Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - Breaking Beds w/ Steph Tolev | Your Mom's House Ep. 710

Episode Date: May 31, 2023

JEANS UP!! On this week’s episode, Tom and Christina recap their time in Europe, look at one of the coolest guys they’ve ever found who was featured on the Humans of New York Instagram page, who is utilizing the Rub Rub Rub Guy’s techniques, get an update about the Enny vs. Ryan basketball game, and discuss Tom's new soundboard. They watch videos of a 56 year old virgin, a cool Swedish sex guy, and an update from Dan Pena. Comedian Steph Tolev joins the Main Mommies to discuss the time an audience member threw a chair at her from the audience, her wild dating life, and much more! They introduce her to the Humans of New York cool guy, and run her through some classic YMH videos and Christina’s TikTok curations.https://tomsegura.com/tourhttps://christinaponline.com/tour-dateshttps://store.ymhstudios.com/https://www.reddit.com/r/yourmomshousepodcast

This week on your mom's house. I've come on to one of the biggest block. I just said my whole redness flaws. You'll leave with nightmares. It's really. That's all I want. You act, you say horrible things about me like you wish I was dead and all this done. Madonna and Britney Spears online. I am very upset and I can't watch it. Not for me. It feels good. You have to be ecstatic. This puts me here. Good morning! I'm Vicky. Welcome! Welcome!

Welcome! Good morning! How do you say it in Spanish? Bonjour, no? Bonjour! Bonjour! Bonjour! Hello! International international jeans is back back from Europa

You wearing super tight jeans the way that Europeans do I got a lot of clothes. I'm not gonna lie so many So much clothes. Yeah famous clothes now. Yes Yeah, I mean I even did a post if you didn't see it on Socials where if you go back to an old episode of your mom says you remember what episode that was I want to kind of refer it if you can look for it while we talk about this but Basically when we were oh My god, I think it was 2016 I remember that it was 2016 and I remember that, it was 2016.

And we had just done, we had just guessed it a little previously a few months before, on Nikki Glazer's then Comedy Central Show. And we moved, we had moved to this house. We just had Ellis, we moved to this house. And we talked about the fact that I was devastated. Yeah. That I had lost my favorite jacket,

like one of those jackets that you know, I don't know, I'm a jacket ho. I think a lot of people love jackets, right? I mean, you said there's something psychological to liking jackets. Yeah, I too, there's a thing where if you collect shoes, you are looking for your perfect pair. They say you're trying to resolve

like some kind of pairing issue, maybe your parents didn't get along so well. If you are into for your perfect pair. They say you're trying to resolve like some kind of pairing issue, maybe your parents get along so well. If you are into a purse, if you're a purse person, it's like you're always on the go. You're like, I got a bounce. If you're a jacket person, I think the obvious thing is like you want safety and security.

Comfort. And I'm a jacket ho too. I love a jacket. Jacket, so okay, they pulled it out. Episode 344 is the episode. My goodness. That's how long ago. That's how long it's been. You've been thinking about it since 2016.

And I keep buying jackets. I keep buying jackets, right? And I think it's like when somebody, you know when they go like somebody breaks up with someone and then they're like, I just dated 100 people, but they were all because I was trying to, yeah.

You know, meet the person I broke up like that kind of thing. So I was buying all these jackets, trying to fill my empty jacket whole heart. And then I went to Europe, and I found the greatest jacket. It was a fucking game changer, man. You met her. I met her, yeah, she's wonderful.

I saw it, and it broke, it made world news. I saw this post you made, and the entire world was... I was getting stopped on the streets about the jackass. In Harris by Stranger's I was like, what did you get these jacket? These jacket is amazing. I was like, yeah, I know. Where did you find her? I can't say. But I'm not giving them a plug. But I got it in Paris and it was awesome. And I also got a bunch of cool shit. I mean, shopping in Europe is a fucking fun thing to do.

We had a good time. Really is, they love fashion. They like to take risks. There it is, there's the jacket. There's the jacket, there is the jacket. You look amazing. Oh yeah, there's the jacket. There it is.

That's outside the lul in the valley. The Louvre. How is the the luv in the valley. The luvra. How is the luvra worth it? No. I've often thought that. Fuck the luvra. I hadn't been there in years. Here's the thing.

It's way too fucking big and it's way too fucking busy. It's like Hartzfield Jackson airport. You're like, what the fuck is going on here? It is way too massive and there's literally, it feels like there's 500,000 people in the museum. Like the temperature raises 25 degrees when you walk into that bill. It's chaos. Do they have an amazing collection?

Obviously, yes. It's the most world-class museum in the world, but I would go to the Prado in Madrid a hundred times before I'd go to Lufth just based on the fact that it's too chaotic. It really is too chaotic there. It's too busy. Did you see the Mona Lisa? Yeah, I walked up.

And you know what I go, I saw the Isar smile and I got out of there. You're done with her. Can I tell you what an uncultured piece of American shit I am? I have no desire to see art anymore. Or churches or any. We went to a lot of museums. Don't care.

We went to a lot of museums. Don't want to see it anymore. I went to two museums in Paris. I went to the Prado and Madrid. I went to another museum in Copenhagen. I went to a lot of museums. But modern? Or did you see the old tiny steps?

It was. Well, both. I mean, we went to see a modern exhibit. After the Lou mean, we went to, to see a modern exhibit. After the Louvre, we went to the modern exhibit to see the Basquret, Andy, Andy Warhol. They had a Calabo exhibit going on in Paris. We went and saw that, so that was Modern Art.

It was funny because Kirk Fox was with me and he's one of those that looks at Modern Art and he goes, what the fuck is this? What is this? He goes, this isn't, this is easy. My daughter does this. Yeah. We went to another museum and-

Tell you feel. Where else did we go to museum? I think we went to a museum. Oh yeah, we went to two museums in Budapest. They have the classics. Yeah, and they also had some modern stuff. We went there. So yeah, we saw a lot of art.

I know I'm so bubbed. I just was honestly so turned off by the experience of the Louvre. The one thing that was cool was getting a guide. We signed up for one of the guided tours. It was a quick one. They do like a quick, they show you just like three or four and it ends at the

Mona Lisa and him breaking down, you know, what's happening in the Mona Lisa as not just technically, but like some of the meaning, like if you split the painting down the middle and it's like saying, basically, goodbye to youth and and kind of of like aging like that that explanation I had never heard before I didn't know that she was a broad yeah so if you split the painting right down the middle the um her left our right is where you see the the crease kind of go up on the left right the bit of the smirk but if you close it off and her right, our left, it's flat. There is no, right?

And then this side of the pain, the right side, has like, you know, like fertile. Yeah, it's for, and then the other side, it's drying. That's me. I'm the dry sad side. Well, that's why I connected with it so much. That's my progesterone leaving my body. And the sadness that comes in with the image that dying soon. That explanation of like

that the painting symbolizes two parts of that's crazy. And the fact that that somebody conceives of this and executes it is pretty incredible. I know that. So that part was cool. The youth and the vitality and beauty and then the acceptance of that life. You're trying and drying up. It's her dry pussy on the other side. But even just standing in that room with all the things.

It's just, I don't know. It's the same reason I don't like theme parks and I don't like concerts at fucking Ampethiators. I just can't do it just I don't know. It's like the same reason I don't like theme parks and I don't like Concerts at fucking amp at theaters like I just can't do it. I can't do it now I am disappointed that you didn't go to the terror house in Budapest we tried to we tried to that's where it was closed It was closed on the day that we were kind of go but for anybody visiting Budapest. Yeah, there's fine art Yeah, there's all these cool the funny thing funny thing is they go, the concierge, I remember at the, excuse me, the constigliary at the hotel was like, the Therahouse.

Yeah, it's the fence. It's like, why do you want to, you don't want to see the flowers? I was like, no, we want to see like, people be like. Torture. Cut open and like see their fingers chopped off. It's so rad. Okay. They put a tank, they lower to tank in the middle.

You like dark buildings? I go very dark, the darker the better. Yeah. I want to see people suffer, you know. It's so cool. You'll leave with nightmares. It's really good. That's all I want.

Yeah. All right. I don't know that about the motor lease or things for sharing. That was pretty smart. It was That was good smarter. Yeah, I didn't know that because everybody's like would she hiding behind her smile? And now I know it's like their pussy's dried up. That's what she's hiding. Okay, uh Here we go ready and he here you go Everybody, it's the 56 year old virgin.

Today is my birthday. I'm actually 56 today. And I'm celebrating with some of my good friends, Kevin. Janet and Pam and I can't do a school of arms. This is a big time. Oh, it's man. Don't bring any woodbuck into this. No, Bob, I'm gonna fuck it up. No, Bob.

We've heard that, hey. Mom's house. Hey. With Tom Segura, Tom Sucu. And Christina Pajitsik. And Christina Sucu. Welcome to your mom's house Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow

Meow, meow Meow, meow, meow, meow Meow, meow, meow, meow Meow, meow, meow, meow Meow, meow, meow, meow Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow Meow, meow, meow, meow Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow It's back from the Arab Games. Feels good.

Feels good to be back on the Palmcast. By the way, speaking of clothes, you know who needs new clothes is Bert. He's so fat. And if you don't know this, his new movie, The Fat Machine, is out in theaters. Make sure you go check that out. He's so big. Look, so I thought he's Chinese guy, so many of them. Face is all squishy.

Can we bring up a current photo of him? His face is so red now. He's turned red Yeah, well, there's holes in his brain too. Don't forget that Pregnant gang bang that's your mother's day post that's super cool Yeah, that's color corrected. I'm talking like raw he's real bad his face has gotten a lot You know guys, I think we need to reignite our Burt Fat Jamie campaign. Yeah.

It worked a little bit the further side. Jesus Christ. Looks like he's got triplets in there. So. He's starting to get like that Pock Marked face. I think that like a lot of drinkers can. Yeah. His nose is growing.

Spots. Yeah. God damn. He is. He's great. The belly is so fat. He's got the hard fat too. You were saying that's hard to let go of.

Yeah, the visceral fat. Yeah, it attaches to your organs. Fat machine. Anyway, yeah, the fat machine is in theaters. Go see that. You guys know what to do with the post animal. Go check that out and get them and send them some clothes. Oh, look how ready is there laughing. Oh dear. That's tough. Yeah. It's good. Because didn't our last shaming campaign work a little?

Like it did prompt him to get through. Yeah, and I still think this, I remember doing, and then I got it too, I got a lot of fat shaming from that era. And one of the things we talked about back then, you take this down, is the fact that when people lie to you, it's not good. Like it hurts to hear the truth, but it helps too. It helps when people tell you the truth. And we were both saying back then, how much it sucks. And I still think it sucks when someone's like,

yeah, you look good. Yeah, it's like when someone says you were funny when you weren't. Yes. You're so bad. Yes. And so we just like, we had the conversation, we've had those conversations. And it's like, hey, you know, I like to know.

I like the realness of it. I still get it. Like, you know, I have a trainer with all the time. It's like, hey man, I've seen seen you picking at food all day today and yesterday. You know what I mean? Really? That's helpful. And I could be like, still fucking,

I don't wanna hear that shit, but I'm just like, you know what? I appreciate the honesty. I should dial it in. Yeah. And like, you know, focus. So I mean, you know, I got a love book,, you know, got a love bird, but, you know, just like a pregnant trans woman, like a pregnant trans man.

Oh my God, he totally does. Which by the way, you can be a man and be pregnant. If you're, I don't wanna say that you can't. Of course. This man can't get pregnant, but trans man can get pregnant. Of course, duh. And it's never too old to transition. You can always take tea and you have seven,

he's an 80s and transition. Yeah, but you should, like, I believe in this, like, and not everybody does. So when I say this, let me be clear. Yeah. This doesn't work for everyone. I'm not saying my way's the only way. But I'm saying what works for me is I'd rather just be,

like I'd rather just know. I'd rather be told you've been slackin'. You're lookin' like you need to lose weight again. Like, you know, I'd rather that, then weight gain 40 pounds. And then I go, like, do I need to lose weight? And you're like, yeah. And now you're in a bigger hole. It's easier to stop.

You put your finger in the dike as they say. Yeah. When it's a little thing. And you don't want the whole dike to be. Or if she just likes it. Yeah. That's the secret. You just want to keep getting back up. You don't want to slack for too many weeks. And then you're so fat.

We worked out a lot in Europe. I would say we probably only didn't do, didn't do something on maybe like five days of that whole trip. It's amazing. But still, we were eating in a lot of places, eating rich, you know, like indulgent stuff. We're in nice restaurants and yeah, it's still like- You gotta make your fitness.

Well, I'm saying no, I'm saying by the end of it, we were like, hey, we gotta fucking pull this back down. This is gonna rain it in. You gotta rain it in. Except for when, so I came out to visit you. That's the only place. Jesus. In London, and I gotta say, what a great trip

because I didn't gain a pound because the food was fucking inedible. Dog shit. London, England, get your shit together. For people that don't know This is a long been a thing right where you know you talk about the different places in the world people would always say Oh like English food is dog shit, right like like there's there's great things about each culture and then there's and then Sometimes they go well, you know if you want great food you go to Italy you go to France and then one of the things that happened over the last

Decade was there's been this whole thing of like, hey, guess what, there's great food in London, which I believe that there is, but we sure didn't fucking run into it. Didn't find it. There was, I mean, we couldn't get a fucking egg cook, correct? Like, it was, yeah, I began my fast in London

because everything that we ate sucked. So here's the deal, man. I even go one day, I was like, well, let's go eat it a pub. Maybe just pub food. And we went into this traditional lovely pub, and I pointed to the fattest guy in the room, and I was like, to the waiter,

I go bring me what the fattest guy in the room is eating. It was a steak and kidney pie, haggis, chips, and Spinach, which is fine. Like I wanted to try it. It was so fucking inedible. The only thing that was good was the chips, were the chips. And but the beer is great. And can I tell you something?

