Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - Alison Rosen-Episode 101-Your Mom's House with Christina Pazsitzky and Tom Segura

Episode Date: October 17, 2016

Guess who is OUR new best friend? Yeah, it's Alison Rosen and soon you will be calling her DEAREST MOMMY. Alison fit in like a new pair of extra tight jeans. She's not only a co-host on Adam Carolla and host of Alison Rosen Is Your New Best Friend, she's also Up for the Get Down and a total pro on the mic. It's so fun that we talked longer than usual and cover everything from Alison's new engagement to Trigger Songs that make you angry to Dental Updates and we even get in a Tom or Black that is an instant Classic! Have fun with this one. It's real JEANSY!

Big news, big news alert, we're tacking this on to before the episode. It's that important. So pull your jeans up, put your ears to the speaker, put the earbud in, you're about to hear some stuff that's going to blow your mind up. Blow your mind up. You guys, I'm talking about it for a while and now we are officially doing it. Christina and I are coming together to the wonderful Northwestern city of Seattle. All right.

All right. It's official Saturday, May 18th, 8 p.m. at the Highline. We are doing a live show, live stand up together, but it's officially the first year mom's house the first time. Yeah. Stand up comedy tour with your two mommies. Like you guys always ask for. And just to, I mean, we should probably just get out of the way.

It looks like we're going to add a city on this leg, on this trip. It's not locked down yet. So I didn't want to, but I, you know, I didn't want to say, oh, this is going to happen. But just so you know, if you're within a few hours of there in a city in Oregon, maybe some of the rhymes with Cortland, Cortland, Oregon, that we might hopefully will be announcing that in the coming days. But right now it is Seattle. It's May 18th.

Go to your momshousepodcast.com and the little thing there says YMH is coming to Seattle, Washington. Click on that link and right there below the pair of jeans that you see that are very high and tight. It breaks it down for you. It says buy your ticks here right underneath that. There's a link that's live. It's a brown paper tickets link.

Get your tickets now. That's the thing. Lock the shit down. It's a limited size space. Tickets are only $18.00. General admission VIP is 25. If you get VIP, you get choice seating and you also get a take home souvenir that we will announce later.

I mean, how often do you get to see two of your favorite, your mothers in person? And not only that, I would say for the price that we're putting it at, the price point. No two drink minimum. No. Listen, you're not seeing it at some stuffy comedy club. Yeah. Usually if you go to a comedy club and you see either Tom or myself independently, you end up paying what?

20 bucks to take it plus the two drink minimum plus whatever bullshit you got. This is different. This way it's two mommies. It's a great price. It's a great deal. It's a great venue. And we need your support. We love you.

Seattle is obviously high on our list and we really want to make this be a big success. So please come out, get your tickets, get your friends to come with you. Let's make this a really fun night. We're going to hang out afterwards. The show doesn't end when the show ends. We're going to be there hanging out with you guys. So it'll be a really fun time. So please check that out.

Go to yourmomshousepodcast.com and click on that link for tickets, a couple other things. Please check out our friends at allthingscomedy.com. It is our home and in the home of many of our good friends. Eddie Peppitone's movie, the Bitter Buddha is available on VOD and iTunes. So go to thebitterbuddha.com. That's the Bitter Buddha, B-U-D-D-H-A. He is absolutely one of the funniest human beings walking the planet. He's great.

Let's see, Ian Edwards will appear, well, he's going to appear this Wednesday. If you're hearing this right when it dropped, he's tonight on Conan. So Ian Edwards is a great, great comic. Check him out on Conan. White guy, it's a white sounding name, but he's a black guy. Very black, Jamaican black. Yeah, yeah, that's right. He's really, really chill and really funny.

You would never know by the name Ian Edwards, it's like a Jamaican. It sounds like, oh, does he go to Oxford? Is he a British? Does he play tennis? Does he wear sweater vests? No. No, Ian Edwards, very funny, very black on Conan. And then Gareth Reynolds, he's the naughty show guy.

He's a creator, executive producer of Failosophy on MTV. That's on Thursdays at 10.30 p.m. Eastern. Give his show a shot, MTV Thursdays, 10.30 Eastern. And that is all. And be sure you check out AllThingsComedy.com and check out some podcasts there and have some fun. All right? Okay.

Okay. Bye, Jeans. Hey. Could you just turn it? No. Just turn it down. What? That's fine.

I like this music. What is this? This is DJ Premier. Oh, as in Guru and Premier. Hey, way to go, man. I'm street. I know what's up. You're so street.

You're hardcore. Mm-hmm. That's right. Where are you going to be? Oh, Jeans. Everybody, pull them up high and tight as you can, March 22nd through 23rd at Flapper's Comedy Club in Burbank, California, and then Denver Improv, April 11th through 14th. After that, April 17th through 20, Crackers Comedy Club in Indianapolis.

Nice. Hey, guys, if you haven't done it, just follow me on Twitter for crying out loud. For crying out loud. It's at Christina PCH, R-S-T-I-N-A-P. Please. Please. Yeah. What about you, Jeans?

All right. Let's see. March 14th through 17th, Virginia Beach, Funny Bone, April 4th through 7th, Go Banana Cincinnati. Oh, come on. I love that club. April 11th through 13th, Vancouver, The Comedy Mix, one of my favorite in North America. That's a good one, too, man. April 18th through 21th, San Jose Improv.

And it goes on and on for the break of dawn. Check out the dates, TomSegura.com. Follow me on Twitter at TomSegura-S-E-G-U-R-N. And that's that, yo. That was good. Yeah, so you know where. Do you like this keep? I really enjoy this.

Why didn't I like this in high school? I would have been a different person if I listened to chill music, right? Chill. That's the first way I've heard this described. All right. Did you know this song, Allison? Oh. Hi, everyone.

I'm here. I didn't know if I should just jump in. I'm the kind of person who jumps in before I'm introduced. I decided to try on a new personality. We'll do a whole thing. You can jump in at any time. And we're still going to give you a whole big thing. We'll do that.

Thanks. All right. Wonderful. Anyway, no, I didn't listen to this. You didn't listen to this? No, not in high school. What kind of music are you into? No, tell me high school first.

High school? Yeah. I was into an eclectic mix of stuff that guys I had to crush on liked probably. Because when I think about it, that's probably how. Like, I liked Rush, but did I really? Probably not. But I kind of did. I liked The Doors.

Okay. And then I got into Nirvana. Of course. And a lot of all the, I mean, who didn't like all the Seattle music, right? Of course. Of course. Yeah, but a lot of classic rock and then Seattle stuff. So you're into like, I know, I know you're ill.

That's like the 70s but rock kids, like Zeppelin posters in your room, beanbag chairs. Do you smoke cotton stuff? Yes. And college I did. Good for you. Yeah. Did you also? No, that wasn't my lane, man.

I was a goth and a ponger. Oh, right. I did smoke trees. I did smoke weed though and acid and stuff. So what are you like now? What's your lane now? Well, the funny thing is I wrote about music for years and I played in a band and I was very, but not, I did.

You played in a band? Yes, but not. I had, at that point, gone past the 70s but rock and I was just into early 90s alternative. And I feel like that's still what I like the most. Look who's there. I know. I was, I was admiring that before. Yeah.

That's my uncle right there, JB. It's nice. Yeah. The resemblance. I'm candy. There you go. Yeah. So now I find, well, I was actually listening to the Silver Sun pickups.

I don't even know what that is. What did I miss? I missed out. That's really cool. That's very cool. But they're not that cool. I mean, they're cool, but they're not like super duper cool right now. Are they like, are they now?

Are they a now band? They are a now band. Oh, yeah. I know Mumford and Sons. I've heard of them. I don't listen to them. Do you listen to Fun? I know.

I know who they're called. I don't know them. That's how lame we are. I feel like you would know their songs. It's been everywhere, but I don't have their album. What is it? Can you, can you, I don't know. Singing is terrible, but.

Oh, yes. I know that one. I know that. That's fun. Yeah. I like fun. Yes. That one.

I'm into fun. We're going to get into some music. Yeah. We got a lot, a lot of things to talk about, but first Allison, I have to do something. Now, will you like to introduce the person that's sitting in the room with us, even though they've already, maybe they're like, Allison, who Allison Montgomery from Virginia Beach? No. Is that a real person?

I don't know. Sounds like it. There's somebody listening. But I bet she spells it a different way. Why don't you? Well, you guys, welcome to your mom's house, Allison Rosen. Thank you. I'm so excited to be here.

