Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - 666 - Your Mom's House with Christina P and Tom Segura

Episode Date: July 27, 2022

Pull those jeans high and tight because it's time for spooky scary episode 666 with Tom Segura and Christina P. Christina gets back in the goth spirit and we posthumously celebrate another FedSmoker clip we've never seen before! In the spirit of the beast, we catch up with one of our favorite conspiracy dads, and we go deep into Lucifer's Lair and ask for forgiveness from Robert Paul Champagne himself! We then get into some fun brown talk, and follow up on the eye exorcist on his views on oral for this spooky episode! We then review some cool clips from someone who identifies as a tooth emoji, the halo voice over announcer, and talk about hot celebrities like Alec Baldwin, Henry Cavill, Chris Hemsworth and Margot Robbie. We then get into a very cool curation of Christina's latest TikToks. https://tomsegura.com/tourhttps://christinaponline.com/tour-dateshttps://store.ymhstudios.com/https://www.reddit.com/r/yourmomshousepodcast

Onan uses the Planned Parenthood technique called withdrawal. That is, he spilled his seed upon the ground. And God was so displeased with this that he killed Onan. Well, how do we know he spilled his seed on the ground and not on her stomach? That's where most of us spill seed. Welcome, welcome, welcome to your mom's house. Welcome to another episode of your mom's house. This is episode 666.

And I just got to say, Jesus Christ, what the hell are you doing? I've been smoking 15 years. Well, it's episode 666. And I thought in honor of the greatest episode of the season, I would dress goth. This is how you really used to go out. Yeah, I haven't done this makeup since I was 19 years old. It took me an hour.

Yeah. And I have to say, you know, the goth struggle is real. It's not easy doing this kind of makeup. And I really feel like we should address those issues. And also, can I just tell you that the sad part is that I had all this shit in my closet. Yeah, you traveled with this. Because we're not living in Austin right now. No. And with the exception of like one item I had to purchase, this is all in my my repertoire.

And this is like this is legit how you would go out. Yeah. Yeah. Well, this is like a club attire. And then if I was like, yeah, if I go out to dinner with my parents or something, I do this too. Yeah, the piss them off. Yeah. This is the Susie Sue look.

I don't know if you know this, but there's different types of stuff. Now there's like Neo goth, cyber goth. I go, I'm known as a traditional goth. This is my vibe. I'm Tread goth. Yeah, I do like classic Susie vibes. There I am. Wow. I believe this is the highest form of goth culture.

I don't like the new stuff personally. Anyway, I'm super pumped to look like this. And I want to look this way every day. I just love it. That makes one of us. What do you how do you feel about your goth? You don't like it? No, really?

I mean, it's fun for a party. Well, because here's the deal, man. Is that goth chicks like we would land preppy guys all the time because they secretly want to bang you. Oh, like it's. Well, yeah, because you're alive. You know, like guys just want to bang women. That's that's what that's our motivation.

I thought I was special. Hey, you see that chick with kayak gear? I want to bang her because she's walking around. Yeah, you know, it's funny how you see it honed by black guys a lot. Really? Like this. Yeah, black guys love goth chicks. How come they're just like, you know, they're like, you know, they're like, you know, they're like,

you know, they're like, you know, they're like, you know, they're like, they're just like, I don't know, dude, but I would be walking this gear and like, first of all, I grew up around this neighborhood and it's this is so reminiscent of my life because this is the middle of summer and I would go full goth like this, like to the mall. And yeah, black dudes just love this look. They come, yeah, talk to me all the time. I think they thought I was freaky.

Right. It's like this chick is going to put out the goth chicks do crazy stuff. But I don't know. I wonder if most goth chicks did do freaky shit. Well, so there's different types of goth chicks, too. There are some very slutty ones here. Let me join you. And they, yeah.

And they wear like latex pants, which aren't very porous. Six, six, six. I love the smoke. So what you're saying is goth chicks have stinky fussies. I'm hypothesizing so yeah, because latex is not porous, like I said. And and then the guys would wear it too. And I imagine those nuts were pretty stinky too back in the day. Especially during the industrial phase, like there's industrial music.

That's what I used to like too. And those guys would wear like all the bondage gear. And it's it's got to be stinky when you're dancing for sure. You mean you wouldn't would you want to bang me if we like we're in high school, right? Yeah. You're preppy Tom, right? I mean, you want to be attracted to this as a teenager? Um, you know, little bit.

I think maybe a little bit because but it's it's kind of like how it's different. It's like, oh, you know, what's up with that chick? And then someone's like, oh, she's from fucking Croatia. You're like, oh, OK, because like, you know, it's like it's different. She looks different, different, different. Yeah. Yeah. It feels right. It's like when I was putting this on, I mean, it's really your heart and soul.

I know that. Yeah. It just feels good. Oh, I think I could do it also. Let's be honest. Yeah, you love Halloween. I love Halloween. You do. It's my favorite. Yeah.

That's my favorite holiday. I know. Can't I can't help myself, Tom? I think I may have to keep this for a while. You OK with that? It just went out. Do parliaments go out a lot? No, I think you just got.

You just got lazy to smoke cloves. Where's my clothes? Hey, cloves. Yeah, everybody does. Did I just like the filter? Oh, Jesus. Anyway, do you want to know what my goth names were? Sure.

OK, ready? Yeah, there's a few names I would go by when I look like this. Widow. That one was kind of hard to say in a nightclub. Widow. And then I go by Pandora. That's this is before the music service. Different.

Yeah. Or Crimson. Crimson. I like crimson. That's kind of cool. Yeah, because it's like Christina Crimson. Yeah, Crimson's Dina. And I like spider.

Sometimes I go by spider. Oh, shit. I think I'm on fire. This is not as enjoyable as I remember. Kind of hurts when you inhale this. I feel like we should start doing this more. Yeah, middle age. Yeah, maybe let's do syringes next time.

You know what's funny is that goth people do a lot of we did a lot of crystal meth back in the day, which is kind of ironic because you think this look is a bummer, but we would get super jacked and like high and have the best time. Oh, so you did do crystal meth? No, I say we is in the collective group. I would watch other people do crystal meth and then we dance all night. And it was like, we're kind of fun. You know, sure.

Yeah, yeah. That's a good time. Yeah, I hear you. Anyway. I'm back. Yes, I'm so happy to be back in the studio. I love the studio. This is the very first studio we created.

Look, a lot of people don't maybe think about it, but podcasting in this whole world, like we had to kind of punk rock it and DIY it and invent it as we went along. And this studio really represents all the hard work and ingenuity of Tom Segura, sometimes Nadav, when he could spell things correctly. Annie, Zolo, all the all these people. Everybody. Yeah, I mean, it's a team effort. It's pretty rad, isn't it?

And the multiple liars that soundproofed it. Yeah. That'll be another 20 grand. Wait, what? Fucking assholes. Fucking piece of shit. Piece of shit, but it feels good to be back here. And we've been in LA now for a few weeks.

Yeah. And I've been eating a lot of sushi, a lot of Korean foods. Yeah, lots of Flaves out here. So many fucking Flaves, bro. And like just going to my old haunts and I've been enjoying it. I've really been enjoying it. It's been fun. Yeah.

I went to an alpaca farm with our kids in Montecito. Have you been so it's so fancy? It's where Oprah lives. I wish you were born that there. Fuck me too, dude. They wouldn't let me in. No, they'd been like, there's a actually a you need to show your papers. I went to an alpaca farm.

And this fucking Karen was giving us directions on like, you approach the alpacas and then you don't touch there. And I totally tuned it out. I was like, shut up, bitch, you know. And I went in and I started to pet the alpaca on its back and it fucking kicked me twice. So hard. Seems like you should have listened to her. I should have listened to her.

And the kids were watching me and I was like, see mom didn't listen to the directions. That's how I got kicked like a dummy. But it's weird that they have alpaca farms because they don't like being touched. Yeah. And then you went and touched one. Yeah. Or like it was an excursion where you can touch alpacas and like they don't enjoy it.

They're running from us. They're kicking us. They're spinning on you. I have a buzz right now. Me too. Yeah. From smoking the sick. Yeah.

It makes me want to smoke other stuff. Yeah. Yeah. Let's get faded, bro. Yeah. You got a blunt 666. Let's go. No, but there's one right around the corner.

I can go make a run. You want to? I don't know. I'll just pass out on the show. You can do whatever you want. Yeah. It's the spookiest episode ever. Spooky.

And we got some spooky, spooky surprises coming. Hell yeah, dog. Here. Let's let's open the clip real quick here. It's been a long time. All right. It's been a long time. I'm going to have to give you girls an exorcism here.

Put my camera. Can you, can you view that? Okay. Us. I think it's just like my woman's tits. Exorcism Americans. I have to give you an exorcism and get the devil out of here. Twinkie lips and de-twinkle-ize you girls, okay?

This shit is big time. Who is Randy? Don't bring anyone loving to this. Don't burn me in the fucking stand. Welcome. Welcome to your mom's house. With Tom Segura. Welcome to your mom's house.

Six, six, six, six, six, six, six, six, six, six, six, six, six, six, six. The devil's number is six, six, six. Let's get demonic. You fucking bitches. Pray Satan. Sit in the dark with your thoughts. Look at a candle. Listen to Joy Division.

Ugh. What a nice fat smoker clip to open the show. He performed an exorcism on their tits with Twinkies. Yeah. That's pretty neat. That is pretty cool. What a cool girl. They were not allowed to play the rest of this video because they pulled their tits out.

Well, that's amazing that he got them to do that. He's got his own magic ways, you know? He does. He's so charming in so many regards. He's fucking fantastic. Yeah. He's alive. He's alive in our hearts.

In your heart. I don't know. I think he might be out there. I think he might be in Wuhan. Fighting this thing from the source. Uncovering the conspiracy. Oh, my God. Speaking of Wuhan.

