Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - Happy HallowJeans! w/ Jimmy Carr | Your Mom's House Ep. 732

Episode Date: November 1, 2023

HAPPY HALLOWJEANS!! On this episode, Tom and Christina discuss Christina's goth makeup, Halloween candy, their upcoming live show event, Charo's trip to Israel, and why adult actors make the best guests.Jimmy Carr is is a British-Irish comedian, presenter, writer, and actor. He joins the Main Mommies to chat about his upbringing, the Royal Family, the "Up" series, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, Michael Jackson, performing internationally, and much more! He also watches some classic Master of Accents videos and shares some insight.https://tomsegura.com/tourhttps://christinaponline.com/tour-dateshttps://store.ymhstudios.com/https://www.reddit.com/r/yourmomshousepodcast

Mommies, I am coming to Seattle, San Francisco, New York City, and Ridgefield, Connecticut in 2024. Get your tickets right now right now at ChristinaPonline.com. This week on your mom's house. Jimmy Carr can I ask you another retarded question? Sure. When you mean... I don't think you couldn't. Oh, I can't.

Yeah. Radist guests ever are adult film entertainers. European can often be conflated with gay. I'm 100% sure. In America, they go, they go, yeah, but he smoked a few cops, right? He sounds very English. Welcome, welcome, welcome to your mom's house. And fucking morning. Happy Halloween. Happy Halloween.

Happy Halloween. Happy Halloween. Great one. It was last night. That's right. But we're celebrating today. You love halogenes. It's obviously. The greatest holiday all year long.

And as you know, I'm celebrating just a casual look today. Very casual. I am also celebrating I'm a crap stealer at the old palms because you know in Vegas. This is what they wear typically and I wanted to dress up like one of them. You went a little different direction. Do you if you care to... Sure, this is Elder Goth, Suzy Su, the the originals and I have to say I have to redeem myself because when I did episode 666 I did my own makeup and I look full disclosure I did it like in a very dark bathroom. Yeah, I hear you are screaming. You were clowned for it Clowned

Relentlessly shit on by my goth friends who I visited in San Francisco months later And they were like Christina, we have to tell you they go used to do a much better job. Wow. That had to hurt. Did it ever? It's stung. Yeah. And so this time I went professional and I hired a makeup and hair. And we got it done the right way. And I think this is amazing. Now you look so much better. You'll be the one telling them you could fucking try me. So I'm a fucking goth all the way home. Which crazy to me the first thing.

The first fall I was I was deeply troubled when I saw you. I think that was the effect you were going for. Sure. It startled and I was like, woof. And then my immediate thought was, you know, it's crazy. Is that this is a costume for you. And that I sometimes see people like this in society who are like, this is just how I live. Every day is Halloween.

That's what we say in the Goth community every day is Halloween. But yeah, I think it is, you do have to outgrow this aesthetic at some age to assimilate. However, when I do go to elder goth band like concerts like to Peishmode or the cure or Bale House, we older goths dress up. But you know what? And that's it's it's acceptable in the concert, as we're saying. Look good. At the show. For Halloween, it looks great. If you were if you were doing this every day, I'd be very very very sad. But for Halloween, You think this would be a sign of severe mental illness if I did it every day? You know, I think I could take parent-teacher conferences like this. Halloween only.

So is a Halloween, Halloween comes around. Try it out. You have a fun with it, but. I can't believe it. I can't believe my son's misbehaving at school. Yeah, I know. They would meet you and be like, oh, I know why he's misbehaving at school. Oh my God, this coffee's so good.

It's so good. And it so good and it's made very, it's very, you might not realize this, but it's the rare time that a non-LGBTQ plus AI person is making it as usually who makes every coffee now. And in Austin, definitely. Coffee's are made by Queer's only. But you are actually having it made by the great Neonah here.

She does such a great job. Well, Heather Mills is usually the one who does it. Heather does it as well too. She's on VK. But you know what I've noticed? And I don't know if this is accurate. I'm all this shit, so forgive me. But I've noticed that cat ears,

and that's the universal sign for I have pronouns. Ask me my pronouns, I wear cat ears, right? I saw old cat ears at a coffee place a few days ago, coming out of the shitter, but it's a none, it's every gender as well. Well thank God, those are my favorite. Yeah. I hate using an all gender shitter,

not because of my deep transphobia, obviously, you know, but because I don't want dudes shitting and kissing, they mess up our bathrooms, right, honestly. And I don't, it's really annoying. I saw a video online of a, of a dude dressed up, you know, with wig and bra on everything in a women's bathroom with a boner. What? Yeah, yeah.

Where? It was online and the people, and they were video, they're like, and then they, one of the guys, then they went to like a club, they were in a club. And the guy was like, you have a boner. Oh my God. And the person was like, when he's like, you have a boner right now, why do you have a boner?

You haven't seen it? I'm surprised I have it. That is my wheelhouse. I love those. Well, I'll tell you what really happened to me. I are by the way Beautiful. Well, you couldn't tell it was it. That was a beautiful woman So can I say I'll tell you a story that happened to me IRL in real life as the kids like to say

God any hoodels. No, this is real story. I was in an arrow, Puerto Any hoodels, no, this is a real story. I was in an arrow Puerto, I figure I wear, maybe in Texas. And a man was standing in line to pee and the women's, that or to do shit, I don't know, ping or shading, I just assumed pee. Yeah, did you go, you're gonna pee or shit? Well, I wanted to ask so bad, but here's what's interesting about the social experiment

is that we were all standing in line to use the toilets in a women's restroom in the airport. And it was clearly a man standing in line to use the toilets in a women's restroom in the airport. And it was clearly a man standing in line. Wait, not like a man like dress like a man. No, no a man dressed like a man. Like you, it was like you, just a guy who presents mail, didn't was not trying to present other than.

Sist mail. Just says, blah, sist, blah, patriarchy mail, right toxic. And he was just standing there. And nobody in the restroom felt like we could go, hey dude, I think you're in the wrong line, because a lot of times people are tired, they're dazed in the air, but I've done it, I've gone in the wrong restroom

on accident. It's happened everybody. So many times, nobody had the courage. I've gone in there too, come, and then been like, oh shit, this is the winning restroom. It happened. But I could tell he was dazed, you know, and then eventually he went, oh God, I'm in the wrong restroom, any left.

And Ella, you were like, everybody, all the women were like, oh good, thank God, I didn't know if I could say anything. Which is like, gosh. So it's indicative of, yeah, the time. Yeah, I mean, I don't know. I didn't say anything for that exact reason. Cause it was like, what if he is LGBTQIA plus,

plus, minus whatever. Yeah, it happens. Yeah. And I've been some guy and the next thing you know, I'm on TMZ's being transphobic or some shit because I assumed a man who looked like a man had a dick and was in my restroom. It was a bad thing. Jesus, Louise is

Oh, from the cradle bars. You're ready to start the show. A shakening voice. The sun just spinning. Are you are you dazzled by me when I'm really good? Let's go. Happy Halloween, everybody. from the cradle bars. You ready to start the show? You ready to start the show? You ready to start the show? You ready to start the show? You ready to start the show?

You ready to start the show? You ready to start the show? You ready to start the show? You ready to start the show? You ready to start the show? You ready to start the show? You ready to start the show? You ready to start the show?

You ready to start the show? You ready to start the show? You ready to start the show? You ready to start the show? You ready to start the show? You ready to start the show? You ready to start the show? You ready to start the show?

You ready to start the show? You ready to start the show? You ready to start the show? You ready to start the show? You ready to start the show? You ready to start the show? I need it right now I need some pussy Yeah! Oh god She was so good Oh god This is a big guy Who is Randy? Don't bring anyone loving to this No, I'm not gonna fucking stand Welcome Cincinnati Zone right there

Oh With Tom Segura Tom Sucu And Christina Pajit's in And Christina Welcome to your mom's house. Oh, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, Chattice terrifying. Can I, I like to make a formal announcement. Wow. To everybody out there, if you're giving out candy, giving out candy for trick or treaters,

and you're an adult, give out only full size candy bars. What are you doing? Buying many stuff for kids. You're gonna afford it. You're an adult. Full size. Full size, Tom.

Don't we get the bite size? That's all we know at the cigarette house. I give out full size candy works. And you should see the look on these kids faces. They can, they're in disbelief. But remember that when you were a kid, you got full size. I guess yeah, they didn't even have the bite size stuff then. Yeah, they did.

But yeah, and they had terrible. Remember like the different flavored Tootsie rolls. Those were gross too. Like lemon flavored Tootsie rolls. And did you ever have that? The Tootsie roll. I don't remember that shit. I really don't. I mean, I think we were just all about kickats and twigs

and Snickers, M&Ms. Sure. Sure. Full size. Only. Yeah. Yeah. It was, yeah, I mean, I don't know.

Full size is, I think that's a lot to ask, but I'm all for it. Did your parents, you? Oh, yeah, I mean, I don't know full sizes. I think that's a lot to ask but I'm all for it Did your parents oh Reese's cup. Oh Reese's cups solid. Did your parents ration out your Halloween candy? Are you allowed just to go buck wild and have the bag in your own room? I don't I remember that you know We were like like any kid. You were just so excited to get back with your bag and then we would empty it out. I don't remember them having a rationed out. I felt that would have stuck into my memory. I have vivid memories of having the bag in my closet

and eating Tootsie rolls before school. Yeah, sure. Like it's very exciting. I think the age that Ellis is now, it's gonna even be more exciting because he's gonna, he has like, he does have self control, but he also can indulge and he's gonna be like, I'm gonna go to a mechanic for a month,

like he's gonna be very excited. So to me and then she's candy, yeah. Free candy, just a surplus of candy, it's amazing. Those do like, they go buck wild with candy. That's one thing that there really is love. So I see them with you know ice cream or cake or or breath go like I'm good. Yeah. Right like that. Yeah. It's very fascinating to watch. They'll take bites and I'm like you're done. They're like yeah I hate it. And you're like wow. But candy is different. It's non-stop.

Candy. First of all because candy a lot of times isn't smaller portions. Yeah. There is no like, oh, I'm good. They really go crazy with it. Go off the rails. Because our sons of even, I've been like, hey, do you want to go to McDonald's? McDonald's is trash.

Yeah. They don't like McDonald's. And then they'll be like, I'm like, you want a milkshake? No. Just very unusual for kids, but you're right. Ah. The bag of jelly ranchers goes so fast.

So fast. So fast. Right now I need some pussy. The thing I also wanted to talk about, I went to New York the other day and I'm very excited. So, where? New York. I don't think you're pronouncing that right.

The audience doesn't know where you're talking about. Where would they understand? Hello. Jew dork titties. Jew-Dork. The fact that you say that to people openly all the time. Yeah. And I watch their brain go.

Oh, yeah, yeah. And they're like, what did you say? Like, I see them doing all the time. I know. And they're like, chewed over. You know why? Because I'm halfway to dead now. Even actually, I'm over halfway to dead. That's very true. And I've decided I'm just going to have fun. I'm'm halfway to dead now. Even actually I'm over halfway to dead.

That's very true. And I've decided I'm just gonna have fun. I'm just gonna have fun. If it doesn't hurt anybody, I'm just having a good time. Well, speaking of fun. Yeah. I was up in judo artitties. Hey, see, didn't that feel better?

I'm just excited to tell you guys. People have been asking me, they asked me online, they asked me in person. When is the next YMH live? And I'm so geeked for this because we did something that we've never done, which is we're making a special, and it's not a stand-up special, but it is a special that is going to come out in December. And it's one of the reasons I flew to New York, to Dork Titties, was to shoot part of it. And we're shooting it.