This is so huge. It's major. You guys, you might know her from a little show called the Adam Corolla show, Hello, Kind of a Big Deal. She's the news girl. Is that correct? Yeah. News girl and sidekick.

Yeah. Sometimes I get introduced as co-host and then I think, yeah, I like the sound of that. That sounds good. Technically that. I bet I feel like it sometimes. Let's also not forget that in addition to that, you're also kind of my new best friend right now. That's right.

Because I host Allison Rosen as your new best friend, which is also a podcast. A wildly successful podcast. Thank you. Yes. Thank you. Thank you so much for bringing your wildly popular self to the mommy dome, which is where you are right now. Well, thank you for hosting my wildly popular self.

I had your lovely wife on my podcast and it was an awesome episode. And I talked forever. It's like a two-part. Yes. Trilogy. I actually, okay. I saw someone. It is.

It's a two-part trilogy. It's a five-part scannunary. It's a lot. Yeah. Oh, I want scannunary to be like a 16-part thing. Yeah. Scannunary. There you go.

Scannunary is where it's at. Now. Should you tell? Wait, she did. Oh yeah. There was someone tweeted something, which is to you, but I was in the tweet where this is, I mean, like, don't worry. She always splits them.

And I wanted to say, yes, the fact that we had split it into two parts, it's not because you talk too much or anything like that. You talk. I beg to differ. You talk a lot. No, it's, I started, my interviews tend to go long and I started splitting them into two parts just because I was getting this like, I don't know, I just felt like, I don't know that people can handle two hours at a time, but then people complain because they

would rather hear it in one thing. So I don't know. But anyway, it wasn't you. It was me. Alison, you know what? You and I both have self-conscious issues at times and I felt self-conscious and I'm glad that we cleared that up. Me too.

I feel better now. I'm sorry. I'm sorry that you felt self-conscious. No. Well, I feel like, can I tell you honestly, I had a little trepidation about you coming to the Mommy Dome because your show's so classy and smart and like you interview people. It's so thoughtful. Thank you so much.

But in terms of the classiness, I feel like maybe you caught me on a classy night because I'm not. Like lately I've been talking a lot about my period. We just talked about it some moment ago. The other day, I was talking about like okra diarrhea, the diarrhea you get from okra. There's seeds in it sometimes. Oh, right. So see, I'm not, don't paint me with the classy brush.

Do you do fried okra? No, pickled okra. Pickled okra. But not often. I mean, not anymore. But it leads to the rhea sometimes with you. Not even, more than sometimes. And in fact, I was just listening to your, and congratulations by the way on 100 episodes.

Thank you. I was just listening to that episode and I think it is the artichokes. Really? I do. Well, I really appreciate your detection. Oh. What? Is this from our other night?

Or is this your okra? That's okra. That's an okra diarrhea. I just searched for it. Wait, so, but you know, thank you for chiming in on that because I think it might be the fartichokes, right? Can I tell you, we've never had anything like that. It was out of control.

Yeah. Did it bring you closer? Always. Every fart brings us closer together. Every marriage. What is it? Every kiss begins with K's. Every fart brings our marriage together.

Yes. The research, by the way, is suggesting people's have been, people's have been like weighing in saying that they believe it is the fartichokes. Yeah. So I think you may be honest something there. Yeah, I feel like that's happened to me before where I thought artichokes were kind of difficult going in and out on their way out. Are you ready?

We haven't even opened the show yet. Do you know that? Oh, I didn't know that. This is our pre-show banter. I mean, it's the show, but yeah. Alison, thank you for stepping into the mommy dome and stepping into seventh grade. So put your arms under your armpit and start making some fart sounds. Here we go.

Oh, okay. Ready? Welcome to your mom's house. Thank you. All the sex doesn't just feel good. It's also a highly sexy visual because he's up there and you're down there with your mouth wrapped around his penis. Men are visual by nature, so they are turned on by what they're seeing.

So while you're sucking his dick and licking his dick with your tongue, he's just turned on by what he's seeing and what he's feeling. Men also like the sound effects of all sex. They love to hear you moan and slurp and spit on their dicks, of course. These things take in here. Of course. But another thing that will make a couple of those guys feel amazing are your hands. The friction of your hands sliding up and down his wet shaft or sucking his dick, licking

his dick and moaning all at the same time will drive your man to another world. What you will be learning in this DVD is the perfect blow job meaning he should come within five minutes or less and your mouth will never get tired. So I have designed these techniques for you to stimulate him. So grab your man or a dildo and a condom and follow me on this instructional DVD. This shit is big time. Who is Randy? Don't bring anyone loving to this.

Your mom in the fucking stand. Welcome. Welcome to your mom's house. With Tom Segura, Tom Segura and Christina Pajitzi. Christina Pajitzi. Christina Pajitzi. Christina Pajitzi. Welcome to your mom's house.

I can't get enough of them. I gotta say. What DVD is that? That is Angel's Palatio Secrets. Have you seen the whole thing? And is it good? It's really fantastic. Wow.

I smell a future wedding gift for you. I don't know. Don't think you're not going to get that. Is that a gift for me or for the husband to be really? I think it's for the two of you. Okay. I think it's good. It's in the long run it's just going to make you both happier.

Christina. Do you throw in extra like slurping and sounds and what not? It's so funny you mentioned that because Tom and I were prepping this and I walked in on the audio and I was like, is that really, is that the part that does it for you? And Tom, I don't have the answer to that. I can only defer to the man in the room. Is the sound, is that where it's at? It's not the only thing, but it's like saying, hey, do you like butter on this toast?

Like, yeah, it tastes a little fucking better now. Yes. Absolutely. Absolutely. I mean, I don't know about the sound is the butter. You know, that was maybe a bad analogy. But what I'm saying is that like, you know, it's the frosting on the cake. Like it, you can't just have noise.

You can't. Right. If you were harder to come that way. If you just took your lovely fiance's penis and went and screamed at it, it would not result in pleasure for him. But if you were to perform, try it, try it, absolutely. If you if you perform, do your best, you put, you know, put something into it like you're really trying, you know, like, like there's something really that you need to get out

of there and then you add noises. I think he'll, it'll enhance the experience, but I don't really, I don't know how the sound I just, I don't like, if you were going downtown with me and then I heard, it's different. It's different though. Why is it different? Because you're doing the same. No, it's not because for a man, the, the penis is, is, you know, is a, an object that's sticking out and the part of the excitement is that the penis is causing you to make those

sounds. Do you understand? Well, I do. Because. Yeah. No, no, no, because it's not like, oh my God, I got so much pussy in my mouth. I can't even like, I can't make, it's not like, it's not like, oh hot, I think he's choking on a hair.

Right. I see. But if you're like, oh, this dick is about to break out of the back of my neck and that's causing me to gag and make these noises. It creates that another level of excitement for the man like, oh, not only Alison's face is really good right now. I'm going to throw up right now. Well, you know what?

Maybe you should listen to Angel talk about it. The third technique is called mouth watering good. I do this technique in each blow job because it's very important. What you're going to do is you're going to take his penis and push as far back in your throat that you can to gag. When you gag your mouth waters and your eyes tear, this allows you to know that you're doing it correctly. There's two parts to it, the technique itself and the sound effects.

I'm going to show you how to do them both and then I'm going to explain how to do the sound effects after. Oh my God. Now, what's going to happen is when you make that sound effect, all you need to do is do this. When you do that, it places penis in your mouth. It helps to create more saliva. I'm going to do it one more time.

Take your penis, put it as far back in your throat as you can to gag. If someone would like that, I would never guess that was a blow job about this thing too. What does it sound like? Like a duck. Like a duck eating lettuce and choking. That's what men want. Men want ducks choking and eating chicken.

It's so awful. That can't be. I mean... Look, I will give you this. She really took it to a pretty extreme level, but some noise and slurping and stuff. Yeah, that's what guys... What's she demonstrating on? This guy who's just laying there.

It's an enormous dildo that looks like six dicks tied wrapped into one. Yeah. It's one big dick that she can take down extremely far. Here's my favorite part about it. It's a black dildo, like jet black, and then the balls are brown. I don't know. You're incorrect. Why?

Because the black... I was like, how did she get that? Did she custom that where the balls are brown? In the first part of the video, she puts the condom on. That's the first lesson. I didn't know they make black condoms. Yeah, it's jet black condoms. We don't use condoms.

We're married. We're a road dog in it, right, babe? High five. Yeah, it's so menacing, babe. It's real tough to understand. But my favorite part is that she really teaches us like it's legit. Like, she'll do that and then just go back to... And then anyways, you put it...

