Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - You're Not Ready w/ Matteo Lane | Your Mom's House Ep. 712

Episode Date: June 14, 2023

SPONSORS:-Go to https://Saatva.com/theshit to get $200 off ANY mattress of your choice.Go see Matteo Lane’s YouTube Special “Hair Plugs and Heart Ache.” Welcome back to the Mommy-Dome with Tom Segura and Christina P! We get an update on the basketball game between Enny and Ryan, Nadav teaches us about the dangers of haggling, we discuss deep dark secrets, and we review a nightmarish chiropractic scenario.Then we welcome our guest, Matte Lane! He tells us about his hair plug procedure, being stuck in Mexico and growing up Italian. Christina has some questions for Matteo about anal douching, if ED is cap, and if Robert Paul Champagne is his type! We analyze Mark Davis’s (owner of the Oakland Raiders) fashion choices, introduce Matteo to Leo, and finally, show him some of Christina’s insane TikTok curations.https://tomsegura.com/tourhttps://christinaponline.com/tour-dateshttps://store.ymhstudios.com/https://www.reddit.com/r/yourmomshousepodcast

This week on your mom's house. Would you rather fuck your sister hold on? He sounds like Squidward. He's like, well, he said he was playing and then all of a sudden there was just a waterfall of diarrhea How what's the path like for somebody to go that want to pursue opera? You know like how do you usually you say your gay and then it happened? Well, welcome. Welcome to your mom's house. So, Tva mattress company, my absolute favorite mattress. I sleep on one every night. I'm on the solar. It vibrates.

It lights up. It moves up. It moves down. It's really the best. We've also slipped on the lumen leaf and the luxury firm. We started buying these mattresses a decade ago when we were just broke as a joke, but wanted luxury and comfort and sought-foot delivers. And boys, you know, they do in-house setup.

It's so easy. They even take away your old mattress for a nominal fee, 90-day in-home trial, if you don't like it, send it right back, but I doubt that because they're just so comfortable, they're made right here in the U.S. of A, 100% organic cotton, and really in all around great product. Right now, go to sootfa.com slash the shit for $200 off your next Sootva purchase. Again, here we go, sOTVA.com slash the shit for $200 off your next SOTVA purchase. Oh!

Oh! That's when you're in a good mood. Yeah. You start that way. Yeah, that's true. Pain. Pain isn't a good mood. Ooh!

What else is it? You know I'm in a really good mood. If there's black people yelling. Hey, I was about to do this. Oh, sorry. That's in our private life, too, by the way. You'll watch clips of people fighting. Oh, it's me.

Yeah, that's how I know you're really in your zone. Yeah. When I wake up and I hear you, you're in the bathroom taking a shit and you're watching people fighting. But specifically black people yelling. Yeah. How do you know when I'm in a... I'm in a whole lot though with it.

How do you know when I'm in a good mood? What do you observe about me? You're right. Yeah, that one caught me off guard and I almost spit up my coffee. I know that when you're jamming, like when you have your certain music on, that you're having a good day, you're in a good mood.

Which music would that be? Like your gay shit that you like, like your golf gay shit, I hear like, sad shit. I'm like, oh, she's in a good mood. Yeah. Yeah. Usually it's like a about house day, I'm really in the zone.

We run an industry now. We run an industry now. Yeah. Are the curia? Yeah, I can hear it. And then sometimes I see you and you're like, oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I'm kind of dead inside a bit. I just think it's kind of cool. Yeah. Where is, I'm looking for a black drop here. Yeah, which one are you looking for, chief? I know where they're all at.

I'm looking for like, cause I ain't going out like that. I'm looking for a black drop. I'm looking for a black drop. That's gonna be in black men. Yeah. I'm looking for it though. You guys have to put this on the gram so people can see because it's genius how you've laid this out And then there's photographs of people too by cool guys. It's pretty amazing

You want me to send any out there? The furter graphs are what really get me. Oh, okay There you go That's what I hear in my head Oh, okay. Is that ain't going out like that? There you go. That's what I hear in my head. Yeah. For the, when I picture the basketball game

that I'm, any in Ryan, like I just, in my head, that's Annie's inner dialogue. Is it Annie? Do you think black thoughts like that? Sheldon black. Oh, bro, that's all I'm going to be saying. Like, listen, I tried to keep it quiet for your motherfucking match, because, you know,

we were trying to record and I wasn't trying to be loud and make it about me and what I'm saying to be saying. Like, listen, I tried to keep it quiet for your motherfucking match, because, you know, we were trying to record, and I wasn't trying to be loud and make it about me and all I'm saying, but this is my game, bro. I'm gonna be talking non-stop. Non-stop, shit. I can't wait. Now, do you prep phrases in your head or you're just gonna improv?

Dude, I just want to reel of any shit talking. Like, can we edit together? Oh, we will. Like, I'm like an album. I'm gonna be mic'd up, too. I'm gonna be on the sideline. You can talk some shit. I'm coaching them up call me. Oh

Damn yeah, I can't wait. Okay, so I still am confused Why why would you be coaching me though? Shouldn't you be coaching Ryan? You know what I'm saying? No because cuz Ryan's YMH studios. Sorry you yeah Yeah, yeah, but I'm also I don't know. I don't know. I make myself. Uh, shit. I don't know. I'm surprised. I feel like you want me to lose. It's what I'm saying. It's what I'm thinking. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Don't don't give me that face like you don't know. He I feel like look because I'm here to be out of you. I don't think you're crazy for that. It's not like a personal thing. I think I make myself, you know, I make myself a target

You know, I'm saying I know. Yeah, I make my people don't want me to win Cat reports starting right now With these motherfucking lies I said we already even discussed that I was your We already even discussed that I was your Coach that game and why would I want you to lose because I make myself but I didn't I have not been like I want you Like why would I want why would I want you to lose? I'm just saying I usually man I'll be talking so much shit. You know what I'm saying? I make it I make it like you but I like people wanting me to lose I don't want to do. Well that's very interesting.

I know what he's doing. It's like when I was doing stand up. And when people started to like it, I got very fucking weird. Cause I'm used to being in opposition. I want the fight. And when people aren't fighting you, you're like, wait, what's my, what am I, you guys like me?

It's such a fascinating psychological profile. I understand. I understand. And I get it. I'm a clown man. I've voted class clown and motherfucker know you. I'm a clown man. I've voted class clown and motherfuckers seventh grade. I ain't changed since. It's always been me, so it's like,

but that's what you do. You laugh at a clown, right? You wanna see a clown kinda, I don't know, get fucked up. So, but I mean, like, look, I celebrate your victories and the only thing that I find funny about like arm wrestling and shit is your blind confidence is funny. It is funny.

And sometimes you come through, Bert's kind of the same way, he's the same type of personality. He has crazy confidence on things. Sometimes he surprises you and you're like, God damn, that was impressive. And sometimes he falls flat on his face. They both elicit a reaction. Yes. I'm going to laugh when he falls, but I'm also gonna applaud when he perseveres

and comes through. So the same thing goes for you. I knew you were gonna lose arm wrestling, and it was funny. And you didn't lose, you know what I mean? Like it was like, he's like threw me to the ground. It was hilarious. It is hilarious because you were like,

I can't lose shit. So it's funny. You know, you don't get how that's funny. That's, you know, that's really nice. No, I, I, I, of course I get it. So, but I do it on, but yeah, it's intentional. But like, I don't, I don't see why you are like, why do you want, like, I think you want me to,

I don't want you to lose the basketball game. I want you to win the game. I, I guess what I'm trying to say is, that's not my intention. Like, I like people. I like people want me to lose, but I don't want you to win the game. I guess what I'm trying to say is that's not my intention. Like, I like people. I like people wanting me to lose, but I don't want to lose. I know it's very odd that you don't.

I know because I figure most people, here's why I don't want you to lose. You are the underdog. That's why I don't want you to lose. You are the underdog. Playing basketball is a skill set. And if you really haven't played the way you say you haven't played and he really has played the way he says he has played,

then the skill set is not one you can make up in a month. So he is just by the nature of how these things go, the more skilled player regardless of his age or health, he is more, he's shot a basketball thousands of more times in you. So he's by just, by default, he's the favorite player. So you are the underdog. And that's why I'm like, I wanna help in any way I can to, you know, for you to win, I want you to win. And you always bet on the underdog. Yeah, man, well, you don't have to bet on anything.

So you have a problem, and that's a whole other conversation. Why are you talking about bet? Are you even going to the stop? Yeah. You're going to the game. I got to get eyes on it. Okay. You're not taking any action with anyone at the office. No, I will not take anywhere else. Or I'll call your sponsor. I have your sponsor. I have Jake's number right here. I'll call him right now. Are you taking in with Jake like you're supposed to? Yeah, whenever there's a problem, but there hasn't been any problems in a while

except for like that relapse or two, but like other than like you know, to. Yeah, whenever there's a problem, but there hasn't been any problems in a while, except for like that relapse or two. But like other than, like, you know, the relapse or two? Yeah. I might have something to do with that. You're a fucking contributing to this? That's all it is.

Well, you know, we're just kindred spirits. There was, I mean, but like, I'm not doing the classical gambling anymore. What's not, okay, what's, what's non-classical gambling? Like I'm not doing cards or roulette. What are you doing? So Heather had a party, it was her birthday, and she has a dark backyard.

And she has a dark backyard. What the kind of story is this? Well, it's gonna come, it's gonna make sense. And then the bathroom was taken, and so then Zolo stumbles out into the back yard. He's like, oh, I'm gonna go piss in the backyard. And then- Heather loved, I'm sure.

And then I saw how dark the backyard was. I was like, ooh, what's the over under that he trips on the way back? And then Annie was just like, I got 20 bucks. What's the over under, and then did he trip? He didn't trip, so I love piloting. So, okay, so you're losing money. By the way, what's going on with Heather? I mean, she presents all sweet and she's like, Did he trip? He didn't trip, so I love pilot. So okay, so you're losing money.

By the way, what's going on with Heather? I mean, she presents all sweet and she's like, guys that can't get hard or gay, go piss in my backyard. I mean, what is going on with this woman? It's great because she does present as like a Holly hobby. Yeah. I crochet and knit on the weekends. And now she's like, hey, you guys are gay.

Yeah, yeah, it's great. I'm here for it, but Nidav, Nidav, that's punishment. Nope, nope, nope, nope. You get the G-Brush. Not only that, you also get the opening clip. Here you go. The fact that I won't say, hey, I'm gonna have to G-U down is not an ethnic slur.

That has nothing to do. I'm not referring, okay, I'm not referring to the Jewish community. Okay, I use that term As an adjective as a descriptive word of bargaining them down. We get the person. I said it to you. I think you Or anyone that's watching that knows that so yes, that is not an ethnic slurr perfectly loud You should be welcome to your mom's house. Oh no no no! Oh my god! I really look like my mom today. My mom, you down! You down! So I have a funny question asked you guys

Your red circle on that one well, yeah, it gets to a funnier place She's not looking at ice cream. Oh, yeah. I'm on my own. Mmm. So I have a funny question. I don't think she knows what funny means. Yeah. Oh, really silly question. She asks something else.

Very serious. So how do you feel about this as a Jewish man? You down. I mean, I would say he is using the term correctly. Well, you down is not an ethnic slur. It is. the Jewish man. I would say he is using the term correctly. Well, you down is not an ethnic slur. It is. I can't confirm it is.

