Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - 675 - Your Mom's House with Christina P and Tom Segura

Episode Date: September 28, 2022

SPONSORS:- Go to https://Saatva.com/theshit to get $200 off ANY mattress of your choice. JEANS UP!! On this week’s episode of Your Mom’s House, Tom Segura and Christina P give an update on the mommy who cleaned Garth Brooks’ jet, discuss gift giving, recap the car accident Christina got into, and reveal that they’ve been in contact with the cool Hong Kong tailor. They watch videos of a dude explaining why guys don’t want an “alpha female,” some “Horrible or Hilarious” clips, a cool message to Enny, a batch of Christina’s TikToks, and they revisit YMH All-Star Uncle Terry! https://tomsegura.com/tourhttps://christinaponline.com/tour-dateshttps://store.ymhstudios.com/https://www.reddit.com/r/yourmomshousepodcast

Your liar face, and I don't trust you no more. You know, I came clean about the one that made up. Thought it was a fun story. Well, now our kids are gonna go blind. Because you swore on our children's eyes. I'm not. Ha ha ha. Uh.

Ha ha ha ha. It's on you. Ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Welcome. Welcome to your mom's house. This episode is brought to you by Satva. We love sleeping on Satva mattresses, and a lot of you do too, and if you're not yet,

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Hey, you did an extra long radio guy. You're on the road? Where are you going to be? On the road again. I'm going to be in Zaneys in Gashville, October 6th, 7th, and 8th. And then Washington, Dick, Cum, DC, improv, November 3rd, Jewdork, Titty, November 4th, and 5th. And then one night in Biloxi, Mississippi, Ben Salem, Pennsylvania, and then I go to

Donahue Beach, the Donahue improv, December 2nd, 3rd, 4th, and then Chicago. This is next year. Christina P. online dot com. Check it out. Shout out. Shout out. Shout out. Ta.

The check it out guy. Shout out. Shout out. Where are we? I'm on tour. Come see me on tour. I don't know where I am. Come and see me.

It's everywhere. Also I would like to make an announcement. My lipsticks have finally come in from Italy. So those of you that purchased, were they already sold out like the first run? Pretty wild. It was crazy and, but now we're in production. So please order it if you want. If you're interested in this lipstick I wear, I finally made my own brand.

It's at ymhstudios.com. Christina P. is perfect red. It's literally made with the best ingredients. It's the most perfect red color. It won't dry your lips out and it lasts forever. I've been wearing red lipsticks since I was 13. So I am an expert in such a product. And we also just hit the store.

They might be out, but we did a big reorder of the vinyl of white girls with corn roasts. Oh. The album that I own completely from my catalog. And last time we did a vinyl release, they sold out. So we did another one. That's awesome. I remember the day you filmed the artwork for that and the day that you found a white girl who was willing to put in corn roasts.

She was a dancer dancing like music videos. So she was like, oh yeah, I'll do that shit. And then she was like, this fucking hurts. They pull them tight. Oh yeah. And I remember it took a long time, you said. It did. It took a while.

Yeah. And we went to like a salon in a black neighborhood and they were like, what are you doing here? Yeah. I needed her to get corn roasts for a photo shoot and they were like, okay. So good. Yeah. What a good time. That was a fun time.

We were living in Silver Lake. What I remember most about this girl is that, you know, I had her do this with a very good day of the shoot and everything. And that one day she just unfollowed me on social media. I think I would also, that was back when I would post a lot of horrifying stuff on Twitter. I would remind myself of that. I would, you know, post like very graphic porn stuff or, you know, just like vile comments. And one day I just, I noticed that she was like unfollow.

You lost your pal. You lost your girl with corn roasts. Get over it, right? So a lot to get into. How about we just open this show and then we can get into all the talking. Here you go. Why no masculine man wants an alpha female? The term alpha female is just a nicer way of saying masculinized woman.

A woman who leads, a woman who's strong, a woman who's intimidating. That's a man. That's so good. Welcome to your mom's house with Tom Segura. Tom Segura. And Christina Pajits in Christina Pajits. Welcome to your mom's house. Pretty cool guy.

I like him. Well, I know. That's so funny. Oh, so I've been finding a lot of these tech talk meme, like tech talk creators. It's all about what masculine energy, feminine energy, what men really want, what women really want. Nobody knows fucking shit. You know what I mean?

That's your analysis? Nobody knows fucking shit. Nobody knows fucking shit. And I think, you know, Covertate when he got banned from everything, left a gaping vortex in this space of like men and women and what they want and what bitches are and I've seen a lot of... Do you want to know something interesting? Yeah.

This account has been banned. No. What else is he saying? A masculine man doesn't need or want any of those things in a woman. He wants a woman who's soft. A woman who's receptive. A woman who's vulnerable. A woman who's permissive.

A woman who follows his lead. A masculine man wants a feminine woman. Amen, brother. Amen, brother. Yeah. So I guess that line of thinking was a little too much for tech talk. Too much. You know, they, yeah, they ban me every day.

I have to appeal. Yeah. Every one of... Oh, Ari Shafir, we had Ari on and he was talking about that person he saw walking on their backwards legs. Yeah. And I think for hate speech or something, I had to read... Hate speech.

But this is all... Is that tech talk or is that users being like, flagging, right? That's fucking pussy users, crybabies, who can't handle humor and they flag it for you. Thanks, dickface. Yeah. So I saw this one thing on tech talk and it was like, don't buy men gifts. What do you think about that? Because the man's supposed to buy the lady gifts.

I mean, I don't, I wouldn't say don't buy men gifts. I do think it's more in the nature of a relationship for a man to buy the woman gifts. But I mean, I think that's really just nice, like a feelings kind of thing. What do you mean? Just like it's in the emotion of, you know, the individual person, meaning like if you're a woman and you want to buy a man, I don't think you should be like, I'm going to fight that instinct to not do that. I think you do it if the feeling is there, right?

Yeah. I think you're a great, you're a great gift buyer. Yeah. I'm a lousy gift buyer. There's only one gift in the history and I'm not going to say what it is, but it was a very low, low cost item I bought you a million years ago that you still cherish. Oh yeah, yeah. However, I have bought you many things over the course of 17 years and I feel like every

time it's open, you're like, oh, that's nice. Yeah. Like I don't think that stuff is your jam. Right. I like buying gifts more. Yeah. You don't enjoy the receiving. That's true.

That's true. Is that accurate? Yeah, that's accurate. What could I buy you that you would be like, oh my gosh, thank you. A tit job. I already know that. Get my tits made bigger. I'm trying to think.

Could you imagine about a maid maid? What could you get me that I would be like? Yeah. What would you, I mean, you've already got everything. You got a race car now, Bert bought you a race car, you've got a jet ski. I'm not in need of anything. So I can't even, I can't bring that idea up. But also the thing I think I like most about gift giving, it is fun to give somebody a

gift they need, but I think it's more like, it's not about something you need. The fun about gift giving is like, oh my God, I can't believe you got this. I think. That's like the thrill of it. Yeah. I don't like to buy stuff so that when you get me the stuff, it's exciting for me because I'm like, I don't give myself permission to buy the thing. That's a big thing is you have a grant permission for it.

Yeah. And then you do it and I'm like, oh good. Now I'm absolved of like the guilt of spending that money. Yeah. Like you did it for me. Yeah, that's true. Yeah. A lot of people don't, you know, I don't know, they just don't want to spend the money.

I understand that too. I'm too practically minded. I think I get, I get guilt and practical. I'm like, what am I doing? Bertrand and I talk about this a lot because he, he's always like, I don't like to spend money. I don't like to spend money. I don't like to spend money.

I don't like to spend money. But then, you know, he'll still do it, but he says he has trouble with it spending the money. Really? Yeah. Interesting. Because Leanne. And she's worse.

Leanne doesn't spend anything. Yeah. Yeah. Well, because she'll characterize Bert as somebody who spends a lot. Right. So I guess it's, it's from the perspective you're looking at. Yeah. Interesting.

Yeah. Very interesting. Yeah. I mean, people's relationship with money is fascinating. Everybody's. I know. Very interesting. I know.

I, I, yeah. But my dad was a big gift giver. Yeah. He loved to get, and like that was how he showed affection, you know, was like, I mean, you know, he also was affectionate, like he'd give you a hug, a kiss, but it was, I think it's something I saw modeled after it, you know. Yeah. So, so when you buy a gift, it's a, it's a sign of affection.

I think so. Yeah. You know, I, I give gifts to family and friends and like, yeah, it's, it's, I mean, if I get you a gift, it's obviously you care, right? Yeah. Like why are you buying somebody a gift if you don't give a shit? Yeah. You stupid idiot.

Yeah. And you're buying someone a fucking gift and retard. Yeah. You know, I love you. You dumb fuck. Yeah. Interesting. Hmm.

Speaking of awesome stuff. Sure. Sure. Go ahead. You got this follow up email. Okay. Update on Garth's Jet. Do you remember we played with Garth Jet?

Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Probably isn't here, right? Yeah. So this was a couple of weeks ago, we showed you that Garth's Jet, or one that he charters on, I don't know if he owns it or charters it, had a big, huge shit stain on the rug in the bathroom or the, or I don't know if it's the carpet or I think it's carpet in

the bathroom, like a massive shit stain, right? Yeah. So this is the, on the jet, I don't know, there's shit specs everywhere, oh my god. But the carpet had just an incredible amount of, oh man. Yeah. It's just like somebody's bowels just exploded all over the room, you know? Yeah. Here's the update.

Are you ready? I'm ready. You can come on in. This is going to make us have a shit stain too. Thank you very much. Thank you Ryan. Oh my god. Okay.

Just to update, the stain would not come out of the carpet with an industrial steam cleaning carpet cleaner. He took the plane to Ireland with the shit stain still on it. He played like, he sold 400,000 tickets in a weekend in Ireland. Wow. It's like deep in the carpet and we told him it either had to be replaced or do a treatment that would take several days to cure and they didn't want to do either of those things. Someone who manages his stuff here at the Hanger watches YMH, my boss billed them for

the work and they immediately paid it and told us not to expect the business anymore. So I think we had also talked about the fact that somebody said they weren't keen on paying their bills or something. What? Right? That's what someone said to it. The guy who emailed us had said that he was not great about paying the bills. So they were like, here's the bill paid.

Amazing. We're not going to get our business anymore. Amazing. Also, I don't- Go ahead. No. I mean, I don't know if you guys saw this, the audience, but this story has been picked up in the media, the article that I sent you. Oh.

Cool stuff. Slick stuff. Neat stuff. What's that? Did I send it to you in Agent Jeans, remember? Oh. Do you have it? You're asking me if I have it?

Because I texted it to you guys and I think I- Garth Brooks shirts plane. Shirts plane. That's not the art. That's not- are you talking about the pooping or no? No, I erased the text exchange. No, no, no. It's a- oh, you're talking about Garth being a murderer.

Yeah, that got picked up in the media now. Yeah, that's been tracking for a while. Somebody wrote a story about us and YMH and the whole- Oh, I like that. It's pretty crazy. It is pretty cool. It is? Yeah.

That's just the power of the mommies. Yeah, yeah. There's a new article about why the internet is calling him a mass murderer. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, if you put Garth Brooks murderer, I'm sure somewhere on the- Here it is. That's it.

That's the one there. Yep. That internet seems to really believe that Garth Brooks could be a murderer. Yeah. Let the conversation begin. That's us. Yeah, that is- that's our contribution to society. That's us.

That's us. This is an article from Distractify. Yeah. Someone brought this to my attention and it's like, what is up with this rumor? You won't believe how Garth, the Garth murderer conspiracy began, the YMH studios posted a video where they imply that Garth was a murderer with hundreds of bodies on his property. And it kind of took off from there. It took off hilarious.

Garth's comment section is always filled with people asking him, where are the bodies? Oh, I'm fully invisible again on his page. So I left a comment on something he posted a little while ago. I think I sent it to you guys that 10 hours later, I went back to it and I was one of the first people to post- I had a notification, obviously, and I was one of the first people to post 10 hours later, there were zero likes or comments under my comment, which means nobody can see it. It's taken on a whole level and it's like, at some point, Garth's going to have to address

us. I always wonder if he thinks it's funny in any way. I'd love to find out, Garth. I wish you would come on the show and speak to us and let's put these rumors to rest, you know? Yeah. Yeah. Oh, man.

I mean, I understand he's a busy guy, but jeez. I want to see somebody who may be dead. No. Oh, oh, oh, oh. Oh, holy fuck! Holy fuck! Holy fuck! Holy fuck!

Holy fuck! Holy fuck! What the fuck? What the fuck? Wow! Wow! He's coming back, Mr. Lajin. He's coming back, Mr. Lajin.

That is insane. Damn. That boat's straight-up gunned for him. And hit it and just kept fucking. That's crazy. He's on a pontoon too. I know. He can't go fast.

Well, remember when we were on Lake Austin, we've seen people drive like maniacs on there with their boats. They get drunk and they go crazy out there, dude. Yeah. I wonder if that was a drunk. I was drunk and that's why he did that. They're crazy, man. Fucking unreal.

That's so scary. You say you can't just get away from somebody like that. I know. You know, I'm always afraid of swimming in Lake Austin out there with all the boats. Like, how do I not get hit, you know what I mean? Like, in your swimming and then the boats come by and then they'll just hit your head, right? I mean, you don't want to be out in the middle.

Not in the middle. You probably want to go into one of the canals or something, one of those channels off to the side. Yeah. Less traffic. Yeah. No wake zones. Yeah, no wake zones.

I wouldn't drop anchor in the middle of the lake and be like, I'm going to swim here. I don't think I would do that. But I've seen people do it. Usually people in the middle are like have just fallen off, you know, from like wakeboarding or something. It's always, it is something you get to pay people die like that every year for sure. So many deaths, I bet. Speaking of accidents, this is pretty wild.

Pretty crazy. I should go ahead. I'll go ahead. I was taking the boys to school last week. I was turning on to a major highway with our boys in the car and it was my green arrow to go and a guy blew the red light and fucking crushed right in was just like that and took off. Yeah.

Took off. The whole front end of your car. Yeah. It was really scary. Thankfully, the boys were okay. We got hit in the front left. So my arm is still messed up. Like it hit messed up my arm.

They took off. I got off of the major highway, pulled to the side of the road. Well, he didn't hit the front right. I'm sorry. The front right. Okay. The front passenger side. Yeah.

And so we pull over and we're all just stunned. The kids are like, what's going on? Everything okay? I'm like, we're okay. We just got hit. I was explaining to them what was happening. And then out of nowhere, this Texan rolls up in a yellow car and he gets out and he's like, ma'am, I chased down the men who hit you and I brought them here.

And I was like, fucking what? I was like, who are you when he goes? My name is Skip. And I was like, Skip, you're a true Texan hero. He fucking, he took a photograph of them. He saw the whole thing, took a photo of their car and everything and chased them and then was like, held up his phone like, I got you assholes. I got you.

So you better pull over and then they followed him and we called the police and they took a full report, but shout out to Skip the Texan for saving the day. That's pretty impressive. Thank God for people like Skip. And I wonder if it's guys that hit you have been deported or not. But that is some real Texas hospitality, isn't it? It was so rad. It was so rad.

Well, he's right, it was a truck full of presuming illegal immigrants, which might be why they took off. You don't have to give it away directly. I don't know. I mean, are we going there? Well, we did, but you don't have to actually spell it out. Oh, okay. Anyway, the guy brought them to me and I thought that was so special and just so Texas and

like, how the fuck am I, when has anyone ever done that for you? Yeah. No, I know. That was so special. It feels like old school American. Yeah. This is the right thing to do, ma'am. Yeah.

He was great. So I have to send him a thank you gift. Do you have his information? I sure do. Oh, yeah, you have to. Yeah. I got to send him something. Sometimes you have to say, thank you.

Sometimes you say something courteous and somebody doesn't acknowledge you and that is equally upsetting. It's equally upsetting. So then I was in the airport, it was like seven in the morning and I noticed the cash here and the Hudson news I was in, sneezed and so I go, bless you, silence. And then again, she sneezes and I go, bless you. I say it louder. Maybe she didn't hear the first time, silence.

I blessed her twice. And no acknowledgement. I mean, is that not the rudest thing you've ever heard in your life? She should be deported to. She should fucking come to think of it. She was an American. Maybe she didn't speak great English. She did because then I was like, we had an exchange, she spoke enough English, but I'm

like, bitch, you didn't hear me say bless you twice. You fucking liar. If I bless you, you should say fucking thank you. I mean, I've never had that happen to me where somebody just flat out ignored the bless you. Yeah. Have you ever had that happen? Flat out ignored a bless you.

I think so. Sometimes though, also if you're moving, let's say you're walking and you're like, bless you. It's like quick. I'm a soft talker a lot of times, but what I say is not caught because I don't speak loudly enough. Yeah. You have to also give a room for people to be kind of zoned out, which is I can also

be guilty of. You know, just like your minds, you know, they don't. What's that? And you're like, oh, I said bless you. Like that kind of thing. Yeah. And overt, like the one that also is kind of weird to me is holding the door open for someone.

Oh my God. And they don't say thank you. Come on. That makes me crazy. Basic courtesy. Basic courtesy. That makes me crazy. But our youngest son doesn't like it when I bless other children.

That is the best thing I've ever heard him say. He said. He got so mad. He goes, you can say bless you to grownups, but if you say bless you to another kid, you're in big trouble. Yeah. He's like, I'll be very, very mad. He was.