Like, it's like a normal tutorial. It's a good lesson, though. No, it's not good. I think a lot of people could benefit from her lessons. Seriously. Comedy aside, there's people out there who probably watch that video and are like, oh, I'm going to try that. Wait, could you imagine if you go home with a girl the first night

and then this is the bloke that she gives you? You lay down and she's like... Put your dick between your legs. That's what she said. You gotta do. You put the dick between your legs and then she... And then what? Well, you're laying face down.

And she's saying, tuck it, put your dick between your legs so that if the man's laying face down... Yeah, I still don't understand. And you see him, you're standing above him, you could see his dick and his balls, right? You understand? He's face down. And you can see them pointing down.

Right, exactly. So that's one of her lessons is that... What am I trying to tell you? This is silly. You're going to start with the tip of your tongue on the top right side of the head of his penis. You're going to cross over the shaft to the left side of the testicles. Over to the right.

Cross back over the shaft to the left side. And then you're going to suck. Then you're going to take the tip of your tongue and start on the left side of the head of his penis. Cross over the shaft to the right testicle. Over to the left and back over the shaft. What? Still don't. Now the reason why you're doing that

is because a man's penis has memory. Listen, Allison. Has a memory. It's a muscle. And when you do the same thing over and over it gets bored. You always change your manipulation when you give him filletial. Now, I'm going to show you how technique is going to look and sound from this position.

And this is with him. You're right by his ass. He's so aggressive. Continue to do it over and over. Once your man's penis becomes erect then what you want to tell him to do is turn your ass over. So what do you think? Are you going to give it a try

on your wedding night? Yeah, try this. For sure. I'm still the whole having him lay face down and tucking his penis. Will you do this for me? Would you say turn your ass over one time? Oh, right now? Turn your ass over. There you go. She did it.

You got some sassy black woman. Thanks, Allison. Yeah, I don't like the aesthetic of that push your penis between your legs. That one's not that exciting. Think about where that means you're putting your head. I don't under...

Which way are you facing his feet? No, you're facing his ass. Your face is right down there. Look how hairy my husband is. Pull down your collar so Allison can see. I thought you were about to say pull down your pants. But Allison, look at your asshole. Look at that.

Imagine that on the butt. You understand? It's a lot. This actually brings me to something else I wanted to mention in the last episode. Red Band was talking about how Hill sometimes used either Purell on his butt

or Hill just washed it in a public restroom with the soap they have there. Here's what I'm wondering. How does he... He was talking about putting soap on a rag or something. He flushes, leaves the bathroom, goes to the sink, gets soap,

and then goes back in. I'll tell you how he does it. He was referring to the comedy store. The comedy store has single bathrooms and one whole room for you. It's still a legit question though. First of all, what a different class of guests we have from one episode to another.

To go from Red Band to Allison. It's like we went from a street walker to a high class. A high class. Absolutely. Red Band is a real fucking animal if you listen to any of that episode.

I presume he probably spits on a sock and does it with that. Or I don't put it past him to exit the bathroom. With his pants around his ankle. And then if someone walks in he goes like and walks back in

and washes his filthy ass. He's an animal. Don't pay attention to what he does. I just wanted to know what... Don't even listen. I've never had my teeth graded or numbered, but I kind of want to now. What?

Can we cue the music? This is so crazy. I just wasn't expecting it. Oh. Allison Rosen. This is exciting. Really good work. She's a professional.

This isn't just some douchebag. This is a real guest. Real pro. Allison, give us your update. What do you got on your teeth? You'd like to have them numbered. Oh, this whole thing? I just didn't even know that they

will give your teeth each tooth a number based on health. Well, that's red band. Is this guy homeless? That's what they do at health centers that are free. Oh, really? Yeah, when they're like

hey, this guy, he needs a new kidney and also one through six on the top. Somewhere in downtown L.A. No, but I wouldn't make it. On a tarp. I would love to know, but I presume that red band goes to

kind of dicey places to get medical work done. Okay. What's your dental history like? Well, I had braces. How long? Four years. Wow.

If you really want to get into it, I would have an impacted cuspid. I feel like the music needs to crescendo even more. A cuspid? Yeah, an impacted cuspid. So I had to have oral surgery where they go in.

There's going to be another moment, where they go in and they chisel this canal to the tooth which is up in the roof of your mouth. Yeah, it was pretty disgusting and painful. And then they attach a bracket to it and then there's a little gold chain in the roof of your mouth.

Then you get braces, it's tiny. You get braces and then they tie this rubber band through the chain and they attach it to the wire, the braces and they pull it and you have to like the white knuckle it, yeah, it hurts. And then they pull the tooth into place.

But one day I noticed that a little white was poking through and I was like, oh, it's my tooth. It's being born. It's coming through finally. And then the more it came through that day, the more I noticed it was like all thin and I thought, oh no, my tooth is deformed. But then we discovered and here it is,

we discovered the bracket had come loose from the tooth and it was just the glue surrounding the bracket at this point. So I had to have the surgery again. But that one really wasn't as bad though because the canal

that they had, they like they like chip away the bone in your skull. Yeah, and I was awake for it. It was very weird. The path was already clear so it wasn't as intense. That was when I was

16, I think, yeah. So that necessitated braces for even longer. Oh my god, Alison. Where did you get your dental work done? Orange County. Wow. That's where I grew up, yeah. Persian guy? No, actually. Asian? No, he was

white. Weird, huh? White guy named Tony. He might do red bands to you then. I think he retired. That's beautiful. And so now, but actually hearing you guys talk about it made me think, I think it's probably time for me to go get my teeth cleaned.

When's the last time you did that? I think it was, I can't remember. Maybe like a year ago. That's good. That's not too bad. But I regularly floss, I heard you talking about floss. Oh good for you. Do you have a Sonic Air toothbrush? I don't. I don't know how I feel about investing in that.

It is expensive, but it has made a big difference. Because now whenever I go in, they're like, wow, your teeth look great. And I think it's the Sonic Air. In addition to flossing. And now what is that, just a vibrating toothbrush? It uses sound waves.

Yeah, it vibrates, but it uses sound waves to sort of break up though, whatever. And I don't know, like I've made, my teeth have felt cleaner. I've never talked about my teeth on a podcast. This is truly an exclusive. Our listeners vary. Yeah.

My teeth have never felt as clean since getting the Sonic Air. Okay, let's tell the listeners, just so they know, get the Sonic Air product. Where can they get it? Amazon. I mean, if it were my podcast, I'd say my banner, but you guys

should say your banner. Jesus Christ. What? Well, go to yourmomshousepodcast.com and click on the banner on Amazon and order your Sonic Air. Yeah, because you guys, it doesn't cost you anything extra, but it helps this podcast,

which obviously you love. Yeah, but I'm not even talking about that, guys. What are you talking about, buddy? I'm talking about, I want to know more about the fucking Sonic Air. Okay. Like, tell me what it costs. Oh, well, I just got a new one.

Oh, Corolla Money. I'm a very indecisive person, so it took me a couple months to finally decide I need to just pull the trigger and make a decision, and then it took me probably three hours of clicking through all of it. They have way too many models

with way too many things that, like, this one has a timer, that does this, and this one has a this, and this, and like, you can compare two of them on the Sonic Air website, and it will drive you insane, and finally, I'm like, I'm just going to get this one, and I think it was I think it was

between 100 and 140, and I can't remember. There's got to be a deal on Amazon. But they have them for cheaper. I just happened to go for one that had more bells and whistles because I Hey, I deserve it. You deserve it. Now, I have bondings.

Will that ruin my bondings? No, I'm pretty sure it'll be fine. I'm always very weary. My two front teeth are bonded, and I was told, quote, to not take the meat off the bone. Like, I'm not supposed to bite into things directly? Can you bite into an apple? Girl, I do it all the time. I don't give a fuck.

You know what I mean? I can't live my life around my bondings. No. I chipped it once. I chipped my tooth on a tortilla chip a couple years back, too. Yeah. But you know what? I live dangerously. I do what the fuck I want. I don't care. My second My sister has a bonding on one of her front teeth,

and it has been a source of angst frequently because it keeps falling out. Well, it shouldn't fall out. It shouldn't. It's bad dentistry. I don't know. It's a long story. I got to get them

replaced again because it's been 12 years since my last, and I'm a little where I don't know if I should go for the veneer where they shave down your real teeth and all that, but then you get big donkey teeth, and you look like a total idiot. You got dog teeth right now, so how is that a fucking difference? You have, you have totals.