Yeah. Oh, I forgot my prop. Can you bring me my prop that I brought in from the coronation? It should be in there. I know you guys are all stoked that the king was coronated and it was lovely to be there At the time and this is why I'm so happy we bought this we didn't buy it You bought it look at that there is King Charles You guys are so pumped huh?

Anyway, it was lovely. There was flowers everywhere and I just loved the aesthetic, but the food was fucking shay. No, we're definitely split on the monarchy. I'm not a fan. I dragged you to Buckingham Palace and you were like, stupid. It was fun, it was good. And we got to, it was dumb, can't do it in here. And then we got to practice our English accents together.

That was fun. I walked into a little store, I said, do you think that me and me bird couldn't get a kelp hook? Tell you mate, and then what? What? I was like, what part of England do you think he's from?

Yeah, and then they were like, uh, the East End. I got a lot of things. Because they, yeah, of course, because we would do like such clown ass accents. We were talking to regular folks. We're like, where do you think I'm, brand talking like, hey? And they're like, um, hello, Gavna. A lot of, I'll tell you the thing if I meet them. So we made a deal. You said I won't, but I will.

How can you have any pudding if you don't need your meat? If I meet the king, I'm gonna go, hell no, Gavna. We made a deal, we're walking in the park. Yes, and I said, you know at some point that William and Kate are gonna be fans of you. That's that first of all was hilarious, that she's like, you know, William and Kate

will be fans of yours. I was like, I don't think so. If they're not already, well, you know that the king isn't, because he's got probably a lame taste in comedy. He's not fun. He's very depressive from when I've heard, okay? But I have a feeling William and Kate probably are already huge fans, and if you're listening to this,

William and Kate invite us to the palace. Invite us. And then Tom, when he meets you, we'll go, hello, Gavna. Hello, Gavna, invite us to the palace invite us and then Tom when he meets you will go hello, govna Hello, govna, it'll be the best He believed that Camilla Parker bowls is queen that fucking side piece whore Do you know that she was I don't think you're getting yourself in any good graces talking about oh shit I'm sorry. No, but it's his stepmom. No one likes her stepmom. I know this is for William. Okay He knows I'm right William doesn't like her either. Nobody does. Oh, I know. This is for William and Kate. He knows I'm right. William doesn't like her either.

Nobody does. I think she's a lovely lady. I think that me stepmom is a fine lady. Polish is dead snob now for 40 years. Yeah. How much fun is it to do a fake English accent? That whole week. It's fun.

It's fun to talk like a fucking clown. Yeah. So fun. And I wanted someone, I wanted you to do a fake English accent. That whole week. It's fun. It's fun to talk like a fucking clown. Yeah. How much fun is it to do with fake English accent the whole week? It's fun. It's fun to talk like a fucking clown. Yeah. So fun.

And I wanted someone, I wanted you to like order a Starbucks with that accent. I did. I did one. Yeah, yeah. I did. Hello. And they were like. Stiking kidney poi.

So anyway, I was like like I'm going here. Isn't it? Isn't it? Brilliant, yeah. Oh my God. Brilliant. The worst part. So Tom, I'm so proud of, because you did the,

oh, you did Wimbley. Wimbledon, arena. Wimbley. Wimbley. And so I sneak out into the audience sometimes, if I'm there to watch you, but I like to do it, like you're already up on stage, so people don't see me. So I snuck into the audience sometimes, if I'm there to watch you, but I like to do it like you're already up on stage so people don't see me. So I snuck in the crowd,

and there are all these lads behind me, and they were like, oh, it's great. And I was like, shh, quiet, quiet. And you act, you're saying horrible things about me, like you wish I was dead, and I'm retarded, and all this stuff. And so every time you said something bad about me, the guys were like, oh, no, I can't believe it.

Oh, Chris, I was like, it's okay, it's okay. I'll buy a missionale bag tomorrow. Do you think I'm fucking retarded? And then he starts talking about just horrible sexual stuff that he and I do. And then I was like, I gotta go. I had to leave because everybody was like, oh, my. Yeah, but they're so fun had to leave because everybody was like, oh my.

Yeah, but they're so fun. People were having such a blast, honey. They're so, they loved you so much. That was so fun. It was actually, thank God we did it in that order because that tour started in Eastern Europe and it came west and the shows went from basically like six, seven hundred seat venues to Arena.

This one was crazy. I was like, it would have been a real bummer to start the arena, and then go venues to Arena. This was crazy. I was like, it would have been a real bummer to start the Arena. And then go to the end of the week. Yeah, it was the right way to do it. But I have to say, I'm so proud of you because, you know, London for us had special meaning because back in 2010, Russell Peters had you open for him and Birmingham and BAM

and in Manchester, yeah. And then we did, and then we did London. London. Russell Peters had you open for him and bamming him and bam and a man Chester yet And then we did and then we did London London and I remember I was like oh my god my husband's opening for Russell Peters in this big arena and Russell's doing it It was crazy and then now look to go back. Yeah, I don't do that. I was later Well 13 years later and to have you doing an arena. Yeah, it was beautiful It was really full circle and it was very cool. I'm so impressed I'm so proud of you. Gene. Thanks, Gene. So proud of your British jeans. That was just really fun. It was really fun So fun and those crowds were

Incredible there Birmingham. Oh my god Manchester Dublin Dublin Balfat Dublin show was so insane. So insane. We were, he had been coronated, I think, that day, maybe. Charles, hold on. Maybe that day, because that was the sixth of the year. I watched it all day. I woke up at three in the morning, and I sat the kids down and we watched the coronation. Dude, it was that day.

It was that day. So I did Dublin on the day of the coronation, and you know, the Irish are not too fond Which which way home on Archi? Why would the Irish not be fond of the monarchy? Nadov because There were there were split like because normal Ireland isn't part of the UK, but Northern Ireland is and they're like all mad about it and stuff Right Ireland is and they're like all mad about it and stuff Right What part of Ireland what part of Ireland belongs to Gray Brent Northern Island come on everyone know that

Okay So yeah, so they hate the monarchy right right in Ireland. Yeah, they're not fucking rightly so my in it. So I just, I opened with fucking gang. Yeah. And first I heard the pop. And it's just like, people think they think too hard into analyzing this stuff, you know? Like, you just think of something, you say it.

Yeah. I said it and I was like, oh, you know, it's just a fun way to like get a show started. I say it and it gets a pop. And then the applause just continues and I'm like, and you're the fuck the king comic now. Well then, it continues. The lights go off and then they start singing

and I'm like, oh boy. boy, they're singing a song. I couldn't even make out what it was, but I just turned back to the guys, and I was like, oh. You really struck a nerve. Yeah, I was fucking amazing. They're like, fuck the whole crew. Oh, they hate, and yeah, it was really fun though.

It was one of those moments where you're like, you'll never be able to duplicate this because it was the day of the coronation. So it's not just saying it, it's saying it on the day that it happens. You'll never be able to duplicate that. That feel, it's like, I remember when I did Las Vegas

with Chappelle and Rogan, the week that Vegas opened after the pandemic. So the pandemic has shut everything down in Las Vegas. And then they open it up. And the first big show is Sheppell and Rogan at the MGM arena. And they invited me to open. So I was an announced, but I just, when they announced me on the stage and I walked to the stage, I'm telling you, I've never had a reception quite like, it was giving me goose bumps. I was like, because they were, everybody was so jazzed to be out. I've done Vegas a hundred times and shows where you're like, this is incredible reception, but you can't manufacture people being cooped up

for two years and then go and share the show. Or the moment that the king is crowned, which happens seldom. And then it's like the moment. And you have a show that night. So special. Yeah, it was special. I love London.

I finally got to perform there. I did one show one night in a theater there and I am going back every year. I went to your show. I love it Yeah, you did yeah, it's kind of snuck in. Yeah, that was fun. Yeah, it was fun You liked it. You know, we haven't talked about this guy's birthday. He's 56 years old Jesus, he's out with his friends. He's having a birthday. He was naming his friends and he couldn't figure out Everybody. It's the 56 year old version

Today is my birthday. I'm actually 56 so cool. Happy birthday celebrating with some of my good friends. Okay Kevin Kevin Janet and Pam and I can't I've done this so many times right where you want to like show them but then you can figure it out later There's Kevin. He's one of my friends Here's Janet say hi Janet those two are married them, but then you can figure it out later. There's Kevin, he's one of my friends. Uh-oh. Here's Janet, say hi Janet. Those two are married.

These are a little cranky, y'all. And there's our friend Pam, say hi, Pam. They treated me to pizza and pretzels. What more could a man ask for? A lot more than a lot more of the dates on pretzels. That's simple. It's just simple. It's great.

Can we look at his friend James? He's got so much beard flakes on his shirt. He did have a lot of beard flakes. Yeah. You see that? The black shirt is covered in beard damage. Yeah, it's a lot. I mean.

And then, oh, it looks like Bert. He does look like Bert. Is that the fat machine in the food court? My God, that's Bert. That looks a lot like Bert actually. Yeah. That's a type of face. Yeah. Yeah, it does. that looks a lot like bird actually. Yeah, that's a type of face. Yeah Yeah, it does it looks a lot like him. I think bird actually has that jacket too

It's dirty though Yeah, it's beard stuff there. Wow. That's cool that his friends took him to the food court For pretzels and pizza just 56 birthday. What do you want to do first of all? It's just even making an announcement that is your birthday at 56 is insane. It's embarrassing. Hey, it's my birthday. I'm 56.

Okay. I know. Don't wait. Go to fucking Chuckie cheese and lose her. What are you celebrating for? Who's doing quiet? Who's doing quiet? No!

You're like another year towards death. My birthday's coming up and I'd like to ignore it as much as possible. How will you be? 36. Baby, you can help this guy with his new site. Hi, name is Slamart Blod and I'm from Gotland Sweden. I intend to starta sex i Youtube. Vi är ju på sex och kanske gör en bra position. Jag har en bra stort stort stort stort.

Vad gör du? Jag har en bra stort stort stort stort stort stort. Och att få en bra sex i en bra att se att det är bra. Maybe you are the one that I'm looking for. Anyone who can hold the phone, my camera, maybe one that wants to play and have some fun, to play and have some fun. Need to be opened and not so shy.

Have a nice day. The cool guy. That was super cool. So many cool things in this video. I mean, I'm starting a sex site on YouTube, which is definitely against YouTube video. I mean, I'm starting a sex site on YouTube, which is definitely against YouTube's policies. I know. He doesn't know the first thing about those policies. And then he was like,

first he's like, we will talk about sex. I'm like, all he's one of those guys. I'm gonna have conversations. And then he goes right to, and there'll be pussy shots. Shows his ass. And then cool guys always do like, if you wanna get involved, you can't be shy. Like tells the girl, don't be a don't be a square. You got to come here.

Huh? Can I say at first, I was like, those Swedish are just so open-minded. Like at first, I've blended on the culture. And then I was like, I think he's a creep in any demographic, any culture. And secondly, you really see him making this video in front of an apartment conference. Yeah, he's like, somebody right now is on there but I'm like, God damn it. Schmores is out there making this fucking video. Fucking creep vids.

Yeah. That's a cool angle to say goodbye into. We put it right down by his cock. And he's like, look up at me. So fucking weird. This is the cool guy angle, for sure. David on Tech Talk. Cool guy.

You know the guy David, I follow David Gold. Yeah, he's always down here. Forever down here. And forever like. Well, he does this fucking smile I'm tired I just went to the gym I'm gonna make brisket tonight if anyone wants to join me he just looks like his broad smells so bad you know know, you can just... I'm just tired, but I worked on anyway. And like, shut the fuck up, dude.

I'm like, it's so fucking weird. Like, I'm just so virile. Strong. Yeah, and then you gotta do it when you don't want to. Yeah, and then he's like, and then he goes, I got a wrestling match tomorrow. Oh, I'm pretty sore, but I think I'm gonna do it. This, I found, by the way, this leads me to,

I found the fucking greatest post that I've seen in. Oh yeah, I like, play it. It is so amazing. Now here's the thing, it's so amazing. So do you know what humans of New York is? Yes, I follow that. So for people that don't know, this is a lane that exists in Instagram.

And actually, I think it's one of the more, like, valuable types of feeds because you can really get lost in complete nothingness as many as we all do. On it, meaning like, you know, these photos of hot people or things, stuff, and you're like, you can just get lost in that. Then there's accounts that have some intrinsic value.

In other words, nature can be something of value. Somebody like Orion Holiday, who is giving life meaning, so you're actually getting something from this endless, you know, refreshing of like looking at shit. And the reason I like accounts like humans of New York is that it's the accounts that essentially the premise is everybody has a story, right? And meaning that you walk down the street and you walk by a thousand nameless people, they actually everybody really does have something. And there's multiple accounts like this,

but humans of New York, what it does is they'll take a photo of somebody and they'll do something like, you know, like this right here, right? And they'll tell, it's just a photo of this dude and you might see this dude walking down the street and then you go like, well, who is this? And they get a quote from him. And he said, in this photo, just to give you context of what the account normally is, it had to be terrifying for my parents. They came from St. Kitts with nothing. It was moment-to-moment, paycheck-to-paycheck at one point, we were living in a one bedroom apartment

with eight kids, it was chaos, there was always something happening, fighting over the remote control or whose clothes or whose shoes, but we also had each other for happiness. All of us were going through the same thing, the whole family shared a single camera, a point and shoot, everybody got a turn, and it got used a lot.

Today, if you go into my home or my dad's home, you're going to find a bunch of albums. Whenever we get together, we'll take them out. It's mainly just photos of the day to day stuff, birthdays, holidays. Maybe a picture of us all sitting at a table, eating a meal, but if you think about it real quick, that's what life really is.

Some of my happiest moments are just eating with my family, food, laughter, and a lot of people. That's love to me. Nobody's thinking about what happened before we sat down. Nobody's worried about what's going to happen when we leave. We're just trying to get this food. It's kind of a great, beautiful summary of what, not only this guy's life is, but what somebody's story can be, right?

