Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791

Episode Date: January 1, 2025

SPONSORS: -Try VIIA! https://bit.ly/viiaymh and use code YMH! -Get 5 dollars off your next order at https://MagicSpoon.com/ymh. Happy New Year, Mommies! Tom and Christina are back to begin the new year with a reflection on the annual YMH Christmas party and the shenanigans of everyone's favorite staff member, Chris Larson. Tom also brings up a moment from the past when Christina was choking on the show and he didn't laugh or mock her. They also talk menopausal haircuts and review a tribute to Tom's nose twin, John Amos. Tom and Christina are then joined by alleged cannibal, actor, and podcaster Armie Hammer! Armie sets the record straight and details how his kinks and morally ambiguous behavior sent him from Hollywood to a timeshare desk in the Cayman Islands. Presently, Armie is slowly working on a comeback and opens up and tells his story to the Main Mommies in his own words. It's a fascinating discussion that includes, rope binding, heart consumption, redemption, and loving somebody so much you want to smash their face into a dresser. Try this one out! Your Mom’s House Ep. 791 https://tomsegura.com/tour https://christinap.com/ https://store.ymhstudios.com https://www.reddit.com/r/yourmomshousepodcast Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Get groceries delivered across the GTA from real Canadian superstore with PC Express. Shop online for super prices and super savings. Try it today and get up to $75 in PC optimum points. Visit superstore.ca to get started. What's up everybody? I'll be bringing my come together tour to a bunch of more cities in 2025.

January 18th, I'll be in Philadelphia. Haven't been there in a while. January 24th, I'll be in Philadelphia. Haven't been there in a while. January 24th, San Francisco. The 25th of January, I'm in Reno. January 30th, I'm in Athens, Georgia. And January 31st, Savannah. February 1st, I'll be in North Charleston. I can't wait to hit all these cities.

Get your tickets now at tomscrow.com slash tour and I will see you there. Welcome, welcome, welcome to your mom's house. Hello, and ape du ya. Good night, mate. It's 2025. That's crazy. What a exciting time, a new year.

Can you believe it? You know something? What? I kinda don't see it that, I don't know. I just think of it as one continuous life. Are you taking the JuBrods off? What do you think? Should I have them on?

I don't know. It's up to you. It's a real personal choice. I don't know. Wow, just like that. New year, no thanks. No thanks, JuBrod Tom Hanks. I don't know, what are you, are you doing, do you have like resolutions? Are you going to do anything differently?

Oh no, you get, you grow past that at a certain point. That's what I'm saying. I feel like it's just the same shit different toilet a little bit. Yeah, but it's always, I do like the thing of like new year. Like let's, let's reset and- Fresh. Fresh and get going again. And hit the deck, hit the ground, run it. Are these lights supposed to be on, guys? I think the tube air set.

Does it matter? Just the overheads are on. I don't know. I think it affects, doesn't it? I don't know. Good eye. It's usually not on. Air.

Good eye. Oh. We got a fucking cinematographer over here. Hey, what was I gonna say? Hmm, what? Can I tell you what I do, and this is very spiritually enlightened, because I'm a very spiritually enlightened person.

Tom, I see every day as a new opportunity. Yeah, wow, that's really cool. And then I go like, do that. And that gives me new lease on life every day. Yeah, yeah, sure. I'm serious. And ever since I was in the cancer club, I'm in the cancer club, every day,

you just gotta like, you don't know, you can't make plans. It's true. I think the thing that happens when you go through something like you did, or maybe it's also that combined with aging, is your perspective starts to go, just to enjoy things, enjoy life, do it, do the thing, try this, have fun.

Do the thing. That somebody said, I wish I could credit the person because I don't recall who said it, about you only have, if you're a certain age, hey, you have 20 good summers left or whatever. You know what I mean? Like this is not gonna happen forever. Cause when you're 16, you're like,

well yeah, this is just another one. But there is an age where you start to go, oh yeah, there's a limited number of these. As your kids age too, cause you go through this thing where you're like, oh, you start to realize there's a ticking clock on childhood innocence. Like there's just gonna be an age where they're just gonna,

like right now they're still innocent. They don't, you know what I mean? They don't know how jaded it can be, right? They're just fully just, and you go, oh, that wonder will leave one day. I know, do you know what I just remembered? Do you ever, you remember like a childhood trauma? Like, you know, at the time it's normal,

and then you're like, oh, I was, do know, do you remember Bartles and James wine coolers? Yeah. My mom used to just let me drink them and I was, I was Ellis's age. I was nine. Really? Yeah. Like she didn't know. I don't, or maybe she did. They tasted so good. And to this day, You definitely should not have had that. No, but the, the original flavor, like the OG, none of this shit, all these flavors.

Well, these are newer. Yeah, I like the OG ones, the two guys on the porch. Yeah. Oh, it was so good. You're drinking that at eight? Yes, she would let me have a wine cooler every night. And I'm like, hmm. Strange.

I know, but it really was tasty. Truly foreign. Truly foreign. Truly foreign upbringing. Yeah, I know. But anyway, I agree, you know, it's all tasty. Truly foreign. Truly foreign. Truly foreign upbringing. Yeah, I know. But anyway, I agree, you know, it's all short. It happened so fast. You guys enjoy it.

Let me point just something, one thing out. Whoever made this coffee can fuck themselves. It's not even coffee. Look how blonde this is. It's just milk. You get the dairy off. It means you suck your mom's tits and drink that milk. Yeah, this is just basically tit milk.

I know. For your little baby baby suck your thumb Really setting me off baby Fucking did that I don't know some fucking Horrible person. I don't know. I know why it's cuz reads not here He's not here today, and then someone got your coffee and wasn't fucking right. It's not right stupid Sorry, his name is breed. Just just reminding you breed That's his name. I just wanted to remind you why breed. I don't know that's he likes it, but he does not like it Yeah, that's what it's what he wants to be called. Did you give him that nickname? No, it sounds like a black-eyed nickname

No, I would never do that He wants to be called. Let's get into what you would do here in a moment. Here's the opening clip everybody. Let's start the show. Here you go. I'm just wondering if you guys like the taste of jizz. Okay. At first I didn't like it. It tasted really bad but now I just can't get enough of it.

I want to put in everything that I can. I hate you so much. Drink my protein shake. me know let me know down the comments below if you guys like it I hate you for that why it's a clip Mom Sakura. Don't be happy with yourself. I hate when you're pleased with yourself. Mommy, mommy. I'm drinking a cup of jizz right now. Looks like you're drinking. I know. It's basically not even drinkable.

So here's a little thing we'll tell you. This is a little showbiz magic. Although this is our New Year's episode. It is being recorded in 2024. Shh, don't tell them, Tom. Well, we have to tell them because last night was our holiday party. It was the YMH holiday party.

It was so fun. So fun. The whole studio came, the Porosos team came, and everybody was in a great mood. And by the way, everybody really came dressed to the nines. People were dressed up. Girls looked great, guys looked great. Yeah, people were happy.

It was a festive environment. There was great food, there was great drinks, and it was just really fun. It was. But a couple people, I think always stand out great drinks and it was just really fun. It was. But a couple people, I think always stand out when they have a couple drinks in them. One is our technical director, Eni,

who he seems to be unaware of the fact that he has a dual personality. And so once he has, I would say two to three in him, he's just like Like he he really you know he gets in there he's just y'all Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, I saw him making a phone call while we were all having festivities And I was like that's kind of yeah then he comes back from his phone call no yeah he was really like doing his thing and everybody's like oh think any's got a couple in them huh and you're like yeah just give them some

space oh yeah yeah and then he hung up the phone and then he started shouting into the the party room oh and I was like you shouted the n-word into the party room. And I was like, what is happening? You shouted the N word into the party room. You were like, you were like, that, this N word is, N word stuff, just like, you were shouting, dude. I was just saying, I don't like how good that lined up. Niggas. That's enough. I don't like that you have this power. Oh my God.

That's exactly how he gets when he's drunk. Yeah, I know. That was him. He was really doing his thing. So everybody goes like, okay. And I've seen it a few times. Sometimes we do, when we do live shows, once the stress of the live show,

because there's a lot of stress particularly on any, because there's a lot of technical things that go of the live show, because there's a lot of stress particularly on any, because there's a lot of technical things that go on the live show, he always will have a couple after that, and then he's like, you know, don't work no wreck. He's like, he just completely goes into another realm. It's like when he relaxes,

that side of him is allowed to come out and play. It is, yeah, it's like free rein. And what the booze does is it takes when he relaxes, that side of him is allowed to come out. It's like free rein. And what the booze does is it takes all the restraints off. And then he's just him. That's like true Eni. He's like, yeah, he just turns into this guy. It's so fun.

I love it so much. It is great. It's great. Yeah, it's like it's super black Eni. Super black Eni. Although I just lose the ability to code switch. It is great. It's great. It's um, yeah, it's like it's super black any I think although I just lose the ability to code switch. It's like I don't have that. Yeah, it does it goes away I can't talk like y'all when I'm fucked. Yeah Office any is like bye. You just don't see him anymore, but I don't mind Non code switching any no, it's fun. We're here for it, as the kids say.

He's funny. He gets, you know, I don't know if you've ever been in an environment where there's an aggressive black person. Sure. But he just, he turns it way up and you know. God damn it, never nice. He just, that's him.

That's him. That is him. I remember that. Three drinking and he is right there. Never nice, never nice. That's right. It totally is. That's him. It drinking and he is right there. That's right. It totally is. That's totally was last night. And then like he soberes up and he's like, how was last night? I don't really remember much.

It's like it's wild. You guys got any breakfast talks? Yeah, I know. So that's it. The other one who is just unbelievable is Chris Larson. Oh my god. Chris Larson, for those of you who have followed the show, is our lead in post. And he has a real interesting personality, which is most times you're like, do you even want to be here? And he's like, everything's fine.

