Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - #FartGate2024: CASE CLOSED | Your Mom's House Ep. 772

Episode Date: August 14, 2024

SPONSORS: - Get your free life insurance quotes and see how much you could save at https://policygenius.com/YMH - Sign up for a one-dollar-per-month trial period at https://shopify.com/momshouse This week on Your Mom's House Podcast, the Main Mommies are flying solo and Tim and Tina are feeling good. Tom's been really into a Phil Spector true crime documentary and his many court room wigs. We open the show with another clip from the "smoothly, slowly, gently" guy, before revisiting #FartGate2024 and possibly coming to a conclusion on it too. Tom also reads an email about a new type of airtight, they debate which Olympic athletes are the most bangable, talk some trash about pickleball, peek at the dark side of IG, plus some Toks, and much more! Your Mom’s House Ep. 772 https://tomsegura.com/tour https://christinaponline.com/tour-dates https://store.ymhstudios.com https://www.reddit.com/r/yourmomshousepodcast Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome, welcome to your mom's house. I'm Dave and saving with TD Insurance made me feel like I scored my own jingle. Save on home and auto like only you can at tdinurance.com slash ways to save. TD. Ready for you. Save on home and auto like only you can at TD insurance.com slash ways to save TD Ready for you This is my voice after one month on estrogen. How's everybody doing? Welcome and good to see you good to hear from you. How are you? This is my voice two weeks on T I'm great. I'm great. I made weightlifting this morning. I noticed feeling very strong You probably don't do what I do

I went in there after you and whoof man was all covered in sweat. Yeah I'm not really a sweater. I noticed that too No, but it's great. Fitness is great. Make fitness I did make it and I noticed that my browns have been very bountiful today in particular And I don't know if there's a correlation. Between fitness and that? Yeah, well I had to get off the Ozempies for the surgery that's coming up. So maybe that has something to do with it.

Yeah. I don't know. Eating well, exercising, don't forget the bulking up with fiber. Bulking up, yeah. You're bulking up. I'm bulking up. Your browns.

Yeah, yeah I take that Metamucil still at night, you know, awesome do it Yeah, that's it. I've had great Browns too, right? Yeah. What do you think? It's because same thing Yeah, I think it's combination of that good food making fitness. Did you even watch murder last night? Did I watch murder last night? No the the night before I did. The night before I was watching, there's a series about the LA County Sheriff's Department Homicide Division, and I was watching that. Yeah. Cool. Yeah. What did you learn? I watched the Phil Spector case. Classic. Yeah, classic. I mean, I remember it. For those of you that don't know Phil Spector case. Classic. Yeah, classic. I mean, I remember it. For those of you that don't know Phil Spector, it's definitely worth a Google image.

Phil Spector was a very, very big music producer. Most of us, yeah, that one there is... He did that in court. Yeah. So he was wearing wigs to court. Phil Spector was a very, very big producer. He worked with the Beatles, he worked with the Doobie Brothers, he worked with a bunch of Motown artists,

and he's credited with the Wall of Sound. Yes, which I love his Christmas music, it's like that Motown sounding Christmas. Yeah, and he got a lot out of a lot of artists, you know? So hit that 10 signature Phil Spector songs there. Him, yeah, let's see what they are because he really was a prolific producer. I love his Christmas music and I hate to say it, I really do.

Yeah, I mean. I listen to it every year and I go. He knew how to produce. That guy was a knucklehead, but boy did he make good Christmas music. Boy did he ever. And so let's see what they have listed here. Did you run, run, run?

Yeah, did you run, run? That's the crystals. That is a very, very popular, you could still. The Ronettes, Be My Baby. Be My Baby is a big, big hit. And then he kissed me. And then he kissed your mom, yeah. You still see that in television and music.

Righteous Brothers. You lost that love and feeling. You lost that love and feeling. He did River Deep Mountain High with Ike and Tina. Incredible. Dang. Veronica, So Young. I don't know what that's about. Darlene Love, Christmas Baby Please Come Home.

Anyway. Christmas song, The Beatles, Let It Be. Oh my gosh. Yeah, I mean, John Lennon, imagine. George Harrison, What Is Life. Do you? So you get the idea. This guy was fucking huge.

And I didn't really, until this case came about, it was in mid, early 2000s. I mean, I didn't know Phil Spector's name, right? I don't think most people did. There he is. There he is with all his hair. Wow. What a difference hair makes. Truly.

Jesus Christ. Wow. Wow. And the ears, he looks like a goblin. No wonder he was wearing that big stupid hair to cover the ears. 10 years after her conviction, Phil Spector sporting new look. Yeah. I don't know. He actually looks happier after 10 years.

Yeah, in prison. Because the one on the left is like he's just been locked up. Yeah, he's used to life behind bars now. So Phil Spector case was a pretty outrageous and surprising case. One in that it involved a celebrity, right? A big music producer. And secondly, in that this was right, this was like not very long after the,

this was the next case, let's say, major murder case after Simpson. And as far as like police and prosecution, LA took a beating with that. So when this case first came out, like when the murder was reported and investigators went, the DA didn't even want to file. I didn't know that until I watched the show. The district attorney's office was like hesitant to file because they're like, we just don't want to get, we don't want to fuck up. And another big murder trial. Another big murder trial with a celebrity,

and then they get off. And so everybody was like, this guy fucking murdered this woman. And they were still like, yeah, I don't know, we don't wanna file this case. They were just gonna like not charge him. But they had pretty overwhelming evidence. I mean, so I didn't remember, I

didn't remember the details of it, but Phil Spector had a driver take him that night to House of Blues and he was hanging out in the foundation room and the driver also took him home. Well, this woman Lana Clarkson was working as a hostess at the foundation room and she had first disrespected him, which she was like, ma'am, you can't come in here. Ah, misgendered Phil Spector. Yeah, yeah, and one of the managers was like, get that guy whatever he wants, don't, like,

so she did like a turnabout and was like, oh, I'm sorry, and took care of him the rest of the night. Well, he got shit-faced, and she helped him get in the car. And when she was helping him get into his own car that the driver's driving, he's like, you gotta come see my castle. You gotta come see my castle. Cause he had this fucking monstrosity,

this castle in Alhambra. Which was like in the- It's Alhambra. Alhambra in the middle of the of the suburbs So it's just like a suburban neighborhood. Nobody lives in Alhambra and then they put his fucking weird castle on top of it Right. Yeah, look at that that picture on the right though It's like let's the neighborhood on on that other photo there where you can see Yeah, it's so weird. It's not really a place for that.

It doesn't fit there at all. So anyway, he's like, come to my castle, come to my castle. Eventually, she agrees, she comes over. At one point, they're having this conversation. I think he's just, he was known, it was later revealed, to, he loved scaring women. He loved. He loved sc, to, he loved scaring women. He loved... He loved scaring women.

He loved scaring women. And he loved threatening them. And he loved waving a gun and telling them, like, you're going to fucking lose your life. And like, he was very... They brought it woman after woman on trial. He was like, yeah, he told me, he was like, shut the fuck up or I'll put this in your mouth. Wow.

What a cool guy. I didn't realize. So what he did was, she's sitting in this chair at the bottom of the stairs, apparently he puts a gun in her mouth and he shoots her, right? Now, here's the interesting thing. When, here's what's kinda, this is neat.

So the driver hears something, he goes to the door, he sees Phil Spector, there's blood, he's holding a gun, and Phil Spector is, he's half in the bag, I mean he's been drinking, he goes, I think I just killed somebody. And the driver's like, he panics and runs, and he calls 911. When the cops arrive, he's like,

this fucking bitch just killed herself in my house. What a fucking asshole. And he has this whole ranting raving speech that they recorded. He's like, who the fuck just fucking walks into a house and kills himself? And so they're like, okay. And they entertain it like it's possible. But one of the funny kind of giveaways here from the coroner's office is the trajectory of the bullet is down. Like who takes a gun and goes down, right? Everybody does it either level or up.

And so, I don't know, this with all the other evidence kind of tied the whole story together. And then I watched that and I slept like a baby. That's what I was gonna say. You turn that off and you're like, hmm. Wow, that's really insane. Yeah, but anyways, good show. And shout out to the Los Angeles Sheriff's Department

and their homicide detectives. God, dude. Yeah. Well, that's cool. You like that? No, no, I don't ever, but I'm glad you like something. Oh man, that was fucking, it was really good. Oh, cool.

Okay, how about I give you a different change of pace to open the show. Ready? Yeah. Here you go. As I tease the female part and tickle it, just enough to make it wet but not enough to get her off. I'm gonna throw up. Can off Give me my notepad And then I go two and a half inches up with my fingers and press after I tease it Ha! This is a big time!