What, Tom? You have street dog teeth like a junkyard dog and I'm chewing on rocks and old shoes and shit on the street. That's what your teeth look like. How dare you. Why are you saucy? What did I do to you? I'm just telling you what your teeth look like. I know why you're upset with me because I didn't do the Amazon banner the way you liked

it to be done. No, I'm not mad at you. Is that why? No. Okay. You know what I wish for you? What? I wish you to put your dinner in a dog bowl and then put the bowl on the ground and then let you eat out of the bowl. This is a perfect time to plug your mom's house podcast.com.

You can shop through our Amazon banner, which you should have bookmark. Even if you listen to, let's say, Allison's podcast on bookmark hers and bookmark our banner, our Amazon banner and shop through us. If you love our podcast, you know, you can help the show without doing

anything you were going to do. But listen, also these have been pouring in and I want to tell you to continue Top Dog and Charo are coming in studio in March. Send us your emails and you can ask Top Dog or Charo anything. The email is yourmomspodcast

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get a real mommy's only shirt. Have some fun. There's a bunch of cool stuff there. Yes. Now. Oh, what are you doing? I hate it even more. Do you? I fucking hate this song. I'm not a fan, yeah.

Why? It sucks. How much did it really upset you? It did upset me tomorrow when it's still in my head. It's the worst. It's so fake. It's such a fraudulent fucking bullshit. Well, this really lit up our Twitter account. I saw some

UB40 tweets. And some emails and it lit up our Facebook comments. Well, just so you know some people agreed with me. Definitely. Colleen. Well, Alison Rosen just

did. Well, because she gets it. Alison Rosen gets it. And Colleen, her Twitter handle is at NeedsGoodMeds, said quote, UB40 can eat a bag of dicks, which I couldn't agree with more. At Richard Hanley says, UB40

their genes are as loose as they get. Which is really funny. That's a horrible insult. It's a really insult. Well, we obviously we started talking about trigger trigger songs we call them. Songs that infuriate you. Oh, yeah. And people

started sending us. I can't even listen. You talk with this fucking song under it. And it rages me. They sent us their trigger songs and, you know, garbage. Garbage. Oh. A bummer, right?

A fucking bummer. I don't want it in my head. I don't want it in the air. Starship. I'll definitely hit the fucking dial on this one. I had I had a Starship song stuck in my head on and off for

years. I'm not even making that up. And I've never really, I'm trying to think I've ever met someone else. Huh. Maybe a couple people have said that they've had that same thing. But truly on and off it would just in like the quiet times it would pop into my head. And this went on for years. And it was the song from Mannequin. Oh,

yeah, right? Nothing's gonna stop us now. Yeah. It's really weird. And I think I read something about how just like the way to figure out what that means is what initially happened when I first heard the song. Oh, that's interesting. Or, you know,

is there some sort of through line in terms of what I feel when I hear, I don't know what it is. That's so interesting. But it became a trigger, hence a trigger. Yeah. Just like in therapy. Right. Something, the the rage is there from something, the initial cause of that rage. I'm wondering what red red wine means to me.

I just remember being a little girl and seeing that video and thinking how stupid it was. So from the beginning you hated them. I have hated this song since I, it was the video that really did it for me. Because it was like these, it was like black and white but the wine's in red and then he gets drunk

and it was just stupid. It sounds like there's black people singing but there aren't any black people in the video and that pissed me off and no, I don't know. It's a whole fucking thing. You're not into that shit at all, man. But that song's good. The manicure, I don't know if it's good

but I get that being stuck in your head because it's inspirational. Yeah. Like did you go did you reach that song in times of turmoil or something? Honestly, it was really just sort of the default song in my brain. It was like my own soundtrack. It really would pop into my head all the time.

It's so strange. I could not shake it. Yeah. But now I haven't had it for a long time so that's good. Well, we got some other ones. Overwhelmingly, Nickelback apparently infuriates people. The band Nickelback got a lot of those. Are you sure they infuriate

me? Although I'm happy to say even though I know it's going to change in a second. No, no. No song is coming to mind. Actually, I'm the same way. I don't know what their songs are. I don't know either but they sound like they suck. I'm sure that if we heard them, we'd be like, oh. Yeah, I didn't even pull them because

there were more responses that were more where I resonated with Me More what they were saying. One of them. They were both but making banging on the bathroom floor. Wait till the hook.

No. I mean, no, I don't like it. We're still mad at the hook. This isn't the hook still. It's coming. I get it. Garbage. This got a few people fired up. They're just like, fuck.

Yeah, this was submitted on Twitter by atrelbo. Here comes the hook. Ready? I actually did a couple I can think of that I can't stand. Should I save them? The YMCA song. I never won. Usually, I'm not happy to hear Bob Marley.

I agree. You know what? I agree. I think he's a lot of people's it's your first exposure to that type of music at all when you're like a teenager, I think. And then you realize that everybody has

that same greatest hits album. Not everybody. Just Fratboy, douchebags. The guys that have the M.C. Asher of the two hands drawing each other. That's a college starter. And they have a tie-dye poster.

And they have a fucking what's his name? A doors guy poster. They have a poster of him and you're like, you guys are just buying into this identity. You don't like this shit.

Because Bob Marley, I'm sure, didn't intend for Fratboys to really like maybe not white people at all. There's probably a song in there that's like, white people are the worst. Absolutely. You know what's really interesting? We have a couple friends that are

DJs and I mean prolific amazing DJs tour the world. And one of them is a fucking encyclopedia of music. I mean, he's not just what you think of as like spinning hip hop. He does that too.

But the guy's brain for music is incredible. And I asked him, I was like, is there a song that you just fucking hate? Same thing we're talking about, like a trigger song. And he said, I absolutely refuse. I don't care if they're paying me 20 grand

to spin at a party. I will not play Return of the Mack. He said it's the worst fucking song. I don't even know what this is playing. This is it right here. He hates this fucking thing. This is it.

He's like, I don't care if I'm doing an arena. No, I won't do it. Just keep on doing it. It doesn't bother me as much but I just, I love learning that about somebody. It amuses me that it bothers me so much

that he feels the red, red wine way about yourself. But if you were a DJ and you know cool ass shit and some douchebag at a wedding is like, hey man, can you play this? You're like, no. I can't. Go fuck yourself. His musical knowledge is just incredible.

He hates this song so much. You know what I hate more than anything, Allison? What? And you might think differently about me after this but I don't really, you know, being honest with you. I'm opening up to you. Thank you for trusting me. It's the AIDS song.

What is it? It's the AIDS. It's the AIDS. It's the AIDS anthem. It's called AIDS is real bad. You hate this. I fucking hate this. So much. I would punch somebody's radio in the car.

Wait, but is it just this song or all songs by him? I really can't stand for this song. I don't get it. No, I don't either. Tom Segura is your new best friend. This whole infatuation and this

idolizing of this man and people are just like, do you understand what type of a genius you're dealing with? I'm like, no I don't. I don't. I don't get what those people are feeling or seeing. I don't get it. It doesn't affect me in that way.

This is like any other song to me. And so are all his other songs. I'm like, all right. Because the credit that he gets is that his music is so simplistic that it's either really dumb or really genius. And I tend to go on the side of

it's kind of dopey. I don't think he's like serious XM has an entire station devoted to Bruce. It's called E Street Radio. A lot of the musically inclined are like that's the mountaintop is him.

And I'm like, I don't get it. He's the gold standard. Can I tell you the one band that I don't like that like everybody and these people sell out like arenas. I feel really bad even out loud cold play. Don't get it. Not into it.

I feel like every song is the piano and I'm whining like about you too. I hate them. I actually went to high school, but now I never ever want to have to hear you two song. Also, I'm not that into REM.

When I hear stand, I want to turn it off. I agree. Stand though deserves being a trigger song because we all live through its release. When it was number one, you would celebrate it coming on and then remember like that was the song.

I would say the losing my religion is when I turned on REM because they would play that ad nauseum like Beverly Hills 90210 had an episode of it where Brenda played it over and over and I was like I'm done with this shit. What about Did you watch 90210 a lot?

You remember when Dylan said that her hair was incandescent? No. Goodness, where was I? Brenda's hair? Yeah, I'm pretty sure. Yeah, Dylan. Oh no, yeah. Dylan was first he was dating Kelly and then he went

to Brenda and that was always a bone of contention between those two. Right, for a second I was can't remember if that was Brandon. Okay, yeah, I was confusing Luke Perry and Jason Priestley. Dylan was Luke Perry, right? Correct. Yes, I'm pretty sure he said her hair was incandescent.

Wow. Incandescent. Yes, that one. And they made a point of that word. Wow. I wouldn't even describe her hair that way, really. She was always kind of rough on the eyes for me, no offense. And I don't like to really chastise people on their looks.