And you're like, hey, it's your birthday. He's like, okay. Like that's him. He's kind of like a cat that doesn't like you. But he's also an incredibly thorough, efficient, talented guy. Amazing. Really great at his job. And the truth is he is like a very sweet, thoughtful guy. He's very smart.

Second smartest guy that works here. True. But anyway, he, I think, is always this guy who doesn't like to show emotion. No. He doesn't like to be very expressive. He's the opposite. He reads as like a hyper introvert.

He's not gonna tell you much, he's not gonna say much. And he just goes about his business, goes about his day, and you're like, okay. And if you're like, was that cool? He's like, yeah, it was a good time. Like, he's not gonna say much. And he just goes about his business, goes about his day. And you're like, okay. And if you're like, was that cool? He's like, yeah, it was a good time. Like that's kind of how he is. I would agree.

And then you get a few pops in him. We first saw this in Cabo. Vacation Chris came out to play. We did a family, YMH family trip there a few years ago. We were like, what in the fuck? It was like three days and he was like, ha ha! Just like, you know, fucking shirt off, just like pouring, he's like, I run this bitch,

viva Mexico! And he was just a lunatic, right? And it was amazing. And then last night, you get a few pops in him and you're just like, what the fuck? And he was turning it on. And we did, you had just left, but we did office awards. I didn't know this was going to happen either, by the way. They voted

on they gave categories and awards, wildly inappropriate categories and awards. And I was like, Jesus Christ, this is what we're doing. And everybody was like, yeah, we didn't tell any of you guys, but we just did this. He won multiple awards. I didn't, I was not aware. The first award he won was for the Sleeper Hog Award. The secret big dick of the office. How do we know this? How is this verified?

They voted, the staff voted for each other. Oh, that like, have you seen it? Or is this just like, I'm feeling? That BDE, yeah. Yeah, you can just feel it. Oh you just, okay. You just know. I got you, okay.

When he wears those yellow shorts, you can kinda see it dangle in there. That's a little weird. Wow. So wait, Sleeper Hog though wasn't about BDE, it's about physically seeing a hog in the shorts and pants, right? Well, I mean, I assume he has one because of the BDE he gives off right but are people voting on energy Are they voting like I I see a nice bulge in there because those are two different things

We're voting on who we would imagine speculating Are the women agreeing to this he's seen it? Chad, he's seen it apparently. Niana? I voted Caitlin as sleeper hog. I voted Caitlin too. Oh, so it was about energy? Yeah. Got you. Okay, I thought you guys were like staring at each other's dicks, which is definitely weird.

Which is totally encouraged. Wait, you have seen it though, Larson? I mean, uh, Zolo? I have not. It sounds like Chad has. No, Chad said that he was staring at a... I have not seen it. Okay. Yeah, but anyway, he wins that award. Do we have that clip? Yeah, that should be in your folder. Oh, it's in just what's it as oh Wow, okay. Sorry. I have it just you know, there's a name for when Chris Larson drinks and comes out of his shell Yeah, it's referred to as vacation Chris. Vacation Chris, yeah.

So, vacation Chris came out to play last night. Should we set it up with the Cabo videos? I have those here too. I would love to see vacation Chris. Yeah. August update. What's up bitches? What's up dude? Judd, whatever motherfuck spending me on Instagram, um, dude, we're in Cabo, it's fucking dope,

I'm having a great time, uh, I got a big opinion, keep it real. Holy shit. Live life 365, man. What's that? Live life 365. Live life 365 and 24-7 and whatever other numbers and... Woo! That's the best.

Holy shit. He's the best. That was the first night. Yeah. Wow. Alright, here's my question though. That was the first night. Yeah. Wow. All right. Here's my question though.

Cause to me it gives off vibes of I drink once a year. Like you know what I mean? Like the release of a guy who's pent up and like this is he's letting loose. But what I don't know that you guys would know is that is this weekend Chris Or is this probably like once twice a year Chris maybe once a month or so once a month he pops out I feel like but that's I feel like that's only because he only comes out once a month got you if you were to come Out every weekend. I think vacation Chris will be fuck. Yeah, Chris Larson is in the house Let's get the man in

Yeah, what's up, bro? Fuck yeah, Chris Larson is in the booth. Let's get the man in service. Vacation Chris. Yeah, what's up bro? We're just celebrating you, honoring you, just holding you up. As you should. As they. Okay. He does have that BD.

He has that sass to him, it's great. We were talking about how great you are and when Vacation Chris comes out, how extremely fun it is for everyone. We were reviewing some Cabo clips of Vacation Chris, which were amazing. Last night, you were turnt up, my man, and we all loved it.

Do you have recollections of last night, or is it all of... Yeah, no, I remember most of it last night. It's not all hazy to me. I remember doing the ice sluge with Leanne. And then making fun of Burt for not doing it. Why did he do it? He wouldn't do it.

Why? I don't know, and then I say, how can you be the party animal if you're not gonna do the ice sluge? He's kinda like, mm. He told me it's because it's cold and flu season and he didn't want to get sick And then I said and then I says to him pussy boy. I says yeah, but like one person has done it

There's only one person's cooties on there. So yeah, I thought he still wouldn't do it. His breath was really bad. Really? Did anyone pick up on that? What do you think's going on? It sounded it smelled like he farted out of his mouth And I didn't tell him and it also smelled like that the day before I wanted I wanted to be like hey D. Are you okay? It's a nutritional issue. No, it's crazy What I caught him sniffing his two bears Mike yesterday So apparently he likes that smell dude. He was sniffing it. It was rough This holiday season unwind and recharge with Viya. Whether you're enjoying a quiet evening at home or embracing the festive cheer, VIA is well renowned for their award-winning THC and THC-free gummies and vapes,

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because I've given up alcohol and I'm such a huge fan. I got the very minimal THC gummy because you know mommy doesn't like to get too wild. I know, but I'll say this. I really prefer a Christina that indulges in this than a Christina that indulges in nothing else. Who's a better person with Vaya. This holiday season, gift yourself some peace of mind.

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or look for Magic Spoon on Amazon or in your nearest grocery store. That's magicspoon.com slash ymh for $5 off. I guess we have some footage of last night, of Vacation Chris last night at the party. Oh boy. Here we go, let's see. Oh boy. There we go. Let's see what we got.

What we got? There's any turnt up. Wait, what is this? Not amused. I took this clip because the bar staff was not happy. Oh, with a... Oh, with a... Oh, with a... Oh, with a... When I gave my speech, I clocked bartenders going like... Like this, and then somebody's significant other was like... Yes.

I was like, oh yeah, they're not used to this. That's what that is. Okay. Disapproval. This is for the FGT award. Oh yeah. The FGT award. Definitely not into it.GT award. She's definitely not into it. Not happy.

She's, oh there's Leanne doing the luge. There's Larson over there. There's Chris, yeah. Look at Neona's face. She's like, ugh. Look at him. He's not even phased. Oh, there we go.

That's another one. So then he wins essentially the Big Dick Energy Award. Yep. Okay. Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Fuck yeah.

I was very excited. Take a look at the meat print! Take a look at the meat print! Take a look! Yeah! Everyone was just sexually harassing me after I won the award. They were. Everyone wanted to see your dick.

Everyone wanted to see my dick. Will you give us your measurements? No. But is it pretty healthy? It's a healthy dick. It's nice. Nice. It's nice. Nice, it's normal sized. It's not that that big.

It's not that that big. It's not that that big. Okay. It's not. And then you also, there's a really unique award that I was, I believe it was last. I was surprised, I didn't know what any of these awards were. They gave out the CUNTY Award, the FGT Award, the RTG Award.

Who won the CUNTY Award? Kaitlyn. Oh, lovely. And they were all, everybody was happy to get their awards, even if they were awards like, there was like, yeah, who you can mess with the most, all these awards. And then an award was set up, I guess it was set up by Any, where he gave away the N-word award.

That's not what it was called. That's not what it was called at all. Well that was the prize. No. The prize! I mean I won that prize. That's what you wanted. The prize was the pass, yeah.

Yeah, okay, so what was the category that you called it? We just said blackest person in the office. Okay, the blackest person in the office okay the blackest person in the office and then when as you were giving the award you're like and then if you get this award you get the n-word pass and you have to use it yep okay so I wasn't that far off so So right here he's like, say it. It's very good that I didn't say it, especially since it's on the podcast. There's hundreds of thousands of people seeing this. You have to either show us the heart or you'll say, I'm not doing either of those. You have to. I will say what's up and you say.

Already blacked out at this point. I'll say what's up and you say. I'm not saying shit! Change the ground, Chris. Here's your floor. Also, incredible... It's only appropriate that both these awards go to me. Both the blackest and the biggest dick. Timing. Who is this Chris Larson?

So much confidence. Also, to be in vacation Chris mode and have the wherewithal to know, I shouldn't say the N-word, it's all impressive. You know? It's really impressive. I know. He stumbled up those stairs too. I did stumble up the stairs. Do you like working here, Chris?

I enjoyed it working here, yeah. He didn't say I like it at all. I know. It's tough to pull things out. I don't know. Not everyone, I don't think other workplaces would try to get me to say the N-word. That's just, I just think that's the thing. That's why it's special. It's good. pull things out. I don't know, not everyone, I don't think other workplaces would try to get me to say the N word.

That's just, I just think that's the thing. That's why it's special, it's good. That is special, I will give you that. Yeah, I feel like he doesn't like us. Also, I'd like to point out, it's not that the black guy at work. Oh, right, right, right, right, right. Blame it on the black guy.

Let's put it all on any. Yeah, I see. Well, it's not like the rest of us were like, hey, here's what you gotta do today. Well, we were chanting to say it. I mean, yeah, everyone was chanting it. I'll just add that I was not chanting. I wasn't there when I was chanting.

I was looking at him like, oh, just gonna avoid all accountability, huh? Tom, the things that Chris says to you when he's drunk blows my mind, right? Oh, yeah. Yeah. He gets aggressive with you. Yeah.

