Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - Episode 62 Your Mom's House with Christina Pazsitzky and Tom Segura

Episode Date: October 17, 2016

Bring the muthafuckin Ruckus! Tom and Christina drop science on you so open up your journals and take notes! We begin with some friendly banter regarding our different tastes in music to warm your ears. Then the moment you've all been waiting for arrives - Tom talks about his trip with Top Dog which includes audio immediately after Top Dog shit his pants. It's a special moment for Tom and all of our little mommies. We read a listener email, discuss our neighbor's new sex friend, talk about a new documentary about Where The Dudes are At, Real Talk about gypsies and more!

Right now you're playing with your phone when I'm not playing with that. I'm confirming a very important email. All right Jesus is called the business time B.I.Z. N.I.S.S. That is the business And thank you for all of you that do that that oh huge I have to apologize to everybody that didn't there are some people that had to wait to Get their orders their kingfish shirts, and I apologize We did run out. We do have a full restocked Order now, and I shipped out everybody That had back ordered and I we apologize from the bottom of our hearts

And I shipped it out the other day, so you should receive them all I hope you get them soon, and I thank you for your orders You can get the highest tightest jeans bundle by going again to your mom's house podcast calm and clicking on the store You get both of our albums you get a poster and a kingfish shirt all for a great price. It's pretty a me It's pretty dope. You're getting a hundred and nineteen dollar value. It's major for a lot less On the road this week. I'll be at the Toledo funny bone. I love the Toledo funny bone. I'm assuming it's in Toledo, Ohio And I'll be there Thursday through Sunday, and apparently I'm doing a lot of fucking press once I get there Yeah, you've got like you've got like 10 or 12 things lined up right like don't plan on sleeping

We're gonna get you up at 5 a.m. And you're gonna do is it what time does your day start for radio? I Fully say I fly tomorrow all day, and then I go Starts I think they pick up is like seven okay seven or seven fifteen school, and then it's like two or three Stations, and there's another state, and there's TV when they throw in TV. You're like, oh now I got to get dressed No, if you're a lady you gotta put on makeup man So that kind of whatever, but I'm excited to because I've heard good things about Toledo. I've done it. It's fantastic I love the crowds in Toledo. There's an excellent restaurant attached to the funny bone there. Oh, yeah It's that like a Cajun place. Oh really good stuff

Why do you compete with oh good your microphone smells that was like watching a dog smell his own it didn't smell very good You've been farting in this room all day it smells awful anyways Next week. I'll be at dr. Grins What is that June? 21st through 23rd, yeah, we got to give the dates June 21st to 23rd I'm gonna be at dr. Grins and Grand Rapids, Michigan Of the greatest pound-for-pound fighter in the world mr. Floyd money Mayweather. Oh, I like him a lot

So I'm excited to go There I heard he's a good fighter. Yeah, he's good. He's undefeated and punched up. They can punch stuff My friends my buddies. I'm going to be this weekend at Cobb's comedy club in San Francisco Man fran disco man fran disco June 14 through 16 And then I got some other thing. That's like oh It's more private and then in July the first week of July. I'm going to be no because it's like at a private theater It's not really advertised. Okay, and then I'm gonna do levity live in Palisades, New York Oh shit end of July 4th come out and see me. It's a beautiful club brand-new club

New York, sir. All right. You ready to do this or what? Oh, you think you cute, huh? Oh Yeah You smother Kate me with that fart smell smother Kate and all that smother Kate and you've been doing What's the sound the game makes for muting What's that that your mom knows how to do remember Johnny shocker Bobby digital

Man, that's hilarious Johnny's It's one that I've been Kind of obsessing is this the one that you've been singing you said all day long. Yeah, I just pulled the instrumental out though Oh, yeah, why don't you put the cool lyrics? I'm sure the lyrics are not offensive or hurtful to any particular female race It's not really offensive to females. I mean, what are they talking about bitches? No, you want the actual lyrics version? Yeah, all right, I mean I Could roller skate to that song be a problem like a champ

Yeah, I could roller skater and what happened nothing something Just so you know, I sabotage you so hard today in your car. You don't even know what you do. Well Okay I sabotage you what did you do? Oh, yeah, cuz you got the mold schooled CDs CD changer. I changed out Me Fuck This is a great I mean this album What is this what is this album called enter the Wu Tang 36 chambers 36 chambers

I'm familiar with that number. Yeah, this was there that era everyone's premier Everyone's debut album was the shit. Yeah, you know now. It's his first album. I'm not a fan of Naz I'm a fan of Jay-Z. Thank you very much. I'm in the other camp. You have beef with nice I've got beef with him hardcore cuz I'm straight. I'm straight jig him in his first album is One of the best albums period now is his first album. Yeah, look, you're talking to our ilmatic You're talking to a recovering goth punk girl. I don't it's like you're speaking Chinese What do you do to sabotage? Let's talk about the clash or you know Why can't we just have a dialogue nice dialogue cuz I you know you're talking to me about things

I don't care about like I'm a football really go Naz's album. Well, I don't give a fuck about Naz You know what I mean? Okay. Here's what I did. I totally sabotaged you. What did you do? So Tommy has this great old-school CD changer in his car like the kind that you had back in the Yo and trunk, you know. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, and so I've been using your car cuz I love it more than I like mine right now And you just listen to shit that I don't even understand. It's like It's so Underground I can't even you've got like a weird ambiance like Like trip hop like glow sticks and I'm like I can't listen to this how roll man

Yeah, what's up with disrespect now? Oh wait, and then you had like oh my god. You had you be 40 in there That's for my dad actually. Yeah, sure. Really. It's my dad's I took it out. I fucking threw it across the parking lot That's top dogs. Yeah, I couldn't I couldn't break that CD fast enough you be 40 I seriously babe when I pull that out. I was like I can't believe I married somebody that Almost divorced you today because of it Yeah, and I sabotage your shit man. I put in three of my Classics I put in the breeders What else I put in I think I put in a clash CD. Okay. Oh and the specials. All right. You like the specials