Right. But if you're in show biz and your business is your looks, like if you're an actor get your teeth fixed, horsey. You know what I mean? Like they were a little horsey. And I will say they cast that show super old. I mean those assholes were all in their 30s. Yeah.

And they were playing hard on Andrea. Are you kidding me? Now, Andrea was the worst. She was the worst. The least fun of all of them. No fun, Andrea. Yeah, she was real bag of suck. Oh, here we go. This one's a good one. This one's submitted

by none other than Mish The Dish. Come on, Eileen. I feel you. I think Alice is into it. I actually... I want to be cool and hate it, but I actually I don't hate it that much.

Be yourself. Enjoy it. Let your tits hang. Yeah, Allison. Let your nuts hang. All of them are. Nuts and tits are all hanging. Hanging loose from my nuts to my tits. I like a submission that I don't even know.

Which one of these was? I don't know who submitted it. I think you have it over there. Sure. What garbage? Just turn it off. Ironically, the song is called Sounds Good by Ashton Shepard.

I don't know what the fuck this is, but whoever this pisses off, I'm with you. This shit. Garbage, right? Yeah, I'm not enjoying this. She's submitted by At Dumpster White. Okay. I did research on this one.

I was like, oh, I don't know this. And I was like, nope, I couldn't even listen to it. Sounds good. Fuck you. Sounds pretty bad. Garbage. You are somebody I do not picture in the brief time that I've met you, being into country music.

No fucking way. I like Emily Harris. And that's probably about as... Well, Johnny Cash. Actually, my best friends in high school, I had two best friends. And they got into line dancing.

And I wanted... Where was high school? Crotadummar. So she's Orange County. That was cool. Like in the 90s for a minute. A lot of people were getting into it. And they dragged me a couple times. And I tried. I tried to not mock it openly in front of them,

but I couldn't do it. It's kind of awful. Can I tell you? One of these that was submitted, we're going to get a lot of heat on this one because... I don't know if I have it pulled, but go ahead. Well, the band is like

huge. Living on a prayer by Bon Jovi. I know that's sacrilegious. A lot of people... And I saw a documentary about Bon Jovi, the band, whatever. And they're cool. And John Bon Jovi's a cool dude. But his music, I could never deal with it.

Slippery One Wet was the first cassette I ever bought with my own money. I remember my cousin having that cassette. And we were like, it's pretty awesome that you own this dude. It was pretty exciting. I was in 7th grade though. But that had

a number of hits on it. Number one, number one, number three, number one. There was a lot of big songs, but that pisses somebody off. I get it. I'm not into it. Some people don't like certain songs. I get it.

Oh! This is the same lane for me as you before me. How do you feel about this, Allison? Are you... I don't like it. I used to love this band. But I don't like it anymore.

It's a little annoying. Fine Young Cannibals, they were a good band when I was... I bought that cassette. Put your dick between your legs. This one I found interesting and I agree with too. Submitted by...

Okay. Matchbox 20. 3am? I know I'm not into that shit. What about Dave Matthews' band? I want to turn that off, yeah. None of it. Somebody I know is a couple people.

I know another guy. A comic who loves them. How can you unselfconsciously love them? I know one who loves fish. A lot of hippies like fish though. A lot of people. Grateful that was huge. That's what I'm talking about.

He said that's the thing he loves most in his life. In his life? He follows them around. He'll go to shows, travel to go see them. That guy is a brilliant writer and comedian. You like fish, what the fuck is wrong with you?

Are you retarded? I met him and he mentioned that. I didn't know. This guy is a fucking... I can't name a fish song. No one can. Is that right? Those guys can, of course.

The fish has. I feel like there's one called Tweezer. But they took over for the dead when they died. They had their following that was significant and then the same type of people did that.

Because it's similar, maybe not similar, but analogous scene. I have empathy for those dirty hippies because I lived in San Francisco when what's-his-name died from the dead. I was on Haid Street that day

and I remember it just... It was a huge deal. I felt so bad for those people because that's their life. You don't seem like the type that would feel bad. I really hate those... I hate that music. It's just not my thing, but I respect people

that they love that. That's a whole culture. Different strokes, but at least it's authentic music. That's why I don't judge it. Where did you go to school, Allison? For high school, I went to high school in court at MR

and then I went to Pomona College, which is in Claremont. What's college? Michael Haines. No, he goes to Pacoima. Kyle Haines, sorry. Can I bring up one more? Of course.

This one I thought was interesting. At Mike Klinger 18. Sweet Caroline. Really? Yeah, I don't like that one. Is this it? Oh, gosh. I don't think I've ever heard it.

I don't celebrate this. I'm ready. It's like a very karaoke song, right? Some of the, a lot of people. This is like when he performs it, it's like the whole arena gets on board. They go bananas. What's his name, closes his act with this?

With the lighters. He came out on Marc Maron's podcast. Todd Glass. Todd Glass closes his live shows with this and the whole audience like... His stand-up act? That's what I heard. I heard the city, that's the closing song

and he gets everybody to sing along and people feel good and then they leave. That sounds sweet then. I don't listen to music as much or in the same way as I did when I was younger. Is that how it is for you guys too? Because I loved music and I went to live shows

all the time. When you asked me earlier what I'm into now, I'm not at all up on the current bands. I actually, because I travel so does Tom so much, I have hours on airplanes so now I get obsessed with one band

and I'm obsessed with Modest Mouse. I have all their albums, I listen to them all in a loop. Right now I obsess over certain people at a time. So yes. I'm way less musically obsessed

than I used to be. I still enjoy. What I am is I get comfortable with the stuff that I know and like and I just go to that. I don't discover really anything new. You always are going to discover something new

by chance but you don't seek it out. I get introduced to stuff either by a friend maybe a radio, satellite radio or something or I'll hear something. Maybe a venue, maybe music is playing

or somebody close to me would be like you got to hear this other than that. I just go to what I know because it's comfortable and it's lame but I'm just stuck in the stuff that I like and know and I'm much less

into going to see live music. I remember how much fun that really was growing up in high school like the first concerts and you're like this is awesome I can see myself doing this for the rest of my life. She's going there. How much fun is this? Maybe it's the fact that I do

250 live shows a year that I'm like I don't want to go to a fucking show and the thought of standing around with a bunch of drunk douchebags stepping on you and to ruin the life I need to sit down. Give me a fucking seat

LA we have enough venues where I think that exists so if you were to find the artist that you wanted to see and the venue that sounded like oh this is a thousand seater and it's nice, that appeals to me but I don't have the energy to pursue that

you would have to say I found the venue and they happened to be playing there and I got your tickets and I'm picking you up. Dude the only band I've seen live in the last 10 years is the Pixies and I see them every time they tour just because they're my favorite band but other than that

no way. Marina was like Coachella there's so many good bands on Coachella I was like I would rather get set on fire than go to fucking Coachella go fuck yourself. I think that's it Jeans The Eagles Hotel California

was another one which I can see that it's a long song it's like a 10 minute song. Yeah it's a long song. You are fantastic guests. Thank you. I'm wondering if we could play a game with you

I would love to play a game. That is going to really jiggle my nuts. Hey! Welcome! She's really part of the gang now I love it. It's a little game we like to call Tom or Black This episode

I'm the one that had the elephants roosting in trees. Shit man that's Tom Segura. He was a for real grimy nigga. You think I give a fuck about a motherfucking red light? Faggot cop can't touch me I'm out of here smoking weed speeding all that door fuck that that's me

I put chain marks around your fucking eyes It's time for Tom or Black So if you weren't able to pick it apart from that the game is that I'm going to play you audio clips and you have to decide

whether it's me or a black person fun and of course it really is he's been working on this for a while and of course it's not it's me trying to sound I'm trying to deceive you

right so where are these audio clips from well they're either manufactured okay well by me or they're pulled out all the stops yeah yeah oh yeah I want you to get it wrong are you ready to play I'm ready

can you get a pen and paper I'm ready sorry yes okay so what happens is you can hear the clip as many times as you want okay but I don't tell you whether you're right and wrong until the end oh gosh all right all right and anyone having last minute advice or anything for me with your heart yeah I was gonna say

that yeah don't overthink it all right just go well just kind of just however you feel all right it's probably the better way to go okay okay here we go it's gonna be easy Tom quick that's how I like

I like that snap decisions it's gonna last round they move black all right so for one time no I cause that was a please no no that's

I need to hear that one again please hmm black now I'm doubting that okay god damn it Tom sorry I love that one

all right hold on one second we only have a couple more okay okay you're doing really well thank you we're gonna ride the thing could I hear that one again sure we're gonna ride the thing