What did you hear him say? I remember last year at the holiday party he was threatening to fight you. I didn't do that. I don't remember that. Oh, yeah, yeah, it's aggressively. Yeah Threatening to fight you well when I remember that I don't know if he wants to say it But when we were at your say your bartending event you were bartending. Yeah Chris I Said you're doing a great job Tom He ordered a vodka vodka soda and you were taking a little long, and he said, hurry up, a certain. Fun guy. FGT. Fun guy Tom. Oh, hurry up FGT.

Yes, in the middle of the bar, as loud as he could. Wow, Chris. I respect it. I respect it too. You know, last holiday party, Heath was threatening to fight you and everyone else. I respect it too. Yeah. You know, last holiday party, he was threatening to fight you and everyone else. I don't remember that either. Remember, like, wasn't he issuing threats to people? Like, I'm gonna fight you, I'm gonna fight you.

Didn't you say you were gonna break a bottle or something? I did say, yeah, because you were drinking something, like a beer or something, and it's like the intrusive thought. I was like, what if I just smashed that bottle? And I said it out loud. That was the problem. I love it. And you're just like, what the fuck?

I said that? No, I said that to you and you said what the fuck. Okay, that makes sense. Yeah, I mean, yeah, your reaction was probably appropriate and normal. No, at the bartending event, so I always tell the bartenders, I've done like 10 now. Every single time I'm like, I forget, I don't have an appreciation for how demanding how hard you guys work until you're doing, like anything, like you start doing it, and you're like, holy shit, and you do get better, but I definitely have shown up at these things

and been like, what the, like, it's overwhelming. So I'm sure I deserve to be yelled at a little bit. No, I imagine you're terrible at service industry work. You'd be the worst, like a waiter, remembering multiple orders and specificity. Yeah, but you're not a servant. Like you're not good at service, I would say. It's not in your DNA.

Now I worked in a bar, I was a waitress, I was very good at it, I was a barista. I can remember multiple things and work under high pressure. I feel like you can't do those things. That's not true. I've actually really improved at it. And in doing that, like, I do them once a month or two. So like, usually when you get there, you're like,

oh, and then it takes a while, but then you get into a groove and you start, you know, and then I start fucking two-hand pouring and, but it doesn't happen the first time you do it. Oh really? And the one that he was at, I probably was one of my first ones, but I'm pretty, I'm pretty good now, I probably was one of my first ones. But I'm pretty good now. I'm probably one of the best actually in the world.

Actually I think I'm the best bartender. No, I'm the best bartender. Chris, how often do you drink alcohol? It's not a common occurrence, I would say. Just socially. That's so smart. Well, how often is that? I don't know, maybe a couple times a month, three, four times.

It really depends on how often people are going out. And then do they always turn into vacation? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Often. That's not, that is a rare occurrence. It's a good night, it will. Yeah, we did karaoke and it was some of the wildest karaoke I've ever seen anyone do in my life.

And it was him. It was Chris, yeah. Did he say it? I can say it, it wasn't that kind of karaoke. Why don't we plan a karaoke night as a company soon? But can it start at like five? Yeah. I'm sure they are. Yeah. Sure. And we should probably do it on a Friday. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'd like to see him karaoke. Let's do that. I would like to do that too. I'm a pretty good karaoke. Well, Chris, we love you as the- Even though you don't love us.

Biggest, dick, blackest employee here. We just, we think you're great. Oh, well it's a pleasure working with you guys. Good. And I love you both. Thank you. That felt really good. He never has said that.

I know, that really felt good. He is like a cat that hates us. I love you. Wow. Tom, can I show you something I've been dying to fucking show you? Yeah. So, remember how we talk about all the time

when I hit menopause? Yeah. That I'm gonna really shut it down. Yeah. And I'm gonna start dressing very masculine and I'm gonna get my hair cut. Very exciting stuff. Very short.

I found the hairdresser that I will be going to to get my cool new haircuts. When is this happening probably? Well let's see 48, my periods kind of slowing down like in two years. Two years, so I have two years left. Yep get it in. Yeah because there's something else gonna happen in two years. You'll never see me again. But I want you to see the haircuts that we've been talking about. Yeah. This person on Instagram, this lady, is doing them and thriving. Sometimes you're in public, you're like, there it is. There's a fucking horrific haircut. But it's nice to have.

Well, hey, horrific to us, but fantastic to some. So this woman specializes in giving the menopausal angry chick haircut. I'll add this too. And I realize that there's some irony that it's coming from a bald man. But so many times you see women, this is an extreme, I assume, I haven't looked yet, it's gonna be an extreme, but you see a lot of women who you're like, you just need to go to a better hairdresser.

Not even at that extreme. Everybody needs to go to a better hairdresser. You just see women who you're like, you're a beautiful woman, but this is not good. This is not the cut for you. And you know what you end up finding out a lot people are like, yeah I like my friend comes over. Yeah, or like I do it myself Never never do it yourself like and no one none of their friends go you're not good at this You're not good at this. You should yeah, you should get a real one

But I'm so stoked to finally find this one on Instagram and I just, please play them. Please play them. Okay, here we go. Hi, I'm Radona from Moist Girls Hairstyles. Today I have an employee here with me. Her haircut, super duper duper cute. Number four in the back. Number four in the back.

And I go to about above the ears and then that's where we're going to blend all this in and take that short. Yeah. Looks great so far. It's a four in the back, short. Yeah. It looks great so far. It's a four in the back, guys. It's high. She's got some real production on her video here too.

Oh, I know. I'm telling you. And these chicks love it. She's cutting it soup. So just so you know, high and tight in the back, short up to the ears. Nice and spiky in the front. Oh, yeah.

Here she goes. I mean, that's a high and tight cut. Cleaning up the neckline. What does this do to your penis? Oh, it's terrible. It's terrible. Here she is before. She's uncertain.

Now she looks even worse. Oh my God. Here she is before. She's uncertain, now she looks even worse. Oh my God. Spiky cuts. It's like, just so you know, it's like the total Karen. It's the Karen. Well yeah, but she looks like Bob. She looks like a guy named Bob. That is, yeah, that's a shut, it's a full shut it down.

It's a full shut it down. Well what does it do to you sexually? Just tell me. What do you mean? Would you still be able to even love me if I had this haircut thousand percent? No That's it. We're done. Yeah, I mean I would just high-five you and shit be like, let's watch the game What I like is that it's you wouldn't even get hugs I know no Well, this this is a haircut that's so spiky that anyone tries to hug you. It's like porcupine quips Don't hug me. It's super short on top, but then she leaves the bangs Which is kind of a sassy fun. I know this energy. I like that. I know this lady's look

You know what this is. I know it's the lady who's been at at the same Public school for about 30 years. I was just gonna say it! School admissions happens. Yeah, yeah, she has the admin job. And then she was like, Christina P., I remember when you were this big. And like, she's nice, she's a sweet lady, but it's full shut it down. She's sweet, or like, she works in a non-profit. Yeah.

And she works like a good, like doing something good for humanity. Could be, yeah. But she's heavy. I have a question, boys and girls, share styles today, I have. Could be, yeah. But she's heavy. I forgot from boys and girls' hairstyles. Today I have cut. Well also, the lady giving the haircut

has an insane hairstyle. Of course, but that's the thing. That's, she's the mecha. So we've gone from short, spiky. Short and spiky. But I'm just gonna show you how we keep it shaped. The lady she's cutting looks really depressed. Yeah.

There we go. That's her move, huh? Yep, short and spiky. She likes to do, no, but she does the under carriage. Yeah. Nice and trim. Take it two four. Here we go.

Look at her. She's giving it. She looks good with it, the one giving it. And that's her style Oh, you got to curl it under so this is a variation on the shut it down She's so sad in the before. So this is like the Midwestern version of Shut It Down. Yeah, it's fully shut down though. This is like where it's higher in the back and then it angles down sharply.

Yeah. But she put some highlights into it so she's still a woman. She hasn't completely, it's just we're at the end of the window. Is she? Yeah. She's not totally shut down but look at that expression. Yeah, she's looking in the window. Is she? Yeah. She's not totally shut down, but look at that expression. Yeah, she's looking in the mirror and she's like. I don't know.

Well, there's a man that's gonna see her walk in the door soon and be like, oh, fuck. God damn it. Is it safe to assume that there's no man on earth that likes this haircut on a woman? Yeah, of course. If it's a guy that like still has blood that goes into his penis, sure. No this is like, it's very depressing. Yeah, this haircut is dick repellent.

It is literally broadcasting. It's like when my mom got her Oh my God. Lesbo cut. This is the best. And my dad was like, oh shit. Your mom looks like a fuck. Oh.

Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Ha. Cause the woman giving it to her was a bull. And he was like, what the fuck.

Yeah. And she was like, I could not do bull. And he was like, what the fuck? And she was like, I could not do anything. And he's like, oh God. It looked so bad. He really did. It was like totally short and spiky. By the way, I had never seen him comment on that until that day.

Like, you know, I like your hair. Like that kind of stuff. Why don't you do something? It was always like that. Why don't you do something with it? But that day, and he was like, what the fuck? Yeah, we went to Silver Lake Salon down the street and we lived in a gay neighborhood at the time.

And the woman who cut your mother's hair was just a big, bold, butch lesbian. And so she was thrilled. She was like, oh great, get my meat hooks on this one. Oh man. Hi, I'm a dog from Boys and Girls Hairstyles. Today I am Shelly. She's younger.

Shelly's my sister-in-law and she has extra cute hair. Extra cute, let's ruin it. So I wanted to show off her haircut. Oh no. Nice and tight. And she's young. And then when she finishes she goes, and I promise there's not a man in the world

that'll touch ya. Mission accomplished. And the razor cut. Just a lot of product. Even the song is horrible. Horrible. It's all bad. You got to curl it under in the back.

I'm going to send this to Alan, make sure he does this for me next time. I want to see what he thinks about it. He's probably like, um... Some people like that. Yeah. Oh, tucked behind the ears and the high bob in the back. I had this haircut and I shouldn't throw stones. It has strong, I'd like to speak to the man on the sides.