Like this guy chose to talk about this in this moment. And that's what the account is normally full of. It's just like, you know, it's just those kind of snapshots of life. This kid with a basketball, and he talks about, like, I used to watch TikTok or YouTube, but I don't really like to describe myself that way anymore. Because if you think about it, that's not really something you do. It's just something that pulls you in. So it's also kind of like, oh, that's a really interesting analysis of what.

Free philosophical. Yeah, philosophical view on what. It's wonderful. So I'm looking at, I just happen to be mindlessly refreshing. And I know this account, and I land on this one one and I go, this is so unbelievable. I was gonna share it with you, but I was like, I don't wanna share it with you just yet. You wanna save it for the show?

Yeah, I wanted to stay here for the show. And I think we're gonna end up talking about this for years to come. Oh my gosh, you're really setting this up. I gotta see. Well, I want you to zoom in on the image. So you see the man, right? Mm-hmm.

All right. Are you ready? Okay, okay, here we go. Like, this out starts. Like, porn star level sex. Ever since I was a teenager, I worked as an exotic dancer for a long time. I used to have long red hair.

I've been on the cover of romance novels, and I've also been gifted with great hands. I once wrote a book called The Extension of the Female Orgasm. I lost it in an old computer. But needless to say, I can make things happen with the human body. I'm kind of lucky downstairs. I've done the work. There's pumps and stuff that can make your ding-ding thicker and longer. But mainly, I've been gifted with the willingness to listen.

When women give you guidance and you're willing to listen, there's no limit to what you can do. I once provided thousands of orgasms over a five year period without ejaculating a single time. Wow. It's called montac chia's microcosmic orbital energy raising. It's a Taoist love making technique where you don't release your seed. You pull all your vital energies back into you and spiral your electric body to create

a really powerful connection. Two powerful, honestly. It needs to be disclosed. Because most people don't even realize, you can take sex way deeper into an abyss of orgasmic pleasure It's intergalactic if you do it properly But there's a dark side oh I'm so crazy. It's the craziest thing I've ever heard in my entire life. One time, I went to somebody's house that I hadn't seen for two years.

We were just having dinner. But then I go to the bathroom and I open the vanity mirror, which I know I shouldn't do. But I did. And there's an altar to me. Stop. With all these pictures and different candles. I had to learn that I was hurting people emotionally, spiritually, and even physically.

Because they're probably never going to reach that level with someone else. Imagine having the perfect steak at your favorite restaurant. Then eat nothing but dirty sock soup for the rest of your life. I never wanted to hurt people. I love people. I'm trying to be a better person. I'm part of being a better person is to put the other person's feelings first. So now I tell you right from the start, the complete honest truth. You're an amazing person and chantingly beautiful.

But I'd rather just be friends. Instead of having a mavesing sex that is probably going to make you hate me. I mean, babe, that's the most powerful thing I've ever heard. I told you, it's either so much so I'm not here. I mean, that, that's the most powerful thing I've ever heard. I told you, it's either so much so I'm back here. I mean, that is so powerful. This guy's like, you don't wanna fuck me because you're gonna hate me for how good I am. Well, and that he can take sex to the astral plane.

I don't even know that was possible and that people are building altars to this guy. Intergalactic level sex. And he didn't even come? Yeah, I mean, he didn't have to. Does he put his, Rob, Rob. Does he put his penis inside of them?

And he made me come? I think he does everything. He does everything. Yeah. He's right though, his hands are really handsome. Yeah. And I'm trying to picture him with a full mane of red hair. I know.

He's got so many. I mean, it's just, I mean, first of all, who knew? There's so much here. I mean, this guy just walks among us. First of all, when you say like, the funny thing about saying like porn star level sex

is I know what you're implying, but it's not actually, it doesn't actually suggest that you're implying, but it's not actually, it doesn't actually suggest that you're good. That's Kabuki theater sex, it's not real sex. Exactly, and like performing sex. I think most women wouldn't be like, man, you know what I love? A porn star to show me, like a great,

like a porn star is gonna drill you. Like do you wanna get some real, or do you wanna have amazing orgasm? So it's like, it's funny that they don't really align. It's one of the things that stood out to me. Like, why would you reference porn star? Is a porn star is not supposed to be a great lover that elicits orgasm.

It's literally like, do you want? Right, it's a prison pounding from a dude. Right. And it never looks good for the women. That's not how I'm like. That was my point. I was like, it's a really interesting thing to cite. Sure.

Then it's, first of all, I have amazing hands. I'm lucky down, yeah. I'm lucky downstairs. So he's like, I'm blessed. I'm well in doubt. Okay. It also stands out to me that one of the things I think you find in life is very few people

who are really good at something need to tell you. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah. If a guy's like, I could beat, I could fuck somebody who'd up. Like I'll beat your ass.

It's usually an untrained, like a guy that doesn't train to get to or boxing or Muay Thai. Like that's who boasts about how they can fuck somebody up. We see it in our line of work in comedy. Like, the funniest, most successful people don't go on about. We hate themselves. How good there, it's like, it's the opposite. It's kind of like, you see it in like every skill set.

The most skilled people don't talk about how skilled they are. So true. And it's just funny that a guy's like, I make women weep. They build shrines to me. This guy literally went into a bathroom and was like, there was a shrine to me. And then he's like, I mean, I think my favorite.

He's made thousands of people talk to us. Yeah, there's so many lines in here that are so amazing. Can we talk to this person? Should we talk to this person? That's exactly what I want to do. I want to talk to this person so bad. We need to know, because if this man... Somebody knows this guy.

Yeah. Somebody watching this, he's there like, Oh, Kevin, I see him all the time. He's always riding his bike. He's a whole food, he's always riding his bike. He looks at me and I come and then I go home. Wait a minute, can he teach us how to astral come? I would hope so.

Tom, you and I could be learning from the master right now. Yeah, I like. Rides his bike next to you in judo or titties. Yeah. We got to find this treasure. I would, I mean, the final line, like this, when I did improv and sketch school stuff, like second city, and if this was a character right up,

they'd be like, you can skip the next level. This character is amazing. But to end with, I'd rather just be friends instead of having amazing sex that is probably going to make you hate me. Like that end summary of, it's like the level of delusion that one has to have. With them, whoa, or truth, Tom, are you jealous? Very.

Don't be jealous. Imagine having the perfect, this is how he described himself. Imagine meeting me, A-K-A, having the perfect steak at your favorite restaurant. That is his metaphor for himself. And then eating nothing but dirty, sock soup for the rest of your life. Yeah. He basically said, no one is ever going to measure up to me. So I stay away from people now, because I don't want to hurt you. I don't want you

to be hurt by how fucking great I am. So I cut myself off. I cut myself off for your benefit. For your benefit. But even look at the stance. I mean, look at the difference between the guy that grew up with like seven other kids in a way of better apartment. Look at his pose.

He's so natural. And this guy is like cocky. Like, the way I think on, I'm looking at you directly. I'm gonna fuck this shit out. I just, you know what I'm saying? Well, so it would love to be contacted by if we can't get contacted by this guy. She's.

Some woman who's like, oh, Eric, yeah, I fucked him. He is not great. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Like, it was fine. He fingered me, it was a little rough. Well, and that's the, that's, yeah. That's the thing too, like, yeah. What, that is by the way the practice

that he's talking about is this. 50 times, once, one, uh, it is like you like, what? That is by the way the practice that he's talking about is this. 50 times, one slice. Oh, 50 times. Left side, 50 times front, 50 times back, 50 times down. Like what? Okay, how often am I doing this? You have to do every day until you can control. Every day.

Every day. Many calculation of the calculation if from the prosa can contract me. Okay, so I'm exercising. Exercise. And for people who have prosa can so learn up or problem, this one will solve the problem. By the way,

just that can try to make 300,000. We a thousand percent have to contact this guy too. For what we were talking about. Yeah, I've been trying to for a while. Really? We need to up our efforts. Okay. Reach out to the agents, like, get, let's try to see.

And then let's try to get them to put his hands on Christina. No! Yes! Me? Yes. Can he do it through his tantra way? Do we do astral sex together, but not real? No.

Do I have your permission to do astral sex together but not real? Do I have your permission to do astral sex? You have my version of sex with this man. What? Really? I don't know. Now you do it on cue. You feel orgasm. Yeah. Oh really? Okay. Okay. All gassing without ejaculation. There you go. So you feel, so you see, when you do it, when you get it is very quick to two times you get it When you speak is all guess I'm coming up There's nothing less attractive than what Don't be rude hey and also don't you think too? What maybe this is just like the stupid the dumb dumb bitch in me, the dumb broad. Yeah, go ahead.

But isn't sex also heightened because you like that person? Like aren't you attracted? I think that's a big part of it. I think that's maybe the biggest part of it is usually that you like somebody. Right, because we all have the same kibbles and bits and like, yes, some people are skilled at their... A little more skilled than others, but ultimately- It's much better when you're really like somebody, yes, yes.

100%. But the thing is, is like- But unless somebody flies now from an intergalactic universe- I know. But maybe is that what it is? Like does he just like put on the charm? By the way, I'm letting you have sex with this guy.

Oh, I thought you meant Eric. No, this guy. This guy. Oh man. This guy. Rob, Rob, Rob. Yes. I can't have you have sex with Eric.

Wait, yeah. I hate him too much afterwards. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. We can't take that chance. Wait, what? Yeah, this guy you can't have. Can I tell you something? I might do it just to see him come without coming. I think that's, because isn't that what he's saying that he can

come without coming? That's why, huh? And I like elderly Chinese men, yes, Tom. Yes. Super and old Chinese guys. You gotta do it. Okay, let's find him. Fuck him. I need to do it for YMH. Sure. For short. Do it for the fans. Do it like like porn girls do it.

They're like, I know my fans are asking for an annual. I'm gonna do it for you guys. Everybody's asking about a double anal scene. I've never done it, but I raised $1,000. So here you go. So everyone's been asking me. Basketball game is right around the corner. Yes.

And any? Yes, sir. Everyone's excited. Just to recap, the game is 2-11 by Wons and Tews. You're playing Ryan, who also is a guy that works here at YMH. My boss, yes. You're boss. And you haven't played basketball in many years, you told me. He played a lot of basketball growing up.

We're very excited. There are stakes. What are the stakes? Will you recap them so that the audience knows? Yeah, I mean, as a somewhat, I want to say even a joke, I just said, you know, you were like, what stakes could be due? And we're like, oh, what will be crazy? And so I said, what about hair transplant?

Like, that's something that I've wanted, you know, in the past that I couldn't do. And then you said, yes, which did not expect it, didn't think that was possible. By the way, two hair transplant places have contacted me directly and be like, we would love to do this. Oh yeah, I've had guys in my DMs and like, yeah, it's gotta be me, man, I'm like,

I let Tom decide. Yeah, yeah, no, I would not give you some bullshit point. That's very nice of you. Since it's permanent. So this is like This is if you win yeah, and then if he wins what is he what is the I just remember actually if he wins Well, you probably don't remember cuz it's not gonna happen so I kind of forgot to but I think if I recall correctly, it's that I would get an end of

And then will you film it with traffic and you see and I think it's that you'd see an x-ray of it too, you know You're trying to see it. Yeah. Oh, this is tight. So yeah, yeah, that's that but I we you know, I've been I've been thinking though It's kind of lame that my dude Ryan ain't got no stakes in this. You know what I'm saying? Like it's kind of unfortunate. It's kind of a loose, loose situation for a change. Yeah, that he's not giving something up. You know what I'm saying? He doesn't lose anything besides a little bit of dignity.

But like, so like shouldn't there be something he loses to if he loses? Well, you know, he wins. He does love candy. Maybe we can make him stop eating. Oh, how can we make him stop? Yeah, that's not enough. Yeah.

What does he like? Just take that away from him. Shoes? We're gonna take, hey man, no shoes for a moment. No shoes. Yeah, you gotta wear a converse for two. That's a good point, I know what you're saying. Jesus' hands.

But there's also this like, well, I mean, you're making a good point. I'm just trying to think of like. Doesn't hurt him. How can we humiliate Ryan, as we were saying? How do we get him where it hurts? Should we put money on the line for Ryan? I don't know. Let me see here.

I got this. Let's think about it. Trying to get Annie's appetite wet here. Oh, there's some bullshit. Yeah. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, p I got my my shit straight is this how full you would go Full how full Man, I don't know probably something like that. I mean if you got to that, you know, I'm so I don't even know This is what I looked up though remember. I don't even know if I could do that with That's a thing but even with time. It's like doesn't that the new hair isn't gonna be kind of like brittle

And shit, I don't think you're supposed to do it Drill, man. Yeah, I don't think that's the blue Will you try on the wig just so he can get an idea? I'm sorry Why why y'all do me like this? Well, I want to see if maybe you won't even look good. You should definitely try the mom before you go to get the thing done. You know what I mean?

You might not change. You might not want to racist. Just because I see the inward in the video. That's a really nice wig though. I feel school. Ha ha ha ha. Beach vibes. Beach vibes.

Do you have any other ones? Yeah. Ha ha ha ha ha. That's like a kind of a, it's right. Beach vibes Beach vibes do you have any other ones? Yeah That's like a kind of a it's right. It's like blonde. I think that color is too much for you and the volume is too much Yeah, it is like a dirty blonde Yeah, I wouldn't go that much Okay now you're talking That one looks good. Will you give that to any? Will you give that to any dog? You can sit down.

Will you give any? All the other ones, Tom? Yeah, which one? When you just had on, the dog's here. You have it up for you. Yeah, we out. We out. We out.

I will knock you the hell out. You try to put that on my head. There. Oh, that one's perfect. Well, hold on, that's the perfect one. That one's the best one. Oh, wow. Now that's a look.

That looks great. That one's got a more natural flare to it. It falls, nice. Bro, here's a thing, bro. You set a goal for yourself. You achieved that goal, and now you get to reap the rewards. Yeah, hey Tom, let's go play Hockey Sack in the quad later. Anything, man, I think that's like,

a fucking makes your spirit open up, you know? You look like a shaman, like one of those white guys that becomes a shaman, a cramp. I haven't come in five years, because I can channel my energy inward. My orgasms are just internal. Your fifth chakra, it's full of comedy. 50 times left, 50 times right?