Tom the background I love that one gosh and this is our last one okay okay come on on here my guts is Tom but all right okay go go

come on on here this is that one's hard it's hard they're all hard nobody said it would be easy first of all I commend you you stepped up to the play I'm foolhardy that way though

you followed your gut which was you're just going with what you feel that's how you play the game come on on here I have to say black now you switched walk us through your thought process sounds like it's not Tom

is my new thought about it was before I was like that could be Tom it's the here play it one more time but what about it you can switch over here come on on here there's a certain vocal quality

about it that sounds untombed to me although I don't know you well enough to be sure that's the thing that's got the Tom thumbprint in it

and everyone else knows I don't know look nobody said that I'm expecting too much of myself I do want to hear it final answer is what come on on here my final answer is black it's the here

it's throwing me wow first of all great job really good work Allison thank you for playing sure so the first clip we played for you it's right here

this should be easy you said Tom it was black damn it that is a coach on a high school football team telling his players that the practice that they're about to

embark on should be easy they're acting like it's a lot of work and it's this should be easy you know push up should be easy this shit should be easy this one the very next clip

this is your last rendezvous right you said black black thank you there you go Allison really good feel better now next up this one was a really tough one

and I will admit to that you know it's tough that's a really tough one you said black it was me what are you saying? sup kane wow right in front of me

what did you think of that? black easy right the very next clip god damn it you said Tom that is black really? yes tell her where it's from

it's a man who just orgasmed in a pornography film he is black god damn it god damn it oh yeah okay

but you know I feel like you could do that one though I don't know if I think of that one I have to kind of get ready for it god damn it god damn it god damn it that one doesn't feel

that was good don't vlog yourself that's a tough one though this next one we played for you oh shit that was fun what happened blue band

we gonna ride the lake you said you said Tom we gonna ride the lake you're right you're right what were you saying? I was saying we're gonna ride tonight

here it is without any background we gonna ride the lake excuse me I feel like I'm getting the hang of it now I tried to deceive you this last one was a fun mystery this last one was

we didn't know what was gonna happen you went back and forth multiple times let me hear it again and see which I think it is come on over here come on over here now I think it's Tom you do think it's Tom

I've gone Tom Tom black Tom it's three Tom's and then one black so you're leaning to Tom change your answer okay so hard to tell are you ready for the reveal?

wait that's her final answer okay so we're changing it to Tom just so you know so how many did we play altogether? we have six clips what's her score before the four that we revealed this one she was one two

three wrong that's only two right so two out of five right now we're looking at with this clip if you're right about this next clip it'll put you at three out of five and then that's better than two out of five

you said six sorry sorry sorry out of six is that right? or I'll be two out of six here's the answer I knew this how I came down here

and then I saw a hold and I said what's going on here so he said I was so right for a moment there I was so right for a moment there but that one really played a trick on you it really did did you think that was going to be that hard

did you know that one was the I thought that one would deceive I did I thought that would be a tricky one because it sounds like a white person putting on a voice well he changes his own voice to say it that's what he's speaking

that's from a news interview a guy who stumbled he was he came to the area right after the storm I knew this how I came down here I saw all the limbs and I saw a hold and I said what's going on here

so they said your knee's in the hospital I thought it was in Jackson that was a fun game you did fantastic thank you so much two out of six even though the game I mean it's a good game

it's a fun game do you know if this is Tom or Black put your dick between your legs you got that one right that's the bonus round oh you fucking have it she's on top of shit man

really good jeans before we get out of here with the lovely Alison Rosen do you want to take her back and ask her the OG questions yeah

well actually you have something you wanted to we haven't really touched on in a while yeah I was thinking we should do that and then bounce yeah this little game we like to call her up and seal her shut now Alison

I'm going to give you two names of people and which one of these two would you like to have fill you up and seal you shut okay now since you're a writer you've been a writer since you were 18 I read that on your bio

I thought we would do a special edition for writers so wait dumb question fill her up and seal her shut what do we mean by that it's not a dumb question it's not a dumb question at all what does it sound like to you

what does that sound like be honest it sounds sexual you are right on point but sealing you shut sounds it sounds violent it sounds like something that would happen before you die

well it sounds aggressive it's an aggressive so what the the origin of this is is we want to know who would you want if you had to choose between your options

to fill you up with their love to such a point that it seals you shut okay so it is a sexual aggressive move it has a long history on the show it's a lot of context

so it's kind of like kill, fuck, marry but you're combining fuck and marry kind of you're kind of combining fuck and fuck and fuck some more that's kind of what it is aggravated assault and fuck and we often ask our listeners about females

because we have so many male listeners who do you want to fill up and seal shut and everybody gets excited about filling somebody up yeah, me too but since you're a lady we're going to do males and then we'll see where it goes

okay, so for the special writer's edition would you rather have to fill you up and seal you shut Charles Bukowski no you haven't even heard your other option yet I know but I'm just saying no

let me hear the other one we're Stephen King now walk me through your thought process this is all about we can see the joy in your face but tell us what's going on in your head we'll see I'm torn because Bukowski he's going to smell

absolutely he's a mess and a little self-important I'm going to guess but then Stephen King I don't like horror and what if he tries to whisper scary sweet something's in my ear

or hit me with a mallet because what kind of sex is he into exactly, that's the conundrum and yet I still I'm going to go Stephen King because I just feel like he's he just has his shit together a little more and yet if you're going to fuck the fuck out of someone

you don't necessarily want someone who has their shit together now that I think about it that's a great answer I can't remember what Bukowski looks like a drunk I don't know a lot of pock marks

there's something that's going to ooze there's going to be like oozy pustules with Bukowski I think that's his vibe and he might throw up that's a reasonable answer I respect that honestly I

I don't want to be filled up and sealed shut you don't get to choose you don't get to say you don't want it anymore well here's why I'm saying I would choose Bukowski because he's a pretty funny dude I like his documentary that we watch

he kicks his girlfriend off the couch and calls her a cunt whore all that stuff is so ridiculous to me I would like to kind of listen to that crazy shit while he's having sex with you he would pass out halfway through it he would not even get to filling me shut that would be the point

that would make me laugh Stephen King is such a weird beard that I feel like he's into like dungeons and swings and weird he'd be like do me a favor play dead yeah yeah I'm not into all that

I'd rather take the straight drunk I can't deal with weird stuff like that what about you Tom I'm going with Bukowski for the good times I think we're going to pass out on the bed he might set the place on fire because he's probably cigarette in his mouth that he falls asleep with

you know I think he would be a more fun he'd be a fun lay I love coming and guys and then King might weird me out see I feel like I feel like I chose the really sensible answer

with my own reasoning but this is a game I should be more fun listen that was fun listen you have another chance that was your first time playing see you know don't don't vlog yourself

so now we're going to do the girls here's your women to choose from fill you up until you shut Virginia Woolf alright I ran oh god two levels of crazy

but it would be Virginia Woolf I really really am not a fan of Iron Rand or of Objectivism or people who are into it do you know are you close friends with any architects no it is my belief

that most architects are megalomaniacs and are kind of bad people and I thought this was common knowledge that architects are like rigid dicks however I get mocked on the Adam Karola show

for being the only like I'm the only one who thinks this and maybe I am except that a lot of people tweet me and tell me that no they know architects who are like this the only kid I know from high school who became an architect is a major fucking expert I'm sure there are some nice ones out there

is that the fountain head writer Howard Vork Howard Vork was an architect anyway this all goes to show why I would not sleep with Iron Rand however I would take Virginia walk over Iron Rand but Virginia is all kinds of crazy

I know but at least not Iron Rand Tommy I'm going to go out on a limb and guess that a lot of our listeners are going to be with me and saying who the fuck are these two I know

only the architecture reference only led me to the fountain head because I know about the book having the art I never read it 500 pages of fucking boring I've never read Wolf I don't know what either looks like

you've heard of them I've heard of but I don't know her work and I don't know what she looks like I don't know either I'm not familiar with either one's work at all I'm not very educated I don't know that much about Virginia Wolf if it makes you feel better

I have an image in my head but I'm not sure that it is again I think I know what she looks like but I feel like it's because I've read like objectivist things and political people who are into her I think there's an Iron Rand society