No, no, no, no. Here's the thing. He's saying it, meaning I'm bargaining with you. Right. He was saying it as an adjective, but he wasn't. He was using it as a verb. It's a verb. It's a verb.

It's a verb. He's not a fucking English professor. Get him a break. Yeah. I mean, I say the same things just with the K word instead of the J Jesus close you say that yeah, that's not how the saying goes though. No, we go half We like oh because when a J tries to J another J. It's an HK. It's you have I'm sorry I know what?

Yeah, he taught me this when I first started working here repeat on port for word. Yeah, so tell me where's the gum museum So when a J tries to J another J, it's kind of like fractions and you have to, like they kind of cancel each other out like that. So you end up half f***ing jubbing. Can you give me a real world example of what you're talking about? Yeah, let's say I go into a B&H photo, which is run by J's. Okay. And I go, hey, excuse me, can I get this role of, of Kodak film?

And they go, yeah, that's, that's $15. And I go, oh, I mean, I, I only have $10 in my pocket. And he goes, oh, okay, for sure, it's $20. Oh, so because you tried to bargain? Yeah, that's, that's gonna be a huge mistake against another J. So now he raises the price? Right, so the canceling out actually intensifies and simplifies the fraction where it's like,

it's the purest form. This is wild, I don't know. I don't know, this one is so crazy. Yeah, well it's next level, not a lot of people know that. Was this, was this kind of what happened when we had the sound proof quote? Do you remember the always more sound proof quote? These were really good.

I was trying to prevent an HK from happening. Yeah, and I think I'll do it. For people that don't know, we had the last studio sound proofed, and I go, I told you that, I'm like, you're in charge, get this, like it quotes. So I show up later, I'm like, how to go, and he goes, I don't think so.

And I go, why? He goes, fucking, one of my tribe showed up. And I go, look, we just need it. And he goes, I don't, I think we should just hire whoever else we get. And I'm like, was the quote. And the quote was like, you know, like $13,000. It was a lot of money, but I was like, well,

I think we might have to spend that to do this correctly. So I was like, call him tomorrow and like tell him, like, let's lock this in. And he's like, are you sure? like tell him, like, let's lock this in. And he's like, are you sure? I'm like, yeah, we need to do this. So I'm like, did you call him? He goes, yeah. And he said, he said it was 16.

I got to tell you he said it was 13 yesterday. And he goes, yeah, I know with how this goes. So then I'm like, we'll call him back. He called him back and he goes, yeah, he said it's 20 now. No, because he said that, because he said. And then I just gave him back and I'm like, we'll call him back. He called him back and he goes, yeah, he said it's 20 now. No, because he had that, because he had a J. No, I just paid him back and I'm like, actually, it's fucking zero now. We'll go to someone else.

And then what do he do? Did he come down? He goes, no, please, I don't need, please, let me. Yeah, that was wild. Yeah, no, exactly. And it played out exactly how I told you it was going to. You drove up into the test. I will say this.

This is bad fucking news. You don't call it. But he would go up in price because you're a J as well. There's layers to it. Yeah, it's all meta, like there's quantum physics happening in here where it's just particles. If you're observing it, it's different. Like it's, there's all sorts of variables and they were all present when we try to get the quote.

This is getting so. Yeah, it's okay. It's okay. It's okay. You know, let's switch it to this. I think this might make you feel better. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So deepest darkest secret, like a secret you never told nobody, like what's your deepest darkest secret?

I fucked my sister. Your blood sister? What I think, my oldest is where she fucked me cuz I was jacking my dick and she saw me They went just a young lady David come on I gave him a present and we're both drunk Yeah Yo, I wasn't expecting that He just spit that on the street car. No, but he was yeah, it's like what you have for lunch today. He just told you that I fuck my sister. Jesus

Pretty wild which one of your sisters would you if you had to? Oh my God, all right. So you've got two. You have to choose. There's a god near kids head. Which one you're fucking? God fucking hey man. Where is this one I need?

What about, come on. I've got three step sisters, I'll tell you which one of them I eat their box. Just kidding, none of the above. It is definitely not the same, just so you know. No, of course not, steps are not on you. Yeah. Dude, he fucking said that, like no big deal.

And why would you even, like you say that on fucking tech talk, you animal? He doesn't know. He's like, oh someone has, someone's asking me a question. Yeah. This is a wild thing. This guy's thrilled to be having a conversation. I gotta get into this account.

Is this a talk account? I don't know. This is a brilliant idea, by the way. I'm gonna start asking strangers. I'm surprised the answer. Yeah. Well, you know what it really does? Can you, you know what, can I tell you something about deep dark secrets?

This is the truth, about deep dark secrets and human nature. Human beings want to share their deepest, darkest secrets. You know why? Why? Because it releases shame. Yeah, maybe.

Shame is when the secret is kept in. And by letting it out, Yeah. What's your deepest darkened sea? I'd fuck my sisters. Yeah. Yeah. Okay, question.

Real talk. Would you rather fuck your sister? Hold on. Yeah. Yeah. You're fucking running your sisters or fuck this guy. Definitely have a intense love affair with this man for years

Yeah, I do like his chest hair. I wonder if he bleaches it. I love about you guys Would you ever fucking moms or make love to this man? I have two sisters and a mother and I will be gay for that guy Yeah Yeah, there's nothing worse than family fucking I can't even would you rather fuck your dad never will be gay for that guy. Yeah. Yeah, there's nothing worse than family fucking. Ugh. I can't even imagine that. Would you rather fuck your dad? Never.

I would rather die. I would rather die. That would rather die. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's so gnarly. I mean, there's a reason that messes you up, you know?

Of course. If you do it as a kid. It's for them. He's fine. He's fucking right. I mean, he's like chris off. So I'm out today. He's fun. He's fucking right. I mean, he's like, shes off. So I'm out today, feels good. He didn't go like this either.

He's just like, what's that? Yeah, fuck my sister. Like, he was playing again. Let's see it. It's like, yeah, you get a holly for lunch. It's like, yeah. What do you want to know? So deep is darkest secret.

Like the secret I love a total nobody. Oh, by what's your deepest? I can see great. I put my sister just your blood sister what I think I'm older so it's where she fuck me Because I was jacking my dick and she saw me damage and you're gonna be David come on I give him a real bull drop Yeah Now let's replay the story the lady of the funny thing that, you know that that lady recording is like right now. Like,

ha. You just like hear it. It's like, she's off camera and she's like total. Because his face changes too. He's like, I fucked my sister. And then she's probably like, and he's like, oh, is that a weird story? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! So, great. So, hold on, let's walk through it. He was jacking his D. Yeah.

His sister came in and was like, you don't need to do that. I'll give it to you. And they were both drunk. Yeah. And that's a good sign. I really wish he would have said age. What age this happened then, you know?

But it feels recently. That's been amazing. She's like, how old were you? He was like, well, let's see. 63, I guess I was 62. Doesn't matter. We're almost dead. God. That is fucking unreal. You know, the best clips always do stick with me, Tom. He's my son. Yeah. And I'm your mom. Fuck, dude. That is gnarly.

Fuck, dude. Yeah. That is gnarly. Um. Okay. So thanks for sharing. That was cool. Could you play with what we were talking about? I can't wait.

I've been waiting for this. I'm so pumped. This is pretty wild. Yeah. Okay. Oh, here we go. What? I remember this.

This is what Caitlin Jensen looks like before visiting a chiropractor, and this is what she looks like now. The 29-year-old woman made an appointment for the chiropractor for a routine neck adjustment, but instead when he abruptly snapped her neck, it ruptured four arteries. This caused her to have several strokes and to go into cardiac arrest. In fact, she lost her pulse for a full 10 minutes. She spent weeks in the ICU and now she can no longer walk or talk. She gets her food through a tube and her stomach and

uses a letterboard to communicate. Caitlyn said the chiropractic appointment was going normal, but then she heard this crunching sound. And that's when something that was supposed to help her went wrong. I personally find chiropractor so sketchy. I have a friend who's a fitness instructor who swears by them, but I personally feel like all of those rapid motions could really hurt you as seen in Kalen's story. There's like a whole internet rabbit hole that you can go down where chiropractors are just like snake oil cells men, and a lot of the relief you feel could be the placebo effect. You hear the cracking sound and they say that it's better and then you just believe them. But before you go down that rabbit hole, make sure to follow

my account if you've got this story. So thanks. Thanks a lot for that helpful ending. So what, you know, the funny thing is, I mean, sad that this happened. I do think it's fucking crazy. Because we've all seen, I was into watching chiropractic videos and I found it soothing, right? That to see them like prep the body and then do the adjustment. And, but I have always been like, holy shit,

especially when they do spinal and next stuff especially. Oh my God. When you see a neck adjustment, you're like, how do you do that without hurting the person? And obviously, you know, there's different levels of training, and I'm sure there's people who are really proficient at what they do in that field, but it still is kind of alarming.

So, Nadav and I actually went to a chiropractor together one time for a YMH-5. Right, my chiropractor, who I trust, yeah. I trust, yeah. And then I saved this video. Yeah, because for people that don't know at home, me, Tom, and Zolo have a group text where Tom just sends us videos of people dying

that are not meant for the show because he can't show that on the show. And then we try and send stuff back to, I'm not gonna say the type of stuff that I send. But then out of people dying, Tom Oliver Sun sends this chiropractor video that doesn't really fall in line with anything else that you sent. I'm like,

What is this stuff I normally send? People dying. Like hit by trains. Hit by trains. Arms flying off. Huge car accidents, machine accidents. It's cool to get from your boss. I think this is the only company that that's totally fine.

And for the most part of us, when we last, people and I start laughing and saying, oh my God, when I get them, and they're like, what? I'm like, who, show me, let me show you what my boss just said. And then it just kind of changes the tone of the night. It's very upsetting. It's very upsetting. Those videos get passed on to the rest of the office too. Oh, they do show that.

Yeah. I mean, you show my ass. I mean, any loves them, but Chad really ruins his day, but it's awful. And this is the first one that you said in a while that's in a completely different lane. And I'm like, you know what? Bradson out. Tom, Tom, because Tom just likes,

he's not setting these because they're cool. He's setting them because he knows that they upset us. Yeah. And so then I saw this car practice where I'm like, Oh, cool. Tom is now specifically trying to upset me because he knows that I get car practically adjusted like every couple months. Yeah. And so I write, why would you send this to me?

And you go, well, don't you get adjusted? I go, yeah, I go, wouldn't it be crazy if this happened to you? I go, why, I go, wouldn't it be crazy if this happened to you? I go, why would you say it's like, no, just because it could happen at any moment. Like you don't know when all of your neck veins are going to rip. It's true. It's true. That is true though. You could have a bad day.

You could be hung over your car. It's not a cool thought for you, but it is a true. Fuck that. I'm never going to cry. No, you do the shit all the time, man. Like I remember we were on a plane one time. We were on a plane one time. And like, I was nervous on takeoff and you just saw me gripping the chairs. Yeah. And then on the way back, you just started sending me planes exploding on takeoff. So this is just a thing

that you like to do to me specifically. That's not untrue. I, yeah. Yeah. I got the receipts. And so then when I asked you, like why would you say that you're like, oh, it would be so funny if that happened to you. And I asked you, if this did happen to me, and I was in a wheelchair and couldn't talk, would you guys still keep me on staff? And what did I say?