He said bless you to me and my brother only, not other kids. Because we were in a toy store and some little kid sneezed and I go, God bless you. And he's like, don't say it to another kid. It was fucking wild. It was really cute. Yeah. Yeah. He's real possessive of mommy.

Yeah. Yeah. He doesn't want you extending that courtesy to another child. Hell no, dude. And he went on a, it wasn't like kind of, and then he went in the car. He was like, just to be clear. You say bless you to me and my brother only and grownups, not other kids or big, big trouble. He was so upset with me.

Yeah. It's super cute though. You've been hanging out a lot with them lately. Yeah. I was home for a minute. So that was kind of fun. Yeah. Those are fucking crazy.

Were they torturing you a lot? Yeah. Of course. Jumping on you. Jumping, kicking. Yeah. So fucking mean. Yeah.

Yeah. Little sadists. We had a lot of fun. We had a good time. Yeah. Good. We took them out. Man, they're treat hounds too.

They're just like all day. Fucking all day. You just have to know. Stop eating sugar. Think about when I lived with my dad or, you know, he basically just let me roam the streets like a dog and I would eat an entire box of popsicles in one day. It's funny because the big boy, our older kid is six. He actually does this thing.

He's like, I'm good. Yeah. He's like, I'm fine. Thank you. I've eaten enough. I'm like, all right. And the little guy's like, I brought some more. And then you just see like chocolate like all over his face.

He's like, I'd like it more, please. Just Keaton has no, it never stops. Yeah. Yeah. He'll eat himself sick. Yeah. Like a fucking dog, but the six year old is more like, it's a good amount. Yeah.

It's a temperament thing because I treated them both. I never made sugar a big deal in the house. I never wanted it to be like, I have a relative. The parents were very restrictive. Oh my God. You can't, yeah. No television, no sugar. And, you know, that person ended up just being overweight and a fucking weirdo.

So like, let your kids do shit. I hope you weirdo. Yeah. But I don't know. But remember when you were a kid, like, dude, I could seriously eat an entire box of shit like on my own. Yeah. I could eat candy and sugar all day.

I could eat it when I was sick. I remember one time having like a really, like a high fever and my dad threw me a pack of Skittles and I was like, cool, I'm gonna eat these like right now. Like what? That's how you cured a fever. Oh my God. I was sick. I'll never forget.

It's a real dad move. Yeah. I was sick. I eat this candy. I was like 10 or nine. I was living with him and I stayed home from school sick with like a cold and like a flu. He literally threw me a pack of Skittles and like Sudafed and was like, all right, I'll see you after work.

I just took care of myself. How old? Like nine or 10. All day. Just all day alone. Isn't that crazy? It's insane. But they did it.

They had to do it a lot because both my parents worked. So I would just stay home alone. They're like, what? You're fine. Just take these drugs. I'll see you in eight hours. Or sometimes he would just. What would you do?

Just watch TV? All day. MTV. All day. And then he would, one time I remember this so clearly, I was like a little older, like maybe 12. And I had a cold too. And he's like, all right.

So he closed. He put a space heater in my room, cranked it all the way up, shut the door and was like, just take a nap. See you later. I'm like, it's so hot in here. I saw what you did. Sweat it out. Just sweat it out.

He did it. I was like, all right. Oh my God. Did your dad ever take care of you when you were sick? Or that was a mom thing? Yeah. I think it was definitely more a mom thing. I mean, you know, he would bring you probably what she, you know, mom made soup or mom said

to take this, you know. Did she do Peruvian remedies on you? Like rub garlic on a towel and rub that on your face or any weird Latin cures? Not really. I mean, she had that whole thing of like, it's raining, you know, that's some real Hispanic panic where they're just like, you go outside and rain, you have the pneumonia and you're like, that's not how that works. It's not how it works.

Rain, pneumonia doesn't come on because of rain, you know. My mother, my mother. It's raining. You get the cold. It's not how it works. In other words, don't go out with wet hair, you're going to get your disease or cold. Even that's not going to do it. It's not how colds work.

It's not how it works at all. Stupid dummy. Yeah. Dumb, dumb. You fucking dumb shit. So you know how hot sauce is the best, you know, how any, do you know that he's got fans like sexy women are even fucking sending in videos? Oh, wow.

What a nice offer, Eddie. Yeah. You're going to try that. It's food or cooter? I don't even understand what that has to do with hot sauce. Well, she's saying that any of you think hot sauce is the best, you haven't tried this pussy yet. Yeah.

Her hot sauce is the best. It comes out of her pussy. I mean, look, if she's as much of a fan as she says she is, then prove it, bitch. Nice. That's what I like. Prove it. Wait a minute. Prove it.

Yeah, dumb. That's a good one. You really need to take a shit. You know you're black and you guys do your own thing, but you don't have to take a shit. Shit. How's that going, by the way? You still shit once a month? I smoke weed.

Oh yeah, we haven't discovered this on this show, but yeah, we discovered on Dr. Drew, weed makes me shit. What? I'm smoking weed now and shit more. Hey, that's pretty cool. Wow. Is that so? Yeah.

Obsessed. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's pretty cool. Is that so?

Yeah. Obsetting or is that all right? I mean, I'm smoking weed, so I don't think about it. That's kind of, that's why it happens, because I'm thinking about it. I'm obsessing about not doing it. That's why I don't do it. Right. So weed making me forget that shit is like kind of whatever, you know?

So you can like dissociate and shit. Like you're just not like fixated on it. No, it's really, it's like when I am, I just am. I'm not thinking about it. Do you have a bidet? No. I think you would love that. The way I said it, I don't think it would work.

I don't think, he doesn't cherish his bowel movements the way we do. Like, I think he wants to get in and out. Well, yeah, but I mean, it's such a cleansing experience, you know? Yeah, no, but I'm saying like, you know, the way I sit on a, on the rim, right? He sits Asian style. Yeah. You stand on the rim. I mean, I sit, I crouch on it, I guess, yeah.

Even at home? Yeah. I mean, I only shit at home, so yeah, yeah, yeah. So you don't sit on the actual seat. Did you know we should get him an Asian toilet? Have you seen like the ones in China? It's like a whole, and then they put the, just Google Asian style toilet. How are you going to just get me a whole toilet?

Easy. Like, you can't, I can't just install that shit. Like that. And you just squat. Oh, right. And you put your feet up there, and that way you're not having to put feet on a Western toilet. You could do that. I don't like that, I don't like that at all.

But that's how you're shitting now. No. It's safer. You could fall down. So wait, don't you need to be a little elevated though? Like, do you stand on a platform of some kind? No, no, no. So I saw my feet go on the rim of the toilet, you know what I'm saying?

And then I just, like my ass, like, kind of just droops over the toilet. And then I just kind of... So you stand on the seat? I mean... Dude, do you put the seat up? Yeah. Wait, wait, no, no, no, no. No, no, seats down.

Seats down? You're standing on the rim of the seat? Again, not standing, but yeah, like crouching. Right, but standing at first, right? And then squatting down? Your feet are on the ground? Uh, my feet are not on the ground, correct. Yeah, so you're standing and then squatting?

I mean, I don't need to... Sure, sure. Yeah, semantics, yeah, yeah. Okay. Yeah, I'm just by the end of it, by the time I'm shitting. You're doing that? Yeah, like that, exactly. That's how you shit?

Yeah. I've never really... I didn't really know that. I mean, I don't put my hands up like that, dumb nigga, but yeah. What does it say on this? And it's saying to squat here, benefits of squat toys. Yeah, it's supposed to be natural. Straighten your spine or some shit, I don't know.

Well, also, I think it actually is... You know, human beings, obviously, we squatted onto the ground for hundreds of thousands of years. Right. Yeah, I mean, the whole Eastern world shits like this. There you go. So, there you go. The greatest part is that no one taught me how to do that. That's just how I thought it should have been done.

I don't know. I don't think anyone really showed me to do that. I think there was a time... You know what I think it was? I think there was a time, because I've always been super dehydrated. So, I think there was probably a time where I was constipated as shit, and so I just needed to figure out how to get it out, and that was probably the only way that shit was coming out.

Oh, yeah. Because you can't push the same. Do you hydrate more now? I don't know. Why not? I don't need to, I don't know. You don't need to? I thought you just acknowledged that you were...

You just acknowledged that you were super... Yeah, I hydrate it. You really punched the DE on that, but... Me too. Yeah, that's so true. Elementary. Yeah. But you're acknowledging that you're dehydrated,

so you don't care then that you are? I mean, well, actually, I was going to ask Drew the next time he was in here, what that actually does to someone. Like, if you're severely dehydrated... I mean, it has a lot of effects. But what risks? So, I've been... So, like, what?

Risks. Because I can't feel those. Associated with dehydration? Because I don't experience any crazy shit, you know what I'm saying? Well, I mean, your system, first of all, is going to be less flushed out. Like, water flushes the toxins in your system. So, that's number one. Most people who are chronically dehydrated are going to have...