I think because I know even less about Wolf I'm willing to throw my dick in anywhere I'll just throw it in the wolf just see what happens in the ass afterwards I think I mean just knowing what people say about her work and about what you're saying about architects

and her fascination with them clearly I'm going to go with Wolf slap it in her, slap her in the face with it and just see where it leads me have some fun all over and inside of Wolf I'm going to disagree with both of you here

and I'm going to go for Iron Rand because I don't like crazy bitches I can't tolerate that and I studied philosophy in college and Iron Rand is so crazy that I would love to talk to her about her stupid thoughts

like her stupid philosophy yeah because she's pretentious and she would like smoke she changed smoked cigarettes I think she was a big smoker she was a Russian objectivism all this shit we haven't even touched

on the fact that our guest is newly engaged we've talked about blowjobs all kinds of stuff congratulations can I ask a couple questions yes you can first of all how long did you guys date

so that's weird is that how the timing works so now we're not dating anymore because now we're engaged it's a whole new era let's see it is now what month is it it is going to be March when this airs and in May

we will have been together for two years but actually we met we were friends first so we it's about two years now that's nice congratulations thank you very much that's really great thank you how was the proposal

it's a funny story actually he told me he sent me this text while he was at work and he was like what are you doing next Friday and I said I don't think I'm doing anything he said okay keep it open

and the minute he got home I was like I'm keeping it open I had a sense that there was something and then he was like I don't know maybe I'm taking you for a romantic dinner that whole thing though was to throw me off the track it turned out because the Friday before

we had reservations I fucking love that it's the best I was like how does one get in how do you know I've never been for people who don't know it's this really exclusive

private club at Disneyland and you have to either be a member or a member has to get you in and so that's what happened with us and it's the only place in Disneyland that you can drink alcohol that's right and there's not Mickey everywhere it's like grown up so we had these reservations for a really long time and we have a new puppy

and so we were going to drive down to Orange County where my parents are, my sister and her husband are in town as well with the puppy and then they were going to watch the puppy while we went to Disneyland and so we were on our way down it's about an hour drive and I get this text from my mom

saying she wants me to run an errand in Crona Del Mar and I am worried about running an extra errand with the dog and the puppy and the car and stuff and I'm like texting my sister can you do this errand I'm kind of annoyed at my mom that she needs me to do this thing and then I mentioned it to Daniel

that's my boyfriend fiance yeah I've only used that word a couple times so far I mentioned it to him and he's like yeah that's no problem and everyone tells me this errand will take only a second and it takes much longer than that and I get back in the car

and so now we are pretty close to the beach down in Crona Del Mar and at this point I really need to pee and I'm worried that the puppy needs to pee and I say no I didn't say anything he says real fast do you mind just for some reason my mom wants us

to take a picture of ourselves by the ocean and I'm like we can't do that on the way to Disneyland and I really did not want to do this and I didn't understand why we had to do it now and she's an artist in the back of my head I was thinking is she like going to paint a picture

I was such an asshole this somehow relates to the engagement that I suspect is happening next week because I don't have makeup on now and this is not a good time to take a picture so he pulls up to where he wants to get out of the car but there's only a red zone and he's like it'll probably be fine

if it's just for a couple seconds right and I'm like I don't think so we go to park somewhere else and at this point I'm thinking just tell him that you know that he wants to do this but you really don't want to do this now and I'm thinking about

this is the kind of thing I'm working on in therapy I'm asserting myself and seeing how I really feel for some reason I didn't though but we park and then we get out and I can tell from the way he's walking he intends to go to where the sidewalk is but I just plant my feet on this mound of grass

and I refuse to go any further because I don't understand where we're there I really have to pee, the puppy is in the car and I'm like worried about blah blah blah and then I'm like waiting for him expecting that he's going to get his phone out and take the photo or whatever

and then he's like Allison ever since and right away I realized because there were tears in his eyes and they instantly put tears in my eyes and it turned out to be really sweet but it was the kind of thing where really fast I was like saying to myself remember this

be present right now because I was not present I was in a restroom somewhere in my head that I had to pee and then the funny thing though is that we had talked ahead of time and he knew that I wanted to be part of choosing the ring

so I saw him fishing around in his coat pocket and I'm thinking did he get confused he gave you a certificate? to Zales wouldn't that be sweet no he pulls out

I love ducks he's got this porcelain duck and hands it to me and in the moment it totally made sense that oh he's just handing me a duck I don't understand why but okay sure that makes sense but then afterwards when we're standing there

and we're hugging and then he's like oh did you want to see the ring and it's this ring that I'm wearing it's silver it's sort of a placeholder but the funny thing is that because you wanted a shot for the ring together we're going to choose it we're going to pick up this little duck jewelry box

I just assumed that it was just a duck that he was handing me and then we went to my parents and on the way there I was like wait a minute that errand and he's like oh yeah your mom didn't need you to do that he had involved my whole family and we got there and there was a cake

that said congratulations Allison and Daniel and it turned out to be really sweet from the beginning it was really sweet but the timing was just really nice that my family was there and we all knew about it and we got to celebrate with them and then we got to go to Disney Land

and it was really sweet are you already in wedding planning phase? no I mean only the very just very very beginning of that but remember we I mean it takes about a week to even just to get over like I remember when we got engaged that

for the next few days you're like I'm engaged this is the weirdest thing ever I go with you guys and close your wedding Allison the engagement was you know what now that I think about it honestly

the engagement was exactly how we are it was real and it was like down to earth and like we have a we don't really brag about our marriage I guess to people but like it's really good we really like each other and we I love being married I don't know how he feels but I really like

being married and our engagement was I don't know how he feels great babe we were coming back from the Irvine improv we were doing shows together no no no this let me I'm the one that popped the question let me tell you

oh okay so I went and bought the ring and my plan I bought it in October my plan was we already had New Year's plans for to the keys to this really nice place

and I was like oh this will be that'll be perfect I have the ring and then over New Year's while we're at this like romantic place that's when I'll propose and doesn't that sound nice in the Florida keys super romantic and on New Year's yeah so

but here's what I didn't anticipate I didn't anticipate that after I got the ring that it's all I would think about all that and it would consume my thoughts and on many levels like just the gravity of it all

not to mention the fact that it's also the most expensive purchase I've ever made so like I'm like super worried about it all the time this thing I've spent all this money on it's all you think about and you have to keep

hidden yeah so I just kept thinking about it and then you know I'm sitting there like we go to do this gig and I actually put the ring like in my pocket or my backpack to go do the show because I'm like scared to leave it

places we go to the show after the show we're driving back and again it's on my mind I don't even know what I'm talking about and the worst part is my aunt had come to the show my relatives my cousins and they were giving a shit about like so when are you

gonna get married I don't remember that because I don't think they said it in front of you so it was one of those things that was fresh in my mind of like here we go I'm 32 years old and you know tiktok blah blah blah so we get back to our shitty apartment

and shitty apartment I didn't think it out it really was impulsive I'm sitting there at the rings of my pocket and I go there's no way I can hold out another couple months how long had you had it at this point I had it a few weeks and we're in the beginning of November

so I know that through November through December I was like am I like there's no fucking way there's just no way this plan is not gonna work so I just I don't plan it out I just go hey Christina and she's walking she's like

10 feet away from me and she's near the back she goes I'm gonna take a shower and I go hold on a second and she goes her immediate response was I don't want to smell your farts because that's the game of like hey come here

and then it's over and I was like I didn't fart and she goes I'm serious like I'm really not in the mood I want to take a shower and I go I really need you to come here and then she comes she's like what is up with you I had a robe on like just the robe and I'm like well and she's like

what I go I didn't I was like because it wasn't planned or anything it was in that moment and then I start to like just fumble through stuff I get on my knee and she's like what and I propose and then afterwards I'm so happy and she's like

really romantic spot you picked here at our fucking shitty apartment and she gives me shit about it and I keep telling her yeah but it's this totally natural real thing that happened you should celebrate that you know what you never should have told me you're a fucking piece of shit

I did never said you're a piece of shit you know what you should never have done though is told me the intent of like oh I was gonna wait until the floor to keys I had to tell you that because you keep giving me shit about where you're like this is so unromantic

to do it in our shitty apartment so I had to tell her I had something romantic planned but because I love you so much you fucking asshole I couldn't wait to do that you know the funny thing is that I was at a Daniel like it I don't

it doesn't need to be a whole elaborate thing because we we had already started sort of talking about marriage and kids so it wasn't like he didn't know what I was gonna say you know and I could tell that he was putting a lot of pressure on himself regarding the proposal

but I really I really felt like you know you can just you could just ask me right now since we already know and it'll be fine but I don't know so I think that's a sweet story well I will say that he made up for it with our wedding you know what was your wedding like and what was planning it like because I don't