Well, first you were quiet for about an hour. So I was like, an hour? Something like that. I was like, I think I got the answer for this. No, it wasn't an hour. Okay, let's call it 30 minutes. I think it was, I actually think if you look, it was less than that.

I really do. I'll pull it up. Pull it up. Okay, there'll be a time stamp. We really put money on it. No, any time for a job. I'll take that action. Okay, no.

Yeah, what's the action? Let's follow it. I think it was was less than 15 minutes that I responded to. So if it was under 15, what are we talking? Whatever, man. 100 bucks. All right. You taking that action? Yeah, okay.

100 bucks. Okay. So you send that video, I say, so cool. So cool for sharing. You say, so cool, so cool for sharing. You say, be crazy if that happened to you. And I go, why would you say that that's so mean? And you go, because it would be crazy, no? I thought you went regularly.

And I go, I go every couple of months when it gets tweaked. When you guys keep me on staff out of sympathy. Isn't that timestamped? It's timestamped. Yeah. I sent that at 1203 and you responded at 1203. Oh, you got it. Okay.

100%. And you go for sure, also funny to see that every day good for morale. And then I wrote very cool of you and then you sent a video instead of a text. I don't know. I think I remember this. And we'll blow this up. But I remember you doing this. I just want everyone to notice how when you're verbally saying how paralyzed I'd be, you

can't help but smile or laugh. So let's go ahead and press play. Yeah like if you were an experienced guy you're like, you're like, you're a boss and you just fall out and then you just look at it screen and it's both for you. I think people would be like, this is good for the team. Yeah, you were looking at me when you were recording. I was like, that's cool, Tom. That's the happiest I've seen you in a long time. Can I tell you something? That's the happiest I was in two weeks when I was sent out.

Even when I visited you, when I showed up a lot. You were right there, but this was actually the moment that really, you know what, Christina, I think we're both upset at that time. Yeah, I mean. You can see how joyful I am. Sure I am. Look at the smile. Full all the teeth showing, which is rare.

You know what I noticed you've been doing to an adopt too? What? Is every time you fart, you make eye contact with him, it's so funny. And wink. Yeah. You turned away when I winked at you today. Right, you looked down. But then the fart got to me.

I was like, oh yeah, he did it. Yeah. He did it. So cool, man. I cherish our relationship, Tom. It's been such a magical six or seven years working with you guys. And it just constantly.

Yeah. I hope you don't get paralyzed. I don't want you, I don't want that to happen to you. But if it did, it'd be cool. Oh. Oh. Oh. Trying so hard over here to not get my feelings hurt.

You know I care, man. I know you care. I know you care. But you know, it's still, it's, I know you care, but you know, it's still, it's, I know you care, but when you see a smile like this. You know. Describing how funny it would be if I was paralyzed. It's just like, you're stepping over the most important part.

We keep you on the staff. That's true. On a paycheck, it's great. And I probably have to build a ramp for you to come in and out. I'm paying for a caregiver, because I don't think I'd be able to drive cars Handicap toilet There'd be a lot of costs that would keep like that would be associated with keeping you and I would pay them just so I could see that The dog, just you know, this is how he shows his love. Honestly, like, he says awful things to me too, and that's how I know he cares.

No, I know, like I figure it through the group chat every time he sent me someone's arm coming off and like, oh, he likes me. That is true. I don't send that to people I don't like. No. Well, Christina, just make sure that people still talk to me and I interact socially if I do end up in the wheelchair and I'm muting deaf or whatever the fuck happens to me

when he snaps my neck. Well, buddy, we'll take care of you. Would he still be our boss? Who? No, not us. No, he's a vegetable. Well, the surrogate of my caretaker would relay the things that I'd type into the machine, right?

Or I'd just become the mascot. Yeah, I kind of look mascot. He's a mascot. Just like a morale boost, I think. Yeah. We could throw Bolognese at him. Yeah, yeah, we could throw. Throw Bologna's out.

That would be, they'd be pranks. They'd be pranks a lot. Yeah, because you can't move. It would be kind of fun. Yeah. We could hang ornaments on him for the Christmas tree instead of a tree we get in a dog. Yeah. Something like that. A mobile Christmas tree is of a tree we get in a dog. Something like that.

A mobile Christmas tree is what I would turn into and then get put in storage for nine months out of the year. We just like, I don't know, like throw a bowl of chili on your lap. You can't feel it in the car. Yeah, I'll be funny just to see it like, oh do you feel this? No. There's a word for this. Yeah.

Hey, whatever happened by the way, speaking of everything, whatever happened to the J-mobile. Oh yeah. Who have you talked about? Yeah, I mean, it's, I still have it. You have it?

Yeah. You've insulted it? No, every time I'm about to, like some comes up, you know, it's like, oh, we got fucking, you know, three weeks of crazy production. I'll just wait till like that, that ends. And, but I think I am going to start making moves and because I mean, the thing's not-

Is it all jade up still? Yeah. It's still very all jade up. It's just been sitting in my parking garage and, you know what, guys, I think I'm making the announcement here. Your boy is selling the J-Mobile. Wow. I'm selling the J-Mobile.

I'm gonna put together some sort of auction. Yeah, and if you guys are cool, like we'll, whatever you can do it on, bring a trailer. On, bring a trailer? Yeah, it's a website where people auction cars. Okay, yeah, we'll partner up with whoever wants to do it. It's, you know, I'll let some J 10% in it

and we'll figure it out. Okay, look at the website. See if you can figure it out. I'm sure they'd be like, ah, might it be funny? Right, because remember the J-Mobile is the thing that we tried doing like six years ago and the guys that we had modding it, they're like, oh, we're not doing this. Yeah.

So I wonder if auction houses will be the same way. I know. No, it's Texas. Fuck. Fuck. You can say Joey down. Can I do my day? Julie, hurry up. Let's go. We bring him out. Guys, Winnipeg, Toronto, I'm coming September 7th and 8th. Comedy Works, Denver, September 14th for 16th. That's gonna be good. like titties poo-tah in October.

Tickets at Cassinope online.com. Also, buy my lipstick if you haven't already. It's pretty bad. I love you. We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back. We are supported by hostage tape. Hostage tape is the strongest comfortable mouth

tape on the planet designed for strong jaws and works well with facial hair. It is made to reduce or even eliminate snoring caused by mouth breathing. Some people may think it's dangerous that they won't wake up or that their stuffy nose will kill them. It won't wear still alive. And I know this because my husband had me start using hostage tape and I had all those fears and I have to tell you I actually sleep better at night. And I had all those fears and I have to tell you, I actually sleep better at night. And it's been fantastic, it's saved our marriage. Hostage tape increases oxygen uptake,

giving you more energy because of nasal breathing. Increased nitric oxide production helps reduce inflammation and boost the immune system. It can also reduce bad breath, tooth decay, and dry mouth. Stop sleeping in the separate bedrooms and save your relationship. That's what I'm saying. Head to hostage tape.com slash mom for the OnePlus 1 equals 3 special offer.

That's by 2, get a third free at hostage tape.com slash mom for life changing sleep and a 100% money back guarantee, getting 90 day supply of hostage tape, which equals just 55 cents a day at hostage tape.com slash mom. We are joined now by our guest. You can see his new YouTube special hair plugs and heartache. Give it up from Mateo, the body lane everybody. Thanks. Thanks a lot, man.

I'm stealing that title from Heidi Klum. Thank you guys. That is my goal. Congrats on the special, where you shoot it? I shot at the comedy seller. Oh, great. That's great. Are they recording a lot there? They are. They're doing lots of specials there. That's awesome.

That's one of the great clubs in America, man. Yeah, it's like my home. I look like across the street. Do you really? I wanted to call it originally my... I wanted to call the special Netflix said no. But everyone shot that down. Who shot it down? Who shot it down? Who shot to call this special Netflix had no but everyone shot that down. So I don't think it's so

fine. That to me that is funny. I also want to write a book called I am not a chef and then in print this is I'm also not an author a cookbook but yeah I know I wanted to call that's a bit I do too. I know. That's okay. Can I I think actually your audience might be bigger on YouTube because I don't know, it seems to be more accessible. You don't need a subscription to watch YouTube. Yeah, to me it's like the way it's moving in that direction. And I had a long talk with Shultz about it who's like changed my career.

I love you Andrew Shultz. But he just said it's more visibility and right now that's where people I'm doing theaters and people are very Shareable to that's good. Yeah, is that it's um, you know, nobody goes like how do I get everybody knows what it is Right, and it's very easy to go to send a link to someone watch this. That's very easy to do all you need to do with YouTube is have Have the material be there be strong and also don't forget to Not just have the hour special up, but chop that up because people consume two and three minute clips, like just so much,

that that's how a lot of people go, what is this? They'll, they'll, they'll, a lot of some people will see an hour ago, I'm not watching this, right? But they start watching the clips and then they go, oh, okay, I'll watch this. Yeah, the goal we're gonna shop it up. Your hair looks amazing. Yes. I mean, I paid a lot of money for it. It should look amazing.

First of all, tell us the whole story because hair plugs are a conversation we've been having here quite a bit. Not just, I mean, I've kind of, I don't know, I have this thing where my head shape is like, it's, it's like, it's like a to head shape. I've kind of been like, and even when I had hair, I always had like buzz cuts.

I just, I don't think I'm going to make the change. Yeah. But one of our guys here really wants to get hairplugged. Which one? The one with a hat on. Can I see your hairline? Okay. Well, you have a great shaped head.

No, I look like the alien from Mars attacks when I shake my head. I just, yeah. He's thinking about it. He's thinking about it. I think if you're thinking about it, you should just do it. I mean, the whole reason I did it is because I don't wanna think about it anymore.

He was like trying to like make the sculpture on my head just to like leave the house, and then if it rains, I'm like like I don't leave today just flowing up. What's the procedure like? Cause that's what I've never you know. Well, I mean, most people are supposed to stay awake, but I have no drug tolerance because I don't do drugs. So they gave me two valium and an ambien and it was perfect.

I know. I think they were like, he's a New York gay. We better. Yeah. But you know, 10 hours I was asleep and I even thought about it. I was like, they must have had a lunch break or something like 10 hours 10 hours Yes, long time. I didn't wake up once and in that in the 10 hours are taking like pair follicles. They take that so I'm not I had to watch it on YouTube because I don't remember my own surgery, but I

Whatever Michael Jackson did like propeth all or whatever. Yeah, propeth all, yeah. Great. But they say that by the way, I love anesthesia so much. Oh, it's, it's like a fun game. Like, can I count down and it's all right? But they take the hair from all around your head. I got the FUE. So FUE is not where they like cut the strip on the back of your head.

And then so they take all that out and then they put it in like this water of, I don't know, some kind of kind keeps it alive and then they draw dots on your forehead and then they literally like like a plant They just planted in it follicle by follicle. Wow. That's why that's why it's so long the tedious work of and then do you when you become alert And then let's say whatever wears off, are you in great pain? No, that's interesting, because a lot of people ask that question, are you in pain? It's not painful, but it is very delicate.

That is what I will say. It's like there's a whole, I mean, they give you a very strict list of things you have to do. I mean, I had to sleep at a 45 degree angle for the first three nights, you're on steroids, you're on antibiotics, you're on antibiotics. You can't touch your graphs.