50 times, up, and 50 times down. Anya, are you putting that on? What's the noise? No, I'm not putting that on. That's a new one, what's the different one? That's a real one, that's an authentic one. Why can't we all be the same? Do you want this one?

Sorry, my treasure. Do you put them on? You put them on. You know what? That looks great on you. Yeah, really nice. It's cool. You actually, like, low-key, like, why do I feel like you could ball right now?

You know what I'm saying? You would take us all 1v5 right now. You kind of look like Rick. You kind of got, like, a musician vibe, like Rick Rubenny. Yeah. You're kind look like Rick. You kind of got like a musician vibe like Rick Rubenny. Yeah. You're kind of like a music producer. Well, if you saw this cat on the courts, I would fucking take a walk. This guy ain't fucking around, man. Yeah, you look fit. Yeah. This makes you look strong. The hair. Yeah. Why does it make you look strong? So virile, virile? This is the size, yeah. Yeah, the volume. Yeah, it's like make you look strong? So viral, viral? It's the size, yeah.

Yeah, the volume. Yeah, it looks bigger. And like, you know that the guy that made this choice is a psychopath, for sure. This guy is fucking out of his mind. You look like Avatar, kind of. Yeah, no remorse. This is a no remorse, no mercy, kind of person, you know?

Yeah. You look totally insane. You so right, he does look like Avatar. Right? That's exactly that look, you look totally insane. You so right, he does look like I have a. That's exactly that. Totally insane. Are there any serial killers with dreads? White serial killer guys with dreads? Every single one. Every single one. Any please try it on just for. Give us a fucking. Please. Come on. What's your what what man? I don't want to wait a shit Go for the authentic Jamaican one do the runtings root boy one But what looks good when you do that when you was swimming all morning

Dude that's what those guys do yeah, you need a hair clip. Oh my God. You look like you work at Whole Foods. Come on, Ron, Tan Dream Boy. Road Boy. I'll get them when I earn them. Oh, alright. That's so... What is the end word? That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying.

That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying.

That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying.

That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. It was okay back on YouTube back in the day, but if they have a red circle and a line through it, it'll either get us demonetized, be platformed or canceled. So please don't play any of it.

So it was okay back in the day because YouTube wasn't flagging? YouTube was way cooler. They were way cooler. And then during the Pandy, remember we couldn't say anything. We couldn't talk about cum or dicks or anything for the first 10 minutes. Is there any other page that has those or just that one you showed me?

Sensation. Every couple that, like, it's not all of them have it, but there's a few, and there's ones that you really, you know, you played a number of them in a row, it's like, all right, you clearly want to see, so I'm not going to make an executive decision and not prep them. Yeah. But I will give them a lot of warning to never press those. Okay. And I'll give you a hint.

A lot of them are in the black fold. I just think it did. Great. What's that? I said, I'll give you a hint. A lot of them are in the black fold. Well, that's the only one that I'm seeing here. It's one of the biggest words we can't say.

Oh yeah. So this, I immediately thought of YouTube flagging things when I saw this. Realize the rest of the world, I saw this. I immediately thought of YouTube flagging things when I saw this. Realize the rest of the world, Las Vegas. You realize the Russians stink raw faggot? You realize most of the Eastern bots countries stink raw faggot? Cause we are! We're an embarrassed with the humanity!

That's a business coach. Yeah. Can you imagine you sign up for a business? We are! We're in a fish with a humanity! That's a business coach. Okay. Can you imagine you sign up for a business? You're like, I'm going to this business seminar. I don't know, I'm just trying to like dial in my business smarts. Like this guy is really experienced

and then that comes at you and you're like, huh? Ha! Ha! And then he doesn't say like, the rest of the world thinks this and we got to show that he goes, we are. Jesus Christ. Yeah, you do have to bring it into the business language.

Yeah. You can't, you know, I like to even remotely like smart chat, how would you say that the Russians think we're faggots in like corporate speak? But how would that, what, what, wait, what? You know what I mean? You know, most of the Eastern bots, what you think we're faggots? I think what she's asking is, what, wait, what? You know what I mean? He relies most of the Eastern bots, how do you think we're faggot? I think what she's asking is,

how do you say that without saying that? Like what's the, the polite, the business, like corporate speech. What he should have said is basically, a lot of the world things were weak, you know, or been emasculated. Yes. Emasculated.

We're being soft. Yeah. You know, that's like most people in a business setting don't talk like this Yeah, which is what makes it hilarious Is what I don't talk in a business setting. Yeah, you don't even know. Yeah, I speak my language though This is how I think yeah, so yeah, there's there's definitely I don't know I'm messing anything else with circles around it. Oh There's also a large amount of women are stupid.

Oh yeah. Zolo was like, there's an amazing amount of women are stupid. Yeah, if you go to, there's a woman folder. Women are fucking stupid. Women are stupid. Women are stupid. These fucking women. These fucking women. Thumbrod

Oh my god seriously. Oh James. Oh, there's so much fun. I'm so excited to have this my favorite All right, let's let's take a quick break and we'll be right back. And we're back. You can check out our guest podcast, Steph Infection. Put your hands together for Steph Tola everybody. Hi. Thank you for coming. Thank you for having me. I'm pumped up.

How are you enjoying Austin? It's fucking steamy. Steamy, right? It's not even started yet. I hate that. I'm sick of everyone's hands. It's just started. I'm hot. I'm sick of everyone's hands me. It's just started. I'm hot I've changed mine or four fucking times. I'm going to Barton Springs. That's a giant bag

I'm dipping my fucking horn in Barton Springs is that gonna leave here. I can't I'm chafed I leave you a shave. I swear to God. I'm so So sweaty. It's gonna be I'm like a reptile though. I like it. I like the heat so weird Wait the LA summer is also like late summer and into the September, it gets fucking brutal. That doesn't cook you. Like, yes.

I lie in bed with a fan directly on my pussy. That's what I do. I don't do anything else. I barely, I go out for shows and I come home and I complain. Are you air your pussy? Yeah, that's it. Fan right there, AC on my head.

Do you know, we have a sponsor called Loomy and that it's pussy deodorant, that it's for the skin of your labia because this OBGYN figured out that that's what causes like smells and stuff. It's not your actual vage. It's the skin. So there's deodorant for your pussy. Hey, we have a present for you.

Go ahead and get a bed back. Let's try it right now. It's going to be like, I got more like, this is a really bizarre one. We're never having this woman on the bed. Let's try it right now. It's gonna be like I got me like this is a really bizarre Yeah, that's okay, but I feel like it's sensitive down there. It's good. It's not like a okay put on there And so it's what everybody does in Austin. It's the national Diodaran So you're from Toronto and you're like we're getting off this and now you know We're moving on you you moved to the States eight years ago.

What prompted them, like, were you doing stand up for a while there already? Yeah, I've been doing kind of for 20 years. 20 years. Yeah, so I'm not some fucking... I'm not some newbie. I was on hold for a pilot. Okay.

Yeah, from that NBC was gonna do, it may not says they were gonna do like a new sketch show. Yeah. Cause I started in Providence in sketch. And I was like, I don't know what to do, that's now whatever. So this whole, Hey, Lauren Michaels, can I get an edition? Does he watch this? No, no. And then I got, I put

on hold this pilot so that I moved out to LA and then the second I got here, that went away. And then everybody who worked at that was gone. And then I was like, huh, and then I was already doing stand-up back in Toronto. And then I just was like, I focus more on it once I moved to LA. Yeah, and how have you, like, LA is a weird place to move to. I mean, like, has it been a rough ride? Did you enjoy it? Oh, no, it was rough. It was rough.

Yeah, the first three years were fucked, because I didn't have a green card, I didn't go through, probably kept getting, like, they said, my syphilis test was like wrong, I'd be like, you have syphilis, but I don't fucking syphilis thing I would know. So I had to go back, everything kept fucking up. So I had to keep like three times, I get fucking up and then filing. Wait, the syphilis thing, are you being serious? I'm not serious, that was part of it. What are the tests of syphilis?

And they said that mine came back like inconclusive. And I was like, what? I will come into, I swear to God, I'll come into the studio and be like, test my blood here. It's not studio I don't know what the hell they do that the green America won't let you come in if you have syphilis That's only bacterial Take a pill it's odd. Yeah, wow, yeah, you know, well, you know a lot about syphilis

Just finding out yeah, and then um, so I had to work out of the table jobs for the first three years and I couldn't get a I couldn't get a bank account. I couldn't get a, like, a friend's American. My parents' friends are American. They had a cosine of lease with me. Because I couldn't, nothing nobody would fucking take me. I like begged this guy to bank like three years. And I went and ball in my eyes.

I was like, I can show you my Canadian bank account. Just open. Let me have a fucking, it was crazy. And what's the reason why you can't get a bank account? There's no cross-border credit checking. Okay. So they think that when I start here, I have to zero credit.

So I have to build my credit, but I'm like, I can't open a bank account. How the fuck am I supposed to build a credit? I can't get an apartment. And is social security number? Yeah, I couldn't get a social security number. And then I was working like, really serious to get. Yeah, so they had all said and done

that I was working like really bad under the table catering gigs and like nanny Ang for a guy that had a nanny can't was spying on me They didn't know about no to I got fired and then my friends like worked for her and he's like Yeah, apparently he didn't like the way he treated his kid and I'm like treated good. What do you mean? He's like watching I was like huh I used to change from like I didn't have a car So I was biking for the first five. No vehicle in Los Biking to the comedy store to sign up for the mic, knocking on, bike all the way back home.

Psychotic. What did you see during the kid, like just clocked the kid? No, she know, no, no. I was abusing this child, no, no, no. She was so bad, she would just have like, fits and cry, and I lied to her as an Annie, so I didn't really know what to do, so I would just let her have her fits,

and I would just, she just cry for like an hour, and I'd be on my phone, like, you done yet? Okay, yeah. That's what, yeah. She's bad, she'd hit me in shit, I'm like, I'm not gonna Okay, yeah. That's what I was like. Yeah. Because she's bad, she'd hit me in shit. I'm like, I'm not gonna hit her back. I'm not gonna do it. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. The cameras were there, the car that I didn't, I know I would have been arrested. But yeah, then, yeah, then it was like, it's slowly, slowly building. I did billboards, the ringers.

How did he find you? How did he see you? Well, that was hilarious. He forgot I did that. It was all like his comedy center, like the ringers show. And show and that was more I think the producer picked me for that and then I got you okay. He literally saw a video of mine on Instagram like two years ago Whereas being fun in New Yorkers like a stupid club. I'm like walking over here. Madag's taking a shit Oh, he was just so stupid. Yeah, and I like Bill reshared it and I was like the fuck and the anime Instagram

I guess it's a joke like when you out of me. I was like Tom's a? And he added me Instagram, I'm like, this is joke. Like when you added me, I was like, Tom's a great phone man. What the fuck is going on right now? And then, and then Bill was like, do you want to open for me in the road? I'm like, are you pranking me right now? Then he asked my phone number. And then two weeks after that, I did his Netflix special.

That's great. Yeah, I know. I know, it was very nice. And now Bill, I, yeah, he wrote me into his movie that's coming out September. No, that's great. No, I know, Bill, but, he's not a lot of, there's a lot of nice redheads. No, that's great. No, I know, Bill Burr. He's a bit upset.

He's a lot of nice. There's a lot of nice, very good. Yeah, that's a nice, he's very supportive of me as well. I just have to say shout out to Bill Burr, just being complimentary to a female comic when you're that status is so awesome. Yeah, and Joe wrote into it, like really helpful, dude. So helpful, so cool.

Yeah, it's really nice and he's really, yeah, he's, he bucks me and he, yeah, that's great. I'm hearing like static, can I move it? Sure. Good ears. Yeah. Sensitive ears. Yeah, sensitive burners.

I do, sensitive health. What? Did that help? It did, yeah. Yeah, yeah, I had to move the fucking broad leaves their phone out here and you got a fucking move. Fucking broad over here. I know, but a phone.

Just real talk, it's for our son in case the soul's fine. He'll be fine. He'll be fine. I'm number one on the call sheet. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. You know, I know dad's not going to answer.

No. So you just want to keep an eye on that's fine. He'll be right. He's this is how a baby said we baby said the same way. It'll be fine. It's fine. That's why I followed you. I was like, she maybe says I got to do it.

Ignore it. There was a phone in the river. Totally. Yeah. Toads. Yeah. So. Cool, dad.

Okay. So now, okay, we were just talking out in lobby. What happened at the store? You said this, I was like, oh, save it. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, cause we're talking about, I think I did the mother's share, I did the small one mother's share.

Oh, man. It was super fun. And then I was saying, the store's like a past the store last December. I think that's all. It's very great. But I was saying, oh, our is my favorite room.

Cause it's like, it's tight, but you can see everybody and it's fun to riff, whatever. But somebody threw a chair at me, like a month and a half ago. A chair, a chair bro. Yeah, okay. So he tried to throw a chair. I should've worn it like that.

What part of like is this, your middle of your ass up? Beginning. So I get up, this guy's in the front row, on his fucking phone. Not the very front, against the stage right behind the next row. On his phone, the second he walk out,

I'm like, hello. That's not a cop. I'm like, excuse me, and I'm getting pissed. The person's like, uh, there's a knockout. I'm like, excuse me, and I'm getting pissed. The person was like, uh, get off your fucking phone. I'm like, what is this? He goes, I go, don't. I'm like, get off your phone or get the fuck out of here. And I'm like, oh, no, I just went through a horrible breakup,

too, so I'm like, I'm not having a single man. I'm like, just on air, so I was like, I took it, I probably took it out on him, and I did not need to, but I was like, I hate this man. So I kind of made fun of his puffy coat, not really get laughs. I'm not getting laughs. I'm not gonna lie, no one's laughing at this point. So now I'm annoyed that I'm ball-ming, and I'm making fun of this guy. So I keep going, and of his puffy coat, not really getting laughs. I'm not getting laughs. I'm not gonna lie, no one's laughing at this point.

