Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - Matt Rife's Fans Send Him CRAZY Sh*t | Your Mom's House Ep. 774

Episode Date: August 28, 2024

SPONSORS: - Visit https://coorslight.com/summermusic to see how Coors Light can amplify your summer. And be sure to keep an eye out on Coors Light’s social handles and https://coorslightbackstagesixpack.com all summer long for the drops. - Don’t miss out on all the action this week at DraftKings! Download the DraftKings app today! Sign-up using https://dkng.co/mom or through my promo code MOM - Right now, get up to 60% off your Babbel subscription at https://Babbel.com/YMH This week on Your Mom's House Podcast, Tom Segura and Christina P are joined by comedian Matt Rife! Christine is surprisingly silent, so Tom takes the reigns and leads the conversation with Matt. The two talk about dream interpretations, body fat numbers, huge dumps, uncrustables, and taking ED medication before athletic activity. An opening clip comes eventually and Tom continues the conversation with Matt about hairy stuff, hand stuff, neat stuff, and slick stuff. They also talk about Matt's interest in ghost hunting, peeners on statues, weird things fans have gifted Matt, and a tribute to a classic drop. This is democracy manifest! Your Mom’s House Ep. 774 https://tomsegura.com/tour https://christinaponline.com/tour-dates https://store.ymhstudios.com https://www.reddit.com/r/yourmomshousepodcast Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Austin, Texas. I will be performing at the Moody Center on Saturday, February 22nd Tickets are on presale today at 10 a.m. Local time with the code word Tommy T. O M M Y Visit Tom's grow comm slash tour for all dates and information. Thank you. I will see you guys at the Moody Center Welcome to your mom's house. This video is brought to you by Squarespace. Squarespace is the all-in-one website platform for entrepreneurs to stand out and succeed online. Whether you're just starting out or managing a growing brand, Squarespace makes it easy to create a beautiful website,

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with simple but powerful payment tools. Accept credit cards, PayPal, and Apple Pay. Head to squarespace.com for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, go to squarespace.com slash mom to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. And welcome to another episode of Your Mom's House. I'm very excited to be here today to do the show.

Sitting in as always is my lovely co-host, Christina. You look great. I love the glasses, I love the outfit. That is interesting. I hope you contribute the whole show this way. Great to see you. And joining us, we're very happy to have on this show for the first time, great Matt Reif everybody

His new special lucid a crowd work special is streaming on Netflix You can of course get tickets to see him on tour at Matt Reif official dot com Matt. Thanks for coming Dude, thanks for having me. Absolutely both both of you. Thanks man. We're happy. We're happy you're here Um a crowd work special is exciting Yeah, right. It's super exciting. That's awesome, dude. It's awesome. It was a lot of fun We did it in Charlotte, North Carolina the Comedy Zone there Did you pitch them on that like cuz it's it's a it's not the standard right thing Yeah, yeah, we pitched them on the idea of it because my last special came out in November and

Obviously, I'm taking my time to rebuild the next hour. Yeah, yeah, we're in with and everything So I was like crowd work something I can do anytime any yeah, you're so good at crowd work. Oh, thank you, dude Yeah, um, I was like, why not just put something out in the meantime Like why wait another year until I feel like my specials ready material wise when I just put out something to the fans right now What goes like what goes into because obviously when you do a normal special you're like I build my hour I tour with it and you go it's ready Yeah, shoot it but like when you're gonna do you know, you're gonna do a crowd works Do you still like show up that night just with like well whatever happened like or do you have any type of preparation that goes?

Into it. Yes. So the stipulation was they're like we we love it. Obviously. This is very niche to you. Yeah But they were like and I completely agree they were like we just don't want like a highlight clip You know what I mean? Like we don't want just random chaos for an hour of just talking about anything and everything they're like there has to be a theme to the show uh-huh, so Did a little bit of thinking for a couple of months. I played with a couple of concepts on the road on my tour and then dreams just kind of came about.

I was like, what's something everybody can contribute to? Like everybody has some kind of aspiration, right? Whether they're living it or not. So I played with that a little bit on tour. I would just toss it out there occasionally with some material I had about dreams in my set because I have terrible sleep problems. So I talk about that a lot in my show.

And then when I pitched them on the idea of dreams, they locked it in, I was like, okay, you're right. How do you rehearse something that is spontaneous? Yes. So basically what I did is I went to, since I knew we were gonna shoot in a comedy club because it was conducive For everybody being able to hear everybody. Yeah, I

Had four weekends and by weekends I mean Monday Tuesday's that I have off for my theater shows and I would go and I would just do a complete crowd work show talking about dreams Just so I could like get that muscle kind of I could hear the kinds of things that I would want to hear I didn't know if it was gonna be all Musicians or all sports players. I didn't know people were gonna be vague about it And the more I did it the more I realized like oh, it's still gonna be Incredibly random. Yeah, everybody has weird dreams. You wouldn't expect and then kind of shifting off of that I didn't want the entire thing to just be aspirational because you also have like sleep dreams

Yeah, talk a lot about that as well because those are always fucking weird. So you talk about dreams in the sense of like, hey, like when somebody says my dream is to be a baseball player and then also the dreams that occur in your sleep. Yeah, like your teeth falling out and shit. So both style of dreams.

Yeah, yeah, I wanted to open it up a little bit and just not stay on one theme for the entire show. Mix it up just a tad. It was fucking fun, dude. Yeah, dude, I had wild dreams last week. I remember that what about Dude one was it my trainer was like I gotta jerk you off and I like what? He was insisting. I haven't told him yet, but Is that a text or you gonna tell him in person? I'm gonna tell him in person while he's stretching you out I want to see his face

He's like it's gonna help and I I was like, and I gave in. I let him. But it was- Okay, it ended well at least. Yeah, it was- How often do you work out now? Almost every day, like five to six days a week. For real?

Go for it. Yeah, yeah. How far are you down, like since you started the journey? I don't know. So in the last six weeks, because I got into, I got with this nutritionist who is like, the, you know, your scale numbers are just nonsense. It's about body fat. So I'm down 7% body fat in six weeks. Yeah. What is your body fat percentage? Right now? It's 18.

That's not bad. It's not horrible. How are you 40? 45. Jesus Christ. Okay. It's really good then. No, it's okay I mean, I think it would be great if it was like right now. I'm trying to get to 15 and You know then you kind of I think you just evaluate everywhere you're at. I think if I got to 15 I'd lose all my fans. They would hate you so much. Yeah What are you at? You have to be like what 10? I think I'm like nine.

It's pretty low. Yeah, no. No, I would be catatonic if I got to nine. What's Burt you think? Burt probably like 45 something like that. That's not great. No, he's probably he's probably he's, he's gone, he has wild ranges too. Like, I have too. But I think he's like, he probably has a, he has a decent amount of lean mass. I think his visceral fat is, that's like kind of morphing its way into his organs. I would say he's probably in the mid Well, you can go wait you move us

I don't know if he has a 40% I don't think he's he's not 40. I mean look at the picture scale though He looks like the worst picture, but I think that I Think he's probably closer to 30. I think he's close to 30 I don't think so. I don't think he has those hips No, no, it evens out He does look like the far right whatever that is, but but he also Conservatives he looks he looks like it when he at his profile as profile. He looks like a trans man having triplets, but

Straight on you know he's got good shoulders and stuff. To compliment shoulders alone is not really a compliment. It's his favorite thing to talk about. It's his only thing he talks about is his shoulders. He's like, I have great shoulders. I don't know, dude. He's a crazy person. Yeah, I don't know. But yeah, no, I mean, I think the fun thing, here's what I've learned about myself. I have to keep announcing new goals.