You know, you have to shower in an epsom salt bath twice a day. And you can't wash the top of your head. You have to just massage the donor area, which after like the third day starts to feel really good. You're like, oh my god. And then to wash your hair, you have to fill a thing with soap and then just pour that and let it air dry. You still?

No, not now. I mean, there's just 10 days. 10 days, then you're good. Yes, all the graphs that they put in fallout. And then you just go back to look in like how you did before the surgery. And then like a chia pet, it starts growing in like, ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch- I'm in bed with a man and he tries touching my hair before. Like, yeah, you know, but now I feel, I literally float, this is what joke I use in my special, but I've only floated above a pool, never like as a gay alligator. I never went under, that's it.

So, you know, it was, this sounds so stupid, but like I went to Miami in January, when my hair is already coming in, and I put my head under, went like that and didn't have to think about it. And I was like, you know what, I've worked hard, I've been doing stand up for 13 years, I've worked hard enough, I finally started making money

a year ago, this is something I've been thinking about. I wanna do it and I'm very happy that I did it. I love that, it looks great, man. It looks great. It does look great. I know. It's a mate like I would never have known. But I tell everyone, my friend Trana Winters

was a great comic among tree-all, she was like, why are you telling people? I was like, I can't not. Yeah. And I also think it's not like a personal personality thing of yours. I think it's ingrained in like comedians. Yes.

That like if you do something like that, you go like, I'm just telling people. Yeah. And then it just, I don't know, it like, it takes away that whole like is someone gonna say something, are they gonna know my secret? You just kinda let it out. Yeah.

And I think most men, I get a lot of messages from people like, oh my god, where'd you get the surgery or I've been thinking about it? Like maybe, cause it's kind of like an unspoken thing for men. Yeah. Well, I never understood the shame behind

telling people your age or that you've had work done or I'm very like I do Botox and filler and if you want the doctor, here's the name. It's not like people can't tell. Yeah. Right? Well, it's like I think people associate Botox with like the real housewives who get so much that they're like that.

And so they that's where the bad connotation comes with Botox. But in reality I'm like, I'm just doing it so I don't look tired when I'm on stage. Yeah, I should probably get it. Look at my lower blephs. You left her a mess, Tom. A bluff. Left, these are your blephs.

Lover or a plastic, you need to get that done. And I want it. It's when you do, so I want to do my upper blephs, get my eyelids done, like SNIP SNIP. It's like a lunchtime procedure I heard. And then he's got these lower bags that are just terrible and they can get these blephs done. It will be out for like a month, but I think it's worth it.

You're gonna come back with me like Joan Rivers. It's just gorgeous. Oh, yeah. It's a girl's room. Big lips that I have. Mm. So. But I do think yeah, like just pull it up, pull.

Like cut that. So the skin is like, thank you. Just do a little. Mateo, you were just in Mexico? I was, I was there for, well I was supposed to be there for three days. I was doing a show in San Antonio last Friday.

And then I was like, okay, I'm going, coming to Austin. So I just started seeing this guy who lives in Mexico City. He came to New York, we fell in love. And then I, and I don't fall in love easily, but even when he was coming, because we've been talking for so long, like on Instagram and then FaceTime and stuff, I was like, I'm not.

Is he a fan? No, he didn't even know who I was. That's great. Which is also great. No, how long have you been together? Because in gay time, it moves very fast. Well, we're moving, we're like lesbians right now. Like we're in that stage.

You're moving, you're gonna move in? No, but I mean, I'm not that much of a lesbian, but this is the most lesbian I've been. Wait, is lesbian the move slower? Oh, fast. I don't know, I'm asking. You ever heard the joke, like, what is a lesbian bring on a second date?

What? A u-haw? Really? What does a gay bring on a second date? What second date? Stupid is jokinghall. Really? What does a gay bring on a second date? What second date? I'm stupid as joke in the book. That's great. But I really like him.

I'm really, like, I'm very, it takes a bit of a long time for me to get comfortable with someone. I was immediately comfortable. So I was like, I have three days. I'm gonna go, I'll just come visit you. So I got tickets. But then, volcano went off in Mexico City.

So my flight was delayed seven hours. And then we finally got to break up. Oh, I was, I was so, I mean, I'll walk to Mexico. So then we get on the plane and then they go, it's canceled. So then I had to come back the next day. So I had 24 hours in Mexico with him. And I will say Mexicans, everyone was Mexican in the gate. We're so calm.

I was blown away. If that happened in Italy, do you understand that that airport would burn to the ground? They Italians fight about everything. And you are part Italian and part Mexican? Yeah, and my dad's Irish, so I'm a mess. I'm the trifect of Catholicism.

Yeah, that is, that's a lot of Catholic. Yeah. Yeah. So how was the trip down there. That's a lot of Catholic. Yeah. Yeah. So how was the trip down there? It's an exquisite city wild. I loved it. I loved it.

I love it too. I thought it was a cool city. I mean, I didn't realize what an epic city was right there. Yeah, you know, it's strange because like, I guess I didn't know what to expect architecturally or vibe wise. And it just felt so like, it kind of reminded me of Sicily a little bit. Like, yeah, in the way of how people move and talk and food is really good and everything feels,

I don't know, I had such a good time. We had really, really good food. Of course, Mexican food is good. Did you get diarrhea? No, and I said to everyone, I'm, everyone told me not to drink the water. So I just drank bottled water, but I was fine. That's fine, that's good.

I always get diarrhea, even if we stayed in nice resort. Really? Every time. Maybe it's nerves. Maybe I'm so pumped to be there, I'm so nervous. But I sort of avoided like fruits and stuff. I don't know. Yeah, that died everything.

Seafood sometimes depends. We'll see if I can monologic to see. Oh, there you go. Yeah. So I had octopus once in Spain and then had to go to the hospital. And then I had, it was like purple rash all over my body for a month. I looked like a Dalmatian was horrible.

So where did you grow up? Chicago. In Chicago. In Arlington Heights for everyone listening. Yes, but then I moved to this city when I was like 16, 17. 16, that's pretty nice. My friends Sofia and Ana East got a house. So I just started living with them part time in the city and then with my mom, like on the weekends when I was like 16, 17. 16, that's pretty nice. Yeah, because my friends with me and Ani East got a house, so I just started living with them part time in the city,

and then with my mom, like on the weekends, when I had to work. And was Italian spoken at home? No, because my dad's not Italian, my dad, you know, I think he was blown away by my mother's family, because I grew up on the same block as my first like 20 cousins. But no, I learned Italian going back to Sicily

to stay with my family for like the summer. No shit. Yeah, that's great. I was 15, you just go and then no one speaks English so you just come back and you're like, well, now I speak fluent Italian. That's awesome. Yeah, and I go back like four times a year, I love Italy.

That's how often you go back. Yeah, yeah, and as always, Sicily. No, but I usually go to Rome, because I have a bunch of comedian friends in Rome who are Italian comics. Francesco Ricarlo, Edaniele Gattano, Esalverio, and great comics, look them up, and they also are great dishes to eat. But, yeah, I go back.

I'm going back for two weeks this summer, and I'm going to like film stuff, and, you know. That's awesome. Yeah. I love Italian culture, food, language, all of it. It's very similar to Latin culture. It is, yeah. It's similar.

Yeah. I mean, they're, you know, they're a warm people too. I like them. They're dramatic. Yeah. Dramatic is true. They're very extreme, I think. But they're great.

Yeah, they're very warm people. But they loved, I mean, the mean, I was in Naples, I don't know if you guys have been Naples. Naples, Naples. And they're like, I've never seen a city like this. It was the most insane, I came and described it. At one point we're in our cab, the cab driver only speaks naples, which I can't speak.

I only speak Italian. The dialects are wild. Yeah, there's 34 languages in Italy. Oh my god. And I kept saying them like, Ti prego, che non posso parlare in a volidano, che se devo parlare,

parliamo in italiano, ti prego. E cucia la data, tricucia, a data. Anyway, so he stops in the middle of the street. There's traffic everywhere. In the middle of the street, rolls out as well,

just to fight with another cab driver. Si vuolala, che si vuolala, and I'm like, we're going to die. It was, well, I mean, Italians are wild. Naples is great. I had a blast.

That's fucking awesome. I want to go. See, I told you, I want to go. I've never been to Italy. You can leave it. What? I know I'm just such an Eastern European. You're going four times a year.

Oh, that's so cool. Jesus. I love it. When do you have the next time off? You should go to Italy. I know. We'll go to Italy. I really want to see the Aurora Borealis. So I think I might go to I know it's a random

but it's so like Gothen dark and I'm I want to change my life and stop there. Yeah, I'm not going to stop in Italy. Yeah, I would love that. Now more importantly, I just saw a TV show today about anal douching. I'm the expert. Amazing. So so go. Yeah, you're the expert at anal douching. You can, I'm the expert. Amazing. So it's so good. Do you? You're the expert at anal douching. When do you do it before every session?

You try to. I mean, you want to clean house. Yeah, are you ever afraid that you'll poop on somebody? No, but I mean, if it happens, like, I mean, you're playing in the fucking, yeah, you're in the poop box. So no one's like, shitting on someone. I mean, it might be like a streak or two,

but it's not like full blown. Well, that's not true, my friend, Nick. Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha. I could call my friend Nick right now, he could tell you this story. He sounds like Squidward. He's like, well, he said he was playing, and then all of a sudden there was just a waterfall

of diarrhea on me, and I thought we should probably stop. So, there are times it happens, but not me. I eat a pretty strict diet and- Yeah, here in the fiber. That's what it's a TV show, sex education and they were talking about it. They take the fun out of everything. I mean, I've dushed to watching video game news. I mean, I'm having a good time.

You're a pro at this point. Yeah, you can do it in five minutes. You can get, you can say, how long? I mean, it depends. But I mean, usually, but it's, you know, it's kind of like, I wish you could see the face you make. Like the lack of enthusiasm I have in my face when I'm just lying on the bath of oil.

You squeeze a little bit of water up your ass. You room temperature usually. A little temperature, just a little bit. I have like a douche, I bought your ass. You room temperature usually. A little temperature. Just a little bit. I have like a douche, I bought off Amazon. Amazon really supports the gaze. And then you just a little bit, you wait two seconds and then you sit in the toilet

and you just do that until it comes out clean. And then, you know, you need to wash your ass. And then how long are you good for? It's a great day. I mean, it just depends, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Does it hurt to hold in the water? I mean, it's like a second. No, mean, it just depends, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Does it hurt to hold in the water?

I mean, it's like a second. No, you don't really, you don't feel it. I mean, you know, it's not like gallons. It's like, you know, that, you know, that much. Oh, it's not even that much water in here. Well, you're not supposed to do a lot because too much, like you just want to clean out the colon like that area.

This is, I hope no one's eating breakfast. Oh, no, we're not good at it. They hurt me. Yeah, we love brown talk, yeah. Yeah, no. It's okay. They've heard me say that. Yeah, we love brown talk. Yeah. So, you know, that's pretty much the process. And then you do feel more confident, you know, because I usually bottom.

So it's like, I feel more confident. Sure. I would do it too. Yeah, if I bottomed. Yeah. You don't want to shut off all the time. You know, what if I did it? And what if you do what? Clean myself out. Maybe I could bottom in a clean way. I'll do it, you want a peg?