They're going to have, like, headaches more than they even realize. More fatigued if you're dehydrated. Especially if you exert yourself in any way. Shit, I'm spazzing his foot. Well, your blood is made out of water. Your body is made out of water. It lubricates the joints. Yeah, you need it.

Regulates body temperature. Flushes body waste. I mean, shit. Maintain blood pressure. That's... It makes me want to drink water now. I discovered that recently that I'm pretty sure that is the source of all my weirdness, is the being super fucking dehydrated all the time.

And you don't want to, but you have no desire to remedy that. Aren't you saying, like, contradictory things? This is the source of my issues. Also, I don't want to remedy it. There's the conflict, is that I don't see them as issues. Oh, okay. That's fair. They're just things that have always been that way, but they don't bother me.

Okay, they don't bother you? Yeah. Like, now that I smoke weed, I don't think about it, so... How much weed are you smoking? Yes, Christina. Any... Yana, let me make one argument for you to drink more water. Have you heard of something called kidney stones?

Uh, yeah. I don't get those. Okay. Not yet, but you're in your 30s, and this is when that stuff happens. I've had friends get kidney stones at, like, 32 from just drinking soda or not drinking water. Brutal. Like, if there's just one reason I would implore you, they're so painful, and you have to piss them out. Right.

So, that's a rock coming out of your dickhole, bro. But once it's out, though, that's it, right? Yeah. There's no, like... You're all in effect. Yeah, but the people who... It's gnarly. If you start developing kidney stones at a young age, you're going to be prone to getting kidney stones.

And that's going to be something you deal with on a regular basis, if you stay chronically... Uh. And it's... Dehydrated. Dehydrated. Dehydrated. Yeah. It's painful as fuck, homie.

You don't want to be that. You don't want that shit. But to get them out, you should have a laser that shit, right? No, you have to piss... You have to pass them. That's how you get a laser. Look at those. How jagged that is.

You can break them up with a laser, true. But those jagged fucking things come out of your dickhole, bro. And I'm telling you, I've heard from men that it is excruciatingly... Look, Google, uh, Cigarette Basket. Yeah. There you go, Tom. Yeah. There you go.

That is what my uncle invented to remove kidney stones. And that's going to go in your dickhole. Yeah, but hold on. But that doesn't actually... They don't do that shit no more, right? Like, that's an ancient shit? No, that's still... They're still in hospitals.

There it is. I mean, it's just pain though, right? I mean, you're writing that it's not the most modern way now, but still. I've had one and it is the most painful experience I've ever had. Oh. Just letting you know. There you go, Chad. And you're on Team Chad, so think about that.

That's true. Chad, how old were you when you had it? I think I was 27. What caused it? Dehydration. Dehydration. Dehydration. Dehydration.

Dehydration. Dehydration. Dehydration. Dehydration. Yes. And hold on. So Chad, are you now prone to them? Like, do you have to hydrate extra?

I do hydrate extra. I have had two of them, so I guess I am prone to them. Yeah, it was awful. I was, like, doubled over in pain. I, like, was throwing up from the pain. It was rough. Don't do it. Just, all you got to do is get some liquid IV, dude.

I don't know, because I think it's just pain. You know what I'm saying? Like, if you want to face the pain, it passes. It's done, you know, whatever. What's going on? All you have to do is drink water. Yeah, but it's like, it's different. You know, now I got to do some different shit.

I ain't trying to change my life up like that. Just for pain. I ain't no pussy, you know what I'm saying? Whatever. Bring it on, you know what I'm saying? Whatever. I like it. Today I'm going to be teaching you how to use snail, snail's pronouns and sentences.

So let's go. The reason that a person might want to use snail, snail's pronouns, because this person might feel like a snail throughout this person's gender. That's okay. If anything, we should just be here to love and support this person that needs the comfort of hearing a pronoun. It's not hurting anybody, and it sure as heck is not hurting you. So please, for the love of all that is good in this world, just try to be more understanding

of people. Snail, snails. Retarded, retarded. Hey, are you and snail going to go to the movie? Snail and Tom are going to go to the snail movie. So stupid. What is happening, man? She looks like a snail though.

I promise you that there are lots of neo-pronoun users out here. It's just there isn't a very comfortable space for people to use neo-pronouns. I don't even use neo-pronouns myself, but I know that neo-pronouns are valid and they are here to stay. They're valid. So let's just try to get comfortable with using neo-pronouns and sentences. Snail is such a wonderful person. Snail's smile is so contagious.

In fact, I saw Snail make a whole audience smile. I think Snail should be very proud. Okay. Of Snail self. Oh boy. How much longer are we going to have to endure this crap? What do you think? I don't know.

Well, she's sweet at least. And I like her makeup. She's very sweet. She'd be like the... She's cute. Or she'd be the first one to report you for a joke. I know. She's the one flagging all my videos.

Totally. She's like, it's harassment. You're not being respectful of Snail's self. Oh yeah. It's a snailphobic. Sorry. That's not how you should treat people. So you could do that.

The worst. The worst. I saw something super sad. What? It's actually, you know, sometimes you go like, hey, you laugh at stuff that you shouldn't laugh at. All the time. This is something that I saw that actually made me really sad.

And I did not think to laugh at all. It's a McLaren on fire. No. Like I've seen people fall off buildings and all laugh, but not a sweet super car. You know? No. I agree. It's a very expensive car.

That's way sadder than seeing somebody fucking... A person. Yeah. Would you rather be a homeless person on fire or a McLaren? Person. Yeah. Easily. Every time.

10 out of 10. 10 homeless people or one McLaren? Do you know how long it takes to fucking make one of these? They're so good. And how... Like what incredible performance you get out of one of these? I know. I can't tell because of the damage, which one it is, but if that's like a 765, I would

put a fucking, a group of homeless people on fire before I put that. It's a 720S. They're phenomenal. They are phenomenal. I'd say I'd send four homeless people to the gallows before I let a 720S catch on fire. Really sad. I know. I'm sorry, babe.

That affects you. Yeah. Yeah. Now you know what I don't think is funny. You know what's ironic, by the way, is all these moral crusaders, these cunts that report me on TikTok. Yeah. Yeah.

Like... You get it a lot. I get it a lot. Almost every video I post gets flagged by the community. Yeah. I'm a really nice person, and I think you are too. Like in real life, I think you and I have done... They don't know the real you, though.

I am so fucking kind and nice to people. Most people don't say I'm so fucking kind. They're so fucking awesome to peeps. Yeah. Yeah. No. I mean, the irony is, like, these monsters don't do anything for anybody, really. She just makes a video and thinks she's, you know, special.

Yeah. Oh, I'm a fucking snail lady. Yeah. Really? What have you done for the snail self-community? Have you done anything to help these people? Nio. Nio.

Nio. Nio. Nio. Nio. Nio. Nio. Nio. Nio.

Nio. Nio. No, but... Look, look, look, look, look. Oh, is that... That was crazy. That was in India. That was a...

Oh. So it's made the rounds, but it's a ride in India, like a spinning saucer on a beam, and it malfunctioned. I think there was a couple of hundred people on that or something, and a lot of injuries, lots and lots of injuries. Funnier than the McLaren on fire. Yeah. Kind of makes you wonder whether people valued this.

I know what happened. What happened? Can I tell you what happened? Yeah, yeah. The car was still in drive, or the e-brake was not on? What? You almost got it. He made...

He, with the screwdriver, made the car go from neutral to drive. He did it himself. And the e-brake wasn't on to prevent... Well, yeah. The e-brake was not on. Fuck. Um... Oh, it's hilarious.

It's really good. He actually said that he didn't do so well afterwards. That's cool. At least that baby got to see. Nice. Oh, and that kid behind him, too, yeah, the brother got to see as well. It's nice. It's good.

Okay. So... Oh, Jesus Christ. Yeah. All right. How about something that's a little lighter? You want something lighter? Maybe, yeah.

Well, football season's here. All right. I'm going to enjoy that, watching the games. You have been. Yeah. You love your foosballs. Watching foosball, watching Formula One. Formula One.

I have to say, I do love it. When it... Football season, it is, as your dad would say, no talking until February for me and you, but it's a nice time in the home. I like it because I like the sounds of the football. I like the words, the scrimmage and the thing. I don't know what they're talking about, but I like that you're watching it. It's very comforting.

It's very like it's... It's Americana. Yes, it is. Yeah. Yeah. I enjoy it. You know, it just... It does remind me.

It is. It's like it reminds me of being a kid. Yeah. And all the stupid songs. I like the dumb music. That's football time. Yeah. It's Monday night and we're going to watch the football.

It's so stupid. Yeah. It's pretty dumb. It is pretty dumb. I remember they had a gigantic robot. Was that... Is that still happening on Monday night football? Yeah, animated football thing.