It's the, by far the biggest production thing we've ever been involved in, it is YMH to the max. It is, it's very, very special. And just know that it's coming in December, we've never done anything like it. There are so many amazing comedians participating in it with us. And I think it'll be the thing that, when you see it, I think not only are you going to enjoy it, but it's, you're probably going to be like,

this is what you guys should be doing, this is awesome. Anyway, it's coming in December, and there will probably be something to tease it. Show you guys probably end of November I'm guessing. But it's very exciting and it's very big. You're gonna like the way you look. You're gonna like the way you look. I guarantee it. Anyway, I talked to Yeah, what's up with her old bag of bones? Old Charo. What's up there, Chamo? She's your mom's house. You like it? Stata there, Ritor.

I talked to her and she's like, so I don't know if you recall, it was like a big, big deal for her and I understand why, that I booked her a trip to Israel and she's going with her brother in November. Not such a good place to be these things. Not true.

So she calls me and she's like, oh, there's a war, there's a war. And I'm like, yeah. And she's like, I can't go to Israel. And I go, why? And she's like, because of the war. And I'm like, I thought you were going because you want to see where Jesus was born. Yeah. You know, where he used to hang out at the bars and die,

and then all that, now there's a war, and all of a sudden you're not a believer. And she's like, well, what if I get hurt? And I'm like, then you're fine. You have God on your side. Like, I don't get it. Anyway, she's trying to back out of the trip. Wait a minute, but wouldn't you say

that this is actually a test of her true faith? Yeah, absolutely. And I told her that. And I also was just like, you know, if you're not gonna go to Israel, don't ever call me again. Sure. I paid for this trip. To even pay for it. It's booked. All you have to do. And so I've hired someone to be like a Wrangler. And I was like, I don't care if you tie it up. I don't care if you put a bag over her head. You put her on that plane and you make her go

and you make her show that she has faith. Because another thing I told her is like, big ups, if you do get hurt, if you do, God forbid something really awful happens to you. You know, you'll go straight to where you've been wanting to go your whole life. So I don't see the, I want her to take this trip, you know? That's so true.

The Christians are always talking about how awesome it is. It's like Club Med after you die. So like, what's the delay? I know God frowns on suicide apparently, but the logic of that does not hold up. Well anyway, I want her to go to the front lines and I told her there's no back and out. It's a front line.

Yeah, I do. That's a really, can I tell you something? Don't you feel like that would sell as a tour company? Don't they take crazy people to the front lines? Yeah, they do. And they let you like shoot at Hamas or whatever. Do do your thing. Put a rifle in your hands.

I mean, look, it's a very, obviously, it's a very sad situation. And I think it's, it's a, it's terrible that we're, you know, all my whole life, obviously, there's always been conflict and you want peace. But what I'm saying is this is a non-refundable trip. And so I want people to be to live and I want them.

I spend too much. But I'm telling her I'm like, if you back out of this trip, you're sending me a little more than they let you send on Venmo. So just get ready to sell some shit. Well, and also put a gun in your hand and be useful. Go help. Go help. You're old.

Who cares if you check out? Seriously. You're an old lady. Seriously. Just pray it away. Pray the stuff away. If it hurts, pray harder. If you lose a leg, pray, and it will grow back.

I don't know. I just don't want to hear it. People are such posse as about this stuff. I booked the trip and she's like, I want to go to France instead. I'm like France. Jesus wasn't born in France. Jesus never went to Paris.

No, he wasn't like, oh, is the love built yet? No, he was like working hard, doing his thing, hanging out at the bowling alley in Israel. That's where you're going. I booked you the trip. That's so interesting. What did they do for fun times back then? They just like threw people to lions and stuff. Yeah, and dice. They shot dice a lot and they were gamblers. Yeah. That's what they used to do. Play the guitar. Yeah. They had guitars that liar. That was a medieval period. What the fact of people doing something like that? I something like that. I don't know what they did.

Drink wine. They had wine, we know that, because Jesus made it for them. Yeah. And fishes and lobes. Yeah, but that's about it. I mean, very, very third. They didn't even have pornography back then.

How sad is that? How do people with J their D's? How sad is that? To live in an era with no pornography. Speaking of pornography, you did your show and lost Vegas. It's the saddest thing at all. I mean, people.

Well, so I went to Las Vegas a while back. Yeah, and you had a whole bunch of people come out. Can I tell you the best? So I invited a lot of people to my green room and to come to Vegas, to keep me company. The greatest guests ever are adult film entertainers. Pears, Paris, and Alexis Fox, shout out, they're the best guests.

They never ask for free stuff. They don't ask for free tickets. They're just like, hi, I'd love to say hello. They come out of the green room, they just sit down, they shut the fuck up. They're not asking me a million fucking, hand me that crowd. Every time we've met.

How is it that the porn star is the best people? Adult entertainers. The best. Outside offset, let's say, because on set they're different, but offset, they are the nicest, most well-behaved. Professional.

Polite. Yes. I got asked last time, they're like, oh, you know, all these people want to come to your show. And they're like, oh, they all have tickets. They just wanted to say hi. And then they all come back. And they're like, oh, thanks so much for the show.

I had such a great time. Can we take a photo? Oh, and then they're like, thank you. Goodbye. And then you're like, I can't understand. We can't do this. No, my own family, they're always asking for free stuff. No, the worst is my family will text me for your shows.

Hey, I saw Tom is near me. Can I even know it sold out? Can I have take, I'm like, no, it's sold out, dummy. That's same, and I get my family goes, you're coming, Bo, can we have 13 tickets? Oh my gosh. What? Why? Because on my friend, you know my friend

who owns the fucking real estate company, I'm like, they can't buy a ticket, they own a real estate company. I know. Yeah, and they want to bring some of their friends. So could you hook them up? And I'm like, you know, my friends that come on people's fucking faces are a lot more polite than your real estate friends. Way more civilized.

The guy that can shit out his own balls puts his balls in his own asshole. Shits them out. Shits his balls. And they're entertaining. They have good stories. They come, they're entertaining. They have good stories. They're fantastic guests. Jesus Christ.

And now it's so disappointing. Yeah. Fucking better. I look come slanted. Better than my own family. Definitely. Yeah, they don't heckle. Like, my own dad heckled me at the left factory.

Like, one of the first times I performed there. And he brought all these Hungarians. And he heckled at me. I said some joke and he goes, yeah, right. My own family. Yeah, they don't know. So fuck that, y'all are never invited. Fuck the fan. Fuck the fan.

Here's the lesson is, invite porn people to your shows. They know how to act. They've, they've, they've, they've, All right, well, hope you have a new gray Halloween. Hope you make sure you check those apples for razor blades. And we'll be back in a moment. And we are back and so, so excited to welcome to the show for the first time, the very funny,

the very witty, the very handsome, the very thin, the very not poor. Why not? On the next car, everybody, let him hear it. He is very happy to be here. Terribly funny tour right now, you can get tickets at jimmycar.com. It is a thrill to have you. Thank you for coming. I'm very pleased to be here. I mean, it's a wonderful show.

Thank you so much. You know, outing country singer murderers is, it's God's work you're doing. Where is he keeping those bodies? Well, how did that start? I feel like I'm late to the party, but it was like, when you mentioned it in Sledgehammer as well, I kind of like oh How is he not being sued? I mean the rumors are that there's a there's a mass grave in Tulsa, but we're just you know that feels like that could be one of his songs though Yeah, you talk about hiding in plain sight a mass grave in Tulsa feels like oh, I kind of want to hear that I've talked about this in meetings and to, like, isn't the idea of a mega star who tours the world

the best cover ever for a dark, dark, dark, but like, when you think about, you've already said too much. Thank you. Let's talk more about my talk. Yeah, let's do it. Let's do it. Let's talk more about my talk. Yeah, let's do it. Let's do it. Let's talk more

about my talk. Jimmy. The disappearing bodies. Yeah. Let's tell you that when you talk, I just assume you're so much smarter than every other guest we've had. I mean, you probably are because there is a real health and safety thing here. I feel your wife, there's a very real verse she may slip off her seat. Oh, I love that. I feel that. No, but Jimmy, I'm saying you're very... There's a connection here. No, it's not that. It's just that't want to call him a cock to his face No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, this is better, this is smarter. But then his, he is a very sophisticated way to change. You're so sophisticated. And he is actually intelligent. Cause you meet like, hello.

That's us, you know, and I'm a chimney sweeper next to you. Oh, hello, Jamie. Welcome. Better show. Like I feel like a fucking year in Oxford. You're, I mean, you're hiding it so well. Listen, you're hiding it so well. I kind of think all comics though, we've got like,

like, if it's how I measure intelligence, like people are funny, they get it. Then they get it, yeah, yeah, yeah. We're in England or are you from? I'm Irish family, so we're an immigrant family. Oh, isn't that? Moved in 1970. Well, I mean everyone.

You're not allowed to be that. Yeah, you're allowed to be that. Well, no, I was born in England, but Irish family from Limerick, which is Limerick is, it's colloquially known as Stambe City. It's quite a rough town. Wow.

Wow. That's pretty rough out there. So you'll probably find some great videos of Limerick. Well, you know what's fun. It's tough. Well, I was just teeing up a couple of things to show you, so we're all time favorite clips. And we love to play Master of Accents, which is like trying to decipher what people with accents are saying.

And there's a couple here that I wonder if they challenge your ability. Well, please, please do. Okay, here we go. And we're hearing Clarence because we've been invited by a very special character. I hear he's a local legend and his name is Sham. Hello!

Sham, look at that. No, he's not that. Sham, how are you? Hello, Maria. We're hearing Clarence today. Hi, Zimini. Are you from Calone? I'm from my mother's house. Born and bred.

Born and bred in Ghana. Yeah, that'd be my family on my mother's side. You think if you had that many teeth, you'd take better care of them. When you think like this, you have one last three. These guys just... He can open a can, I suppose. Yeah, that'd be, I remember there was the,

my mother had a relative who was only known as Tess of the mountains. Tess of the mountains, I remember her son coming to visit us on these hands like shovels. Yeah, I don't know. I remember they bought like a liter, a liter of powers whiskey with them. Like they were coming to stay the night. But a liter of powers whiskey with them. Like to visit, they were coming to stay the night.

But a liter of powers whiskey and we were going, well that's very interesting. It's like nailed it, right there, nailed it that night. We're the Chinese takeaway, just like, drinking it like it was water. And then you're just thinking about the best. Yeah, but you go like, what's this, like, he's just saying, what have you been doing for the last?

That's it. Digging tough. Don't forget to show up if you want to go to work. It's a great singer called Christy Moore, who's kind of, he's like a legend in Ireland. Christy Moore's worth looking at. If you love the Irish accent and a beautiful songwriter, very akin to country music, like it's real stories

in the music. And there's a comedian who I think pound for pound might be, he's certainly in the top 10 greats of it working the world today called Tommy Tin. Oh, I know Tommy Tin. And that's one of the great story tellers. Sure. And he goes to all of these places and plays these bars.

He's an Irish guy. Oh, he's one of you, very. Here, it gets a little, I just want to know if like if you are done like, to Son and then. Do you understand what he's saying so far? A little bit, yeah. A little bit.

A little bit. That's what I'm saying. I'm just doing something more of that. Not hard, not harder than the work. I mean, is it easy for you to understand that? No, I mean, I think, I think, I mean, he's also mid-strokes, and that's, that's the impediment there is he's having a stroke.

No one seems to care. No one's doing anything. That's very easy. If that guy had a stroke, how would you even do one's doing anything. That's very good. Because how would you take that guy how to stroke? How would you even do one of the danger signs? Yeah, exactly. Because you're supposed to look oh this is different than normal. There's a there a little bit of slow speech.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. How long is it going to help? 40 years. Every morning, all afternoon and that evening too. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's all good on there. It's great. It's great. Give me a draw boy.