I didn't say peg, but you know. What do you want then? I mean, you could have a meal down there, you know? He wants me to lick his scrum, and I'm terrified of licking his dirty butt hole. Just like hire like a firehouse to come wash it out. Yeah, I mean, I feel straight guys aren't giving the attention to their assholes, the ways that gays are.

Okay, excuse me, excuse me though, excuse me, excuse me. I have a washlet, a total washlet at the house. It's just so like any time I go to the bathroom, I get spray cleaned with warm water, high pressure. So you have these cleaned down there. I have wipes. We mean, no, why are you shaking your head? No, you know it's true.

Because I'm guessing Mateo also has a fairly hairless anus. I'm just rejecting it. Not a lot of hair or no. Okay, so I have some hair. I can go clean it. I've had it waxed before. I can wax my ass. I mean, that gets a lot.

You just trim it. Just use like man's cape. Okay. Yeah. The responseer. So if I did that, what's the neck complaint? You're always gonna have a new complaint. What's the next complaint? I would say for you, like a hazard suit.

Yeah. Like a, like a mat, you know. Well, I'm afraid of licking poopy. That's the thing is, like, I'm not gonna have poop down there, dude. Yeah, but it's gonna be smelly like poopy, man. No, it's not. No, no, no, no. If you wash it real clean, you're terrible.

Yeah, I'm gonna wash myself. It's good to go. But I hear his dumps and they're terrible. Like he's terrible. And it's so hot down there and sweaty all the time. It's really hot. Do you really want to get your ass eaten? Yes, dude.

Oh, okay. Yeah, you should. It's fun. I can only imagine. Do I do the baby where I put his legs up or do I let him sit on my face? I'm afraid of both. I mean, yeah, I don't know how that works with straight couples. I guess whatever makes you guys feel the most confident.

Well, I guess that is a good question. What position would you be in? I don't care. Maybe on your back because it is just the easiest. Sure. After all the hard work you've done cleaning your ass. You like how I wanna lay down. Real enthusiastic face is gonna make it,

she's like, moving along, ED. Oh yeah, so this is something that we're so excited to tell you. This literally happened last week. Okay. We have the great guy who's considering the hair transplant.

Yes. He reports to us on what is cap, you know, what is bullshit, We have the great guy who's considering the hair transplant. He reports to us on what is cap, you know, what is bullshit, what people are lying about. He has a lot of theories, interesting ideas. And one of the things that he brought up is that ED erect how dysfunction is cap. Is not real. Is not real.

Hold on, oh it gets better. The women here, Christina, Heather, both were like, we agree. And so I was like, you know, I go, excuse me, I don't have the problem. Like I'm fortunate in that I don't suffer from this, but I go, I know that this is an issue. The people can either suffer physically, can lead to it mentally. They go, no, no, no. If you have ED, it's just because you're gay. It's your gay.

If you're a straight man with ED, it's because you're secretly gay. And then I go, what if you're gay? They're like, you're probably straight. What? This is your logic. This is the only one here. You thought about this enough that you felt comfortable

presenting this to people, not once run it by a close friend and say, do I sound crazy? I mean, that was just gonna talk about it a lunch. I'm like, I'm not bringing this one to the show. Well, I'm very proud of you for the luck of all of all. We were lucky that Stavros was here. And he was like, he goes, I suffer from that, not like so, and he was like he goes I suffer But he also said he's not against a guy maybe upping him out

But he's never tried being gay. Yes proving he has him and I have a series of naked photos together Have you ever seen our photos? Yeah, I'm a huge fan of his former Instagram account the original once javvy baby Yeah, we did every photo to get one time We did a Thanksgiving one, just naked. And he literally cooked a turkey for two hours. Like, have a hold, you could have just bought it. You got to cook the whole turkey,

and then we get completely naked. Those are some good photos. Yeah. So I helped several. Can you tell these ladies though that, I mean. Have you ever suffered with a man that has ED, a gay man? Once, a guy that I have sex with, he's a friend of mine, but like an actual fuck buddy,

like the buddy part, it's not like they come over and you're like, get out, you know, he's a great guy. And you guys have sex regularly? Well, not anymore, he lives in Chicago, but like every blue moon I go to Chicago and be like, hey girl. And, man, they had the best life. But yeah, last time he was like, he's like, I'm a little embarrassed.

He's like, I can't get it hard right now. And I was like, that's like, that's honestly, I was tired. And I was like, that's fine. Oh, this is so- Sorry, your theory at the time wasn't like, oh, you're probably straight, man. He's definitely not straight. Hold on. I don't know.

So try to convince them. The things that he's done, done, spoken things he's done to me. If he's straight, then,. I don't know. So try to convince them. The things that he's done, done spoken things he's done to me. If he's straight, then he's a good actor. But but but your honor, what erectile dysfunction is repetitive inability to get hard. You're just saying it happened one time. That's a big up. That can happen with straight guys who don't know their gay. But sometimes I would say it is there is a lot of pressure sometimes when you have to like, you know, I don't know their gay. But sometimes it, there is a lot of pressure sometimes when you have to, like, you know, I don't know how tops do it. If I was gonna top it up to act like Gaston

from Beauty and the Beast, I don't have that kind of, you know, but, I don't say like the times that I have tops, which I do enjoy topping, but it is very funny to imagine me doing it. You know, I get like, why is it funny to imagine you doing that? I don't know. I just don't have that kind of

Hutzpah. I don't have the same kind of like trick. Oh, okay. So it's a total of different personality. Yeah, but I think when I'm really comfortable with somebody, then it becomes easier for me, but like generally speaking, like I don't know it for bottoming.

Okay. Yeah. All right. I am a bottom. Yeah. It's fun. Quick question. Quick question for you. So no. I'm sorry. No, go ahead. What was the question? You're gonna ask a quick question. I feel like it's not gonna be a quick answer. I was just gonna say before you came out as gay, right? Or was it just always you never were uncomfortable with it?

It was just as you knew you knew. I wasn't like a four year old marching in the Pride parade. You know what I mean? Like it was, there was a lot of drama. So did you, did you try having sex with women first? No, I never had sex with a woman. The last girlfriend I had, her name was Francesca. She's married now with a people.

And she, and we worked at Michaels together. So, I love Michaels. They're your sign.ca, she's married now with a people and she and we worked at Michaels together so that's how I look Michael. That's on her. You know what I mean? Like if we're meeting in the yarn section to break up, that's pretty good. So but yeah, but no, I never had sex with a girl. I mean it was, you know, I was your gold star gay. I am a gold star. Did you guys fool around?

Yeah, we like make out and stuff, but that's about it. I know where Annie's going. I know where he's going. And you'll like check this shit out though. Who, what happened? What? What? In my, my 94 Buick in the parking lot at Michaels

and Rolling Meadows, Illinois. Yeah. Yeah, I didn't get hard. But she's great, we're still friends, she laughs. Because. Because. You're gay. 80s cut. Yeah. Well, I'm on a gay. laughs. Because. Because. You're gay. E.D.'s cap.

E.D.'s cap. Well, I'm not a gay. I'm not a gay. Right, that's what I'm saying. Yeah, because E.D.'s cap. Because you found your right lane for your Peter. E.D.'s cap is like, just say you spend all day in TikTok. I don't even know how else to describe.

What is this lingo? E.D. is cap. It's like, I can't even fathom the amount of time you're consuming TikTok to speak confidently that way. Oh shit. Welcome to our world. What's the title of this? ED is cat.

But then also sometimes, you know, it's just fun. This blew me away. I've been to this you never told nobody by what's your deepest darkest secret. I'm fucking a sister. Your blood sister? Can I say something real quick though? Yeah.

What answer were you expecting from a shirtless man standing on a street corner with no hope? I would love to know what he, what they thought he was going to say. I thought he was gonna say some like wild, not okay shit, but I just didn't. I just didn't gonna I wasn't thinking I fucked Mrs. I fucked my sister, bro.

Yeah, it's there's a lot happening in the and look at how happy he looks to say. Oh yeah, that's almost like you can tell that her face changed and then moments later his kind of Dr. He's like He's like, he's trying to soften it now and then we're both drunk. She's like, yeah, yeah, he's like, oh, you're right He really tried to soften the blow

I was jacking off and then she decided to jump in we were drunk. Yeah, you know how that goes You know, give a fucking brother I know I gotta go. I'm sorry. I asked you anything Yeah, look at his stomach. He's got to get a hard yeah ball there. Yeah, yeah, just a sister tumor So there's a lack of medically. I don't think things are going well here. I really don't. That's the the cyst that grows after you fuck your family members. But I like that he accessorizes.

He does. He doesn't. He left the house. He left somewhere and he was like, I'm. So well. Gotta have a necklace on. Yeah. It's my necklace.

It's my black necklace. His pants necklace is wearing jeans. He's a fan of the show. It should be. I wish it was a mini shirt. You don't even mean because he's not wearing a shirt. Like a plain mobile shirt. That was really cool, Tom, this is such a good... Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha You ever, what does that mean? I'm involved in the game. Well, your gay man was open and like taking surveys.

Taking surveys. Yeah. You know, you, you've been out there. I'm just saying, have you ever, do you know about Robert Paul Champagne? No. You don't know Robert? He is also in New York.

Okay. He's my favorite gay. Who I think you're a Paul Champagne. Robert Paul Champagne. Do you think that's his baptismal name. I don't know. Um, black guys love the fuck and fuck good. If you're a hot black guy, you want to fuck me at 2395. If you want to move in, you can move in.

What's scary is that's what I'm going to look like when I'm 55. Like I can see it already That's gonna be me. I'm gonna be my one bedroom apartment killing cockroaches and on my spare time going on TikTok You're like let me tell you step about having sex in the back of a wall green. It's great Putting out messages Anyone who wants I need I need to be fucked a lot man Do you free food free wrench and everything else man? He has a deal man. Here's a jail home

Your thug when I come he takes no time obviously his house looks like shit He looks like shit, but then he spends all of his time grooming that mustache. That's gays it in that show right? Yes The mustache is definitely taking care of. My god, look at it. I mean, that thing is like, it looks like he's stuck it up. It looks like a wig with a lace front and had someone else groom it before it went on his face. He's just a good indignity. Oh, dude, dude, man.

Free Rangic, at least in a K. Fuck me. Piss on me. Beat me. Oh, man, oh. He's seen me in the part I can get into yeah right out try that man if in my building try that I'm gonna fuck a piss on me try that so you guys apply only this fuck man I'm looking for hard for a guy you might know on

those basement why is there like Christmas gifts from 1975 behind him he's got a lot of like Chachke's and like of course he's a gay man of a certain age in the West. He likes cake He has a lot of cakes at the house. Excuse me the apartment Wagner houses 25 Wagner house apartment to see between 124th and 1st Avenue. Oh, Harlem. Yeah, wow, okay, he's managed Harlem There's a great tortilla place. Oh Robert why don't you go visit him? 116, you know, I'm busy I'm not over there, Robert. Why don't you go visit him? I'm 116.

You know, I'm busy. He's got a cool doll collection. He gave me one of his favorite barbies. I'm a hot, full-by trash. Come, don't let's fuck. Well, at least he knows what he wants. He does. He does.

Now, may I ask you, in the gay community, I lived in San Francisco in the 90s, and there were like those ads in the back of, I forget what newspaper it is, but you know, like guys would put out ads like this. Like I'm fucking mean. Oh sure, like Craigslist or Manhunter and all that stuff and like other early Ots and, yeah.