Okay. So like a year plus ago, I was probably at 18 or something, and it's a slow, once I get there, if everyone's like, you look great, and then I'm like, oh yeah, everything's good, then I start to slide in. That happens to everybody though. But for me, I realize that like, if I, like my goal is, everything's good. Then I start to slide it in. That happens to everybody though.

But for me, I realize that like, if I, like my goal is like 15. And then when I, if I get to 15, I have to establish whether it's saying, okay, it's now 12. Whatever it is, I can't just go like, I'm good now. I have to, even if it's like not, no longer the percentage if I go,

well, the next goal is a half marathon. I have to shift to something else. Otherwise I just fall apart. Okay, and what helps you the most? Are you big on cardio or is it mainly diet for you? Well, the shift has been the combination. I was working out the past few months too, but I wasn't focused on diet.

So what I did was I got this nutritionist that gave me like a structured, I like structure. I like this is breakfast, this is your snack, this is lunch, this is dinner. So I follow what he says to a T. And then all we did was we dialed up workouts a little bit. My cardio sessions went from 45 to 60. So 60 minutes on like a Peloton bike or like rucking or whatever. And then my weightlifting sessions pretty much the same

went from like 45 to 60. So that's not a dramatic increase. No, but an extra 15 minutes. But it's a little bit more, dude, these fucking endurance Peloton rides Oh, I'm sure. are fucking brutal. And I can't get myself to do it do I can't get myself to ride a bike

Dude, those are like I mean they're very engaging and the teachers like the the instructors that are on there fine Or they're fine the guys too. Yeah, and they're there it is incredible workout And then dude, here's the thing that I didn't expect is that doing this clean eating like and I don't feel I'm like I'm not suffering It's not like how am I gonna get through this? It's it's very like it's easy to follow. Okay It has completely changed my digestion really I was about to go to a gastroenterologist I'm not kidding like a month ago that yeah I was like, how come I always have explosive rec like shit so I need to go to the doctor and I

Started following this guy's meal. I go dude if not if I don't lose a pound I already thank you for changing my digestion like it's completely fixed. It was that bad. Yeah, I'm not a big shitter, dude I'm really not here's the thing that I realized it's like all of us people have different sensitivities You know some people are like they just dump crazy hot sauce and yeah And they're like, it's not even hot. Yeah, and then you have a bite you're like, Jesus crap like yeah, our palates are different our digestion system I Have if I have anything like greasy. Mm-hmm fatty. It's like it's game over for me. No burgers. I Mean, no, I don't really eat a lot of burgers. No, it's like I have,

I need to have like lean meats and I need to have, uh, I don't have dairy. I just have like no dairy, no burgers. But I still eat a ton of protein. Like I'm having 16 to 20 ounces of lean meat at dinner. So like I'll have like three pieces of salmon or sea bass. Jesus. Sometimes like sirloin, but a lot of seafood. And now do you cook it yourself or do you have like somebody to help organize? Yeah, sorry.

I forgot how well this podcast does. Sorry. So, no, but I mean, I'll make some stuff. What? I make eggs in the morning. But yeah, I do. I mean, I'll make some stuff. What, I make eggs in the morning? But yeah, dude, I just eat that. Here's the thing, I feel satiated. I never feel bloated anymore.

I never feel like, ugh, like I'm quite sick. And I don't feel like, oh my God, are my intestines melting? Like, do I have, you know, like, is my stomach falling? All that is just from eating clean. Well, what about when you're on tour though? It's a bigger challenge. Oh, absolutely. Because you can get a little bit of catering before and you can eat something after,

but by the time your show's over, nothing but like fast food's open anyways. I mean, here's the thing. It's a lot of planning. It's sharing what I need with everybody so that I'm not in a jam where it's like, oh, what do they have? Oh, that's smart. So like, we're landing in cities and it's like hey have we found the place we're gonna It makes a lot of sense. My writers like uncrustables and I got fruit plate. Yeah. Yeah, but at 45 it'll be different That's so far away. Yeah. Yeah

17 years away, okay, just relax Yeah, mine mine is even healthier now like I whatever was on I realized like some of the times you show up to a Green room and it's your writer and you're like, what is this shit and they're like, it's your writer Oh, yeah. Yeah, you're not touching any of most of my writer was like I was getting stuff like for my girlfriend Whenever she would come on tour and stuff. None of it was for me. My boys want something. Yeah, I've got, the Uncrustable is like the only thing I touch with my entire writer. That's a Burt, like, staple. Is it really?

Yeah. You know they have protein ones now. Really? Yeah. Tell them that. Are you able to look that up? There's like a protein Uncrustable. There's like peanut butter and honey ones.

It's really fucking good. I don't think it's either of those, actually. But I'm good to know... I'm happy to know there's more options. What's his big, um... His big revelation was like, you can toast them or microwave them. Wait, can you really? Yeah, he's like, that's the move. And then he's like, you gotta...

It's like, you put them in the microwave for like, he said something like seven seconds, right? And then he's like, it will burn your mouth mouth so you got like you you pierce it so that the steam leaves yeah there's barbecue chicken bites this is a fucking game changer yeah dude I had no idea you know I still don't eat the crust on them really yeah cuz it's still crust it's still crust it's still just bread if you know you cut crust off I don't cut it off I'm not that organized but yeah I'll pull the top off yeah and eat the bullshit. I mean a PB&J is the shit

It's so fucking good, and it's apparently supposed to be I mean relatively healthy for if you need a snack You just eat for the fun. I just do this I do the split packs where it's like it's peanut butter and jelly In a packet and I fold it together I don't think I've seen it. Tear the top off and so there's no bread and I pop it in and that's a pre-workout in the morning. I put honey packets on mine. You get like a little glucose spike. We're more than halfway through the year. Let's fast forward to the end.

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For additional terms and responsible gaming resources, see dkng.co slash FTBALL. Do you know the honey packets? No. The uh, it's like, it's like Viagra. Really? You haven't seen these? Wait, these make your dick hard? Oh, please look this up.

Honey packet, I'm sorry, I'm giving your guys directions. No, do it. Yeah, there's like honey packet dick pills now. Yeah, you've never seen these? No. Oh, yeah, man 45 You should probably have this on your radar. Yeah, I think you're right Wait, what this is a real thing. Yeah, it tastes delicious and they work think so

Theoretically theoretically. Yeah, man Guys and it doesn't look as suspicious. Put it on the shopping list. You got it. It's on the rider. It's not as suspicious either. Yeah. I did a commercial for, I shouldn't say commercial, it was a video on my phone for Bluechew. Yeah, yeah.