It's almost like the guy interviewing him cues you and you're like, oh, yeah, that is part of what he said there because he, he, he's understanding part of it. The guy interviewing him, but I mean, Ireland's just, it's so one because a lot of people kind of come in, I think the American comics come in, they play Dublin. Mm-hmm. And they go, we did Island. Yeah, and maybe Belfast. Yeah. That's what I did, they play Dublin. And they go, we did island. Yeah, and maybe Belfast. Yeah.

That's what I did. But when you tried, it's such a weird thing because of the state of technology when those countries were formed. Yeah. The accents change every 20 miles. Yeah. Yeah.

Because you never got to move more than 20 miles. Oh. So now you have this thing where culturally in big cities, like there's five big accents in the UK. And they're around these huge towns like Birmingham or Manchester, and it used to be there was 30 or 40 accents around the UK, but they're coming, you know, there's the London accent, there's the history,

there's the bigger island, still got that thing where the accent changes, so free-courtly. In every town, kind of, and it's the phrasing, it's the, fair play to you. Okay, correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't your accents say so much about like your status, maybe your place in the world? Well, probably speaking, we have class in great ways. Yes.

And you have race in America. Oh, that's true. Although, I kind of think that they're, you know, I think it's, I slightly think it's a, the, the rich and poor thing says more than rice. But. Yes. Well, also too, in England, were huge fans of the seven-up series?

Oh, I mean, it's extraordinary. It's extraordinary. For people who are listening or watching and don't know, this series started many, many years ago, where there's like a premise to it, where like show me who you are at. Erasmus. At seven.

At seven, kind of show you. Do you mean boy, the age of seven? Who you will become. And so they fill these to church. I think it's molest boys at seven. Yeah, and I will bless them by the time we fall. And then that kid will come to the same stuff for many, many years.

I think it's the rest of it. Yeah. He'll come every time he hears church bells. It's a fascinating thing. So it follows these children who each have these very distinct personalities at seven years old. And you're watching. It's sort of the first reality TV.

It really is the first. But it was like, it was done. There's one called The Family as well, which is the first ever piece of Flower in the Wall, is a family in Reading and they follow them and they just go to their house and watch them. And it's extraordinary. Like as a piece of like, and it's go to their house and watch them. And it's... Extrude. Really? Like, is a piece of like...

It's like an hour, two hours documentary. And the family. They'd never done it before. They'd never put the Kardashian-style cameras all around the place and just filmed the family being a family. And it's really... Well, seven up is crazy because you're watching school... You're seven-year-old children on a school yard and they each... Like I said, you know, some quiet doesn't really say much.

Boystress, shy, the full range, the full spectrum of personalities, and then they go back at 14 and you're like, oh, that's that kid and then at 21 and so many of them follow, you're like, oh yeah, that is the kid who was like, I'm going to go to Cambridge when he goes to Cambridge. And he comes a lawyer.

And the kid, there is a theory on this, which is interesting, which is, they did a thing at Harvard, where they basically took a small subset of the class doing MBAs, which are notoriously very difficult. If you know someone that did one, you know, because I will a fucking tell you. They'll tell you. But more than crossfitters, they fucking really MGA is really. It was, right that did one, you know, because I will fucking tell you, but they're like, they fucking really

have worse, right? Yeah, they're worse if anything. So at, at, at Harvard, they did this thing where they got these small group of people to write what they were going to do with their lives to make a plan. And they did, like, by any metric, 90% better than anyone else. So it's that thing of like being watched makes a difference. Like the idea that if you go right we're going to make a plan with the kids what you want to do and sit down and talking and that attention and focus and making a plan makes a huge difference.

Yes. The rest of your life to have that thing of like the thing they don't teach you at harvest business school is to make a plan for your life. Oh my god. Jimmy Carr, this is the one lesson I wish someone had taught me. This is fundamental is that if you don't just let things. Yeah, Jimmy Carr, this is the one lesson I wish someone had taught me. This is fundamental is that if you don't take control of your life, life takes you. But you're also, you make things happen often, it's not for you. But I'm sure I was just saying that being watched, being watched makes a huge difference. So if you say on this show, right, we're doing a thing in December. We're doing a live, your mama's house experience.

It's happening. Yeah. If you say, right, we're doing that and we're gonna do it, or if you're, I mean, my idea for you, I'm not your business manager. I think your divorce should be paid for you. I mean, we all know it's coming, right? Yeah, yeah. You know, I'm actually buying it.

No, no, no, no, no, no, you go. Yeah, go, go, go. Tom, I just, just a little bit of that thing of my, I genuinely, he's gonna be great. He's gonna be great. Let him talk. But that, that thing of you being washed, it does. Can I say, this might be, I genuinely hate to be smart. Let him talk. But that thing of you being washed. It does.

Can I say this might be a reach here, but I really believe the other day, I have a trainer that I work out with all the time. And the other day, we bring somebody who's like a well-known fitness guy to the workout. And my guy who's with me all the time goes, what's going on today? You're like doing more, doing, you know, and he's like, I go, I think it's that he's

here. And I just had like extra juice, like I was lifting more than I normally lift. And I was, you know, I mean, like I was performing higher. And I think it's because of the guy's presence that I didn't want to bitch out on. If you want to see yourself really work out, yeah, bring an attractive woman into that gym. Well, that's a great idea for a business. Just have hot chicks, either mocking you

or praising you, depending on your, and you know what, I have to work out naked, that's good. I'm gonna go ahead and follow Jimmy's advice and guess what we're gonna do, guys? And then the fourth question, follow. The new hot chick gym is opening on the mar. They do a thing.

I had a friend that owned a gym in New York and models got free membership. Really? That's $10,000 a year for guys in the Wall Street models. No, no, it's free for you. That's my nervous. Well, I had a friend that used to run, and my friend Scott used to run One Oak.

No, One Oak, one of a kind. There were loads of them. Weirdly. It's a big club. And he runs Zero Bond now, which is fabulous in New York. The next private member's club thing. Anyway, he used to run clubs and the hot girls would get him for free, of course they would.

They sure do. And then he said, well, because they attract the guys and the world is slightly misogynistic, but he went, I'm sorry, but I've never seen a hot girl by a Gerob Bohm of champagne. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But dudes will do it, and dudes won't do it on their own. I would love to see the girl.

I'd love to see the girl. I knew we need Kristal. The girl who's on the line of being out going to be like, I'm here for the, I heard you get free memberships, and they're like, well, no, not everyone gets them. They're free. There's, yeah, there's certain criteria. You know that theory of, you've ever had that theory of, it's in what's it called the

genetic celebrity theory, Warren Farrell, who's the guy that wrote The Myth of Mail Power, it's kind of a little bit toxic masculinity, the book which's used for that, but it's got really interesting ideas in it. He's the guy that came up with the thing of like all the dangerous jobs, name a dangerous job, ice road chocker, ditched digger of like all the dangerous jobs, name a dangerous job. Ice road chucker. Sure. Yeah, ditched digger, like longshore and whatever. Anything you get hurt doing is done by men because their lives are worthless. I don't quite buy into the whole thing.

But he had this great theory in the book, which is genetic celebrity wear. Super beautiful people would like properly symmetrical gorgeous models. Like have this thing where they experience the world in a very weird way. Sure. They've never lifted their bag into the overhead. Wow. It's ever gonna happen. And of course, they get to experience what it's like

to be a six, because time. Yeah. So they get to see everything. So a really interesting story of like, they go, That's cool. Oh, I'm becoming, I've bought this invisibility cloak of rinkers. Right. It's kind of crazy.

There's a, there's a, there's a, there's a, like a book about this. It's got a Warren Farrell, the myth of male power, but I wouldn't particularly recommend the book because I think it's kind of, it's a bit old, righty and whatever, but I've quite like reading those things around side of your real frame. That's an important book.

It is fair saying to be around somebody who's like a legit 10 and just to watch everybody around. Were you talking to special about meeting a model? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, making Brad Pitt, I met Brad Pitt and Angelina once and I'm a straight guy. I'm European everyone if you're wondering. European can often be conflated with gay. In America, I find they go, they go, yeah, but he smoked a few cocks, right?

He sounds very English. No, not at all. But I mean, he sounds very English. No, you gotta talk. But I met Brad Pitt and Angelina. Angelina, you meet quite a lot of women that attend. Like in life, you often walk in a bunch of places, very attractive young lady. Great, so I met her and Brad Pitt was there. And I couldn't take my eyes off him

because I was going, you never see a guy that I try to do, no. No, you never. It's too much power. And I don't think they can handle it. I, what does that do to a man? It's gotta. He seems actually, well, he's had his obviously full life

of like, you know, things that have gone well and personal, you know, relationship struggles whatever, but what I'm saying is you meet this guy. When I met him, he was fucking 59 and you're looking at this guy and you're like, you're like, you're a 60 year old man. Like I've met a bunch of 60 year old men. Benjamin Button is a documentary.

Right, man, damn. He's been around forever. Yeah. But back to my original point with the Seven Up series, is that there was one kid that did transcend his class. He was the jockey, because I want to be a jockey, yeah, I want to be a jockey. Yeah, I want to be a jockey. And then he ends up giving up the dream of being a jockey

because maybe financially it's too hard for him, right? Because you show it, it shows him he's taking care of the horses, but then I don't imagine his family. Is that the one who ended up a taxi driver? Exactly, and then he does the knowledge. I made it recently. You met the guy. I met the guy, yeah.

How did you meet him? He was in the back of the camp. Stop. I was in the back of the camp by met him like six months ago. And you, did you put it on a reading in the back of the camp. Stop. I was in the back of the camp I met him like six months ago. And you simply just got, did you put it on immediately? No, I got in.

I got in. He went, he went, hey, Jimmy from the TV. So yeah, he said I was in, I was on the TV. Right away. Right away. My whole life.

No fucking way. I'm such an interesting guy. I'm such an interesting guy. It's really. So what does life like tell me? It's good, he's a cab driver. So he's very garrulous, very talkative. I mean, maybe slightly more so with me,

but I think you just enjoy it. That thing of like being a cab driver is pretty great job. Well, that's the thing in America. People don't understand that the knowledge, the knowledge, isn't that like you actually, it's a skill you must learn in the road. The knowledge is one of the most difficult exams in the world.

I've always referred to as university for working class people in London. So it was that thing of like, if you were a bright and you wanted to make money, you did the world. I've always referred to as university for working class people in London. So it was that thing of like, if you were a bright and you wanted to make money, you did the knowledge. So you learned, you have to learn every single street of London, you're examined by police officers. Like there was these three retired police officers

that examined you and gave you a shit talk to you and gave you a fucking tough time because they were testing not just your knowledge, but your demeanor. So it was this idea that they would like go, this guy's a fucking idiot, he's never gonna fucking do it. Go on, I do get to bow to whatever brick lane,

you know, and you have to name every street left, right on this street, right? You'd have to remember that street. I know how you get the, that's how you get to drive up black camps. So when you're in London, when you're in London, do not take an Uber, only ever take black camps, they're the best.

And the guys, if you go, do you know anything about the history of London? Most of them do another thing where they the best. And the guys, if you go, do you know anything about the history of London? Oh. Most of them do another thing where they learn a bit about the history, although just know, wow. You go, well, you tell me a little bit about it. And this is you waving down the camps, like waving down, they've got an app, what you can just, you can get it on an app.

Holy shit. But they've done that work. So, book them. You know what else has done that work. And what's your favorite thing about Karli? Jimmy Karli, my best of years. Jimmy Karli's my favorite comic, he's just said it. Jimmy Karli, you're who else has done that work. And what's your favorite things about Clarnie? Jimmy Carr is my favorite comic, he just said it. Jimmy Carr, he's my best, Jimmy Carr. Yeah, good player.

