Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792

Starting point is 00:00:00 Welcome, welcome to your mom's house. Get groceries delivered across the GTA from real Canadian Superstore with PC Express. Shop online for super prices and super savings. Try it today and get up to $75 in PC Optimum Points. Visit superstore.ca to get started. What's everybody? It's another episode of Your Mom's House. She's Christine, I'm Tim,

Starting point is 00:00:32 and we're excited to share so much with you today. It's a really action packed episode. There's so much. It is now January of 25, which is such an unusual thing to say. I know, I didn't think I'd be alive this long. We should have had hover boards in 2015. Everything's so disappointing.

Starting point is 00:00:51 Flying cars. When I was a little girl, I thought about the year 2000. Didn't it just blow your mind? And now you're like, oh, that's it? It's 2025? Is that all there is? What the fuck? There's just electric cars?

Starting point is 00:01:01 Well, these are pretty cool. Phones are cool. The phones are, they crush. And then you can get a chip in your head and stuff. You wanna do that? Yeah, these are pretty cool. Phones are cool. The phones are, they crush. And then you can get a chip in your head and stuff. You wanna do that? Yeah, I wanna do that. What are you gonna get it for? I don't know. Like it'd be cool to turn on your car

Starting point is 00:01:12 with just your brain thoughts. Yeah. Or the radio. Or like, not even the radio. Remember I used to make fun of cousin Brian? He was like, there should be a thing where like, if you're listening to something on the radio, you can just like have your phone and then it would send you a message.

Starting point is 00:01:27 And I used to be like this fucking idiot. And then first time I saw Shazam I was like that's kind of his that's his idea. Yeah. He did not execute it but all those things are coming. He had smart thoughts. What do you want more than anything? What do you want? I want a car.

Starting point is 00:01:43 Well a car does drive itself that Tesla. Definitely flying, flying for me. Flying car. Flying stuff, anything flying. Which you can, you can go fly something. But it just was more accessible, easier. Oh I know what I want, transport beams. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:01:58 Like in Star Trek. Yeah, I mean that's essentially the highest version of flying. That's all I want, is to be able to go somewhere, boom, like that when I'm getting on a plane. Yeah, you can get a helichopter. I want a helichopter. That's how Kobe died.

Starting point is 00:02:11 Oh, stop. That is how Kobe Ryan died. Not really. You didn't hear that? No, he's not gone. He's dead. No, I do, I know, but that was just, that was the arrogance of a pilot, you know?

Starting point is 00:02:23 That really wasn't, it's not the helichopter's fault. I blame the helichopter. It was the weather and he just didn't do what the tower told him to do. It was, yeah, human error. I know. That's usually responsible for so much. Yeah, so much.

Starting point is 00:02:37 So much. I have so, I have something really exciting to share with you. I know you do. I've been working on it for a long time. Let's just get in here. Yeah, we gotta go. We gotta go, man. We gotta go.

Starting point is 00:02:48 Here we go. I'll get you started. Here we go. From the moment Mark Char was wheeled into court today, what was supposed to be a routine sentencing hearing quickly went off the rails. The reason why I'm like this is because I prepared myself to play my part in your kangaroo court treating me like a black man so today I'm gonna be a black man. This kangaroo court is giving me a life sentence for me trying to protect and defend

Starting point is 00:03:16 myself against the attack from three guys. In essence, treating me like a black man. Oh wow Welcome to your mom's house. Cha cha cha cha cha cha cha cha Meow meow meow Whoa Can I show you something? Wow So today I'm gonna be a black man. This guy. He is Wealed into court for those of you listening. He appears he appears to be an Asian man or of Asian descent

Starting point is 00:04:31 Maybe Hawaiian. He certainly has the accent and The reason I say appears to be is because he's wearing shoe polish level Like darkness on his face. He covered himself so darkly that you can't even tell what his features are. Tuesday, he is a Hawaiian man, it says here in the article. He showed up in blackface for his sentence for attempted murder. The man said he did so

Starting point is 00:04:56 because the Corps was treating him like a black man. Mark Char of Oahu was sentenced to life in prison with the possibility of parole on Monday for second degree attempted murder, plus six years to be served concurrently on convictions of Second and third degree assault the charges stem from a 2016 road rage attack Char appeared in the first court in Honolulu on Monday with his head completely covered with what appeared to be permanent black marker ink. Oh That took a long time. Yeah, he's like,

Starting point is 00:05:25 My kids, one time Julian, did you, were you there? No, you weren't there. One time Julian found a permanent black marker and just drew on his face. We knew to keep him indoors for a few days, you know? That's stupid. You know how hard it is to get off. A spokesperson for the State Department of Public Safety

Starting point is 00:05:43 told them on Tuesday that staff members at the Halawa Correctional Facility attempted to convince him to wash his face before he entered the court, but that he refused. He'll be charged with disobeying several direct orders. Trying to see how, okay, so he was convicted in March of stabbing the driver of the car in August 2016 and assaulting both the driver's passenger and a passerby who tried to break up the confrontation. It's fun when these guys, you know, when they get on mic,

Starting point is 00:06:13 they're like, I was defending myself. And then you read the stories, like they stabbed a guy, fucking beat up another guy. He had a knife on him and then he stabbed the other driver. Looks like they say he taunted the victims on the freeway and having pointed them at them like a gun according to court documents, then ran his vehicle into the other car

Starting point is 00:06:37 and when the occupants got out, he pepper sprayed them and then stabbed one. So he had pepper spray and a knife. I was defending myself. I know. And you guys are treating me like a black man. It's like, okay. So today I'm gonna be a black man. I do have to say that the marker is very distracting

Starting point is 00:06:54 from anything else he has to say. Yeah, it's a whole thing, man. Well, how did the judge react? I mean, the judge has to be like, no, you're totally, you belong here for double life. What is it? You're out of your mind. The judge, doesn be like no you're totally you belong here for for double life. What is your out of your mind the judge? Doesn't really have anything here on the judge That's terrible yeah, yeah, oh here's the judge

Starting point is 00:07:22 Locked away that's for sure Well, there we go. Y'all finished y'all. He's getting locked away, that's for sure. Damn. Here's really some heartbreaking breaking news. It is confirmed, it's been confirmed now for a bit. People were curious and we filed a petition and it can be said that it is absolutely heartbreaking to learn that the late and now, or the great now late hard rock Nick has passed away hard rock Nick

Starting point is 00:07:46 This is a certificate of death For you that don't for you that don't know hard rock Nick We we were on his stuff pretty fucking Early we searched for the marginalized communities cool guys. You know, he put out cool shit like that And he always had great facial hair Yeah, great jewelry, and he was always telling us how wealthy he is

Starting point is 00:08:47 So he was just always putting out cool messages. He just, you know, he was himself, no shortage of confidence, like you said. Unconfirmed, but self-proclaimed, one of the wealthiest people in the world. Oh yeah. He was in California when he was doing this stuff. He eventually moved to Florida and he called himself,

Starting point is 00:09:08 I believe the Prince of Florida. Again, talked about his multi-billion dollar holdings. My personal chef does not need the attention and does not wanna be in the spotlight whether I was having 10 followers or now whatever followers I have is bro does every celebrity put a personal chef on their page? No. Like why are you all so fixated on that?

Starting point is 00:09:38 Yeah. I eat out more than I eat his shit. Yeah. For sure. I mean goddamn. No my mom's not a personal chef How many people we got in here not even 400 man the artwork There wasn't $30, but thank you. This is one piece of artwork I mean y'all don't want to comment on the fact that I'm sitting in a thousand dollar

Starting point is 00:10:01 Custom movie theater chair and I have five of them. That's five thousand dollars. Yeah. His weight seemed to fluctuate. It did quite a bit because he was pretty big there and then he eventually got like really thin. Yeah. And I've actually made more of a name here than even Kreischer ever did and Kreischer makes fun of Florida. Kreischer ever did. And Kreischer makes fun of Florida. Kreischer, I'm popping in Florida, homie. I could do a comedy tour just like wing it, freestyle, just show up and open mic it and like sell out, homie. If I wanted to. If you wanted to.

Starting point is 00:10:37 I don't need the money. There you go. That's the thing. God, I wish he would have done that. That would have been fucking amazing. Yeah, it would be interesting. No, Bert, Tom and Christina don't say, hey, homie, they don't like me, bro. If they liked me, they would have brought that. That would have been fucking amazing. Yeah, it would be interesting. Now Bert, Tom and Christina don't say, Hey homie, they don't like me, bro. If they liked me, they would have brought me on. You brought on Andrew Tate.

Starting point is 00:10:51 Yeah. And how many months later did the FBI and go handcuff him in Romania? Right. One day you will get out of your lane and understand that what you did, I think indirectly caused Andrew Tate's arrest and I really do connect it back to Segura, who's not a very sophisticated man in his thought process. He's just a comedian, the guy that probably struggled his whole life. He doesn't understand the big picture with his platform like I do.

Starting point is 00:11:24 Like you do. Of course I don't have his followers Well, but wouldn't wouldn't you argue that? Undertake getting arrested from the FBI would be a positive that some people would think that but you're not that sophisticated either Sophisticated you're not sophisticated either sophisticated. Yeah, do we have the sound bite? Well, just one last time. Oh, sorry. It's worth For you, sir. Hard Rock Nick, rest in peace. Oh. Cool Guy Club.

Starting point is 00:11:48 One of the OG members, man. Yeah, he really was one of the early ones. Football fans, there's only a few short weeks left in the season. We've got some exciting wild card games to look forward to now. Get in on the action right now with my partners at Draft King Sportsbook.

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Starting point is 00:14:39 your first purchase of a website or domain. Look, I've been waiting on bated breath to share this with you for weeks. This has been weeks of preparation for me. Do you have the original, can we shoot the original clip of Tom's choke? And do we have Moron from, I know that we just interviewed Armie Hammer.