So now I'm annoyed that I'm bawling and I'm making fun of this guy. So I keep going and then I start joke three minutes in, I look down, he's back on the phone. I'm like, I'm gonna snap. I'm like, now I'm gonna snap. I'm like, you gotta get off. I'm like, what are you doing?

His friend was like, oh, he's consulting. I'm like, you're consulting at 10 p.m. We're time to consult. What are you? And then I'm like, get off your phone or get the fuck out of here. And he's like, fuck you. I'm like, get out, that's it.

And I'm like, looking for the door, guys. I'm like, whoa, somebody here. So he gets up and I see'm like, get off your phone or get the fuck out of here. And he's like, fuck you. I'm like, get out, that's it. And I'm like, looking for the door, guys. I'm like, well, whoa, somebody here. So he gets up and I see him like, reach down for the chair. And I'm like, no. And he grabbed the leg. But I guess he does it any day. Also, a small guy. Like, he could live comfortably inside me.

Like, he wasn't that big. If he was larger than me, I'd be like, kind of scared. But I was like, is this guy? I literally like, the crowd went dead, so I had him like, are you throwing a chair at me right now? And then he like, grabbed the leg, but when he got it up, I think he didn't realize how heavy it was. So he was just like, and this far,

I knew it, so we can't back out now. So we just kind of like, got the chair up, and it like flipped once, but like slow motion onto the stage. And I'm like, if you're gonna throw a chair at me, don't be a fucking pussy. And then the crowd was like, okay, now we're on board on this. And then he got kicked out and then on the way out,

I like, that's when he got kicked out. Like, I have the front row ran over again. I'm like, the guys were coming. Well, he was a guy in the chair, but it all like was slow motion and just bizarre. But then I probably had the best set of my life after that. I think, I swear, because I just like went off on them and I'm like, the one time I don't take my set.

I'm like, that's a vibe of clip. Yeah, of course. That's a perfect way. Always. Yeah, it was wild. How do you set up? I've seen clips of you. What do you do when you're doing the road? You just have you set up your own camera? What do you do? I bought a new camera that I've been lugging around like an idiot. Well, you need it though, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then how do you pick your, what do you do? Where do you pick your spot for it? Like back center, try to get center of some of the, I don't do like, I do crowd work,

but I don't have the crowd camera that people do now. I'm like, I feel weird just still in the crowd. And then do you also do audio from the board? Like do you get, No, sometimes I usually use my, whatever it's like in, yeah, I don't have that kind of a setup. Sweating, slip off the slither chair.

I know. Do you guys just sit in here, like all calm and collected, I'm a pile of kind of a setup. Sweating, slip off the slither chair. I know. You guys just sitting here, like, all calm and collected. I'm a pile of goob right now. Quit your hot right now. I'm always hot. It's why I'm wearing a romper. It's why I'm sure it's romper. I bought these rompers for Austin.

I had to wear a romper. I was like, don't wear shorts on stage. I'm wearing it. I'm wearing it. It's so gay, they're called a romper. I know I hate it. It's so embarrassing. When I used to call it though, dude, I don't know.

Like, one Z. Yeah, one Z set, but I'm a baby. I know. What it. Some person. When I said to call it though, dude, I don't know. Like a one Z. Yeah, one Z set, but I'm a baby. I know. What's the full length one? Cause that also called a one suit. Yeah, or jumpsuit. Jump suit.

Yeah, jumpsuit. Yeah, we always into rompers and jumpsuits. No, I don't know. This, this look, I got a mullet over the pandemic. And then, and now I just wear rompers and now it's just become my fucking look. It's bizarre, but like people come to be a two girls came to the Austin Show set front row in Roberts and I have and I was like, where bizarre. Yeah, you got your fans are. I got my two fans. Yeah, I got my two fans. Tell me what you

think of this guy though because we were just so like I hate this man. Yeah. He is totally genuine in that he's the most gifted lover ever, that he's so good that he feels guilty for what he's done. Dension of the female. That man has never made a woman come in his entire life. There's no actual way. That, and I quote. Housings.

And I quote, I once provided thousands of orgasms over a five year period without ejaculating a single time. That's sick. But why is that the badge of honor to not come? Well, he's just telling you the technique. It's, if you've seen these things, it's a new thing now where people are trying to come. I had sex with a guy who is really into yoga, meditation and his whole thing was that he can,

he can come without ejaculate. That's what this is, yeah. It's, he did it on top of me and I almost called the police. It was disgusting. It was, wait, it was a performance. So you saw it, did he J as D on top of you? He was wearing sex. Sure.

And he was like, okay, and he explained the whole thing. I did, I called him, I said, dirty, I come on here, I'm like, yeah. What, I love you, I love you. And he was like, this is disgusting he explained the whole thing. I just called us, usually dirty. I come on, I'm like, yeah. What, like, you know, this is disgusting. Now we're gross, yeah. Okay, so he's like, I feel like the clips are being in the knock-ups, okay, so he's a top man. He's like, he explained it to me beforehand. He's like, just so you know, it's not gonna be,

he's like, he's like, I, he's like, I, he's like, I'm gonna do what you're used to. No, yeah, it didn't be a bit different. And he's like, like, he had explained, he's like, I'm going to come, but nothing's going to come out. But it's gonna still be like, all right? Yeah, I don't mind seeing this. Awt, and I'm like, well, first of all,

how do you, how do you get to this point? Are you in the woods? Is this the first time you're hucking up? Yes, and the problem was we were on improv team years ago and I didn't even realize, but he had a photo of us from like an old improv team from like years going to high school. So you like you this whole time.

I was also like an improv guy, ooh, already a red flag. What do we have? Yeah. Improv. Anyway, isn't it come? Yeah, what do we do? And too much.

And just to like to set up the moment, like did you spend like time together this evening and it's clear this is gonna happen because he's explaining to you like what? Yes, it was, I was back in Toronto and my parents were at the time. I was like, wait a minute. I don't even know if it was psychotic. Okay. It was bizarre behavior. So I was like, I don't even know. It was psychotic.

It was bizarre behavior. I was on Tinder. I was even drinking. I think people said a tea bizarre. Also sober. All of this put together. It's making the sound way worse. It was bad.

So he tells me he can do all this stuff. It's like, what is the term? There's a term for it. Yeah. This is what they call. Trunky done? No, no, no. There is something. There's a term, I know you're saying,

there's a term for this. Yes. Whatever the term is. Do you mean saying in there, I thought he might? Well, this guy says it's Montax, Chia's microcosmic orbital energy raising, but I was thinking. Oh yeah, that, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

You know, this is a, fuck. I don't know, whatever the hell it was. It was bizarre. So he's on top of me. He's like, okay, it's about to happen. And then he's like, he's talking you through it.

He's talking me through it. And he did a lot of talking. He already like, he also sniffed my vagina. Really? He went, I'm like, it ate that good sweetheart. I don't know what to tell you down there. I don't know.

It was bizarre. He like took in your sense. He took it in and he was like, and he was, and this was like, this is at that the beginning. This is the beginning. And he gave me breast massage and it hurts so bad. Like I thought it was gonna be like a nice like tweaks,

no tweaks. Oh, and it was your reaction. I was like, I was like, I was like, yeah, you're welcome. He's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he carry a lot of tension on your breast. I'm like, what is this guy I was like, I was like, yeah, you're welcome. He's like, he's like, he's like, you carry a lot of tension on your breasts. I'm like, what is this guy? Well, you said yoga, see these guys are fucking horseshit.

The yoga guys, I'm fucking connected. The chakras are open English. This angle is bullshit dude. You don't do yoga, you're saying. I'm fucked up. You doing hot yoga? I'm a fucking man. He does the cold plunge and weights.

Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So, I told you, you got a the cold plunge and weights. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So, so, so. I told you you got a fucking cold plunge and then blast it afterwards. Yes, I'm going to fucking barton, I'll cold plunge and I'll just rub one out on the side of the hill.

So, so he comes on top of you and but there's no jizz. Yes, so he's like, it's gonna happen. So he like, no, no, I wish he was like that. It was, it was literally, he was like, here comes, he's like 10, nine, does the whole count down. And then he's like, and he literally, I swear to God, actresses him on top of me.

Like, and this long, it was like a good air horn. It was great, and it lasted for like three minutes of him doing that. And a lot of like shaking after, it was wacky stuff. You're scared of me. I was scared myself. And this is, yeah, it's a scared of me. I was scared of myself. And this is, yeah, it's a dry orgasm. I was just like laughing.

I'm dying. And it is, is he showing it to you? I don't know. No, no, no. I would condom on. So he's got a condom on. He's just doing this performance. Yeah, big performance.

And then he's like, I'm done. Yes. And then he's like, I swear to God, he's big-sized. And he's like, okay, keep going. I'm like, keep going. I'm done now. Yeah. I don't want to be, I swear to God, he's big-sized. And he's like, okay, I can keep going. I said, keep going. I'm done now. Yeah. I don't want to be, I don't want to.

I'm done. Oh, I'm dried up. I'm dried up. Do you believe that he had an organism or just like a performance? I, I, I, was it like this? I, I, that sound was for this. It is a random thing.

Women hate it. I mean, I don thing. Women hate it. I don't. It's so cool. Oh, I know. Is that what he sounded like? No, it was more performative. More like big music art.

Like, like, like, theatrical. How did you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I did it. Oh, my God, dude. I did it. And then when he's done, you do have to go like,

that was wonderful. No, I went, well, that was interesting done, you have to go like, that was wonderful. No, I went, well that was interesting. Like that was something, that was different. You want to do a scene, maybe do like a fucking little yes and a second. Yeah, I think, yes and get out of my house. Yes and it's time to go. I sweep the scene, I get out of bed and I run across.

Because I would be so, I would probably congratulate him too. I'd be like, that was so special. I'm so glad we did that. That's how you get out of it. No, you're so nice. I can't wait because I'm like, it means so much to him. Did he feel bad? No, he was happy.

He was happy. Yeah, he's happy with it. And did you do it again? No. That was it. At what point did he tell you it was going to be different right before or like, you know what I mean? Like right before sex or right before the orgasm?

Yeah, right before because we were like discussing, yeah. But I didn't, I don't know. I should have known. Yeah, he's like, you know what I mean? Like right before sex, right before the orientation. Yeah, right before, we were like discussing, yeah, but I didn't, I don't know, I should have known. Yeah, he's like, why should you be doing a big crystal that should have been me and his doing that whole racket? You have a top always has the theory that those guys are just nonsense. It's an angle, my point is just that the angle.

Yes. It's like the, like, look, you want a guy who sees women as equals is good, a guy who like wears it, who's like, I'm a feminine, like, you want a guy who sees women as equals is good. A guy who wears it, who's like, I'm a feminine. Like, you're like, okay. This energy is a little much. And I just don't believe that it's genuine. So it's like, it's an angle.

Like, just selling it. Like when you see, if it wasn't genuine, he's very good at acting. Yeah. Oh, she's also. Actually, Liz, he's an improv guy. Yeah, he is. Well, that means he's probably bad at acting, actually. That'd be great if he finished and he was like did you buy all that?

So wait, so then guys like that will did he really try to make you have an orgasm? Yeah, but I was at that point. I was it was Yeah, it's silly now. It's a joke now. Did he try to give you an orgasm after his or before his? Yeah, I think before. And you're just like, I can't. Yeah, yeah. It was a two intense. It was too much.

It was very, it's a whole situation. Too much. I just went to the Renaissance Fair. Have you guys been there? Yeah, once in my life. It's so stupid. I'm never going back. Yeah, dirty too.

It's disgusting. I broke it. I pimples. I'm a zit. I have arms it. Yeah. Renaissance it. Don't go to I pimples, I'm a zit. I have arms it, renaissance it. Don't go to the renaissance fair. I'm blaming that, that's so gross. It's so dumb.

I never had arms it in my life. What the fuck am I? It's disgusting. And it's like they make you walk around with big turkey legs and stuff. The turkey leg even so dumb. It's dusty. Everyone's disgusting.

I'm like, as I'm single now, I'm like, oh, maybe I'll find a hog. I'm like, what are they gonna do? Jerk off some guy behind me. There's no hog guys. He goes, what the fuck is it? I think I was find a hot guy. I'm like, what are they gonna do? Jerk off some guy behind the- There's no hot guy. He was like, what the fuck? I think I was gonna be doing it. It's horrible. Yeah, they're unfair.

Why am I thinking that? Yeah. Wait, how long have you been single now? Recent, three months. And how long were you in a relationship? I was always there for seven months, but it started, it came in hot. It came in hot and it ended bad.

Why, how did, like, can you talk better? I can't really. Okay, okay. I'm not trying to be cute. Yeah, I just found out he was not who he said he was. No, you know, sociopath narcissists, you know, those, yeah, cool. L.A. is full of those. Well, he was a fan from Salt Lake. Oh, okay. Yeah. So I've learned my lesson. No more fans. Yeah. Weird. No more fans. They know too much about you and you don't

know think about them and they think, you know, I mean? And then you get like, yeah. Yeah. Well, that's that. So now, back on, flopping around. Are you, like, are you on apps? I'm on the apps. I'm always on the apps. Are the apps good?

They're horrendous. Yeah, it's just like a way to cut, like, pace past time. Yeah, especially if I'm on the road, or like, if I want to, if I'm really horned up, I can like, then I'm like, if people recognize me now in the apps, I'm like, I don't want to.

Yeah, being recognized got to be weird for that. For that, especially, because I'm like, if they don't, then it's fine, but then they get offended. And it's honestly, they don't, I love comedy, nursing you, I'm like, well, now I hate you. Yeah, yeah, yes. Well, then you don't- Who the fuck are you supposed to be?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, fuck you. Now, all the apps are bad, and I can't get on Raya, and I'm really pissed about that. It's like, this is what we're doing. Why can't you? I don't know. I've been making it quite a scene. Really? I've emailed them, I've tweeted at them. I'm right over about that. It's like, why can't you do it? I don't know. I've been making it quite a scene. Really? I've emailed them.