I had this haircut in like 92 when I was cute. Who's in charge here? I'd like to speak to the man in her fives. You know? I had this haircut in like 92 when I was cute. Who's in charge here? I'd like to speak to somebody in charge. Oh yeah. I mean, she has a really, she's a pretty woman. No, she's cute. She's cute. And this is the Vidal Sasune symmetrical cut.

Can I not watch the other ones? Yeah. Is this is? Yeah. But see what it, she looks cute. Hers is good. Hers is, yeah, it's fine. It's decent.

It's fine. Just get this shit out of your head. Ah! The music is terrible. Yeah. Ah! Yeah, it's really bad. I'm upset that you found this.

That's the point. Yeah. There you go. You know that- All better now. You remember my nose, right? Your nose? My nose and how-

Who doesn't know? John Amos did, you got the surprise. Whoa, look at my artwork behind you. Hey, Tom. This is from another guy with a big nose. That's me. I hope you can get past this big nose business. The bigger your nose is, the easier it is for you to breathe. That's true. Look at it that way. It's an advantage.

And he's like, you know, he just passed away. He's an iconic actor not a... He's like, you know, he just passed away. That looks exentical. He's an iconic actor, really incredible talent. Somebody posted like an in memoriam post, I think on Facebook. You wanna read it? RIP to a legend, John Amos. Remember I put this pussy on you so good this day, you could barely move.

That's what that woman posted. Mariah Cobb. I know, but can I tell you something? What? Isn't that what guys really want? Yeah, 100%. Yeah. But I mean.

I'm going to do this for you. But to, but to, to post it is insane. It's insanity. No, it's Facebook too, yeah? Yeah, it's fucking. No, that's like the mom place. Maybe Instagram. For sure, if somebody hit her up,

a friend was like, yo, Mariah, what are you doing? And she's just like, what? I remember. It was crazy. He didn't know what to do. RIP. RIP, rest in this pussy. Yeah, and then she did the emojis.

The crying and the screaming. Just remembering my pussy on you, and I'm crying. I remember how hard you nutted this day. Jesus, I know. That's the fucking post. I know, and look, she's cute too in her bikini. She knows what she's doing. Cause she's advertising to the other fellas. Yeah, look at me. Look at me.

And see this guy here? Oh my God, you don't understand what I did to him. I killed him with my pussy. They can kill you, too Guys women are so smart. She knows what she's doing Mariah. It's pretty awesome, man She know what she do by the way when John Amos was talking it was like Mirror mirror the two of you. I was so distracted It is growing longer and wider. And your nostrils are so big. What are you talking about? I'm telling you the truth.

I love you. I'm the only one that's going to tell you this stuff. I'm your wife. I have to tell you. Yeah, I know. Okay. You would tell me if I looked fucked up, right? So I look fucked up?

Look at your drawing. Wait, but you will tell me, right? Hey babe, will you tell me if I get a bad haircut and you're like, I hate that? Yeah. You swear? If it's a haircut like that, yeah. Would you tell me if I got like really fat or,

I kind of feel like I know already. It's kind of weird. That's a weird one. I know. But I mean, I got fat after I had babies, obviously. You were nice about it. Yeah. Yeah, there's a weird thing though with women.

You gotta be like really, you guys are not, you're not built like us. Like, not just fit. Oh, no shit. No, I mean like guys can say shit to each other and people can say stuff to men that's real and guys are like, yeah, you know what? You you're right I gotta fucking get my shit together and women are just weak so you say something women are fragile and here's the they're also you're no no no fucking stupid well here's the thing there's a lot of truth

to that women are women are weaker and dumber than men so you have to kind of handle women like you would a child so what I'm saying are weaker and dumber than men. So you have to kind of handle women like you would a child. So what I'm saying is- Weaker and dumb or emotionally intelligent? No, no. Women, in a lot of ways, you could just say women are pathetic. And so when you have to speak honestly,

you have to talk to a woman like you would a child. And so I think I would tell you, but I would tell you in a childlike way. Then how would you tell me? Hey, you know, sugar and a lot of carbs, they actually aren't that good for you. Unless you're gonna expend a lot of energy,

I think I might get into some tuna. You know, something like that. Or like, you know, hey, your face, it's really, it's changing. And maybe something you could do is visit a doctor. Oh my God. I hate you. Something like that.

I hate you so much. But it's not your fault. It's really just being a woman. Okay, thank you, bye now. So we're gonna take a quick break. Happy New Year and we'll be right back. being a woman. Okay, thank you. Bye now. So we're gonna take a quick break. Happy New Year and we'll be right back. And we're back and joining us is the host of the new Army Hammer Time podcast. It's Army Hammer, everybody. I think that's actually the first time I've ever been introduced as a podcast host. I'm here for it. Hey man, you have a podcast now.

It's true. What's the podcast like? I mean, well it's hilarious, cause it's me and my buddy Jerry, and we shoot it in the living room slash office slash bedroom slash closet of my tiny ass apartment. And we just bring in cameras, and when we first started we were using construction lights. That's how we did it too. And bootstrapping it.

That's the way to start a podcast. And you guys have guests? Yeah, yeah. I mean, we kinda had to start with people that I know yes yes because reaching out and being like hey the cannibal guy wants you to be on their podcast it's kind of a hard sell sure so it was like this is my best friend and this is my attorney and like it's kind of started out like that and then my mother and that two episodes how was two episodes with mom you know I guess the whole reason I'm doing this podcast is like basically I'm just trying to lean into the shit that makes me uncomfortable

Right, like I want to have uncomfortable conversations and I couldn't imagine a more uncomfortable conversation to have on air than with my mother Yeah, you know, so it was it was intense. It was intense, but it was cathartic in a way and then it went really well and she was happy. And then it's complicated. Like all kind of mother son relationships. I have to tell you, I watched it. I watched it just to see it. Cause I was listening and I'm like,

I have to see these two. And your mother is a very beautiful blonde demure woman. And you guys have, you have like a really balls-out conversation about your childhood yeah and you're what was really sweet about army is that I can tell you've been in a lot of therapy and you're trying not to judge her and it's so hard when you become a parent to not judge your parents actually even harder. Cause now I fucking hate my parents.

I'm trying to be clear. I also am well aware that my daughter and son are gonna get to a certain point where they then do therapy and then they go, I hate my dad too. And I'm like, fuck, I'm trying here. But I'll tell you what was really important for me is someone once told me, they said,

you know that your parents don't have tools that they're not using, right? And I said, what do you mean? They said, they're using every tool in their toolbox. They're using every trick in their arsenal. So when anything falls short, it's not because they know they can do better and they're not. They're honestly just doing the best that they can. That's a really good perspective. Because I remember thinking that like about my own parents and being like fucking morons, you know? Yeah. And then you kind of like, you kind of realize, there's this point in your life where you realize that there's a, there's the thing where it's just two people.

Like when you're a kid, you like, you think your parents are like special people put on earth for you. They're adults, they must be. They're magical. And then you kind of go like, oh, it's just two random people that met and fucked. Yeah. And had the kids and like they are

they were irresponsible enough to get pregnant how are they responsible enough to raise children what do you what i saw your look what is this all about did you guys hear it did you hear it i don't think so he choked again he choked right yeah i did you need water did you hear it i missed it he was like in the, marons. That's a dramatic. Marons. Why are you being so dramatic? Because this is the third time now that you've choked

and I think you're having a stroke. We should get you to the doctor. People don't like you. Does it smell like olives? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha No, I'm just saying that people don't like you in general. That's not true. I'm very popular. I'm not any better. You don't know me. Yeah, we just met. It's too early for me to make a judgment call here. But don't you feel like I'm way more fun and stuff? Just like vibe? I'm a better vibe?

Anyway, I refuse to be put on the spot like this. I'm now going to drink my coffee. Let's also, like you said, you like uncomfortable conversations or want to have them. Just for people that don't know, like you're, well, your whole family background is one thing, but you're obviously a working actor, your career's going, and then you were canceled.

You're one of the people that's been canceled because of allegations from people that you dated and that said that you were, I mean, among other things, a cannibal. And they were like, this guy wanted to eat me. And everybody, I would think myself included, I was like, holy shit, this is fucking crazy. I was like, I mean, you're not portrayed

as a great guy in these stories, right? And then, like, some of this just from memory too, like that you moved, I didn't realize you had spent time as a kid in the Cayman Islands, because I read that you had then moved to the Cayman Islands after all this stuff. Yeah, yeah. And were getting into doing real estate and-

Time shares. Time shares. Time shares. You really were selling time shares? I was selling time shares. And then- And loving it. Really? Oh my God. The timeshare world is fucking wild. Well, isn't there something, and I'm sure there'sres. And loving it. Really? Oh my God, the timeshare world is fucking wild. Well isn't there something,

and I'm sure there's many layers to this, is there something as awful as a cancellation going through that? I imagine it's emotionally very hard to go through. Yeah, I don't recommend it. That as you're kind of like, this is reality now, there's something freeing to like, you know what I mean?

To like being like, well, I'm just this now. Oh man, I have so much to say about this. Yeah, so it was a wild time where COVID was going on, people were locked in their apartment, people were miserable, like there was all this shit going on, the world seemed like it was falling apart, and people were just deeply unhappy with their own lives.

And then this salacious story comes around where this actor wants to murder and eat people. And all of a sudden everyone's like, oh, this is so much more fun to focus on than the fact that I can't leave my living room. And everyone was just like, let's dogpile on this story. And then stories kept coming out and kept coming out and kept coming out.

And it's this too. There's a clip of you guys talking where you say, Tom said to me when we first started dating that he wanted to smash my head open and eat my brains or whatever it is, and you say, no, that's not what I said. All I said is I love you so much, I wanna smash your head into the dresser.

Yes, that's true. And I saw that and I was like, these are my people. It's like, these are my people. But by the way, now imagine if you guys broke up and Christina took her part of that conversation out and only released, Tom said he wanted to smash my head into a dresser and said it with a straight face, everyone would go, he's obviously a domestic abuser.