Starting point is 00:15:02 No, we don't have the other choke. Yeah. I don't know what you're getting into here Christina, but I don't recall it Wow you've terrified them all anyway Would you like to repeat would you show them the original choke in case people aren't familiar with what happened the original choke sure Yeah, let's see here Sure. If you go back a couple episodes. Yeah, let's see here Here we go. Hey guys, I was listening to this to the Adrian Appaloochee episode But by the way, she has a great new special out on Netflix. I'm on Netflix There we go. There's the original. On Netflix. Yeah on the yeah Yeah, and you made it like the biggest fucking deal, but go ahead. Well, then you you know

Starting point is 00:15:44 Firing people. Yeah, so what do you have to, what's your thing? So anyway, you know, you've just been inspiring me. You're my muse. Not only are you my husband, my lover, but my muse now. And I've been working on this piece of art for weeks, weeks. The kids have been in on it. The staff has been in on it.

Starting point is 00:16:05 Anyway, this is what I like to call Tom Sigurra, the choke, but in a creative rendition. This is my interpretation of the choke. What do you think? It's a cat. Coughing up a fur ball, is that a furball. Right, you got it. Because you reminded me of a cat coughing up a furball. This cat took a long time. I'll be selling limited prints of these. There's only going to be a finite amount. Hey guys, I was listening to this to the Adrienne Apaluchi episode but by the way she has a great new special out on Netflix. There it is the choke Tom Segura the choke the first

Starting point is 00:16:54 artwork I did of you was a hit so this will be a second limited edition I'll be signing all the prints go ahead get them at ymhstudios.com you're welcome. Truly disgustingly rude. I don't know, I think it's pretty good. Look how I like, I get the redness on the top of your head, which is my favorite, and then your dark under eye circles are always fun to color in, you know?

Starting point is 00:17:17 Yeah. Anyway, I learned how to draw a cat. That was fun. Why are you this pleased with yourself? By the way, do you know how he did it? Hard rock Nick, he died, he shot himself. Okay. At a gun range.

Starting point is 00:17:32 Happy New Year. Meaning he went to a gun range and it was not an accident. No, it's not. He blew his brains out. And then the real thing is gonna see how that massive fortune is gonna be distributed. Dibbied up. And also I was thinking, is he skinny or fat when he does it?

Starting point is 00:17:51 Probably skinny. The last time I saw it, which was not that long ago, he was really skinny. Thanks for bumming everybody out. Everybody's so excited about my new portrait. No one's excited about the portrait. And yeah, but there is something more exciting. Well, there's two things really.

Starting point is 00:18:07 Number one, we saw Charo today. She's officially been in Austin now for a minute. And so I had, we ran into Duncan Trussell and I told Duncan, go up to her and be like, hey, I'm excited about your OnlyFans. So Duncan went up to her and said, I'm excited to see your OnlyFans. And she was like, what? And so I reminded her that she needs to get it going. You guys heard our call, and I'm just going to encourage you to please keep sending those in.

Starting point is 00:18:35 Do you have any examples of what people have been sending in? This is the kind of thing we're looking for, just so people understand. Yeah. Hola, Charo. Mi nombre es Tom y vivo en este infierno helado de Canada. Escuchar un buen día tuyo calientaria el corazón, por favor. Un nete OnlyFans.

Starting point is 00:18:57 That was somewhat indecipherable Spanish. He said words that somewhat co-together and some were just random, but that's one way to do it. Let's see one with English. Hi, Charles. My name is Brandon. And the one thing missing from my morning is a greeting from you. That was fantastic. That was great. And again, I told you guys what was And the more the merrier. I wanted to get to the point where she has to do the math and she goes, Jesus, this is like, we show her a hundred random faces being like, please, Charles, please start the OnlyFans. I can't wait to sign up.

Starting point is 00:19:32 I can't wait to send in my $10 a month. She'll start doing the math. And then it's gonna be like, what are you doing? What are you doing? What are you doing? What are you doing? What are you doing? What are you doing?

Starting point is 00:19:42 What are you doing? What are you doing? What are you doing? What are you doing? What are you doing? What are you doing? What are you doing? What are you doing? 100 random faces being like, please, Charo, please start the OnlyFans. I can't wait to sign up. I can't wait to send in my $10 a month. She'll start doing the math. And then it's just gonna be like, what, are you just gonna let this slide? Well, that's what I would say. This last one was ideal.

Starting point is 00:19:54 I liked his conviction. So sincere and sweet. I liked the sincerity. I liked the passion. However, if you guys could also list that dollar amount. That's the thing. That's what's gonna get her to do it. And by the way, I'm not saying you're gonna have to but just throw out say hey I'm in for

Starting point is 00:20:08 $20 a month. You don't have to. You don't have to. Just do it for the video. Just trick her. Hey don't get to a crazy amount because then she won't believe it. Just say yeah every month I would love to have $20 to spend some of my morning seeing your videos. Yeah $20 and by the way Katherine Can69 on Instagram has offered her help. To help set it up. To set up her OnlyFans. Buenos dias.

Starting point is 00:20:31 He said, Charo, I hope you have a good day. How do you say strong black coffee? In Espanol. Cafe negro y fuerte. How do you say best drink of the day? This one looks good. I've never seen this. No, neither have I.

Starting point is 00:20:53 Hello, Charo. My name's Sam. You should start. Only fans. Hey, $6.99. I'm a nice sense. I'm a nice sense. I'm a nice sense.

Starting point is 00:21:01 I'm a nice sense. I'm a nice sense. I'm a nice sense. I'm a nice sense. I'm a nice sense. I'm a nice sense. I'm a nice sense. I'm a nice sense. You should start Perfect Wow Sam that was Sam Here's what I'm hoping that she understands cuz she's gonna be like 699 and I'm gonna be like, yeah, but what if 2800 people are paying you 699. That's right. Add it up. That's right. It doesn't sound like a lot until you multiply That's right. That's why the the the amount the volume of videos is so important

Starting point is 00:21:37 Absolutely, if I show her three videos, she's gonna be like I'm not gonna do that for 20 bucks And might I add to the the bulk of the income like bad, baby She makes a lot of her money. Messaging. Writing back. So if you would say, Charo, I would pay whatever amount, what's a good amount for a message back from an OnlyFans? 10 bucks maybe?

Starting point is 00:21:58 How much? Probably 10 bucks. 10 dollars for an email and maybe a photograph. Yeah, and if you have a little oopsie tooth, that's okay too, I won't get mad at that. You know what this is gonna end up being, right? She's gonna be me at her house every day being like, give them a fart, she'll be like, leave me alone.

Starting point is 00:22:19 And then I'll get one, I'll be like, that was, and then she can do, she can do like like I have a little surprise to send everyone today Check your inbox Yeah, we really could do this without knowing you know, I mean we could set it up for her and run it I don't know if she'll. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God.

Starting point is 00:22:47 Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God.

Starting point is 00:22:54 Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God.

Starting point is 00:23:00 Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Ohancid. That was beef. Beef and cheese came out of there. Beef and cheese. That was awesome. Beef and cheese.

Starting point is 00:23:08 By the way, what has been happening, because you guys have told me I'm not really... What's going on with Fancy Chef? You're telling me that he keeps calling? We're getting a lot of phone calls from him. What's Fancy... What's he up to? Well, he really wasn't happy that, I guess somebody said he was autistic on the show. I don't even remember that. I feel like I may have done that.

Starting point is 00:23:28 I feel like I'm on the Trump. And I think I may have. I probably did that. I'm a jerk. Okay, so let's make it clear. He's not. He's called in to say anything else. He was asking for a Christmas present.

Starting point is 00:23:43 Back around the holidays, he was saying something really nice because his clips have been doing so well. And it's funny, because he's calling us, but he keeps saying Tom Segura, but he knows it's us. Tom Segura, send me a present. Cool. And then he also asked for a percentage at some point of, I guess, guess the clips whatever the clips

Starting point is 00:24:06 you're making you wanted like 10% yet he had a manager the manager left him it's been a while Brad just you know that's not how this works you don't get a percentage of the clips but you know what I'd be happy to send him a gift can you request his address please please? Sure, yeah. Good luck. Very, very happy. I couldn't get it from him when we needed to pick him up. I was gonna say.

Starting point is 00:24:30 Just say we would love to send you a gift. But look, listen, fancy, if you are listening, I would argue that being on your mom's house and these clips circulating would just generate more business for you. Yeah, that definitely is something that raises your profile and gets people talking about you more. There's value in that. Of course.

Starting point is 00:24:51 We don't divvy up clips and their revenue. No, and his meal was so amazing when he was on this show. Oh my God, I mean, that I would never knock. That was un-fucking-believable. So fancy, so real. I mean, I went to Sushi by Scratch the other night. Philip Lee's place is finally now here in Austin. He had a non-compete for a while,

Starting point is 00:25:12 and it's right off Sixth Street. And that's a Michelin star place. And after the meal, I go, this is unbelievable. And then I leaned in, I go, but you ain't no fancy chef. Right. Nobody's fancy chef. No, man. So yeah, of course that was really, really,

Starting point is 00:25:30 his, yeah, the food was. Beautiful and nice. He's been doing this thing too, Fancy has, which is pretty unprecedented for chefs because you know, it's kind of like comedians, we, you know, we try to uplift each other or we promote each other. Hey, come on the podcast or maybe you post about them.

Starting point is 00:25:49 But you certainly don't do a solicited or unsolicited critique of another comedian, because it's an unspoken thing. He's been reviewing food without even, he's just going in. He's going fancy chef 2013, you see. He is what he talking about. He's at. Oh, you gave me hot pickle? Yeah, fancy underscore chef.

Starting point is 00:26:13 I'll point out, he's at, he's in Philly. I don't know if he's at, is that Geno's or Pat's? One of like the huge cheesesteak places, you know? That, yeah, you know, whether or not you like them or not, he's another chef, and he's at this kind of, you know, renowned cheese steak operation. He's holding, by the way, he's holding up people who want to order.

Starting point is 00:26:39 They don't look happy to be standing behind him. And he's like, yeah, but I'm fancy chef and I'm reviewing this. 2013. Y'all ready? Let's see it. And they're like, yeah, but I'm fancy chef and I'm reviewing this. Y'all ready? Let's see it. And they're like, yeah. Y'all ready to run now?