I've tweeted at them. I might write over it at this point. Hey, Raya, the fuck's going on, man. Yeah. Steph. I got, this is a big vouch here. That's all I know. It's all you hear.

That's a, I don't know. I don't even want to. Because that's got the HQI, is the high quality individuals. That, I can't help this. Where did you getQI's the high quality individuals. That. You know, get up this time. Where did you get that? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Come on. HQI, could you be the only listening to? Cooperate? You really don't have to say that? You really don't have to say that? No, it's my dad. HQI? Oh, and that's cute now.

I got a lot of news. So real HQI, buddy. Yeah, you got to get on there. I don't, I don't got to get on there. No, you don't actually the best the best is still gonna be probably introduced somebody yeah real life. That's what I want Like a friend of a friend. Yeah, and I think you're special. I think you're QI like she's smart. She's talented. She's gorgeous. It's gonna be you need a guy who's really high bar free. You're, that's very nice. That's not what I'm getting told online. People, oh, I've been getting a lot of like, recently, a lot of people asking what bathroom I use.

All right. I've been getting a lot of like, trans, and like, I can't believe how I have been, I'm like, I feel horrendous of people who are trans who are dealing with this now. It's like, this is, also, why do people care? Yeah, I mean, just, guess what? I'll use whatever doors open.

That's what bathroom music, whatever. We're just for the record. For the record, I piss and shit and women's bathrooms all the time. Sometimes they're there sometimes they're not. But if I have to go, I go, yeah, well, our smell much better than yours anyway. Yeah, you're blaming Peepee filled. Yeah, they're pretty gross. They're fine. Disgusting. Yeah, sometimes I do it. I hear women like, what are you doing? I'm like, I'm taking a shit.

What are you doing? I'm taking a shit homie. I always use the trans bathroom. The trans bathroom? The non-binary bathroom. Oh yeah, yeah. It's always clean. See, it's always down.

Then, I'm allowed in there. I think you mean the family bathroom? Oh yeah, the family bathroom. But I'm saying this is a trans bathroom. So just like anyone can use it. Yeah, it's all I use. I'm anyone. Yeah, that's true. You can do that. I use the breastfeeding room. I just like anyone can use it. Yeah, it's all naive. I'm anyone. Yeah, that's true.

You can do that. I use the breastfeeding room. I just piss all of them. Yeah. This is the lever shit and the thing that's closed back up. Sorry. I thought that's what you did.

Full log in the baby changing area. There you go. Everyone should, the bathroom is, I'm like, I can't believe people make a big deal out of bathrooms. Or anything, I do. What is it? What is it?

It's sick to want to know what somebody else has into the pants. I'm not a walker. I'm looking at guys going on how big well. I mean maybe some time I'm obsessed maybe do I I'm the opposite I want to know what what everyone's carrying pack in what's it look like what's it smell like how big is it how many They're five I want to know everything. Yeah The first time and whenever I see a trans person on social media, I'm always like, I wonder if it's a, you're saying with trans people. Trans people. Oh, I think we're talking about in general.

In general, I'm curious about people's genital too. I think I should be able to see them. I would like to see them. I think I should be, that's a little entitled to view. I think I should be able. Do you think you feel like you just know people more? No, but I did, I did. I didn't see their genitals.

Somebody once had the pitch there like, wouldn't it just be great though, if you just knew? Like when you saw someone, you also saw them naked. Just for a moment. Yeah, that's what I wanted. I know what I'm dealing with and that was it. Like just, I was like, Have you seen that show in Britain where

the dating show where they start? You're gonna lose your mind. Oh yeah. Everyone starts in a tube and it comes up. The first thing you see is they're fucking junk. That's perfect. That's what I'm talking about. For dating, it's ideal.

If I could see, people that like dick pics, I love a dick pic. 70 dick pic, gauntlet to the head. It's called naked attraction. Naked attraction, that's it. This is great because if you don't like it, it was a weird mold thing. I don't know.

Scary. If you don't like a man's penis, it's a deal breaker. It is. That's how it starts. Perfect. That's how the show starts. This is what I want. Yeah, and you see it all. man's penis, it's a deal breaker. It is. That's how it starts. Perfect. That's how the show starts. That's the first thing you see. This is what I want. Yeah, and you see it all.

It's all out there. I watched it when I was there. The best is that the host is like, and what do you think? And she's like, well, I don't like his balls much. She's like, oh yeah. I could see that. They really toy. I don't really like them toy.

And then they just kind of move. They're like, disregard him. How about this, yeah. And then they, it's just making dick choices. That's it. Yeah, that's really, can I tell you like real talk, Tom? I love your dick and balls and ask so much.

I love it and ask, butthole too. Everything. I love everything about this guy. Wow. That's like, hey Steph, that's a lie. Yeah. I was like, and butthole. No, she doesn't. No, I don't like his ass hole, but I like his butt.

I just have to cut it. I love it. And I love looking at it. I like his junk. Somebody wouldn't mind a little more butthole love. Yeah. But haven't you been with guys where you're like, if you're, I just wish your penis were different.

Oh yeah, it's just not for me. No, no, the ex, it was like a wide urethra Stretched sick. Why was it coins in there? I don't like it stretch on purpose. No, no, it was a it was just girth You're saying no, I just I didn't like it now that I've been with others since I was like well that's yeah I got some new equipment I'm working with and it is oh It's well oiled No, it's well oiled. No, it's, yeah. I've been sleeping with a younger man, not that,

I'm not the Leo Young. I check these years, sorry, 27, 27. Ooh, that's 38. Perfect. Need to give a, need to give a, and I drop the Leo whatever I can. I make one of him one more time. Shaped. Anybody else? Shaped is what, is this? I don't know. I dropped the lead whatever I can. I make fun of him more.

I don't have anybody else. Shape is what is the life. Shape and girth and just like hardness. I like type balls. I like small little balls. Me too. I don't want them. I had one time one, the real long one knocked me around

down there too far. Too far. Hitching the back of the head. No thank you. We need it. Here's in Ari's balls. No. Long.

They're the craziest balls of ever seen. Well, Google Areas balls. They come up. I don't know. I've never looked. I'm ready to see. I can't. As they are there, I'm gonna be scared.

Testicles. I look for my tits a lot. I'm scared someone's gonna leak them. You wait, you're what? You said my tits out a lot to people. So I'm worried. I'm not that. If you got nice, we're not bad.

I'm not bad. Yeah, what the hell is that? Type in balls. Yeah, with the testicles, like we're trying to be cute over a sudden. I saw a really huge dog going to the search result because it actually had a, yeah, it was,

the dog was taking a shit. The Rizballs look like they don't belong to his dick. Oh, there we go. Are they? Wow. I think Joe Rogan comes up with life. Maybe it's him talking about it. Well anyway, they are like dude,

like they hang down where you're like, you look like a fucking 80 year old man's balls here, man. They're really crazy. You can't do anything, but I guess, you know, you can't do anything. You can't do anything. I'm sure people see my post and they go, Jesus Christ, I know it's down there going, I deal.

Okay. It's like, it's a lot. It's a lot. Yeah, it's a lot. But I feel like I'm a lot with back to like when you're saying, I'm a nice person, we're very nice. I think I'm a lot on stage, so I think it's very hard for a guy to watch me on stage, be a discussing a pig. And then I come off and I'm like, hi.

Because that is what you guys do. It's not that bad. Yeah, like it's very hard. This is something she's been saying for. Yeah, it's very hard. This is something she's been saying for years. So it's interesting to hear someone else say it instead in stand up, you have to enter this kind of realm of masculinity in a way.

Like the energy of performing is on. And like the talking shit or like what the fuck are you wearing? Like that feels like masculine energy, right? Like, and then when you leave and you want to interact with a man who you might be interested in, you know, to some people would say you might want to, you have to kind of, you feel the need to shift. So I actually don't like it when Tom watches me perform and I've had him leave the room

for fucking a million years. And I actually didn't want you to watch me in London. I was like, can you not watch me? Because it is a different side to me. It's more aggressive. It's angrier. it's fuck you. Yeah, it's that like, dude energy. So yeah, it's gonna take a specific guy

who can handle that, that side, and then when you're just you off stage. Yeah, yeah, cause it's like, it's obviously a part of us is like a heightened version, but I'm like, yeah, most of them not Mrs. Feminine Offstage either. Mostly everyone, what a flight lady that is, yeah, still, I'm still, but you're not as gross, right? I'm not as gross, I'm not Mrs. Feminine Offstage either. You're mostly everyone. You're neither mine. What a polite lady that is.

Yeah, I'm still, I'm still, but you're not as gross, right? I'm not as gross. I'm not, I'm not. I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm day and I always have lost on me. Never sucks drinks. What you've done that? Done that. Or does that all the time? I'm pretty gross too though.

Just what, don't you like that? She's like, I have something in my tooth and she's like, pull it. But I think too to be a female comic, you have to be a little gross because we stay, like the traveling and you stay in comedy con. You have to be okay with the man's world and that means for going a lot of what traditional

feminine stuff is. You have to be down to like, yeah, I just slept in a bed that a lot of what traditional feminine stuff is. You have to be down to like, yeah, I slept in the bed that a million dudes have probably jerked off in. Oh, yeah, I found condoms, use condoms also with comedy condoms. Oh, and all that one's. That's the narrow. Yeah, so gross. I moved the bed and I was like, I've never moved the bed again.

You keep the bed as is in those places. Yeah, you know, you keep the bed. Yeah, like our little, our son Pete in our bed the other night He's like we should change the sheets. I'm like why I don't fucking care. I've slept in water So I've slept in his bar if I've slept in shit. Yeah, then she goes don't care. I don't mind if you don't mind I go no I mine Pete being is changing. Yeah, which is too tired too tired Now I'm changing sheets. I got a, I have one man over.

I can't have the stink in there. Oh yeah, yeah. Yeah, if a guy's sleeping in your bed, you're changing. And I broke my bed through the day with the 27 year old. You did? Oh yeah.

Nice. But I was like, yeah, but I'm like, was it because it was hot or were we both a little too big for the bed? I mean, am I, and I'm like, was I like hot or was it like, like, gargoyle on top of this bed? I'm like, I might, because it broke bad. Oh really?

I see, you had to leave, and I had to like, literally like, lift the bed up and like, reduct tape on all the legs before the- The way you told you me this too. That was an app, Bumble. It was. Yeah. And not a fan.

No, okay, then I probably have to show, and then we have him fuck stand, so I'm like, God, damn it, I'm not frame I'm just shows anymore Too much. Yeah, I separated yeah, I have separate but it's hard to separate it because it's all I fucking do Right, so I kind of why would I I don't think of what else we do I'll see when I get back Bye like really I don't think Tom and I know what bits together is doing because I so don't want him to know that side of me I so don't want him to know that now you only saw it because you actually like that was the first time Yeah, I don't like we don't like to know that side of me. I just don't want him to know that part. Now you only saw it because you actually,

like that was the first time you saw that. Yeah, I don't like, we don't like to know. People are like, do you guys watch each other at the time? I'm like, no. What? No, I don't want to know. And it keeps you in a safety bubble of creativity, you know? Like if I don't know what he's talking about,

he doesn't know what I'm talking about. It frees both of us up, I think. That's healthy, that's nice. Yeah. Yeah, I definitely don't do the like end comes and come see the two of us together at the time. You never did. That's always a lot. I think that's a very good, a lot of couples do that in comedy.

I think it's very gay. Talk, yeah. Yeah, that's what I was like. Talks sick, I think. Yeah. Then it becomes competitive and it's weird. The competitive, it's weird. It's weird.

I remember the couples because kind of removed from it now after all these years, but when we were really grinding it out in those earlier days in LA, there was a bunch of other comedy couples, and then so many of them had such an unhealthy dynamic that they kind of drove, like they were making it that way. No one else was making it that way. And it was rooted in this competition and then like she got the fucking festival. I didn't get it. And then you're all fucking pissed off. Yeah, that's a whole thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know. We didn't have that

though. No, and that's fucking that's why you're doing so fucking well. That's why you love his dick and balls and ask so much because you've never seen his bits. Maybe he's all the best. So not too hairy First of all can I just be honest about something like I just want to be totally honest about this. Yeah, I have a Hittiest app like the only way a woman is saying she loves my butt is that she loves me It's you saw me naked from behind you'd be like dude Please take a walk and never walk You guys are gonna show me your dick just so you didn't have to look at my ass. It's so flat

It's horrible, but babe my ass sucks like my ass is flat and dim. I've never had an ass I've got tits and I have no ass. I'm with you in this, I'm trying. But we're stations program, I've got a little bit of an ass, I'm not, it's not there yet. I feel like I no matter what I do, I don't care about, I don't care. I actually don't care about my ass. It's the way people look at butts.

Yeah. I'm just doing much. It's too much. A guy apparently, there's a guy at my show that I was wearing sunglasses and I was like, weird it out. So you're on acid or you have no eyes and either way I'm freaked out that you're on. No, I'm scared.

It's crazy. I don't like it. And they were like big like gas station ones. Like he's like, you better be blind or I fucking hate you. And then after the show I was like being fun on them and then two girls came to me and was like, I'm glad you made fun of him because he was in line taking photos of all the women's butts.

Oh, and like that you're the glass on. He's got the butt eyes under there. He's got butt eyes. Yeah. He's got butt eyes and ass eyes. I think asses do something primal to men though. Where like tits are kind of like elective, you know? They're like, hmm, but like, I think it fucking does a switch

and you don't normally aren't a creep so you don't go like, I'm gonna take photos or stare at asses with. But I think that's actually what's happening with people's brains. I got a bad ass, so I'm not gonna get a asses. I got a hairy ass. Remember, Gary, where does a hairstyle? This is also not helping, my leaving signal.

I am a really hairy ass, I got a huge bust. Spitting everywhere, spitting on everything. Yeah, no, I have like a fuzz layer. Recessing on the cheeks. Damn. I know, and I was like, get it lasered. Do I have to take out a down payment on a house? You're out, that would mean laser.