I gotta say, man, I fucking like you. I think, no, I think it, like, I, most of our intimate conversations involve things that are extremely offensive. Sure. You know, about all types of things. I mean, if there was a printed document of this, it would not bode well for either of us.

If there's a printed document and someone else was reading it in their voice, not yours, it just looks like the worst thing in the entire world. Is your kind of position on this though, because that analogy makes a lot of sense to me that, you know, you get into a relationship, you are whatever, you like this woman, you're attracted to her. Yeah. And then part of it is like how you express, you know,

this things in like in a non-traditional way. And then some of it is an arousing kink fulfilling thing of like, you know, people have different kinks and like, so yours were like some of this body branding or like blood, like that's just stuff that- He likes tying up. You like the ties. Yeah. And like, I like the idea that- It's a control thing. That you are so completely mine. I can do whatever I want and you love it because you know you're mine and like this possession kind of thing like That's just fun to talk about so you might the way especially if you're like drunk or stoned or high at night

And you're texting and while you're saying it you're like chuckling to yourself like I'm gonna fucking cut your toe off and keep it In my pocket, so I got a PCU everywhere. I go I think I've actually said that of course And then it gets read like in the court of public opinion and everyone goes you're insane. Yeah, you go I go, ha ha ha. I think I've actually said that. Of course. I think you have. And then it gets read in the court of public opinion and everyone goes, you're insane. You go, well, yeah, a little bit. I mean, if I was normal, I would have a job that had a 401K or like a.

So a lot of this is role play, is what you're saying too. For sure, for sure. Now by the way, if anyone took anyone's bedroom conversations, specifically like if people were having a little bit of sexy time, and they took the shit that they said, even if it was completely vanilla, and you read that somewhere else out of context,

everyone's gonna go, you guys are fucking disgusting. So then were you like, am I losing my fucking mind here as this was happening? I think I was more just in full panic mode, because, I mean to get a little bit serious here, there was this sort of like, there was the mask that I didn't really identify with, but everyone thought was me that that became sort of like my safety net and identity. And then when that gets shattered,

and everyone goes, we no longer like this guy, we fucking hate him. Yeah, which is rough, which is rough I mean dude, there would be articles in like the Punjabi Times about how I was a Hannibal and all that stuff and I think I think in March of 2021 like I was the like fifth most searched person on Google in the world It's and all of it was negative Yeah so when before that I had used any of that public attention

as a sort of sense of validation for myself because I didn't know how to give it to myself. Yeah. I was feeding off of that like a fucking psychic vampire. Yeah. And then all that goes away and all the sudden you're just left standing there naked in front of the world

with all of your proclivities or kinks being judged by the world. Like that shit is tough. How has like, I mean, there's so many ways to go with this, but like, how has, did going through that affect the fact that you like some, like, did it shock those things out of you? You know what I mean?

Like, the bondage or, or, or, like, are you like, I'm not even fucking interested in that anymore. Does it like slowly? I i mean there was definitely an aspect of your sexuality being weaponized against you right makes it really hard for you to feel safe to engage in your own sexuality yeah for sure yeah for sure you know i will say one thing uh because i watched the documentary and you know, sorry I had to, but I will say, I don't think you were hiding these proclivities from people that were sharing these direct messages with you. It wasn't like you were being coy and shy. You're like, hey, this is what I'm into. This is what we're going to do. Cool. And then, you know, some chick

instead of being like, no, I don't really, they like heart a message or Yeah. And then, you know, some chick instead of being like, No, I don't really they like heart a message or something. And I'm like, well, that doesn't really send a clear message. I mean, it goes to it goes to sort of like the conversations that need to happen around consent, where if it's not a hell, yes, it's a fuck no kind of thing. But also, I had a conversation with a guy who's a very well known sex therapist. And he sort of broke down the idea of Conditional consent to me where it's like I say hey, this is what I'm into I want to do this I want to do this. I want to this are you good with that and they go yes But what they're not finishing with their mouth is I'm saying yes, because I think I'm gonna get to be with this person

I'm gonna get to live this world. I'm gonna get to this. I'm gonna get to that I can change his mind about wanting to sleep with other people all of these conditions I'm saying yes thinking that I can get all of these things and then when they don't get all of those things It's very easy to revoke conditional consent. So it's almost like it just needs to be a more I also want to want to say that like I was playing pretty fast and loose and I was I was being a selfish asshole Like for sure I was using people to make me feel better People were my bags of dope with skin on it like having that having people want to have sex with me having sex with people Doing all that stuff like it gave me a sense of power. It gave me a sense of validation

So what I would do is I would scoop these girls up, take them on a whirlwind month and a half, road trips, trips, whatever, like we're gonna do all these things, we're gonna have great sex, everything's gonna be awesome. And then at the end of it, I'm gonna go, hey, good job, go team. And then I'm gonna bounce and go do it with someone else and leave this person feeling like, wait,

I just was sucked into this tornado of a world and felt like this is my place now and then dropped. And now I don't know what the fuck is going on. My last month and a half is gone. My time was stolen, my energy was stolen, and now I'm fucking pissed. Yeah, and I'm emotionally drained. Yeah, yeah.

And so in- And that's a shitty position to put someone in. It sucks, I'm sure it sucks. And then you, I mean, now, like, obviously you have, like, the perspective and the way you can look at this and be aware of it. But does it make you go, like, obviously maybe repent for that and then just not want to be that person who does that again? I mean, there are aspects of my behavior that I think were coming from maybe not the healthiest place.

And then there were aspects of my behavior. Now I'm choking. There were aspects of my behavior. Yeah. But that was subtle. Demure. Classy. Yeah. Then there are aspects of my behavior that were just expressions of my own sexuality Yeah, so I had to sort of like comb through all of that and figure out What's coming from the right place? What's coming from a trauma place? Yeah, you're upbringing too because I I watched a number of things Like when the story broke there's coverage of it then some documentary like you from, it's not a typical family or upbringing. You know, it's like a, you come from like a tycoon,

elite, elite family, which I think everybody, most people fantasize. They go, fuck, and I wish I had that, you know? It's overrated. Yeah, because they just, you know, they see the palatial estate and the family put together and you guys are traveling in ways that people can only dream of and they don't see the inner workings of a family.

Because for people that don't know, it was your grandfather, right? That was your great grandfather. That was an oil tycoon. Yeah, and I mean I just I've had like Close proximity to a family like yours Yeah, and it it gets real twisted when you're up close for sure because I think it's an un What the reality is is that it's unnatural? Yeah to have that in other words like to have an Extraordinary wealth or extraordinary power is just not the norm. It's just not normal. Well, it's like humans evolve really slowly, right?

So for 300,000 years of homo sapien history, you were well off if you're like, we fucking harvested enough grain to get us through the winter. Yeah. Yes. Yeah. And then that agrarian culture is like just ending really on the timeline of humanity. So now you have people who have amassed insane amounts of wealth. And it's kind of like what Biggie was talking about where he's like, more money, more problems.

And now more money, more access and like more money, more whatever you wanna do, you can do it. And I don't think human beings are built for that. They're not built for that. They're not built for that. Yeah. I think you're right. And I think that like, the, there's this other thing where when you're really wealthy or really powerful, you get to navigate life, not just with access, but

with like, yeah, we don't do that. In other words, a family might have, we have dinner together or, you know, I mean, like we, we do these traditional things is like, it's seen as the norm. People who have extraordinary wealth or power just go, none of these things apply to us. We do things our own way. And the thing is no one's ever going to say something to you. Yeah. Cause they're scared to.

Well, it's, it's, it's interesting, right? Because they say behind every great gonna say something to you. Yeah. Because they're scared to. Well, it's interesting, right? Because they say behind every great fortune is a great crime. Yeah. And then also, you know, the people who make that much money typically are very good at making the money and they're very bad at raising a family.

So it's like, they're not around, there's always nannies or someone else raising your kid who doesn't even care. Neglect, lots of care. Then that kid goes, where's my dad? And the dad goes, you're going to the best schools in the world and you're driven to school in a Rolls Royce. There you go, there I am. And the kid goes, I just wanna be fucking loved. And then all of a sudden, that warps the next link

in the chain, who then is the kind of parent that that kind of person would be. And that warps the next person, and then that warps the next person and then that warps the next person and there's just kind of domino effect. What was like the like people not a lot of times don't even can't even imagine things. What was like something of gross excess that you saw of like the result of having extraordinary wealth or power that you didn't even realize maybe was, was that at the time and then later on you're like,

holy shit, that was crazy. You know, I think one thing that my dad did that was very smart is he married someone who was not like that at all. You know, my mom grew up, the daughter of a guy who grew up in Oklahoma during the Dust Bowl, who was like so poor that he got like a nickel a week and he had to get a haircut out of it,

he had to get like whatever he could out of it, like that kind of thing. So my mom was never, my mom just didn't let that shit fly. Like my mom was the kind of mom where if we were driving in the car and the AC was on and you rolled down your window, she's like, hey, the AC is on, pull the window back up. And you're like, oh, okay, so like lights weren't allowed

to be left on in the house, like that kind of thing. So I think my mom brought that to it. So I never really saw, I mean, look, I saw my dad living large, you know, he was buying cars all the time. He was a big kid, right? So he liked toys. He wanted to buy cars all the time.

He wanted to go race cars. He wanted to do all like bad stuff. No shit, eh? Wow, that's weird. Let's talk about something else. Uh oh, what did I walk into here? He's Mr. Cargag. Careful, he's gonna smash your head into a dresser. By the way, also, with the smashing the head thing into a dresser. Wait, I have other questions too. Wait, he's saying something.