I don't want to deal with any of this can I tell you something nobody tells you planning a wedding is terrible yeah and it's because you're gonna have a lot of other people's opinions your families are gonna get involved they're gonna try to get involved you're just you're gonna hear things you don't want to hear

where you're gonna like I want my colors to be pink and green and then someone goes I hate pink and green like little things like that it'll piss you off and but once you're there it's awesome and we did it in the Bahamas on a small island we only had like a handful

of people yeah close friends and family there's a lot of decisions you have to make the one thing when you consider the one thing that is great about a destination wedding is that I mean the like we love also everybody who goes

really wants to be there so you really it's like it becomes a more of like a celebration love fest thing you know if you have it somewhere where like everybody knows you you're gonna do like whatever I don't know some people have like 300 or more guests

at their thing and it's like you know some people are like oh yeah I think I've met you before you know right so it's just I don't know there's a lot to consider I would say though that mothers and sisters and cousins and everybody like to they love to impose their here's what I think you should do yeah don't listen

anybody I think you should take a hard line stance of do what makes you happy if you want a live band and everyone's like should get a DJ get a live fucking band because in the end you'll regret following somebody else's desire

for your wedding if they go make sure you have you know filet mignon and you're like I really don't want it I'd rather have just get what you want yeah like our wedding cake was chocolate because we love chocolate fuck you that's what it's gonna be I don't give a shit if it's not white

and perfect and we made our guests tell dirty jokes and we had a lot of fun and we the reason we did it small too is because we perform a lot for a living so we didn't want our wedding to be a performance but that doesn't mean I relate so I relate so much to that

go small the thing is you go small you can really you know we're giving her advice we're not telling you what to do when you go small you can go bigger you can do more things that you want to do

and I just feel like look if you want to have a big wedding I said do what you want to do but I think the advantage of keeping it small is that it's intimate and it's like I mean would you rather have I don't know 100 people who say like yeah

of course I'm so happy to be here or like your best friends who know you so well whatever it's up to you but it's hard though because I keep thinking I want to have a small wedding and then I'll think of like oh but I gotta invite that person and then all of a sudden it starts getting bigger and bigger and bigger

you don't have to invite anybody you're a grown ass woman that's another thing you do have to invite certain people there are there are must invites the destination point that weeds a lot of them out that weeds all of it out I mean it's a big decision to make

whether you want to do it or not but that definitely changes the whole thing had you gone there before to scope it out how long did it take you to plan the whole thing almost the whole year because everything has to be done in stages like your dress you'd think that it's easy I got like

a pretty inexpensive dress that actually doesn't seem easy at all because like we talked about when you were on my podcast like I'm I'm not in love with my body it is that's probably every bride to be but you're great and don't worry about it

and white is not my color well you don't have to you can do champagne you can do pink is hip was hip when I was getting married that's true but still I just like that whole the bridal look I've never imagined myself in it me neither girl do canary yellow it's a beautiful color for a wedding

you can do whatever fuck you want you can get married in a toga in a kimono in a tuxedo and have Daniel wear a dress I think he'd like that yeah but it's a timing you have to secure the venue first and then your dress

so was the dress a nightmare to find or no you know what happened yeah honestly I uh yours wasn't didn't seem like it was too crazy no it was family drama I got I got mommy issues and I ended up just going one day

by myself and like doing a really good dress no it wasn't it it took a couple of times the key is to really follow your gut and really go like you put it on you'll know and my dress was a real euro trash dream and and I know

a lot of people like don't get all the way in all the way I don't give a fuck it was my wedding don't get all what like too poofy it was layered it was it was a gypsy fucking euro trash dream my wedding dress was a Hungarian nightmare I love it you know what I mean

it was strapless and layers and frilly and and I just fuck you it's my day I'll do what I want and I and I did she had a strap on actually now that you're saying that though I feel like that's probably I could imagine myself leaning more in that direction

than the like look at this minimalist um you know frock or whatever which is to win on me well see because my inclination was at first ah just be classy about it and then something happens get married once yeah well actually that's not true but the dresses are so ridiculous

that when you try it on like my brain just left the building and my my white trash euro trash heart took over and I saw myself in this and I was like I gotta do it I gotta get rhinestones and shit on there just have fun who cares do have fun

did you have a wedding party like where there did you have a made of honor and best I did I'll we did it yeah yeah it was great best friends only there's best buddies all the way around remember though when you're exchanging your vows that no matter what

you speak from the heart and before you sign off you tell Daniel put your dick between your legs and that's how you're gonna be happy for 40 50 years sage words yeah that's good advice

it's really good advice maybe she could officiate is she still alive I think so I think she is it's a good question genes gagged to death do you want to ask her a couple quick things this is so much fun thank you I had so much fun thank you for having me

and thank you for the advice because I must say in this week that I have been engaged I feel really overwhelmed like happy but just overwhelmed with thinking about everything this means and key is not to rush it yeah and you can set the date

two years from now you can set it whenever you want the thing that I think it's best to do is don't plan things ahead of don't plan the flowers and the meal before the venue

pick where you want to go first you and Daniel pick it out and be like this is where we're gonna do it then you take the next don't try to do it all at once that makes sense thank you because you're such a huge

mommy guest we have to yeah we have to ask you two real quick questions okay I love this music would you rather these are OG's

this is the reason we're doing this because we closed the 100th episode with the song about this and it's one of the probably the most important would you rather that we've ever done these are real quick we'll get in and out would you rather

every time for the rest of your life that you watch a movie you either get to see you can choose to watch any movie you want and if you choose any movie you want then any song that you hear is the heat is on

or yeah or you get to X that out you can listen to any song you want but every movie that you watch is sister act 2 back in the habit

starring whoopee Goldberg are you familiar I don't know if I've ever seen it but I'm familiar with it is the scenario clear so you either get to watch whatever movie you want to watch but you can only hear on any song you're not even talking about the music during the movie

you're talking about the rest of your life any music you hear commercial jingle radio right now you would be hearing the heat is on it's interesting do you want me to talk you through this one first I was going to say

I could handle the heat is on choice if I could watch whatever movie I want but then I started thinking about it I listen to music more often than I watch movies actually like you're saying every movie would be sister act 2 but I wouldn't say sister act 2

back in the habit but I wouldn't be forced to watch that right I could still avoid movies or my every movie you watch you watch is sister act 2 could I back in the habit right but could I just never watch a movie yes yes yes

so what's more important to you movies or music music is more important there you go so you choose sister act 2 back in the habit what would you guys choose I would remember what we chose

I would choose shit I don't know man it's tough I would choose music over movies because they're still TV they're still TV and short films

they don't count right down nabby you know although I gave up on down nabby this season why I don't know it just didn't hold my interest even though a lot of people say it was the best season ever wait a minute are you hearing this though yeah it's

it's as if terrible but I already made my choice and this wasn't it we're good what about you I think I like movies more so I would hear this 24 7 for music I like movies I watch sister act 2 back in the habit

it's terrible but it's not the worst movie yeah that's true okay we'll wrap this up thank you for coming down thank you for having me this is really fun playing our games and being silly with us now make sure you check out Allison Rosen is your new best friend

does it have its own site if you go to allisonrosin.com you can get to the episodes or you can subscribe on iTunes but I say go to my website at allisonrosin.com follow her on twitter at allisonrosin any other

well you can follow the shows twitter feed at ariynbf that's allisonrosin is your new best friend and you can listen to me on the atomcrawl show too she's so busy so good right you're so good at this you're such a great guest make sure to go to yourmomshousepodcast.com

follow at christina p on twitter at tomcigura thank you very much for joining us you guys are all fantastic and we love you and good night bye mommies what's up i'm in the house

i'm in the house this is how the DMC is turning it out i'm in the house this is what the DMC is about we're all about their DMC no one top grade i bust the most rhymes in new york state we're born as clob

producers job they want to be down with the king the one trick man from the one to clan one and pie every fan the one and DMC complete who's house who's house

who's house who's house who's house run run run run get on the mic

another time i take make me mad and sad because i'm fat and sick one minor rhyme is all you just pray because i'm the fat some death act your wrath they laugh that's my name a game and we don't need to rap you get the boons you lose you suck a tools

your mouths i set a trap a rap this crap is run house who's house who's house who's house who's house some of the estimate and miscalculate my intent to create

what i call the great till i make the saw then i prove the wrong see my soul is so strong and make them come along ain't no door get on the floor hard rock hard hitting hip hop hard clothes and casual tees and catastrophe and tragedy for the suck MC

use the strategies to get the best of me you dirty rat MCs whatever you may be you need to go down south you need to shut your mouth mouth all about no doubt just shout because we're turning out who's house run who's house

who's house