Now I think everything has sort of been like sort of solidified into Grindr. Grindr. You know, you can go on the apps and there's an app called, what is it called? It's not Grindr, it's not Scruff, it's called like, Scruff, no, it's called like, oh fuck, my friend Jacob would know what it is.

Anyways, it's for people who just, like there's no conversation because I'm grinding you can still converse, you know what I mean? No conversation. This one's just like, I'm in this bathroom at Macy's. That's what I'm talking about. My ass is ass.

And here's like, they give you the map. That's what I'm talking about. And you find them on the map. That's like Zelda, but gay. That's old I'm talking about. My hands, that's what I'm talking about. That's what I'm talking about. And here's like, they give you the map. That's what I'm talking about. And you find them on the map. That's like Zelda, but gay. That's old school gay. That's hardcore fucking, I'm gonna have the pink hanky or whatever in my back pocket. I'm inside of a wall, greens find me.

That's amazing. That's fucking rad. I love that kind of thing. I'm juniorotic, you know, you want, but I mean, that sounds fun. Good for them. Yeah, seriously. You would be just too nervous to partake in that. I'm neurotic, even ordering coffee. So you know what I mean, I sounds fun. Good for them. Yeah, seriously. You would be just too nervous to partake in that.

I'm neurotic, even ordering coffee. So, you know what I mean, I can't imagine. But, yeah, I always support anyone in their sexual escapism. What are you neurotic about? What do you mean, like? I don't, because you know what, I'm so sensitive that I feel like,

I don't know, like, who's this person where they from or what do they want for me? What if, what if, you know, like, I don't understand, you know what I mean? I have specs with people who I have a connection with Yeah, oh, I thought you meant like STI's oh care of STI's grow Please grow up as a shit the dimes. I've had gonorrhea My ex cheated on me and I had found out because I got gonorrhea And I was opening for a Z's and so I found out in a bus in Toronto,

and I woke up at seven o'clock in the morning, I was like, fuck, so I'm like, running to find a clinic, because my ass was in so much pain. It was horrible. And then I find this, it's kind of like a city MD, and I was like,

I'm American, so I'm talking about my boyfriend, she didn't even say no for her doctor, I didn't even, they're like, okay, they gave me the shot. I immediately felt better. Then I go back on the bus, and a Z's wakes up, and he's like, good morning, I'm like, oh my god, I got an STD,

but he's like, oh my god, you know, so. Or Aziz had a deal with me. How did you, did you call the boy at the time? I did and he said, well, maybe it's because you sat on a toilet. No. But you know what, I will say, to both of our credit, we were having a rough time.

So it's not that it's understandable. He cheated on me me but I was like yeah we weren't we weren't happy at that time I just wish she was honest like if he was honest but we ended up becoming friends oh you never gave you a gun or yeah yeah yeah we worked it out we're friends that was cool he's a great guy good nice like you know you had to do man yeah yeah I'm gonna come now he's sweating he's really into it. I love that men are announced that they're gonna come He put this on YouTube by the way He put this on YouTube. I would love to hear him at karaoke.

He does to karaoke. He does to karaoke. He does to karaoke. He does the Kony Island. He stands on a box and sings. Yeah, he does it regularly. Yeah, I love karaoke. This is why my kids aren't allowed on YouTube.

Because of Robert? Well, just Robert polish a pain. Yeah, well you too miss like the Wild West and it also things like you can go on looking for like a pie recipe in five minutes later watch South Korean when we getting vicious plastic surgery like it just leads you to a place you didn't think you were gonna go to his Instagram stuff's a little softer you know. Come jump the total pig. He's doing poppers right now, go to the gym, go to funny because, yes, I'm obviously very gay, but my whole life, if I'm not touring, I'm at the seller doing three spots

and I hang it with Keith Robinson, that old man. Yeah. That was Keith doing. Good, we basically dated during the pandemic. We had dinner every single night, and we were supposed to go to the opera to go to the other day, but the opera the opera really yeah, yeah, I can't Not particularly I used to sing opera, but you sang opera. Oh, yeah, wow. I was a very serious singer

Wow, and I was a base you would think I was like a tenor my voice was like super low Oh, wow, so when I would sing it like yeah, like just Yeah, there's key. I love Keith like just like, so yeah. There's Keith. I love Keith, he's a good friend. That's great. That's what, and then how long do you, how, what's the path like for somebody that goes, I wanna pursue opera?

You know, like how do you? Usually you say your gay and then it happens. And then it happens. Or your Italian. I mean, there's no. You had a great combo then. I always like singing, but when I was 15, I started singing and my teacher was, I had a teacher named Tim Heck, who like singing, but when I was 15, I started singing and my teacher was,

I had a teacher named Tim Heck, who was a great teacher, and he was like, I think you should study the voice, and there was a great teacher named Nick Falco, who taught me opera. And it's a lot of it's like, you have to, that's why my voice, I never lose my voice on the road, because I have such a good control of breath in my diaphragm and like, how I speak.

How do you know that you're projecting here? Every time I talk, my stomach is going in. Really? That's what you do it? I lose my voice a lot. If I touch your stomach and say talk, I could tell you in a second. Because they're not contracting the...

Yeah, you have to learn how to control it from your diaphragm. I'm trying my diaphragm right now. And we would breathe out of a straw on the floor and do like operettas and you'd have to do like all these like vocal warm-ups and like concentrate on like your stomach That's actually very interesting. I'm doing it now, too I'm contracting my diaphragm. Yeah me too. No, you you you you do it for like it's so much better This is great coaching Mateo. I suppose suppose my microphone has a rec tile dysfunction.

It's cash. It's cap. It's cap. I think. Oh, okay. I take a good real quick. See, the microphone's gate. This is such a game. My you said you you just said that you did this podcast called Growing Up Italian. Yes, they were great. And so was the house like a really like Italian household? They did it above. The Anthony and Sons, I think, is the name of the sandwich shop that their dad owns that they work at. And then it's above.

So they have this whole studio built out with the Italian flags and all the Italian this. And all the Italians work there. And it was great. You just walk up and they're like, oh, Matao. And I'm like, hey. Because I'm so, what's funny is like being like, I'm so gay, you know what I mean? But then like, once, but I still know how to move about an Italian family, which could be intimidating to anybody else, right?

They're like, very big and just a fuck, this guy didn't, you know? And I'm just like, hey, okay, if I've been it, and then you're like in. Yeah, it's great. And was your house growing up, like, was, okay, I've been in it. And then you're like in. Yeah, it's great. And was your house growing up, was it a big family? Did you grow up in a... My mom's one of, well, in theory, she's one of like 13 or something,

but she's one of seven. My grandpa, so my mom's mother's Italian, and her dad is Mexican. And he had five kids with my Italian grandmother, my mother being one of them, but then also had five kids with my Italian grandmother, my mother being one of them, but then also had five kids with another woman, and then named all the kids the same names. Oh my God.

So he wouldn't confuse them. Oh my God. So, and I went on a Spanish TV show called Notches Completanito, where I said that story they left and he said, Quente de la gente tu abuelo. So, yes, so then I did not just completely do that. You did too, wasn't it?

So wild. Yes, do. They dressed I did not just go but then you did too was it so wild? Yes, dude. They dressed me up like Mariah Carey had me rollerblade around like the the Music video fantasy. It's online. Yeah, that's the clown. Remember the Mexican clown show. Yeah, I remember that They wanted you to do something like putting hands on the pants. No, they poured beer. They poured beer down my pants really? Yeah, yeah, so they poured beer down my pants. Really? Yeah, so they poured beer down my pants, and then they go, I was like, okay, I do the bit with them, and then they're like, they're like cut, and they go, can you do a bigger reaction?

And I was like, what? And they're like, because I did like, oh my god, and they were like, no, go like, oh, they're like, that's what the audience wants to see. And I was like, sure, go like, oh, they're like, that's what the audience wants to see. And I was like, sure. So I did like a comically ridiculous overreaction and they were like, perfect. It does warm my heart because Italian

and like a lot of Mexican talk shows the same. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's usually hosted like a show was like hosted by a woman in her early hundreds with like a rough like a brief jerky voice. Like, bonjour, no jice la bi' amo. jerky voice, like, and then someone's crying about cancer, and then minutes later, they're just naked women. That's what one of my, we did a while ago,

but one time highlighted, I thought it was so funny. It was some regular, just Italian talk show. And when, just like how you would be in the States, where the host was behind a desk and the guest was sitting on the couch, and when they would come back from commercial, the camera would start on her legs. They'd just go up like this.

And then when she would talk, she'd like answering, ah, I was just going to go out and then the camera would go down sometimes and show her legs again. It was like that is so fucking perfect. That they're like, so it's all hot. Look at her legs, you know? They tell is so fucking perfect. That they're like, it's so hot. Look at her legs, you know? They tell you, you know,

it's so funny because like here, like if you see a breast on TV, people freak out, but like there, I mean, people make it all the time. Yeah. And isn't the age of consent 14 in Italy? I thought it would be like seven. I mean, you know, I mean, you know what I mean?

Will you, will you Google it the age of consent in Italy. Okay. Why? I don't know. He's probably like, I'm a, who's computer is this? Um. Yeah, 14. Wow.

14. That's wild. The lowest minimum age is 14, set in seven member states. States, Austria, Bulgaria, Estonia, Germany, Hungary. There you go. Italy and Portugal. Hey, in Hungary, my motherland too, 14. 14 is real young. And also Italy is like the country they live longer than anywhere on Earth.

So this does say most members between 14 and six. So some of them might be, I don't know, but 14 is. That's, I mean, so young. That's how you're playing Pokemon Red. That's so, yeah. That's how you was still playing Pokemon Red. Yeah, that's the eighth grade. I wasn't banging in 14. No. No. No, let's do it.

I was 19 when I lost my virginity. Yeah, that's up there. Yeah. I came out when I was 18. Oh, okay. School. Yeah. Where'd you go to our school? School, the Art Institute of Chicago.

Okay. I was a painter and then I worked as a store but artists for TV, commercials and fashion illustrations for years. Do you remember your, do you remember your first time? Yes, it was great. It was? Yes, it was through my friend Hannah.

This guy was still friends, he's got a husband and he was this hot Italian Jewish guy from Queens. I thought he was so exotic. And you know, he had like a very like Queens wave talking that and he was so nice and he also spoke Italian. So we had sex and then talked about whether we liked Fantasia Barino better or Jennifer Hudson. That's nice.

So it was all in all a great experience. A good experience, okay. Well, did you ever have, because you said when you go to the bars, you said like the full spectrum of gay, the... Well, it's your back in my day. If you know, I would sneak into gay bars, you'd get like a fake ID. And the first place I went to was a place called Hydrate in Chicago. And you have to remember, I'm just being gay, like what, 2005, it wasn't,

the head didn't have the exposure that it has today, like being queer and all this kind of stuff. So to learn about your community, you have to go, you have to seek it. And you don't know. So you literally walk into a bar. I remember walking in, I was so overwhelmed because it's every kind of queer person that exists from drag queens to just a normal business guy to this. You know, it's just, it's all there.