Who is Ryan? God Don't bring anyone's mother into this What is wrong with you and playing with me? Yo mom where the fuck is Dan? Welcome, welcome, welcome Welcome to your mom's house With Tom Segura

Tom Segura and Christina Pazitzi. Welcome to your mom's house. You don't want to get teased? That's like the third week in a row that you've been opening with these nasty guys these guys are fucking rad What is your deal? I've been missing these guys, dude. Oh Oh that again, huh? Mm-hmm. What is you are just in love with us? I love my rogues. I do What shout out to rogue? I love this spearmint pouch if you want to send me a thousand cans, I will not object. Well, you love them so much. I've been finding them in our bedroom next to your bed. Called Payback. We've been doing it with flossers for years.

Yeah. And now? So I like to start my day with rogue and end my day with rogue, and then in the middle of the day have rogues. Okay. So I do, I love it. I take it into a workout. You do. You're always doing this now. So like when I'm chilling out at night, I'm like, I want to watch a homicide investigation.

I throw in a rogue. I've already taken my vitamins, done my peptides, brushed my toothies, and I'll still pop in a roguey. And then what I'll do is I watch and I watch and I watch. And then when they go, and you're guilty, 75 years in prison, I turn it off and I go, and I go, I still have a roguey in. And then I go, and I go, I still have a roguian. And then I go, and I throw it on the ground. So unhygienic. I'm not sure what's more unhygienic, your discarded rogues or my flosters.

I think it's very curious. Well, the flosters don't live in my mouth for endless hours. They have what's between your teeth on them. But that's once a day. You're doing this all day, right? And even around the office, you've been leaving these things. Yeah, we have been finding some. The girls have been like, who's fucking leaving these rogues everywhere?

Yeah, I found one today too. Yeah, I just only touched one of them. It was pretty gross. Where'd you find them? Where? On the bar right outside. By the coffee machine. Yeah. You're just leaving them? Where? On the bar right outside. By the coffee machine. Yeah.

You're just leaving him by the- I don't know that that was me. I'm not the only guy who throws a rogie in around here. I mean, Burt does too, but he hasn't been here in a while. Yeah, Burt'll leave him all over the set too. Yeah, accidentally touch some of them. See, that's the difference is I don't do this in the office.

No, I actually don't think I do that either. I'm serious. I always throw these in trash cans or the toilet or whatever. I think there might be somebody else leaving them around the office. The rogue bandit? The only place I absolutely disrespect

is right next to my bed. I do do that. Your marital bed with me? Yeah. I've been noticing when I step on them. It's cool. The kids have been playing with them. The hamster's gotten into it now.

That's fun. Spearmint, that's my jam. That's your jam? Well, how many jams, how many flavors do they have? Maybe I'll pick up this rogue too. I don't know, probably have like. What about for the ladies? Is there a flavor for me?

Well, strawberry or? Yeah, there's all kinds. There's cinnamon, there's like an orange, there's peppermint, there's, I think there's a coffee flavor. They got all kinds of stuff. And how do I do this? What are you doing? Go to the gas station with me.

We can stop on the way home. How do you put it in your mouth? Cause you also wear adult braces. I'm curious how those go with that. You know what you get for that? As I stare into her eyes with my blue eyes. Oh, fuck. And then she drowns in the oceans that are my eyes.

And then she gets turned on and gets very wet because my Can I say what he needs to do a little bit is He needs to edit down because it starts very poetic like as she gazes because it starts very poetic. Like as she gazes into my eye, he goes, and then, because she's turned on, then she looks back, like he's- I know what you're saying. He loses the tone of that.

So I think you need to maybe write it out first, and then either read it or memorize it, so you don't have the additional ands and umps that take away from the- Oh, I see what you're saying. I thought you meant like a tonal shift. Well, the tone kind of shifts too. Yeah.

He needs to keep it, either it's filthy front to back or you just keep it kind of more poetic is what you're saying to it, is what I'm hearing. In either way, it's trimming it down. There's too many more. I mean, here's another example. Well, in the lighting... As I like the pleasure of the pussy.

I really don't. Will you not get fussy or angry while I'm teasing the pussy? Or maybe I should punish the pussy if you get fussy or angry while I'm teasing the pussy. He looks like a pussy, doesn't he? With his stubble and his pink, red mouth and his blotchy eyes.

Here's what I want. Here's what I want. Here's what I want. What's wrong with him? If you are in a relationship, I would love for you to play videos of this man to your lady and try to get a recording of her reacting. I would love to have a collection of women reacting. I would love to have a collection of women reacting. Ideally, I would play this before you are going to be romantic. In other words, you know it's going to happen tonight.

You know what's going on. Just be like, Hey, I want to show you something and have her be like, okay, maybe get her a glass of wine, you know, like get her in the mood. And then you go, just watch this first. And then you record her and let him take it from there. Let him do the work, you know? Do you know what I mean? Do you, what is it? Is it drugs or mental illness?

Maybe I should punish the pussy. Like I can I tell you why it makes me so sad. Why? I don't know like why, but I am like when it makes me so sad? Why? I don't know why, but when I hear him talking and the angle, I imagine that I'm locked in his studio apartment with him. That's not hot.

And I'm not gonna get out of this unless he lets me do these things, and that's why I'm like, ugh. I can't, do you understand, even in my mind, I'm a victim, right? But do you know what I mean? Where you're just like, oh my God, I'm never gonna escape this guy. Well, why don't change your perspective? He's gonna force like look do all this stuff, but it's just perspective think about how pleasurable that

If somebody who knows the female body, you know what first of all you've been subjecting me to cool guys for a long time My new curations are gonna be cool women who talk like this. And we'll see if how you feel, Phil Spector, like to torture me. You're the Phil Spector of cool guy videos with me torturing women. Okay, well. Enough of that.

It's a marshmallow. I think since female milk is better for us than cow's milk. What the fuck are we done with this? That we should farm a bunch of females for their milk. And then we have to milk them This is like an open micers bit. I think I've got friends have done this bit. Yeah, first year in a comedy. I got it You got it. I got it. Okay Finding the perfect insurance policy that can be so frustrating to the point where all you want to do is forget about it and put it off For a later time You know, I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna do that

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Okay. Can we not? Moving on. Moving on. God. You know what we should revisit though? What? Fartgate that happened here.

Oh yeah, do we have any updates on this? We actually do. No. Yeah, we have updates. Well, fart gate. For those of us who don't know what fart gate is, the fart in question is whether or not any let out a mega fart that was heard around the office. And we had last time camera footage, but it had no audio on it.

And I don't think was very convincing because all it had was any, you know, jiggling his legs up and down and then going, you know what I mean? That's not enough to convict a man on said fart. And I'm frankly convinced that maybe Chad's framing him a little on this. Guess what? They both submitted more content. What? Yeah.

So, Wow. Chad gave me what he said is video from the booth of Eni doing this super disrespectful fart. And there's a bunch here. Here, want to just see it? Yeah, of course. Okay, here we go.

Here we go. Is this it? Wait. What the fuck? Is that you? Hmm? I don't think Annie farted. I think Annie just farted into the mic. Oh my god, this is crazy.

This is fucking crazy. Are we still rolling on that? Jesus Christ, bro. Give it a new meaning to Gaslight. What the fuck, man? Is that real? Is what real? What happened there, Eni? What do you mean?

Bro, it's all narrated. This is what Chad does. He's a fucking documentary film professor. In what way did I narrate this? You put the text on the thing. It's black video. You played a fart. I'm transcribing the actual audio. Yeah, but what you're doing

is setting it up so that it makes sense to your story But it's a not true story. You know, I just fucking putting it out So was that fart did that fart happen in that moment or no? I mean see the thing about these is like I don't remember. I don't even know what recording that was. Yes. He does Here's the thing he went in and deleted this audio But what he doesn't know is that I back up the audio onto a separate hard drive that he didn't have access to. Yeah, so you just happen to have the footage that both you edited and this backup. Zolo, you don't remember this day?

I think I need to stay a neutral party in this matter until all the evidence been presented. Okay, but you did hear yourself in there. Yeah, I was there. Yeah, but your honor, I feel like because we didn't see the conversation that any has a good point like anybody can go You can just play a fart Yeah, and then he could have had them be actors and then recreate a moment and cougar would say holy any fart for no reason That's something maybe he wrote the script and then they recorded it over I don't think that that black screen

But that wasn't cougar that I literally I heard that that's Tom. That's Tom and I definitely didn't hear Tom That's me fart. Yeah, that's good. That's how I never say holy any far. Exactly. He didn't say that I don't know what he said, but this is what I'm talking about He frames it to be exactly what he wants it to look like but that's not all right. Let's see the other evidence I'm not okay. you tell me what you think it is. I don't know, man. What is this? I don't know.

Where is this? Fuck. What is this? See you next week. Did you fart? No. Did you hear a fart? No. Wow. Wow! Eddie! See? Eddie, you turkey!

