he has some real fucking damage to his body right now. Can I see, again, the truck smashing him?

I mean, that's got to be... He's like, oh, I don't want this to, like, get too close to my truck. I'll put my body there. Yeah, you can't push the truck. And then it... I mean, the force of that... The force of that? The force of moving his whole fucking car, man.

Oh, shit. See, that one makes me laugh because he chose to do that. That was a bad decision. It was really stupid. Oh, it looks like his leg is hurt. His whole body's hurt. This guy's fucked up. I wish we could interview him and be like, do you think that was a good idea, sir?

I bet you I know what that felt like. Yes. Yes, I am piece of shit. He's a piece of shit. And yes, I'm a loser. Okay. I think it's time. We have been talking about this for a minute.

We have, you know, we had a smart off a few weeks ago. Yep. Where we had our two smartest guys, Chad and Chris. The two smarty pants compete for who is smarter. And Chad won the battle and is declared the smartest. And Chris would like some redemption. He wants a chance to take the title back. So we have a new smart off today.

We both have a series of set of questions here and answers. Let me see. Yeah. He's making unofficial bets or saying like, who do we think is going to win here? It's exciting. Now, I know that Chris Larson is extremely intelligent. He's a very smart guy. However, I see Chad reading and smart people read a lot.

And he just came out of the educational system. You know what I mean? Smart guy. He's in it. I know. I'm surprised. I didn't know what we had here with him. We have two sets of pads and pens there for them so they can write their answers.

Also, should we? Yes. Yeah. Here we are. Chris, welcome back. Yeah. Let's get Chris on mic here. Chris, how are you?

Hello. Hello. Do you have a pad and pen? I do not. Can we get that for them, please? Tell me when you do have it. And then you do now. All right, I'm ready to go.

And then Chad, you have your pad and pen? I do. Right before we get going here, is there anything either of you would like to say about the fact that I know there's been some stuff brewing. You guys have been each talking shit. Do you have anything you want to say before we compete? I would just have to say that, remember, Chad, in winter lose, you're still a little bitch. Dang.

Yeah. I mean, Chris has not taken it well the past few weeks. He's been very tense in the editing room. Is that right? Yeah. He'll, I'll be editing. He'll just be standing behind me, but like, I wouldn't do that. He'll like walking with a little bitch.

I mean, I have never seen Chris like this. I did not know this existed here. I know. We don't, we don't usually get along here. Everybody gets along at YMH. Yeah. Good energy. Yeah.

And this is a, this is a new thing for two employees to not be getting along like this. It's really something. Well, the good thing is once we settle the score once and for all, who's the smarter guy? Yeah. Well, that's similar. Will that settle things between the two of you? Well, the thing is, if, if Chris wins, it'll be one one. Oh, shit.

It's almost like you need another one, you know? Yeah. Two out of three. Do you guys agree that the loser should pay a price? Yes. What kind of price are we talking? I think, you know, this is a comedy show and the loser should have to don a Charlie Chaplin mustache for a day.

Not a chance to fucking hell. You want me to look like Hitler for a day? Is that what you're asking? Charlie Chaplin. Charlie Chaplin. The comedian. Yeah. That's definitely the association people will make.

Why do you not like, you know, like Charlie Chaplin? Why do you? Because he's a Jew. Silent music. Are you anti-Semitic? Is that why? Silent movie genius. Excuse me.

Yeah. With the greatest comedians of all time, Charlie Chaplin. Yeah. He fucking laid the groundwork for what we do today. You can wear the hat. Sure. It'll be hilarious. And the cane.

Mm-hmm. You have to do, like, silent gesturing. Maybe a wristband. The thick grease paint eyebrows and such. Yeah. It's a funny look. Cigar. So both of them are opposed to being Charlie Chaplin.

Guys, well then. Well, I think I'm going to win, so I'm okay with that. That's what I was thinking. Wow. Chris, if you're not... Definitely not wearing a fucking Charlie Chaplin mustache. Well, Chris, I mean, don't you think you're going to win? You're already expecting the lose?

So why do you care? Yeah. I'm going to win. The issue is not whether or not I win. It's whether or not I look like Hitler. We also don't have a... Who? We also didn't plan for a tiebreaker.

Is there a backup round for a tiebreak? Like, if there's a tie... There is? Okay. We're questioned. Okay. Do you agree to terms? I mean, should we just fire them now?

Yeah. It is disappointing that nobody likes Charlie Chaplin. Fucking silent movie hero. I'm game. I mean... Did you hear that? It sounds like Chad's a winner. He's got a winning attitude anyways.

Chris, will you do the Charlie Chaplin if you lose? It's for one day. For one day. One fucking day. You're going to wear a top hat and a cane. I'll wear the top hat and a cane. And the mustache. Not the mustache.

Will you darken that part of your existence like that? With a washout stuff. Not a chance? No. No. I don't respect Charlie Chaplin enough, I guess. That's the problem. That's ridiculous.

What would you think is a fitting punishment? Yeah. Nothing that requires me to, you know, get off social media for the rest of my life. That's true. But you don't even like social media. Yeah. You don't like any. Yeah, come on, man.

I still have a reputation, though. Where? Yeah. What platforms? I'm not talking about the reputation among people. I'm talking about my friends and family. They're never going to see this. Oh, my family is definitely going to see this.

They'll be like, what do you think? You're fucking Charlie Chaplin now? Yeah, that's definitely the reaction they'll have. Oh, God. I mean, okay, will you pitch something out then? What do you think is a fitting punishment? I don't know. What does Chad hate?