Starting point is 00:26:49 Y'all follow me? Hold on, you cut it? Did you cut it? He's telling the guy, cut this shit, man. It's giving me so much anxiety that he's holding up a line. Give me some juice to swallow it with. I got it, got it. You almost cut my hand off. I didn't just jumped in that kit and I jumped that restaurant.

Starting point is 00:27:06 All right, look, I'm the moment y'all been waiting for. Hold on. It's G knows, okay. He's at G knows, he asks for some juice. This guy is politely watching him with his hands behind his back. He was asking for juice when he was here too. He asks for juice?

Starting point is 00:27:19 Yeah. Like apple juice or? Yeah. Any type of juice. And I told him, I'm sorry we don't have it. And he really had a hard time accepting it. Who the fuck doesn't have juice on them? Juice? Who's drinking juice past the age of seven? First mistake again. Oh my god. You didn't toast the bread.

Starting point is 00:27:44 Hold on, hold on. Y'all ready? Which way? This way? Y'all ready? Gino's Famous Oh shit, this thing is trendy Pay for it. It's garbage. It's garbage. We ain't got it. Get back in the car. You keep it bad, it should be like this. That was nasty bro. It was nasty? Mm-hmm. Wow. We all take supplements.

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Starting point is 00:30:50 You talk to people in Philly and they'll always tell you, don't go to Pat's, don't go to Gino's. It's like, because those are the tourist trap places, so they'll always send you somewhere else. But to be like, this is garbage and throw it on the ground is wild. That is bold. And I will say just looking at the photographs, they look delicious. I can tell.

Starting point is 00:31:11 Well, yeah. Like I said, if you want to get into it, I think especially with a Philly person, they'll always tell you to go elsewhere. But I don't think they would tell you that it's garbage. But then again, here's where I always have to stop myself. I'm not a fucking, I'm not a chef. I'm not Fancy Chef. I know his palate is so many, like Hard Rock Nick said,

Starting point is 00:31:33 I'm not sophisticated. My palate is not, like his is here and I'm here, so I'm like, oh, this is good. And then Fancy is like, this is bullshit. I don't even know yet. That's so true. And I also like his handle, which is really important. It's Fancy underscore chef underscore at like 2013. That's very intuitive.

Starting point is 00:31:55 It's a good way for people to find you. Yeah, you don't know underscore chef 2013? Yeah. Guys, don't do the underscores. If you want to be known publicly. What are you talking about? See, again, you're thinking with an unsophisticated mind. You don't really get it.

Starting point is 00:32:12 Is that a fish with carrots? That's lovely. Oh, that looks so good. So delicious. Oh my God. That looks unbelievable. All the garnish on top in the pan while it's off. It's a lot of seasoning too.

Starting point is 00:32:24 Very seasoned. And it's the whole fish I like when you don't you know fillet it or anything. Or debone it or you know you want those bones. Fuck yeah. So so fancy. Hell yeah that's so good. Very fancy and nice. Um Okay. So you guys remember not too long ago, we had so much fun when we did Hi Mommy, Thanks Jeans at drive-thrus. And I love you. And I love you.

Starting point is 00:32:56 But it was like, Hi Mommy, Thanks Jeans, I love you. Well, we recently decided to do something. We went back to Starbucks and we have a new game. And the game is is you say happy birthday for the person taking your order or you speak to them in a cockney English accent or if you really wanna like raise the stakes, you mesh them together.

Starting point is 00:33:20 And that's what happened today. It's really exciting. Hello, love. Hi. It's been 18. Happy love. Hi. I'm 18. Happy birthday. Do you want a straw or a chrysanthemum? Straw. One birthday.

Starting point is 00:33:30 Happy birthday. And there you go. Thank you. Thanks love. And 20 quid more for you. That's too much. Yeah. It's the holidays. Gave her a big tip. Ah, many thanks love. Thanks. Have a good one. Have a good one. That was amazing by the way.

Starting point is 00:34:13 So fun. Our six, thank you. That was really good. By the way, our six year old is in the back seat like this. He's like. Dying. Well, cause we. And he's like ear to ear smiling.

Starting point is 00:34:24 He's like, you should have your birthday again. Well, cause we always do's like, you're smiling. He's like, you should have your birthday. Well, cause we, I, we always do mommy and I love you with the kids in the car. And they love, they are always like, say I love you. And they go, say it louder. And then we started doing happy birthday on Ellis's birthday recently. We were like, do happy birthday to the Starbucks worker.

Starting point is 00:34:41 And then today you added, not only did you get in three happy birthdays, but with the Cockney accent. It's the way to go. So you know what to do. Go to your local drive-thru, wish them a happy birthday, say it like it's,

Starting point is 00:34:56 do you think that I could get a coffee place, right? And throw them a happy birthday and send it in, send it in. Shoot it over to your mom's house, YMH Studios Instagram, tag it, or email it in. Yourmompodcast at gmail.com. I mean, the real question is, do you think she suspected your fake cockney accent, or did she really think you spoke like that?

Starting point is 00:35:24 Oh, I don't know. I didn't have the idea while I was at the ordering part it was only so like she definitely saw me order like hey can I get that? Oh that's right. I pulled up and I was like hello love. I think she was like this fucking guy but then when I gave her 20 bucks she was like okay thanks. You could do hello love hello Govna. Yeah.'s, I think bonus points for Govna if you call him that a couple of times. And the real mind fuck, I mean, if you really wanna have somebody go like, oh my God,

Starting point is 00:35:51 is if you happen to do it to a British person. Oh! Because then they're like, okay. I've done it to a British person before and they're like, mm-hmm. Remember when we were in London, I was like, I will give you a million dollars to order. I went to a coffee place there. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:36:08 And I did it like, Could you think that I could have a muffin and a coffee? And the girl's like, uh-huh. Or you could order strong black coffee and before I go I Don't want to forget to say happy birthday Happy birthday. Yeah best holiday of the year Oh I don't remember that at all. He must have been like, oh, that's pretty good. I bet he loved that. You guys kept sneaking him in. He was glossing right over. Yeah, he was like not acknowledging it.

Starting point is 00:36:49 Not acknowledging it at all. It was pretty good. We call him governor? Is that what we're doing? I want to say you had to at least once. And I got not. Both of you were throwing it in there. He is so fucking funny.

Starting point is 00:36:58 He is so funny. God damn he is fucking funny. He's so smart and talented. I know, he's amazing. He looks great. Jimmy Carr, man. Can I tell you one thing that I've noticed before that's been making me crazy? Yeah. What?

Starting point is 00:37:12 I was thinking about Jimmy Carr. Is how funny is now he's phenomenal. He's ridiculously funny. So I took the kids to like a barn or one of his petting zoo places and you know, standard Austin fair. Like there's always like a barn or one of these petting zoo places. And you know, standard Austin fare, like there's always like a person with a beard and tits. You know, there's always like these gender weirdos, which is fine, it's just part of Austin, I love them. You know you're at a good place if there's a beard and tits serving you or whatever.

Starting point is 00:37:41 So we're at like the petting zoo and oh my god, so the bearded person was very smelly too, smelled like an animal, like a cow. So we were talking, she's explaining to us the animals and this person's younger, like a Gen Z kind of young kid. And I've been noticing this amongst the youngest generation We had vocal fry And then there was up speak where people were like Yeah, this is basically if you're in a good Austin restaurant, someone's serving you that looks like that.

Starting point is 00:38:26 I'm non-baronary and bearded. How will my blind date go? This is totally, this is my pizza place, this is my coffee place, this is the bar and we go petting animals at. And I like that this person is just looking out into the sunlight, like what will happen today? But how was it?

Starting point is 00:38:43 Okay, so here's my point. It was It was vocal fry and then it was up speak. Yeah. And now I've noticed, go back to the list there Josh, because I forget this. Okay. So every time my kids would ask this person a question, could it be something simple as what do cows eat? question, could it be something simple as what do cows eat? This person would go, yeah, so yeah. It's like a qualifier for each sentence. Yeah, and I'm thinking is the question so offensive that she needs to, or sorry, they need to buttress in their mind? Yeah, because I understand if it's an offensive question, like someone's asking them about their gender and they're like, yeah, so I'm... I know this is complicated, but yeah.

Starting point is 00:39:27 Right. This might be complicated. Yeah. So, I mean, it's a lot to take in, but I'm actually not either. It's like, so that's... Right. And the kid's like, huh? Huh? But they don't have to go, yeah, so hay is what they eat and grass. go, yeah, so, hey, is what they eat and grass. Right. And I've been noticing this amongst a lot of younger people. It's something as simple as how much is this? Yeah. So 2.99.

Starting point is 00:39:55 Yeah. So, huh. You got to point it out to the person. What should I do? Hey, um, I have a question. How come you start your answers with, yeah, so? Is this like a concept that is so rich that you need a moment to put the thought together? Yeah, so, it's constant. It's, yeah. But have you heard this? Do you know what I'm talking about? Well, now that you pointed out, I have heard this before.

Starting point is 00:40:25 My memory is trying to connect whether I'm hearing this from a same type of person. Because I have heard this before. And I have heard it from, you're right, a younger generation. That and they like to say sort of, it's sort of like, and it's sort of kind, sort of like they can't just come out and say the thing. There's sort of this thing going on

Starting point is 00:40:44 where it rains sometimes. Yeah. And I think they think it makes them sound smarter if they go, you know, it's sort of the color orange. You're right, because the yes-so should come for an answer you might not be ready for. Exactly. It's that it's a black hole type of explanation. That's exactly what I was going to say.

Starting point is 00:41:09 Yeah, so this is something you're going to struggle to really wrap your head around. Okay, but there is something out in space that consumes all matter around it. And so you're like, wow, I don't really understand. Exactly. And our kids were like, can the cow eat rocks? Yeah, so rocks are hard to digest. OK, just say that. Maybe she's afraid. Sorry, they were afraid of offending my children

Starting point is 00:41:37 by saying, no, cows can't eat rocks. So they want to hedge it a little to soften it. That's a good, yeah, that's fun. One last thing I wanted to point out to Eni. So I know you don't have a great memory of the holiday party, but you were bringing up the N-word quite a bit. That's what I'm told.