Yeah, I like I like all that stuff man. Okay. Okay. We'll be talking about what I'm familiar with. Oh, you think you cute, huh? You think you cute That's another one night I've been reading the help on Oprah's book club and like I've been picking up a lot of like old-timey like Adorable old black woman slang really well. I might throw it in there. You might hear it every now and then yeah, man You're day. You're day. Er day. Er day going on with you jeans. What happened to you last week? Man You had fun time. I did have a good time. I

Well This is the fucking lamest shit Rages me this makes me happy to see I want to kill myself when I hear this shit How can you not enjoy a nice movie for you? It's like fake like this is a cover of an actual cover. Yes of actual cool black music Yes, yes, and then they fucking suck it up with their shitty whiteness. Yes Now let me ask you this be honest be honest red red one I feel so fine when this when this came out right did you think it was a good song when it when you hurt?

Yeah, cuz I was I was in sixth grade Is that what everybody was in fifth and sixth grade and this came out you're like hey turn that shit up man, right? Yeah, but I also loved fine young cannibals. What's wrong with that? Cuz they're kind of lame now, too. They're like they're kind of wack. I just bought a fine young cannibal song Yes, I did which what they're right. Don't tell me depending on what you say. I may or may not divorce you really okay? Yeah, I bought makes want to kill myself by them, too What did she but here I got it right here? Here's here's what I realized by the way I was listening to the Beach Boys

Yeah, Sloop John be one of my favorite songs, and then I realized oh this is a remake of An old Caribbean song Sloop John be is originally by cool black people The blacks put out and then the white man comes and fucks it up much like you be 40 now The Beach Boys didn't fuck up Sloop John be everything. That's cool. We steal from the black man son I only got all I'm saying I got two fine young cannibal songs. No, I don't even know you Yeah, I did who are you? I heard them on the radio I didn't tell me that I bought them. How could when when did this happen? I don't know. I have many different flavors that I like you surprised me constantly Tom's like you're like an onion

When folding with layers Well, I hope I hope we can get through it. I mean I bought I bought their most popular songs No, I got bought like can I tell you here's the songs I like, okay? That's the first one I bought that's a good one, okay, I hate good things about good things That makes want to kill my song. Why I just kind of annoyed. I don't like it. No, I but you like to drive me crazy Yeah, what is the problem? Why do we have a problem? You know I'm saying I'm so surprised at you What else did you buy Falco? I bought some Falco. So what so what you shock me?

Yeah, that's pretty lame. I like I'm gonna shock the world man. I'm here to shop The world what Bobby did you did you buy any music lately? Yeah, I buy tons of lame shit all the time, dude Let me see what I just fucking Why do you do that in front of the listeners? I Used to I used to love these guys. I thought they're so cute and like rad Yeah, man. It's a good time. Okay. I love these guys. Oh So cool, okay, here's what I I bought old back albums that I had in the 90s. Yeah, you know like where it's at and shit like that So I have a bunch of back stuff

He's great I went through a huge face with them, too Oh, I re-bought a clash album to re-bought it because you know what happened is it's on the CD But it's not on my iTunes. So is that in my car right now? Okay Yeah, so first of all, yeah major major breakthroughs this week with you and your dad, right? Dude, well, I mean people don't understand Top dog and I went on a trip. We took a trip together. I spent the last

Five days with top dog in Maine And the reason we picked Maine is because he was like I've never been in Maine before Yeah, people were asking me like why are you in Maine? And I was like cuz that's where he wanted to go. Yeah, you don't argue with the guy What did he say? He was like buddy. I gotta go. I've never been to Maine before buddy. I want to go like that Like that. I said sure. It's a summer too. So I was like, yeah, be great. Nice cool weather So he likes he likes what the the the town just wanted to try somewhere. He's never been and Yeah, and then lobster like it's eat some lobster pal. He loves lobster, buddy

So, yeah, man, let's do it. He loves that seafood. We went up there and buddy just hung out I had so much fun with him and I tweeted the other night that While we were there one night when we were hanging out top dog the king of the dumps Mr. Wiped down shit his pants. No He shit his pants it Was how is that?

That is so rare. That's like getting to see Haley's comet Exactly, right. Yeah, you're so blessed. It was it was like hey Usually, you know, if you stand here something you might oh, wow, it's an eclipse tonight Right, that's really what it was staring into the eye of the storm. It was amazing. It was well walk us through this I mean, you just taught me. I mean, we can't just talk about it without, you know Making sense of it all Hey, buddy, it's top dog Hey, buddy, it's top dog

You need to wipe down it's top dog Man, I yeah, I had the best time he by the way, he doesn't understand still what a podcast is course. Yeah, and Yeah, I show him I play I play clips for him because I wanted to show them like, you know You're part of the show and he was like what show and I'm like that kind of stuff and then He doesn't he doesn't know that he has thousands of fans I showed him love him. I showed him tweets and I showed him the iTunes page right If you really want to make top dogs day

write a A review that mentions him on iTunes Go to our podcast or you know your mom's house itunes on iTunes and you can you know, you can write Whatever five stars and whatever you want and if you mention him like he just he looks and he's like, yeah He's not he's like I still don't think that he like me buddy. Yeah, and he but he still has no awareness of just how special and how many lives He's touched. He absolutely has how many people's Wiping techniques. He's influenced very much so

he was very very upset that people weren't When he asked for work, we get big lobsters somebody told him, you know, they're just pound and a half around here And he was like impossible really What size was he expecting like he wanted two and three pounders, you know big one okay, and we ended up finding them He was like see any other hair buddy So one night top dog by the way people I sat next to this lady on another thing I'd tell you about the flight on the way home. Yeah, but