You know, like in sports world, like rookies and stuff have to do things for the veterans, right? So what about if you lose, you have to do, you have to run some errands for the other person. Go pick up the food they like. Go pick up, you know, their clothes from the cleaners. While wearing a Charlie Chaplin mustache. You got to fill their tank up like that kind of, you got to do a few big errands for the

other person, exactly what they want. Be their bitch for a day. Yes. Yes. That's more appropriate, I think. Okay. Are you, do you both agree to that? Yeah, that's fine.

Yeah. Do you agree to that too? I'm okay with being a bitch for a day. Okay. All right. Bitch for a day. I think it'll be pretty close today. Yeah.

I mean, after everything we've watched today, my brain's not exactly peak performance. We'll see. Are you sitting the bar low? Yeah. Excuses, Chad. What was that? I like it. I mean, fuck you, Chris.

Okay. Okay. All right. You each have a pen and paper, right? Yep. You write down your answers, you just show them over your shoulder and then we tell the answer. Okay?

Copy that. All right. You want to go first? Do they have a time limit on how long they have to answer the question? They do it quickly. They're both very adept. Okay. I'll do the first question.

Ready, guys? These questions have stayed between Tom and myself and Zolo. Yeah. These are just the three of us. No one else has seen them. They're random. They're random. And yes, they're official.

Okay. Ready? Here we go. Question number one. What part of the brain deals with hearing and language? What part of the brain deals with hearing and language? Write down your answers. Please show them over your shoulder and when we know you've written them, we will reveal

the answer. Or do you want to do all the answers at the very end? Let's do it that way. Do I do it that way? Yeah. Okay. Then just number your answers. Yeah?

Number them. I think that's more. Okay. Next question. Are you both ready? Ready, ready? Yep. I'm ready.

Okay. Prime number following the number 37. The next prime number following the number 37. All right. You guys let us know when you've answered. And I think I'm ready. Okay. Yep.

Chad? I'm ready. All right guys. Question number three. What is the recurrence of similar sounds, especially consonants in close proximity called? What is the recurrence of similar sounds, especially consonants in close proximity called? It's a good one. These are all good questions.

I don't know any of them. I mean, I've already failed. So far. Yeah. I think I went through how many I would get correct and it wasn't that many. No. Ready for next? Yeah.

Yes. Both. Okay. Okay. Okay. Chad, do you have some time here? Do you think I'm fucking retarded? Mm-hmm.

Come on, academia. Come on. Oh. Yeah. I mean, I know this one. I just can't think of the word. Oh. That's how it goes.

I guess I missed this one. Don't do our team like this. Okay. Ready for the next one? Yep. Yes? Go ahead. Okay.

What is the name of the tallest mountain in the U.S.? The name of the tallest mountain in the U.S.? Let's see who's writing quickly. It looks like Chris is quick to write his answers. Who, team? Chad is struggling a little more on this round. Well, you know, wide variety of questions. Cool stuff, slick stuff, neat stuff.

He had trouble remembering the word. Yeah, it happens. For something. It happens. That's interesting. Are you guys ready for the next one? I'm ready. Ready.

Wow. Chris is always ready. Here we go. Number five, what is the thinnest layer of the earth? What is the thinnest layer of the earth? You got to get it going, bud. Wow. Chris quickly writing.

Oh, Chad, too. Very quick. Oh, wow. Those guys knew it. Confident. He's making eye contact. Chris is ready to go on. Yes.

Wow. Look at you. Attention between these two competitors. Here's a good one. How old is the universe? Wow. How old is the universe? It's the scientifically accepted age of the universe.

Don't be retarded. Chris looking a little perplexed. Chad. Oh, Chad's got the answer. Looking to Zolo for verification. Good. Chris thinking. And also Chris wore a different sweater today.

He's usually wearing his leather jacket and today wore his sweater. No, he always wears this, right? He just started wearing always this. I thought. Uh-uh. I've got it for him for Christmas. Oh, so it's been three months now that he's had a new sweater. Tommy likes his jacket.

He does. Dr. Drew is like, fuck's bitches like crazy. All right. Number seven, are you ready? Yeah. Okay. What is the third letter of the Greek alphabet? Imagine a pig with tits.

Huh. Chad writing very quickly. Yeah. Chris doing some calculations in his mind. Do those calculations. Going through the alphabet. I straight on you. Yeah.

Did you know this one, Tom? Um, I did not. I did not know that one. I did not know that one. So far, I would have one correct. I wouldn't have any. I'll reveal it to you later. Yeah.

All right, I'm ready. All right. Okay. This one, I would also get correct. What is the number of players on the field on each team in a football game? We're obviously talking American football, right? We are talking US American football. Wow, Tom.

No. Fuck. I don't know if Chris watches American football. He might be watching soccer. He's a very cultured guy. We don't know. I would definitely not get this one right. Yeah.

I don't know much about football. That would be my second correct guess. Yeah. I have none right at this point. Okay. Ready? Yep. All right.

I'm ready. Next one. Here we go. Number nine. What is the symbol for mercury on the periodic table? The symbol for mercury on the periodic table. Adult. Now, Tom, fun fact, I never took chemistry in high school.

That's how stupid I was. I did. And remember quite clearly that I got a D for delicious. Yeah. I pretty much, I failed out for like the first two weeks and then I opted to take some other classes instead. I did real, real bad. Me too.