It's so weird. You know what is crazy is the numbers that the people that watch that game. It is a fucking monster. Which Latin is the best? Is it the Brazilians? The Brazilians and the Argentines are the best. It's soccer now. Pretty much traditionally, yeah.

They developed the most talent tradition. Yeah, why is that? I mean, Brazil is the biggest population by far of South America. Soccer is also a religion in both countries. Yeah. And they've had some of the best players ever from both countries. Interesting. Yeah.

It is fucking real crazy when they play soccer down there. They love that stuff. Even like the inner city matches are insane. They played before a clip. There was a city match of two of the big clubs in Buenos Aires. And they were like, fans were throwing bricks at the bus windows and cracking the windows. That's awesome. They had to play the game outside of the city just to like play the game.

People get fucking nuts down there. They love it. You think you've seen like wild fans for, you know, big sports match, you know, games here and they're like baseball, football, basketball. And then you see soccer fans and you're like, oh, this is a different level. Real, real crazy. Yeah. That's, and that's like the whole city going, by the way, you know what the attendance was

at the Italian Grand Prix? This is the Formula One race. It was 337,000 people. Jesus. Isn't that insane? That's awesome. That's like a fucking mid-market city and going to a race. So wild.

I don't know if that's regular attendance, I think, but I just was like, holy shit. The Italians? Yeah, Italy. Italy. Yeah. Well, I didn't know the Italians liked their Formula One so much. I did not know. Yeah.

I mean, I think it's the track, the circuit that has been hosted the most races is Monza. Yeah. The Italians. Yeah. That is an incredible attendance for something. I like that. That is incredible. Is that bigger than NASCAR?

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Geez. It's pretty significant. That Audi. Nice car. That Audi.

They were super pissed. They were in the lead for most of the, or a lot of the race. And then they got second because of that stopping. The Jumman beat them. I think he's Dutch. Oh. Anyway. Yeah.

Yeah. It's so many fucking people. Oh. You got to get into something, dude. Yeah. I don't blame them. It's so fucking fun. Yeah.

Oh. You want to talk about? Yeah. Yeah. What do you want? Well, the note. Yeah. I do want to talk about the note.

Sure. Go ahead. Well, as you guys know, we went on an all expenses paid luxury trip. After we did the live show immediately the next day to reward our remarkable staff, we went to Cabo. Yeah. Five star resort. Five star amenities.

We paid for everything. Yeah. We flew them private. Luxury. Luxury. Money. Money. Thrown at them.

And it was interesting. While I all felt they were grateful, there was only one person on the staff who took pen to paper. And said thank you. And said thank you. What was that? That person was Heather. Yeah.

Wrote a thank you note. An old school thank you note. It's a really kind, thoughtful. Very thoughtful. Grateful. Very kind. Yeah. And because of that, Heather's going to be rewarded.

That's right. Good manners. Good manners. Yeah. I like these fucking animals in the booth. We were like, thanks man. Yeah. High five.

Unreal. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, that was very classy of Heather. It certainly was. Well, I mean, she's the girl on the staff that makes sense that she would have. The girl's going to do the classy thing. The manners.

Yeah. I mean, a thank you note goes a long way. It sure does. My mother told me that. It put her in a different light for me. Me too. Yeah. She's number one right now.

If I was ranking the staff, Heather would be number one. Oh, it's definitely. Heather's number one. Hey, number one. You'd be number 10. Which one? Native. Yeah.

We don't even have 10 people. That's exactly what I was going to say. He's after the dead of the non-employees. Yeah. Interesting. Thanks, Heather. Yeah, Heather. Thanks.

Thanks for acknowledging. You know. All right. Can we also talk about what you told me? Sure. Go ahead. Why don't you tell them the story? Okay.

All right. Story time. We have sometimes during the week a nice lady comes and helps clean the house. Yes. Nice Latin lady. And the other day, she's happened to, I was coming from working out. I walked in the bedroom, you know, I'm just coming from a workout. She happened to be in there cleaning and then she left.

And I got this idea that I would tell you that she had spotted me nude, right? And I was like, oh, and so I, when I saw you, I go, hey, you know, the cleaning lady saw me naked and I apologized. And then she told me not to worry about it because her husband has a huge dick and back in her native country, they call him El Burro, which is the donkey. And then she's like, it's so big. And then she went into like those details and you were like, shut up. I'm like, no, seriously.

And you're like, wow. And then later on, you're like, was that real? And I was like, yeah, you're like the donkey and I was like, yeah. And the reason I associated with that is there's a story one time in the news about a guy who had some enormous growth on his penis and they called him El Burro in that like little village. They called him the donkey. So I tied the two together.

And anyway, yeah. Yeah, I just... Well, no, no, not anyway. Yes, Miley's. What happened was you told me the story on the phone and I was like, no way, dude. She saw your fucking dick and you're like, yeah. And then I hung up and I thought about El Burro. That's a joke, homie.

I'm like, he fucking got me. I was like, there's no way she came up with El Burro. That's you. So I was like, are you telling me the truth? Are you telling me the truth? And you're like, yeah, babe, yeah. So I was like, all right, he doesn't lie to me. You're not really a liar, you know?

And then we went out to fucking dinner, bro. And we just had a cocktail and we're both a little tipsy and I was like, tell me the truth. Is El Burro, is that real? And you were like, yes, babe. And I'm like, do you swear on my children's like, on their children's eyes? I made him swear on our children's eyes and he fucking did. So I'm like, wow, I guess, I'm like, I guess this is a real story and I started to really

respect our cleaning lady because I'm like, that's really funny as shit. And like how cool that she wasn't weird, you know, actually I was going to talk to her about it. It's so funny, you saw my husband's dick. I was this close to telling her about it and then I asked you one more time. I was like, wait, so that happened and then you're like, oh no, like you finally fessed up. No, that's not how it happened.

You didn't say that. How did it happen? No, the way I just told you you're in New York and I was like, I'm at dinner and I go, you want a fun story to tell your friends at dinner? And you're like, what? And I go, yeah, that cleaning lady El Burro thing is a joke and you're like, yeah, lie. I knew it, liar. Well now I don't trust anything you say to me because of El Burro, the fucking 17 years

together. And whenever I go, you swear on the children's eyes because look, man, it negates the fucking fun of the story. If I don't get to sell the story, psycho, babe, you've never crossed the line of children's eyes. You swore on our children's eyes. All right, I take it back. What that really happened?

Yeah, I know. It's too late. Dude, you can't. She saw it and she saw it when it was like a little peanut too and she was like, that's a very smart pee-pee. And I was like, hold on a second. I actually went back in the closet and I played with it and I go, look, it grows. I can't believe you lied.

Yeah, you lied for days. It was a fun story to sell. It was fun. I actually regret not keeping it going more because I think it would have been a fun. It would have been really fun if I came home and you were like, I told her. Then I thought it was funny that she saw your dick and she was like, what? And then you were like, the donkey? She was like, I'm sorry.

Oh, I totally would have said it to her. I'm like, wait, tell me about your husband. He's got a big, big donkey dick. She was like, what the fuck? I would have a hundred percent been like, that would have been the end of seeing her at the house. Oh, I know. I can't.

I'm still, I can't believe you lied to me for so many days. Hey, don't think I fucking believe the poop pile either. I think I know that that's not true. Now that I know you're capable of lying to me, that's a thousand percent true. It is not a thousand percent true. And now I'm. Yeah, it is. Yeah, your totes lies.

You're all lies. No. No, that really happened. The poop pile was such an incredible liar face. Do I have no lies for me? And do you know that? So strange to see. I have no lies.

Hello, look at my like no, even jokie lies. Yeah, 17 years. No jokie lies. That's pretty impressive. Yeah, you're a liar face and I don't trust you no more. OK. OK, you're OK with that? Well, I'm just trying to tell you that, you know, I came clean about the one that made

up. That was a fun story. Well, now our kids are going to go blind because you swore on our children's eyes. I'm not. It's on you. It's your fault. You're terrible. You're that superstitious.

Well, of course you are going to make it happen. How would I make that happen? You swore on their eyes, God was listening and now it's done. I'm taking the one kid to get his eyes checked today. I know and watch what they're going to say. His eyes were normal last time and all of a sudden he's going blind. Did you lie to your wife? It's because of your made up story about your cleaning lady's big dick, sir.

If the doctor says that, I will really be amazed. I know. I got a pee so bad. Oh, gosh. Massage your little hole. Massage your little hole. You pee too. I did.

We peed together. Double pee break. Feel good. Do you not pee break at all then, any? Do you pee during the day? Not really, sorry, switching cameras. No, not really. Maybe like once and then I piss in the morning, I piss at night.

It's about it. What color is your pee? It's because he doesn't drink. I know. What color is your pee? It's like sunshine. Dude, it's probably like... That's your body telling you.

Hey, I'd like some water. Look on the... Bring up the hydration scale. What color... When you're on military bases, they're always telling you what color your pee should be. There's a hydration scale? Yeah, if you look at the color... The color is an indicator, essentially.