I know, I know, I want to put first and then I write it down. If you say, I love you so much, I want to smash your head into a dresser, that's fucking cute. If you say, I'm so angry at you, I want to smash your head into a dresser. That's fucking cute If you say I'm so angry at you, I want to smash your head into a dresser very different It's very different very different But she also has pointed out to me multiple times that she goes when you said that to me, I should have run She goes it was a red flag. Yeah. Sorry. I mean it kind of was a red flag. But by the way, she stayed that's a red flag. Thank you. I mean this is a two-way street. Thank you. I mean, this is a two way street. Two peas and a pie.

We are, and no, it's been fantastic, thank God. I'm gonna ask you about some things you have said and I'm just curious. Did you really eat a pig's heart hunting? I heard that's a hunting thing. That's disgusting, no, it was a deer. Oh, deer. Yeah, yeah.

Which is, it's not that. Oh, deer. Yeah, yeah. Which is a, it's not that. It's a normal hunting tradition. I mean, I grew up in Texas for most of my life. Like I have a lot of friends who hunt and we go shooting and all that stuff. Especially someone's first kill. This is what I was just saying, cause I was just asked this on the other podcast

and they go, you ate an animal's heart? And I was like, yeah, but that's like hunting tradition. When you take someone for their first kill, they take a bite of the heart he goes but you ate it and I go well I mean you're not sitting there eating the whole heart but it's like hey this is your animal you killed your first animal here you go hey but he was British and I think they just have a very different culture about that kind of thing it was really rough on you huh super rough yeah yeah what did it take my kind of person no did you take a bite out of it like an apple yeah

what's it like it's hard to get through I kind of person. No, did you take a bite out of it, like an apple? Yeah, yeah. And then what's it like? It's hard to get through. I mean, it was a big axis deer. So it was like a, I mean, it was a heart, almost the size of like a rugby ball. Oh. And like, it was heavy and it tasted like iron

and it was very tough to get through. Yeah. Oh, that's kinda cool. Okay, carving initials? I mean, carving, scraping, whatever. Like like it's the same thing as like getting a tattoos of your partners Initials or whatever I was gonna say to you army is that what you needed to do was just a goth chick I know I really missed my job because I know for real though like in high school This is what Goths were doing hundred percent like this is not a big deal

But this goes back to exactly what my problem was Like in high school, this is what Goths were doing. 100%. Like this is not a big deal. But this goes back to exactly what my problem was. It's like, it's not that what I was doing per se was like the worst thing in the world to try to do. I was just doing it with the wrong people. But Square, you were with fucking normies, dude. I was with normies. With nerds.

And yeah, you need to get with like the Goth chicks that are into it. I don't know, sometimes I've got a vape in my pocket. Sometimes these make me hiccup. How many milligrams are these? Six. Fuck it. Whoa, you're in Texas now, son. I know sometimes I've got a vape in my pocket sometimes these make me hiccup how many milligrams of these six That's very minty mmm, I like that I think that's all I had yeah, cuz I don't think it's that big of it So what else are you into besides eating people like have you found? I mean that takes up most of my time

It's a pretty time- thing. Especially people are big. It's a lot of meat to go through. I have a question. The type of rope tying you're into, very specific, no? Like you have to really learn. How do you learn? That's something, cause like when you see, I'll tell you, when I see that I'm like, oh that's fucking cool, I'd like to.

It's beautiful, isn't it? Yes. There's something about it. There's a real skill to it, right? Oh yeah, yeah, cause if you do it wrong, you can really hurt someone. Like if you put it too tight around the wrist, there's a lot of nerve endings there,

you can end up hurting somebody's nerves. You gotta know what you're doing. So it's not something you just jump into. But do you go to an experienced person to teach you? I have, I've talked to people. I mean now, at this point, I don't talk to anybody about it. I don't talk to anybody about any of my shit.

I'm just like, this is not a safe place for me to experiment or whatever. So- When you're first doing it though, are you just experimenting yourself? Or are you actually with someone who knows what's up? No, I bought a mannequin. You did?

From like the carpet store. Really? Yeah, I bought a mannequin. That's smart, that's responsible. But did you read up on the cart? Yeah, yeah, there's books and YouTube videos. Yeah, let's get some ropes. There you go.

It does look beautiful, actually, in the documentary. I would love to see. I was I was like oh that's really pretty. So it comes out of it comes out of like a Japanese martial art form. Yeah. Police would carry ropes and they had to subdue criminals. Sure. And so like they had to get very fast at doing this and then that kind of I guess there was like some Japanese lady back then who watched a criminal get tied up and was like I'm in. Like sign me up. I'm gonna tie you up and was like I'm a like sign me up I'm gonna tie you up and leave you fucking suspended in the air Until you kind of correct

But um That requires a level of flexibility that I am nowhere near. Now here's, wait, I gotta ask you this though. Sure. Because this, okay, not to say that you're on the same level. Yeah. But like when somebody is like a killer, serial killer even.

Yeah. Even though most of the world goes, you're the fucking worst thing ever. Yeah. There's always, there's always women who are like, hey, what's up? I think, didn't Ted Bundy get married when he was in prison? Didn't Charles Manson get married five times?

And they all get love letters. Sometimes the girls. Contra visits. Sometimes contra visits. During their trials, you'll see, what are you here for? And they're like, I just think he's great. And they just show up. So the flip side of you being publicly shamed and cancelled,

there has to be women that have been like, please. Like, right? Oh, how do you manage that? I had to get rid of my social media for a long time and give like a guy my password because when all this shit came up, my DM inbox was fucking wild. They're like, cut me up, eat me.

100%. Those are the chicks you should have been taking. But also like, I thought about that and then I was like, maybe this is onto something, but then I was like, okay, hold on, but also like, have I learned nothing from like trusting strangers? And then also is someone who sends a complete stranger a picture of like them shoving something into their ass?

I'm like, yes, yes, but is this a balanced healthy person? Of course. She's at least cool. I mean, she's down. Am I balanced and healthy? I'm trying, but not really. Have you developed a pretty good gauge for here's someone that I can pursue

No, my picker is terrible. My picker is broken. What do you do? I'm like, I'm basically like an escort now where I'm like if you come to me, you better have references and I'm going Sure that you're not going to kill me Okay, so you don't you will not engage with like a total stranger with like you're not going to kill me publicly. So you will not engage with like a total stranger with like, you're not really going to. No, no. Good, Armie, because this made me so upset. It made me feel sympathetic towards you during this whole debacle is, how do I say this? The DMs on Instagram to you, you're so trusting, I should say yeah these people and I was

like oh it doesn't he know don't do that because even in our world we were like fans will write you like a DM like an innocent like hi mommy I love you and I'll be like I love you too thank you and then they'll screen grab it and put it as a story yeah and I'm like oh that was that was supposed to be a violation yeah even though I said nothing well it goes to like a really interesting thing of like once you have any sort of like public stage you're no longer a person to these people you're a commodity and that's why you have people coming up to you in public and I'm sure you guys see this all the fucking time where they walk up already phone in hand and just go can I

get a picture all right and they do that and it's not hey I just want to let you know I really love your show or hey I I just wanna let you know you said something that was like really important. My name is Thomas, it's great to meet you. It's always, let me get a picture. Boom, and then they're like, okay, bye. And then immediately like look at what I have and it turns you from a human being into a commodity,

which is like one of the weird things about this whole public business. But I'm seeing like Snapchat, bro, like you never are. I mean, I was snapping. I was snapping. I was snapping. I snapped with the best of them. Were you so like, was it, this might be a stupid question.

But I think Snapchat, you can still. You can still, like you can still get fucked with on Snapchat. Yeah, you're gonna get fucked. Like if you're dealing with these people, you're gonna get fucked. It's not a matter of if it's when. So that was not the thinking of like, fuck it. It's out there. I don't care I'm gonna blow it up if I get caught I get caught I

Think I I think somewhere deep down subconsciously. I wanted to get caught. I think that I so Did not relate to the image of me that was out there in the public of sort of like this like look at them They're like the Ralph Lauren family They've got the perfect life and the perfect house and the perfect of sort of like this, like look at them. They're like the Ralph Lauren family. They've got the perfect life and the perfect house and the perfect kids. And like, oh, they should like I was like, I feel like a fucking alien walking around most of the time. Like, I don't feel like a human. I feel like a creature. And I have King Creature tattooed on my ass that I got at a pool party.

So I was drunk and someone was like, you want to stick and poke tattoo? And I was like, that's the best idea I've ever heard. Fucking here's my my ass and because like the thinking of it was is like I don't feel like a human I feel like a creature. So if I'm gonna be a creature, I'm gonna be the king of creatures So I'm like, I'm just gonna lean into this and so I would like things on my Twitter I would like rope bondage pictures and shit like that. Oh, it's like your signal to it I was like it was like I was dog whistling, if you will, and wanting, I think, to get caught. And then people would be like,

I don't think he knows, his Twitter likes are public. And I'd see that and I'd be like, oh, I know, I know. And it was just, it was silly, it was silly. So it was a way to get out from under this public persona, you think? Yeah, I think so. And I think it was a way to try to feel seen. Like truly sane besides like, yeah, I'm not this guy that you think I am. I don't feel like that guy. Yeah. And I don't like carrying the burden of having to be that guy. Well, it's going

to say is, is this like, why now? That's always the question. Like, you know, you had successfully gotten away from this stuff, right? And you went away to the Cayman Islands, you had successfully gotten away from this stuff, right? And you went away to the Cayman Islands, you came back to LA, and now you're coming out in public again. So why now? Like what? I think because I'm doing it on my terms, and I'm doing it authentically as myself. And that's one of the scary things about doing this.

And one of the scary things about having the podcast is like, being sort of vulnerable in a public way, especially having gone through what I went through, where like all this shit was weaponized against me, is really fucking scary. But I'm leaning into it, because I know that the things generally that make me feel afraid are the things that I got to go towards in order to grow. And so that's why I want to have these conversations with my mom. I want to have these conversations with people who like, I even have people on there who are like, I don't like you.

And like, I was afraid to talk to you because I think X, Y, and Z about you. And I go, okay, I get that, let's talk. And like, I want to have those conversations because it makes me feel uncomfortable. And I think that that's the sweet spot. That is the sweet spot. That is the sweet spot. It is, yeah.