What? You got us! That's fucking AI. I don't know what the fuck, like, clearly he's doing it again. I don't know what the fuck. Can I tell you something? You are such a little turkey. He's a psychopath.

I know! I know! I mean, the lengths that he went to. So many lies now. It's all... Do you know what the fuck? I don't know what the fuck he went to. I don't know what the fuck he went to.

I don't know what the fuck he went to. I don't know what the fuck he went to. I don't know what the fuck he went to. I don't know what the fuck he went to. I don't know what the fuck he went to. I don't know what. He's a psychopath. I know! I know! I mean, the lengths that he went to. So many lies now. It's all, do you even hold in your shit for a month now? I feel like I can't believe any. I'm just kidding.

I'm just kidding, that's real. That's real. Yeah, how do we know now? I feel like I doubt everything I've ever known about him. And he's always adamant, like, fuck no, that wasn't me. Like, it's scary. Such a good liar. You should be an actor. Yeah, that's crazy. No, I'm not known about. And he's always like adamant, like, fuck no, that wasn't me. Like, it's scary. Such a good liar. You should be an actor.

Yeah, that's crazy. The lengths he goes to that I uncovered during all of this. Chad, I owe you an apology. You do owe him an apology. I am so sorry, Chad. I apologize. And we'd like to speak to you individually, too. Look at Chad's face.

Wow. Because that was right after we just got done arguing Look at Chad's face! Wow Cuz that was right after we just got done arguing about whether or not he farted and he did and he just did it Yeah, he beefed in the mic. Yeah, you beefed in your own mic You beefed in this mic and you did beef in the lobby that day, right? I've never fucking farted in here ever. Oh My god, you're so sad I've never fucking farted in here ever. Oh My god, you're this is so sad Well, we just saw you beef in the mic and then you winked and you beefed and you winked in your bed I tell you welcome to my life people don't realize that this is a podcast

This is fucking edited people cut shit together and make it look like I'm talking to my mom This is the kind of stuff my mom and any cut this my schizophrenic mother denying my reality my whole childhood look at this guy oh he's fucking laid in he got that video from my phone i'm sure i sent that to my fucking girl and he always hates when i wink after i fart he always hates it for full fart sparrowsie. See ya next week. Bye mommy. Look at him.

How is that AI? Did you hear a fart? No. Unbelievable. How do you feel? You're a fucking psycho. I mean I've been sitting here listening to them go back and forth for weeks about this So yeah, I mean it's pretty wild, but I feel like I'm

Just the child watching their parents fight. Hey, do you poo? I tell me the truth Are you do you poop once a month too? I mean well again I mean the whole month thing that was like a whole fucking it was like a challenge right? That's not it's not like a normal thing right yeah, but we've said that like people have made it a month But that's not real But the problem that actually it came from yeah hundred percent hundred percent. Yeah, that's real unreal so disappointed I know I feel like I've been fucking yeah, just I feel like a juror who's just yeah What yeah, and they just pulled out the evidence

and you're like, holy shit. Yeah, but then OJ, if I can, the glove don't fit, don't acquit or whatever. Then don't fart in my hand, yeah. He's trying to disprove what we see with our eyes. He's all fart in mirrors. Yeah. You're gonna fucking, you're gonna believe me

or you're fart in eyes? Neyana, what do you think of this shit? I mean, this is... Isn't that... I'm glad it finally came forward because he's been blowing up this studio for the past like month. It's stinky, it's loud, and it's disrespectful. It's also new. He had never been doing this for like years. Dude, why now?

They've just been quiet. You've been quiet writing them Yeah, and now you're starting farting. What's going on with you? What's going on with me? I mean good things, you know, I mean no bad things, but what's going on with me? Nothing different. Nothing different I think yeah, I'm just I'm showing Like let's switch this up here. I'm just- I'm reeling from this. I need to change topics. It's like your child lies to your fucking face. Yeah.

It's unbelievable. This is a crazy day. This is like a kid lying to us. Yeah. Yeah. No, that's really crazy. This is like discovering a fucking- I'm so disappointed in you.

So, we got an email. You need another rogue to deal with this grief. I know I do. Go ahead. A new type of airtight. Oh. This person says, I live in Shreveport, one of Todd's favorite cities,

and for years have been well aware of an infamous crackhead streetwalker who was nicknamed by the locals as Colostomy Candy. As you might have guessed, this is because she would let her customers fuck her colostomy hole. She is now deceased, confirmed by local EMS and medical staff due to continuous infections in her shit hole.

Big surprise there. This raises several questions that allow for an in-depth discussion. How bad is your mouth, puss, and ass that someone would opt to bang your leaky shithole? Two, would she remain seated to engage in intercourse or lay down? Finally, but most arguably the most important,

did the additional hole up an opportunity for a new type of airtight? I'd love to hear your thoughts. Piss on me, beat me, fuck my colostomy, whatever. Taylor, I'm a dude Now did I mention we got a hamster isn't that a nice topic? You don't want to explore colostomy bags I mean can I see one because I don't know if I've ever actually seen what they look like or how they work

Oh, really we're gonna get into the topic. I'd like to know what I'm really dealing with Okay, I know what it is. It's a bag used to collect your cockat. Yeah, if you can't It's like in the abdominal area. Oh You push your cockat out of there and it goes into it it's collected into a bag, correct, okay. Oh That doesn't look good. I think the real question is what is wrong with men Yes wrong with men. What is wrong with men? That your fucking colostomy bag holds? Not what's wrong with her.

We know why she's doing it. She's a crack head. She's living on the streets and she's down on her life. Yeah, like what is wrong with a dude? Who's like, yeah, fuck that hole. It's like you said though, guy who fucked the back of your knee. Yeah, they don't care.

Have I said that? That's pretty good. You said that back of your knee. Yeah, they don't care. Have I said that? That's pretty good. You said that, yeah. Yeah, they don't care. They don't care. But I have a, I feel like you'd have to be down bad to be like, what's up with that? Can you take that colostomy bag off? Well, here's- Let me have a go at that.

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Then oh yeah, this Reese's Extreme Blizzard is real. Hurry into DQ today. DQ, happy tastes good. Is that did she charge more for the colostomy bag or less? Meaning, you know, was access to the other holes cost more? Is that why a guy would opt for the bag hole? Is it a discount? Oh.

Oh, I know. Oh, man. I think any guy that opts for the colostomy hole. Cool guy club. Oh yeah. Big time. It is Shreveport, we've both been to Shreveport. So it's plausible. We have. Man, this is a rough one. Big time. It is Shreveport, we've both been to Shreveport, so it's plausible.

Ah man, this is a rough one. Fuck off. Also though, they do bring up one good point, is if she's going airtight, it's four. That is a new type of airtight. Yeah. There's an additional hole now.

Oh Jesus. Jesus. God, I fucking, I feel unsettled. Yeah, this hole, why did you bring this up right after Eni's thing? I don't know. We're also dissolution. It felt like a natural transition. We need to sorbet to cleanse the palate.

Something, okay. Something silly. Can you, is there a fun video or something? Yeah, let me, here. I feel lost in the world. I'll give you something fun. ["Sweet Home Alone"] What the fuck is this, babe? It's like a cupping treatment, but with a massive jar.

But for the stomach? And it's burning. It's burning her stomach. Well, we started off with Phil Spector. Yeah. No, I don't. OK, OK. How about someone stuck on a ride or? OK, that's a good call. Here we go. Here we go. Something silly, maybe? OK, here don't. Okay, okay. How about someone stuck on a ride or?

Okay, that's a good call. Here we go, here we go. Something silly, maybe? Okay, here we go, something silly. ["Sweet Home Alone"] Ha ha ha. Can you describe what you saw? Well, that person got hit by a tree,

a palm frond maybe, falling. I've heard that happens quite frequently, actually. Yeah, that happens. She's not okay. No. No. No, she quite frequently. Yeah, that happens. She's not okay. No For people Watching somebody a man is laying on his back with his legs spread Yeah, and somebody drops an old boombox from the second floor balcony right onto his nuts But I'm more I'm curious where they get that boombox from.

I know you can hardly find those anymore. You can't find a cassette player like that. That hurt a lot. It's a treasure that old ass boombox. That really hurt. Fuck yeah dude, from that height too. Yeah, that's such a lot. Fuck that.

The ceiling collapses in a movie theater because there's water. It's like it's raining outside. Yeah. It's gonna collapse on everybody in the theater. Fuck. That's not in America, is it? I don't think so. It's a rough one. No, not.

Yeah, that was a rough one. That was the Philippines. Philippines. Thank God. How did everyone do there? Not in America. Only six people were injured. Oh.

Wow. Not too bad. Not too bad. They're just built different in the Philippines, huh? She, oh, and that tree definitely did. Strong people. I got it, thank you. Is there nothing just kind of silly, goofy, uplifting?