I was covalent, bonds and such. Don't know. All right. I'm ready. You ready? Chad, you ready? Yeah. All right.

Dang. Did you hear how he checked on Chad? He was like, I'm ready, Chad, are you? This is a good one. This is a good one. I'd know this one. This is the one I might know. Yeah.

The next one that I got correct. Yeah. What is the birthplace of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ? Patty O'Callaghan should know this one. I'm sure he does. He just converted. The birthplace of our Lord and the only Savior, Jesus Christ. Where was JC born?

The only acceptable religious. Correct. Leader. Now, this next one you should point out that we're talking about the current, the most light. You know, because they've had evolutions. Well, that's okay. No, I'm saying it can't be the five-year-old one, right?

Right. Right. I've been having, it's a consistent one for years now, but still. Right? Okay. Okay. Then I think you need to come up because I would have answered it. You would have answered it differently?

With this. Well, it's been this now for quite a while though. Okay. Okay. Did it change in the last five years? I'm not aware. No, no. The next question.

Ah. The next question. Do you want to ask it? I do. Okay, guys. Your final question, number 11. What is Tom's Starbucks order? Where is Tom's Starbucks order?

Chris immediately going to write. Is that as well? Wow. We've been this for a while now. It's, yeah. Yeah. If you're a listener, you know. You know, you know.

If you've been to- The Falcon car race. You know what it is. I've been writing. All right. Very exciting now. Okay, guys. Here we go.

Do you want to do the answers? Sure. This is so fun. All right, guys. Here it is. I'm going to start tallying the answers. All right. One sec.

They're writing down the last answers. Tell me when you're ready. Looks like we're all tallyed up, right? All right, boys. All right. This is it. It is Chad vs. Chris round two. Who is smart?

Number one, first question. What part of the brain deals with hearing and language? The answer is- Chris? I put temporal lobe. And Chad? Cerebellum. Chris, you are correct.

Wow. One for Chris. Chad? You are completely retarded. Okay. Number two. What is the next prime number following the number 37? Chris?

I put 41. Chad? I put 51, but I believe it's wrong. Correct. Chris, you are correct. Wow. Again, 41. Chris too.

Wow, Chris. Two in a row. I really like that. Yeah. He's making us stop the steal. Strong. Strong, open. Anyhow, are you feeling with your horse right now?

Oh, I'm just, you know, it's almost like you could have done better, Chad. Professor over here, huh? Hey, it ain't over yet. How come you're not teaching anymore? It's two in O right now. It's not over yet. It's not over yet. Okay.

Here's a really interesting one. The third question is, what is the recurrence of similar sounds, especially consonants, in close proximity called? Chris? Illiteration. Chad? I blanked on that one. The answer is consonants.

You're both wrong. Yeah. Consonants. Consonants is the answer. So, you're talking about like seashells, seashells by the seashore? Sure. We're talking about especially consonants and it doesn't have to be a... Chris, if you haven't figured this out, we're too dumb to even...

Yeah, we have to break them down. Yeah, you're asking the wrong people, sweetie. I'm only good at reading. All right, I'm going to have to debate that one. I'm going to call it... C-O-N-S-O-N-A-N-C-E. I'm going to have to call flag on that play. Consonants.

We're going to need to put that one up for... Zolo? What do you think? Consonants. Consonants and alliteration are different things. Yeah, alliteration is what you just said, right? Alliteration has to be at the beginning of words. Yeah.

Alligators, alleys. Wow. Zolo. Yeah. Mark Zolo. He just graduated from college, Zolo. I feel like that's a technical difference. All right.

Well, your two-in-one chat is 0 for three. Moving on. Well, now, hold on. Let's debate this because it's three currents of similar sounds, especially consonants, right? Not vowels. Right. In close proximity.

That's different than the first letter of every word. It's sort of like... You're saying consonants and alliter... Like, all squares are rectangles. All rectangles are not squares kind of thing. We're like, if something is in alliteration, it's also consonants, but it's not consonants. If it's alliteration.

No. I don't understand what you just said. What I'm saying is alliteration is where the first letter, to Zolo's point, this is consonants in close proximity. Okay. Hey, you know what? That's the word consonants. This is so boring.

Oh, sorry. I just wanted to make sure. I don't want him to feel like he's got a leg to stand on with this horseshit. I know. I have legs. Let's move on. Okay. Chris, right now, I'm feeling a lot of...

Let's go. Jesus. I just want credit where credit is due. Number four. What is the name of the tallest mountain in the U.S.? What do you have there, Chris? I put Mount Whitney. And Chad?

The answer is Denali. Wow. You're both incorrect. Wrong. It's McKinley, which is Denali. Oh, yeah. We can accept Denali. Okay.

Oh, wow. They renamed it back to its native name. I am blown away. Wow. Wow. You have to give him that one then. There we go. Then you have your first correct answer.

Finally. Wow, Chad. On the board. You're on the board. It's two to one right now, correct? Yeah. Two to one. Yup.

Yes. Next up, what is the thinnest layer of the earth called? The crust. Chad? Crust. Both correct. Both correct. Wow.

Three to two. Wow. How old is the universe? I mean, who knows that one even. I put six billion. Okay. That's typically, okay. Go ahead.

I put 13 billion. I mean, the answer that I was given here is 13.7. Closest wins. Yeah. I would give that to Chad. He was pretty close. That's pretty close. Okay then.

Wow. What a good sport. That's very good. Yeah. Typically, I hear about six for the earth, but the universe. Right. Yeah. I would not have gotten it correct.