She was like I talked to this lady and she was like what you know Where were you that connected in Detroit and I was like I was in Maine And she was like, oh, I've been in Maine like where were you and I told her was in Portland, Maine and she goes Like what'd you do and I said I hung out with my dad and she's like, oh, what kind of stuff did you guys go to? I'll be in I guess there's a big LL bean thing there Whoa Ella why would you go to that's so funny people consider that something to do on your vacation? I know and then Starbucks

She she also was like here's like so what did you guys do and I had to think cuz I just done the five days together with him And I was like, you know just like drive around get something to eat and then go back to the hotel She was like what? That's what he likes to do and she was like for real like she couldn't believe it but to me It's normal well because that's what top top dog That's what he likes to do well when we went on a cruise with your family. Yeah two years ago. Yeah his thing He's like I asked like what you did have dog He's like well, you know me I like to eat and then I come back and I like to watch my turner classic movies

Yeah, and he likes his movies like to have because he works hard. Yeah money. He works hard But some people you know what I realized the older I get is it's it's shitty to dictate to somebody else How to enjoy themselves for sure, you know, like I've I've just got because I am guilty of that like too like you know When someone's like they describe something that they want to do that. I have no interest in doing Yeah, but you know what just you should do what you do just do you bro Do you do you my man to quote the situation? Well, it's just like you know like some people like what we have friends and family members that like to go camping I don't want to kill myself, you know, and they tell me in detail how enjoyable it is

I don't know never but they think the fact that we like to go and sit on a beach for a week Yeah, and that's it and just lay on the beach just water top shelf marks and eat breads Yeah, like dad boner, and then just go to the room. Yeah, but that's my version of having a good time Can I tell you I feel bad because I totally dream crushed you when we were in Mexico? I totally ruined your fun. Why cuz you I when I go on vacation I like to thoroughly unplug like I will not check my email. I don't want to fucking look at the phone I don't want to think about my iPhone I don't want to think about business and I got mad at you remember. Yeah, you were checking your email

I like doing business and I was like, why are you ruining my fucking vacation? Yeah, yeah But now I understand what you just said that look if that makes you feel good Yeah, I can't fucking tell you how much who might I tell you exactly your my phone. No, I think I think that's true I'm a grown woman now. I've grown since then emotionally, but I also you know ID compress by Just surfing the web like that's my version of just chilling out like in the morning I know that's what you do. You wake up. You get on the internet. Yeah, you read your drudge report or whatever Sports CNN ESPN pornography and then that's been take a shit I go through my

Huffington I just like to see the news I read up on the news. I like to get different sources Like I like seeing what conservatives are saying. I like seeing what the liberals left-wing liberals cross PS your father So when I called over there just to say hi to you. Yeah, and you handed the phone Oh, yeah, yeah, and you went to take a shit or something. Yeah, you know, he says to me But so you like Tommy's car and I was like, yeah, yeah, and he goes up Yeah, you finally getting sick tired driving your hippie shit car. Hi, you're you're liberal You're a liberal because I drive a hybrid

Yeah, those we don't know and he he thinks that that's a funniest. He does stupidest California thing and he's like you finally getting over the dumb fucking hybrid. He didn't say fucking. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah Getting over your dumb hybrid thing. Huh? He definitely hippie car made fun of you so much. So he makes fun of everybody Yeah, it makes one of California twenty four seven. The people's Republic of California public guys He thinks we're all on ass. Yeah, I mean He's not getting you don't get any cool air coming in the car. He lost his shit He was here mind in summertime driving. Yeah last summer. Why are you driving and he was in the passenger seat, right? and so when you go and you're driving a hybrid and

If it's like a genuine hybrid you like you you stop let's say at a red light your engine stops running and The electric cut cuts on it to keep the car basically alive So when your engine cuts out that cuts off the AC being actually like genuine cool air because the suck so bad is not fueling it So you get just like lukewarm air and an LA summer when it's like hot It's like July. Yeah, and he was like what's going on with the air and I was like well

We're in a hybrid and he was like, holy shit. Like he fucking lost his mind. No, yeah No, it was his idea. I gotta say he was like put it in neutral Yeah, and hit the gas to keep the engine running and that'll keep cool air coming out and it worked I was like, yeah kind of defeats the whole He's like I don't give a shit about that He doesn't but I will tell you that the reason I got the hybrid is because of my very favorite thing in the world Which is sticking it to the man Yeah, and I don't conserving and I don't like to fucking pay five dollars for gas and I'll tell you if you can tolerate that

AC problem. Yeah, it's a good deal, man. I don't go to the gas station that often I go every you're scratching your But you can hear that. Yeah, I know Oh Somebody's gonna hear that in their little ear, but they love me. Oh, you're not you're dirty. They Love you pop that pimple that I told you about Wait, so let's keep going no, I'm just saying so that's a good That's the plus side. You don't have to go to gas station. You don't have to pay a lot more It's a light car though

That's the only thing is that if you get hit if I get hit in that fucking thing I'm gonna die if there's no sturdiness at all your cars made of like it's like a tin can paper. Yeah, so tell me what you're fucking So, you're not telling me. I'm telling you man all right, but just I'll get to this because We I mean we had a lot of a lot of great conversations There's so much top dog stuff that we're gonna have to do something. We're gonna do it We're gonna do a big top dog episode next week But right now I because I tweeted that it was real and it was it was right

I I was in the we finished dinner and We walked back and then we were gonna lobster. Did he lobster? Yes seafood. Okay, and we came back and we were gonna go To a movie I think yeah, so we were gonna come just come back for a few minutes and then go to a movie So it's like 839 or something like that and as we walk back in the hotel There's we're on like the second floor and we're in like the ground level Yeah, we're about to walk up these stairs and I go Hey, why don't we take the elevator because I don't want to shit my pants and he goes. Yeah, I know what you mean I've been there before buddy. Oh, so you were on I said, yeah