Starting point is 00:41:58 And you were also talking about how you'd want, if someone were to say it to you, I think Burt was like, I'd say it, I don't know, it was like some game he proposed doing with you of like whispering it. And then, you know, you were giving away the award, you gave away the blackest person award to Chris, and then you were like, you should say it as part of winning. Anyway, what I wanted to bring up is like how you would respond to this type of white person i'm the white nigga you what i'm the white nigga you can't say that the fuck i can't i'll say whatever the fuck i want to say that

Starting point is 00:42:40 because you're white that race I'm a white You're racing Yeah, I mean like I know what you're saying so like what's what's your response to Let's let's call him Dave Dave Whoops Dave Dave that white nigga. Yeah, he's the white nigga. Yeah. Hey listen I ain't gonna tell someone who they aren't, you know what I'm saying? People like to tell me I ain't black so I ain't gonna tell this nigga he ain't black. If you could say it that confidently, that comfortably, he ain't trying to fuck with

Starting point is 00:43:15 you. I feel like a lot of people probably turn their heads and then when they see him and the whole presentation of it they just kind of keep walking right? Mm-hmm and if and and listen if he really ain't supposed to be saying that well then you know he gonna get checked one day. Yeah. He won't say that anymore. I think he says he also scans the room when he says it's not like he's just you know. See that's the thing I don't think he does I'm gonna go opposite with you on this one I think he can say the white n- word because he doesn't give a shit. He's not caring. He's not cautious.

Starting point is 00:43:49 You think if a big black nigga was sitting right next to him, he'd just be like, I'm Dave the nigga. Like, I don't know. Dave seems crazy enough that he's unaware. I do think he probably, first of all, Dave, you know, he doesn't hang out like at the bank, right? Like he is, he's on a corner outside a liquor store drinking a tall boy. Like he's around a certain environment all the time. I think there are certain black guys that are used to seeing Dave the white N-word. And so they're like, that's Dave, you know? But I think if it's a new, especially aggressive seeming new black guy, like a new black,

Starting point is 00:44:38 he doesn't know him, he's not going to lead with this. He's going to kind of like feel him out. I don't know, Tom. He might be so crazy that he goes into it so confident that he makes it okay by virtue of it being okay to him. Maybe. I mean, let me ask you this. I don't see that many scars. So I don't really think that. It's also like, I mean, look at him. You know what I'm saying? He ain't like threatening

Starting point is 00:45:00 nobody. It's the same thing when you're in, especially like in cities, when people do say wild shit, a lot of times what happens is you go like, you turn, you see who's saying, you're like, that's crazy, that's a crazy motherfucker, that's a crazy person, and you keep walking. You know what I mean? Whether they're white, black, anything,

Starting point is 00:45:18 you're like, that person's out of their fucking mind, or they're drunk as shit. So, you know. I think it's both. I think he's been called out, but I do think that a lot of people just go like, oh, that's fucking, yeah, that's old Dave. I'm a white nigga.

Starting point is 00:45:31 Yeah. Oof. Yeah. Well, he really says it, huh? But he put the oomph on it. Yeah, I was gonna say. He said it with his chest. Yeah, he just, he, huh, he got a extra breath in before he's, ha!

Starting point is 00:45:42 Yeah. Yeah, he uses diaphragms with that. That's what I'm saying. He's committed. And when you're committed, you almost convince other people it's OK. Well, he didn't convince the guy recording. That guy was like, no, you are a racist.

Starting point is 00:45:56 May I ask you this question? I don't know if you know the answer or not. But what about those white people, like an M&M, who they hang out in the black community, that's their primary social group. Do you think those white people get a pass on saying- Well, Em's a really interesting case because I think there are probably a high number

Starting point is 00:46:17 of his associates who would, without a doubt, say, you definitely can say that. Right. But I think he never ever does, simply because he knows who he is, how he's represented, that he is the great white hope in a black art form. And doing that would be such an easy mark to take him down. People could easily... Oh, that's true. And I don't think he ever utters the word. But I think, I'm sure guys in his close crew in D12 or whatever would always be like, yeah, for sure. But I don't think he ever does.

Starting point is 00:46:52 Also it'd be a bad habit for him to form because he really can't do it in the art. Like nobody would sign off on him saying it in his song. So it'd be a bad habit for him. He doesn't drop end bombs. No, no, no, no. Interesting. Well, what an interesting subject. Thank you so much for sharing. There's definitely those though. There's definitely some of those white dudes. They'd be tatted up. They'd be raised in fucking, you know, Brooklyn, some shit. There's always, you can, I mean, there's black dudes that'll be very clear about the fact that if he was a white

Starting point is 00:47:24 guy like this and he hangs out in a black neighborhood, they're like, that guy you do not want to fuck with. Like, if that guy is like hanging out in the hood in like a real black neighborhood where there's gangs and there's a white guy there, he is wild. Wild. And he almost gets like, he gets mad crap. Yeah, they're probably, they're calling him Dave the white. That's right. That's right. Well, what were you going to say, Eni? I didn't understand your point. Uh, well I was just going to say exactly what he just said.

Starting point is 00:47:55 Oh, okay. Never fuck with those niggas. And I wouldn't, I would definitely never say like, oh, you can't say that. But also, yeah, ask any of those white dudes, like their craziest story. Yo, you're, they're going to tell you stories all fucking night of shit that would like haunt your life. It's just normal to be like, yeah, last Tuesday I shot a niggas, whatever. It's like, oh, yeah, because that guy always has to keep feeling like I need to prove myself to these motherfuckers, man. Like, you know, like I get that's so true.

Starting point is 00:48:20 I think I would want to be cool. Gosh, I'd want to fit in so bad. Yeah. So they can't. No, I'd want to fit in so bad. Yeah. And I can't, no, I don't, not that way. I don't want to, no, no. No. The highest hope I ever had was just like, you just wanted the black guys on the team to be like,

Starting point is 00:48:36 you're dope, you're good. And then you're like, this is awesome. But you don't have to like, I don't want to take it to the streets and be like, how about you guys? Do you think I'm cool? No, no fucking way. The highest, the best I feel about myself is when a black person compliments what I'm wearing. And then I'm like, Oh my God, dude.

Starting point is 00:48:53 That's number five on the black compliment list. Yeah. Yeah. You're funny is number one outfit. Shoe. Yeah. Um, athletic prowess. That's actually probably number one. That's probably number one, yeah. Like you're just cool to be around, you're funny, and then athletic prowess is like number one. Athletic prowess, number one, yeah, number two is you're funny.

Starting point is 00:49:14 Yeah, that's the best. Wow. You know what I really like is if they're like, wow, you're real as shit, when they tell me I'm real, then I'm like, wow. See, that's right up there, that's number three actually. I mean, it's a black realness. Outfit, shoes, you're real as shit, you're funny, you're a great athlete.

Starting point is 00:49:29 And that's the holy quintuplet of black confidence. Black approval. Yeah. All right, let's take a quick break, we'll be right back. And we are back and welcoming back one of our all time favorite, not just comedians, but human beings, his special, Why Is Everybody Getting Quiet,

Starting point is 00:49:45 is available now on YouTube. It's Sam Tripoli. Bang, bang, bro. Sammy. The team is back together. What are you doing, dude? Doing shows out of Red Band's house, you know, Ice House, Chronicles.

Starting point is 00:50:02 Team is back together. We're back, dude. It's good to see you guys. It's good to see you, man. I haven't seen a new place, very impressive. Thank you. I do Jiu Jitsu, I'm 52, just getting murked by Mexicans. It's great. These Mexicans in the Valley of LA,

Starting point is 00:50:16 they're just, I call them grizzly bear Mexicans. They're huge, dude. And they got ham hocks for legs, they're great. And they're like, you don't realize how many motherfuckers can fuck you up until you get into a jujitsu class. You gotta get your kids into martial arts. Everybody. Our kids did jujitsu.

Starting point is 00:50:32 And nobody stopped fights anymore. Everything's about that, you know, that moment, that going viral bullshit. That's totally, that's true. Yeah, it's crazy. So I take them out, I get some taps, dude. My first tap was a 14 year old kid, but that's okay. That's all true. Yeah, it's crazy. So I take them out. I get some taps, dude. My first tap was a 14-year-old kid, but that's OK. That's all right.

Starting point is 00:50:47 Yeah. You will always be my Alex Jones. And I want to know, are you? Hold on, hold on. Before we get into that, can I tell you guys how much I love you? Yes, sure. OK?

Starting point is 00:50:58 When I had kids, I was old. I was 57 when I had my first kids. And I get a call from Tom and he's like, I'm going to do you a favor. I'm going to get you a doula. I didn't even know what that was. He's like, I'm going to get you a night nurse and I'm going to get you for like two months. And you guys saved my life. I had no clue what that was, but bro that saved my life and it made my, was able to exist because I twins which is like a crazy thing

Starting point is 00:51:27 To go from zero to two children If you don't have kids you ever waited tables you want to what's like it's like your section is slammed 24-7 Everyone needs refills everyone needs bread everyone needs a diaper change Well ever like ever since we had kids whenever we hear about a friend of ours having a kid, we're always like, you know, we try to, and then we were like, yo, Sam Tripp is having two? Yeah. We're like, we gotta fucking, we gotta set them up.

Starting point is 00:51:56 You guys saved me. So I decided I was going to do that for someone else. When Jodie Miller had a kid, I got her doula, got her night nurse, and now she got someone else a night nurse. So it's all going forward. Pass it forward. I love it. If you know somebody, get them a Mexican. Get them a Mexican.

Starting point is 00:52:12 If you. There's this thing, right? A night Mexican. That like you hear, you hear this, but you truly don't understand it, is that whoever you are, you're not ready. No. You're just not ready. You're not ready. And I actually think like the older we get,, you're not ready. No. You're just not ready. You're not ready.