No. I would never guess that. The next question. So are we three-three right now? I think we're three-three. Yeah. Well, I think we're four-three. Yeah.

Okay. What is the third letter of the Greek alphabet? I put delta. Okay. I put gamma. It's gamma. Yeah. I'm going to remember that one.

Are we seeing the tides turn here? Wow. Wow. And did you have that money on this? Do you have money on it? 100 bucks, baby. What's up, Doug? What's up, Doug?

Where you at? Oh, my God. Oh, my God. I am vibrating with excitement. Two, three, four. It is four to one, two, three. Bet you didn't see this coming when they hired me, did you, Chris? No, but I will enjoy it when they get rid of you.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Okay. Here, I almost feel like I know what's going to happen on this next one. Oh, my God. And it means that you're going to have to really step up here towards this home stretch. All right. The next question, the number of players on each team on the field during a football

game? 12. Chad? I put 11. It's 11. Fucking hell. Five to three, Chad's in the lead. No, you've got to come through strong here at the end, Chris.

Come on, Chris. I can do about it now. Okay. The next question, who went to chemistry class? What is the symbol for mercury on the periodic table? I put HG. Chad? Chris is right.

It's HG. No. Wait, what does that mean? It is HG. It is. Okay. I was going to say, are you just stealing my answer right now? No, I was also right.

Okay. So now it's six to four. If I were Chris Larson right now, I would be sweating like a black man now. I'm so nervous for them. This one you got to get right. What's the hometown, the birthplace of Jesus Christ? I put Bethlehem. I put Bethlehem too.

Okay, good. Correct. You're both right. Jerusalem. Whoops. Yeah. Gosh. You need to go back to school.

We're sending you to camp. All right. Paddy, sign that up right away. So what is the score? I lost camp. What is it? I think it's 75. 75.

75. Let's see what you can do here. What is my Starbucks order, Chris? A venti iced latte with extra ice and a splash of milk. So good. Yeah, I mean, that's pretty much it. I bagged it for Tom as a former barista in summer of 1997. Hold on.

I have to inform you. What does Chad say? Yeah. Go ahead, Chad. We don't need to know what I put. I mean, I'm already, that was the tiebreaker. But we still need to know if Tom's about to beat your astronaut. I did say extra ice, so I knew that part.

But I put iced coffee, extra ice with cream. Oh, you guys are both wrong. Well, I mean, yeah. Listen, an iced coffee is different than a latte. I'm so sorry. Yeah. It's a venti iced coffee with extra ice and just a splash of oat milk. So both of you are wrong and Tom beat the shit out of both of you.

And I know this because I've gotten it. Chad? Beautiful mouth. So we got to congratulate Chad. I mean, he's the winner. He won the competition. He's two for two. I was sweating for a little bit there at the beginning.

I couldn't imagine he were. Yeah. I mean, he came out of the gate strong. Chris did. And then you switched at the momentum, switched. And this is your title. So Chris. Okay, you come.

You're going to be Chad's errand boy. You're going to be his best friend. And what if one of those errands is to dress like Charlie Chao? There are limits on what I will do. But will you go pick up the food he likes and? I will go pick up his lunch order. I will. Wow.

I guess two other things. I don't know what he has in mind. Well, you got a couple things. Yeah. Oh, great. Massage your little hole. No. I'm not going to do that.

Yeah. This is going to change everything too. Well, Chad, will you be talking more shit now to Chris because of your victory? I mean, he's 2-0 now. Well, I mean, Chris is actually a pretty smart guy. And like if I actually thought he was dumb, I probably wouldn't say it out loud. I would just think it quietly to myself. That's true.

That being said, he is a piece of shit. Eat shit and die, Chad. Wow. This has just made things way worse in this community. This is just, it's one of the best things I've experienced working here. I saw the video he made last time. Stupid. Stupid.

Dang, you guys. Someone can't take some criticism. What's your main beef with Chad, just so we know? Because we don't get to hear it much from you. I mean, he lords around those winning trivia around the office, thinks he's so smart. And he's dumb as fucking bricks, at least in my eyes. Well, what do you think would be an accurate measurement of intelligence? That's the thing.

How can we do this? If we're being honest, I don't think there's an accurate measurement of intelligence. Well, there's an IQ test. We could give an IQ test. But I don't think that's actually an accurate measurement of intelligence. Because people have different levels of intelligence. True. And different types of intelligence, emotional, logical, mathematical, whatever.

So, it's really what are we specialized in. And I mean, he clearly has some leg up on me on certain issues and I have a leg up on him on other issues. Yeah. And I think that's what this test kind of showed. Will you be able to move forward and work with him? I can push through, I think. You don't think so? Yeah.

What do you think he does well as far as work? As far as work? I mean, you know, he's thorough. He is, like if there's an issue, he makes the effort to correct it. And as a, just like as a, like a department, post-production, what we do. So, I like this. You're not saying that he's bad at his job? He's not bad at his job.

He's great at his job. Okay. And yeah, we get, I think we, I think we're doing a better job because he's here. That's great. Wow. Even if he's a little bitch. Thanks, Chris. You're welcome.

You're very sweet. You know, I think I can live with that. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I can live with that. Got a great crew and a couple of them just think the other one's a bitch. Yeah. Yeah.

I've told Nadavis a couple of times now, but I'm like super grateful to be here and feel, feel lucky to, to work with all of you, except for Chris, of course. Right, right. Right, right. I can't imagine like doing anything I was doing before. I mean, this is way, way more fun and way cooler. Good. Yeah.