Yeah, I mean that wasn't panic, but I was like I didn't really feel like what like treading up state You know I mean like I was like, yeah, let's just take the elevator. Sure. So he was like, yeah So we go back. He's like gotta go pal. You gotta go and I was like, yeah, yeah, I gotta go so We get back and I go I just go to the bathroom and then when I'm done You know wash my hands I start flossing Okay, cuz I had dinner good brushing my teeth good and then I hear My dad goes, uh, you don't you done in there, buddy? And I go

Yeah, he goes need to get in there and I think oh you got to go to the bathroom, right? Sure. So I go Yeah, no problem in hold on so I finish up flock Wipe my face down right towel walk out into the into the room from the bathroom and Top dogs naked Stay there, and I go what's going on and he goes I went to the bathroom in my pants, and I was like what and then He runs naked naked he runs into the bathroom he takes a shower and Then he gets out and as he gets out. I hit record on wait, wait, where's the shit?

Where here just just give give this a shot. Oh my god, just um, he's leave I do not believe You know the little they have those little things on the seeds that go electronically. Yeah, well when I sat down I had spots on it from the shit that got on my leg So wait a minute, oh my god Tell me what happened because I was just I walked okay I'm in the bathroom And you knock and said I need to go in there and I come out of here, and you're standing naked in the Hotel room. Yeah, what happened?

Trying to find the bathroom to sit bathroom on first floor. I didn't see one well I had you know how you walk down the stairs When it's hard to hold your cheeks together when you're walking downstairs, right? Okay, so I'm walking then I find the bathroom It's over, you know, it's but one of these they're all set up like Handicap bathrooms and all of a sudden trying to race over there You really got to go got to go and some of it comes out It's my boxer shorts. Yeah, and then when I get undressed

I mean I put my pants down there right in the in the some of it was a couple lumps They hit the deck and then some of it got on my leg Which got on the seat. Yeah, so, you know, I had to Take my underwear off take my stuff off plus I was running in there and the door wasn't shut Completely said to get up and shut the door Holy shit, I wouldn't put on a show show. So was it a single stall? single stall So

When did you you see yourself right as you were opening the door or what? Right as I opened the door to the bathroom, right? Yeah, was it What's it are those pants have shit on them probably pants don't because it just got the underwear are you sure it wasn't diarrhea It was just kind of Sure, you should probably check them out Kind of lumpy right now. He's holding up the pants. I go check them out. Are they khakis? Yeah, they were khakis and and he's about to put them back on I go. Why don't you Put on a different pair of pants. Yeah, he's like, no, they're fine. They just the boxers got that's impossible

But that's physically the physics of what he's saying happening. It's impossible Then he's like he gives him to me just like to check them out the pant legs And I'm like, I don't know. You might want to just throw another pair of pants. Oh my god Don't don't sit. No, I don't want to smell it He handed me the pant leg smell doesn't look what's that? Hold on Yeah, what's that right there? No, what about the pant legs? You said some fell out. Yeah, they fell it after you my trousers Okay

All right He didn't wear them. That's the in the end. Well, good. I'd burn those pants What did me in was not finding the first bathroom, okay? You know what happened when we walked up to the elevator. I said, let's take the elevator Yeah, I said, I don't want to shit my pants and you said I Know you're talking about boy. Do I know The irony I got up there all of a sudden I had to go and I was struggling and you know What in there and

Jesus how much came out just a couple lumps Just well, no wasn't was it not like wasn't sloppy Joe was like What was the last thing you say yourself or see your pants You Happen once at the office last year to this is once a year is basically your rate right now Yeah Yeah, when did it hit you you had to go You knew right then God man, you had to go right away or no, you're like, oh, I can hold it for I can hold it

But I got to find it. Yeah, but I went to too many wrong places So we're you I went to the first floor didn't see it on the first floor So I finally went down there to the basement by them because I knew there'd be a restaurant by the restaurant Yeah, there may have been one on the first floor. So if you see it right as you're opening the door, you shouldn't yourself This may be this is the whole trip That is amazing And then how was the cleanup pretty bad Had to take I had to get water, but I had to what the water and do the back

Yeah, couple times it all over your cheeks and stuff. It was all over the cheeks. That's why Is he laying down now, yeah, I can hear it. Yeah, how many times He's the comfortable like how often does that I mean last year and this year how many times do you think that's happened total? Like that. Yeah, maybe my life. Yeah Five or six It's the funniest I can't believe that every so many years every so many years. That's so great All right, I can't believe you got to witness that it was amazing I never I never thought that I would be around for something like that, right?

You know, usually it's like a phone call. Here's what happened. Yeah, but you were really blessed You got to see him in his moment of crisis incredible to see it. Oh Yeah, the other the other stuff is also So fucking crazy that I have up with him I can't wait to you know that just so you guys know Tom doesn't play this audio for me in advance Yeah, it's a surprise for me. Yeah, yeah We like to surprise each other. So this is amazing. I'm reeling from this Yeah, it's pretty great, right? I mean in the years

I know him a couple of loves you remember. Oh, this is what I wanted to stop and tell you Do you remember last week? I just was I had a laughing attack Thinking about him talking about sloppy. Yeah, because he he'll sometimes call me and be like Took a good shit today kind of a sloppy Joe He always uses that term well because it's perfect is a perfect term because it's so gross or it's like chili Joe is like chili. Yeah, I remember I mean for me a sloppy joe is remember elementary school and they'd like scoop Then they just throw it down. Yeah, that's her sloppy Joe They never says sloppy joe. He always says kind of a sloppy Joe kind of a sloppy Joe

The name was a I gotta take a pee real bad. Okay. Do you mind? No? All right. Sorry guys. I gotta take a whiz I'll be right back. Okay Yeah, I'm talking I'm talking about how much you fart No, it was it was a great trip with him. We also I noticed Because we shared a room. I was nervous to Because I snore even though I use this thing to so it actually has