Like beginning of last year. Yeah. They ran the shit out of it. And everybody online was like, you sold out, you're doing a commercial for Viagra. I'm like, it took me 90 seconds to film and it bought my mom a car. Yeah, that's pretty cool Yeah, man, no shame, but this is far far more discreet You're not popping a pill you put it up put it in a fucking smoothie if you want to wait What is it actual honey? I don't understand. Yeah. Oh, yeah

You actually put the honey in some like if you want you just you could just slurp the packet if you want to okay That's what the peanut butter and jelly thing. How do we do? Many people have praised royal honey for its potential effects on sexual wellness citing improvements in overall sexual performance increased libido and Stamina that's fucking affecting your stamina my boy. My boy boxes on it really yeah Yeah, like when he whenever he goes to spar I didn't know that a huge percentage of NFL players pop a little bit of like Cialis Viagra before really so it's a more common thing yes, but it's not it's not fuck doses Yeah, it's kind of fucking it's like a micro dose because it's essentially because it increases blood flow

Okay, so like you can even people even do this like pre-workout. Uh-huh. It's um, but it's not like hey Give me whatever 50 milligrams Ray Lewis was taking a hand. It's a it's a supposed to be a smaller Dose just for blood flow interesting. I guess it wouldn't go against any like drug testing, right? It's just I don't think so it's opening up your blood pressure Yeah, right technically I guess Huh? Have you not have you see have you not used my agro before? Have you tried it yeah, of course the greatest oh of course and if the funny thing is you go

Yeah, I don't need this right cuz you're like I don't need this You know, you don't need it. No, but like I'm see if you have something to prove first time I like my friends were talking about it I was like like you haven't tried when I was like why I don't I don't need like I assume that's for somebody who's like Literally can't achieve an erection. Yeah, think of that like- That was my perception. And then they go, just try one. And then I took one, and I was like, oh, it's a high school boner. Yeah. Like it says, it's like pointing at the sky, and you're like, oh.

Think of it like owning a gun. You know what I mean? Like you don't need it. Right. It's fucking awesome to have. It's cool to shoot it. It's awesome to shoot it, dude. What do they say?

Okay. In this episode of This is the Shannon Sharp and Otro Cinco, one of those questions was occurring, really took Viagra for games according to Otrosenko You only need half a pill to be a beast on the field like he was listen to me It's an enhancement with the increasing blood flow to improve performance horizontally depending on how you do it I don't know what you do at home, but to improve yeah, they work to stay with me now If you take half a pill before a game with a little bit of Red Bull, it increases the blood flow, which enhances performance.

I mean, what he's saying is essentially what we were just talking about. Like, that is why people take it pre-game. It's a blood flow issue. Yeah, but like, what if it's not gone by the time the game's over? Oh, it's not gone. Yeah, but you have, like,

if it was just bricked up in the shower. Well,'d be awesome if they were but you know the way that's supposed to work is that it you still need to be stimulated and so unless like you go looking at this field and all these guys makes my dick hard, you should be able to not be hard. You would think. Yeah. Depending on the dosage I suppose. Yeah but there's definitely guys out there who probably are like oh I'm about to come this is yeah, but she stays in your system though. I've yeah I've used it before and then the next day you're still like I'm ready. I gotta come yeah. Yeah, I'm ready to go I don't know if you're out there, and you haven't tried it man

Just pop pills today and see what see how you feel are you uh if if you're if you're gonna crank one out Are you a morning or nighttime kind of guy? well, it's a really good question that and I feel like I feel like I've Changed and that maybe this is related to age. Uh-huh. I am whether I'm cranking one out or Making sweet love somebody who definitely wants to, yeah, of course, but I love you.

I always want to sleep after, like I want to. Even in the morning? Well, I don't want to get up after that, I'm saying. I want to lay around, I want to be lazy, so I would prefer an end of day crank. Okay, but they have different effects. Everyone's, you know, I mean, look, we all know that there's a chemical cocktail

that your brain releases when you, you know, I don't know, serotonin dump and whatever else happens, it affects people differently. I'm definitely like, ha ha. And there's also a chemical release, I don't know if you know this, in your brain, when you're having, when a partner and having an orgasm, that doesn't release when you are alone, like when

you do it yourself. Really? Yes. So that is like a scientific proven fact that there is something that happens additionally in your brain when it's with somebody else. So I don't know, I've done, I've done, look, I've jerked off at every hour of the day in every setting, in airports and in, you know, anywhere you can imagine. Highways.

All of them, man. I've done it everywhere. But ideally, I don't want to start my day with one unless you have the ache of like, you've got to get this out, you know. Interesting. See, that's my coffee sometimes. It's jerking off? Yeah. And then you've got to get this out, you know interesting see that's my coffee sometimes is jerking off Yeah, and then you're ready to go. Yeah interesting a morning one. We you if it's like before noon. It's usually an upper Interesting 1201. Yeah, I don't want to get out of bed. Yeah, I I think about yeah

I mean, what how old are you though 27 28 28? It's like yeah I mean first of all I was jerking off way more at 28 than I am now. But are you like once a week? I mean, no. More. Okay. Good man. But, you know, I just feel like I do think about, I think about my day. When I, when jerking off. Well, also you're a lot busier now. You gotta fit it in the schedule. I have a lot busier day. You penciling fit it in a lot busier than penciling it in No, but you know what? There's shower jerks

Here's the here's a shower. Jerk here. Really? Here's the other thing is my shoulder out. I've I I do like Sometimes now that it's really you're putting it in my head a it can and it can be a a post workout jerk Ah legs, especially i've done the work. You have that endorphins kind of cooking in your head and then you're like, okay, I can get one out right now.

And then I don't necessarily feel it, but showers also don't make me feel like, like if I do it there, first of all, I love the drain and I stomp it down the hole. You stomp it down like it's- What are you making wine? It's glue. Ew.

So, and there's just so much of it. I just make so much. I wish I could show people how much I make. It's- Like you come bars of soap. It's so much. That's disgusting. It's, cause you know, there's a contraction, right?

Yeah. Right? Your prostate? But I mean, you're like, when you have an orgasm, you feel it. The pulsing. The pulsing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, I'm a minimum 12, 13 pulses guy.

What? And sometimes 17, 18. Oh my god. Yeah. That's too much. It's too much gum. I've said it my whole life. I don't think I've ever had a woman with me

who did not make a comment about it I never I was like what do you have four balls so much like yeah I never I never come a lot when I want to come a lot it wait it varies yeah it's like the quest for come a lot a little bit like I can lay it I can lay in bed all day and Fucking hit collarbone by myself sure the moment of girls like come on my face by day side Dribble yeah sad drop comes out. Yeah, man like never work here. Yeah, you can ever like conjure it up Yeah, be grateful. Yeah, it's my it's the only you know think it, you just have to hope someone's like, thanks. You know? Yeah, I mean, I had so much,

I had so many times, like high school, college, where they were like, what the fuck? Like, this is so much. That amount. Yeah. Oh my God. Although I will say this with age the trajectory reduces

You know I mean that might check out actually the only time I think of I've come close to your average I was like 15. I think Got a hair. It was my first hand job ever ever I maybe kissed a girl one time before this This was a massive jump. Yeah, it was so much she During the act was like oh my god. Yeah. Yeah. Oh my god and not like it was concerning Yeah, like she was scared hurt probably scarred her for future experience like yeah She was like is this is this what this is gonna be like every time it was all over it was dark in the room

There's no way I got all of it. Yeah, not proud of it. Yeah, no, I mean, it's fucking, it's wild that we make a mess. Yeah, we squirt every time. Yeah. Huh. Yeah, one of my friends, he's like, one of my college friends, he. He's like he goes dude. I've always just been like Fucking three drops come out like he's just he's like it's the saddest. It's just like dude wonder what that is There's gonna be a science behind that something maybe your testosterone levels

I don't know I so one time I was like I talked to a doctor about it cuz I and I went Yeah, I was like that concern. I went into it with concern I was like here's what's going on and he was like uh-huh, and I went to it with like, yeah, I was like, I went into it with concern. I was like, here's what's going on. And he was like, uh-huh. And then I told him the whole thing. He goes, consider yourself lucky. And that was it.