Most people avoid uncomfortable conversations. I was gonna say, if you leave this show not feeling like you've said too much, your family's gonna hate you, everything is terrible, it wasn't a good show. Yeah. You should feel ashamed, weird, anxious. Like, God, what did I say?

I'm such an idiot. And then you're like, but no one cares. And I think that's the conditioning part of it. It's like you walk away from it going, fuck, fuck, oh God, oh God, oh God. And then nothing happens. Nothing happens. And you go, oh, I was just being crazy again.

You know? Yeah. Well, let's talk about what's really important, which is acting. So. I mean, the most important. The most important thing. You're a great actor.

I've seen you in a bunch of things. First, I just wanna ask this because I'm always fascinated by great directors. So I have to ask, what is it like to work with Fincher? Scary. Really? It's very scary. I've seen clips of, you know, those like BTS clips

of him and there is The shots of the way people ask the asking him questions, you know, just like people it There's like an intimidation factor million percent because he knows how to do every single person's job better than they do And if you are doing your job, well, he doesn't talk to you or he ignores you because he's like you're doing your job That's what you're here for go do your job And if you fuck up, he's gonna whip his head over and lookores you because he's like, you're doing your job, that's what you're here for, go do your job. And if you fuck up, he's gonna whip his head over and look at you and you wanna die.

Really? Yeah. I mean, he's probably one of the smartest people that I've ever worked with. But what about as an actor? So like you're- I've never seen him act. No, no, sorry. But like when you're like, you know, getting ready to do it, like you're obviously focused on the scene itself

and your preparation for it and here's what we're going to do sure does he engage you very little very little because it's that same philosophy you should be ready to go I've hired you to do this job I don't want to do the job for you so show up and do your job and if somebody as an actor isn't doing what he wants then he he switches on them He'll just it's it's more psychological warfare. Yeah, like he'll just go cut. Do it again. Do it again. Cut. Do it again. Cut. Do it again. For I've seen him do that up to 140 times.

What? Like go again. Go again. Figure it out. Go again. Yeah. I think I think during the social network, I only remember him ever giving me one note during the entire film. And it was. It was like a scene where we were talking to our dad about how Mark Zuckerberg has stolen Facebook or whatever it was. I don't remember exactly, but he also moves on set like a shark. Like he just, he doesn't really blink and he just looks at everything and he's taking in 10,000 things at once. And he just walked up to me like this and stared at me

and then stood next to me, kind of shoulder to shoulder, and didn't look at me and just went... in credulity. Wow. And then floated away. And I was like, I don't know what that means, but I'm too afraid to ask. So, okay, let's try it again.

And I did the scene and he just goes, cut, do it again. And I was like, fuck. But then this is the thing, is he's so precise about everything he does, that if he does 147 takes of it, on the 147th take, he'll go, cut, print, keep that one, delete everything else, let's go. And then walks away.

He keeps one take. Wow. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So he'll just keep going until he gets exactly what he wants. And then walks away. He keeps one take. Wow. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So he'll just keep going until he gets exactly what he wants and then when he gets it, he says, keep that, erase everything else. He says that? Yep.

Delete everything else. Keep that one, delete everything else. Wow. Delete, like so there's no fallback plan. Like that's how sure he is at what he does. That's incredible. Yeah. Does he give direction though when he's like,

do it again, is there a note or just do it again? You figure it out. Very little, very though, when he's like, do it again? Is there a note? Or is just do it again? You figure it out. Very little. Very little. It's just cut, do it again. Well, you got one word. I got one word.

He must have liked you. Yeah. Or he hated me because he had to give me the word. Yeah. You know? Like, I hired you to do the job and you're not doing it. Now I have to talk to you. Why aren't you intuitively incredulous right now?

Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Fucking moron. Yeah. That's amazing. Yeah. And what are your memories from the man. Yeah. That's amazing. Yeah. And what are your memories from the man from Uncle?

That was just fucking fun. Fun. Yeah, Guy Ritchie is the opposite. Like, he just wants to have a good time, he loves making movies, he loves the people that he's working with, and he wants it to be an experience. Really?

I mean, every day on set, we would have a giant white tablecloth lunch of like local cuisine, wherever we were, wine, like it was really just the best. Henry Cavill. Oh, she always does. Oh yeah. Oh yeah.

Both of you, a couple of dogs. How was Henry? Did you get lost in his eyes or his jaws? I mean, Henry's great because he is there to work. He's there to do his job. Very professional. Very professional Very professional. I would say even like very guarded Uh-huh. So it's like you don't really get in there and you know, I like once to get in. Oh, yeah. Yeah Yeah, I like getting in there. So I'd be like Henry. Come on, buddy

And I'd like antagonize him and likeize him and just barge into his trailer and be like, what's up, bro? And he would be like, what are you doing? This is my trailer. And I was like, I know. But we had a great time. Yeah, we had a really good time making that one. Yeah, fun movie.

Shot it all over Europe, too. Yeah, that's kind of the dream, I think, right? It's perfect, a period European film. I felt like we were on Anthony Anthony Mengele sets, you know? That's awesome. So here's one, cause like, so you again, this is not a secret, you're in the category of canceled, don't touch.

Sure. Is there a path for you to work like as an actor? You know what I mean? Like there's some people who you go, look man, this person's offenses are too grave. They're just, they're in another, they're just like, it's goodbye forever. You're, I feel like in a different category,

where like at the time, it's, you know, they don't want anything to do with you, but it feels like there should be like some path for you. Am I wrong in this? Well, the worm is turning, right? And it takes time. It does take time. It's slow, but generally now the conversation

when my name comes up with people in the industry is, man that guy got fucked. Yeah. And that feels really good, it's really encouraging. Sure. I just shot a movie. Oh you did just shoot a movie. I just shot a movie.

Okay. And I have two more movies coming up, and a potential TV movie. Oh, you did just you know, I just shot a movie Okay, and I have two more movies coming up and a potential TV show Oh a potential TV show so that the head of a studio signed off on me. So it's like it feels like you're back Okay, so I mean I wouldn't say I'm back with William H. Macy in it. Yeah, we just did frontier crucible It's me William H. Macy and Thomas Jane Okay, so yeah, I was sorry. I just should have fucking researched that question. Yeah, so you are working. I'm working. That's great I think part of it is just like the gays are out of the White House things have switched and there's a listen the gays were My biggest advocate. I know because they were like, oh honey

Oh, I like the shit you said if people hacked Grindr and saw what we were talking about on there None of us would work. I didn't mean homosexuals. I just meant, you know. The gays, the other gays. The other gays. The stop being gay, gay. Yeah, those gays. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I got it. So, which I think actually culturally

plays a role in things. Like when people in power are more like, hey, don't be fucking ridiculous. Which is like the shift that's happening. Yeah. Then things like this happen. When is Kevin Spacey coming back? I don't care who he fondled.

He's working too. Thank God. He's working. I don't care who he fondled. He can fondle me. I love watching that man work. He's an incredible actor. He is amazing.

I mean, American Beauty. Everything he does. The fucking way that House of Cards just fell apart with him not on it, you're like, oh yeah, this sucks now. It's just, there's some actors that really carry things. You're like. Although Robin Wright pen is so fit.

Well the two of them. She's great. Not an ounce of fat on that body. She's a weapon. She's very hot. Perfect. Would you bang her? Robin Wright?

Would you smash her head into a dresser? I would tell her how much I loved her. Not the same, that doesn't count. That's not the same. That's pretty gay, bro. If we were together, I would let my feelings be known. Wow, yeah, she's special. I'd let you bang her, you can bang her.

I see, this is the kind of relationship I aspire to. Right here. Full consent. Goals. Full consent. Goals. Total consent. Is that conditional consent? Conditional consent. Yeah.

No, it's full, I love you. All right, you can have Henry. Can I just say, and I don't know why I feel the need to say this, but maybe because I was a goth chick that grew up in the, I was never into the S&M scene, but I feel like it gives those people a bad rap when like, do you know what I mean? Like it's aM scene, but I feel like it gives those people a bad rap when like, do you know what I mean? Like it's a legitimate scene, right? How do I say this?

Like Fifty Shades of Grey, you know how fucking popular that was? Yeah, it was like the most popular book. The movie made a billion dollars. Yeah, everyone's twiddling their fucking skittling their bean. Reading it on the drying machine. And, you know, yeah, it gives it a bad rep. I just, that community is its own thing. Sure. And there's rules and regulations, right?

Yeah. Like you guys have a whole, that's a whole fucking thing. Yeah. I think the issue is, is that- It's not a big deal. Like any community, there are people who are there for altruistic reasons and they enjoy it and they love it and they're safe and they're smart about it

and they care about the people they're engaging with and I think there are also unsavory characters who get attracted into that world. Like politics. Like, you know, it's like you have people who actually wanna help, maybe two of them, and then the rest of them are not there for the right reasons.

And I think it gives it a bad name. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Do you feel like besides tying up people in your crawl space, do you have any other hidden talents or hobbies? Well, I don't really have time for anything else. Really, it's just that? Really, that's just that. I mean, my crawl space is getting full.

Have you seen my apartment on the podcast? It's tiny. It's pretty small, yeah. Tiny. Pretty small. Yeah. No, but is there anything else you're into? Like, are you into like surfing?

Are you surfing? Oh, I love pickleball. I don't even care. I will talk about it. I small. Yeah. No, but is there anything else you're into? Like are you into like surfing or? Oh, I love pickleball. I don't even care. I will talk about it. I love pickleball. You should be ashamed of yourself. I love pickleball. Have you tried it?

No. Never. No. Okay. All right. Well, if you want to be close-minded and that's fine. That's your call. It's your show.

You do what you want to do. This is a white water fountains only type of place. Fair enough. Fair enough. I mean, I have a lot of shit that I love to do. You really? Yeah, yeah, yeah, and I've had a lot more time to do it lately, which is great.