Basically cut out my snoring, but I was sick last week if you remember so when I'm sick sometimes it's still bad So I was really nervous and I was scared that he would be very upset Because he'll yell at me. He's yelled at me for snoring before like very angrily in the middle of the night which is fucking terrifying and so I was nervous about that and So the first thing we did when he picked me up when I flew in we went to a CVS And I was like you gotta get earplugs man You gotta get earplugs because I'm gonna snore and it's gonna it's gonna upset you and I was that I had anxiety about it

And he was like, okay, like he was cool and he was like, yeah, we'll do that We buy earplugs He never uses them. He says that I you know, I don't know disturbance from me He fucking snored the whole weekend and the best was that when I would tell him like you're snoring He was like really he always Yeah, he was like I didn't know that how could your mother not tell him That's what he said. He goes. He's like your mother's never said anything and I was like, are you serious right now? He also

Sleeps with one leg in the air Foot resting on the knee that kind of like he's sitting cross leg like a man would sit cross leg sitting up Yeah, he sleeps like that on top of the bed. Well, you know, that's you know that you do that, too Yeah, you've told me that well your sleeping habits are identical. It's really so bizarre last night It made me so angry. Yeah last night last night my god this fucking broad Middle of the night. I heard like the tail end of this. I think no, I'm talking about you me Oh, I think you're talking about our neighbor. That's coming, but you Fucking middle of the night. Yeah, I hated you. I I just like

Hang on I turn over. I'm like what you're like you fucking make so much noise God out of here. You grabbed the pillow and you stormed out of the room I did but I wasn't snoring No, you're not snoring because you have that mouth garden But what you do now when you're super tired is like you sing and dance Mm-hmm, like you'll hum like you'll breathe in and go And they hear that and then you do your dance where you put your leg up Yeah, so that your ankle is on your knee

Yeah, and then what happens is it's an awkward position so that your fucking leg falls on me all night And then I try to move you over and it doesn't help and it made me so mad I wanted to kill you last night seriously Then I got to go sleep on the couch You were very oh very ready to murder you. Yeah. Yeah. Well, don't you think you deserve it? No, because I'm not I'm in the middle of my I don't even want to talk about it. It's so upsetting right now. Oh That sound makes me see red. Yeah

Was that is that top dog? No But top dog's a worse snorer than you you think no, he's not worse It's just that was it was not it was more it was me concerned about what you know that I'm gonna upset him That sounds exactly like what you do Yeah, well, that's good. I'm glad you got a little bit of your own flavors. Yeah, he was He was he was like just regular snoring But every time I was like, hey man, like you're fucking snoring Yeah, he was like, uh and then in the morning. I was like, hey, so what's up with the snoring?

He was like, I didn't know I did that buddy Yeah, your mom's way too nice on you. Yeah, I mean you But the funny thing was we were both really tired, but you were immediately out last night Yeah, and as soon as you went to sleep last night. I mean like immediately. Yeah, I was in bed no less than three minutes Yeah Is it Japanese girl But yeah, our neighbor was really but you said it sounded different like it's not the usual Yeah, it was different. It was the guy was

Japanese the guy was Japanese now the guy was it was a shorter. It was definitely a different guy I would put money on those different guy because he was There was some it was a shorter thrust pounding. Okay, and he she didn't really get to do as much have as much fun as usual, you know, and He grunted like And then he was kind of done it was it was much more quick pounding, you know, that's so I'm great I'm glad that she's gotten She's gotten to guys

Me about Japanese Pornography, it's always the girl who's always like Like she's always like they're always raping the girl. Yeah in Japanese porn like she's always an unwilling participant Mm-hmm. I wonder what that's all about. I don't know my Joe stuff like it's interesting Conquer you bitch. Yeah, that's society's really into that, you know, you're telling me Oh, you know, we got a great email. I don't think you didn't even get to see this one from we know we discussed Psychology last week. Yeah. Yeah, my favorite subject in the whole so we got an email from a psychologist get the fuck out of here Tommy Awesome. I want to hear should I read it to you? Please. Yeah, okay

Okay So I didn't check with him if it was okay to read this but I think it's okay. Don't say the name Yeah, I won't say his name. So he said a huge fan got excited when I heard you talking about psychologists and I had to write in a licensed clinical psychologist specializing in trauma and Let's see prolonged exposure is my treatment of choice Pretty cool. If you check it out. First of all, you guys have a clean bill of health. Ah, all right Is that I I always admired and was curious as to you two are so happy and healthy compared to how depressed and miserable a Lot of other comedian and comedian couples are in a lot of ways

It's not hard at all to turn the psychology off because we were talking about right they do that in an argument How do you for those who didn't hear that that? Yeah, how we're saying like if you are a psychologist, how do you have normal relationships? Like are you constantly judging that person or thinking like what's underneath that comment? And do you just do you pull it out like every time do I would you know? Like if you're in an argument, do you just do you just pull it out and Always have it be you know, I mean like here's what yeah. Yeah, somebody says that all the time. I don't say that all the time Yeah, I do not say that. Yeah, so

I think this matches what we're talking about It's appropriate Hope your dad gets to hear this episode. So He said I have a long day of treating patients and dealing with Chronic pathology life stress often feel no need to keep that going outside of work that being said I Find there are a few things I can't turn off my training had a heavy emphasis in behaviorism and cognitive behavioral techniques With such intensive training often see things coming a mile away Oh, wow, I think that is hard for some people in my life. Sometimes I don't want to hear it sometimes they just get annoyed