And he was like, yeah, you just have like a more profound orgasm. That's it. And your prostate is obviously the one that is where the, you know, the fluid is being mixed up, but your actual Orgasmic experience. I mean it's just gonna change from person to person Interesting now there is things right that like time since the last one obviously like, you know, like building up anticipation That could be it. I mean that could be like that's factors. Yeah Your level of excitement going into it. Yeah unexpected. Yeah kind of stuff affects things you know, I'm a lady. Yeah, it affects it

I'm now I'm wondering if If you come better than I do like the feeling I think I have a better feeling and there's no way But like I walk through life sometimes just going I come better than that guy The perfect summer playlist may be elusive, but one thing is for sure, it gets better when it's enjoyed with a cold Coors Light. Because music plus Coors Light equals chill amplified. I mean, there's nothing better, right? Spending the summer, sitting around the pool,

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Yeah. We're like 20 minutes into this and 20 of us have been gone. It's fine. It's what they deserve. You know what? I'm not mad at it one bit. Did we play a clip? We didn't oh my god. I got we skipped the well We have to do an opening clip. All right. Here's what I have. I don't even know what this is I'm just gonna play it. Okay, I Am Tremaine Jay Lundy. I am a breeder to the VP

To the vagina people, okay to the vagina people okay always ready don't bring anyone love into this and Christina Pazitzy. Christina Pazitzy. Welcome to your mom's house. How long is the song? It's pretty long. It's like six more minutes. Fourteen years of that song every single episode. Yeah, it's long. It was longer than the video Substantially cut like cut cut the song down

We've never talked about that you you can by like a third there is no one will notice There's a couple versions, what's the is this the one Who is Randyandy? This is josh potter doing it A capella version I don't like this more. Yeah Um Is there another one I hope not

I don't think so Yeah, it's very long. Um cut it down will easily 50 seconds. We will definitely have that conversation Who made this song? Do you know? Yeah, Ryan match the match man? Okay, the old the match man the match man Ryan matches you were renowned. He is for that song. Okay It's the free bird of fun. Yeah, he did he did like all of our free bird of podcasts. He did like all of our, like when we started doing the podcast, I love audio drops, you know, like sound,

and I was like, I don't know how to do anything. And he was very like proficient in audio. And I was like, yeah, I need like an opening song and all this stuff. And he just, I think it was like whatever, Pro Tools or whatever the previous version of that was. And he would just send me clips. I was like, I want it to sound like this and have this audio clip in it He just did it all at no point 14 years ago. You went a little long. I

Probably did and I think I was just like correct them Oh, I just think I was probably like you don't have time to edit this and I don't know how so just like do we get To watch the video again. We can watch the video again. So this guy said he's a breeder of the vagina people. I am Tremaine J. Lundy Tremaine Lundy. I am a breeder to the VP to the vagina people He puts out he puts out more than like puts out he puts out more than like oh J Lindy I do not eat feces poop shit ass farts or drink urine or pee say what you want he's got a good head on his shoulders he does he does and he has an interesting beard takes care you think

he dies that I'm gonna say that that is I think that is how the the color is naturally Because you know like mine is a version of that right? It's just shorter. Yeah, the gray comes in areas It's still darker here. The thing the only thing that throws me off is how dark the mustache is Like there's not even a hint. I also don't know if he's 32 or 48 He could be in his late 70s. Yeah, we don't know but he's letting you know that he doesn't eat poop farts He went into pee and ass too, which I'm like, you know, this is a whole different. This is like a quite a wide I mean farts aren't even like a physical thing really. Yeah who eats them? I mean, I mean somebody does some people It's the same as you've seen the Chuck Berry videos. Yeah

Great stuff. Oh, yeah Did I fought in your face? He's like I likes to do that and he does He did the he's like my bad He farts once he goes. Yes, sometimes I do that. He said I likes to do that That's the that's the craziest thing after you fart after you fart her reaction is so genuine He says did I fart yeah? Yeah, you know you did of course on purpose he timed it and then he that's the rudest part is on her face

And yeah, that's all that one too. She made a lot of money For that era I would imagine imagine. You eat ass? Do I eat ass? Yeah. This will be all over every tabloid ever. I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll do it.

But it's not like your favorite. It's not my MO. No. It's not my go-to. Right. But if they want it, yeah, I'll do it. Oh, so they have to ask for it? Yeah.

Not necessarily, like not directly, hey, will you eat my ass? But like, if it comes up in conversation, casually at dinner or something, then I'll make note of it for later. Oh really? Is that something that happens? Do people bring that up at dinner?

Sometimes, depending on how you want the dinner to go. So they're just like, what are you into? And like, it's just straightforward? Okay, sounds like you're about to shoot a scene or something. Yeah, I've considered the fact maybe I'm vanilla in the bedroom because I won't think I will and then I'll hear about what other people do and I don't want any part of that. Really? Like what? No. I don't want anything with my butthole at all. Touched. Don't touch it at all. Not have your ass.

If you even go gooch I'm clenching. Really? I'll snap a finger. And you've never so you never have someone eat your ass? No, nor should they. OK. And then, so like, if you're with a woman and she inches her ass towards your face, does that hint, is that you're like, oh, she wants me to do this? Is that also what you mean?

I mean, read The Room. You know what I mean? If there's candles, I'll do it. OK. There's got to be something something romantic about it I think yes that's not a spot a spontaneous act you know like you yeah if you're not if I'm not like at a mall or something or in the car I'm not doing it then right it's it's eating someone's ass in a car is pretty insane yeah you

gotta pull napkins out of the glove box and shit yeah just pull over I'm gonna eat your ass right now. That's such a level of perversion. Foot lock erosion shit. I gotta fucking eat your ass. Have you had your butthole eaten? I've been begging for it for years. She's ready. Her mouth looks like a butthole right now actually. It really does. No I really have asked for it forever. You want it.

Big time. Now do you think it's gonna feel good? Or do you want it because you think it's gonna feel good? Or do you want it because you think it would be funny to make your wife do this? No, I think it would feel good. All I've heard from friends who have had it done are like, yeah, it's amazing. So I'm like, oh, I wanna feel it.

Yeah, but I... She won't, dude, it's not happening. On your deathbed. That's probably the worst place to go. I think every day that passes, it's a real missed opportunity for her. It's only getting dirtier? Yeah. Well, it's just, it's getting older.

It's getting more sour. Oh my God. It's getting hotter. Sour is the worst word to use for it. I am thinking about lasering my asshole hair though. Not waxing. I've done that. Oh, I bet laser fucking hurts.