So I'm laying in our bed. It's like 11 o'clock at night and I hear, Well, you know, if the Chinese want us to lack them, maybe they could stop giving us COVID. Okay. And then this other guy chimes in with like, you're telling me, buddy? And I was like, what is the show?

Like, where is this coming from? Yeah. So I get up. I trace the noise and it's in our closet and it turns out it's our kids. Walkie talkie. Yes. And it's picking up trucker talk. Yeah.

Yeah. It's picking up RFI interference. What does that mean? RFI? I don't know. But that's what Dave, Dave Oak and my tour manager is a, an expert in this stuff. And I told him, he was like, yeah, that's RFI interference.

So radio frequency interference. So, um, yeah. And then yesterday that walkie talkie was out and it was like, and a good morning to everybody. How you guys doing out there? We're like, yeah. Can you imagine your three year old playing with that? And he's like, mom, the Chinese are giving us COVID.

And you're like, where did you hear that from? Yep. My walkie talkie. Yeah. I mean now, so my dad used to listen to a short wave radio. Um, it's obvious. Was your Israeli dad into that? Uh, he did have a lot of car gadgets.

Yeah. I would like to pick up the police. Radar detectors. Yes. Speed jammers. Yes. He's just like, so that whenever you, like he had the, the radar detector.

So that as soon as that one beeping was like, oh, he can't get caught with this. So he'd immediately unplug everything until he passed the cop. And he's like, cool. Now we can plug everything back. Yeah. So did my dad, the, the LAPD like scanner, he would have that. He would have the speed radar and then the radio that could

pick up like programming all over the world. And he would lay, he would like sit in his room in the dark drinking, listening to like Hungarian spooky ass radio. It was terrifying. Jesus Christ. But he, they love that shit. I don't know. Some guys love listening to radio, but now I'm into it.

Yeah. Now I'm listening for my truckers every night. What are they talking about? What's going on? Talking about Wuhan. That shit was so funny, dude. Like the fact that I got to hear that at that specific time. Chinese.

Wanted us to like them. Maybe they could stop giving us COVID over and over. Oh no. Well, yeah. Like the Chinese are doing it. Jesus Christ. So funny. He does have a point.

Okay. That trucker talk, I'm sure it gets a little racist from down. Yeah. Time to time. Yeah. And this was California trucker talk. So I was surprised, you know. Yeah.

I think it's everywhere. I know. They drive from out of state too, you know. But it's so funny because the mask stuff still happens here. You're like, are we still doing that? Oh yeah. Because in Texas, they were like, COVID never happened. There's no COVID.

Yeah. You fucking pussy. Well, you know, so much to talk about this episode. One of the things I'm real happy to bring back for this episode is one of my all time favorite plays. And this is an actual new clip for us, but one of our favorite celebrities to ever be on the show. Oh, wow.

Welcome to Revelation Unraveled. Yes. I'm your host, William Tapley, also known as the third eagle of the apocalypse and the Co-Prophet of the End Times. On this program, I want to talk about contraception and how using that will prevent you from being raptured. Last week, the Pope made news headlines by saying that you cannot prevent AIDS through the use of condoms.

And of course, he was correct. The only true way of preventing AIDS or any other sexually transmitted diseases is through a monogamous relationship between a husband and a wife. Monogamous? Yeah. Wait, that's where to prevent AIDS? It is. When monogamous?

Monogamous. Yeah. Wait, also, by the way, I love that he stuffs a full-size microphone. Oh, yeah. That's his lapel mic. Yeah. Do you like that? Like, you can go on Amazon.

Do you think he's going to do that? You can buy, like, it's $10. I got one. He's stuffed a full-size mic into his jacket. Sounds good, though. It does sound good. It does. Monogamous.

Monogamous. Yeah. We're monogamous. If you don't remember him. This is just a brief commentary on a new flag created for the Obama campaign. Now, up here on the left, we have the official logo of the Obama campaign, and that's a big O, which, of course, stands for him. And below that, there are several stripes, which indicate the homosexual movement.

In other words, the rainbow flag. I think he's one of my top favorites. Oh, yeah. And below Obama's logo, we have two stripes and three stripes, which look much more like streaks of blood. Now, some people don't like this kind of perversion of the American flag because it is very satanic. Oh, I didn't see satanic, but he does. 666.

Oh, right. He did this for this episode. And of course, as my regular subscribers know, the two stripes over three represent the Antichrist. Yes. Because two over three is the number 0.666. Wait a minute. Two over three.

Hold on. Two thirds is 666. 66%. Now, I'm not a math major, but is anyone good at math here? Is this accurate? No. Yeah, it is. Yeah, 0.66 repetitive.

Yeah, that's correct. Wow. Wow. We're just getting to the bottom of this right now. I didn't even see that. In Genesis chapter 38, God shows his displeasure with contraception when he kills Onan. Onan uses the Planned Parenthood technique called withdrawal. That is, he spilled his seed upon the ground.

And God was so displeased with this that he killed Onan. Well, how do we know he spilled his seed on the ground and not on her stomach? That's where most of us spill seed. And that's not the Planned Parenthood method. Well, I think he's trying to, you know, take a jab when it can. Jeez. Point it out that they're not cool. Who the fuck is Onan?

I feel like he's a third cast member. He's down on the call sheet on the Bible. Do you remember Onan? Perhaps. He is the second eagle of the apocalypse, I'm not sure. Oh, wait, wait, wait. He's the third eagle. He is the third eagle.

Who's the second first? He's so known as. Like, you guys know me. I'm the third eagle of the apocalypse. Who are the first and the second? Now I know a lot of people think, well, the pope should not make the rules. True. They like to say, if you don't play the game, you don't get to make the rules.

Right. But of course, this is another lie from Satan. Can you tell me any game in which the player makes the rules? Oh, wow. Good point. Did Mickey Mantle make the rules for baseball? No. True.

Truth. Did Michael Jordan make the rules for basketball? No. Of course not. No. Good logic. The person who makes the rules for any game is the inventor of the game. And so I ask you, who invented the game of sex?

The pope? So he's saying, so by definition, he's saying the pope invented the rules. I guess. Because the pope makes the rules and therefore the pope has to invent. The pope is relaying the rules? From God. Yeah. Because he's a direct channel from God.

Yes, he is. God speaks to the pope regularly. I think on a phone. Really? Yeah, there's a phone on the Vatican. The God phone? Yeah. Hello, God.

It's me, the pope. Yeah. That's amazing. It's a white phone. It's a white phone. Yeah. People think it's red, but that's actually like the president has a red phone. Right.

The pope phone. The pope phone's white. I wish that we could go to Vatican City and use that phone. Yeah. I think we could purchase like a VIP package and. I don't think so. I think you got to be invited by the pope. He has to, you know, see photos of your children and then he lets you into his room.

It's like an Airbnb. Yeah. Yeah. You know, they do that now. They're like, we have to see a photo of you. Of you. Oh, oh. To get an Airbnb.

And then they're like, you're black. We actually were booked. We're booked. Exactly. I was like, is this proof that I'm white or something? We were going to rent it to you, but then we just remembered that it was already rented out. Yeah.

I swear to God. It felt racist to me. There's so many accounts of black people being like my Airbnb canceled. We showed up and they're like, oh, we forgot. We forgot that it's not available. I know. Do you think I could get an Airbnb in this outfit? No.

No. That would. See guys, this is what the discrimination I'm talking about in the goth community. Yeah. Do you see? Wait, I don't want to put words in your mouth. Do you feel like a black woman right now? No.

No, I do not. We were never enslaved. The goths were never enslaved. This is a voluntary thing. Oh, okay. Okay. Yeah. I was just trying to read the room.

No, gosh. I don't like it. My oppression to that. Okay. Okay. I'm more like, you know, just goth rights. Like nobody gives me. Goth rights.

Yeah. Like I should be able to work at nighttime because I'm nocturnal. Yeah. But like society wants me to have a day job. You can take a graveyard shift. Oh, it's true. Yeah. But there should be more.

There's not enough. There's not enough. So the man's trying to hold me down. That's true. God invented the game of sex and therefore he gets to make the rules. Huh. And if you don't live by those rules, you will pay the consequences. In this life, you will get sexually transmitted diseases.

And in the next life, you will suffer for all eternity. Oh, shit. He's someone's dad too, right? Yeah. He's definitely kids. That's the most terrifying dad you could have. Because for sure, you don't, you don't know how to say anything back for like a decade or more.

You know, you're just like, my dad's the third eagle of the apocalypse. It's fucking. Yeah. Like I would. So scary. I would rather have a dad that is just absent than like third apocalypse dad who just spits nonsense. Nonsense.

And you're like, yeah, that's cool. But you grew up listening to this. So you think this is real too. Like you don't know any better until other people are like, hey, you know that this stuff's crazy, right? Like your dad is talking in voices. But it would take you a while. You go to school and say this shit to other kids.

Yeah. The Denver airport, satanic. Could you guys know that? Yeah. Your friends are like, you know. Well, like in kindergarten stuff, they're like, that is hilarious. You know, this kid thinks the Denver airport is satanic. And then, yeah, probably, I don't know, around fourth grade is when they would start being

like, I think your dad's real fucked up. Yeah. By sixth grade, you're like, I'm out of here. Oh my God. I'm not even living with you fools anymore. No, no, no. So one thing we should like, maybe point something out to people who don't know is, I'm sure the, I mean, many of you would agree, the all time greatest find ever in the history of

666 episodes of this podcast is one Robert Paul Champagne. Come check it out. You guys know him, of course. My building truck out. So we love him. We've celebrated him for years. There was in this studio was the day that we actually, we found footage of him outside of the original video, I believe.

And then I believe episode 420. Was that the one where we actually spoke to him? I think that was the first time that we ever watched a video. Oh, played him. Okay. And then, you know, like more than a year later. 200 episodes. We were talking about that.