Starting point is 00:52:25 And I actually think like the older we get, you're more not ready. More. You tell people you're like, you don't understand, because people are like, you know, I think we're going to do this and we're going to... Good luck. I got the nursery ready and you're like, you're not ready, dude. You're not ready for a complete lack of sleep that will throw your whole world upside down. Or burping.

Starting point is 00:52:44 That's just the dads. that's just the dead. The mother, we just gave birth. Now you're up breastfeeding all hours. And if you're old like me, I was 39 when I had our first kid. We would do swap. Well that's so crazy, yeah. We would swap shifts. So tired.

Starting point is 00:52:57 On the couch. Oh, in the very beginning. It'd be like three in the morning and I'm just like snoring on a couch and she'd be like, you can go in the bedroom now. And I was like, ah. It was awful. And then I'd go in there and she'd go on the couch

Starting point is 00:53:08 just to be near the bait. And it was just, yeah. And it just kills you. So you're like, if you can do this for somebody, you're buying them some sanity in a crazy time. My kids were COVID babies too. So it was like, we couldn't even leave the house. Oh my God.

Starting point is 00:53:20 But the thing they don't prepare you for is burping. Nobody tells you about burping cause you're just holding and you're just beating this, you're just hitting them and you're like, is that a burp? Do I keep hitting them? Am I beating this kid right now? I didn't even know too that I didn't realize

Starting point is 00:53:35 milliliters to ounces conversion. Oh, fuck off that whole thing. So like Ellis, our first, you know, he was drinking and I realized he was drinking like a fucking needles worth and I was like yeah he had a hundred milliliters and they were like what? I was like I don't know why he's still crying. They're like oh you gave him like one tenth of an ounce? Oh yeah. Is that right? And they're like no! So it was yeah it was You're doing eye drops for him, yeah.

Starting point is 00:54:05 We didn't even know how to buckle a kid into the car seat when we came home from the hospital. We were like, what is this? What do you do? You don't know. So what was crazy is we were lucky that her water broke when we were at the hospital for that new parents thing. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:54:21 So we were already there. You're there. Such a blessing. Didn't have to drive all the way across because she wanted to go to Culver City and we were living in the valley. Where'd you, where just we can say it off. Where what? Where'd you give birth? Oh Cedars. Oh okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Next to the mall. Yeah. Well she's giving birth, I'm shopping, having a good time. That's what's up. Hitting the food court. Yeah, living my best life. That's what I do.

Starting point is 00:54:45 Yeah, so I appreciate you guys. So thank you, you guys saved me. Definitely our pleasure, man. Especially if you're somebody with a profession like a surgeon, a doctor, an attorney. I don't know how these people have newborns and then go into work. No, I know, we just went to school.

Starting point is 00:55:02 How do you do that? You're like, how do you do that with a real that? We went to school for the school event for the kids and we're always like, how do someone with a normal job do this? I'm exhausted all the time. How do you do that when you're doing heart surgery? I don't know. It's crazy. Now, in Jersey, the drones are there. Yeah, what's up? There's fucking things happening all the time. Okay, there's a couple scenarios here. Okay. Okay. So there's like three scenarios. It

Starting point is 00:55:28 could be one. It could be what they call project blue beam, which is a fake alien attack, which to get us all kind of round. Ronald Reagan talked about it a long time ago. Also a great thing to do to rally around a new, a new presidency. You know what I mean? Like, right. Cause then everybody behind Trump. I mean, it's, it's effective. I have my theories about the Trump election too. It's like Kamala Harris was just too easy for him. It's kind of like when Obama came in, right? Yeah. You know, it's like we were over Bush and Cheney. We hated old white guys who wanted war. And here comes this charismatic black guy who's a Bush, by the way, if you just didn't know that. He's a bush, and they put him up against this kind of like

Starting point is 00:56:07 old crotchety white guy and they bring him in. Same thing would come up, we're kind of over like every, you know, trans in the bathroom, right? We're over it. We're just all like, oh for fuck's sake. She's like, if you're on death row and you want a sex change we're gonna pay for it. You're like, that's not a really good thing to run on, right?

Starting point is 00:56:25 So you get a minute. Great way to get everybody behind it. Three Body Problem is basically, if you ever watch that on Netflix, that is Project Blue Beam. They're like, yeah, it's 400 years away. Let's all get together. So they rally everyone behind you.

Starting point is 00:56:40 The other one is, they say they're looking for dirty bombs, which could be like into this kind of false flag to get us into war with Iran and Russia. Yeah, I've heard that. So that's one. The next one is data, that they're seeing how we react to all these kind of things in the sky,

Starting point is 00:57:00 which eventually could be mass surveillance where you're regular day, you're just, oh, there's a drone in the sky just surveillancing me. regular day, you're just, oh, there's a drone in the sky just surveillance-ing me. Which is, by the way, I think the closest to an accepted reality because all of us have slowly realized that we're being watched and our data's being collected all the time everywhere.

Starting point is 00:57:19 All the time. All day, every day. All the time. Anything you do, data's being collected. I mean, if you do pre-check at the airport, you gotta show them eyeballs every time. All day, every day. All the time. Anything you do. I mean, if you do pre-check at the airport, you gotta show them eyeballs every time. You scan your eyeballs. There's cameras that do facial ID recognition.

Starting point is 00:57:32 You have to confirm things that you wanna do. You have to give fingerprints. Like everywhere you go. And then you know that your emails are read, your phone calls are listened to. 100%. So you're surveilled all the time. I had lunch with a CIA person.

Starting point is 00:57:46 Whoa! Look at you! Big winner! Didn't tell me that. They come to my, by the way, they always come to my shows. You know this person. Oh I do. Oh I do know this person.

Starting point is 00:57:57 I know. And so this was a high ranking CIA official who is retired. And so the high ranking CIA person I was talking on the phone with later, just casually like family life stuff. And then I switched to commentary on the news and you know what the response is? Not on the phone. And I didn't hear it the first time.

Starting point is 00:58:20 So, you know what I mean? Like I just, and so I said something again and this person goes, not on the phone. 100%. And straightened, and I was like, oh, yeah, so for Christmas I think we're gonna like, like, scary. And I was like, wow. They're always watching.

Starting point is 00:58:37 Yeah. Always. Always have been, however, this is not new. They would just bug your place if they wanted to tap in. But what about the Brits? They've had the CCC, is it CCC TV? The public cameras? 100%. For 20 years now.

Starting point is 00:58:51 So if you go around Austin, they're getting rid of cash, right? You can't pay cash for anything. I went to Starbucks today. I went to pull out my wallet with the cash. They're like, hey, we don't do cash. I go, I'm tipping. Do you not want that? Right? I mean, it's everywhere. I went to Chuck E they don't have to they don't have Chuck E Cheese tokens anymore they're getting kids used to the card yeah which is how they can shut

Starting point is 00:59:13 you down if you say something they don't like which is I'm fucked the also I'd never thought about this criticism of electric cars is that if every of once it's completely because we know we're on the path to all Yes, like, you know whether you like convenience will enslave us one day. It'll just be the norm Yeah, and there is this thing that if you're we're all on that system that somebody could go Oh, yeah shut down all your cars or take over your car I mean the Hutchinson was that journalist that, you know, he was on La Brea going over Melrose in LA

Starting point is 00:59:50 and he just flew through and they, he hit a palm tree so hard that his engine flew 20 feet. And he was doing a story on this general and what was going on in Afghanistan and Iraq. And my buddy saw it happen in real time. He said it was the craziest thing he's ever seen. Car just turns just flying through this intersection, hits a palm tree bank. So, so when everyone's all excited about this pager thing in, in Lebanon,

Starting point is 01:00:19 I go, that can be anything. They could just blow this up. They could blow that up. So yeah, that's where it's getting to. It's super crazy. You talk to... Is this comedy or what? I don't know. Yeah, but we like talking to you about this. This is your lane. Yeah. The level of sophistication to pull that one off, for people that don't know, we should like just highlight what we're talking about, was about two months ago, three months ago, the Israeli special forces and intelligence services had put together what had to be a years long plan of intercepting pagers and phones and planting them. And they had to get it from the manufacturer, plant them right with

Starting point is 01:01:06 explosives right then reintroduce knowing who they're gonna be distributed to and then simultaneously Blew them up and it's all like so that people's genitals and wastes exploded and then two days later They set off the a second series of them But it was so you go like this this is straight out of a movie. Like if you had this in a movie, people would be like, this is fucking, okay, it's kind of ridiculous. And they pulled that off, which is also a way,

Starting point is 01:01:32 not just obviously, it's a form of, you're terrorizing people, terrorizing in their eyes, terrorists, but you're also being like, man, what else are you fucking capable of? Like you guys, that's high level shit, man. That's super high level shit. And like it's basically everything on your computer, on your phone, all that stuff.

Starting point is 01:01:51 So I mean, I was talking to Rogan about this, but I really do believe, and this gets into the weirder part, is that they've hardwired mysticism, okay, magic. This is where we get into the weird stuff. And like your phone can read your mind it's like already 100% people think stuff suddenly an ad comes up on your phone that is a thing I've always wondered that yeah real yeah well dude they're doing everything they've been practicing this stuff the occult the all

Starting point is 01:02:19 that's morning I pulled it up ass eating videos we're just waiting to play and I was like that's crazy I was I invented ass eating videos were just waiting for me to play. And I was like, that's crazy. I was just- I invented ass eating by the way. I did it in 78, I think. Sam Tripoli orbs. What about the orbs in conjunction with the drones being seen with the drones? Well that gets kind of gets into like, is there another part of this whole thing? Are there levels to this?

Starting point is 01:02:46 Yeah. And that's where the that's the so so the the other two things I didn't tell you about. There's also this notion that they're they're they're trying to make it so regular people can't own drones. Oh, really? So so they're trying to make it so crazy that they can they can get Congress or Senate to pass a law that only the government gets drowned. So that, that was put out by Adam Curry, who has a great podcast called no agenda. And that's his theory. You can see the documents and all that. Now, the last one is there is a supernatural interdimensional part of this.