I love it. Oh, Kalani is, I was you being to Kalani? No. The ringer carry done that whole thing. Jesus, it's nice. It's so nice. Really? Yeah, because you can tour.

People don't realize, I was saying that earlier, if you go beyond the pale, beyond Dublin, the world of Ireland, like there's so many towns where you can just go and put on a show. I mean, cool. It's incredible. I've heard of cork. Cool. I want to ask you this. I want to ask.

I want to ask you this. I want to ask you this. I want to ask you this. I want to ask you this. Yeah, I know. Because you were talking about Tommy Turingin being this, you know, he is a phenomenal storyteller. Oh. You are like pure and a pure joke writer, joke to joke, joke to joke.

So was that, because sometimes people change from when they started, did you start like that? Like started like that. I mean, it's like, I think, and I love storytelling. Yeah, I was like obsessed by this guy, Billy Conley, who's kind of the best, of course. The British George Collin.

Everybody came up around the same time. Similar trajectories. He came from being a DJ, came from being a musician. So Billy Collins was in a band with a raffity. You know the guy that went up to Steelers' Wheel stuck in the middle with you. He was at a Billy Collins, he was in a band called The Humble Bums playing on stage. And then they would talk between songs. And then the talking became longer and the songs became shorter.

Eventually he became a stand-up. But was the first person to go out and book big rooms in the UK and go, it's just me. That's wild. Shooted in Scotland, yeah, the big year. Amazing. Back to the cab driver, hold on, I just had to wonder how one thing, because it's making me crazy,

is he still married to the lady? Because they had rough times, but then they made up. Is he still married? We didn't cover that, I'm so sorry. God, I'm desperate to know. There'll be another one, there'll be a catch-up. All right. She's got to wait six years. By the way, he's got to be 62 yeah, 102

He's 102 so because oh, so you did start that way. Yeah, I think it's a weird thing where I was trying about this the other day like at the great tragedy in life some people live and die and never get to hear their own voice And stand up comedy when you when you think about it, it's like you finding your voice. Oh, finding your voice. Are you on stage? Yeah. Tells you an awful lot about you. And you kind of, I think comics leak.

I just tell jokes on stage, dumb jokes. I very rarely tell a true story. They've got one true story in the new show that I'm touring, which would be the next Netflix. But it's mainly just jokes. And yet I leak. Yeah. You watch any joke comic,

or find out who they are. Do you treat your neck or anyone like for an hour, and after would you get a real sense of, yeah, that's who they are. I bet they'll be like, yeah, great. It's a great way to describe it too, it's to leak, you're leaking out who you are. It's like I've seen your specials, right?

I've seen you, you watch people and you kind of go, I mean, obviously there's nowhere to hide when it's a podcast, when it's this long, and this much chat, but just watching the standup, I've got a really good take on who you are, who burt is, who people really are. Yeah. Unless they're the sociopaths like Bill Cosby.

Well, there's a few, there's a few. Very well. And it's interesting, I could smell that way before. Could you really? Oh, please. No, no, I'm curious. I could. I could.

The preaching is a preaching to Eddie Murphy about what he's saying. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. That's fucking weird. Dick Gregory a preaching to Eddie Murphy about what he's saying. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's fucking weird. Dick Gregory's the man. Bill goes, we can fuck off. Yeah.

I think the interesting one too is we always talk about how the ones who are adamant about being clean are the spookiest. They're the darkest because their whole act is just like, you know, when the cookies are too hot, you burn your hand, you're like, God damn it. And like, their whole thing is just like very you know, when the cookies are too hot, you burn your hand, you're like, God damn it. And like, their whole thing is just like, very, very family friendly.

Then you meet, like, we know them because we, they're comedians, you hang out with them and you're like, you're dark as shit, you know? When you turn up, take a little bit of this authenticity to the stage and they're like, well, I like that thing about not having any, it strikes me that what you do, especially on the podcast, but really live as well, is you've got the barrier between who you are And what you bring the audience, so you treat the audience as friends Yeah, and I think you get all of that back. Yes, because they got they got always not he's not going to tell this joke in the green room But this isn't for Jen pop right right sure, it's like it's really nice. It's a real intimacy to laughter

Like if you think about what we're doing. Yeah, we're letting people go in our heads and we're going in their bodies. Yeah. We're changing their physiology. We're changing their vagus nerve. It's like, we're changing it. They're laughing, but they're releasing dopamine and serotonin and they feel fucking great after the shower. They do. And it's performative, right?

Yes. Being in an audience is performative. We think we're the only ones performing because we're dummies, as that thousand, two thousand people out there. And they're all performing. Right. It's fucking great,

which is why when you're, there's no more fun feeling than being in a hot crowd. A crowd that goes like, you can see it like as the show starts. We're here for this. Whether it's a tiny club or a huge design arena, it's all good. And that thing about like comedy, I don't think it's about edgy versus non-edgy because I think mainstream comedy, observational comedy, the stuff that Jerry Seinfeld has, has changed discourse. It changes society because actually, it pushes

that over to the window what you can't talk about within relationships. You know, it used to be people couldn't talk to their partner openly about, you know, whether it's, you know, I think the thing at the moment, a lot of people talk about depression on stage. Yes. And it feels like comics got to that three, four, five years ago. Yes. Talking openly about depression and there's, the great shows, great kind of one woman, one man shows and stand up bits? And then it kind of comes to the mainstream. We're always slightly ahead of the curve and pushing it, pushing it, pushing it. And giving people the language where they can, or sweetening the pill. You laugh about it a little bit as you go. True. And gatekeeper, where the linekeepers to, at least in this country, I think of speech, because speech

got real fucking tight during COVID. And I think it's nice that we're restoring, I think, more freedom of speech because speech got real fucking tight during COVID and I think it's nice that we're restoring I think more freedom of speech. I see it coming back. Well, this is the podcast I love because you go there's no gatekeeper. Right. Stand up there's no gatekeeper. If you have a gatekeeper then you can get cancelled. Yeah. But without a gatekeeper you just go no no this is this is what free speech sounds like. As long as we're broadcasting, everyone can speak freely and disagree and the idea of, you wanna see where power is, who can't you criticize? It's Voltaire. Fancy, Voltaire, first mention on the show.

Wow, I told you, it was smart, it's not just the accent. Yeah, fucking, can I know? Can you bridge? Hey guy, I know this stuff. Oh, I might. Yeah, yeah, no, well Canada. Who can't you criticize, Canada is having podcasts be registered now. Yes. Your dog is making you register your podcast. Yes. With the same in line

with this with like radio stations and television. So it's like the setting up a potential to censor really the censor you people. They are just so fucking far behind. The guy's trying to go, what words can, can it? Look, Carlin did this in the 70s, right? The words you can't say on television. Yeah, yeah. He hit this early. Oh, yeah.

You go, the medium is the message. The medium of podcasting, the medium of stand-up comedy is total fucking freedom. And why are people drawn to that? We're having a golden age comedy at the moment. Yes. Communities are feeling a reenews in a way that bands aren't. Because bands are being fucked by the businesses.

So you don't have to buy the album anymore. You listen to the single, and then the algorithm tells you what the big song is, and you just listen to that. And there's this great quote, Bowie said it, you know, it's going to be like turning on a tap, turning on music. He said that in the 90s. So right.

And then Jarvis Kalka from pulp said, music's going to become like a scented candle. And it often is, even if you love music, I fucking adore new music. I listen to everything. And sometimes you put on a playlist and you don't know who's singing. And you go, it's a great song. I love the song. Don't know who it was. Don't know who created.

I could sit next to them in a bar. I wouldn't know. That's kind of sad. Yeah, it's sad. And also you feel like connected. If you're over a certain age, you were raised on just an album. You would get an album and listen to the album. And that's, I remember some of my favorite albums I bought, listen to. Yeah. But it disappointed. But I'm 20 bucks in. Right. Right. So I guess I'm listening again. And by the third time you go, I don't know. I kind of like this. Yeah. But no, but, but now it really is just about the single. Like they people, people don't really reference like, oh, have you heard this album? They just, it's about a hit

that streams. I don't know. There's no one was the last time you saw a real movie as opposed to something with goodies and baddies. Oh, it's a kid's film. Yes, it's a kid's film. Yeah, like a film that takes you on some type of journey emotionally, it has like a real arc to it. You look at what's out a lot of times you're like, this is all bullshit. It's all bullshit, because it's profitable,

because it's got a foundation of being profitable in the past, so they just really make the same shit. And also, we're out. They don't take risks at all, there's no more. And also what I noticed, like just in the past. So they just really make the same shit. And also where they don't take risks at all. No, there's no more. And also what I noticed, like just in the airports, like coming back from Vegas, this week, sorry, three weeks ago, is the joys of conformity right now. We're in a very conformist era. And I think a lot of that is due to the criticism on social media that a young person gets, like imagine being weird in high school now. And then a litany of comments of what a piece of shit weirdo you are, there's no freedom to be weird.

I tell you what, I'm not worried about it comedy. I'm not worried about censorship. And I'm very worried about self-censorship. Yeah. People not making the joke or not saying the thing. I mean, you guys are so fucking balsy on the show. They talk about stuff, they show stuff and go, ah, we all listen to no good people. Yeah, but any moment of it could be clipped up and it could be a concerted show. Oh, yeah. It's like, you know, you talk about some dumb content American Airlines is making you

gate check your bag and then people get all fired. You're a good, I'm a good guy. Yeah, I mean, but the people you, you listen, you call out dumb cunts when you see them. That fucking deal. Yeah. Stupid bitch. But people you yeah you listen you call out dumb cunts when you see that fucking do yeah stupid bitch stupid thing so You never understand this guy saying John what does the re-opney of the pop me show? Wait listen to Joe

That means a parade because I ended up with last two years Dan I kind of get Okay, Dan I'm with What does the re-opney of the pop that I am in? Cool, it means a lot because we keep up the traditional singing Before they come and we think they that I Do love the sheep.

Back to that son. Oh, is he right? We're going back to you. Just where are we? What was that? So, if he's there, the bigger question, if he's there, you're on the teeth. No.

Are the billi-g goats just walking across the bridge? Are they just with impunity? I don't know. That seems crazy. Yeah. They're that seem crazy. Yeah, it does. Yeah. I don't know anything about his mother. I don't know about anything about her interest sexually and bullfrogs. But there's definitely a connection, isn't there? There's definitely something going on. What is going on? Yeah, it started very well. The first three sentences, absolutely. They're probably the... Yeah, no problem. But then, so, this actually makes me... This actually feels good to us, because you always go,

sometimes, you know, we'll play clips. It'll be an Australian guy, and then Aussies will write in. They're like, how do you not understand? I'm like, I don't fucking know. My ears aren't, you know, trained to it. I think sometimes they need to tune in. Yeah. I find sometimes with American crowds, like sometimes like the first couple of jokes, they're like, just tuning in. They get it, but know, trained to it. I think sometimes they'll you need to tune in. Yeah. I find sometimes with American crowds, that's sometimes like the first couple of jokes,

they're like just tuning in, they get it, but it like takes a beat. Yes. It's like that thing. They're translating. I had friends from the North of England that had like problems getting booked in North America or like, you know, chatting about something away

and they're, I don't know if people already go for your accent. Yeah. Like people don't know Peter K here. Right. And they don't know John Bishop. Don't know it or... I don't know. Peter Peter K's probably the biggest comic biggest selling comic in the UK You know, shit. Yeah, he's doing like an arena tour where he does an arena every Friday sat down sat day Sunday night

For three years. Tell me Three years three years 15,000 seeder twice a week Peter Peter K People don't know that side. And he's northern. And then you watch Game of Thrones. Yeah. And everyone's got a fucking northern accent. Yeah.