Here we go. He's going to come up the steps the warthog There he comes isn't that cute. Oh my goodness, and he's huge Well, I should call him over hello boy And if we can pet him no absolutely can no boy boy boy Hey boy. Hey boy. No. No. No. Help me, help, help. I got you. I got you. Yeah, that got me back.

That was pretty cool. Well, cause I will say, speaking of that silly little hamster we got, we bought one for the boys, you know, cause I do like having an animal around the house. Yeah. And I think they sold me a rat because it really looks like a rat.

It's gray, it's slender, and it just, it bites me all the time and it bites you, but it doesn't bite the children, which is nice. Well, it bit me when I held it with my hand cupped. It doesn't like to be constrained. Right, so open palm is what you have to do. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, but it's adorable. I like hearing it open palms is what you have to do. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, but it's adorable. I like hearing it at night. It's actually very soothing. She's like, get me the fuck out of here. Please let me free. Just running, and she's still alive. It's been like two weeks. I can't believe it.

Shocked. I gave it 48 hours, but yeah, alive and well. The boys, the minute that thing came in the house. That thing runs. Touching it. All night. All night, it's on its wheel. the house, touching it. All night. All night, it's on its wheel. I walk out there, it's like.

Stressed out, it's working out the stress. It's like, fuck, these boys are coming back for me tomorrow. But Ellis takes good care of it. It's cute. They're just shit pets. I have an interesting one for you. Do you know that, have you ever seen a special needs person and thought, I wanna give them a hug?

Mm, yeah, they're adorable. Exactly, like midgets. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You just go, I'm gonna pick one up. They're so cute. They're so cute, I'm gonna pick them up. Yes. Did you know that they prefer to be asked?

Who, little people? All people of special needs. And Down syndrome people? They prefer to be asked? Who? Little people? All people of special needs. And Down syndrome people? They prefer to be asked and not just snuggled? Yes. Oh, see, I think I would want, like if people wanna hug me a lot in public, and I'm always like, yeah, of course.

I love a good snuggie. But you're wanting them to ask or don't ask? That they ask. Yeah. Yeah, they usually go, can I hug you? And I go, yeah, sure. You're supposed to ask. Well, how do you do that? I hug you and I go yeah sure. It's supposed you're supposed to ask I always ask the other person for consent like this

Can I hug you no, I don't want to be hugged So would you like to have sex like me? No, I will not like to have sex If someone was gonna give me a hug, and I don't want them to, I would say no, thank you. I would say, not right now. That's smart. If you don't want to, you don't have to.

If you don't want to do it, then don't say yes, say no. I want to hug him, he's cute though. So the whole thing is these are not your pets, Christina. But they're so cute and adorable, I agree. Doesn't matter, that's why they had to put out the video. People like you, who think they can just go up and hug and pick people up. Down syndrome people, they're so cute.

I didn't even think about what a problem that must be for them, being so adorable and lovable. Yeah, what a curse to be just so cute. Yeah. I didn't even think about what a problem that must be for them, being so adorable and lovable. Mm. Yeah. Yeah. What a curse to be just so cute. I know. And to think, though, that somebody would

want you to ask permission. I know. I know. Because I'm friends with, well, we are friends with Brad Williams. He's an LP. He's made it very clear, don't just pick me up. Yeah, you know, he doesn't like that. Because it's happened to him multiple times.

Is that right? Of course. Every little person has had that happen to them. Yeah, don't pick me up. Yeah, you know, he doesn't like that. Cause it's happened to him multiple times. Is that right? Of course. Every little person has had that happen to them. Yeah, don't pick them up. I think that's rude. Sometimes they get thrown. Yeah, that's not nice.

But he's pretty heavy. I don't think he would be easy to pick up. I mean, I'm saying maybe on the scale of little people, that like, some people would go like, oh, here's a little fella. I'm just gonna pick him up. Toss him in the air, catch him like a toddler. I wouldn't do that.

I wouldn't do that. I think you need another, yeah, talking to him. Wait, what else do you think is adorable and inappropriate at the same time? Besides little people? Yeah, I'm trying to think what else I like. Spinners. Chicks? Yeah, I'm trying to think what else I like. Spinners? Chicks?

Yeah. Speaking of spinners, we've been watching the Olympics. Yeah. And here's the deal, man. We were talking about which type of athlete we would bang. Now dudes are always saying that, I was one fucking spinner gymnast, gymnast. Here's the thing, here's the, because there's different qualities to each of these athletes, right?

Yes, this is what I'm, yes. So if we're talking about women, the gymnasts are always petite, super flexible, like crazy. That's what guys love, yeah. Right, they're like pretzels. I mean, legs behind the head, and you know, you just do whatever you want. And so that's the appeal there.

However, might I point out, Your Honor, I agree, I's the appeal there. However, might I point out, Your Honor, I agree, I understand the appeal. Is that they're actually built really stocky. Like if you look at like Mary Lou Retton or any of these old tiny. Oh, they're fucking crazy athletes. Like the top is very heavy and then it kind of goes in like a triangle.

So I'm not so sure aesthetically. Can we not, Mary Lou Retton? Can we do a more. Remember Mary Lou from 1984? Well, I don't know who's not in a minor. Who's like. No, yeah, let's, of age please. Jesus Christ.

They're not always built that femme, is what I'm trying to say. I mean, look, you don't get it all. And I know you, you like big sloppers, that a lot of them are in the hungry titty committee. Yeah, of course. Well, they have no body fat, most of these athletes. And no period, which is great.

You could just bust nuts in all of these athletes. If we're doing more females here, the beach volleyball team, they're like statues. Oh, stunning. Can we look at beach volleyball, please? They're like five nine to six two, beautiful bodies. They're also obviously super athletic. Let's look at them.

Yeah, and plus they always wear those little short shorts to re-professional. Yeah, they're usually very attractive. Do you think, can I ask you something seriously? Sure. Do you think the short shorts going into their ass is more comfortable than? Like a bikini brief or just a regular short like is there a real utility in this costume

Or is this just for I think if they're wearing a short short It's gonna ride up on them anyway, and they're pulling it down all the time So they're just they're they're performing with underwear in their asshole, and they're fine with it And they're the only athletes that have to do that, which is crazy. Yeah, yeah. But beach volleyball. Yeah, like why can't they wear those Lesbo shorts, like those old 80s runner shorts? Those Jimmy Dicks shorts?

I don't know. I would prefer that. Yeah. I'm down with the thongs. I know. Yeah, but so. But those chicks are, but they're. They can get it, beach volleyball can get it. Hold on, I know who you should have sex with.

The ribbon twirlers. Hold on, hear me out. Flexible, athletic as shit. On the gym floor, on the gymnastics floor, this girl, yeah. That bullshit. It's like 10 dicks in each hand. 10 dicks. I don't even know how to keep up with this, yeah.

Google those chicks, because they have hungry, all of them have hungry tits. That's gonna be a problem for you. But they look more feminine. Look how gorgeous. And it's a feminine sport. She's not gonna have,

I don't know, maybe as many breaks or, I don't know, sprains, I don't know. Just wanna be clear with these images. I'd like to do an age check on anybody that were profiled. Of course, of course, of course. Look how, that's a fun one.

I'd wanna be a ribbon twirler. I'll tell you who I couldn't handle. I would come so fast, or the sprinters. Hello. The sprinters, like the fucking Jamaican sprinters. I would just be like, ugh. Everybody, everybody would. Like, cause they're just built like crazy asses.

Everybody would. And like, you're gonna come now, don't come white boy. The Jamaican runners are so hot. Ugh! Oh stop it, shut up. You shut it. And also, yeah, let me look at, the runners are always cool. Oh my god.

They're cute, yeah. I wouldn't laugh. That's distance, fuck the distance runners. It's all about the sprinters. Yeah, they got strong thighs. Put up the Jamaican women sprinting. It is true. There's something particular about the Jamaican runner.

I agree, either sex. I would get down with everybody there. Yeah, they're beautiful. Bodies are beautiful. Their bodies are crazy. Yeah, so fit. Yeah, they're beautiful. Bodies are beautiful. Yeah, they're beautiful. Their bodies are crazy. Yeah. So fit.

Yeah. I can tell you right now who I wouldn't get with. As much as I admire the sport. Yeah. The swimmers. Really? I don't like how dispro, like Michael Phelps. Yeah.