Yeah. We've been, we, we actually got a contact and we spoke to him and it was the best day of my life. It was epic. It was in this studio. It was so insane. So good. And ever since then, you know, I mean, we've had specials where we, you know, we sent a

crew. I mean, Josh Potter went out there for us. Dr. Drew has visited RPC. RPC has been on YMH lives. Yep. It's been, you know, and it's a, it's a gift that never stopped giving. And we're just, you know, we love the guy. Well, one thing I started to notice, and maybe you did too a little while ago is that RPC

has been leaving increasingly upset inflammatory type messages in comments on virtually everything you post. And he's been taking a lot of extra shots at me, at me personally. So we flagged some of them. We pulled them so that we could share them with you. So here we go. This is something I think I posted. He wrote, have to worship the big ham never wrote that book.

Right. He's referring to my book, which is a New York Times bestseller. And, you know, I was like, I remember I saw one of these and you're like, wait, who's that? And you're like, huh. Okay. And then I, He's claiming that you never wrote the book.

Then he posted this himself. He wrote, I was famous before YMH. And I'm not jealous of Tom Segura's so-called nasty fame. And now he believes he has written, never wrote that book. His staff done it for him. Please. I'm getting better and better and more happier and creative and can do comedy and music and act.

Don't need a writer. Uncle Shine Rusty is a big joke and thinks he is so proud and famous that people can't stand his foul mouth or crummy appearance. Sir, I'm getting back into life and will be. So Tom, stop copying style and words and dressing style. Get your own style. RPC, Lucifer's layer, the hot one always. Right.

Wow. It sounds like he's going after Uncle Shine too. And he has mocked Uncle Shine. We played a clip of him mocking Uncle Shine a little while ago. He did like an impression of him that was, it was pretty nasty. Yes. But he's continued. You know, he writes these comments here.

Tom is losing it. And to label people is so old these days. Tom never broke me down. Oh wow. Tom, we don't label people. Thank you. Tom, we don't label people. Thank you.

Tom, we, so he's repeating that message there. Wow. Why is Tom Segret telling Bert to dress like a grown man? Tom, you dress like an overage team. Look in the mirror. Oh boy. He's definitely. He's doing something.

That picture of him is shirtless too, by the way. Yes. He's telling you how to dress. He's dressing like Bert. He's copying Bert's style. Oh, okay. Okay. He's increasingly getting more and more upset.

Yeah. And it's, you know, we've seen these everywhere now. Look in the mirror, Tom. Stop giving advice. He wrote a nasty one. Do you hear? Yes, he did. I was surprised.

Now he's coming after me. This is so funny though. So this is in reference to my special mom. She looks like Miss Piggy in Muppetland. He's not wrong. Would you go go Miss Piggy in Muppetland? This made me LOL. That was really funny, I thought.

I actually do. And I completely forgot that she dressed like that. It's the blonde hair and the pink. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Super funny. Yeah, there she is in the picture.

Oh yeah. It does look like Miss Piggy. So, I mean, the thing is, is that, you know, I mean, people could propose different theories. Is it maybe that we haven't paid attention to him in a while? Yeah. Can I tell you toddlers, when you don't pay enough attention to them, will lash out. Yeah. And he's, I think he's, I think he needs a little TLC, a little love, a little YMH attention.

He needs love from us. I think he feels a little discarded. Oh, a big phony PHO and EY. And? Tom is short in his brain. I mean, these are like every day. Yeah. Every day, whether it's posted by the YMH account, my personal account, he says something.

It's like he wants your attention. Kind of feels like it. I think anyone's funny is that he always felt more comfortable going after you. Yeah. So, this makes sense. You're his guy. And I think he feels neglected and I think you need to give him a little love. I think maybe you're right.

I think the only way to maybe do that is, you know, maybe I give him a call. Yeah. So, let's see here. Give him a shout. Short in his brain. My goodness, he's so mad at you. Please leave your message for 917. Hold on.

Let me try and give you the other phone number. All right. Well, we just tried calling Robert twice. He has two phones. Busy. I mean, I get it. He's active. He's doing things and he gave us two numbers to reach out.

Said he would be down for this call. He talked to Nadav and he didn't answer. So, well, you know, it is 1pm on the East Coast. He's probably in meetings and stock market's going to close here in a couple of hours. Right? That is true. So, it's probably the end of the day. You think that's what it is?

He's trading. He's doing stuff. Yeah. Could be. Could be. He's upset. You know what? I get it.

This is only confirmation of our theory that he is. He's upset with us. He's definitely upset. I mean, I think he's actually just looking at his phone like, no. No. He's probably in that meeting. Yeah. People are talking and he looked and he was like, nah.

Yeah. You know what? He just kicked me like the alpaca. I tried to pet him. That is a great, yeah. And he just gave us alpaca kicks. That's a great analogy, I mean. Gosh.

We really wanted to hash this out because I actually, you know, I don't want Robert upset with me. Of course not. He's one of the greatest gifts to humanity. Yeah. He's a sweet man. He's a loving soul and we want to repair this relationship. I'm sorry, but I can't resist.

I have to hit this one more time just to see. Let's see a few. Can't help yourself, Tom. No. God, I'm going to have to dye my hair blonde again. It's going to take forever. This is ringing. I mean, he sees this.

I asked William to 69 degrees for the next question. He asked. Hello? No. No. He answered it. We heard the TV in the background. Yeah.

And then he hung up. This is. Yeah. I think you got to go again. We got to go again. Maybe it's because he didn't say anything in the first second. Right. Right.

Right. I don't know. I don't know when you pick up the phone. Yeah. OK. Here we go. Oh, my God. Robert.

Please leave your message for 911. No. Try again. Try again. Try the other number. The other number? Yeah. I don't think the other number is going to work.

I think the first one's the one to do it. That's the one that he picked up? Yeah. And now when's the voicemail? Please leave your message for 911. How does it go to Spanish this afternoon? I don't know. I mean.

Come on, dude. How could we have... He's this upset? He is. Tony, he's not happy with you. I know. I mean, I miss Piggy. And he really did...

I cannot... He knows this is us calling. Yeah, at this point. Well, maybe he's in the middle of... Maybe he's doing that, like, you got to chase me thing? Yeah, he is. We have to send him flowers. Guys, we need to send him, like, a gift.

We need to butter him up because... Please leave your message for 911. OK. You know what? At this point it's confirmed. He is so angry. What can we send him to make amends? Is it flowers?

I think it's any. I don't know if any of them... You know what? Why don't you just try calling him? OK. All right. I'm ready. Here we go.

Hello? Robert. Yep. Hey, how are you? It's Tom. I'm Segura. How are you? Just overworked from doing kids charity.

I'm knocked out. Oh! Well, that's very nice that you're doing kids charity. I'm just... I really wanted to get you on the phone because, you know, I think you may have talked in the Dow for a moment, but I noticed that, you know, on Instagram and stuff, it seems like... I felt like you're upset with me or something. No.

It's just... I just... You know, I'm an honest person. I can be direct. Yeah. I just can't stand Uncle Shine and see nothing he's done for anybody but himself. That's all I've seen. OK.

I'm sorry to say it. Oh, that's... I mean... OK. In other words, like, I can see if you make somebody here and they help other people out, but all they ever see him do is take, take, and take, and he's beginning to just... I'm getting so sick of him now. I really am.

Oh, I got you. So you're not a fan of Uncle Shine. I mean, I... You know, some people are just not for everybody, but I noticed that, like, you know, you... In a couple of comments, you said that, like, I didn't write my book. It seemed like you were, you know, accusing me of having the staff write the book. I don't know. When I get mad, I get mad.

I screen think that. OK. Oh, OK. So you were just upset? Yeah. OK. Because, I mean, you know that everybody here, including myself, we have absolutely nothing but love for you.

So I know we hadn't spoken to you in a while. But, like, you know, we want to make it up to you. I mean, I feel like we just haven't talked to you in a while. No. When I get mad, I don't care what I say, I just get mad. But I just could understand. I just could understand, Uncle. I call him the Crept Keeper.

I'm sorry. Yeah. Sorry. I can't look at him. He doesn't do anything. I ask people if they like him. They said, am I... This is Harlem.

I hear black people, do you like him? No. Thank you. I cleared it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then, so he is not a black guy that you're into. No, no, no. To me, if he's going to be a black, people don't act that stupid no more.

Educational. He's not. Trust me. Yeah. Yeah. They had their time. So, like, is it just unshined that's bothering you? Is there anything else bothering you?

Well, the only thing I got now, someone from... On Instagram, but they're legit. They're writing... It's no more epic that they're... Sorry, I think they're being prepared because the past code is like no more epic. And they're writing a script out. So, I don't know. It's about...

I'm not crazy about it, but hey, whatever. Okay. It's about a gay... A gay trucker who... A gay trucker who does what? No. A gay trucker who helps a girl from being a prostitute and he takes her as a daughter and he's on a run with her from the mob and they're trying to produce this.

I don't know. They're writing it out. I don't know. And if they got an agent, no. They're trying to get someone to produce it and they're doing the creating. So, they're on... They're working it out and they tell me the whole... Oh, with the long story.

Okay. All right. So, you said that you lash out when you get upset. What's the most upset you've been? The most upset I've been? Yeah. I've been asked when I... When my mother passed away...

It was a long time ago. And I hate this one nursing home. This is the Harlem nursing home. I hated them. I made sure I had no customers. I got everybody... I was telling everybody about their bed place. I gave bad reviews.

Oh, yeah. I've done that before. I've done that, yeah. My mother passed. I just got so... Even with them. I couldn't... I felt so bad.

Wow. Yeah. Let me ask you this, Robert. Are you mad at Christina? I'm not mad. I just... I just like... I'm a person like...

You see, everyone takes me for the... Oh. The pissed and beat thing. Okay, I did it. It's your team. I had a bit of a stick with some people here. But in between I have these people. But I really into a lot of things.

I got a lot of brains. If you tell them people have brains. Yeah. If they can see it, I got brains. Okay. I could create... I could do things. I could do comedy.

I could do all kinds of sideshows. I could do it. Yeah. I believe you. I believe you. But you're not mad at Christina then. I'm not mad at her. I just...