There you go. I bet he's at an eight. They should probably make a new level for me. Damn. Yeah, what color is yours? Bring it up all the way. Okay. I mean...

I'm gonna say it's probably the one before the last one. I'm not brown. Holy shit! That ain't brown. But the one before the last one? Yeah. This one? Yeah, before the last one, though.

The last one's like brown as fuck. You know what I'm saying? This is like dark yellow. Yeah, that's unhealthy. It says extremely dehydrated. Dehydrated. Extremely. So what?

Who cares? Y'all ain't shit. Tell that piss... What's up? What's up piss? What's up dehydration? Yeah. I dare you to do some shit.

What are you doing? Damn. Yeah. I mean, that's kind of crazy because some of those yellows I've made, and I didn't realize I was dehydrated when I was making it that yellow. Like mildly dehydrated is bright yellow. Yeah, I mean, also, though, it can be influenced by vitamins and supplements. Those would usually give it a real...

Vitamins will make them bright yellow. Yeah. Yeah. But I mean, that'll pass also. It's so startling. I started taking vitamins recently, and you're like, it's like when you eat beets. Beets, and you're like, I have stomach cancer. Yeah.

So fucking weird. Yeah. Oh my God, I'm so excited that Sam the Taylor reached out. Yeah, dog. He has been, what's it called? We messaged each other, and then we talked on the phone. Yeah. It's fucking awesome.

He's great. Yeah, we're going to do a suit for sure. He said he'd do one for both of us. Yeah. Yeah, he was trying to see what he said. Oh, Ross, there is. So he gave me this email, and he said, he said, thank you for featuring me. I love what you both did.

Make a suit for both you and Christina, send me your measurements. Yeah. I understand. It's very exciting. Yeah. I found something out about him, by the way. What's that? If you notice, I scroll down his page, because I was curious, every time I watched his videos,

I'm like, bro, I want to fight this man, and I'm not even there. How is he getting away with this? Like, what black dude is going to check him? Scroll down his page, you will find not one black man. You will find plenty of white people, Asian people, Indian people, no black dudes. The only black dude I found was, like, months, months, months ago, and it's his own video. He's, like, by himself. So, like, he must have given him a script to, like, say whatever he wanted to say.

You mean there's not a lot of black customers there? Is that what you're saying? No, I'm saying that I think when he gets a black customer, he probably says, hey, I'm going to do this, like, video or whatever, and they're like, no. Oh, right. Because black dudes don't play that shit. No. Hey, we're talking a lot about black people, so black people don't like ranch.

You learn that. Mayonnaise. Mayonnaise, and they don't like homosexual joking. Yeah, that's a longstanding thing. Yeah. Most socially, like, as a kid, college, when, like, white dudes are the gayest, when, like, white jokes, like, they're so gay in college, black dudes were always like, no. No.

Like, we're not doing that. No. Yeah. It's pretty, that was pretty universal. And, like, well, actually in, like, hip-hop, all the lyrics changed. Like, it used to be, like, openly more like, fuck that gay shit. And now it's like, ah, you can't really say that. But it used to be very, it used to be pretty aggressively.

I wouldn't even say homophobic. I would say, like, hateful. Yeah. In the 80s? Definitely. Yeah, yeah. Interesting. We don't play that shit yet, definitely.

Yeah, like, gay shit. No, gay shit was not, you know, it's not celebrated. You got that beautiful mouth. Yeah. Not like here at your mom's house. No, no, no, your mom's house is way more inclusive. Yeah. You know why I was thinking about the other day?

It was Uncle Terry. And, you know, he's haunted me again, just the idea, the audacity of that man. Oh. Yeah. To show stuff in his butt and make videos of him. It's just like, who are you? Yeah, so that was the dude, if you're, don't know who we're talking about, he would do like sex toy, you know, reviews.

Yeah. Sex toy reviews. He'd be like, I just got this butt plug that vibrates. You put your dick in this guy. Another guy puts his dick in the other end. And then you stare at each other and come. But he would like try that. And he'd be like, ah, he was just like, come on, Cam.

And you'd be like, this one's cool. And then he did a number of those. I got it. Yeah, we named him Terry. Yeah, Uncle Terry. He's the reason McDonald's fired us. Yes. And then it was so bizarre that Netflix had a series come out.

I think it was about scams or something. He was like one of those, you know, like documentary style things. And then he is featured just like as a regular dude talking about some type of like scam. And everybody was like, this is the guy. And somebody go, we tried to get in contact with him. Somebody somehow had his email. But I think he was like, I'm good. I mean, he probably made those videos 2015 to 20 years ago.

They were definitely dated. They looked old, maybe more than that. They might have been made like 30 years ago. So bizarre. They were like, come hug couple. Remember the ones that are like, go to seminars. I saw them on some other reality show randomly. About that?

No, nothing to do with that. They were just, you know, I guess those people want to be in the limelight. So they'll like seek out these weird opportunities to be a part of stuff. But so funny. You know, we discovered this talent first. Yeah. It's like we've broken so many stars on your mom's house. Having Terry on would have been the shit.

He fucking, he was so like happy in those videos. I feel like those were probably done on VHS. And then like they, they just, I don't know, probably got passed around or something. Yeah. And I remembered. Yeah. And look how well like that's daylight. So his windows open.

That's also, that is, you would say that's at least. Well, here's the funny thing. We found this one first. And then somehow we found one that was like way older than this. But yeah, play this. And I'm here to do a little video. I wanted to use this but by greening toy that I bought this new one. And I thought I'd try that in.

And then I also wanted to try this double ended fuck's sleep that has like massive bullets. Right. Yeah. And he's stroking his dick. He's already stroking his dick. Yeah. And he's not hiding. Again, this is like daylight.

He's not using. Night time. The curtains are drawn. I'm pretty sure his feet are like up on the desk too. Windows open facing the backyard. Hopefully. Yeah. Yeah.

So crazy. I'm going to show you this thing. I'm going to review it. Just what a free spirit. Yeah. So open. And he tries it and he nuts so fat. He's like, damn.

And that is supposed to double headed with your. Open in one hand. Yeah. Whoa. Whoa. He's like. It's pretty tight. Yeah.

I wasn't expecting that. Yeah. Oh yeah. Yeah. Does he have something in his ass right now too? Yeah, he's got a butt plug in his ass. He's got the butt plug in his ass. Oh, fuck it.

Oh, fuck, fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck. Ah. Oh. Oh. And like. Damn it. Not even his face.

Like he can't even move the camera to see his face. Listen. Every guy's been there, man. Damn it. I used to just, you don't want to and then you do. You pop too fast. Well, no, I think we did this. Oh, we cut his head off.

Yeah. Yeah. Did we? Yes. Oh, because it was a wide shot. It was. It was a wider shot before. I think I remember having a conversation about this.

About like, we can't play this. And it was like, punch in. Uncle Terry. Yeah. We named him Uncle Terry. God. Was there, I want to say there's like a cat in the background too at one point. And the funny thing was we actually found a video of him reviewing something.

I'm serious. It was like from the 80s. There is. Oh my gosh. So he was, this is something he's been doing for a while. Looks great there. Yeah. Let's see.

Hi there. My name's Pete. Pete. I'm going to be demonstrating a new toy that I got. And the cool thing about it is it incorporates a power drill and a pledge light and your heart dick. That is cool. Zinger.

That's the cool thing. Yeah. Yeah. This is, this is BCR. Oh my God. Look how old that thing is. That's like the first dick pump ever made. That's the first.

Jesus. Savage. I wonder if he hated the fact that that's supposed to be a vagina. I know. Look how I'm almost afraid to put that on my penis. You know what I mean? Well, that's pretty intense. Yeah.

And massive. You can really rip it off. Don't you think? Yeah. Go ahead. You get a, a really fun toy. This is pretty fucking amazing. Wow.

Yeah. Pete. Wow. Wow. Yeah. Yeah. He's just, that's his jam. This is what he does.

Make some hard to make these instructional video. I'm going to try to toy for you. I'm reviewing. He was unboxing before unboxing. Yeah. That's so true. He's like, I got this new fucking Samsung. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. I got this new fucking Samsung Galaxy. You guys will see it. That's exactly what this is. He just gives us a thumbs up. He's rating stuff. I mean, if, if he could do this on a platform like Tiktok or Instagram where he reviews

sex toys, it would kind of be a good lane. Yeah. If he could keep this up consistently. I think that, I mean, obviously though that, that's old as fuck. I know. He's originated this. He's, right. He's probably like, how do you think he's in that one?

Late twenties. Yeah. Maybe 30. And that's probably 30. He's probably a 60 year old man now. Yeah. Who better to review sex toys, experienced lover? Yeah.

It's true. Gosh. What a legacy to leave behind. What a beautiful fucking. Yeah. Dude, you got it. We got to find the Netflix thing that he was on. I fucking forget what it was.