Just too disproportionate. The arms are too long. Yes, they're fit, they're in great shape, but their bodies are disproportionate. For men, here's who I would think you'd be like. And they smell like a pool, probably. They do smell like a pool a lot. And these guys also smell like a pool. But physically, I feel like this is like

the male desired aesthetic is water polo. Yeah, I like water, bring up water polo. Yeah, I like what those are like Very Yes, and very European mostly European the playing very good water. I like that Yeah, they're good dudes are like the usual see this here They're usually first of all some of them are like six seven. Yeah, and they're just fucking totally jacked But like fit it's not Grotesque muscular. Yes, they're just fucking totally jacked. Yeah, but like fit it's not Grotesque muscular. Yes, they're just lean. Yeah, and I like that. These dudes are real athlete I don't like the gay bonnets that they wear in the waters. Yeah, but they take it off for bed I know it just looks it looks gay shit and I get why because I ripped their ears off, right?

Yeah, it's a really physical game. I, look at their little speedos. So cute. Now, would you do a, I like those guys. Would you do a gangbang with the water polo team? It depends, cause now that we've discussed bringing Oasis back together again, is it for a good cause? Hungry, hungry is a great.

Hungarians are the best at water polo. Scroll up a little bit. Other way. More up a little bit. Other way. More. Little more. Wait, down, down. Like, does that picture there? There?

Like, imagine that you're in your room, and then, and then this is at the door. Right. But again, what am I doing it for? Like, I'm too old now to like do it for shits and giggles. Like, is it making money for cancer research? Cancer research? No, it's just for you to get off.

Is it so that Bauhaus tours again? Yeah, Bauhaus is gonna tour again. Oh yeah, for sure. It's gotta be a reason for me. I don't care about experiences. It's 15 guys. Yeah, oh one's here. Yeah. Is it like chilies? Like the It's 15 guys. Yeah. Oh, yeah

Is it like chilies like the levels of chili? Yeah Yeah, you're stuck in the chilies Do it does everybody have to come all 15? Yeah, yeah, there's no like oh, there's a matter where No, it doesn't matter where how much time do I have? I? Mean it's the Olympics. It's all about getting things done quickly, you know You think they can come faster because they're so athletic. Yeah. Oh, yeah, they're young, but I'm old I mean, it's the Olympics. It's all about getting things done quickly, you know. You think they can come faster because they're so athletic? Yeah.

Oh yeah, they're young, but I'm old. I'm not gonna be turning them on. No, you don't know that. It might be harder for them to come. No, it might be like a kink. They're like, you see this fucking ancient woman we're with? She was probably at the first Olympics. Yeah, definitely.

Yeah. Okay, well hold on. How much time do I get though tell me you to make them all finish An hour that's 15 guys in an hour What is that six minutes six minutes per? right Four minutes four I'd need more time. Okay hour and a half. Give 90 minutes No, you're under the gun. Yeah, I'm under the gun That means I have to go airtight and I because I have to do multiple

Utilize every so everybody can come and you're like and you're wanting you're like, come on guys. So it's gotta be in five turns Intervals of three Five different rounds at how much aiece am I getting for an hour? Sorry, what's that math? If I'm doing airtight, three guys per sesh, five rounds. Every time a threesome. About 12 minutes a round. I would do it that way if I had to.

Very cool. And so every time a threesome finishes, the Bauhaus goes, I think we'll. Peter Murphy. They turn on Peter Murphy puts on one tight one black tight and then he puts his cape on when the other guy finishes the fourth guy finishes And then when the final three some finishes, they're all like hey you go. I did it. I did it. You're just covered. Yeah I did it, I did it. You're just covered. Yeah, yeah.

What a cool thought for you. Would it be easier to get through if they were non-English speaking? Yeah. So you don't have to have- I don't wanna talk to them, man. And like, who knows what the fuck they're saying. Who cares?

You wanna dissociate, right? You wanna hear like, Oh, I would be so drunk or high or whatever. Very cool. This is a cool scenario. Don't you think? Yeah. I mean- Sounds like you might need to give some consent

if you have to be that drunk and high. Yeah, of course. No one wants to be, I don't want to be anyway. Yeah. So what country do you think? Oh, I wouldn't want to do my. You don't want to do your country of origin. Slovaki types.

Cause that's too like, too much like my family. Yeah. I like Italians. We're learning Italian. Can you pull up the Italian water polo team sure I could do that. I bet they're good-looking the Greeks probably cool Latins I like latins. Okay. Let's see. Where's the that's the US team. No, I don't do it. No fucking Americans us Jesus Christ my fucking fucking bitch I wanna do a normal fucking American. That's US. Jesus Christ, my fucking. Fucking bitch.

Stupid Siri. Oh, okay. Is that Italian? That's US team. Oh, the US team's very handsome. Is there not a men's Italian team? Cause I like the Italian men's faces. Oh, or you know what?

The Netherlands, they're attractive people. They're big too. Yeah, fine with me. Oh, that's a what? The Netherlands, they're attractive people. They're big too. Yeah, fine with me. Oh, that's a handsome gent in the water. What team is that? Italy. Yeah, I'd take it. I like it. I like Italians. Italian. He is very masculine.

Giuseppe. I also feel like the Italians would be respectful and friendly. Yeah, like they would be cool with it because they're cool. That's US. Why can't we get just put Italian polo. Those guys look naked as they're squatting down. I would just redo the search. Can I ask you something? What?

Now, are you gonna ramrod the entire gymnastics team? You know, I hadn't thought about that, but it's a legitimately good question. You have to, well, listen to me. What? There's 15 women on the women gymnastics team. You gotta, you gotta begotten every one of them. That's so fucking difficult

So what how long is it gonna take you pop a Viagra? Pop 15 times it's different different. Well, how long but let's discuss the parameters. How long would it take you? Well, It's your age. It's a factor. Of course it is and how much Viagra would you have to take? Probably more than the doctor would recommend. And also my balls at one point would just go. No, right. So then, so let's talk about, is it a week long? Oh, I see.

And all you're doing is you're renting a hotel, but you're renting like the Marriott. I'm not gonna put you up at the Ritz. Okay. By the airport. I think, you know, there's a little bit of extra of doing it for my country, doing it for, cause you were doing it for Bauhaus.

What am I doing it for? Whatever you want, you choose your cause. Free some hostages or something like. Is that gonna motivate you truly? Yeah, doing it for something like of meaning, yeah, sure. All right. Something purposeful. I think Bauhaus is the biggest purpose, but whatever.

Okay. Yeah, I think, I don't know. I mean, I would say we're gonna, 15? You have to plow through 15. Or you're Jamaican runners. Oh my God. There's 15 Jamaican runners. Oh my God.

I mean, I would need multiple days. Right. Yeah. So I would say- days. Right. Yeah. So I would say- And all you're doing is banging, all you're doing is sleeping, eating, you know, getting ready. Yeah, I was gonna say, there's a recovery thing.

Because here's the thing. Let's say day one, it's day one, you get lucky. You get lucky because it's day one. It's a little extra excitement in the mirror. There's extra excitement. And you're like, I can't believe I'm doing this for freedom. And then I think at the end of the day, if you had at my age, five or six,

that would be, yeah, that's. That's pushing it. Yeah, no, but the thing is day two, they're like, we got six more. I'm like, you're gonna have to chop that in half. Yeah. You know? And I'm gonna need some more fruit.

And I need some protein. I need some rest. I need some ice. Yeah, some rest, I need some ice. Yeah, so I think you could do six full night of recovery. Hold on, hold on. You have to do it in Chili's. In a Chili's? Yeah.

So you're- Is it open? Are people eating there? No, we're gonna rent it out, but all the food and sustenance and rest happens at the Chili's. At Chili's? Why? Because I like it that way.

I don't want you to be too comfortable. I'll do my gangbang in Chili's as well. Oh my god. So I think six is day one. And then you sleep on the booth. You sleep on a booth at Chili's. What are you going to eat to recover? Let's look at the Chili's menu.

I mean. Let's be strategic because you want to eat a lot of protein. And carb. You need carbs. You need a lot of carbs. You need energy, man. I want you to be eating those tater skins. Yeah, what's going on with the Chili's menu. Let's be strategic, because you want to eat a lot of protein. And carbs, you need carbs. You need a lot of carbs. Yeah, you need energy, man. I want you to be eating those tater skins. Yeah, what's going on with the Chili's menu? Let's see what you can order.

To recover from banging six chicks. I don't want a triple dipper. I don't want anything fried. I really don't. What else do they have? Scroll out of that. I do want an espresso, but not a martini.

Yeah, do they have nothing that isn't fried? Jesus Christ, steak and ribs? Yeah, some of that. And then I need like mashed potatoes. I think they have good mashed potatoes. Alex's Santa Fe burger looks nice. Okay, sandwiches. Guiltless grill.

I would do the guiltless grill. Okay, okay, good call. Oh yeah, with avocado and the sirloin. Yeah, that's my first post-six nut recovery meal. The classic sirloin with avocado, 10 ounces. That's helping me. But you're going to have to order that really red in the middle so that it comes out kind of cooked. I know.