But the people tell me... I have someone on the phone tell me... This is a guy called... I don't know where he's calling from. And they call him... I don't know. Oh. Shade of something.

He tells you all these crazy... Oh, Tom sings about you. They're saying about you. I said, look. When it comes to that mouth, I'll hear it. I don't believe so. I'm picking him. He's been getting a lot of gossip.

Gotcha. Yeah. There's a lot of gossip going around. All right. Well, yeah. You know, I just feel like we haven't been in touch in a while. And I wanted to make sure everything was cool. You know, also I'll let you know that we're celebrating episode 666 today and you are in Lucifer's

layer. So that is kind of exciting. What about... Let me see. To make it up to you in some way, just the fact that I feel like we haven't been in touch. What if we sent any, you know, nice black lean any to your place just to hang out. Is that cool? No, I don't do that.

Oh, okay. Oh. All right. I don't do that. Oh, I mean, you know... He's the last guy, but... No, he's nice, but no, I don't want to do that. I don't...

I don't want you to do that. Oh, okay. Okay. What is the height of your excitement? No, no, no, no, no, no, no. The only thing I have to do now is I'm trying to... It's very hard. I worked with Bling Girls Sheets in Texas and we're trying to raise...

I don't know if we could do it or not. We're trying to raise money for kids, kids for Texas and school and to get them a breakfast and... Breakfast, lunch, and we're trying to get things applied to them and toys for Christmas and I'm trying to raise a charity and it's the hardest thing I'm doing. I'm really knocked out. Oh, what's the... Do you want to plug the charity?

Like, can we promote the... Is there a name for the charity or somewhere we can send? Yeah. No, it's RPC Cares for the World Fund. RPC Cares for the World Fund. Okay. Is there a website for that? Yeah.

Oh. But I'm working with Bling Girl and you get her on... You get her on... She's on Instagram as Darlene... As Darlene... Okay. Maybe we can find her Instagram. Darlene...

Yeah. Darlene... Yeah. Oh, okay. Yeah. Yeah. She's working for a school for Texas. I've been helping her out, getting these kids.

I've been doing what that... I've been getting toys... I've been buying the toys myself and I get donations here. And I try and... And we're trying to get like... So they can have... So kids could go have like... They need...

She's not going to give the money to the kids. She's going to buy the stuff for the kids. We're not going to trust the parents. Trust me. We're going to be a little careful. Yep. So another thing I wanted to ask you is... You know that I...

You know that I have a book that's out, right? Yeah. I heard about it. Well, this guy was telling me a lot of crap. Oh, if you heard this guy talking to me... That you had a hit man after me. Oh, that's what's going on. I'm like going crazy in this world.

Did I have a hit man after you? Yeah, just this guy was telling me. Which guy? His name is Nicole Shade. That's what they talk to me. He's one of the... And I don't talk much to him. And he gets on...

He talks to me. I said... And he never shows his face. I said, sir. What are you talking about? But now you're driving me crazy, okay? Yeah, yeah, yeah. What's that doing in mystery novels?

Well, I just... Actually, all I was trying to say is that I'd like to send you a copy of it if that's okay. If you want to, I'm going to... Because I'm trying to re... I'm trying to relocate out of here because I want to get out of here because I don't want to stay here no more. You don't want to say it at 2395? No. Okay.

Are you going to stay in New York? I want to... But Bling girl, she's talking to me. If I can get this... I'm trying to get an agent now. If I can get it, I'm trying to get it back to the agent. And I get this person to work with this show that he wants this person wants to do. And he's called Urban Decay.

Cool. That's a cool name. Urban Decay. And he said, can you... I said, yes, I can. So he said, get an agent. He's got to create of it. He's creating it.

He's writing the whole board. And he showed me his verification. Good. How's your love life? Yeah. It's not that great. But you know, I've got to say one thing. Look, I don't...

I found out... As soon as they find out that you make fame, people take a fool out of you. So I'm careful with people. Got you. All right. Well, look, this was... I was really happy to get you on the phone and to let you know that I wanted to make sure everything was good between us.

Because like I said, I heard you were upset. I saw your comments that seemed like you were pretty upset and I just wanted to check in with you. Well, me and Blinker were hoping... We were trying to... If we could get some sort of, I don't know, part... Not party. You don't call it a party.

You call it... Well, a charity ball where we could raise money. I don't know if we could raise money that way. And people come in and they space so much the tickets and that's another way of raising money for kids. We're trying every way we can. We are knocking ourselves out. Okay.

Very good news. Very good update. If there's anywhere we can send people... I think you should get a website for your charity. That would help a lot. We could drive people to your website. That would be very helpful. I would tell your...

I put it on my Instagram a lot. Okay. Okay. I always put it on. I always mention it. I said, R-P-C-K. So I put the address. I said, if they send money, put it in Danielle Marie, her real name.

Her name was Light. Danielle Marie. Yeah. I got texted. He sent to her. Yeah. He said, you put the money in an envelope. Then I...

She put my address on it and I sent to her and then I go to Jennifer and Jennifer puts it in a mail to her. Well, that's easy enough. So thank you for now. Now I get it. We'll just throw the money in the envelope. You give it to Darlene. She gives it to you.

They give it to Jenny and then everything is bought. That's how it was done. Okay. There we go. Robert, it's always nice to hear your voice. Like I said, we're celebrating episode 666. We were talking about how you're the most fun person we've ever found doing this podcast. And I'm happy to hear that you're not upset with me.

You were just upset in the moment, which is why you called me short in my brain and a big phone. Well, yeah. Well, I got some Dizzy Queen's call me every time and every time I tell me all these crazy stuff, I said, I don't want to hear no more people tell me anymore. Yeah. I have a life. Yeah.

All right. Please stay in touch. Let us know what you're doing and give us updates on the charity fundraising and it's good to talk to you, Robert. Okay. Okay. Okay. And any and Nadav both say hello and they're asking if they could come by and I told them

it's on the house. Yep. Okay. No problem. All right. You just give us the thumbs up and they're going to be on a plane. Okay? Okay.

No problem. Thank you, Robert. Bye-bye. Have a good one. Bye-bye. Whoa. You know what? Right.

He's very busy. He's extremely busy. He's doing charity work. He's being cast for so many parts and things. Could you even keep up with those chess moves of how to donate? Oh my God. I mean, there were new people being added to the equation as it, man. Remember when the Queens Above A Team guy wanted to sell shirts?

Steve? Yeah. Did that air or was that just a bonus to us where he was like, he's like, go, you email me and then you find my PayPal and then send me an email after you PayPal me. Let me know what size shirt and the address and don't forget. You got to tell me the size for and you got to go to PayPal first after you tell me that you want a shirt. It was so convoluted.

Yeah. You don't think there's a better system than this? Well, I think this system is even worse. No, this makes sense. I don't want to do the whole website thing. You put the money in an envelope, you send it to Darlene, then she'll give it to me, I'll give it to Jenny, Jenny will buy the stuff and then it's a good charity. There you go.

There you go. Easy peasy. Lemon squeezy. And I don't see any way that this would by any chance, it results in people losing money and not going to charity. What in the... I need a break. Yeah.

You must be... You need a nap too. I was exhausted. God. I'm mad at us. No. It sounds like his beef is with Unkshine. Well, but also it sounds like he mentioned a couple of times that people are feeding

him misinformation. I don't know what that's about. He's like, I'm talking to people saying this and saying it, like people are gossiping to him about things. I don't know. It just... My theory is that either he's jealous that Unkshine is getting so much attention. He really doesn't like him.

Or he's secretly attracted to Unkshine. He also said... You need a cigarette? He also said... You need a smoke? He also said, like, black people aren't like that anymore. Yeah. What the hell?

Like that. He's like, you know... They're not like that anymore. There was that time. That's it. We're passing. I want another cigarette too. Let's smoke again.

Whoo. Yeah. That was great because I saw any goat. And he's not into any sexually. Yeah. That's weird. He was offering and he was like, mm-mm. No.

Yeah. I got rejected by RPC. I can't believe that. I mean, that's got to feel something. You got to feel something. I feel like shit. Yeah. Horrible.

Well, at least he's into something good. It sounds like charity is good for him. You know? Yeah. Oh, here you go. That's a really cool... It's a good thing he's into. I do wish he'd get that website going.

Wow. It feels like the old days. Yeah. I feel like a bad girl. I'm a bad golf girl now. Whoa, Chad. Watch out. You know, let's do a little role-playing.

Is this how I looked when we met? Kind of? Because you always say I was wearing fish nets when we met. You were. And I was smoking like this. You were. Yeah. You want to be the honest, totally true, like the truth?

I thought you were a prostitute. It was sunset full of art. In front of the club. Yeah. I was like, she's working. She's just trying to get like a John to walk in or out of here. I remember I had 40 bucks. I was like, this is a ton of cash.

Whatever. I thought you were a hillbilly. Because you were like, I was like, what's your name? You're like, Tom. You know, you say your name all stupid because you just come from the South basically. You just come from the South? You just come from the South. And then I was all, I was all, where are you from?

You're not from LA. Like, you know? Mm-hmm. I was all cool. Yeah. And you're like, you're like, I'm from Florida. And I was like, ew. Like, I never really knew anybody from Florida because, you know, LA is so LA, right?

Like, you're just from here. You're not. It's like, whatever. And I remember judging you a little bit because I was like. You really remember that? Yeah. You really? This is a fucking hillbilly?

I thought you were kind of like a hick. Yeah. Because I'm like, well, he's not from LA and I, Angelino secretly judge outsiders a little bit. We're like, I don't know you. Like, you're not really. Yeah. I was like, do you have like a pickup truck or something?

Like, I didn't know. I just didn't know. Back at the, you know, I was young. I hadn't really, like I traveled, but not. Yeah. You just don't know the rest of the culture, you know? That's true. You're American.