Because I called it again You know, so he knows well because my therapist will be able to predict other people's behavior in my life as well By the way, yeah, she'll tell me she like she already knows what the fuck is gonna happen. Right. Yes. Oh, yeah Secondly with my focus on trauma work We spend thousands of hours going into the deepest darkest fears people have and ways they avoid those fears and during training It was a coveted skill amongst my peers In real life, it's really is it not really distracting. I'm sorry in real life outside of work. I pick up on those things and Feel this obligation to fuck with people

When I do force help my patients face those fears it's therapy when I get to mess with my friends, it's fun Oh, that's awesome It goes along with my dark sense of humor and love for awkward moments I guess don't know how to describe it without sending odd disrespectful or Making people afraid of psychologists, but that's how it is. I think that's why I like listening to comedians interact It's the same type of skill that makes you a funny comic and able to pick people apart in moments That's absolutely have them on the verge of tears But laughing at the same time know what I mean and yes, my wife does get sick of it sometimes, but she loves me anyways

Yeah, if you ever have any psychology questions Feel free to contact. Oh, we will yeah, well, maybe you can answer well Maybe with this gypsy stuff we're gonna talk about later. I'm curious about yeah, so thanks for that email man We did find that I'm very very interesting indeed. Yeah, there should be Can we say that last time we should just have a thing where we interview comedians like a psychologist could tell you what's going on with different comics Yeah, I feel like I guess and by the way somebody emailed me and I feel Bad that I don't have it with me right now, but somebody emailed me that there's a psychologist who does do a YouTube interview like show And I saw a clip of the woman who's a psychologist. I think she's married to a comedian and she did an episode with Robin Williams

Oh shut up. Yeah. Yeah, so it does exist. Oh, that's so fucking cool. Yeah, so it is cool. I'm sorry. I don't have it With me right now, but there it does exist. There is a Let's see if I wish I wonder where they sent it That is so you know, it's funny because I always think about my therapist like what's her life like at home Does she have like what's her husband do? You know, I'm not supposed to ask those questions Rather, she's not supposed to answer them because then I start focusing on Her real life as opposed to like my issues. Yeah, that's why I do that. Yeah, but I always wonder about that because I never I Don't know too many psychologists in real life. No, I don't I am

Yeah, I almost feel like it'd be more fun to be friends with one I know we should be friend one. Yeah, my mom used to work for us like hi a trist growing up So I got to see and hear all the cool crazy like but he worked with like legit crazy people Yeah, like people that were eating dirt or Schizophrenic or people that would run down the street naked and stuff like that. He was a really kind man I really liked him actually. What are you looking for boo boo? Are you looking for that email? Um No

Yeah, I couldn't find it, but um But the other thing I wanted to say. Oh is that I saw I Saw that movie that Prometheus that everybody. Oh, yeah, and I Hated it. Yeah, I look the trailer looked a little over at the top. It's definitely with I mean Ridley Scott, right? He directed it Great director. I I was not into it I walked out. Wow, which is you know, maybe was it because of the top dog influence a little bit? Maybe What's the problem with it? I don't I? First of all, I mean it was exactly like every

You know like when you get into like an action Kind of team, you know Like guys go into battle kind of thing. It had all the same characters. Oh, right Yeah, like one line up right like the guy's like I don't want to be a part of this And then like the bitch you know, man, you don't know you're telling you and then the really eager one He's like I just I think we're we should all do this Happy to be here. So it's just like all the same beats and the movie took too long to set up Itself like if you're in set up mode like nothing's really happened yet and you're 25 minutes 30 minutes into a film

That to me is I mean some people love the movie. I know a lot of people don't because I've people who stayed Have told me that they found it to be like comical like one of those things really like it's funny But some people love it. I did not like it at all. I'd be interested to To hear what what our listeners if you did see it what you thought of it. I personally Could not take another minute. I stayed and I realized that I missed the majority of the movie Because I left around 30 minutes into the movie. Well, can I tell you that I I'm a huge fan of Shirley's there on Mm-hmm. I want to see the Snow Queen movie that she's in I think that will look really cool But I'm agree with you that I can tell now usually in the first ten minutes ten minutes is all you know what else

That's a good story telling thing We don't know how to do it ten pages you read ten pages or something Yeah, yeah, yeah, and like especially if it's a story or if it's a script if you're ten pages in and you're like what the fuck is Going on or I'm bored to death or this is a piece of shit Then that's pretty much what it's gonna be. It's rare that it's gonna take off from there I was not well, that's why it's so hard to make a movie I think everybody thinks like I'm gonna make a better movie than that and like dude It's so hard to I tell a story. Yeah in that medium

Just to get a movie made seems like a real Herculean effort Is this the opening to Prometheus this is the very first scene where I was like, where's this going? You know, I mean, I know I don't hear a lot of dialogue It sounds like they're running or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, they're gonna jump onto the spaceship. Oh, and they're like Oh wait, oh, they're fighting there Well, that's the aliens We're gonna get you And there's some of it's not English is like other languages

Oh, they're right there. He's like, what's that in your hand? Weapons Oh Aliens sounds like it's dying Yeah You're right. It's not very good story So, you know, there's different stuff for different people but that one, you know, I didn't I didn't love that You know a movie I watched that I really enjoyed was I've seen it a million times is the Bronx tail a Bronx tail

The Bronx tail things called a Bronx. It's the Bronx tail to me. Um, really or whatever. I liked it a lot Do you know that kid that played De Niro's son? Colosimo or whatever. He's really in jail right now. Yeah, I think he's in jail for murder Yeah, like felony like he was committing a crime or something. No, they were he's a he was drug addict Heroin I think he's in a heroin and they went to Rob a house Oh, geez and while they were robbing the house because it was him and somebody else There was an off-duty cop. Oh and

They shot and killed him. I think is the story Happened a while happened like a year or two ago, right? Yeah, cuz I Wikipedia'd him I'm like, oh, what happened to that kid? He's such a great actor. Yeah, such a great movie Yeah, he he did some other stuff, but then how to bummer. Can I tell you the one time? Yeah You got to be careful who you try to fuck cuz one time I was like 13 years old and my friend Jenny and I we decided we were gonna go egg Some cars in the neighborhood because we were bored and angry and I'll never forget this We we started fucking up this one house, dude