Like cooked. Because they're not, they're going to overcook the shit out of that. Tons of water, maybe some. But it's like that shitty gun water. I know, it's like shitty they're gonna overcook the shit tons of water. Maybe some But it's like that shitty gun water. It tastes like soda. Maybe some some Arnold Palmer's lemonade and iced tea Little caffeine little sugar Yeah, now my eating sit just gonna be different. Oh go to alcohol. There you go

I'm gonna get a lot of breaks in yours. I get a go alcohol I'm gonna go I'm gonna drink all that alcohol and then I'm going to order it. You don't get a lot of breaks in yours. I get a good one. No, I'm going to go, I'm going to drink all that alcohol and then I'm going to order from the kids menu, which is my new secret thing I do. What kind of breaks are you taking? Pepperoni pizza after I bang all those guys. Oh, after. I rinse off.

But yours is insignificant because it's post all of it. Yeah, after an hour I'm done. Right, but I'm saying your meal, like my meal is sustenance. It's fueling this major fucking right challenge Mine is it's just to fill the the alcohol to soak up the alcohol that's in my stomach so that I've dissociated enough to get Through it's a different problem. I just realized what I Mean, I think it's six on day one, and I don't think it's more than three on day two

Yeah, cuz six is a why don't you okay cut back on the first day? Why don't you space it out three three three too many days? I mean, what's the point at that point? You're just like can you do three a day? I think we're trying to go for like, you know, you got to make it challenging That's what I'm saying. You're trying to get it done in what? three days Four days five a day five a day is really where the challenge lies. I think that's what you do. Alright. I think you gotta go for five a day.

You're doing it. And I think it's a third day. There's tears. I think you're really struggling. Can you imagine when you're like, alright, that's 13. Two more. I'm like, I can't. I can't. I can't. And then you just show up, show me pictures of people locked up in like North Korean labor camps and I'm like, I can't, I can't, I can't. And then you just show up, show me pictures of people locked up in like North Korean labor camps and I'm like. I can come, I can do it. Give me another Viagra.

I'm just like, come on Tom, rude boy. Show me how a white boy fuck. And I'm like, I'm trying, I'm trying, I'm trying, I'm trying. How many, so explain to me, so Viagra you take and then once you pop, you have to take another Viagra? No, no, but you're not supposed to like, Can't come and come, okay? You can't just keep popping, it's bad for your, you know,

this is like opening all your arteries and your blood vessels up, you can't just, I think it's like one a day, you know? Maybe two if you're pushing it. Do you start in the morning or do you wake up? Oh yeah, no, you're up. You're up, 6 a.m. You're like, I'm ready to go.

You enter this challenge way more chipper than you finish it. In the chiles. Yeah. Yeah. You wake up in that booth. That 15th, just a little eye dropper, just goes, and you're like, I did it. And then there's IVs. There's gotta be a whole medical staff waiting for me.

All the fluid is just drained from your body. And then the's IVs. There's gotta be a whole medical staff waiting for me. All the fluid is drained from your body. And then the whole country, it's like that video where they're all watching the soccer. And they just go crazy. Tom, you did it. You did it. There has to be this porn, by the way. This, I'm sure exists. In Chili's? Sponsored by? Not in Chili's, but there's definitely like, how many times can this guy do it challenge?

Yeah, I'm sure that sees oh You're the one sure you can make dessert. We don't have a vpn right now. Oh my god What we don't have a vpn here. Yeah, what no why? It makes your internet slower so stay on it but we can get one just in case. Very gay. I, very gay. That's almost as gay as pickleball. Yeah, all right, peachy, I gotta peachy.

Oh yeah. I'll be right back. Right back. And we're back. Excellent P, thank you very much for asking. It's so hard. You know, coming out of the Olympics, there's no better time to talk about the sport that has really transformed

the nation in the last year, I feel like. Maybe the world, but certainly in the United States. And that is the ever-growing sport of pickleball. I know, I hate it so much. It's really taken off. I know, and it's so gay. I really feel like it does the sport of tennis no favors. Like if you're a tennis person, you see it as an insult. You should. It's so gay. I really feel like it does the sport of tennis no favors Like if you're a tennis person you see it as an insult you should it's disrespectful and most tennis people are like yeah

This shit is for losers for dorks And then what's happening is that pickleball is so accessible and so easy compared to tennis Yeah, of course is that some tennis players are like, oh I'll play pickleball and then guess what happens They're the fucking best big wall course ever right? but most Tennis players who have dignity and character go I won't step foot on now Yeah, you look look I don't play tennis anymore because it hurts my I can't do it anymore physically, but as a former tennis player because it hurts my, I can't do it anymore physically. But as a former tennis player,

pickleball is so fucking disrespectful to the institution of tennis. And if you're a grown man playing pickleball, you should be ashamed of yourself. I don't care how fun it is. If you're not elderly, play the full court, you fucking fag. You should be 75. Play the court.

Yeah, I totally, I mean, this is like, sometimes people are like, oh, you go to the racetrack to drive. And I'm like, oh yeah, I mean this is like, you know, sometimes people are like, uh, Oh, you go to the racetrack to drive and I'm like, Oh yeah, I, I like doing it. And they're like, yeah, I play, um, video games. I'm like, Oh, that's cool. Yeah, that's a, it's very, very much like it. It's like playing table tennis. Well, here's the thing.

I think if you are, if you are going to not play tennis, play fucking ping pong, man. Yeah, I agree. It's either tennis or ping pong, but never pickleball. Pickleball, just absolutely. Why does it, it upsets me so much. It's just not, it's not hard. The main thing too, when you meet people

that are into pickleball, they're like, it's so easy. You'll be like, you'll be great on day one. Yeah, that's a problem. Well, yeah, that's why you should play tennis. Yeah, go swim in the kiddie pool You know you could do if instead of golf is you can go to a pot pot place. Yeah, exactly It's very exactly. It's very easy. It's like playing miniature golf and going I'm a golfer I mean, I I have one element of the game down. Yeah It's it's pretty cool.

Yeah, it's humiliating. And I hate to say it, and so many people I love are into it. All over the place, I know. And just say it, like, if you're into it, it's fine. It's gay, you're gay too. And that's fine. Just come out as a gay lord.

Yeah. I just think people secretly hate it, and nobody's saying it, but we fucking hate you if you play tennis is tough. It's a challenging It's so hard and it's hard physically to get your ass across the court to get the ball in time It's hard to serve. It's hard to return serves. Yes. Yes, because the court is big. I've been pitched to play pickleball once a week for the last I've been pitched to play pickleball once a week for the last 10 months. Somebody's like, you gotta come play.

It's super fun and it's easy. Well, go put on your dress, Sally, and your fucking summer bonnet. Why don't you pick up some fucking kettlebells and grow a pair of those. Right. See, okay, this is what I was thinking of this morning because I was training today.

I've been weight lifting, right? I've been lifting. And I really enjoy it. Kids been lifting, yeah. And my trainer and I were talking about, because she's on the apps and she's dating and she's like, people use catch phrases that are popular. Like right now the men are like,

just trying to get my old sweatshirt back from my ex-girlfriend or something stupid. Like, yeah, like just trying to get my records back from the bitch or whatever stupid thing. And I was like, oh, that's so funny. Cause I would have such a hard time looking normal. On a date. It would be impossible for me to have a clean social media.

Here's your image, all right, hold on. I mean, I'm dressed like an insane person most of the time. Click, okay, and then what's your profile say? Okay, here's what I'm into, my legs. I like weightlifting, goth music, and playing the drums. Lesbian. Yeah.

I'm a depressed lesbian. Yeah. What would your stuff be though? I'm into my new training regimen with a strict diet. Yeah, diet. I'm learning Italian. Yeah. And, oh yeah, and I like art. Yeah, you're a gay guy. Gay, yeah.

Like with me. So each of us would fall into a gay category. For sure. Yeah. For sure. And if I tried to be gay, I I like art. Yeah, you're a gay guy. Gay, yeah. Yeah. Like, what would you? So each of us would fall into a gay category. For sure. Yeah. For sure, like. And if I tried to tell, I'd be like, oh no, I'm straight. They'd be like, I saw your interests, you're gay.

Yeah. Diet. Just go ahead and get a pickleball paddle because you're gay. I know, totally. Yeah, like, when you think about, like, what you really, really like. Yeah, yours screams lesbian. Of course. Weightlifting, drums, when you think about, like, what you really, really like. Yeah, you're a screams lesbian.

Of course. Weightlifting, drums and golf. But I've always had, I've always been interested- Oh, I'm into photography, sorry. In what boys like. Oh, you're so gay. Yeah. Photography, Italian, and like, yeah.

Cooking. Yeah, I like to cook. I love art. But I like photography, but I prefer film. I don't know. I'm not a fan of photography. I'm not a fan of photography. I'm not a fan of photography. I'm not a like to cook. I love art. I like photography, but I prefer film. I don't want digital film.