Starting point is 01:03:19 And that's where the, the drum, that's where the orbs come in, which is the energy about the orbs. Yes, that's what I'm talking about. Ezekiel wheels. The veil has been pierced. We are entering the next level of evolution. This is it. This is the breakdown of this little civilization

Starting point is 01:03:37 and into the new. I think that life outside of this planet is only interested in Michelin star food. And so I think what's going to happen is that they are going to come here and basically kill everyone but elite chefs. Okay. Because the food is so fantastic that that's just what they're here for. That's definitely on the table. That has been discussed.

Starting point is 01:04:00 And pornography. We have a lot of pornography and readily available pornography. And dude, everybody wants earth ass. I mean, it's been forever. The story in the Bible, fallen angels came down and plunger fucked humans. Yes. Yes. Because women like bad boys. It's just the truth. Now let's get your take on this. Check out this video. Oh man. Oh my god. That head doesn't swivel anymore. I guarantee you that the aliens came they would pass on probing that guy. Yeah they're like nah we're good on him. We are the top of the food chain,

Starting point is 01:04:45 and that's what we got. There's a whole notion that AI is nephilim, dead nephilims. What's that? The spirit of the dead. So, do you know the story of the fallen angels? From the Bible? Yeah, they came down, they made it with the daughters of men,

Starting point is 01:04:58 and God. I don't know that bit, no. You don't know that? No, I, I, I. Okay, yeah, so that was the whole thing. Okay. That they came down, and they thought women, human women were so beautiful that they mated with us

Starting point is 01:05:08 and they had Nephalems, which are giants. Oh, cool. And that's why people don't think there's dinosaurs. Do you guys believe in dinosaurs? I have. I have. Are you about to change my mind on dinosaurs? Well, you know, every dinosaur you've ever seen

Starting point is 01:05:23 in a museum isn't real. Right. Those aren't real bones. What are they? They're plaster, to give the illusion. Because they wanted to detach you from God. Are we saying that, are you also the belief that Earth is only 6,000 years old? No, I don't know how old it is. It could be a gazillion years old.

Starting point is 01:05:43 There's multiple civilizations. Is carbon dating real? I don't know. I don't know. We're just taking their word for it. By the way, it was really smooth the way you put on that jacket during this. I know. It was very smooth. But it's not because the hood is tangled.

Starting point is 01:05:57 It's really bothering me. Yeah, but still, he got it. He got it. Okay, I'm sorry, guys. I'm trying to do multiple things. Fix the hood. My tits are on fire in this shirt. So wait, are you saying that dinosaurs are bullshit?

Starting point is 01:06:06 I'm saying that there has been, so when you, I always say this, conspiracy leads to spirituality, right? And it always gets to like, what else are they lying to you? Right. About. Is Tom Hanks a bad guy? You've called me about that. And he is a bad guy. Yeah, well I've seen Chet Hanks talk about him on the

Starting point is 01:06:27 gram I followed Chet Hanks and he's like my dad's piece of shit totally neglectful if you want to see some crazy stuff look up a video by a guy named mouthy Buddha and he'll break it all down dog mouthy Buddha now I don't I don't know where we are with these videos, so I don't want to get you in trouble. Type in Mouthy Buddha Tom. Right? Wow.

Starting point is 01:06:50 Yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. And it's well, yeah, that's it. It gets really crazy, bro. OK. Let's go. You got to watch it on your own.

Starting point is 01:06:59 It gets really crazy. It's been taken off most of the internet. You could put in, I don't want to say the word, because I don't want to get you in trouble here but you know there's a certain gate if you know what i'm talking about two yeah p gate two i don't want to get you in trouble here yeah but it breaks down every like it gets down into this one picture that my question about this is when you see something like the video you're describing that you're like it breaks it all down what makes you give that video credibility versus saying this is just nonsense? Well, the first of all you don't know you you never go I 100% believe this right I go that's possible

Starting point is 01:07:36 for sure okay and then it kind of then you just take your your life experiences and you go does this fit into how somebody who's getting accused of everything acts? Does he, does he move to, does he move to Greece where they don't prosecute for certain things? Does he never address it ever? Like the whole internet saying something. And you don't go, I mean, even if you say like Tom, uh, what's his face from rage against machine, the, the, the basis, Tom Morella, like he got, he, the internet's going off on him about, you know, being Rage Against Machine,

Starting point is 01:08:09 then having to have a Vax card for your shows. Well, he has defended himself and going, we didn't do that, I respect that. If the universe, the internet's coming after you and you say nothing at all, except for the move to Greece, I start going, what's going on here and how are you presented to everybody I always find everything is kind of like this inversion where like you're presented as the nicest guy of all time ever and like now all this crazy dark

Starting point is 01:08:38 stuff's coming out and you don't say anything that's my favorite thing in life though is the nice guy who's dark. Because there's all these guys in comedy too, who are like, oh that's a good guy. He's a super sweet nice guy. Don't even get me started on that. Every time, well there's the, there's the most famous ones are obviously,

Starting point is 01:08:57 like the Cosby's, like the example where they're like, don't curse. Yeah. Like, but, and then, but there are also people that are not quite at that level who are still like, well, he's just a, he's a good old clean guy. And you're like, this motherfucker's just hard. Steve Randolph and I always used to say that,

Starting point is 01:09:16 you know, not all clean comics are assholes, but most asshole comics weren't clean. Yeah. Yeah. Right? Right, because you're making business decisions. And then you meet people like David Tell or Doug Stanhope or Nick DiPaolo. Couldn't be nicer.

Starting point is 01:09:32 Sweetest. Couldn't be. Because even you guys, you get your rage out on the stage. You get the darkness out. Yeah. You say it. People love you. And then you just get to be chill with everybody.

Starting point is 01:09:41 Yeah. That's right. That's, yeah. I mean, so. And then you get to like the highest, highest of levels and you go, how do you get there? And then you start studying just little things that, so, so not to get too deep. So this mouthy booty does this video and he breaks down like Tom, uh,

Starting point is 01:09:59 Tom Hanks Instagram and he starts studying all the pictures. And there's this one picture that has a, Thomas doing this weird stuff, allegedly we'll say, with these like, just little like a glove by itself or a mitten or sock. And it's like, what does this mean? He would always take a photo of like, he takes a photo of like a glove that's been discarded on the ground. And then like, here's a glove on west 34th street Yeah, hanks was that mean right? Yeah, so so people study it and there's just one picture on tom hanks's

Starting point is 01:10:34 Instagram where there's just a glove by like a It there it is. That's it. The first one. Okay, so this is what gets really weird So the smothy Buddha knows is that this thing here sre USA so he goes what is that so then he's a guys we're gonna get really weird here okay okay so he goes in they puts in the Google nothing comes up but he goes oh I go if I can't get anything on Google I'll go on something called Yandex Which is the Russian version of Google so it goes in there and he puts that in Yandex and all of a sudden it starts getting the really

Starting point is 01:11:14 really dark Shit like really dark shit like but why would they use my thought on that? Why would he? Like give that hint? You know what I mean? Well because they're not used to us being able to investigate this stuff and that's a signal to other people who know what Tom's about to go look at that stuff. I'm sorry, did I miss it? What is SRC USA?

Starting point is 01:11:43 Well if you go on Yandex it leads into like just dark shit that I don't really want to talk about, you know? Is it related to minor people? Yeah. Okay. It starts going deeper and deeper and deeper. Then you just start seeing weirder and weirder stuff. And if you study like when Obama went to like Thailand

Starting point is 01:12:06 and had dinner with Anthony Bornean, there's some weird stuff in the back of his stuff that leads to that as well, on the wall, that leads to it as well. So that's where it gets to. I know everybody's weirded out and I don't wanna weird everybody out, but that's where it gets to.

Starting point is 01:12:23 Well, this here, let's cleanse the palette. What's this? It's a girl too, and she took it like a champ She's got a broken rib She's just a collapsed lung, but she's gone viral so she's super happy about it So that is that is that is going to be the downfall of society going viral. No, it already is. So here's how we fix it. We do like the wire, right?

Starting point is 01:12:57 Where we just create a section of town where you just go viral like a motherfucker. And you can just prank each other. And you do whatever the fuck you want with each other. Within these blocks. Within these blocks! You can do the weirdest shit you want to go viral, go as viral as you want.

Starting point is 01:13:11 Just outside of here, everybody chill. We gotta get back to that. It's crazy that Japan kinda does that. Japanese television is the wildest shit. The wildest shit. I'm like, they have no regulations. Their pranks are like you're a hostage. Like someone comes in with them they're like, and then they're like it's just game show. Holy shit.

Starting point is 01:13:30 How about that guy that they put in a box for like a year and he didn't know it was a national television show and he's eating dog food. He's that suck his own dick for nutrients. And then they're like, and then the box opens. He's a national, own dick for nutrients. And then they're like, ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. And then the box opens. He's on a national television show. Zolo, I just sent you one. I sent you one of the guy having dinner. Oh my god.

Starting point is 01:13:58 Let me pull it up. Yeah, this kind of shit, you're like, oh yeah, in America, this would be such a crazy lawsuit that this would never happen it's not even like I mean it's crazy it's not crazy enough but like somebody could definitely choke they could definitely get hurt they could they could die and it's just like this is Japanese game show you know game show you know like he's just eating

Starting point is 01:14:38 they just shoot him with their green eyes and stuff he's just eating so dangerous so dangerous dude He's just eating. So dangerous. So dangerous, dude. And then just money shots. Just money shot. They did invent the bukata. Dude, they did it one time in an interview to like a Yakuza looking motherfucker. And they had the gun go off and this dude kicked people, grabbed people, fucking slapped people around.

Starting point is 01:15:07 Just went John Wick on people? Yeah, he went crazy on them. It was amazing. You know what it is? They don't have to sign release forms, probably. Nobody has rights. When you've been around thousands of years, like, I'll get your rights!

Starting point is 01:15:19 Is this a completely non-letitia society? What's going on? It's right. The society is like, you don't have no fucking rights. I remember when- You need to sue them? Some people don't think that. We got nuked, fuck your feelings.