Like then we're so stupid we did him broad daylight broad daylight in my neighborhood We didn't even go to another neighborhood, and I'm just we're just hanging the fuck out of this house and This guy fucking hey come here yells at us and then he starts running after us We take off we take off he catches us both cuz he's super fast like super strong drags us into his house Turns out the guys a fucking marine he was home for like a week saying with his parents, right? Just happens to catch us two knuckleheads egging the shit out of his parents house. Oh shit So you got to be careful and cool. What do you do? Well, he called our folks and then got picked up and scolded and it was you know

It wasn't a good day. It was a shitty day to get yelled at we just got yelled at and stuff But it could have been way worse than that could have been a lot worse than that He could have been like you do me a favor. I won't make a call Tommy we were like 13 great age for that, but that's what I'm saying is that you get the off-duty cop you get the fucking marine That's how I won't call your parents. What are you gonna do for me? Hey, they're not like that Marines are good people What are you gonna do for me? If I don't make a phone call right now Tom, can we please can we play that trailer you were telling me about? Oh?

Yeah, okay, okay. I'm so excited. I've been thinking about it since you told me about it I haven't heard this yet. Okay, just please play this for them. Okay? Enough pornography. I'm not watching pornography. Jesus. This alien movies fucking terrible. Yeah, this is why I walked out of it It's not Pornography, I hate when you say that when it's not it's art. All right, so fucking tell me about this man You what you told me like two things. I got a dying to hear Something I can attack people Discover they're dangerous. You don't fuck a bear me personally. I think bands in the dog family

I think they've related to rock ballers a bear is you know a bigger Harrier guy a state of mind with a slight kind of body type looks like you can swing an axe type Everything through from coops to pull up ass through to chase us admire us really hard to just money This is a bear when you get into a room full of bears. It's getting in a room full of men I Harry natural man I'm suddenly become hair because I think people got sick of seeing designer jeans and pink shirts There's this whole other part of the community that wasn't having the experiences that every gay man shit

The whole bear thing was sort of a revelation because I I'd always liked guys like that I didn't have a label or a name There's different definitions all over the world I from Italy south of Italy actually in April. I found the first Italian website It was called or see tally on it. That means Italian press afterwards. I said to find different websites from all over the world London for the size of the city has quite a well-developed martial scene that's aimed at bigger guys and bears It's just so nice to see a lot of fun nowadays. We've become a bit of a fetish. I only have an interest in bears There's no concern over body

It's like a club, you know, it's like It's like this sense of belonging being able to relate to other people My area doesn't matter. That's the good thing about being in the bear community. It's not about fitting a type Wow, there is somebody for everybody out there sooner or later Everybody gets taken care of and it's everything that every fat man ever dreamed about except It's with other Hmm, I love it. Mm-hmm. It's pretty great Oh

There it is Yeah, so so where did you find this this was sent to us by a listener. It's the Trailer for Bear Nation Malcolm Ingram directed it. I think it's also being produced by Kevin Smith who you heard that was that was who commented Everything a fat dude once Yeah, so there's a whole movie coming out about bears it's about time can I I love bears I'm a huge fan myself. Uh-huh, and I'm super excited. I can't wait to see this. Yeah, I think it's gonna be really good It's the guy. I think he also directed a movie called small town gay bar

Okay, which is I think about a gay bar in Mississippi. Oh my god I think we saw it. Did we not see that? We may have caught part of that on cable. Well, I don't think we've seen it start to finish. That's definitely something to maybe Check out, you know, that is so cool at my shows I did Marco Island this last week and there was this whole table of gay dudes They just it was so much fun and I was I say bears I was like talking about bears and they were like They lit up and none of the straight people in the room. Yeah when I was talking about it was the best moment

This is our favorite her suit per suit. I gotta get the new album by the way only have the old album They have a new album. Yeah a new album coming out. Come on black. I didn't know that you guys have a new album Well, I'm excited to watch this bear documentary. I don't know Kevin Smith was Who's doing it makes sense though? Yeah? That's cool So I want to get the new the new album Anyways something to check out that's cool. I'm trying to get Casey on the phone You know Casey my buddy who where the dudes at?

Hasn't you know we talked to him, but he was upset for a while He's not really on board with this whole where the dudes at asking him I think maybe he's calmed down and maybe we can talk about it now, but he wasn't you know Wasn't real happy about it. No, it wasn't really happy about it. Um We got we got a We should play this real quick right with the real talk. Yeah. Oh, I can't wait. I've been waiting for you to say this Okay, let's fucking get into it, man. Oh, yeah Oh gets me every time that our Kelly the our Kelly part so

You know, we've been really getting into my big fat American gypsy wedding and also my big fat gypsy wedding who has And the episode that aired we saw I guess it aired last week That was the best one. That's definitely that's aired. It's phenomenal. It's got everything you guys haven't seen it. It's on TLC This episode I think this should this is a little teaser for it. It was it did not disappoint on My big fat American gypsy wedding A gypsy bride commits to her cousin in holy matrimony Our family believes in And orders a high voltage wedding dress that blows her mind

Oh It's gonna make his jaws drop Floral, yeah, both of his jaws. Yeah, plus histories made when the first gay gypsy wedding takes place in, Ohio You better get ready because the party is coming lock up your daughters Breaking gypsy rules isn't easy. I know they're probably not gonna be okay with it. I'm pretty much gonna be cut off No one's ever heard of actually gay gypsy wedding I Amazing is right the