I think it would too, but I think- You've waxed it? I've waxed it before. How bad does that hurt? Not bad at all. Not that bad? No. Now, do you go to a place to do it

or you just lay some duct tape back there? I've gone to a place to do it, and it is fucking like, the first time I did it as a joke, like, yeah. For who? A radio bit. And it for radio. Yeah, was it was there a video? Yeah, there's video Okay, I thought they were just listening and then that's what most people were doing. So you're like, yeah that but whatever I only did it cuz I was like man, there's so much hair just do it like and then the great thing was you wipe and It's like you're wiping like a normal person because you're like there's no hair back there

Hmm, it felt so good. So I was like, oh it cut down my my wipe time by like minutes Yeah, you know dread it up back. Yeah, man. And then years later. I was like, oh, yeah, that was great So I did it again this time. I was like, hi, can I get my ass waxed and they were like Okay, and then they're like, can you spread? So you sit there, you spread your cheeks yourself. You spread your own ass. You spread your own ass, and you feel like someone's gonna fuck it. Like that's what you feel like when you're doing it.

And then again, whatever, four or five weeks of just glorious. Only last four or five weeks. Well, until it's like, not full length again, but like. Now is it like when hair grows back, is it prickly when it goes back a little Bit and it's a you know not too bad a little itchy not too crazy Nothing where you're like I can't get through this like a cat's tongue like you know I mean, that's my chest, bro

Like imagine if you just shit on that do you think it's gonna be easy to clean up? I'm sure our prints somewhere would I mean mean, I'm sure they would too, but I just go I Realized I was like, oh if I had lasered it it could be like I don't want Lasering fucking have you had any kind of laser before? No, I got a tattoo removed and it fucking hurts dude. Yes My friend had his back lasered and he goes if you ever have hair lasered he goes they'll offer you Numbing stuff and he goes always say yes oh yeah he goes the first time I was like no I don't need that and he goes it is brutal so I was like okay yeah hair back too it's like patchy it's not like

covered yeah I think it's worse really yeah this patch you can get a good design to it that's true I've done trimmer to the back, you gotta take a trimmer from time to time, I suppose. Yeah, I've done trimmer. But I'm not, here's the thing, I realize as you age, you only, you address what you care about. So like, I don't care enough to go like, oh man, if my back. Really? I don't care.

I care. That's the thing though, it just, it changes person to person. Like, I'm bald and I've been offered free Turkish, you know, hair, like they're like the masters of hair replacement. Do it. And they've been like, we'll fly you out, we'll do it, the whole thing. Do it. I don't care. Come on. I care. I know. About your hair. I care. I just, I don't care enough you only you act on things for a radio bit do it have a fucking hair transplant So fucking funny it would be funny But also I would be miserable if I got like a bat like I would rather be bald Than have a bad hair what if the trade-off was if you get hair she'd eat your ass

If she cared that much about it, that's an interesting proposal, but I don't know that she gives a shit about it Well, what do you think? Well, well That's not helping in either direction right now. No, no, it's not a no. Hmm Does she have any hair on her back no kind of a of a shame. I know. She's like a, you know, they're blonde. She's blonde fuzzy. Like she doesn't have body hair. I kind of have like blonde body hair.

Like my arms are like super fine, like blonde. Wait, do you have, do you have back hair if you don't trim? Not really. Not really? You're kind of hairless? Kind of. I get it on my chest, but it looks ridiculous. Do you trim it then?

Yeah, I'll trim it. Wait, you get like little hairs? No, I'll get like on my chest, but it looks ridiculous. Do you trim it then? Yeah, I'll trim it. Wait, you get like little hairs? No, I'll get like the full chest. I'm starting to get my stomach a little bit. Why does it look ridiculous? I don't know. I just look like a boy who's been through a lot. It doesn't look natural whatsoever.

Also, I work on my body. I don't want it to be hidden by hair. Wait, so what's your routine like? Do you eat very clean? I don't eat enough. That's my problem. Yeah. I'm not a big food guy. Like I really, I don't even think about food. Can I tell you something about my losing weight right now? No. I'm eating way more than I was eating a few months ago. And do you feel like it's boosting your metabolism?

Because I've kind of noticed trends in that before. Like if I force myself to eat a lot for a couple of days, I'll want to eat more the following days. Well, the only thing that I've, like for sure, I feel like I understand, is that if you're training and you're under eating, You're not doing anything. You're not really repairing yourself. So. No.

That's my biggest problem. I feel like you're lifting and you're doing like intense workouts and you're just're you're doing like intense Workouts and you're just like I don't really eat. You're not there's no progress. Yeah, you can lean out But if you're already like 9% body fat, yeah, you have to eat you have to eat enough That's my biggest problem. I mean, there's also never any time for I have like time two meals a day That's really all I have time for the rest is like I'll snack when I can I suppose. Good snacks? I should be eating like, no.

No. I'll have like a protein bar I suppose, Uncrustables. Uncrustables, yeah. It's never anything like good for me I suppose. And how about like your actual meal meals? Are they like? A burger, steak I guess, maybe some chicken. So I mean, it's on the right path. Yeah. It's just not enough of it. I should probably be eating like 5,000 calories a day. You can probably I mean you I probably eat 2,500

You can set it up, you know, we're like Food is brought to you like when you're on tour, especially, you know I mean we get the meal before and then we usually get like burgers after or something, but it's not as 28 I know but it's I wish I could get myself into a routine. You can though. I know, it's hard. You know what the thing to do is? It's to make it somebody else's responsibility.

So you say, this is what I have to do, and then it becomes whoever on your team's thing of, this has to be wherever we're going. You have an assistant, right? Yeah. Okay. Yeah, I should probably get an assistant. Yeah, but I mean like, you know what I mean?

Like then you would just be, they would just show up. Here you go, it's lunch. You have to eat this. Yeah. Damn, that's a good point. Yeah, you can just schedule it out. I just need it at 1130, 230, 530, and 730. Interesting.

Yeah, because you ever watch these videos of like Hugh Jackman talking about how he stays in shape for his movies? No, man. He's eating all Constantly in between scenes. He's eating full fucking meals when I was working out the entire day I did it was years ago. I had a small part in a Mark Wahlberg movie and They would show up just like here you go I don't know what scarf down food because he he was working out like at fucking 3.30 in the morning.

He's an insane person. But I mean, it was... Here you go. All day. Yeah. It's somebody else's job. Damn, it's a really good idea. Yeah, you should do that. I just, I don't know. I feel fucking weird hiring people.

Here's the thing. It's so hard. Really? It's so uncomfortable. To hire someone? Yeah. How come? I don't know.

Just telling somebody to do something feels so uncomfortable. What? Yeah, I know You guys don't have to laugh Do you pay them to? Why they laugh when they want What's so fucking funny? Go ahead. You guys are cute Can I have one of them no ah which why was that funny what's so funny you like telling people

what to do okay there you go I want him he's awesome I can't do it dude I'm I employ my friends which is like the coolest thing about success to me. But even that's like the offer to help out with like fucking carrying a suitcase or something. I'm like no. Here's how it's gonna change for you. You think so? Yes. After a while it'll change. Because you'll want better work.

Yes, I hope so. Yeah, you'll want actual results. So you'll tell your friends to get other jobs and then you'll hire other people. No, they're super talented. I love employing my friends. Stop. I love it. He's just saying that to be nice. You guys are fucking mediocre at best. No, no. They're fantastic.