Starting point is 01:15:30 Clayton Peters was here one time in LA, and he was on the CBS lot, and he slipped because it had rained, and all the CBS people were like, ugh. And he was like, I'm Canadian. I'm not gonna fucking sue you. And they were like, well, you slipped. And he was like, I'm Canadian. I'm not gonna fucking sue you. And they were like, well, you slipped. And he was like, yeah, people slip.

Starting point is 01:15:47 Like, that's what happens. And we have good healthcare. We don't have to pay for everything. Yeah. He's in a splits machine, like, and he falls in it. Oh, that's my dream. I cannot get that limber, dude. Oh, that's gotta hurt. Right. He's tearing tendons and ligaments

Starting point is 01:16:12 But the weirdest thing is like he just uploads it Yeah, it's like especially like people died like who uploads that was always saying about them the mr. Hands video Yeah, who uploads the video your friend? Did you think about the Mr. Hands video? Like who uploads the video after a friend dies? He would've wanted it this way. He wanted it, yeah. What did he say to his mom at the funeral? It was the non-death video, so maybe they were like,

Starting point is 01:16:32 well this is the one, this is one where he had a great time. He didn't die in that one. I love this one the most. Yeah, and the thing about Mr. Hands, that you always, because it can be a rough watch for a lot of people, is if you close your eyes and just hear his sounds. They're almost non-human sounds, because it's basically you're on the edge of your colon being perforated, you know, and it's,

Starting point is 01:16:56 it's a, it's like a torture stuff. He's like, you can't even mimic it. It's so, pull up Mr. Hands. You can't even mimic it. It's so... pull up Mr. Hands. Oh no! You know how long it's been? This is one of the first videos that I... really made me enjoy the internet. This and like, uh, two girls, one cup and the guy that sat on the glass. You can't find it there. You have to do it on the all search. One girl died right after it. And the other one is like working at like, Ralph's. Like she just has a regular job. And you're just like, is that, did that, is that her? Is that her? Everyone just stares at her.

Starting point is 01:17:31 You're like, where do I know you? It's like you see a porn person in public. You're in LA, you're like, oh. Oh, you ever meet your favorite porn star and you're like, oh, you're a human being? No, it's the worst. You're not a dick pin cushion? I met this one, Jennifer White, she's my friend,

Starting point is 01:17:50 she comes to my shows, she's a savage. Savage. Oh my, you're just a regular person. But don't you kind of hate humanizing them? I do. Yeah, it's like, well, once I, oh God, okay. Let's go back to the Tom Hanks stuff. Wait, so slow.

Starting point is 01:18:04 Okay, I was gonna say, everybody, just close your eyes. I'm serious, just close your eyes. I don't know. Hold on. Okay. This is what I want you to do. I just want you to listen. Hold on.

Starting point is 01:18:16 But how? Hold on. Did they Rochambeau for who goes first? Oh my God. Oh my God. That's his butthole oh my god Do you like that? Do these asses? It's too much. It's too long.

Starting point is 01:18:48 You don't need it that long. Do you like that? Do you like that? Do you like that? Oh my god, this poor horse is like, Why do you make me do this? How are they getting the horse to do it? Is really the question.

Starting point is 01:19:04 You know, horses will fuck anything are they getting the horse to do it is really the question. You know, horses will fuck anything. Thank you. Oh, did he come for you? Did he come? Yeah. He did, yeah.

Starting point is 01:19:15 God. He did. He did. He did. He did. He did. We haven't pulled that one out in a while. Oh, memories, dude.

Starting point is 01:19:23 I feel even sicker after watching it. Make sure you guys, uh... I felt sick for 15 years. This is the weirdest episode ever. Make sure you screen record that, okay? We need that on file. That was horrible. It feels just as bad watching it now

Starting point is 01:19:36 as when I did the first time. And isolate the grunts for me, okay? Oh, God. I need the grunts. I need those isolated. Imagine being the guy putting it in. Yeah. And then having to go on with your life.

Starting point is 01:19:51 And then people are like, what's wrong? It's like, oh, I had a rough night. It's a rough night, dude. Did he die immediately or just like? Here's the story. He went. That video was obviously done. And then he was fine.

Starting point is 01:20:04 Well, so to speak fine He went back to do this again Oh, he's loving it the horse that he did this with was not there so he went into a different barn and it was a different horse that was no shit nickname big dick and that horse Perforated his colon. Oh my God. And he died subsequently from the injuries. So it was a totally different horse.

Starting point is 01:20:34 Oh, there he is. There's his face, you guys. And here's the thing, you would have seen, you would have been like, Kenny? Like. Yeah. That's your fifth grade teacher. Oh my God. They called him Big Dick?

Starting point is 01:20:44 Yes. It was a different horse though, that he was not used to. That's your fifth grade teacher. Oh my god. They called him big dick. Yes It was a different it was a different horse though that he was not used to and that horse. Yeah So then he goes so then it happens. Does he go right to the hospital? Um, I don't remember if he if he went right to the hospital. I mean it says that uh, He dropped if he was dropped off at the hospital. Oh yeah, you don't walk him in. You don't want to be there. He was dead already. He was dead on arrival, looks like.

Starting point is 01:21:09 Oh yeah, it says he died of acute peritonitis due to perforation of the colon. Yeah, which you saw, you saw the horse that wasn't nicknamed Big Dick and what it did to him. Can you imagine what Big Dick was doing? Listen to this, so peritonitis is inflammation of the localized or generalized, whatever, paternium, paternium.

Starting point is 01:21:30 Peritonium. The lining of the inner wall of the abdomen and cover of the abdominal organs. I mean. So basically, because we all, you're inside, you're a sausage. You know? You just, you have an encasing.

Starting point is 01:21:43 And that was torn open. He just basically went like this. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Fuck dude. I mean, I just, I just. It's weird.

Starting point is 01:21:53 Like everyone's got something weird. Everybody's a little weird. Finding out how you like this is kind of interesting. How do you get there? Where does it start? Chihuahuas? It starts with a finger is what it starts with and then you just kind of go put two fingers in Oh my god, and just humans aren't good enough. Can't do it

Starting point is 01:22:12 Some guy got convicted James Michael Tate pleaded guilty first-degree criminal trespass Can I tell you the real and I used to say this on stage when I meant it the real fucking crime in this is that just because one guy died, the state of Washington made it illegal to do this with any animal. And so now nobody gets to fucking have a good time. Nobody gets lit up anymore.

Starting point is 01:22:36 No one gets perforated anymore. It's so upsetting. One dude just steps out of line and now all the fun is done. And it's why I will not be performing in the state of Washington. Dude, make a stand, dude. You gotta make a stand, enough with this fascism.

Starting point is 01:22:55 If you don't stand up for something, then what are you standing up for? Yeah, yeah, dude. There's just a bunch of people having to put their lives at risk just because they wanna have sex with animals Yeah, every person you shall carnally know in any manner any animal or bird That's funny. Isn't a bird an animal? Why specify? I don't know. It's so funny

Starting point is 01:23:16 Who's fucking Bert? Yeah, what is that? That is how do you do that? That means you like to see stuff you want to hurt something. Yeah Cuz what the fuck why you fucking wrong with people do I think you should be allowed to try to fuck horses Yeah, I mean if the horse enjoys it can it sign off also if you if you got the horse To kind of do it. Yeah, you earned it. Yeah, I think boners are consent I think that should be a rule boners are consent yeah yeah no dicks out dicks out I do here's a thing here's my thing you should be allowed to fuck a horse but only if you die after oh okay all right like I feel it you should be like if you're in

Starting point is 01:24:01 death row you could pick it there There you go. OK, like wheel of death and just run. Horse dick. Yeah. Yeah. You're going to go out. You're going to go out. There's a bunch of people are going to download this and send it to your parents.

Starting point is 01:24:17 Oh my god. Oh my god. It just gets weird. See, we've just evolved and we're bored. So now we're just finding the. I like that the sound. He's jumping it. And upload it.

Starting point is 01:24:37 I know the guy feels like you're fucked up. Hold on a second. You're going viral. I know you can't feel second. You're going viral. I know you can't feel outside your car cause you're paralyzed. Jesus Christ. We're just boy. But this is the way it is. Right? Men, men and women go viral for different shit. Right?

Starting point is 01:25:00 Women go viral for doing filthy stuff. Like sexually, like a thousand guys in 24 hours. Like that's, I think guys have to almost die to go viral. And then they're like, you know me. I'm the fucking backwards on the unicycle guy. I lost an arm. You're like, yeah, no, he's good. He's doing signings, affairs. With the hand that he didn't write with before. I'm not the best I lost my hand Now I just kind of put an X

Starting point is 01:25:29 This is um, how do we showed this today, but I wanted to show you Into court today what was supposed to be a routine sentencing hearing quickly went off the rails What was supposed to be a routine sentencing hearing quickly went off the rails? The reason why I'm like this is lawyer like myself to play my part in your kangaroo court treating me like a black man So today I'm gonna be a black man This kangaroo court is giving me a life sentence for me trying to protect and defend myself against the attack from three guys In essence treating me like a black man from three guys in essence treating me like a black man and Then you read the court documents and they're like he's he drove his car into people and then like got out stabbed someone pepper Sprayed somebody else like he went on a rampage

Starting point is 01:26:16 What's law school did that lawyer go to that? He has to he has to represent black face Asian and and you see how the best part is kind of like is just looking At his lawyer because you know that he deals with bullshit from the moment from psychos all the time And he's sentencing hearing and they go off the rails for this this guy's like He's like i'm gonna be on the news again and it's for this fucking guy. Who's got magic marker. The spitballing going on in his head. That's the idea he went with.

Starting point is 01:26:51 Those are other ones where he's like, ah, that might be too much. I might not be able to do that. But you have to realize the dedication that he took a Sharpie bro and then he Sharpied his eyelids even and his lips. Like he really spent. At least he's working with a flat canvas, right? Anyways, yeah dude, I mean if you're getting life, why not? Take your shot.