And then you watch Lord of the Rings. Everyone's got a northern accent. This is Peter K. Yeah. All right, Peter, he's a very nice guy. Jesus Christ. He's the biggest comic in the UK. By some margin, I would say ticket sales wise.

But full disclosure, whenever I watch an English show, I do have to subtitle, because I watch the crowd. I watch the crowd for Phoenix nights. Phoenix nights was his big... I do with the crane. With the crane. The crane.

The crown. You have to say the crane. I do like, I do like a better crane. How come, so do the royals just have their own dialect? Or is that like a super upper, upper, upper crust accent? What is the bread, the crust accent? What is the Brit, the royal accent? Are the royal family posh is your question?

Well, like, and this seems borderline retardist. It is. It is. It is. All the royal passengers. I remember once playing, I did a gig at Buckingham Palace and it was like for the Jubilee. So it's like, that's a biggie. 250,000 people in front of you. She is a lot more rice.

And the queen is there. Like, she's in my eye line. Yeah. And I say, everyone backstage is really nervous because we're gonna meet royalty later on. And, you know, what's the etiquette? And then I looked at the queen and just went, just call me Mr. Carr. That's hilarious.

And then, five hours later, we're backstage, I like, remember, we're not backstage, we're in Bucky and Palace having a drinks thing. And I get a tap on my shoulder. And it's Prince William. And he goes, Mr. Carr. Ah. It's very sweet.

But the reason for that story is, we're walking back afterwards, and I'm with Ed Sheeran, who I know a little bit. And we, actually, there's a couple of stories here. I'll tell you the raw stories. So we're walking back to the Palace, and Ed Sheeran goes, this house is fucking amazing.

How much money is the quinger? And I went, motherfucker, she's on money. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She's on money. She had billions. Pull out a bill. I gave her the funny bit of story. So we're with Stevie Wonder's there with us, right?

And we all have to go back on. That's what the fuck I can see. Go ahead. I've Curtin call at the end. So this is where it gets to. So we have to do a curtain call and they're singing the national anthem. Very patriotic. And we're walking back on the stage. And Stevie Wonder is just ahead of us with his hand on his guy.

And he goes, I don't know, this fucking song. And I go, it's on prompt, it's on auto cue. And he goes, mother fuck. And then he gets out, he's harmonica, just for me and Ed. And riffed over the top of the National Anthem, just for us. Just as an old treat for us. What a guy. Wow.

What a guy. I didn't realize until recently, Stevie Wonder was, you know, the happy birthday song. Yeah. Happy birthday to you as well, Martin Luther King. And that was part of the, he was part of the whole movement to have MLK Day. I didn't realize he was such a huge part of that. No, I didn't know that either.

Yeah. I didn't know that. I didn't know that it was something about his daughter. I think people always play that for like their girlfriends. Sweet Caroline is about having a baby. I didn't know that either. He's friend had a baby and it's about that baby. Wow.

Like being thrilled with it. Born in the USA is anti-VNNum. When you get booked, we all knew that. So, sorry, I can no, because we're talking. We're talking here. Wait, Jimmy, I have a question. No, no, no, no, no. Who are the men?

He said about seven up again, Jesus. What about the English accent? Listen, about the monarchy, their accent though. Like, is that just like so insular? because they don't talk like anybody else in London. So what fuck what is that fucking accent? That's a receipt. That's how they ever used to speak like that. They go, what's up with our fucking accent?

Yeah. Are they literally only taught that that accent is what I'm saying? Like, do they, I think that's surrounded by those people, right? Just those posh, I guess it's just the posh of the accent. Yeah, it's pretty posh. Does it have a word?h, I guess. It's just the posh of that accent. Yeah, it's pretty posh. Does it have a word? Like, is it called, like, the posh of that accent?

Like, what the fuck is it called? posh, motherfucker. It's always those, it's strange with the British accent more because there's certain, like, like, spellings of things that are there to catch you out. Yeah. Like, Gloucester. Yeah.

Man wearing is manoring and there's kind of, Yeah. Yeah, Gloucester, Lysester Square. Yeah, so then, if it's not Gloucester. Yeah, man wearing is manoring and there's kind of, Yeah. Yeah, Gloucester, Lysester Square. Yeah, so then if it's not Gloucester. It's a muster sauce, all those things of like, if you got it wrong, give away. There's something I love that Brits say that you never hear Americans say.

I mean, just as is Shal. I Shal. I Shal. You'll never hear ever I can say, we say Fortnite a lot more than you thought. I like Fortnite. I like Fortnite. You like it. You know why? Because I feel super smart when I'm like, that's two weeks. I know that

from Shakespeare. I learned that. So it is right. Fortnite is two weeks. Yes. Yeah, but a lot of mother fuckers don't know that. Please forgive her. So, um, did you want to have a question about? I'm being retarded. So, hello, Gavna. Here's the thing I wanted to ask. So this happens to all of us for different gigs, you know, where you get booked for something and they go like, hey, when you do something that's like for the British Royal family and also for 150,000 people

and millions at home, but you're also like, I know when you're like on stage, do they go, hey, man, or do you just intuitively go, I'll not, I'm not gonna talk about the Queens, plus like, do you just go, don't worry? Or do they say please? I always do, they say please. Doing like a three minute thing,

while they change the drum riser for Grace Jones singing in a hula hoop. It was crazy. I mean, it was a crazy kind of afternoon, but yeah, they, you know, be a professional. Also, if you want to be a badass, don't take the gig. That's what I've done in three days before. Do you want to come to this thing at the past? Yeah. Great. Great. Or if I get sat next to the queen, that lunch, fucking talk about nice stuff.

Sure. Don't talk about a pussy. Yeah. I do have lunch with the queen on the regular. I like Camilla a great deal. Yeah, yeah. I do have lunch with the queen on the regular. I like Camilla, a great deal. Yeah. Very fun. Really? genuinely, very fun. I can tell you're being serious.

He is being serious. He is being serious. Great, you fucking have. She's genuinely, she's, she's, I'm so in in the mind. Really fun, like, like standout. That's what I hear. Likes fun, likes jokes, likes drinking,

like just a good time. Can I, can I tell you why? Cause I'm deep into the history of whenever, it's believe that her family growing up, they were very loose, they're very wealthy, whatever, and they would just sit around and have parties and talk. And she's very, she was raised essentially to be, what, like a nice social, gracious person.

And she's universally loved apparently. When you meet her, you're just charmed. Yeah, she's nothing but goodness. Now what about all Dudsys, the husband though? Oh, Charles is great fun. Charles is like a genuinely kind of a polymath if you meet him. I don't even know what that word is. But it loads an awful lot.

Okay, so he's been at a lunch in a dinner every day of his adult life, right? Since he was one of a kid. I heard he skips me out to stay. He does, yeah. But he's thing of like going, he sat next to the most interesting guy in the room at every dinner.

So, he's breadth of knowledge. It's kind of like that thing of like, he just talk about anything and he goes, oh yeah, I know, a little bit of that. And he was so far ahead of the curve in terms of going through, he's very rare to have an Irish guy, this pro-royalist,

but he was so far ahead of the group in terms of like non-GM and being good to the environment and you know, all these kind of talking to plants, he was kind non GM and being good to the environment and you know all these kind of talking to plants. He was kind of viewed as a joke in the 80s and 70s talking about the environment all the time. What do you know about the environment?

I think he runs a, I mean, he's a farmer really. He's really into that stuff. Now what about, I'm going to bring them up. Sure. All megsy, meggy and. And Harry. Yeah. Harry. I don't know how well. Harry Styles. And what about what about Megian? Heart and what's the sentiment? What's the pulse in the UK about them right now?

I don't it seems she's a right can't. It seems very I mean it's my joke about her. I think it's a pretty good joke. I said Meghan Markle is of course a lifelong feminist, which she's demonstrated by marrying a prince and giving up her job. LAUGHTER That's right. I'm not sure. I mean, the big thing Harry's done, which is brilliant,

is the Invictus Games, which is this thing with injured servicemen where it's a bit like their Paralympics, but specifically for servicemen, and giving them kind of a platform where they can perform physically and compete, and it's pretty fucking awesome. Yeah, that's cool. But Invictus is from the Latin, not a victim. Ooh, I like that. And it strikes me that the card he's playing is on the victim you go.

Oh, right, yeah. No? You're not a fucking victim. What are you talking about? Sure. Did it do what? Yeah. Like, a winging about, I can't get police protection when I come back to Britain or something. Man, crime me a river. But he's not in the royal family anymore and that's only given to the royal family. You just have to pay for your own fucking security. If you're not working, why would they give you protection?

It's logical. I don't know. I mean, I listen, I wish them well. I hope he has a great life and I hope he has a great life facing like nice people. Oh, that's the British version of Bless Your Heart. It is bless your heart. Let's go fuck yourself. Yeah, it is totally amazing.

No, but listen, he's off to anything. I'm not sure I'm not sure I need to be told. But also when people say when they break up they're like, yeah, I hope she's great. I hope she has a very, very happy future. I've got a whole bit about in the show about the sometimes, sometimes in life. Yeah.

You have to apologize. But what you want to say is in life. Yeah. You, you have to apologize. But what you wanna say is fuck you. Yeah. And there's a phrase for that. I'm sorry you feel that way. Oh. It's, you know what you mean. They know what you mean.

They can't touch you for it. Right. I'm sorry you feel that way. Yeah. I'm sorry of what I said. I made you feel a certain way too. I'm sorry for what I said. That was entirely fine. Made you feel like a dick. Then you are. I'm sorry, what I said that was entirely fine.

Made you feel like a dick. Then you are a con airline, you fucking conned. Yeah. Jimmy Carr can ask you another retarded question. Sure. I don't think you couldn't. Oh, I can't. Yeah.

That'd be the more interesting thing. OK, so when you're meeting the royal family for the first time, are you briefed on how to curtsy, do you bow? Yes. How does that matter? A guy comes in and Ekkuri comes in before and says, Oh, what?

Ekkuri. What's an Ekkuri? Ekkuri is the word. Ekkuri is the word. Ekkuri is the word. Ekkuri. And you would say, same, ma'am rhymes with jam. Okay.

Not mum, because they say mum. Mum. Mum, mum. Mum. Yeah. Hit, ma'am rhymes with jam. Okay, not mum, because they say mum. A mum, mum, mum. Yeah, so, we're always, I would say well, talked about that women are supposed to curtsy and everything, but what do they tell a man when you're meeting a woman? Yeah, so what else? I've never actually heard, you know, I mean, like behavior, greeting wise, meeting a woman. Don't, I don't know, don't turn you back. I think that's meant to be, you're not meant to turn you back on the king or something.

Uh, uh, wouldn't that the queen cause I was told not to not to sit on the throne. Oh, we went to our party at Clarence House. Uh, I was told not to sit on the throne. And then me and a guy called Jeremy Clarkson went and sat on the throne to pick you. To top your life. Of course we did. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. We were pretty hammered. Yeah. Sure. That's different. It's different. Yeah. Yeah. So, so don't turn your back. And don't say like, what's up dog?

Or can you say that to the thing? You can say, what's up dog? Yeah, yeah, that's actually, that's the first thing that I told you. I wanted to say when I mean, she's like, you'll meet them one day. Where's my dog's at? Yeah, where my dog's at?