But here's the thing, this is actually, I would kind of glance over, but I think it's the big revelation for me is that you're working again as an actor. Yeah, consistent, like I'm turning jobs down. Really? Yeah, my dance card's getting pretty full. Hey, but that's great By the way the first job that I turned down after four years of this shit. Yeah, I I mean

It was the best feeling I've ever had really. Yeah, I'm sure Yeah, it also is probably felt great to take the first gig again. Now. Were you super nervous about how you will be how you would? oh, yeah, well the story of how it all came up was hilarious because my best friend Tyler, who has his own podcast called The Painful Lessons podcast, he called me on Thursday and he goes, I got a movie offer for you. And I go, the fuck are you talking about dude? Like it has been four years since I worked here. He goes, no, no, I have a movie offer for you.

I go, why the fuck would you have a movie offer for me? What are you talking about? He goes, I don't know man, some guy on Instagram DM'd me and has a movie for you. And I was like, if you believe that, I have a bridge to sell you, bro. And he goes, I don't know dude, do you want me to just send it over to you? And I was like, all right, fine, send it over to me.

And so he sends me the information, and he sends me the guy's name and phone number. He goes, just call the guy. And I was like, I'm not gonna call this guy. He goes, call the guy. Call him on Friday. On Saturday, I drive out to Arizona. I start rehearsals on Sunday.

What? It was like that. Yeah. And it was a legit thing. It was a legit movie. It's the one with William H. Macy and Thomas Jane. It was that one. Jesus Christ. Yeah.

So how about now? It's cause like, agents are always agents. Yeah. So where you like, did an agent, you know, go like, oh. I have not had a single, so I've got like five jobs right now that I'm kind of like dealing with and engaging with. I leave for Croatia in January.

Like I go to the Philippines in springtime. Like I've got these jobs, right? Not a single one of them has come through an agent. Now I'm not surprised. So are you working just with a lawyer? Yeah, I have an attorney. Yeah, that's all you need. It's great.

Yeah, saves me 10%. So how should people book you for movies? I mail my lawyer, it's on IMDB. It's great. That's fucking amazing. Saves me 10%. Yeah, sure. So how should people book you for movies? You know, my lawyer, it's on IMDB. His name is Todd Rubenstein. There you go. Yeah. You guys want Armie Hammer in your fucking show? Yeah.

You email Ruby Stein. That's it. That's it. Work it out with him. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right. That's awesome. Yeah.

But good for you. You kind of don't have to sift through their bullshit then, the agents. You don't know when they're lying to you and. Yeah, I almost feel like it'd be the move is like as your workload increases Your profile grows again. You should just be like, yeah, I don't want an agent. You should just keep the lawyer thing I'm thinking about it. I mean, I want to go even further than that I want to do the sort of like Bill Murray I have an 800 number that you call that I check every couple months

I think you're like one of the few people that could then kind of really justify it too. Well, I think because whatever level I reached as an actor was, let's say here. And then whatever level I reached in infamy as a cannibal is like up here. So it's like, you wanna stunt hire the guy who eats people? Like call my 800 number. Yeah.

Oh, I have a question. Do you think, you know how on IMDB, it ranks your star meter, like when you have a project. Do you think, you know how on IMDB, it ranks your star meter, like when you have a project come out? Do you think the cannibal period rose your star meter? I don't know, that's a good question. I'd have to ask the way back machine. Josh Zoll, can we see if that affected it?

Yeah. Because it doesn't matter whether or not they know yet. I legitimately hit the number four or five most searched person on Google globally. So. I believe it. That's a lot. That's believe it. That's a lot. That's a lot. That's a lot.

Yeah. I grew up there with like presidents and shit. Yeah. Yeah. It's wild. People gotta know. And it sucks. Yeah.

It's not fun. I'm sorry. I switched to a flip phone. I switched to a flip phone for a long while. Sorry. No, I would. I changed my number and I got a fucking old flip phone and I lived on a farm and I grew food.

Somebody just told me that they did this. I'm there too. And I actually, I started to think about it more recently where they got a phone, an additional phone, and it's their primary phone and they didn't download any social media on it and they keep social media on a separate phone. So it's like they have to go to a separate phone, so it's like,

they have to go to the phone to do it, just to be free of it. I don't know who this is, but they're cheating. They're cheating, that's the only reason you have two phones like that. Bad phone. Okay. Yeah.

There you go. Hey, how many do you have? I have four. Oh my God. I have four phones. Busy man. Yeah. Busy man. What the fuck, dude?

Alright, star meter. Let's see. Yeah, you got high! Yeah. Yeah, you're up there. What is that, seven? I can't read that. Entertainment Tonight? I don't know. That's in 21. Down 41 this week.

Thanks, thanks guys. Thanks for pulling up these metrics. But you, peaks, that's so sick. Yeah. What a great business. Here's a visual representation of your fame. I do want to say that I am in the top 1,373, so. That's pretty good. I'll take it, I'll take it.

I mean, there's not that, you that's there's a lot of people doing this Actually, yeah, I pull ours up. No see how we're doing you just you'll feel better I'm probably not even 1371 god damn it. I'm out of here I've got to be way. I'm way. I'm not even on the map Yeah, I'm 12,000 bro Yeah, I would trade spots with you like generally Christina you can't tie me up. Oh, no. No, I'm not into your Shabari Let's see Shibu D2. I'm not even on there yet 21,000. I'm dead

Shibuditsu, I'm not even on there yet 21,000. I'm dead Dude, yeah, but you went up see that's the thing you went up 1814 what did I do? Oh, I had cancer. Oh, yeah No, I'm sure I had breast cancer like yeah around that time and that's probably what it was like the people magazine or whatever Don't please stop What was that? Did I get canceled? Oh? 2000 what there you go. Oh my special. Oh wow it did well all right go back to me go back to me never tells me When I do well

What the fuck? Damn, dude I'm super jelly right now. Oh my god. I did so much better than you You're above 2000. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh man. Fuck yeah, that shit's tight. Look how high that is. Shut up, you star meter. How many people do you think check this daily?

Oh my god. There's gotta be actors that are like, please god. So it's a rough week for me. I've heard, and I'm not gonna name names, but I've heard of actors who go onto their IMDB message board. What? I don't know if they even still have it. Oh, and? And will be like, that's not true, he's a great actor.

Oh, wow. Like that, yeah, yeah, yeah. He's doing really well. There's comics that do that too. Who? Back in the day. Come on. Yeah, where they have the name names you coward.

Yeah, you get it. They have their burner accounts. I mean, and then in, you know, famously Kevin Durant did it when he... Oh yeah. Did he forget to switch accounts? I think that something like that happened where people were criticizing him and he had an account that just would defend Kevin Durant.

Wow. You can look at the tweet history of the account and it's all like, I heard Kevin Durant has a huge penis. I think he actually, he's pretty cool about well he I think he actually he's a Pretty cool about it. I think he yeah kind of just accepted it. Whatever. He's a you know He's really outspoken guy, but yeah, he was probably actually getting slandered unnecessarily. You know also when it's about your game You're like shut the fuck. Yeah, well, there's like that whole tall poppy syndrome thing too You know no that that like the tallest poppy everyone wants to cut it down. So true. Yeah haters gonna hate bro Well, um people can listen to the army hammer time podcasts

Does it release the same day every yeah Mondays every Monday? We drop a new episode Check out a new episode And can see you in some upcoming Films. Yes, you can pretty upcoming films. Yes you can. Pretty exciting man. It's awesome. I think maybe even next year one of them might be coming out.

Oh my God. That's awesome man. Your podcast is lovely. I really enjoy listening to you talk with your mother. Very open, very candid and like, you get very personal, which I think was really cool. There's a lot of people go through the same kind of stuff you did, trauma and like, how do you get through it?

And how do you talk to your parents about it and all that? And I don't know, I thought it was very interesting, so give it a listen, you guys. I appreciate it. Check it out, try it out. Yeah. Yeah, thanks for coming in, man. Thanks for coming in. Thanks for having me.

It was super fun. This is also really good for me to see what a podcast can get to. Where you're like, we'll fly out. I was like, podcasts do that? Here's your hotel room. Oh, do you need my credit card for the hotel room? No, we don't.

What? What is going on here? And then it says a fucking compound you got here. This is amazing. When do you see the bathroom? We have mints and stuff. Whoa. Oh yeah, flossers.

Chapstick. More chapstick. Well, after this fucking nicotine pouch, I'm gonna go need to take a shit in your bathroom. Yeah, dude. I'm very excited about this. And there's fucking dude wipes in there. No way.

Yeah, fresh. I mean, I bring my own everywhere I go. Oh, that's cool. That's cool. I actually do have wipes in my backpack. Oh, good, good. Yeah. That's fucking, yeah.

I need to start doing that more. I feel like I shit like an animal on the road. You shit all the time. I know. I know. Thanks for coming. Thank you guys for watching. Thanks for listening.

And we'll see you next week. Bye. All right. Here we go, Jeans. Oh, shit. No, this has nothing to do with you. Yeah, right. I promise. It's a surprise. It's it's it's a surprise. It's it's it's it's it's it's a surprise

Wet nutsack. This is no shit Wet nutsack. It's it's it's it's it's a surprise Wet nutsack. This is no shit Wet nutsack. It's it's it's it's it's a surprise. Wet nut sack. This is no shit. Wet nut sack. It's, it's, it's, it's, it's a surprise. It's just coming. Wet nut sack. It's just coming.

It's just coming, you know? I know. It's just coming. Wet nut sack. It's just coming. It's just coming. It's a surprise. You did it and we both went. It is incredible. Wet nut sack.

It's, it's, it's, it's, it's a surprise. Again, again, I want more. Is there more? Wet nut sack. I think it was towards the end of lunch. Especially when you do it in front of your mom. Your mom? Your mom?

Your mom? Your mom? Your mom? Your mom? Your mom? Your mom? Your mom? Your mom?

Your mom? Your mom? Your mom? Your mom? Your mom? I think it was towards the end of lunch.