I can hate and respect someone at the same time. Oh, wow. Jesus Christ. I hate. All right. Well, thank you guys for participating. Yeah, thank you guys. And please follow up with how your errand day goes for us.

And I, I imagine Chad will have a lot of things he asked you to do. Oh, I'm sure he's excited about that day. All right. Go fuck yourself, Chad. Wow. Strong words at the end there. I don't know. Oh, jeez.

Well, that was, that was surprising. You know, the, the alchemy of the staff has changed. Yeah. This is a new era. Yeah. Chad's at the top of the intelligence chain. That's two for two. Does anybody feel like they could challenge Chad?

Yeah. Do you guys feel like you could challenge Chad? Does anybody feel as though they're the smartest and we've overlooked them in there? Oh, where if one of us wants to challenge Chad? Do you? I mean, I thought I was dumber than Chris. So I don't think I stand a chance, but I mean, I'm up as long as it's a different. Any, you won that hundred bucks.

Yeah. I feel good. Yeah. A hundred. You think you can beat him? Chad? Yeah. In like an IQ test.

Yeah, probably. Yeah. Okay. Yeah, probably. I mean, that might be interesting to do a little IQ test off. I think an IQ, cause that's a different thing. It's a different thing. That's problem solving, legit logic puzzles.

And any brain is extremely analytical. I mean, he's our tech guys. Yeah. He's obviously intelligent. I don't think he's not intelligent. I'm wondering if, you know, do you think he could beat him in the trivia thing? No. Absolutely not.

Trivius. I'm the least educated person within a 20 mile radius. Okay. Yeah. But in the IQ thing, you think it might be? IQ, yeah. I have a chance at least. I have a chance.

I like it. All right. We actually just got a text from the front office. Danny thinks that he could beat Chad. Wow. I had no idea. Sweet Danny boy. I welcome any challengers.

Danny thinks he can, and Danny's fresh out of college. See, that's the advantage you have when you're just out of school. Like they remember this stuff right off the dome. You mean it's been 20 years since we've been in school. I mean, Danny's intelligent. I didn't realize he was a, he was a bio major. Oh, shit. He was starting to become a doctor.

What is he doing here? Having the most fun of his life? I know. What is he doing here? What is he doing? He was a bio major. Wow. Yeah.

I bet you he knows a lot of stuff. I know. Yeah. All right. He probably do really well on the trivia portion. So maybe Chad's going to have to defend his title against. Dang it. He's going to have to.

He fucking wants all the smoke. I'm down. Yeah. And I think we need to make the stakes higher on this next one. Yeah, we do. We do. We're going to pay a fucking price. No pusing out.

Yeah. This bitch thing is fun though. Have your, have a beat. The person you beat just fucking go, go get me breakfast. That's a YMH exclusive. Yeah. You got to have him make you like go get your donuts whatever the fuck you want. I might have him make me do like a positive Instagram post that he does about me.

That's a good idea. Oh, that's a really good idea. He's yours for the day. I'll just make sure it's on his posting day. Just don't do sexual favors because then like really bring some of the, you know, like employer, employee things. Like you can't be like, hey, you got to jerk me off or something like that. Yeah.

I got you. Wink, wink. That's a great idea, Tom. Yeah. Thanks for clarifying. Yeah. I was really worried that Chad would abuse that. He doesn't seem like that.

I guess I was thinking what I would ask him to do. And especially if you need like a pedicure or something Chad. Oh my, he's definitely not going to do that. Show me that you like me. Okay. No, man. That's exciting, Chad. Yeah.

Good for you. It's got to feel good. Two for two, man. Feels great. Yeah. Very cool. Very cool. Dude, I literally knew like one, like the Jesus one, I remember.

Here's what I knew. Your order? I just happened to know. I did know temporal lobe. I would have said frontal. I knew 11 players. No. Papahim and coffee, obviously.

One, two, three, four. Maybe the crust. I would have said like the mantle. It's possible that I would have guessed that. I saw it at the top of my head. I don't know what I would have guessed. I don't remember these words anymore. It's been so long.

Yeah. That's so funny. Like you learn all this stuff in school and then real life is nothing but stupid shit over and over that you never have to know anything. You know what I mean? Yeah. I'll pay my bills. I'm making work.

Yeah. It's like stupid shit. Wow. That was super cool, guys. All right. Can you get this one right? What is the N-word? Wait, but what is the N-word?

Yeah. Oh, he didn't know. I have a would you rather. What's your word? Would you rather? Okay. Ready? Yeah.

Okay. Would you rather in every photograph of you moving forward, any time a camera is on you and keep in mind you're touring constantly. You're meeting fans. Sure. You're doing press. You might go on, like, Good Morning America. Yeah.

Every time you're on camera, everybody, welcome, Tom Segura. You have to give the double bird. The double bird every time? Every time. It's like a picture with you and your mother. It's Christmas morning. It's fuck you, double bird. It's you with our children.

Always. Always. Like Alice. Every photo is a double bird. Jillian. I already hate it. Jillian sitting on your lap, your three-year-old and your double birding, it's like photos of us as a family loving and you're doing this.

Right. Okay. It's that for the rest of your life and you can't tell people, like, oh, it's a dare. People will just assume, like, oh, it's Tom Segura's new thing that he's this guy. Yeah. Because this is an identity. It is. Especially if you're getting your 60s and 70s.