Yeah, no, no, no, no, remember we said, when you meet them, you have to go, hello, Gabna. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that she was like, you would not disrespect him like that. I'm sure I would. Doesn't have the same effect on me That was a weird thing where everyone says that yeah, and then you know, I mean because it's the station that they have It's the it's the heritage. It's the head of state

I mean a lot of people are like anti royalty and saying we should get rid of those as the head of state sure But as opposed to what what do you want to put in their place? Right because there is like a ceremonial role where Someone kind of sketchy can come and visit the country and they meet the royals to what? What do you want to put in their place? Because there is like a ceremonial role where someone kind of sketchy can come and visit the country and they meet the royals and it's kind of a way of dealing with that where it's not politicians and politicians now. There's no statesman. Right. It's put everyone's on a four-year cycle of trying to get re-elected, re-elected, re-elected. No one's making plans for the future or talking to people or that level nations need to talk to each other. So there was kind of a role they play. For sure there is. I was in. I mean, this is like there's certain things, you know, certain things like in stand-up when you're on stage that you say it

right now after something happens, you can never duplicate that moment again, right? Like a line in a moment. Oh yeah. And I happened to be in Dublin on May, the day of the coronation. Right. And I opened, like, opened at three arena. Right. Fuck the King. Like, that was my opening line. And I almost couldn't get to the show. The ovation and the singing, the singing was like a football match. It was so crazy that I turned back to the guys off stage and I was like, because they were just like, it was singing like real. I did a thing in Dublin. I recorded a Netflix special there. And the crowd was so hot, like the crowd on their feet clapping as you walk on.

And I thought, I need to think a little bit of heat out this crowd. I got a minute 10, yeah. I need to put a seven for a call. Seven eight. Yeah, for a call, they can't be clapping on everything. So here's how I took them out. I said, I said, I, you know, I don't know a lot about Irish politics, but I just think we should have one island united and they're on their feet and going fucking nuts one island united under British rule It's like the whole place blue and they all get in the course fucking with they all know our Irish anyway Yeah, it was the underbrick Yeah, that's no big Yeah, and then it just kind of comes down a little bit. Okay, everyone. Yeah, we're all joking

Yeah, I mean, the Irish crowds, when you, Dublin, when it's right is so fucking great. I gotta go there. Yeah. You gotta go. I think that's the secret sauce on comedy when you're, I know how many years in you are, I'm like 25 years in.

The travel, I'm 40 countries now. So I'm 250 gigs on the year. Yeah. Australian, New Zealand, Canada, you're holding you're up everywhere. You're always going. But that thing Zealand, Canada, how do you Europe everywhere? You're always going. But that thing of it's so fun to go to new places. It is so fun.

And also you have, I don't know if you experienced the same thing coming over here. But there is that thing, like I did the international legs last on my tour. So I did all of North America. And then the final thing was do Australia, New Zealand. I did a little Latin America. And then I did did Europe and there was this thing every time where you arrive in a new country, a part of you goes like, is this gonna work here? But it's exciting because you go like, it's a little

bit of extra anxiety that you go, how are they gonna receive me? Right? Because I'm probably Paris recently and I thought it's just gonna be ex-Part British guys. Yeah, and that was 90% French. Yeah. And it was fantastic. And I just did, yeah. I had to take it down. You have to learn to, that there's different levels of fluency,

even like, so if you go to Norway, you can talk like you're talking right now. You don't have to, there are countries where there are 98% fluent in English, and then there's countries where they go No, no, they'll have it'll be good and you're like and then you can just tell on stuff like I when I did Greece I did Athens Yeah, I did the same act But I just slowed the pace down a little bit and that worked

I couldn't I couldn't talk like this like this you know same if you talk like that You could tell that people were just missing so So you just dial it down the speed, the speed of it down a little. But it's a conversation. Yeah. It's like Ron White said to me once in the green room. This is the best comedy advice I've ever gotten. Hey, goes Christina, if you're doing bad, slow down.

And if you're doing good, slow down. Just slow down. Yeah, bro, like you're right. What's the hurry? He's fucking great. He's a guy, Peter K. or Tom Hitchin, and it wouldn't be very well known here. He's like a guy, and you can't know

on sort of Rom with. Oh my gosh. Because he never traveled. I think he's the same. Oh, yes. We're all standing on the shoulders of giants, right? No one's inventing the thing, saying a grandit. So the idea of going on playing the Far East

and going on playing Eastern Europe and playing Germany, where are the places that I will go and play? Yeah. Well, idea of going on playing the Far East and going on playing Eastern Europe and playing Germany, where the police said that I will go and play. Well, I'm not the first in. It's always like there's a few people who've done it. Of course. And there's an audience there. And now you can look on YouTube

and Spotify, whatever, and see where you'll play. Sure. It's great. It's pretty great. I know right before I did the European tour, Ron and I took him to a basketball game. So he's like, so where are you going? I was like, well, I'm starting the European tour, Ron and I took him to a basketball game. So he's like, where are you going? I was like, well I'm starting the European tour.

He's like, like, London, I go, no, no, like all of Europe. He was like, really? And I go, yeah, he goes, where's your first show? And I go, Budapest, hungry. And he was like, Budapest. And I go, yeah, he goes, people are coming. And I go, yeah, it's sold out. You know what I'm told? And the whole night, yeah, yeah, the whole, people are coming. Yeah, it's sold out. You know what I'm saying?

And the whole night, yeah, the whole night, he was like, we just sitting there watching the game, he'd go, Budapest, there's people going in Budapest. And I was like, yeah, man. And then he was like, I find that thing of the more obscure place you go as well. Yeah, that's so weird. So, like if you play New York, I'm doing Carnegie Hall later in the year. And they'll have a great time. Yeah. But everyone at that show had other options that night. They had 50 options. So, if you play New York, I'm doing Carnegie Hall later in the year. I'm there to have a great time.

But everyone at that show had other options that night. They had 50 options. Oh, yeah. So many great options, right? Yeah. They could have gone. The next game. I'm checking.

I'm going to go. Thanks for being here. Yeah, yeah. But sometimes when I play Budapest, they go, you're very lucky to have me here. Yeah. There's nothing else going on this week. Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. And to your point, remember when Michael Jackson was so out of fashion in America, and then he would go over to Eastern Europe, and they're like, Michael, we love you. Yeah, because it's fucking communist country. Nobody's coming here. Yeah, because we haven't heard the allegations. That's Michael Jackson RIP. Yes. Do you remember? Man, did sang little dancing? I can share Michael Jackson impersonation. Yes. Do you remember? Great man. Did a little dancing. Little dancing. Remember the Martin Bissier. I could do a brilliant Michael Jackson impersonation.

Love it. I just need a small kid that can keep a secret. Can we, you know, our boys just left. They were just here. Remember Martin Bissier's interview with Michael? It can like, you can't find it. I don't think any more on YouTube. It was in the 90s.

And Martin was like, you've done nothing to your face. You claim that you've not had anything to under your face. And he's like, no, of course not. People laugh, people are so distanced. And then the big hand comes out. What? Lola?

You can't do anything with a hand, it's candy micro. There's some big hands. There's some big hands. There's some big hands. It's so weird. I know. And at that point, when Martin was interviewing him, he clearly had his nose shaved to nothing. It was good, got so weird. The skin tone, he was as light as your coffee and he wasn't always like, yeah, he was like

foolish by the time he was there and then the eyes. He'd done so much. He'd done a lot. It's really sad He was so it was totally out of his mind I mean that's that's a crazy. I think it was the Pepsi commercial, wasn't it? Burned up. You started Sorry, that's the beginning of it. Well, he I don't think he had another day of his life where he wasn't Out of his mind on painkillers. That's true. So I need the same thing Trump had he had

What's it called, a scout production. Wait, Trump had that stuff. Yeah, that's Trump's hair. Why is Trump's hair weird? So what they do with the scout production. So Michael Jackson had the top of his hair burnt off there, right? By the Pepsi commercial.

So, other sodas are available. And so they put a balloon under your scalp, and they blow up your scalp to like, so you look like something from Saturday Night Live, right? And then they cut, it's one of the most painful things you can get done. You, they can cut the middle bit of skin out. Yeah.

And then they sew that bit to that bit. Five. And so your hair's spread over, so you get the hair from there over there. Oh, that's garbage. So it used to be the, before they had hair dropped months, that's what they used to do. So Trump had the same thing.

So the hair that you think, that's a weird direction. That's hair from there that's been fucking put there. Wow. Hair is crazy looking. Why is, I know everybody jokes about it, but why does he do the orange shit on Trump's? Hey, that's a retarded question. How can he does he get called retarded?

No, why is he, why is he, that's a retarded question. Just that's not centennial retarded? No, why is he... That's a retarded question. It's not suntanning. No, it's not. He's not suntanning. He'll literally, you'll see him do... I'm not entirely sure it's not Cheetos. A pressur, a pressur, very morish.

He does a pressur like in the evening. No, I get it. You get on your fingers. It's all, and then he doesn't have it here. That's true, because I just got a spray tan for the first time. But you guys do a whole face. Any comment you're gonna make on looks now, because I could just go out to spray tan for the first time. But if you're going to do a whole face. Any comment you're going to make on looks now,

you need to just check yourself in the monitor before you speak, because you forget. You go, yeah, that guy's got too much makeup on. Or, sure. Or you're not. Your hands are my eyes. And you go, Jimmy, this is a fucking retired question or not. And then you look like this.

So, initially when you're playing bass to the cure, it's not that you know how it started, and then you look like this. So initially, when you're playing bass, the cure, that's how it started. And then you started the banshee's. Yeah, yeah. No, yeah, I love Susie. She's touring again. She's wearing hoca's sneakers. She's fucking. She's the best. I want to pivot to this. You always look good. But I saw you last. I believe I believe it was 2015. I was like, was it Montreal? Yes, good memory.

But wait, you are a leaner, right? Have you ever been so lean? I got really, yeah, I got like fitter since having kids. I found that thing of like, as soon as you have kids, you go, oh, the game's changed. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I need to be on the floor. I need to be able to play with these guys. I need to be able to pick them up. Yeah, I'm going down. Remember, like, first time, like playing with my son, doing all this, and my lower back, like, the next day,

going, what have I done to myself? And you go, I'm not fit enough. Yeah. It's like a half rack and loads of metformin. That's what I'd recommend. How old are you? You have one child? You've got two.

How old? I've got two. I don't know. I can call someone. You're clearly not there right now. I can call someone I got two. I don't know. I can call someone. You're clearly not there right now. I can call someone and find out. I think about one and a half and four. Damn, you're in it, homie.

It's amazing. I mean, it's tickets to the great show on earth. I love it. I don't want to get boring about it. No, we love talking about it. We have absolutely incredible. Do you know Tom and I are married and we have kids who step two. To each other. Yeah, we are. It feels like you know Tom and I are married and we have kids this step to To each other

You both could have done better weirdly right now Both could have done better but but like it's an odd thing that you both could have done better elsewhere Is your is your both should have married to normie? Oh my god. Can you imagine yeah, and it's not too late It's not too late. Oh no, there's a paper event the pace for the whole thing Oh, no, stop don't even joke about late. Oh no, Gokim. Oh, I'm afraid. There's a pipe here event, the pace for the whole thing. Oh no, stop don't even joke about it. Oh my god. Oh my god. Do we fuck it crazy?

Don't get access. So this is a, another Brit. This is funny, interesting thing. All the Brit's, or are the UK, you know, that part of the world's people we're showing are lacking teeth. And this next person, person also same category. When you're sitting on your own and you can smell your own breath.

Oh for fuck's sake. Oh God. I've been talking to people today. I can smell my breath. I'm gonna throw up. Oh my God. No, that's no. It's a funny story how I met my personal trainer.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that's a lot to take in. Cause I associate bad breath with teeth. Yes. But how bad could it be? Of a spiky tape which they, it also changes so much teeth

or such an effect on appearance. Right, like this lady has a full mouth of teeth that you're like, having teeth, I think is not the eye of a hair transplant. I got my teeth down. Did you? Yeah. Looks great.