You know, and I remember peeing and I had a sign above the urinal that said, no meth, and I thought, what? What? So, you know, it can be urinal that said, no meth. And I thought, what? What? So, but, you know, it can be overwhelming, I think, at first. But now, you know, it's like seven year olds

doing makeup tutorials on YouTube. And it's like, okay, like the exposures, so. It's gone, the old. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like, there's not a lot of mystery anymore, which is good. You know, it is good. It also used to be, I remember when anybody would,

whether it's in real life or in celebrity world, was like, I'm gay, everyone would be like, right? And then now, if someone's gay, they're like, okay, you're like, no one bats an eye. Paul Lind was like, I've got a secret to share. They're like, you know what I mean? Come on. Everyone knows. I know.

But I think that's good. That's good. That's good. That's right. That's good. And I get like every pride it is annoying because like suddenly Chase Bank is like, we love Gays. I understand that that's annoying, but when I was seven,

I would have killed if my local banks had their loved Gays because I was, I mean, I had Maleficent. That's the only, oh, she's gay icon. Yeah, she's my favorite growing up. Yeah, she's a powerful bitch. Oh yeah, I have everything Maleficent, Mark Davis, I'm obsessed with him, love. Love.

He did the drawings of a lot of Disney, not the actually. Oh my god, I thought you meant the owner of the Las Vegas Raiders. Yes, do you know who that is? I marked it, we're good friends. Pull up Las Vegas Raiders. Yeah, apparently. He is a very specific look. That's why he left

the house with that hair every day. Jesus is a good example of someone who just get the hair plugged. You don't have to walk around like, but he has hair is interesting. He actually has hair. He just chooses that style. It's pretty cool. Do you think he would survive in gay culture with this haircut? I, he's not gay? He's not gay, he's not gay. If I squint, I would think it's Katie Lang. He's a nice guy.

He's a nice guy. Is he a nice guy? I'm not gay, he's not gay. I don't give a shit. I'll never meet him. I don't give a shit. And it's not the Mark I don't give a shit and it's not the mark Davis I know so okay mark if you're listening which camera should I look at? Mark somewhere over here mark. It's enough

And how much money do you think he has the rate? That's probably like six seven hundred million something like that right right and this is the best hair He could get you like a shake and go wig that has no front back side. And this, what is this? I heard a story from somebody who goes, he knows that everybody talks shit about his hair. And this is a real like, what is it, don't cut your nose despite your,

like that because people talk about it, he's like, fuck you, I'm gonna keep doing it. Oh. And that he, yeah, he just like, I'm doing I'm gonna keep doing it. And that, and that, he, yeah, he just like, I'm doing it no matter, and that he drove round trip a few hours to get this haircut every week. And at least if you're gonna have this ridiculous haircut,

fix the rest of yourself. What is this? Look at that outfit, the confidence, I straight for a while. Can I tell you that? I was gonna ask you that. Wild. Yeah, because in the gay world,

you couldn't find a minute. Unless you're super wealthy. To the left, sorry. That, the middle one. See how that jacket doesn't fit correctly? That is kinda ridiculous. See how it's like, it's not tailored,

it's like hanging halfway down the sand. That's crazy. That's crazier to me than his hair. I only think that could save this entire look as if he was smoking like a Virginia slim. Yeah. And then I would be like, you go girl. You better work.

Yeah. The more I look at him, the more I kind of like him. He's super nice. He is really really nice. This is like if Dennis, what's the, what's the address name? No, what's his name? He's from Parent Trap.

He played the dad from Lindsey Lohan Parent Trap. Dennis Quaid. Dennis, he looks like a Dennis Quaid and everything went horribly wrong. Yeah. Oh yeah. I can see that. I'm sure he looks sweet though.

Yes. Am I being too harsh? No, no, no, no. Never. Never. Yes. Do you think he has a woman in his life to tell him, like, hey, that needs to stop?

Because if a woman says, I won't have sex with you anymore, that will give the man incentive. He brought a woman to the show. Yeah, he brought a woman to the show. He's got the man incentive. He brought a one-to-show. Yeah, he brought a one-to-show. He's got money, so... But she needs to put her foot down and be like, you cannot do, I can't fuck you like this. It's embarrassing.

I don't know, maybe there's... If it was not a yacht, I could probably look past that haircut. There's what I'm saying. But it's just weird to want to look like a four-year-old from 1974, like a Sears photo, family photo, and then from then four-head down, just you're not that. You're trying to be nice. There you go.

Okay, that's better. That's so much better. That's a respectable look. Yeah. Well, I'll probably come that. You know what I mean? I find a look that cements me like, and then I just never let it go.

Click that photo. So get his, and then I just never let it go. Click that photo. So get his, and then I want the bow. Oh my god, look at the difference in dudes. Beckham is so hot. He's so good looking. Look at her. Oh my god.

She knows, she's the smartest woman in America. She's just Christ. She is absolutely the smartest woman in the world. Good for you. Yeah, Beckham is a hottie. Oh, I love Victoria Beckham. I love their relationship. He got hair plugs.

Oh yeah, no question. What is a relationship? I'm not kept up with them. I follow Victoria on Instagram, and they're very cute together, and she's always like pushing her makeup line and stuff, and they really love their kids. I think their oldest son's like a soccer player.

They just seem like a nice family. Sweet, yeah. Yeah. Posh and Becks. Posh and Becks, right? I was hoping we'd see them in London when we were there. Yeah. But we didn't.

Posh and Becks. No. Look at them. They look great. They do. Yeah, they really have aged well. Yeah. They really take care of themselves.

Just like Tom and Christine. Yeah, exactly like us. You guys look great. Thanks, Ben. Thanks, Ben. Thanks, Ben. Thanks, Ben. Thanks, Ben.

You guys look great. Thanks, Ben. Thanks, Ben. You guys look great. Thanks, Ben. Thanks, Ben. Thanks, Ben. Thanks, Ben.

Thanks, Ben. Thanks, Ben. Thanks, Ben. Thanks, Ben. Thanks, Ben. Thanks, Ben. Thanks, Ben. Thanks, Ben. Thanks, Ben. Thanks, Ben. Thanks, Ben. Thanks, Ben. Thanks, Ben. Thanks, Ben. Thanks, Ben. Thanks, Ben. Thanks, Ben. Thanks, Ben. Thanks, Ben. Thanks, Ben. Thanks, Ben. Thanks, Ben. Thanks, Ben. Thanks, Ben. Thanks, Ben. Thanks, Ben. Thanks, Ben. Thanks, Ben. Thanks, Ben. Thanks, Ben. Thanks, Ben. Thanks, Ben. Thanks, Ben. Thanks, Ben. Thanks, Ben. Thanks, Ben. Thanks, Ben. Thanks, Ben. Thanks, Ben. Thanks, Ben. Thanks, Ben. Thanks, Ben. Thanks, Ben. Thanks, Ben. Thanks, Ben. Thanks, Ben. Thanks, Ben. Thanks, Ben. Thanks, Ben. Thanks, Ben. No, no, 30 years. It looks like she got that buckle fat removal. Oh, what's that? You know, that's the new trend now, buckle fat removal. Is that fat here?

They go and they cut it out so you have like a caved, I know. So you have like a caved in face. Yeah. And I'm like, should I get buckle fat removal? No, I shouldn't. No. You know what you can do instead is get filler

on your cheekbone. You don't need to get that either. Jesus Christ. No, you should have filler right here. I'm serious. You don't need to get that either. Jesus Christ. You know, you're just a little filler right here. I'm serious. You don't have to do that. Yeah. Oh.

Holy shit. Yeah, that's what it does. So it gives you that like that look. Yeah, cheekbones. Yeah. Or just contour bitch. You don't need to like suck fat out of your face. Yeah.

Maybe you do. Oh my God, it's so depressing. She looks good. Yeah. That really worked on her. Can we do take talks? Okay, sure. You know, and I'll take talk.

Okay. Hold on. I gotta show you one thing. Okay. Oh Jesus. This is one of my favorite clips of all time. It is a gay man. Oh yeah.

He's older. He's like video, what's it called? Skipping with another guy. And so it's only one side of it, but I just love his game. Like someone just spits tight game. Right, before you come, yeah, I'll swallow if I want to. I have no problem swallowing.

I'd stop for a minute and I'd put a big hikki on your inner thigh there and just suck on that and make it nice and weird. Is he about to fart? Why is he sitting like that? I'm gone. Why is he leaning inside holding himself up and you're in the chair already? Are you getting up or are you sitting down? Turn over and play with your cheeks, maybe even massage your little hole and make

you feel just the only man in my life. You're just it. Sir, this is a normal side. It's not that big. Well, the one thing I'm going to tell you is that the first time it's going to be quick with me because it's been a long time. Oh, this poor guy. Come, let me see, let me see how much you can. Let me see all that, how much you can. It would probably help him to give a little more, like, expression, everything is said,

like he's working at H and R block. You know what I mean? It's my favorite part. Lift the voice a little bit. I think he just hasn't done it much. So he's like, oh yeah, and let me see how much you're gonna come from me. Yeah. Oh, he just doesn't have the energy. He's so fat. Yeah. I don't think he just hasn't done it much so he's like oh yeah and let me see how much you're gonna come come from me yeah oh he just doesn't have the energy he's so fat yeah I don't think he's I'm gonna put this in your mouth and you're gonna have to suck

a dry you're gonna just suck a dry mark you got that beautiful mark Davis you're not gonna have a Davis yes which mark Davis though oh it would to me mark yeah yeah oh I can. Oh, that's gonna be good. Oh, that's gonna be good. I mean, I basically did this throughout the whole pandemic So I really feel for this guy just me on FaceTime with my ex being like, all right, here's my ass. Oh my gosh Oh the indignity of my sex life You don't have to be just wanting. I want real bad too. No, why is it?

What's with the headset? You're not hard on the mic. He's at a call center. I like it. It's terrible. It's fucking worse. Let me put it this way. You're not coarse or gruff, but you're not pansy either.

You're just right. Just just the kind of man I want. So that's kind of a cool compliment. When you hear that Mateo, could you get hard with Leo? How much money does he have? He doesn't. Not now. No, he doesn't make you excited. Especially now for me, I thought mine was gonna be easier. This time I like him. I like him too.

I'm really on my grandmother whenever. Why is this on? Why do we have access to this? If we were lucky. I just think it's also interesting that he's jerking off with this guy right now and he brings up his grandmother. Yeah. Well, that's how much he's jerking off that he's like, by the way, my Nana.

You know what I mean? Like, obviously this man's doing nothing else with his life that that is the standard now It's so normal to him. For my grandmother whenever something like this happens is when I was growing up when I was growing up and I had plans and He's joking offering. They changed with no cause that I can't. How are you even?

And I complain about it and she's just thinking about your name. Tell me well, son, she'd say, man proposes and God disposes so don't worry about it. He knows what he's doing Yeah, it's a nice kind of thing to drop in there You know what it is. I'm just on the precipice of becoming this. So it's like, my life can go in two ways. But you're about to gain 200 pounds? I know. We are inches away from this becoming my life. You don't understand in gay world.

I mean, what's the death now? How old is two old in gay world? There's no, but that 35. Anything goes. Anyone will, you'll find anyone with any interest. Bears, you know what I mean? The older guys, sugar daddy's, young guys, the whole thing.

That's good though, there's a spectrum. Yeah, that's exciting. So what category are you in right now in your life? Desperate. No, I would probably say, I don't know. I get called twunk a lot because I have muscles but I'm still, I'm sort of like finished, like a maybe like an old twink, a retired twink.