That's really an identity. What are you doing? Why is that old man flicking everybody off? Yeah. Because it is. Some people do it and it's so aggressive. It is. Some people ask for it.

That's one of the weirdest things to me. If someone is like, I get a picture and they're like, like, give it the finger. I'm like, why? Why would you want that? You know, for the photo. And I always go like this. Yeah. Because it is a very aggressive move.

It's not a great gesture to have on camera. I don't like it. It's horrible. Okay. So if you don't like that one, the alternative is that you have to wear black eyeshadow, like black eye makeup. What? Everywhere.

Black eye shadow? Black eye shadow, like black eye shadow and then black eye makeup, like cat eye makeup. And that's your new, you're like mystery. Yeah. Remember that guy, mystery? And that's your new thing. Black eye shadow on a man who is really. You're like Dave Navarro.

Yeah. That's really like. Yeah. Like that. But then with black eye shadow, like Kim Kardashian. Yeah. And that's another one where people are like, why is Thompson Gritch just wearing black eye makeup?

Like you start doing it at your live shows, you're doing press, you're with your family, your mother. It's honestly, it's not as bad as the double bird. You think so? Yeah. The double bird in every photograph for the rest of your life is like, I just, you know, I just start to have to wear bracelets and the eye shadow. A lot of like silver chains, thumb rings, a lot of new leather outfits, shit.

And I was like, yeah. That's your new like. Kind of a rock guy now. It's like your kid's graduation from high school and you're, you're the dad, but you're like, you've got a beard and then do you shave the beard though, or you leave it? I'm certainly, it would look better without the beard. Yeah. Yeah. A lot of new jewelry, a lot more leather in my wardrobe.

Yeah. But what if I don't let you do that? I think I want you just to wear the eye makeup. Like just like this outfit, eye makeup. That's the difference. I'm not going to let you do that. I think it's just the eye makeup. I think the fact that it's just the eye makeup is that people would always be like, that's what I'm saying, curious to be like, is that what is he?

What's on your eye? I'm like, what? Oh, no, I just, yeah. I just like eye shadow. What? What? Just kind of, you know, I mean, just a little context. I mean, a little contrast, a little flavor, texture. This looks good.

You're such a masculine guy and like, that's your thing. It's really interesting that you did that. Would you? So what do you choose? The double bird? Because I think the double bird is obnoxious. They're both going to ruin your life in different ways. Yeah, I guess so. I guess like, you know what?

You could do the double bird thing is if you just refuse pictures. But it's like this show, literally every time. Welcome to your mom's house. I'm Tom. It's not a photograph. No, every time a camera is on you. Every time a camera is on. That's what I said. Take a picture.

No, anytime a camera is on you. Hey, guys, welcome to your mom's house. I'm Tom Segura. Hey, good morning, America. How are you doing? My new book is out. You're doing press for your book. And you're like, I'd like to play alone, please.

Fuck you. Yeah. Like just think of the friends you'll attract. Yeah. On both ends. Jesus Christ. Do you get to just do it once? Can you just do it once? What do you mean once?

If a camera's on just one time. I'm Tom Segura. Yeah. But people just think it's your new tick. Like it's your thing. And then so when you go to shows, everyone in the audience is like, Tom Segura!

Hey, man, fuck you! Yeah. That would be their new bikes. Go fuck yourself. Yeah. And your merch is all double bird. All fuck you. Everything's fuck you.

I hate double birds. You know what? I think it would work. I'm switching. I'm going back to double birds. I just, I hate it so much. It's so, it's just too aggressive. It is a lot.

Too much. Yeah. Oh, Jesus. Okay. Any hoodles. Let's, could we do some talks? Sure. Why not? Sure.

Sure. Why not? Why? Yeah. Oh, yeah! Beep, beep, beep! Bitch! Bitch, here I go! Are you ready?

Bitch, here I go! You're always ready. Tom Shades on. Let's go. Hi, guy. I'm in forest. I'm swim. What are you doing?

Yay! I like his outlook. He seems like really happy. He lives in, I'm assuming it's like Vietnam or something. Looks like like Austin. What are you talking about? And he needs the perfect smile. That's clear.

He does. No, he's just, I thought that would be like a happy way. It is a nice happy way to start things. I'm sure it's going to go downhill from here. Yeah. Oh, shit. It's a kangaroo fight. Oh, yeah.

They can absolutely fuck you up just so you know. Yeah, those are two. Or, yeah, those are kangaroos. It could be wolaroos. Do you know how a kangaroo typically would fuck up a human being? They rip your nuts off, right? No, it's the rear, the rear leg, the hind leg.

Yeah. They will kick the fuck out of you. Oh, yeah. So they have these incredibly long talons on their hind legs and they jump up towards you. Like so jump, strike and disembowel you. Just open you wide up. That's great.

And they look so sweet and cute. Yeah. Yeah. And you're like, oh, it's a kangaroo. That thing will fucking kill you. That's a lot. And that's not even as big as they get. Those are smaller.

No, those are small ones. So I learned this on this TV show I've been watching. There's a wallaroo, which is the littlest kangaroo. Yeah. Wait, a wallaby, a wallaroo, and then a kangaroo. And the wallabies the smallest, the wallaroos the middle, and the kangaroos the biggest. And they can be like six feet tall

at Christmas trees, kangaroos. Oh, yeah. And some kangaroos are jacked as fuck too. Like their arms are super jacked. Yeah. Like Google, Google like muscular kangaroo. That's terrifying. The wallaroo is the middle one,

so that one doesn't get as big. Yeah, like look at the arms on some of these things, dude. Bruh. Yeah. That thing flexing on you. How about that picture above there? Go above to the right. What?