And they... They listen to me No, it's one it's one of the reasons why you're talking about things being uncomfortable though It is more uncomfortable to tell like your good friend like hey, hey, I might work for me But yeah, of course, but if you hire somebody who's like I want a job and you go, here's the job. It's not uncomfortable I don't know. Maybe it's fucking relationship trauma But if you hire somebody who's like, I want a job and you go, here's the job. It's not uncomfortable. I don't know. Maybe it's fucking relationship trauma that I feel like if I ask somebody to do something for me, it's going to get thrown back in my face or somebody.

Not even if I ask if they just do something for me. Yeah, but that's, I mean, this is part of life, but the part of this is, is a hundred percent because they're friends. So there's a different dynamic to your relationship. I suppose. So if I have like my good friend who I go Hey, do you want to come work for me? It is starts to be weird where you're like I need you to do that you feel like you're telling your friend to do something

I even feel that way about my security though like my security wasn't a friend first What do you feel weird about telling them? I mean just when like I'm carrying bags and shit out of the green room back to the tour bus or something He's like let me carry that I'm like I can fucking carry don't worry. No, I'm carrying bags and shit out of the green room back to the tour bus or something. He's like, let me carry that. I'm like, I can fucking carry it, don't worry. Nah, let him carry it. I should let him. I have a hard time doing it though. He wants to. I don't know, I feel like less of a man having another man carry my shit.

It's his job, fucking carry the bag. Open the door too. Yeah, there's not much security risk, I suppose you're right. It's fine. I got, there was this lady. She's got a girl who's like me and my friend when I luck your ball I'm not into yeah, that's a security. Yeah, I have this lady sheep She's come to a couple of shows Talking about how we're supposed to be together and all this kind of stuff, and she's like she's older probably like 40s

Yeah, and she came to a show Like a month ago, and she brought this big bag full of gifts, right? Which is not uncommon we get a bunch of gifts after shows not love open them. So I just cool shit in there sure and Her phone was in there on record Was on video record in there hoping to just catch whatever I'm saying or doing backstage how she intended and getting the phone back I don't know but my security the phone was open on record So she started going through her her fucking phone to see if there's like, you know an actual threat in near They're on like notes or camera roll or something

So when they closed out of the video, they obviously went to the camera roll to delete the video and The photos right before the camera right before the video were my face like shittily photoshopped onto like models bodies and I was so fucking appalled that she didn't use my body yeah she could have just yeah yeah it's not that like I don't I didn't want to fuck her but I didn't want her to think she could do better Yeah, you know what I mean? I totally understand that certain level of delusion. I think yeah, I've gotten hair. I've got give you hair Oh, yeah, yeah, I've gotten toenails

Here are my toenails. Yeah, no letter to go with them wait just like in a bag Yeah, just in a bag. I had a lady. You just figure out what it is or it says something. It looks like toenails Yeah, they're like I thought you might like this Yeah, it was like a collection too. There's no way she has that many toes. How do you is definitely from a woman? This is They weren't painted Could be a really cool guy. I do have guy fans. Yeah, huh? It is optimistic cuz I'm thinking the act to do that just feels very male

Like a woman doing that is like severely mentally ill a guy doing so his hair dog Yeah, but toenails is a is another level if you're like me clip these make sure they don't I had a girl Give me her family photo album If you're like me clip these make sure they don't I had a girl give me her family photo album Why it was like photos of them and like it would look like the 80s like she was like I do like I imagine it's her as a kid that's like just family gathering parting with the Photos that she probably won't be able to find again. I mean, that's a really interesting thing to think about Does she ever plan on getting those back? No Or maybe the fantasy is yes that you're like I look through these I want to get you now. Yeah, you guys look like you have good holidays

I've had It's another fun one oh People get scammed a lot. I have a lot of fucking spam accounts of people be like reaching out like hey This is my private account message me over here So many people you'd be surprised Will come to shows and be like Matt told me to come here. He told me to meet him over here I said I sent him a thousand dollars last week. I sent and he was like alright now you can come Yeah, now you can come to the show

I've been I went one time my security was telling me that this was happening Show I've been I went one time my security was telling me that this was happening So I wanted to go listen to the conversation And I stood like on the other side of the door and a lady was like I've been texting with Matt for weeks We expect we exchanged sexy photos together. He sent me his dick like it shows security a dick That was not my she was like look. He's texting me right now. I'm standing on the side of the door My phone's not in my fucking hands. I'm like, this is crazy. Part of me feels so bad that somebody would fall

for something like that. Sure. But also, like, you take a little bit of accountability. Forgotten. Yeah, of course. Come on. But you know what? It's the person is hoping that it's true. So then you. And I understand the hope.

But I've put out so many messages being like dude I'm I'm never gonna reach out to you. Yeah, I mean as a fan for your safety and mine Yeah, I'm not gonna reach out to you from a private account I'm never gonna ask for money, but by the way if you do get a picture my dick that is your backstage pass Well, I want to see I want to see what it is first. You know, I mean, yeah It's like a really sad dick. You thought this was I'd be fucking furious You thought about how you're gonna be immortalized from your dick pics I Don't have dick pics you've never sent one. I'm too old dude. That's not true. You know it is sketched it out I

Mean I've looked at it through the camera, and I've been like don't send it. I'm like this is not good I've always had a problem with statues Statue dicks. Yeah, man. You've never seen a big statue dick ever I think so you're right and I think that I Think that part of that is so that the focus isn't on that on the statue I think the artist these sculptors that do these incredible, you know, Michelangelo Sculptures if they gave it a hearty dick It would be such the foot because you are fascinated by the fact that they can do the entire

Physique perfectly and if it were like a massive hog, you'd be like look at this That's all you anybody now the flip side of that is everybody talks about how little they look. See, that's what I'm talking about. I think it comes from jealousy. Like, you don't... Usually sculptures and these statues are from like great leaders or conquerors, right? Sculpt my man on soft when he conquered fucking Persia or whatever it was. All I'm saying is just give me... Like, if you were doing mine, I would just be like, okay, I'm gonna fluff it a little bit naturally, right?

Yeah, and so that like when I when I drop my my robe, uh-huh You're like, is that your is that your natural state? And I'll be like, yeah, and then you know, I'll give you a little wink Don't make it look like you ran out of clay and then I'll go like hey you good Yeah, and then if you go like well, no, I'll be like, well, give me a few minutes and I'd be like, hey, you good? And then if you go like, well, no, I'd be like, well, give me a few minutes. And I'd turn around, smack it around a little bit, come back. Like that's what I would do if I was gonna be photographed

or a sculpture made. The problem is the sculpture takes so long, eventually it's gonna lose its fluff. I know. And then I'd just sit there just cranking and he's like, what are you doing? And I'm like, just relax. It'll be back to where it was in a moment.

I think if I ever take another dick pic, or if I'm gonna have somebody paint me or sculpt me, I'd want it to be a caricature artist. Oh. They always emphasize your attributes. Yes, they do. Yeah. Yeah. I've never thought of it like that.