Yeah. But it was. Oh. Is that it? Oh, I'm Jean. Right. I gave him a hundred. And once we got inside the club, we looked at the money and the friends that were meeting

was like, no, this is fake. After only a mile, the meter was like four times what it should have been. That's him. So right away, I just told the driver, just stop. We'll get out and pay. Not a big deal. We pull out a 50 and then he starts giving us change. One of the bills that he gave us was a 10.

That was a false note. Oh. Fuck. Oh. That's such a good cut. That is such a good edit. Netflix had done that. It'd be the number one show.

Number one. Number one. We just canceled stranger things. We got this crazy viewership on this video. Who's the guy next to him? You think that's his lover? I don't know. It's either his lover or his dad.

I think it's his dad. I think his dad knows about the videos. Nope. God, he's so embarrassing. Your dad found your fucking. If the producer right then was like, hey, is this you? And he shows him and the dad's like, Pete, what is this? It's like, I fucking, I told you, I review toys.

Look how normal he looks. I know. You would never know. But if I saw him, I would go like this. I know. You're a star in our world. Yeah. Oh fuck.

So I'm going to be reviewing some stuff today. It's so disgusting. Fucking animal, dude. Yeah. It's a real savage, that one. Wow. How liberating. Could you imagine being that free?

Yeah, it's gotta. It's gotta be great. Yeah. I can't imagine. There's just some people that have that, you know, that like lack of. And before the internet, I mean, he was truly doing that before it was cool. And it actually, I don't even like, I think it's cool that he doesn't have shame. Yeah, of course.

You know? Well, I mean, who's he hurting? He's nobody. He's only amusing us and the millions of people watching this. Yeah. It doesn't hurt anybody. It doesn't hurt anybody. Unless, you know, I don't think he's doing it.

Same kind of guy. That guy's really cool. Yeah. I have a hard time with the snot vids. How come? I don't know. I don't like it when it goes near his mouth, I think. Yeah.

How about this one? This is fun, actually. Move forward. But not coming from the government, per se, the premier. It's coming from the health sector. Holy Christ. I just swallowed a beef. Holy Christ.

I knew that little bugger. Oh. It's round up. It's round up. Okay. Holy shit. Yeah. Damn, dude.

You fucking swallowed a beef. Yeah. On camera. It's pretty great. Fuck. That was rad. I mean, what else do you do? You just go on.

Show them what's going on. You're like, we're just fucking swallowed a beef. Yeah. Anyway. He was the boss about it. He's like, yeah. He knew what it was right away. He knew what it was right away.

Yeah. Yeah. I swallowed a wasp. That is Rob Ford's brother? Oh. Wow. Wow. I swallowed a wasp once when I was a kid.

Really? It flew into my mouth. A wasp? Wow. It was really scary. And I swallowed it. And they're like putting popsicles down my throat and stuff. Because yeah.

What? It was gnarly. Yeah. Popsicles? Yeah. Because I guess I was swelling up from it. I'm allergic. I didn't know I was allergic to bees until recently.

What are you talking about? So when we lived in the valley river, I got stung by a bee here. And I just ignored it and then it swallowed up. It got real swollen, real swollen. And I was like, I should go to the emergency room. Remember? And I went to the ER and the guy's like, oh yeah, you're allergic to bees a little bit there.

And they gave me some stuff and that was it. So yeah. You don't have an epipen or anything? No. That's for pussies. I'm fine. You sound just like any. You're fucking talking to any too much.

No. I guess I should really investigate that, yeah? Yeah. Whoopsie. You should be somebody that... I know, right? That gets... You should be stung by a bee and just, you know...

Sweating like a black man. You know? I should be nervous. I know, right? Mm-hmm. Yeah, I got talked to the doc about that one. Whoops. And like, when after that flew down my throat as a kid, I was so terrified of bees forever

and ever. And then when I got stung after that, I kind of didn't care anymore. That's insane. I know. I had no idea. Yeah. I know. I should really look into an epipen.

Yeah. Any? Should I just ignore it? That's what I'm talking about. You made it this far, haven't you? I have made it this far. Yeah, I did. Because what if I got stung by two bees?

I get... Then I would be fucked. I think I would have problems. Totes. Yeah, totes for sure. I got fully fucking aided, dude. Yeah. Oh.

Oh, yes. Bix, here I go. Here I go. Bix, here I go. She got fired from her job at McDonald's that day, girl. I know. McDonald's has let us down so many times. One of the first TikTok stars, you know.

What are you doing? What the fuck? Big y'all. Big. You see those teeth? Wow, Timber. Hands in the mouth. Lions in the mouth.

What are you doing? What are you doing? What are you doing? What are you doing? What are you doing? What are you doing? What are you doing? Big.

You see those teeth? Wow, Timber. Hands in the mouth. Lions and leopards. I got teeth. Boops. Boopy. Boop.

Just touch your fangs. Maybe a little boop on the nose. Oh, arm in the mouth. That's cool. With her little hair tie. I'm in. That thing could just chomp down. All gone.

Murder you. Bye-bye. So fast. There goes your arm. There goes the guy. I've been with him since he was a cub. Doesn't matter. Okay.

Siegfried and Roy. Siegfried and Roy. I'm riding my Palomino pony through the planetary systems looking for a space cowboy. Me. Me. I knew that would upset you. You think you could become this woman? Yeah.

Actually, I do. I feel a kinship. I feel like when I get her age, it's going to be off the rails. Yeah. It's going to be five dogs. I can see you're doing that. Hey, I'm in the astral plane. Yeah.

100% crazy town. Yeah. Yep. Treco, you are hot, baby. You're sexy. I'm not lying to you. I'm not fucking. You're sexy, babe.

I think he thinks that was just going to one person. I don't think he understood the point of the talk. You're sexy, babe. I'm not lying to you. I'm not lying to you, babe. Hey, I got a singing telegram for you. Oh, boy. Your sister Rose is dead.

That was pretty good. Hey, there you go. That was a good one. Yeah. Yeah, I like that guy. See, gods have fun. That was a real fun one. That was a good one.

Hey, I got a singing telegram for you. Your sister Rose is dead. It's pretty amazing. That is pretty great. Yeah. Yeah. Super funny, right? My husband and I have been non-monogamous for 12 years, and in that time period, we've

had two phases of monogamy. The first phase of monogamy was when we were pregnant with our first child. Yeah. We were moving cities. We were super excited to be parents, and I think that we never even planned it. We sort of woke up one day and realized, whoa, we've been monogamous for over a year now. Oh, a whole year with a kid.

The second phase of monogamy was actually my husband asking me to be monogamous for a period of time. I was having a lot of fun and going a little bit wild and probably dating few too many people. It was starting to create distance between myself and my husband. What happened? And so he said to me, he wanted me to tone it down, and then I didn't. He actually didn't tone it down when he asked me to, and then he asked me to have a period

of monogamy. And we discussed it, and I wanted to have time to kind of say goodbye and close off the relationships that I had started. Plural. It was what I needed and felt like it was fair to the people I was seeing. And then we took a phase of monogamy to really kind of focus on us again and make sure that we were super stable because for us, the only way that non-monogamy works is when our foundation is really strong.

It's very sweet. Well, it's nice that they took that whole year off when they had their child. Yes. Pregnancy. It's probably not as fun swinging when you're pregnant or being non-monogamous. And then a whole year. It's a long time. So that infant was like six, seven months old, boring.

God, I got to get out there. Got to get out there when you have a tiny baby. And then she goes, and then he asked me, and then I ramped it up. I actually didn't. How would you feel? At the end here, these eyes look like, I don't know, there's something, you know what I mean? It's not normal.

Yeah. I mean, I have to say. Is this what a page is all about too? Is it called like the poly page or something? Oh, yeah, of course. This is the best. What's her handle? Openly committed as an insanity.

Yeah. She's committed. Yeah. I mean, would you be upset if you asked me to... For a period of monogamy? And then I ramped it up instead. Yeah. I'd be like, hey, I thought I asked you.

And then we said, we're just going to fuck each other now. Yeah. And you were like, no, I feel like actually, you know, really getting out there. Yeah. Yeah. I have to say as a mom too, like when you have tiny children. Yeah. That's not what you're thinking about.

Sex is usually not the top of the... She went a whole year. A whole year, you guys. Yeah. It's just like, it just kind of happened. Well, yeah. You know what they say? Same strokes.

It was the same. It was the same. Yeah. I thought that was fucking amazing. I think it'd be weird for the kid one day to be like, what the fuck? Oh my God. What were you doing? Yeah.

Like don't make a fucking tech talk about it. Yeah. Exactly. At least like keep it under wraps. Just be shameful. Just be quiet. Quiet down, mom. Yeah.

You don't everybody know it. Why did you always put it out there? How much? You fucked. So crazy. I know. There's an open record of this shit. That's what he'll be like.