Far right, yeah. Look at that, stand in there. I think bench is like 500 pounds. Easy. It does look like it's on ruins. Yeah. This is so crazy. Yeah, dog.

See, that thing jumping. Hey, yo, we're on Bourbon Street, and I just bleached my hair. Oh! So. How much? Asap. Distain do you have for this guy?

So much. Especially because bleaching your hair, as I know personally, is a very delicate, time-consuming, careful. You just dunk your head in, like I'm just thinking like please show it running into his eyes. Oh, that's got to burn.

Yeah. And then does he? That's what the screams about. Oh yeah. That's terrible. And then does he have his car keys around his neck? Is that what I'm seeing? Looks like it.

Is that so that he doesn't drive, hopefully? I don't know. Or that he doesn't lose his car keys? He doesn't wear, I have a shirt, so I don't know if he has pants. Ow! Ow! Is that something they offer on Bourbon Street?

Where they're like, hey, bleach your hair. Like get faded and bleach your own hair? It's such a disgusting place. I know. This is the Margaritaville. It is a disgusting place. Of America. You know, I mean, it's a touristy trap.

It's fucking garbage. Yeah, it is. It just smells like vomit and like hot pussy, like hot, sweaty pussy. I've never even been there, but I imagine. It's fucking gnarly. It sucks. It's like LA, like the sunset strip,

like the saddle ranch, right? Like that kind of vibe. It is that, the saddle ranch, imagine 40 of them. Next door to each other, yeah. Yeah. There's a lot of eyes closing. I mean, we open them every now and then, because we gotta see where we're at.

The most time our eyes are closed, the reason being is each one of us are imagining the man or woman that we're actually attracted to. They can't really excite you because, again, it's someone that you're not really choosing to do you. If you're good enough, you could actually put that face

on the person that you're working with. We stay wet that way. The fluffers help that job, too. It's just a mindset thing. Once you're in front of the camera, that's when you gotta switch on. Really nice video. Are you familiar with her work?

I don't know. Are you a fan? I'm not familiar with her. I mean, it was a nice insight into the world of pornography. Mm-hmm. Well, Upper Poe, our earlier discussion. Pulling, close your eyes

and picture somebody else on there. It's nice. I wonder if you picture somebody else when they're farting in your mouth, like we saw. Like somebody who's fart you'd want to have? Who's that? Then there's scenarios that would just motivate you. Like the toilet would obviously,

I think that would probably work with anyone, you know? Motivate you? Well, I don't think I have to picture somebody else. If I'm with someone in their heads in the toilet, I'm there and I'm ready. You're present, yeah. That's true, you can't really hide in that scenario. And I'm not like, oh, who should this be?

I'm like, this works. Yeah. Yeah, that's true. Very exciting. It's cool. Thanks, Lilith, for the story. We've had a lot of people with no teeth lately. Is that what's going on with her?

Cause I was like, she has a certain way of speaking. Oh yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that's no teeth. Her makeup is really specific. It's goth makeup. This isn't, this is a goth style. This is what I would consider kind of an OG goth style

with the lace and then the dog collar, the bondage collar. It's not my particular goth style when I was goth, but it is a style. Okay. Let's move on. You don't have to worry about it. You're pretty, you're beautiful. Yeah, yeah, you're beautiful.

Quiet. You want a pet fox? That's actually really cute. I thought we were waiting for him to kill it or something, but it's very cute. Yeah, yeah, you're beautiful. This is Russian, folks. Look how cute the fox is.

And making that little sound, he's brushing it. Yeah. With your dog at home. It's really sweet. Yeah, I didn't know people could have foxes as pets. Most of all, I'm surprised that you put this in here. I need a pallet cleanser after the toothless porno lady. Just another day on the jay tree.

Anybody, anybody, but how long empty able? Yeah. What a nightmare. That was fucking horrible. A guy just eating over the bench. Like, what's he eating there? Like a pineapple or corn on the top. He just like threw it on the fucking,

aggressively threw it on the ground. That's what stood out the most is how hard he threw that shit down. Jesus Christ. That's how our toddler does it. That is so hard. Wow. That's exactly how my toddler.

But that's the kind of stuff that makes New York fun. I think is that these crazies, I love all these train crazies. This is really neat. The train is fun. Yeah. Your little pussy belongs to me. You're going to learn to do what I fucking tell you to do.

What do you think of this cool guy? I mean. Doesn't he get a guitar riff or you're going to leave him out? Is his whole account like this? Because it's very cool. This clip is extremely cool. Can you pull that up?

I'm going to piss myself off. Yeah, we're looking for it. But it's definitely a reupload. Oh, it is? Yeah, the quality is bad. All right, the quality is shit. I mean, this is part of Horny Thursday. Your little pussy belongs to me.

You're going to learn to do what I fucking tell you to do. It seems really real. Yeah, this one is real. No, no, I'm saying like, this doesn't seem playful or fun, you know. He owns your pussy, Tony. I know. I wonder if this is to followers or to someone specific.

I think it's to specific, like. I wonder if she likes it, the one who's putting this. Yeah. How do you know? I mean, I don't know. It seems like they've had a dialogue and this is part of- His eyes are having like a psycho quality to me, you know. That part I like.