That's a lot of follicles, see laser off. Don't leave. I get my kill laser as, too much. Do you do waxing? Do you wax? I don't waxing my acting girls back in, course. I don't know the soft ass. Yeah. I hear you. I don't know the soft ass. Yeah.

I hear you. Ha ha ha. Either way, not good. Not good. I need a tan it so it blinds up. There you go. I'm allergic to the sun, so it's a whole thing. You're allergic?

Yeah, actually right now I have, I'm showing you blisters all of my fingers. It's called Polymorphic Sonny Rupshon. Yeah, I found out a couple of years ago. Really? Yeah, you can see they have a little tiny sail to redness on my hands. That's terrible.

Yeah, that's all from, yeah. So do you wear a crazy assembly? No, I wear like 50 to 80 and then, yeah, I have like scars on my legs from, I went to my sister's wedding last year and it was so bad that I had to go to the hospital and I came back. It was before I did, the Netflix special, I'm Bill's thing.

I didn't want to tell anybody, but I was like, I had like bandages all over my legs. From being a son. Yeah, it was so fucking good. Anyway, was that the first time you're like, something's going on with the son? I've had it before, but this was the first time it was this fucking bad.

Like I'm talking like blisters, the size of quarters, like fully raised on my thing, like scar, I've been scarred for a year and a half ago. Yeah, yeah, and then for the day being, I had to wear like fishnet stockings and bandages and like I had my, I was like airing them out because they were pussing. And then I was like getting my hair down and feel like,

Jesus Christ, what the fuck is going on here? I'm like, I alert you to the sun. I don't know what to tell you. I'm very unwell. This is. Holy shit. But they come out, they come out. They're out now.

Fucking awesome. I've been walking around. Yeah, you shouldn't, don't move here then. But then I have to stay like completely shaded. It's bizarre. It doesn't matter if it's a bit kind of hot. They just come out. It's very, yeah, there's no cure.

I didn't know that even happened And I also have hives now all the time. I've got a couple popping out now. I'm This is great for the day profile. Yeah, this is a nice Why don't you call me because I'm a fucking lizard. I should live in a bog. Is that why? Yeah, do you have any way I'm just gonna see me have some of the bottom of Barton Springs over the other salamanders? It would be cool if if Raya contacted you and they're like, I think you know why we do. I think you know why you're harassing us. You're harassing us, please, yeah, yeah.

You've grossed on stuff. Why am I telling you all this stuff? I'm like, I'm sun-fucked, I'm like, I'm single boys. Do you like lumps? I'm so gross. Disgusting. It's disgusting.

It's disgusting. It's disgusting. Wait, the books are on the shelf. Are you thinking about it? I didn't see it. You must know how to believe. disgusting. I have a vagina. I don't care where it means blood. Oh, there. Kelly. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. That was good. What did I see? And I think what we're seeing is this bouncer is a woman. And she, like, sort of aggressively shoved one away. Maybe she did another one before them. I was like, get the fuck out of here to these three chicks.

And then one of them was like, you're assaulting women. She was like, I'm a woman. Yeah, I'm a woman. I'm a woman. Yeah, she said, man there's a me. I'm a woman. She literally said. I'm a fucking guy.

Oh yeah. That's amazing. We're all like, we'll repeat that one. But that's always, when girls are that drunk, it's like, it doesn't matter what you're saying. When girls do this thing, this is something you see all over, the crouch and cry. Oh, I hate that.

It's been a rough night. She pissed in whatever she's wearing three times. Oh yeah, yeah. Yeah. You can't be taking seriously when you're like, I, yeah, nothing is good. It's gonna come out. I want to say this, you don't normally see female bouncers.

No, it's cool. I should have them. Yeah, this is so embarrassing. It's so embarrassing. It's so embarrassing. I don't think I've ever been friends with girls like that. A girl like that. And then the other girl has to be like,

I don't know if you really mean real. You're a wonderful person. Yeah, yeah, having to do that with me. You don't even know you. Like, I don't think I have, or I don't think I've ever been that drunk. Like, I can't get to that point. No, dude.

I'm barfing, or I'm, yeah, like at that point, just barf quietly, and you go, fuck off. Yeah. That's embarrassing. And now with all the phones and stuff, it's like, you never know. People are filling. I know, dude. People are always filling.

I'm getting scared. I did have a ho friend that was always like this, though, actually. But I wouldn't console her. I would just laugh. She was like, is she crying because she was a ho? Or just because she was? She just was always like,

you know, they dress with their ass out. You know, they're always dressing the short, short skirt. You know, it's always a love thing. Yeah, yeah, just always kind of a horn. Always kind of like just sloppy and messy. It's crying, you know, yeah, just sloppy. The crying is too much. Just a bit.

Big tits too. She's always a little bit. That shit with her ass always has the wedge heels on. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then they're always off. And then she's walking around with her feet or like just pitch black. And then I flop around. Sam it doesn't give a shit walking over glass turn bar at that point Then I we're like you're just fully done and then she's like the people are mean

God for yeah, I'm glad that I didn't have that friend and like well Probably just comics. Yeah, yeah, yeah, like these are my friends from college I'm saying and then there was this time where after college, they would all hang out on the sunset strip for a minute. You know, it was like those couple of years when I was like, I think I'm being a standup comedian. This is a waste of fucking time to be out on the strip all the time.

And this is like the sunset strip drunk girl. You know, they're like, I really like count the bull at the fucking saddle ranch. I mean, I have rode that ball the saddle ranch. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We've all, we've all, for the bit. Everybody's not. I was, ha ha.

Day two of me, don't you know you're right. It's going pretty well. I did want to have a sick home. We had just to taste the flames. Sure. No. I'm having a little break. I'm a little break, I was making me too manic.

Oh. Well, that didn't know that. You're right. You're too much little pranker, it's my community manic. Oh. Well, that didn't know that. You're right. You're too much, Pess, and then you get manic. But then you have to deal with the fact that you don't have all the healing properties that you normally... What's going on here?

What are people doing? It's too much. I know somebody, I'm not gonna say who, but they drink their own Pess. Really? They drink the morning. I asked, what the best. Can you say male or female?

Female. Really? Yeah. In LA, clearly after.. I ask. Can you say male or female? Female. Really? Yeah. In LA, clearly. Clearly not. Seriously, we know her. Yeah. And we know her, I think so.

This is a daily routine? Apparently, yeah. Every morning. Every morning. Every morning has a, apparently, the first, the first cup is the best. That's the freshest. That's the one that smells like farts.

That's the one that she's. That's the one. That's the freshest. That's the one that's the most nutrient in it. You know, the pee pee in the last, the no. And what did, did she, she's open about this or is? I think so. I don't know how open, but people know.

I'm not the only one. It's like a secret. People know about the pee drinking. People are, people are drinking piss. Yeah, that's a, it's a big thing. There's a lot of piss drinkers that make it a lot of a show. Really? Yeah. Just like a, what's cool? I drinkers that make it a lot of show. Really. Yeah. Yeah. Just like

what's cool. I drink tap water and I know people think that's bad. Somebody also just tagged us in a video that we had made fun of some like a menstrual blood worshiper, you know. And she she tagged all of us and was like I was on this podcast. I'm ridiculed because for my healing, I was on this podcast, I ridiculed for my healing advice. And I'm glad that you made fun of something that helps so many people, one of those things. What is she doing with this? She's saving the money. Yeah, she rubs it on her body and she drinks it

and you know, you got to probably have it somewhere. To nice cube trays, make sure it's all a little cocktail in the middle of the day. What is how she doing? And she's like, why are you, you know, the body excretes what it doesn't need. That's called an excretion if it comes out of you. So clearly, like, you're okay without it.

Yeah. Why are you putting it back in? Yeah. Like, Pepe is like the toxins, right? I don't, I don't, the stuff your body doesn't need. You don't need it. I don't, I don't want it.

I don't want it either. I don't want it. I don't want it either. Can I tell, I might drink Peepy if it were cold, like a beer, like a logger, but not hot. Hot Peepy. Hot Peepy. Hot Peepy? Hot Peepy?

I'm just like, Peepy sounds way worse. Just calling it piss, I might have a sip. Peepy is perverse. Peepy so because of the trial. I want the, I want the, I want the, I want the,

I want the, I want the, I want the, I want the, I want love to could be like, I'm done with my love making. Now I will give you some pee pee. Ha ha ha ha ha. I will bless you with some pee pee. And you will drink it. Yeah, you will.

Have you drink, have you ever done pee stuff in sex? No, but I squirt. Hold on. People think that's a little bit of it. Here's the thing. you have not a doctor. Why has this never been resolved? Everybody always has a back and forth about this. This is what I think.

I think it's not piss. I've tested it several times. I will take a steamy Pp before a sex, full piss, normal amount of piss. I'll have sex for whatever amount of time. Lot of stuff comes out, lot of score. A lot. Are you sure it's not just discharge?

Are you just, I lubricate it? In case it's discharge, I'm going to the FBI. Is it shooting around? It's shooting around, we're shooting around. We're shooting around. I can shoot like a movie. It's a lot, it's too much. And does it coincide with the moments of pleasure?

Or is it a little bit, but I can't tell you. So it doesn't have to. It doesn't have to. It doesn't have to, I think. Because that's kind of like the theater of it, is that they go like, the theater. Well, the theater of like,

when you, if you see it in like a porn, it's like, here comes pleasure. Yeah, and that's, no. I think you can just kind of do it. And then after, after the sex, I will have another full piss. So it's like, what is that stuff thing? What do you think of? What's your theory?

I don't know, but I wanted out of there, because it's clearly bloating me, and I'm blaming it for my white game It's not I'm not a bigger gal. I should be I'd be anorexic and I didn't square Just tell me what that's not true at all. Yeah, I don't there's no there could be a bit You've got so many things so you just work much you got some rashes. Yeah, I've got hives You've got hives. Yeah, I can see them right now. Yeah. You've got a hairy ass.

I've got a hairy ass. We've really just, I've come onto one of the biggest ballgues and just said, oh my, oh my, oh my. Oh, this is so fun. Oh, this is so fun. Why would I say this is such a public platform? I'm like, I've just been really cute and nice. I'm like, I'm actually great.

And then, no, it's more fun. It's, but can I tell you, I think it's better to get it out like this and if someone still likes you and shows up They're the one if someone you're right away. If any any cool out there is still into this You're like you're not leaving a lot of options. Yeah, I'm not you're not look if you want to be cool down I would like you a lot No, I hate him looking for a white lady. No, it's right to and dominant and we will in the put me in a dress dominant. Be the shit on me. Call me.

I hate that man. And free. Sissy Gemini. Oh, this is a pretty much stupid white bitch. There you go. That's what I'm looking for is a stupid tattoo white bitch that that are putting in a dress and be the shit out of me. Call me. Full of you.

I'm waiting for a slight sluts. Should we call him right now? You want to get me calling? Hey, that man. That's, that's a nightmare. That's, that's literally, if I ever picture being stalked and raped, that is the exact thing that's going in. Like that, that's the exact thing.

Yes, that's it. That's the man. Put some sunglasses on it. That's him. How do you not like this man? I don't. Ha ha ha. Everything that man has done for his whole life has been bad.

Yeah. There's never been a good, there's no way to come on publicly and do that with that. I'm spoo, it's pito vibes for sure. For sure. I think it's brief. I think it's brief. I think it's brief. I think it's brief. I think it's brief. I for sure big children. I have this brief.

My name is John why you shibman. I'm looking for girls for pussy. I love deep pussy. We get it. If you're an effect guys, you're looking for some action. You live in Missouri. Please call me at 157 or text me at 163.

That's what we live for this look on your face. That's what this shows on. Not me, Tom. Not me. I don't know what's going on with people. We've taken a turn in society and it's bad. I think we should all put our phones away forever. This is bad.

Do people answer this? This is what always weird to me online when guys immediately on Tinder like last night, imagine this guy hit a golden tree or so, I was like, I have a golden tooth. He's like come over and pet her. I'm like, now is it? Yeah, come on over.

Who's gonna send him these address? Who the fuck is going over to these people's houses at this hour? No meeting in public, no nothing, this right to the house. It's crazy. What do you, do you just go like, oh, I'm just like not tonight. I'm telling you, meeting in public, no nothing, this right to the house. It's crazy. What do you, would you use, go like, oh, I'm just like not tonight.

I'm telling you, I mean public, I'm not a fucking murderer. What the hell is this? It's nuts. It's a mean in public. It's crazy. Can you tell them directly like that? Is that how it goes?

I go, I don't meet people unless I'm in a public place. Yeah. It's bizarre. What's smart, I'm glad you're, well, we have to, I mean, before I made that before, in my youth, I may have slipped over a couple of times. But now, now, were they normal?

One guy, yeah, well actually one guy I'm actually going to see in Florida next week. He came to my hotel room one time. Are you going there just to see him? No, I have shots. Yeah, about him. Yeah, where are you from? That's so cool.

Dany a beach. Oh yeah. Yeah, probably. Dany, I've done it. It's good one, is it? Yeah, it's actually fun. It's really good. That's kind of cool though.

I just put that together in my super brain. It's like, you get like a dick in every city, bro. You can, yeah. I got some around. I got a couple cocks in a couple different places. Yeah, yeah, a little sprangle, a little confetti. That's great. A little penis confetti over here.

Yeah, it's okay. Damn. Yeah, this guy's hot. I went up purposely to make him do Instagram videos with me so I can be like, he's up. Yeah, I's okay. Damn, yeah, this guy's hot. I went up purposely making do Instagram videos and he's talking to me like, he's hot? Yeah, I've been fucking hot guys and no one believes me because like,

my friends are like, yeah, right, show me their Instagram, but it's this pilot, he's very hot. Oh, I saw this clip. Yeah, that's good. I'm fucking pilot again, yeah. Oh, you're just fucking your pilot, okay. I'm not my pilot, but,

A pilot, some of them. Could've been your pilot. How'd you meet the pilot? That was Tinder. Tinder, and how hot is he? He's hot. Yeah, he's very hot., yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, Setless clean. No shit. Yeah, he'd flew a plane didn't even rinse it. And it was, is he Asian? No. Was he, Asian smell.