But also murder. Don't forget, you love murder documentaries. True. Which chicks do love that stuff too. Chicks love murder porn. It's like their favorite. It's almost like they would prefer it within, with other chicks

Right. Yeah, I don't know. I don't watch it. I can't watch I'm too sensitive. I get sad But I still go to bed do it. I call both every night every night. No, but now I know you're like you're gonna put a murder On I'm trying to sleep. Yeah, that's what you say. Yeah, I'm conditioned Yeah, and if I don't hear something like that, I have a hard time falling asleep. It's like you're my you're my Xanax You're my natural Xanax. I have to hear you dog bummers. Yeah Yeah, yeah cuz I wonder do people do people do that? Like do they actually tell the truth on their dating profiles? No, right? Like you wouldn't be like I'm gonna drums No, I mean, yeah, it's all something kind of like catchy and quirky

I mean, it's all something kind of like catchy and quirky I would put yeah, I'd be so dumb. I know this from all my shows that the coroner only has five Five choices for manner of death and that that's what we like my little joke. It'd be homicide suicide accidental natural causes or other and so I'd be like Which one do you wanna be? Yeah. I love that. Yeah.

Is that true? Wait, tell me the causes of death again. Manner of death. Manner of death. And that's decided by the coroner. So a medical examiner has to decide. So what are the five again? Homicide, suicide, accidentalicide. Yeah. Accidental. Sure.

Natural causes. Sure. Or other. Ooh. What would the other be? Like what's other than all those four? I guess that's when they go, well this wasn't a murder, this wasn't a suicide, this wasn't an accident,

this wasn't a disease. I don't know. What else could there be? Death by gayness. Yeah, being gay. Pickled baldness. Good choice. I'm't know. Who else can there be? Death by gayness. Yeah, being gay. Pickled baldness. Good choice. I'm just kidding.

Undetermined and pending. Oh, drogas, drug, no? What's a drug overdose, is that considered? Accident. Accidental? Yeah. I don't know, dude. So, undetermined, just, well, they can't figure it out,

basically, but it's usually one of the others, you know. Yeah, it's a pretty sassy tagline. Yeah, some chick would love some. Yeah, she's like a he likes killing Yeah, cool chicks Neat chicks, yeah. Yeah, my whole thing would be a disaster I was just looking give her look through your own Instagram profile every now and then, just to see what other people see? Oh no. Oh really?

I do it from time to time just to be like, what am I like? What am I presenting to the world? And I'm like, fucking mess dude, and I'm crazy. I mean, if I were like a single woman and trying to attract a mate. Yeah, not good. It's a bad, bad story.

This is crazy. Thank God you and I were pre-social media, holy cow. That would have been fucking bad. How would we even? I don't know, how do you, sup, I don't know. Yeah, that's so fucking weird. How would you write? Sup.

Sup, bitch. Can we do some TikToks, please? Why do you wanna go to TikToks after that? I don't know, I don't wanna hear sup, bitch. Can we do some TikToks, please? Why do you want to go to TikToks after that? I don't know, I don't want to hear sup, bitch. Stupid. Hey, what kind of cheese am I? You? Probably Parmesan.

Yeah, exactly. But I'm the good kind at the Italian restaurant. Not the kind that the waiter grates. You're not the shaky one that you insist on buying? Not the cheap craft shaky cheese? No, I'm the kind that's already grated, but it's on a table and you have to use the spoon to scoop it. Oh, wow.

But everybody likes me and everybody is into me. Oh, you're like a stinky foreign cheese. You're like a Lindberger or like a runny brie or like a like a blue cheese like a fucking nomie you're like a crummy you know what runny diarrhea giving I just had this weird idea that I should populate the earth get three girls pregnant in one day, times up by 365 and so on and so forth. I hope you're all happy the world will be populated with people just like me. I hope you guys can take that. I'm considered mentally disabled so I'll be on social security so I don't have to worry about trials anymore.

Mental Disabled. Makes disabled. You got it. You were always asking. Mental illness, yeah. He looks good there. The lighting's great for him. Maybe I should punish the poor thief. Oh boy. See, he got me on this video.

I like this one. It's a little Elon Musk thing. You like it? Yeah. I'm going to populate the world, bitch. What do you think? You said you wanted something silly. Here's silly for you. What do you think? What do you think?

What do you think? What do you think? What do you think? What do you think? What do you think? What do you think? What do you think? What do you think?

What do you think? What do you think? What do you think? What do you think? What do you think? What do you think? What do you think? What do you think?

What do you think? What do you think? What do you think? What do you think? What do you think? What do you think? What do you think? What do you think? What do you think? What do you think? What do you think? Tic tacs. I love. A swarm of bees landed on this chair and I was called to remove them. So I started scooping bees off the chair and

shaking them into a new hive. With every handful of bees I scooped, I was searching for the queen. These bees were very gentle and they were not trying to sting me, but they did not want to stay in the new hive since their queen was not in there yet. So I shook the entire colony off the chair and I began to search for the queen bee in the crowd. As the bees

were starting to settle into their new home, I saw the queen crawling along the back of the hive. It looked like she was trying to find a way to get inside and get back to her colony. So I put her in a clip and I put her into the new hive. Then I waited for the colony to settle into the new hive and I took the bees home. I placed the new hive in my bee yard and the next day I released the queen bee from the clip and she rejoined her colony

and it was another great day of saving the bees. Okay, here's a problem. Well, first of all, a very rare informative talk from you, which is very nice. But upon my second viewing of this, I can't figure out if I fucking, like I love her because she's so weird, but I hate how she narrates. But do you hate it? I scooped up the bees.

Because it's kind of calming. Right. And she's also teaching. So it's nice that somebody that teaches speaks at a slow pace. Here, I'm gonna nut six times on chilies. And when I'm done, I'll rest. And then tomorrow, six more times.

See, it helps. That is better. He scooped up the bees. I just, I feel like to do her job, you do need to speak that softly and have that temperament. She has the temperament of a beekeeper. She's got the Eeyore temperament. I'm glad that she's out there doing that. Oh, me too.

Save the bees. She's like a nice lady. She's a real nice lady. Thank you, Miss Bee Lady. Yeah, she's sweet. If you want to sleep with me, you're gonna have to beg No exceptions. I don't know about the no mustache. I think I Think this oh the Abraham Lincoln. Yeah, the Abe look the what's it called in?

Pennsylvania the you know the fucking no electricity people. Oh the Dutch no the Mormon Domish The Amish look I don't know yeah, I agree most chicks aren't like I want a fucking Amish guy, you know And he looks like he's at a dumpster like he's behind her. He's always putting out shit like this No, I know he's a different type like. Like the smut reader, the guy who's like, I will touch you. I know who he is. I got it. Like your nipples. That's a different energy.

This is a more manic energy. It's more intense for this guy. Well, and he's doing the mystery thing. Like he's- You have to beg. Negging the girl. Like you're- You're gonna fucking ask me to do it.

I'm not asking you shit fucking dummy yeah you'd be lucky yeah fucking lucky bitch hell yes another cool face tattoo what is this BP what is that like a team or something batting practice yeah nah uh nah I don't know what it's for batting practice

I didn't believe ya that's pretty cool, right? That is so hardcore. And she's pretty, man. I know. She is pretty. It's a bummer. I cannot wait until 2028 when we get her Tatchel

Remov-O videos. Those are going to be awesome. She's like, look, I made a lot of mistakes. It was rough. I was in drugs and I was running with this vato named Herman. You know, he got me into meds. He got me in a lot of trouble. I just got out of corking.

You know what I'm saying? I didn't make his lunch. No bueno. Hi Riley. Oh my God. This one's my new obsession. So he alternates between messages for Riley and then just like, hi princess, hi beautiful.

That's it. And that's it. That's the end of the talk. It's a one point two second, one point. Those who do not know how it works are definitely my favorites. They are the best ones. Hi Riley.

Hi. They are the best ones. Hi Riley. Hi. That is a close second to just, when they look in the frame. Yeah, they're just looking at themselves. And then they go, post. Post. Upload that.

Why would you post it? I don't fucking know. Cause you know you can be. You shouldn't. No, they just don't know how to, you know you can be. You shouldn't. No, they just don't know how to, because like if you're okay, here's the thing. Hi Riley.

Because here's what's, I don't know if this ever happened to you, you've ever been sitting on the toilet scrolling and then. Never. Yeah, I know. And then you get on like TikTok and then it opens on you and then you like fucking accidentally record yourself on the turlet. My biggest nightmare is like post and then there's a fucking thing record yourself on the turlet. My biggest nightmare is like post

and then there's a fucking thing of me on the shitter. Yeah. Right? Like I feel like that's what this is. I used to upload those. Just you sitting on the toilet? Shitting, yeah. You should really do that. You should really do that.