Now I'm a Texan. I told him. I legit thought you were a hooker. Stop it. I did. I wasn't dressed like a whore. I was doing a show. How whorey could I have been?

You were sitting down on stairs with fishnets smoking. I was like, this is a prostitute. Yeah. Yeah. I did a lot of that in my early life. Prostitution. No. Just like sitting on stoop, smoking, like dark corner, like.

And I kind of knew how to eyeball them because I was working at that restaurant on Sunset, which was a track and they would come in and buy lemonade. So. Lemonade, huh? Yeah. That's the whole drink. I was like, oh, do you want a lemonade? You know.

Why lemonade? Because we had good lemonade. I was like, lemonade. You know what's so crazy? Oh my God. I feel like I have to shit. My mouse cigarettes used to make me have to shit. You guys wouldn't remember that fact, but you know, cigarettes make you have to shit.

It's making me have to shit. Do you want to go? No. I'm not going to shit here. Are you crazy? What do you mean? You said you have to shit. I've only shit at YMH studios once when I had diarrhea.

Even any who's wearing a mask today, because we're not sure if it's stomach flu or food poisoning, went to fucking Arby's to take a shit. He wouldn't even shit here. Why? I'm trying to help you guys, man. You don't want that in your bathroom. Trust me. Oh, right.

It's a mess. It's a mess. I went in there. I had to go in the employee bathroom because I went to the Arby's in there. I was like, can I use the bathroom? He's like, I think someone's in there. I'm like, I don't think you understand, man, like in about two minutes, something is about to explode.

He was like, go ahead. Yeah. Well, he told me the code to the employee one. Yeah. And then I blew the fuck up and I feel pretty bad, but I mean, what are you going to do? What are you going to do? There's like a lot come out because you know, you hold it in so much, but it was, but it wasn't like, I mean, this is, I don't have food boys in here ever.

You know what I'm saying? Like this is like the first time in like a decade that I've had food boys in here. So it came out like, you know, that was on a liquid flight a week ago where a very large man took a dump and it came through the whole cabin. No. God, I hate that. I actually was looking down and I was like, what is that? Where is that coming from?

And it was the dude. And so it kind of like, it makes you think about does it, I mean, it makes sense, right? A larger human makes a larger shit that is more powerful. Yeah. One time I, I mean, I have this in the book. I shared a condo. This is a really interesting topic. Well, no, this is true.

I shared a condo, a comedy condo, meaning just like the club owns a space, a really shitty one. Yeah. There was two bedroom, one bath. So you shared the bathroom with the other comic for the weekend. I mean, not the most desirable thing, but you're kind of like, you know, you're working at these clubs and you're like, this is just what it is, you know? Most of the time you wouldn't put that much thought into it other than the inconvenience

of it, but I was working one weekend with a 600 pound guy and he would shit and it would come through the walls. It would come through the walls. What was he eating? I mean, he's 600 pounds. Just everything. Yeah. Obviously.

And the funny thing was, you know, I remember about this guy, we went out to lunch and at lunch he goes, have you seen so-and-so like another comedian? I go, uh, not in a while he goes, he's getting big. The irony. He's like, what? He's like, he's really got to watch his weight. I'm like, yeah, he sure does. Yeah.

Yeah. Which does pose a very interesting philosophical question. Does a bigger person necessarily make a bigger shit? I don't know. Because- But hold on. You guys are shaking your head. No, but we have a six-year-old that takes-

That's a good point. Monstrous dumps. I mean, the point where they poke out of the water. Right. Meaning that it's, it actually negates that theory because here's a little 45 pound dude taking like adult-sized dumps, who by the way, he has like a minimal appetite. I know. He doesn't eat that much.

He's not a big eater. No. What are you shitting out? Yeah. But why are these two huge guys that I'm talking about shitting so potent that it's penetrating the walls and filling the cabin of a-of a flight? Yeah. Really interesting questions.

What do you think? Well, we know we need to do is we need to ask somebody that's once been super, super fat and then lost a bunch of weight and gotten healthy and be like, where are your shits bigger when you're heavier? Well, I can say this as somebody who's been fatter in my life and then less fat is your shits are more like reckless than your fatter. They're crazier shits. Is it because you're just eating kind of haphazardly, like whatever?

Yeah. You have like no standards for what goes into your body. Yeah. So you're just like, you're just eating junk all the time. Yeah. So your shits are always disasters. Every shits an emergency. Yeah.

You know, what's interesting though is that healthier my diet gets the more horrendous my shits are, meaning I eat more salads, I eat more fiber, and like it's just like, it's so much brown, you know? Yeah. It's not good. Big or just like foul? Just like runny and like, I have to use the day longer than I wanted to. All right.

Nice. God. Yeah. Yeah. The healthier you eat, that's the irony, like I bet vegans take crazy dumps because my cousin, when she went vegan, she's like, dude, I take like Brontosaurus size shits. She's like, because I eat so clean. Lots of fiber.

Yeah. Everything you eat just comes right out of you. I think that's like the benefit of going vegan is that you're just so cleaned out, you know? It could be. But then my dad always had this theory, he would say, big dog makes big shit, small dog makes small shit. But that's also true.

That's also true too. Like a little tiny dog has little, like little pellets come out of it. Yeah. Right? So it's like. You got 150 pound dog. Yeah. Yeah.

It looks like a fucking man's shit. Yeah. So size, the relativity of the size to the dump, it makes sense. Dude, you should have been on this plane. No, thank you. Oh my God. It literally, I was looking at the ground. I was like, something's, something's happening here.

It took me a minute to figure it out. I'm some more upset that you were flying commercial. Yeah, believe me. It took me a couple of days to get over it. On a nightmare. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know who takes violent dumps on planes.

I really try to avoid that at all costs. Yeah. The one time I sharded over Africa, I remember we were flying to Africa. I remember. But even then, I didn't, I didn't take like a violent shit. I just shorted. Yeah. I don't think I've taken a violent shit.

I don't remember. Okay. It's been a while. Thanks for bringing it up. You got it. Wait. Do you not, do you disagree with this? Yeah.

And he's shaking his head. I know. Oh no, I know better. Well, because I don't think that it's like big people make big shits. And I don't think that the good argument is that, oh, well, kids have small shits because it's like, I think everyone's kids have adult size shits. I don't know. But what about my dad's theory that big dog makes big shit, little dog makes little shit?

It's true. It's true. Those are, those are different animals. Like the dogs also have like eight nipples, but that's not us. But we're similar. How similar? I mean, look, okay, what about like tiny chicks? Tiny chicks don't shit as big as Nadav.

Like a tiny little petite girl. Unless they're vegan. Oh God, this is such a complicated issue. And also, I don't take huge shits. When we get a gastroenterologist, I'm pretty sure it's all relative. You don't know, but you don't know that you take, you don't know that because they're your shits. You're, are you looking at other people's shits?

Yeah. You've looked at other people's shits. All the time. Who's like at the office before anyone, everyone knows the rule. He knows everybody's shit style. Yeah. Yeah. This isn't just a hobby for me guys.

He does know. I gotta bring something up. What's that? I'm sorry. The size of these shits? Yeah. How do you know that? I have cameras installed.

Oh my God. Oh my God. Wait, do you shit at the office in Texas, any? Never. No. Those are nice stalls. I know. It's a shame I can't use them.

It's a real big shame. Like, look, it's for y'all. It's for y'all. I'm a nice guy, you know, and I'm trying to help you guys out. Just give it to us one time, dude. You don't want it one time. I know. You don't want it one time.

I mean, you don't want it one time, bro. Let me just tell you. But think about it, because Annie holds it in for so long that his dumps are catastrophic. By the time he lets it happen, it's probably devastating. I am curious, though. It's horrible. Me, too. Can you take a picture, please?

No, I can't do that. What if we do it on a Saturday? What the fuck is the difference over Saturday? It has a day or two to dissipate. It won't smell terrible on a Monday if you do it on a Saturday. Or Friday evening, even better. Uh-oh, man. Because here's the other thing.

Here's the more important part, actually. It's not just catastrophic. It's fucking giant, like, normally. So it's going to get clogged and I'm touching that shit. I have problems on standby. No, I ain't doing that, man. I ain't doing that, man. I'm trying to help you out, man.

I'm trying to help you out. Help us better. A plumber would come in and be like, you know, you can't just shit on each other's shit in here. You've got to flush between them. Andy, are you sitting down when you shit at Arby's or are you squatting on the toilet seat? Neither.

I'm not even going to touch my feet to that shit. I'll just be standing and shit. Wait a minute. Yeah. So you hover over it? Yeah. From the ground. Yeah.

From what? Yes. Oh, you mean from the toilet? Reret. No, I'm not touching the toilet. I don't touch that shit. You stand on the ground and you just hover. Yeah.

That's how you take a shit this morning at Arby's? Yeah. You must have amazing thigh muscles. I mean, I can't squat that and you're vulnerable. You're shitting. Yeah. You don't want to relax? You don't want to do it in 30 years.

No, I don't want to relax. I want to get the hell out of there and push it out super quick, you know what I'm saying? Yeah. Yeah. I enjoy dumping. I mean, I think it's one of life's good pleasures taking a dump, you know? I think most people, most people, it's like a relaxing thing. You know, if it's healthy, you're kind of like, ah, it's a break.

Hold on. And that was an interesting potty break for everybody. I know. I wanted to take a dump and then the toilet here is about to flood. Yeah. Which is funny because like I went in there, I peed. Yeah. It was fine.

Yeah. You peed. So who went first in the lineup is what I'm wondering because we all peed. Well, Zola wasn't there, but I think he peed too. Right. Yeah, I peed. He was about to get some more intel on the type of shits that he takes because he's the one that I don't really know how he does it.

Right. Zolo. This exact conversation is why I don't do this. This one right here. Yeah. Yeah. So it went Zolo and then didn't know and then no, Nadav peed first. No, I didn't even peed.