I've never smelled the nation's penis. Pines. I have, they don't smell it. You have, that's your one thing. You're like, how are you? Thanks for having my show. Do you mind? Thank you so much.

Thank you. So you met him on Tinder? Yes, years ago. And then we've kept in contact. Have you ever been on a flight that he's been... No, it's a different airline. Okay. I know.

I fucked up. I was united. I made a huge mistake. Shit. I know. Those pilots are cute and they're a little outfits. Some of them, but now I've got a thing for pilots. So every time I'm peeking into the cockpit, I'm like, I want to... Yeah. A lot of times they're like real dads.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. There's a lot of... Half of the length of the lesson the lesson you'll see this guy's a pilot right before you come. Yeah, I'll follow if I wanted I have no problem swallowing I'd stop for a minute and I put a big kicky on your Inner thigh there and just suck on that and make it nice and red and let you remember me after I'm gone Delta Airlines this guy was flew for 45 years. I did, no. Look at that tit, there's something under there.

There's this fucking pilot's license. That's it. It works in the control, Tire. How tiny is this watch? Have you noticed that? Yeah, I've noticed it. It's not the first thing I noticed, but I picked it up on it. Yeah, it's like a woman's watch.

Yeah. It's a very dignity. Well, it's normal size. It's not that big. Okay. Well, the one thing that I'm gonna tell you is that the first time it's gonna be quick with me because it's been a long time.

Okay, you come, you come. Let me see, let me see how much you come. Let me see all that jump. How much, how do people- How do people- How do people- How do people... I'm gonna swallow. I hate that. I hate this.

This is master. What is this? That's your favorite of all time. That clip. I just found out about the swinging dick thing, the website that you guys all used to watch when you were kids. The dickswing.com was a cult.

Meetspin. Meetspin, that's that meat. I think that's a very... Okay, this is my second favorite clip of all time. Here's my favorite clip of all time. Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!

Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!

Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Is that are you LL-ing yet? That's my hair.

That's your favorite of all time. Yeah. Yeah, he plays it. Only to special guest that he loves a lot. It's true. And I'm really having a laugh over here. I don't know. No, I'm not.

I'm like, I think. I thought everything was going to fall down and that would give me a bit of a laugh. I thought the screams were the funny part. Oh, that's what you were getting you off over there. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Really getting, it reminded me that guy on top of me. That's how he screamed for me. Yeah.

He orgasms. Seems like the actress before we're at that. Can we do some talks or something? Sure, whatever you want. Can we lift the mood? Yeah. Okay. Hold on. Jesus. Can we lift the mood? Yeah. Okay.

Hold on. Jesus. That's the thing. That's the violence. Uh-huh. That's the violence. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But the good thing about dating and male comics is you know, you know what they're create like what the crazy is versus people that aren't comedian, it could take years to figure it out. With the darknesses to like, yeah, that's the thing. It's the darkness.

It's hard to trust people. I don't think it's maybe easy to trust comics because they are so vulnerable. It's vulnerable. I can't talk, but I'm. Bo-no-do-do-bo-no-do. Also, you kind of know. You kind of know.

When you meet other comics, you're like, we definitely both have something. Something soft, something strong. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I'm like, this is my favorite clip. Yeah. Yeah. A man crawling into an asshole. Do you want to tell her what? And I like TikToks. Which is about to get into the world. This is my sad wheel. So I like to showcase the marginalized communities of TikTok. OK.

So whereas you might see people dancing and laughing and having fun, I like to present the other side of the talk force. All right. This is what brings me joy. OK. Get ready to be sad. Here we go.

This is what brings me joy. Okay. Get ready to be said. Here we go. Oh, this is what guy's doing martial arts in their apartments. Look how fast he can kick. Oh, I'm out. Wolf out.

Look at that guy. This is also, I think, your part of the woods. Is it Romania, no? Like if you look at the... Is it a kitchen and the... Is that where your... I can't believe it's slip. It's very clean flow.

You know, there's also this is the kind of guy who would probably like, if you went on a date, he'd be like, you wanna see something cool. Oh my God. Oh my God. He would like, demo it for you or show you the videos. Oh yeah. I would die laughing.

I saw what did that date. I'd have to leave immediately. You'd have to because his next thing would be like, are you making fun of me right now? And then it'd be. Yes, I am. There's no way. What if some guy gave you a full-nunchuck demo?

That's a lie. I get into that. Yeah. If they're actually good at it. If they're good at it. If they're pretty good at it, I can get into it. But just the kicking and flopping, that's nothing. If they bring a thing into it and they're really, keep a hold on.

What if he's the man of your dreams? Is this a deal breaker? Oh yeah. The man of your dreams. The man of my dreams. How often is he doing this? This is once a week. He's like, yo, you got to see this work.

I can say I didn't protect yourself. Yeah. Once a week and how long is the demo? 10 minutes. It's once a week. You have to be interested? 10, 10 minutes. Which ones a week? You have to be interested. It's the rest of your life, though. You marry that person.

You're listening to their talk about martial arts and safety. Okay, okay. You have to understand, when you marry someone, you're marrying their hobbies and interests as well. Because you're hearing about it. Yes. So the point Tom has to listen to me ramble about Bauhaus for the last 20 years and got the music and

You don't love that Eastern Philosophy and what else I can protect myself and I can show somebody how to protect themselves. Okay. Okay. Okay I think I could do it if it was if it was the man of my dreams Yeah, because that's like that's not it's not too bad someone's always gonna have something if like if he's your dream guy And he's just like here's how you do a roundhouse kick. You's not too bad. Someone's always gonna have something. If he's your green guy and he's just like, here's how you do a roundhouse kick, you just gotta kind of roll with it, you know? I think you can make it funny.

There's, at some point it would become kind of, but the big thing is you can't, emasculate him in those, like, you can't, if he really is this guy, that means that he really is, he takes that seriously. So you have to be like, oh wow, like, that's bad ass. Yeah, okay. I like John Wick, that's fucking crazy. I think I can act well, I'm like, yeah., like, that's bad ass. Yeah, okay. I like John Wick, I was fucking crazy.

I think I can act well, I'm like, yeah. Unreal, you're getting so much better. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That was good, yeah, yeah. Yeah, that was good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But what if he asks, this kind of turns me on when you do this?

Yeah, yeah. But what if he asks you to join class with him? Like, that's kind of what happened with Anthony Bourdain, right? He was joining the woman that he was with and doing martial arts and your legs. He's got your kids with her, her. I think you gotta be like, you know what, this is your thing.

Yeah, yeah, you keep your own interests, keeps your love alive. I love that you do it. You know, you gotta do it. I feel safe on him around you. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I can do that. Yeah, okay.

Yeah, I do that. See here. Are there any drugs in this house? If there are, if there are, you better find them and give them to me immediately. No, they're not. No drugs in the house, right there are, if there are, you better find them and give them to me immediately. No, they're not. No drugs in the house right now. Not that I know about.

If I know about them, I'll find them in throw more. It's not a big deal. Ooh, drugs in the house. How wrong to die. Wow. You know what? Madonna and Britney Spears online, I'm very upset and I can't watch it. I get very sad.

It's sad. It's something's not for me. It feels good. You are so sick. This puts me here. Like. It's sad. It's something's not for me. It feels good. You have something. This puts me here. Like, Tom's violence, this is my jam. I feel like mental illness. I feel like for some reasons, publicly is amazing.

Why would you take the TikTok high like that? Why? I don't know why the Madonna stuff kind of makes me more angry. Like the British stuff, I'm like this person is I'm so glad we free to yeah, so now she can make the I feel sad watching Britney I'm like this like I feel like these should not be posted no, no, somebody should run and then the Madonna stuff I'm kind of like you

fucking know what you're doing like I kind of blame her more yeah I'm on that side you know yeah like do I keep feeling I kind of blame her more. Yeah, I'm on that side. Yeah. Do I keep feeling I have something? I'm like, no. Sitting here, if you guys didn't tell me I was just like, you're ringer. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, no, I don't know why I still have that. I'm way too old to have my septum here. So it makes no sense. No, it's cool. It's cool. It's cool. It's stupid. Tom wants me to have a nose ring.

I wanted to get the dot. Get the dot, side dot. Yeah, you have a nose for it. Yeah, I could, right? You give it a little time. 50 years old, it's time to get piercings. Get it. Are you 50? Yeah, you've got nose for it. Yeah, I could right you know 51 50 years old time you get piercings get it If 50 no, but I got you look good Jesus Real close good God

Wow really reminding her that you love to he's because he's three years older than me three years older I mean younger sorry, oh wow. But then there's a time where he turns his birthday. Now we're only two years apart for a few months before I turn you around with him. That's fun with the kids. They'll be like, that older you. I'll be like, I'm 44 and then I go up and I'm, mom's much older than me.

Mommy will be 50 soon. And then they're like, I'm maybe 50 soon. And they do so. They do so. They remind me of my mortality every day. Yeah, that's like so annoying. Fucking so often. Well, you look great.

I mean, Madonna does not look great. No. That's impressive. That's pretty fucking cool. That's crazy. Is he a little weights too? Yeah, dog. This is like, is that?

This is what your new boyfriend is doing. Yeah, no, that would turn me on. Stuffed, sit out. He's jumping over girls. Jump over my whole body. Go. Dude, that's how how's he doing now? Well, that's played in reverse.

Yeah. But that's pretty dope. From sitting, that's fucking crazy. Yeah, don't. He's not even that jacked. It's exactly the reaction he was wanting to. He's like, chicks are gonna fucking love this video. It's so true.

And I jump over this box of cookies that I share. I use tables. They're gonna lose their minds. There's no easy. There we go, there's your bench. There we go. Oh fuck, oh yeah, I'm gonna sell it. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey're proud of it, the shirt never goes over it. Like, here we are. Yeah, exactly. It's just like, what is it? It's so hard.

I hope this guy, I just got to contact you because he heard you say it would be impressive. He's just like, I saw podcasts. You like this? He looks like somebody in my family. That looks like my great uncle. Sure, yeah.

That man could be related to me. Definitely. Yeah, that is an age by the way. It's like when, it's when you go, you know what, I'm not trying. Like, they just go like, I like beer, like saucy. Yeah. And yeah.

I wish I could do that. Definitely a fact. Old Romanian vibes. And Hungarian vibes. Same. I got a lot of relatives like that. Fucking. They live though.

They like car coaches. They live forever. Oh, that's that's a hundred that guy for sure. Yeah, that guy's that guy's not time. That it's like how what? Maybe because of the hard shell in the outside keeps the organs fresh. So, you can't penetrate that shell.

The turtle shell, the guy's fucking, his eyes are packed. She knew that Lucy Ball heard spies through her own teeth. In 1942, Lucy was filming Doberi was a lady with MGM. This was during the early days of the US involvement in World War II. Lucy recently had temporary lead fillings installed in her teeth, and one night she was driving home from MGM to the ranch her and Desi owned. This is what she said. And all of a sudden, I heard music, but I mean, with a great beat, you know, and I turned

looked down to turn off my radio, and it was none. And I turned around and looked to see if anyone behind me. My turn looked down to turn off my radio and it was none. And I turned around and looked to see if there's anyone behind me. And the music was getting louder and louder and louder. And I realized it was in my mouth. The next day, Lucy told the story to Buster Keaton at the studio. He casually told her that she was picking up radio broadcasts through her fillings. Nothing more happened for about a week until she took another route home from NGM.

As I went by there, I heard, feelings. Nothing more happened for about a week until she took another route home from NGM. And I backed the car up and it got stronger and stronger and I kept on backing it up until it really got strong and my whole jaw was vibrated. And then I got the hell out of there. I went like this because it was very late. And I couldn't wait to get back to MGM the next morning until the security office and they found an underground Japanese transmitting radio station. Isn't that crazy? She picked it up in her lead fillings. I still don't understand how this happens. How does it pick up, it must

pick up radio frequencies? Lead smart chat, is there something in that? Lead being able to pick up radio signals, so she would drive by the radio station and would pick up frequencies. That's crazy. An act as a metallic filling can act as a semiconductor that detects the audio signal. Jesus.

Yeah, and the speaker would be something in the mouth that vibrates enough to produce noise, like bridge work or possibly a loose filling. It's insane. Can you imagine just driving in your own being high as hell? Yeah. Just hearing that, you'd lose your fucking mind.

You just hear the Japanese talking in your mouth. Yeah, that's true. That's wild. And then you can do a really good ventriloquist act. Oh, yeah, yeah. You can be really good at. I'm terrifying. Jeff, I don't have to do that.

He should get some, like, filling. I wouldn't love that. I'm so good at buying. Good idea for Jeff. That's smart. Good thinking. Get a better. You were a fantastic guest. Thank you Good idea for Jeff. Good, thank you. Get a better. You were a fantastic gift for coming.

Thank you for having me. Don't forget to check out Steph Infection, Steph's podcast. Yep. And go see her on the road, Ryan. Do the right fucking thing. Yeah, forgot, Sake. The Christ Sake. And everybody out there, you know, clean your genitals, smell nice.

Yeah. Yeah. We'll hope to see you again. Thanks, Steph. Thank you It's for you and you and it's for you Yeah, come on, give me a hand job too Do it, it's for you and it's for you Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, it's for you Mother, fucking, mother, fucking Pop, call your mother, fucking say it It's for you, mother, fucking Mother, fucking, pop, call your mother, fucking say it

It's for you, mother, fucking say it Pop, call your mother, fucking say it That made you feel bad. Not the Viking. That's my appeal. It's where the spit comes out of Mark. No, that doesn't freak you out. This stuff. This stuff. Yes. Wow. It's for you, it's for you, it's for you Come on, give me a hand, talk to you It's for you, it's for you, it's for you, it's for you, it's for you