People love it. You think so? Oh, they love it. All right. They love. Maybe I'll give it a shot. Well I hope Riley responds. I'd love to know if Riley responds to this.

Pinchy Riley. Fucking answer him. Face tat dog. That shit looks good man. Fucking Riley. Star Wars Lego Set Death Star. But can you chug a sparkling water and not burp? Let's see

Stupid. You love this. It's so stupid. Oh my gosh, what do we do? The garage door is perfectly placed for a head smack. That's pretty funny, so I like it. It's pretty good. Can you do that, you think? Yeah, of course you can.

You think you can chug a sparkling water and not burp? Okay, listen, put it this way. I had a friend in high school who could chug an entire DP and then rip the alphabet. Yeah, not burp is the challenge. Oh, to not... He says, can you chug one of these and not burp? Oh, I didn't catch that part. I was just like, what would happen if you just chug one of these?

No. No, dude. He's saying you can chug it. Can you chug it and not burst? That's such a stupid challenge. Of course. That's the dumbest thing this guy's done. It's fucking so stupid. It's your guy. Yeah, it's your guy. Lately, you've been really sending me some bangers. Oh my god. You've been finding some good ones.

I've been sending Zolo just top tier. Incredible stuff. Yeah, my algorithm that I built brick by brick. You're on team, see, it took you like four years. How long has it taken you to get on team crazy TikTok? You've been in a rocket. I mean, a lot of mine are IG. A lot of IG.

A lot of IG. Yeah, IG's really grown and really come around now. So violent. It's so violent. Will you send me some violent ones? Sure. But what are you watching these days? Like, what did you see today?

What, like beheadings and stuff on Instagram? People getting electrocuted. Will you send it to me? I wanna see what it looks like. Tied to a car by their neck, getting dragged down the street. How do you see that on Instagram? Wow.

It knows. Wow, that's dark. It's very dark. I almost want you to make a dark Instagram account and just post it. Here's where the darkness lies. That's actually a good idea. Yeah, like a secret account. Maybe I should. Here's where the darkness lies. That's actually a good idea. Yeah.

Maybe I should start Tom's secret IG account and I'll just re-upload the most horrific things that Instagram allows me to see. Yeah, that's a great idea. That is a really good idea. It's like what I've done with my stories over the years. I just curate the talks and put them in my stories. Lovely.

But I feel like your profile will get pulled down pretty quick. Pretty quick, I think. If you're doing by people being pulled. Then there are these secret accounts. I don't send you these where it'll be like, it's like you find something and then it takes you down a rabbit hole. And then you go to this account where the description is always the same. It's always about a GLC Mercedes.

Cause yeah, yeah, that's what they do. So they do it so that there's no words in the description that are red flags. So that Instagram, so it's like, oh, here's all that info you wanted about this car. And then it'll be like someone getting shot in the head or yeah, like murder, execution, stuff like that. somebody's limbs getting ripped off yeah those don't last though no you found the whole dark lane yeah dark the dark grim yeah

no safety right right of course puts a peg in the rock. Right now you're panicking too. Fuck yeah. Feel the pain. Come on. I hate this so much. No safety. No partner.

This is so crazy to me. Come on. Come on! Come on! Come on! I'm crying. You signed up for this bullshit. I just don't understand. If she falls...

No! No! This is so awful. That was so hard. Holy shit. That was so hard. I just think I gave myself more cancer watching that. Like it just spread into my organs. The stress of that? That was horrible.

That was really horrible. I'm glad she made it, but that was fucking horrible. Yeah, but what did she make it to? A little teeny ledge, and now she's gonna go to the next like stupid ledge. Well, she's gonna recover here. Yeah, she's gonna recover here and just rest. I hate this so much.

Muscles are shaking, heart is racing. Not fucking good. Solo brought up a good point though. Who the fuck is filming her? Cause they're at the same level. Somebody who's like, I did it, no problem for me. They're just there chilling. Jerk.

Yeah. When you're done, get over here. Yeah. Yeah, that's pretty cool. Ha, ha, ha. You look down, 100 foot drop and you're like, come on. Come on now. Okay, what would you rather do though, this or the cave?

Oh my God. The cave. Well, let me tell you something. I fucking hate this. Oh, yeah. I hate rock climbing. I hate mountain climbing. I hate it.

I have zero. Don't interpret this as a disrespect. I don't think that you're not super athletic or talented to do this. I'm saying I have zero interest in this at all, none. That other shit, that cave diving shit, those are sick fucks. Those are really, really twisted, demented people.

And so, reluctantly, I would have to take this bullshit that I hate over that. Because here's the deal, man. I wonder, is there any athleticism involved in the cave diving? Do you know what I'm saying? Like, this is athletic as shit. Yeah, it's mental illness combined with,

first of all, you have to be built a certain way. Converse sweating. Yeah all you have to be built a certain way sweating Yeah, you have to be like a hundred and forty five pound man. Yeah, or smaller woman Yeah, and you have to be like I don't care about fucking six inch crevices. I'll crawl into them Yeah, you're sick sick individual. It's crazy like to do this with no safety is really I'm not sure what they what's the to do this with no safety is really, I'm not sure what the, what's the utility and not having like a safety partner. I did it. I did it with no ropes.

I just did it. I guess. Isn't that cool? The extra adrenaline or something, man. Like, I don't get it. This is just not my thing. Good night, sweet dreams, have a great sleep. Love you. What?

Is that Riley? That's Riley. She's like, thank you, thank you. What? Is that Riley? That's Riley. She's like, thank you, thank you. What do you think of her? Wait, hold on. You don't find her. Hi Riley. Good night, sweet dreams.

Have a great sleep. Love you. What? What is she saying? Good night, have sweet dreams. I love you, bye. What about her? You don't find her attractive?

I like the angle. Can I tell you what's good about her? Yeah. She doesn't have teeth. She'd probably give a wicked beege. That's true. You're not turned on? That did, that-

Why don't you want, why do you like her? I wasn't until you pointed that out. I don't know. She definitely doesn't know that this is public. Some people you go, well maybe that's just their choice to make their seemingly private message public. This person 100% was like, I'm sending somebody this video. Doesn't know that this is uploaded.

Good night. Good night. Good night. I love you, good night. And right now if somebody told her, you know you she's like well I don't want to use this fucking stupid shit You try and fucking embarrass me make you get on take you're so smart yeah, I don't want to be on tic-tac-toe You think you're smarter than me yeah, she's mad You think you're smarter than me? Yeah, she's mad.

Fucking asshole. Why don't you just pick up the phone? Yeah. She's crazy. That's a crazy person. Is that it? That's it, man. Oh, man.

You took us through it. Took us through the talks. This was a great episode. Yeah. We covered a lot of fun things. Cool stuff. Olympic stuff. Slick stuff.

Meat stuff. And the next time you guys see me, my tits are gonna be a lot smaller. Awesome. Yeah, true story. So get your last looks in. Get your last looks in. Everybody line up. Maybe you should. Slap my tits.

Why don't you do a cleavage post before you go in? You know, just bones right here. I will. Last looks. I got some surgical, I could show you the pre-op photos. That'd be cool, and then you guys know what comment to leave under there. Maybe I should punish the pussy.

No, what? I hate you. You're such a fucking, you're such a pickle baller. Yeah. All right, it was fun. Thank you for watching, thank you for listening, and we'll see you next time. Bye. Bye. Bye. We've been looking into Fartmine. All right, it was fun. Thank you for watching. Thank you for listening and we'll see you next time

We've been looking into fart mics, which has been a long time coming My toot toot I'm serious Professional mics. Yeah, I've been looking into fart mics, which has been a long time coming. A lot of people need fart mics. Fart mics. Toot toots. And in the profession,

can I have the fart mic? That was a perfect fart. We got the equipment, Tom. I feel like a lot of our listeners are serious about wanting one. Can I have the fart mic? Did it register? You're kidding!

I'm not sure they heard it, but it didn't. Oh, it's so upsetting. You did all that work, and then no one's here to acknowledge you. Well, these chairs, like you said before, they're not conducive to farting. Fart mic. You gotta... Wow. It smells bad. My tears come to my eyes. That was...

It doesn't smell good. You really gotta be proud of yourself. Yeah, that's what you got. But you conned that on fart, Mike. You gotta really lean over. You gotta practically lay in your shithammer. True. You gotta really lean over.

You gotta practically lay in your shithammer. True. You gotta really lean over. You gotta practically lay in your shithammer. True. You gotta really lean over. You gotta practically lay in your shithammer. True.

You gotta really lean over. You gotta really lean over. You gotta really lean over. You gotta really lean over. You gotta really lean over. You gotta really lean over. You gotta practically lay in your shithammer.