Oh, a twink, a twink who's gone to grad school. I like that. Am I still a bear? Oh yeah. Well, I like them like a cub. Oh, you would be more daddy. I think more daddy. I think people would say bear or cub.

You would be just daddy. But you went from bear to cub, that's huge. Very, pretty huge. That's huge very pretty huge That's huge transition. Yeah, I'm pretty excited about so happy for you babe. Yeah It was here for that back and very close Can you stop? Like is he doing this all day? Is it all it looks like he lives on the first floor

and the windows are open. What's wrong with this guy? This guy is living his best life at the Danley and be sweatin' like a black man and they don't know. So, thanks Tom. We go from his non-its a black man in this conversation, this guy's losing it.

All right, let's do your talk real quick for Matteo. We have no way to go. Thank you, finally. Such a, okay, nervous. Oh, why? Because sometimes you guys watch the most insane shit. But I guess we've already, yeah. No, this is the worst.

Okay, I do elevate and lift. It's a sorbet. I'm a palette cleanser for the horrors that Thomas shown us today. Okay, God. Oh, man. Oh, man. The Zs.

Doctor. Zs. Doctor. Oh, man. Oh, man. Oh, man. Oh, man. Madonna.

Because you're a post-aguardant, anyway. That was awful. That was that was that was. Oh, I would rather suck that other guy's dick for 15 hours and ever I can't even look at the screen I'm making direct eye contact with you guys because that is that is the worst thing ever seen. This horrified. I'm gonna be awful. They said me supposed to be awful. I'm gonna be awful.

What are you? No, I'm just going home. Oh, the sound of it. The sound of it. He's blood-ledding. I guess he poked a hole on the guys forehead. It's the eyes for a team 12. We have I.B. Profin.

Yeah, I'm not sure why he's blood-ledding, but yeah, that's a form of blood-ledding. And you guys are just fucking square eyes. But you guys would rather watch, mine or hers. Like, Mariah Carey highlights, you know, like some high notes from Mariah. Oh, that's not here Maybe that's right. Okay. Okay. I'm tired. I would check it get a picture They show you what I can see over there Oh shit. I don't think it does. Could it gotta be so close?

Fuck. For you to get the whole thing. Yeah. And then it's hard to be in the right place. You just, at the right time. I will say there is, you know, the benefit of, like I grew up with AOL and stuff like that, right? Like, I learned the decorum, like the sort of social grace of the internet.

Like, there's a little more, you know, this seems like someone who missed all of it. Oh yeah, they did. You know what I mean? And they just got their iPhone yesterday. And now it just may ham. This dude is just so true. It's every day he's posting this shit over and over

where he's like, hey, I'm a long day and I don't wanna work out, but I'm gunna. This is what strike guys do to try to get ladies. Yeah, this guy is just really? Yeah, he's trying to court ladies. He's always flexing and like. He's also in his 70s. Yeah, he's like, I'm gonna work.

I'm gonna work. Yeah, I'm gonna work. But'm gonna work. Yeah, I'm gonna work. I'm gonna work. But I like your idea, Matteo, there should be an intermediate phone that you get for boomers and some Gen Xers. Like where, yeah. And some millennials. Yeah, you don't get full access to like TikTok.

You get like TikTok like. It should be like, do a lingo. You have to unlock each level. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Butting, butting, butting. And then we'll allow you to put it on TikTok. Let's not screw it on like, okay. So.

So let's save a goal this is. Oh, fuck. Oh, my God, what is wrong with you? What is wrong with straight people? I know. We did have rights for years and you guys have competitions with this. Is that Joe Rogan behind him?

That is such a vicious thing that has exploded in popularity. It's so good. Does hitting each other with flowers? It's slap fighting. No, that's like chalk. But I feel like I saw the result already, like sizing this to us. It's so good. We love this flower.

Yeah, I thought it was flower too. It's flower. But I'm making it. Whoever doesn't bake the best bread has to take it. Shut up. But don't you feel like you knew the outcome of that one? Like that guy is so much bigger than that? Well, they have brain damage from this.

That's the outcome. The outcome is that they're both fucked up. No, I can watch this all day. But there has to be alcohol involved. If we could only add booze to this, this would be huge. No, it's gotten bigger. I think booze is already involved to this, this would be huge. No, it's gotten bigger enough. It's already involved.

Yeah, this is already huge. And this people are, they're, you know, the fact that you don't get to like, like, it's just stand there and take a shot. It's crazy to do to your brain. Yeah. I designed my own Christian active wear brand. My biggest flex is representing Jesus in the gym.

I could watch hours. When I say hours of this, because it fascinates me to like try, like the amount of layers of insanity, it took to get to this point, I am fascinated by it. It's so easy, yeah. Fascinated. And even like my biggest flex is representing Jesus in the gym.

No. Because Jesus doesn't have enough representation for sure. But to her credit, she looks great. She does look good. But she also has songs and fucking. But Jesus is helping her become fuckable. Yeah, it's crazy. That's the saddest part.

She's probably. What is the problem with 31, 25? I'd love to hear. Yeah, let's look that up. Jesus. And Jesus said, nice, squat, low. She is close with strength and dignity,

and she laughs without fear of the future. No. What does it even mean? I don't know. Is that a Beyonce lyric? I don't know. I mean, she's really proud of that one, you know? But I imagine if she sold this like so many crazy people would buy this. For sure.

I'm here at the gym. I'm here with the power of crafts. Now get off that machine. It's my turn. It's on the own network. Oh my god. I'm okay. This stuff I love.

Yeah. Like you better fucking work, bull. Yeah. That's cool. That's cool to share, right? It's like Pokemon fights in real life. Yeah. That's pretty dope, right?

Yeah, I love the nature ones. The nature's red. The nature's cool. God, the sound. So, this one's cool. I found these talks of, like, Russian dental work. I am putting this back on my stomach. Yeah, back to the lion.

I think dentistry is fascinating. I mean, you guys don't find that interesting. You can just scrape off all of this. Do you know I've never had a cavity? Not gonna web. Never. No, congrats. Let me ask you this before we go.

What's your favorite pasta dish? So there's two. And they're both in Rome. Now it's really nerd out. One is in Trastevereira, a place called Ziumberto, and it's called Bucatina madrichana. And it is guanciale, which is this part of the pig, sauteed and red sauce with pecorino romano cheese

and Bucatini, and the way they make it there. I mean, I go there four times a week when I'm in Rome. It's unbelievable. And then the other one will be Carbonata from Luciano, which is in Campo di Fiore in Rome, and this guy named Luciano, like perfected a specific kind of Carbonata, and I would highly recommend those two places.

The best. You can't find real pasta in America. Yeah. Wow. You got me. You got me excited just to go eat. If you guys go to Rome, I will literally write you a list. Oh, great. Thank you.

I'm about to. Oh great. Thank you. I'm about to. Mateo Lane's new YouTube special, Hairplugs and Hardic is available. Now you can get tickets to see him at MateoLaneComedy.com. Mateo, the body lane. Thank you for coming in today.

Thank you. Thanks so much for having me. I had such a good time. This is so much fun. And we'll bring you back. Hopefully, watch you for coming in today. Thank you, thanks so much for having me. I had such a good time. This is so much fun and we'll bring you back hopefully watch more horrifying stuff. Yeah, that floodletting. Good luck to see you. That's what got you.

I can't believe it. It's out, child. I'm burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, To love the fuck the fuck Fuck the black guy to love the fuck The fuck the fuck the black guy to love the fuck The fuck the fuck the black guy to love the fuck To love the fuck the black guy to love the fun, to love the fun, to love the fun, to love the black guy, to love the fun, to love the fun, to love the fun, to love the fun, to love the fun, to love the fun, to love the fun, to love the fun, to love the fun, to love the fun, to love the fun, to love the fun, to love the fun, to love the fun, to love the fun, to love the fun, to love the fun, to love the fun, to love the fun, to love the fun, to love the fun, to love the fun, to love the fun, to love the fun, to love the fun, to love the fun, to love the fun, to love the fun, to love the fun, to love the fun, to love the fun, to love the fun, to love the fun, to love the fun, to love the fun, to love the fun, to love the fun, to love the fun, to love the fun, to love the fun, to love the fun, to love the fun, to love the fun, to love the fun, to love the fun, to love the black guy, to love the fun, to love the fun, to love the fun, to love the black guy, to love the fun, to love the fun, to love the black guy, to love the black guy, to love the fun, to love the fun, to love the fun, to love the fun, to love the fun, to love the black guy, to love the fun, to love the fun, to love the black guy, to love the fun, to love the fun, to love the fun, to love the fun, to love the black guy, to love the fun, to love the fun, to love the fun, to love the fun, to love the fun, to love the fun, to love the fun, to love the fun, to love the fun, to love the black guy, to love the fun, to love the fun, to love the fun, to love the fun fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, piss on me, beat me on me and out. You see me when I come over today, try it out, try it out, man. If you might build and try it out, I'm gonna fuck a piss on me, try it out. It's your time to fight on me, just fuck me.

I'm looking for hard-core guys, I mean it, I wanna do it. And I'm wanting to live with it. I'm a hot and full-by trash. Come jump, let's fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Come jump the fuck fuck Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuckow down, Brow down, Brow down, Brow down, Brow down, Brow down, Brow down, Brow down, Brow down, Brow down, Brow down, Brow down, Brow down, Brow down, Brow down, Brow down, Brow down, Brow down, Brow down, Brow down, Brow down, Brow down, Brow down, Brow down, Brow down, Brow down, Brow down, Brow down, Brow down, Brow down, Brow down, Brow down, Brow down, Brow down, Brow down, Brow down, Brow down, Brow down, Brow down, Brow down, Brow down, Brow down, Brow down, Brow down, Brow down, Brow down, Brow down, down Brow down, Brow down, Brow down, Brow down, Brow down, Brow down, Brow down, Brow down, Brow down, Brow down, Brow down, Brow down, Brow down, Brow down, Brow down, Brow down,, cuss, cuss, cuss, cuss, cuss, cuss, cuss, cuss, cuss, cuss, cuss, cuss, cuss, cuss, cuss, cuss, cuss, cuss, cuss, cuss, cuss, cuss, cuss, cuss, cuss, cuss, cuss, cuss, cuss, cuss, cuss, cuss, cuss, cuss, cuss, cuss, cuss, cuss, cuss, cuss, cuss, cuss, cuss, cuss, cuss, cuss, cuss, cuss, cuss, cuss, cuss, cuss, cuss, cuss, cuss, cuss, cuss, cuss, cuss, cuss, cuss, cuss, cuss, cuss, cuss, cuss, cuss, cuss, cuss, cuss, cuss, cuss, cuss, cuss, cuss, cuss, cuss, cuss, cuss, cuss, cuss, cuss, cuss, cuss, cuss, cuss, cuss, cuss, cuss, cuss, cuss, cuss, cuss, cuss, cuss, cuss, cuss, cuss, cuss, cuss, cuss, cuss, cuss, cuss, cuss, cuss, cuss, cuss, cuss, cuss, cuss, cuss, cuss, cuss, cuss, cuss, cuss, cuss, cuss, cuss, cuss, cuss, cuss, cuss, cuss, cuss, cuss, cuss, cuss, cuss, cuss, cuss, cuss, cuss, cuss, cuss, cuss, cuss, cuss, cuss, cuss, cuss, cuss, cuss, cuss, cuss, c like God's beauty, right? Stay in the no jeans, subscribe now.