It does, thank you. Dang, I didn't know. So people do it nowadays and there's shit ones and these gang that's so like, what's the secret to a good one? Yeah, let me see that, dude. That's pretty good, isn't it? Where'd you have done, Turkey?

Yeah, sure, sure. I'm just glad it's done by this guy, the mate link clinic called Ed Bulls, who's really good. It's kind of interesting getting a hat transplant, but because the guy that I had about it was, so what they do, people imagine there's a donor. People imagine that you're waiting by the phone

for a call saying there's a guy from BTS who's been in a motorcycle crash. He's got an incredible quip. You've got to get down there. You've got to get down there. Yeah, but they so they take the hair from around the back there we got loads of hair and then they replant it where you need it out the front. Yeah, so it works the downside is you know that sensation you get where the hair's on the back ear next down up. Yeah, that happens to me. This bit goes spiked. Yeah, I look fucking, yeah, it's a joke. It's like, but the idea of life, if I got freaked out, I look like fucking tin tin.

Yeah, yeah. But that weird kind of thing, you're like, yeah, I got it, I suppose it's that thing of, that was, because here's the way I'm mad at you. Zero, I'm saying. No, no, how much panic

when it's done where you're like, is this gonna suck? Yeah. Right, where you're like, it's crazy. Cause you see that, you're tipped out as well, the next day you kind of, is this gonna suck? Yeah. Right, where you're like, this is gonna suck. Oh yeah, I might look like crazy. Cause you see guys with the bad ones here. But when you get your teeth done as well the next day, you kinda go, is this okay?

Yeah. Is this okay, did I go too? I always think I didn't go white enough. Actually, no. Yeah, me too. I wanted to look like someone opened a fridge. Let me see, they're good. No, those are great.

Those guys stand out and they look fucking weird, dude. Are they even used? Yes. Oh, I got everything done. My dentist described it as a mouth. Yeah. I want all, because I never have that much time.

I'm gonna say something though. I'll every teapot. I'm gonna talk about this all the time. The wisest thing you did was not go too white. Yeah, you could go. Those people do it, you see it all the time and you see it like people who are on camera and you're like,

well, I just saw Rex Ryan talk about it. You know, can you pull up Rex Ryan teeth? I just saw him on a show yesterday. Oh, sexy, Rexie? Yeah, dude, but he makes you, Rexie. He showed his teeth and you're like, dude, like it just. Oh my God. Look at that.

Crazy, though. They look like a sharps are terrible. No, that might have been, to what it's for yet done. Top left, top left. Yeah, you gotta show him on panel now. Yeah, like the middle one there, oh my God, in a second. That's crazy, bro. Yeah, you gotta show them on panel now. Yeah, like the middle one there, my god, in the second one.

That's crazy, bro. Well, also, homie, you gotta, look at the person writing. Why is Rex Ryan's teeth brighter than white? But also factor in the dark tan, the orange and tan are you watching. He looks proportionate to the whiteness. Yes, I do look like I died several weeks ago

and this is the ghost of me that turned up for the Halloween special. Yeah. Yeah. You look, no, it looks crazy. No, you find it. It looks like you're not that. That's fucking out of control. That looks crazy. Yeah, that looks crazy.

But that's a way of thinking of life. There's a theory on medicine who gets the best healthcare. Yeah. People in the middle, maybe upper middle. In England? In the world. Very richest people, very poorest people get the worst medical care. Why? Because no choice, too much choice. So if you go in as a very wealthy person to the doctor and go, right, I want my hair done, I want my teeth done, I want lipo, I want, you can get

anything you want. Yeah. Regardless of whether it's healthy. Right. So you just, you have this weird thing where this guy goes in and goes, no, I want the whitest teeth and the dentist goes, okay, no, no, blue-white. F***. Right. Right. The dentist wouldn't have done that. Oh, that explains why Madonna looks so fucked up because nobody says no to Rich-ass Madonna.

Simon Cal. Yo, we talk about him. Simon Cal went through a phaser looking absolutely fantastic for his age. And now he looks like a lizard from space. Do you know him? I've met him a couple of times, yes. He looks so crazy. So crazy.

And that is what you're saying where you can go in and you go, I want the same job. Here's the check. Yeah, who's saying now? Good to go. Yeah. Yeah. He looks, can we bring him up?

That one. Dude, he looks insane. Although we say, I mean, there's that, that one there looks like the one on the right there, the tube side by side bring, pop that up. That looks like a taxi dummy. You know that thing of like, have you ever looked up bad taxidermy? Yeah, bigger, bigger, but look, that looks like bad taxidermy. Have you ever looked up, that's, I mean, the one on the, the one on the left there,

well the guys, he's showing the taxidermy, he goes, okay, I mean, the one on the, the one on the left there. Well, the guy's, he's showing the attacks to the enemy, he goes, okay, I have to redo the left eye, obviously. Look at bad attacks to the enemy. There's some amazing bad attacks to the enemy. Let me, okay, so look at him, look at him, look at him. Oh my God, I'm so scared. Have you ever seen this? Let's go through these, make him full size

because we gotta let the people at home see these. Okay, so, okay, it's my first time doing taxidermic and I think I did great. You can tell what it is. You know I made you. You know it ain't a snake. Somebody's coming to pick this up. Do you have my lion? Yes.

I shot a lion. I'm a dentist from somewhere. I love if you were the taxidermic guy because you're so refined with the way you speak. Okay, before I show you this, I want to manage expectation. It's, listen, they're not live animals anymore, but I don't see. Sure, I think this was your pet line. I'm very proud of my hunt. Okay, next one, next one. Flip up.

Oh, oh, my god. Oh, Fox is great. Look at the fox. Oh, the cat. Where there's late cross. The fuck is that? Is he waiting for someone to pick him up from the bus stop? What is this? Oh my God. I kind of, the side view is kind of.

This is terrible. This is terrible. Why the fuck is this terrible? This is terrible. And now, now show Simon again. Wow. Oh, this is what we're talking about, right? This is part of taxidem. I'm not entirely sure. He's not dead. I think we're talking about, right? This is Patatexative. I'm not talking to this show.

He's not dead. I think we might be weekend at buddy. No, it's crazy to his when I first saw this. I was like, the fuck is going on? Someone was like, oh, he was in an accident. And I go, oh, fuck. So like a face, like something happened to his face. And then the article was like, yeah, he heard his back

in a car accident. I'm like, oh, so this has nothing to do with the act. Like he was in an accident that affected his back, and then he somehow decided to do this. He wanted to do this. It's the guy that did my hair, actually. He had balls. He's a great guy.

And he became a hair surgeon because he worked as a plastic surgeon for 25 years. I went, ah, it's kind of not bringing me happiness because someone comes in, they've had a car crash, and I've got to do facial reconstruction surgery. He's got a great eye and it's God's work. I mean, it's beautiful to bring back someone's face. Sure.

But it's not the same. It'll never be the same again. It's a new life and I'm going to walk you through this and it's going to be okay. And then he's doing hair transplant and there's a bunch of middle aged men going, hey, yeah, yeah. This is fantastic. Yeah. Especially with the work he does with women as well, by the, you know, you know, you can't really,

I browse or whatever fabulous. Yes, but they lowered his brow, or they took out the lid on top and they lowered it, he should have gone up. It's very, very weird. It's very weird. But then there's also, I would say, there's a happy meeting where more needs to be done here. Clearly, sure.

Oh, this is not done. No, I mean, don't do that. No, but me as half white, but it's a visual medium. Lower bluffs are probably next to us. He needs his bluffs. These are the bluffs. You get filler injected into that. That's what I told him.

You keep telling me to do that. Just start with fillzies. Come with me. I don't know, because your whole, I think I can kind of get away with it. Maybe I can't, but your whole thing, what are you selling? Authenticity in charm. Authenticity in charm. You get up on stage, you tell us about your life, you're so open, you're so you, it just

feels like, I mean, you could do it, but it's, people love you as is. Right, so don't, I don't think I go. It's like, when you drop the weight, I think it was really interesting because people really felt like it was, I this guy didn't get his money right, this guy just got his life together and we were on the journey with you. Sure.

And it was really interesting. It felt like you brought people with you, so if it's good for you then do it. I think the only way to do it, the only rule about doing shit, I think as a comedian or for myself, is you can do something, but you gotta like talk about it.

Yeah, you can't. I remember my friend was in a hair transplant, and there, but you gotta like talk about it. You can't, I remember my friend once had a hair transplant and there's a story in the paper about it. And he wrote to the paper like an open letter saying, thank you for drawing this to my attention. I'm gonna have my people look into it. That's it. That's great.

Yeah, no, I've just, I've chopped it off, you know, just whatever, whatever. Yeah, why not be honest, especially as a comedian. Yeah, fooling anybody. No, of course, you have to. All the comics that we've, have we leading man in Hollywood, that was out of head, Charles Paul.

Yeah. And that old fronting about, oh no, I cut it for a role. And the other ones that the, all the super jacked dudes, like if they're asked, they go, no, I'm just eating chicken breasts, working out. And you're like, you're carrying two, I'm just eating chicken breasts, working out.

And you're like, you're carrying 250 pounds of muscle. Like you're on a lot. What is that like, dude, like the Kardashians going on? Oh my God. Yeah, that's crazy. Like that thing of, it's so unfair to the people though on Instagram, especially the young girls, the young boys going, I spy to that body. Why can't I get that?

Yeah. Well, if you're honest about what you did, yes, then it becomes a different thing. Sure. I know. And it's, so I grew up in Los Angeles with really attractive people, like symmetrical. How did they make you leave?

No. They kicked me out of my hospital. I was watching the monitor. You look so crazy. I grew up in Los Angeles, bro. With really, you look like a man. So far, you were in the monsters, yes? I love the monsters. But real. I'm like, I'm like, I'm so far. You were in the monsters. Yes.

I love the monster. Yeah. But I grew up with like. Your brother was a well wolf, yes. Yes, tell us more about your uncle was just a hand. Yeah, I know. He's the craziest. But I grew up with like logistics,

like bathing suit models and shit. Like this girl I went to high school with. She was a fucking body glove model. Like she was gorgeous. So when I see these Kardashians, I'm like, oh, that's all plastic surgery. And that's all synthetic good looks. You know what I'm saying? Well, they did some guy in China.

You ever hear this story? There's a guy in China that sued his wife. So he married this girl, met this girl, married her, had a baby, and the baby's ugly. And he sued his wife. He sued her. Dang. Might have been South Korea. But he sued her saying, you had so much plastic surgery.

You saw this is a faulty bill of goods. Yeah. And then we have this kid that's ugly. What are we gonna do with this? Dude, the Asians don't fuck around. They don't fuck. Well, the most plastic surgery in the world is South Korea. For like, they do it most in the world.

A lot of them have the eye procedure done. Yeah, a lot. I mean, there's a real aesthetic to it. Yeah. You know, what's interesting is there's an entire generation of women who want to look like Kardashians, Kim's face. That's such an interesting thing though. That's a one time story, but a guy, let's say like a super rich guy,

meets some chick who's some hot model looking, and then has kids, and then you go like, Oh, you have so much stuff done to you. This is the representation of who you really are. You're so cut up. There's a weird thing now where people go into plastic surgeons, don't even bring a picture of the Kardashians. They bring a picture of themselves from Instagram

with a filter on it. And I want to look like, so I want to look like, I pretend to look online. Wow. So you get this weird thing where people having even got FOMO for other people's lives. They've got FOMO for how their life looks because Instagram is the highlights real.