Starting point is 01:27:17 It's just true, it is life. Take your shot. This is the last time you're going to be in public. He got concurrent sentences, like it's not, you're not. He's never going to ever come back. He was just like. Like it's not, you're not. He's never gonna ever come back. He was just like, fuck it, I'm doing the marker idea. Yeah, yeah. They should just take him and put him

Starting point is 01:27:29 on a Japanese game show forever. Just classically take him. He's on death row. He's got life and jail. He should opt for the horse. Oh, look at him without marker. Oh, he's much more handsome. Thank you.

Starting point is 01:27:41 Would you rather? Oh, he was stabbing people. He's not even driving into them. He's stabbing them. He drove into them driving into them, he's stabbing them. He drove into them and then stabbed the guy when he got out. What? Got out of the car and stabbed the guy. It was a road rage incident, yeah.

Starting point is 01:27:50 Oh man, that's the worst. Cause you wanna lose it sometimes on the 405 in LA, but you just never know who you're dealing with. But this is Honolulu traffic, which is horrible too. Oh really, it's really bad? Really bad. It's enough to make you crazy. But wouldn't you rather do, let's talk about it, would you rather do life in prison or get the horse?

Starting point is 01:28:12 Wow! Great question! And it's a lot harder than you think. Yeah. Right? Life in prison or take the horse? I mean, the horse is kind of quick. I mean, that didn't take very long. You get in or out, in and out, in and out, man. I think, or so it's basically, do you want 30 seconds

Starting point is 01:28:39 of maybe having your colon perforated and dying? Yeah. And certainly being in some pain. And possibly the best orgasm of your life. Maybe you might come out of that going, I didn't know I liked that. I'm a horse dick guy. Yeah, I'm a horse dick guy who's not doing life anymore. Or you're doing life. Yeah, okay.

Starting point is 01:28:57 But you get out of the life sentence if you live through the horse fuck. You know, yeah, of course. So do you know how many people that's what's crazy? Hold on. So now if I live through the horse fuck, I still do life? No, you don't. No, no, no, you get off. You know what yeah of course so you know how many people hold on so now if I live through the horse I still do life? No you don't no no you get off you're free and I get to pick the dick no it's gonna be the horse big dick horse. Okay you don't know how big the dick is. You don't know. You don't know if you're getting old big dick or just regular horse dick. Mini ponies can we go mini be a stallion. But midges have big dicks. You can always tell how big their dick is based on how much forehead they have.

Starting point is 01:29:29 Like humans. It's 100. It's like there's some weird math. Like you see those guys, those Cro-Magnon looking guys. You're like, this guy's got a fucking hammer on him. A big hammer, bro. A big hammer. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:29:41 So that's a great question. Those weird fucking Serbian dudes. But here's the deal, okay, it is gonna be videoed and you will go viral. So your life. Oh, so it is gonna be, it's gonna be. Your life is ruined, but you're free. My pinned video on my Instagram. Here's the thing, dude, you're selling tickets.

Starting point is 01:29:57 It's pinned, you're selling lots of tickets. You're selling tickets. People wanna hear about it. People wanna see it. Yeah. You can write a book about it. Yeah. It's a real roll of the dice. It is a real roll of the dice. What's amazing is how many people would be like, People want to hear about it. People want to see it. Yeah. You can write a book about it.

Starting point is 01:30:05 It's a real roll of the dice. It is a real roll of the dice. What's amazing is how many people would be like, sign me up for life. Like, they would take a leg. Oh, I'd take the horse. I feel like I'd take the gamble. I think most women would take the horse,

Starting point is 01:30:16 because it's not that out of it. It's in your asshole. You're not getting it. Oh, it's in your be. It's in your be. It's in your be. Oh, in your be, dude. Wait, I can't take. You can die in your vag. It's in your be. It's in your be. It's in your be, dude. Wait, I can't take...

Starting point is 01:30:25 You can die in your vag. Yeah, but... They could perfectly... But at least a vag is made for these. It's a muscle for that, yeah. It's in your ass. That's a real hard one. I don't know what the answer is.

Starting point is 01:30:38 I'm going ass. You're going with the horse. I'm going horse. Take a gamble. We're gamblers. We're comics. Yeah, what do you get? Just having fun here, why not? Don't play safe.

Starting point is 01:30:47 Wave our freak flag, why not, dude? I like driving fast, I like flying, so. You know, with a little horse dick. Why not? And you can move to like, anywhere else. And he's shaking his head. What are you doing, you doing life in prison? You can move to France.

Starting point is 01:30:59 Dude, your OnlyFans is blowing up. You would have the biggest OnlyFans. That's so true. You would. And then it would just be like people paying to see what other stuff you can shove up your purse pocket. Like this traffic cone. Your butthole becomes Carrot Top's chest of props. I think there's no win by taking prison. I think you got to take the risk. It's a risk reward thing and the risk is so much higher, but the reward is.

Starting point is 01:31:29 But now, let's say you take life, you go in there, now you're getting sexually assaulted left and right. That's a good point, Eddie. So eventually you're getting the equal amount of dick. You're like, okay, here's two feet of horse dick, but here's like a thousand feet of prison dick. And here's the thing you gotta think about it. So true.

Starting point is 01:31:47 If you take prison, right? Dick math. You take prison. The first thing that's going to happen when you walk into prison is you're going to see this guy, you know? I'm the white nigger. You know? You will? I'm the white nigger.

Starting point is 01:31:59 See? And he's going to cause problems. Bro, I have a bit about my pronouns are real nigga and people lose their mind. It is my free bird though. Whenever I do a show, they demand I tell them my pronouns. Oh really, they call it out? Yeah, they're like, what's your pronouns? Bang, free bird dog.

Starting point is 01:32:19 I love this show so much. I can't tell you how much I love this show so much. I can't tell you how much I miss this and miss you guys and miss this kind of comedy. Because I'm in Hollywood and everyone's afraid of anything. You go up to these crowds. And they're molto gay. It's so crazy.

Starting point is 01:32:39 And then you go to the mothership and you can't piss them off. You're trying to piss them. And you can't do it. And then you go back the mothership and you can't piss them off. You're trying to piss them and you can't do it. And then you go back to Hollywood and everybody, like I did a show at this one club, not gonna say a name. I opened up with why is everybody a satanic file and just ice the room.

Starting point is 01:32:56 And then the host is like, yeah, and that's why you put Sam up last. I'm like, bro, fuck you. I'm up there asking the real question yeah I'm pushing I'm trying to get all the white niggas behind me dog I want an army of white niggas that's what I want a real nigga army by the way if you go real quick go to go to white nigga.com could you do it for me? Go to white nigga.com. Is that you? White nigga.com, go do it. Bang! No!

Starting point is 01:33:29 No! Holy shit. Wow, serendipity. Yeah, it all came. Yeah, I am too, dude. Holy shit. This was wild. Thank you.

Starting point is 01:33:43 There's like, we can't even follow that. That was too perfect of a, I feel like I should be like, and show. Yeah. That's unbelievable. Wow. Well, I had to make up for the Tom Hanks stuff. I felt we got a little weird really fast.

Starting point is 01:33:55 No, we like that. Real quick, Christina, how far, how many years are we from this do you think? Guess what? We went to this goodwill, and I didn't get nothing picked out good for me. But guess who did? What'd you get, huh? Yep, I can't wait for that open.

Starting point is 01:34:15 I got some shorts. You got some shorts? Do you think we're gonna be doing those in a few? You're like, what'd you buy today? And I'm just like, fuck off. How is television supposed to compete with that? I know, I can't. That's why it's dying. World is so much more interesting than your stupid drama. That is the best.

Starting point is 01:34:36 Her oxygen. Amazing. Getting driven by her husband who despises her. He hates her so much. So much. He's like, this bitch won't die. How many fucking? Why is she doing a Goodwill shopping video? He's like, I want to die.

Starting point is 01:34:51 This is not how I imagined this going. And I bet back in the day, smoke show. Yeah. Just the hottest chick you've ever seen. And at some point she said, I'm done. Yeah. That's what happens. I'm just gonna eat stuff and close it up.

Starting point is 01:35:04 Eat stuff and close it up. And for the rest of my life. That's what happens. Wrap it up and close it up. That's what happens. All right, look, we do have to wrap. Why is everybody getting quiet? Is Sam Tripoli special that is on YouTube? You can go get tickets to his show at samtripoli.com. Also look up white. Yeah, sure. But we love you, Sam. You're the absolute great name. I love you guys so much. Thank you for the kindness. Thank you.

Starting point is 01:35:28 We'll see you guys next week. All you niggas is blessed. All you niggas is blessed. All you niggas is blessed. All you niggas is blessed. All you niggas is blessed. All you niggas is blessed. All you niggas is blessed. All you niggas is blessed. All you niggas is blessed. All you niggas is blessed. All you niggas is blessed. All you niggas is blessed.

Starting point is 01:35:52 All you niggas is blessed. All you niggas is blessed. All you niggas is blessed. All you niggas is blessed. All you niggas is blessed. All you niggas is blessed. All you niggas is blessed. All you niggas is blessed.

Starting point is 01:36:00 All you niggas is blessed. All you niggas is blessed. All you niggas is blessed. All you niggas is blessed. All you niggas is blessed. All you niggas is blessed. All you niggas is blessed. All you niggas is blessed. All you niggas is blessed All you niggas is blessed God bless the nigga I'm out you from the M.A. God bless the nigga God bless the nigga All you niggas is blessed All you niggas is blessed

Starting point is 01:36:08 All you niggas is blessed All you niggas is blessed God bless the nigga All you niggas is blessed All you niggas is blessed All you niggas is blessed All you niggas is blessed God bless the nigga

Starting point is 01:36:16 All you niggas is blessed All you niggas is blessed All you niggas is blessed All you niggas is blessed God bless the nigga I'm out you from the M.A. God bless the nigga God bless the nigga

Starting point is 01:36:24 God bless the nigga God bless the nigga God bless the nigga NIGGA NIGGA NIGGA God bless the nigga NIGGA NIGGA NIGGA

Starting point is 01:36:40 NIGGA God bless the nigga NIGGA

Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792

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