I mean, I don't imagine, like remember that guy we played on that, was it last episode where he was like, okay, so you get a great mouth and you've got pretty eyes. Yeah, yeah. You do it for daddy, say good night to me or whatever, like that didn't have the intensity and familiarity. This is really intense. And familiar.

Yeah. So I think there's a rapport established. Okay, let's go. Yeah. This is in reference to the earlier gentleman bleaching his hair on Bourbon Street. That is steam coming off the top of this woman's head. This is why you should never dye your hair at home.

And I'm assuming she's using bleach or some kind of chemical that's burning the shit out of her head. This is really fucking terrible. Yeah, that's why you don't do this. Holy shit. On your own. It's risky business. Risky business.

This made me really sad. Really? That made you sad? Yeah. That was way worse than the guys fucking sternum cracking. Oh, really? Yeah. This makes me laugh because as a woman,

like we, everyone's done shit like this to themselves as a girl. We're like, oh, I just burned off my pubes. I just spilled nail polish removed around my vagina. I just fucking fried my head. Oh, okay. Right, tell them what you saw. There's a lady sitting on a chair at the mall barefoot.

Would she touch them? She rubs her bare feet. First of all, she's sitting in a mall chair. Yeah, in a mall chair. But she's sitting on her feet and she's rubbing her bare feet bottoms and then smiling and touching her feet. I don't like her. I don't like anything about her.

I thought that was pretty fucking amazing. God. How are you not tickled by this job? It's a rough batch. Yeah. What? It's a rough batch. I can't believe you guys.

We had injuries, porn, and you guys don't think this is the best thing you've seen today? No. I'd rather see a whole lot more injuries than these curations. Yeah. What? This is not what I'm getting.

I'm not liking this. God, pussy alert. What is happening? Is everybody on their period? Hey, everybody on TikTok. This is a quick update. I was able to raise $100 out of the $310 that I need to keep my electric on, but I still need to come up with $210.

So if there's any way anybody could help me out by sending me something, by cash-shaping me something, that would really help me out because I really need it. Thank you. God bless. That's it? That's why you get money? He needs to pay his bill.

Hey, I'm having trouble with the electric bill. Here's where to send it. Right. There's no even sob story, like give me a story. You're not hot. No. That's the other way you get it, right? You're hot.

His hair looks great, though. His hair is fucking fine. If he would have been like, you want the secrets to this? Cash-shap me. Right. Hey, do you want this hairstyle? I can give it to you. Cash-shap.

Yeah, your fucking mind. He's out of his mind. All right. We got a run. That's it? Yeah, well, that's it. Don't leave on such a sour pussy. It's your fucking curation.

Can we watch the Fox getting pet again? I don't want you to leave negative. Leave happy. I'll do it one more time. You're gonna lose fighting at something. Here are 10 things that I believe every woman needs to hear. Number one, everyone has roles when they bend over. Number two, when someone tells you

that you are beautiful, believe them. They aren't lying. Number three, well, sweetheart, we all wake up with bad breath sometimes. Jesus. Number four. Super unsettling. For every woman who is unhappy with her stretch marks.

Is he reading this? There's another woman who wishes she had them. All right. Number five, you should definitely have more confidence. And if you saw yourself the way others see you, you definitely would. Oh. Number six, don't look for a man to save you.

By God, be able to save yourself. All right. Number seven, it's okay not to love every part of your body. This guy's really into this. But you should. And the man that you're with, he should also. Okay. Number eight, everyone has that one friend

who seems to have it all together. They don't. That woman with the seemingly perfect life. Well, you might be that woman to someone else. He's such a wise sage. You should be a priority, not an option, a last resort. And by God, never be someone's backup plan. Oh, fuck.

And number 10. That's it, well, come on, spit it out. You are a woman. Okay. That alone makes you amazingly incredible and quite remarkable. Okay. Have a beautiful day.

He's really trying to, you know what he is? He's, if a queen's above 18, like could read. You know what I mean? Yes. He's the same guy. He's the exact same guy, but he's just articulate. And like sometimes picks up books, but it's the same hustle, you know?

Same hustle. This is the guy that calls himself a feminist. Yeah. This is the same racket. When a guy's like, I'm a feminist. Oh, okay. Let's make some videos. I want to see them.

I want to laugh. Yeah, this is the, I see you girl. Oh, yeah. Women are just- This is all a hustle to get laid. It's always a hustle to get laid. Oh, all the way. Whenever I hear a guy be like, women are superior.

I'm like, oh boy. What? Yeah. Show us your boobs. But I feel like his rack gets more honest. He's like, I want to see boobs. I want to laugh. When he was saying that stuff.

You'll see this. This is a Hindu Swastika. I literally put it up there. Pasperadi and good luck. That's a nice one to leave on. You know? The Hindu, it's like whatever it is. It's not the Swastika you're thinking of.

Good luck. Javier. And if you're thinking about getting a Swastika to spread good luck and cheer, you know, put it out. Draw one and hang it up. Good luck, everybody. I mean, you know what it looks like. You know what it looks like.

So what would you do? I'm a Hindi. What are you talking about? Charlie Chaplin's a great actor. All right. We got to get going. This was a lot of fun. Was it though?

There's a lot of horror in this one. But we did find out the chat the smartest. We did. It's confirmed. And we will see you guys next time. Thanks for listening. Thanks for watching. Bye, Jeans.

You and me, we met on the bus, became friends, then talked for a while. And eventually, I asked you out over texts and messages. I said, I had feelings for you. Yeah, it was adorable and cute.