You didn't peed. So Zolo and then Tom and then me. And by the time I went in there, I thought to myself, I go, should I try and relax enough to brown here because that cigarette and I'm drinking espresso? Should I do it? And I tried to relax my shvinkty a little bit. Didn't happen. And I was like, fuck it.

I'm done. And I flushed and I heard glu glu glu glu glu glu. And then, you know what I mean? I'm like, oh, this is bad. I'm like, get off. And we share a pipeline with our neighbor who one time, this was actually very satisfying when I heard this, it clogged and the plumbers came and they're like, oh, it's all this like, whatever, wipes or something.

And they go, oh, it could be from that side. And the plumber was like, no, it's from your side, like the plumber straightened them out. The wipes? So who was using wipes? They were using them over there. Oh, sorry, their side, not our side. Okay. Yeah, that you can't put wipes in the plumbing.

And people have said to me, oh, but Christina, have you tried the biodegradable kind? And I've been told that even those will destroy your body. But what do you want to bet? That's what this is right now. It's got to be. It's them. First of all, no one's even been here on this side. Right.

Yeah. And the fact that we're both clogged and she was when I went next door, I was like, hey, you know, our bathrooms act and how's yours doing? Can you see if you flush? She's like, well, someone just went in right now and it was fine for them. Something tells me that that's the culprit. Mr. Wipes. Mr. Wipes.

Yeah, it's somebody with wipes. Yeah. Which I get, you know, I mean, they're amazing. They feel much better. I can't wait to tell them to cover the bill. Yeah. Are you? Well, you have empirical.

Oh, because we haven't been here. Yeah. No one's been here. You can be like, we haven't even like people have peed here. I took two shits here on Friday. Yeah. Yeah. It's not year dumps.

No. Wow. You took two. It was a travel day. Yeah. That'll do it. Travel days ruin all your browns. So I got something to show you.

This guy, Carlos, he is the I exorcism. Why is it called the I exorcism? Do you know? Yeah. If you remember, there was the guy he uploaded to YouTube where he just used his eyes. Oh, to perform an exorcism. Yeah, to perform an exorcism on whoever's watching YouTube. Oh, I think that's in there for you.

All right, folks. Oh, yeah. Make eye contact with me right now. I'm going to expose your demons, OK? I'm going to command them to surface. OK. Now, pay close attention to what I'm going to say here. You really do got to take care of your eyebrows as you get older.

You know, they just get wild. Wild. And the thing is, it looks as though he's done some measures because he plucks in between them, yet leaves the length on the rest. Yeah. It's too long. I feel like mine grow at such an alarming rate sometimes. They do.

You know? They really do. And I've tried to maintain you and pluck you and keep you. Yeah. I'll only know this because like one will come into my vision. You know, like I'll move and I'll be like, what is that? Or also, I don't look at my face very much. So I'll lean in and then I'll be like, oh, wow, there's some real longies here.

Yeah. As soon as you do it, you feel better. You know? Yeah. This is unnecessary. And also, I believe it ages your face a lot more. Is it longer? You need to trim them.

Yeah. You look wild. I agree. I agree. So anyway, he has a new update this guy. Oh. And it's not a performance of an exorcism with his eyes. It is a really interesting thought.

So what I want to say here is this, OK? OK. Open mouth, French kiss is oral sex, OK? Wow. And everyone loses their virginity when they kiss for the first time. So please subscribe to this channel. I didn't know that until like maybe like a month ago. Oh, a month ago.

Right? But I pray and I read the word and I get revelation. Yeah. I just learned it right now. I just learned it right now. He's saying that a French kiss is technically you losing your virginity. Yeah. Virginity is cool.

Come on. Come on. Do you, Tom? OK. If you really want to have a blessed marriage, a blessed family and life, do things God's way. Don't do things Hollywood's way. Hollywood?

Don't do things. What's the Hollywood? YouTube way. Don't do things CNN way. Don't do things, you know, you know, don't do things Hollywood's way because it's going to, it's going to mess with you. Do things God's way. How about that?

Social. Social. Social. Don't do things Hollywood way. What accent is that? Is that Portuguese? You think? Is he Brazilian?

Don't do things. Hollywood. Yeah. Latin. Something. There are principles that if we apply them, we will be protected. But if we break them, we're going to be at the devil's mercy, right? So I just had this word for you.

You don't have to believe the way I do. I'm just, you know, trying to help people, you know, avoid more curses. Okay. If you fornicate before you got married, if your marriage is not done, you know, heaven's way, chances are it will not work either. What? Because it's already full of curses and demons and devils, right? Demons and devils.

Tom, we've fornicated before marriage. It's true. It's true. Many people do and they're all going to be in hell for eternity. In the Hollywood way. I think, you know, he would really click like really, really, really click with God invented the game of sex and therefore he gets to make the rules. And if you don't live by those rules, you will pay the consequences.

In this life, you will get sexually transmitted diseases and in the next life, you will suffer for all eternity. Man. Such an extreme reaction. Cool. How does God dictate what sex will be, does God have a dick? Oh, yeah, of course. What kind of, what's his dick, Sitch?

It's pretty fucking spectacular. God's dick? Do you think God has like, you're like, hmm, that's all you got? No. What do you imagine it to be? The greatest of all time. And what's that? Like shape, girth?

Well, first of all, I don't think God is like six, one. You know, I think he's probably like, you know, 10 feet tall or something. Oh my God. It's God. He's not going to be like, he's got a little. How large is God's penis? Yeah. Google the top.

You're right. He's 10 feet tall. Yeah. So I think his penis is probably flaccid, 16 inches. Easily. And girthy, like a forearm, you know? Yeah. Yeah.

That's so cool. Is this an article about it? Yeah. Yeah. I think it's pretty enormous. Oh, they, uh. Spectacular. And behold, that shall conceive in thy womb and bring forth the Son and shall call him

Jesus. So that's the argument that he does have it there. But here's the thing about God's penis. I think it is so, I don't think it is one that a human being could fornicate with. Well, like Mary was inseminated by God, but they didn't do it the OS way. Right. Right. He did it the God way.

So maybe he just, oh, maybe he, maybe he came on her stomach, like we were saying earlier, because God doesn't spill a seed on the floor. That's like rule number one. So he came on her stomach and then it trickled down in, God's dick moved, I mean, the semen moved in. It's quite possible. Yeah. It's quite possible.

Yeah, I don't think like somebody can get to heaven and be like, Hey, can I take that for a ride? And God's like, sure. Yeah. I think, I think, I think, well, first of all, I think it would just, I think it would rip you in half. Because if he's 10 feet tall, he's like Sasquatch. Yeah.

That's what I think he's like. Super big. Yeah. I think he's giant. I think he looks like, you know, like a caricature of a person, but like a glorious one. Perfect. Do you think he has the long hair, like the long white hair and white beard, like this guy kind of.

Blue dick. Blue dick. Nice, dude. Blue and veiny. Yeah. And just like, like scary. I think it looks like a weapon, you know, like, like a sword or something, you know. So cool.

Yeah. It's a pretty cool guy. I don't know. That's what I dream about. I don't know. I don't know. There are principles that will, if we apply them, we will be protected. But if we break them, we're going to be at the devil's mercy, right?

Yeah. So I just had this word for you. You don't have to believe the way I do. I'm just, you know, trying to help people, you know, avoid more curses. Okay. He's just trying to help. If you're in a cage before you got married, if your marriage is not done, you know, heaven's way, chances are it will not work either.

Now, everything else that you're doing out there, looking at women's legs, if you're a man, and then that's only going to make the situation worse. If you're watching pornography, if you keep, you know, adultery is a major, major sin that will open so many doors for demons to come in and destroy people, family, marriages, and the like for generations to come. It's called adultery. Adultery can open a door for an infirmity demon to come in and put a cancer in somebody. Why not?

Oh, well, he has a website. Oh. I like his style. I like fear, hope, school, health fire. When he opened it, he was like, like this video and subscribe, and then now it says visitbrothercarlos.com. Yeah. Deliverance videos, telephone prayers, and more.

And more. Yeah. What's more? Oh, the website doesn't work. That's strange. Yeah. Yeah. You know what's funny?

He mentioned, he's like, looking at women's legs, like, you know, that's what makes his dick hard because he threw out women's legs. He's from Brazil, so he's been seeing legs for a while. Yeah. And Toshis. And he's like that. The culture is a super sexual culture. It is.

Why? That's so funny. They are very super sexual, and it's about the butt, the Brazilian butt having a butt like that. Yeah. They like their butts. Mm-hmm. It's thongs.

It's the beach, right? It's a beach community. It's a beach culture, yeah. Yeah. Rio. They're fun. I like that whole style. Yeah.

Do it, Tom. Dance. Show. I mean, they come. Yeah. So, I mean, they come. Yeah. Are they super religious, too, though?

I mean, it's a Catholic, sure, country, but I mean, it's obviously like, I mean, it's a sexually charged culture. Yeah. What an interesting dichotomy that they're like a deeply Catholic place and then also hypersexual. I read this thing one time about insults in different parts of the world. And so, the origin of insults, you know, in different parts of the world are cultural, right?

It has to do with, like, what is, what happens and what is the norm and what do people care about in that culture? Yep. And so, I don't know what the actual, but I was reading this thing and it was like, you know, in Bulgaria, it's this. And in Japan, it's this. And Japan's was like shame-based, which made sense, you know? And the insult that said, the article said that in Brazil, one of the common insults

basically translated to, like, you don't even know how to fuck. Oh, wow. Like that was like the worst thing you can say to somebody. Yeah. You can't fuck right. You don't fuck right. That's so amazing. Yeah.

Like, how dare you say that to me? You can't even, you don't even know how to fuck. Yeah. That's a good one. Yeah. So this guy, yeah. His eyebrows, I think this is an older video. He looks younger here.

Yeah. He looks younger and I wish he would remove his shades. I'd like to see his eyes. Yeah. I know. Well, he performs exorcisms with his eyes. It's too powerful. I can't show you everything at once.