The cousin one I guess it's very common. Well in gypsy culture. Well, and not only in gypsy culture But I will admit I think in my own family I I really were Euro trash Hungarian somewhere in my Hungarian lineage I believe somebody married cousins to really just why one of my cousins is a little off I have a cousin in Hungary who chases aliens. They say it's a blood type disease But he's just real slow and I think what's his name? He's not listening. He's speaking English. His name is Chaba He's always looking for the aliens. Chaba. Here's the thing Chaba took to

Writing bicycles. He lives at home. He's like 40 something and he still lives with his parents And nobody in the family will admit that Chaba is like retarded like we all are like, no, he's nice He's just okay. Chaba is just special. So about I don't know 10 15 years ago He took to just riding his bicycle through Budapest and he just that's what he fucking does day in and day out And one day he was out there and he swears that he saw aliens And he rode home as fast as he could and he told everybody about the aliens So now that's his thing. He keeps looking for the aliens Yeah, and that's I think a direct result of this cousin fucking business

Yeah, I'm not proud of it. So his parents are cousins. I don't know about that. I don't know I'm saying that somewhere. I know I've heard stories and my father told me stories that somewhere in my lineage There's cousin marriage There's yeah weird weird stuff But that's but see that's a European maybe that's why you have six toes Webbed feet No, I'm telling you because in central Europe and Eastern Europe where these gypsies are from the the Roman is shales These are that's where they're from Rob. Night. We're Romney shales Rob. Nice. How are we?

We won't you could hired a thing or but that's the gypsies. That's you know, his jaws is gonna draw a jet Jaws this gonna be the best wedding ever most sparkly dress ever maybe that incest is why you have those nipples on your back Are you have eight of them like a dog? You have eight dog nipples and they're on your front and your back give 16 nipples My favorite is when the groom is trying on the tuxedos of this friend and the guy goes Oh, I'm smother Kite noon here smother Katen Amazing that's a yeah a word they made up. This might have be it's just Let me see if this is Yes, this is a cousin

Her family doesn't mind that she's paying her first cousin, but they do mind that she's living in For her it's not definitely not okay for us as a sister or mother And it's not okay as a gypsy a Romney period because that's not what we believe it And it's just time now because you're gonna start getting talked about as Starts Yes, you've married her and that's what I'm happy about I got it I got it When Annie marries her cousin Josh is she won't be the first in her family to wed a close relative

See, you know cousins. I mean a lot of people look down on that My first husband was my third cousin Mate with their child or whatever, you know the cats are crazy Maybe that's why We're all little off, you know, because of the whole Blood That's just right in Europe. That's common. There you go sister. There you go Smother Kite that was an amazing one. And then of course there was the the lesbian

Yeah, but wait, can I say my favorite part about that clip was when she was like, you don't want people thinking you're trash Yeah, talking about you. Yeah, as if nothing before this was trashy. Yeah, like the garbage calling right before this We thought you were princess died That detail it really fucking Did I yeah, and then the lesbians which Listen, all right. We're very pro gay people. We but these two brothers looking for dudes But these two broads were this is possibly the most unattractive couple on the planet and And I'm not look I don't judge a lot of books by their cup

But these two women were the most hideous broads that could have been it's not nice. It's not nice But it was goddamn accurate because they were fucking her fine. Oh Horrific really bad. I mean one of them look like a fucking all-pro guard Yeah for like, you know The Baltimore Ravens look like she could just fucking fill in if somebody got injured and which is fine You know she's a beast, but no the part that I'm talking about cosmetic things things you can control What's that arm hair? excessive

Black arm hair, you know what I'm as a late look. I'm not I'm not that great at being a girl I'm not that girly. That's one of those things. We were like just buy a fucking no-no or whatever those things are Yeah, I know Stop smoking in your house They're both yeah around the clock smoking their cigarettes and step outside go outdoors Yeah, the home of sacred place little things like yeah, like hygiene. Okay, you can control that stuff I'm just saying yeah, I'm not like I feel bad shitting on people's appearance, but there's things you can control to make it better Hmm the teeth fixing the teeth

She looks like she smells although I couldn't smell her through the TV like she smells which one both of them Who smells worse though the forty three year old forty woman four-year-old or the twenty five year old gypsy girl Yeah, there was 23 years between them, which is unusual. I think for a female gay couple. Yeah, I don't know I don't know enough to really I know in the gay community for men. Yeah, generally. Yeah, the older guy will go for like the young hot Babe straight guys do right exactly, but in the lesbian community. I don't know They might just love each other for real love. They think I think they had some real love. It seemed like real love Just real ugly real ugly

Real ugly fucking greasy pig love. Yeah. Yeah Seal hunting love Yeah, so see that it's retarded it is retarded, you know, I gotta wrap this up. I know you gotta go jeans. I got a show tonight Thanks for Listening and we hope to see you at our live shows and next week. We'll have a big surprise Oh, we've been real excited about this. Oh We'll announce it next week's episode and huge surprise. So we'll give you a jam packed

Top dog audio. It's gonna be they be a lot of it. It'll be fun And I also I want to thank the mommies I met from Naples who gave me a framed recipe for poop soup Lord Craneo at Lord Craneo and at call me duchess Thank you guys so much and for all the mommies who came out to Marco Island really really made my week amazing Thank you guys for supporting What do they they have a What it have like ingredients for their own poop this guy and his girlfriend They sat in the front row of the show and he put up this framed

Thing of a recipe for his poop soup, which is it's got Italian sausage onions garlic Fennel black beans corn beef stock sour cream Oregano and tortilla chips are Fritos. Now. Tell me that won't make you shit That's gonna make you shit if that doesn't make you shit nothing will make you shit Well, thanks for that poop soup. We're gonna have to try it some for sure dude. Thanks for Listening to us. Yes mommies. We love you The world is yours Till I'm Charleston writing in my book around all the words past the margin the whole of Mike

I'm dropping mechanical movement Understandable smooth shit that murderers move with the feasting play me at night. They won't act right between