Yeah, they always, yeah. I know a couple good ones. You're gonna get done at like fairgrounds? Who's the great one that we worked with? You had a caricature done? I don't know his name. I'll get it from Reed. Okay No, we had we had we had these guys at a party and they they had this these two artists who? They both have incredible like followings they're like the super talent guy and they came to a party that we had and Poroso's event and they just like they did it for people that were at the event

It was fucking hilarious. That's really fun. I'm drawing a blank right now on the on the name Yeah, super funny these guys one of them. They're so mean one Yeah, yes, they're super mean and one of them just does like a lot of just graphic sexual stuff like very aggressive On the caricatures. yeah yeah yeah like for us i think he was just one for one of no for uh philip lee was there he just put him in a clown clan outfit and just like yeah he running he'll add that much to it he just added that yeah and that's really funny uh you have it no she's grabbing the actual ones we have here. Oh, you have them in case we perform. We have some of them here, yeah, yeah.

So, here we go. Oh yeah, Porous Walker is one of them. Oh my god. Is that Hulk Hogan? And then... And then Todd... What's Todd? Todd Francis? Is that his name? I can't read the signature. Todd Francis on top, Horace Walker on the bottom. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, Hulk down there

Yeah, these guys are so good. And they did this in like- What's happening in the top one? It's um it's me eating popcorn as Protesters are getting beat to death by police Those guys and they do that in like four minutes are you serious yeah you just sat there and they're just like that's incredible I can't draw at all no I love it it's it's so cool what was it she brought another one there's another one yeah that's another porous Walkerer on top there. Are you shitting through her through her legs? Yeah, and then That when there's a car accident. Oh my god to the air. Yeah, so that's Todd and that's porous again

You guys have a weird love language. Yeah the shitting stuff. Yeah Have you ever done? You ever got a blumpkin? No, you know what it is though, right? Yeah, okay. Have you got one? No, I would not I would Seem like it would be I let anybody in the bathroom when I'm taking a shit No, let alone blowing you during it. It always sounded them to be into that I think is more concerning. Of course it is It's so much more disturbing every inhale is just a nightmare. I Mean taking an upper decker no

Something Bert would do a thousand percent I'm sure he's done it ruins the whole plumbing right because isn't that the water that flushes into it I mean dude. Yeah, I'm not into any of that bro Like I can talk about taking shits all day. I don't want to actually Participate any shit activity this feels like the platform for this. You ever seen Lespoo.com? No. Lez...I wonder if it's still a thing. I've seen this since like high school.

Lezpoo.com So remember like Two Girls One Cup? Yeah. It's a whole website of that. Yeah. That first one was website of that. Yeah. Oh, that first one was the girl stuffing herself in puking, that's pretty cool. Oh, that's a big old shit. That's just a Waffle House floor.

A lot of shit. Yeah. Yeah, you realize that some of these are like super nice ladies. Like if you met them, you'd be like, oh, she was really nice. And then you see her on the site and you're like, what the fuck?

And she's like, yeah, it's my job. It's just, I just do this. You just don't have to do this. What's really fascinating is how different our genders are because it is, this is men going to the site. You know what I mean? Like, yeah, there's a couple completely bananas chicks that are consuming this

But the reason this is made is solely because of men What do you think the most fucked up fetish a woman has for men that's even close to this direction you think I mean There's that here's the thing. They're outliers chicks. I'm good now There they're not now. They're not most women. You know what I mean? Like most women... Well, this isn't most men. It's not most men, but disproportionately. Meaning like, you know, there's women obviously who goes, I like to be slapped. I like my hair pulled. I like the bites. I like choking. Things like that. Sure, there's girls who are like, you know what? I like being things like that. Yeah girls were like I like you know what I like being pissed on and you're like That's pretty crazy, but for men it's the the the skies the limp like there's there might be like

You know this percentage whatever yeah, and then you look at men and it becomes like 25% It's like it's it's so disproportionate I want to hear the comments from women who think they know the most fucked up fetishes for men. Wait, what they're into? So I talked to a guy one time, it was great. He was like, he had just gotten divorced and he was like, you know, first time like playing the field, right? And he and I go, oh, have you had some crazy, you know, encounters? Like since you've just been out there dating for the first time in years and he was like, I thought this was kind of crazy. I guess it's not totally bananas, but he was like, he said it stunned him where he's like, I was with this woman and she goes, well, I'm on my period and he was like, I don't care, you know, so I was like, yeah, it's not whatever.

So he's like, we have sex and it is a mess, right? And he's like, I'm not bothered by or whatever Yeah, he was but then she Orally cleaned it all up off of me and he was that I was like Yeah, she liked all our own blood off of him everywhere, but she's like he's like not there wasn't an inch like a speck left He was like yeah that threw me off now. That's not the craziest thing I've ever heard no But it's also you're like you don't have to do that You don't have to do all that yeah, but also that must turn her on she liked it

vampire, maybe Yeah, do you believe in vampires? Toads What about aliens I? Those. Those. Yeah. What about aliens? I can't wrap my head around the idea

that we are alone in this galaxy. It's impossible, right? It's just too massive. Yeah. Do you believe they come here? I mean, it makes sense that there's some type of monitoring or interaction in some way. It just does.

I don't know the details. Obviously, I don't have all the answers, but I just, I find it hard to just go, yeah, I know that this galaxy is a speck, and the universe is like, it's 100 million times beyond the capacity of our imagination is its size. We're just a tiny little dot.

And then you're like, nah. No way. It just doesn't add up in my mind. Ghosts. I've never been a big ghost guy. And I know people, they're like, I was in this basement, and then the door shut, I says, what the fuck was that? So now we always go two of us to the basement.

Okay. So, I mean, people have their, What the fuck was that? So now we always go two of us to the back. Okay. So, I mean, people have their, I've never had like ghost encounters or whatever, but it is, it's, look, all that shit ultimately is kind of entertaining. It's kind of fun. It's fun for sure. But you don't believe when you die you could become a ghost. I don't know.

I mean, I have been in like spooky, you know, haunted feeling places, right? You've never been like ghost hunting though. I've never been ghost hunting. I've been in buildings, you know, like where you're like, fuck, this is the comedy store. It's dark, you know, like the, the like, like hallways that are 100 years old and you're like, poorly lit. I don't know. That's like, you know, the ambiance where you're like, yeah, feels something. I mean, did I'm hard that's like you know the ambiance where you're like yeah feels something I mean did I experience something where it changed me no but I do think it's entertaining I do think it's entertaining it was funny is that there are people who are here this be like can't believe this fucking idiot

doesn't know about ghosts sorry that's my community dog yeah you big Coast guy oh I love ghosts have you had ghost encounters? Okay, I haven't seen anything like I haven't seen something in front of my face that I go. That's a ghost 1 billion percent That's that's somebody who died for sure But I have seen things I for in heard things. I cannot possibly explain I was ghost hunting in England this place called the ancient Ram Inn see a thousand years old you were ghost hunting in England, at this place called the Ancient Ram Inn. See, a thousand years old.

You were ghost hunting? Yeah. Okay. This is something I do for fun. All right. Super weird hobby, I know, I know. No, I like it, I like it. But I won't get my ass ate, is that weird?