I know. Makes a lot of sense. The telephone. We're going to make a real quick video about emoji self pronouns. There's lots of those of you who don't know. I use tooth emoji, tooth emoji self pronouns. Yeah. And we're going to talk about why I don't say those verbally because that was really

weird to say. Tooth and tooth selfie. Tooth self. Yeah. Emoji self pronouns are called as Neo pronouns or as some people call them Xeno pronouns that I've. Thank you, by the way, for those who decided to educate me on that. I did some research on it and you are correct.

Xeno pronouns are a thing. A lot of people still refer to noun self and emoji self pronouns as Neo pronouns though as since that's more commonly known. I will continue. I am moving on. Wait. Hold on. Hold on.

Can I tell you that my favorite thing is is that so when these people make a video and then someone's like, actually it's called a Neo pronoun and then the person has to go, thank you for educating me. You can't be like, fuck you. In this whole thing, you have to say thank you for educating me. Thank you for the education. Thank you for educating me. So I'd like to thank you for educating me to self.

We did not know. Thank you for the education. Thank you for educating me. You know that there are like voice over act like sometimes you watch commercials and there's a voice over and it's a familiar voice. Oh, that's key for Sutherland, you know. But then there's the ones that are really amazing voices, but they're not celebrities in the sense that they're not from the acting world.

They're not, you know, you don't know them, but their voices are just ridiculous, right? So everybody who plays video games knows, you know, like the EA sport. It's in the game. Like that guy, like they have these like famous voices from that. So you know that this guy is really famous in the video game world because he does the Halo stuff. Oh. Hey there, Tom and Christina.

It's Jeff Steitzer, the voice of God multiplayer announcer for Halo. I'm the guy that says things like double kill, triple kill, over kill. Well the reason I'm here is because your very, very good friend Nick reached out to me to tell me that you guys have got a podcast and he thought you might like to have those lines said by me in the Halo voice. Wow. So here we go. Hot sauce is the best.

Who is Randy? Double pipe classic. Glass. Garth, where are the bodies? Did I smoke him, Hunter? You bet I'm coming up in May. Pretty amazing. Wow.

That's talent. Thanks, Nick. Yeah. Thanks, Nick. My good friend, Nick, who did that. That's amazing. Wow. That's so cool.

That is such a talent. That voiceover, man. Goodness gracious. Yeah. Super cool. Super cool. Very, very cool. Yeah.

What a nice guy. What a good sport too. Yeah. I really, I love people when they're sweet like you. That is Jeff, is it Steltzer and it was bought by Nick Abstract. Jeff Stitzer. Stitzer, excuse me. Jeff Stitzer and Nick Abstract.

And what a great gig to be the Halo guy and you just recorded in a booth and boom, you're done working. God. Sweet gig. Best. I just saw that clip online that Will Arnett. Yeah. I didn't realize he's the GMC voice.

No. Yeah. So he has this naturally deep voice. Yeah. He has a great, great voice. But he is the, he can, you know, you can throw your voice, right? He can reach like this, like lower pitch or octave, whatever it's called. And he does like GMC trucks.

He's that guy. What? I didn't know that. That's awesome. Yeah. He does a bunch of stuff. We don't even know about. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. That's amazing. You know who I love when he does voiceover? Is Alec Baldwin? Well, he's got that same register basically. Yeah. Yeah.

Like I love Royal Tenenbombs when he does the opening. Alec Baldwin has like hangover voice. Yeah. You know when you're like, oh God. The thing is, I just didn't sleep enough last night. Yeah, he has that voice all the time. Alaria wants another baby and they've been up with kids all night. Alaria is wanting a baby number, Ocho.

I loved him. I always, he was my favorite of the Baldwin's. Yeah. Yeah. You know, there's this. He's done, he's done incredible movies. Yeah. There's this movie he did with Kim Basinger.

A passenger. Is a passenger? I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I had such a big crush on him growing up and you know, I always, I remember one time they showed his chest and it was super hairy and I was like, oh, he's a man. Yeah.

He's a man. Yeah. There it is. The marrying man. I've watched that movie. You know how when, so growing up, when we did, there was just cable television and you just were at the mercy of whatever was on cable over and over. So I don't even know if I really like that movie.

I just know that it was on every day in the summer of 90, whatever, when I was home that summer. So I've seen that movie a million times and I feel like it forces your taste. You know what I mean? Sure. Like had I not grown up just being in love with him, I like Baldwin. Yeah. If I was watching some other movie that I wanted to watch.

Yeah, no. But he also, I mean, he's a very talented actor. Yeah. He's always like in, I mean, well, he shot that person and that was kind of a lot. But even aside from that, he is always in tabloids. He's like a very tabloid heavy guy. Is he? Yeah.

I don't pay attention. First it was that he, him and Kim had like a very public divorce and then he's got, well, the thing is like, I don't know why Paparazzi has always been into him, but he's always been one of those people that fights with them. Oh, that's cool. So he's actually like punched a few of them. Oh God. Yeah.

Yeah, that's why. It's always been a thing. Kim Basinger, Bassenger. Yeah. That's so helpful too. Man. Stunning. God.

Talk about a perfect face too. Yes. She was great. Oh geez. Okay. So attractive. Okay. What do you think?

Henry Cavill or Alec Baldwin Young? So go ahead and Google Alec Baldwin Young. Can I tell you the thing though? That I didn't know, like I just realized that Henry Cavill was in that Mission Impossible like two of them ago. He didn't register to me as anything but just like another actor. Oh wow. It's like he's been, part of it is like, he is very good looking, but I feel like I've

been, you know, when they're like, you get told that someone is right. And so now it registers like that. But if you put like the mission, like, yeah, he's in Mission Impossible and I just thought he looked like, okay, like another actor. Yeah. I know you're saying he didn't like stand out. It didn't stand out as I wasn't like, look how fucking good looking this guy is. Maybe it's the beard.

Did the beard? That hides his features. I think, I don't think Henry Cavill should have that facial hair. Even there, when he did the Superman role, I was, I didn't know his name, but I was like, oh, that's the guy. I was like, yes, good looking guy, but I didn't go like, holy shit. Maybe because his face is so generically perfect. Yeah, maybe.

Yeah. Like I think, because when I say somebody's perfect, I mean like that, like a stamp. Like a stamp. Oh, this is what a perfect human should look like. Like I thought when we were looking at, because Bert saw Thor the other day and he brought up, that to me, I was like, Jesus Christ, but that guy looked way more stand out, good looking. You know?

So who are you fucking? That's what I'm saying. The Thor guy or? Well, but that's, look at this guy. Oh yeah. He's handsome. Yeah. But I don't, I'm not attracted to it.

But looking at him there, like in a suit. Let me see him like look normal. Like he is like really good looking dude. No, it doesn't do it for me. It's not, personally, it's not, he's cute. No, don't get me wrong. He's not objectively handsome. Yeah.

I don't know. It doesn't ring my bell. Now, I did think when I was younger, now that you're bringing it up, I thought that Alec Baldwin looked like a striking handsome man. Please pull up Alec Baldwin young. I mean, I did think that. Now, here's what Alec Baldwin too is he's got that, he's something interesting happening here.

It's not totally perfect, but there's something masculine, sloppy. Because you know what it is. The thing is about men or women. And something is a little more complicated. It's more intriguing. Yeah. Look at that picture. Oh, like I love him.

What's he doing in the red background and the chest hair and like, I love it. A little off from perfect can be more attractive than perfect. A thousand percent. I think I've never fucked a perfect. Right? Like you look at like you look at that Henry or the Thor character and you're like, you know, it looks like they're drawings that came to life. And you're like, well, they just look perfect.

Yeah. But if somebody has like a little imperfection, that's almost more it's more engaging. You're right. I think and I think because it gives them character, it gives them, yeah, something to dig into. Yeah, look how I see he tell my trend though, Tom. I see the I like blue eyes and I like brunettes.

Yeah. I mean, you're kind of the funny thing is though, you know, when you bring up the Henry thing, ever since he's been talked about more, I do go, oh, he is like better looking, but that mission impossible thing, that dude didn't register to me at all. You didn't even see him. No, because he's so generically handsome, maybe because he's not interestingly handsome. I don't know.

He's I mean, he's very handsome man, you know. Yeah, but there's interestingly handsome and that's true. Perfectly handsome. He seems like if if somebody was like, show me a perfect man and you'd go like this guy, it's like a carbon copy. Now, what about so, you know, Marco Robbie is playing Barbie. She's, I think, a perfect human. Beautiful.

She's beautiful. She's like so perfect. Yeah. Oh, but is that generic too? Like, do you feel the same way about women's faces or is it just men? Because a woman can't be too perfect. Right. Take it for a spin.

You're right. I mean, you can be like, no, but she doesn't seem like I like her a lot. Yeah, she seems very pretty. Gorgeous. Yeah. She's perfect. But also Charlie's Tehran. Perfect.

You can find photos of her where she looks carbon copy perfect. But then you can also see because she's an actress, like a versatile act. She's actually a very good actress. Oh, yeah. There's I think there's something more to like she has seems like she has more depth than just being a pretty face. Yeah, I think you have to to play the roles that she does. Yeah, you have to.

You can't just be a dimwit. I bet she's, you know, probably smarter than most people. Yeah, I'm not the most people, but like she's got a brain in her fucking head, a thousand percent totally regarded. She is, uh, she's very, very pretty. Yeah. I love watching her in itanya. I love her thing about women, too, is that like she can look because of hair

and everything like so much different from role to role too. I know. You know, it's kind of crazy how a haircut or even this, right? Like if I really, if I have black hair, it's just changes your whole vibe. And there she is kind of more natural. Well, it's probably her natural hair color at the top without bleaching it. Oh, she's gorgeous. Perfect stunning.

Yeah, you can't say anything about it. No, no, no. Is that her guy? Who's she banging? Oh, yes. His husband, Tom Ackerley. Who the fuck is that? Who's that?