Yes. And life is a blooper's real. I mean, yeah, fucking hell. Yo, yeah, sorry, even my makeup artist, I did something. You ever makeup artist? Yeah, even really that.

I don't know, just like, like, made me contour, like he can do the Kardashian contouring. Oh, well, I'm the, yeah. How much had a girl do that in Los Angeles? She's, we're waiting on a show and there's some time that she wanna do contouring. Yeah, it's hilarious. It looks like two stone in 20 minutes.

That's what I'm saying. And like, he does my face for specials or whatever. And it does, it looks and it does look like me. But you look at the photograph and you're like, this is fucking amazing. You look great, but it's creepy. My plastic surgeon is pretty great. I'm going to see my plastic surgeon.

He goes, nope. Anything I ask him about, he goes, nah, we're not doing that. What are you talking about? What do you want to do? You can have a time. Like, I do a tiny bit of poto, it's there, a little bit there, so you don't get jowly. A little bit there, not there, and you can fill it there,

but not there. Okay, right, whatever. But then he will, anything I ask him about, it goes. I asked him about, is it Bukial fat reduction? What's that? So it's where, one of the guys from one direction had it done. I think is Liam, you can go picture up where they take out the fat there. So you go from having, I've always had chubby little cheeks.

And it doesn't matter how much weight I lose, I could be, I could be, you know, 50 kilograms. And I'd still have chubby cheeks. But they take out the fat from here. So you look like chiseled and modally. Oh, cool. Oh, shit. Right, so look at this, I mean, it looks fantastic. No, it does, it works good.

But the issue is, when that down the line, everyone age 50 goes, I need you to get the fat back in there. And it doesn't look as good when you put it back in, because that's what ages you. Wow. You're facing a hollow out anyway. Yeah, you don't have anything done, Jimmy. No, you're perfect.

You're beautiful. You're perfect the way you've already done loads of stuff. Yeah. You're perfect the way you've spent an absolute fortune on your facts. I'll tell you this, too. I want to say this sincerely, too, when you're a comic, right? Sometimes people come up to you and they go, hey, I'm sure you're tired of hearing this. And then they give you a, they're like, I think you're really funny. And you're always like, that never gets old. You can say, if you ever think a comedian is funny and you see them in person, go ahead and tell them you think they're funny.

Like they'll never say, oh, I'm sick of hearing that. But the thing that always sticks with you is when other comedians tell you something, like I have like a perfect memory, lock of comedians saying like that was really funny. Yeah, that's good. And man, when you told me that in like 2015, I did not expect, you came up to me

at the catacombs in Montreal, and you complimented my set, it carried me through the whole week in Montreal. Cause yeah, I think you always go like when other comics, it's different than someone being like, I thought that was really funny. Man, it was a, it was a, It is a lovely thing actually.

And I think that thing about like, comics don't like the great thing about the comedy mothership here in Austin or whatever, that thing of like having a great club where you're going out and seeing stuff, and going out to shows and watching stuff. I watch everyone's specials because you kind of have that thing of going,

yeah, you can bump into that person. Sure. You wanna have a view on who they are. And also the joy of it, remembering why, because it puts you in the audience seat. Sure. And then you go, oh are. And also to join it, remembering why, because it puts you in the audience seat. And then you go, oh right, when I see it, oh that's gonna be what it looks like. Where was yours tape?

Where was Lachama tape? In Phoenix at the celebrity theater. It's like one of the few in the states that are in the round still. I can't believe how good it looked. Oh, the look of the thing. The set dressing in my, it was all nice. Other than you.

Other than me. Other than you. What they did production wise of that set, I thought it was the most beautiful set I'd seen for a special. I thought they absolutely killed. When I walked, sometimes you walked. It's almost like no set, it's just lighting. Delighting, but the way that they did it, I walked out.

I remember during the soundtrack and I was like, this looks fucking unreal. Yeah, I was really. The lighting's everything. It is. Because the same guy did my special last one that did yours. And I remember being like, cause I've seen, especially with women the older you get, I'm like, you better lighten me the fuck up.

I wanna be lit. It was up. Do you know what you're gonna do? You're not to be the secret right now. No, I just taped it. Oh, you just taped it. Oh, where's your tape? I taped it in a place called AilsBerry.

It was a really beautiful theater. Quite new. And it's just the reverse look, right? Ailsbury. It was a really beautiful theater, quite new. And it's just the reverse look, right? Wow, that's amazing. The reverse shot was great. And I like to do four shows because there were a lot of audience stuff. So to capture it, so it was...

Oh, I've heard this, and I never confirmed it with you. But people say it, and I was like, I was telling people when I was like, I should just ask them, is it true that you're like, heckle if you want? Yeah, that is true. Yeah, I'm like the one guy. I often do a thing where I do a heckle amnesty where I go, we haven't hadle if you want. Yeah, that is true. Yeah, I'm like the one guy. I often do a thing where I do a heckle amnesty

where I go, we haven't had enough from you tonight. Just bring it. That's because he's, but that's because he's in the UK. But it's also about a thing of mine. No, it's that thing of like you go, they're not trying to ruin the show, they're not the show. It's a thousand people all with the same sense of humor as you. And everything's in service of the show.

So even when they're heckling, it's like, okay, but that's not always the case. Well, sometimes you get a heckle and it's something aggressive. Yeah. And you treat it like a customer inquiry. Yeah. Treat it like you work at the local rental place and there's a complaint.

What's going on here, sir? How's your evening's not working out the way you wanted it? What's up? When did he say to you? What's something someone he would say to you? When you welcome it. It's always like that. He's super cut and you're like, thanks.

Okay, you're fat, you're ugly, okay. The dumb shit, yeah, just, I mean, there's a million different. I think the more personalized, the more in the moment it can be like the thing with the king or whatever. Yeah. That thing of like the more personal it can be. And then it can, sometimes they're like,

almost like you write jokes and then you can go, okay, that'd be a good thing to say to a Hechler sometime. It's kind of in the roller decks of, okay, there's something you could do. So there's a bunch of that stuff online that I've done. I just really like it. I like the thing of asking a comedian to do an arrow comedy with no script is like asking a magician to do real magic. Yeah. But the Hechel bit, you go, people can sort of see you stretching a different muscle. And if you keep the cadence, the rhythm of it, the same as your written material. It's

got a real kind of, yeah, it just kind of suckers people. I love it. I've seen it, I've seen it, like I've been seeing you live and I've seen clips of it all in like, it's, it's very admirable. You're like, you're the best at it. Oh well, that is very kind of you, but it's very enjoyable as well. Because it's that thing I want like 250 dates on the year. Like, you want to keep the show fresh. You want to make it feel like it's different every night. And that keeps it like, yeah, absolutely.

And new stuff every night is my rule. Every night, every night new stuff. So that means you're at the end of 90 minutes, a lot of piece of paper and try five new jokes, meaning every single night. Oh okay, I thought you meant a whole new hour. How you doing then're at the end of 90 minutes. A lot of piece of paper and try five new jokes, meaning every single one. I thought you meant a whole new hour. How you doing then? No, it's just, I mean.

Yeah, I like to write new things too. Otherwise you get so far more. And that gives you something, right? It gives you a reason to write the new stuff as well. I think for me, the way that I do is I get into, like, I'll be on tour. It's now a show, right? Where you go, like, it's here.

This is the show. And I'll start, I'll get into that phase where you go like, it's here, this is the show. And I'll start, I'll get into that phase where I'm like, what is it? And I realize what the thing that I'm feeling is that there's nothing new, right? Cause I've locked into the hour and you start to go, and then what changes it for me is even if it's, even if it's 30 seconds at the top.

Yeah, I love that change in a were in a new town where you go. Hey, what is it with the camera? Yeah, anything at the top that for me, and if that gets a laugh, it works at the very, I have a whole energy for the entire show. Yeah, and then if it doesn't work, it's kind of, I got the show, I got it. Exactly, don't want to, I got the goods.

He was just, I was just warming up, just testing the mic. Yeah, exactly, yeah. And I actually like to see imperfection. I find audiences like imperfection. It's live. You're not watching this on Netflix. This is the, you come out, you book a ticket, like slightly the rugged one, you want to see a banned life. I could listen to a perfect recording. You've already been in the studio for six months. When you stumble on something, especially if it's if it's authentic and

you trying something and something goes wrong. I mean, you find that those audiences go, that was fucking so cool. They love it. Or when you throw a heckler out. Oh my God, the other night I was at a club and the mic went out for like seven minutes. And I, I just started planking.

I did Pilates for them. I started talking. I was like, what'd you do today? And this woman was like, I did mushrooms. And I was like, no way. Like it became this whole thing, but people left. And they're like, that was the greatest show I've ever seen. And you're like, that was the worst seven minutes

of my life to have to like vamp. But they think it's this happening, you know? Like in the 60s, like, oh, it's so spontaneous. And you're like, I guess it's not what I wanted to do. But we've looking at it. Unplanned is the way to go. Yeah, I think that's why people like podcasts too. It's not there's no rehearsing shows.

I mean, it really is fantastic. I can't wait to know what the live event is. I'll tell you where we're I'll tell you off mic because we get we're I don't want to give away. It's too exciting. Super excited. Yeah. It will be just in 20 or 20 or 21 you did live events.

We did. So it We did it through 2021. We even did a few after. Like we did one last year live ticketed shows. That was it. It is super fun where we do a live podcast. There's no rules. There's no restrictions because it's not on YouTube. And then we would have like musical guests. And we would, you know, do all these all these different, you know, elements all these different, you know, elements to the show, like raise the price of them.

I think doing those on the regular because I know it's the pandemic and people couldn't get out to anything. But realistically, even if you're both playing big shows or on a tour, most people that listen can't get out. Yeah. And there's some people just can't. They just can't, you know,

that they're moving in a town where they can't get away or they're busy mom or whatever they can't get out to the show Yeah, well, they didn't get the tickets, you know you sell out when you play places Yeah, so that thing of like doing that on the regular like for people that do this, you know They listen every week and you go yeah once every six months Yeah, I was a spend 20 bucks cuz I'm gonna I want to see a stand-up set and a few other regulars that come in and A bit of the chat and also it's kind of you maybe that's where you do the murder podcast. Yeah, yeah, and you finally find out who golf has buried out. Mm-hmm.

He's on the something. He's on to something. Only murderers on the run. You can watch Jimmy, obviously you can look up all the videos we're talking about. You should see him do this, but you should see him live more so than anything. He is on the terribly funny tour right now. You can get tickets at jimmycar.com. Is it absolute pleasure to check out his dark material on Netflix because that'll let

you know whether the show's for you. There you go. Yeah. You don't just walk in and watch any band. You shouldn't just walk in and watch any comic. Go on Netflix Netflix check out Jimmy I just been a pleasure being on that. Thank you so much. Thank you so much. Thank you so much. I'll be Halloween everybody. Happy Halloween, jeans!

Are you kidding me? We're gonna fill this up. I like that one. All of us. I get sick! I get sick! I get sick! Dark Rose. Dark Rose. And my dream? Dark Rose. Dark Dark Rose. Dark rooms Dark rooms And my dream Dark rooms Dark rooms

And my dream Dark dark rooms Dark rooms And dark rooms And my dream And let's get dark rooms Dark dark rooms And let's get dark Runs. Darth Darth Runs. Let's get Darth Runs.

And my dream? Darth Darth Runs. I like that. Darth Runs. And my dream? Let's get Darth Runs. Darth Darth Runs. And my dream?

Darth Darth Runs. I like that. My dream? Dark, dark, dark, dark. I like that. I get to say, what dark, dark, dark!