Why did you have to make videos about it? I know. I hope it's on a boy. I knew I was going to prison and I was scared. Had no idea what to expect. This is cool. How to prepare. I remember literally looking it up on the internet like how, what to expect when you

go to prison and I couldn't find anything. And I still don't know if there's a whole lot of it. So I'm just going to go ahead and share with you guys how to prepare for prison and what to expect when you go. Ready? What to expect when you're expecting time. Wean yourself off of caffeine because if you go in there and you have no caffeine whatsoever you're going to have the killer headache.

You need to have somebody on the outside who is there to like be your person because you can do anything in prison. You're completely powerless. You need to have somebody on the outside who can like come to the computer and see what your estimated release date is, what your parole date is. So have somebody lined up on the outside. You're going to need money on your books. So it would be great if you could save up a little bit of money.

I would say $100 minimum so that as soon as you have an account like an inmate account that they can go ahead this person that you've elected to be your person. They can go ahead and put your money on your books. Go ahead and get comfortable with the incompletely naked in front of a lot of people is going to happen. Kind of just get it out of your head and even think about it. You know, like it's just something I got to do. And trust me, nobody is going to be looking at your fat rolls or like back hair and judging

you. Like everybody is just kind of thinking about their self and how they look. So no worries. If you wear contacts or glasses, go ahead and go in with glasses on because they will let you keep your glasses. This is really optional, but if you have like completely dyed hair, it's going to grow out very uneven. So maybe like go back to your base color.

Start memorizing phone number. Yeah, no cell phone. You have any like dental issues like a sore tooth or something or a cavity you've just been putting off. Get that taken care of pronto before you go into prison. If you smoke cigarettes, stop. Do what you can to get off the six. Oh my God.

Stay tuned for part two. I mean, pretty and damn informative. First of all, I'm surprised there's no coffee in prison. I did not know that it was a caffeine free environment. That's like a, you know, primo thing that people learn to, you know, make in their cells. Like they get coffee packets and you know, it's like a premium thing. I would learn how to do that first and fucking foremost. Coffee.

I would die without everything else. Dental work. Don't care. Yeah. Fucking. I don't care if I don't get a Fritos, but coffee. Yeah. Dude, take alcohol, but not my coffee.

Coffee is rough to live without. Yeah, dog. But then again, you don't need to get jacked up in prison. That's true. But you don't get to like sleep in. They wake people up. No. So that kind of sucks.

I think that's interesting to get your dental work done. Smart. That's good advice. This is really good for, if you're about to go to prison, I would listen to what she said. And to get money on your commissary because that's. Money on your cum. That's cute.

Everyone was great for women. Yeah. Get your color back or your base color. But I didn't realize that with commissary. Yeah. Because you need your basics. And if someone hasn't put money on your books, you're fucked. You can't get like anything, dude.

So probably toothbrush. Yeah. My heart goes out to these ladies. They should at least make the ladies' prison nicer, right? Do they do that? They should get dental work. That sucks. These poor people.

Guys, my boyfriend came over together with his friends and I am making them just you but I don't know if I should add a bar or a rice. Guys, please let me know in the comment section what you think. What do you think? This is woman with has like 12 inch nails. And one of them has a fork attached to it. Yeah. The other one is a fork.

Yeah, it's a fork. She's got a fork nail. Her middle finger is a fork. This is so insane. Isn't that cool? Yeah. I've never seen that before. No, me neither.

That's pretty neat. Yeah. I mean, I've never. Look, I've seen a lot of stuff. Super long nails really just put me off though. They're so uneasy. They're so dirty, I think. Yeah.

Under it. Getting all that grime under your nails all the time. Yeah. And you can't type. You can't do anything. Yeah. That's gnarly. It's testicle time.

Let's get right to it. Cut that shit in half. And then the meat comes right out. Boom. I just got the chills. Boom. It's so easy, guys. It's so easy.

Just squeeze it out like this. Oh, fuck. I just got the chills. Whew. And this is all he does, right? We watched him eat brains before. Yeah. Yeah.

Last week was brains and now he's into testicles. And I mean, I guess he likes it. He looks fit, right? It's pretty gnarly for me, but. Yeah. I don't have a desire for that. No. No.

I don't, no. I don't mind cooking stuff. Would you eat balls? If they were seasoned, if they were cooked and seasoned properly, you can eat anything that's cooked and seasoned properly. What if they belong to twins? The Winklevoss twins, you got it. Army Hammers balls.

Yeah. Yeah. Oh yeah. Lamb fries, Rocky Mountain oysters. Yeah. You know, people eat everything, man. You tried them? I would have them if they were presented like this.

Yeah, fried. But I mean, if it's like I had to cut them out of the sack, I think I'd pass. Fuck that, dude. That was rough. But honestly, eating anything raw, like that. Raw is kind of, yeah. The raw brains is equally insane. Yeah.

It's just fucking eaten. Did you ever eat brains before? I don't think so. I've had tons. The cooking and stony brains? They might, but I mean, I don't remember having it. I've had heart, you know. I like heart.

I like chicken hearts, actually. It's my favorite. Yeah. Yeah. My mom used to make cow brains for me, breaded. And I didn't know what they were for the longest time. And I asked one time, she told me, and I was like, oh, they're reading this shit again. I was about seven years old.

And I was like, I'm done with cow brains, dude. How the fuck you feed me this for seven years, dude? She didn't tell me. You say it like that. Fucking bro, dude. Sure, now, but I was like, what? Fucking done with this shit, bro. Yeah, bro.

I was like, what, dude? Hey, y'all, let me show you why we saved empty toothpaste containers in prison. You're really into this prison shit. It's amazing. I like prisons. It's interesting. I don't want to go there, but. Okay.

I just think it's interesting when people survive like this. Yeah. I mean, look at this bitch, dude. What does she make? You'll see. A shower head is what it is. In prison, the showers, the water just kind of, it's very weak flow and it kind of just shoots everywhere.

So you can't really even rinse shampoo or conditioner out of your hair without using one of these. So this is contraband. So officers can take this away and they can even write you a disciplinary case for this because contraband is anything altered from its original form. Most officers didn't really care about these though. All right. See y'all later.

She seemed like a nice lady. They always do. It's always so funny. They always do. Like when you see, you go, could I imagine this person? And then you go, I don't think of this person as a prison type. No. And then you learn she's like, oh, it was a salt.

It was a, you know. Aggravated assault. You don't know what the fuck you're looking at. It's always the one that looks normal too. This is B activation light language. There's a minute 40 of this left. You don't feel happy or listening to this, watching this. I actually feel happier when I watch these light language videos.

You feel nothing. Wow. This is more focused B energy now. Yeah. I'm scrubbing through this. Well now the hive is full. You found the queen bee. Calmer B energy.

Yeah. Yeah. Let's see. Thank you. I'd rather watch me eat testicles for an hour. All right. So recently I've been getting a lot of comments. You guys are very concerned that my ears are going to snap.

I'm not sure if you're saying that because you're genuinely concerned or you're just trying to kind of be an asshole. Wow. But it doesn't work that way. They're super healthy. I've been stretching them for 15 years. They're not going to just snap. I promise the people whose ears snap take really bad care of them.

And while I appreciate your concern, I've been doing this for a really long time and I know what I'm doing. It's been over half my life that I've been doing this. And you never really know because people change their minds all the time. But I do feel as though my point of regret is way behind me if that were to happen. I think it would have happened by now. Yeah. It makes me happy and gives me confidence and I'm not hurting anyone.

Good. All right. On to the next one. Oh, for fuck's sake. You don't feel happier? You don't feel happier? No. I feel happier.

Really? Yeah. This works on me. Like you like when you come across this? I do. The original light language lady I found, it works. I feel her vibes and I'm like, I don't, I don't know why, but I enjoy it. She'd be like, I'm like, all right, I want to hate it, but I can't do those chicks ears

are fucking. So if you ever want to talk about your fucking sentiment, because I'm a revision, people look at me and they're like, she's more revision. I love her so much. She's awesome. Serio. Serio. I wonder if she would date a white boy, you know?

She would. If you were about her. Are you obsessed with me? Are you obsessed? Yeah. Are you about to be obsessed? Yeah, I am. Serio.

Serio. Yeah. About to be obsessed. Mark the bitch. She's so rad. So cool. Good dance. All right, Jean.

We got to wrap this up. All right, Jean. It was fun. It was good times. Good times. Thank you guys for watching. Thank you for listening. Go see Christina P on tour.

See me on tour. Check out the store.store.ymhstudios.com. And we will see you guys in two and two. A personal privilege. Guys, key him. I'm one of the people who's very, very prone to sensory overload. We're all fresh and ready to go. Thank you, comrade.

If we want to defeat capitalism, we are going to need a party that will organize working people to fight for the demands that we want and to win socialism. Thank you, comrade. Thank you, comrade. Thank you, comrade. We're all fresh and ready to go. Thank you, comrade. Thank you so much.