That's the thing. That I'll ghost hunt, but I won't get my ass ate. You should be ghost hunting with a mouth in your ass, and then it'd be a way better experience. And get the shit scared out of me? I don't think so. of you find a ghost on one Of these you should be like alright somebody eat my ass. This is the fucking call make that deal I'll make that deal if you actually if somebody can give can make me experience definitive

ghost Acknowledgement mm-hmm. I'll let them eat my ass. What would feel like a true acknowledgement versus this is weird Seeing it seeing something seeing is believing right or here hearing is pretty fucking definitive Do people actually say that they see like they say they've seen things mm-hmm Do you ever believe someone that's seen something like as opposed to like I could believe it? I can because I've seen things move you have I've seen when we were at this place We're sitting around like this barrel right and there's just like a

lot of fucking like evil at this place and the guy who owns it was like I Don't recommend it. But if you want something to happen like provocation usually it works like be an asshole. I Don't fuck I don't do that shit. I don't want anything being mad at me. Yes, we're sitting around this table Nothing's happening. We have like a little it's a super basic Tool to you little cat cat ball, right? We'll light up ones and the idea is that they only go off when you when you touch them So we sit it in the middle of this barrel when nothing's happening. My friend goes, all right We're gonna start being mean so it's like five of us and they're all going on the table you fucking asshole pussy bitch

It gets around to me and I just go yeah Bitch. It gets around to me and I just go, yeah you... Dookie head. Cause I don't want anything to be actually mad at me. This ball then does a controlled roll around the barrel. Not like bumping into a table and it like rocks back and forth. Oh actually. It's like a controlled roll for a couple of seconds. Doesn't that freak you out?

Freak me the fuck out for sure. On cue, when the last person says something mean That happens bit coincidental now. Is that the kind of thing we go? Let's let's hightail it out of here. No, that's like when stuff can actually get right so it's exciting It's such an adrenaline rush. How many how many are in your group when you're doing this? Five of us including the camera guys, okay Wait, did you do this for a show or just for like friend of mine runs a YouTube channel? Called TFIL the fuck it list and then he has a off channel of that called the overnight channel

And that's where we've been like around the world. Is he a big ghost hunter? Oh, you're you've you've really been into this Oh, do I love it? It's a very weird hobby of mine. Oh, no, that's cool. It's weird. Just scares the shit out of me What other hobbies do you have? sports Cool, we're just scares the shit out of me. What other hobbies do you have? Sports like being a sports fan mmm like playing sports playing sports love playing sports. What do you play? Well until you know my career. I was playing like adult flag football all over, LA They have like leagues all over the city. Yeah basketball as much as I can Baseball as much as I can you play you boxing. Do you guys do stuff on the road? Like, do you do it like,

Never have time. Parking lot, No. Unfortunately, no. We did, last year, we went to Bend, Oregon, the amphitheater they have out there. Yeah. It's one of my, it's my favorite town in the country. We did a, this was the first time all of my friends were gonna be together in like two years.

Yeah. All of my friends are like, I'm the two years. Yeah, all of my friends are like I'm the most athletic person in the group. Everybody thinks that about themselves, right? So this was like the time we finally had an opportunity to put that to the test. We played a flag football game It was like I think it was 4v4 Everybody got exposed one of my friends James who was like the friend who would talk the most shit about being the most athletic person Cuz he ran track in college Yeah

Stopped at halftime. We had a halftime to become a referee It was the most embarrassing thing anybody anybody in our friend group had experienced That's everybody got exposed and it was the best possible opportunity. Yeah, that's fun though. I like five times I was not even a big deal. I like I like five times. I was not even a big deal. I Like I like the like parking lot games that you can do with the best fun That was like my tour bus routine we get done with two shows a night. We're done at 1 a.m Yeah, go out in the parking lot toss a football around smoke some weed. That was like my nightly routine It's a fun. It's a fun routine. Love to just decompress. Yeah, so simple throw the ball to you throw it to me

Yeah, so simple. It's a fun. It's a fun routine love to just decompress. Yeah, so simple throw the ball to you throw it to me Yeah, so simple. It's a good time One thing we have to address here. Oh, sorry that Jack Carlson the succulent Chinese meal man died at age 82 This is the man who immortalized the phrase. This is democracy manifest This is like one of the most popular memes you may have seen Here it is. What? Gentlemen, this is democracy manifest. Have a look at the headlock here. See that chap over there? Get your hand off my penis!

This is the bloke who got me on the penis before. Get some cups. Why did you do this to me? Put them in the car. For what reason? What is the charge? Eating a meal? A succulent Chinese meal? Oh, that's a nice headlock, sir. Want a headlock, sir?

Right there. Ah, yes. I see that you know your judo well. This, uh, man, a legend. A total legend. I've never seen a more proper victim. I know, right? Also, these Aussie cops in this era, real gentle.

Yeah, real. No headlock. This is real different than LAPD. Yeah. And they're just like, I've never seen this before. I suggest you get in the car. I've never seen this before. Really?

How popular is this? This was pretty, I mean, it's gone through different eras, but we probably first went crazy with this clip more than ten years ago really yeah And then he you see since then resurgence is like like you know you won't see it and then all sudden It'll just explode. It's one of those things that like will come back. We got into succulent Chinese meal the succulent Chinese meal This is The succulent Chinese meal. This is democracy manifest.

That became a legendary line. That was sexy the way you rolled that R. It was, right? Yeah. Get your hand off my penis. And then get your hand off my penis. This great man has passed and we just wanted to say that we acknowledge how wonderful you were, sir.

How did he pass? Let's see. He spent the last few weeks of his life in the hospital battling many ailments, but what got him in the end was systemic inflammatory response syndrome. He died the day after his 82nd birthday. Let's see. Davis also learned that the most recent alias Carlson, who he believes was really Cecil George Edwards, I guess he had multiple aliases that he went by.

Was it, it was not, let's just say John, I don't know. There's a whole bunch of like, there's been all these different stories about this guy, who he was, like he was thought to be somebody, and then they were like, he's actually this like Hungarian chess player, and then they're like, he's not that guy,

he looks like that guy. It's all kind of a mystery but he's really he's mainly just famous for this clip we don't know then they were like you know what he became famous then when I heard the story that what this guy was famous for was dining I think this is Melbourne Australia dining at high-end restaurants and then leaving without paying the bill oh and that that was a thing that was going on and that that's what happened here But the story always feels like it's never quite Clear you know I mean like I always

Whenever we research this guy there was always like oh, here's the real story It's like yeah, they never really and they even in this this is like he just died They're like we think he was this guy. It's very strange. That's kinda awesome. Yeah, it is. You don't really know who it is, you know? Are you waiting to receive my limp penis? Yeah. Yeah. How is that not a ringtone option?

Not if you get a, some honey packet. You're gonna get a sponsorship. I hope so. Well, congratulations on the special, dude. That's fucking awesome. Another special is Lucid, Matt Rife Lucid. It's a crowd work special. It's streaming now on Netflix. Again, you can see Matt on tour.

You can get tickets at mattrifofficial.com. You're touring all over the world, right? Yeah, man. We're gonna do a new tour in 2025. Do a new arena tour? Big time. So excited, dude. That's fucking awesome.

Thanks, man. All right, we're gonna sign off with the song, Get Your Hands Off My Penis, the official remix, and we will see you. Thank you for coming in, and thank you for being here today, Christina. Get your hands off the enter. Why did you do this? Just to assure me that I got speed. Sit hand inside the car. I'm not assuring you anything.

Get your hands off my judo manifest. You Chinese Venus people! Oh, that's a nice headlock! Ah! I'm under arrest. Oh, I'm under arrest? What? It's a cops' mess. This is my Chinese kudo headlock.

This is my Chinese kudo chart. Oh! Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, I'm gonna go get some water. Thanks for watching!