Is he in Aussie, too? Tom Ackerley, mate. British film producer. Oh, good girl. And, uh, she knows what she's doing. She knows what she's doing. She married a film producer. The actress marrying the film producer.

Good idea. That's a good move. And they don't compete because different, you know, different vibes. He can put her in all of his movies. Yep. Oh, he's cute. Oh, they're good. But he looks like a regular dude.

He does. Yeah. Just like a normal guy. Yeah. He's just a regular guy. Yeah. But he's, he's attractively regular. He's, yes.

No, he's, yeah. Yeah. Good for her. That means she's a good person. She married a normal dude. Okay. Not like a dummy, you know. A hot dumb, dumb.

Hot dummy? Yeah. What's up, hot dummy? Hot dummy. I can't wait to see the Barbie movie. You know who's in that too? Yeah. Ryan Gosling.

Oh, you always liked Ryan Gosling. Love Ryan Gosling. Yeah. He's always been at the top of your list. Look at him. Yeah. And that's her, right? Yeah.

Yeah. I can't wait to see it. So he's Ken? Of course. That's fantastic. Heller. Heller. All right.

Well, we did it guys. Another segment on hotties. How to hot people. Okay. People will never look like. Let's get to it. Yeah. Tell me you weren't expecting that.

I liked that her handles like country sweet girl. Country sweetness. Oh, Jesus. Mm-hmm. I didn't expect it to go this way. I didn't. I liked that it did. Let me see this.

What she looks like here at the beginning. Oh man. Foof. It's bold for a woman. And I, why I highlighted this TikTok is because usually women don't go this way. It's rare. It's a cool woman, a cool lady. Yeah.

Okay. Okay, what? How do you feel? I mean, I did this for you. Thanks. Slide into my man's inbox bitch and I'm going to slide into God's and let him know you're on your way sis. Mm-hmm.

So this was an interesting like. It seems like it was a very direct message to somebody. To somebody. It wasn't just for the public. No. But those are the most fun. Can I tell you something? She's got really nice eyes.

Really nice eyes. Yeah. And I can't tell if she has teeth or not, but I'm kind of, I don't care. I think she's pretty enough. I think you would go but your eyes. Yeah. You don't have teeth, but your eyes. Yeah.

That's right. Very pretty eyes. Yeah. And she's protective of her man. I respect that. Good for her. Why don't you do them right now? Your dates.

You want to slip into my DMs? Yeah, I'll do my DM. Let's do my dates. Guys, come see me do comedy in San Fran, man, the friend disco at Cobbs July 29th and 30th. Seattle's already sold out Cleveland, Ohio at Hilarities August 12th and 13th. Many Apple tits at the Acme Comedy Club August 26th and 27th. Brooklyn one night only at the Bell House September 7th, September 9th. DeTois at the MGM Grand DeTois and then Chicago September 10th at the Park West Theatre.

And then Zanies in Gashville October 6th, 7th and 8th. And then back to Juvedork titties to Carolines and then Biloxi, Mississippi in November. Tickets at christinapeonline.com. And native. When does this come out? The 27th. 27th. All right.

The 27th, I'll be in Lincoln, Nebraska, Pinewood Bowl Theatre August 8th, Saginaw, Michigan. I think we have a second. Oh, yeah, that's our second show. August 10th, Windsor, Ontario, the Coliseum at Caesars Windsor August 25th. I'm at Penn State at Bryce Jordan Center September 3rd. I'm at Mohegan Sun Arena October 7th. I'm at the Criterion in Oklahoma City Saturday, October 8th. We added a late show in St.

Louis at the Fox October 22nd, the Hard Rock in Atlantic City. Rice Center October 26th in Green Bay. The fourth and final at the Chevalier in Boston November 19th. And then in November, I'll be in Fort Myers and Melbourne December 2nd. Reno, the second show added there. They're all at TomSquare.com slash tour. All right. Out of my DMs and into into my heart for all you motherfucking haters. It's all good, bro. Keep hating.

It's all good. I ain't trippin. Fuck it. Keep hating. He's got like a heart choker thing on. It looks like a dog collar with a dog identification tag. Oh, so he's into the lifestyle. He's some kind of lifestyle. And I think too, when you when you're like, I'm not fucking you haters. I'm not. I don't care.

It's like you kind of do. You do care. And you're you're actually laying in the haters now that you care. So it's not it's never a good idea unless somebody's going like, hey, how do you feel about the haters? So you're answering the question. Yeah, like, you don't just put out a talk saying F all the haters. Oh, you fucking hate it. Yeah. Yeah. It's like you're just inviting it.

You're really sinking to their level, you know. Yep. Anyway, you know, I've been banned from TikTok again. I keep violating their fucking guy. And again, here's the deal, man. It's just me posting regular things. Like I had a video of me making Barbie and Ken Hump. Yeah. Violating community guidelines. One time I was just like, I watched so as a reaction video,

some guy doing something dumb and I was like, no, dude, you know, just like whatever violating community guidelines. They take down all my shit. If you guys want to see the kind of risqué things I'm putting up, follow me at the water champ on TikTok. I sound like Covertake just then. Yeah, I am unstoppable. Oh, my God. Like Tommy, this is for you.

There's so much that's so gnarly. That was one of the most vile things I've ever seen, including in the heavy segments. Should I have saved this for the live show? Look how gnarly. And by the way, like, why are you wearing open toe shits when everybody can see your your nasty nails? And she's got a toe ring on.

That's that's like a, hey, check this out. You know, decorating it. Yeah. Decorating the gnarliest. And like it's bizarre to have long, tiny nails. I mean, it does not hurt when you put it in a shoe. Probably why I shouldn't put it in a shoe today. She took a fucking gnarly dump. She just really had it all. Shit.

When you only tacos, do you tip your head to the left or to the right? Neither. The thighs typically keep my head firmly in place. This is cool guy humor. That is cool guy humor. I thought you liked that one. It's like a pervert, like funny cool guy stuff. Yeah.

That is typically. But this guy doesn't get flagged on TikTok. Like, why doesn't he get flagged for making a pussy eating joke? And like me just making Barbie and Ken Hump is is risque. It's disguised enough. I don't know. It's bullshit.

Hi, happy Monday. The Stanley Cup Finals start this week. Yeah. My choice, Colorado, West Coast. So, you know how it is. And I hate any team from Florida now. Have a good day all. Bye. He hates any team from Florida now. I don't mean that's not very nice.

Not very nice at all. No. More exotic pets. It's a bobcat. Look at that mouth. Do you know what that could do to the cat laying next to it? Just in three seconds. Yeah. That's a domesticated bobcat.

Okay. Doesn't look too happy to be there. Hard pass. Hard pass. It's recommended in taking the urine therapy that you only drink your own urine. You don't take anybody else's. That I know. Unless it's somebody very, very sick and then they would take the urine of a baby of their own sex.

Of their own sex. We've learned a lot today about religious stuff and sex. What is it, Tom? Did you know those rules about urine therapy? I just, yeah. You have to drink your own urine and if you're not drinking your own urine, it's got to be of a baby of the same sex. Great. Okay.

So how do you learn light language? I'm going to share my most important tip on how to get started with light language. First, it's important to know that light language is not something that you learn. It's not. It's not something that your intellectual mind can wrap its head around. It's something that is felt, experienced, a more of a re-remembering of an activation. Every human being has the ability to re-remember how to speak and channel light language. In fact, children who are very young and still in touch with their soul self,

you will find them speaking light language in childhood. So how can you get started learning light language? My most important tip is the biggest thing I've noticed that gets in the way of people being able to activate their own channel is self-judgment. I can definitely understand from a different perspective how light language could seem silly or strange vocalizing very interesting sound. She seems so young to be this crazy. So sweet. Like, if you were telling me this message, I'd be like, oh, the message is coming from somebody like 64 or something, you know? She's Denver.

Somebody who's lost their mind over the years. She's got Denver Airport vibes, but she's not. Yeah. I mean, she looks like a fucking teenager. But here's the deal, man, is that I really like her and her light language videos are fucking pleasant and they're actually really healing. Like when I wanted to not like it. And then I was like, God, I feel so much better. Like that's the weird thing is that she's not wrong.

Okay. Okay. Try and see. She is creating a space within yourself of supportive awareness to support yourself in allowing to express whatever wants to come through. So a practice I recommend in order to start activating your vocal channel is take a moment, a time out of your day to simply allow yourself to vocalize whatever wants to come through. Don't set. I mean, do I really have to do the whole thing? I mean, I just wanted you to get a piece of the light.

I got a piece. I got a piece. Thank you. You really should give it a try before you give up on it. I'm not. I'm just saying I'll send you some of her videos. I don't know if they're in that pile just to feel what it feels like. It feels so good.

She has them for menstrual cramps. She has them for like taking your anger away, which it looks like you could use right now. Episode 666 is coming to an end. That's it. I don't have any more talks for you. No. I don't believe you. Yeah.

And that was not one I wanted to end on. Can we go out on a fun talk at least? That's the last one. Fine. The last one on the bench. So yeah, we made it. We made it to the very final episode of your mom's house because we always wanted to come to just Episode 666.

We are now in Lucifer's Lair officially, the home that we will spend eternity in here with Satan and all of the centers of the world. Thank you for joining us on this journey. Yeah. Thank you. It's been really fun. It took a while to get here. I can't believe we've done this many episodes of your mom's house.

No. It's approximately 12 years. Jesus. Yeah. And we've really not grown so much as humans. Not that much. Not that much. I feel like we are just making fun of stuff the same way.

And that's really important is that we haven't matured at all. That is a very important thing. Well, that's it. Thank you guys for watching and listening. Thank you for supporting us in this show and we'll see you on the road. Bye, Jeans. Bye, Mommy. And now I'm a man and I'm home here now.

Be you homeless or black or Latino. You'll piss on me, beat me, don't say no. The thing I'm one most out of life. Don't you scoff. I want to get off. I want to get off. I want to get off. Again.

Oh, again.